The front line of darkness

[farewell2arms]

2010 06 05 02:15

Note: This dream felt completely real, and was one of the most intense of my life. This is also the first time I've dreamt about this friend.

I was staying in a very high and beautiful tower. It felt similar to the Jedi Council tower in appearance. In the centre of the tower was the living room, and then there were different rooms arching out in a circle from it. These rooms belonged to friends that I knew , but no one was home. I went into one of these rooms, and heard the front door open, the door to the whole dorm complex.
I felt caught, like I was intruding in this persons privacy, and quickly got out. The person who opened the outer door was my dear friend, who died in a car accident two years ago.

Feelings surged through me, and I gained a bit of lucidity, as I ran and hugged him closely. His eyes had changed, they were almond shaped, almost feminine, and he seemed smaller and younger than I remembered him.
He is very surprised to see me, and had trouble focusing on me being there. He also seemed in a hurry to get away from something.

He asked me if I could tell him something about what’s going on? I seemed to know. I thought to myself: This is my moment! I could finally help someone for real! “You know, you are god. (And a rambled on for a few moments)”
He did seem to listen, but he did not register. He looked out the window.

The orange sunset was slowly swallowed by darkness. Then there were formations of bright yellow dots, aircrafts, coming this way, and AA flak guns firing flaming rounds into the sky. They were very high up in the air, almost above us, like an avalanche ruthlessly breaking all resistance. I felt despair, and a great urge to flee. There was a war going on, and that’s why he was running. I asked him: “How long do we have until the front line gets here?” He says: “Three minutes at max.”

I felt very, very threatened by this. I felt like I would be caught in this place forever if I were to late to leave. I asked him: “Should I leave?” The answer was yes. I focused on waking up, something I’ve never done before, and I felt my body, and got out.

[Korpo]

Hello, farewell2arms.

Would you friend have any reason to fear war, or was there a big struggle in his life he would picture outward? And you?

Also the Jedi are practically a symbol for eternal struggle - inward and outward.

If this was like visiting him in the afterlife, the question would be what struggle he could not resolve. The feeling of "realness" could be a hint this would be the case. If this was a dream about your own situation, the question would be - what does your friend mean to you and what struggle could it be for you?

Be well,
Oliver

[farewell2arms]

Hello, farewell2arms.

Would you friend have any reason to fear war, or was there a big struggle in his life he would picture outward? And you?

Also the Jedi are practically a symbol for eternal struggle - inward and outward.

The dark night of the soul is upon me again, been for 4 days now.

A couple of small realizations came: I am really my higher self, it's not some dude up in the astral. Your concentration practice has helped me overcome the trust issues I have had. I have not had faith in myself. I could give freely of myself to others, but I dared not truly recieve anything, a fear of being bare-stripped, I guess.

But there is no end of the dark night here. I am at my parents now. When I was a kid my mum would always look after me. She had kind eyes. But now all I see is an artificial block of illusion. And there's God there, too. There's only equality now. I don't know what it means to be a son anymore. Its just a role, roleplaying. Sucks.

I'll surrender. I know it'll turn out right in the end.

Look at me, playing tough. She was the best mum ever, though.

Sorry for the rant, everyone. Just had to get it out of my system.

[Korpo]

Hello, farewell2arms.

A couple of small realizations came: I am really my higher self, it's not some dude up in the astral.

Yes, only you can realise that. More will follow of this in good time.

I could give freely of myself to others, but I dared not truly recieve anything, a fear of being bare-stripped, I guess.

Sounds a bit paradoxical, doesn't it? That's why it always pay off to look at these things.

But now all I see is an artificial block of illusion. And there's God there, too. There's only equality now. I don't know what it means to be a son anymore. Its just a role, roleplaying. Sucks.

Wow, that was a bit too condensed for me to decode. Care to elaborate?

I'll surrender. I know it'll turn out right in the end.

Look at me, playing tough. She was the best mum ever, though.

Sorry for the rant, everyone. Just had to get it out of my system.

Hey, it's fine to do so here, you know. That's the wonder of having a username as identity, isn't it?

So, please share if it helps.

Take care,
Oliver

[Korpo]

PS - you think the approaching front lines are the encrouching dark night of the soul?

Oliver

[farewell2arms]

Wow, that was a bit too condensed for me to decode. Care to elaborate?

Sure, heh. It doesn't really make sense at all not that I look at it.

I always knew this would happen someday. That I would have to face that my parents were'nt real. I knew it intellectually, but it wasn't realisation. I'd always say: "Ill take care of that when I'm stronger." And now, it seems it's caught up on me.

I cannot deny that I am my higher self, and there is so much distance now between me and my parents that I can see myself in them, and it breaks my heart. All that we had was an illusion. When I'm hugging them, I'm nott huging them. They dont exist.They never did, It was just ego trying to own something.

About equality, two days ago I realized everything is equal after reading some posts on Rei Williams site. Since we already are the highest aspect of source, there is no one that's low or high in "rank". No spiritual master can be worshiped for their greatness, only re spected as you would with anyone who is.

I don't know if it has anything to do with the dream. But I don't really care at the moment...

[Korpo]

Hmmm, still a bit hard on my decoding skills. Are you saying everything is an illusion?

True, everyone has the same intrinsic value. Nobody is more or less. But people are differently aware of the fact depending on their growth.

Be well,
Oliver

[farewell2arms]

Hmmm, still a bit hard on my decoding skills. Are you saying everything is an illusion?

I understand if I am not making sense, since I'm still in the middle of all this. The fog of war when the kingdom within is taken in violence. One thing that makes sense one moment doesn't in the next. I'll post again when I've straightened this all out.

I suppose my two earlier posts were some kind of cry for help, hoping that someone else was going to take responsibility for me and from me; a shielding of a kind. I guess I wanted someone to look up to. But that's not happening, it's all ego, and it's gotta go. I'm the only one who can take responsibility, and the only one who can take care of this. This was also the trust issue; I did not trust myself enough to take care of it.

And yes, I do believe this was what the dream was about. But I won't know for sure 'til its over. I can only speculate. Perhaps me trying to exlain to my friend about god and him not understanding was a metaphor for me not understanding god, being both god and me, and thus me not understanding myself, or something like that.



Thank you for your time!

[Korpo]

Erm, not sure what I did, but - okay!

Oliver

[Tutor]