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View Full Version : Another dream about my ex, this time not so nice



ButterflyWoman
9th February 2010, 05:49 PM
This one was a classic nightmare featuring the ex (with whom I was in an abusive relationship). Unlike the previous one (which is here: viewtopic.php?f=19&t=18046 (http://forums.astraldynamics.com/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=18046)), where we were very civil to each other, this one was right back to the "being stalked by him" scenario.

In the dream, I was living in an apartment on a ground floor, and he showed up outside. I didn't know how he found me. For a while I just kept inside with the curtains drawn, hoping he'd go away, but he didn't. He kept calling my name, shouting, pounding on the door, etc., and I was feeling very trapped and upset that after all this time, he was there, hassling me!

Then the dream shifted and I was talking to him. He was making all these weird demands, I can't remember what most of them even were, but I thought (in the dream) that they were petty and rather pointless. One of the demands, I remember, was that he wanted my watch for some reason. I didn't want to give it to him, but I was starting to get a little desperate to get him to just leave, and I went to find my watch. I was feeling very resentful, and I discovered another watch that I didn't really care about, and I knew he'd never know this wasn't "my" watch, so I gave him that one.

I woke up right after that, as the alarm went off. I hit snooze a couple of times trying to go back into the dream because I was very upset and I was desperate to find a way to make him LEAVE, but I never did.

Watch = time. He's demanding my time? He isn't, I hardly ever even think of him any more, to be honest, though the echoes of our relationship still sometimes bother me if something triggers them.

I've done plenty of forgiveness rituals, tie-cutting, all of that. For years, he never showed up in my dreams at all, and I was happy about that. Now he's showing up all over the place again?! I can't work it out...

CFTraveler
9th February 2010, 08:15 PM
(Don't answer the question)- So what has been triggering it lately?

Korpo
10th February 2010, 11:03 AM
Ground floor - this a basic issue. This could be at the interface between subsconscious (basement level) and the conscious.

The hassling from outside is demanding attention.

Trying to draw the curtains and hide is denial - hope it will go away by itself. So this could be an "under the rag" thing coming back to you.

Then, it goes from demanding attention to taking attention (the demands on you), similarly expressed by demanding a watch (like "watch me", "observe me", "pay me attention"). You're giving away part of your attention here that you don't identify with or care about - possibly the creation of a soul fragment still stuck back there.

And I think that's what it could be - some part of you (aka soul fragment) is still dealing with this relationship, some denied or repressed aspect thereof. It is wanting your attention, it wants to be freed of being stuck back there.

So, pay attention. Maybe some part is still stuck arguing pointless arguments from back then, stuck with the old resentment. You hoped you never would have to deal with it again (feeling happy about no longer dreaming about him), but the processing just went on subconsciously, coming back to the fore now.

Oliver

ButterflyWoman
10th February 2010, 04:46 PM
I think you're right, Oliver. Very good advice. I'll just let whatever part of me needs to deal with this do so.

ButterflyWoman
12th February 2010, 06:19 AM
There is a part of me which was demanding that I accept responsibility for certain aspects of that relationship. I had already accepted many aspects of it, but this was about the hurtful things that I, myself, did. I had kind of semi-excused myself and my actions by noting how difficult things were for me (and they were), and that I wasn't really conscious (I wasn't), but the fact is, I was deliberately hurtful at times. I did and said things that I KNEW were mean, hurtful, and cruel. Yes, I was having a rough time of it, yes, he reacted to my "breakdown" in stupid and hurtful ways, yes, I was not-very-aware, but I'm not stupid, and I knew I was being a vicious bitch.

I wrote that down because it's part of taking responsibility. I was cruel, and deliberately so. Totally aside from and apart from what he did and how he reacted, I was cruel and abusive.

I'm so sorry. :(

Korpo
18th February 2010, 10:11 AM
Good to see you heal this. It seems to be the time to do it.

Oliver