suspected energy manipulation/psi-vampirism

[mvjonsson]

I suspect that a female friend of mine is psi-vampirisng me emotionally.
Here is a short case history:
We are close friends, and correspond regularly via mail. She has had problems with anxiety, depression and she has a strong sense of empathy. Her astrological profile is solar Aquarius with Mars, Moon, and Venus in Pisces, plus Neptune, Pluto and Uranus in Scorpio.
I have met her twice IRL and I find myself feeling that there is something is strange or odd about her.

We met via a internet community and corresponded intensely daily, several times a day.
Often I knew when she had mailed me and I could see her face before me.
After that we've had some emotional conflicts where she have been reluctant to have IRL or phone contact , as she's got a boyfriend, still she has several male friends in her hometown.

We gravitate to each other very much emotionally, but I often feel an intense pulsating or warm feeling in my heart chakra accompanied by warm feelings relating to her.
Sometimes I feel as if I have her inside me, or that she embraces me.
I had one intense experience where I felt her hugging and kissing me, probably a sort of OBE experience (she might have the ability to project).
These are spontaneous, but have similar empathic experiences in the morning, which I suspect are some form of energy vampiric manipulation. I don't feel drained, or depressed, but I suspect her of using our friendship as some sort/means of energy nourishment.

Any advice how to handle this situation? We never discuss paranormal matters, she is very rational and psychological, she has confessed of mastering social psychological skills and using them to manipulate men. I feel that she has feelings for me, more than friendly, but I find our friendship sometimes like we are soul-mates/twins and others times that she is emotionally very cold and condescending. She has confessed that she also sometimes feels a brother/sister closeness.

[Korpo]

I would not worry about psi-vampirism here at all. Frankly, this sounds like unconscious astral sex to me. Astral sex is a term named in an unfortunate way, but it describes the intensity very well.

When you relate to others emotionally, varying degrees of emotional contact through the astral body can happen - the astral body is your vehicle for experiencing most feeling-type of sensations. If you're sensitive enough, you can feel the impact on your astral body directly. Most people would just put it down to dreams and mood swings. That you can feel it does not mean however the other person does it intentionally. Most people are unconscious to even the astral level of their being. Anxiety and depression are potential indicators for this unconsciousness.

A soulmate can be anything, a good friend, a closeness like a sibling or a romantic interest. This type of closeness markes a certain significance the other person can have in your life, but it does not directly say what kind of relationship will result. It may even happen that another person and "you" (on the soul level) have contracted to be together in a certain life time, but that the ego and personality issues of yourself or the other person prevent this. This might result in strong, one-sided feelings that are not easy to handle.

The strong swings you experience in the relationship with her so far might be indicative of that. When you describe her as condescending and potentially manipulative - those are ego traits that may or may not stand between you. You probably want to keep these traits in mind before you start to idealise her in some form because you have other, strong feelings. Also, strong anxiety and depression might be indicative of a lot of emotional blockage and resistance within the person, and empathy might even have been "thrown into the package" by the soul to teach this person to overcome their self-centered ways in this life time, but the depression might indicate they don't do too well yet. (Keep in mind, this is one possible explanation, though.)

Both - the strong, otherworldly feel of connect and the egoic traits are part of the same package, and this can create a very tense situation, where you feel the strong discrepancy between both. This can lead to denial - imagining the other person to be better or more ideal than they truly are. The tricky thing here is that only the other person can decide to give up these games, manipulations and other ways to create distance or a certain control over the relationship. You might show how you can do without this, inspire the other person, be open, but there's no guarantee that there will be reciprocity.

Some people would call this emotional drain psi-vampirism, but for me that is not helpful. It creates a sense of drama over a very normal and common exchange - when one side is willing to give and the other only takes. If we call those persons vampires, then our society breeds them. In reality such relationships can be balanced over time, if the taker realises the limiting nature of their actions. There is a destructive component to these relationships, too, that matches with the vampire myth, but the reality is that it is self-destruction. As long as person "drained" by another person does not put a stop to the situation, the damaging relationship continues, potentially downhill.

But in the end any person drained this way does it to themselves. It is a sign of valuing yourself to put a stop to damaging relationships. It declares that you value yourself enough to be able to exist without someone else's approval, that the price in submitting to a harmful relationship is too high to pay and you want to protect yourself.

I'm not saying all of this is happening here, but I would suggest you keep this in mind if you can already detect such problems on the horizon this early. Also, I personally would not be generally afraid of energetic vampirism. If you are worried about this, I would recommend working with strengthening and cleansing your aura and the book Your Aura and Your Chakras: The Owner's Manual by Karla McLaren. It's an excellent energy work book to get, anyway.

Take good care,
Oliver

[Korpo]

PS -


I had one intense experience where I felt her hugging and kissing me, probably a sort of OBE experience (she might have the ability to project).

I don't think that one goes with the other. This is what I meant by unconscious astral contact. Your astral body is the vehicle of your feelings. It exists and "roams" whether you are conscious in it or not. Day-dreaming about another person or experiencing a feeling about another person might be perceived like a broadcast or as astral body contact without the "sender" being conscious of it.

This experience was astral body awareness on your part - representing to yourself in quasi-physical terms an energy exchange on the astral level. Hugging and kissing are surely a sign of a positive exchange - you can say you were hit by a good vibe there.


I don't feel drained, or depressed, but I suspect her of using our friendship as some sort/means of energy nourishment.

If you were indeed drained of energy, you would have the symptoms you're describing. If you want to look at it from another angle - every friendship, relationship - is a kind of nourishment. We as social beings need this energetic exchange, that connection, and it is part of our needs - therefore fulfilling this need can feel like nourishment. And every relationship comes with varying kinds of attachment and can also create problematic energetic bonds. You may just experience this more intensely here because you're so "finetuned" towards this person.

If your relationship with this person would create energetic problems for you, negative emotions would arise to signal to you how your energy exchange is moving. Depression is one way that could happen.

Oliver

[mvjonsson]

Thanks for your reply! You might be correct that what I'm experiencing is a form of astral sex. We have'nt had any physical intimacy except hugging.

The relationship we have has it's up's and downs so I might not generally label it as destructive, but there is a strange odd vibe to it that makes me suspicious. Her tendencies to swing between periods of intense communicative interest and cold, aloof distance, also that I often sense her dark thoughts regarding this relationship.
Also she seems to dislike my sentimental ways of responding to her.

We recently had one IRL meeting at an museum and we got on well, talked abot various things, had dinner, saw an exhibition. To me she drifted between open friendly courteous manners and introspective traits, she sometimes got silent and withdrawn and she often took command of the situation (asking me for example "do you want to dine now?", as if she agreed to meet IRL just for my sake).

I have helped her with self-esteem issues and presented her with Franz Bardon's exercises for thought-control, also she has found me very supportive of her. Yet, after she hugged me firm and we parted ways I felt an odd dense feeling in my heart chakra, as if I was feeling her anxiety or dislike of the meeting. I later mailed thanking her for our meetiong and she replied with grace but not with much emotive appreciation.

We connect in some ways very strong, and get on great intellectually and sometimes emotionally, she has given me advice with my family relations, and so on.
We share the same humour. For a long period she did'nt want to give me her phone-number and every time I asked why she stated her integrity being a vital issue for her.
"If you don't accept it we can't continue as friends".
She has had male friends falling in love with her and she has found that to be stressful.

I want the relationship to grow into a natural friendship yet I feel as if she tends to slow things down and create a strong cold barrier between us. It seems as if she is two-sided about the contact, one side wants it and the other does'nt. Also she avoids addressing these issues and she doesn't admit at all "having lost interest" and so on.

[CFTraveler]

It seems to me that there's more than 'anything she's doing' one way or the other- I see that you are participating in what seems to be by your own description as in a relationship where 'something's not right'. Yes, it's possible that she is unconsciously attracted to you and her projected double is acting out these emotional impulses, but I see that you are also trying to continue this connection, although you don't mention it overtly.
A connection has two people participating in it, and it seems to me that there is some pull from your part-
When I read
I want the relationship to grow into a natural friendship yet I feel as if she tends to slow things down and create a strong cold barrier between us. I hear "I want warmth between us", and when I read

It seems as if she is two-sided about the contact, one side wants it and the other does'nt. I have to wonder why is this important to you- is it you who wants the contact to be as physical as it seems to be in the mental?

Also she avoids addressing these issues and she doesn't admit at all "having lost interest" and so on. Well, she did meet you in the physical, and does have a boyfriend, so it sounds to me as if you're either ambiguous as to what you want from the relationship (is it physical as much as friendship?) as she seems to be.
So I'd ask you to look at what exactly you want from the relationship, instead of wondering what she would want (or worse, not believing what she tells you)

[Korpo]

mvjonsson,

Oh, I was making a rather extreme example, also to do with my personal experience. So, I didn't mean "this is destructive," but I meant "this could happen to you as well."

I don't know what you're actually feeling, but I can say this:

Some people will respond to a love vibe as if you were making a sexual advance. Any indication of love in a relationship or friendship will be interpreted as sexual. This may or may not be true, that doesn't matter for the fact. There are people that cannot differentiate between love and sex when the other person is of their preferred gender of attraction. Similarly, this can even be a self esteem issue - "Why is that person interested in me? He/She wants to get into my pants!" and this can express an insecurity about one's own value (or sometimes be entirely true).

So, others can shut down because of that, create distance and aloofness, no matter what your feelings and intentions are. There are several different facts here - what you feel, what you think you feel, what she feels, what she thinks she feels, and what she thinks you feel or your intentions are... Often we censor our feelings in our thinking mind. This can happen as denial or by misrepresenting our feeling to ourselves. "He/She's just a friend" or "I'm not angry" or anything among similar lines. So, her reaction is based on how she interprets your actions and reactions and what she assumes your intentions are.

If you look at it from that level, so many things can play into this - things she believes about herself, about you, what she actually feels, what she perceives from you, how she filters that... When you say she has issues of self esteem and depression, that is one set of filters at work. Other filters are her learned values, virtues and so on and what she thinks are her commitments and obligations. Add all of this together and the other person might just be a plain mess. ;)

Her varying reactions could indicate what of these issues she's currently moving through at each time, and since there are so many, her reactions change in unpredictable ways - just from one issue to another. She's cycling through her patterns as you might through yours. The only thing you can tell is that she has not yet broken off contact to you, so there's something for her in that that she does not want to give up, even though it is on the other hand not easy for her. She also sets limits and tries to make this friendship work, but at the same time you could see that as a form of control either - difficult. She's looking for appropriate responses, but what is appropriate?

In this sense, only time can tell what will happen. If you want to invest this time, in a sense, you have to a certain degree put up with this emotional rollercoaster you get exposed to here. Are you clear about your intentions here, though?

Take care,
Oliver

[Timotheus]

:D

[mvjonsson]

It seems to me that there's more than 'anything she's doing' one way or the other- I see that you are participating in what seems to be by your own description as in a relationship where 'something's not right'. Yes, it's possible that she is unconsciously attracted to you and her projected double is acting out these emotional impulses, but I see that you are also trying to continue this connection, although you don't mention it overtly.
A connection has two people participating in it, and it seems to me that there is some pull from your part-
When I read [quote]I want the relationship to grow into a natural friendship yet I feel as if she tends to slow things down and create a strong cold barrier between us. I hear "I want warmth between us", and when I read

It seems as if she is two-sided about the contact, one side wants it and the other does'nt. I have to wonder why is this important to you- is it you who wants the contact to be as physical as it seems to be in the mental?

Also she avoids addressing these issues and she doesn't admit at all "having lost interest" and so on. Well, she did meet you in the physical, and does have a boyfriend, so it sounds to me as if you're either ambiguous as to what you want from the relationship (is it physical as much as friendship?) as she seems to be.
So I'd ask you to look at what exactly you want from the relationship, instead of wondering what she would want (or worse, not believing what she tells you)[/quote:3vvdw0hy]

I want an ordinary friendship though I'm not closing to the door to it devloping to a love relationship. I feel that there is a definite strong bond between us, but when she withdraws or responds to me in a cold manner, I get both suspicious and feel that the relationship might not work out.

Also we've had a very close mail contact for a year now and I feel that as much as the our e-mail discussions that tend to be very intellectual and psychological are very rewarding, I want us to be closer as friends. In our online discussions I have been the one starting various discussion-topiocs and telling me about my relations and son on.
We started to work on a movie screenplay together, which she was enthusiastic about at first, then she seemed to have lost interest in it, as she now avoids the issue.

She is secretive/selective about certain personal aspects; she is from an upper-class family, I am from a lower middle-class background. Also, we met on a net community where I told openly in another forum about my problems with neg phenomena. She has never inquired anything regarding this, but that might be a reason why she wants to keep her contact mainly via mail. She seems to be at least partly psychic, so she might have picked up the neg atmosphere surrounding me.

Every time I tell her how I feel she adopts a rational and distant attitude, where she on the one hand " I respect your feelings, but...I have made clear that as long as I have a boyfriend".
Having a boyfriend should'nt be an issue (unless she is uncertain regarding her emotions for me) as she writes that she socializes frequently with men (though there have been problems with them falling in love with her).

I guess the whole problem is that I feel that we should be closer and more trusting to one another, but her suspicious attitude and distance in a way makes me suspicious of her.
She on the other hand suspects me of being interested in her romantically, I have told her that I'm not attracted to her in that manner. I like her a lot, but I don't harbour those feelings yet.

I pick up psychically the odd vibes around her, as well as her cheerful and warm attitude towards me and it makes me confused. She is a very special friend, and I feel very much for her, but the relationship also saddens me as the emotional barrier between us seem to remain.
I might also add that she is fifteen years younger than me and she is at the end of her university studies, so I guess she might feel confused as to where this is heading.

[Korpo]

Hello, mvjonsson.

Thank you for sharing this in such detail. :)

A certain degree of closeness can only be called love, but it does not need to be sexual. If you can express this and live it - great. It can create problems with others - I have made similar experiences. Other people may not be able to respond in kind or be able to understand.

Somebody recently told me, very wisely so, something they were told: Everybody loves to their own capacity to do so. So even in any love relationship and friendship the ability of both involved to commit and give themselves to the love and closeness may widely vary. Society and individual expectations put limits on the love we can experience, and similarly to the degree we can give ourselves to others or even understand what they are doing. Especially across gender boundaries.

It's a very tricky lesson to learn, as it involves learning to balance your own feelings with another person's limits, which in a way puts limits on your expression of yourself as well. You can recognise, however, your own capacity to feel, to be open, and to give what it takes to have this closeness, and appreciate this capability.

At the same time you can take your own warning and beware of another person's reactions. You've shown access to a lot of intuitive knowing in your posts in this thread, that is also valuable.

Take care,
Oliver

[mvjonsson]

Yes, this relationship seems to hold a very important lesson for me emotionally, as you say that of learning to balance my emotions and respecting someone's emotional/personal limits.

Also the notion of platonic love or affection might be at hand here. How we can learn to appreciate close emotional bonds that are mainly expressed in a abstract/disttant manner rather than physical/close sense.

I feel bad that I have made my friend seem like a manipulative or devious person. I apologize for doing so. :oops: This was not my intention at all and I must emphasize that I hold the highest respect for her and I hold her emotionally and intellectually in very high regard. My suspsicious attitude was my way of responding to the intense emotional and paranormal experiences I had, also my frustration in dealing with a relationship that is complex, and that I struggle (as I know she does) to work and be beneficial for us both.

This thread was a way of dealing with my conflicting and confused emotions and I also want to stress that relationships are difficult and are always the result of two persons intermingling, and there are no scapegoats or guilty parties. Relationships are always great teachers, and help us evolve towards a higher understanding.

[freshkaa]

why does religion/church use fear, control and manipulation so much? They say stuff like-if you leave our church you will become a drug addict or an alcoholic or homless or thngs like that. Why do they use those fear/scare tactics???
________________________
matrimonial (http://www.perfect-partner.com/)

[CFTraveler]

Is that a hypothetical question? Since religious institutions (at least in the western world) don't have the politico/social control they used to, the most effective way to get power is through fear. And shame. Which is too bad.