I'm at my wits end

[lightningbug]

I've been trying this creative visualization stuff for two years now. Nothing is working, despite the fact that I believe in it. I'm at my wits end.

I really wanted to get into this art publication, the largest art publication in the US, the most important art publication in the US. I've been wanting to get into that publication for several years now. This year, I finally found an opportunity to enter. I visualized my prized painting as the cover. It got my heart pumping.

Not only I'm I not the cover, I'm not even in the book. It pisses me off. I still look at my painting angry, because I feel I was jipped. It was supposed to be the cover.

There was the other time in a dream I was told I would get a job as vet. receptionist. The next morning I was so excited when I found there was an opening. I believed it to be fate. I believed the job was mine. For months I had been searching what was the right job for me. This finally felt right. I applied. Nothing happened. Tried again at some other place. Nothing. Tried again. Nothing.

I'm putting my heart and soul into these things, but now I feel like the Universe doesn't give a damn

:cry:

It's not a good place to be, and counter productive for creative visualization.

Please tell me your stories with creative visualization/law of attraction. I need to know! I really need to know! I need to know your success and not so successful stories.

[CFTraveler]

I don't do visualization as in "think of a picture and see it". What I do is, once clearing my psyche of unwanted stuff, imagine how I feel when/after I get what I want.
For example, instead of trying to 'see' the painting you wanted on the cover, I would put myself in scenarios where people congratulate me on having had this happen and how I would feel, I would add things to this scenario by 'being in the situation' and the feelings that would come with it. Like the phonecalls from the people that saw it, phone calls from people talking about it, etc.
That's how I visualize when I do it, but I only do it after a long purging process leading up to it.

[lightningbug]

thanks CF! that's an interesting way of doing it. I'll definitely give it a try :D

[lightningbug]

I don't understand what I can still be doing wrong after three years

I've asked forum members for their own personal experiences, and still no one has given me any. If you believe in Creative Visualization, then tell me why. Tell me how you have used it in your own life to know what it works, to know that it's true. With every disappointment I get it only gets harder and harder. NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING is manifesting for me. To continue now at this point just feels like being delusional.

Again, I tried to use creative visualization to win an art competition. I did everything I know of. I did affirmations. I wrote in my journal. I thanked God, as if it already happened. I was grateful, and happy, as if receiving a prize. I imagined myself receiving the winning check, having the painting be the cover of the magazine. I imagined how I would use the winning money to ease my family's financial situation, and since the competition ended in December, I even happily imagined I would have money to buy Christmas presents. I imagined loved ones with the magazine featuring my artwork. I imagined receiving emails and online comments from viewers.

I don't have any doubt with my painting either. It's my favorite painting. I spent six months on it. I believe it's my best painting to date. Just recently I met with three professors about getting a Master of the Fine Arts, and all of them seemed in agreement, it was the strongest painting in my portfolio. So I don't have any doubt with the painting.

It was a themed art competition. And months ago when I first learned of this themed art competition, I was thrilled because I believed that my painting fit into it perfectly. I missed the first entry deadline even. But to my surprise, the deadline was extended. This gave me a chance to enter, and I even felt, this wasn't just coincidence that the deadline was extended.

There were five positions with this competition. First, second, third, honorable mention 1 and honorable mention 2. I just got the results today. It's like a huge slap in the face. Nothing. Nada. Not first, not second, not third, no mention. Nor do I feel that the winning paintings is better fit to win than mine. I am not being vain here. I judge a painting against itself. There are plenty of artists that I bow down to because they are just so ♥♥♥♥ing amazing. I didn't get that impression with any of the winners. I just didn't get the impression that they are better than me. That they deserved it more than me.

So what am I doing wrong?

How do I continue from here? When after three years, nothing...nothing?

Will you or will you not tell me your stories? Do you even have a story to share? Honestly, have you actually manifested something in your life or not? People tell me they have, but then they won't share me their stories. I am telling, I am doing this on a DAILY BASIS. I am the optimist. And remain optimist, because of new scientific discoveries, that this is true. That this is real. But nothing is changing. Nothing is manifesting. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING!!

Again. Tell me your story.

[CFTraveler]

Yes, I have, here you go.
http://beyond-within.com/blog/law-of-at ... on-manual/ (http://beyond-within.com/blog/law-of-attraction/coralies-manifestation-manual/)
Hmmm, there seems to be a technical difficulty with the website in which I published my method. If I can't get it (did it crash? is it down?) I'll publish it either here or somewhere else.
Someone else has it:
http://www.zimbio.com/Spirituality+and+ ... ion+Manual (http://www.zimbio.com/Spirituality+and+You/articles/408/Coralie+s+Manifestation+Manual)
Weird for me.

[Korpo]

lightningbug,

what you can manifest depends heavily on what is possible and what Spirit has in store for you. What role does Spirit want art to play in your life?

I want to play through several possible scenarios without claiming the truth or appropriateness of any of it. So please bear with me.

Doing art is creative, and can be a wonderful expression of who you are, and get you in touch with deeper aspects of being, regardless whether you ever get published or not. Maybe your soul is blocking getting you published, because it would lead you down the wrong way. That does not mean your art is any less, and not even that your art is not important to your soul, but maybe winning the competition itself is not in line with what your soul wants (at this moment of time).

All the massive amount of "manifesting" work you've done is the ego's way of saying: "I want this." Maybe it is more about what you need instead. Maybe your soul would rather you'd create "l'art pour l'art", for the sheer enjoyment of doing it. That doesn't mean you would not have an audience. Maybe an audience would be drawn sooner or later by the sheer joy expressed in your art when you do it for no other reason of expressing yourself. Instead of seeking approval, you could just go and do what suits you. Your art, regardless of what anyone else says. Many an artist compromised their art by chasing recognition.

I'm not saying this is what it is, but this is a possibility.

Then, there is also always the chance that some part of your psyche is blocking this. You might have an aspect that believes in failure. A part that believes you are not good enough. Whatever intention you have, your expectations, hopes and beliefs skew it. This changes the outcome of any manifestation process. It is widely believed that all of this is about wishful thinking and so on. But your own un- and semiconsciously held beliefs, the emotional states you find yourself in most of the time, etc., all of this might need work before your intention can actually manifest in the outcome you want.

You might say - "But I do affirmations about that, too!". But usually the biggest of our problems hide behind denial, and are not recognised. This might need some soulsearching.

You had an intent and you had action to go with it. No find out what you inside expect to happen, limiting and blocking beliefs, matters of self esteem. Work on that, there are many tools and techniques available. Then observe if the outcomes of your manifestation attempts change and in what ways. This shows you if your intention is coming through clearer without being skewed. It is important to not get depressed, disappointed, downcast or angry - or at least not to get caught up in that. Try to limit your reactions to possibly disappointing consequences, and continue your process of creation.

Ask to be guided towards what blocks this. Ask to experience what blocks this. I can almost guarantee you it is *not* an issue of technicality (like doing a ritual right or not having imagined "vividly enough"). All of this manifestation stuff is not a technicality, even though many people present it that way. Everybody creates all the time. Creating something from intent however involves way more of your being than you think. It does not stop at imagining vivid pictures. That's just a way of setting intent. The work on the inside matters more - why are your desired results blocked? You can learn about this if you want. You will learn something about yourself and this might transform you.

Oliver

[lightningbug]

Doing art is creative, and can be a wonderful expression of who you are, and get you in touch with deeper aspects of being, regardless whether you ever get published or not. Maybe your soul is blocking getting you published, because it would lead you down the wrong way. That does not mean your art is any less, and not even that your art is not important to your soul, but maybe winning the competition itself is not in line with what your soul wants (at this moment of time).

All the massive amount of "manifesting" work you've done is the ego's way of saying: "I want this." Maybe it is more about what you need instead. Maybe your soul would rather you'd create "l'art pour l'art", for the sheer enjoyment of doing it. That doesn't mean you would not have an audience. Maybe an audience would be drawn sooner or later by the sheer joy expressed in your art when you do it for no other reason of expressing yourself. Instead of seeking approval, you could just go and do what suits you. Your art, regardless of what anyone else says. Many an artist compromised their art by chasing recognition.

I understand your concern. But I started my soul-searching three years ago when I started taking the, what I knew back then to be the LOA, seriously. I call it Creative Visualization now. In that time, I learned a lot about myself and the role art plays for me. I found out for example, I feel ashamed to sell prints from a painting that has never been to an art show. I haven't bothered trying to mess with that feeling, instead I seek out art shows to be a part of before I even consider making money off of my paintings.

Why is the art show so important to me? Because I'm not happy with my paintings sitting around in my bedroom doing nothing, collecting dust and rotting. I've spent thousands of dollars at school because I'm not okay with just being a closet artist. I try my very hardest to not compromise my art for anything or anyone. And I have found, if something leads me to compromise, my stomach ulcer flares up again. With that said, I know I did not compromise at all with this painting. I found out about the competition after it was completed.

I want my artwork to be published because I myself enjoy published art books. It's the best medium for an artist to get recognized. And I want that recognition as much as I want to be a productive artist. I don't see anything wrong with recognition or that kind of attention. Nor do I see any conflict between it and my being. It is not the same as seeking approval. Being recognized means being loved for who you are. Seeking approval is not loving yourself enough. This is about getting out there. I have HUGE plans for my artwork. HUGE, HUGE plans that involve helping to bring back Spirit into the art industries where it's been denied.

I'm definitely one of those annoying new age hippies in that I want to help the world change, out of some crazy belief it's the only way the world will change is when we change it. I feel I have a great potentional to help create that positive change via art. Alex Grey is my hero.

I don't feel the problem is with my relationship with my art.


Then, there is also always the chance that some part of your psyche is blocking this. You might have an aspect that believes in failure. A part that believes you are not good enough. Whatever intention you have, your expectations, hopes and beliefs skew it. This changes the outcome of any manifestation process. It is widely believed that all of this is about wishful thinking and so on. But your own un- and semiconsciously held beliefs, the emotional states you find yourself in most of the time, etc., all of this might need work before your intention can actually manifest in the outcome you want.

You might say - "But I do affirmations about that, too!". But usually the biggest of our problems hide behind denial, and are not recognised. This might need some soulsearching.

You had an intent and you had action to go with it. No find out what you inside expect to happen, limiting and blocking beliefs, matters of self esteem. Work on that, there are many tools and techniques available. Then observe if the outcomes of your manifestation attempts change and in what ways. This shows you if your intention is coming through clearer without being skewed. It is important to not get depressed, disappointed, downcast or angry - or at least not to get caught up in that. Try to limit your reactions to possibly disappointing consequences, and continue your process of creation.[/quote]

But I already 'know' of all of this. I have already tried, in my best attempts to apply this in my life. Which leaves me at a loss.

The guide that CFTraveler has posted, http://beyond-within.com/blog/law-of-at ... on-manual/ (http://beyond-within.com/blog/law-of-attraction/coralies-manifestation-manual/), is a guide I started practicing almost TWO YEARS AGO. It's nothing new to me. This is my point.. A year after finding this guide I found Shakti Gawain's Creative Visualization book. I've read and tried to absorb it three times. And it's great that it's given me a much clearer focus than I have ever had. But still after three years nothing has manifested in my life. I feel different, but my outer life is exactly the same! And its driving me INSANE.

Tell me why you KNOW it works. Why you KNOW it's real. What is the impact it's had on your life? Right now it sounds more like people just want to believe it works, and tell other people to believe it works, even if it hasn't worked for them. I'm coming to this conclusion because after asking three times on this forum, not a single person has shared with me their personal experience with Creative Visualization to know that it works.

I want to talk to the people whom Creative Visualization has worked for them. I want to talk to the people who have manifested abundance in their life. Because it's only in these people, who have the walk to back up their talk, that I can treat as teachers. That I can ask the real nitty gritty questions of what I am doing wrong. I keep a good record of what's going in my head via my journals, dream diaries and sketchbooks. I can go all the way back to the three years ago when I started, and we can travel back in time to see my progression and miss-steps. And even the times where there are NO journal entries speak bounds. So if you KNOW, and are willing to be a teacher, I've got my poorly written class notes.

Been living with my parents for three years even though I received my bachelor's three years ago. Maybe last year I was more patient with my financial situation. I've run out of patience. I need to move out. And when I say need, I mean need in the same way as you need food. Flying the coop isn't a luxury, it's a biological evolutionary need. And I'm starting to get desperate with all of this Creative Visualization because it hasn't helped me with changing my outer life. If anything now I feel like it's hold me back, because there were soooo many jobs I didn't apply to because they weren't aligned with what I wanted to manifest in my life. Because I believed if no part of my being even wanted this crappy ♥♥♥♥ job, even if the pay is decent, then it would be impossible to even get this job.

That's about to all go out the door. Now I'm starting to feel like, I might as well just give up my life to mindless chance, just apply to any school, any job, anything, and let some magical God in the sky figure it out

I need help. And I want help. But....

I don't want your advice, and I don't want your guides. Not unless you KNOW it works because you have made it work in your life. I don't want a back-seat driver telling me how to drive. But if you KNOW it works because you have made it work, then I am all ears. I am willing to accept the mistake is mine. But I want the confidence to know that the mistake is mine. Not just believe the mistake is mine.

I wish I was psychic but I'm not. There is really only one way for me to know if someone has the experience to back up their advice, if they share something, anything, even a tiny teeny bit of that experience. So what do I have to do to hear even just a little bit of what you have successfully manifested in your life? Can anyone share with me a little about their manifesting experience, with strawberries on top and sugar hearts?

[Palehorse Redivivus]

I missed this thread the first time around, but Beyond Within was having technical difficulties. Is back up now (and will hopefully stay that way *shakes fist*)

Need to be off at the moment but looking forward to reading the rest of this thread...

[CFTraveler]

I can pm you if you'd like, since it's a personal story.

[lightningbug]

I can pm you if you'd like, since it's a personal story.

8) that would be an honor

[lightningbug]

im still not sure what I'm doing wrong :(

[CFTraveler]

It's not necessary that you're doing something wrong- sometimes, no matter what you do, what comes across to the universe is something different that what you want, and this may be for different reasons- you may have a different intention that you think you do (for example, maybe at this point in your life you had to get to this point, for whatever reason) or cause, or you have a specific mission that isn't what you think you want now. I don't know this is the case, I'm just letting you know that it doesn't have to be that you're doing 'something wrong'.

Even though you sort of told me what you've done (and it sounds like a lot) The distinct feeling in your post (call it flavor if you like) is that you have a very specific expectation for a definite point in time, and it may be counterproductive in your 'big picture'.

However:
I get a sense of your energy going into your want, instead of the feeling you would get if you got what you want.
So my advice would be to stop visualizing what you want to see happen, and try to 'grasp' the feeling you would have (try to remember a time in the past you had that feeling) and put your energy on that feeling, instead of going for a specific deadline.
Do this at specified meditation times, and then, when you're working, try to not project your need to the future, but concentrate on the feeling of the work itself (you know, in a Zenlike way) without thinking of the future.
Try to work in the present, and meditate to the feeling, and not to think of the future, or particulars of how this happens.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[hate]

hi lightningbug i tried to manifest small sums of money compared to your competition prize but i didn't get any of it. i don't know what's the difference between imagination and visualization but it has helped me to have a better feel for objects.

[lightningbug]

It's not necessary that you're doing something wrong- sometimes, no matter what you do, what comes across to the universe is something different that what you want, and this may be for different reasons- you may have a different intention that you think you do (for example, maybe at this point in your life you had to get to this point, for whatever reason) or cause, or you have a specific mission that isn't what you think you want now. I don't know this is the case, I'm just letting you know that it doesn't have to be that you're doing 'something wrong'.

Even though you sort of told me what you've done (and it sounds like a lot) The distinct feeling in your post (call it flavor if you like) is that you have a very specific expectation for a definite point in time, and it may be counterproductive in your 'big picture'.

However:
I get a sense of your energy going into your want, instead of the feeling you would get if you got what you want.
So my advice would be to stop visualizing what you want to see happen, and try to 'grasp' the feeling you would have (try to remember a time in the past you had that feeling) and put your energy on that feeling, instead of going for a specific deadline.
Do this at specified meditation times, and then, when you're working, try to not project your need to the future, but concentrate on the feeling of the work itself (you know, in a Zenlike way) without thinking of the future.
Try to work in the present, and meditate to the feeling, and not to think of the future, or particulars of how this happens.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Thanks for your help again, and sorry for the late reply. I'm trying to create so much change in my life, the harder I try, the more I hit a wall. Because my previous attempts to create change in my life haven't worked, I'm not sure how I can change my life right now. The big change I'm talking about is moving out. And my attempts to manifest a higher paying job, just hasn't worked at all. My two problems right now is, I don't even know what kind of higher paying job I want. I'm not sure what job will make me happy. And I'm only assuming none of the jobs I tried to manifest would make me happy, because they never manifested. I'm hesitant to put too much energy into a job that requires years of schooling, because I want to move out now, not years from now.

And, I'm just plain miserable at my min. wage job. And now I'm miserable at home because I've just recently totally lost my independence.

How do I feel what it's like to have these things, adult freedom and independence, and a higher paying job - when I've never experienced these things? I tried to work around this problem just by feeling gratitude for everything I have, so I can bring in that gratitude when feeling these things I want to manifest. But after a few weeks of trying to cultivate gratitude and applying it into action, such as applying to jobs and still nothing is happening - I start to go INSANE.

I've come to another problem, my mom is smothering me to death. My mom has an old car and some days it just doesn't want to work right. So one day she asked if she could borrow my car. No big deal, my car is newest in the family so it's the one that gets borrowed. But then she seemed to like this deal, a little too much. And she started borrowing my car more and more, and she was chaperoning me to work as if I was a teenager. Which also annoyed my boss, because then I had to leave on the dot because it would be rude to leave my ride waiting. My mom asked me the other day if she can take me to work and I was like NO.

I asked my mom to teach me how to cook my own beans using her sofrito. I come home and the beans are cooked. It's like a game now, I can ask my mom to teach me one of her recipes and I can bet she'll cook it the next day for me when I'm at work. She'll give me verbal instructions, but it goes in one ear out the other. I'm a hands on learner only.

The worst and most recent problem is my bedroom. I enjoyed my own bedroom for a few months, in the winter of 09, for the first time in my life. Which was nice because then I can meditate when I went. Now, because of my parents, that liberty is gone. I haven't had the opportunity to meditate all week. No privacy. None. And I lost that liberty - and you can pm me if you want to more details how - the more I talked about moving out.

So, I realize, this whole thing me moving out - its huge!!! It's doesn't just effect my reality. It effects the immediate lives of at least three other adults. I did your forgiveness and release ritual - but I didn't feel it was enough. I feel the more I try to push forward, the more I'm tossed into a hole. Right now, I'm looking at going into getting another degree. I don't even know if I even want this degree. I just imagine I'm gonna take every loan (because I can't seem to manifest a job) and use the loans to move out. Even if it means in three years I have to move back in and I'll be thousands of dollars in debt - I can't see any other way at this point to find liberty and freedom as an adult. (I already have a degree I received three years ago!) And even then, when I told my mom that I might be going to another university in another city - the first thing she says is that she was offered a job opportunity there. And you can bet where that conversation was leading............ :shock:



help me


seriously

I've tried your forgiveness and release ritual, but I didn't feel it was strong enough!

I've recently looked into Shiva the Destroyer. And I could use what ever is keeping me trapped here demolished, abolished, annihilated, obliterated FOREVER. It's not serving me in anyway to live with my parents. It's literally ruining my life. I don't want to invite anyone over - haven't - because I've no privacy here. I lose all inspiration to work on my artwork. I can't meditate or visualization when I want to. I haven't been able to save up money to move out - because when I do suddenly Mom is in dept and needs my money, and my sister who is also saving up money has encountered this problem as well! I realize change needs to come on my side as well, but that's hard when I can't even find the time to properly meditate because I am finding I keep losing my privacy more and more. Actually, one reason why I was so pissed that mom kept chaperoning me around, was because that was the only place and time I could say affirmations loud was in my car!!

This hole is overwhelming me, and I need something HUGE to annihilate it! And I look forward to it! What can I do to create the change I want in my life NOW? And how do I liberate myself NOW? Even waiting till fall to go back to school pisses me off because I am so sick at working at my crappy job! :cry:

[Palehorse Redivivus]

Hi LB,

Your experience sounds a whole lot like what I went through in trying to gain independence (most specifically in the area of driving) and moving out. Without going into it all, it got to the point of being pretty uncanny, not unlike you're describing, where it's as if every attempt gets blocked or met with extreme resistance in some way.

A few weeks ago a conversation with my brother, who is now dealing with a lot of the same, turned up some things my dad had said to him about me -- as it turns out, what it sounded like to me was that both parents had put a lot of energy, over my entire lifetime, into the intention that I would literally never move out. So, by the time I started putting intent and energy into my own life plans, it seems that there were some very heavy duty thoughtforms in play with a huge head start, on top of various other factors. Unfortunately I never actually figured this out while I was there, because they gave all manner of lip service and token support to whatever my plans were, while things would just mysteriously fall through or throw up heavy resistance at every turn. I've turned up a lot of other factors in play, though I think if I had known about and been able to address that one while I was still there, actually getting out would not have been as hugely problematic as it was. The interference with spiritual pursuits also sounds familiar. It's kind of a joke now, but I remember resorting to trying to meditate at 3am or so because it was the only time I could get some peace, dead quiet, my light's off (indicating I'm probably asleep), everyone else is asleep... 3:02, my dad randomly gets up and comes in "just to say hi." The pattern of never being taught how to do anything practical, whether I asked, or more often, didn't know to ask what I didn't know I was missing, is also very familiar.

Based on what you've said it sounds to me like your mom may have something like this going on -- subconscious (or as in my case, maybe even semi or fully conscious) resistance to your gaining independence. If I could have done my situation over again (and am advising my brother now), my focus would've basically been on creating my own personal sphere, like a cell membrane that only lets in and keeps out the influences I choose, and then ejecting all toxic influences, thoughtforms, entities and projections from others designed to have that effect, out of my space, internally and externally. As my brother is finding now, it can be a lot more difficult to clean out and separate your own identity from such influences when they're something you grew up with and are still ever-present, but if that's the situation, then that's what needs to be done. As I've also advised him, while family relationships are complicated and I'm sure you love your mom as him and I both maintain a mostly positive relationship with our parents -- on this issue, they're not friends or allies, and cannot under any circumstance be thought of or relied upon as such without hindering progress, because nearly any appearance of such is a ruse ultimately designed to foster further dependency. A hard stance to take, but IMO that's pretty much the reality of it when you've got someone identified as clearly trying to hinder your life's progress, no matter who they are. It's all too easy to view one's parents as the main source of support by default, but in this situation support has to come from somewhere else, and don't be afraid to ask others for help in learning things that it seems like others take for granted.

One thing I've found really helpful are what I call "universal principles" -- what I view as the "color palette" or basic forces of creation. Love / Wisdom / Power are what I consider the primaries (cosmologies may vary :P ), but more recently I've come to view Sovereignty / Liberation similarly as not only concepts, but types of energy that can be tapped, meditated on, drawn from and so forth. If I could do it all over I would've spent a lot of time focusing on and reaching for those, even while going about my day if not able to meditate much. I'm currently undecided as to whether I'd consider them synonymous, but my guess is that getting a good feel for one or both of them, and letting them "flavor" my sphere and inner space, would go a long way in providing contrast that illuminates counterproductive influences that can otherwise be very hard to spot and identify. The other key skill I would strongly recommend working on is decisiveness. The way probability seems to work is that if you're indecisive about how a situation is going to go, and someone else has already decided for you (i.e. "you will not move out"), then the more decisive intent tends to swing the probability more often than not. It can be hard when you don't really know what you want, but what I'd recommend there, is to make a hard plan to any extent that you're able, be certain about it, and if you end up changing your mind, be certain about the new one too. :) Your own intent for your own space carries a lot more weight than anyone else's by default, but it gets complicated when not only is your intent wishy-washy, but someone else's programming is already in your space and largely unrecognized. Saying "this is my plan, and I intend to clear out anything inconsistent with it" and doing whatever you can to be certain and consistent, even about small steps, can help a lot while the "housecleaning" process is still ongoing.

On a brighter note, one thing I've learned about seemingly impossible situations is that they can bring out or develop unexpected strengths, talents and innovation to compensate for limitations. For example, from rarely getting meditation time and not being great at it when I did, I eventually realized I was limiting myself with the idea that I had to be in meditation to get things done internally, and ended up being able to do most things, and even get a lot better at various forms of sensing, in a regular busy environment, walking around or whatever.

I wish you all the best in getting this resolved in the best way for yourself, and you will, I tells ye. :)

[Alienor]

The way I see creative visualization is more like a catalyst. Opportunities will show up, but one still needs to spot and take them. And I also believe it needs to become a way of living, rather then just a meditation practice for some minutes - but somewhere one needs to start, so of course the meditation is useful.

The other point is, that we are living to learn stuff and collect experience, from what you write there is a lot of opportunity in your life for learning and experience. Try to see your problems as a learning opportunity and as a kind of teacher giving you a task, like an assignment to create a painting from some mud piles.

Looking at your situation I can share some of my own ideas, but of course you need to find your own way, your own solutions. I am aware, that what I write next, you might always have some reason why that would not work in your situation - as said, you need to find your way, I just thought it might get you started to search for the opportunities in your life.

If I would want to learn those recipes, I would first get pen and paper and as for the ingredients needed. Then you can get the ingredients together and try to set it up at the weekend, so you start cooking and have your mom give instructions.

If you save some money, you can have it on an account without your mom knowing about it. Do give that account a specific name - for what are you saving? If you decide this money already is spent for the purpose, you nor anyone else can take it for any other reason. It is like putting money in one of those "house building saving accounts" - you can only get money/credit for that one purpose. Just make a contract with yourself.

If you want to paint or meditate and it is not possible at your home, why not go to some park, or museum, public library instead?

There are lots of opportunities!

[lightningbug]

One thing I've found really helpful are what I call "universal principles" -- what I view as the "color palette" or basic forces of creation. Love / Wisdom / Power are what I consider the primaries (cosmologies may vary :P ), but more recently I've come to view Sovereignty / Liberation similarly as not only concepts, but types of energy that can be tapped, meditated on, drawn from and so forth. If I could do it all over I would've spent a lot of time focusing on and reaching for those, even while going about my day if not able to meditate much. I'm currently undecided as to whether I'd consider them synonymous, but my guess is that getting a good feel for one or both of them, and letting them "flavor" my sphere and inner space, would go a long way in providing contrast that illuminates counterproductive influences that can otherwise be very hard to spot and identify. The other key skill I would strongly recommend working on is decisiveness. The way probability seems to work is that if you're indecisive about how a situation is going to go, and someone else has already decided for you (i.e. "you will not move out"), then the more decisive intent tends to swing the probability more often than not. It can be hard when you don't really know what you want, but what I'd recommend there, is to make a hard plan to any extent that you're able, be certain about it, and if you end up changing your mind, be certain about the new one too. :) Your own intent for your own space carries a lot more weight than anyone else's by default, but it gets complicated when not only is your intent wishy-washy, but someone else's programming is already in your space and largely unrecognized. Saying "this is my plan, and I intend to clear out anything inconsistent with it" and doing whatever you can to be certain and consistent, even about small steps, can help a lot while the "housecleaning" process is still ongoing.

On a brighter note, one thing I've learned about seemingly impossible situations is that they can bring out or develop unexpected strengths, talents and innovation to compensate for limitations. For example, from rarely getting meditation time and not being great at it when I did, I eventually realized I was limiting myself with the idea that I had to be in meditation to get things done internally, and ended up being able to do most things, and even get a lot better at various forms of sensing, in a regular busy environment, walking around or whatever.

I wish you all the best in getting this resolved in the best way for yourself, and you will, I tells ye. :)

Thank you so much! You seem to really understand what I'm going through! And I really love that word, sovereignty, I can just fall in love with it :mrgreen:

Undecisiveness has been a huge battle for me. You can say there are two career paths in front of me, and I've been struggling to know which to follow. And I've just recently realized, one is closer to my heart, while the other is just more of a logical way to make money. . . . I never was a very logical person :)

[lightningbug]

If you want to paint or meditate and it is not possible at your home, why not go to some park, or museum, public library instead?

There are lots of opportunities!

Thanks for your advice! When I'm outside I'm inspired, then I go back inside and I feel like my mental energy is drained. Now that the weather is much nicer, I think I will be heading to a park soon :D

[Tutor]

I have asked myself, "what have I given that I should think to receive something?"

I often find out that I've given nothing, even as I've visualized receiving much.

I have found that 'forgiveness' is a practice one should be participating unconditionally. so that alone is not for trade.

I have found that there is not any one person, ever, that is not a sovereign entity, that it is equally so as to be insignificant. therefore, neither is one's soveriegnty up for metaphysical trade.

I have discovered that it is in true sacrifice of giving the sacrificial inch that will in turn deliver a mile.

yet, that too leads to more inches, for as one gives an inch in the world, those worldly will require a mile as well. yet, do not fear that, for if a mile is due to another, it only follows that nine miles will be received so that one mile is met for an other.

I have found that the best metaphysical approach is merely to be satisfied, acceptable of one's lot, and that in that, anything opening to my self is worth more than what my imagination could contrive in a trade.

like, for example, I visualized getting eighty grand several years ago (sounded like a fair amount), so much so that a psychic told me I would receive just that amount very soon, trying to hook me into payment for a more detailed reading, which i declined.

it wasnt that she saw me getting it, it was merely that she saw that i'd imagined it in my field of thought. she may have been psychic, but she was no prophet.

i never received anything from that exercise in futility, so I let it go, took my lumps, and didnt look back.

several years later out of the blue, literally, I received just over 3 times that amount in two phases. the first phase was the smaller amount, and it came in the nick of time, and oddly enough it was exactly what I required to pay my bills off and stay securely on my feet.

thinking that to be the extent of my receiving, and spending every last dime of it as it was crucially needed for my/our financial survival, I again let it go after 'seeding' the last % to charity.

four months later, still well on my feet, I received notice of an extraordinary (for me) amount of money that I would be getting, and it came as the second phase. the first thing i did? well, I 'seeded' every penny that was not mine, that was to be be given to charity. as a matter of fact, I just finished that 'seeding' following the Haiti earthquake with a substantial 5 digit offering toward the reconstruction of an orphanage.

I as well sunk a lot (non-charitable) into my Mother's house where I grew up, in remodeling repairs that had been long past due in the fixing. new heat and air, new windows, insulation, vinyl soffit, trim and new gutters, and a whole host of small tasks.

we as well sent out some to those loved one's needing a helping hand in this downward spiralling economy.

The wife and I gave an inordinate xmas to a young green couple in our neighborhood just because when we asked how their xmas was going they said "what xmas, it is just another day". so we splurged and surprized them to tears.

and two days before this past xmas we found out that the fire dept. was short of funds to gift needy children for xmass, this because they had underestimated the amount of kids, it being quite a bit more kids than last year. so we met that need and the firemen met the childrens needs.

ok, so we kinda went nuts :shock: with it, but it's ok because we felt to generously share the love. and we did this quitely as not to draw attention to it or ourselves.

so, friends, it is like this....if you have a request of your own let it go, and by all means put others ahead of yourself first. sacrifice, and find still yet more than you would need piling on behind that practice, and always understand that a portion of that piling on is never yours.

this because, if you are one whom thinks of others, whom themselves do not have the relationship to gain their needs, then you will receive yours when in fact through you theirs are met first. for, you become the avenue of goodwill that they have yet to awaken to, that you have opened your self up to, not just for you but for many more through you.

it isn't about ambition or sovereignty, or any such 'utter' nonsense, because where it comes from identifies all equally. and if you dont have that sense of identifying your world, then you'd best start rubbing elbows with someone who does, for from their practiced relationship perhaps you might get some of what might be yours through them.

you can start right now without a penny to your name. simply take what you dont need, dont use, and freely put it into the cycle which gives it freely to someone who does need it. could be clothes, furniture, anything at all. put some grease on the axle.

practice small and it is like a snowball effect. water follows the path of least resistance, and so does grace. what gives way moves in the flow and is deposited liberally. what refuses to budge gets routed around missing the flow.

visualize a stranger in need receiving their met need.

what is, did not give to us freewill so that following that freedom we'd become oppositional to goodwill, for it is goodwill that has given us our free will, and it is this freedom that is to practice goodwill.

we are free to be good, and the will is what we leave to others when we pass on, but the will should be what we leave to others as we pass through.

T

[CFTraveler]

I agree with what you have written in principle- but I don't call it sacrifice. I call it circulation and gratitude. The reason is simple, and it has to do with how I see the world- to me a sacrifice implies that God requires me to 'suffer' or 'give up', and I don't see it that way- it is simply trust that God will provide, for in giving I fulfill one of those 'God Given' impulses or drives. Now if I can Trust God as much as I say I should, it'll be all right. I think.

[Palehorse Redivivus]

Thank you so much! You seem to really understand what I'm going through! And I really love that word, sovereignty, I can just fall in love with it :mrgreen:

Undecisiveness has been a huge battle for me. You can say there are two career paths in front of me, and I've been struggling to know which to follow. And I've just recently realized, one is closer to my heart, while the other is just more of a logical way to make money. . . . I never was a very logical person :)

Glad you found the ramblin' helpful. ;)

Good call, and you might actually get something out of Steve Pavlina's blog (http://stevepavlina.com/blog). He's one of the most motivational guys I know, and specifically has a lot to say about "following the path with a heart" (rather than the one that seems "logically" more secure, safe, etc.). Even his latest might be helpful; he talks about setting a meaningful goal, not just by deciding what you want, but by imagining the most likely consequences of getting what you want, and consciously accepting those too.


I have found that there is not any one person, ever, that is not a sovereign entity, that it is equally so as to be insignificant. therefore, neither is one's soveriegnty up for metaphysical trade.

Just to be clear, I take "sovereignty" to mean that there is no universal authority over the Self; nobody "out there" who is inherently authorized to decide an individual's course except the individual (to be brief about it and not go into all manner of politico-spiritual theory :P ). There are beings of various alignments and agendas who *can* alter our course, even coercively, though ability does not = authority.

Practicality is another story. LB's mom has no inherent authority to keep her from moving out or gaining independence, for instance. However, when you've got someone who at some point set a strong intent with a lot of emotion put into it over time, and has spent years maneuvering things so that they hold all the cards, logistically, subconsciously, psychologically and so forth, then finding a way forward when it starts becoming relevant is not always so simple.

I recommended meditating or connecting with the concept and energy of sovereignty, because it will create a contrast with the energy, influences and programming that conflict with independence, and serve as a way to gain clarity about what effectively exercising one's own sovereignty actually feels like. Thoughts, actions and patterns that resonate with that energy can then be more easily recognized as something worth sticking with.

[Tutor]

I agree with what you have written in principle- but I don't call it sacrifice. I call it circulation and gratitude. The reason is simple, and it has to do with how I see the world- to me a sacrifice implies that God requires me to 'suffer' or 'give up', and I don't see it that way- it is simply trust that God will provide, for in giving I fulfill one of those 'God Given' impulses or drives. Now if I can Trust God as much as I say I should, it'll be all right. I think.

Good call...you are so right. :D

I agree, it isn't sacrifice in practice. yet, most would view the concept as sacrificial, and in explanation of the practice, 'sacrifice' seems to be the best word to fit. because it does go against the given conditioning that when you have, to keep it for one's self or to hoard the excess for unknown future needs.

so, it is sacrificial upfront in the concept, but in the practice it is just as you have indicated, proving itself. I worded the reply to fit the general view revealed in the thread.

Your "trusting god" is exactly what it is. but, lord help me if i'd (timotheus) have brought god into it.

to tell the truth, i sometimes go back and forth with old conditioning alarming me to my own financial security, a voice in my head telling me that I must be in control for that rainy day of my own.

one thing I was urged to do, I ended up not doing. so, even as i say that I/we practice this, it is just that...practice, and not perfection. i also feel out of sorts for having added the above reply, and had come specifically to 'delete' it. but since you have added further in the thread i will leave it. though, i feel to edit it a wee bit. it reads like i am arrogantly boasting. :oops:

[Tutor]

PR said, "Just to be clear, I take "sovereignty" to mean that there is no universal authority over the Self; nobody "out there" who is inherently authorized to decide an individual's course except the individual (to be brief about it and not go into all manner of politico-spiritual theory ). There are beings of various alignments and agendas who *can* alter our course, even coercively, though ability does not = authority."

Hey PR,

I have never seen that more beautifully worded, and in this that you've stated, 'sovereignty' is certainly not nonsense at all.

few folks though, understand it as you have uncovered it to be seen. so many identify this within the confines of spiritual ambition, not understanding that it is them always, as well as everyone always.

But, i hope you agree, that what is aligned and does have agenda applys to those 'selves' who as well are aligned with agendas just so resonating. one must ask them self whom alters and whom coerces. is it the field's authorized resonance or the 'self/authority' which reciprocally resonates to the particular field.

I feel, as you have suggested, that the authority rests in each one for them self.

i wish folk understood better what you have stated above. you've pretty much written the key that would unlock the tie that disabling binds one to abilitated alignments and agendas.

you are always a more than interesting read. yup, the hierarchy, while vastly interesting, need not apply when such maxims key the gates.

sometimes the nuances of 'busting chops' would bring from another what otherwise would not be brought. so I challenged this word "sovereignty" set loose, calling it 'utter nonsense' in hopes of the counter challenge, where either someone would reveal the nonsensical ideal of it losing the word, or someone would make sense in the word.

yet, i see it as insignificant, with consideration to whom isn't sovereign?

i can only explain that with an image. there is a painting called 'The Father'. in it he is sitting with the earth in his left hand pulled to his breast. his right hand with fingered sign pointing upward, and at his feet his crown.

thus, is our freewill by the goodwill of that crown cast to his feet, and ours with that given freewill to practice goodwill just as he, with crowns cast to our feet.

shall a father's child walk with a crowned head while the father does not. this is the challenge it seems, to give with all due respect.

[Palehorse Redivivus]

But, i hope you agree, that what is aligned and does have agenda applys to those 'selves' who as well are aligned with agendas just so resonating. one must ask them self whom alters and whom coerces. is it the field's authorized resonance or the 'self/authority' which reciprocally resonates to the particular field.

Who alters and who coerces -- IMO, pretty much whoever believes, for better or worse, correctly or not, that it's in their own best interest to do so.

As for why it happens, resonance and whatnot... I tend to think it's something like a "glitch in the system" rather than something "for our good." *splains*

There are a lot of different beings who might send someone off their current track for a variety of reasons, but most relevant here is probably the concept from Castaneda (and likely elsewhere) of Petty Tyrants -- people we end up in the position of being forced to depend on in some way, who then take advantage of their position for the purpose of control. In my experience, the PT is also an archetype that can manifest subconsciously in ways the human playing the role could not have planned (which likely gives rise to a lot of paranoia in those who aren't aware that the subconscious mind is easily capable of such).

It has been said that the "purpose" of such encounters is that we develop mind, will, patience and control of our emotions -- i.e., to outsmart the "captor" and find a way out from under their control when they and the archetype have done their best to block all options. They're also useful for learning what control feels like, and what sovereignty is *not*, so ideally one can be conscious enough to not fall into the pattern of turning around and inflicting the same on someone else.

As to the "why" though -- the PT phenomenon seems to operate in a predatory fashion not unlike the tiger in the Jungle Book who says "this kid might grow up to kill me one day, so I'll get him before he's able to defend himself." The PT archetype has not yet found an alternate way to express where it could coexist with well-exercised sovereignty, so to preserve itself, it acts like a shark who can smell the potential for personal sovereignty, and begin pre-empting it before the individual is in a position to start thinking about developing it. I've had a common experience where you get away from one PT, but its been a struggle, you've taken losses, are not at 100% in various ways, you're in the transition period -- and here comes another one to take advantage of the vulnerable situation. "The way the world works" seems more designed to support PT behavior than individual sovereignty, and in this way I think a lot of people end up in a loop of perpetually depleted financial, emotional, social (etc.) resources and options and never able to rise above the level of struggling for the basics (which makes it at best very difficult to devote one's focus to "higher" pursuits). This is not the most efficient or productive way *I* could imagine to evolve and learn, and if I could come up with a better system off the top of my head, then the universe as a whole should be more than capable. "You'd think that, wouldn't you..."

For that reason, I don't believe PT's are sent our way by some higher benevolent force as a "test" -- but rather, someone observed "well, they exist, and this is the situation, so let's find some sort of silver lining."

What I theorize may have happened was that the above pattern was great for producing life, and evolving it to be able to survive a variety of harsh conditions -- but it's not a great setup for thinking, feeling, spiritual people with diverse interests, who are hypothetically capable of picking up and directing their own evolution, to develop further without having to continue the "struggle against all odds" game. Unfortunately this reality has not quite caught onto that yet, and so there doesn't seem to be a point at which the universe says "okay you've passed the basic survival test; now I'll relent and support you in diversifying your interests a bit."

I've thought a lot about potential solutions and may have even been making some headway on this lately, but I'll leave it here for now. Thanks for the compliments. :)

[White_Raven]

Hi lightningbug,

I know this thread is quite old but I assume you're still interested in this issue and around somewhere.

I was fascinated by this topic because creative visualization is the central point of lessons I took from a school of mysticism and is something about which I have given much thought and energy throughout the years.

The first thing that I wanted to manifest, as part of my spiritual studies, was to have a house and a nice car. I visualized a country home with a white picket fence and driving up in a nice car. I began trying to work on this by tending to my career and setting myself up to earn more money. My ex-husband, not knowing anything about this, suddenly wanted to buy a home although we could not afford it and it was a crazy idea. Everything that was like my visualization was way too expensive. Then there was this one home that needed work, but had a beautiful yard with a white picket fence. We couldn't afford it and it was too far away so we offered an insultingly low price to the sellers to get rid of the proposition, but it was accepted to our surprise. The next thing we knew we owned the home. Shortly after that my mother decided to buy a new car and gave me her current one outright to my amazement. This was my first conscious experience of manifesting creatively.

The fact is we are already very good at creative manifestation as that is what we practice from birth without knowing it. This is why Aleister Crowley said "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law". People are often mystified as to what that statement means but all it is is an affirmation that we manifest everything in our lives based on our desires. So the whole point of creative visualization is to work with the Desire. It is an issue of what you want completely, not as someone commented, what you "need".

When I understood this law and that this is what I was doing all my life, I thought back to things I had manifested through desire without realizing it. I could remember being a very young child and wanting to be attractive, to the point where I was determined that I would be by the time I grew up. It was a strong wish with uncertain outcome but at the same time I was absolutely determined. The strange thing is that I matured before everyone else in my class and did become an attractive adult. I believe that without the desire and creative intent, I would not have been. I nurtured that and brought it out in every way I could think of. Later, I spent 10 years as a beauty consultant, having understood that physical beauty could be tapped into in many ways and I knew how to help others do this. 40 years later I can look at childhood friends who have grown up, and see that at least two of them had significant natural beauty that was completely untapped, and it was due only to lack of desire or interest in creating that.

I can also recall a situation where I was consciously working with desire and having terrible lack of success. I wanted to have a small lifting procedure done at 40 to diminish the signs of aging on my eyes. I did everything to manifest this but everyone was getting in my way and creating obstacles to achieving my goal, even blatantly trying to talk me out of it or trying to stop me from keeping the appointment. Like you, I couldn't think What I Was Doing Wrong. The answer is, nothing. But sometimes, it is hard to make desire work when other people to do not want you to achieve your desire. There may be a lot of competition. With the house and car, other people's desires were aligned with mine in such a way that they fell into my lap. With becoming more attractive as I matured, there was no one to align with either way, it was between me and myself. With the eye lift procedure, people in my life who had chosen to accept their aging without a fight desperately did not want me to take a different route. What happened however is that I persisted and got the procedure successfully done.

Let me tell you what I think happened with your visualization: it was good but you were fighting competition and other people, their desires and intentions (your parents, fellow artists, etc). If you want to get that painting published the fact that you didn't do it in one particular way shouldn't matter - because there are still so many ways left. Sometimes people can get in their own way by limiting the methods by which the desired thing may come, giving up if it does not happen by the expected way, such as through money. So stop limiting yourself by how this can happen, the point is for it to happen. You should not give up and you should be prepared to deal with other people who don't want you to achieve your desire. There will be extra effort involved there. At any rate I think that is the best of what I can share. I do hope you will return to this thread and find this post useful.