Heliac's MAP Practice

[heliac]

Day 1: Setting the Stage

Notes/Observations: Saturday morning practice
Relaxation:

When relaxing, i initially did not get too much out of it. Tensing releasing, tensing releasing itself felt somewhat lacking in getting myself to physically relax.I don't know but i just felt like i was going through motions and something was missing.

Although after tensing/relaxing a few times, the action of doing that reminded me of the same thing that your body does naturally when winding down at the end of the day prior to going to bed and upon waking in the morning, with a good stretch and yawn.

Instead of just tensing and relaxing i found myself starting to mimic my pre-bedtime get-lazy routine which basically consists of a very good full body stretch/tense and release coupled with a big yawn and full deep breath, sometimes i wrap my arms around myself too kind of like a self hug??Don't ask me why but it just feels relaxing to do that.Please note that this was all happening somewhat automatically once i let myself forget about trying to do what the book said(Sorry, bruce and mercer).I wasn't conciously going through the motions that i do when winding down for bedtime, it just felt like this is how i should be getting nice and toasty and relaxed.

Doing all this sort of put myself into that sleepy, wet noodle, almost lazy body mode but i was quite alert as well. Once i was nice and toasty and relaxed i noticed my head was pretty clear too and it felt natural transitioning on to breath awareness.

Breath Awareness:

It was actually a little restful to notice my breathing when i wasn't getting distracted by random thoughts. I found myself trying to force my awareness back to my breath when i got distracted but doing this tensed up my muscles a little.I just pretty much said "whatever" to myself and if random thoughts pop in my head i just forgot about them and felt for my breathing again.I did definitely notice a difference in the quality in clarity of awareness on watching breathing versus random thought patterns though.Eventually the distractions became more frequent and i moved on to mobile body awareness.

Mobile Body Awareness:

The sensations of brushing were very subtle for me.I could only feel very trace and faint sensations.For the most part i felt like i was just sitting there trying to focus on my knee or trying to feel a brushing sensation as close to the real thing as possible.

There was a few times when something interesting happened and it is a little hard to describe. Basically it felt like a very internal awareness but somewhat detached too. It caught me a little off guard because this happened as soon as i was bringing my attention to my left knee. Instead of just thinking about my knee i felt very internal and clear and it felt as if my awareness was moving from my brain down through my torso to my hips and legs.It felt as if my body was hallow and my mind was moving through it down to my knee, literally.

This was very new and threw me off a little and i felt like i was getting "deep" so i pulled back a little and my awareness felt like it was closer to it's surface level or a normal everyday awareness level.


Conclusion:
Overall i was surprised how easy everything went. I learned how to relax by playing out how my body gets lazy on its own.I had a few interesting moments during mobile body awareness where i was feeling like i was "going in deep" but don't quite understand what was happening and this is the only way i can describe it at the moment.

[heliac]

Morning Practice:

Relaxation:

I'm not really following the relaxation part of MAP to the T.Prior to the practice session i took a nice warm shower. This usually leaves me feeling refreshed and relaxed.I tried doing the tense and relax excersize by the book but it just felt like it is too much of a mechanical way to relax.There is no spirit or umph behind trying to relax by going limb by limb, flex release flex release.

So, i put that in the back of my mind and just started doing my own thing, doing what felt natural. rotated my ankles around, yawned and did the full body stretch that people normally do when they are settling down to sleep or when they wake up in the morning.

Also, i started burping and tearing a lot. That didn't happen last time when i was relaxing but it actually felt like it was relaxing me more.I did notice that i had some extra tension around my face, jaw and eyes this time.Maybe that is why i was yawning so much and tearing up.

I was feeling nice and slumbery and toasty though quite pleasant and open.But my face was still a little more tense than usual.

Breathing:

The breathing was a little interesting today. i noticed that once i get nice and toasty from yawning and stretching my breathing settles down too. It is a little more fuller and slower, not much though its pretty subtle.So, when i took note of this i started paying attention to it and i felt that deepening sensation from yesterday set it again.Only this time it felt more like i was dropping. Kind of like when you are on a swing and you are swinging down from the top of the apex of your swing, only not quite that much but a similar feeling and right down to the pit of my stomach.

It made me feel a little weird again so i just backed off a little.

Mobile Body Awareness:

I was very very loosey goosey and mellow after the breathing excersize. I opened my eyes to find my thumb to start doing the stirring motion and it seemed very hazy.I couldn't really recreate the sensation of stirring too well though. The brushing sensation worked well and it kind of felt like my thumb was gone by the time i got to the sponging.This happens to me when i'm going to sleep too sometimes. Its the same sensation, sometimes when i'm falling asleep i feel like my legs are gone.Its a very weird sensation.

Conclusion:
Not a bad day number 2.I felt like i wanted to do a little more mobile body awareness like on some of the other fingers.By the time i get to sponging i start to feel like i'm getting in the zone.I don't want to get over zealous though and then spend all day doing it though so it's good that i cut off the excersizes after sponging the thumb.

[heliac]

New Evening Practice:

Relaxation:

I did the usual relaxation drills and felt nice and toasty. Still teared up a bit, not as much as yesterday. I felt like my tongue was actually a little tense so i stuck out my tongue while i was yawning this time and tensed it up too.

My lower half relaxes pretty easily. My storehouses of tension are my shoulders, neck and jaw/face.

Breathing:

Breathing excersize went ok. I didn't quite get as deep as yesterday but was nice and mellow and could focus on my breathing fairly well.

Mobile Body Awareness:

I was getting a little sleepy doing this today. It was around 930PM when i started and i was a little tired to begin with though. It went fairly well, my thumbs and big toe start to feel full after doing MBA drills.One thing that i noticed was that my palms actually felt very hot while i was doing the thumb sponging.

When i got to my toes the palms of my feet got hot too.My palms and soles of my feet are physically hot too.

[heliac]

MAP Day 4: Full of Heat

Relaxation:

I did todays practice before work instead of after work, im too tired in the after hours and start getting sleepy.

Im kind of impatient, i expect to move along quicker than it actually takes. Sometimes i have to remind myself to slow down. I felt this when doing the relaxation excersizes, i expected to get into that cozy zone much quicker than it physically takes.

I was able to relax my storehouse areas much more thoroughly this morning. I don't know what it is but when i consciously relax by just stretching out, yawning and tensing up and relaxing, i just get very fuzzy and warm inside its actually very nice. It just feels like i get soaked.

Breathing:

Totally by-passed this part and didn't realize it until i was half way through mobile body awareness.
Wasn't to irked about missing the breathing part because when i do the relaxation part my breathing kind of changes and i notice the changes in the rest periods after stretching/tensing up and just kind of curiously watch my breathing as it changes on its own.

When i get relaxed my breathing starts to resemble the breathing that occurs when i sleep. Very deep inhale and quicker exhale. This is also when i start to feel soaked too.

MBA:

This went pretty well, nothing amazing happened. I like to wrap the brush stroke from the top side of my thumb/toes to the under side and from the left side to the right side. It helps keep a seamless brush stroke.

One thing new that i noticed when i got to my toes. when i was doing full strokes laterally over all my toes, my mind was brushing more quick than the actual brush sensation was occurring. I thought at first that the pulsing/brushing sensation that was passing over my toes was my actual pulse/heart beat. I thought i was just feeling the blood passing through my toes. So, i checked my actual heart rate to see if it was matching with the pulsing i felt at my toes and my heart was beating at quite a different rate.

** As i was re-reading this i was able to start feeling the pulsing/brushing that i did this morning and decided to time the rate versus my heart rate over 30 seconds and multiplied by 2 to get the rate over a minute:
HR=84( kind of higher than my regular rest rate)
foot pulse rate=30

seems like the initial brushing that i do activates some kind of pulsing/brushing sensation that starts to move at a slower rate than the brush rate i am passing over my toes in my mind.The pulsing/brushing that starts occurring on its own is MUCH more physical than the brushing sensation i am passing over my toes in my mind. So, once i started feeling the pulsing i just followed that rate and tried to move along with that and enhance it.

The pulsing and brushing sensation passed on to my entire foot by itself and the brushing/pulsing felt more like water. kind of like my feet were being lapped by the eb and flow of the ocean.Only thing is my feet got hot again and my hands too. They both actually start to feel very very hot and the hot sensation can last a while.

Conclusion:

I had some pretty strong sensations during MBA. One other thing that i was wondering about is the overflow of the pulsing brushing, sponging sensations. After i do the sponging i feel like my toes and fingers are full and then the warmth/pulsing spreads to my hands/feet.

I feel like once my feet get full the sensations want to go up into my ankles and legs but i dont really pursue those sensations. I'm trying not to jump ahead of myself and get distracted.

[heliac]

MAP Day 5:

Evening session:

I missed a day yesterday. The night before i couldn't sleep and got very nauseated and hot, finally fell asleep around 3am.
Thats the last time i binge at a Yankees game and eat 3 hot dogs and an uncountable number of chicken fingers and Coors light. We were at the Coors luxury box suites and there were drawers full of it not to mention the 2 or 3 that i had on the Deion Sanders ride up.Anyways I'm showing off...no one is really reading this anyway, burp.

Relaxation:
Wasn't able to wind down as good as usual tonight.I dunno just wasn't able to get there.I tried my best and did get somewhere though just didn't feel very loose.

Breathing :
The breathing felt good but was unremarkable. I pretty much used this time to let my body rest and settle in some more.

MBA:

My feet didn't get hot this time, i guess that is good because it is a little uncomfortable after a while.I was able to target the center of my sole very well.The idea to imagine the stirring sensation at the bottom of your foot as a massage pen worked. it felt as though i had a joy buzzer running along my sole. The brushing sensation wasn't quite all there as it was last time which is surprising because the stirring sensation wasn't strong last time but this time the stirring was pretty pronounced.

Conclusion:
That was pretty much it this time.I feel eager to start moving the MBA up to my legs and the rest of my body. I'm curious as to what might happen and how the awareness is experienced in other areas.

[heliac]

MAP Evening Session:

Relaxation:

I was able to relax pretty good today. My eyes teared up a lot and burned a little from the tearing.Feels good to relax and let go.

Breathing:

I used this time to relax more deeply and sought after that sinking feeling this time. It didn't come and i haven't had it again since the first two or three sessions. I did get very quiet minded for a little while though.

MBA:

This didn't go so well at first. I started getting sleepy by the time i got to my right foot and i dozed off a few times.At least i was able to catch myself dozing off and by the third or fourth time catching myself i felt like i got a second wind.

I noticed i wasn't able to feel brushing so well on the back of my legs on both legs.I felt like it took a bit of concentration to keep the brushing sensation from breaking on its way up to the hip and down to the toes.Sponging went well but i wasn't able to feel the automatic pulse up and down my leg the way i do on my feet. I figure it will take a few attempts to get there since it did with my feet.

At some point on my left leg i did feel like there was something lagging behind my awareness.That is how the pulsing initially felt on my feet but on my leg it lasted only a short while.

Conclusion:

Today went well but i did this after work again and was a little tired so i feel like i didn't get as much out of it.I think next time i will to try to see if i can notice the pulsing up and down my legs more. It's easier when it starts pulsing because it becomes automatic and i don't have to concentrate as much to keep the sensations going.It seems like this would be the ideal way to go but maybe I'm just lazy, ha.

[heliac]

Afternoon session:

Relaxation:

Not a problem today. I teared and yawned a lot but was able to get pretty relaxed.

Breathing:

Nothing too interesting happened. Was getting distracted by random thoughts every now and then though.

MBA:

I started getting sleepy again. Dozed off a little when i got to my right foot again.Didn't really have a productive MBA session just kept getting sleepy so i finished up and took a nap.

Upon waking from the nap, i decided to re-do the leg MBA practice.It went much better. I found that the sponging action is felt more pronounced when i slow down the brush rate. I believe the book says it should take around 3 seconds but i feel i get more out of it if i go at it around 5 or 6 seconds.

I also felt like i should break it down a little first.So, i sponged up to my knee and then back down to the foot. Once that was going good i sponged up to the hip and back down to the foot.While doing this my muscles were twitching a little and felt fuzzy.

I tried bouncing and wasn't able to get any automatic bounce through my legs, only in my feet.I started playing around with alternating the bounce speed rates and it seemed like the bouncing sensation was better.

[CFTraveler]

I also felt like i should break it down a little first.So, i sponged up to my knee and then back down to the foot. Once that was going good i sponged up to the hip and back down to the foot.While doing this my muscles were twitching a little and felt fuzzy. I always find this to be helpful. Even after years of doing it I find that I sometimes need to go slower at times.
You're doing very well in your progress- the bouncing not being 'instantly' perfect is very normal too, and when you do get it you may find that splitting awareness makes both sides go at different speeds. This is also par for the course too.

[heliac]

I also felt like i should break it down a little first.So, i sponged up to my knee and then back down to the foot. Once that was going good i sponged up to the hip and back down to the foot.While doing this my muscles were twitching a little and felt fuzzy. I always find this to be helpful. Even after years of doing it I find that I sometimes need to go slower at times.
You're doing very well in your progress- the bouncing not being 'instantly' perfect is very normal too, and when you do get it you may find that splitting awareness makes both sides go at different speeds. This is also par for the course too.

Hi CFTraveler,

I did feel the bouncing speeds differ in my legs. My left leg bounced faster than my right leg.I tried matching the speeds together at a rate somewhere in between the two speeds but couldn't quite do it. My focus started to give away when i tried it and i gave up. I was starting to get a little groggy at that point too.

[heliac]

Evening Session Day 8:

Relaxation:

Relaxation was goood today.I got nice and toasty. When i tighten my face my eyes tear up a lot and i have to wipe them off, it starts to burn my eyes if i leave it.

Breathing:

I liked changing up the breathing. Counting to 12 is a little more involving and with my deeper exhales i felt like my throat was getting nice and relaxed with every exhale.

MBA:

I decided to change the chair i sit in for this. The new one is less comfortable than the last one and i was hoping it would keep me from dozing off. It didn't. My left/right foot went fine i can pretty much get the bouncing sensation that moves on its own to show up after sponging just by thinking about it.

When i got to my legs i started getting sleepy. I really didn't get to do a good leg MBA session going because i kept dozing off.I caught myself here and there and woke up a little more and moved on to my hands skipping the leg bouncing.

The hand stimulation went OK. I was still a little groggy while doing it but i was able to get feelings of little hairs all over my hands. I had some pains in my right hand on one spot on my thumb and on another spot somewhere around the back of my hand, i couldn't pin point exactly where.I looked at the spot on my thumb afterwards and saw there is a little round scar there. I'm not too sure where that came from, must have been from something when i was younger but i don't remember what.

My hands and feet still get hot but only initially when things start moving.After that they kind of level off and get nice and warm instead of being hot. I think I'm going to see this as improvement because the heat was a little uncomfortable, not too bad though. The weird thing about when my hands and feet would get hot is that they would stay hot long after i ended the MBA session.

Conclusion:

Dozing off is getting a little discouraging. I feel like I'm not getting as much out of the sessions as i could if i weren't dozing off.I think ill just try taking a 20 minute nap prior to doing this, if i do it at night, and see how that goes.

[heliac]

Evening Session: Day 9

Relaxation:

I relaxed as usual couldn't quite get as mellow as usual though.

Breathing:

Breathing went fine all though i think I'm breathing in a little too much by the time i get to the higher numbers, felt like i was straining a little bit.

MBA:

I tried something different today to try to combat the drowsiness. Instead of taking a nap prior to the MAP session which would make it harder for me to fall a sleep when it is time to.I sat up on the edge on my seat instead of leaning back against the backrest. I have to say, so far so good, as i didn't get sleepy at all and my awareness and sensations were very good.

A drawback to sitting on the edge of my seat as opposed to against the backrest, which i noticed right away, is that it is a bit harder to get completely relaxed and to hang on to that relaxed feeling. I kept having to adjust my posture because my back would get tired from sitting up straight for a while. This was a little distracting but didn't seem to affect the MBA sensations i was getting.

Another drawback was in the breathing. My breathing just seemed different and a little strained and my chest felt tense and tight from keeping my self upright. This was initially the most distracting. Once i started with toe swirling whenever i inhaled the sensation would fade with the inhale and I'm pretty sure this was because a part of my attention got distracted by the more noticeable breathing patterns when sitting upright.

So, i watched the sensations fade and my attention waiver with each breath and once it did waiver i pulled it back to the brushing sensation on my big toe. Eventually i forgot about my breath, either my breathing became shallow and less noticeable or i started holding my breath, which i did catch myself doing later on.

I was getting really great warm flowing sensations on my feet although they did get hot again on the skin level but throughout my feet was warm "air".Another thing i noticed that started happening was my torso started to slightly rock and lean with the flow and brushing that i felt in my feet. When i was brushing up and down my foot my torso started to very very slightly rock forward and back. When i brushed laterally across the toes my torso rocked side to side when i did stirring on the soles on my feet my torso kind of did this mini stirring as well.This pretty much happened until i got to my arms where it stopped.

Sensations in the legs was much better this time. I felt my legs were full and like the were expanding from the inside out, like there were filling with blood.

The hands went great. They were very sensitive to the brushing, stirring and sponging actions.My hands didn't get hot at all this time. By this time my attention was starting to waiver a little and i started daydreaming about something, i think football, by the time i got to my left hand pinky.

Its funny though because while i was thinking about the giants awesome defense, part of my awareness was still going through the pinky brushing. I still felt the brushing sensations just not as fully and that is actually how i caught myself daydreaming, the sensations started lacking.

When i got to my right hand i was getting pretty tired. Not drowsy tired like i was about to fall asleep, buy physically, my back was starting to hurt a little and i just felt pressure to stop. So, instead of stopping i abbreviated it and refocused. Instead of doing the ballpoint stirring outward at so and so many loops i just stirred all at once in one big stirring sensation.

This actually worked pretty good but made me feel a little dizzy in the head while i was stirring for some reason.I did it on the palm of my right hand as well and got very dizzy. It wasn't an unbearable or unpleasant dizziness just kind of unexpected and strange.

Another finding was that when i got to my right pinky i felt some aching around the knuckle. I broke a metatarsal when i was younger in a fist fight and the pain was actually similar (but not nearly as intense at all) to the pain from the day when i broke it.

The pain that i felt on my thumb from day 8 was gone.

The arm brushing and sponging was fine and when i did both arms simultaneously i felt like the change charged them up a little more.

Conclusion:

I don't remember reading in MAP that you could sit upright on the edge of your seat. I'm wondering if there is a reason for it. One reason i can think of is that your relaxation level may be limited since you will have to keep yourself upright for a prolonged period of time.

I definitely don't feel as relaxed as i do when sitting back but i do feel more awake and energized, seems like there is a trade off at the moment.What is more important though, being relaxed but getting into a pattern of falling asleep during the excersizes or not being quite as relaxed but being able to finish the excersizes without falling asleep?

[heliac]

MAP Evening Session:Day 10

Relaxation:

Relaxation went pretty good today. I decided to sit at the edge of my chair again to keep myself from falling asleep.
Because of this i wasn't quite physically relaxed as i would be if i were sitting against the back rest.

Breathing:

Breathing went fine. i used this time to relax even further...

MBA:

Initially my feet were a little chilly. After some brushing they got nice and warm and as i was brushing and sponging i could feel them start to "thaw out" as they got warmer. I think doing the MBA exercises opens the blood vessels and brings more blood to the area i am focusing on.

I actually did get a little drowsy even sitting upright on my chair. Because of this i couldn't quite get as aware of the sensations as last time but i still had a good smooth MBA session.

My hands were also a little chilly and got nice and warm when i brushed them.Bouncing through the arms is easier and more noticeable than with my legs.

Conclusion:

I did not except too much today. I am still recovering a little from the hotel Rivington penthouse/rooftop party i was at last night. I met the most amazingly hot and beautiful girl i'd ever seen in my life there, man she just made me go WEEOH WEEOH WEE WEEOH WEEOH WEE like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKfBO-xDEzI
-Allowed-Admin

haha, sorry, I'm such a cornball.

I'm actually remember my dreams a lot more too in the morning. I've also been waking up a few times during the night from dreams. Not because they are nightmares or crazy dreams but because i think I'm just opening myself up to the opportunities to remember them.

[heliac]

Afternoon Session: DAY 11

Relaxation:

This went fine. My neck was particularly tight though. i Had to keep coming back to it to relax it more.

Breathing:

This went fine as well. When i was relaxing down with my exhales i was getting nice an toasty and saw little poofs of like a neon violet color with my eyes closed. It was right in the center of my field of vision and was an expanding poof of bright violet.

I didn't pay too much attention to it after noticing it and keept going.

MBA:

This went well today. My feet were a little chilly again and they thawed out when i got to the sole of the foot spiraling.

Leg bouncing went better than usual today, the bouncing kicked in by itself and i just watched it bounce up and down. It was actually bouncing pretty fast.

Hands went really well. My hands are much more sensitive than my feet and legs. They get so nice and warm and when i get to the palm spiraling it just expands out the warmth even more. When i do the hand spiraling i feel a lot of expanding, almost like there is something pushing out of my palms.

When i do this i have my hands placed palm down on top of my laps and i can feel the expanding from my hands go into the top of my legs. Its like a warmth and almost reminds of a static electricity sensation. Kind of like that little pushing sensation you get when you put your hand up in from of a tv screen or on a balloon after you rub the balloon on your hair to create a charge.

Bouncing in the arms came very easy. Only thing is i felt like the bouncing wasn't stopping at my shoulder. It would pretty much go passed my shoulder on its own and cross my collar bones and then bounce back to the arms.

Spinal bouncing was actually a little tough. I didn't feel like i was able to get it going. The only area i was able to feel any significant sensation was from the back of my head to the top of my head. Sensations up and down my spin were pretty weak and my back really started hurting when i was doing this.

Conclusion:

I think im going to have to start putting more time in the spine because that area felt very very weak compared to my arms and legs.

[heliac]

Evening Session: Day 15, Energy Raising

Relaxation:

Fine.

Breathing:

Adding clouds of color felt very nice and added to relaxation. I found that adding a slight seemless pause for exhale to inhale and inhale to exhale helped out.During the pause i would get mentally ready to inhale the silver cloud and exhale the tension. I used this time to really relax and empty out any excess tension and discomfort.

MBA Prestim:

My feet usually get hot or are warm. Today for some reason they felt cool. They didnt get warm but were a plesant cool temperature.So i brushed around the cool temperature in my feet and it felt rather refreshing.

My hands and arms get buzzed fairly quickly now and it doesnt take much to activate them.They got nice and warm nto cool like my feet.My feet are still cool and my hands still warm and buzzing as i'm writing this.

Full body bouncing still is a little shaky. Can't quite get a good feel for this.The bouncing sensations are faint, but there, and difficult to maintain.This exercise in particular doesn't really motivate me i'd like to discard it and spend more time on brushing/sponging.Any bouncing or pulsing i get usually happens on its own from brushing or sponging.If i try to emulate the pulsing/bouncing i get for some reason it doesnt work as good.

Energy Raising:

This was actually quite surprising. I didn't think i would get anything from it right away because i didn't think i would be able to fit a whole body sponge in 2-3 seconds.

I was able too fit a whole sponge in the 3 second suggested time frame. I used the same breathing pattern from the breathing exercise only once i sponged to the top of my head i gently paused and collected and then gently exhaled down to my navel, paused slightly getting ready to flick to feet and sponge again etc....

A few things i noticed while raising:

1.Eventhough my feet were cool the energy coming up to my head was nice and warm and soothing.

2.As i sponged up passed the back of my head i felt like my sinuses opened up and i could breath a little better through my nose. I initially noticed this in day 13 and 14 when brushing up my spine to the top of my head too. There is a difference with the energy rasing though. Shortly after brushing in day 13 and 14, after i stopped the exercises, my sinuses would go back to normal. But, after doing the energy raising i feel like my sinues are still open and it's been about an hour since i've stopped doing the exercise.

3.When i would get to my crown from raising my ears got warm and they are still warm.

4.After a few raising pulls when i got to my crown i felt like i was wearing a hat.This has subsequently gone away but was still presant when i first started writing this up.

5.When i passed down my forehead and face i started seeing the little blobs of color in my head and again it was a bright neon violet color.The color was following the flow of the sponging so as i felt the sponging pull down my face the blobs of color moved down towards that direction too. Initially there was a defined round blob shape to it that dissipated as it flowed down with the sponging.The color faded into another one, kind of a light neon greenish color as it dissipated down.

6.My neck is still very tense. As i sponge down my throat i feel it warm up and loosen up along with my jaw. I feel like i should have it more loosened somehow prior to raising.

7.Once i get to my sub-navel center i feel it "light up". That is really the only way i can describe it. I feel like a band around my waist light up, its kind of strange because there was no mention of that. I didnt really feel like a little center at the sub navel. Once i got to that area i felt something light up and spread out like a band around my waist by itself, haha i'm repeating myself. i wish i could use better words than "light up" but that is all i can think of to describe the feeling. Kind of like if you can imagine what it would feel like to turn on a light...kind of corny ha!

Conclusion:
I actually probably didn't do the full 10 minutes of energy raising. It caught me by surprise how the sponging flowed up with my breathing. i felt like i was guiding it but at the same time doing the raising started to get me in that weird dropping deepening state of mind and that just feels weird to me.

Edits.
Just reading over stuff and fixing typos. I pretty much go into stream of consciousness mode when i write here and don't pay attention to grammar/spelling/sentence structure/word choice. Didn't realize how bad it was.

[heliac]

Evening Session: Day 16

MBA Energy Raising:

I noticed the same things from yesterday today. One thing i did differently today is i switched between following my breath while energy raising and ignoring my breath while raising. It feels more natural to me to ignore my breath while raising. Taking deep breaths after a while kind of tightens my throat and jaw area a little and i end up spending more time just trying to keep track of not tensing up when taking a deep breath than putting all my attention on the energy raising.

[heliac]

Day 18:

I was away for a week and didn't have much time to do MAP, so picking up now.

Relaxation:
Fine. One thing that i tried a little different that i think i read somewhere but can't remember where was imagining that my body is made of lead and feeling the weight of gravity pushing down on my body. This worked pretty good and helped relax a little more.

Breathing:
Fine

MBA:

I would have thought i would have to start over from scratch as far as the sensitivity to the brushing and soaking sensations.It pretty much was as sensitive as it was where i left off so that is good.

I really felt some good soaking up in my arms and legs they were buzzing up pretty good.

Full body circuit went fairly well. i pretty much tried to take the warm buzzing from my legs and draw it up my spine and down to the sub navel.

I still feel like i can draw up the warm soaking sensation without following my breath a lot better than when following my breath.Only thing is i feel like i can pour it down from the top of my head to my sub navel better when following an exhale.But while drawing the warmth up i feel like i am better off not following my exhale, although i just do both.

Also, when it comes time to bring the warmth down from the top of my head, i feel like it gets a little stuck or something around my sinuses. I really have to focus to get it to go down once it gets to my nose/mouth area. I feel like it comes down all the way in the back of the roof of my mouth and down my throat.

I don't always feel like im bringing it down all the way.Sometimes it just feels like it goes from a nice warm flow to a trickle but i know it is getting down to my sub navel because i can feel the sub navel area kind of light up and it feels like there is something there.

On a side note, the whole week that i didn't get to sit down and do the actual practice i pretty much did things here and there, mostly drawing to my sub navel. After a while sometimes i would just be sitting around and out of no where it would feel like i would have a bowling ball sitting on my lap in my crotch/belly area.

Mind Exercises:

I did the spot focus and i was able to do fairly well with it. One interesting observation:
The little spot i was focusing on was against a white background. Sometimes my eyes would start to de-focus and cross and i would start seeing double.

Another thing that happened was that i started seeing the little blobs of color with my eyes open. I couldn't see them quite as good as with my eyes closed but it seemed to be the same phenomenon.This time i saw a yellowish color which is interesting because i was inhaling a yellow color when i was doing the breathing exercise.

Notes:
I'm going to add in this "notes" section for things that occur during the day outside of sit down sessions that are worth noting.

I'm noticing that the temperature of the energy sensations i get changes. Sometimes it is warm, sometimes it is hot sometimes cool or cold.

I just got back from a run in the park and when i sat down i felt some very nice cool sensations running down my chest and abdomen. It wasn't sweat or anything because i felt it inside my skin.

I also get that bowling ball in the gut sensation when i sit down a lot now.It just feels like something sitting there in my gut/lap in the sub navel area.

I tried moving it because it felt stagnant so i used the spiraling motion clockwise and it felt like my guts and intestines where slowly moving around.Then i tried spiraling it forward and from there i could feel very very slightly that the body circuit was moving along with it except i didn't feel any sponging up from my legs it was pretty much just moving from the sub navel area around to my tail bone and then up my back and around back to the sub navel.

Its a lot easier doing the circuit like this because it was happening by itself as long as i was stiring the sub navel bowling ball forward.

[heliac]

MAP Day 22:

Breathing:
Fine. A lot of chatter though.

MBA:
This went well, better than usual. I was really using internal dialog to feel like i was drawing in and absorbing a lot of warmth and tingling. This internal dialog worked very well and helped me stay focused.

Full Body Circuit:
This went very well also i felt like i was able to breath in a lot of warmth from my legs and although i lose touch of the warmth around midback level it comes back when i get to my head. From there i could really feel the warmth pour down my head to my sub navel area.

The sub navel area became nice and warm but a little achy at times too.

I really felt myself going deep as i would pour the warmth down to my sub navel area and i felt like my head had become very very clear and focused and then....i could have sworn i heard the chair not to far from me move and it startled me out of being in the zone.I figured it was one of the neighbors and forgot about it and moved on.

Base Center Stimulation:

I couldn't quite get as deep as i was when i was doing the circuit but i was able to draw a lot from my legs into the base center.I almost immediately felt some movement in the genitals and then took my mind off that real quick and started drawing up from my legs into the base center again. I kept feeling like the warmth was expanding out into the genitals but it wasn't too distracting.

Stirring sensation went well, i tried the joy buzzer sensation and it was ok but not as apparent as it is on my palms and feet. Then i tried big stirring, which is basically just taking a BIG stir and that worked pretty well, my hips felt like they were going to start rotating around with the big stir sensation and this made me think of dancing at the club for a second, hehe.

Also what happened when i was doing the big stir i felt like i was wearing a hat on my head again and got a little dizzy it distracted me a little so i stopped doing that.

Tearing sensation worked very well. I felt like this was relaxing the muscle in that area really deeply. I started to try to feel the tearing deeper in the muscle and it just relaxed it more.

Notes:

A few days ago i was doing sponging up my legs and i started falling asleep.As i was falling asleep i noticed some slight muscles twitching which is normal for me. So at some point i dozed off but i think maybe i kept doing the sponging while i was sleeping. I was awoken by my hamstring muscle twitching like crazy, so much so that it actually woke me up.

When this happened i said to myself internally to my muscle "WHOA WHOA WHOA TAKE IT EASY OVER THERE" and the twitching immediately stopped. I thought this was pretty funny though.

[CFTraveler]

Your muscles are much more responsive to you than mine. When that happens to me, they keep doing it 'til they're done.

[heliac]

Your muscles are much more responsive to you than mine. When that happens to me, they keep doing it 'til they're done.

Yea that was the weird part about this because normally the twitching feels like it is completely involuntary so asking it to stop mentally doesn't work.

I guess part of the twitching is caused or at least correlated to whatever is happening on the backend from sponging, so not completely involuntary.Stopping sponging=stopping whatever the sponging is dong internally to cause twitching=no more twitching, HA.

[heliac]

Day Something??:

MBA:

Sponging to the arms and legs went well i was able to really feel them soak up the warmth. I havn't gotten the hot sensations lately either its pretty much just warm fuzziness now.

Full body circuit:
Still dont really feel much going up my back but i do once my attention gets to my head.When the warmth pours down my front down to my belly i can feel myself mentally going deeper.

Primary Stim:

Base center
Went fine like last time. I guess i can feel the swirling around more intently and generally i am able to feel the center better.

Navel center:
Felt similar to the base center maybe over a larger surface area though. This area gets particularly warm although both the base and this area get warm pretty good. When they do warm up i can feel the subnavel center warm up too and they kind of share the warmth together.

The base center in particular starts to connect to the subnavel center on its own and that is when the warmth starts combining between the three areas.but i don't really feel this until i get to the navel center.

Inbetween the navel and heart center:

This guy i don't feel that much going on, i cant even really locate it compared to the other centers so far, HA!

Heart center:
This one was interesting because as soon as i sponged up to the heart center i felt like the sponging went up to my throat and face on its own.This one felt rather pleasant to spend time on although i didn't spend too much time on it.

The tearing sensation started feeling more deep inside my body than the others and it felt more like a spreading open than tearing.

Notes:

I had some very interesting experiences the last few nights. I remembered reading in MAP that it is ok to do primary stimulation when going to sleep so i figured i would try that.

The first night i tried it everything was going fine and my mind got very very clear as i was dozing off and doing the primary stim at the same time.I could sort of watch myself falling asleep and didn't really fight it.I think i was doing the energy work in my sleep or something because at some point i woke up to some very real and intense buzzing on the side of my head.

It was similar to the sensation i feel when i imagine the joy buzzer sensation when doing sitting MBA sessions but MUCH more real. I was awake enough to notice it and kind of watch the buzzing move around on the side of my head on its own but i was paralyzed, i couldnt move.

Being paralyzed didn't freak me out because i am very used to waking up paralyzed, it happened to me all the time when i was younger and i just pretty much would wait till it wears off roll over and fall asleep.There actually was a period when i was younger where i would wake up 3 or 4 times a night because of sleep paralysis and i didn't really know what it was until i got to college and we started talking about dreaming.

Anyways, so luckily i wasn't freaked out by being paralyzed so i just watched the buzzing move around on its own. Honestly it felt like some other intelligence was moving it around and that actually freaked me out more.So i decided to take control of the buzzing cuz it really just felt like someone was messing with me while i was sleeping running a buzzer along the side of my head. I moved it around in circles and around my ear and up to the top of my head. When i did this the buzzing took over on its own again and circled around the top of my head and dropped down in through the crown and that is where i stop remembering what happened.

Part 2 of interesting stuff at night was last night, now this experience was really weird.

I did the same primary center stim as falling asleep and i was really clear in the head and watch my self drift off while stimming. I felt the same intensified buzzing only this time i could see, very hazy, but i could see where i was situated.It was very tricky though i felt like i was going in and out of sleep, i tried moving to see if i was awake and i couldn't so i knew i was fully asleep but i could still see so i figured i was dreaming i was laying in bed but wasnt completely conscious maybe 90%.

While i was struggling to get more aware i heard what sounded like a little animal scurrying around a few feet away from my bed. I remember thinking "what the hell is that" and this pretty much made me 100% conscious because i was very curious what was making that sound.OYE, the scurrying got closer and i felt something jump on my bed and crwal around my back up to my shoulder. Now, i don't have any animals in my apartment so it wasn't anything physical. I was still able to see but couldn't move but i saw out of the corner of my eye a silohette of its head and right when it saw that i saw it it darted out of my view and behind my shoulder again.

Needless to say this really freaked me out but i still knew i was dreaming so i kind of had this mentality in the back of my mind that whatever is happening isn't real.I was still very curious about what this thing was playing around with me and i thought to myself you know if i could just go out of body i would be able to just go find out.

So i don't know how to go out of body yet because i haven't gotten up to that part yet but first thing that came to my mind was to just reach out and grab at something and pull myself out. So i felt myself reach out and i saw my own arm but it was kind of like a bluish color and it looked like my hands and fingers were really long and witch like.

I couldn't get out in the end because i was looking at my hand and arm and was like WTF and that pretty much woke me up completely HA.

[CFTraveler]

So i don't know how to go out of body yet because i havnt gotten up to that part yet but first thing that came to my mind was to just reach out and grab at something and pull myself out. So i felt myself reach out and i saw my own arm but it was kind of like a bluish color and it looked like my hands and fingers were really long and witch like.

I couldn't get out in the end because i was looking at my hand and arm and was like WTF and that pretty much woke me up completely HA. :D
You are going to be a natural at this, I think. You're doing very well.

[heliac]

So i don't know how to go out of body yet because i havnt gotten up to that part yet but first thing that came to my mind was to just reach out and grab at something and pull myself out. So i felt myself reach out and i saw my own arm but it was kind of like a bluish color and it looked like my hands and fingers were really long and witch like.

I couldn't get out in the end because i was looking at my hand and arm and was like WTF and that pretty much woke me up completely HA. :D
You are going to be a natural at this, I think. You're doing very well.

I sure hope so, this is ending up being a very interesting hobby of mine, HA!

Oh one other thing i forgot to say was that when i was younger i would have reoccurring dreams that there was this little animal mucking around in my room and i would chase it around my room in my dream trying catch it.It always ended up getting away though. I guess this is a rehash of that dream kind of...

Also if you see this cftraveler, do you know why my fingers and arm were all long and freaky looking?Just some random dream thing i guess?

[CFTraveler]

You were just stretching your etheric arms, I suppose.

[heliac]

OK so i took a little break, partly because i was very busy and partly because i was getting freaked out trying to figure out how to get out.

Since i have this whole week off i figure would be a good time to brush up, and kind of go over things and see where i am at and how much i need to redo to catch up.

I'm also thinking of doing PAPI cuz i have a lot of questions about what is going on.

Anyway to recap:

I left off in OCT with being able to get some really good buzzing and was able to "see" while i was asleep and was able to pull out my arms and look at them. But there were a lot of distractions.

So for several weeks after my last post i continued to follow the MAP book and kept doing primary stim as i was going to sleep and i would wake up while i was falling asleep and could still see but couldnt move my body.

Only thing is i keep getting this horrible feeling like something is there watching me while i am trying to play around with this state of awareness. One night i got that feeling and i looked around and saw a shadow standing right up at the edge of my bed. And this shadow is there now every time i get to this state.

I get very very peaceful and clear minded prior to getting the very intense body energy sensations(buzzing). But as soon as i get that state where i can play around with the intense buzzing and i can see, i get a horrible horrible sense of unease and i see a black shadow and sometimes i see both the black shadow and this annoying little monkey/dog looking animal scurrying around my apartment. Some times i feel like the shadow starts touching me and it is really really freaky because it all feels so real.

Eventhough i still have that seed of doubt in the back of my mind while this is happening that is keeping me grounded so i am still able to kind of think of ways to deal with it as it is happening.I tried a few things:

I tried fighting the black shadow, meaning threatening it to go away:
"i will kick your ass so bad you will forget your name punk!" for example
Didn't work
I also tried challenging it.meaning before going to bed i would kind of think to myself:
"you want some of this black shadow? come and get it i will slap you silly"
This wasn't a good idea because that night that i tried it i woke up three times with the buzzing
and vision and all three times this freaking black thing was right on top of me.I didn't sleep good at all
that night and i was trying to find ways of stopping the buzzing and vision from happening because it
just kept waking me up and i just wanted to sleep at that point.

Another approach i used was calling jesus. I'm not religious but i figured i would give it a shot.
This didn't work either. Or rather what would happen is i would just wake up or i would fall asleep after asking jesus for help but the next day im back at square one.

So i've come to the conclusion that fighting it doesnt work at all it seems to be adding fuel to the fire. so the last thing i tried which worked and this is ending up looking very hopeful to me is this.
Instead of fighting the horrible feeling and the shadow im looking at it as a sign. The fear i get from the shadow is just a sign that i am in or at least close to having an oobe.

I read about people getting all kinds of indicators that let them know they are about to oobe and it makes sense to me to see this fear as one of those signs because fear has a way of making you more alert and cognizant of what is going on and im thinking that of course in order to get out consciously you need to be aware of what is going on.

So with that in mind i waited until i got the buzzing and vision and yes the black shadow was right there again and i was very very scared but this time i remembered that i should take advantage of the fearful/alert state of mind and try to get out. and it finally worked.

instead of trying to fight this stupid shadow thing i tried floating up to the ceiling. It didn't work next thing i tried was rolling out, which meant rolling towards where the shadow was!! That ended up working cuz i rolled out and flopped on the floor.

I didnt see any shadow once i was out but i was sooooooooooo sluggish. I could barely move at all and it took every ounce of strength to get up off the floor and to stand up and walk around. I made it to the middle of my living room and then i just woke up.

[heliac]

Last night i got some very very good results after doing primary stim while i was falling asleep.

When i get into this state where i am half awake and half asleep is where the stim sensations become intense and feel very real.
I got into this half awake half asleep state while i was lying on my stomach and was able to draw up warm buzzing up my legs and up my back.

One it got up to the point on my back where my heart is the buzzing pretty much went across to the heart center in the front of my body.Here i felt some
very intense buzzing and it almost felt like my heart was fluttering.

At some point i think i fell asleep though. But i remember waking up and i couldnt move my body but i could see. I tried moving around a little and i was able to turn around inside my body.
A very freaky feeling being able to sense you physical lying on its stomach and also feel another body turning around inside it over on to its back.

So i was able to see and turn over on my back and i felt like a blanket of waves of pressure pushing down on me. If i had to describe it it felt very much like water pressure. Like i was submerged in water and there was a cross current pushing down on me.I say it felt like water pressure because even though the pressure was constant there was an ebb and flow to it.

I also looked down towards where i felt the pressure and i saw the shadow again standing at the foot of my bed.Instead of freaking out this time i remembered to try to get out of body so i ignored it and pulled my arms up in front of me.I looked at my hands and they looked normal but would fade away.This was better than last time i looked at my hands. Last time i did my hands and fingers were very long and looked thin and boney and witch like.

I tired doing the rope technique but it ended up being me watching my hands make the motion of climbing a rope and nothing happening. I'd make the pulling on a rope sensation and just watched my hands keep fading away while i was doing it.

That was my one shot at it. After that failed i just woke up.

[heliac]

Some veerrry veery interesting things happened last night during MAP practice.

Brushing and sponging went very very well and i got a new sensation i had not felt before until last night and rediscovered another.

I got very warm and cozy and i could really feel the warmth come up my legs very nicely. My head got very clear and i was really able to focus on the warming sensation and feel it enhance.After a while i felt the cobwebs that i had read about in MAP.

It did really feel like my legs were covered in cobwebs. Only thing is it felt more like it was around my legs not in them. The buzzing and warmth i feel inside my legs but the cobwebs felt like they were outside my legs surrounding them.

I pretty much just tried to feel the cobwebs as much as i could and then i felt something else.Along with the cobwebs it almost felt like the chair i was sitting in was very very slightly trembling or shaking a little.I could only feel the trembling in my legs though.

It was so strange because like the cobwebs the trembling wasn't internal it really just felt like the chair was moving.This sensation i havn't read about so far.

While this was happening i thought that maybe a truck passed by and was shaking my apartment floor so i felt the chair with my hands to see if i could feel the shaking through the chair but i felt nothing. The sensation was pretty much local to my lower half.

This sensation really brought back memories for me too because when i was a kid i remember totally freaking out to this sensation.I didn't really understand what was happening i guess, i remember screaming for my mom "my bed is shaking", ha! She would tell me it was probably a passing but we lived on the 5th floor, our apartment wasn't facing the street and it would start up again as soon as i laid back down.I'm pretty sure it was this sensation because it is pretty much what i felt when i thought my bed was shaking when i was younger.One difference though is when i was younger i felt the external trembling over my entire body not just my lower half.There were some other differences too but for the most part it was identical.

When i was done stimulating my legs i moved to my arms and got some good sensations there too. No cobwebs but i did start to feel like the arm rests on the chair that i was resting my arms on started trembling.I found this very interesting but just let it shake on its own and it stopped after a little while.


Now, things got weirder when i started doing primary stimulation.I sponged up to the first center and was able to feel nice and warm sensations there. Nothing too remarkable happened.
When i got to the navel center, i really felt it light up. I felt a nice buzzing there and it felt like i had a little beehive in my belly.I focused on this more and then i started feeling a lot of pressure in my sinuses right smack dab in the middle of my face.

I tried ignoring it and kept focusing on my belly but it was still there and wouldn't go away. I tried moving on and went up to the third center and as soon as i got there the sinus pressure got even stronger. I couldn't ignore it anymore so i just moved my attention into my sinuses and focused on the pressure there.I wanted to see if i could make the pressure stronger by focusing on it and the more i did focus on it intently the stronger the pressure got.

I really wanted to see how far i could go and just kept trying to enhance the pressure sensation as much as possible just because that seemed like this was where it was going.It got pretty strong and at some point i thought it might actually start to hurt a little if it got anymore intense but it didn't.

One thing that i didn't mention so far is that i had my eyes very slightly open while this was happening. Just enough that i could see the floor. Something else that happened is that i tried to move the ball of pressure in my sinuses up to the 6th center and when i tried this my eyes started crossing on their own. It didn't feel uncomfortable though but they really really crossed up good and i had to shut my eyes completely when this happened.

Also when i tried moving the pressure up to the 6th center the pressure started to fade and i heard a very very slight "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" noise, maybe tinnitus.

Last thing that happened was i started to feel the pressure in the center of my brain and i heard my front door jostle and it startled me out of it and that was pretty much it .i didn't even try to get back to that state because i pretty much snapped out of it and my focus was starting to waver too.

That's it!

[heliac]

Things are moving along pretty good so far. I'm not able to dedicate as much time and energy into energy work as I'd like though.

I had a nice experience last night though.

I was laying on my back trying to fall asleep and was just relaxing in bed,getting nice and cozy and warm.

After a lil while I got very clear headed and quiet and my legs felt heavy and they felt like the were falling into my bed.

When the falling sensation in my legs stopped it pretty much felt like they were gone.

I was curious if I could recreate the same thing in my arms and they started getting tingly.after that the sinking sensation started in my arms.

Then I started hearing salsa music from one of my neighbors and it distraacted me to the point where I had to stop wat I was doing and rolled over and fell asleep.

[heliac]

I was laying around last night doing sponging up my legs. I can start to feel the sponging a little deeper inside my leg. The warm pressure kind of travels up like liquid in a straw it feels a little bit like that.

I felt very restless when i was laying on my back trying to sleep last night though. I felt my legs get kind of light and floaty but really i just felt like going to sleep so i rolled over and knocked out.

I left the window open because it gets really hot in my apartment when the heat turns on, even if it is 40 degrees outside.When i woke up this morning i pulled off the blanket from my self and i saw a card face down laying next to me. I turned it around and it was a tarot card, the hermit. I was like WTH, i don't read tarot cards but the girl above me does so i think she must have left the window open too and some of her cards flew out during the night. There was also the sun card laying on the floor. It got really windy and rainy last night, and still is so they must have flew in.

[heliac]

SO i had a few things happen that i think are helping things move a long.

Firstly,my default reaction to what ahppens when i get close to oob (the sensations and imagery that occurs that feel so real and foreign) is to get scared. and when i read about aliens and ghost and goblins and demons here and there on the boards it doesnt really help either. So I am thinking that earlier on when i was first attempting to go oob that is why is was seeing scary stuff whenever i would get to the point where i could get OOB sight.

So what i have been doing recently is changing my attitude as soon as i lay down and start the OOB process.Even though everything that occurs when i get OOB sight feels and looks real i am pretty much using Occam's razor to explain it away.In addition to this I am changing my emotional attitude as soon as i lay down. I think when i started seeing the black thing hovering around me by my bed and when i felt the little monkey thing jump up on my bed and when i hear things running around my apartment, it kind of set an expectation that the OOB process is going to be scary and stressful, one more thing i am going to have to fight my way through.

So to minimize this scary, stressful expectation i am using occam's razor to explain away anything scary. For example, Two nights ago i got OOB sight and i looked around and saw some weird looking dude standing by my bed looking at me. So of course i freaked out because i couldnt move really i could just see so i felt like i really couldnt do anything about it. O i just looked away and when i look back he was there again. Except when i saw him again i remembered to try to think rationally about what was happening and i was able to take a step back from the fear and look at what my mental state was as it was occuring.

It was pretty interesting and exciting because while i was able to take a step back from the situation, it was almost like i had two minds, the mind that was observing my emotional state objectivly and the mind that was experiencing the fear. Its kind of hard to explain but from the objective state of mind i was able to feel how the fearful state of mind was creating the scary dude standing by my bed.Once i felt this i was able to dip the objective state of mind back into the scared state of mind and carry over that state of rationality to the scared state. Once i did that, from the scared state i pretty much said to the dude by my bed in my mind "I created you, but its time for you to go" and he turned around and walked away.

Last night when i layed down to try to OOB i made sure i changed my attitude. I just smiled to myself and thought of all the wonderful things i would be doing, flying through the sky at sunrise, through the beautiful pink, orange clouds or just exploring anything and everything that is interesting.This is something i should be looking forward to and enjoying and enhancing my life not something that is going to make me feel like i am going to have to fight my way through the night and if i am not able to change this attitude at some point i probably should'nt be doing it.

This attitude change is really helping a lot. Everyday this whole week i have been able to get good results from this change.Last night i got into a trance and it hit me quick and out of nowhere. It just seemed like one moment i was laying there and the next moment i literally was hit with dropping sensations and buzzing and energy sensation moving around on their own. Now normally i would freak out because the dropping sensation kind of feels like someone is pinning you down and with the energy sensation moving around on their own its just really freaky. I felt the fear coming on and was able to take a step back, "take a breather", and let the energy go where it wanted to and let myself get pinned and saw it just as part of the process instead of getting freaked out.

As soon as i felt comfortable with getting pinned and with the energy sensations i tried moving my OOB arms. I was able to reach out a little and then tried to do the rope technique. For some reason i can never see a rope when i do the rope technique, i don't even know if you are supposed to be able to see a rope. I usually get frustrated with rope because i don't see a rope when i try it and i only get so much time to attempt an OOB before i wake up and it hasn't been working because i have been looking for a rope to climb. Instead this time i tried to feel like i am climbing a rope. I looked for a rope anyway and again it wasn't there but i pretty much just said to myself, ok let me just feel like i am climbing a rope and see if that works.

It did work pretty good. I was able to feel the rope in my hands and was slowly able to pull myself up the rope towards the ceiling above my bed.i was all out except for my feet for whatever reason they were not separating.When i got up to the top of the ceiling i still couldnt get my feet out and i started floating back down towards the bed, pretty much felt like gravity was pulling me down.I woke up after that happened.

[heliac]

I've been able to do quite a few projections since my last post. I'm pretty much just waiting till i fall asleep and keep my mind active while it happens by doing brushing or energy center stimulation and then at some point i will get some buzzing or oob sight and when i feel that happening i reach out and pull myself out using rope or i kind of roll back and forth and use the momentum to flop out on to the floor. The hardest part right now is moving around once i get out. It is just sooo damn hard to move and i reallly reallly have to struggle and put a lot of energy into going somewhere.

Once i can get away till around the door or so i can start to move better though.So i have been just walking around my apartment building and looking around so far and i am playing around with walking through doors.One time i got stuck in a door HA.I think i am "closing my eyes" when i go through the doors because i pretty much dont see anything when i do it.

So i have been exploring my apartment building and walking through doors and going into peoples apartments and looking around and a few times i would see people laying in their beds. A few days ago this one woman who was laying in her bed had this reallly really weird looking greyish blackish cloud hovering over her and it had dull yellow eyes. It was about the size of a watermelon and was just pretty much hovering above the lady while she was sleeping.

I felt the need to help this thing and i was able to connect to it and i got just a flood of sadness and depression and i felt so sympathetic for this thing.I started asking for help from god because i didn't really know what to do and nothing really happened when i did that. I just kept trying to direct good feelings towards this thing it was the only thing i could think of to do. At one point i saw a glow coming from myself and i looked down at my body and i was turning a yellowish goldish color. I saw that happening and i tried enhancing it and enhancing any higher feeling i could muster and i started turning a very bright golden color and it was streaming off of me into the dark blob thing.

While this was happening i was feeling a lot of other things too. I felt like dark blob thing was starting to fight me and i felt fear coming from it and it almost felt like it wanted me to go away and to stop what i was doing and i started to feel very bad for it and i almost felt like maybe i should not be doing this but a part of me wanted to see where this was going and what would happen.I didn't really know what to do though but what i ended up doing was looking out of the window next to the lady's bed and i saw like a very faint glow outside the window. It was small at first and i initially thought i was looking at the sun as it was starting to raise but it was too small it wasn't really against the background of the sky it was kind of hovering there in the air.

So i saw the sun like thing and it started getting larger and brighter and it became very very bright and it grew to about the size of one of the window panes. So i started moving the dark cloud to this bright light and i was thinking in my head " this is a source, return it to the source" HA. Don't ask me why maybe i read somewhere that this is what you are supposed to do but i don't remember reading anything like that before.

While i was trying to move it to the source i felt a lot of fear coming from the gray thing and i felt like it was really not wanting to go to "the source" I just could not do it i felt like i was forcing it to and i really just felt like i was violating its will so i stopped and the light out side disappeared and the gray thing just kept hovering there and looked at me. I didn't really know what to do after that so i flew out the window and just started flying around the neighborhood rooftops.

There was another time i went into someones apartment and i saw someone sleeping and there was some more black gray things. This one looked reaaaaalllly weird. It was kind of bubbling looking like just a bunch of black vaporous bubbles and there was one of those fast monkey/dog things that i saw earlier on when i was trying to project that jumped on my bed too. Gotta start getting ready for work though so i will jot this down later

[CFTraveler]

What an interesting experience. Wow.

[heliac]

Yea it was pretty interesting. I really need to find something to do though i probably shouldn't be wandering into peoples apartments while oob haha.

[parkerness]

Hello Heliac. I know you haven't posted in a while but I wanted to let you know that your experience is a great deal of what encourages me to keep going in my MAP sessions. I find myself looking to your posts for reference and even to compare my progress. Thanks for your posts and please don't stop them from coming if you can help it.

[parkerness]

Hey Heliac,

I know you posted here but it doesn't show up anymore for some reason. It's cool that you get astral sight those nights the way you do. The way you describe your experiences makes me feel like you're a natural. I stopped my MAP practice 3 weeks in because of school but am picking up today because I just finished my semester so I'm psyched to see what happens. The only side-effects that stayed with me during the break are random Lucid Dreams some nights that I have been having a hard time controlling but I'm getting there. Can't wait till your posts in may!

[CFTraveler]

I know you posted here but it doesn't show up anymore for some reason.

It's in the announcements. (http://forums.astraldynamics.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=18252)

[Beekeeper]

I'm still reading posts but there are a couple of things I might be able to help you with. You're really good at this, btw. 8)

That time you used rope and your feet got stuck. I've read of projectors who simply imagine new limbs growing out where they need them and get unstuck that way. So, for example, you could imagine legs coming out at 90 degrees from your hips, as if you're sitting in air, and then you're free of the physical body. For me this is theoretical, not direct experience.


So with that in mind i waited until i got the buzzing and vision and yes the black shadow was right there again and i was very very scared but this time i remembered that i should take advantage of the fearful/alert state of mind and try to get out. and it finally worked.

instead of trying to fight this stupid shadow thing i tried floating up to the ceiling. It didn't work next thing i tried was rolling out, which meant rolling towards where the shadow was!! That ended up working cuz i rolled out and flopped on the floor.

I didnt see any shadow once i was out but i was sooooooooooo sluggish. I could barely move at all and it took every ounce of strength to get up off the floor and to stand up and walk around. I made it to the middle of my living room and then i just woke up.


Did it occur to you that the shadow might be your astral body awaiting a transference of your consciousness?

From memory, William Buhlman in Adventures Beyond the Body also references hooded shadowy figures that he calls watchers and considers benign. Kurt Leland sees them as cloaked light beings/facilitators.

It seems to me that your approach of acknowledging and controlling fear is really working for you.

I hope you looked up those tarot cards. I'd have taken that as a message.

Reading your later posts (clearly not the ones lost in the recent crash) things are getting more and more interesting for you. 8)

[heliac]

Hey Heliac,

I know you posted here but it doesn't show up anymore for some reason. It's cool that you get astral sight those nights the way you do. The way you describe your experiences makes me feel like you're a natural. I stopped my MAP practice 3 weeks in because of school but am picking up today because I just finished my semester so I'm psyched to see what happens. The only side-effects that stayed with me during the break are random Lucid Dreams some nights that I have been having a hard time controlling but I'm getting there. Can't wait till your posts in may!

Hi Parkerness,

I havn't had anything happen for a little while now. Something was happening where i would get the oob sight and vibes several times a night and it was very frustrating because it would just keep waking me up and i wasn't getting any good sleep. So, that day that i responded to your message i also messaged CTraveler, i think the messages got deleted, but i was venting about how oob sight and buzzing was becoming a problem, it was just happening on its own no matter what i did and i havn't had anything since that venting.

I was having some good successes before this though. There are three main things that are happening.
1.When i lay on my back i shoot out like rocket.
2.When i lay on my side i can move around inside my body with oob sight but it is veerrry difficult to get out because i feel so heavy and sluggish.
3.When i lay on my back i don't shoot out but kind of hover a little above my body, except for my feet.My feet stay in my body.I'm not as sluggish when this happens and i can use rope to get out but i never actually see a rope coming down from the ceiling i just see my own hands making the motion that i am climbing a rope but nothing is there.

When i do get out nothing too amazing has happened so far except for when i go into peoples apartments, but i stopped doing that.One time i did try to fly into outer space but i wasn't able to go up far enough. I got pretty high up but it seemed like once i got to the edge of the earth's atmosphere i just ran out of gas or something because i got really heavy and sluggish again and just started slowly floating back.

This was kind of annoying because i was floating back down towards the ground but i was floating so slow and i was so high up that i felt like it would take forever to float back down.I tried to cancel the experience and tried to force myself awake and that was a bad idea. I couldn't wake up right away and was really just trying to force myself awake by willing it to happen and was saying to myself "COME BACK ALREADY, WAKE UP WAKE UP AAARRRGGGG!! COME ONNNN!!!" Eventually i did but right before i woke up i felt reaaaallly realllly strong vibes in my head and my lady friend who was laying next to me said to me when i woke up that i was shaking and it looked like i was having a seizure.She doesn't know anything about me doing OOBE though i pretty much keep it to myself except for these boards. So i guess that means if the vibrations get strong enough they can physically shake you. That kind of freaked me out a little ...
I googled "out of body and seizures" and found this:
http://www.epilepsy.com/node/973018


Did it occur to you that the shadow might be your astral body awaiting a transference of your consciousness? From memory, William Buhlman in Adventures Beyond the Body also references hooded shadowy figures that he calls watchers and considers benign. Kurt Leland sees them as cloaked light beings/facilitators.

The hooded shadowy figure sounds dead on it pretty much hovers but doesn't hurt me or anything.I think i will check out B&N to see if the have that book.I can tell when i am going to have an OOBE now because i can start to feel a presence as i am falling asleep. I think sometimes feeling that presence helps because it keeps me a little bit more awake as i am falling asleep. I'm not too sure what you mean by the shadow being my astral body awaiting a transference of consciousness.

[heliac]

I've been doing a little bit of energy stimulation here and there lately, nothing too consistent. I'm still getting some good results, but for the most part im doing most of the intensive stimulation as i am falling asleep.

I'v'e had a few OOBE since last post and they were some pretty interesting ordeals. The latest was last night. I was laying on my belly doing awareness bouncing along my spine. I usually don't feel much up and down my spine but this time i was actually able to move my awareness up and down my spine and feel it very well.

so after a little while of bouncing i felt the automatic bounce happening and it was particularly strong around my butt area. It basically felt like a pump, pump pump from the lower center, up in between the butt cheeks to my tailbone and lower spine. From there the bouncing pumped up my spine where the sensation got less intense the higher it got. By the time the sensation got to my head it trickled down the top of my head and down to the center between my eyes and down to my sinuses where it pretty much gets stuck. I can feel this all recreated as i think about and write this...It feels very very hot and spicy in my sinuses and around my mouth where the sensations get stuck. It's a very similar sensation of hotness i was initially getting when i first started the body awareness exercises in my feet and hands.

I just let the bouncing pumping happen on its own and i started noticing i was drifting off and felt the familiar presence that i get and i knew i was going to get the vibes and oob sight at some point soon.When this happens i try to just let myself fall asleep and at some point the sensation of the vibrations wakes me up enough to get oob sight.

At some point i knock-out and I get the joybuzzer vibration sensation localized to the right side of my head and i anchored on to that and opened my oob eyes and looked around a little. When i get to open my eyes and look around the buzzing stops and i am really really sluggish again and can barely move. I'm on my belly and i am trying to turn around in my body. I get half way around but it is a battle trying to move.I give up and ask for help, "if anyone is out there can you please pull me out" i reach out my oob arm and i feel something tug on it but im not getting pulled oob. I hear a very very loud snap in my left ear kind of like if someone broke a branch next to my ear and for some reason i got verrryyy clear headed and things became soooo much easier. I hear someone say "stand up and move now!", the tone was quite forceful and kind of impatient.

I get up very easily and move to my living room kind of sliding and scrambling to get away from my bed.I don't feel like i am drunk though which is usally what happens when i initially get out.I looked around for a moment to see if i could see who was here with me but i didn't see anyone.I looked at myself laying in bed and i slipped back in and woke up, very clear headed and as if i was never asleep no grogginess at all.

That's it.

[Beekeeper]

That's really interesting. It does appear that someone really is helping you.

My suggestion before was that maybe you'd created your astral body and that's what you were perceiving from within your etheric/physical body as someone else (classic dweller on the threshhold). It's still possible that your helper is a version of yourself, as Robert Monroe discovered.

[parkerness]

Hello, Heliac =) been a while.

Your experience of a few nights ago sounds extremely interesting. The fact that you heard someone who was helping you get out of body is enough to bring my hopes up. I only recently started the practice again since I left the country for a bit but I'm hoping to catch up soon. As for your night time adventures, since you're always around in real time, do you think you'll be attempting to go to the astral planes any time soon? I only ask because you say nothing too amazing usually happens and I think if you can get out there would be a million possibilities of things to do like going to France or Japan or somewhere awesome; at least the astral planes would be a completely different ball game. I wish you the best of luck.

Oh and the seizure event sounds crazy. To think you could actually shake your physical body while being out of it is something I've never heard of before.

[heliac]

Hello, Heliac =) been a while.

Your experience of a few nights ago sounds extremely interesting. The fact that you heard someone who was helping you get out of body is enough to bring my hopes up. I only recently started the practice again since I left the country for a bit but I'm hoping to catch up soon. As for your night time adventures, since you're always around in real time, do you think you'll be attempting to go to the astral planes any time soon? I only ask because you say nothing too amazing usually happens and I think if you can get out there would be a million possibilities of things to do like going to France or Japan or somewhere awesome; at least the astral planes would be a completely different ball game. I wish you the best of luck.

Oh and the seizure event sounds crazy. To think you could actually shake your physical body while being out of it is something I've never heard of before.


Hi Parkerness how are ya? :D

I don't know how to get to the astral planes. How do you do that?Is there direction on how to do that online here?
I've decided i'm going to read as little possible about the planes and stuff like that but if you have documentation on how to get there i will try it next time I OOB with good control.

Yea the seizure event was crazy. It has happened twice so far both times it happened when i was trying to force myself awake, good thing is it stops once i am fully awake.And it's not like a violent epileptic seizure but it is definitely noticeable to others and very weird. Since then i have read about several people who are epileptic and out of body experiences is reported as being a sign/symptom of a seizure.I'm not epileptic though and i've never had seizures prior to trying this.

I just found this after doing a search for seizures on the forums:
http://forums.astraldynamics.com/viewto ... ure#p96105 (http://forums.astraldynamics.com/viewtopic.php?f=32&t=11284&p=96105&hilit=seizure#p96105)

[CFTraveler]

I don't know how to get to the astral planes. How do you do that?Is there direction on how to do that online here? Yes there is. Depends on where you're coming from. From the wake state,the real time zone (etheric) or from a lucid dream?

[heliac]

I don't know how to get to the astral planes. How do you do that?Is there direction on how to do that online here? Yes there is. Depends on where you're coming from. From the wake state,the real time zone (etheric) or from a lucid dream?

Oooh nice...i did a search for astral planes direction, astral plane instructions but didn't see anything except for an energy body loosening thread which looked pretty good but nothing on getting to the Astral Plane.

CFTraveler, is there a link to a consolidated thread that talks about getting to the astral plane, from the waking, the real time zone and from a lucid dream?

Very curious now...

[CFTraveler]

No, you'll have to go through the stickied threads in the OBE R&D forums. The destination is the same, but the way varies a little bit depending on how you plan to get there.

[heliac]

I did some more energy work this week and had two OOBEs as well over the weekend.

I spent both times flying around. I feel like i am starting to get better at maneuvering around. Most of the time i feel like it is a struggle to do anything while OOB but slowly i am getting the hang of flying and moving away from my body once i split.

A couple things that have happened when i have tried flying in the past that i need to look into:

I run out of gas if i get too high up and then gravity just pulls me down.
I can fly around but for some reason if i get too close to this tree in my neighborhood it kind of sucks me into it and i get stuck in it.I'm steering clear of it for now. This is very strange and so far has only happened with one tree in particular.

This weekend i flew around the rooftops and treetops in my neighborhood. Once i stop feeling so heavy it is a really really nice sensation of freedom. When i really get the hang of it it almost becomes euphoric flying around in the sky and when i feel my chest start to purr it is just becomes a very wonderful experience.

I did some wind surfing as well and this was just very moving and beautiful. While i was flying around i moved up into some empty space away from buildings and such and caught a breeze. I let it move me around at first but it started picking up speed really fast so i descended a little. Then i went back up and caught the breeze again and went with it some more and it pulled me up into the clouds. The clouds were such a vibrant and pretty red,pink, orange color. I could feel the clouds passing through me and felt very very peaceful, at ease and completely comfortable and safe. I did at one point feel like i was getting far from home and decided to come back.

When i woke up i was wide awake again as if i had not even been a sleep. I was amazed because i opened my eyes the second i felt i was fully integrated which is what i wanted to do so i could remember.The peaceful sensation carried over and i felt soo relaxed and calm and clear-headed.

thats it

[CFTraveler]

I can fly around but for some reason if i get too close to this tree in my neighborhood it kind of sucks me into it and i get stuck in it.I'm steering clear of it for now. This is very strange and so far has only happened with one tree in particular. Interesting. When I was younger 11-12 there was a grove that I was always pulled into. At some point I learned to approach it differently (I may have been instructed in this) and found that it was a gateway to other realms. When I learned to see it as such, it became my favorite destination. After I was all grown up and remembered it, I tried to go back again, but the portal wasn't there anymore- just regular ol' trees.

[Tutor]

:wink:

[heliac]

That's really interesting. It does appear that someone really is helping you.


I was just laying in bed trying to sleep and i started thinking about when i was getting pulled out of body. i didn't write about this on the boards because i thought it might scare someone but a while ago someone was pulling me out of body by my ankles. I didn't asked to get pulled out i was just laying there in bed with OOB sight and i felt something kind of hold on to my ankles and drag me across my apartment. I would snap back to my body and again would get pulled out by my ankles. This happened several times throughout the night.

I was thinking that maybe it was someone from these boards because i did write down that i was getting stuck when using rope because my feet wouldn't disconnect from my body. Has anyone from here been trying to pull me out of body?

Who else could be doing something like this? Has anything like this happened to anyone where they were getting pulled out of body when they didn't ask to be pulled out?

It just kept happening for days, multiple times a night and i had to say stop because i wasn't getting good sleep and it hasn't happened since.

[Beekeeper]

Hmm, it's possible someone is doing it without consciously realising.

I personally don't like the idea of someone doing this without your prior consent and, especially, repeatedly. Still, it's not necessarily malevolent in intention and it could be some (future?) version of you doing this.

Remember, whatever occurs, you're sovereign in your own body and you decide what happens to you. You can use affirmations to that effect if you feel a need for reassurance.

[CFTraveler]

That's really interesting. It does appear that someone really is helping you.


I was just laying in bed trying to sleep and i started thinking about when i was getting pulled out of body. i didn't write about this on the boards because i thought it might scare someone but a while ago someone was pulling me out of body by my ankles. I didn't asked to get pulled out i was just laying there in bed with OOB sight and i felt something kind of hold on to my ankles and drag me across my apartment. I would snap back to my body and again would get pulled out by my ankles. This happened several times throughout the night.

I was thinking that maybe it was someone from these boards because i did write down that i was getting stuck when using rope because my feet wouldn't disconnect from my body. Has anyone from here been trying to pull me out of body?

Who else could be doing something like this? Has anything like this happened to anyone where they were getting pulled out of body when they didn't ask to be pulled out?

It just kept happening for days, multiple times a night and i had to say stop because i wasn't getting good sleep and it hasn't happened since. Like BeeK said, it could be any one of us without knowing we're doing it. Just thinking of something can make it happen in the astral.
However, you just said you were asking for help, so you may have been unconsciously 'open' to being pulled out- heck, even one of your own self aspects could have done it, especially if you were wanting to get out but had been stuck recently.
I have had the thing happen to me, but at the time, even though I didn't ask for it specifically, I did ask for some sort of consciousness-opening. And I was obliged, whether I thought I wanted it or not.

[Korpo]

Hello, heliac.


Who else could be doing something like this? Has anything like this happened to anyone where they were getting pulled out of body when they didn't ask to be pulled out?

I remember one story from Monroe's 2nd book. Somebody was using the bunk reserved for one of his consciousness explorers. That explorer would usually be picked up by her four nonphysical friends. One day there was a guest using this bunk, and the monitor (somebody listening to what participiants speak in their bunks during the session) got the following from her: "Um, hello? There are four guys in here with me...?" ;)

If you wrote something on these boards, the act itself also put it "out there." So, if you had a feeling of being annoyed with being stuck this could also be interpreted as an invitation to help you move beyond that for nonphysical helpers. You don't have to speak the actual words. You don't have to put it out as a conscious affirmation.

Many half- or subconscious agreements are made that way. A general willingness or a desire, for example.


It just kept happening for days, multiple times a night and i had to say stop because i wasn't getting good sleep and it hasn't happened since.

That's a very good sign. You ended the implicit agreement by explicitly stating you don't want this. The fact that this was respected in my opinion would likely indicate a benevolent intention behind these events.

Be well,
Oliver

[heliac]

Thank you for you help beekeeper, CTF and Korpo... I really appreciate it.

Sorry im not good with words but i understand what you are saying, and i do agree.

[heliac]

Wanted to document another experience.

I like the OOBEs that occur when I shoot out like a bullet straight into the air. The exit sensations are kind of intense but once i am out i don't have to fight my way and scramble away from my body to start maneuvering since i am already far away from it.

I've tried going to outer space before by flying up but couldn't get there. So, when i had an OOBE where i shot out like a bullet, instead of stopping myself once i shoot out i let it go a little further thinking i would eventually end up in outer space.

The first time i tried this i ended up somewhere, no idea where. I was pretty much surrounded by blue empty space.I just floated there for a little bit then got pulled back to body and reintegrated seamlessly and woke up the second reintegration occurred with complete memory and clarity. It felt as if i had never fallen asleep no grogginess or paralysis or anything like that that i am used to when using rope or rolling out or getting pulled out by whoever is pulling me out. Whoever that is thank you btw. Whoever is doing that was realizing that i was having a hard time getting away from my body once i had rolled out and was trying to help by pulling me away so that i wouldn't waste the experience. I can't see who it is and when i get control and look around to see who it is no one is there...

Anyway getting back to shooting out of body.The second time i tried letting my self go out a little further (when having the oobe where you shoot out like a bullet) i ended up in outer space.When i slowed down i looked back at where i was and saw the Earth. It was really really cool. I was still moving away from it though and decided to just stop and look at it for a second. When i did this is where something took over me. I was at awe of the beauty of it all and its enormity and i felt connected to it closely. I started feeling the people on earth. one by one little connections were made to each person until i felt like i was connected to everyone and for some reason i started feeling soooo much love i don't even want to call it that because it was a greater experience than any love i've felt so far.I'm finding it hard to explain in words...i literally felt like i was going to pass out or faint or something like that.

When i started to feel like i was going to pass out is when i woke up. Same way as before when i was floating in blue space. Seamless re-entry with complete clarity. The feelings carried over a little, not quite as intense and i was a little irked because i didn't want the experience to end.

[heliac]

Got a little startled last night.

I only remember floating above my body in bed, rolling over to look towards my living room which is where i was going to move to and then getting hit by very very bright white flashing. The room filled with blinding light and flashed liked that about 3 or 4 times.It felt like lightening was hitting the room.

It startled me awake and i actually jumped out of bed, haha.

[heliac]

I have the day off today so took advantage by trying out Robert Monroe's Hemi-Synch Relaxation cd.

I just wanted to see what would happen, so stuck on the headphones and laid down on my back.

Normally when i do get out of body i let myself fall asleep and I am re-awoken by the exit sensations.

With this type of relaxation i felt like i was able to consciously keep a mental feed going until i started getting
the auditory hallucinations and at one point i saw an image of a sunny clear blue sky. Not too sure if i was oob when
i saw that or not but i don't think so.

The sounds that i heard were a mix of what sounded like kids playing in a playground and someone saying something to me. I think I was very close to the point where i get
oob sight. A few times when i started hearing things i tried to see if i had was there enough to move around my oob arms but i wasn't deep enough yet.

I'm thinking if i can stay conscious through the whole process it might be easier than falling asleep and getting jarred awake by the exit sensations.

[heliac]

It's kind of strange how the more i focus on the OOBE topic the more things happen that support the interest.

I got a random phone call from my brother the other day and he was telling me that he had a dream where he was floating above his body.
I had not brought up the topic in conversation either.It's just really weird that that would happen and he would tell me now.

We started talking about dreams we had as kids and i remembered i would have a reoccurring one where i would be floating down the staircase.
I also remembered having other dreams where i would be running around my room at night.I don't remember any exit sensations though so not sure
if they were oobe or just dreams.

Also, i had recently made a friend and i went over to her house and saw she had books about witchcraft and magic and she turned out to be wiccan and
had mentioned astral projection to me but i still haven't told her that i am studying oobe yet.For some reason i don't feel comfortable telling anyone.

[Korpo]

Hello, heliac.


had mentioned astral projection to me but i still haven't told her that i am studying oobe yet.For some reason i don't feel comfortable telling anyone.

This is probably self-image - how you want to be seen. And sometimes it is not a good idea to tell. I told two co-workers that I meditate and they rolled their eyes at me... Anyway, it seems like you found a person who would be open to sharing this with. That could be helpful. Sharing experiences is important in my opinion. It also makes you feel connected.

Cheers,
Oliver

[heliac]

I'm taking this from a post i posted in the PAPI workshop forum. Seemed pretty interesting:


I just so happened to have woken up earlier than i normally do today and saw this post and decided to try it.

I popped in condition D and lay down in bed.I reached out for the relaxation state that i get from listening to the relaxation cd and felt very heavy and relaxed.

I don't know how long i was laying there but there was a few times when i started to hear myself breath heavy.

Each time i noticed it i got taken out of the deep state so i told myself to just keep going when i hear myself breathing heavy.

At some point i got full body buzzing and knew that this was a good sign.The buzzing was not harsh at all a very light general buzzing across the board.

when i felt the buzzing i thought i felt a little pop and i remember thinking that i must have just gotten out but missed the exit. So, i reach out to see if i could feel for the part of me that just exited but nothing happened. So, when nothing happening i figured that maybe i didn't get out and i am still in the process of getting out.

By now i started feeling disasociated and i tried opening my eyes. at first i thought that i was awake but then i looked at my hands and nothing was there. Where my hands should have been just looked like disturbed air, kind of like heat waves.

I immediately tried rope and only got a little bit of elevation but then i would get pulled right back down. I tried thinking of somewhere in my apartment to try to kind of port myself over there and nothing happened.

I tried affirmations "move now" nothing happened. I just lay there unable to move.I gave up on that and decided to do some loosening exceresizes that i read on astraldynamics forum's in a post by CFTraveler. I did a little of energy rocking back and forth but clicked out somewhere in the process. I woke up a little frustrated but kept the condition D playing and rolled over on to my side.

At some point i fell asleep and was dreaming that i was listening to Robert Monroe speaking on top of some kind of very narrow tower in the middle of an open grassy plain. The tower was a winding and there was no hand rail so i was a little trepid when i was walking up to the top of the tower.

When i got to the top i just stood there looking around and when i realized how high up i was i kind of froze and started to panic thinking how on earth am i going to get back down. During my thought process of trying to figure out how to get back down. Robert Monroe said "what if you just jump"? I said to myself if i were dreaming i could do that but i don't know if i am dreaming or not. At that point i figured why not look around for something weird and out of the ordinary and if i find something weird enough i could just jump down from the top of this tower safely.

As i looked around i saw a distant explosion in the air out of now where, and i saw a dunkin donuts sign for some reason?????

I knew i was dreaming at this point and i admitted it to myself and jumped down from the tower and shot off into the air flying and yelling to myself to go faster and faster. I saw a portion of the sky that where the clouds where violet. I flew towards it pushing my self to go faster and faster until i was surrounded by the violet colors.

It was really really beautiful in the violet clouds but i was only able to stay there for a few seconds before i woke up.

One thing i noticed before i opened my eyes was that the violet color that i see behind my eyes when doing the relaxation cd was there and as i started to become fully awake the colors there began to fade until they were gone and i opened my eyes and ran to the computer to write this.

**I added a little edit notice here just to ask to pardon my spelling and grammar as i wrote this right as i woke up.