$20,000 > $20

[Palehorse Redivivus]

Last night I had a short dream where I was going on a cruise, and when I got on I realized it was the same boat I had lost $20 on not long before. I decided to see if it had been turned in anywhere (hah) and pretty soon a staff member came to my room and started counting out $20,000. I told him it had only been $20, and he got really irritated and gave me the $20. The name of the ship may have been important in that I recognized it by the name when I got on, but I don't remember what it was now.

I get that this may mean I'm unknowingly holding off abundance in some way, but beyond that I'm a bit stumped. If I knew what the actual faulty patterning was I'm sure I could change it easily enough, but I've done so much work on this issue already that I'm not sure what's left. o_O

Maybe I'm too honest for my own good? :P

Cruise ships and Vegas / casinos are common dream settings for me, and have been for a few years, by the by. I just figured that was because I used to live a short drive from the real Vegas, and have been on a cruise in the past, and both were fun times that probably left an imprint. I know casinos as a dream symbol can mean you're "leaving too much to chance and not taking enough action," but given my tendency to try and exert a deliberate say in all parts of my life, which I'm trying to tone down at this point, I'm not sure that's it.

So... hmmm.

[CFTraveler]

I have similar ideas on the matter- ever heard of the law of circulation? The 20K was your reward for letting the 20 go- but you didn't accept your reward- you thought you only deserved (should be allowed to have) the original sum. I think you're being directed at looking at why you're not accepting your good.

I have similar ideas on the matter- ever heard of the law of circulation? The 20K was your reward for letting the 20 go- but you didn't accept your reward- you thought you only deserved (should be allowed to have) the original sum. I think you're being directed at looking at why you're not accepting your good.

yey, i knew mrs manifesty would be able to help. Im liking this answer ..and i do have a vested interest.

[Palehorse Redivivus]

Ooooh...

Yep, I think you nailed it, and gave me another epiphany in that wonderful way that you do. :P

What I just realized is that a lot of my pursuits are (largely unconsciously) framed in terms of "recovering loss." The whole process has accelerated tremendously in about the past six months, but I can recognize the patterning having been in play for about ten years at least. Right now the focus is more on the material but the same process has gone on in pretty much every major area. At this point I don't feel like I'm losing ground in any area anymore, but I'm definitely not making the gains I'd like either -- mostly just sort of hovering in limbo, because unfortunately a lot of what was lost was the means to make gains.

Thing is, now that I've had the epiphany, it's going to take some creativity to figure out how to implement it while staying true to myself. See, if I were to lose everything to a natural disaster, I feel that I could cut my losses, walk away and start over without it being a huge emotional upset very far beyond the initial shock. But when the loss is not to a faceless force of nature, but the deliberate actions of a person, or entity -- the game changes. I've got a few parts of myself that will pursue something to the ends of the earth and time if I don't find a way to make them feel resolved and satisfied. It's not the material object, and not even a grudge against the individual who took it -- it's the principle. I can write off pretty much any object, money, whatever, and I can release any ill will toward a person -- while simultaneously part of me is going "but of course, you do understand I WILL be achieving my desired outcome." Given the two archetypes this is coming from it will always probably be a factor in some form -- the tricky part is gettinge the natural traits to somehow reconcile with the way the universe works. Consciously I can wrap my head around the idea of "letting it go" and even the fact that it's a drop in the bucket in the grand scheme of things... but as far as some parts of myself are concerned, YOU try telling them that. :P

The issue may be that my conscious mind has tied certain specific objectives to the core principles of the unconscious aspects, which doesn't necessarily need to be the case. I guess I'm just going to tell these aspects "alright, go, seek resolution in whatever way you deem fitting," dynamite all patterning related to "recovering loss" and see what happens. They can have their principles, I can have my objectives, and hopefully those areas can all find a way to reconcile on their own.

In any case, the symbolism makes more sense now -- walking onto a floating playground more concerned with recovering a small sum, when this guy's trying to offer a much larger sum that would allow making better use of said playground and then some. I just got thrown off the meaning because yeah, IRL I probably would say "err I think you misheard me" so I wouldn't have security banging on my door later. :P

W00t. 8)

[Palehorse Redivivus]

*a reading and a lot of pondering later*

I'm actually kind of amused now. What has come out was that I've pretty much got socialization from 1000 years ago, running up against today's socialization, and both not quite hitting the mark as far as what I actually need. The funny thing is at this point the former was actually influencing me more than the latter, because I've done a lot of work getting rid of today's stuff, but didn't realize these unconscious aspects could still be so influenced by their culture of origin.

Basically I've got an aspect who originated in a culture where there were no jails, and while there were laws, they were self-enforced. Insults were to be avenged -- but an "insult" back then was understood a lot differently. It could seriously affect your standing in society if you didn't, and they were also probably a lot less frequent since everybody carried weapons.

Trying to find a place for this aspect in the modern age, where "insults" are more casual and interpersonal matters more likely to be settled by various institutions (excessively so even if I wasn't being influenced by that aspect, IMO), has been a source of frustration -- especially before I knew where any of this was even coming from. I'd "get over things" easily, but there would always be some part of myself that couldn't rest while allowing the "insult" element to stand. "Releasing it" didn't release anything, and the more common approach of sucking it up and moving on didn't resolve anything.

It makes sense now why I would attach principles to lost things -- in that culture if you didn't regain what was lost *and* avenge the insult, it was indeed likely that you'd lose a lot more via loss of standing. So in *this* culture, I'd lose something, be unable to get it back, the programming would kick in and I'd lose more while trying to regain the original ground, even though there's nothing inherent in modern western culture that says this has to happen.

Now I'm really starting to wish we got some sort of software update between lifetimes... it doesn't seem very efficient somehow, to have to be a cultural anthropologist, a historian, a metaphysical practitioner and a guy with a girlfriend who does really good tarot readings, just to get some peace. :P

*goes off to update various parts of myself*

[ButterflyWoman]

it's going to take some creativity to figure out how to implement it while staying true to myself
This comment stood out for me. The thought that arose was that perhaps your definition of who you are and why you need to stay true to it needs examination. The material self is fluid, or it should be (it's not for most people, of course). There's no reason you have to maintain actions that are true to some idea of what yourself is supposed to be like. You can change your idea of yourself just as easily. Does that make sense? Instead of "Oh, I can't take up gardening because my self image doesn't include gardener," you can say "Well, up until now, I've thought I wasn't a gardener, but I think I'd like to be that and see how it works out," and get to planting...

Perhaps this doesn't apply to you, I don't know. It does apply to a lot of people, though, some of whom may eventually read this. ;)

[Palehorse Redivivus]

This comment stood out for me. The thought that arose was that perhaps your definition of who you are and why you need to stay true to it needs examination. The material self is fluid, or it should be (it's not for most people, of course). There's no reason you have to maintain actions that are true to some idea of what yourself is supposed to be like. You can change your idea of yourself just as easily. Does that make sense? Instead of "Oh, I can't take up gardening because my self image doesn't include gardener," you can say "Well, up until now, I've thought I wasn't a gardener, but I think I'd like to be that and see how it works out," and get to planting...

Perhaps this doesn't apply to you, I don't know. It does apply to a lot of people, though, some of whom may eventually read this. ;)

It does, but my take on being "true to myself" is, itself, fluid. What I've found is that I have aspects of myself that have a very basic, inherent nature. Said nature is "primal" enough to where there's an entire spectrum of things you can do with it while still being true to what it actually is... tons of room for creativity there. When I contradict the most basic function of any part of myself though, it will let me know in some way, and it's generally not pleasant.

In this case it seems to have been as simple as letting this aspect of myself know that in this particular cultural setting, there is no real connection between my very livelihood and the avenging of insults; if anything avenging insults is counterproductive and a waste of energy at this time, and thus failing to do so does not threaten my well being. The tendency to hang onto things was out of a perceived security threat that was very real at one time, but isn't now. The only problem was that, now being a mostly subconscious aspect, those don't always seem to be privy to all the information the conscious mind has about current conditions.

So I'd say the tendency to want to avenge insults was NOT part of "who I am" per se -- though it was well taken care of at one time by part of myself as needed. Now that the need isn't there, the task is to find another function, appropriate to the current setting, that this aspect is well suited for.