lightningbug
17th February 2009, 08:31 AM
I've encountered another strange problem with my imagination!
this is my first thread
viewtopic.php?f=21&t=12585 (http://forums.astraldynamics.com/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=12585)
here's the deal
I'm basically writing a story about the two characters living in my head. I've wanted this imagination to end, for good. My problems these days is my menstruation cycle. I crash! I lose all control over my imagination during my cycle - its just - bad!
The last time I crashed, my heart chakra was in pain. PAIN. And the pain can extend to my actual physical heart. That is usually where the pain is when I crash during my cycle and my imagination runs wild, the heart chakra.
So why on earth would I want to write a story about the imaginary characters living in my head?
I was going through my old artwork and stories. I was suprised! I found a few little old stories featuring the very same characters. But the stories were actually, simple, cute, humorous. Nothing that would cause pain to my heart charkra either writing or reading them. I also remember that I had to think about these stories, plan them out
This is how different this story is
It's already written in my head. I dont even have to sit down and think about a plotline. Almost all the scenes of this story are already playing in my head. It's vivid enough, that I mostly just have to describe what I am seeing and hearing. Not much thinking involved! Which kinda freaks me out! Most of the other times when I write, I have to think about it. Theres a movie playing in my head, and I just have to describe it!
The story is definintive, constructive, thoughtful, and ends on a positive note that isn't even an ending, but a beginning. The characters, are themsevles. They sound and look like the actual characters from the original anime and manga that inspired them. Not like the characters in my head when my heart chakra is in pain. Those characters barely resemble the original ones! They are twisted, morphed and skewed versions.
The story takes advantage of my own imagination gone wild. One of the characters in the original manga/anime has his own ego problems. My story takes the skewed and morphed versions created by my imagination, and transforms them into the ego of the character. Through the story, we see this ego, this shadow - and then its discarded by the character. As the character overcomes his own ego problems, the skewed and twisted version of the character can't exist in my imagination
sounds like a good deal right? my subconscious answered my cries and created a story beating up the skewed and twisted characters, and offers me such a pleasent ending I day dream about it
Which feels a lot nicer, being happy over the fantastical world in my head, rather then being depressed over imaginary things.
Whats the problem? The anxiety! Anxiety anxiety anxiety! The pain is isolated to my solar plexus. It starts up as soon as I start writing, and can last for hours after I stop. I learned the hard way not to write before sleeping, otherwise my mind stays stuck on the last scene I wrote about. And when that happened, I was literally anxious, with an increased heart rate from 12am to 5am. You think thats bad? The all night heart chakra pain is much worse, that one leaves me in tears.
This anxiety from the writing is weird
It's not as emotional as the heart chakra pain
I don't know how to describe it! When it happened that night, the constant butterflies in my stomach made me feel sick. The rapid heart rate made it hard to fall asleep. But I was actually sleepy, or maybe exhausted. I sat on the couch doing breath excercises, my head kept nodding becuase I was sleepy. But the butterflies, the pain over my solar plexus, the rapid heart rate, it was all still there.
The butterflies can make me feel sick, and then a few minutes later, I can be extremely hungry
Sure, its a purely fictional story. But shouldn't I be able to write a purely fictional story without suffering this pain in my solar plexus? And without the pain lasting for HOURS after?
The other thing thats been bothering me is, why do I have to write it? Why do I have to spend that time and energy? Why isn't closing my eyes enough?
I've considered two reasons for this anxiety :|
1. writing this story might actually help me get rid of the two characters in my head, for GOOD. just like when I finish a painting, its no longer in my minds eye. I'm anxious because, these characters have been playing in my head since I was a child. Its been a 15 year long affair!! Its a big change for my head, even if its for the best, its still a big change!!
2. I'm getting anxiety because this story is actually going to make me even more unstable. I have to spend a large amount of time thinking about these two characters, which makes me lose my center. Which leaves my energy and mental body, weakened and vulnerable.
I hope you can help, the pain hurts. It leaves me sore!! Do you think my mind is crying 'STOP!' or 'FINISH IT!'
this is my first thread
viewtopic.php?f=21&t=12585 (http://forums.astraldynamics.com/viewtopic.php?f=21&t=12585)
here's the deal
I'm basically writing a story about the two characters living in my head. I've wanted this imagination to end, for good. My problems these days is my menstruation cycle. I crash! I lose all control over my imagination during my cycle - its just - bad!
The last time I crashed, my heart chakra was in pain. PAIN. And the pain can extend to my actual physical heart. That is usually where the pain is when I crash during my cycle and my imagination runs wild, the heart chakra.
So why on earth would I want to write a story about the imaginary characters living in my head?
I was going through my old artwork and stories. I was suprised! I found a few little old stories featuring the very same characters. But the stories were actually, simple, cute, humorous. Nothing that would cause pain to my heart charkra either writing or reading them. I also remember that I had to think about these stories, plan them out
This is how different this story is
It's already written in my head. I dont even have to sit down and think about a plotline. Almost all the scenes of this story are already playing in my head. It's vivid enough, that I mostly just have to describe what I am seeing and hearing. Not much thinking involved! Which kinda freaks me out! Most of the other times when I write, I have to think about it. Theres a movie playing in my head, and I just have to describe it!
The story is definintive, constructive, thoughtful, and ends on a positive note that isn't even an ending, but a beginning. The characters, are themsevles. They sound and look like the actual characters from the original anime and manga that inspired them. Not like the characters in my head when my heart chakra is in pain. Those characters barely resemble the original ones! They are twisted, morphed and skewed versions.
The story takes advantage of my own imagination gone wild. One of the characters in the original manga/anime has his own ego problems. My story takes the skewed and morphed versions created by my imagination, and transforms them into the ego of the character. Through the story, we see this ego, this shadow - and then its discarded by the character. As the character overcomes his own ego problems, the skewed and twisted version of the character can't exist in my imagination
sounds like a good deal right? my subconscious answered my cries and created a story beating up the skewed and twisted characters, and offers me such a pleasent ending I day dream about it
Which feels a lot nicer, being happy over the fantastical world in my head, rather then being depressed over imaginary things.
Whats the problem? The anxiety! Anxiety anxiety anxiety! The pain is isolated to my solar plexus. It starts up as soon as I start writing, and can last for hours after I stop. I learned the hard way not to write before sleeping, otherwise my mind stays stuck on the last scene I wrote about. And when that happened, I was literally anxious, with an increased heart rate from 12am to 5am. You think thats bad? The all night heart chakra pain is much worse, that one leaves me in tears.
This anxiety from the writing is weird
It's not as emotional as the heart chakra pain
I don't know how to describe it! When it happened that night, the constant butterflies in my stomach made me feel sick. The rapid heart rate made it hard to fall asleep. But I was actually sleepy, or maybe exhausted. I sat on the couch doing breath excercises, my head kept nodding becuase I was sleepy. But the butterflies, the pain over my solar plexus, the rapid heart rate, it was all still there.
The butterflies can make me feel sick, and then a few minutes later, I can be extremely hungry
Sure, its a purely fictional story. But shouldn't I be able to write a purely fictional story without suffering this pain in my solar plexus? And without the pain lasting for HOURS after?
The other thing thats been bothering me is, why do I have to write it? Why do I have to spend that time and energy? Why isn't closing my eyes enough?
I've considered two reasons for this anxiety :|
1. writing this story might actually help me get rid of the two characters in my head, for GOOD. just like when I finish a painting, its no longer in my minds eye. I'm anxious because, these characters have been playing in my head since I was a child. Its been a 15 year long affair!! Its a big change for my head, even if its for the best, its still a big change!!
2. I'm getting anxiety because this story is actually going to make me even more unstable. I have to spend a large amount of time thinking about these two characters, which makes me lose my center. Which leaves my energy and mental body, weakened and vulnerable.
I hope you can help, the pain hurts. It leaves me sore!! Do you think my mind is crying 'STOP!' or 'FINISH IT!'