Weird 'memories'? Realization or random thoughts?

[Psychonaut1984]

Lately I've been feeling this sense of urgency about starting to take my spiritual endeavors to a new level. During my projections and meditations I have been really trying to make it a point to try to have a lucid conversation with my higher self. My attempts have not been successful yet, but the more I have been focusing on this intent, I'm starting to have these little 'flashes' or thoughts that resemble 'memories' about a possible conversation I had right before the transition into this life. I don't know if this is possible but a lot of this stuff seems to really make sense to me. Its a little startling. These thoughts are starting to become annoyingly prevalent in my thinking lately... Not necessarily in a bad way though.

According to these alleged memories, I was not totally happy in my previous life for some reason, I was so done with being human I did not want to be reincarnated so I purposely made it a point to set this life up so that it would force me to evolve a little bit more spiritually and so I wouldn't have to spend as many future lifetimes on earth. As a result I had to choose a "higher difficulty level." Being gay was one option, I think I chose to be gay more out of curiousity, for some reason I was attracted by living life more on the edge this time around. Being gay at the time for some reason seemed to be a seductive lifestyle, so I chose that, I don't think I fully comprehended all the other complications that would come with being gay. I did not want to have any physical problems, so I asked if there was another way. So I ended up choosing to face a period of intense emotional and spiritual turmoil. I also chose to be heavily involved with addiction, drugs, and the supernatural. Apparently in my previous life I lived a very straightforward life and was intrigued by these experiences. The entity/ies I was with, informed me I would grow up in a loving environment with loving parents. They said that my best bet was to become a spiritual person if I wanted to progress faster, and that by choosing this particular set of obstacles, if I did not learn my lesson, I could potentially screw up what I worked for, via suicide or getting too seduced by the dark and fall into a lowered vibrational state, and as a result have to repeat a similar life afterwards for as many lifetimes until I learned my lesson. For whatever reason I felt that I was capable of this and went with it. I remember asking if 'anything is really possible on the physical plane' the being/s informed me that anything is possible, but warned that there would be consequences if a person misused them. After this point I think I made the decision to go through with this life, and was informed more details later on.

As I am writing this, its just sends chills down my spine. Lately I have been feeling this intense sense of urgency with the need to make some kind of drastic change in my life, in particularly possibly giving up everything for my spiritual life in order make sure that I end up where I am supposed to be. I feel like a crazy person saying talking about this stuff, could this be for real or am I just loosing my mind? Could this just be a phase? Has anyone felt like this before? My gut really feels like this is for real, I don't even know where to start... I just ordered the book 'Initiation into Hermetics: A Practice of Maigic,' I feel like this might be the next step?

[ButterflyWoman]

According to these alleged memories, I was not totally happy in my previous life for some reason, I was so done with being human I did not want to be reincarnated
Me, too. Thought I know now that I didn't actually have to come back. I thought that I had to in order to settle some things, but now I understand that I was just caught up in the illusion of the material universe.

I don't believe that anyone or anything "makes" us incarnate. We choose to do it, though we may not understand that we do. We may think we're obligated or that we're required or we may create authorities who tell us we have to, etc. But, in the end, it's all about free will... But I digress. ;)


I purposely made it a point to set this life up so that it would force me to evolve a little bit more spiritually and so I wouldn't have to spend as many future lifetimes on earth. As a result I had to choose a "higher difficulty level."
Me, too.


Being gay was one option
I did that last time. It wasn't a happy life, nor did it have a happy ending. I'm still having flashes of memory from that life, for reasons that I have yet to fully comprehend.

This time I came to immature, dysfunctional, abusive parents (I thought I had a karmic score to settle with my mother).


They said that my best bet was to become a spiritual person if I wanted to progress faster, and that by choosing this particular set of obstacles, if I did not learn my lesson, I could potentially screw up what I worked for, via suicide or getting too seduced by the dark and fall into a lowered vibrational state, and as a result have to repeat a similar life afterwards for as many lifetimes until I learned my lesson.
A piece of advice regarding lower vibrational states (from experience). Don't give in to fear and worry. It lowers your vibration like nothing else.


the being/s informed me that anything is possible, but warned that there would be consequences if a person misused them.
Yes. Be careful what you wish for. You might get it. :twisted:


As I am writing this, its just sends chills down my spine.
Mine, too. It resonates as being your truth, or near enough to it (I say near enough because we always filter things and symbolise them and so forth, so it's kind of mutable.)


Lately I have been feeling this intense sense of urgency with the need to make some kind of drastic change in my life, in particularly possibly giving up everything for my spiritual life in order make sure that I end up where I am supposed to be.
Okay. If this is your calling, you need to consider it seriously. What do you mean by "everything"? Job? Home? Meat (or other foods)? Consider this carefully and break it down into smaller portions and meditate on each one separately, and see what you come up with. You don't have to rush. Time is an illusion. ;)


I feel like a crazy person saying talking about this stuff, could this be for real or am I just loosing my mind?
Well, you could be, but I doubt it. You sound (and feel, empathically) pretty rational. I really don't sense any madness, if that's any comfort to you.

I have a figurine of a dragon. It's quite puppy-like, with big eyes and a cute little face. It has its tail in its mouth and it's looking up with huge eyes like, "Ha! I got it!" The name of the figure is "Tailchaser". I got it because it reminded me of myself, when I would go round and round and round with the "is this real? am I just crazy? how can this be?" thing.

From experience I can say, don't chase your own tail. Sit down and be still and listen, and you'll understand, but chasing your own tail absolutely helps nothing. It just wears you out and makes you feel silly.


Has anyone felt like this before?
Millions of people have, since the dawn of humanity.


I just ordered the book 'Initiation into Hermetics: A Practice of Maigic,' I feel like this might be the next step?
Perhaps it is, for you. Read the book and find out. And keep at the attempts to communicate with your Higher Self, it seems you're making good progress there.

I just have the impression that you're second-guessing yourself all over the place. Really, you should stop that. Honest questioning of beliefs and thought patterns is good, but I get the impression you're just driving yourself mad with it. Stop. Just be. You'll feel better, and when you feel better, you'll be in a better position to receive clarity and answers.

Sending you my sincere blessing and love.

[Korpo]

Psychonaut1984,

have you ever tried going into meditation, then asking a question and quietly waiting for what arises?

Oliver

[Psychonaut1984]

Thank you, you have no idea what a relief it is reading your words. Phew...
I do second guess myself a lot, that period that I was talking about about spiritual turmoil, during that whole period I feel like I was being heavily influenced by a lot of negative things, and ever since then I always second guess and try to rationalize anything that goes through my head before opening my mouth or acting on it. It is really exhausting, I'm working on trying to trust my instincts.
In this case in particular though these thoughts feel really good, and I just never felt something like this before. I have to catch myself because I have these moments where I feel really emotional when I get into a zone. There was this time about a month ago, I think I was meditating or about to meditate, and I felt almost like a warm embrace around me, I almost wanted to break down and cry right then and there. I have been so awful to myself I never let myself feel something like that before. I feel like things are changing. I don't know how else to put it.



Psychonaut1984,

have you ever tried going into meditation, then asking a question and quietly waiting for what arises?

Oliver

I have tried this but its weird... everytime I do this I get an immediate answer... I really feel like this is my ego. I think I am going to try this again but wait a little while and seeing if it changes or I get a particular gut feeling that makes me sure that it is not my ego.

[Korpo]

In this case in particular though these thoughts feel really good, and I just never felt something like this before. I have to catch myself because I have these moments where I feel really emotional when I get into a zone. There was this time about a month ago, I think I was meditating or about to meditate, and I felt almost like a warm embrace around me, I almost wanted to break down and cry right then and there. I have been so awful to myself I never let myself feel something like that before. I feel like things are changing. I don't know how else to put it.

This sounds like a very positive thing is happening to you. You would neither be the first or the last person that cried during meditation. It can be a vital part of getting relief and letting go.

You seem very cerebral, caught up in thought. Can it be?

Oliver

[Psychonaut1984]

You seem very cerebral, caught up in thought. Can it be?

Oliver

Yes, heheh sorry. I tend to get like that late at night when I don't have a lot of distractions. There was nothing good on TV so I just zone out and think.