Love lost, a heart divided

[Dialgo]

Well, I don't often post here just read every so often but I thought I'd try to get some peoples opinions here. I've been in a relationship for nearly two years now, that is beginning to fail. I used to love the one I am with so much, and it flowed as a energy from us from one to another. It was so great and pure, and the first time I'd really experienced that with someone. For a period of three months, she was having a hard time with us and herself frequently telling my awful things about myself and telling me to break up with her. I stood my ground and tried to hold on to love as distance grew between us. I never once gave into the anger she was trying to get me to. Which infuriated her more as she would tell me. I've just never been able to do so. She said so many things that did hurt me. She would eventually apologize and then it would happen again. Were doing okay relationship wise now but the connection I once felt is gone. She acts like it was just like before all the hardships but I know something is different. My love I had for her still exists, but it's no longer the same. When I hold her in my arms, I don't feel the flow anymore. I try so hard to recreate it, but no fruit comes to bear. I am sometimes repulsed from her, which may sound horrible but what I once found attractive is no longer attractive to me. I don't know what changed in me or her but I cannot make the love come to be the way it was again. I've been thinking of ending this now, and she's done a 360 and is trying to defend it. I don't want to give up, and want to keep it afloat but I don't know if she is the one I am to marry anymore...yet she is pressing me to marry her. Were still both in college and busy, which compounds the issues. Its a long distance relationship currently too. I've never wanted to cheat, or have done so before but a friend of mine who I met this year has been hanging out with me and studying. The more I get to know her, the more I want to know. Sitting across the table from her I get the feelings I used to back when the love flowed back and forth from me and my first love. I won't act upon it, at least while still with my girlfriend yet I stand before two paths. I could either stay with my g/f of two years who I could see myself with forever...or used to anyways. Or I could end it and pursue other paths. In the end I'm just afraid, afraid of loosing what could be the only person I've ever had passionate love for. Yet my the rest of my heart longs for others. My heart has too many kingdoms. Anyone have advice for me? Maybe how to get the love back? I've tried so much...this has been going on so long and every time I discuss it she changes the subject. Right now my only Comforter is being very silent on this. :(

[Korpo]

Hello, Dialgo.

For one thing the circumstances could highlight where you actually want to be. A possible new love interest has moved into your life when the old relationship has begun to seriously cool down.


a friend of mine who I met this year has been hanging out with me and studying. The more I get to know her, the more I want to know. Sitting across the table from her I get the feelings I used to back when the love flowed back and forth from me and my first love.

This also at least sounds that your heart already discovered a new route to go. A valid route in life usually comes with a feeling of being drawn to it, joy and ease. This is something which might indicate your soul wants you to go that way. Or allows it as a valid option.

That you no longer feel that connection with your old girlfriend might mean that whatever you learned from that relationship might now been finished. If a relationship seems like going through the motions and just exists on its former momentum, with no new impulse to sustain it, then maybe this is not something to pursue.

By being able to feel "the flow" you have shown that you might be able to trace the direction your soul wants you to go. As everything changes, and things have a beginning and an end, some things have to end for you to flourish as a growing, evolving human being.

From my personal perspective I can say that I was stuck in a relationship that was damaging me, with a girlfriend who wanted to marry me after college. But fate sent me another opportunity, and now I pursue that one and can see the difference it made for my life. Granted, there were hardships along this new route, too, but in general my life is so much better and richer now. It required for myself to overcome a feeling that I owe someone else happiness and sacrificing my own for that person's sake. In the end that made both of us unhappy. Even several years invested into a relationship are not wasted if our new endeavours lead us on the path to growth. Things end. The end of one thing is the beginning of another.

In general everything in life you have the choice of doing should also add to your own well-being. Things that do are more likely to add to your growth than things that don't. If you cannot spark a new love with your girlfriend, then that might "be it". If you cannot feel the love now, what sustained this relationship might be gone. If you find that this is so, think also of yourself - what is giving you happiness. Now. Not in the past. The past is gone. What would add to your sense of being alive and enjoying the mere fact to be so right now. Not a year ago, not two years ago. Your life happens now, and the past never comes back. (Except in fashion... ;) )

How do you feel? Do you really want to pursue your old relationship further, even if that meant you're losing the new feeling you have for your friend? Even if the old feeling never came back?

By not asking me these questions honestly at the end of my last relationship before my marriage I prolonged an undesirable situation and grieved others. Asking these questions might help to determine if this is the case for you, too.

Take very good care,
Oliver

[Dialgo]

Thanks so much for the reply Korpo. Sorry for taking so long to reply, I've been so busy with school and work over the past couple weeks with finals and what not. The whole relationship has not been far from my thought's however, it's been devouring me as a plague. I really must thank you for your advice. It brings a lot of things together that I've been thinking about. I believe your right. All things mortal have a beginning and an end...While one door closes, another begins to open. I just hope I can do this cleanly...I doubt I can handle doing this before Christmas (though it might be the right thing to do. my heart just can't bear it); but I hope I can manage to get the courage to do it afterward. This is an exciting, and terrible time while my soul is torn in twain. :? If anyone here believes in the power of prayer, I certainly need it! Thank-you.

[ButterflyWoman]

The whole relationship has not been far from my thought's however, it's been devouring me as a plague.
I think you really need to do some tie-cutting. This kind of obsessive emotional feeling is often caused by having lots of psychic ties to the person in question. I've been there, it can be quite painful and very draining. Cut ties (see the Psychic Self Defence forum for that), and practice shielding and try not to invest energy into thinking about the person, or you can accidentally re-establish the ties and you'll be back to the painful longing again.

Good luck to you. Blessings.

[amazingjourney]

I think what you are describing is chemistry, one aspect of love, but not the whole thing. Although you said you are finding that connection again with someone else, how do you know the same thing would not happen if you go on this new route?

So I think the issue is what you are really looking for in a relationship, and also once you find it, what do you do from there? Do you really cultivate the growth and sharing in two persons, or are you just trying out and see how far it can go?

A lot of times, relationships only go so far as chemistry goes, which is why people would wander from one relationship to the next. Like the famous line in the movie "Jerry Maguire (sorry I can't spell) " " You complete me," we often look for something that we think that's it, only find it differenly later. Maybe there is something to be looked at here.

Life needs a lot of experiences before we could reach this realization, and maybe you still need more time. But just know that whoever you are with, it will not matter who she is, what matters is whether we know about ourselves. Once we love someone from our authentic self, it would not matter who we end up with, we will see that person just as if we are seeing ourselves, and from that place, we would less likely to change, just as we would less likely to change our relationship with ourselves.