Seeuzin
4th October 2008, 12:11 AM
Notes: The following are the Buddhist tools I'm using to learn to love myself and others. I wanted to share them in hopes they might help someone. I understand that how well they work for anyone depends greatly on where they is in their development, and don't assume that these tools will work well for everyone, but I think they're valuable.
I'm writing this paper for my comparative religions class. This paper covers Metta Bhavana, the concept of Anitya/Impermanence, and the Inner Dissolving technique so far. I plan to add more as I write more of the paper, but right now I'm not sure how else to proceed. If you know of any Buddhist techniques you feel would be a good addition to this paper, feel free to post the name so I can google it, I'd be so grateful.
Metta Bhavana - Introduction
For increasing their capacity for compassion for themselves and others, Buddhists often make use of Metta Bhavana. Metta, roughly translated, is compassion for the self and all living beings, and Metta Bhavana is a meditation for developing this "lovingkindness," as it is often called by English-speaking Buddhists.
Metta Bhavana assumes that we cannot force lovingkindness into being, by focusing and trying hard to wring it from the heart. We can cultivate it, however, by setting up the internal conditions for it to arise naturally. One beautiful part of the premise of this meditation is that each of us has the capacity for spontaneous, authentic metta.
This meditation progresses in four stages: first comes loves towards self, then love towards friends, then love towards enemies, then love towards all living beings. Practice each stage for a while before moving on to the next. I have been on stage one for a couple of months and have not yet moved past it, so that is the stage I will outline in the following paragraphs.
Self-Metta - The Process
In this exercise, we engage in self-acceptance in order to cultivate self-metta and lay the groundwork for all later stages of Metta Bhavana.
First, set your intention: state mentally what you want to accomplish. The more time and sincerity are involved in this, the more your intentions will guide the meditation, even when you don't actively hold them in mind.
Following this, lay down or sit, and shift your focus inward, letting it rest on any emotions that are present. Try to treat all your emotions as guests, avoiding the tendancy to hold onto them or force them away: you wouldn't insist on a guest staying much longer than they would want to, or to force them from your doorstep after inviting them in, would you? To the best of your ability, accept them as they are.
During this meditation, you will inevitably find yourself pushing away or grasping at emotions and thoughts that come up. This will happen many, many times, and it is important to remember to be gentle when this happens. There is no "correct" way to do this meditation: the process of learning itself is the goal. When thoughts arise, try to let them pass through like clouds on a windy summer day. If frustration or anxiety arises, treat it as if it were any other emotion: note its presence, then sit with it. Above all, do not force yourself; if negative emotions grow to be overwhelming, stop. Like a river carving its own path, the more you practice gentleness towards yourself, the deeper the habit becomes.
In encouraging acceptance towards your emotions, no matter how unpleasant they are, you will gradually develop self-acceptance. This habit of acceptance will grow with time, and with regular practice, self-metta will arise on its own.
It is useful at this point to distinguish between accepting what is and becoming apathetic. Metta Bhavana, when done with the correct understanding, does not encourage apathy, but helps us avoid wasting energy on fruitless things like self-reproach. When we conserve energy in this way, we become more vitalized and able to work towards our actual goals.
For further instruction in Metta Bhavana, there is an excellent online resource at Wildmind Buddhism - http://www.wildmind.org/metta .
Other Useful Tools -
Because it is not enough to simply encourage love, Buddhism provides "prescriptions" with which to treat the poisons of greed, anger, hatred, and delusion. (In Buddhism, "delusion" does not necessarily connote pathology. It refers to any kind of wrong-headed thinking, such as "Holding onto anger is to my benefit," "Hating myself is only being realistic," or "Doing harm to others leads to lasting happiness.") Like any medicine, however, these perscriptions only work if we take them.
The Concept of Anitya -
The Buddha taught that delusions concerning permanence are the root of all greed, anger, and hatred. He pointed out that if a person feels pain and thinks, "It will never pass," this person will become strained with anxiety and his suffering increased. If this person feels pleasure and clings to the idea of it remaining with him forever, he likewise may become strained with anxiety at the thought of losing what is bringing him happiness, and feel sad, angry, or hurt when he inevitably does lose it. Observing these things, the Buddha developed his teachings on impermanence, or anitya, which is inherent to all things.
He called that which people cling to "bundles of grasping-fuel," or upadana. These can be either sensual pleasures or wrong ideas that are precious to us. To put it simply, when we meditate on the impermanence of the upadana, we reduce our clinging to them. Through steady effort, we become more able to take pleasure in good things and accept when they pass. We also becomes more able to bear pain, because we know it will not last forever.
Anitya Applied -
Although the application of these ideas is often far from simple, making them personally meaningful through consistent contemplation is an extremely useful tool for reducing suffering. As an example, here is some advice given between friends that I see as a good example of "anitya applied:"
Background: Jen is being given advice on her relationship with David. There is a lot of bad blood between them, and David is often hurtful to Jen. Jen clings to the idea that David will one day be different, so she continues to try for friendly relations with him. She will often call him, get hurt, fire a few salvos back at him, and soon they are on a downward spiral of mutual emotional destruction.
"Oftentimes, Jen, we cling to people being different than how they are. We may wish that our parents loved us more, or that a former friend didn't reject us, or that the romantic feelings we have for another were reciprocated. When reality falls short of our expectations, we can become angry, hurt, and sad. I came up with a really good analogy about this this evening. I thought I'd tell you about it; it's relevant to freeing up personal energies, and also the Buddhist ideal of cleansing oneself of attachment and aversion.
Jen, let's say you go outside. Due to the earth tilting away from the sun on its axis, it's winter, and it's cold. Do you curse the forces of nature, saying, "I'm angry at this snow and cold air, and how dare the earth have an axial tilt?!"
In the same way, you're clinging to the concept of David being different than how he is - but you have no more control over David than you do over the axial tilt of the earth... When you talk to David, it's the equivalent of walking outside in wintertime wearing a bikini and sandals, clinging to the idea that it will be warm enough, and getting upset when it isn't.
Now, I'm not saying that when you do talk to him, you should accept however David chooses to treat you without standing up for yourself. But when you stand up for yourself, do so not because you hope to change him, but out of respect for yourself and for David. You show respect for yourself in doing this because you choose not to be treated like a doormat, and you show respect for David because you're holding him to a standard - which is what I usually do when I respect someone, anyway, I hold them to a standard. (He may not meet the standard you're holding for him, and in that case you're always free to hang up the phone. It is only your clinging (to him being different) that causes you to not be able to end conversations with him when he's becoming abusive, because you hold out hope that he will change.)
To end, in my opinion, if being cold is what you hate, the best way to avoid it is to not go outside in winter very often!
To recap, the important things to keep in mind are: stand up for yourself, but do so not out of anger or from grasping at the idea of the other person changing, but because you want to show respect to yourself and the other person. If you find yourself clinging to the idea of change in the other person, think of a person walking outside in a snowstorm cursing the axial tilt of the earth and the lack of intensity of the sun's nuclear-fusion processes. It will make you laugh, and hopefully help you realize the benefit of letting go of what you can't control.
And remember, when you hold the other person to a standard - you're not trying to control them; all you're doing is presenting them with an opportunity to rise to it."
"Inner Dissolving" - Introduction
Most people think of grasping in terms of clinging to the presence of something, but aversion is also clinging according to the Buddha, because it is clinging to the idea of the non-presence of something. This technique, Inner Dissolving, is tailored to a specific kind of aversion: the avoidance of negative emotions.
People often dam up their pain behind powerful bulwarks of repression. This is a natural protective mechanism and a survival tool for dealing with trauma; some experiences are pushed out of one's conscious awareness to avoid overloading the mind. The problem is that this damming up of emotion is actually the segregation of a part of self, a denial of something which belongs to us, and maintaining this barrier can tie up an incredible amount of mental energy. Additionally, the more emotion we shut off, the more imperfect our repression becomes, and the pain we have pushed away begins to shape our thoughts and reactions. Our negative emotions may burst out onto others in ways we do not intend, and overall we become increasingly tense, reactive, and miserable.
When we face up to our emotions and allow them to consciously unfold, we free up enormous amounts of energy, and become more spontaneous, authentic, and whole. The Buddha taught that everyone is capable of this. Part of his reasoning was that most people are full of energy as children. They have so much that they give it off in massive quantities (who does not smile when babbling to a baby or interacting with a playful young child?) As they grow, however, this energy becomes tied up in distractions and painful experiences, until they no longer have an excess. In a practice that dovetails nicely with Metta Bhavana's cultivation of positive emotion, Inner Dissolving deals specifically with releasing negative emotions that arise from memories of past experiences.
The Inner Dissolving Process -
Start by setting your intentions. As is true in Metta Bhavana, the more time and sincerity are involved in this, the more your intentions will act as guides for your meditations even when you are not consciously focused on them.
Following this, lay down or sit, and focus on the negative emotions that you want to release. If necessary, rehearse the situations in which they arose mentally to try to establish a connection with the resulting feelings. Then, follow the feelings where they lead. Perhaps there is a feeling of constriction in your throat, or tears forming in your eyes; focus on these things gently. All forms of emotional pain are messenges; they tell us when something is not the way we want or need it to be. In focusing in this way, we take our fingers out of our ears and "hear" the message. Often, giving our pain a hearing is enough to cause the feeling to lessen with time and regular practice. Sometimes, it can feel as if the emotion slowly dissolves under the meditator's gaze, hence the name "Inner Dissolving."
It's important to be careful with the use of this meditation. It works best with pain that is old and not being exacerbated by current events. Also, respect your mind's limits and avoiding taking on too much. It is normal to sometimes feel overwhelmed or to lose the ability to focus; when this happens, get up and focus on something else for a while. Above all, it is important to be gentle. Remember, when we've pushed our emotions away, we've usually done so for a reason.
More detailed instruction in Inner Dissolving can be found here - http://forums.astraldynamics.com/viewto ... =46&t=9353 (http://forums.astraldynamics.com/viewtopic.php?f=46&t=9353)
I'm writing this paper for my comparative religions class. This paper covers Metta Bhavana, the concept of Anitya/Impermanence, and the Inner Dissolving technique so far. I plan to add more as I write more of the paper, but right now I'm not sure how else to proceed. If you know of any Buddhist techniques you feel would be a good addition to this paper, feel free to post the name so I can google it, I'd be so grateful.
Metta Bhavana - Introduction
For increasing their capacity for compassion for themselves and others, Buddhists often make use of Metta Bhavana. Metta, roughly translated, is compassion for the self and all living beings, and Metta Bhavana is a meditation for developing this "lovingkindness," as it is often called by English-speaking Buddhists.
Metta Bhavana assumes that we cannot force lovingkindness into being, by focusing and trying hard to wring it from the heart. We can cultivate it, however, by setting up the internal conditions for it to arise naturally. One beautiful part of the premise of this meditation is that each of us has the capacity for spontaneous, authentic metta.
This meditation progresses in four stages: first comes loves towards self, then love towards friends, then love towards enemies, then love towards all living beings. Practice each stage for a while before moving on to the next. I have been on stage one for a couple of months and have not yet moved past it, so that is the stage I will outline in the following paragraphs.
Self-Metta - The Process
In this exercise, we engage in self-acceptance in order to cultivate self-metta and lay the groundwork for all later stages of Metta Bhavana.
First, set your intention: state mentally what you want to accomplish. The more time and sincerity are involved in this, the more your intentions will guide the meditation, even when you don't actively hold them in mind.
Following this, lay down or sit, and shift your focus inward, letting it rest on any emotions that are present. Try to treat all your emotions as guests, avoiding the tendancy to hold onto them or force them away: you wouldn't insist on a guest staying much longer than they would want to, or to force them from your doorstep after inviting them in, would you? To the best of your ability, accept them as they are.
During this meditation, you will inevitably find yourself pushing away or grasping at emotions and thoughts that come up. This will happen many, many times, and it is important to remember to be gentle when this happens. There is no "correct" way to do this meditation: the process of learning itself is the goal. When thoughts arise, try to let them pass through like clouds on a windy summer day. If frustration or anxiety arises, treat it as if it were any other emotion: note its presence, then sit with it. Above all, do not force yourself; if negative emotions grow to be overwhelming, stop. Like a river carving its own path, the more you practice gentleness towards yourself, the deeper the habit becomes.
In encouraging acceptance towards your emotions, no matter how unpleasant they are, you will gradually develop self-acceptance. This habit of acceptance will grow with time, and with regular practice, self-metta will arise on its own.
It is useful at this point to distinguish between accepting what is and becoming apathetic. Metta Bhavana, when done with the correct understanding, does not encourage apathy, but helps us avoid wasting energy on fruitless things like self-reproach. When we conserve energy in this way, we become more vitalized and able to work towards our actual goals.
For further instruction in Metta Bhavana, there is an excellent online resource at Wildmind Buddhism - http://www.wildmind.org/metta .
Other Useful Tools -
Because it is not enough to simply encourage love, Buddhism provides "prescriptions" with which to treat the poisons of greed, anger, hatred, and delusion. (In Buddhism, "delusion" does not necessarily connote pathology. It refers to any kind of wrong-headed thinking, such as "Holding onto anger is to my benefit," "Hating myself is only being realistic," or "Doing harm to others leads to lasting happiness.") Like any medicine, however, these perscriptions only work if we take them.
The Concept of Anitya -
The Buddha taught that delusions concerning permanence are the root of all greed, anger, and hatred. He pointed out that if a person feels pain and thinks, "It will never pass," this person will become strained with anxiety and his suffering increased. If this person feels pleasure and clings to the idea of it remaining with him forever, he likewise may become strained with anxiety at the thought of losing what is bringing him happiness, and feel sad, angry, or hurt when he inevitably does lose it. Observing these things, the Buddha developed his teachings on impermanence, or anitya, which is inherent to all things.
He called that which people cling to "bundles of grasping-fuel," or upadana. These can be either sensual pleasures or wrong ideas that are precious to us. To put it simply, when we meditate on the impermanence of the upadana, we reduce our clinging to them. Through steady effort, we become more able to take pleasure in good things and accept when they pass. We also becomes more able to bear pain, because we know it will not last forever.
Anitya Applied -
Although the application of these ideas is often far from simple, making them personally meaningful through consistent contemplation is an extremely useful tool for reducing suffering. As an example, here is some advice given between friends that I see as a good example of "anitya applied:"
Background: Jen is being given advice on her relationship with David. There is a lot of bad blood between them, and David is often hurtful to Jen. Jen clings to the idea that David will one day be different, so she continues to try for friendly relations with him. She will often call him, get hurt, fire a few salvos back at him, and soon they are on a downward spiral of mutual emotional destruction.
"Oftentimes, Jen, we cling to people being different than how they are. We may wish that our parents loved us more, or that a former friend didn't reject us, or that the romantic feelings we have for another were reciprocated. When reality falls short of our expectations, we can become angry, hurt, and sad. I came up with a really good analogy about this this evening. I thought I'd tell you about it; it's relevant to freeing up personal energies, and also the Buddhist ideal of cleansing oneself of attachment and aversion.
Jen, let's say you go outside. Due to the earth tilting away from the sun on its axis, it's winter, and it's cold. Do you curse the forces of nature, saying, "I'm angry at this snow and cold air, and how dare the earth have an axial tilt?!"
In the same way, you're clinging to the concept of David being different than how he is - but you have no more control over David than you do over the axial tilt of the earth... When you talk to David, it's the equivalent of walking outside in wintertime wearing a bikini and sandals, clinging to the idea that it will be warm enough, and getting upset when it isn't.
Now, I'm not saying that when you do talk to him, you should accept however David chooses to treat you without standing up for yourself. But when you stand up for yourself, do so not because you hope to change him, but out of respect for yourself and for David. You show respect for yourself in doing this because you choose not to be treated like a doormat, and you show respect for David because you're holding him to a standard - which is what I usually do when I respect someone, anyway, I hold them to a standard. (He may not meet the standard you're holding for him, and in that case you're always free to hang up the phone. It is only your clinging (to him being different) that causes you to not be able to end conversations with him when he's becoming abusive, because you hold out hope that he will change.)
To end, in my opinion, if being cold is what you hate, the best way to avoid it is to not go outside in winter very often!
To recap, the important things to keep in mind are: stand up for yourself, but do so not out of anger or from grasping at the idea of the other person changing, but because you want to show respect to yourself and the other person. If you find yourself clinging to the idea of change in the other person, think of a person walking outside in a snowstorm cursing the axial tilt of the earth and the lack of intensity of the sun's nuclear-fusion processes. It will make you laugh, and hopefully help you realize the benefit of letting go of what you can't control.
And remember, when you hold the other person to a standard - you're not trying to control them; all you're doing is presenting them with an opportunity to rise to it."
"Inner Dissolving" - Introduction
Most people think of grasping in terms of clinging to the presence of something, but aversion is also clinging according to the Buddha, because it is clinging to the idea of the non-presence of something. This technique, Inner Dissolving, is tailored to a specific kind of aversion: the avoidance of negative emotions.
People often dam up their pain behind powerful bulwarks of repression. This is a natural protective mechanism and a survival tool for dealing with trauma; some experiences are pushed out of one's conscious awareness to avoid overloading the mind. The problem is that this damming up of emotion is actually the segregation of a part of self, a denial of something which belongs to us, and maintaining this barrier can tie up an incredible amount of mental energy. Additionally, the more emotion we shut off, the more imperfect our repression becomes, and the pain we have pushed away begins to shape our thoughts and reactions. Our negative emotions may burst out onto others in ways we do not intend, and overall we become increasingly tense, reactive, and miserable.
When we face up to our emotions and allow them to consciously unfold, we free up enormous amounts of energy, and become more spontaneous, authentic, and whole. The Buddha taught that everyone is capable of this. Part of his reasoning was that most people are full of energy as children. They have so much that they give it off in massive quantities (who does not smile when babbling to a baby or interacting with a playful young child?) As they grow, however, this energy becomes tied up in distractions and painful experiences, until they no longer have an excess. In a practice that dovetails nicely with Metta Bhavana's cultivation of positive emotion, Inner Dissolving deals specifically with releasing negative emotions that arise from memories of past experiences.
The Inner Dissolving Process -
Start by setting your intentions. As is true in Metta Bhavana, the more time and sincerity are involved in this, the more your intentions will act as guides for your meditations even when you are not consciously focused on them.
Following this, lay down or sit, and focus on the negative emotions that you want to release. If necessary, rehearse the situations in which they arose mentally to try to establish a connection with the resulting feelings. Then, follow the feelings where they lead. Perhaps there is a feeling of constriction in your throat, or tears forming in your eyes; focus on these things gently. All forms of emotional pain are messenges; they tell us when something is not the way we want or need it to be. In focusing in this way, we take our fingers out of our ears and "hear" the message. Often, giving our pain a hearing is enough to cause the feeling to lessen with time and regular practice. Sometimes, it can feel as if the emotion slowly dissolves under the meditator's gaze, hence the name "Inner Dissolving."
It's important to be careful with the use of this meditation. It works best with pain that is old and not being exacerbated by current events. Also, respect your mind's limits and avoiding taking on too much. It is normal to sometimes feel overwhelmed or to lose the ability to focus; when this happens, get up and focus on something else for a while. Above all, it is important to be gentle. Remember, when we've pushed our emotions away, we've usually done so for a reason.
More detailed instruction in Inner Dissolving can be found here - http://forums.astraldynamics.com/viewto ... =46&t=9353 (http://forums.astraldynamics.com/viewtopic.php?f=46&t=9353)