Suggestions please..

[Neil Templar]

i have a family member who is stuck in a cycle of depression.every few years he lets everything fall apart,and we (my family and friends) have to pick up the pieces.
it's just happened again, and we're back in the same place, trying to work out why he keeps doing this to himself (and us).
i know it stems from his feeling that his life is worthless, that he hasn't achieved enough, he hasn't lived the right way.
he is totally non-spiritual.
i'm wondering if anyone can recommend any books that could help introduce a spiritual outlook to a person who's never considered it before..
he loves to read, but hates anything remotely "preachy".. any suggestions folks?

[CFTraveler]

When you say preachy, do you mean religious-preachy, or 'bossy' preachy?

[Neil Templar]

mean religious preachy. but bossy would be just as bad.
i'm talkin about a stuck-in-his ways, too proud for his own good, 60 something year old man...
i guess i'm looking for something to open his eyes a bit, without too much emphasis on any religion as such.

it was only my own interest in knowing myself spiritually, that allowed me to end my own cycles of self destructive behaviour.
i'd love to be able to help him turn that corner too..

[CFTraveler]

I'll have to think about that one.

[Neil Templar]

a bit of a random request i know...
:?

[ButterflyWoman]

I'm currently reading "Ask and It Is Given" by Abraham-Hicks. It's a bit on the New Agey side, so I'm not sure how that would go down, but it's not at all religious or preachy. It's a classic in the field of consciousness and conscious manifestation, lots of good advice about emotions and so forth.

I don't know if that would fit the bill, but it might work... ?

Generally, though, people who are prone to depression are incredibly negative thinkers, which is why they get depressed in the first place (been there, done that).

I also have to wonder if this person does this kind of intentionally on some level, specifically so that people WILL come and pick him up and dust him off and fix it all for him. It sounds like an unhealthy and dysfunctional means of getting attention.

Please note that I am in no way saying that people who have depression are at fault (not on any conscious level, anyway!) or that depression is necessarily a means of manipulating people, but for some, it can be that. Mostly they don't even understand that they have a hand in their own condition.

As I said, been there, done that. Spent lots of my life clinically depressed, sometimes very severely so. :(

[Neil Templar]

yeah OW, you're right.
and i've been there myself too. it's difficult to see how much we do it to ourselves while we're in that state, but when we become armed with that knowledge, we can get over that "victim" thing and start making some better choices for ourselves.
that's exactly what i want to get across to him..

i'll check out that book.
thanks :)

[ButterflyWoman]

Another to try, not as "new agey" as the other one.

Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting by Lynn Grabhorn

[Neil Templar]

great,i just got paid so i'm off down to the bookshop for a look.
thanks again ladies. 8)

[Mishell]

The Hidden Messages in Water by Masaru Emoto. It's about the effect thoughts have on water and therefore the body. It's not preachy, not quite spiritual. But the book is a step in the right direction, especially for those who need to start looking at what what we create for ourselves. Lots of pictures. Beautiful book.

[Neil Templar]

The Hidden Messages in Water by Masaru Emoto. It's about the effect thoughts have on water and therefore the body. It's not preachy, not quite spiritual. But the book is a step in the right direction, especially for those who need to start looking at what what we create for ourselves. Lots of pictures. Beautiful book.

i was looking at that very book yesterday funnily enough Mishell.
Beautiful, indeed... that night be a great place to start.. cheers. :D

[CFTraveler]

If we're going that way (and I don't know that depressed people read when they're going through a tough period- in my experience you read when you're feeling better) I would suggest the movie "What The Bleep" (the first one)- the reason is that it's interesting (and 'science fictiony' enough) and if he's going through a passive cycle this may just peak his interest in this type of thing.
I was going to suggest "Discover the Power Within You" (I think by Eric Butterworth) but I can't remember if it's preachy or not. I'll have to find it and skim over it again, as it is a New Thought publication.

[Neil Templar]

cheers,i'll have a look at all of these.
:)

[ButterflyWoman]

Oh, yes, What the Bleep is VERY entertaining, and not at all threatening. What a good suggestion!

[Neil Templar]

my friend has a copy...excellent...

[johnbrent]

Aren't there some groups for depressed or something???
I have been depressed long ago and got AA to help me with my stuff

[Neil Templar]

yeah.
he's been to counciling.
the problem this time wasn't so much that he was depressed.that's what started this cycle off.now he just doesn't look after himself.
he's stuck in this "victim" role he's created for himself..i just want him to see that for himself.
anyhoo,things have stablised a bit in the past week or so..
sending some reading material his way this week...

[CFTraveler]

There are various groups for depressed people that are available in your community. Get your local paper, and in the 'community' section there should be a series of listings for different things. Look for "Support" groups or a similar theme, and you will find a variety of organizations. There is one called DANAS (I think they're national) which stands for 'depression awareness network etc.'- if not, there should be something similar.


he's stuck in this "victim" role he's created for himself..i just want him to see that for himself. Neil, if depression is what started this cycle, then it's not as simple as 'looking after himself'. This is how you start, and go on from there. I do believe that someone to talk to is helpful, and friends can push you in the right direction, provided you're ready for that. To realize things about your personality (and you're describing codependency, something I'm intimately familiar with) and to do something about them are two different things, and depression keeps you from the action part of the thing.

So I do recommend a support group for the depression and a condependency (CODA or some similar group) group for when you've emerged from the depression part of it.
The thing is that, even though depression can be biochemical, it can also be a defense mechanism against some other problem (maladaptive mechanism, obviously) and if it has become biochemical then you need professional help. But for milder depression, and if Neil is right about codependency, there are things you can do to move away from the debilitating paralysis of depression towards wholeness.
Peace and good luck.