Problems to "release thought grip" - anyone else?

[Korpo]

Hello, all.

One exercise in developing the mind in meditation is establishing an observer state that detaches from the thoughts. This is often trained for in an exercise where you "just watch your thoughts as they arise". This is the most common instruction found.

While I already had a very strong observer state already once, my problem is a bit reversed - I cannot "relax my mind" enough to allow thoughts to arise on their own, at least not if I want to.

It is like this - thoughts arise on their own when I do other stuff like energy work or every-day activity. At the same time when I want to observe thoughts nothing happens. No thoughts. Silence.

I have delved a bit into this, and several facts contribute to this:

* My "no relaxation" personality - I have a really hard time grasping the concept of releasing anything - my grip on my thoughts, muscle tension, everything. At times it has seemed the most easiest way to teach me what relaxation means would be to hit me with a heavy dictionary until you knock me unconscious.
* A mental block that blocks thoughts from arising. I have felt this mental block already and it seems to me it is my habit of how I concentrated before - forced exclusion of everything else. This actually formed a blockage, that takes up the energy which else would feed the thoughts. Problem is - this does only work as long as I feed enough awareness energy into that block - when doing something else, thoughts begin to arise randomly again, and if I become mentally fatigued, the block loses its efficiency and again thoughts arise randomly.

The only time I was able to establish the observer state I was so mentally fatigued my mind had no choice but let go - and then it worked. You may understand that I surely do not want to enter a state of mental fatigue just to meditate... ;)

Interestingly, when I began to focus on the mental blockage, I could also release temporarily the stream of thought again - first too fast to grasp, and then I did slow it down and it came loose into recognisable separate thoughts. It's a bit of a shaky process as of yet, though.

So, anyone having had similar experiences?

Oliver

[CFTraveler]

I don't have that problem but something came up in my head while I was reading this (I do know someone a bit like you in that respect)
Let me see if I'm understanding you correctly:
You get mind chatter when otherwise occupied, but none when you want to meditate, and you want to see thoughts coming up for some reason?

One idea for this is to 'daydream on purpose'; get into your 'meditation mojo' and go off into a daydream- not a 'guided meditation to a realm' or anything like that, but think of something that's going on in your life and ponder it- take the thought to every possible conclusion there can be- and keep doing it until you 'get into' it. At that point go into the 'observer state'.


Or, observe yourself trying to have monkey thoughts, and see how you're reacting to your apparent lack of this ability.

[Korpo]

Thanks, CF. I think you get me right.

Before anyone else asks if it isn't meant to be that way - to concentrate and this makes the thoughts go - it is not so simple with me. When I had the observer state it felt like no effort. The state just was. But when I go into trying to observe, it is silent, but feels like pressure. It is forceful and strained, somehow an unhappy feeling. Not relaxed, but tense. The exact mental equivalent of a body blockage. Therefore I know that is not *it*. More a problem than the solution. ;)

So, back to your answer CF - hmmm, that might just work, you know. I am a bit of a day dreamer. It might still prove difficult to let go of the thoughts if I actually aim for it - it is like tricking myself. ;) It's like watching a kettle to boil.

What I myself observed that while I watched this block, it began to soften a bit, and a thought stream began to rise. Given my self-blocking nature I somehow have not been able to recreate that either yet.

Oh, and the original, full-fledged observer state, separate from thought, emotion and ego, was actually facilitated by my Higher Self. I was exhausted after energy work, I felt like losing my control, and suddenly this "thought" was in my head, a message thought from my HS, which said "Let go now, it's all right" in all conceivable ways, like telepathic language you can translate again and again a bit differently, and I did let go, simply because I could no longer hold on, I just ceased to try, and there it was. I did not know at the time what it was, but it simply was. Problem is, it is "easy" to let go when you have no alternative and holding on is harder. But if holding on is easier, I have no idea how to. *sigh*

Oliver

[Korpo]

Hey, CF, I think the daydreaming thing helped.

Somehow, when I'm "feeling into" an emotion, I connect with the Middle Tantien, and when I'm "feeling into" a thought, I seem to connect to the Upper Dantien. Since physically my forehead is a bit blocked up, it is not that nice... But that can be fixed. ;)

Now on to doing it without getting a tension headache. :D

Thanks again,
Oliver

[CFTraveler]

You're welcome. I'm glad it helped.