When love turns sour...

[lycanthropy]

I don't even know where to begin here, but I'll try to paint a thorough picture. Love can be a good thing though, but it can also turn a seemingly stable person into a flimsy bridge holding a lot of weight. This is more pronounced if you are a mentally unstable person. Love is very powerful. Anything with power can destroy, including love. Not really destroy other people, but destroying yourself.

Not only can love gone bad cause one to have hate inflicted inwards but it can also cause hate towards the people around that person and close to them. Because THEY can get close to them and YOU can't. It causes feelings of isolation. It can also cause paranoia. Feelings like the people around that person are up to no good and have bad intentions. Of course this is exacerbated if you are mentally unstable to begin with.

Love, whether it be unrequited love or a love between two people gone sour can not only turn one against another but one against themself in a perpetual, self-analytical cycle of self hate. Love can leave one or two people face down in the dirt, especially if they never got along and formed an unconditional friendship to begin with and seemingly can't, but found themselves in admiration of each other.

I have seemed to have caught myself in rather awkward moments of love. Moments were it doesn't seem like I can communicate to the person and they feel like they can't communicate with me yet there seems to be a connection or admiration for each other. Moments were just seeing this person makes my heart beat rapidly yet not feel like I can get close to them. In these moments of love were there is no outlet it has lead to some bad lows. Sometimes, just being around this person makes me want to get drunk. Get drunk and not feel anything for them, and not feel anything at all, because nothing will happen at all... I'm going to try not to go near alcohol again because it is a horrible poison and it solves nothing.

None of this may have made any sense. It's 3:00 am and I'm kind of tired, but I feel like I needed to get this off my chest.

[Beekeeper]

ycanthropy because love is part of our learning, yes, it can turn sour.

What we call "Love" is very socially determined. We learn about love between man and woman (or man and man or woman and woman) through the example and words of others and through movies, books, advertisements, songs, etc. All of these things form our expectation of what love is. Usually, these representations don't stand up to scrutiny. They also model for us how we should respond to a "broken heart": go out and get drunk, take revenge, and so forth.

Love is not possessing or being possessed by another person. What we call love requires great commitment and sacrifice, especially once the intial infatuation passes. Often, it means a person cannot be who they truly are because it comes with a whole lot of expectations. It requires acts of suppression and often one suppresses him/herself more than the the other. Is it any wonder people tire of this? How can you develop if you're not true to yourself?

A huge amount of insecurity surrounds love. We inflate it and think it can isolate us from suffering and loneliness. We have such attachment to notions of what it should be and how it should develop that we feel desperate when it fails us. We're so high on the chemicals pumping in our bodies, we can foresee how things will develop, all those littles signs that things aren't going to be perfect.

Yet, it's a real force. Good love, that feeling of really knowing and being known, laughter, joy, friendship and sharing, is very satisfying. Without it, we feel closed off from something divine. What a beautiful idea to have someone share a large portion of your life and for you both to bear witness to eachother's triumphs, trials and tribulations.

Try to see what is happening now as readying you for your future relationships. Your experiences, ideally, should help you grow. Admittedly, not everyone does. Many become embittered, resentful and demanding because love didn't live up to their expectations and they refuse to ever be that vulnerable again. Others don't respond that way. They learn not to take it so personally, that they are fine as they are and that they don't need to have their worth defined by their relationship. They learn to really appreciate when they do find a love that works and someone who is open to the constant negotiations that are needed in a satisfying relationship. They learn to assert themselves so that they are heard and to be sensitive to the needs of others. They understand that they are separate, even if they share the journey. They learn loyalty, because they know how it feels to be on the receiving end of disloyalty. They know that if you truly loved someone then you don't wish them ill if they assert their right to end the relationship. They realise that such behaviour arises out of insecurity and ego. They are grateful for the lesson learnt.

Good luck. You will find love again, I know it.

[CFTraveler]

Thank you for that wonderful response, Beekeper.
Someone told me years ago: "Love is what you feel when you want the best for someone else". Anything else is something else. I have always remembered this and seen it at work in my life and seen how others use 'love' to mean something else, and wondered about the kind of lives they live, and it makes me sad.
Just a small comment not directed at anyone specifically.

[sash]

To place your ideas and dreams before the crowd is to risk their love.

I guess with any risk, as long as you remain true to yourself, only those who really love you for the person you are will remain when the rest of the crowd leaves?

[Astral Exorcist]

He proves a good point. It kinda makes people dependent on the love factor. Take that away and their will be devasting consequences. And of course once you start projecting out love to negative oriented people they feel threaten and can go hostile. The heart chakra can actually be used as a spiritual weapon. Im surpised it's not mention in robert bruces book. So you can actually punish people with love, if they are acting like a bunch of negs :D It only happens when you are vibrating an significant vibration while others are far bellow your level.

[lycanthropy]

That was a very nice post Beekeeper. Thank you to everyone who has responded.

Astral Practitioner, If I feel a warmness in the middle of my chest and feel uncomfortable and anxious sometimes when I see this person, could that mean they are a negative person that is draining me of my energy? What you said about the heart chakra, differences in vibrations, and negs is kind of ringing a bell.

[LittleBee]

eh, love...

what is it?

........:(

[ButterflyWoman]

http://www.soulprogress.com/html/Unific ... tep1.shtml (http://www.soulprogress.com/html/Unification/UnificationStep1.shtml)

That's not to do with "romantic" love or anything like that. It's about the unifying power of Universal love.

I've been practicing this for a while now, and the healing and internal positive shifts I've experienced have been amazing.

[CFTraveler]

Split the PSD section of this thread to Psychic Self Defense.

[Modest]

Love is the Law, Love under Will. The best love is the Love of God - well, because It never says no. :) It's called bhakti yoga.

Sometimes I think that the metaphysical community has a downer on everything, or has to see the bad side of everything. For me its simple, if it feels good it cant be wrong. Im not stupid, I know what love is, and what it is not. Love isnt when you give everything, including yourself. Love is a shared state where you both give, and receive and are better for it. If love is bad for you, don't do it..

Everything has its hard times, but I will never believe all love is doomed to be sour, nasty or a Bad Thing.

Im not a hopeless romantic. One thing Ive learnt is that real love isn't petty, or point-scoring, or spiteful.

Anyways, my 2c. As I am entitled to.

[ButterflyWoman]

:shock:

What brought that on? I went back and looked through this thread again and didn't see anything that would suggest any of the things you seem to be angry about (and yes, you do seem angry, or at least annoyed, which is a low-level form of anger).

Who is seeing "the bad side of everything"? Who said you were stupid? Who said that all love is a bad thing? Who accused you of being a hopeless romantic? And why do you feel the need to defend your entitlement to 2c?

In other words, you appear to feel that you're under attack for some reason, and I'm trying to work out why. I didn't see anything at all in this thread that was particularly negative toward love. Rather the opposite, for the most part.

Also note that the original post was from over a year ago. Perhaps the OP feels differently about the subject now... ? ;)

[johnbrent]

"The best love is the kind that wakes us all and makes us reach for more,
it plants fire in our hearts and peace to our minds"

By Nicholas Sparks