lord shorty
29th March 2007, 06:20 PM
I have an interest in this because I am dealing with some schizoid delusions (or realities) involving the selling of my soul to the devil and subsequent damnation and the waiting for death so i can burn for all eternity. I am starting to learn about jung and reality tunnels as well as other form of spirituality like shamanism, egyptian meditiation, voudon , palo, entuela kongo and lukumi and I am not sure if the voices i hear are real or not, or who they are. But I seem to have a conscious in my mind that tells me i have sold my soul and am damned and heading for hell. Sometimes he identifies himself as satan, many times he calls himself "me."
I began to read metu neter and read about the khabit in sphere 10 and the animal spirit of man, Im still learning but I think I may have succombed to this part of my psyche...
I have several theories as to why all this is happening. I have led up till recently a life containing a caustic family realtionship. I fought and argued with my brother and parents for many years and I am very ashamed of the evilI I have comitted verbally and in the uncontrolled use of my temper.
I now fear it is too late since this is what the voices tell me. I initially began having enormous dread in crowds and hearing a dark male voice telling me bad things about myself. this was under the influence of marijuana. At this time my family issues were not being adequately worked on and I was struggling in college.
Eventually, when high, the voice identified himself as the devil. One time, when high I sold him my soul and immediately knew that i was going to hell and going to burn for all time.
A lot of this might have to do with imprinting of religious ideas and projections. The actuall beings i hear may be thought complexes or personalities from my collective unconscious that have found my ego and like to intrude on it.
I have heard schizoid thought is a defense mechanism that is caused by stress and that this is my particular defense mechanism. I am convinced my family relationship and negative actions influenced this whole process.
I am wondering if you understand or can offer any insight into this. And if you can point me to any authors or thinkers or philosophies that could provide assistance.
I was wondering if this is my personal god or lower power, and is it evil and mean becauseI was evil and mean? OR is this the inner power that was in my since birth that has shaped my actions from the unconscious since birth. (I often think i am a demon, or was just born bad, and the voice often agrees that I am demonic or a bad seed)
In public i am distraught because I think I have connections with other lost souls who are also grimly awaiting merciless punishment in hell.
I also hear voices in public that make me think i am picking up other peoples thoughts but only if the thoughts have to do with my status as a damned soul, a person that "is finished" and that "nothing can be done for."
Well I just wanted to see if you could offer any advice.
thanks
I began to read metu neter and read about the khabit in sphere 10 and the animal spirit of man, Im still learning but I think I may have succombed to this part of my psyche...
I have several theories as to why all this is happening. I have led up till recently a life containing a caustic family realtionship. I fought and argued with my brother and parents for many years and I am very ashamed of the evilI I have comitted verbally and in the uncontrolled use of my temper.
I now fear it is too late since this is what the voices tell me. I initially began having enormous dread in crowds and hearing a dark male voice telling me bad things about myself. this was under the influence of marijuana. At this time my family issues were not being adequately worked on and I was struggling in college.
Eventually, when high, the voice identified himself as the devil. One time, when high I sold him my soul and immediately knew that i was going to hell and going to burn for all time.
A lot of this might have to do with imprinting of religious ideas and projections. The actuall beings i hear may be thought complexes or personalities from my collective unconscious that have found my ego and like to intrude on it.
I have heard schizoid thought is a defense mechanism that is caused by stress and that this is my particular defense mechanism. I am convinced my family relationship and negative actions influenced this whole process.
I am wondering if you understand or can offer any insight into this. And if you can point me to any authors or thinkers or philosophies that could provide assistance.
I was wondering if this is my personal god or lower power, and is it evil and mean becauseI was evil and mean? OR is this the inner power that was in my since birth that has shaped my actions from the unconscious since birth. (I often think i am a demon, or was just born bad, and the voice often agrees that I am demonic or a bad seed)
In public i am distraught because I think I have connections with other lost souls who are also grimly awaiting merciless punishment in hell.
I also hear voices in public that make me think i am picking up other peoples thoughts but only if the thoughts have to do with my status as a damned soul, a person that "is finished" and that "nothing can be done for."
Well I just wanted to see if you could offer any advice.
thanks