What exactly is self love?

[Dsmoke]

I am confused about this concept of self-love.

To me, love is something you feel towards someone else. You don't feel it towards yourself because it requires another entity to exist. Loving yourself would require you to have two parts, one that is doing the loving and one that is receiving the loving. If you go by the works of Eckhart Tolle, I suppose that would be like the "true you" loving the "ego you." Is that what it means?

Of course I feel positive emotions towards myself. I treat myself well and have self-respect. I feel satisfaction or appreciation in things I do. But these things are all different than love. What exactly do people mean when they say, "You must practice self-love?" Surely this means something beyond saying nice things to yourself or treating yourself to a massage every once in a while. I already do these things.

To be clear, this is not an "OMG I hate myself!" post. I just want to know what people mean by self love (and keep your mind out of the gutter!)

Just a few thoughts...

To me, one expression of self love is in how you treat yourself; how you eat and take care of yourself. Do you eat for health? Do you do things that are damaging to yourself or that benefit yourself? I ponder this concept often. I notice that I do a lot of things that do not express self love. I do not eat for health like I should, I smoke cigarettes, I'm hard on myself sometimes, etc. Sometimes I think that when some deep part of your inner being is freed up and allowed to influence your decisions, self love will be expressed in those decisions.

Self love can also be expressed a gentle acceptance of who and what you are, with the desire and motivation to improve. It's a multi-faceted thing I think and defintely a concept that I am pretty new to.

I do see what you mean about Tolle's ideas. I don't know though, I think that inner consciousness/being can experience love (understanding) for the ego, as that is a part of who you are. This does seem to require a kind of a separation or dualistic thinking. I can say that the more I learn about and work with that inner consciousness, the more I understand about self love, this consciousness seems to already have it down, lol, and for me it's a matter of allowing that consciousness to become a part of my daily life, which isn't all that easy for me yet.

I hope some of this makes sense, just kind of typing out some thoughts atm.

[Rayson]

I actually wish to explore this topic in regards to some other issues in the near future, so I'm jumping the gun here in that I don't have all my thoughts together. Still though- self love is an important thing to do always and Now, so I thought maybe I could share some thoughts.

In regards to the dualism, I never thoughtof it like that before. I think you can probably have one aspect love another aspect of your self/being, but I would also encourage an integrated viewpoint.

To that end- and to further answer some other parts of your questions- if you have typically seen love as flowing from one person to another, then what is involved in that flow? What parts does it flow from and to, and what is the content and what are the effects of the flow? All the same things can be channeled towards yourself. Or rather, you can find that energy within yourself, realize your Godliness in that love, and hold it within you for you. For as God (you) loves all things, you are a thing, so you are loved. Both the finding and the expressing of the Godly love are immensly powerful.

To come out of the vague and universal, and into the practical, I'd start taking models that you already know exist, and start looking at how love can be put towards all parts of that model. Again- if you're used to love from one person to another, just pretend what someone who loves you fully would do, and then apply to self. Look at the models of physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Look at ego and Being. Look at yourself as a worker, a family member, a nature-enthusiast, a book-lover. Look at yourself as an animal, a human, a spirit, soul, higher self incarnation, spirit-piece, as God. Look at yourself as a bringer of joy, light and peace, and of pain, hurt, and conflict. Look at the conscious, subconscious, and unconscious; perhaps even group consciousness and higher consciousness. Look at your role in family, in nature, in your social groups. Look at all these pieces that are you, and realize these are all parts of the whole that deserve love.

Now answer the question- what is love? I think while in some ways it is best described as this universal pulse that transcends all language, you can also break down aspects of love. Care, concern, understanding, acceptance, empathy, perspective, non-judgement, sacrifice, giving, smiling, finding joy in their joy- all these and so much more are part of love.

And everyone deserves love- Complete and True love.

So take what you consider love to be, and start applying them to all the pieces in your models. Acceptance is a huge part of starting love, and I also find it to be a big key in reaching higher levels and understanding of love. Accept the pieces, see how they make up you, and see how they can grow and be nurtured, cared for, respected, listened to, and valued.

Love and Be Loved.

[wstein]

The word 'Love' means many things thus it means little.

Two relevant definitions in this context refer to
A) wanting the best for another (and thus likely do nice things for them)
B) unconditional (divine) love which simply radiates from spiritually advanced beings

Generally I'd say that self-love is related to A). Basically it says one should act/treat yourself in the same way you would another person whom you love. While the image is a bit contorted (giving and receiving to/from the same person), the message is that you are as deserving as any other. Often 'loving' individuals get so caught up in giving, they forget to receive also. In addition to pampering yourself it also means treating yourself with kindness, forgiveness, understanding, compassion, patience, support, etc.

The B) type love generally only goes one way. Typically its near impossible to radiate love in this way unless you love yourself first.

[Rayson]

Wstein brought up another good point- allowing yourself to be loved by others is also part of self-love (-:

[Tom]

It seems that the point of the thread is being missed. If love is something given and received, what happens when the one giving is also the one receiving? I don't see this as a problem. It seems to me that the regular examples of love are actually what happens when the boundaries between the one giving love and the one receiving love begin to drop away. If love is the absence of separation then it should be automatic in the case of loving yourself. That's the strange thing. Most people tend to think that they are a single person, but they are actually crowds of people living in single bodies. Learning to love yourself is about learning to heal these inner splits and divisions.

[DM*Cubic]

I'm reading "The Conquest of Happiness" by Bertrand Russell (which I heartily recommend, in addition to his other philosophical works for those so inclined), and he had some interesting things to say about finding happiness (which essentially equals self-love). When he was a teenager, he was so depressed that the only thing that kept him from killing himself was his desire to learn more mathematics. Over time, though, he gradually learned to love himself more and more and became quite happy with life.

To him, the key to loving himself was to forget about himself, not in an abstract, mystical sort of way, but on a very down-to-earth level. Meditation, physical recreation of any kind, dropping a few bucks in a panhandler's cup or leaving a big tip, drinking cheerfully with some friends on a Friday night - all of this causes one to forget about oneself momentarily and focus on others. We meditate in part to develop compassion; when we play sports sensibly we become courteous sportsmen and encourage our teammates or sparring partners; when we donate money face-to-face we turn bank notes into happiness; when we have a few drinks with our friends we feel an enthusiastic openness that makes us closer when we're sober. The trick is to do things that make you feel good, but not to make more than a comfortable effort to do so - which is where most of us screw up. It's when you stop chasing happiness and just relax that it drops into your lap. I don't go on mission trips or work in a soup kitchen, but I love to give spontaneously. I don't work myself like a dog, but I've taken up fencing and love it so far. I stopped trying to force myself to meditate every evening, but on a good day I manage to slip in a good forty-five minutes while waiting in lines and such - and I still actually get a good sit in every couple of days! All of these are small things, but are very fulfilling, and when one does such things and appreciates how good they feel one starts the process of developing self-love.

The book goes into lots of other stuff too, like common types of unhappy people and what exactly it is that they are stumbling over. Some people have a lot of existential fears, some feel perpetually guilty, and some make such an effort to be virtuous that they always feel like they can't meet their own impossible standards. Russell covers these very sanely.

Basically, get the book and read it. It's quite unlike any other self-help book I've ever read, with a unique flavor to it. Russell was a heck of a guy, and is one of my favorite philosophers. And he invented the peace symbol to boot. A guy like that can't be half bad.