Temptrance
27th June 2018, 08:19 PM
I would like to share my story, because someone might help me solve this mystery. Spirituality has always interested me, but I am not a psychic person, so maybe there is no mystery at all, just my big imagination, but as it still doesn't give me peace, I write it down.
It happened when I was 19, that is more than 20 years ago. I was a country girl, just moved to a big city and entered university. I was at my first job, working in a students' club. I was absolutely thrilled, everything was so interesting, it was a totally different life. I had always loved dancing, so this was the first time I could dance as much as I liked and show others my dancing skills. There were interesting intelligent young men around - students. I was a virgin and was curious when this big moment was going to be and I meet someone special. But months went by and although many men were interested in me, I didn't really fall for any of them.
Then on one summer evening, a week before the beginning of university, I was working at the club again. There were very few people. A group of young male students were sitting at one table, talking. And then I saw him. I have to say that at that period of time there were almost no people who would dress differently so to speak. Male students were almost always wearing suits. In fact in my country you really don't see too many people who would dress in an extravagant way, except for artists maybe, people are quite conservative here. So here he was, dressed in full gothic outfit. (Of course I didn't know then that it was gothic, I can say it only now). 'Oh my, look at that' I said to myself with irony, but in a way I was kind of excited too. There were still very few people, I had almost no work to do and I was standing and looking at the people who were dancing. Then I saw that this guy was approaching. Well, I thought, looks like he is going to ask someone for a dance. And I was right. But much to my surprise, I was the one he asked. I went with him to the dancefloor. Now I had a chance to take a closer look at him. The more I looked at him, the more astonished I was. I understood that inside he was even more interesting than outside. He was like noone else, the way he moved was so creative, and his eyes... Ok, I don't want to spend too many words writing this story, although I know I do, but I cannot help it. Anyway, I was really fascinated, but as I had a habit not to show my feelings, I acted cool and kept me under control like always. He kept asking me to go with him after the night was over, but of course I wouldn't do that. At one point when we were there at the dancefloor, he leaned against the wall and started staring into my eyes with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes were really incredible, but I still acted cool and didn't agree to go with him. We danced a bit more and soon he left without saying goodbye. 'oh well, ok then' I said to myself unconcerned. But I couldn't really deny that something had been touched deep inside of me. There was some growing restlessness there. And I couldn't fight it. It was growing bigger day by day. I was hoping to see him again. And I did - in exactly two weeks I saw him again at the club, sitting alone, as if waiting for me. But there were very many people and I had a lot of work. And also, I was so shocked to see him, I felt almost panicking, so I collected the empty glass that he had in front of him, hardly looking at him and ran away to the back room where I stayed for a long time. When I came out, he had left.
After that incident the life for me had changed completely. All I could do was think about him. I didn't care about the studies really, they seemed stupid and pointless. I had been an excellent student since childhood, I had been looking forward to my university studies. Now it seemed like I had been studying too f*ing much, there was something much more to life than that.
I didn't see him for half a year or so. Then one day I was at the railway station, as it was weekend and I was going home, to the village where I lived. I met a guy I knew at the station and we went together on a train and were talking until his station came and he left. I started to look around and suddenly saw a guy with black hair sitting at the other end of the train. He had a green jacket and jeans. When my eyes met his, he as if startled a bit and looked down. Then, as if contemplating for a moment, raised his eyes decicively and started staring into my eyes. 'Oh my god, it's him, it must be!' I said to myself and stared back at him. And so it stayed I really don't know for how long. 'How can it be, it's just not possible!' Neither of us was looking aside, not for a second. It seems ridiculous to say, but I guess it lasted about half an hour or so. Until the train slowed down and he stood up and started heading for the door. He looked once more at me through the glass doors, then turned and left the train.
And me? Well that was it for me. I burst into tears, they kept running from my eyes. It was the greatest love that I was feeling.
So looks like an ordinary thing, doesn't it. Of course, love is a powerful feeling, but it happens to most people, no mystery there. So why do I call it a mystery? Yes, maybe I shouldn't.
At that point I was feeling very happy and optimistic, I was so sure that very soon we will see again and it will be the start of a wonderful romance, no doubt about that. But I didn't see him anymore. And it was hard. Very hard. About 15 years later, when I was a single mom, I started having this idea, what if I try to find him and see what has happened to him. I didn't really hope to find him, because I didn't even know his first name, but today, with internet and facebook, everything is possible, so I did find him. To my big surprise, he wasn't living in some big city, doing some interesting things, as I had imagined, but he was living in the countryside, where he had grown up, living like a hermit, like a monk, most of the time sitting inside his flat, never leaving home. He didn't have a mobile phone, nor a computer. He only had a landline phone, so this was the way we communicated. I must say that at first he seemed quite interested in keeping in touch, but unfortunately our conversations didn't go very well. There were awkward pauses, he was always keeping a distance, was intelligent, but very formal, which I was not at all happy about. I wanted to meet him in person, but he refused. It turned out, he remembered very well, how we met at the night-club and how he asked me for a dance, but he cathegorically denied being on that train! He said he had never been on that train. He said that he never had any green jacket, that he always wore a long black coat, without exception.
Finally I met him in person. I could hardly recognize the person that he once had been. No, actually I didn't recognize him at all. I'm not a psychiatrist, but I suspect some abnormalities. He has become a catholic also. I must say that for me catholicism is just criminal, I call it the Vatikan maffia. I have visited a few psychics to find out what is going on with him and if this kind, sensitive and beautiful person who I saw in him once, is still in him, perhaps kept in prison, looking for someone to release him. Or is it all gone and I should really leave it all. One of the psychics told me that he is really in a totally hopeless state, that some very negative energy, almost demonic, is coming from him and that I should forget about it all and go on with my life. but I don't know... What if I am the one who is supposed to help the enchanted prince?
Can anybody give me any advice on that matter: is it better to forget or is there something I might try?
It happened when I was 19, that is more than 20 years ago. I was a country girl, just moved to a big city and entered university. I was at my first job, working in a students' club. I was absolutely thrilled, everything was so interesting, it was a totally different life. I had always loved dancing, so this was the first time I could dance as much as I liked and show others my dancing skills. There were interesting intelligent young men around - students. I was a virgin and was curious when this big moment was going to be and I meet someone special. But months went by and although many men were interested in me, I didn't really fall for any of them.
Then on one summer evening, a week before the beginning of university, I was working at the club again. There were very few people. A group of young male students were sitting at one table, talking. And then I saw him. I have to say that at that period of time there were almost no people who would dress differently so to speak. Male students were almost always wearing suits. In fact in my country you really don't see too many people who would dress in an extravagant way, except for artists maybe, people are quite conservative here. So here he was, dressed in full gothic outfit. (Of course I didn't know then that it was gothic, I can say it only now). 'Oh my, look at that' I said to myself with irony, but in a way I was kind of excited too. There were still very few people, I had almost no work to do and I was standing and looking at the people who were dancing. Then I saw that this guy was approaching. Well, I thought, looks like he is going to ask someone for a dance. And I was right. But much to my surprise, I was the one he asked. I went with him to the dancefloor. Now I had a chance to take a closer look at him. The more I looked at him, the more astonished I was. I understood that inside he was even more interesting than outside. He was like noone else, the way he moved was so creative, and his eyes... Ok, I don't want to spend too many words writing this story, although I know I do, but I cannot help it. Anyway, I was really fascinated, but as I had a habit not to show my feelings, I acted cool and kept me under control like always. He kept asking me to go with him after the night was over, but of course I wouldn't do that. At one point when we were there at the dancefloor, he leaned against the wall and started staring into my eyes with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes were really incredible, but I still acted cool and didn't agree to go with him. We danced a bit more and soon he left without saying goodbye. 'oh well, ok then' I said to myself unconcerned. But I couldn't really deny that something had been touched deep inside of me. There was some growing restlessness there. And I couldn't fight it. It was growing bigger day by day. I was hoping to see him again. And I did - in exactly two weeks I saw him again at the club, sitting alone, as if waiting for me. But there were very many people and I had a lot of work. And also, I was so shocked to see him, I felt almost panicking, so I collected the empty glass that he had in front of him, hardly looking at him and ran away to the back room where I stayed for a long time. When I came out, he had left.
After that incident the life for me had changed completely. All I could do was think about him. I didn't care about the studies really, they seemed stupid and pointless. I had been an excellent student since childhood, I had been looking forward to my university studies. Now it seemed like I had been studying too f*ing much, there was something much more to life than that.
I didn't see him for half a year or so. Then one day I was at the railway station, as it was weekend and I was going home, to the village where I lived. I met a guy I knew at the station and we went together on a train and were talking until his station came and he left. I started to look around and suddenly saw a guy with black hair sitting at the other end of the train. He had a green jacket and jeans. When my eyes met his, he as if startled a bit and looked down. Then, as if contemplating for a moment, raised his eyes decicively and started staring into my eyes. 'Oh my god, it's him, it must be!' I said to myself and stared back at him. And so it stayed I really don't know for how long. 'How can it be, it's just not possible!' Neither of us was looking aside, not for a second. It seems ridiculous to say, but I guess it lasted about half an hour or so. Until the train slowed down and he stood up and started heading for the door. He looked once more at me through the glass doors, then turned and left the train.
And me? Well that was it for me. I burst into tears, they kept running from my eyes. It was the greatest love that I was feeling.
So looks like an ordinary thing, doesn't it. Of course, love is a powerful feeling, but it happens to most people, no mystery there. So why do I call it a mystery? Yes, maybe I shouldn't.
At that point I was feeling very happy and optimistic, I was so sure that very soon we will see again and it will be the start of a wonderful romance, no doubt about that. But I didn't see him anymore. And it was hard. Very hard. About 15 years later, when I was a single mom, I started having this idea, what if I try to find him and see what has happened to him. I didn't really hope to find him, because I didn't even know his first name, but today, with internet and facebook, everything is possible, so I did find him. To my big surprise, he wasn't living in some big city, doing some interesting things, as I had imagined, but he was living in the countryside, where he had grown up, living like a hermit, like a monk, most of the time sitting inside his flat, never leaving home. He didn't have a mobile phone, nor a computer. He only had a landline phone, so this was the way we communicated. I must say that at first he seemed quite interested in keeping in touch, but unfortunately our conversations didn't go very well. There were awkward pauses, he was always keeping a distance, was intelligent, but very formal, which I was not at all happy about. I wanted to meet him in person, but he refused. It turned out, he remembered very well, how we met at the night-club and how he asked me for a dance, but he cathegorically denied being on that train! He said he had never been on that train. He said that he never had any green jacket, that he always wore a long black coat, without exception.
Finally I met him in person. I could hardly recognize the person that he once had been. No, actually I didn't recognize him at all. I'm not a psychiatrist, but I suspect some abnormalities. He has become a catholic also. I must say that for me catholicism is just criminal, I call it the Vatikan maffia. I have visited a few psychics to find out what is going on with him and if this kind, sensitive and beautiful person who I saw in him once, is still in him, perhaps kept in prison, looking for someone to release him. Or is it all gone and I should really leave it all. One of the psychics told me that he is really in a totally hopeless state, that some very negative energy, almost demonic, is coming from him and that I should forget about it all and go on with my life. but I don't know... What if I am the one who is supposed to help the enchanted prince?
Can anybody give me any advice on that matter: is it better to forget or is there something I might try?