I don't know

[buttercup]

I know I shouldn't even believe in this,and I stopped to a large degree. I have an ex who learned about law of attraction from me and later learned how to send energy and got good at it...with some things. From calming me from afar if i was having an anxiety attack to once making me feel almost like a vegetable when I got angry and was threatening him. Ever since he left my life,though,I noticed he gets his way strangely easily from his parents. He's always been spoiled but he used to seem a bit scared of them and cared for their approval. Nowadays it seems so different. I have a fear he used this to get his mom to turn against me. She had rules and then she changed them to his favor. Maybe a coincidence but still..and now randomly she is kicking me out...when I've done nothing wrong and they had promised not to do that ever and that I could leave when ready. I know this is a strange situation,but I had nobody and they took me in when no one else was there.

I'm tired of the b.s. How can I get my power back from him? I was the one who he even learned of the loa from and I've seen him use it many times but there's a lot of things I've seen him be unable to use loa with so I know he's not some skilled super loa mind jedi. I just want my peace. I was finally starting to earn nice money(but not yet enough to live on my own on) and feel more fearless and even healing old issues and now out of nowwhere this whacks me in the face. It doesn't add up. I can't help but suspect he may have been wielding energy to get things he wants. I just want him to not have any effect on my life whatsoever anymore. Since when is he the boss of his parents? They used to be very much the dominant ones. Shortly before things escalated to my awareness of him getting in with a bad crowd and then him acting nuts and kicking me out of his life,he had informed me his goal was to start playing with sending energy more/using loa. I also want to get my power back without anything somehow backfiring in my face.

I can remember one time when things were getting bad he was acting so crazy. He literally seemed like he was on drugs. His anger and just way of being it was like there was something seriously wrong with him. It was scary. Another time,he came back from the people he was with that were the bad crowd,and my mother's dog started barking so strangely unlike ever before. I just knew it was his energy had become darker. He used to be the guy animals would be drawn to. He used to be this nice guy.

I was silenced by him when he kicked me out of his life. He vandalized my stuff and I was sent a nasty text by his girlfriend and still I kept my silence. It was hard.

Any advice very appreciated.

[SoulSail]

...I'm tired of the b.s. How can I get my power back from him?

Stop believing you ever gave him power in the first place. That belief, in itself, is giving him all the power he wants or needs. Trust me, he's no ninja. And if you'd like to be one yourself, start looking at where the problem really is...

"You are what happens to you." ~Seth

There is no outside world. You're boxing the shadows your own mind is projecting for your own learning and growth. What, did you think it would come any other way?

Just. Look.

Soul

[buttercup]

I know. You are right...that is recently I did start giving that thought more power in the last weeks or so. He is no ninja.
I will try to reflect on that quote by Seth. I can't quite grasp it right now. It's a bit heavy for me. I am someone who gets kicked out. She even said she isn't kicking me out which is a joke. I am not able to comprehend this right now though about my own shadows. I am not seeing what you mean. I have been thinking she doesn't want me here lately,and thoughts like how could she want me here considering how we've been barely speaking since november. I had a moment about a day ago or so..in the middle of the night,I heard the sound of someone using the bathroom and out of instinct turned and looked and seen the door open in the bathroom but her husband was laying in bed asleep so it was her..it was a mundane moment but in that moment I remember thinking I wonder if she doesn't want me here anymore,it's like i'm not even here anymore,it's as if she has cut me off to the point that i'm literally not here and she doesn't even shut the door because she doesn't care anymore.

I don't know how i let this momentum build so much. It used to be she would do anything for me not to be mad at her. She would do some of the nicest things. She brought me to a job when her husband was out of town which is unlike her so it was especially thoughtful for her to do that,and afterward even took me to the mall. I was there for her when her brother died during that trip her husband had taken to visit him. I bought her a cup a few weeks later with a photo of her brother and her son together on the beach,her son's arm on him. At first she tried a little to make things better when our issues started,but there was too much that kept happening and then she started shunning me which hurt. How she is now and how she was in October right before it all went downhill is such a drastically different picture. All the times i confided in her,and all the things she had said as if i was family. It just doesn't make sense. And,I told her husband that i KNOW,I know in my heart if we were getting along like we were in October,she wouldn't be doing this. All the things she says now just totally conflict with things she said back months ago. Last year,she even offered to send me to California to help take care of her family members if I wanted to for a few weeks. You don't say that to a stranger.

[SoulSail]

Keep going...

Where is all this happening?

1. In your head?
2. Outside your head?

I don't even like to play the role of a guy that knows much, because I absolutely do not...but this I know:

You're in a fight with your own projection(s). There is no woman or man that's not essentially "you" in a refracted light, within your own mind.

You only ever experience your own nervous system. Really. Stop and think about that. How do you know ANYTHING you're experiencing is even remotely true, given that you only experience a second-hand relay of information from the brain on what's happening? It's pure reconstruction, but of what?

She's you...sorry, but them's the rules.


~You

[buttercup]

It's in my head. I think I get what you are saying. It is quite trippy.
How do I change what's going on in my head? It feels like there is a war in there. So much chaos and it feels like i'm losing a battle constantly.

[buttercup]

Now that I think about it,that seems to be a central theme in my life for some time now,feeling like i'm at battle and trying to win but barely able to stay afloat because others are out to get me.

[SoulSail]

Now that I think about it,that seems to be a central theme in my life for some time now,feeling like i'm at battle and trying to win but barely able to stay afloat because others are out to get me.

I'm attempting to answer both your points in one swoop here. They are the same point.

First, nobody is out to get you. That's the illusion at work. It's just you up there, refracted and projected into what appear to be "others." Love "them" and you're loving yourself. Start there.

In short, yes, it is "trippy", but it is the absolute truth. If you're at all interested in bringing this situation to stillness, that's what you may want to work on first: stillness.

When the mind is stirred up, agitated and overrun by thoughts all day and night it's tough to see where you're at in it all and how to move in any direction to obtain freedom. Settle the mind and watch what happens to the issue. If you continue to engage this "problem" as if it were real, having a life outside of your skull, you'll only continue beating yourself up while all the time thinking you're somehow moving on the chess board against another. There are no others. All you see, feel, etc., is you alone.

The chaos, the pain, the seemingly endless struggle will resolve itself when you stop feeding it mental energy. Withdraw now. The more you think on this and overthink on this, the more it will firm up the illusion and continue to roll out a life on its own.

End the illusion by denying its food source: more agitated thought.
End the illusion by refusing to consider that you're dealing with another. This is you. Period.
End the illusion by refusing to take a single thought seriously. Thoughts only bite when you let them. They are nothing but empty phenomena. Why entertain?



Does this make any sense?

I could sit here and tell you all kinds of crap about how to appropriately deal with difficult relationships, but that wouldn't be honest or helpful.

Just get quiet. Meditate. It'll self-resolve.

"Stop weaving and see how the pattern improves" ~Rumi

Soul

[buttercup]

I think I get what you are saying. I am going to focus on it for awhile to try and digest it some more. I planned on meditating tonight. I am trying to up my meditation to every other day. I only do it about once or twice a week. I rsvped for a one day meditation retreat in June. That could help. I am going to focus on that quote for a bit as well.

[SoulSail]

Okay, if you took any of what I said seriously, you've missed my entire point. My posts, like anything else, mean zero. Nothing. Your internal debate/issue is inherently free of any meaning whatsoever in the exact same manner. Suffering is what happens when you run from suffering. That's all. So knowing that, forget all else and leave it in the ditch.

Let it go. All of it. Return to 0.

[buttercup]

Now i'm confused.

[SoulSail]

Now i'm confused.

No, not at all, actually, but for the sake of argument...

Confusion is because you want to think it over more, when you yourself are just another thought in that mess. You want to understand it. Find some peace in the midst of an emotionally difficult time, but the ends you're seeking are entirely at odds with the means you're employing to reach them. Everything is mind made and has no reality outside of what thought says it is.

"Thoughts make messes, so I'll think it over more..."

If thinking it over and wrestling with your situation was the road to resolve and peace, I'm sure you'd have found something to hold onto by now, yes?

The entire issue is a fabrication in your mind. Phantoms. And that is exactly why you can't find peace: you're seeking peace with the very tool that creates the chaos that's got you seeking peace in the first place.

Try a simple experiment:

1. Do not think about this issue for at least 30 minutes. At all. Think of nothing. Notice if the pain needs thought to sustain itself. To exist at all.
2. If, in the total absence of thought, there is no burden then ask if you're onto something.

Confusion is your friend. It's the mind firing down on empty cylinders in hopes it'll connect with a live round that puts the whole thing in perspective and brings peace. Failure (click)...failure (click)....

The only way to peace is to drop it all. When you stop trying to make sense of it all by asserting yourself, the illusion stops asserting itself. Stop investing energy into the whole mess, and you'll soon find there is no energy in the system to mess with you. Stop telling the story, and without that constant input of energy the story vanishes in entirety.

I'll send some peace your way soon.

Soul

[buttercup]

Ok,I was about to say but how do I then create a new reality once I'm at peace but then I read this "When you stop trying to make sense of it all by asserting yourself,the illusion stops asserting itself." I just don't understand how I keep getting stuck in all these stories I don't want to be stuck in anymore. It used to be easy to catch it,then switch it.

[buttercup]

Something kind of weird happened that kind of relates to this about 2 weeks ago. The ex was going to have a baby,the girlfriend was pregnant. I actually just accepted it,and surrendered to it. It was something people probably thought would upset me or hurt me a lot,but it didn't. Well,then she ended up not having the baby. Miscarriage. I was disappointed in some ways..I felt relief like maybe them having a baby would get them to stop focusing on me but I couldn't help but wonder if it was because I just accepted the situation with ease that it went away. I don't know.

[CFTraveler]

My interpretation of what he's saying is that thinking about the problem creates the problem, as well as thinking too much about what he's saying.
Just reallize that the problem isn't real, that it's in your head (the conflict) and eventually it goes away on its own, without effort.

[buttercup]

@CFTraveler,yeah i think i got it now. I guess for me I would call that surrender. But,hearing it this way gives me an easier way to apply it.

[dontco]

I know I shouldn't even believe in this,and I stopped to a large degree. I have an ex who learned about law of attraction from me and later learned how to send energy and got good at it...with some things. From calming me from afar if i was having an anxiety attack to once making me feel almost like a vegetable when I got angry and was threatening him. Ever since he left my life,though,I noticed he gets his way strangely easily from his parents. He's always been spoiled but he used to seem a bit scared of them and cared for their approval. Nowadays it seems so different. I have a fear he used this to get his mom to turn against me. She had rules and then she changed them to his favor. Maybe a coincidence but still..and now randomly she is kicking me out...when I've done nothing wrong and they had promised not to do that ever and that I could leave when ready. I know this is a strange situation,but I had nobody and they took me in when no one else was there.

I'm tired of the b.s. How can I get my power back from him? I was the one who he even learned of the loa from and I've seen him use it many times but there's a lot of things I've seen him be unable to use loa with so I know he's not some skilled super loa mind jedi. I just want my peace. I was finally starting to earn nice money(but not yet enough to live on my own on) and feel more fearless and even healing old issues and now out of nowwhere this whacks me in the face. It doesn't add up. I can't help but suspect he may have been wielding energy to get things he wants. I just want him to not have any effect on my life whatsoever anymore. Since when is he the boss of his parents? They used to be very much the dominant ones. Shortly before things escalated to my awareness of him getting in with a bad crowd and then him acting nuts and kicking me out of his life,he had informed me his goal was to start playing with sending energy more/using loa. I also want to get my power back without anything somehow backfiring in my face.

I can remember one time when things were getting bad he was acting so crazy. He literally seemed like he was on drugs. His anger and just way of being it was like there was something seriously wrong with him. It was scary. Another time,he came back from the people he was with that were the bad crowd,and my mother's dog started barking so strangely unlike ever before. I just knew it was his energy had become darker. He used to be the guy animals would be drawn to. He used to be this nice guy.

I was silenced by him when he kicked me out of his life. He vandalized my stuff and I was sent a nasty text by his girlfriend and still I kept my silence. It was hard.

Any advice very appreciated.

Hi, B.,
It seems like this subject is really upsetting you. The first thing I thought of when I read your post was- nobody has any power over you. You are the one in control, every time and every minute. If you think that he's in control- and you're weaker because of him- it doesn't actually mean that you're weaker because of HIM. If you feel that you are weaker, it is only because you believe that you are weaker because of him. But maybe you are making yourself feel weaker, because of your own thoughts. No one has that much power over someone else. And I think that that's a good thing to remember! the world is a much better place when we remember that... :heart:
(I haven't read the entire thread)

PS-
You may want to look at this shielding sticky (http://www.astraldynamics.com.au/showthread.php?1208-Shielding).

[buttercup]

@Dontco. Thank you. Also,i actually just wrote a note to myself after meditation and in my gratitude list,that I am taking my power back.

[dontco]

https://pics.onsizzle.com/youve-always-had-the-power-my-dears-you-just-had-7486917.png

And BTW, I also responded to your other thread in the "Out of Topic Experience" section :redface: And, that's good! I'm glad to hear... You're taking some very positive steps!

[olyris]

writing it down always helps... analysing the facts and spotting lies and some such... gently...

edit: i mean on paper, it works better than computers

[buttercup]

@Dontco,ok cool I will check. Also,i read your message. I might need a few more days to respond. I've got a ton of work until monday and am running behind as it is,of course.

[buttercup]

@olyris,you think so? I can see that,i've never journaled on a computer so maybe that's why,maybe i've sensed that. I had thought i want to journal so hopefully in next few days i will have time. At the moment,i am composing a letter though on the computer,because i write too sloppy. I am hoping to have it complete in about a week or so.

[dontco]

@Dontco,ok cool I will check. Also,i read your message. I might need a few more days to respond. I've got a ton of work until monday and am running behind as it is,of course.
Sure, no problem! take your time... Good luck with your work!

[buttercup]

@Dontco,I like this article:http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat/2008/10/law-of-attraction-in-action-revenge.html

[dontco]

@Dontco,I like this article:http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat/2008/10/law-of-attraction-in-action-revenge.html

@Buttercup, thank you for sharing! that article was very interesting... I agree with alot of what she said... I do believe that holding onto anger is bad not only to people's health, but to the things they attract (they will attract things that will make them feel the same way, if not from this specific person, then from different people).
I like to try to forgive, or at least not to think about what that person did, and some of my reasons to do that are very SELFISH. Positively selfish. I do that because I want to feel GOOD. Holding on to anger would be like punishing myself twice.

It's like that Buddah quote:

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
~Buddha

[buttercup]

Yes,I agree. William Atkinson works have been helping me to shift to feeling more at peace within,with ease.