I'm living alone and finding it difficult. Need advice.

[buzzcock]

I live in an apartment alone. I used to live walking distance from my ex-partner and children, but they have moved away. My ex has a big problem with family dramas of her own and trying to drag other people into her dramas and that was pretty much the reason she moved as I was breaking down and screaming at her, not coping with her dramas. Although we got on well when she wasn't in the grip of problems with her relatives.

Anyway right now I'm pretty much alone. I only have the means to visit my ex and kids once a week, which I do, and I have a job, and friends, which I am very very grateful for, but I just can't get used to living alone. I need someone to watch TV with or something.

I'm not sure if I should try to find a girlfriend...not really wanting a relationship, or just invite friends over more...I feel unsure. My apartment is paid for with welfare/benefits as I am diagnosed with some special needs that class me as disabled. (mild autism and dyspraxia/tourettes type difficulties).

I have thought about asking if I can live in a shared house but I don't think that would be a good idea as, being a bit vulnerable and quiet I need my own space and I'd be scared I'd end up with loud dope-smokers and drinkers. I live in a huge dope and alcohol town. While I love my friends who are into that stuff, I don't think I could cope with living with them as I need quiet and not to be with people who are up all night talking and playing music.

I thought about looking for a flatmate but not sure about that either. I would not want to end up with someone I can't trust, and I like having total control over how much hot water/electric I use, can't imagine stressing over splitting the price with someone.

Also, I feel like I'm having trouble connecting with people. There are a couple of female friends I chat to at the autism meetup I attend who are into the same things as me, like the paranormal and sci-fi, and I chat to them but I find it hard to take the friendship further. I'd like someone like them as a non-romantic flatmate, but..things like asking to see them or email them without sounding romantic, I just feel it's difficult.

I'd love a quiet-living, trustworthy laidback housemate to chat and watch tv with. I mean I'm not that quiet, I go to bars and nightclubs and I like having fun, I just need it to be limited and stop when I get home, not live in the kind of place that has a ton of friends coming in all the time and sitting up all night playing music all the time.

[ButterflyWoman]

I have to admit, I loved living alone. I had always been with someone else (parents, partner, kids, whatever), and when I was finally faced with being on my own, it did take some getting used to, but I found that I really loved it. I could come and go as I pleased, eat whatever and whenever I wanted, read or watch TV or muck around on the net or whatever without having to answer to anyone else, and didn't have to worry about taking care of anyone but myself. I really learned how to self-nurture during that period of my life, because I couldn't expect anyone else to take care of me.

I can't tell you how to proceed or what to do, only share my own experience with living on my own. It is an excellent opportunity to learn how to really take care of yourself, if nothing else.

[DarkChylde]

pretty much the same as above.

i absolutely adore living alone , my family hates the fact that i'm always by myself (my mom complains the most) but at the same time I think it's one of my best most traits (as in i can spend time by myself and not bother anyone for company) , I feel this makes me a more efficient more self-reliant person , I don't cling onto anyone for company and nor do I need people constantly around to feel either occupied or amused.

I can't suggest a "fix" to your situation other than the fact that living by oneself isn't a bad experience or a situation to be in.I welcome it above all else.:thumbsup:

[DarkChylde]

btw i love your avatar.

[buzzcock]

You are right ButterflyWoman/Darkchylde and It's helped me to remember the bright sides reading that. Those aspects are great. I guess I'm missing my kids a lot and the evenings seem to feel so empty. I go and watch tv in a bar sometimes or sit on wifi in a coffee shop but ..despite having a job and friends some days I haven't talked to anyone. I guess I could do volunteer work, join a church, something. I have meetup groups I go to. It's just all difficult sometimes. Thanks for the perspective, much appreciated.

[WhiteMonkey]

When I'm somewhere new I like to link to people who are on couchsurfing. They are mostly open minded and have interests in traveling rather than partying. If you attend a meet up you will directly know 50 people more. Some of them will be good friends.

[susan]

Sounds like you have friends, places to go, not ready yet for a romantic relationship. Is it the coming home to an empty apartment? Have you thought of maybe going to a cat and dog shelter and giving a home to
A small animal you can care for that needs nurturing. I know an apartment is not ideal for a dog but a small animal that is there waiting for you when you get home. I suppose just knowing something is in the apartment waiting for you returning.
My husband is not an animal lover and he knows I would love a dog but he puts his foot down and I know there is no chance. This is something he is adamant about,so I've decided that if he goes before me I'm replacing him with a dog.

[buzzcock]

Thanks, advice much appreciated. I will check out the couch thing. I'd love a pet, but I live on a 2nd floor and I go for long family visits overnight once a week so I'm not sure I could give the care they need.