Do you tell friends when they're acting irrationally?

[Genesis]

I've been wondering if this is something even worth doing. We all may have that good friend that is really cool 90 percent of the time, but that has episodes of acting really selfishly and being irrational. I was wondering if it's even worth calling your friend out on it when it happens. I feel like friends should always be honest to one another, and I personally want my friends to not be afraid to tell me when I'm being petty. However, sometimes it gets tiring to always have to be the one in a group who has to say what everyone else is thinking but trying to avoid confrontation. Usually my friend will take it badly when I call him out on it, but the next day he may realize he was acting childish and admit it to me.

So what do you guys think? Is it a waste of energy, or should friends always call each other out when they act selfishly?

[DarkChylde]

I've been wondering if this is something even worth doing. We all may have that good friend that is really cool 90 percent of the time, but that has episodes of acting really selfishly and being irrational. I was wondering if it's even worth calling your friend out on it when it happens. I feel like friends should always be honest to one another, and I personally want my friends to not be afraid to tell me when I'm being petty. However, sometimes it gets tiring to always have to be the one in a group who has to say what everyone else is thinking but trying to avoid confrontation. Usually my friend will take it badly when I call him out on it, but the next day he may realize he was acting childish and admit it to me.

So what do you guys think? Is it a waste of energy, or should friends always call each other out when they act selfishly?


ask him why is this a consistent problem? it keeps happening and he keeps admitting to acting like a jerk.
base your upcoming interaction on his answer and let him privy to the fact that you will be taking what he has to say for himself under serious consideration.

If he says "I know sorry , working on it bear with me" , you might want to give him a probationary time period in which the issue meets resolution.

If he says "oh well yeah you know , just goofing off" , tell him to pick up his and bat and ball and go play elsewhere.Enough is too much and once bitten is twice shy.

Sometimes people feed off of watching others react , sometimes "friends" aren't really what you think whom they might be , but yet importantly , most of all , friends don't antagonize each other on purpose (unless your'e 16 and your issues are chewing you out for breakfast).

On a personal note I don't go easy on people who by pre-meditated intention act out snide , disrespectful or puerile.
that's pretty much the reason why I love the posse I'm in.

[Genesis]

The friend I'm talking about is a really good friend and person in general. He just goes through random moments where he acts in a very selfish/greedy manner, while he can be generous other times. It's just kind of frustrating sometimes, but I realize no one is perfect and we all have our moments. I was mostly wondering if I'm being a good friend for letting my friends know when they act irrationally or should I just let it slide? I feel like with some people, it can create a feeling of resentment towards me in the longterm if I'm always the one calling them out.

[DarkChylde]

However, sometimes it gets tiring to always have to be the one in a group who has to say what everyone else is thinking but trying to avoid confrontation.


I feel like with some people, it can create a feeling of resentment towards me in the longterm if I'm always the one calling them out.

Firstly , why is all this responsibility to sort out , the one acting out within in the group falling entirely onto you ? (it's mentioned twice).
Secondly , since there's no mention of how close you are with this person or for what reason , but there is a repetitive pattern here.You might want to look into what this pattern entails.Friends regardless good or bad are human , and humans by default setting have agendas , motives and issues.
If you're fine dealing with his baggage , go ahead and have at it , this really imo* has nothing to do with calling people out when they are acting out.


I feel like friends should always be honest to one another, and I personally want my friends to not be afraid to tell me when I'm being petty
So what exactly is the issue? the same standards of your friends calling you out on something do not apply back to them?.
If this guy is close to you (assuming) I'm pretty sure you'd want the same for him as you'd want the same for yourself no?



The friend I'm talking about is a really good friend and person in general.
Oh yes! absolutely he must be :-)
I mean here we are writing away in a thread all about him and how stroppy he's made things for you.

[WhiteMonkey]

Thats the question do you want to enlp him and have a hard timenor do you want to look away and irgnore and have it the easy way.

If you care for a person you should call it out. How you do that is a different thing. For example you could wait until hes normal again and tell him in quiet or you could learn the peacefull comunication (think its called like that) nd tell himnin a very peacful way where he eont feel attacked.

If u care for him help �� take the effort he may hate u at times but he will get it

Wish u all the best

[CFTraveler]

I never ask anyone why they're acting irrationally. This is because the idea of 'acting irrationally' is a judgement, and I don't like to prejudge people before I find out what is going on in their lives. Instead, I ask why they have come to a conclusion, or have acted a certain way. There is usually a reason or an explanation, and no one gets upset or feels attacked.
When you approach someone and say "why do you think so?" or "why did you do this? I don't understand." You are telling the other person you are concerned about their wellbeing. When you approach someone and tell them they are being irrational, wrong or some other form of wrongness, you are the one who is attacking them, and, instead of explaining themselves, they will defend themselves. And self defense usually ends up with fighting or at the very least resentment. No one wins.

[dontco]

I pretty much agree with what CFT said- when you go to someone and tell them they are like this and that, they feel judged and usually- they will attack you. I think usually the person will stop acting like that when they "grow out of it". Let's not forget every person always does the best they can from his/ her point of view... We don't always know what issues the other person has. I think if it is a phase- he will grow out of it. Everyone has their own reasons for acting a certain way... Also- you may want to set up a personal example- and if he's greedy- you can do the opposite and be very generous and kind. That may make him want to become a better person.