Loving self vs. too much ego

[dontco]

Loving yourself is an important part of healthy living but it can also cause "too much ego syndrome".What do you think is the limit and how do you stay within the limits?
Dontco.

[CFTraveler]

I think obsessing about too much ego is the best way to strengthen it and let its unsavory side take control-self loathing.

The ego is a construct we create to function in the manifest world-the manifest world is threedimensional and meant to be experienced. If it weren't, we wouldn't be here at all. So you have to decide, are we here because we want to experience, or are we not here and having some sort of illusion? If we are here then we must stop demonizing the vehicle in which we have decided to manifest (ego is simply the point of view of being 'me' and everything else being 'not me') and realize we can live in harmony while it exists- because hating the ego is further fragmenting the sense of "I" to project it's less pleasant characteristics and create more "not me" to hate.
Or, we are not really here, the manifest world is illusion, and the ego is a construct we believe exists but really doesn't, and by believing in it we reinforce it until it becomes the only reality we can possibly have.

Either way, it's not a good result. But we, as perfect beings, could begin to learn to see everything else as "me" or if you can't do that, 'divine', and once you see everything that way, and can muster love for every living thing and situation, and give it the only reality that can be.

[dontco]

You're a spiritual genius.

[CFTraveler]

Not really, I just have lots of opinions. But thank you.

[ButterflyWoman]

I think obsessing about too much ego is the best way to strengthen it and let its unsavory side take control-self loathing.
Yes.

Ego's function is actually vital: you need a material ego-self to interpret your reality through itself (its filters, experiences, beliefs, etc.). To that end, ego is powerfully programmed "to survive". It doesn't care if its loved, hated, or both. It just has a need to survive. This is why, IMHO, you can't ever really "kill" the ego. It just takes the experience of "ego death" (seeing itself for what it really is) and makes that part of its identity, of its "reality filter" if you will. Ego is a functional, necessary part of human experience. The real trick is in keeping the perspective of the "higher self" (whatever phrase you want to use there, really) in balance with the perspective of the ego. Once ego knows its true purpose, it's a lot less likely to go off on tangents (but sometimes still does). ;)

I think I just said pretty much what CFTraveler did, but in different words. :)

[CFTraveler]

Haha I think so. I like the 'keeping the perspective of the higher self' part as a description of 'loving everything as divine' way of saying it.

[dontco]

Yes.

Ego's function is actually vital: you need a material ego-self to interpret your reality through itself (its filters, experiences, beliefs, etc.). To that end, ego is powerfully programmed "to survive". It doesn't care if its loved, hated, or both. It just has a need to survive. This is why, IMHO, you can't ever really "kill" the ego. It just takes the experience of "ego death" (seeing itself for what it really is) and makes that part of its identity, of its "reality filter" if you will. Ego is a functional, necessary part of human experience. The real trick is in keeping the perspective of the "higher self" (whatever phrase you want to use there, really) in balance with the perspective of the ego. Once ego knows its true purpose, it's a lot less likely to go off on tangents (but sometimes still does). ;)

I think I just said pretty much what CFTraveler did, but in different words. :)
You're great, thank you!!! :-) it's wonderful to have such smart individuals around.

[Osiris]

I dont know. I dont think I associate myself with my ego....I consider my ego pretty much a child, And although I love the little guy he is non the less, a child, and sometimes it seems causes more problems than he solves. I think the ego is more or less just a projection of what You are. Its held there in a kind of limbo an intricate part of you but yet somehow observable from without, It is, or mine is, an unfinished painting, not because it lacks paint but because it is covered with blotches, smears, and globs of ugly colors that have to be dabbed off the surface once done, its no longer the ego that I know but hopefully a reflection of my higherself....my true ego. And the only way to fix the damn thing is with loving patient care and determination.

[Dreamweaver]

Lots of different definitions of ego here. I've always thought of it as myself. The conscious self aware presence looking out from behind my eyes that thinks, dreams, feels acts and grows.

[dontco]

Thank you both, interesting answers! What I meant in this thread when I said ego is the part of yourself that wants to be important, to be noticed and powerful. To be the best in everything and loved by all.

[susan]

I think sometimes those qualities you give Dontco are needed to overshadow the personality itself. Some jobs require a lot of these qualities to be successful. Politicians are a good example. Being able to step back afterwards and analyse yourself is the important part I think. To work in harmony with all characteristics that are displayed at the time and to know you are showing these for a reason. And the right reason. Being able to analyse yourself and ask the question Why?

" O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us.
To see oorsels as ithers see us!
It wad frae mony a blonder free us,
An foolish notion."

Robby Burns
( if we could only see ourselves through each other's eyes)

[dontco]

Thanks, Susan! you are such a nice person (and not just because of this response, but a good person in general). I think analysing ourselves in really an important part of spiritual grown (in the right amount).
I've come to the conclusion that we have no other choice but to love ourselves, since the other possibility is self hatred and no good comes out of it- it only makes the person miserable. If that person is miserable- he or she will not be able to love others as much as he or she could if they loved themselves. That same person will look for love and approval from others- because they cannot find them in themselves. They will be more jealous of others, idolize them and generally have less self worth. The same thing they will pass on to their children. They will think they are not worthy of the love of another and may end up in abusive relationships.
This is the answer I've come to myself a long time after I posted this thread :-)

[Genesis]

What do you guys think about making "cocky" jokes? I do a lot of those without actually meaning them, just because I find cocky jokes to be funny. Could this be a bad thing and subconciously make me believe what I say? Or is it just humor?

[dontco]

Well, I think you should be careful of your talk to others and your self- talk also. In Joseph Murphy's book he talked about a father whose daughter had some kind of incurable desease and he kept saying "I would give my right arm for her to heal" all the time. And guess what? At some point he was in a car crash and his arm was cut off! that same day his daughter was healed (I think she had a skin desase). So I would say... be careful of your self talk. The universe is always listening and your subconscious does not understand jokes.

PS- you can find the book online, if you wanna.

[MooSaysTheCat]

What do you guys think about making "cocky" jokes? I do a lot of those without actually meaning them, just because I find cocky jokes to be funny. Could this be a bad thing and subconciously make me believe what I say? Or is it just humor?

Do you mean like, sort of "showing off" but in a humorous way?

If you do, personally I think it's fine...until they start doing it too often, then I just start getting tiered of the person or worse I start wondering if he's actually being serious. I would advice making sure that the people you are with actually think it's funny, and that they are not just laughing awkwardly.

[CFTraveler]

Lots of different definitions of ego here. I've always thought of it as myself. The conscious self aware presence looking out from behind my eyes that thinks, dreams, feels acts and grows. That's the usual way I use it, but nowadays esoterica has assigned various meanings to the word.

[outofbodydude]

The most basic definition of ego is essentially the sense of self that we identify with as being "I." There is nothing wrong with this in and of itself, but this depends on the nature of the identification. If one creates an identification with one's self that leads to the arising of unwholesome states of mind and unskillful actions, then this is something that should be remedied through proper insight and a transformation of beliefs. It is of upmost importance to be conscious of the activities of one's mind so that one may be aware of the tendencies of the mind that give rise to harmful thoughts, emotions, and actions, and work towards eliminating these harmful mind states.

[CFTraveler]

The most basic definition of ego is essentially the sense of self that we identify with as being "I." There is nothing wrong with this in and of itself, but this depends on the nature of the identification. If one creates an identification with one's self that leads to the arising of unwholesome states of mind and unskillful actions, then this is something that should be remedied through proper insight and a transformation of beliefs. It is of upmost importance to be conscious of the activities of one's mind so that one may be aware of the tendencies of the mind that give rise to harmful thoughts, emotions, and actions, and work towards eliminating these harmful mind states.
Exactly!

[Sinera]

Be the observer. It does not deny the Ego acting. It doesn't hate it either. It observes it and knows it is not entirely it but another instance of your (higher) self.

If you ever act with your ego (anger, greed, hate, pride, etc.) try to step beside your"self" and observe, without too much judgement or with none at all. By this you are aware of the "other level" and the Ego alike.

[Dreamweaver]

Ego is not just the negative aspects of thought feeling and behavior. It is contained consciousness - the observer of objects of consciousness... negative, positive and every point in between. Ego can get lost in classifying and identifying with aspects and objects on that continuum.

[Boundless]

The ultimate goal is to reduce fear and guilt, and increase love across the board. True self love is not selfish, but also not altruistic to the point of martyrdom. True self love is perfectly balanced. It desires balance in everything - an infinite, perfect state of becoming.

This is love as a driving force. The divine will.

[DerFürst]

Self-love is pervasive. In a state of self-love, there is a distinct feeling (mostly) in the heart that's very uplifting and enjoyable, fear is noted but not given undue significance, thoughts are clear and misplaced doubt is gone, and it's incredibly easy to love others without reason or discrimination. It's a harmonious state because it follows what is true and good.

In a false sense of self love, the mind erroneously latches on to the ego and thinks of it as the supreme self, while also thinking love is a purely mental affair. Because of this, the individual suffers all sorts of emotional distress and mental confusion. As previously stated, the ego is absolutely necessary for human existence, but it's not the beginning nor end of existence by a long shot. False identification of love and false attributions towards the ego's purpose leads to a disharmonious state, which feels very muddy and ultimately unhappy in comparison to true self-love. The ego is absolutely capable of being a good thing, but it's more of a tool than anything. While a tool does reflect the aspects of its creator, misuse of a tool is bound to bring pain and unhappiness. Never blame the tool for how it's used.

[IA56]

Self-love is pervasive. In a state of self-love, there is a distinct feeling (mostly) in the heart that's very uplifting and enjoyable, fear is noted but not given undue significance, thoughts are clear and misplaced doubt is gone, and it's incredibly easy to love others without reason or discrimination. It's a harmonious state because it follows what is true and good.

In a false sense of self love, the mind erroneously latches on to the ego and thinks of it as the supreme self, while also thinking love is a purely mental affair. Because of this, the individual suffers all sorts of emotional distress and mental confusion. As previously stated, the ego is absolutely necessary for human existence, but it's not the beginning nor end of existence by a long shot. False identification of love and false attributions towards the ego's purpose leads to a disharmonious state, which feels very muddy and ultimately unhappy in comparison to true self-love. The ego is absolutely capable of being a good thing, but it's more of a tool than anything. While a tool does reflect the aspects of its creator, misuse of a tool is bound to bring pain and unhappiness. Never blame the tool for how it's used.

Totally agreed...thank you.

Love
ia