Help me get the love of my life back

[arundios]

Hello,

A couple of months ago I and my girlfriend split and since then I am finding it quite difficult to live without her. We both are in our late twenties. She was my life. We spent months discussing marriage and family plans and I was so much into her that I would feel alive every time I was with her or she talked to me. She always claimed she loved me a lot, and so did I. Then one day out of the blue she stopped talking to me or taking my phone calls; the next day after much pressure from me she told me via a sms that she found a new boyfriend. I begged her a lot but she is so stubborn that she refuses to have any further relationship with me. We have had our share of fights but which couple doesn't? Our last fight was pretty big but I had never expected things to come to this. Now she doesn't even want to talk to me anymore; she doesn't pick the phone any longer. She says she doesn't want to keep any contact with me.

My days and nights are spent in crying profusely or contemplating suicide. I have lost weight considerably as well. I don't find any other woman appealing enough to start a relationship with her. I have recently lost my job and am looking for a new job now. I have done everything, from praying to offering pujas in temples but nothing seems to have any effect. As a last resort, I have decided to have a look at magic (black magic, white magic, folk magic, voodoo, doesn't matter to me really) because some people say it works wonders. I encountered some people who offered to do it for me in exchange of anything from 15k to 20k for the job.

If any of you are capable enough to bring her back into my life, I would be forever grateful. Please don't ask me for anything big as you can see I am not in a very sound financial position, but I would certainly pray for you and your family to my Lord. Thanks.

PM me please if you are serious about helping me. I would send you whatever info you need.

[Saturn]

I know what you are going through, because I've been in a very similar situation. You say she doesn't want to keep any contact with you, so now you have to ask yourself if you can truly be satisfied with forcing her to get back with you through some kind of magical ritual.

I can't answer that for you. The only thing I can give you is this advice. Let go of this obsession you have with her. You gave her too much power over you, because you associated her with your happiness and joy. When she left, those things went with her.
This isn't going to be easy as I'm sure you know. You're going to be in a lot of pain, and there's going to be a long period of numbness where you wont want to start a new relationship with anyone. Like your heart was ripped out and you have to grow a new one. I can promise you this though. You will love again. When you find a girl you like, don't jump right in. Remember she has to earn your trust just like you had to earn hers. If you're too easy, you will face the same situation again.

In the meantime you need to build yourself back up. Build success in your career. Have a strong healthy body. Develop your self confidence and assertiveness. Do all of these things for your own sake so you can be self sufficient. This will make you strong so you can support others. Also find it in your heart to forgive your ex and yourself for what happened, and thank God for the pain you have because it is going to teach you what is really important.

[ButterflyWoman]

Okay. I've been there and done that (been dumped unceremoniously, and then spent ages sobbing and feeling like it was the end of the world). And I know you're hurting, and I know you may not be able to hear what I'm about to say, but I'm going to throw a bucket of ice water on the situation. It's not that I have no compassion (believe me, I absolutely do). It's my hope that what I'm about to write will be helpful. Maybe not immediately (feel free to be pissed off at me if you want), but eventually.

This girl was probably cheating on you. She didn't just suddenly go out and get a new boyfriend because you had a fight. She was probably in the relationship with the other guy for a while, and the fight was just the thing that made her decide to be with him rather than you. This is very common behaviour for a lot of people (male and female), to keep more than one relationship going in case one doesn't work out. It's dishonest and sleazy.

Why do you want to be with a woman who is dishonest? Aren't you worth more than that? Do you think that if you manage to magick her back into your life, she'll stop being dishonest? She'll stop keeping you on a back burner while she looks for "better prospects"? I know you love her, but what you love is your idea of what she could be, not what she is. You dodged a bullet with this one. Hold out for a woman who is actually going to be honest with you and not run off with some other guy the moment she thinks it's to her advantage.

[arundios]

This girl was probably cheating on you. She didn't just suddenly go out and get a new boyfriend because you had a fight. She was probably in the relationship with the other guy for a while, and the fight was just the thing that made her decide to be with him rather than you. This is very common behaviour for a lot of people (male and female), to keep more than one relationship going in case one doesn't work out. It's dishonest and sleazy.

Actually, I have pondered on that for a while. Even when we were together, a month or so before our last fight she stopped talking to me as often as she did before (when I asked her if she misses me/remembers me at all, she said no, but when I asked her if she loves me she said that she loves me from the bottom of her heart; when I asked her why won't she talk to me then, she said that she has talked too much with me already and there is nothing left to talk about anymore, and that it doesn't mean that she doesn't love me.' I thought she might be pissed off at me for some previous fight we had but she was closed up to me by then and this kind of passive aggression on her part did fuel my anger which did contribute to an extent to our eventual fight), under the pretext that she is 'depressed' (for reasons unknown to her, or at least that's what she told me) and that she wants to live a 'quite life.' I knew something was going but was not sure what it was. However the fact that it took her only nine days after our breakup to find a bf (who does that?) did tell me something fishy was going on all along. My friend had broken up with her gf (actually she dumped him) 3 months before that and around the time he told me she had no bf yet, which sounds more normal than the rebound relationship my ex- got into. I think she is essentially stupid even though she won't admit it and I do want to forgive her in spite of everything but then again your advice is spot on as well.

[Osiris]

Yeah you gave her Way to much power. Unfortunately even in the deepest of relationships Head Games continue unabated. Never let them KNOW that you cant live without them. If she starts to get luke warm on you, you have to act like you couldnt care less...CONFIDENCE always.... I dont care how much you adore her and know you would be crushed if she walked, my god never let um know it!... you should have acted hesitant about marrage at your age. Get caught looking around, especially if she can find better somewhere else. oh well live and learn. And what ever you do dont pick up if she calls weeks from now or ever, it would just be a probe on her part to make sure she made the right choice in dumping you. If you run into her again, dont get upset and confirm things for her, act like she is your best friend ever and you hope to run into her every day (she will figure you are Sooooo over her) Call her in a week or so to see if she is up for a Quicky, Seriously she'll figure you are so over her that you could do it NO PROBLEM, maybe you'll gain alittle respect back and if some how she does go for it, you know what to do. Its sad but true chicks dig bad boys and even if your not one you have to act like it every now and then. Sorry its not my intention to offend but story book relationships only exist in story books. Real relationships consist of real people and real people are well pretty wacked.

[ButterflyWoman]

Osiris makes a good point. When you give someone too much power over you, it's not a good thing. Even someone you completely trust and love and who you are positive loves and adores you, it's not a good thing to make them the centre of your world. You build a foundation WITH someone, not ON someone, if that makes sense.

Of course, that doesn't help the situation you're in now, which is, without a doubt, very painful. Like I said, I've been there and done that, I know the state you're in. I know you're hurting and can't see much beyond your pain (pain has a way of blinding you to everything but itself; this is true of physical pain as well as emotional pain), but try to keep as much perspective as you can. This was one girl who misled you and lied to you. She's not the love of your life. And as much as it hurts to lose the relationship, you'll survive this, and you'll be a little bit smarter and a little bit wiser and good deal more experienced from it, and those things are worth having (even if we do sometimes have to come by them in painful ways).

[buzzcock]

Get a photo of her face
-take it to tattoo artist and ask him to paint it on your chest
-stand outside her home and wait for her to look out
-lift shirt
- stand back and wait for hugs and marriage.

(this is a joke)

[CFTraveler]

I suggest it's not a funny one, and may be hurtful, considering the emotional grieving he's going through.

[buzzcock]

My apologies. stay strong arundos. remember your hobbies/interests. Have you seen the film something about mary? very funny film about obsessive lost love in my opinion. I watched it with a friend of mine who was going through a similar thing.

[arundios]

Get a photo of her face
-take it to tattoo artist and ask him to paint it on your chest
-stand outside her home and wait for her to look out
-lift shirt
- stand back and wait for hugs and marriage.

(this is a joke)

Ironically she is a big lover of tattoos lol. She'd said she would make me one, but I said I would rather not go through that pain

[arundios]

I suggest it's not a funny one, and may be hurtful, considering the emotional grieving he's going through.

It IS hurtful, but at the same time I also need a few laughs rather badly at this stage, so it's all good. She stole away a lot of things from me, my heart, my happiness, my peace...you name it. Sometimes I wish I'd not loved her so much, then she could not have given me this much pain, but the past is past.

[CFTraveler]

:thumbsup:

[ButterflyWoman]

She stole away a lot of things from me, my heart, my happiness, my peace...you name it. Sometimes I wish I'd not loved her so much, then she could not have given me this much pain, but the past is past.
I want to point something out to you. I want you to take it the way I intend it (with compassion, but I'm not pulling any punches). :)

You GAVE her those things. You made her the condition for your happiness. So when she went... well...

I'm only pointing this out because it's a fantastic opportunity to learn, and, trust me, the sooner you really get that you can't make anyone or anything into your condition for being happy, the happier you'll actually be. *hugs*

[arundios]

I want to point something out to you. I want you to take it the way I intend it (with compassion, but I'm not pulling any punches). :)

You GAVE her those things. You made her the condition for your happiness. So when she went... well...

I'm only pointing this out because it's a fantastic opportunity to learn, and, trust me, the sooner you really get that you can't make anyone or anything into your condition for being happy, the happier you'll actually be. *hugs*

Yes I know what you mean. Instead of looking for emotional anchor in others I should be my own emotional anchor. Sounds like a marathon run to me. :D

[ButterflyWoman]

Sounds like a marathon run to me. :D
It is. But it's worth it. :D