GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-getting my beautiful dolce & gabbana sunglasses today in the mail
-getting my beautiful balenciaga socks today
-D responding to me today saying he's just been going through the motions lately
-stretches
-M saying she will be ready to go to the gym next week
-hairties
-charcoal mouthwash
-cleaning the living room air purifier
-using the humidfier
-getting starbucks today
-my beauty
-looking like a model
-having a great body
-working on creative projects
-having a baby face
-feeling more empowered
-finding another phone charger to use
-drinking more water
-self forgiveness
-prayer
-solutions
-♥♥♥♥♥ relief
-moisturizers
-cleaning products
-my acupressure mat
-having toned muscles
-my creativity
-having beautiful eyes
-learning
-being kind
-having a baby face
-blankets
-pillows
-humor
-unity
-strength
-colors
-great design
-decluttering
-reorganizing
-surrender
-peace
-inner peace
-reflection
-sunshine
-quiet
-feeling my feelings and almost feeling an aliveness
-tissue salts
-my wit
-having a baby voice
-newness

[buttercup]

-sweet things people say
-compliments
-my beauty
-D returning my clothes and bringing me candy
-friendly worker at starbucks who answered my call
-having beautiful eyes
-having a nice face
-starbucks putting a little heart by name on the bag which was cute
-unity
-fashion
-makeup
-earth decorated cake pops
-giving D an earth cake pop with a cutesy note
-art
-music
-my acupressure mat
-sweets
-warmed up banana bread
-cleaning the bath tub
-learning
-water
-pillows
-blankets
-getting my christian louboutin keychain in the mail today and how beautiful it is and the packaging
-yoga
-vitamins
-my talents
-cats
-having the humidifier on
-vitamins
-♥♥♥♥♥ relief
-prayer
-having a baby face
-eviction ban extended again
-baby wipes
-surrender

[buttercup]

-sleep
-staying rational
-going for a nice healthy walk today
-my lower body getting tighter
-seeing M's husband today and getting starbucks
-staying strong
-drinking more water
-earth cake pops
-getting ride to the store today
-prayer
-support from others
-♥♥♥♥♥ relief
-my acupressure mat
-being productive
-moisturizers
-showering
-de-cluttering
-cleaning the bathroom hallway floor
-blankets
-pillows
-felines
-cuteness
-hyaluronic acid
-tissue salts
-newness
-evolving as a person
-reflection
-self compassion
-kindness
-things normalizing a little bit
-stretching
-deodorant
-fashion
-unity
-cleaning products
-having nice muscle tone

[buttercup]

-compliments
-my beauty
-being considered a prize
-flirting
-fashion
-my fashion sense
-my acupressure mat
-listening to some heart chakra music
-being sexy
-leg warmers
-going for a short walk
-my starbucks drink i like
-having goals and things i want to work on to better myself
-drinking more water
-my body getting tighter and smoother
-hair ties
-having beautiful eyes
-great skincare products
-being kind
-cleaning products
-getting the living room air purifier changed
-the humidifier
-moisturizers
-baby wipes
-blankets
-healthy digestion
-night skies
-having nice curves
-music
-colors
-self compassion
-being rational
-surrender
-my femininity
-creativity
-innovation
-a new bill being proposed in my state that's awesome
-tissue salts
-yoga
-feeling ambitious

[buttercup]

-tissues
-baby wipes
-tissue salts
-drinking more water
-people being really sweet lately
-bandaids
-seeing M's husband and going grocery shopping today
-my acupressure mat
-having nice curves
-joggers
-compassion
-having a kind heart
-my body smoothing out and tightening
-my beauty
-looking like a model
-getting the sexy shot glasses of myself for D in the mail today and the pride i have in my epic ideas
-romance
-being told sweet things
-showers
-prayer
-people who can think for themselves
-music
-art
-sleep
-hair ties
-moisturizers
-finding a makeup artist for a project
-pillows
-cats
-cuteness
-animal lovers, animal activists, and animal heroes
-fashion

[buttercup]

-surrendering the D situation
-remembering things to calm me down
-root beer
-drinking more water
-compassion for self
-acupressure
-having a great body
-attractive guys
-joggers
-sleeping more in the nude lately for wellness benefits
-sportsbras
-coffee
-being productive and getting some stuff accomplished
-cuteness
-art
-felines
-my pants fitting very loose on me
-feeling very accomplished
-getting in contact with my new casewoker
-great skincare products
-baby wipes
-cleaning products
-my beauty
-fashion
-moisturizers
-being able to think for myself
-my femininity
-beauty

[buttercup]

-my prada socks
-my pants looser the last few days
-having beautiful hair
-having great style
-resetting my sleep schedule
-fashion
-going for a 2 mile walk
-coffee
-cleaning
-my beauty
-compliments
-being productive
-feeling ambitious
-showering
-wearing some lip gloss today
-sleep
-blankets
-cuteness
-charitable organizations that help others
-moisturizers
-drinking more water
-having apple cider vinegar with water today
-blankets
-hoodies
-wearing leggings
-donating to an animal charity today
-trying out a new cleaning product today and it working
-learning
-baby wipes
-kindness
-being able to think for myself
-paper towels

[buttercup]

-looking like a model
-others having empathy for others
-my beauty
-D and I running into each other and i tried to avoid it and i think he did initially and then he said hello, and i just walked past him without saying anything. I think i needed that to redeem myself for how much i always gave in to him and him ignoring me, giving him the snub.
-starbucks
-cool innovations and inventions
-being smart
-evolving my way of being and speaking
-getting an ipl the other day
-M's husband recovering well
-going to uber to see the ferals the other day
-ordering starbucks
-fashion
-having great style
-getting a pedicure the other day
-amazing beauty products
-the opportunities coming my way
-drinking more water
-resetting my sleep schedule
-yoga
-going to the gym
-sunshine
-going for walks
-being a kind person
-compliments
-weight going down
-having nice curves
-moisturizers
-putting the humidifier on
-hyaluronic acid
-makeup
-having beautiful hair
-cats
-cuteness
-being productive
-sleep
-doing laundry today
-animal lovers, animal advocates, animal heroes, and animal activists
-showering
-baby wipes
-feeling ambitious
-losing weight
-colors
-fun
-prayer
-amazing memories

[buttercup]

-my cease and desist letter on it's way to the awful tenant who's harassed and bullied me
-prayer
-surrender
-being smart
-my power
-fashion
-compliments
-sweet messages
-tenant union organizer reassuring me when i was heartbroken about harassement and needed advice
-sleep
-romance
-my resilence
-my sense of style
-ipl facials
-trying to better myself
-love
-cuteness
-realizing those who hate on me and make fun of me, are just jealous
-calming down and realizing the person who did something wrong and thinks he exposed me really only exposed himself
-sweaters
-beauty
-colors
-trees
-animals
-defending myself
-being resourceful
-my bastet plush stuffed animals
-my givenchy teddy bear
-kindness from others
-my upcoming job from my career having the date confirmed
-confirming 2 more jobs for next month
-slippers
-the internship i recently got
-my ambition
-art
-being offered a chance to submit some beauty articles for a magazine
-my starbucks drink i like
-cleaning products
-compassion for self
-having a kind heart
-vegan food
-switching to a different anxiety med
-being able to take accountability and be self aware
-animal advocates
-having beautiful hair
-hair ties
-being productive
-hoodies
-baby wipes
-showering
-deodorant
-doing some reading
-becoming stronger from the harassement and bullying the other day
-my cute dollar signs hair barette
-having a beautiful face
-retouching
-newness
-moisturizers
-growing as a person
-being able to think for myself
-being open minded

[buttercup]

-clean skin
-hip and pelvic stretches
-cleaning and vacuuming the living room
-having nice curves
-B cat doing better after his procedure and moving more, eating, and cuddling with my mom
-barq's root beer
-inspirational videos, quotes and advice
-how my hair looks in updo's
-surrendering
-prayer
-learning
-tissue salts
-using my acupressure mat today
-ideas
-people working to make the world a better place
-my fashion sense
-compliments
-benzodiazepines to chill out after a crazy week
-cuteness
-water
-a great yoga class yesterday
-moisturizers
-stain removers
-cleaning products
-beautiful sights
-intention seeding last night while listening to throat chakra music
-sleep
-blankets
-fabric refresh spray
-baby wipes
-having nice lips
-makeup
-learning
-being smart
-being productive
-starbucks banana bread
-holistic and homeopathic healing
-having goals
-love
-unity
-kind heartedness

[buttercup]

-my anxiety med i switched to, klonopin
-my therapist affirming it's ok to assert myself with psycho tenant just like M's husband and tenant organizer said
-pillows
-blankets
-my unemployment automatically extending
-fashion
-joggers
-dancing
-movement
-feeling my feelings
-getting a credit to my account
-great skincare products
-getting my botox and latisse appt made
-sleep
-my beauty
-hyaluronic acid
-lemon pie and lemon bars
-drinking water
-getting stuff for free
-boosting my twitter count
-all the jobs confirmed for this month and my job confirmed on the 14th
-developing and working my muscles
-going for a 3 mile walk yesterday
-showering
-feeling my feelings
-touching up my hair colors
-M's husband taking care of the cats
-prayer
-ipl facials
-innovation
-my acupressure mat
-surrender
-thinking positive
-great deals
-looking like a model
-beauty
-moisturizers
-compliments
-socks
-music
-art
-humor
-reflection
-hair-ties
-learning
-growing as a person
-having great taste
-having a kind heart
-becoming more resilient
-having goals
-being smart
-being able to think for myself
-my creativity
-animal advocates and activists
-those who help to make the world a better place
-calmness
-rest

[buttercup]

-stain removers
-having l cat here again
-getting b cat to the vet again and getting him on meds he likes
-cuteness
-W cat healing
-botox and getting a touch up done the other day and how amazing it looks. how smooth my forehead is.
-trying out latisse now
-physical exercise
-my new fascia roller
-showering
-coffee
-drinking more water
-seeing D's car tonight
-music
-fashion
-how great my hair color looks
-banana bread
-self compassion
-reflection and learning more about myself
-having a loving heart
-sleep
-cat cuddles
-compliments
-ibuprofen
-klonopin
-ipl facials
-evolving as a person
-feeling ambitious lately
-my beauty
-having a nice chest
-great skincare products
-making a new self hypnosis audio last night
-great design
-hair ties
-entertainment
-my jobs coming up
-prayer
-utilizing a to-do list
-inspiration
-ideas
-hyaluronic acid
-apple cider vinegar
-holistic and homeopathic healing
-deluttering
-my creativity
-makeup
-joggers
-taking the garbage out
-pictures
-becoming stronger
-staying motivated
-moisturizers

[buttercup]

-updating career things
-my job on sunday going very well
-looking like a model
-my beauty
-compliments
-being considered attractive
-people thinking my lips look big and full
-having great cheekbones
-people liking my new look and feeling like i look more exotic with it
-seeing my new hair color photographed professionally
-having big eyes
-seeing my hair pin straight blow out looking and how great it looked
-barq's root beer
-mobile photo editing apps
-socks
-having l cat here
-kind people and getting rental assistance
-my benzodiazepines which help me calm down
-getting back to me a little
-slippers
-joggers
-my tunic hoodie dress that says rad milano on it
-the cute dainty chortle sounds l cat makes
-sleep
-coffee
-great lighting
-having a baby face
-baby wipes
-showering
-great hair products
-botox
-doing a little reading today
-getting a little work again lately
-trying out latisse
-prayer
-gratitude
-surrender
-moisturizers
-hair ties
-self compassion
-mopping the dining room floor
-my acupressure mat
-fashion
-beauty
-yoga
-apple cider vinegar
-hyaluronic acid
-having a great personality
-having a sense of humor
-soul connections
-love
-physical exercise
-yoga
-setting goals for myself
-great causes
-animal advocates and animal activists
-heat warming moments
-my sense of style
-tissue salts
-decluttering
-blankets
-banana bread
-being smart
-being authentic
-my creativity

[buttercup]

-my strength and resilency
-compassion for self
-pillows
-blankets
-doing a nice journaling session tonight
-M's husband coming by to check out some things in my apartment and L cat being happy to see him
-L cat being here
-fashion
-makeup
-botox
-doing latisse
-drinking water
-barq's root beer
-yoga
-hyaluronic acid
-finding out what happened to my late packages
-slippers
-joggers
-kindness
-surrender
-band-aids
-cuteness
-prayer
-growing as a person
-my pills to calm me down
-my hair color
-compliments and support from others
-cleaning and decluttering
-having a caring heart
-having beautiful eyes
-sleep
-animal activists, animal advocates, and heroes for animals
-moisturizers
-cleaning products
-working to better myself
-my new phone charger working great.
-ideas

[buttercup]

-taking extra benzos
-starbucks
-going to the gym today
-beautiful things
-new social media posts to make
-art
-music
-yoga
-telling D my feelings again and just feeling my feelings
-water
-getting my beautiful gold dipped green rose the other day
-botox
-the latisse seeming to show up already
-inspirattion
-fashion
-how well l cat is doing being a house cat
-becoming better at being assertive in ways i needed to work on
-prayer
-beauty
-compliments
-the sound of the outdoors when the window is open
-animal lovers, animal activists, and animal heroes
-heart-warming stories
-people who choose to be a light in the world
-love
-romance
-poems
-cleaning products
-poems
-attractive people
-baby wipes
-moisturizers
-hyaluronic acid
-photo editing apps
-glycolic acid
-reflection and healing
-learning
-slippers
-kindness
-vegan food
-my power
-my intelligence
-my new internship
-compassion
-ideas
-my heart's desires
-surrender

[buttercup]

-self compassion
-benzos
-letting go
-sleep
-a nice meditation on the balcony tonight
-D still bringing my mail up for me
-water
-cleaning products
-l cat being here and doing well as a house cat
-fashion
-botox
-sleeping masks
-coffee
-the latisse starting to show up
-hairties
-cleaning and de-cluttering
-prayer
-reassurances
-seeing finished photos from my job the other day
-great affirming or funny or inspiring things online to share, or post or just look at
-humor
-vegan food
-my balenciaga socks
-the weather being warmer today
-cuteness
-talking with others and learning
-delivery services
-lint rollers
-slippers
-art
-inspiration
-great design and packaging
-compliments
-blankets
-pillows
-peaceful sounds
-beauty
-my beauty
-newness
-updating my resume and social medias and website a little bit
-getting an appt made for my lips.

[buttercup]

-cbd cookies i had tonight
-water
-trying to make an effort to piece my life together
-the breeze and sound when the balcony window is open
-starbucks
-latisse
-botox
-my hair color
-great skincare products
-sleep
-moisturizers
-going to yoga class tonight
-benzos
-getting free stuff
-showering
-slippers
-my beauty
-laughing and humor
-sunshine
-my ambition
-being productive
-baby wipes
-fashion
-my cute dollar signs barette
-hot guys flirting with me
-healthy digestion
-l cat being here and the cute sounds she makes
-entertainment
-newness
-reflection
-evolving as a person and healing
-compassion
-healing
-animal activists, animal heroes, and animal advocates
-de-cluttering and cleaning
-prayer
-being smart
-kindness
-my talents and accomplishments
-my goals and desires
-music

[buttercup]

-tissues
-tissue salts
-baby wipes
-cleaning wipes
-vitamins
-water
-benzos
-botox
-healthy digestion
-prayer
-moisturizers
-naps
-humor
-having an interesting personality
-fashion
-free stuff
-yoga
-having great style
-content to update my social medias and website
-getting a first draft done on an article with my internship
-an attractive guy at whole foods helping me flirting with me and calling me sparkles because of my shoes
-cats
-compliments
-being considered attractive
-buying new makeup today
-being productive and starting more planning for a business trip
-starbucks
-seeing my feral cats today
-being smart
-having a kind
-evolving and growing as a person
-having nice glowy skin
-makeup
-great beauty products
-feeling ambitious
-affirmations
-ideas
-newness
-my beautiful gold dipped green rose
-those delicious and somehow relaxing cbd cookies i had last night
-leggings
-my fendi socks
-slippers
-doing research
-being able to think for myself
-surrender
-my acupressure mat
-hyaluronic acid
-blankets
-having a bit of an activist in me
-pillows
-decluttering and cleaning
-surrender
-reflecting on ways to grow and heal more
-towels

[buttercup]

-apple cider vinegar
-tissue salts
-vitamins
-sleep
-ibuprofen
-benzos
-sending mullein and echincea to H cat
-hair ties
-my gua shua stone
-new social media posts and how great i've gotten at mobile phone editing and product pics
-seeing a sign D may have been keeping an eye on me
-hot guys
-new work pictures
-being productive
-blankets
-sleeping without clothing on
-my acupressure mat
-botox
-cleaning and decluttering
-listening to some third eye chakra music tonight
-botox
-starbucks
-vegan food
-water
-fashion
-deodorant
-baby wipes
-lysol wipes
-hyaluronic acid
-being kind
-being assertive
-glycolic acid
-meditating on the balcony today
-sunshine
-ideas
-getting a 2nd draft done for the organization i'm working for
-updating all my online platforms
-great skincare products
-makeup
-my hair color
-compliments
-doing laundry
-taking out the trash
-being able to laugh at myself and at life
-having goals and desires
-evolving as a person
-self compassion
-new ways of thinking
-my new incense holder i got the other day
-lighting
-slippers
-laughing
-blankets
-pillows
-prayer
-having a caring heart
-relaxation
-my beautiful green rose
-newness
-latisse
-having so many of my dreams come true
-pleasant memories
-prayer
-my laptop
-my phone
-activists for animals and other causes that make the world a better place
-kindness
-my new yoga mat that came in the mail today

[buttercup]

-benzos
-not ordering out today
-d and i having our first awkward interaction yesterday, and accidental running into each other since we first got together ,besides the time he waited to say hi to me and i walked past him without a word for having been ignoring my texts. My guess is, since i was waiting longer then expected, he didn't expect to see me. I looked behind me, and seen his face looking at me through the window door and then i moved to make space for him, and he said hello to me with the most F-you face ever. He had never looked at me like that before. And, I responded and said hello and for some reason had a smug look on my face. i'm grateful we had some kind of interaction even though it hurt and that at least it shows he has feelings. From his eyes through the door, to the anger when he said hi, there was no indifference there.
-ginger
-healthy digestion
-baby wipes
-slippers
-getting paid
-cleaning and de-cluttering
-makeup
-new work photos
-feeling like i look more exotic with appearance changes i made including my hair color
-fashion
-botox
-buying a ticket out of town for a short trip
-hyaluronic acid
-yoga
-using my fascia roller on my stomach today
-sleeping without clothes on
-my acupressure mat
-blankets
-slippers
-pillows
-wearing mascara yesterday and seeing that latisse is definitely taking on a little bit of an effect
-meditating on the balcony today
-hope
-feeling my feelings
-ideas
-being smart
-cuteness
-sex
-healing
-prayer
-colors
-art
-having nice lips
-deodorant
-having nice eyes
-learning
-evolving as a person
-water
-having talents
-beauty

[buttercup]

-my fascia blaster
-showering
-latisse
-sleeping masks
-going for a drive and getting starbucks and talking about the D situation with M's husband
-my hair color
-beautiful things
-benzos and my antidepressant
-water
-the lingerie i got in the mail looking really cute
-a new post for a social media i decided was a great fit
-glycolic acid
-water
-botox
-pillows
-blankets
-compassion for self
-naps
-having a warm apartment
-slippers
-moisturizers
-entertainment
-deodorant
-baby wipes
-being able to laugh at myself
-having goals
-beauty
-my beauty
-botox
-interesting reflections
-having an artistic mindset
-de-cluttering and cleaning
-listening to crown chakra music tonight
-guacamole
-my strength
-trying to focus on the good things
-inspiration

[buttercup]

-my strength
-entertainment
-learning
-my sex appeal
-sleep
-being productive
-joggers
-drinking more water
-dancing
-stretching
-lighting
-self reassurances
-baby wipes
-showering
-my beauty
-fabric refresh spray
-fabric conditioner
-lint rollers
-latisse
-compassion for self
-my acupressure mat
-fascia blasting
-my pills i take shortly after waking
-beauty
-cleaning and decluttering
-makeup
-hand wash
-blankets
-pillows
-slippers
-nightskies
-those who try to make the world a better place
-my intelligence
-prayer
-having goals
-cuteness
-smiling
-inspiration
-romance
-changing my ringtone

[buttercup]

-that D didn't accept the cashapp
-that i healed and recovered from my nervous breakdown today
-my laptop
-starbucks
-buying myself flowers, a beautiful new vase, and a bottle of rose champagne to love myself after D and i officially ending things last night/this morning
-hyaluronic acid
-my dolce and gabbana sunglasses
-booking roundtrip tix to miami work
-getting my lips filled yesterday
-walking around and window shopping yesterday
-drinking more water
-botox
-M's husband getting more info on resources/ new plans to get H cat and W cat to vet
-flowers
-beauty
-my beauty
-my femininity
-being smart
-updating online things
-cleaning and de-cluttering
-standing up for myself after D's b.s this morning
-ideas
-having beautiful eyes
-joggers
-yoga
-dancing
-newness
-my lower body feeling more toned
-benzos
-ideas
-evolving and bettering myself
-reassurances
-M's husband saying today when i said it's officially over with me and D that it's never officially over
-cats
-cuteness
-my laptop
-deodorant
-my hearts desires
-inspiration
-trying to put myself in a meditative mindset
-being unique

[buttercup]

-art
-learning new things
-sleep
-self forgiveness
-compassion for self
-my rad milano hoodie
-getting my juvederm done
-moisturizers
-switching purses and wallets
-cleaning and decluttering
-benzos
-coming out of my breakdown yesterday and everything working out
-my pretty flowers i bought yesterday
-showering
-starbucks
-coffee
-botox
-the new vase i bought myself
-buying myself rose champagne
-caring people
-people who care about and save animals
-new ideas
-solutions
-blankets
-pillows
-talking to M's husband
-felines
-people checking on me today
-hyaluronic acid
-water
-cleaning and decluttering
-fashion
-cats
-my acupressure mat
-my natural beauty
-having a nice chest
-fashion
-laughter and humor

[buttercup]

-having nice glowy skin
-hyaluronic acid
-juvederm
-sleep
-getting B cat to his vet appt
-seeing something very strange that looked propped like D is messing with me, which if so, shows he still cares
-yoga
-people caring and checking in on me
-baby wipes
-drinking more water
-moisturizers
-coffee
-lemon pie
-lighting
-cleaning and re-organizing
-fashion and my sense of style
-getting a gift for B cat
-skipping meals
-my beauty
-compliments
-kindness
-blankets
-meditation
-beauty
-inspiration
-hot guys
-my upcoming work/get away trip
-newness
-projects and ideas im working on
-slippers
-talking to M's husband today
-cleanliness
-prayer
-sunshine
-those who help animals, animal activists, and animal heroes
-being smart
-being able to think for myself
-healing
-entertainment
-wellness
-love
-reflection
-pleasant life moments
-fun
-pillows

[buttercup]

-having nice glowy skin
-botox
-juvederm
-hyaluronic acid
-doing some fascia blasting today and working with my acupressure mat
-drinking more water
-rest
-remembering me and D and D in general moments, like when he revealed he had been thinking about me and keeping tabs on me even before we first exchanged phone numbers
-romance
-love
-meditation
-chemistry between another
-sunshine
-compliments
-anxiety meds
-having great cheekbones
-my intelligence
-having dinner today
-my power
-the sound of the breeze and peaceful sounds when the window is open
-my accomplishments
-fashion
-my femininity
-showering
-connection
-cats
-colors
-flowers
-being unique
-decluttering
-beauty
-hot guys
-self renewing
-remembering fun and goals
-moisturizers
-having a unique sexy look
-having a large chest
-having beautiful eyes
-mobile editing apps
-blankets
-slippers
-being kind
-being assertive
-being kinder to myself
-pillows
-art
-heart warming videos, stories, and photos
-lighting
-sportsbras
-surrender
-intention manifesting
-working towards my goals

[buttercup]

-fighting for justice
-calming down
-tissue salts
-my beauty
-my hair
-getting underneath someone else to get back at D for not protecting me and feeling like he's not on my side
-being social last night
-embracing my truth and imperfection
-compliments
-seeing and experiencing new things
-getting an order of production
-fashion
-my style
-my resilience
-my faith W cat will find his way home
-getting some of my stimulus check
-being smart
-my pink pastel buttons bracelet
-how great my pink money robe looks on me
-sex
-makeup
-fun
-sleep
-calming down
-my determination
-using my pain as fuel
-booking hotel for my upcoming trip
-surrender

[buttercup]

-fashion
-botox
-fillers
-reflection
-my hair color
-trying to have faith
-hair ties
-my pink money robe
-tips and ideas
-sleep
-A talking to me and being a little nicer again
-fashion
-starbucks
-colors
-my acupressure mat
-deep stretches
-entertainment
-kind and supportive people
-animals
-animal activists, animal heroes, and those who make the world a better place for animals
-sweets
-moisturizers
-cleaning
-good skincare ingredients
-my resilence
-fighting for my rights
-finding away to fix my unemployment issues
-showering
-hyaluronic acid
-a new notebook for making to do lists
-colors
-my new gold marker
-newness
-my goals
-self awareness
-inspiration
-owning my crazy
-owning my truth
-slippers
-inspiration
-water
-pills to blank out
-showering
-being smart
-blankets
-creativity
-music

[buttercup]

-serendipity/synchronicity
-getting a manicure today
-reflection
-being high status
-being a kind person
-confidence
-my sense of style
-my hair color
-showering
-drinking more water
-self nourishment
-sleep
-the tenant getting a cease and desist that screamed at me the other day
-the other tenant getting her restraining order by now
-a lot of people coming out to support me and one colleague offering to get me story out there to several news stations
-kindness
-making others happy
-massage
-being strong
-my pastel buttons and fake pearls bracelet
-being productive
-compliments
-art
-inspiration
-soothing feelings
-love
-felines
-hairties
-hoodies
-my beauty
-talking to A.J on the phone today
-icons
-having a large chest
-colors
-trying to surrender
-nightskies
-the way the moon and trees looked tonight
-my dolce and gabbana sunglasses
-ideas
-dancing
-music
-baby wipes
-moisturizers
-tissue salts
-clean clothes
-appreciation
-empathy
-laughing
-working to better myself
-starbucks
-vegan food
-my new mint green notebook and the pink chanel gap tooth lips with drip sticker i put on it

[buttercup]

-trying to have faith it will all work
-looking for w cat with my good luck symbolisms
-remembering D and how we first met by texting him because it's been about a year now
-calming down and stabilizing
-my work accomplishments
-benzos
-compliments
-fashion
-getting a manicure yesterday
-my talents
-opportunities im being offered
-reassuring self
-M's husband's love for W cat
-my new gold marker
-burger king impossible burger
-hummus
-sleep
-lighting
-nightskies
-beauty
-art
-ideas
-colors
-meditating on my balcony
-working on feeling self empowered again
-coffee
-deodorant
-baby wipes
-my hair color
-my eyes
-my lips
-others being concerned for me
-a poetic mindset
-being a romantic
-love
-my new rose quartz heart
-jackets
-blankets
-glycolic acid
-setting positive intentions
-nourishing myself
-prayer
-hairties
-brushing my hair
-having a kind heart
-feeling my feelings
-looking for the good
-being reasonable and logical
-dancing
-music
-walking
-being a kind person
-animals
-animal advocates, activists, and those who help animals
-trees
-water
-

[buttercup]

-knowing i have resources
-letting go of D
-stabilizing
-only taking 1 anxiety pill today
-makeup
-sleep
-being flirted with
-my strength
-my talent
-icons
-inspiration
-goals
-blankets
-slippers
-my christian louboutin keychain
-showering
-cleaning products
-moisturizers
-laughing at life
-getting some positive phone calls today
-pumpkin bread
-vegan food
-drinking more water
-healthy digestion
-beauty
-my beauty
-hope
-goals
-cuteness
-my manicure
-my cloud print slides
-fashion
-water
-cleaning products
-laughing
-music
-finding out last night was a false alarm

[buttercup]

-drinking water
-starbucks
-taking things one day at a time
-getting things done
-trying to be patient with so many pending issues
-hope
-trying to trust
-catching ups and fedex for my packages
-entertainment
-sleep
-colors
-being smart
-my pink money robe
-great packaging
-getting my barbie brush in the mail today
-my manicure
-my glow highlighting spray
-ideas
-great skincare products
-socks
-hoodies
-getting over D
-my givenchy teddy bear
-compliments
-being blonde
-inspiration
-makeup
-my beauty
-reassurances
-talking to m's husband today
-flowers
-my ambitions
-air purifiers
-prayer
-feeling reconnected to my former contacts and creative pursuits
-blankets
-cleaning
-love
-my creativity
-my eyes
-my talents
-my beauty in general
-hip openers

[buttercup]

-pumpkin bread
-starbucks
-the guy i've been flirting with a little seeming really into me
-balancing my chakras
-making my amendments to restraining order I filed
-sleep
-heels
-being friendly
-nightskies
-getting my cute "i'm a mess" joggers in the mail
-stabilizing and going about 3/4 in a row of not overdoing on anxiety medications
-kind people
-seeing i should be getting my next unemployment check, albeit late
-reassurances
-drinking water
-healthy digestion
-fashion
-inspiration
-my ambition
-processing my feelings
-cleaning
-baby wipes
-looking like a baby/coming off very youthful
-leggings
-my cats
-my new gucci socks
-newness
-music
-evolving
-journaling

[buttercup]

-drinking water
-calming down after another anxiety attack
-fighting for my rights
-fighting for what i love
-my new i'm a mess joggers
-that i look new different now compared to before
-vegan food
-my therapist writing an amazing note for me
-fashion
-love
-listening to solar plexus music
-healthy digestion
-art
-goals
-kindness by others
-baby wipes
-being productive
-making a payment to electric company
-booking the next hotel for my upcoming trip
-feeling creative and poetic and artistic
-feeling my feelings
-my femininity
-having a nice chest
-having nice eyes
-night skies
-walking
-colors
-makeup
-hyaluronic acid
-glycolic acid
-sleep
-blankets
-new ideas
-cbd
-moisturizers
-feeling ambitious
-rest
-working on my problems
-coming off very baby like
-the sound of birds chirping
-prayer
-positive affirmations and trying to change the narratives for the better
-my accomplishments
-being smart

[buttercup]

-reassurances
-people checking on me that care
-showering
-designing and ordering W cat stickers
-calming down
-walking
-connecting and vibing with someone nice
-drinking water
-healthy digestion
-baby wipes
-tissue salts
-night skies
-colors
-compliments
-chivalry
-my creativity
-fashion
-beauty
-art

[buttercup]

-proving A lied
-moisturizers
-naps
-orange flavors
-night skies
-good news about my lease, landlords, and living situation in that sense
-joggers
-my fendi socks
-praise and compliments
-pumpkin spice bread
-starbucks
-guy in nyc who's been there for me the last few days being really sweet and vibing with me
-changing my look up
-newness
-innovation
-great design
-hand wash
-unemployment seeming to be fixed
-prayer
-setting positive intentions
-getting letter sent to building management certified mail
-walking more
-drinking water
-goals
-being productive
-slides
-clean clothes
-being kind
-hyaluronic acid
-glycolic acid
-stabilizing
-beautiful things
-having a positive dream about D
-my rose quartz heart
-being told i have champagne taste
-laughing
-music
-inspiring lyrics and quotes
-sunshine
-nightskies
-lighting
-makeup
-my beauty
-my strength
-being remembered by other creatives from years ago
-talking to other creatives
-eviction moratorium extending
-trying to tune into my higher self
-people who are accomodating

[buttercup]

-sportsbras
-sunshine
-my couch
-vegan food
-court going well and J looking dumb saying my order was rejected and judge correcting her
-having money to get starbucks after court
-3 miles walks
-drinking water
-M's husband and i starting to amend and him helping me when i locked myself out of my apartment this morning
-sleep
-my natural model beauty
-my acupressure mat
-music
-fashion
-cleaning products
-ideas
-re-arranging the living room for new good vibes
-being smart
-compliments
-mobile photo editing apps
-random acts of kindness
-a puppy bouncing onto my knee last night
-kind people
-having a kind heart
-my glycolic acid lip peel
-glycolic acid
-having full lips
-baby wipes
-great aesthetics and product packaging
-my creativity
-visualizing my intentions
-good lighting
-moisturizers
-my hair color
-being considered very attractive
-a colleague calling me a public figure today
-getting my electric bill paid of
-my heart shaped rose quartz
-hair ties
-prayer
-stabilizing
-M helping me and her husband amend
-cuteness
-my goals
-being productive
-newness
-laughing
-connecting with others
-support
-the breeze through the balcony window
-animal heroes, advocates, and actvists

[buttercup]

-me and m's husband amending
-walking 4 miles today
-looking for W cat
-feeling my feelings
-pumpkin bread
-getting serious on planning things
-stretches
-having beautiful hair
-working the other day
-great skincare products
-doing my recap today
-D still being here
-ideas
-prayer
-being considered very attractive by others
-sunshine
-blankets
-moisturizers
-hyaluronic acid
-tissue salts
-the air purifiers in my place
-ginger
-drinking water
-being kind
-when small dogs or any small animals crouch up to your knees
-being friendly
-being smart
-doing laundry
-cleaning products
-great voices
-art
-having nice lips
-botox
-rearranging the living room to bring some fresh new energy into the place
-night skies
-peaceful sounds of nighttime
-my beauty
-beauty
-my new brigitte bardot tote bag
-laughing
-my cactus water toner
-getting my recap done today
-my acupressure mat
-people who care for, help, advocate and are activists for animals
-people who care about me
-klonopin
-smiling
-love
-accomplishing all my dreams
-inspiration
-my creativity

[buttercup]

-looking for w cat
-somrus liquer shots
-starbucks
-new ideas for flyers
-stretching
-laughing
-humor
-botox
-preparing for my upcoming trip
-D bringing my package up my stairs for me, being the first acknowledgment from since we ended
-vegan food
-moistuizers
-blankets
-pillows
-compliments
-being considered above average in looks
-leggings
-hoodies
-making amends with M's husband
-being a caring person
-my talents
-stabilizing
-cats
-fashion
-aesthetics
-drinking water
-sportsbras
-my fashion sense
-cleaning and rearranging things
-having nice hair
-sleep
-music
-having nice lips
-having nice eyes
-my arms slimming out
-my body tightening
-flowers
-being smart
-my creativity
-great lighting
-being kind
-newness

[buttercup]

-band-aids
-massage
-walking for 4 miles
-doing a W cat search
-getting some W cat stickers in the mail
-D texting me randomly a pissy text which shows he may still be feelings jealousy
-clothes fitting looser
-fascia blasting
-good movies
-drinking water
-yoga
-M's husband talking to me and looking for W cat
-sleep
-having a D dream that felt intuitive
-planning for my upcoming trip and getting things together for it
-being brave
-property managers calling me about a day to come in
-moisturizers
-my talents
-blankets
-fashion
-hip openers
-cleaning and rearranging things
-being friendly to animals
-newness
-sunshine
-colors
-looking a lot younger then my age
-botox
-ideas
-cuteness
-tissue salts
-peaceful sounds when balcony window is open
-helping others
-those who help, save, advocate animals and animal activists
-decluttering
-cleaning products
-my creativity
-relaxing
-being productive
-night skies
-my anti-depressant

[buttercup]

-showering
-building connections with others
-brushing my teeth
-good movies
-learning
-baby wipes
-touching up my hair color
-getting W cat stickers
-doing W searches
-compliments
-my beauty
-being smart
-my accomplishments and amazing experiences i've had
-getting my ride to airport from hotel paid for
-my creativity
-pumpkin bread
-sportsbras
-M's husband seeing me today
-drinking water
-clothes fitting looser today
-copper sponges
-positive visualizing
-my style
-hair ties
-copper sponges
-rearranging things
-moisturizers
-reflection
-prayer
-night skies
-the breeze through my balcony
-my rose quartz heart
-kind people
-cuteness
-having a beautiful face
-my beauty
-fascia blasting
-blankets
-hoodies and jackets
-socks
-laughing
-art
-cat hugs
-looking young
-ideas
-newness
-arms slimming out
-clothes fitting loser
-people who want to work with me
-great lip products
-having beautiful eyes
-colors
-my body tightening up
-focusing on wellness
-being productive
-the internet

[buttercup]

-getting things done
-being productive
-feeling my feelings
-great sounds
-going to meet with detective
-my trip coming up
-being able to give praise where praise is due
-cats
-being kind
-my child-like side
-being smart
-having beautiful eyes
-flowers
-fashion
-being ambitious
-prayer
-showering
-sunshine
-having experienced a lot of awesome things
-my accomplishments
-hyaluronic acid
-naps
-meeting my goals
-winning
-starbucks
-colors
-great photography
-great lighting
-my creativity
-inspiration
-makeup
-leggings
-drinking water
-walking 5 miles the other day
-looking , sounding, and seeming way younger then i am
-acupressure
-fascia blasting
-tissue salts
-being thoughtful
-reflection
-baby wipes
-yoga
-comfort
-beauty

[buttercup]

-releasing tension
-looking way younger then my age and another person i was talking to thinking i was a student and guessing my age as over a decade younger then it is.
-getting another job done in one career
-compliments
-my beauty
-drinking water
-D suddenly wanting to see me again
-my love for fashion
-going to miami fashion district
-helping people and animals
-having nice glowy skin
-vegan food
-new experiences
-experiencing miami beach
-party atmospheres
-techno music
-how beautiful my first hotel was
-the private balcony and sunning on the hammock on it
-friendly people
-finding $20 randomly
-getting a free lyft ride
-the lady at the airport on the way home, i said i liked the color of her yarn and we talked for a minute about her knitting and she woke me up to surprise me she made me slippers in the color
-aesthetics. of buildings, packaging,cute things for home, scenery, etc, etc
-healing
-nail clippers
-forgiveness
-making a new self audio hypnosis
-being poolside and in the pool and having some pool cocktails the other day
-sleep
-acupressure
-fascia blasting
-hyaluronic acid
-face rolling
-glycolic acid
-having big blue eyes
-entertainment
-doing a skincare face mask
-having goals
-being smart
-music
-learning
-art
-new inspirations
-decluttering
-yoga
-my sense of style
-buying myself gucci tights today
-moisturizers
-lip scrubs
-hair ties
-sportsbras
-hand wash
-baby wipes

[buttercup]

-being able to say overall my trip was a success and staying in budget and safe
-sleep
-my anxiety medications
-prayer
-the holds off my debit card being removed
-the movie i'm watching
-the movie i'm watching just happening to be quite serendipitous a bit to me and D and how we met
-being proactive and assertive
-having glowy skin
-night skies
-hip openers
-retouchers
-showering
-drinking water
-trying new things
-a new lead on W cat
-a new idea on ways to get him located
-botox
-makeup
-having beautiful eyes
-being self-aware of what i need to work on
-inspiration
-fun
-parties
-moisturizers
-cats
-animals
-when my clothes fit loose
-cleaning products
-great design
-my little souvenirs from my trip
-stretching
-having big blue eyes
-being considered very beautiful
-being smart
-stabilizing a little
-meditating
-doing an extra long W cat visualization
-my rose quartz heart
-being there for others
-having a kind heart
-donating to charity
-pumpkin spice bread
-feeling more renewed as a person
-romance
-beauty
-learning

[buttercup]

-apple cider vinegar
-drinking water
-starbucks
-pumpkin spice bread
-sleep
-gin gins
-beautiful photos of myself
-self acceptance
-doing W cat searches
-ordering door hangers for W cat searches
-hip openers
-prayer
-reflection
-having goals
-watching a good movie
-leggings
-hoodies
-fabric refresh spray
-re-organizing, decluttering, and cleaning
-art
-inspiration
-romance
-love
-ibuprofen
-nightskies
-setting up my new humidifier
-pillows
-being productive and proactive
-having manifested my trip i just got back from
-my body getting nice and tight
-confirming a job today
-new ideas
-smiling
-my hair
-fashion
-great beauty products
-my gucci bag
-m's husband
-practicing driving today and pushing myself a little
-my heart rose quartz
-having a kind heart
-having beautiful eyes
-being strong
-beauty
-music
-nourishment
-holistic healing
-colors

[buttercup]

-discovering new things
-new ideas
-sleep
-feeling my feelings
-walking 2 miles and doing a W cat search
-my gucci purse i've been wearing some of the last recent days
-my beauty
-journaling
-being smart
-inspiration
-trying new things
-yoga
-deep hip openers
-baby wipes
-drinking water
-night skies
-peace
-showering
-getting my gucci package in the mail
-music
-cleaning products
-wellness
-my creativity
-laughing
-moisturizers
-hair masks
-having a caring heart
-cuteness
-coffee
-gin gins

[buttercup]

-healthy digestion
-healing from my allergies
-sleep
-tissue salts
-fashion
-beautiful things
-cleaning
-drinking water
-dr.pepper
-meeting another cute cat i got to feed and say hi to and give water to the other day
-my beauty
-moisturizers
-spaghetti
-pillows
-innovation
-baby wipes
-ordering a commission for an art piece i want done on D
-being a caring person
-starting the process for my next business trip
-new sheet on my daybed
-yoga
-physical exercise
-retouching
-humor
-cuteness
-my intelligence
-showering
-newness
-cool things, and being in on the trends
-compliments
-being productive
-meeting my goals
-prayer
-my rose quartz heart
-inspiration
-learning
-evolving as a person
-art
-music
-stabilizing
-swim tops

[buttercup]

-blankets
-pillows
-getting a new phone today
-self reassurances
-my beauty
-being the most attractive girl in a room
-compliments
-clean clothes
-having great hair
-awesome inventions
-people working to make the world a better place
-coffee
-being productive
-feeling my feelings
-doing an intention manifesting session
-doing some reading
-doing some ab work
-having nice lips
-the shape and color of my eyes
-meeting my goals
-potential opportunities coming my way
-being smart
-gingers
-my benzos
-my face and arms seeming to slim out
-drinking water
-decluttering
-kind and helpful people
-vegan food
-my heart's desires
-my creativity
-my diligence
-being able to think for myself
-having a baby face
-laughing
-learning
-evolving
-becoming a new person
-my ambition
-new ideas

[buttercup]

-joggers
-my beauty
-my stomach getting more sculpted
-winning against J in mediation; she is moving because of me
-going on 4 days of not texting D
-doing laundry
-having beautiful eyes
-an excellent new social media photo
-being smart and composed and powerful
-my black and white poncho
-my creativity
-being productive
-things working out today
-having beautiful hair
-makeup
-getting help today
-banana bread
-starbucks
-cats
-fashion
-my talents
-my accomplishments
-having a new phone now
-walking
-sunshine
-nightskies
-hip openers
-drinking water
-finding barq's root beer at the store today
-moisturizers
-sweets
-being able to think for myself
-sleep
-cleaning
-beauty
-inspiration
-art
-bettering myself
-emotions, feelings, and passion
-those who love animals, animal advocates, and animal activists and seeing specieism slowly eradicate
-socks
-doing a nice mothers day the other day
-blankets

[buttercup]

-fashion
-my beauty
-my style
-getting kybella done today
-seeing m's husband
-starbucks
-great deals
-being smart
-art
-music
-great movies
-the perfect things to laugh about or that fit my mood
-interesting people
-feeling my feelings
-my acupressure mat
-showering
-moisturizers
-retouching
-clean clothes
-some things working out
-going on 4 days now of no contacting D
-updating my resume
-sleep
-indian food
-banana bread
-leggings
-yoga
-socks
-dancing
-ab exercises
-ginger
-face massage
-hair ties
-compliments
-decluttering and cleaning
-sunshine
-colors
-my talents
-my accomplishments
-doing a W cat visualization
-my femininity
-growing as a person
-learning
-makeuo
-healthy digestion

[buttercup]

-ginger
-fashion
-my beauty
-my strength
-accepting imperfection
-getting dates confirmed for next miami trip
-pictures
-getting my first hotel booked for my next trip
-sweet messages
-sleeping masks
-sleep
-moisturizers
-sweets
-coffee
-pasta
-discovering new things
-cleaning and decluttering and rearranging
-copper sponges
-my acupressure mat
-night skies
-sunshine
-prayer
-pillows
-walking
-stretching
-dancing
-my body getting tighter
-retouching
-having beautiful eyes
-journaling
-great deals

[buttercup]

-my beauty
-entertainment
-the opportunities i'm offered
-spending time with cats
-looking like a model
-meeting a lot of interesting people
-drinking water
-showering
-starbucks
-rest
-feeling my feelings
-going on 7 days now of no contact to D
-sock
-people who fight for good things
-connection
-that J is moving out of my building
-my first official merch item arriving
-gucci fashion label
-great ideas
-inspiration
-makeup
-meeting goals
-fashion
-being an icon
-music
-my creativity
-my talents
-blankets
-moisturizers
-getting more W cat door hangers
-kind people
-beautiful packaging
-my goals
-my inner activist/advocate

[buttercup]

-my beauty
-staying strong
-standing up for things
-getting stoned for the first time by myself today
-trying out my astor valerian root chocolates today
-my creativity and talents
-that J is moving out
-interesting documentaries
-stretches
-sounding younger then my age over a decade
-showering
-makeup
-moisturizers
-drinking water
-walking
-cheeseless pizza
-my acupressure mat
-night skies
-going over a week with no contact to D
-coffee
-flavors and spices
-baby wipes
-ginger
-getting my kybella finally the other day
-fashion
-art
-lights
-cuteness
-relaxation
-evolving as a person
-starting to make payments on things again
-flowers
-have 2 jobs this month

[buttercup]

-ibuprofen
-breaks
-healthy digestion
-drinking water
-banana bread
-listening to 2nd chakra music
-sleep
-baby wipes
-showering
-being able to pay some bills
-getting some reflective clarity on things
-M's husband dropping off some things for me
-cleaning
-socks
-sportsbras
-blankets
-cuteness
-love
-leggings
-my taste in things
-flavors and spices
-prayer
-meditation
-moisturizers

[buttercup]

-my next miami trip planning coming along
-having faith
-trusting my judgement
-letting myself be a little crazy at times
-drinking water
-J moving out
-getting more info
-sleep
-valerian orange chocolates
-starbucks
-vegan food
-nourishment
-my face looking slimmer
-my arms looking slimmer
-having nice hair
-being creative and productive
-moisturizers
-cleaning
-going 10 days without talking to D
-leggings
-my sense of style
-hyaluronic acid
-glycolic acid
-being self aware
-my anxiety meds
-art
-my beauty
-face massage
-having jobs this month
-motivation
-listening to solar plexus chakra and theta music
-doing an intention setting exercise
-stretching
-cuteness
-animal lovers, activists, advocates, and heroes
-trees
-birds chirping

[buttercup]

-colors
-getting motivation
-getting things to work out
-reassurances
-ab work
-drinking water
-cleaning
-decluttering
-having a job tomorrow
-nourishment
-starbucks
-entertainment
-buying an ipl facial the other day
-meeting my goals
-blankets
-showering
-new ideas
-taking out the garbage
-getting upcoming trip planned out
-paying bills
-learning
-inspiration
-cats
-face rolling my chin
-getting more body confident
-my arms getting more slender and toned
-moisturizers
-self improvement
-going 2 weeks without contacting D
-my creative side
-sunshine
-being strong
-cutting out toxic people

[buttercup]

-staying calm
-being creative
-being resourceful and doing my research
-calming down
-deciding to start focusing on taking better care of my oral care
-drinking water
-being considered attractive by others
-working today
-starbucks
-smoking some weed tonight
-going over 2 weeks of no contact with D
-having some vodka samples at work
-laughing
-coming to my senses
-clarity
-reassurances
-self reassurance
-sunshine
-clean clothes
-getting the kitchen drawer i was working on organized and decluttered
-animals
-cuteness
-babies
-hyaluronic acid
-learning
-positive things
-beauty
-honest
-showering
-sleep
-good skincare products
-my chin swelling going down
-working on myself
-art
-music

[buttercup]

-doing a 10 minute ab workout
-doing a 15 minute dancing workout
-getting myself motivated
-doing a W cat search
-nightskies
-my balcony
-staying calm
-showering
-eyeliner
-having soft hair
-getting over D by doing no contact which is the point of it
-being high end
-birds chirping
-drinking some hard seltzers tonight
-banana bread
-making goals
-cleaning, decluttering, organizing
-entertainment
-beauty
-cluttering
-new ideas
-people who strive to make the world a better place
-being creative
-trying to get in the flow of things
-the breeze
-laughing
-art
-music
-having a dentist appt made
-walking
-holistic healing

[buttercup]

-calming down
-trying to follow my gut
-using my intelligence
-applying for a rental assistance on my own
-embracing my inner bitch
-cleaning and decluttering
-focusing more on my oral care
-weather cooling off a bit
-pillows
-starbucks
-eating less
-having all my lodging for my upcoming trip booked
-M's husband being there for me
-staying strong
-figuring things out on my own
-knowing how to say i'm sorry
-sunshine
-nightskies
-a label i like wanting to use my picture from ig for their marketing materials and website
-utilizing my resources
-being smart
-being creative
-getting my teal colored envelopes to send off my new merch
-having nice eyes
-booking more jobs
-being productive today
-drinking water
-kind people
-realizing with my monthly earnings, i should be able to get back on track within reasonable time
-playing things smart
-my clothes fitting a little better
-healing
-colors
-fashion
-stretching
-fasting
-cuteness
-animal advocates and animal lovers
-rest
-looking way younger then my age
-being a warrior

[buttercup]

-trying to take better care of my oral health
-feeling better today
-sleeping less today
-doing a nice meditation
-being considered beautiful
-starbucks
-being creative
-being determined and resilient
-seeing M's husband today
-being more motivated today
-vegan food
-my upcoming trip
-looking baby faced
-having a baby voice
-colors
-fashion
-delicious food
-sunshine
-baby wipes
-cuteness
-sweater and jackets
-people who make the world a better place for animals
-self awareness

[buttercup]

-being resourceful
-feeling more motivated today
-the first draft of my D painting i commissioned showing up today and looking great
-confidence
-pillows
-healthy digestion
-being productive
-seeing a new pill for mental health that changes how mental health is treated in my city
-feeling my feelings
-music
-my favorite teddy bear to hold
-cuteness
-showering
-touching up my hair color
-night skies
-baby wipes
-clean clothes
-spaghetti
-compliments
-sweaters
-sending a payment for my rental ledger
-my strength
-moisturizers
-taking better care of my oral health

[buttercup]

-feeling a little better
-chin swelling going down
-ideas
-sleep
-getting the painting of D completed
-drinking water
-laughing
-reassurances
-taking care of my oral health
-cleaning and decluttering
-stabucks
-having a baby face
-colors
-having a baby voice
-entertainment
-pillows
-beauty
-fashion
-music
-great innovations
-sending a tiny rent payment towards my rental ledger
-being smart
-looking up words, researching, and learning
-moisturizers
-self reassurance
-cuteness
-animal advocates

[buttercup]

-my art work of D being done
-sleep
-running errands with Ms husband
-getting a lot of positive attention today
-being considered very attraractive
-spaghetti sauce
-starbucks
-staying strong
-ibuprofen
-cookies
-taking better care of my oral health
-drinking water
-great weather today
-cuteness
-animal advocates and animal lovers and those who do nice things for animals
-felines
-using a lip scrub today to fix my lips
-getting a cute little chipmunk with a nut trying to hide his face balcony statue
-candy
-getting more W cat flyers
-laughing
-music
-art
-my creative side coming out tonight and being creative
-stretches
-new social media posts to make
-having nice hair
-compliments
-doing laundry today
-decluttering
-healthy digestion
-cleaning
-learning
-growing as a person
-feeling my feelings
-peaceful night sounds
-my heart's desires
-fashion
-trying to surrender

[buttercup]

-air conditioning
-getting my tooth fixed
-trying to figure out ways to heal all the pain in my life
-having a caring heart
-seeing that at least D's new girl isn't anything close to attractive
-getting revenge
-seeing my ferals the other day
-sleep
-preparing for my miami trip
-trying to surrender
-sheets
-preparing for my miami trip
-showering
-talking to m's husband again after all the new drama
-a tenant union member contacting me randomly to see how i'm doing
-new ideas
-beauty
-doing my 5 mile walk yesterday
-vegan food
-holistic healing
-detachment
-entertainment
-researching for B cat
-prayer
-relaxation

[buttercup]

-trying to think only positive thoughts for 24 hrs
-crest whitestrips
-sending a dieuretic for B cat
-getting another W cat possible sighting
-afterpay
-working on upcoming trip notes
-My cat who passed on B, being in a lot of my dreams last night. She hasn't been in them in awhile
-dancing
-ab work
-stretches
-contortion
-music
-drinking water
-semi fasting
-laughing
-birds chirping
-turning the a.c off for awhile
-beauty
-fashion
-inspiration
-yoga capris
-having beautiful eye
-having beautiful hair

[buttercup]

-trying to stay calm, in control, yet letting go
-trying to keep my composure
-trying to follow my inner guidance
-crest whitestrips
-dancing
-music
-listening to music while doing a 20 minute ab workout
-doing a ton of vet calls and emails
-sending a letter of intent to sue to the first instigating neighbor
-drinking water
-semi fasting
-the cat that's been coming by getting caught by paws today to get neutered and finding out he's a boy!
-cleaning the mattress in my bedroom
-sleep
-trying to think more positive
-m's husband saying i lost weight the other day
-cuteness
-cold sugary drinks
-prayer
-laughing
-supportive people
-showering
-being strong
-spending time with cats

[buttercup]

-staying strong through the abuse and pain
-getting b cat healed
-taking action to squash an abuser
-sleep
-cheating on my diet today
-cold sugary beverages
-feeling my feelings
-looking younger
-sunshine and warmth
-air conditioning
-mobile editing apps
-fashion
-my style
-having nice lips
-knowing how to take charge
-awesome recommendations on linkedin
-helpful people
-being considered beautiful
-good stain removers
-makeup
-

[buttercup]

-detoxing from abusers and those who don't support me
-self awareness
-sleep
-stretching
-toilet getting fixed
-cleaning
-feeling my feelings
-my beauty making men clumsy
-having a heart of gold
-B cat doing better
-injectables
-making efforts
-having beautiful eyes
-new social media posts
-hot guys
-love
-air conditioning
-birds chirping
-leggings
-socks
-blankets
-entertainment
-motivation
-making more effort to control my thoughts
-colors
-my friend in texas
-art
-electric toothbrushes

[buttercup]

-coming home
-the doctors working with me
-my mom being concerned about me
-m's husband picking me up from hospital
-getting my ipl facial today
-working today
-air conditioning
-blankets
-luxury things
a lot of jobs picking up
-drinking water
-electric toothbrushes
-compliments
-my beauty
-showering
-fashion
-flowers
-sleep
-having nice lips
-having nice hair
-cuteness
-people who help animals
-paying off things

[buttercup]

-getting work things done today
-reading positive, innovative things being done for the plant based industry
-animal lovers and those who make the world a better place for animals
-heart warming stories
-cuteness
-love and crushes
-my beauty
-compliments
-being considered attractive
-having nice lips
-having nice eyes
-finally having the hair color i want
-learning and inspiration
-entertainment
-music
-dancing
-being able to wear a top today from when my weight was down more
-fasting more
-vegan food
-starbucks
-going for a short walk and the weather feeling nice
-being smart, classy and a stand out
-packing and preparing for miami
-getting my painting of D in the mail
-staying calm
-blankets
-pillows
-colors
-trees
-vibrancy
-doing some reading today

[buttercup]

-drinking water
-my miami trip
-anxiety medications
-cats
-doing positive things
-sleep
-inspiration
-having crazy fun adventures
-newness
-getting drinks, smoking weed, talking and getting along well, getting drunk and sleeping with the photographer from my shoot in miami
-acceptance
-surrender
-telling d some last words
-travel
-having blonde hair
-realizing i have to not let overwhelment consume me
-the pool at my favorite hotel from my last trip
-fashion
-my style
-having beautiful eyes
-growing as a person
-doing fun things
-making a new audio recording affirmation hynosis while in miami
-hot guys
-doing laundry
-helpful people
-blankets
-pillows
-colors
-art
-stretches
-learning
-air conditioning
-cleaning
-hyaluronic acid
-cosmetic procedures
-mobile editing apps
-focusing on my wellness
-trying to get my career back
-moisturizers
-showering
-realizing i've been too hard on myself and im not as bad as i think i am
-being a kind person

[buttercup]

-kittens
-cuteness
-improving my patience
-improving my calmness
-proving im right
-cleaning
-vacuuming
-spending time outside with J cat
-J cat coming back
-drinking water
-goals
-nightskies
-trying to have more body confidence
-all the job opportunities
-how much the tiny kitten likes me
-the kittens sleeping with me
-being a humane person
-fun
-sunrises
-beautiful surprises
-my medications
-my heart's desires
-letting go
-beautiful song lyrics
-chargers
-trees
-handwashing some clothes
-blankets
-pillows
-skipping dinner today
-beauty
-having beautiful eyes
-looking way younger then my age

[buttercup]

-google
-not eating all day
-drinking water
-my new victoria's secret leopard print push up bra
-asking for help
-music
-my beauty
-photo editing apps
-finding a place i approve of for J cat
-discovering new things
-healing
-cleaning products
-taking better care of my oral health
-cat cuddles
-being honest with myself
-sleep
-having a kind heart
-arm stretches
-art
-my heart's desires
-knowing when to take it easy
-nightskies
-new social media content
-trying to do more intention manifesting
-prayer
-purging my feelings out to D
-seeing the tiny kitten's fur grow and that he's going to have some white on his back, like a white stripe
-beautiful lyrics
-composing another legal document
-being smart
-connection
-hot guys
-having beautiful eyes
-my cactus water toner
-cuteness
-getting good news from hud in the mail
-seeing more working in my favor then i realize
-deep cleaning the living room and apartment
-feminine hygiene products
-lint rollers
-decluttering
-starbucks
-goals
-having a lot of work this weekend
-trying
-entertainment
-learning

[buttercup]

-going 24 hours without eating yesterday
-starbucks
-drinking water
-being productive
-pulling up to my house today then seeing D and his new girl's car and refusing to get out so they would have to go in first, waiting like nothing, then sure enough 3 minutes later, they pulled out and just drove off. loving the power!
-decluttering and cleaning the living room and going through over 6 months of mail and discarding it. feeling the renewed mental clarity from that already
-my electric toothbrush
-cute little gifts animal charities sometimes send me
-naps
-pillows
-blankets
-making an effort
-finishing job stuff today
-m's husband
-finding a cute watermelon cake that works as a fourth of july cake and birthday cake at the grocery store
-ibuprofen
-having nice lips
-seeing the kitten's grow and the tinier kitten's fur starting to show more white
-being smart
-air conditioning
-goals
-believing in myself
-hyaluronic acid
-physical exercise
-feeling my feelings
-sunshine

[buttercup]

-my kittens
-doing a good job getting this house cleaned and being about 60-70% done.
-liquor infused chocolates
-fasting
-hot guys
-drinking more water
-my beautiful birthday flowers
-my beauty
-my appetite shrinking
-having a few bites of my watermelon decorated cake and sharing a few tiny bites with the kittens since they were begging for it
-finding a new living room carpet i like for my living room and ordering it
-sleep
-redeeming a $50 botox deal i seen into my account
-blankets
-air conditioning
-M sending me my pictures
-people who area actually nice
-being smart
-my creativity
-the concept of romantic love, romantic lyrics, and sweet things
-calmness
-feeling my feelings
-forgiveness
-wanting to grow
-my goals
-fashion
-decluttering
-moisturizers
-cuteness

[buttercup]

-sweets
-my starbucks drink
-sunshine
-warmth
-kind people
-genuine people
-not being sick anymore
-meditation
-innovation
-wanting to find my green heart D crystal and not being able to and after having a great meditation where i felt really ok without him, finding it right next to my couch. Then him home that same night after wondering where he had been. 2 nights prior i was moving my couch upside down trying to find that crystal
-surrender
-serendipity
-my pic from M shoot in M being chosen and how great they are
-getting approved for the erap rental assistance
-having my hud interview tomorrow
-facing my landlords that day recently and it going ok
-seeing i'm moving more naturally just by working more
-physical exercise
-finishing my book on surrender
-having a golf outing job this week
-my kittens
-drinking more water
-being a helpful person
-having beautiful eyes
-my hair
-getting rid of stuff in my apartment
-evolving into a new person
-goals
-being productive
-doing some reading
-learning
-doing a W cat search today
-taking care of my oral health
-having an appt for P kitten made
-seeing my kittens grow
-apple cider vinegar
-rest
-compliments
-being smart
-my talents and accomplishments
-the breeze
-peaceful sounds
-face rolling

[buttercup]

-delicious vegan food
-booking my tix for my next miami trip
-drinking more water
-realizing i need to relax and let go
-going for a 3 mile walk
-b cat motivating me to get up
-showering
-using my favorite deep conditioner on my hair
-smiling
-sunshine
-focusing on my health
-cuteness
-blankets
-not having allergies
-adding a crystal to my cat's water

[buttercup]

-models
-the modeling industry
-possibly another job in first industry i worked in
-smashing the idiotic bizarre letter i opened last night and canceling work to get a restraining order and getting it granted and this time deciding i'm not going to be wavered out of it
-kittens
-my kittens doing so well being home today while i was out
-one person wanting to cry and another give me a hug after two instances of them hearing what i've been going through
-sleep
-sunshine
-walking
-changing the filter in the air purifier
-forgiveness
-fashion
-blankets
-drinking more water
-trying to take better care of myself
-my botox holding up better then i thought
-my creativity
-being smart
-aesthetically pleasing things
-liquor infused chocolates
-coffee
-peanut butter cookie dough
-being nice
-being considered attractive
-being goal driven
-having beautiful eyes
-growing as a person
-ideas
-my lower body getting more toned
-physical exercise
-stretches
-cleaning
-makeup
-photoshop and retouching
-my pants fitting loose

[buttercup]

-calming down about another distressing thing
-talking to m's husband on the phone today
-spending time with my dad today
-being smart
-my beauty
-my kittens
-trying to drink more water
-mobile editing apps
-looking very young
-showering
-maintenance coming and all going well
-nightskies
-my starbucks drink and chocolate croissant i had today
-wearing my new burberry scrunchie today
-compliments
-physical exercise
-meditating today
-getting a new book in the mail today to read that's outside my usual genre
-watching a good mystery movie last night
-sleep
-feeling calmer and more grounded
-learning
-feeling like my chakras are opening
-makeup
-cleaning
-having great cheekbones
-having beautiful eyes
-seeing famous beautiful people's flaws and feeling better about mine
-entertainment
-botox
-blankets
-socks
-clean clothes
-fashion
-being productive
-being helpful
-being kind
-peaceful sounds
-newness
-pictures
-flowers
-plants
-moisturizers
-taking better care of my oral health
-baby wipes

[buttercup]

-my kittens
-healthy digestion
-sweet beverages
-working today
-staying calm
-having feelings for M
-next miami trip booked
-P kitten gaining healthy weight and his fur getting smoother and thicker
-being approved for rental assistance
-M texting me on his own today
-moisturizers
-starbucks
-pillows
-being told i have a little p
-B kitten being happy with his new toy i got him today
-having blonde hair
-eviction moratorium extending
-M's husband healing
-my dad getting a new job
-naps
-getting a new a.c installed
-fashion
-going to yoga class the other night
-focusing on my wellness
-nightskies
-yoga
-my lower body getting tighter
-looking at things and being intrigued at how some things play out
-music
-entertainment
-cat cuddles
-getting a porch cat tent for l cat
-love
-having more money then i thought today
-seeing my first syringe of kybella did make a difference,and did make my chin thinner
-decluttering
-being smart
-cleaning
-becoming more grounded
-my new antidepressant
-meditation
-showering
-water
-healing
-beauty
-feminine energy
-having a sweetness to me
-socks
-fun
-feel good passion
-having beautiful eyes
-having a skincare regimen
-makeup
-connections and bonding
-people who help animals

[buttercup]

-starbucks
-chocolate croissants
-my kittens liking their toys
-M's husband revealing info to me
-not making myself look like a fool
-seeing m's husband today
-going to therapy in person session today for first time in over a year and getting my letter for court
-sunshine
-having nice lips
-goals
-having blonde hair
-my aloe vera deep conditioner
-showering
-deep stretches
-my new antidepressant making me feel more grounded
-trying out my new retinol serum today
-finding joy in the little things
-fashion
-sweeping the floor
-cat cuddles
-cuteness
-photo editing apps
-pillows
-sleep
-making an effort
-walking 6 miles the other day
-taking out the garbage
-nightskies
-flowers
-trees
-vibrancy
-art
-heart warming animal videos
-innocence
-finding out my rental assistance is approved and nothing went wrong with it
-mischief
-confirming some jobs
-booking my first bar promo since 2019
-the sound of birds chirping
-kybella
-moisturizers
-ideas
-opportunities
-my allergies being better ever since air conditioner was replaced
-being kind
-colors
-newness
-decluttering
-meditation

[buttercup]

-my kittens
-cuteness
-animals
-taking my kittens to the vet and them getting complimented on being so calm and friendly and saying it's obvious they come from a very loving home
-that i might be able to get my stalker neighbor arrested for violating the restraining order
-self reassurances
-getting my pictures from M photographer finally
-naps
-the judge today seeming nice
-my resourcefulness
-brownies
-vegan food
-my clothes fitting looser
-fashion
-pillows
-my skincare regimen
-makeup
-drinking some caramel soothing tea
-putting my humidifier on
-feeling my feelings
-physical exercise
-being a loving person
-my burberry scrunchie
-believing in myself
-moisturizers
-showering
-cat cuddles
-mopping the floor
-my job this weekend
-putting some of my pretty stuff back out on display
-ideas
-getting merch set up to send to another friend
-fabric refresh spray
-getting a cash app sent to me
-kybella
-staying strong
-growing as a person
-my lower body getting tighter
-feeling like i won against my landlords
-feeling like i have enough to win my 2 year restraining order
-being smart
-my upcoming trip
-writing a nice linkedin review for m photographer today

[buttercup]

-naps
-cuteness
-cat cuddles
-turning my jealousy into inspiration
-entering W cat into a modeling contest
-botox
-a good skincare regimen
-pictures
-fashion
-sending out M's thank you card gift envelope and ordering him some chocolates for him to have that remind me of what he likes
-my burberry scrunchie
-having desires
-having nice curves
-writing out my affirmations yesterday
-my humidifer
-being smart
-physical exercise
-moving more everyday
-trying to drink more water everyday
-the cats doing things to make me laugh
-music
-peaceful sounds
-dancing
-awesome things i have planning/coming up
-my teal business envelopes i have for mailing out merch
-yoga
-feeling my feelings and processings
-my femininity
-my clothes fitting looser
-nice weather
-being great with words
-how nice it is transforming into a new person
-inspiring people
-being productive
-learning
-changing how i do some things
-trying to manifest bigger things
-rest
-kind people
-being able to start putting some of my pretty stuff back out on display again
-flowers
-people who save animals
-my grey leopard heart joggers
-socks
-showering
-colors
-sunshine
-vegan food
-connection
-newness
-healing
-meeting and having a nice talk with an inspiring uber driver the other evening
-empathy
-seeing more and more organizations and people who want to help animals
-self acceptance

[buttercup]

-fashion
-showering
-my determination
-my kittens
-getting some people who care about me to sign B cat's guestbook
-hope
-buying a new prada bag
-warm weather
-sunshine
-feeling my feelings
-my femininity
-my rental assistance check arriving
-masculine energy
-an old friend reaching out to me
-compliments
-my new portfolio pics
-things to look forward to
-air conditioning
-a friend putting up with me and cash-apping me when i was stranded proving more he is a real friend especially after being in a mood all day to him
-pink lemonade vodka
-art
-shapes
-blankets
-newness
-cat hugs
-vegan food
-my acupressure mat
-models
-calming my mind down
-moisturizers
-drinking water
-humidifiers
-cleaning the toilet
-taking out the garbage
-laughing
-doing some reading last night

[buttercup]

-music
-poems
-art
-romance
-sweet moments
-sweet memories
-getting some people including my dad and m''s husband and m's best friend to sign B cat's guestbook
-moisturizers
-physical exercise
-my kittens
-all my animals
-my femininity
-new portfolio pics
-my miami trip coming up soon
-love
-my humidifier/diffuser
-retinol
-drinking water
-digital activism
-good skincare products
-showering
-having a compassionate heart
-cuteness
-naps
-evolving into a new person
-botox
-my prada bag i ordered
-breaking the rules sometimes
-retouching
-fashion
-flattering pics of me
-hot guys
-having had interesting lovers in my lifetime
-newness
-coffee
-people who try to make the world a better place
-things that make me smile
-sunshine
-trying to move more

[buttercup]

-sweet drinks
-sunshine
-not having ♥♥♥♥♥
-walking 3 miles today
-tissue paper
-cleaning
-taking the cats out in the playpen today on the balcony
-coloring today
-fashion
-the fashion industry
-D being in my dreams the same day i also think i seen his car here
-drinking more water
-being smart
-attractive guys
-my trip coming up
-cuteness
-how cute my cats are
-coffee
-feeling my feelings
-heartwarming videos
-fun
-humor
-goals
-pillows
-blankets
-newness
-having new portfolio pics
-trying to stay positive
-defending myself
-art
-people making efforts to make the world a better place
-baby wipes
-learning
-love
-meditation
-prayer
-setting intentions
-moisturizers
-having beautiful hair
-being considered attractive
-beauty
-beautiful things

[buttercup]

-my last miami trip i did
-having money
-seeing my landlords returning checks as a blessing since it's illegal right now and deciding to just move asap
-being blonde
-telling m i have feelings for him
-moisturizers
-colors
-new inspiration
-apologizing to D after realizing he didn't leave that awful text, and realizing somewhere along the lines he finally did block me
-vegan food
-my humidifier
-drinking more water
-starbucks
-my lower body getting sexier and more sculpted
-compliments
-being considered very beautiful
-hope
-my new prada bag
-sunshine
-new ideas for my life
-doing my 4rth job of first career thing i do of the year which almost meets my goal for the year of at least 5
-new social media content to post for myself
-seeing my ferals today
-bring l cat over so my kittens can see another cat and get used to their big sister and learn more on how to be a cat
-sleep
-becoming more motivated
-being sent beautiful surprise delivery flowers from a merchant for the loss of B cat
-treating myself to new givenchy shoes and having my first luxury shopping purchase out of town and also my first luxury shopping purchase in store,i believe. it was impulsive, kind of wrong, but felt so right
-getting offered an art basel invite from a high end luxury boutique
-being given champagne after my luxury shopping purchase
-walking
-bows luxury merchants make on shopping bags
-ordering a pitcher so i can start making cucumber water
-throwing out my mattress because one of the kittens went to the bathroom on it when left in my room too long which works since i was planning on eventually upgrading to a new mattress
-throwing out some old things i no longer want
-art
-face massage and face rolling
-retinol
-cat cuddles
-times in miami spent in the pool
-showering
-being kind
-pillows
-blankets
-cat cuddles
-learning new things
-new experiences
-inspiration
-great movies
-oneness
-heartwarming animal videos
-buying my kittens a new toy when i got back from my trip
-fashion
-meeting new people
-setting intentions
-trying to be more positive
-laughing
-my style
-my phone
-pictures
-physical pleasures
-vitamin c
-finding more evidence to show the investigator that my landlords lied to her
-the w cat pillow for M's husband coming and it being beautiful
-good deals
-my new fendi bracelet
-reassurances
-seeing flaws in the most beautiful people
-beautiful things

[buttercup]

-how beautiful l cat is
-having l cat over and her slightly calming down
-drinking more water
-doing lunges
-sleep
-socks
-going for a walk today
-cuddling with my cats today
-cuteness
-affection
-compliments
-my beauty
-mobile editing apps
-learning
-being smart
-traveling
-croissants
-coffee
-moisturizers
-chivalry
-compassion
-masculine energy
-beauty
-my humidifier
-getting to a 1/3 of a 3 rent payments into my savings
-art
-fashion
-baby wipes
-cleaning products
-transforming into a new person
-peaceful sounds
-newness
-confirming another job for this weekend
-decluttering
-things to look forward to
-feeling a sense of openness
-organizing some papers
-being productive
-kind people

[buttercup]

-my kittens
-seeing how much my kittens love and care for each other
-going for a nice little walk at night
-reese pieces
-motivation
-my burberry scrunchie
-my hair
-face rolling
-B cat in his Batman costume
-starbucks
-being productive
-clarity
-goals
-cuteness
-sunshine
-blankets
-clean clothes
-face wash
-my beauty
-chakra balancing
-nightskies
-drinking water
-looking slimmer in work photos
-leggings fitting looser
-finding some booze popsicles to buy at work the other day
-good food
-retinol
-my humidifier
-pillows
-smiling
-laughter
-beautiful things
-makeup
-appreciating things in others
-fabric refresh spray

[buttercup]

-how cute my kittens look in their halloween costumes
-acceptance
-momentum with looking for an apartment and seeing an apartment today and getting responses and finding places in my price range
-getting a chemical peel today
-detoxing
-M's husband checking out the apartment i looked at for me
-drinking water
-coffee
-sweets
-my burberry hoodie
-my sense of style
-my anxiety medications
-being productive
-finding a juicy piece of new info i can use for my court case against J
-compliments
-my beauty
-confirming more jobs today
-blankets
-pictures
-feminine hygiene products
-my femininity
-my savings account building up
-growing as a person
-hair conditioner
-my skin looking good
-free samples
-hard seltzers
-learning
-yoga
-building a stronger body
-having a loving heart
-music
-no eviction notice thus far
-being clever
-having beautiful eyes
-passion
-art
-having nice hair
-having nice lips
-a nice journaling session the other night
-nightskies
-walking
-moisturizers
-new experiences
-cleaning
-brushing my teeth
-sleep
-newness

[buttercup]

-drinking water
-finding an appt i love and filling out the rental application
-being in the next phase of apartment hunting and how nice it feels
-the money i have in my savings account
-all the jobs i'm booking
-chemical peels
-being blonde
-fashion
-the beauty of black cats
-makeup
-colors
-jumpsuits actually flattering me really well
-strengthening my body
-art
-music
-learning new things about myself
-having an appointment for my cats to get neutered
-being productive
-cleaning
-showering
-being flirted with by guys that i find attractive
-my beauty
-having goals and desires
-balancing my chakras
-red wine
-chocolate
-creativity
-being smart
-beauty
-architecture
-newness
-being considered a fashion girl now
-cuteness
-trying new things
-manifesting my goals and desires
-coffee
-croissants
-making my first tiktok with my kittens in their halloween costumes

[buttercup]

-painkillers
-sleep
-cuddling with my kittens
-kybella
-starting planning for my next trip
-cuteness
-vegan food
-my kittens being neutered
-having a caring heart
-delivery services
-hand washing clothes
-blankets
-calming down
-my medications to help my mind
-viewing my third apartment
-face massage
-chemical peels
-baby wipes
-cuteness
-entertainment
-fashion
-rest
-breaks
-understanding mental health
-not getting any eviction notice
-compliments
-being considered very attractive
-payment installments options
-drinking water
-being able to see
-my hair color
-prayer
-meeting new people
-music
-moisturizers
-inspiration
-injectables
-great deals
-payment plans
-sunshine
-nightskies
-flowers
-learning
-being smart
-decluttering
-prayer
-hope

[buttercup]

-beauty
-art
-passion
-kybella
-face massage
-my cats being more affectionate lately
-being proactive and productive
-vegan food
-having a loving heart
-sleep
-hyaluronic acid
-blankets
-cuteness
-music
-inspiration
-showering
-buying a little pumpkin today
-trying to live my dreams
-my heart's desires
-manifesting my desires
-becoming more of the woman i've always wanted to be
-my first career
-retinol
-moisturizers
-buying my cat's a new toy
-trying new things
-being blonde
-stretching
-physical exercise
-hoodies
-shopping
-laughing
-my cats doing cute and funny things
-nourishment of self
-that my top choice apartment i still have a chance with
-letting myself feel my feelings and knowing i will move on and heal
-building muscle tone and curvature
-pictures

[buttercup]

-getting approved for both apartments i was waiting on
-paying the move in fee for my top choice apartment and that it's now mine and was taken off the market, off the rental listing sites right after i paid the fee
-being able to see people who pick on me, their flaws and hypocrisy
-cleaning products
-my cats
-walking
-going to yoga class last night
-me and my texas friend starting to kind of amend
-sleeping lip masks
-being smart and creative
-booking alot of jobs
-how much B kitten loves his pinata chaser toy and P kitten too but B kitten goes really crazy
-enjoying the feel of the halloween season
-fashion
-nightskies
-being objective
-prayer
-my pink clothing rack
-my next miami trip coming together more
-clean clothes
-blankets
-being a kind hearted person
-my new eye cream
-being able to delay a payment on payment plans
-feeling my feelings
-redeeming a botox and juvederm deal i have until january to use
-cuteness
-how excited i am to move
-art
-hairties
-learning
-entertainment
-beauty

[buttercup]

-being able to start moving into my new apartment this week
-drinking water
-getting a ride to my bar promo today
-learning new things
-someone who betrayed me last year randomly apologizing to me last night
-being smart and creative
-having beautiful eyes
-being complimented several times told i look way young
-blankets
-nourishment
-buying my art basel ticket
-doing work to get my next miami trip going
-my hoodie that's coming this week
-brushing my teeth
-doing my skincare regimen
-getting what i want
-fashion
-having great style
-having a lot of jobs this weekend
-feeling motivated and more energetic
-my starbucks drink i get
-taking things one day at a time
-retinol
-hair conditioner
-beautiful things
-hugging cats
-cuteness
-being strong
-colors
-ideas
-newness
-my determination
-compassion
-payment plans
-moisturizers
-music
-some of my family culture
-my burberry socks
-joggers

[buttercup]

-drinking more water
-candy
-getting more stuff moved into the new place
-intention manifesting
-working on my solar plexus chakra
-my ex J giving me $500 and a weed pipe in my favorite color
-my kittens
-cuteness
-heartwarming moments
-my starbucks drink
-having my kittens meet a dog
-helping others
-drinking a little and smoking a little weed with my ex J and his niece
-content ideas
-having the keys to my apartment and the place starting to feel more homey
-the neighbor J i have restraining order against moving at same time as me
-naps
-beautiful things
-being beautiful
-going for walks at night
-cats
-prayer
-my determination
-job opportunities
-taking care of my skin
-joggers
-blankets
-cleaning
-hairties
-humor
-reflection
-art
-getting a new flower in the mail
-fun
-inspiration
-my beauty
-people thinking i'm younger then i am
-my upcoming trip
-my item listed on poshmark selling
-vegan food
-healthy digestion
-style
-new ideas
-new experiences
-that i now will be able to say i have my 2nd apartment all on my own
-hyaluronic acid

[buttercup]

-having my 2nd own apartment
-finally sleeping in the new apartment
-cuddling with my indoor kittens
-cuteness
-love
-moving the couch to it's new rightful spot
-soda pop
-drinking water
-booking a good amount of part time work for this month
-rest
-motivation to become an "icon."
-walking at night
-showering
-putting pieces together and cutting out a bad vibes person fast
-humor
-music
-pictures
-blankets
-squats
-prayer
-inspiration
-beauty
-joggers
-art basel planning going well
-fashion
-hairties
-standing up for myself
-buying a chic new coat for winter
-planning new color scheme and mood ideas for my new apartment
-art
-hyaluronic acid
-therapy
-growing as a person
-utilizing my resources
-getting some payments i owe made
-my ex giving me more money again
-good food
-being smart
-my beauty
-having baby doll eyes
-having goals
-designer packaging
-sportsbras
-getting better at things
-staying positive
-new ideas
-embracing change

[buttercup]

-socks
-blankets
-clean clothes
-candy
-walking
-night skies
-reaching a new little self growth goal today
-great deals
-moisturizers
-D bringing the lion back in
-doing my apartment ritual yesterday
-waking up feeling more motivated today
-squats
-bandaids
-beauty
-inspiration
-prayer
-my thoughts getting more organized
-drinking water
-turmeric tea i had the other morning
-entertainment
-things to look forward to
-getting more stuff put away and organized in new place
-cuteness
-cat cuddles
-music
-fashion
-art
-being knowledgeable
-having jobs this weekend
-being powerful
-having my dreams come true
-my beauty
-people thinking i'm a lot younger then i am
-compliments
-filtering out toxic people
-love
-innovation
-my hair color
-having big, clear, baby eyes
-kindness
-calmness
-lights being off
-smiling
-having a caring heart
-having style
-fixing things
-roses

[buttercup]

-trying to be strong
-clorox wipes
-learning
-evolving
-baby wipes
-my hair color
-nice clothes
-rsvping to more art events
-eyeliner
-putting more stuff away and decluttering more
-having a baby face
-sleep
-cat hugs
-cuteness
-fashion
-k.r being found not guility
-my ex covering the k.r case as bodyguard
-the credit card coming
-flowers
-coffee
-blankets
-moisturizers
-weather being a little warmer today
-compassion

[buttercup]

-having a living room/the living room pretty much being done now and feel homey
-my new bedazzled winter jacket
-staying strong
-my work trip coming up
-doing part 2 apartment ritual tonight
-cleansing my face
-having beautiful eyes
-my beauty
-going for walks
-meeting a neighbor in my building who was friendly
-looking like a little girl
-blankets
-creative ideas coming to me on how to make the apartment work space-wise and look cool
-getting celebrity invites
-music
-compassion
-sleep
-having my dreams come true
-feeling motivated
-cleaning
-cats
-having a caring heart
-M buying me a cool artistic holographic art table
-new ideas
-art
-beauty
-yoga
-toning up my lower body
-my blonde hair
-surrender
-my art of R being done

[buttercup]

-coffee
-sleep
-my texas friend J
-manifesting my dreams to come true and living a life most girls dream of
-the awesome stuff that transpired during my work trip
-drinking water
-ginger shots
-hugging my cats and cuddling with them
-amending slightly with M's husband
-relaxing
-walking
-free uber ride the other day
-my sense of style
-showering
-getting my haircut today
-being kind
-my rhinestone studded jacket that i get a ton of compliments on
-being inspired to pusue my passions
-walking
-stretches
-taking care of my skin
-being productive
-great deals
-relaxing
-being considered very attractive
-makeup
-compliments
-strawberry daiquiris
-being smart
-mobile editing apps
-creativity
-inspiration
-having goals
-blankets
-joggers
-bandaids
-music
-staying determined
-love
-humor
-fashion
-beautiful things
-my femininity
-having a baby voice
-chivalry
-clarity
-self love
-moisturizers
-hyaluronic acid
-having travel funds for a future trip
-my creativity
-the smell of roses
-nightskies
-men with respect towards woman
-working to progress and evolve myself
-compassion
-twix bars
-prayers
-my incense ritual i did
-reflection

[buttercup]

-drinking water
-vegan food
-twix bars
-trying to be drama free and getting better at taking control of that
-makeup
-getting my jobs done today
-vizzy hard seltzer
-being creative
-taking a hydrocodone today
-starbucks
-being productive
-my kittens
-heels
-socks
-band aids
-staying strong
-learning
-love
-cuteness
-J getting me a pink weed pipe the other day and some weed for myself to have
-cleaning and organizing
-M from florida contacting me
-fashion
-finding a card i liked to get my miami contact A as a thank you and ordering it
-art
-beauty
-sportsbras
-hyaluronic acid
-lipgloss
-good deals
-inspiring stories
-friendly people
-colors
-watermelon water
-gratitude
-appreciation

[buttercup]

-being strong and knowing my worth
-being a caring mother
-compliments
-inspiring stories
-people finding me inspiring
-people finding me beautiful on the inside and out, feminine and innocent
-art
-helpful and kind people
-drinking water
-getting pics for work yesterday
-ordering cat litter today
-walking almost 10 miles the other day
-heels
-luxury shopping bags designed well
-great photography
-remembering another inspiring story of how M said i'd never be able to afford something/have something and oddly enough now it's one of my favorite fashion labels, the go-to luxury fashion label i go to the the most often, and the label ive bought the most luxury items from. Seeing how i manifested that was very cool and inspiring
-reflection
-my cats
-cuteness
-love
-my texas friend checking up on me and being there for me
-blankets
-cuddling cats
-ordering a blender today
-doing writing on my feelings today
-fashion
-my medications
-being smart
-face wash
-baby wipes

[buttercup]

-twix bars
-learning how to use a screwdriver and finishing my storage shelf i needed to put together and how good that felt
-having beautiful, clear, baby eyes
-my eyes starting to look a little better
-being able to get botox tomorrow
-blankets
-being stylish
-compliments
-my beauty
-inspiration
-deciding to cut out J's daughter and her mom and feeling a shift in energy
-walking
-ordering myself a blender
-handwashing clothes for the first time here
-my heater
-sweeping the floor
-cat cuddles and hugs
-the love i have for my cats
-seeing my indoor boys growing and how beautiful that is, to see how docile and innocent they are and trusting of me
-stretching
-good skincare products
-finding my green weed pipe
-evolving as a person
-art
-appreciation
-my medication
-trying to drink more supplements and infused waters
-discovering new things
-the smell of roses
-beautiful things
-pleasant memories
-learning
-decorations
-moisturizers
-my child like side
-cuteness
-making things organized

[buttercup]

-getting ahold of m&m's husband today
-things working out today
-sweeping the floor
-getting botox and adding more units
-getting starbucks today
-acceptance
-feeling things that make me feel like my self
-my eye cream working really well
-having beautiful clear baby eyes
-clean clothes
-J contacting me in the middle of the night saying he wants to talk
-M's friend D being there for me
-music
-humor
-creativity
-art
-moisturizer
-my lips looking fuller today
-cat cuddles
-cuteness
-water
-calling my therapist
-art
-my storage shelf being set up
-hyaluronic acid
-reflecting
-having goals
-feeling determined
-people making a difference for animals
-stretches
-giving a dollar to a homeless person despite having hardly any dollars myself right now
-learning
-my new ring tone
-taking my cats out on in their playpen for a few minutes
-remembering other goals of mine
-remembering other accomplishments of mine
-trying to stay calm
-my bangs growing out
-that time of the month being light
-blankets

[buttercup]

-twix bars
-washing my face
-buying this acrylic art block i've had in my head for a few days now as stunning
-walking
-my camel colored boots
-my eye cream i use
-getting botox the other day
-trying new things
-art
-my body getting more toned
-my storage shelf being set up
-ordering a cute pink coffee maker
-ordering a new face scrub
-talking to M's friend D on the phone today
-talking to M's husband today finally and texting last night
-being able to pay a bill finally
-doing a therapy session
-finishing my ceda application
-ordering an art board to start a painting soon
-beautiful things
-having really nice eyes
-having a really nice chest
-kind people
-being productive
-having goals
-feeling in the mood to make plans for the future and goals and ways to reach them
-drinking water
-cute things
-love
-cleaning the bathroom sink
-how much easier it is to handwash clothes at this apartment
-surrender
-acceptance
-being considered beautiful
-entertainment
-being smart

[buttercup]

-music
-M and M talking to me again
-M's husband explaining why M probably said the one rude thing
-confronting how i feel about things to M a little more uncensored
-dry clothes
-twix bars
-getting back together with ex J officially
-socks
-neck stretches
-entertainment
-feeling creatively inspired
-getting my mint green colored blender in the mail
-art
-my sense of style
-looking very young
-entertainment
-dancing
-face wash
-my medication
-cuteness
-working on my resolutions
-botox
-hyaluronic acid
-being kind hearted
-drinking water
-having ideas
-listening to throat chakra music
-people who help animals
-cat hugs

[buttercup]

-my bf wanting to plan a trip for us
-my eyes
-looking so young
-art
-music
-handwashing some clothes
-my shower curtain finally being up
-laughing
-surrender and acceptance
-face wash
-the eye cream i use
-botox
-hyaluronic acid
-stretches
-heels
-tear trough filler
-fashion
-blankets
-rest
-night skies
-reflection
-making goals
-my medication
-being strong
-having a caring heart
-cuteness
-learning
-dancing
-beauty
-moisturizers
-cleaning the garbage in the kitchen
-my camel colored boots
-socks
-having desires

[buttercup]

-gold star two days in a row on my break from M's husband. Treating this like a game, and a practice to heal and implement spiritual lessons i need to re-remember.
-using a hair mask today
-walking a mile today
-sleep
-putting aloe on B cat's paws
-handling breakup with J pretty well and how immature he is being
-feeling the sun on my face and eyes as i walked today
-new ideas
-my new coffeemaker looking adorable
-showering
-seeing how to change the light bulbs
-art
-learning new things
-good lighting
-supplements
-my great sense of style
-drinking water
-my new stylish socks with lime green stripes
-getting a photo from a shoot over the summer i can add to my portfolio
-having a great chest
-M from last summer talking to me again
-my hair color being touched up
-looking tall with just a little bit of a heel
-having a caring heart
-healthy digestion
-baby wipes
-taking care of my skin
-working on my new years resolutions
-doing self work writings
-cuddling with my cats
-starting painting
-beauty
-surrender
-starting from scratch
-focusing on health and healing
-fashion
-my style
-looking very young
-focusing on gratitude
-creativity
-making change
-colors
-nourishment
-being smart
-my hearts desires

[buttercup]

-being able to get a little filler in my lip tommorow
-starbucks coffee
-my new pink coffee machine
-walking over 3 miles today
-my indoor cats i adopted
-my desires
-staying productive
-listening to third eye chakra music right now
-facing some dark inner demons and using it to point out what i need to heal and use my thought and feelings for future art
-colors
-my new socks with lime green stripes
-fashion
-my sense of style
-having beautiful eyes
-botox
-opportunities to make some extra money the last week or two that will help me
-M still talking to me
-stretches
-being able to see
-having great cheekbones
-that i'm making efforts and trying
-beautiful things
-inspiration
-having great taste
-having wit
-being empathetic and compassionate
-being able to think for myself
-being smart
-compliments
-being considered attractive
-calling my therapist
-making a vaccine appt
-seeing more of J's positive traits
-looking very young
-being able to do some laundry at J's house
-cleaning and cleaning products and organzing
-newness

[olyris]

mine (12):

the sun is always and forever
the moon and tides are famous
everything i do is for goodness' sake
it works to be intellectual (high note here)
the land of nod is working on trust
music is bringing me sexy attitude
it's always about being human
there is no answer to currently to "am i right"
i wanted it all and knew that
the cat has returned with a lot more presence (from hiding)
the people are unafraid and ashamed of no one
whatever happens happens in the name of happiness

[buttercup]

mine (12):

the sun is always and forever
the moon and tides are famous
everything i do is for goodness' sake
it works to be intellectual (high note here)
the land of nod is working on trust
music is bringing me sexy attitude
it's always about being human
there is no answer to currently to "am i right"
i wanted it all and knew that
the cat has returned with a lot more presence (from hiding)
the people are unafraid and ashamed of no one
whatever happens happens in the name of happiness


Wow. Thank you. I don't know if you wrote that for me, but reading it felt like it. I needed to hear some of that. Thank you for sharing.

[buttercup]

-positive signs
-doing spiritual writing exercises
-seeing my kittens love for each other
-taking my vitamins
-talking to J tonight even though it may not be right, it felt nice
-my love for my cats
-getting some filler in my lips
-my starbucks drink i like to get
-having great cheekbones
-taking out the garbage and throwing out a rug
-feeling relaxed
-filling out a thank you card im sending to a contact out of town
-socks
-sleep
-fashion
-face wash
-my pins merch coming in the mail
-my femininity
-being productive
-my plans
-working on organizing stuff in the green bins
-baby wipes
-laughing
-cuteness
-remembering positive times i've manifested my dreams/desires or overcame adversity for inspiration
-cleaning
-having a psychiatrist appt tomorrow
-remembering things i had some enjoyment with that i want to do more of and get back
-working on more new years resolutions
-reouchers
-unity and oneness
-thinking positive
-having a sexy look
-feeling motivation
-petting my beautiful cats
-lip balm

[buttercup]

-cold dr.pepper
-trying out my new pink coffee maker today
-M's husband randomly coming by today and getting money and groceries
-M's husband spending time with my cats
-how cute P kitten's tail is for curling
-the lively energy i feel in P kittens body when i pick him up
-art
-colors
-the cool new pill art acrylic block that came in the mail
-mailing my thank you card
-starting to get myself ready for some structure and regimen
-cleaning out some garbage
-getting another judederm deal that popped up from the loyalty program im in
-doing some spiritual writings which felt really good to do and helped me examine self and get present in the moment
-innovation
-new ideas
-blankets
-clorox wipes
-being a loving person
-being compassionate
-looking so young
-craving eating healthy foods and drink
-cleaning some clothes and dishes
-inspiration
-moisturizer
-botox
-reflection
-having a nice chest
-vegan food
-light
-seeing how b kitten gets in the couch and how cute it is
-cuteness
-feeling more confident about life
-ordering a really chic alice in wonderland handbag i wanted

[buttercup]

-botox
-baby wipes
-cat cuddles
-lip filler in my lips
-my new coffee maker and making coffee with it
-banana bread
-fabric refresh spray
-cold beverages
-music
-hummus
-being thoughtful
-having compassion
-fashion
-organization
-clorox wipes
-inspiration
-connection
-cuteness
-ibuprofen
-blankets
-reflection

[buttercup]

-getting the place kind of clean finally
-the green storage baskets i got that i've been using
-getting my medication finally and the dose being raised
-seeing m&m today
-m&m picking up my meds and time of the month stuff for me and a few other things
-hairties
-clean towels
-fashion
-music
-art
-inspiration
-beauty
-showering
-blankets
-pillows
-trying new things
-hairties
-my new F off socks that came
-saging the house
-how cute and funny my indoor cats are
-botox
-being knowledgeable
-beautiful photos of me
-lint rollers
-retouching
-fabric refresh spray
-clorox wipes
-yoga stretches
-using my new coffee machine
-moisturizer
-having goals
-the ability to improve myself and life
-feeling my feelings

[buttercup]

-taking accountability
-music
-my ex's gf contacting me showing me he clearly feels something
-face wash
-cleaning
-organizing
-beautiful things
-dancing
-yoga stretches
-sleep
-relaxing
-blankets
-fashion
-botox
-my lip scrub
-colors
-cleaning products
-M's husband dropping stuff off at my house today
-cuteness
-love
-the smell of roses
-having heart desires
-finding out D's gf has a masculine voice
-my lips
-appreciation
-learning
-being able to think for myself
-being considered beautiful

[buttercup]

-having healthy hair
-food
-nourishment
-how adorable and lively my kittens are
-getting a nice deposit in my account that i seen today which is interesting because i had a dream of getting money and usually when that happens i do
-my beauty
-working things out with J
-walking
-yoga
-taking my iodine supplement
-fashion
-art
-shopping
-dancing
-having a nice chest
-having a nice portfolio of my work
-having nice lips
-cleaning up a good amount today
-music
-organizing
-learning and evolving
-botox
-colors
-face wash
-my power
-some things working out for me
-blankets
-sleep
-moisturizer
-having great taste
-my medications being back to normal
-drinking water
-being loving
-manifesting my goals

[buttercup]

-my starbucks drink
-positive signs
-getting what i want
-buying my valentines gift
-D's gf clearly being very insecure and jealous of me
-how cute and funny and inspiring my indoor cats are
-cats
-my feral cats
-all the cats i've ever cared for
-fashion
-being knowledgeable
-shopping
-music
-art
-fashion photography
-beauty products
-how beautiful and special my new alice in wonderland purse is
-the smell of roses
-staying consistent with iodine supplementing
-yoga
-opening my hips
-cleaning my place more and organizing more and moving things around to better spots
-botox
-healthy digestion
-my medication
-hand wash
-love
-having nice eyes
-having nice lips
-my heart's desires
-having goals
-being smart
-moisturizer
-giving J the teddy bear yesterday
-getting some laundry done yesterday at J's house
-colors
-creativity
-creative expression
-blankets
-sleep
-connection
-getting a random deposit on something and seeing the universe at working money manifesting
-making a payment to a bill
-retouching services
-chargers
-remembering positive memories and how i used to manifest certain things
-inspiration
-that i went to art basel and how it's inspired me
-my travels and how they help shape me as a person
-getting a check for a job i worked in the mail
-ideas
-M's husband giving me money once a week so far
-positive memories
-overcoming adversity so many times
-having great taste
-responding to bank dispute email claim i had emailed about

[buttercup]

-accepting things are over with me and J and seeing things differently
-hanging out with P and getting physical with each other
-that P has had a little bit of a glow up. lost some weight, nicer, nice apartment
-going to laundromat and taking an uber with laundry, something new for me that was a challenge t accomplished
-M saying she is proud of me
-getting my blankets clean
-clean clothes
-talking to one of my neighbors for a minute today
-face massage
-b kitten cuddling in my arms for a bit
-how cute and sweet my kittens are
-my starbucks drink
-one of my uber's picking me up in a tesla
-causing a little mischief
-hoodies
-art
-sleep
-fixing some bank stuff
-sunshine
-botox
-sweeping the floor and the new dustbrushes i have
-putting the shelf on the other side of the living room and feeling like it makes the place feel much more like home
-doing some writing exercises
-learning things about myself
-pretty things
-fabric refresh spray
-inspiration
-goals
-yoga
-hip openers
-music
-taking my magnesium supplement
-walking
-my bangs growing out
-creativity
-fashion
-drinking more water
-reflecting on pleasant memories and pleasant things
-healthy digestion
-my nails feeling strong
-P being well h---
-my legal stuff being vacated at my intention
-interesting synchronicities

[buttercup]

-vegetables
-getting the outlets working again
-M's husband coming by
-sleep
-clean blankets and the fresh laundry smell
-my dad cashapping my yesterday
-getting the living room more clean
-changing where the fridge is
-cleaning more garbage out of the kitchen
-changing ideas on how to do things
-doing an intention setting exercise last night to 3rd eye chakra music
-walking a mile and a half today
-reminiscing over past pleasant memories
-the weather feeling nice today
-my new garment bags for my fashion stuff
-yoga
-allowing myself to feel
-my texas friend contacting me last night
-having goals
-praying while crying
-being resourceful
-my bangs growing out
-the love my kittens have for each other
-spoons to eat out of
-keeping my head held up
-surprise graphics and animation
-having a loving heart
-cleaning products
-enjoying the beauty of snow
-kindness
-taking my vitamins
-remembering i can overcome adversity and re-build what's been brought down and re-create new
-cat hugs
-being witty
-wet wipes
-knowing and learning myself
-organizing

[buttercup]

-twix bars
-walking a mile and half
-cold beverages
-sleep
-making good progress on cleaning apartment and feeling better about my place in the daytime and once it was cleaner
-being able to order some food from amazon
-M cash-apping me
-texting my mom a smidge
-M finally responding to me
-botox
-using my new face scrub
-feeling more ambitious and believing in myself a little more
-using my new retinol
-clean blankets
-the smell of fresh laundry
-yoga
-my lower body getting more toned and sculpted
-love and compassion
-my creativity and child-like qualities
-learning what i like and remembering what i love
-baby wipes
-showering
-looking very young for my age
-moisturizing
-appreciating the little things
-mailing out a valentines day card i got for a friend
-moving forward
-learning
-laughing
-chakra balancing music helping boost my mood
-smiling
-entertainment
-feeling determined
-beauty
-quiet
-white noise
-the lights being off
-remembering pleasant things
-my femininity

[buttercup]

-washing the couch with white vinegar
-sweeping
-staying persistent
-face wash
-fabric refresh spray
-the love i have for my cats
-feeling more ambitious
-a clean living room
-making progress on the big closet
-botox
-drinking water
-feeling appreciated and flirted with my texas friend
-fashion
-clean clothes
-expressing my feelings
-making my body stronger
-that i have money incoming
-how beautiful my galaxy rose bouquet is
-M helping me
-yoga
-being productive
-being smart
-my eyes starting to look more relaxed and younger
-art
-being an ideas person
-my laptop
-my creativity
-being kind
-eating less the last few days
-the smell of roses
-colors
-thoughtfulness from others
-having nice hair
-innovation
-the writing exercises i've been doing
-pictures
-remembering pleasant things
-finding the perfect valentines day card for my dad
-my femininity
-organizing things
-my new versace socks
-daylight
-having a nice chest
-looking so much younger then my age

[buttercup]

-being able to get some new things for my place like a stylish custom wall decal, more hangers, heart shaped spoons that i had before but couldn't find the last one i still had, air filter replacements, etc
-getting my place organized, structured, and clean and feeling better about the place
-cleaning the couch with white vinegar and feeling like it's much cleaner now
-the love my kittens have for each other
-seeing m's husband and him bringing me somewhere for the first time since our break and it going well and feeling like things are healing
-working on resetting my sleep schedule
-drinking hot tea yesterday and this morning
-yoga
-my sense of style
-walking
-feeling determined
-fashion
-art
-buying an melting ice cream sculpture i like
-clean clothes
-cleaning hallway this morning
-cleaning products
-P being nicer these days
-M's husband getting me starbucks when he took me to the bank and not seeming to rush the ride
-getting my money out and the account finally closed at the bank
-face massage
-doing my writing exercises
-love
-cuteness
-inspiration
-taking initiative on some things to get some things going for me
-moisturizers
-my child like side
-my femininity
-my creativity
-having goals
-working on my spirit
-cash app
-creative expression
-expressing your feelings
-poetry
-connection
-the smell of roses
-the internet
-colors
-music

[buttercup]

-healthy digestion
-being honest with myself
-feeling my feelings
-sunshine yesterday
-weight loss
-seeing P tried to share with me, has tried to be a little more compassionate and now it's time to just let go
-chakra balancing music
-how cute my cats are
-calming down
-wet wipes
-ordering hampers
-beauty
-drinking water
-inspiration
-watching a love movie yesterday
-my galaxy rose bouquet
-the valentine donut i got the other morning
-having tastebuds
-not being sick anymore
-walking
-standing up for myself to P finally and letting it out
-taking care of my cats
-reflecting on myself and things i need to change
-pleasant memories
-to do lists
-having goals
-botox
-white vinegar cleaning my couch wonderfully
-donating to charity the other day
-Texas J coming back into my life
-getting things organized and structured
-clarity
-laughing

[buttercup]

-manifesting almost $300 yesterday
-confirming another job
-getting a discount on starbucks yesterday
-being pretty
-getting botox today
-getting chin altered with botox
-having a baby face
-being considered cute
-my friend J flirting with me a lot yesterday
-how cute it was seeing young teens celebrating valentines day
-valentines day
-colors
-moisturizers
-the sun coming out shortly after wishing the day was sunny yesterday
-sunshine
-the weather getting nicer
-my pink versace socks
-fashion
-music
-cleaning some garbage in the kitchen
-doing my therapy session
-blankets
-clorox wipes
-wet wipes
-my cats
-how much me and my indoor cats have grown as a family
-showering
-hand soap
-beauty
-interesting perspectives
-embracing what is
-drinking water
-buying some things i needed to catch up on
-compliments
-pleasant memories
-talking to my mom a smidge
-my health stabilizing a little
-being smart
-creativity
-being productive
-my femininity
-smiling
-connection

[buttercup]

-drinking hot tea
-seeing P does give a damn a little
-embracing the fashion studio vibe of my apartment
-sweeping and washing the day bed
-white vinegar for fabric cleaning
-drinking water
-being easy on myself
-M's husband sending me money
-sleep
-music
-fashion
-the beauty of the snow falling today
-the smell of roses
-taking iniative and following up being assertive on some things
-rose flavored chocolate
-how great my forehead and chin looks from the botox work i got done
-how cute my cats are
-opening the back door for a breeze inside
-processing my feelings and working on myself
-doing my writing exercises today
-getting caught up on home stuff i need for my place
-having desires
-blankets
-clorox wipes
-innocence

[buttercup]

-balancing my solar plexus chakra
-opening one of the windows in my apartment
-enjoying my cat's enjoying the window and them savoring the breeze
-how nice the window feels open and the breeze
-how funny my cats are
-how beautiful my cats are
-sunshine
-J being my friend again
-taking initiative to do things and fix things
-moisturizers
-my starbucks drink i like
-newness
-pictures
-miami memories and dreaming of miami
-laughing
-fun newtrends
-colors
-art
-evolving as a person
-limping less yesterday
-my hair color looking good now that i put the medium blonde top color on it
-seeing the good in others
-having heart desires
-wanting to manifest my desires
-knowing i have good luck with manifesting money and have proven this several times and can do it again
-white vinegar
-trying to be strong
-sleep
-blankets
-drinking water
-deodorant
-baby wipes
-my determination
-being smart
-cleaning out some garbage in the kitchen last night
-inspiration
-applying to jobs
-face wash
-beautiful things
-trying to be more on top of my skincare
-self forgiveness
-music
-being a loving person
-having ideas
-calmness
-having faith
-using resources to help myself
-hope
-botox

[buttercup]

-drinking water
-charities helping ukrainian animals
-going to the gym today and yoga class
-how cute my cats are
-being able to say sorry
-hairties
-the medium blonde color and how good my hair color looks now
-white vinegar
-the right pink hangers arriving
-botox
-retinol
-moisturizers
-starting running yesterday
-fashion
-compliments
-colors
-art
-M trading me food card money for cash tonight
-my beauty
-relaxation
-beautiful things
-beauty
-deodorant
-baby wipes
-gloves
-unity
-learning
-sleep
-cleaning the kitchen garbage
-roses
-creativity
-self improvement
-compassion
-having nice lips
-my femininity
-seeing my cats happy
-thinking positively

[buttercup]

-clean socks
-putting makeup on
-tampons
-bra feeling looser
-adding running intervals to my walk last night
-botox
-getting my ice cream sculpture in the mail
-my sculpture table that came in the mail
-the break with m's husband about to end
-being proactive
-being kind
-doing writing exercises tonight
-B cat feeling like a sleeping pill when he climbs on me
-working today
-being considered beautiful
-reflection
-motivation
-determination
-inspiration
-fashion
-showering
-moisturizers
-retinol
-the love my cats have for each other
-compassion
-knowing my place
-drinking water
-white vinegar
-having nice lips
-unity
-gloves

[buttercup]

-music
-clean socks
-beauty
-having plump lips
-face wash
-how pretty my ice cream sculpture is
-rest
-fasting
-break between me and m's husband ended
-laughing at life
-how beautiful b cat's eyes are
-b cat cuddling on me today
-how receptive p cat is
-garment bags
-clorox wipes
-burberry sweats fitting well today
-white vinegar
-being offered to go to yoga class tommorow
-trying to make a difference
-finishing recap today
-confirming a job today
-test results confirming no sti
-feeling determined
-romantic,spiritual, poetic reflections i've had
-having beautiful lips
-ice cold coke
-fashion
-having beautiful eyes
-compassion
-unity
-clothes fitting looser
-beautiful things
-my purple blonde hair toning spray and how effective is it at keeping my color looking nice
-newness
-art
-good news

[buttercup]

-having a cute voice
-botox
-colors
-my ice cream sculpture
-beautiful things
-fighting for my rights
-M's husband bringing me to work the last 2 days
-fighting for my rights
-my pink sculptural table
-moisturizers
-retinol
-running
-going to yoga class again lately
-people defending me with work the other day
-hearing other people's stories about the job i did and learning the truth and it's accuracy
-getting my antibiotic today
-ibuprofen
-being considered beautiful
-having beautiful eyes
-jumpsuits
-getting my afterpay account reinstated
-my starbucks drink i like
-ice cold soda
-drinking water
-how cute my cats are
-M's husband buying my cats a new cat toy and cat treats and visiting them the other day
-art
-seeing someone i hadn't seen in a few years that i didn't want to see because of my weight gain and him still flirting with me which boosted my confidence a little
-working more
-surrender
-romance
-social interactions

[buttercup]

-s actually seeming to care about me today
-s actually saying something really sweet,maybe one of the sweetest things he's ever said
-being strong
-botox
-getting an update on payment from agency
-sweeping
-lysol wipes
-going to yoga class and the gym lately
-pretty pictures of me
-female privilege
-how excited my cats get for cat treats
-taking iniatitive
-art
-sunshine
-flowers
-having great taste
-doing some reading
-music
-moisturizer
-baby wipes
-white vinegar
-having my doctor appt all set for friday
-working more
-laughing
-finding my hyaluronic acid lip filler gloss
-inspiration
-cuteness
-my femininity
-healthy digestion
-fasting
-those helping ukraine and russia
-masculine energy

[buttercup]

-drinking more water
-being smart
-being passionate
-making more effort
-reflecting on my feelings and processing things
-going to yoga class tonight
-how cute my cats are
-mobile editing apps
-that i can look beautiful
-ordering new lingerie
-that S said a few things unlike him that were beautiful and not like anything anything he's ever said to me shortly before he stopped speaking to me
-clean clothes
-sweeping
-finding a new TV show to watch that's been very entertaining
-healthy digestion
-makeup
-beauty
-baby wipes
-botox
-white vinegar
-music
-art
-discovering cool new things
-writing positive messages on sidewalk with chalk
-blankets
-sunshine
-meditating yesterday
-moisturizers
-colors
-my pretty pink shoes
-compassion
-compassion for self
-my humidifier

[buttercup]

-people making a positive difference in the world
-people trying to help ukraine
-my love for my cats
-trying to stay strong
-confirming a lot of jobs for next month
-S to talk to
-sleep
-healing
-surrender
-feeling better physically
-showering
-changing the litter box
-cleaning some garbage
-blankets
-the breeze from the window
-unique beauty
-clorox wipes
-baby wipes
-colors
-connection
-hope
-inspiration
-unity
-having goals and dreams
-the goals and dreams i've accomplished
-having beautiful eyes
-mobile editing apps
-having beautiful photos of myself
-fashion
-passion
-drinking water
-clean clothes
-having beautiful features
-being productive

[buttercup]

-drinking water
-drinking less soda
-my lease being extended
-getting my first month of rent after it all being pre-paid with rental assistance paid
-utility assistance company finally calling me and leaving a voicemail
-face wash
-hand wash
-showering
-joggers
-having great style
-putting some extra effort in my appearance the other day with makeup and styling
-my new ukraine support bracelet
-being in the know on trends
-makeup
-skincare face masks
-face rolling
-getting a bar cart
-getting cat grass which has a lot of benefits for cats and them liking it
-being productive
-confirming a lot of jobs
-journaling the other night
-my new journal
-new goals
-processing and healing things
-reflection
-inspiration
-beauty
-unique beauty
-feeling a surge of new energy like it's time to move forward
-kind people
-having female privilege
-having a compassionate heart
-being loving
-b cat when he cuddles with me
-clothes fitting looser on me
-ideas
-reminding myself anything is possible
-reading
-blankets
-unity
-moisturizers
-retinol
-botox
-my beauty
-yoga
-my body getting more flexible again
-fashion
-great cinematography
-art
-having great taste
-the breeze when the window is open
-compliments

[buttercup]

-rags
-sweets
-drinking water
-vegan food
-having a nourishing meal today
-iced almond milk lattes
-laughing
-walking
-how cute my cats are
-sunshine
-springtime
-trying new things
-good skincare
-moisturizers
-blankets
-fashion
-great cinematography
-great personalities
-hot guys
-compassion
-fashionable guys
-having desires
-inspiration
-my beauty
-my beautiful new bar cart being put together
-walking past my former apartment and how healing and needed it felt
-healing
-being passionate
-my face slimming out
-having beautiful eyes
-lighting and lights
-fashion photography
-getting a new phone charger

[buttercup]

-entertainment
-my new favorite tv show
-moisturizers
-good skincare ingredients
-having beautiful eyes
-botox
-yoga
-feeling better
-happy moments
-art
-food
-vegan food
-buying a certificate for an ipl facial
-rebuilding my life
-my lease getting renewed
-accessorizing my bar cart
-sleep
-drinking water
-drinking less soda
-clothes fitting more loosely
-pleasurable sensations
-blankets
-socks
-fashion
-drinking energy drinks the last week
-rags
-saying thank you
-me and m's husband getting along better
-colors
-ideas
-creativity
-newness
-evolving as a person
-cleaning the place some
-my delicious cake i have for breakfast
-iced almond milk lattes
-sunshine
-lighting

[buttercup]

-memories
-cleaning and rearranging things
-lights and lighting
-b cat laying my arms sleeping for awhile
-having more energy, motivation, and wellness to do things today
-moisturizers
-compassion
-journaling
-someone wanting to hire me for first job thing i do
-cuteness
-reflection
-entertainment
-a lot of jobs coming up
-my gold sharpie markers
-having beautiful eyes
-having a kind heart
-learning
-blankets
-joggers
-night skies
-cat grass
-inspiration
-beauty
-animal activists and animal advocates and those who are kind to animals

[buttercup]

-compliments
-sleep
-confirming more jobs
-my pink neon lights
-my cats
-water
-makeup
-attractive pictures of me
-skipping meals
-buying trendy things
-face wash
-cleaning products
-cleaning the window of a lot of dirt
-yoga pants
-music
-dancing
-entertainment
-humor
-rearranging things in my living room
-newness
-beauty
-inspiration
-art
-cuteness
-relaxing
-being creative
-learning
-blankets
-cat hugs
-colors
-light
-my pink end table

[buttercup]

-my pink neon light
-retinol
-clean clothes
-cleaning out a lot of garbage
-standing up for myself
-white vinegar
-blue raspberry celsius energy drink
-the blondie sweet thing i ate today
-m's husband taking me to get some things from the store
-an assistance program opening up i am going to apply for
-blankets
-newness
-playing with flash photography
-fashion
-cute designs
-love
-wit
-my allergies lessening and feeling more better physically
-going for a walk last night
-hair ties
-inspiration
-stretches

[buttercup]

-trying and succeeding in making strawberry infused water
-socks
-paying the rent today
-iced lattes
-no longer owing electric company over $500
-everything working out when i had to give most of my rent money to get my power back on
-a friend giving $150 out of kindness of his heart
-getting a check early and more than expected
-seeing M's husband today
-picking up some groceries
-white vinegar
-sweeping
-taking out the garbage
-makeup
-going for walks
-sunshine
-the breeze
-having a fan in the house
-beauty
-inspiration
-compassion
-hope
-blankets
-positive affirmations
-flowers
-my lips still having some fullness
-my beauty
-being very smart
-being creative
-water
-moisturizers
-good ingredients for the skin
-having great taste
-looking young
-having goals and desires

[buttercup]

-clean teeth
-my pink light
-moisturizers
-having thte funds to get my lips done
-hot sauce
-johnny depp winning the trial
-getting help with my apartment
-chipotle
-tracking my weight
-hot guys
-my new art deco rug
-great designs
-having great taste
-socks
-sunshine
-getting things done
-working the whiskey festival as bartender and being told i did a good job and the boost in my confidence that was for me
-my allergies calming
-water
-hanging out with someone after my job for a short bit and being social
-the skyscrapers at night
-cat hugs
-being smart
-great acting
-art
-being considered very attractive
-learning
-getting info that j alleged to someone for me he only claimed to make the tape in 2018 to scare me off
-seeing that J's wife wasn't completely unscathed by 2018
-getting my power back
-healing
-newness
-rest
-making changes
-relaxing
-having desires
-cleaning products
-setting positive intentions
-trying new things
-luxury
-fashion

[buttercup]

-being loving
-seeing my life coach yesterday
-the smell of roses
-flowers
-cleanng products
-beautiful prints
-colors
-playing with color
-losing 13 lbs
-the cat tree being put together for the boys and how cute it is
-entertainment
-shifting some energy from trauma from 4 years and getting a lot of things unstuck
-humor
-attractive guys
-listening to my hypnosis sessions today
-reminding myself of my accomplishments
-ideas on how to shift my thinking
-making plans for the future
-releasing my emotions
-inspiration
-naps
-cat hugs
-beauty
-drinking water
-joggers
-healthy digestion
-my ambition
-creatiive ideas
-great design
-z unblocking me from twitter
-stretching
-connection
-remembering my roots
-allowing myself to feel
-having nice lips
-my phone charger
-music

[buttercup]

-lights
-my cats
-love
-blankets
-air conditioning
-cleaning
-walking
-rollerskating
-surrendering to the health experience i'm going through
-cleansers
-drinking water
-squats
-playing things smart
-evolving as a person
-agencies i work with raising their rates
-taking vitamin e supplement
-reading
-journaling
-night skies
-peaceful sounds
-being smart
-makeup
-focusing on more health conscious things
-clipping the cat's claws today
-my beauty
-having nice lips
-having nice eyes
-my little green hoya plant
-sunshine

[buttercup]

-putting my socks on
-walking
-snacks
-drinking water
-how loving my cats have been to me
-music
-almond milk being available to buy near my place
-appreciating my apartment
-skincare face masks
-joggers
-losing weight
-putting my ego aside and starting a gofundme
-kind words from others
-moisturizers
-surrendering and relaxing
-getting my new face rolling kit in the mail
-addressing my feelings to myself and having new realizations
-taking risks
-people thinking i'm very attractive
-my face looking thinner
-my pants fitting looser
-listening to chakra music
-trying to be productive
-organizing and cleaning things
-nightskies
-sunshine
-seeing my cats use their cat tree
-having nice full lips
-being offered free life coaching sessions for the rest of the month
-physical exercise
-hot tea
-being strong
-going back to my roots
-finding a heart rate monitor for my phone
-knowing my body can be very beautiful
-being told i look 15 years younger than my age, and having this happen on a regular basis
-looking in the mirror at the hospital with my hair a mess, no makeup, no skincare for over a week, stressed out in a hospital, in ugl hospital gown. not showering regularly and just looking at my face and myself for a minute or two and seeing beauty
-baby wipes
-my pink jumbo glowstick light
-having a compassionate heart
-not letting things get to me
-my childlike side
-new things

[buttercup]

-loving my cats
-peaceful outdoor sounds
-sunshine and the way the sun feels on my skin
-deciding to rollerskate today
-randomly putting my pride aside and starting a gofundme, and actually getting donations and halfway at my goal now
-getting my utility bill signed
-face rolling and getting new face roller set in the mail
-walking
-having great taste
-hair ties
-honoring my feelings
-having healthy nails
-kind words from others
-proving people who don't believe in me wrong
-being offered free life coaching sessions for the month
-free transportation to health appts
-flowers
-iced almond milk lattes
-cuteness
-remembering i can go to that quiet, happy place at any time
-looking way younger than my age
-doing the disability application again
-watching my cats play
-giving my cats treats
-trying to increase my producitivity
-air conditioning
-my weight lowering to the lowest i've seen it all this year and hitting a new set of 10's
-my face thinning out
-beauty
-music
-newness
-creating new
-honoring my feelings
-finding a heart rate app to monitor heart rate
-colors
-fashion photography
-having desires
-being brave
-being resourceful
-fashion

[buttercup]

-my pink light
-getting gofundme donations
-donatng plasma again finally
-socks
-my cats and i being family
-folgers coffee bags
-food
-working out
-great opportunities
-getting what i want
-getting a better therapist at my clinic
-being able to reschedule my appt
-fashion
-style
-beauty
-blankets
-looking way younger than my age
-remembering how to get to my happy place again
-taking some garbage out
-entertainment
-moisturizers
-ideas
-cuteness

[buttercup]

-reading some positive things to get my mindset more positive
-pain killers and medicine to help shakiness
-clean clothes
-walking
-coffee bags
-listening to some chakra music
-working on my recaps
-moisturizer
-makeup
-affirmation i look very young
-a charger being dropped off to me today by M
-how loving and cute my cats are
-my pink neon light
-changing the litter box
-sweeping
-cleaning spray
-getting positive attention
-the sound of the outside during summertime
-nightskies
-sunshine
-socks
-smiling
-fashion
-beauty
-art
-playing with lighting
-blankets
-processing and feeling my feelings
-faith
-surrender
-ordering more W cat stickers
-my femininity
-my beauty
-inspiration
-having had my dreams come true
-being a female
-being open
-cuteness
-new ideas

[buttercup]

-people being understanding
-getting another gofundme donation today
-waking up feeling a little more normal and less depressed today
-beauty products
-wanting to be beautiful
-taking out the garbage
-changing the litter box
-taking care of my skin
-my pink neon light
-being seen as attractive
-seeing the attractive nurse guy at the donation place i go to
-getting in a plasma donation today
-socks
-drinking water
-how cute and loving my cats are
-nightskies
-listening to chakra music
-reflection
-learning
-doing sit ups and my abs getting flatter and stronger from it
-ice cold drinks
-icy sweet drinks
-coffee
-my new no1 cares at all purse
-luxury lipstick
-having great taste
-working on self improvement
-finding the joy in it again
-my accomplishments
-being productive and speeding up how much i am doing
-good, passionate music
-seeing things more positively and working to change how i see my reality
-hot guys
-seeing i got a $50 transit card in the mail
-having an appt with a new therapist this week
-hot tea
-blankets
-relaxing
-surrender
-being kind
-being smart
-feeling the world change as my perception changes
-looking young
-having sophistication
-flowers
-healing

[buttercup]

-all those who donated to me
-having positive psychic money dreams
-getting paid for jobs in july
-proving those who want/expect me to fail wron
-snacks
-pillows
-remembering the power of gratitude and old desires manifested, even the simplest ones and the pleasure it brings
-chakra music
-M's husband checking on potential W sighting
-trying to be productive
-drinking water
-walking
-nightskies
-being stylish
-fashion
-beautiful designs
-working on my mental diet
-clean clothes
-cleaing spray
-having a place to live
-cat hugs
-seeking help
-manifesting my desires
-moisturizers
-new ideas
-wanting to be more motivated and to better myself
-trying to become spiritually rooted again
-hand wash
-cuteness
-being smart and elegant
-my eyesight
-colors
-weather feeling nice
-brushing my hair
-reading
-being in the know on trends
-allowing myself to feel
-creativiity
-art
-breaking apart walls holding me in from experiencing my desired reality
-my pink neon light
-ease
-having integrity

[buttercup]

-deciding to work on solutions to problems
-having jobs confirmed for October
-a job I applied to, having my lifecoach and M give them a good reference.
-my psychiatrist appt going well today
-walking more
-klonopin
-getting an offer for rental assistance and sending the w9 to my landlord
-taking better care of my skin
-drinking water
-having a nice intense ritual meditation last night
-waking up on time and making it to my appt
-being paid for all July jobs
-changing how I do things
-changing perspectives on things
-getting my eyebrows threaded
-touching up my hair color
-showering more
-people being kind to me
-positive memories
-cool, cute and creative designs
-getting my meowbucks apron for B cat's Halloween costume and how adorable it is and how well packaged it came in beautiful tissue paper and ribbon
-housecleaners
-deodorant
-evolving as a person
-immersing myself in new ideas
-trying to go with the flow
-feeling like I look thinner
-new desires
-how good the sun felt today
-my great taste
-fashion
-makeup
-having nice lips
-socks
-cleaning wipes
-hair ties
-having large eyes
-ab exercises
-self compassion
-starting a digital vision board
-being in the industries I'm in
-connection
-embracing being humbled
-compassion
-stretches
-nightskies
-filtering what I say more
-M still being nice to me
-moisturizers
-my style
-pedometer on my phone
-hot tea
-new ideas
-mind sunshine
-shedding away old layers of me
-beautiful objects
-art
-having a poetic mindset
-learning
-laughing
-overcoming
-appreciating living old desires manifested
-looking so young

[buttercup]

-my mood starting to lift just a bit
-having realizations and epiphanies
-laughing at the obvious jealousy others have of me
-my cats in their Halloween costumes for this year, having that bought and how adorable they look. Being able to have one little thing to make me smile and laugh
-how nice it feels outside
-remembering fun
-my ambition levels increasing
-cat hugs
-decorating my windows in pumpkin decals. My first time decorating outside.
-putting my little witch out in the living room for decoration that M gave me years ago
-having goals and desires
-showering a little more often
-taking more care to my skin
-feeling a little more attractive
-having jobs starting this week.
-getting another gofundme donation
-having psychic money dreams and seeing them come true
-blankets
-having a new laptop M gave me
-having integrity
-ideas
-newness
-entertainment
-music
-colors
-nightskies
-the new cloud feeding mat for the cats
-having a beautiful look
-my grey fall jacket
-apple cider vinegar
-cleaning spray
-learning
-having money on public transit cards
-bread
-face rollers
-looking young
-M dropping stuff off today
-my faith in God helping me through what's going on
-walking more
-reflecting on my life and where I want it to go, what I want to shed away
-staying strong
-my determination
-listening to others success stories
-working on releasing old baggage
-drinking water
-showering
-embracing what is
-being able to donate plasma
-housecleaners
-yoga
-sunshine
-my creativity
-beauty in life
-pleasant memories
-cool experiences I've had
-klonopin
-cuteness
-pictures
-being a giving person
-compassion
-being able to think differently
-being able to change things.

[buttercup]

-sleep
-gratitude
-remembering spiritual things about reality
-letting myself cry
-buying lysol wipes
-making a payment towards rent
-realizing J's wife L actually just exposed her husband and made him look bad and herself
-relaxing
-having a job coming up
-fashion
-appreciation
-nightskies
-peaceful sounds
-holding my cats
-expressing myself
-staying strong
-wearing makeup
-the nurse at the plasma center that I find kind of attractive
-my landlord being patient with me
-halloween decorations
-my accomplishments with my first career
-processing my feelings
-great designs
-having a baby face
-my hair color
-beauty
-inspiration
-blankets
-hope
-walking
-compassion
-openness
-texting and email more resources
-self forgiveness
-cuteness
-people to text and message online
-standing up for myself
-being safe
-face rolling

[buttercup]

-fashion
-hot guys
-My mood lifting 1000% after starting work again this week
-people having sympathy for me what I went through
-well dressed guys
-well dressed people
-fashion inspiration
-someone I worked with in March finding me at work this week and hanging out with me and making me feel very welcome.
-taking the train since the first time in a few years
-taking the bus since the first time in a few years
-someone helping guide me the right way to go when I had trouble finding work the first day of job 2 this month
-being considered very attractive still
-being considered cute
-free lunch at all my jobs I had this month so far
-makeup
-God protecting me from J and L doing anything further to me since last Friday
-realizing how I want to be a better person
-showering
-htdroxzyine helping my allergies
-drinking water
-drinking orange juice
-looking younger than others my age range
-being smart
-my anxiety medication
-having a decent psychiatrist
-making all my new psychiatrist and therapist appts
-iced lattes
-cute seasonal things
-creativity
-experiencing cool new things like a magician doing magic trick with me and meeting a woman from guiness book of world record records
-randomly running into the girl who was my roommate at the psych ward at my psychiatrist appt
-comfortable socks
-nice weather
-sunshine
-beautiful architecture in my city
-being resourceful
-working hard
-feeling ambitious
-sleep
-M helping me
-walking more
-my brown joggers
-paper towels
-unity
-kind and helpful people
-newness
-learning
-my lip scrub
-walking more
-finding the things that bring me joy and remembering things that did
-the nerve tonic I bought recently
-cuteness
-music
-my accomplishments
-deodorant
-the art of femininity
-my allure
-baby wipes
-apple cider vinegar
-my landlord being patient
-working on my comeback
-mirror affirmations
-being able to order cat litter yesterday
-getting to read notes from doctor appts at new place
-laughing

[buttercup]

-solutions
-klonopin
-drinking water
-sleep
-Halloween candy
-getting an apple crisp macchiato the other day and how delicious it was.
-fashion
-cleaning the bathroom sink
-pumpkin bread
-how sweet and loving my cats are
-someone bringing my groceries by the door for me
-kindness
-helpful people
-drinking orange juice lately
-buying bleach and a lint roller today
-healthy digestion
-ordering a chic new coat online
-laughing at haters and how hard people try proving themselves to me
-prayer
-looking at old accomplishments and memories
-entertainment
-art
-water
-doing laundry
-being proactive
-reaching my goals
-inspiration
-cleanliness
-confirming 2 jobs today
-gratitude for being humbled and looking at the bright side of things
-laughing
-having goals and desires
-sunshine
-bring b and p cat outside
-being resourceful
-M helping me
-researching
-attempting to call the law firm
-starting to believe in myself and good things again
-rates going up and things improving for the work I do
-moisturizers
-God working things out for me
-learning and processing things
-healing
-halloween decorations
-compliments
-being considered very beautiful
-love
-shedding away old aspects of me to become new
-seeing people who were awful getting theirs even if it's not very nice of me to take joy in

[buttercup]

-not letting those who wish ill will on me to have power over me
-ordering toner
-getting pet safe pesticide spray
-house feeling less gross and safer from things i did the last week
-taking care of my skin
-moisturizer
-getting my coat i ordered in the mail
-finding gratitude in getting humbled
-sleep
-blankets
-cleaning a little today
-my landlord being patient with me
-my outlets working once i awoke from my nap
-my mood lifting today
-being hired as an election judge
-having an interview tommorow
-drinking orange juice
-having vegan chicken tenders for dinner
-having enough money to get a pouch of cat food
-cat hugs
-cuteness
-finishing some of my election judge training
-my house feeling cozy from the heat
-clean clothes
-music
-being smart
-having nice eyes
-stretching
-klonopin
-having tapered down to half the amount of anxiety medication i was taking this year compared to the last 3 years which is actually huge
-brushing my hair
-setting intentions
-learning
-possibly talking to that nurse i kind of have a crush on yesterday on the phone(it sounded like him).
-poetry
-love
-my laptop
-the power of surrender
-nightskies

[buttercup]

-my mood being better and being more coherent than when i first left the hospital
-working again and exceeding my earnings from the last month before i stopped working again
-trying out my fitness app just now and doing some exercise
-showering
-my dad sharing his hbo login with me and watching some movies this past week
-clean clothes
-the blue joggers i wore today
-making efforts to fix my life
-makeup
-not letting my ex's wife get to me so much anymore
-prayer
-affirmations
-knowing my ex's wife is going crazy because she is jealous and that she's not stable
-fashion
-beautiful things
-the landlord coming to my place and fixing the radiators
-facing my fears
-seeing M's husband again and breaking the ice finally and seeing he seemed to want to talk for longer and see me
-blankets
-drinking water
-drinking orange juice
-new experiences
-fun and pleasant memories
-nightskies
-sunshine
-halloween decorations
-being smart
-halloween candy
-reflecting on things
-having ideas
-finding old flash drives
-pillows
-surrender
-gratitude
-how cute my cats are
-cat hugs
-becoming more patient
-compliments
-having a nice hair color
-reminiscing
-having a new coat for the season
-entertainment
-being compassionate
-having desires and goals
-moisturizers
-putting care into my appearance

[buttercup]

-getting paid
-hearing back from another boss
-having jobs coming up
-having clean teeth
-my new toner
-being smart
-ordering hair bleach
-ordering black hiking shoes with sparkles on them
-drinking water
-being rational
-mailing my dad's birthday card finally
-healthy digestion
-pet safe pesticide spray
-cool uses for technology
-having great taste
-redeeming a $75 off juvederm deal
-great ideas
-ordering an ipl certificate
-clean socks
-physical exercise
-getting an apple crisp macchiato yesterday
-my pink light
-sleep
-my beauty
-hot drinks
-things slowly returning to a new normal
-compassion
-being able to think for myself
-cat hugs
-cuteness
-being kind
-learning a lot this year
-being in the trends
-having goals
-colors
-comedy
-entertainment
-M being there for me
-nightskies
-babywipes
-style
-working through my feelings

[buttercup]

-Halloween candy
-M giving me money as a "happy Halloween."
-ibuprofen
-hydroxyzine
-seeing m's husband again as they dropped off ibuprofen for me and him actually talking to me and saying be safe etc.
-moisturizer
-fabrics
-having compassion
-handling my problems
-getting another gofundme donation
-having goals and desires
-ideas
-being productive
-my sore throat being gone
-fashion
-cold soda
-apple crisp macchiatos from Starbucks
-going back to my roots little by little by working again and bring around the things I like and that are my scene
-techno music
-parties
-nightclubs
-attractive people
-all the creativity people put in their Halloween costumes
-ravioli
-the cat starting to leave the pumpkin alone
-the cats getting so much attention in the window
-how cute and precious my cats are
-new experiences
-being friendly
-brushing my teeth

[buttercup]

-staying strong through the catastrophes
-getting my red-light wand in the mail
-doing affirmations today in the mirror
-watching movies
-wearing my new coat
-cleaning products
-nighttime walks
-realizing during emotional breakdowns there's good in there to come back to
-having nice hair
-clean sheets
-orange juice
-fasting some days
-being smart
-art
-style
-seeing m's husband with M again
-having ideas
-my mind being more clear, coherent
-taking less then half the anxiety medicine I did in the past
-my femininity
-finding grace in being humbled
-handling things maturely
-cute decorations
-hugging cats
-having compassion
-toner
-brushing my hair
-having goals
-playing with the cats earlier
-trying new things
-oneness
-spirituality
-following ones bliss
-music
-being attractive
-working on the basic pillars of peace and success

[buttercup]

-acknowledging my stress and anxiety levels
-being protected from any petty stuff from ex j and his wife happening
-my new coat
-my red light therapy wand
-sleep
-being proactive
-my little heater
-ordering garbage bags
-ordering cat litter
-the friendly neighbor chatting with me recently who likes my cats
-my sense of style
-brushing my hair
-bring 99% sure I found out who sent me prank the prank calls in july
-klonopin
-semi detoxing from anxiety meds and cosmetic injections
-working out my body
-sending out emails for work
-blankets
-watching movies, TV shows, documentaries
-having great taste
-having a plan
-the feeling of clean clothes
-talking to my cats
-my determination levels rising
-hot beverages
-music
-finding special old messages between r and I and the irony reading them and processing the specialness that was there
-when my clothes feel looser
-my hair color
-looking so young
-being beautiful
-working on bettering myself as a person
-bread
-something to grow from
-humility
-that my ex j's wife took down her pinned post with awful things about from being pinned
-staying strong
-being smart
-perspective
-drinking water
-paper towels
-baby wipes

[buttercup]

-ideas
-plans
-showering
-lights
-blankets
-water
-orange juice
-sleep
-motivating myself
-hope
-my red light therapy wand
-going through the past to remember peace, success and happiness
-hot tea
-destressing and decompressing techniques
-patience
-getting strict with myself on some things
-the litter heater
-cuteness
-b cat having such fluffy thick fur
-playing with the cats
-trying to be real with myself
-great design
-garbage bags
-sweeping
-prayer
-detoxing from cosmetic injections and anxiety medication
-my face skim feeling tighter
-compassion for myself
-learning new things
-working on becoming a better person
-fashion
-becoming more coherent
-sweaters
-style
-being smart

[buttercup]

-seeing my check will be $100 higher than expected
-finding the name of the number of who prank called me
-not being served legal papers from having to do with ex's wife and him, etc
-Chakra music
-red light therapy
-my skin looking so good and being incredibly smooth from red light therapy
-mood lifts from red light therapy
-hummus
-taking the cats out to experience the snow
-how pretty snow is
-how cute paw prints are
-watching movies
-blankets
-restful naps
-the boys loving the cat toys I got then
-my new coat
-my fashion sense
-hot beverages
-starting a digital vision board
-taking the garbage out
-looking for apartments online
-gold sharpie marker
-having nice curves
-compassion for self
-looking back on positive things to remember
-being smart
-drinking water
-joggers
-beautiful things
-feeling investment minded and focused on rebuilding
-reflection
-self forgiveness
-having a nice hair color
-not being afraid to take risks
-looking young
-when people show they care for me
-bread
-recertifying for my free internet
-getting positive responses from 2 agencies I emailed
-trying to eat less
-feeling in a bit of a good mood at random the last few days
-remembering my spiritual roots
-having desires
-listening to beach sounds the other day to decompress
-cats
-healing my inner demons
-wanting to focus on my health and recovery

[buttercup]

-restful sleep
-Journaling
-healing
-self awareness
-forgiving myself
-learning things about why I've felt the way I do
-being considered attractive
-not letting myself be silenced
-finding out if j's wife isn't lying I should have been served long ago in October and that it doesn't add up, and just seems like its fake. The court date is in a few days if what she posted isn't fake.
-prayer
-affirmations
-the catnip ball I got for my cats
-making the decision I did to detox from anxiety medication
-making the decision to detox from cosmetic injections
-fashion
-wanting to live a cleaner life
-motivation levels shooting up a little
-being somewhat cultured
-treating myself to two pieces of 7eleven pizza last night for dinner
-eating less
-M helping me
-blankets
-cleam socks
-friendly people
-baby wipes
-having goals
-relaxing beach sounds audio
-being more coherent
-Chakra music
-feelings tinges of more aliveness
-beauty
-appreciation
-the love I have for others
-fantasizing about what I want to manifest
-remembering positive memories and gorgeous details of them
-feeling like I'm getting my power back, it's going to come back
-being strong
-color
-having an artist mindset
-having great taste
-how beautiful the sky is
-compliments
-detoxing
-the power of appreciating the little things
-entertainment
-cuteness
-helping
-compassion for self
-my creativity
-decluttering
-humility
-entertainment
-flowers
-art
-growing as a person
-my accomplishments
-the cool things I've experienced in life
-being classy
-clothes feeling looser
-having a caring heart
-my hair color
-looking like a model
-my versace bright crystal perfume
-garbage bags to throw garbage out
-my beauty
-my femininity

[buttercup]

-the detox from my hospital stay
-feeling increased clarity after my hospital stay and peace
-M's husband watching my cats while I was at hospital
-tension breaking between me and M's husband showing he may see me soon
-food at hospital getting a little better
-losing weight
-sleep
-Ativan
-being brilliantly savage when needed
-my creativity
-seeing more truth of how much j's wife isn't stable and their lying
-having compassion
-being smart
-getting my long awaited check
-putting money aside for new place
-lighting
-showers
-socks
-red light therapy
-watching movies
-feeling ambitious and inspired to move toward goal
-how peaceful the rain was the other night
-prayer
-not being served legal papers from anything with J and his wife
-savoring the moments
-staying positive
-music
-feeling more feelings of aliveness
-beauty
-smiling
-baby wipes
-clorox wipes
-playing and cuddling with cats
-ideas
-fashion
-blankets
-my femininity
-eating less and appetite shrinking
-sunshine
-nightskies
-colors
-my abs flattening
-dental floss

[buttercup]

-getting prescribed weight loss medicine
-sleep
-my cat being in a calendar
-my new pusheen socks
-compliments
-movies
-starting my plan for getting money to move
-seeing my feral cats
-h cat being healed of his sniffling issues and getting antibiotics and bloodwork and sleeping on the front porch of m's husband's house with heat for 2 weeks
-babywipes
-playing with ai app and seeing my beauty in interesting ways
-having model like features
-cold water to drink
-vegan food
-blankets
-holding my cats
-taking p cat on a walk and him doing very well
-feeling my feelings
-cashapp
-great ideas
-reassurances
-cleaning my freezer
-gratitude
-enjoyment
-peace
-positive memories
-bras
-kind people
-plasma donating experience at new place going well
-being smart
-rest
-clean clothes
-newness
-being cultured
-having goals
-being kind
-unique beauty
-prayer
-positive intentions and affirmations
-learning
-reflecting
-colors
-inspiration
-lysol
-clean teeth
-beauty

[buttercup]

-starting donating plasma at new place and how easy it is and nicer there
-lysol spray
-a good therapy session the other day
-starbucks
-my new pusheen socks
-great design
-beauty
-unique beauty
-hugging my cats
-playing with ai app the other day
-sleep
-compliments
-looking like a model
-pep talks
-inspiration
-fashion
-elevating myself
-realizing I'm not crazy and ex and his wife are below my level playing below my level games and jealous
-having a warm apartment
-vegan food
-blankets
-cuteness
-positive affirmations
-having money
-staying strong
-looking for joy
-people being kind
-looking back to my roots
-my accomplishments
-being able to think for myself
-having compassion
-having a phone
-being a kind person
-having things to be able to be proud of myself for

[buttercup]

-clean socks
-patience
-being at 20% of what I need to move financially
-sleep
-movies
-entertainment
-friendly people
-blankets
-drinking water
-reassurances
-my cats
-mirror affirmations
-watching movies
-positive stories
-staying strong
-my red light therapy wand
-my givenchy bear
-joggers
-cat hugs
-being smart
-doing my part to make things better

[buttercup]

-drinking water
-warmth
-recovering old pictures including a specific one I had been seeking which felt like a positive sign from the universe
-having lived a full life
-getting a stylish tote bag free with a shirt I bought
-my mom telling me she bought something she's been telling me she wanted ever since I was little so I'm happy she manifested that
-trying to penny pinch
-friendly people
-cleaning the litter box
-my beauty and realizing in hindsight just how exotic it is and how perfect my curves were and how thin I actually was
-preparing myself to just go for it and not make it a big deal about going to see my cats because they're mine too and feeling like this is somehow a key to freedom to peace and joy in my life in so many other ways
-finding some great stickers for cards I wanted to send out for the holidays the other day
-movies
-moisturizers
-my givenchy bear and laying with it in bed
-feeling my feelings and allowing myself to feel the heartbreak
-my ex and his wife possibly giving up on their petty revenge on me and seeing its a loss for them as his wife now unpinned the tweet she had about it
-appreciation
-fashion
-sleep
-having an interview for work
-when p cat lays by me
-lysol spray
-mirror affirmations
-that my parents seem to be doing well
-making my cats happy
-beauty
-having great taste
-my child like side

[buttercup]

-movies
-staying strong
-looking for help
-my leggings with the edgy side trim and front panels
-the chic leg warmers with buttons coming in the mail
-nostalgia
-moisturizer
-showering
-taking risks
-having a warm apartment
-seeing most of my feral cats the other day
-starbucks
-kind people
-the kind uber driver who gave me her number in case i need someone to talk to her after hearing my health stories
-my cats
-drinking water
-sleep
-hope
-remembering law of attraction and spirituality roots
-my beauty
-my pads
-my childlike side
-being happy for others
-being happy for my mom and dad
-ibuprofen
-setraline
-being smart
-being able to think for myself
-gift left on my door by landlord
-having empathy for others
-having lived my dreams
-movies

[buttercup]

-brushing my teeth
-baby wipes
-lysol
-how cute my cats are and seeing them curl in a ball or tilt their or submissively let me pick them up
-the beauty of cats
-cleaning a little
-deciding to delete my gofundme
-drinking water
-starting my new years resolutions
-rewriting the story
-coffee
-blankets
-my coffee cake from starbucks
-art
-movies and production
-beauty
-my beauty
-botox
-moisturizer
-having things i want to do and accomplish and manifest
-having met interesting and accomplish people in my life and entangled myself with interesting and accomplished people who've inspired me and helped me better myself
-calming down
-prayer
-affirmations

[buttercup]

-the friendly girl at the plasma center giving me a mini candy cane and being nice before christmas
-drinking my apple cider vinegar water
-starting up doing 10 minutes of heart opening yoga again last night
-M talking to me again
-nice weather and the wonderful way the breeze felt
-laying down, allowing my mind to empty and feeling almost a slight euphoric feeling and aliveness remembering all is well and will be well and the feeling of heart chakra opening surrender sensations if i were to just surrender fully enough and how amazing that would feel
-opening my front door to see a target bag on front stoop and peering in to what was a magic kit. it may have been for me and from a friend that got mad at me and had said he'd drop off a christmas gift he got me before he got mad but then said he'd hold onto it and wait. There was no name tag and it just looked opened but as if left for someone. It could have been from the wind or maybe someone opened it to see if it was for them or was nosy to see what it was then put it back realizing it was just a magic kit. I took it as a beautiful positive omen of magic! A magic kit. Walking right in front of magic, a magic kit. How dream-like. I didn't bring it in. Maybe i should have. I did try texting the one person and asking if he did stopped by but very awesome sign from the universe.
-doing a nice prayer and affirmation incense ritual the night before
-how cute and cuddly my cats
-my givenchy bear
-learning and growing as a person
-my mood's being more up and feeling less weighed down
-drinking water
-flossing my teeth
-reflection
-having great hair
-the sky
-music
-staying positive
-being productive
-socks
-having fulfilled all my dreams
-working on my new year's resolutions
-blankets

[buttercup]

-staying strong
-band aids
-being creative
-getting on board a new agency roster
-listening to heart chakra music
-movies
-sleep
-blankets
-cuddling my cats
-my black givenchy bear
-sending T cat a feral cat insulated weatherproof sizeable house
-hot tea
-fashion
-meeting up with my ex Ja and getting dinner in chinatown and him feeding me and taking the parts i thought were gross out of the food for me so i'd eat
-gritty, real experiences that feel cinematic
-new experiences
-the friendly phlebotomist who says hi to me and makes conversation when she sees me now
-working on my new years resolutions
-having a warm place to live
-my solawave red light therapy wand
-connection
-inspiration
-seeing other's i look up to having had gone through things i am going through or have
-happy moments or accomplished or peaceful moments of my past
-recovering a lot of cool pics from my past
-seeing i've lived a full life
-drinking water
-having apple cider water vinegar the other day
-so many beautiful pics from first career i did
-adding more light yoga routine to my routine
-colors
-nightskies
-mirror affirmations
-art
-being eceletic
-clean socks
-being smart
-moisturizer
-prayer
-reflection
-claritin
-makeup
-knowing trends and aesthetics

[buttercup]

-starting work again
-k at the plasma place vibing with me and noticing my subtle hair color change and giving me a tip so my heart rate stays low while they take it
-adding golden blonde to my hair which gives it a lovely strawberry blonde like hue that's a little different and nice
-J giving me $200 dollars
-my cats and how sweet and innocent they are
-J taking me to see my feral cats for a short bit recently
-being able to do a little laundry at J's house
-J giving me flowers the 2nd time we hung out again and then the 3rd
-having an amazing dinner at a place we found and J ordering us such a feast. We had shots of titos vodka, a Mai Tai, bottle of sparkling rose wine, salads, bread, charcuterie, gnocchi, he had octopus and salmon and we had the place to ourself. It was a lovely experience and all the stuff I ordered was amazing
-how good J is at ordering food for me
-walking
-being productive
-reflection and working on the last year of reflection and new year goals
-movies to watch on hbo
-pierogi
-fashion
-my cashapp tote bag and how stylish it is and that I got it for free
-staying strong and positive
-orange powerade
-being kind to others
-finding the nail clippers
-starting doing yoga at home again and how great it feels
-red light therapy and how great it is for my skin
-working on cleaning my blood
-cuddling with J's dog
-good therapy sessions
-my creativity
-makeup
-sleep
-m's husband cash-apping me twice recently
-new experiences
-remembering excitement, bliss, feeling alive and other great feelings
-muscle relaxants I found that make me feel relaxed
-getting more things organized to be packed away
-seeing more job openings pop up
-M talking to me more again
-the step tracker on my phone
-the foot balm I have to moistuirze my feet
-my face mist I use to add glow to my skin
-positive visualization
-moisturizers
-having great style
-recovering awesome older pics I haven't seen in awhile
-hair masks
-having great eyes
-changing the litter box last night
-doing some reading earlier
-colors
-design
-having character
-having integrity
-trying to reach new goals and overcome things
-J giving me gloves
-putting the abuse an animal go to jail bumper sticker on j's car
-an author friend gifting me a copy of his book
-beauty
-my cats becoming trained to let me have flowers out in my place
-cuteness
-flowers
-finding a green heart button on my buttons and pins leg warmers I bought
-unique beauties with gap teeth that look absolutely gorgeous
-compliments
-my intelligence
-my gray oversized winter coat

[buttercup]

-getting a storage unit
-having a nice valentines dinner with my ex
-feeling like the weight loss drugs are kicking in finally
-red light therapy
-changing the hair color direction I'm going in
-my ex changing the situation with other ex and his wife in my favor because of the power he has considering the dynamics(him being a police officer and working for the government and having worked at the courthouse for over 30 years)
-seeing how having no expectations turns things better sometimes
-having a little more money
-exercising my body
-getting stuff out of my apartment
-my ex treating me like a little girl
-getting some new experiences again and having a little fun
-the pink martinis I had at the restaurant the other night
-the mint green squishmallow my ex got me
-M giving me money to get a manicure and getting a peony pink color that turned out really nice
-feeling like my ex is taking care of me
-the phlebetomist being sweet noticing I added a subtle change to my hair color doing more self care
-finishing up one of the books I've been on since 2021 and about to be done with another one so ordering my next book
-working on my goals and reflecting on myself and the past year
-letting myself grieve
-watching movies
-listening to positive affirmations with beach sounds
-the neighbor leaving a friendly thank you note after I felt an urge to get their new dog I kept hearing a gift to welcome him to the building after he kept him making my cats curious
-becoming a little more productive
-b vitamins
-friendly people
-roses
-moisturizers
-orange powerades
-makeup
-my spirituality
-standing up for myself
-yoga
-new ideas
-strengthening my body
-seeing my past accomplishments again and smiling at them
-love
-my cats
-having a great eye for photos, art, fashion, etc
-laying down
-sleep
-my strength
-drinking orange juice
-having a kind heart
-becoming wiser
-growing as a person

[buttercup]

-deciding to shift my hair towards a more golden blonde,medium honey color.
-half the big stuff being in a storage unit and seeing my apartment start to empty.
-seeing my mom for the first time since our falling out and how healing that was for me
-working a job i confirmed after j ex dropped me and learning the joy of discovery and getting the money i need to money i move on it's way to me
-cleaning parts of the floor this week and noticing how it lifted my mood after
-my afterpay spend increasing
-my therapist writing a letter to my utility bill
-learning a bunch of the different train lines while working the other week
-reflecting on things
-detoxing from anxiety medication
-confirming work for the next several months
-getting in a lot of steps while working
-seeing my cats can handle me working well
-seeing my face start to slim out from all the extra steps and eating less when i was working a lot and eating very little
-vive supplements helping my raynauds and immunity
-vitamins
-being resourceful
-prayer
-electrolytes
-acquaintance who donated to my gofundme who may like me randomly giving me $100 recently on venmo
-friendly people
-going to the dentist finally and getting stains removed i was insecure about
-lysol wipes
-inspiration
-comedy and laughing
-romantic tv moments
-newness
-sunshine
-compassion
-art
-my accomplishments
-moisturizers
-stretching

[buttercup]

-someone i never met that i've been talking to online a little bit and in text randomly cash-apping me $500 and how at the time that was the perfect amount i needed to help me with things(of course then life happened and living is expensive)
-baby wipes
-ginger
-the guy that sent me the $500 sending me flowers delivered to my house less then a week later and how beautiful they were
-trying to drink more water
-my mom helping me move stuff into my storage unit and driving around to look for places on foot and cleaning my place for me which has all been a HUGE help for me.
-healing my relationship with my mom after over a year of us having estranged from her
-my apartment being about 1/3 of the way empty
-being so over the color i have for my hair now and wanting a new color fast
-being ready for a new me, whoever that will be and to surrender into that new era
-my food card determination being approved and reloaded.
-moisturizers
-raising my vibration
-feeling an excitement, almost aliveness after one of the times my mom left and the place was cleaner. The hope things were near.
-vegan protein shakes to go
-reflection
-remembering my roots
-remembering my ambition
-having great hair
-my liheap being approved in full so now my power in my apartment is good so i can move without any issues with that
-all the items in my checklist getting done
-seeing more places in the range i want opening up
-the other money gifts the guy sent me as well
-people finding me attractive
-trying to take care of myself just a little bit more
-my cats love for me
-my creativity
-holding my cats and when they cuddle with me or lay with me
-setting my intentions
-listening to root chakra music
-doing laundry at the laundromat and that they accept debit card
-taking action to make my life better
-yoga stretches helping to fix me up
-going for walks
-my freshly washed quilt and how cozy it is
-entertainment
-being able to think for myself
-being rational
-being open
-decluttering so much and minimalizing
-learning
-b vitamins for giving me energy
-hope
-being resourceful

[buttercup]

-my mysterious friend cash app-ing me $750 now. The exact amount I needed again. Randomly. My mind was blown. Perhaps I can be bought. It was the day i was supposed to be out by of my apartment, i had just messed up my 2 jobs i had that weekend and missed them and not really much coming so out of money and just a little short of what I need to move.Now I feel a little more confident. I still need a place, and more work but wow that was like a miracle and genie.
-the way the breeze felt in my window earlier tonight
-getting a cat carrier trolley in case we were going to end up homeless as an idea. It was a waste of money, but i was getting nervous and bought it thinking of things just in case.
-using my allergan gift cards for a botox touch up today. I haven't gone in so long, and it felt good for my morale to do something for my looks. I feel like little makeover things will be good for me.
-hope
-my determination
-selling my celine sunglasses on poshmark
-kindness
-sleeping masks(skincare)
-blue shampoo and how nice my hair color is looking and altering it a little
-my cozy quilt blanket
-finding the other fendi sock the other day that had been missing for like over a year now
-trying to embrace what is
-processing things
-making progress on emptying my apartment
-almost having my affirm debt paid off
-focusing on strength building to get my strength up, build muscles and bone density, and tone and lose weight
-moisturizer
-focusing on kidney cleansing
-protein drinks
-playing with my cats
-how much my cats love me and i love them
-making efforts
-night skies
-sunshine
-hot guys
-beautiful design
-beautiful fashions
-great cinema
-music
-everyone at the lipo center remembering me and it not being awkward at all
-my last zoom interview, the interviewer being sweet and thinking i was cute even though i felt hideous and awful looking
-trying to ease at least some little by little bit back into normality
-baby wipes
-document cleaner
-lysol spray
-when things are cleaner
-learning
-eating less

[buttercup]

-the dopamine blast from my new medication making me feel more cheery,focused, and clear minded
-the nice sunny day's we've had
-my awesome friend i've been talking to randomly cash-apping me $100 the other day
-my hair looking great
-my weight going down a tad, hitting the weight of last year's norm the first half of the year
-strength training to get my body in shape
-eating less and drinking more protein shakes/eating more protein bars
-that I've detoxed from benzos so well
-my blanket quilt i've been sleeping with
-pillows
-serendipity
-learning new things and allowing myself to evolve and rejuvenate
-M's husband saying i can have his bike back
-how doll-like my cats are
-great film work
-ordering a new hoodie and getting it today
-ordering new sneakers
-getting a pedicure and how nice it feels to do nice things for myself again
-how nice it fees to be going to the laundromat regularly
-my mom cleaning my place today
-laughing
-going to the storage unit today and getting my place emptied more
-sweet messages from the friend who sends me money
-doing 2 interviews the last 2 days
-going through and throwing a lot of stuff away. decluttering and becoming new.
--p cat enjoying his wheatgrass
-having compassion
-kind people
-learning
-being resourceful
-having really smooth, young skin
-looking so much younger then my age
-my sense of style
-having desires
-deeper reflecting
-journaling
-easing into normality just a bit
-newness

[buttercup]

-getting a chemical peel today
-the way the breeze feels with my window open
-cats
-playing with my cats
-wellbutrin
-dopamine
-blue shampoo
-transitioning my hair color little by little to a new hair era
-my friend J and how sweet he is to me with the little things. like how i had a panic about my phobia that was something he posted and he said on his own he is going to stop posting it. Other little things too that show he pays attention to me and cares. the really nice word candy from him. the money he sends me. he offered me free botox once his friend is certified today. that he doesn't judge me.
-sunshine
-processing a lot of things and having new insights, reflecting. healing, new ideas. new clarity.
-ordering a new hoodie and wallet
-my mom helping me with some stuff
-people seeming friendlier lately
-my new michael kors bag
-ordering a four leaf clover keychain for good luck
-going to the dmv to start the process of getting my liscense fixed
-making a doctor appointment
-going to get my phone fixed and finding out how to fix my voicemail and that i will pick up a new phone that's ready today
-fashion
-strawberry lemonade powerades
-fasting
-sales
-my apartment being emptier
-losing some weight
-my accomplishments with first career
-people seeing me as very accomplished and a big deal
-getting my charge disputed from the idiots from the sticker website
-letting the cats go on the porch for a little bit earlier today
-inspiration
-film
-music
-entertainment
-greenery
-beauty
-laughing more
-easing into normality
-savoring a little bit more
-relaxing sounds
-compliments
-reassurances
-realizing things to be grateful for and abundance
-baby wipes
-having a nice hair color
-having smooth skin
-having the face of a model
-fascia blasting my stomach

[buttercup]

--playing with my cats and holding them and being affectionate with them
--having faith everything will work out
-my older friend J
--wearing clothes that aren't the usual t-shirt or tank like usual
-getting my beautiful four leaf clover key-chain in the mail today
-my new antidepressant providing me dopamine which is helping me a lot
-getting my fiorucci wallet i ordered in the mail today
-afterpay
-starting to pack more
-being almost done with the last closet
-my clothes fitting looser
-my stomach getting flatter
-caring about social issues and advocating for things
-powerades
-processing and healing things
-meditation
-getting some sun and walking and meditating yesterday
-opening myself up
-tv shows and movies to watch
-learning
-remembering core truths, spiritual truths
-the book i'm reading helping me to understand my sensitivity more and myself
-sanitizers
-being smart
-trying new things
-fascia blasting
-maturing as a person and evolving
-knowing and having met some amazing people
-stretching
-baby wipes
-being resourceful
-my arms looking slimmer
-my face looking slimmer
-my appetite shrinking and desire to drink soda, naturally drinking less soda without even trying
-not being as bothered by my harassers
-

[buttercup]

-finding my burberry scrunchie that i thought i left at an ex's house
-powerade's
-things i really want coming together beautifully and perfectly like magic
-losing weight
-seeing i lost another pound and that the weight is coming off without even trying
-my face getting thinner
-having such smooth, young skin
-my primary doctor prescribing me b-12 weekly injections since my b-12 is really low which will surely help me lose weight and makes sense as another kickstarter/piece of the puzzle since my metabolism has felt so slow the last few years
-clean clothes
-my friend J cash-apping me money
-working the other day which i needed after a stall of missing jobs due to anxiety and fear of things not going well and my boss being great to work with and that it wasn't awkward seeing him(i had worked with him before a few years ago and he knows an ex of mine) and my job going well
-prayer
-clean socks
-tibetan singing bowls
-positive affirmations
-fashion
-air conditioning
-my starbucks drink i like getting sometimes and how good it was today
-the book on hsp i've been reading and how helpful it's been for me
-learning
-enjoying myself a little at the festival i worked at the other day
-getting a mango colada at the festival i worked at the other day-
-makeup
-playing with my cats on the back porch and how impressed i am with them first for how they responded to a dog barking by going right back in the house and not being too shaken up, then today being able to sit a little and chill in between wandering and i could even turn away for a second or two and trust the other one not to go away but sit patiently and stay where he's at. how fun it was to let them have outdoor time and get some cute pictures of them
-enjoying a nice walk the other day and some sun
-lip flips
-relaxation
-massages
-marion being there for me at least somewhat
-how helpful my mom has been with cleaning my place
-sunshine
-how much more lifted my mood has been on wellbutrin
-finishing emptying the last closet in my apartment
-my creativity
-updating my resume
-music
-having desires
-feeling my feelings and processing things and healing
-perspective-staying
-staying determined and persevering
--sweet memories
--memories and feelings that feel pleasantly alive
--movies
-the breeze through my window
-sunsets
-baby wipes
-cuteness
-beauty
-the miracle of the church rental assistance coming through. I had been praying in distress for some kind of miracle and a day or two later, after having given up on the church assistance ever coming through and i think the landlord did too, i got an email saying it was approved and being sent! Which buys me more time, and has to relax my landlord at least a little bit.

[buttercup]

-drinking water and allowing it to cleanse my kidneys and hydrate me
-my new dopamine antidepressant wellbutrin and how effective it is for me
-moisturizer
-weight loss
-my face slimming out and how amazing that feels
-my food card finally being reloaded now
-getting my new phone, my voice mail fixed and a new charger and how great that feels
-gin gins
-seeing my feral cats yesterday and how wonderful it was to see t cat and to just sit and be with my cats
-my mom sending me money yesterday, even though I feel uncomfortable about it
-cuteness
-staying determined
-m's husband seeming to unblock me
-the way my Starbucks drink tastes in warmer seasons
-manifesting M's husband texting me yesterday morning which felt amazing and like I was understood and being treated fairly
-picking up the bike yesterday from M's house last night and riding it back home and how amazing it felt riding it home at night, so peaceful and nice
-my love for animals
-prayer
-laughing at the silly things my cats do
-clean socks
-baby wipes
-showering
-processing my feelings on things and healing
-meditating on the church stairs near my house
-night skies
-sunshine
-hot guys
-having smooth young skin
-getting my first b-12 injection today
-my beauty
-the mini series I just finished watching
-inspiration
-connection
-art
-great entertainment
-the breeze from my window
-my window air conditioner
-how amazing it is that I've detoxed as I have from anxiety medication
-sweet pleasant memories
-having gorgeous eyes
-becoming wiser
-cleansing myself of old and becoming new
-ordering myself a 24 pack of mountain berry powerade just because I want a lot of powerades in the house
-fashion
-beauty
-having goals
-piecing things together little by little such as new phone, bike, medical form for dmv, health check up, new antidepressant that helps weight and vitamin fixing, botox touch up, chemical peel etc and so on so I'm easing into normal little by little and moving forward. I should be working full time and in a new apartment right now but until then I just have to keep putting the pieces together on all I need to do and am behind on and before I know it, I'll look back and be like whoa I was just there and now I'm here. It already is starting to feel like things are moving forward slightly quicker.
-my child like side
-serendipity
-learning more about myself more through the book I'm reading on hsp, as well as therapy, and reflecting
-feeling more open than I was a few m8nths ago
-feeling ready to be a new me
-embracing a thinner me, a new hair color me, a me more in tune with my hsp side and wiser
-cat cuddles
-compassion
-being able to think for myself
-having great taste and style
-having nice full lips
-getting honey gift cards
-how healthy b and p cat are
-my brother being out of the hospital now
-the love in my heart
-my self-growth

[buttercup]

-calming down perspective by looking at perspective from different angles
-going for bike ride yesterday
-getting my eyebrows threading yesterday
-compassionate people
-my cats
-getting my metabolism fixed and my face slimming out
-powerade
-nightskies
-starting my vitamin d supplementation
-having nice lips
-my eyes becoming healthier
-forgiving my brother
-my mom sending me money and saying she got me a fold up bed
-my arms looking slimmer
-going longer without eating and eating less
-music
-spirituality
-art
-appreciation
-social connection
-my femininity
-knowing myself
-learning
-evolving as a person
-the breeze through the window
-cleaning solutions
-baby wipes
-moisturizer
-newness
-touching up my hair color
-prayer
-not having bug issue or heat issue like last year
-applying for jobs
-having a little more energy than i did a few months ago and this time last year
-

[buttercup]

--television entertainment
-going for walks
-my face having thinned out
-my arms being slimmer
-my friend J and how sweet he is
-going for walks, and increasing my distance
-having great hair
-having really smooth, young skin
-my cats and how cute and funny and well behaved they are
-my mom showing me a kitten her bf rescued and the cute kitten pics i seen
-my cica sleeping mask
-ordering burberry sunglasses i really wanted because my birthday is coming up and you only live once
-ordering a chanel foundation that got really great reviews
-inspiring quotes and mantras
-updating my wardrobe and beauty regimen a little
-my pink steve madden sneakers
-peaceful sounds
-starting my vitamin d prescription
-deciding to start the taper off myself of sertraline after researching that ssri's affect metabolic function
-sunshine
-nightskies
-praying
-affirmations, repeating an intention in my head
-inspiration
-confirming a job the other day and working it
-friendly people
-people considerate towards animals
-seeing more and more my harassers are just losers that assume and have nothing going for them
-packing more stuff
-organizing and cleaning
-cleaning wipes
-baby wipes
-having style and trend knowledgable
-wellbutrin
-how much more coherent i am these days
-feeling more ambitious
-being productive
-music
-how great my lips look from a lip flip
-becoming stronger
-becoming wiser
-healing what needs to be healed
-morning skies
-colors
-sunsets

[buttercup]

-how great it feels to sleep on a bed, and how much it changes my perspective just sitting/laying on it versus being on the couch
-after a breakdown and crying on the church stairs, looking up at the fireworks going on in my neighborhood and having a feeling in the universe as if they were just for me, and the sky and outside being so quiet as if it was just me out there, and enjoying that moment of self and universe and fireworks
-how vivid the night felt tonight. the sky, the colors and my surroundings felt beautifully vivid in color, almost dream-like. i tried to savor it.
-pillows
-updating my look some with shopping, beauty, etc changes lately that fit the me i've become and am changing into. pics i look at of makeup and hair from last year are so undesirable to me now, such as brown eyeliner and the super light blonde hair i had.
-changing air filters in my air purifiers
-kindness and empathy in people
-M getting more reasonable about the cats
-becoming more objective and seeing other sides of things in new ways, even if it hurts
-drinking water
-getting prescription b-22 injections from my doctor
-how adorable my cats are and what wonderful listeners they are
-getting vitamin D prescription from my doctor
-how wonderful and beautiful my new burberry sunglasses look
-getting a touch up of botox in the dao area and how wonderful it looks
-letting go a little with my cosmetic injection appts in asking for doses and letting her decide and liking the results better that way
--moisturizers
-entertainment
-physical exercise
-trying a baja blast from taco bell tonight and how good it was, i loved the tropical lime flavor
-walking
-yoga
-showering
-going to therapy
-beauty
-sunsets
-the sky
-deciding to just order a new hoodie since i dont like the one i had ordered a month ago
-weaning off sertraline
-my acupressure slippers and how wonderfully relaxing the stabbing sensations feel when they hit into my feet
-having compassion
-things to be grateful for
-an ex wanting to work with me which felt really nice to hear from him again and still want to do things since i miss that scene
-acknowledging my problems
-cleaning wipes
-my creativity
-my intelligence
-having great eyes
-my laptop

[buttercup]

-doing more and having more energy to do more
-drinking water
-losing weight
-getting noticed more
-being strong and handling the confrontation with my landlord and the 5 day notice
-pretty things
-getting ahold of a tenant union
-getting ahold of a lawyers organization for tenants
-filing a complaint for no peephole to the city
-filing a discrimination complaint to department of housing
-makeup
-my face slimming out
-my arms getting slimmer
-my clothes fitting nicer on me
-my fresh advanced therapy sheer pink balm
-going to the e.r after the panic attack/anxiety attack from my mom's random verbal abuse attack
-stretching
-being down to taking only 50 mg of sertraline a day before i stop taking it completely
-my weight being lower than it was the last time i was at the primary doctor
-face wash
-trying new things
-reading more of my book today
-coming up with new plans
-packing up more of my pole into the pole bag
-therapy
-peaceful sounds
-being proactive
-kind people
-considerate people
-how adorable and loving my cats are
-M's husband dropping off a hammer and tension rod
-colors
-compliments
-my hair
-showering more often
-the breeze
-finally ghetto hanging up a shade after what happened with my landlord interaction and being quite pleased i was able to figure something out with covering up the window by myself
-ideas
-learning
-having grace

[buttercup]

-deciding to meet up with the neighbor i met a few months ago the night of my birthday, on half a hydrocodone and some flat hard seltzer and ending finding him attractive and interesting and us kissing and the experience kind of making me feel kind of alive again. being out in the middle of the night on the porch, until the sun came up was kind of romantic and a new experience.
-feeling feelings and emotion from music that made me want to cry and dance from the beauty of a song the other night and how lovely that was to feel.
-my ex from long ago showing up at my house while i was asleep, calling me 6 times and waiting for me for 20 minutes which would be aggravating and creepy, but i know how he is, after i made a joke when he said he was stopping by the night previous assuming he was kidding and knew better and why would he just show up but lesson learned i cant even joke a little with him but the gesture was nice.
-my older friend sending me a cash app gift for my birthday
-saying how i really feel to the 4 family who haven't been there for me, even though it didn't seem to accomplish anything
-dental floss
-my lint brush
-getting my hair cut and actually smiling after, that's how good it felt
-down to 16 pounds lost now which feels amazing
-the amazing letter for emotional support animal my therapist wrote
-my therapist
-confirming a job for next week
-submitting for jobs today
-getting my check for my job from a few weeks ago
-my wellbutrin being upped
-taking my last dose of setraline tommorow
-looking into ways now to help with bloating and puffiness,swelling
-face massage
-my red light therapy and microcurrent wand
-my new hyaluronic and rose face lotion/serum
-my legs and arms being thinner
-my face getting thinner
-compliments
-being treated nicer and noticed a little more lately
-sunshine
-nightskies
-peaceful outside sounds
-drinking water
-laughing and having a sense of humor
-moisturizers
-getting good uber deals on the rides i took today
-letting my cats on the porch for a short bit today and how well they listen to me with staying close
-entertainment
-finding a back support sleep headboard pillow cushion type thing online and ordering it to help with my sleep/pain issues
-checking out the drop in mental health peep support crisis center my therapist recommended after a panic attack
-colors
-hearing about an interesting opportunity of free college to become a peer support counselor which is something that is right my alley
-stopping the doordash ordering madness i was doing
-being persistent about refunds i should have gotten
-being in contact with paralegal for landlord issues and getting information about my situation
-going for walks and being back up to 3 miles again
-doing more things in a day because my energy levels are higher than 3 months ago, and 6 months etc.
-my eyes getting life to them again a little
-enjoying playing with my looks a little and femininity
-sleep
-my new burberry shades
-makeup
-fashion
-peaceful audios to listen to
-newness
-noticing that i need to tell a new story from a law of attraction point of view w/ those not supporting me and that i've repeatedly been telling the story of not being supported and focusing on it but i need to come out of that so i can create a new, and more positive reality
-realizing i dont even know how to have a relationship that isnt abusive
-face wash
-prayer
-cleaning the floor
-that there isn't a cat food shortage anymore
-cuteness
-innovation
-new ideas
-being smart
-having sophistication
-having a caring heart
-having beautiful eyes
-having beautiful cheekbones
-having a great face
-the neighbor i made out with complimenting my lips and seeming to like them
-kindness from others
-trying to be rational and reasonable
-applying for the credit builder secured card my bank offers
-believing in things being closer to my line of sight that i didnt before
-babywipes
-how great it feels for my clothes to be getting a little looser and to be feeling able to go out without a hoodie around my waist now
-pleasurable pain sensations
-inspiration and reassurance

[buttercup]

-good skincare products
-the couch and bed frame being out of my house and how good that feels
-losing 17 lbs so far
-realizing tat gaining 2 lbs right when i get my period is normal
-meeting a guy(my neighbor) who is funny and makes me laugh and is interesting and kind of edgy and someone that excites me from the stress and hum drum of of life. I feell more excited to play with my looks and get it together and it's been nice to have some kisses
-techno music
-working yesterday and how great that felt
-meeting a girl who had a similar experience with a creepy coworker that we bonded over and ended up having the same train route home
-M giving me money to uber to work
-confirming jobs for next month
-botox
-my accomplishments with my first career and beautiful pictures to show for it
-updating my wardrobe and beauty things i do
-being more productive
-having more energy
-my wellbutrin
-getting my four leaf clover bracelet in the mail and AGAIN the next morning manifesting a surprise random money that was very nice. it was my mom giving me a cash app for the movers for the couch and bed frame i asked for that she wouldnt give me or at least the amount that covered it and she never really gives me money and we aren't speaking again except for her being mean so this was really random waking up to see it
-having gorgeous big eyes
-my clothes starting to fit better
-my legs and arms being slimmer
-colors
-the breeze from my window at night
-filling out the court case rental assistance
-having legal assistance with this landlord stuff
-hud calling me the other day
-feeling like me and this new friend I'm hanging out with J are developing a bit of a connection
-how firm and rough J is with me with physical touch from holding to grabbing, etc
-donating plasma today
-cleaning
-decluttering
-trying out my spacepaste i bought and how amazing it looked on me
-doing squats
-walking
-dancing
-fashion
-inspiration
-good beauty products
-being kind
-prayer
-my new hoodie and how long and full the sleeves are
-enjoying the summer nights a little, the vividness, and feeling almost alive again
-starting to feel almost like i'm living again
-my cuteness and innocence
-blankets
-how cute my cats are and how loving
-art
-beauty
-drinking water
-biotene spray to help with medication side effect
-being off ssri's
-being determined to the rest of my weight off fast
-drinking a protein shake today
-sunshine
-having a shade on my front window

[buttercup]

-red light microcurrent wand therapy
-drinking water
-sleep
-quiet
-calm
-drinking water
-cozy cushioned socks
-my memory foam headboard pillow
-telling the guy i liked how i feel in a way that felt non baiting, and non-controlling after processing how i felt about things for a day or two
-music
-art
-movies
-walking
-stretching and yoga
-my new paint splatter hoodie with the awesome huge sleeves
-getting refunds
-magnesium helping my heart to feel better
-changing to less constrictive bra to make heart feel better
-night skies
-animals like bunny rabbits and cats in nature
-hyaluronic acid
-seeing a juvederm day deal coming up next month
-confirming a lot of jobs for agency i like and even double booking and having jobs for end of next month too
-losing weight and seeing stomach look flatter
-kindness from others such as someone has been bringing my mail to my door lately
-my arms and legs looking slimmer
-pulling it together
-how much thinner my face is than this time last year
-seeing light at the the end of the tunnel of my credit being able to get good again in a time frame that isn't super far off and is do-able
-new selfies of myself that werent too bad and getting compliments on them and how good my hair color looked with the latest touch up
-physical exercise
-massage
-therapy
-being productive
-the sound of crickets in the summer
-fun
-laughing
-play
-being resourceful
-getting approved for a new debit card by a bank i wanted
-my femininity
-having baby face features
-changing my perspective on things
-opening my mind
-being smart
-having beautiful eye color and shape
-new opportunities
-being stronger in some ways now
-prayer
-new bedsheet set i ordered
-my starbucks drink putting me in a better mood on bad days
-biotene spray helping my dry mouth issue i started having recently
-my new yoga mat and how thick it is and how nice that is

[buttercup]

-newness
-neighbor guy starting to talk to me again and apologizing saying he's been going through things and shutting people out
-deciding i need to just up my anxiety meds dosing as needed to get through everything that's going on and that i won't try and restrict that anymore or be resistant to it
-confirming a lot of jobs and being earning my pre-♥♥♥♥♥ income again
-feeling more attractive again lately
-drinking water
-free snacks and drinks at work
-getting a free manicure at work last weekend which was fun and nice
-meeting more new people lately
-feeling like i'm getting more attention from the opposite sex again
-doing some yin yoga tonight
-liquid magnesium supplement
-the extreme dry mouth i had going away
-being offered to extend my shift i have this weekend
-digestive enzymes i've been trying
-seeing clothes get looser on me, and that some clothes are just too bummy and frumpy for me to keep wearing now
-movies
-laughing
-how cute my cats are
-how soft my two house cat's fur is
-serendipity
-trying new things
-processing feelings on neighbor guy and realizing some positive things and just things i need to know about myself
-showering more often again and being more on top of my skincare again, hygiene again
-trying to help a small cat i seen yesterday
-kindness from others
-vibing with some people from work last week
-one of my boss's last week calling me beautiful
-being complimented more lately
-being told i look like a model
-juvederm day that is coming up that started
-my heart starting to feel stronger again
-hyaluronic acid and the hyaluronic acid and rose serum i've been using
-botox
-fashion
-adding copper toner on my hair and it working out like i wanted to bring my hair to a new copper blonde shade
-face charting what injections i want to get next
-reflecting on my new style and beauty changes i'm making and wanting to make
-hot guys
-art
-sunshine
-techno music
-night skies
-the sounds of summertime like crickets
-finally getting around to getting a picture from art basel retouched
-trying new things
-feeling my feelings and processing things
-the palmer's coconut body lotion i bought and how soothing and moisturizing it is
-my dad apologizing for going nuts on me
-people who help animals
-updating my work wardrobe and wardrobe in general little by little
-that my check has been sent to me
-hair ties
-my eyes looking healthier and my looks improving
-reflecting on situations that were unfair to me and what i can do, and how i can do better to advocate for myself
-managing to get to work and home all week transportation money-wise which was definitely a challenge
-uber gifts cards
-my older friend J giving me money last week to get my account back to being no longer negative and help me get work
-lysol
-things that are kind of unique and different
-clorox wipes
-activating my new debit card
-the info i've learned and reflected on with my landlord situation
-afterpay
-catching up on sleep
-physical touch
-birthday kisses
-face massage
-starting my birthday intentions(way late) with the wish kit i got
-my starbucks drink i like
-being around my peers and how good that is for me
-my agent fighting for me and being nice to me about unfortunate work situation that happened to me
-fascia blasting my stomach
-my burberry sunglasses
-trying out my new black shorts i bought in spring and how flattering they were on me
-my femininity
-being smart
-having beautiful eyes
-having nice lips
-lip flips
-M being there for me this last week while i worked
-inspiration
-learning new things
-coming back into my power again
-getting a $20 giftcard at one of the vendors at my job last weekend
-my waist slimming out
-being around and doing cool things
-massage
-staying strong
-trying to be more on top of cleaning
-having a compassionate heart
-my boys being good about being on the porch with me and staying close and behaving
-when p cat sits next to me. it's so cute
-my back cushion headboard pillow thing
-my new shower curtain changing the vibe of my place a little more positive
-legal assistance from lcbh
-prayer
-vegan fast foods
-having great style
-being an activist at heart
-great prices
-getting refunds i needed
-doing my positive affirmations yesterday
-having stories to tell
-beautiful pictures of myself
-my status
-having nice hands and fingers
-seeing my manicure posted on ig by the business who did it

[buttercup]

-listening to heart chakra music
-doing all the jobs i have this month
-my last job going pretty well
-confirming more jobs going into next month as well
-treating myself to a glass of wine break at my last job and how delicious that wine was and how nice it was to do something for me and do something like i used to do before my life got what feels like stolen from me
-drinking water
-going to whole foods again, and one of the better locations and how nice that was. The selections of food options.
-making the decisions to go back on topamax after noticing i've been snacking a lot and seeing my snacking has cut back and i'm feeling full quicker again and clothes are getting looser again and deducing the topamax works with my bupropion for me and being off an ssri is needed. It's all synergistic and i need to pay attention to how i react to these meds.
-new scrunchies i ordered for variety
-a nice journaling session the other day and filling out the journal to where it's out of pages now
-fashion
-learning about why things happen so i can troubleshoot such as my eyebrows issue i've been having with first deciding i needed a darker eyebrow makeup color then learning eyebrows lighten with age and i might need to get a procedure done soon such as microblading which i've been considering for awhile anyways
-getting flirted with more often and offered things again
-my angel friend J being there for me this year
-cleaning wipes
-baby wipes
-how smart, cute and beautiful my cats are
-ordering my buy one get one free juvederm card in time for the sale they were having
-budgeting and seeing what i was spending way too much on and to cut out
-how moisturizing the palmer's body lotion i use now is and that it does seem to repel bugs
-cleaning last night
-techno music to motivate me to be productive
-follow my higher self to take a break and not go to the job i had on saturday and sunday and finding out what a wreck it was and seeing i made the right decision
-blankets
-night skies
-friendly people
-peaceful sounds
-discovering new things
-botox
-deciding to get the botox brow lift to fix my eye area this week
-my abs being sore from working my abs the other day
-going to the laundromat
-getting my eyebrows threaded
-newness
-moving forward
-clean teeth
-the way summer sounds
-realizing i was swayed into thinking my anxiety meds are bad and i shouldn't be on them which made me want to prove i could be off of them which is why i tried to be off of them and i detoxed but ultimately with my ptsd, and severe panic attacks i am someone who should be on them and at a adequate dose. On them, i am physically comfortable, facial tics i sometimes get from anxiety go away. I can do things i normally have an extremely hard time doing with ease and i feel collected and coherent. These meds changed my life a few years ago, and i was brainwashed suddenly one day that i shouldnt be on them. I can't take care of my cats, and myself as well without them. At least not right now with everything going on. I troubleshoot better with them. It's the right thing to do to be on them. I'm a better me. I am glad i proved to myself i could be off them and examined the idea.
-sleep
-showering more often again
-hyaluronic acid serums
-perspective on things
-reflecting on things
-my acupressure slippers
-getting cat treats for my cats
-getting better at cutting out people who aren't doing anything for me
-my red light therapy wand
-face massage
-having beautiful eyes
-having a baby face
-social worker from lcbh reaching out to me
-updating my resume
-sunshine
-being resourceful
-my looks improving a little
-my eyes looking healthier
-having made a new female friend at work recently
-meeting new people
-looking a good amount younger than i am
-selling my perfume set on poshmark
-my lint roller
-my sense of humor
-lysol spray
-entertainment
-learning
-positive affirmations
-prayer
-colors
-good luck omens
-healing problems i've had
-growing as a person
-scalp massage
-my talents
-getting offers for first career opportunities
-fun ideas opportunities given to me
-trying to better myself
-fun
-things to be grateful for
-that this year has been better than last year
-canned mountain dew
-art
-great design
-creativity
-beauty
-my beauty

[buttercup]

-strong synchronicity that neighbor J is going to contact me and see me again
-pillows and my headboard pillow
-processing my feelings of why neighbor J was being the way he is and my attachment to him
-getting my botox brow lift
-sleep
-ativan
-going back on topamax and losing 2 lbs of weight from the extra snacking so far
-vitamin water
-the delicious protein bars i worked for that i had extra of and brought home the other day and had one of tonight
-entertainment
-making a new instagram post
-my new charms i got, the ring pop and another four leaf clover
-my beauty products
-compliments
-getting offered more things by guys
-the coppery tones in my hair looking really good
-blankets
-colors
-the church stairs where i like to sit down and reflect and meditate
-drinking water
-moisturizers
-hair ties
-sunshine
-love in my heart
-making decisions on things
-physical exercise
-toning exercises
-neck stretches
-budgeting my money to see where it went
-having a new checking account
-getting approved for secured credit cards and starting to feel like that might be the move
-feeling more ambitious and wanting to dress more feminine again and with more effort
-my cactus flower moisturizer
-cleaning the floor yesterday by where i have some clothes
-going to therapy today
-finding out the court date from paralegal
-having nice eyes
-applying to jobs
-lysol
-wine
-my friend sending me a microwave he ordered me off amazon since mine broke from the cats knocking it off the table
-having a nice chest
-music
-compassion
-working on raising my vibration
-working on getting my life back
-being more coherent
-being creative
-others finding me attractive
-making new friends
-being strong and doing what i want
-fashion
-having great taste
-socks

[buttercup]

-going to the hospital to find out what's wrong with me and get a doctor's note
-drinking water
-my fever breaking
-my power not shutting off and when logging off to pay it finding out that there was no longer a shut off notice, that a payment agreement had been made over a week or ago according to the electronic statement and i only owed a much lower amount and being able to pay that and how good it felt to be able to pay my utility bill, and a regular amount not just a teeny tiny amount for the first time in a while. a step towards normal, and getting back to my old life and building back.
-getting hummus at a store near the hospital since there is none in a 2 mile radius near my home for some reason
-my new hair color
-having baby face features
-moisturizers
-blankets
-my friend J randomly sending me money while i was sick for meds and using it to pay for my storage uniit
-my new black lace camisoles
-stretching
-my eyes looking no longer dead, really like they did this time last year or early this year even
-surrender
-clean clothes
-the lady at the laundromat giving me free detergent the other day saying i can owe her when i was going to just pay for the overpriced from her
-ativan for calming me down
-letting myself process my feelings of "neighbor boy" and that it makes me sad he ceased contact for me even if it doesnt make sense for me to be that sad, even if it's illogical. letting myself just feel it.
-my new unicorns in space journal for the new mood/vibe i wanted to go for
-socks
-cleaning wipes
-my new glow in the dark cash app debit card i designed in the app. it also no longer has cash out fees because i can just use it as the debit card.
-having my capital one debit card now too
-being approved for my capital one secured credit card, just need to put the deposit on it.
-listening to chakra music today
-sleep
-realizing more about my likes, from neighbor boy
-having at least a smidge of fun this year
-meeting new people this year and social connections
-walking a lot the other week and exploring some of the college campuses
-taking the bus to the post office with the hours i needed and being right by by nami deciding to walk over and finally accomplishing that goal by therapist wanted me to of knowing how to get there by bus, and deciding to walk home which was nice
-getting new inspiration from others
-great prices
-starbucks apple crisp macchiato
-fashion
-art
-friendly people
-helpful people
-compassion
-beauty
-having great cleavage
-making progress and change this year
-earning pre-♥♥♥♥♥ income in august
-starting to have source of income again to show for
-beauty products
-trying new things
-remembering fun
-trying to have a tad of joy here and there again
-M being a little more open,leniant with how much money she's been giving me lately
-my friend J sending me a new microwave right away after finding out my cats broke the one i had, and somehow a very similar one i had, similar color! I don't recall even showing him the color i had before but maybe i did.
-botox
-how cute and funny my cats are
-love
-goals
-expanding myself as a person
-finally ordering a soup pan after M decided to give me money to order one
-having a great sense of style
-powerades
-peaceful sounds
-ibuprofen
-being stronger than months ago, getting stronger
-being assertive
-ordering a new toy for my cats that looks so outrageous and fun that i think they'll like, a 4 way tunnel
-sunshine
-having a great sense of style
-going by the lake the other week while at work and how peaceful that was
-new adventures
-movies to watch that feel good or are interesting
-prayer
-affirmations
-sweeping the floor some yesterday
-febreeze room spray
-feeling close to being able to start looking for an apartment again
-riding my bike to visit my feral cats recently
-manifesting a text from M's husband after complaining in text to him why can't i get updates about the cats and then him giving me an update
-face massage
-allergan selling gift cards again so i can easily envelope my funds for services now by buying gift cards and stacking them up saving up

[buttercup]

-my work i used to do that i want to want to return to that gave me so many opportunities, clout, and ability to make an impression
-trying to be a good person and do the right thing
-new things and experimenting with new themes, moods and vibes, even colors
-trying out fall drinks and foods from starbucks and the like such as tonight the pumpkin spice iced latte
-finally getting a new pot so i can start making soups again and go on a soup
-becoming more assertive again now that i've gotten a little stronger again
-giving in and buying myself a marc jacobs bag
-having great fashion sense
-the job that let me go unfairly(the client) paying me for all the days even the ones i didn't work and my uber i sent receipt for which was a pleasant suprise
-new experiences
-getting neck botox
-compliments
-getting the black work sneakers i wanted to order
-soups
-my primary putting me back on b-12 prescriptions
-appreciating my cats
-being smart
-being creative
-being myself
-being open to new things-being smart
-being creative
-being myself
-being open to new things
-peaceful sounds like summertime sounds, middle of the night train sounds etc
-reassurances
-losing weight again
-hummus
-good bread
-getting perspective on things with my appearance
-cuteness
-reflection
-meeting a cat last night and hanging out with the cat and feeding the cat, petting the cat, etc
-cleaning wipes
-movies
-sleep
-having goals
-having nice eyes
-positive affirmations
-prayer
-walking more
-drinking water
-sunshine
-makeup
-social support
-music
-hyaluronic acid
-new ways of thinking of things
-evolving as a person
-scrunchies
-handwash
-moisturizers
-ibuprofen
-setting intention
-b cat wanting to cuddle with me and coming to sit on me sometimes
-my paralegal from lcbh
-blankets
-the power of love
-my sephora account finally getting fixed
-therapy sessions

[buttercup]

-things starting to flow a little more since deciding to listen to spirituality podcasts like wayne dyer on a almost daily basis. feeling people a little more drawn to me, and connected to me to i think.
-jobs opening back up
-my weight getting back down to it's lowest in the last 2 years, and that it was in late july again, finally
-being back on my b-12 shots
-making sure to go in and get my b-12 shot today believing it would help me
-not really eating cheese that i can remember for almost a week now
-the cat tunnel i got for my cats and b cat going in it more now too
-sending a cat bed and treats to l cat
-getting a cat bed for my cats
-getting a call from the agency that had the client want me off the job in early august want to book me for a job. I didn't get back to them in time, but it was good to see i really wasn't blacklisted.
-trying to drink more water
-eating soups with my new soup pot
-how much better it feels my place being clean and mopped and learning cleaning ideas from housecleaner coming here
-p cat calming down after whining a lot the day after housecleaner was here and stuff was moved around and taking him outside and walking with him like a baby to calm him down
-confirming 2 jobs the other day with an agency
-doing a training with another agency and then confirming 8 jobs with them
-getting a lip flip
-lip scrubs
-inspiration behind what can be done with antiaging with fillers, supplements, exercise, botox, and so on
-my new hair color
-posting a new current selfie of myself
-being over j neighbor guy, having processed my feelings on that
-vegan food
-going for a walk last night to ground myself
-doing a resistance training session at home and getting really sore from it
-sunshine
-babywipes
-techno music
-makeup
-my new eyebrow makeup i use that makes my eyebrows look thicker, darker, and longer
-lip sleeping masks
-fashion
-staying back on topamax to get my weight where i want it
-prayer
-scrunchies
-ativan
-finding papers i was looking for last night
-letting myself cry out my feelings of anger and hurt on my walk last night
-my new unicorn journal
-getting an email about work i've done and using that as an opportunity to follow up on my bonus i never got, and getting it today
-seeing my cats curled up together and deciding to lay next to them and waking up feeling very cozy
-therapy sessions
-trying to be productive despite how tired i've been feeling and unorganized
-making a plan to see l cat
-beauty
-peaceful sounds
-being in such a better place than i was 6-8 months ago
-having gorgeous eyes
-healing my metabolism
-my chanel foundation
-the positive changes i've made in my life this year
-tear trough filler
-having source of income now
-perspective about my flaws
-acupressure slippers
-deciding i need to get myself an inexpensive fall jacket and doing so the other day
-face massage
-the work i've put in to improve my circumstances
-trying to stay consistent and determined to change my circumstances
-having someone to help me with apartment relocating
-trying to be strong
-trying to be smart
-trying to be open
-trying to be positive
-newness
-friendliness

[buttercup]

-staying determined to do my walk despite my scare tonight
-loving my cats despite them driving me crazy and interrupting my sleep
-doing laundry
-my new hair color
-my weight being a little less and being less then it was this time last year
-hair ties and and doing high ponytails lately
-a new pic to post on social media
-skinny pop popcorn
-fashion
-listening to positive and spiritual audios to give my mind good brain food
-confirming more jobs today
-feeling like the world is becoming a little friendlier
-doing what i need to do, to take care of my cats
-b-12 shots
-writing more in my new unicorn journal
-entertainment
-hyaluronic acid
-having lovely eyes
-feeling more attractive than i did last year
-that i think a cashier at the walgreens might have a crush on me
-my new marc jacobs bag
-manifesting 2 marc jacobs, getting a 2nd one the very next day
-getting refunds on the things i need refunds on
-having elegance
-my past accomplishments
-my first career things i've done
-nightskies
-my new brown duster sweater
-my creativity and resourcefulness
-ativans to take to calm me down
-my sense of style
-meeting a pharmacist who was wearing a little four leaf clover who mentioned meeting a lady at the nearby school who knew of a place with a field of 4 leaf clovers and that she makes the thing she was wearing and she'd remember to get one for me for next time she seen me after telling her my story of how i always have good luck after seeing four leaf clovers. I already considered it good luck however just seeing hers.
-leveling up
-moisturizing
-washing my blanket to have since the weather is becoming cooler
-ordering a pet safe humidity adding plant just now since the last one i tried to order became unavailable and it happens to be called money tree which sounds like good luck
-organizing one of the piles and clearing a path that was blocking things for my cats and stressing me out a little too
-realizing and accepting i found out neighbor boy's secret and it's as simple as that
-clean clothes
-ordering a budget retinol from reputable trendy label
-trying to be productive
-inspiration
-being talented
-my neck being smaller
-meeting some of my goals
-topamax seeming to work for me in conjunction with wellbutrin
-trying to be a good person
-being healthier than i was this time last year
-having sophistication
-botox
-colors
-light
-my face getting more thinner
-learning things
-having a kind heart
-makeup
-updating things such as resume, social media's etc

[buttercup]

-having had cool and interesting life experiences
-taking care of my skin
-deodorant
-appreciating p cat
-my grounding walks i go on
-my new journal
-journaling
-how hot i find neighbor boy
-my new marc jacobs bag
-calculating my august earnings
-reflecting on things
-having a better perspective on things such as earnings for september
-having a job this week
-drinking water
-taking zinc and vitamin d
-trying to do more toning, strength exercises
-entertainment
-ativan
-moisturizer
-my hair ties and pulling my hair up in a high pony tail
-making an effort to do things despite how low and drained i felt today
-M saying M's husband would drop off stamps and ibuprofens today
-calling back the apartment locator lady today
-my abs feeling sore from toning work the other day
-my hair color
-botox
-having goals
-evolving as a person
-listening to spiritual/positive audios
-my neck looking smaller
-chivalry
-my arms looking smaller
-updating my linkedin
-trying out putting my cat's food on a plate vs bowl to see if they like that better
-getting a partial refund for the housecleaning job recently
-a check coming last night
-sunshine
-nightskies
-my elegance
-my creativity
-my intelligence
-getting my body stronger
-prayer
-

[buttercup]

-doing my written affirmations tonight, and deciding to start doing them DAILY or at least almost daily again
-wearing my new marc jacobs bag out tonight
-doing a decent job of eating a low amount of food today
-drinking water
-moisturizer
-wearing brow makeup today
-going to starbucks and getting an apple croissant and apple macchiato to get out of the house for a bit
-buying stamps so i can try and mail my medical letter to secretary of state
-p cat laying by me which is really cute
-noticing when i stayed up and didn't go to sleep, p cat didn't whine at all proving even more he only is whining because i go to sleep
-new experiences
-getting new job potential job offers
-my quilt being clean and the fresh from the machine smell
-buying baby aspirin finally
-getting money in just in time to pay my storage unit without getting a late fee
-my body getting more toned
-my arms looking smaller
-going for my walks which make me feel grounded and motivated and making them longer
-clipping p cat's nails since he may have gotten out of hand a little with b cat earlier
-my plant coming the other day
-ativan
-walking home earlier
-laughing at funny things early in the morning and tonight that had me dying of laughter for some reason
-unpacking neighbor boy some more by asking people questions and trying to process stuff because all of it has just been so weird to me
-changing the litter box
-cleaning the papers mess the cats made in the hallway
-nightskies
-how peaceful the rain was by my window tonight
-ideas
-watching a movie tonight that was kind of nice
-coming up with witty, smart things i'd say, will say in court, want to do if asked and just want to make sure is said/done.
-inspiration
-stretching
-having a kind heart
-baby wipes
-my maturity
-trying to change things and clean up my vibe
-finding a card to send my dad that looks cool and thoughtful
-having a book i want to order for my dad for his birthday i think he'd like about synchronicity

[buttercup]

-deciding to snack tonight and not care since i have to stay up all night and to use it to keep me going, buying jalapeno cheetos, ordering dominos etc
-drinking water
-taking care of my skin
-eating a lot less food lately
-finding out i am a new donor at the other place i was donating at
-deciding i really have to let go of knowing what happened with neighbor guy i liked because there is just nothing happening. he ghosted me suddenly. there was some stuff i did, he was giving some signs of being a certain way possibly and there may be another girl and i can't tell if she came right at the same time as me, right after, or was around the whole time. I just know i felt something real, he was nice to me then he completely disappeared and even my desire to "poke the bear" though safely so gets no response. its like he may have blocked me, but i feel like he may not have, and he still follows me on ig, and i think he monitors his following a little not that i think that means a lot but the whole thing is a little weird, but mostly just unfair, because clearly it's something where he just doesn't want to bother saying anything to me which is hurtful and i think that's either spite or trouble communicating. and, it hurts because it makes me think he wasn't that interested and he didn't like me as much as i thought and why do other guys like me so much then someone like him not that interested, even though he did seem very interested at one point. i hardly knew him and it wasn't fair he just ghosted me since we were talking like acquaintances and neighbors for awhile before we hung out
-my clean, cozy blanket
-that after today's court i can start sleeping normally again
-my new brown duster sweater cardigan
-getting some things done tonight and with the next few hours i have this morning before court
-seeing M's husband the other day and how great that felt. It uplifted my mood. He dropped off some painkillers and there was no awkwardness or negative vibes and we talked about the feral cats or about 20-30 minutes
-my face slimming out
-my body slimming out
-my clothes fitting looser
-how great it felt to have a normal moment with M's husband dropping by, just knowing he was there again, it felt so in the flow like everything will be ok i just have to go with the flow.
-showering today
-being told i was young the other day
-being told i was beautiful the other day
-being told i "they've been waiting for that" referring to kissing me by someone all these 3 comments by different people
-watching movies and how comforting that can be
-my angel friend J the author cash-apping me $50 over the weekend
-how receptive B cat is to me
-being told i have a feminine voice by someone, or very feminine voice or something like that
-being a pretty girl
-my face starting to look more and more attractive again
-my lips looking really nice
-having really nice eyes
-having nice cheekbones
-good lighting
-newness
-having great style
-botox
-taking my omegas vitamins
-being smart
-my new journal
-doing written affirmations
-getting the cat tunnel playpen for my cat's so we can go outside without them jumping too far or risky
-cleaning wipes
-taking notes
-my femininity
-taking care of my spirit
-my beauty
-my maturity
-ideas
-flavors of fall season
-learning
-powerades
-remembering my roots again
-becoming more attractive
-hair ties
-calmness
-healing
-feeling like little by little my life will return to normal
-remembering flow of life, and trying to go with it
-being a thoughtful person
-new experiences

[buttercup]

-working today my first job for an agency very similar to the one who unfairly let me go by forcing me to "take a break" but then never letting me come back but this one pays better and having it go mostly well and breaking my dry spell of work again
-doing my red light therapy wand this morning
-drinking more water
-powerades
-my eyes looking healthier
-doing more journaling,writing exercises lately
-taking better care of my hygiene then last year
-p cat eating the cat grass i got him
-updating my style aesthetic
-my hair being more hydrated from changing the shampoo i use
-my injector offering me a discount for when im ready to get tear trough filler
-makeup
-looking so much younger than my age
-washing my winter coat
-getting my new donor process done at the place i used to go to so i can start going there again
-b cat wanting to cuddle with me earlier today on my lap and how nice that felt
-moisturizers
-looking a little skinnier than i used to
-listening to some new youtube audio/podcast things lately for brain food and learning that i've enjoyed and gotten good info from
-how beautiful my city is at night
-visualizing and imagining and daydreaming my new apartment the other night and how nice it felt, to also feel a little direction too towards it
-the colorful cat toys in the house and how funny and cute they are, they make me smile and laugh
-that i'm starting to sell more, get better at selling on poshmark than i used to
-manifesting a text from neighbor boy J after getting upset processing my feelings after court thinking about the kind of person i think he is then falling asleep and waking up to a strange text from him.i am over him. it really upset me how he was to me and that it made me question myself so much that how could someone seem so into me then seem completely not. It made me think lots of things that made me not like him
-deciding to use ambition and goals as my fuel as "revenge against the world" sort of mantra
-the neck botox i got and how much it improved my appearance and confidence
-having great style
-watching movies
-new ideas
-staying very eyes on the prize and focused
-talking with people and hearing their story
-music
-my maturity
-being put in the erp program in court, and not having another court date until next month
-reflection on things, seeing how things change and progress and so on
-having goals and things to strive for
-my humidifier arriving and i think making a difference in the air, my sinuses and skin
-having a nurturing heart
-joining credit repair programs in my determination to have good credit again
-great deals
-prayer
-cuteness
-being a kind person
-being smart
-being resourceful
-being productive
-this beautiful black cat and four leaf clover card i bought off etsy i got for my dad's birthday
-sending my dad my favorite book on serendipity for his birthday since he's been lowkey interested in the topic for years and i think he'd like it
-laughing because sometimes life is so insane it's funny
-marion helping me
-compassion
-hope
-the new brown duster sweater i got
-having a young voice

[buttercup]

-doing some creative writing and being in a bit of a poetic mood the last few days
-losing another pound, so being down the most i've been in 2 years now, 19 pounds down.
-standing up for myself
-being able to take care of myself
-powerades
-working some jobs this month
-my humidifier helping my nose bleeds go away and my skin get more hydrated and stop peeling, and allergies calm down
-hanging out with A
-realizing A and I did have a connection all this time that was kind of beautiful and remembering our first time meeting and all that
-really nice things A said when we had a fight and i told him it wasnt going to work because of several things, including my weight, the things he said about me self sabotaging etc
-processing A flaking on me a few days after our fight and letting him go, grieving it and forgiving him
-deciding to text A a get out of jail free card just to know nothing was wrong and to go back to normal telling him i didn't need an explanation and let's just go back to normal and he texted me right away and tried calling(i was on the other line)and he gave me what i asked for. Talking normal. A b.s excuse for flaking and acting like we were a few months ago.
-hud calling me back after praying a lot the other night
-prayer
-sedatives
-the pharmacy calling me today to switch my medicine in a format i can take
-neighbor boy i liked randomly texting me a few days after i hung out with A apologizing several times and wanting to see me
-compliments
-that people like my lips
-having a nice looking new work selfie i like
-makeup
-doing liquor work again which i like
-deepening my empathy and patience with P cat
-getting a new lamp to alter the lighting a little in my living room for my mood
-after my mediation turned out to be awful and not at all what i thought, finding out i was pre-approved for rental assistance back in august and just overlooked it
-my ex S contacting me the other day
-colors
-ordering chakra tea for the crown and trying it out the other day
-night skies
-sunshine
-propranol which helps me calm down
-being resourceful
-my allergies being better
-working consistently
-that S can provide me with a lease for the rental assistance since he is a landlord
-becoming open to letting more help in despite my pride such as S with bringing my stuff to storage possibly next week
-my ambition increasing a little
-moisturizers
-being in a new style and beauty aesthetic and over the blonde and other things i was doing
-buying my hyaluronic lip booster that i love finally
-staying somewhat calm and strong amidst the storm i'm in with the eviction and moving stuff going on and counting on prayer and being open to help from different places
-chivalry
-that i eat less calories these days
-paying my comed bill again this month, a small thing that is just another sign and showing of me rebuilding and really trying
-trying to raise my vibration and thinking differently
-trying to organize myself and what i have to do mentally
-packing a bag of stuff to go to storage
-clorox wipes
-utilizing the vacuum a few times recently and how great it was
-being friendly
-picking my battles
-my wisdom
-music
-blankets
-my savage side and my family history that gives me some savage blood
-my winter coat and how chic it is
-having great fashion sense
-looking young
-guys complimenting my lips a lot these days
-innovative options to stay looking young
-being really close to ready to do something with first career
-motivating myself and staying determined
-my beauty
-doing some more reading today of my book on hsp's
-having a loving heart
-becoming more into my feminine energy this year
-learning
-new goals
-evolving as a person
-newness
-my older friend J who's really been an angel this year

[buttercup]

-prayer
-that A from lcbh got me a lawyer so now i no longer have to go to court which is such a relief. It's one of the things i was hating the most. And it now frees up my energy to focus on getting out of here and getting my grant.
-A seeming really happy for me today, and even using words like "my babe" towards me and mwuahz which was cute and interesting and a little bit of a shift from the last few days now
-how cute it is when my cats go in their tunnel toys
-music
-my beauty
-looking like a model
-the compliments i get
-my gray winter coat and how sophisticated and chic it is
-cardigans
-leaving the house yesterday and the sun was out and getting a serotonin boost from it which brought me an insane amount of clarity and feeling of everything is going to be fine, it's do-able and not a misery catastrophe
-having nice lips
-taking the train home from the courthouse today and finding it which made me feel like an adult that is competent
-buying myself 2 monster cookies that M used to get me when i seen a corner bakery across the street from the courthouse for sake of recreating joy and memory
-my cica sleepmask
-my warm feelings for A
-working yesterday
-the people who provide free legal help. It's such a great service they are doing and seeing that little desk there besides the organization that's been helping me was really great
-getting in miles today that was a nice walk, which was nice. I haven't been walking much with all the stress and so i really appreciated that
-the cocoa butter body moisturizer i use which is really good
-makeup
-my eyes looking less puffy the other day at work
-having goals
-hanging out with A making realize i'm ready to go back to my creative pursuits
-viewing an apartment today which means i'm closer to getting an apartment than i was last spring
-getting a little more comfortable wearing a little less clothing, such as clothes that are fitted without super covering up
-seeing my body looking a little more trim in clothes
-getting a call back from ebt card about not redetermining in time and getting it reloading and attempting to call back to reach a person. Hearing on the automated line that it's processing at least, my late redetermination.
-calling to ask questions about bankruptcy today
-deciding my new hair color i'm transitioning to, which will be very coppery, ditching any blonde left in my hair and almost even having orange to it
-reflecting on more of what i want my glo up to entail and what it needs
-my hyaluronic acid lip booster
-eyebrow makeup that thickens and darkens eyebrows
-new ideas
-entertainment
-humor
-funny videos
-clean socks
-cleaning the kitchen floor yesterday
-all the free alcohol i've been getting
-making more money this month than i will last month
-sunshine
-doing a toning/strength training workout at home. A treat to myself to do something normal that i havent been able to do because i've been so busy with all the stressful stuff
-models
-fashion
-M giving me money to uber to the courthouse
-my therapy session over the phone the other day, i think it helped
-that my psychiatrist is considering putting me on adderall/vyvanse
-blankets
-sleep when i can get it
-exploring my sensuality a bit to give S the erotic picture of me he wanted. It was very difficult, and I was kind of upset in the way that i didn't want to talk to him after but he was very happy with the pictures and it was good to see myself in new ways
-opening myself up to new ideas
-my humidifier
-applying to a bunch of apartments to tour tonight
-watching a few movies a couple times this last week
-dental floss
-staying calm as i can with all the crazy
-that i can donate plasma today
-that i get paid this week,i believe
-ibuprofen
-baby aspirin
-sedatives
-really getting more into my feminine energy this year
-listening to gamma brain waves and remembering how beneficial those are
-listening to crown chakra music last night and root chakra
-colors
-beauty
-how beautiful my cats are
-the help that's been coming to me
-allowing myself to become new and to rebuild
-protein bars
-having a kind heart
-having had some wild and interesting life experiences
-connecting with others
-taking things one day at a time
-being resourceful
-my cats making me laugh at how cute, funny, and innocent they are.

[buttercup]

-baby wipes
-vacuuming and the vacuum
-having plenty of cat food in the house, and that p cat likes
-my new hair color, and the hair color era i'm in
-cleaning wipes
-getting my eyebrows threaded today
-realizing what caused my weight gain of 3 lbs, that i had gotten my period again after 5 days and also taking only half the weight loss med again for a few days
-doing a toning workout yesterday and being really sore from it today
-getting a sign that maybe A does still have interest in me yesterday. He asked what i was doing tommorow. I gave a response that might've sounded like a blow off or non interested and then today after i texted him again he said something that sounded like he was covering himself from when he flaked on me that weekend, or holding onto it. Or, i'm giving him mixed signals when i'm just trying to be myself and be friendly. it did seem like there was an energy shift. He seemed really happy for me the other day then i didn't text him for 3 or 4 days because i was busy and when i did he asked what i was doing tomorrow and seemed really same vibe happy then today like he was trying to cover why he flaked on me that weekend down to the timing.
-earning income again
-charcuterie boards
-my winter coat and how stylish it makes me look
-getting a coffee today because it felt good to do so, and noticing what a mood boost it was, it was like the equivalent of a happy pill
-feeling more attractive lately and getting more attention from the opposite sex
-fashion
-makeup
-my beauty
-sleep
-amping up my finessing skills
-getting a screenshot showing i have good credit
-blankets
-how sweet my cats are
-the love in my heart
-deep reflection
-prayer
-watching a movie
-art
-romance
-my first career
-my cool experiences i've had
-my cool stories i have to tell
-the cool and interesting people i've met and know
-cuteness
-how smart my cats are
-learning
-rebuilding my life little by little
-working on getting a refund tonight
-drinking a little wine with my charcuterie i ordered
-trying new things
-newness
-the breeze from having a window open
-desire
-hope
-my femininity
-propranol when i'm able to take it, which isn't often. it's very relaxing.
-being a kind person.
-being considerate
-getting a lint brush at the store the other day
-clean socks
-my lip sleeping mask
-taking better care of myself than i was 6 months ago
-doing written affirmations last night
-colors
-learning more about myself
-hair ties
-looking like a model
-ordering a four leaf clover crystal for much needed luck
-being wanted
-ordering an allergan gift card
-putting aside $50 in savings and using the expedited feature

[buttercup]

-A and I being back with each other, talking like we were with each other again. My intuitions seemed to have been right, and after giving just a little bit of space and being myself, we somehow came back to each other like we never left including an acknowledgement of it during one of our arguments since. Some of the same past issues still have come up including him rescheduling and canceling and me doing the same, and some arguments and me doing something that made me feel like the devil which he forgave me for which i thought was really mature and he really does seem to remember just about everything since we met having paid attention to me and has said directly several times he wants a long term relationship with me and has basically made a reservation on me so i'm going to give this a chance still despite how frustrated it's been and my uncertainties of compatibility,etc
-ordering food today that's like thanksgiving food such as potatoes, carrots, etc
-somehow manifesting the neighbor J back in the picture after a bad night when my friend said things that made me feel awful, A canceled on me because of an argument, etc. He randomly called me, and I randomly picked up which i usually don't do to people i don't know well and when i'm not expecting it. Then, I randomly decided to meet up with him, despite it being last minute and looking awful and not having makeup on and not even caring, and despite how we last left things, then let him in my kitchen despite how my place is and that rule i have for this place, and we hung out, i got really drunk, i ended up letting him in my place, the rest of it and we were very physical, he wasn't dangerous at all. It was just very embarrassing i let him see how disgusting my place is. We passed out next to each other, and i woke up with him next to me. There was some things i was annoyed about. But, he got in my place and my ex and A did not and will not. There's something there. He has a niceness to him i like and a brokenness i feel we share. That night is something i feel i'll remember, it was something kind of forbidden, like the kind that felt like the feeling of 2 people sneaking about, and the exiting and entering.
-ordering a black sweater dress last week so i have something here to wear for a date or to go out in that's not in storage
-that the agency i work for paid me so i'd get paid before the holiday and pays for set up and break down time
-changing up my look
-coffee and how it boosts my mood
-music
-J neighbor liking my coat a lot saying i'm really wearing that coat
-my sense of style
-earning more money than i did last month
-cleaning a little earlier
-rebuilding my life, and that i'm trying
-chivalry and when men help women and carry my stuff for me, etc
-my ex calling the grant people to try and fix what went wrong with it
-adapting to working more
-learning more with public transportation
-makeup
-how cute my cats are
-beta blockers and using those occasionally to calm myself down when things get nerve wrecking or i need to slow my blood pressure or heart rate down
-remembering little things to remind myself how real the law of attraction is
-holding one of my favorite stuffed animals when i got home after my awful day and panic attack that left me feeling suicidal and dazed and falling asleep early
-watching some good movies the last few days
-that my social life has increased a little bit the last few months
-doing 40 minutes of yin yoga last night
-how much my cat's liking their bed
-that my weight is going down even though it's much slower than it should be
-losing 2 of the 3 pounds i gained
-changing up my look
-deciding to see my ex S that I wasn't ready to see before since he will be helping me and is. He was a jerk in a lot of ways but not the one way i feared
-my ex S liking my chest a lot and giving them a lot of attention caressing them and kissing them, making out with them in his car
-trying to take my vitamins more often
-finding a better way to handwash my clothes for when i really have to
-my therapist finding another rental assistance program that she emailed me about and contacting them
-inspiration
-baby wipes
-the body lotion i use that's very hydrating
-my humidifier
-meeting new people
-having goals
-blankets
-learning new ways of doing things
-laughter and humor
-healing and becoming more coherent
-sunshine
-nightskies
-nice views
-my lawyer being about to file a motion to quash
-my creativity
-compliments
-being considered really attractive and interesting
-showering more often, wearing makeup more often and just taking better care of myself than this time last year
-new experiences
-kissing J
-watching P cat walk out of his tunnel it's so cute and funny seeing him use it to navigate the living room
-having had some cool and interesting life experiences
-how smart and intuitive my cats are, they jumped out of their playpen when i spaced out and didn't shut it right away and i suddenly seen them on the ground below the porch and scooped them both back up. It was insane and surreal. They knew not to stray too far i believe and just wanted to have their fun.
-great deals
-random little money blessings like money in my account that doesn't make sense or not getting charge for a bag of cat food, etc
-my older friend i became introduced to in 2022, he's been an angel to me

[buttercup]

-snacks
-powerades and vitamin waters
-A's voice
-A's possessiveness's and being dominant, I think it's cute
-how much my cats love cuddling on each other and the cute pics i get from it
-not gaining any weight from eating over thanksgiving
-music and how powerful it is for connecting and taking you away
-how much i connect with my cats and they connect with me
-sleep
-finding a practically unopen ginkgo biloba bottle in my kitchen cabinet which is just what would help me and seeing some help i think so far from trying it
-getting a refund in my account and using it to order cat food and pay off an uber
-feeling more rested and catching up on things
-watching movies
-working more these days and confirming another job yesterday
-how much this new agency seems to appreciate their workers. They made sure we got paid a day early so we got paid before the holiday, i got paid extra for some reason despite seeing the hours add up so maybe it was a holiday bonus, they offer parking pay, etc
-getting a chemical peel and how clean my skin looks since
-having nice curves
-my baby face youthful features
-my humidifier
-A wanting me in a relationship way and seeing me, treating me like that and how nice it feels to be wanted like that
-selling another item off poshmark
-four leaf clovers
-prayer
-love
-taking care of my cats
-taking things one day at a time
-creativity
-baby wipes
-taking out the garbage yesterday
-reaching my goals
-helpers
-hope
-being smart
-learning
-relearning
-inspiration
-compliments
-compassion and empathy
-fashion
-art
-getting closer to my goals, even if in a lot of ways it doesn't feel like it
-reflecting on things and what's important to me
-cleaning the toilet and deep cleaning the bathroom some
-cleaning the living room some
-topamax for that it is doing something when i take it with the right amount and with wellbutrin
-looking for reassurances to my past pics helping
-mobile editing apps to help me look better in pics
-hoodies and sweaters
-new ways of doing things
-knowing quiet clears things up and brings clarity to situations, unfogs them
-newness
-being a reasonable person

[buttercup]

-getting jelly roll botox to fix up my eyes
- the cost ending up being free for my botox yesterday
-S coming out to take my stuff to the storage unit yesterday and watching him grab my stuff for me, open the unit for me, etc
-the weather getting a little warmer today
-things smoothing out with my job
-touching up my hair color and punching it up, though i'm not sure how i feel about the color now that i have
-losing weight and back down to the 19 lbs lost
-my skin looking clean
-unity
-conversations with others
-powerades and that delicious feeling of drinking down a lot at once
-how cute my cats are
-playing with my cats
-gingko biloba
-people and research online and perspective concurring my thoughts that what i found out about A is really messed up and a dealbreaker
-doing yoga
-my ex L contacting me that he will be in town and wants to hang out and do a project together
-finding out my food card will be back to normal next month
-watching movies
-sunshine
-reapplying for the rental assistance
-having conviction
-having great style
-my beauty
-sleep
-my appetite being smaller
-prayer
-my philosophical side
-meeting cool people
-feeling a little less overwhelmed
-trying to stay calm
-trying to rebuild
-reflecting on manifesting
-moisturizers
-blankets
-giving my cats treats

[buttercup]

-officially ending it with A after realizing i couldn't reconcile my feelings on things with him, and J neighbor having had been contacting me everyday after i texted him after i had the big fight with A. We talked a little about the night and he had contacted me pretty much everyday since, calling me a lot, and spending time at my house several times and i just realized it was him i choose and the whole time i was wanting it to be him. We grew some bond a little, he makes me laugh, doesn't judge me, and doesn't put on all these expectations for me to have of him. He seems to have care for me, and has changed.
-beautiful pictures of my cats from the past
-taking my vitamins
-upping my wellbutrin dose to help me focus today after the doctor canceled on me last minute and rescheduled for spring. Taking an extra ativan for anxiety, half a hydrocodone and ibuprofen plus my weight loss meds and i had some lovely peaceful quiet in my mind tonight. It was very nice.
-sweaters
-drinking some gotu kola tea tonight
-eating a lot less lately
-my body looking slimmer in photos
-loving my cats
-reversing aging and seeing it in photo comparisons
-my new hair color
-yoga
-having a great chest that men find really attractive and women think is too
-being more productive today
-manifesting what i want
-working more again
-botox
-manifesting J back.
-ginkgo biloba
-good movies
-having great style
-my new liquid eyeliner and how easy it is to apply
-the therapy places i reach out to when i need to talk and that i go to that have really helped the last week or so
-drinking more water and hydrating myself
-my new vitamin c cream i've been using and how amazing it's been
-seeing l cat and how great it felt to do that
-helping others when i can
-how great it felt to lay in J neighbors arms when he laid in my bed the other night
-sleep
-sunshine
-lint rollers
-cleaning
-seeing my grant say submitted, waiting for match which is more than last time when it got denied. It just said submitted last time.
-my four leaf clover stone.
-makeup
-chemical peels
-healing

[buttercup]

wow. so much changes so fast.
-that i was starting to see J be happy for me, take accountability for things, show care, and be a real person and not just some ghetto idiot or mean person like i thought over the summer. he displayed someone that has an intelligence and empathy, and made effort. overall, after reflecting on things it became glaringly obvious he liked me more than A actually. He put way more effort to see me, from constantly making excuses to see me, the silliest excuses it was insane, and constantly calling me and forgetting stuff here that in the moment was confusing but looking back i think i'll find it very romantic and sexy. I never had someone act like that before.
-powerades and vitamin waters and trying to drink more water
-trying to force myself to have more energy and focus
-hitting 23 lbs lost now
-nami support with all my confusion when i didn't know what to do with between A vs J and then after J made me feel not so great
-court going well and getting more time bought
-getting smile line filler
-looking thinner in photos
-that i manifested J back
-my vitamin c peptide cream
-getting a lot more attention from the opposite sex again and compliments which is a boost to my confidence admittedly
-my arms looking smaller
-speaking up to J in my way about how he made me feel and that he can't use me and him taking accountability and apologizing and saying i have every right to feel that way, etc
-yoga
-art
-my hair color
-manifesting random checks and other money out of nowhere
-poetry
-having good luck
-having a caring heart
-kind people
-new ideas
-new experiences
-cuteness
-love
-changing the litter box
-that i can say i have improved my life since last year even if i have a long way's to go, i can see a lot of growth and feel a lot more like myself
-entertainment
-being a winner
-irish cream liquors
-the wave texture my hair sometimes has
-beta blockers
-giving my cats treats
-laughing at life
-lights that go off on how to improve things
-cleaning wipes
-baby wipes
-my older friend sending me a cash app gift
-being a respectful person
-thinking positive
-prayer
-being unique
-having great style
-being a prize

[buttercup]

-seeing J's name everywhere after i "chose" him, though i don't know what it meant. A few days later I had to speak up about something to him and tell him the issue, and he took accountability and said sorry but didn't say why or that he'd stop and we kind of ended after that. Which made me start wonder what was the point in choosing him. Then in frustration the other day i was thinking what was the point he's not speaking to me, why did i choose him, he's practically ghost again and i was looking through receipts and like beaming neon lights calling out to me, his name flashed at me again on one out of nowhere affirming to me for some reason the universe seems to be telling me I did choose right. That's the message i'm getting.
-ordering a jacket that was inspired by me paying homage to J's style a little that i think is cute and i need a new jacket
-calming down and uplifting myself a little after the last few days of sulking and anxiety after getting deceived then fired
-starting some new year's resolutions
-seeing how much my weight blimped up in like 10 days in pics despite not doing anything except stress really,and sulking in better for a few days and that it can go down just as quick and the power of how quick i can make things change for the better
-after getting so stressed at my cat for acting crazy right when i was sulking and stressed wacking the blinds constantly for the last few days, realizing i need to appreciate him more and just compromise and give him more play time.
-the adorable and funny dirty look i caught b cat give me when he didn't get his when i got mad about the blinds when he was wacking them so i'd play with his chaser toy
-actually not getting charged a late fee for my storage unit for once
-my four leaf clover stone and the good luck it brings me
-getting smile line filler recently
-that for some reason guys seem to find me really attractive and i get a lot of attention from the opposite sex even when i'm super covered up, no makeup, and not showered.
-good movies
-music and the power it has
-ordering a lamp to improve the mood here
-catching J seeming to watch me recently when a neighbor randomly started talking to me when i was on the porch and nervously babbling and asked to sit by me. I thought J was at work and 10 minutes into this encounter his light suddenly goes on. I was laughing a lot sounding bubbly, probably flirty, but that's just how i am when i'm nervous and this guy was definitely trying to hit me up and J was trying to tell me something. I almost thought he was going to come out and say something. it was cute and flattering.
-going out to meet a friend dj-ing recently. I really needed to get out and have some kind of night out. I was losing my head. I got dressed up, wore my gucci bag and gucci belt, it was nice to be at a nice place and have drinks and just be out. Plus, J had said something before about "i need to socialize more" or something not getting or forgetting that i told him i withdrew from everyone and everything the last year and a half due to my health issues and weight gain. It's not like i'm not someone who hasn't had a full, thriving social life or knows many people so it felt good to kind of show him that because i tagged a pic of my outing on social media.
-J saying happy new year, the first text since we "ended" which was something at least
-telling J the rest of how i felt about things a few days before the new years text figuring it seemed like he might be ghosting me again, i may as well get closure and say the rest of how i felt about things with how he made feel that wasn't so great. It may have made him feel not so great but it needed to be said i think.
-meeting my goals
-that i actually did make a lot of progress last year, despite falling short of some things and having some things well fail
-fashion
-how wanted J made me feel. All the crazy excuses he made to see me, the calls, leaving his stuff here. The time we spent together.
-that i manifested J back. It kinda surprised me i did. I didn't think i even wanted to so much, or would and it just surprised me and happened like nothing but as a surprise too. At this point, in a way i feel like it's over, but in a way i feel like it'll never be over and i am just curious how our connection will further. and hope for some things but know i have to let go and move on now too because he drives me so crazy and if he's not talking to me then i can't be thinking about him except in designated time i maybe let myself at most
-how cute my cats are
-how much my cats love each other and that we are a family
-getting all my recaps done last night and this morning and closing off everything with that marketing agency
-getting paid a big check, which shows me again, i can do it, i can make good money. i did it before, it's not that hard.
-stretches
-that my food card is almost reloaded
-getting better at finessing
-my pca skin face wash
-inspirational videos
-hair ties
-my older friend J sending me a cash app the other day to cheer me up
-a girl i met at a job in october sending me a link to an app for work
-another friend sending me a link to something she did before that was hiring or might be
-my sense of style
-moving the bed to change the energy in my place
-clearing out a section of the living room to declutter/ empty it recently
-moisturizers
-having a caring heart
-being able to process things once things get a little quiet or i get out of my head a little
-finding some older pictures from work that are really cool that i dont remember seeing before
-realizing i want to open myself up to earning more money and feeling like i can
-my silver colored rain boots
-beauty
-art
-my femininity
-my desires
-inspiration
-the church stairs i like to sit at
-newness
-that i've evolved away from some of the bad from last year and year before
-being awoken to new things that excite me

[buttercup]

-feeling uplifted since letting A friend out of my life
-realizing after getting fired i need to stop lowballing myself with how much i'm getting paid and that i spent too much on transportation
-going to visit my feral cats
-taking b cat to the vet
-b cat and p cat doing so well at the vet. they were like perfect angels. So well behaved. didnt fuss or whine or squirm. Just let the nurse do their thing and sat there the whole time. It was amazing. No one would believe they ever cause trouble. It was like they were given weed or chill pills. It made me feel like a very proud cat mom.
-that B cat was pretty healthy and the visit went well and deciding to do the xray
-accomplishing some of my new year's goals already
-M getting back to me about the cats and the heat
-getting my tear trough filler finally which made me feel good
-manifesting an amazing deal on my tear trough filler which by the time i paid made it about half the price as a random surprise and my injector said i'm family
-my four leaf clover stone and the good luck it brings me
-prayer
-getting a big check the other week
-getting a random extra the next week which a nice extra manifestation
-having a caring heart
-deciding to go back to brunette
-after going no contact, after 6 days J contacting me like nothing and having a normal conversation with me sunday and asking if i'd be home later, which it seemed to be to fix things
-sweaters
-beautiful photos of myself from the days of my first career
-confirming a photo shoot and feeling ready to do it and like it'd be good for me
-ordering a 3rd lamp after not being able to put together the first 2 and getting refunded for them and this one will be a charm because it's already installed and is cool tube light, glow stick style. It costs more but it'll be worth and has a cool art gallery style look
-browsing the chanel store to look at wallets recently
-working on my new year's resolutions and reflecting on the last year
-after asking the universe for another sign, manifesting about 2 days later going through my email and understanding what my lawyer had sent me. It was indeed a paper to sign that means me staying at my apartment. Because of my recent circumstances it made the most sense now. Something keeps me tied here connecting to J longer as if i need to solidify more before i can move. It's strange but then after last night, it's confusing. Maybe it's all playing out the way it's supposed to though and this thing that happened last night is part of it. Hopefully it brings us closer because right now i'm hurt, and scared.
-baby wipes
-ordering a food puzzle for my cat after a suggestion from the vet
-that at least with the the new option of staying here i won't have to rely on my ex's help
-how hard my lawyer has been working for me
-makeup
-my dior balm tint in ultra pink
-sleep
-updating my resume last night
-cleaning the house last night
-doing ok at applying to jobs the last few days trying to find a new career or even get something in my current field
-ordering a new going out dress recently
-my cica sleeping mask
-my fresh sleeping scrub
-yoga
-my body looking a little slimmer the last few days
-watching a few movies on starz and hbo the last week or so
-my friend getting the gift i got him
-fashion
-getting a shade up on the other window
-showering
-M sending me money
-people thinking i have a baby face
-listing more items on poshmark
-posting more pics on instagram
-reassurances

[buttercup]

-after spiraling from J randomly having what seemed to me a random paranoid freakout and disappearing on me in the midist of us about to meet at the door triggering my ptsd and just not being himself, finally processing that's what it was all week making me feel strange. That he triggered my ptsd and grounding myself and that i have to let it go. I don't understand completely. It left me sort of shattered after initially having some hunches with my confusion just being entirely confused and now i have to let it go and since then my clarity has started to come back and my mind fogginess started to go away. It got a little scary. I started to get a little lost at the end there. I was crying in bed scared one day, accusing people of random things, including him. People were being minimal with me in response and confused and i just felt off and by then i felt like i was losing control of my mind a little. I had to take medication and talk to a professional for a little bit. I don't know why that had such an effect on me what he did but it really did something to me, but i have my mind back, and i'm feeling like myself again so i'm thankful because i hated how weird things felt. It was like something cast a spell on me or i took a pill that made me feel disassociated and paranoid and just weird. i was embarrassed
-gin gins to ease my stomach uneasiness
-drinking water to hydrate and feel better
-prayer
-M giving me money
-nami to talk to which helps sometimes
-an old work contact reaching out who wants to work together again who's moving back here and connect and even go to dinner which felt talk to talk to
-that i confirmed a job for next weekend
-that i'm starting to get back into my old career pursuits a little bit
-settling into new decisions a little bit and forging a new path for myself a bit
-sleep
-sweaters
-the beauty of quiet
-music
-the beauty in expressing my vulnerability and realizing it's not something i have to be ashamed of
-my femininity
-having a loving, caring heart
-having interests
-having creativity
-having accomplished and done cool things
-being brunette again and liking how that looks on me
-filler
-people considering me beautiful
-baby wipes
-ordering some new lingerie
-sweet memories i cherish with J and that he did allow me to feel he was the one i wanted to be vulnerable with, and he was the one that broke down barriers other didnt. He was the one i wanted to give me heart to
-beauty products
-the food puzzle for my cats coming and that they seem to like it
-blankets
-art
-the cold freeze being about to end
-physical exercise
-reflecting on the changes i made last year and new goals for this year
-good movies
-newness
-choosing to believe in what i want for my reality and affirming
-having really pretty hair
-having nice lips
-compliments
-inspiration
-feeling determined to change my life this year
-sending in job applications for new careers
-cleaning wipes
-putting the bed back where it was
-cuteness
-cutting people out of my life who are judgemental
-feeling my vibe uplifted since letting go of some things
-when i manifest good things
-laughing and humor
-feeling clear on what i want with some things
-believing in bigger things for myself again
-daylight
-getting better at no contact
-chakra balancing

[buttercup]

-working a cute little event that was new experience to have fun with attending
-the cold freeze being over
-the beauty of foggy weather
-cherry italian ice
-manifesting J texting me back like i knew he would.Then even seeing him so my fears were for nothing. Unfortunately now we aren't speaking again because he was off the cocaine and is a different him but wasn't exactly ready to break the stalemate we had, seems to be using me, had some snapchat call him in the midst of a physical act i was doing, was mean to me twice after i seen him about people being in "our" business and that it shouldn't have happened in the first place, etc, etc then getting mad that i asked about the call that happened so i decided i need to let go of him because the not kissing thing is only an emotional control abuse thing and he clearly doesn't care about me plus his meanness repulsed me-ok so J did seem like he was about to start kissing me when i seen him and when we talked about it that he would but then i said i don't want him to if he doesn't want to which he then said oh good or something because he doesn't want to which was awful and i don't buy it because he did kiss me for hours the first few times we hung out. He had then said he's an awful person and he should just go which was annoying and he ended up getting his way but he almost was about to give me what i wanted but i talked too much i think about it.
-there was some signs i think of growing feelings. He had said before when i first had him in my house and we started getting more physical that weren't going to do the baby, babe, etc thing when i started calling him baby and i went to go check the time on my phone and could have sworn i heard him say go check your phone babe so i think he's slipping on his rules. I think he's also just confused. a certain funny thing sexually happened and i was laughing after, it was so funny to me and i caught him he was just staring at me. Maybe he was angry and it was a power thing or maybe he was ..something else but i never seen him look at me for that long before. He was just watching me as i kept laughing and saying i'm sorry. I know he watches my expressions a little bit, i'll see his face change and his responses to things change based on my instant face expressions but this time he was just staring at me.I think I would have noticed if it was anger. Then, we brought up my crazy texts and i kissed him on the cheek and said yes but he accepts them because he cares about me or something like that and he said yes and that we all have crazy moments it was cute. I know in my heart of hearts he's a good person and has some care for me. I think he just has a lot of "masculine, machismo" conditioning from society and some other issues like from his ex, childhood, etc.
-that he was off cocaine was a pleasant surprise. I pray for his health. Though only alcoholic him is different. More short fused. More masculine energized even and he's already very masculine energized.Possibly better groomed. Some other stuff too i won't get into, of a sexual nature. etc.
-a ganesha mantra i've been using
-my four leaf clover stone
-new selfie for social media
-getting a referral for a job
-my friend saying i look a lot thinner and that i look expensive
-when i'm in a giggly mood. it's nice and fun.
-getting a lightbulb in the ceiling lamp and how much it boosted my mood that brighter, better light
-having doordash credits to order cat food and food for myself tonight
-having a health immune system
-how beautiful my cats are
-manifesting my desires
-that somehow for some reason J thinks i'm really sexy and attractive
-cleaning wipes
-showering
-my new hair color
-affirmations
-my older friend J
-my friend R
-fashion
-prayer
-my little humidifier
-entertainment
-meeting new people
-determination

[buttercup]

-realizing that i don't think J was off cocaine actually, that he just has been messing with someone new and processing that he just is not that into me. At least not anymore. It hurts.That I have to let him go. But all the combination of things. And, even if i am wrong on some things which i'm sure i am, enough of what i am seeing is he's not that into me to be behaving how he is.
-being able to reflect and see there was something to me on how i said something to him with how i asked a question and reflecting a little on what he said to me after chakra balancing my throat
-processing my feeling in general about J that i do like him a lot, feel in love with him and that this is hard. i sent a long text telling him how i feel. I thought about how he lied about being a friend, so on and so on.Reflecting on why i liked and why i felt drawn to him. I told him during that week i was going to have sex with a neighbor who tried talking to me a month ago on the porch because it'd be nice to get you know what without the games. Then, a few days later even left a gift for him to give to to the girl who called him on snapchat(a red thread bracelet i considered giving him in december) and a bottle of sauvignon blanc to bring over to her and some random stuff like magnets and things i had laying around that are merch for him.
-the neighbor being able to get ahold of him and him knocking on my door and exchanging numbers but unfortunately he is a total creep to which i ended up complaining to J saying i hope he's happy. Within 24 hrs this happens! Weird. It's like J has a super natural power. also this other thing.
-a miracle happened. A total weight off my shoulders. something that just does not happen. my court dates were....stricken. prayer works. Now i have until the end of april for my right to cure to go through. This is wow. I went to open the email from my lawyer worried expecting something annoying and my mind was blown. I still have questions and court costs are a little higher than i thought but all that time and how much different my life will be by then, it's do-able. Wow. and, also could almost seem like J is trying to keep me here too. but especially that i tell him i'm going to have sex with another guy and within 24 hrs of having the number the guy says the weirdest stuff that you would just not expect and he seemed very normal and i feel like this happens a lot with J, like somehow i stay tied to him or things falter in his favor. I was just starting to think hmm maybe i could get into being ok with hanging out with this guy, move forward and he says the one thing that would be a dealbreaker and repulsive to me and that is just odd that isn't something a normal person would say and he had seemed so normal. It was practically supernatural.
-kali mantras i've rediscovered and learning more about her and how much i resonate with her and how powerful her mantras make me feel
-trying to hydrate myself more
-sunshine
-fashion
-ordering treats for my cats
-how beautiful my cats are
-the ganesha mantras ive been using as well
-doing some more reading of the book i'm still on
-newness
-going for a walk this morning
-using my vitamin c face cream
-my burberry sunglasses
-M being nicer to me again
-finally getting my time of the month
-ordering myself a coffee maker to help me be healthier(drink less soda), and be more on a routine like i used to be(start my day with a cup of coffee) in a sunshine-y yellow color
-my little amber stone i got recently. I like the color
-music
-taking an immunity wellness shot
-reflecting on how i manifested things before
-ordering a burger king impossible burger last night
-my new hair color. even though it's kind of back to my natural hair color, it's actually a little lighter still which i kinda like, so it's still kind of different and interesting.
-not having a late fee on my storage unit
-feeling ready for fun, new experiences and to celebrate and grow
-being glad J made it to the new year with me
-cleaning the bathroom floor last night
-cleaning the cat tunnel last night
-paying attention to the unspoken and spiritual matters
-feeling like i'm getting better at manifesting
-trying to be productive
-finishing my trainings
-the weight off my back now with the court and housing stuff
-remembering my roots and trying to go back to them
-my femininity
-trying to create a better life for myself
-the people at nami helping through a difficult time lately
-my stylish coat
-sleep
-nice things to think about
-goals
-people that can be blunt with me when i need it

[buttercup]

-J tried to fix things with me. He suddenly called me and texted seemed very insistent, wanted to talk, said he didn't care that i didn't shower that i could shower after he didnt want to do anything and it seemed like he actually cared like my last texts before that actually got to him. He didn't talk about what i thought we'd talk about nor was it some romantic outpouring but that he seemed to really want to talk like that, that seemed like care. I think he cares. It might be the first time i seen that. And, i think i finally don't think he sees me as a whore and i got some clarity on other things so we somewhat amended and one thing is for sure we are growing closer. I feel it each time we see each other. It feels like cupid arrows being shot in us. Like, one day we were strangers i thought he was an idiot he probably thought oh, random girl let me try and get her number then it turned into attraction then later some feelings and i feel we are both growing on each other in different ways. in a friendship way, too. or like we are in a relationship. something is deepening, the way we talk to each other. We are starting to lose some of the early awkwardness. I think we are falling in love with each other. He may not be showing it at all, but i think we are starting to mutually realize something about our connection. He only started treated me worse since the new year started but, in a way i feel closer too, i am sensing slight having trouble saying certain things.
-he also happened to contact me after he said he got clarity from doing mushrooms. i am not sure if he noticed the connect with that. seeing things like that
-he contradicts himself too.he doesnt want to give affection but will say he misses me and then give nicknames, we are cuddling then he'll say we can't cuddle.
-deciding i dont want to kiss him anymore. After how he's been i'm over it. Why would i want to kiss someone who doesn't want to kiss me?
-getting a surprise flower delivery yesterday

[buttercup]

-J tried to fix things with me. He suddenly called me and texted seemed very insistent, wanted to talk, said he didn't care that i didn't shower that i could shower after he didnt want to do anything and it seemed like he actually cared like my last texts before that actually got to him. He didn't talk about what i thought we'd talk about nor was it some romantic outpouring but that he seemed to really want to talk like that, that seemed like care. I think he cares. It might be the first time i seen that. And, i think i finally don't think he sees me as a whore and i got some clarity on other things so we somewhat amended and one thing is for sure we are growing closer. I feel it each time we see each other. It feels like cupid arrows being shot in us. Like, one day we were strangers i thought he was an idiot he probably thought oh, random girl let me try and get her number then it turned into attraction then later some feelings and i feel we are both growing on each other in different ways. in a friendship way, too. or like we are in a relationship. something is deepening, the way we talk to each other. We are starting to lose some of the early awkwardness. I think we are falling in love with each other. He may not be showing it at all, but i think we are starting to mutually realize something about our connection. He only started treated me worse since the new year started but, in a way i feel closer too, i am sensing slight having trouble saying certain things.
-back to thinking J is off cocaine again
-the beauty of flowers
-realizing the power of humidity and dryness and how the dryness has really affected my skin making it look so bad but that i can reverse it and starting to get and stay consistent with hydration therapies like humidifier, drinking more water, etc. I'm now more convinced that humidity and moisture is more important than anything with anti-aging
-getting a surprise flower delivery for valentines day
-fashion
-people who speak my vibe online
-hugging and baby talking to my cats
-clean clothes
-getting responses from hud that seem like they will help my case a lot
-how powerful my hindu mantras have been. my kali mantra's, ganesha, and kamadeva all showed results within a day or 2
-chakra balancing
-drinking water
-touching up my hair color
-signs he cares like asking what did i eat today and interrogating me for some reason about my upcoming job and i had no idea why it was so random i asked did he want to know the name of the person because i didn't know what he was trying to loo for and i was asking somewhat sarcastically and then it seemed like he was just wanting to know more about what was going on, from a protective place like making sure i was being safe and not going into something dangerous. I think he almost or was about to ask how did i get the job or something implying to make sure it wasn't like with some weirdo it was interesting maybe he heard what i do is dangerous and has some misguided ideas. i'd be offended that he doesn't understand i'm a professional and very experienced in what i do but was so thrown off by actual potential care it was interesting
-ordering a bow hair tie
-getting all these signs and clear knowing feeling i'm supposed to be with J
-how cute and loving my cats are
-looking at a pic from a recent job and realizing wow, i look a lot thinner almost my old weight and i didnt do anything in the last few weeks
-red light therapy and how beneficial it is to my skin
-music
-manifesting my desires
-increasing my power
-selling my jacket off poshmark
-newness
-new opportunities
-my determination

[buttercup]

-ending things with J. He hurt me, it was the last straw. I don't know what happened but he said in a text he's not my baby and i told him don't talk to me anymore. he can't keep taking everything away, and being mean to me. This was after it seemed like he was checking on me earlier because i told him other neighbor texted me, and the day after i told i never wanted a relationship with him, and after a few times he tried to see me since the last time but it couldn't happen because of outside circumstances. And, i didn't answer my texts right away because i was asleep so maybe that, too contributed and i told him he was turning our connection platonic that day prior. I ended it, it was on my initiation, i couldn't do it anymore. Im glad i set my boundary again. I was crying and physically ill the next day about ill though.
-that i tried to visit l cat before he passed and am mostly at peace with his passing and that it seemed like J i think tried to be there for me. He was the first one texting. It could have been for selfish reasons,i can't know for sure but he was the first who texted and he kept asking to see me.
-moisturizing skin creams
-cleaning wipes
-how stylish my new bomber jacket is that i ordered last month inspired by the jacket J left at my house the first time i let him in
-my new clover pillow i got in the mail
-moments where i swear it seems like J cared for me, had something that seemed like love there for me and wasn't just a drunken, stoic, selfish jerk
-my humidifier
-sunshine
-wisdom i hear/learn from others
-that i tried with my last job, even though it didn't go so great. I self sabotaged and ended up with half my hours from missing due to anxiety. I don't know what is wrong with me. At least i tried
-cuteness
-learning new skills
-my resourcefulness
-kindness from others
-my gratitude for the little things
-hot guys
-learning a new direction thing, the bus from one place to a train stop and taking it which felt nice that i accomplished that
-craving healthier, cleaner foods
-starting a vitamin e supplement
-seeing the results of my hydration, glowy skin work and how impressive it was. still a lot more to go, but very happy so far and glad to see some reversing being done and the difference and that there's a term called "dehydration lines" vs wrinkles which is reassuring
-face mists
-showering
-getting some sunshine and getting rid of sun anxiety
-my right to cure grant getting approved
-manifesting my desires
-reflection
-drinking water
-being smart
-my knowledge
-my sense of style
-the other neighbor coming back into the picture when he did
-almond milk
-doing my hud interview and the interviewer being really friendly and helpful
-prayer
-my hindu god mantras
-laughing
-how funny my cats can be funny sometimes
-watching a movie sometimes
-new experiences
-being a kind person
-going to my storage unit and grabbing a table and some hangers out and putting a bag of stuff in
-bananas
-newness
-manifesting a $1000 outfit on my doorstep that doesn't fit me so i have no use for it but to sell it
-compliments and people finding me attractive
-inspiration
-cosmetic injectables
-red light therapy
-being aware of my desires, new desires which will bring me closer to peace and what i want next in my reality
-drinking water
-music
-knowing what i want with some things
-the power of writing things down
-learning
-finding a new eyebrow threading place that knows what they're doing and doesn't make them too thin that is local in my area
-spirituality
-

[buttercup]

-ending things with J. It was the last straw

[buttercup]

Things just suddenly got so crazy. I don't know what happened.
-ordering and having a 2nd humidifier arrive since this dry skin issue is really a big issue and problematic
-fixing my internet connection the other day
-nami ubering me out there and hoke when I wasn't doing well and was planning on ending my life. They helped calibrate me for almost 24 hours at least.
-my new bed I ordered arriving. It's bigger than I expected and takes up a lot of room. It's very comfortable and makes the vibe cozy but that it takes up so much room is another reminder I need out of here soon. How do the other tenants manage here in the studios?
-my spiritual crises lighting a fire under me
-my vitamin c moisturizer
-clean laundry and getting laundry done last night
-J coming back to me again. I still love him even though as recently as last night I was reflecting on how I feel like our connection is becoming more platonic and it's making me sad. Then this morning I suddenly felt a shift to loving feelings towards him and wanted to say loving things but didn't. He reached out 3 days ago with an excuse and we've been on and off talking since and he's been flirting and there's been some snapping then apologizing on my end. All this time, I feel like we've developed a connection as real people. Not just strangers. I feel like we feel more familiar to each other now and there's a little thicker of a bond, a little care there that grew from everything on his end. I've seen him change from day 1 to now. From an idiot, to a guy, to someone who ghosted me to a guy who really wanted me sexually to someone who had grew to have some care for me. From wanting to exchange numbers as neighbors to wanting romance to ghosting to reconciling to going crazy for me but wanting a mostly sexual connection to reconnecting and having some care as a human. I just don't think he sees me as only. I wish things had flowed more but I'm glad I still have him.
-my wide leg pants coming. They make me feel very stylish
-my sense of style
-music
-humor and laughing at things
-desire
-inspiration
-random kindness from others
-trying to be ok with V not talking to me since I was trying to cut her out first and it's actually mutual whyever she's stopped texting me
-movies
-having a connection with J and when he texts me
-finally getting my prescription for vyvanse. Just waiting on insurance details to have it finally in my hands
-my creativity
-trying to stay calm, positive, and determined
-my accomplishments
-cleaning wipes
-baby wipes
-knowing I create my reality and can win and switch things
-finding things to be grateful for
-hope
-my pink sculptural table
-deciding to get off topamax and having a plan to and seeing how negative it's been
-drinking water
-pierogi for lunch
-how cute my cats are
-my femininity
-being considered very attractive and high end
-my child like side
-being smart
-being kind
-the smell of rain
-colors
-peaceful storms
-m responding to me
-my hud charge almost being sent to investigation
-smell of cedarwood essential oil
-how attractive J is
-my food card being reloaded
-my resourcefulness
-reflection
-prayer
-asking for forgiveness
-trying to be open to newness
-my older friend J talking to me more
-almond milks and trail milks seeming to make my eyes work better
-trying to believe in a better reality
-doing written affirmations the other day
-showering
-four leaf clovers
-self compassion
-compassion for others
-nice pictures of myself
-being introduced to my older friend J in 2022 and having him
-being introduced to J last year and having him
-the photographer still wanting to shoot
-new ideas
-learning new things

[buttercup]

-getting the bulk of my money to cure. phew.
-vitamin waters and powerades
-despite being broke to do Botox and buy more makeup and being stressed, feeling more like i'm more attractive lately
-four leaf clovers
-wearing my four leaf clover bracelets lately and reattaching my four leaf clover keychain to my keys
-J seeming to care when I was having a breakdown and drunk and sent mean texts. He texted back sooner than usual while he was at work which he doesn't do and wanted to see me. He didn't judge me for being mean
-the on and off of J and I trying to see each other even though it still didn't happen unfortunately
-J being cute in how he reveals himself sometimes in his rudeness, it kinda shows he's trying to hide his real feelings in a very juvenile way
-the kind people who donated to my gofundme
-when p cat lays under the blanket with me
-accepting a date at the last minute with a guy who was offering me all the things of not having to pay rent, giving me shopping money, etc etc if I lived with him or was his gf. I decided why not go to lunch and when I said I needed to get cat food first he offered to take me to the store so went to the store and he let me get whatever I wanted his treat so I got two boxes of the smaller cat food they like, a bag of kibble, cat treats, Clorox wipes and Pedialyte because he thought it'd help my dehydration. We then went to dinner which was ok. I enjoyed the wine and bruschetta. Wasn't crazy about my lasagna. Then went to a dispensary and the lake and let him kiss me a little. The lake was nice. He wasn't too bad. He kept saying how lucky he was I went out with him and that I was there and called me baby girl and baby a lot. Said i'd never have to worry about cat food. It was nice getting out and feeling treated special.
-deciding once I got home from my date to still keep my plans to meet with the photographer since I already was ready and didn't want to make him wait again since I kept canceling days so he agreed to still meet and ubered me there to the Irish pub I had ordered food from before. It wasn't too bad. He didn't think I looked bad. I ordered a fun green cocktail with baileys. Then had a few more and he ubered me home. It was nice to socialize after having been going through so much stress and barely being social these days. It was nice feeling normal amongst the chaos. It felt like I was getting my life back. Thinner me, going on a date, being provided for, meeting a work contact, having drinks, going to the lake and having weed. It was a full day for me.
-again getting signs about J that he's mine in a big way. The song I strongly associate with him came on during dinner on my date. Then, sure enough after our date, this guy wanted to see me. All went well. He randomly got upset by something small that wasn't my fault and in mid Convo just started ignoring me.This doesn't happen. Another guy out of the picture since meeting J. I'm surprised I even was able to go on the date but ever since I met him guys end up out of the picture very quickly either by doing something random and weird that repulses me or they just randomly lose interest. I've even had guys who were friends leave my life permanently. It's almost spooky.
-The hud intake interview lady requesting a tro for me and filling out the questions for that and sending in my edits for the interview I did with her
-my feminine energy
-being considered beautiful and a prize, a bit of a showpiece
-new inspiration
-yoga
-walking
-my new wide leg pants
-my converse sneakers
-J is upset with me right now, I can feel it. I practically bribed him with the thing he's been wanting and threw myself at him and he suddenly didn't want it. In the moment he did, but then shortly after I haven't heard from him. He wouldn't just reject that. And he hasn't responded to any of my texts. I told him about my date the night before. I'm thinking now he's upset with me about that. Before I thought he was involved in something else that scared me, but now I think I was just paranoid. But,I think this shows it's not just using me for sex.It's really weird.
-having a random song come to me that I played and the lyrics and vibe were exactly the emotion and words and vibe I felt like he could be feeling or was feeling or a song he was listening to about me. It was strange. My psychic connection feels a little more on lately.
-remembering my dream I had just now of J where he changed his social media to the name of my ex who hung himself and had a wilted rose emoji in the bio.
-m's husband coming by to unclog my shower drain
-dreaming someone unclogged my shower drain the morning of
-sunshine
-sunsets
-ordering groceries off Amazon the other night
-finally ordering my astaxanthin vitamins recently
-ganesha mantras
-finding a Ganesha sound I can play while laying down or doing other things
-sleep and sleeping so deep lately
-sweaters
-mopping and cleaning the back of the kitchen floor the other day
-doing my written affirmations

[buttercup]

Things have been very spooky and uncomfortable. A lot has changed and I just am waiting for things to feel normal asap.
-court case dismissed today. I won.court record will be sealed. And resolved and now closed.
-that im a winner and tend to win things.
-getting a pedicure today to treat myself for my win and do something for my beauty since I've been feeling very unattractive the last few weeks
-darkening my hair color a little more the other day
-staying strong in m not hearing from her in over a week now and her phone seeming to be on do not disturb. Her husband not answering my texts or calls either. It's very hard on me what is going on.he had just came to fix the shower and said he'd come back in a day to drop off something for it. It's weird. J disappeared in the middle of nowhere too. I was patient until I realized no this isn't cool. He knows better by now how much it hurt me when he ghosted me before. I thought we grew better than that. It was in the middle of me throwing myself at him after i had a dream that he might be hurt or in pain. It was weird. And after I told him about my date and accused him of his friends following me. One suspicious timing and one that seems like he was hurt by me. I felt energy come from me a few days later, waves of sadness like I wanted to cry. After that I wasn't feeling his energy really. It freaked me out. It felt like he wasn't here. I think I started to feel him again a little since a few days ago.i also asked for a sign from him and nothing. Things kept happening as if saying I'm not meant to be with him now. I was suddenly having obstacle after obstacle with my court case and staying here. But I recently started getting signs. Hearing thunder right after I think of him and some stuff in YouTube videos that pop out buti can't remember if they count as a sign. I think I do but I don't remember what they were.
-getting signs from J and having a strong telepathic connection to him. That has to mean something.
-figuring out who I think was trolling me by finding a profile of mine and saying strange thing s like they are angry and want me punished.
-loving my cats and how sweet and beautiful they are
-colors
-my lavender Marc jacobs bag
-finding out that j didn't lie about his name the whole time. I looked at a pic I screenshotnof him and overlooked before hid birthday cake in a pic says that name on it
-the cat tunnel my cats play in
-drinking water
-using Aloe Vera as a beauty product and it going well so far
-sleep
-the weight off my shoulders from court bring dismissed
-my strength. I did what I had to do and it was soul crushing but I had no choice.
-the helpful people at the pawn shops and pawn shops in general since they gave someone like me a way to get a loan.
-doing my ganesha mantras
-my dad helping me out with a little money to get me through
-an angel friend venmo-ing me money when I needed it a week ago
-some good news at least to make me feel better
-finally getting an adderall prescription
-blankets
-moisturizers
-being able to order toner
-powerades
-candy
-trying to stay strong
-getting an insane glimpse into a possible future for me. I was watching psychic videos and one called out to me. It described a situation of mine with an ex I thought I hated and would never let back in my life. It was too eerie, the details. It showed ex j from a few years ago wanting to come into my life and that he's getting a divorce and there was more details. The things said were so specific, it was no coincidence. I then couldn't help but get curious and they do seem like they are going thru something of a divorce. Every video she had with him and pic completely gone. A tweet that exposed some info. It was insane. So, he might be coming back to me if this info is real and I can't help but think it is. Too many things. Another one said very specific similar things down to a not common phrase I used during the situation it was like it called out to me to verify yes, this is for you. Maybe he is just what I need and the one who would fix a lot of issues in my life.
And that he would forgive me for my side of things. I didn't think ever but it said he was seeing things differently now and seeing my side of things.
-prayer
-determination
-nami crisis line for helping me when I need it
-baby wipes
-my new four leaf clover notebook
-astaxanthin supplement I ordered recently
-the stalker text thing finally giving me some info
-my skin dryness healing
-my eye sight feeling better after quitting topamax
-feeling less depressed and less bogged down since quitting topamax
-makeup
-my femininity
-my sense of style
-buying my cats treats yesterday as a treat for resolving my court stress
-my pink sculptural table
-being creative and resourceful
-music
-looking at my ex's pic on my phone and it soothing me, making me feel stronger
-things slowly starting to feel a little more normal and like they'll resolve and get grounded
-laughing
-finding J's possessiveness kind of cute
-socks
-ordering new headphones because the ones I've been using are just too broken
-being able to reflect to try and understand my reality
-hope
-kind and friendly people
-getting congratulations on my court win

[buttercup]

-deciding to believe the bad happening right now is leading me to what I want
-coffee cakes
-finally donating plasma again, a small first step of doing little things in between getting jobs again and making sure i'm getting money. It felt good to suddenly feel that increase in ease
-my weight check since December and officially having lost 31 lbs now, half the weight I want to lose. Very proud of myself
-feeling like i'm clearing dark energy that's been sent to me over the last few years by people
-drinking water
-staying calm-ish during these very turbulent times
-aloe vera
-my skin becoming more hydrated
-astaxanthin supplement
-someone in their car calling me beautiful and God bless
-having a compassionate soul
-my love for my cats
-trying to process my fears and blockages to seeing my ferals so I can stop feeling so nervous to do it
-my four leaf clover
-my Uber driver being kind when I talked to him about stuff that was going on with the bullying texts I'm getting
-hope and perspective that it might not be J actually who did the stalking/harassement texts
-deciding I need to stop paying so much attention to psychic readings online
-sleep
-fashion
-my sense of style
-touching up my hair color and making it a little darker
-having nice eyes
-feeling like I'm being seen as more attractive again when i'm out and about which feels good
-hope
-doing some Hindu mantras
-how cute my cats are
-beauty
-ordering a toner I think will be good for my skin
-powerades
-applying to some jobs tonight
-yoga stretches
-feeling like I'm working on a plan
-doing some written affirmations and trying some new ones
-clean clothing
-botox
-my neighbor with the dog being friendly and chatting with me about my cats the other day
-being creative and resourceful
-how much better I feel off topamax. more mind clarity, better eye sight, less bogged down and depressive
-trying to stay determined and boost my productivity
-applying for utility assistance
-my femininity
-positive affirmations
-deciding I want to go on a spiritual healing journey
-beta blockers
-getting a refund on the nail polish that wasn't really nail polish
-quiet and appreciating it and the benefits of it
-fun things
-feeling like I'm getting more clarity in some ways on some things
-staying determined
-beauty
-working on my confidence
-baby wipes
-clorox wipes
-hand soap
-physical exercise
-cleaning
-my accomplishments
-things i've done before showing I can do it again since I've done it before and can look in it for inspiration and how to

[buttercup]

In times of extreme hardship, look for the good. Anything even the smallest of things.
-I got a free trial size vitamin c moisturizer with the toner I bought so I'm ok on vitamin c skincare for a little while
-how beautiful the sky looks right now
-crying and letting it all out, how I've felt about a certain painful situation going on for 2 years now and putting into words
-meditation
-walking
-having money for cat food
-getting my cats treats last night
-appreciation and remembering. Savoring some appreciation early morning for the night J and I had our first kiss
-learning about the moon, what phase it was in, some romantic details about the night we first kissed that adds specialness to the memory
-photography
-how beautiful the moon can be
-getting some slight ideas on things to do about my problems
-applying to a few jobs last night
-deciding to stop watching so many psychic readings
-sweets
-clean socks
-trying to be strong
-the writer side of me
-japa mantras
-having desires. That leads to clarity to where I want to go.
-blankets
-sleep
-realizing I can organize things a little bit so it won't seem as overwhelming or time pressured
-the light within me
-trying to tap into my ambitious goal oriented version of me again
-my clover pillow
-reflection
-letting myself cry
-the tunnel toy I have for my cats that they love
-believing in myself
-trying to break up what I need to do, the things that scare me into baby steps
-the weight loss I've accomplished. Half the weight gone
-great affirmations that give me hope and determination
-my love for my cats
-my skin dryness healing
-ideas
-baby wipes
-clorox wipes
-music
-beautiful things
-inspiration
-lights off and how peaceful it is
-my spiritual knowledge

[buttercup]

I wish the time would slow down. how has this much time passed? A month now since J and I were on good terms with each other, I heard from M and life felt somewhat sane
-drinking water
-listening to chakra music and chakra balancing
-my angel friend sending me money so I can do laundry
-going to the laundromat and checking off very slowly the things i have to do post before court chaos
-taking 2 Adderall instead of one and feeling much more upbeat and productive. I think that's the magic number for me I guess. 20 mg.
-walking more
-organizing a plan for my ferals cats post whatever is going on with M and M that should have been in place several years ago anyways for the cats
-walking past the airport and closer to their house where the cats are to build up my confidence to go and build up endurance for daily life changes
-doing my food card redetermination
-checking my utility assistance update and uploading what they said to
-sweet, beautiful, pleasant memories. So many wonderful things i've done, moments i've had
-my love for my cats
-getting my lower body more toned and noticing results
-aloe vera gel working well for my skin and making it have more of a glow
-being able to plug in a humidifier in the bathroom, which is like the cart's bedroom since they go there a lot so that room get some more humidity. I feel the room is less dry since doing it.
-I had this strange, but beautiful experience.I was suddenly thinking of the night with me and J that hurt me a lot, and had another idea come in my mind that made the incident way less bad and n what I thought. Things connected from him before to that night and it just seemed to click and I felt J around the same time that night on and off maybe the night before too these loving feelings towards him. Well, during this thought process of J my mood suddenly lifted which makes sense, but my mind felt shifted, almost like it was under control. Like, as I was pondering if what if that wasn't the case if what happened that night, I just felt so great and neutral about that night suddenly. Like I was healed. So, I literally had a shift in my thinking come to me to change how I felt about that night, a mood change that stuck even as a little time passed and I wondered if that wasn't the case, and had been having loving feels towards J. The way my mind felt with that shift started to feel familiar, someone I was close to used to put energy on me. This felt like that. At first I just felt like I felt his energy and he wanted me to feel better about that night and forgive him like he was doing some intention manifesting on me.i just knew he was suddenly. I actually thought this was really sweet. He's manifesting me. It's one of the reasons I love him, he's literally manifesting me.
I never had someone do that before. I'm also surprised as heck he knows anything about mentalism or intention manifesting. But I was getting hints and didn't know it. I'd feel an overwhelming sexual energy come over me often. I thought I was just tapped into how he feels about me. Things constantly would go wrong with another guy so quickly after I met him even before I liked him and I suddenly couldn't get out of this apartment. Everything got elongated and went wrong as if to keep me here. I thought this was the universe's doing. It made so much sense. I couldn't tell if he wanted me to still be here or would prefer me to move but something nudged me he didn't want me to go. I remember him asking when does the grant happen when I was waiting on the grant when I thought my plans were going to be one thing and he doesn't usually ask me many questions, especially in text.I felt like he was maybe nervous but wasn't sure. Occasionally, I'd have thoughts he was a devil worshipper or something of the sort, like that he was into something of the dark arts. But that felt crazy so I dismissed it.The connection I had with him was so intense in ways. I'd hear thunder after thinking about him, once had my nose bleed during thinking about him(that made me wonder if it was a bad sign), I'd feel him on me in so many ways down to how he lurked my social media and timing of texting me.His cat's name is Juju. He has a hades tattoo on his arm. He has a friend who considers herself a witch and he followed a lot of girls who seemed like they were into witchcraft type stuff, alternative goth type girls. Why wouldn't he at least be open to doing intention work? I assumed he was probably accepting of those things because of that but never thought he might do it himself. He was definitely manifesting me the other night I had been posting about that night a lot how upset I was before he stopped speaking to me, and again the night before I let him manifesting me and that perception shift. I had thoughts when I started liking more law of attraction type stuff that he might see it and try intention manifesting. Normally, I'd think if a guy seen that he might think it's kind of weird i'm into that stuff or it's silly or they'd be one of those super powerful, ambitious types that I already could tell believes in thoughts creating reality but he is not like that and my initial thoughts were him getting inspired by it. and now I felt him manifesting me. It's made me think a lot differently of our connection. I don't know fully what to think. I'm flattered and it makes my feelings for him stronger. It was a love energy I felt that other night. Like he wanted me to think differently of that night and feel better.I can't imagine how he did what he did or what he did exactly in his thoughts since I never even thought he'd be into that stuff or believe in it, but he did something even if it was just asking his friend to cast some spell on me. The exact shift, how it made me perceive the night differently makes me wonder what wording or thoughts he had. I've felt loving, protected feelings from him. I used to feel safer walking after i met him and after we reconnected and pondered why before but let it go thinking it was his association in the neighborhood and then just my imagination but all this leads me to believe is he definitely was manifesting me the other night and maybe was manifesting me before. Maybe he does certain rituals to make me protected as well. He always did have a strange, eclectic energy. He always in some ways seemed like he knew more than he let on about me. And, it started more and more to become clear he really analyzes and plots towards me. He tests me.We could be really in sync with each other. It makes me think of the connection in a deeper way.It also explains why he got so upset about me going on a date despite him having no right. He's literally not wanting that in his reality and it happening upset him.I don't know what to think. I just know he was manifesting me the other night.
-doing squats to get more toned
-the smell of the grass and bushes after it rains
-the breeze in the air I felt tonight
-nightskies
-nami crisis hot line
-makeup
-getting my recap sent in tonight
-pulling off doing my job the other night, my first one also since Feb. It had a lot of challenges. I was very scared. I had to walk and navigate myself to the train over 8 blocks away and take my table with me on the train. All of this was huge for me. I was frustrated at the situation I was in. That I didn't have the emotional support in case of an emergency. But, wow I felt so accomplished doing it. It felt spiritual. Like as I navigated, each block closer was putting a piece of the puzzle together to get home. it felt like a game.I did it on only have small amount of train fare on me as well.I felt frustrated on the train thinking about the situation i've been in, angry but when I got home I felt in such a good mood. I literally put music on and was dancing a little. I did that. I felt great. People supposed to care for me treating me cruelly and making me feel abandoned and I did that on my own, no training wheels or safety net. A full day of working to and from. It felt amazing.
-getting creative to get things I want and pulling it off
-being a good mother to my cats
-my ex J, the one who's older than me contacting me. At first I was annoyed because I was like wrong ex. But, now I feel like maybe he can benefit me in some way. I can't take him seriously but everytime he's been in my life I do get a little bit of material things I need taken care of. So, maybe the universe sent him to help
-some fashionable items I have that I can "refurbish" by bringing them out to wear now and freshen up my wardrobe. Items I haven't worn in a long time so they'll feel kind of new
-my burberry sunglasses
-booking work for may
-new clients
-jack daniels and coke in a can cocktails. They taste so good
-food that tastes good and nourishing me
-my red light wand
-having another interview after I go to bed and wake up again
-being off topamax. I don't like how it made me feel getting off it in some ways because my life crashed at the same time and I have this thing where I associate meds with what happened in my life when starting them so I love Ativan because I remember suddenly feeling quiet and calm in my mind the first time I took it and it felt so blissful. I just felt like all will be well. and my cat who was missing returned that night. Wellbutrin when I started it I suddenly lost some of the weight I had gained and felt much more upbeat and productive and clear minded and almost kind of happy. Things turned for a positive direction in my life at the same time I started Wellbutrin.I've been nervous about weight gain being off of it but i've been on it long enough and i've gotten rid of all things that could have caused weight gain. I'm still on Wellbutrin which helps with weight loss. I'm going to be moving more and exercising more and have been and needed to adapt to that. And, I have Adderall now which also causes weight loss so it'll work out even if initially there was slight weight gain.
-having a baby face
-my dimples
-positive law of attraction stuff i've been following lately
-sleep. it's been feeling really good lately
-being smart and having an intellectual mind
-being considered beautiful
-having a nice body, it is improving and i'm starting to like the way it looks almost again
-having nice curves
-journaling and reflection, writing things down
-sitting outside and meditating
-patience
-counting my wins
-my older friend J who has been there for me still throughout all of this
-my dad still being there
-photo editing apps
-my accomplishments and beautiful photos of myself
-music
-deciding to stop with all the psychic online YouTube readings, I was giving it too much attention and it wasn't good for me
-my pink sculptural table
-doing affirmations
-baby wipes
-cleaning wipes
-newness
-staying firm on my desires
-listening to positive audios like from Louise hay the other night while walking
-others seeming to find me attractive
-my strength, resilience and determination
-my hair looking better now that I darkened a little bit but I do want to go back to blonde soon.
-the cool stories i've experienced in my life time
-being an interesting person
-my silver rain boots
-my sense of style
-changing things up a little with various life things based on where i'm at now in life
-doing a style/clothing update list of where I want my style to go, and items I need for my wardrobe
-that I can put my winter coat away since spring is here and has been for a bit now
-continuing to work on myself, and loving myself
-my child like side
-my wisdom
-my femininity
-showering and being clean
-compassion for self
-my blue water glitter ring
-four leaf clovers
-being unique
-being able to think for myself
-looking for the good even in the bad
-holding onto faith
-having a good heart
-my beauty
-my ability to do things others can not
-learning

[buttercup]

-going to the doctor finally
-getting meds for the new strange health condition I have and knowing what's going on with that and having pain relievers for it
-how amazing my doctors case manager is with caring and giving info and setting things up for me after my e.r visits
-making ravioli I got from the store and that it was good and only $3something
-getting my storage unit paid and cat food for the next week or so
-clean clothes
-going out to a new restaurant I haven't been to and trying new foods and experiences with older ex J
-my older friend J sending me more money again the other morning. Sometimes it feels like he's keeping an eye on me
-ordering pizza the other night just because. It may not be the smartest way to spend money right now but I wanted to do it
-not sure what I think of this but maybe it was a sign or sign my manifestation is near or that he's manifesting me. When my ex dropped me off the other day, he just happened to have to go a little far and passed the side J is on and I seen him outside in front of his house on his phone waiting for something it seemed. I'm not sure if he seen me and I did see him look over but not sure if he would have seen me from not the angle and whatnot.I never really ever see J outside. I'm not sure if he seen me and I told my ex to hurry and I didn't want to drive past that side and why and turned my head.
-well, don't know if this is a thing yet or not but randomly in the middle of the night after watching a documentary I connected the dots to my ex I was with in a disturbing way and felt distressed and emotional. Afterwards I wondered is this another person being vanquished because of J? It possibly seemed like it. We did talk still after that but he was more distant and weird and initially I wasn't sure what I'd do now after connecting those dots. It was pretty messed up but I need his help. They go away quick with J but not always instantly. Sometimes it takes a week or so and the person may come back in a little but again in a really repulsive way so I can't tell yet. I may have just happened to connect the dots which I do sometimes with things and his being distant could be from anything and he was less distant today and seemed like he had been expecting me to contact him which is weird and telling. So I don't know.
-relaxing a little bit about time pressure because I see some ideas, have things kinda organized and what else can I do so may as well relax and surrender
-music and discovering new songs
-getting my utility bill assistance approved for a 600 and something credit amount to my account so not having to worry about that now
-at least I have some good excuses for not making things on time that are legitimate and can possibly be used
-doing writing on a little bit of where I want to go in life
-my four leaf clover pillow
-trying to drink more water
-cute things cats do
-how good of a listener P cat can be and how receptive my cats are
-showering
-cleaning a little
-cleaning wipes
-that the plasma center should be open again or about to be
-aloe vera gel and how great it's been in healing my skin
-sleep
-blankets
-nightskies
-warm water
-sunshine
-nice weather
-how beautiful it can be sometimes being outside sitting or walking
-watching a lot less of those YouTube psychic readings. They weren't doing me good and at this point give me a headache
-meditation
-quiet outside
-walking more
-doing creative writing at times and how healing it is for me
-watching movies
-my accomplishments in the entertainment industry and fashion and having done some really cool things
-being a considerate and kind person
-having really beautiful eyes
-ideas
-being smart
-having a little bit of a baby face
-being thinner than I was this time last year
-confirming a lot of jobs for next month
-fashion and having great style
-inspiration
-hope
-having more energy after taking my meds from the doctor today
-my beauty
-having a beautiful soul
-how sexy I find J
-how much J and I have in common in little ways
-law of attraction audios and inspiration
-listening to positive mind food when I go for walks

[buttercup]

-self reassurances
-physical exercise to get more in shape
-my femininity
-working on boosting my confidence

[buttercup]

-manifesting another J experience since him being out of my reality which is weird. I feel the disconnection of energy, mostly. Occasionally i feel his energy but it's not like before but it is intense sometimes. I never had this kind of intense energy exchange with someone. First he was in front of his place in the morning when i was being dropped off last week and just in a way where it was almost surreal. I never really see him outside so it was a strange occurence to have done so. It wasn't nothing. I'm not sure he seen me. Well, today another weird thing happened. I seen a strange man looking for someone in his place him or someone else. The person walked in the back of the units like he was unsure then walked on his steps was there for a few minutes then walked to the side of his building a little. He looked insistent to find him or whoever and maybe concerned or something. It worried me.It seemed so red flag like it was confirming to me more that he does some shady stuff like drug dealing or some other crimes. I was worried about him. It's so insane how all those red flags about him, just attracting someone like him in my life. And then pondering what if something really odd is going on how does it make me feel about me and him as a possibility? Like could he only ever be this interesting almost dream like character that moves in my little in subtle ways that are impaceful and never being able to be deeper or serious? Almost like he's a figment of my imagination? It's weird and that's the way i felt after the first two times we hung out as well. Like he was this surreal character like was he even real or just a dream in a sense? So, i'm grateful i guess for caring about him. I texted him about it, because if it was me i'd want to be told.Maybe all this is some kind of the truth is going to be revealed to me soon thing. I never seen any activity by his place before nor him now some strange guy looking for him seemingly? I prayed for him and affirmed positive things after the situaton. This made me fee further from him despite it causing me to text him and me feeling that genuine worry for him.
-my beauty
-compliments
-organizing what i have to do to feel less overwhelmed by it all, and formatting the how's of some stuff
-my cute four leaf clovers notebook
-surrendering to ex J wanting in my life again thinking maybe it's a vessel for how i will get the help i need to be steady and stuff.
-ex J and I doing ok so far with each other and vibing relatively calmly so far. It's some ease which is nice. He's being nice and helpful, I'm talking to him and being open and it's been ok.
-ordering pizza the 2 nights in a row the other day. It was so good.
-J ordering us morrocan food last night. Trying a morrocan cookie. It was fun having good food and new experiences.
-J being good at picking out food for me when i don't know what to order or what i'd like
-doing a few pieces of laundry last night at J's place
-J being nurse like and letting him see my rash and him putting lidocaine patches on me
-acyclovir antiviral for healing my condition i'm dealing with right and making some improvement on how the rash looks and feels
-talking to J and him agreeing to give me money to hold my pawn shop items that is due in a day or so. Him venmo-ing me the money today for it
-having big beautiful eyes and a great eye color. Having eyes that make me look young and doll like
-my sense of style and my cute outfit i wore today the oat colored top and trousers with my silver rain boots and bomber jacket.
-my marc jacobs bag
-my silver rain boots
-reassurances from life
-prayer and affirming
-staying strong
-forgiveness
-music
-how good the sun felt on my skin today. It was so relaxing.
-having nice lips
-being told i have nice eyebrows recently
-getting complimented on a certain sexual thing of me that felt affirming. I joked can i save that text as a testimonial
-being told by someone i was their first crush in the city i'm in when they moved here
-ordering a gray cover up spray, finally because it's getting ridiculous and making me so insecure. I can look relatively young but then that's going to make it not seem like that even if people in their 20's have that happen
-getting a lot of style and fashion inspiration the other day for where i want to go with my style aesthetic and upgrading my wardrobe
-the humidifier in the bathroom making the air better
-red light therapy really doing wonders for my skin
-positive affirmations
-having nice weather lately
-taking things one day at a time to rebuild, and build. It's hard but it's making me a little more present
-predisone making me feel really nice and a happy boost a few times the last week and for helping my pain and inflamation
-having ravioli for dinner and that it only cost 3 something for a bag
-how good prego sauce is
-laughing and humor and funny things
-doing some yoga and a good heart chakra pose and how good that felt
-working on my solar plexus chakra
-being able to provide for my cats and take care of them and get them cat treats today to help with the food anxiety issues and just because. It sounds silly or like a little thing but i was thinking about how i've been taking care of them on my own. My first adult cats that are house cats, completely my responsibility, no one helping. I've had childhood cats, feral cats but these are my first on my own cats and i think i'm doing pretty good and that makes me feel good
-makeup
-my femininity
-my child like side
-showering
-cleaning wipes
-baby wipes
-cleaning some of the floor by the mirror yesterday. There was so much dirt that had gotten over there. i'm glad i took care of it
-sleep
-cuddling with my cats
-seeing my cats cuddling with each other and them being by me and how cute it is, and how much of a family we are
-the love in my heart and my determination to reach something i need to that feels tricky and has made me feel frozen in a lot of ways the trauma of it, but the love in my heart i'm determined and praying and affirming
-manifesting almost $400. I called about a rewards card from my insurance seeing how i could get it to work knowing i'd need a new one that mine was an old one and invalid and expecting to maybe get $25 on it or something that is able to be used at walgreens. Well, actually i have a balance of almost $400 somehow and she said she would send me a new card since the one that had been sent out didn't come to the address i get most of my mail at. And it can be used mostly anywhere on most things not just walgreens. This was super cool
-manifesting a last minute job for this week that pays well and will really help me out
-blankets
-doing a burning sage then breaks all incense ritual where i did my kali mantra then after some mirror affirmations
-having standards
-being in touch with my feelings
-walking
-my step tracker app
-doing creative writing and how helpful that is
-working on my correcting my charge
-getting comfortable with wearing slightly less clothing/layers as my body has trimmed down and it's time to accept myself more and go with it as i work more and more on getting where i want to be
-opening a new bank account
-drinking more water
-my pink sculptural table
-new experiences
-trying to have compassion for myself
-the medications i take to help me do life
-the awesome, fun, great experiences i've had in life
-entertainment
-sitting on the porch and walking with ex J. Through the cool alleys in his neighborhood to get our food and stuff was fun.
-my laptop
-having a phone
-flowers and seeing them blooming outside
-my watermelon aha bha acid toner
-my skin being less dry and healing from that
-doing my follow up doctor appointment today
-my blue glitter water ring
-learning
-being smart
-being resourceful
-reflection
-having self awareness
-positive audios i listen to while walking
-getting a lint brush finally today
-art

[buttercup]

A lot has gone down since my last post. Apparently J was robbed. Texted me the next morning his place was robbed and his cat was missing. Accused me of being involved 5 times which is insane. It really changed the dynamics with us again. One being we are speaking again, and me seeing how hurt he was or distraught broke my heart. Ever since too i've been more jumpy about the incident. It's like we are trauma bonding at this point. It got us back to speaking again though, just not in a way i'd ever want. We are now civil with each other and it's like what happened broke down the barriers that kept us from talking, mine being that after how he treated me i felt so hurt, how could he type stuff i can't just let him in again type stuff but this wasn't like that, it was crazy outside circumstances that broke through that because the other stuff didnt matter. Again, this weird thing as upsetting as it is almost seemed fated to happen to bring us together because why me that seen the weird guy when i never see him outside really or anyone relating to him, then that. And then but a day or two later, a fire truck and ambulance drove by in front of my place and two of them asked if it was for me. I said not this time. Then, like in such a surreal this can't be real am i a movie moment it drove further up and then turned to front of J's place. I was very nervous and watching. I didn't think I seen him but a younger looking guy talking to the paramedics. It's all a blur now but then someone going into something and i think being put on a stretcher and the fire truck that was in front of his house going off kind of quick and seeing what looked like a stretcher with a body on it like a dead body. I tried seeing who the kid was and observing and trying to hear but then realizing that what the body on a firetruck means i went inside quickly. I thought he was dead. With everything that had just happened and then this. I was so scared. I texted him several times. Called him and left a vm. Tried going out on the backporch a little to see if i could see something that might give me a clue but i dont even know what that would be. I then went on instagram and messaged him where are you.I even messaged a friend of his i seen in his list last summer from 2 of my profiles, i even said i loved him in one of the messages to his friend. I was crying so hard and so scared. Then J responded. I was freaking out still telling him what happened and that i'm sorry. He wasn't mad and now the other day he wants to see me.I just know all of this is a turn of events really, but especially that i told his friend i love him. So, yeah that' been the last week including dealing with getting my life a little more afloat and back to normal and dealing with shingles pain, etc.
-I'm grateful J is alive. The fear i felt. It was awful. I was just so scared so i'm grateful he's alive.
-that i know i did the best thing with what I had and knew with the robbing incident and I think J agrees. He wouldnt have wanted me to call the police from what it sounds like. I mean, he wasn't going to go the police so i can only assume that based on that but even if not i did the best i could with what i knew of him and the incident going on.
-seeing J again as a twin to me. Seeing him mirror me in ways with things he does like the bizarre accusations. I just tried to be patient and show him love.
-that J and i are speaking again
-that again with the ambulance incident i did the best i could with what i knew and my own natural subconscious responses.
-that I think, i have a feeling that the ambulance incident brought us closer together like it maybe changed something in him seeing how much i cared and that i cried for him and all that and told his friend i love him. At first i thought it meant nothing to him probably and maybe he was weirded out or annoyed or that he just doesn't care about me and i need to let it go, yes be there for him but get him out of my head. I've been feeling his energy on me a lot ever since and he asked me to hang out the other day. I think he's happy i contacted him on instagram. I think he was really upset when i first unfollowed him and then when i later recently blocked him so me messaging him there as silly as it is, i think he likes that. It was even the first place he responded to me. Maybe this will change the dynamics with us finally. Maybe seeing my acceptance and genuine care through all this and that i love him did something more than i know
-that J wants to hang out again
-pain from shingles going away more but it's still there
-the rash from shingles being faded a lot now
-proving the haters wrong
-working last week an event that will bring me half my rent money
-finishing my reasonable accomodation letter and being ready to send it first thing early a.m
-manifesting almost $400 on a giftcard that arrived yesterday
-the really nice guy who seen me crying and got someone for me and kept an eye on me asking if i'm ok. Because of him, i made sure i went to my job. I was so anxious i considered walking away but he brought out one of the bosses who was very nice and encouraging to me and made me feel like i could do this. She said i'm already ahead of the game, i'm gorgeous. She was very motivating and i was able to walk in and do my job.
-free lunch and dinner at my job
-being able to feel that feel good feeling of being productive and doing something good
-learning new route and more with directions when ex J had me meet him about 5 blocks past my job and it ended up being a little bit of a puzzle, could i do it but i felt safe knowing he was going to find me if i got lost and surely enough i found where i had to go which felt really exciting.
-getting some sun and how good that's been for me
-spending a little time in the outdoors just from walking outside to get to J, or my walks and so on
-getting the gray tank top i ordered in the mail
-getting the gray coverup spray and how much it's boosted my confidence covering up the grays that sprout up
-making my pawn shop payment i had to make
-getting asked out a lot
-ordering myself the cute ballerina sneakers i wanted since i deserve a treat
-getting closer on my walk by midway airport to marion's to practice overcoming the fear, getting the endurance i want, and working up my plan for the first thing i'll do regarding the cats. I'm almost halfway now. The walks are relaxing but i will have to do them earlier now that i'm getting further into the distance for safety.
-music
-my skin healing and finally starting to just be more hydrated and looking nice with the aloe vera, the watermelon and aha bha acid toner i use that hydrates my skin and the red light therapy etc.
-my watermelon glow hydrating toner. Never heard of a toner that hydrates but this one does and seems to be doing really nice things for my skin
-how cute my cats are
-having patience with my cats
-savoring the moment with my cats
-getting my cats more treats
-thinking about what new cat toy i could get them
-actually being in a good mood yesterday thinking about what i manifested:J wants to see me and almost feels like a start fresh energy, getting my pawn shop loan payment to hold for another month paid, the weather being beautiful, the gray coverup spray working so my confidence lifted and the gift card with almost $400. It made me feel like everything is going to be ok. Abundance is here. I can have what i want and heal what's happened in march and april
-that ever since the ambulance incident, i feel J's energy again a lot. It makes me feel weird mixed feelings because it means the disconnect was likely he shut off from me and that hurts Like, eff me and just detached. But, i feel it again like i did before things got weird in march.
-coffee cakes
-the rain we've had a few times recently and how peaceful it sounds
-the smell of fresh cut grass
-night skies
-sunshine
-the beautful sunsets we've been having
-aloe vera gel for doing an amazing job helping my skin
-how hydrated my skin gets from red light wand
-prednisone helping me feel better
-my femininity
-getting an idea more of where i want my style and look to go for the next year or so
-how smart i am to come up with the reasonable accomodation by having the idea, doing the research, finding a reasonable accomodation letter template and then filling it in and altering parts that made sense for my state's code since it was using a law citation from california so i had to look up my city's
-seeing another thing i forgot about before in research that protects with reasonable accomodation
-being smart
-my hair feeling nice and healthier lately
-trying to drink more water
-raviolis from the dollar store and how good they are and only about $3 a bag
-beautiful things
-positive affirmations
-prayer
-sleep
-my accomplishments and the cool things i've done that have given me a high status image
-sleep
-candy
-super sour gushers
-inspirational videos
-having desires
-feeling wanted
-having a good heart
-all these ideas i have for things to do and ways to make my life better
-yoga
-walking
-physical exercise
-doing some crunches today
-cleaning out the freezer
-becoming healthier and more self sufficient and slowly rebuilding what fell apart, it's very slow, but i'm hoping it'll pick up the speed soon. Right now i'm just starting to get afloat.
-inspirational videos
-funny videos
-laughing
-having beautiful young looking eyes
-clorox wipes
-cleaning
-having great fashion sense
-having a beautiful feminine face
-having a lot of work booked for the month
-the silly but cute things p cat does
-having a kind heart
-healthy digestion
-growing as a person
-embracing what is
-having good morals
-baby wipes
-the air in the bathroom feeling better since i started humidfying it. Still think it's insane the air here is so dry, i can FEEL it
-the desire to get back to creative pursuits and be driven and ambitious again
-inspiration
-standing up for myself
-new experiences
-people who are friendly to me
-seeing i have a vitamin d refill left that i never filled so requesting it
-trying new restaurants with ex J
-ex J giving me money to hold my items for another month
-ex J giving me money to uber the other day and to have more on my venmo because there's fees to withdraw and a little extra he gave me
-hoodies
-having a few shorts i can wear here
-feeling more confident in my ability to request abundance and certain lovers to me

[buttercup]

-chocolate cake
-that after the awful landlord ignored my request and expected me to fail, I was able to give him the rent.
-that I manifested $930 from my ex,830 for rent and 100 for fees and things I needed that same week. I'm getting better and better at manifesting money & manifesting money from a guy.
-that at least I don't have to worry sbout my may rent now
-that what the landlord did actually got me to have less debt now until I'm closer to being clear from all I got behind on since late March, first days of April
-that what the landlord did is 100% blatantly illegal for several reasons and it just gives me more of a chance in being awarded money
-sleep
-all the work I have booked for this week
-my new clients
-all the money I'm expected to earn this month
-losing the prednisone weight, weight is off 8 lbs now since the firs doctor appt being diagnosed with shingles. Face looking less puffy and doctor saying that it does
-that I keep losing weight and how much more attractive I'm looking. My arms looking slimmer, stomach, face.
-that I feel like I'm feeling getting my attractiveness back and how great it feels
-walking
-being about half way mark to m's place
-prayer
-getting Crows feet botox the other day
-the shingles pain being mostly gone
-my skin dryness healing and my skin becoming even kind of glow, from thr sun as well
-sunshine
-nightskies
-red light therapy
-art
-new experiences
-newness
-having a vision and plan for the base of what I need to do and accomplish to heal my life and get to the next level and fix things and create change.
-the lidocaine patches seeming to work and help now
-clorox wipes
-baby wipes
-cleaning the kitchen of the cat shut
-neighbor j's cat being back
-my cats
-neighbor J still saying something to me and talking to me after I basically trashed him after I seen his cat outside and wondering what in the world and assumed the worst. But now I haven't been getting responses and seen his cat another two times and am still very confused since I either didn't get or missed a response about why is his cat outside
-putting food out and water for the cat just in case the last 2 days
-that at least neighbor j didn't lie about having a cat
-beta blockers
-music
-makeup
-my beauty
-being smart
-the high end things I've had and luxe touches in my life that make me seem kind of "fancy."
-that I should be able to get my items out of one of the shops next time the next payment is due and what a relief that will be and how much more I'll appreciate them
-physical exercise. Toning work, squats, ab work, dumbbells for upper body
-how beautiful and sexy and child like my eyes are
-trying the lavender latte I wanted to try from Starbucks
-free movies on YouTube
-finding a four leaf clover the other day
-Italian ice
-getting blood work done to see what I need to remedy and referrals for 2 other specialists
-buying lavender balm while checking out the glossier store
-sweaters
-humor and comedy videos. Laughing
-getting my ballet inspired sneakers I wanted
-feeling like im considered a very attractive person
-my strength
-listening to positive audios while on walks
-greenery
-my burberry sunglasses
-that I should be able to save on food card money for a few days to a week or so from the jobs I have coming up that will have free food
-water
-showering
-ordering more zinc vitamins supplement
-feeling like im slowly but surely getting my groove back and how great that feels. I feel like a different person, like hints of the old me coming back. The empowerment and my desires and radiance.
taking a route super far north that required a train line I'm unfamiliar with and was 2 trains and accomplishing that new progress with directions and feeling pretty calm the whole time
-proving all these things self suffiency wise and so on that I can pull off and becoming better, faster, stronger
-band aids
-my desires
-Peaceful sounds at night such as crickets chirping, thunderstorms etc
-having a kind heart
-caffeine
-clean clothes
-my older ex J helping me with what he has these last 3 weeks or so
-getting better at asking for what I need
-colors
-style
-my accomplishments
-cuteness
-how much my cats love each other
-my youthfulness

[buttercup]

-b cat being healthy again
-singing affirmations while b cat was sick to get him better
-trying to do the right thing
-my ex getting me red roses
-my ex making me ginger tea when my stomach hurt and making us dinner the other night
-my venmo-ing me money for cat food and transportation funds for the next 5 or so days i was to be working
-being able to work a really cool event that's kimc of been on my bucket list and is a really good experience
-trying so many delicious foods and drink at my event the first day and the cool culinary experience of all the different tastes
-a work acquaintance I hadn't seen in awhile walking up to me with a friend and saying hello beautiful. It caught me off guard and I almost blushed I think. I don't think he's ever talked to me like that before. My friend said it must be my glow up. My weight is down a good amount since I last seen him. It was flattering
-learning new things about being a business
-clean clothes
-getting free things to take home from the event
-my other client I have a lot of work for coming up
-my skin being much healthier and hydrated looking and tracking back when some of this dryness must've started and even looking at pale lips when it may have started as well and being on a mission to get my skin very glowy and my lips having some color
-red light therapy
-sunshine
-how glowy my skin looks after spending time im the sun and how good the sun is for mood, bones, weight loss and so much more.it is so healing
-all the walking I've been doing lately and getting a lot of steps on my step meter
-sleep
-having big beautiful baby doll eyes
-music
-my body being more toned
-capri pants
-makeup
-eyeliner
-self compassion and forgiveness for self
-being half way or more to M's house
-air conditioning
-humidifiers for making the air feel better
-learning something new from water and absorption from the person who works for a hydration supplement company
-moisturizers
-ordering sunblock because I've been spending enough time outside its time. I chose a cica one to soothe my skin as well
-ordering more gin gins
-baby wipes
-cleaning wipes
-cozy socks
-showering
-my gray cover up spray and how much it's increased my confidence using it
-earning money
-nightskies
-the zinc supplement I ordered because it's so important
-vitamin waters
-inspiration
-my silver boots
-my sense of style
-appreciation for my cats and learning increased patience
-remembering how much water I used to drunk and that it should be easy to do it again.
-my happy things I've had before
-talking to storage unit manager about my next payment
-becoming more back to myself
-trying to let go of J neighbor as hard as it is with processing what all that meant and how much of a twin he seems like to me. It feels so painful being left out of knowing so much when you feel such a connection to someone. To feel a connection and like you should be more connected yet not know so many things. It makes me feel crazy too like it's just a crazy crush and what if I'm insane thinking he must feel it too. It's been over a week now since I've heard from him and I'm still feeding his cat or someone is eating the food. After we started talking again he wanted to see me and I thought we might return to normal then that didn't happen, ever since the cat thing I guess
-physical exercise
-my beauty
-getting a lot more attention and asked out again lately
-getting ubered to work because I had all the stuff and a ride home because I was ended early after one of the other people on the team drove me to check if I forgot something for the display
-going for a nice long walk after my shift ended early and buying myself starbucks so I could try the lavender Frappuccino and I got a cake pop too and just chilled in the hotel lounge and relaxed for a bit since that Starbucks is in a hotel
-my dad cash-apping me money the other day
-somehow making everything work with all the insane hurdles thrown at me and lack of security. I'm becoming better, faster, stronger for sure
-getting ubered to work the 2nd day because I had more stuff sent to me and then surprised by my boss saying she'll call me an uber after my shift on day 2.
-my boss saying she'll reimburse $30 for lunch and I didn't but lunch so that's an extra hour tacked on my check
-having a caring and empathetic heart that's considerate
-my arms being slimmer
-my stomach getting flatter
-knowing my plan is to fix the foundation of my life and my ideas on how ill do that
-drinking water
-spending some time with my cats on the porch to give them some outside time
-adderall since it really seems to have some positive effect on me
-blankets
-fixing the issue with my bank so I can use it now
-having great cheekbones
-my shingles pain being mostly gone as well as the itchiness
-listening to really great positivity audios
-prayer
-looking much younger than my age
-my ambition increasing
-ideas I have
-coming into realizing I have something to offer the world
-acceptance for myself
-having nice lips
-Peaceful sounds such as birds chirping, crickets, etc
-flowers
-bringing my cats over to my exs house which was s new experience and kind of interesting
-my cats having fun
-my times when i sit on my front stoop for some peaceful contemplation and meditativeness
-having goals
-becoming better at asserting myself
-knowing I'm a star and that im divinely protected
-asserting myself and communicating
-free movies on YouTube

[buttercup]

-listening to heart chakra music to balance my heart chakra
-getting paid one day after the restaurant show
-having my rent
-paying my storage unit
-being able to experience the restaurant show which has been on my list of things I wanted for awhile
ordering pizza last night
-getting my eyebrows threaded
-my wisdom
-that maybe it wasn't personal my boss cut half my shift and then my jobs for the rest of the month. The other girl that wasn't scheduled wasn't there and the booth was small
-seeing my teddy bear hair brush I bought twice before being sold again and for less than 3 dollars so ordering one
-all the amazing foods and drinks and varieties of them I got to try at the show. Being sble to check out all the cool vendors I did.
-drinking water
-showering
-that im prescribed adderall, something I was working on for awhile
-getting paid for my full time even though I only worked half of it at the show
-summer dresses on sale last night at the boutique I seen the hairbrush at and ordering one I liked that looked like my style
-all the freebies I got from the restaurant show like samples and product and keychains etc
-makeup
-getting a ride to and from the restaurant show the first 2 days covered by the client so I didn't have to take public transportation
-standing up for and asserting myself when the client started cutting me even more which then ensured I still got paid fully
-running into work people I know and exchanging hellos at the restaurant show
-mobile photo editing apps
-realizing yesterday neighbor J must know I said I love him which really changes things. There's nothing I need do now really to reassure him
-sunshine
-music
-doing some writing the other day to get clarity
-knowing what I want
-sleep
-not seeing J's cat for over a week now or food eaten for over 3 days which makes me think the cat is back in his hands and good now and I don't need to worry
-my sense of style
-my therapist and nami both telling me it sounds like I really jumped to conclusions about his cat and that it sounds like the food was out just to get the cat back or if the cat came back and I just happened to see the cat
-doing therapy the other day
-wearing my Givenchy sneakers the other day to work to feel kind of fancy and more confident
-the weight I lost and how much slimmer my arms look and better my clothes are fitting
-walking with just a tank top and pants twice or so the last week and feeling confident enough to do do
-gently shifting my mindset to a more abundant & prosperous one
-cleaning wipes and cleaning parts of the floors
-starting to organize and clear some of the stuff around my bed
-remembering random things that cost kind of a bit and how did I do that then when I was so broke that I can manifest certain things now with more ease than I think, its all literally manifesting and belief
-baby wipes
-free movies on YouTube
-my cats feeling relaxed now that they're kibble arrived
-how cute my cats are
-touching base with one of my work people for upcoming jobs I have which made me feel better
-sunsets
-air conditioning but also not needing it that much so far this year
-kind people
-being a kind person
-trying new things
-having natural beauty
-nightskies
-all the navigating I've learned in the last few weeks
-moisturizers and humidifiers
-my empathy
-utilizing creativity and being a creative person
-ideas
-nightskies
-flowers
-fun and magical life moments that make being alive worth it
-stretching