GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-confirming a job for primary career. haven't done a job like this in years and i think it'll be good with my plans i have.
-agency from winter who gave me a lot of work giving me a ton of jobs for april and how nice it'll be that from im going to be very busy with paid stuff until may
-T kitten
-compassion for self
-finishing my book letting go of shame that i had been reading.
-a wonderful,affirming serendipity today! I went out to back porch and seen a tiger striped cat that i was sure wasn't dad cat,as this cat was definitely smaller and then i noticed also much less afraid. I got excited thinking was this S kitten(she looks just like dad cat). It was a cat that had some white on him,and he was a boy so it wasn't S kitten. I think he was a stray since he meowed at me,and even let me pet him. But,to me this experience happened for me. As a sign that S kitten will be back. I've had many things like this happen before,where a similar or more minor version will happen and then shortly after the ACTUAL thing will manifest. It just kind of felt sign-like as well. The cat didn't even stay long,he ate a bit of the food i put out for him,and then went on his way. Shortly after,i was on instagram and seen a photo of someone with a logo outfit saying "womb mates." That's the nickname I used to give T kitten and S kitten...Maybe that part was me thinking too much into things,but even still,so interesting life is. I also think the cat coming was an experience echoing what a friend had said in messages to me the other day...that there will be times when you will be there for others,and times when others will be there for you..when she had said that it felt profound and seeing the cat today got me thinking of how naturally,i fed the cat and pet it and was going to find a way to offer it some warmth and started thinking ok,how will we help this kitty...and someone could've very likely had done and is doing the same when they seen S kitten...i found myself getting very excited almost like..electrified about the possibilities.
-sweaters
-being appreciated
-feeling wanted.
-pindi chana kitchens of india food. this flavor has the perfect amount of spice i like and is so good. i had it with some slices of french bread.
-having an amazing realization..unfolding of hmm,maybe THIS is why THAT happened before bed last night..So,I had always said i don't think i need an anti-depressant. I even got mad and didn't know why at something someone had said thinking i need something for my intrusive thoughts and feeling jealous they got something i thought was something i heard was good for that. I threw away the new med i was supposed to be trying and so was on NO antidepressant. The other day,i had noticed gosh,my intrusive thoughts have been much worse. I also acknowledged I have an eating disorder. The psychiatrist looked as if he was laughing at me as I was trying to tell him what i wrote in my notes(before this realization). So,maybe he was seeing something i hadn't yet? Just before bed,it clicked in me..my intrusive thoughts got worse...after I threw out what was supposed to be my antidepressant...I got mad because I wanted to be on anti-depressant for OCD. I had been resistant that being on an antidepressant was something i needed. Well,i realized,for me,it IS something I need...not for depression but FOR my intrusive thoughts..it HAD been helping my OCD. So,I finally realized an antidepressant is for me,and for what i believe is "intrusive thoughts." Ever since this realization I cannot WAIT to pick up my rx. My mind has been out of control and i didnt know why. He also switched my rx when i told him what i said to what i think is a good one for intrusive thoughts,though at this point the main theme for me i do need to be on antidepressant,i do need that extra help,but for the intrusive thoughts aspect of it. I had gone of for months saying depression can be healed naturally,blah,blah,blah not thinking i really needed an antidepressant until i finally understood that's what is prescribed for OCD. I think part of me since therapy had been obsessed with labels and trying to self heal myself since i don't trust doctors. even that's part of my control freak side..
-listening to some root chakras and thetas music playlist
-music
-art
-creativity
-fun
-creative expression and expressing myself
-becoming more confident
-yoga stretches
-cleaning the litter box
-cleaning out my beauty products drawer
-how much it's easier it's become to manifest paying jobs with ease
-all the job offers that have been coming in and getting better at allowing it in
-relaxation
-sweet soda
-craving soda less now that i've been on my new plan of naturally detoxing and cutting back on it
-la croix
-emojis
-pictures
-posting some new pictures of mine online
-curation
-twitter
-instagram
-newness and reinvention
-sending more emails out
-reassuring myself with all the mind-wandering that keeps popping up
-laughing at life
-beauty
-my eyes
-my eyebrows
-being smart
-how great my stomach is becoming
-candy
-cuteness
-my phone
-coffee
-my uniqueness
-my taste in things
-my goals and desires
-learning
-reflection
-TV episodes online
-style
-ideas
-kindness
-my beauty
-having a nice body

[buttercup]

-deep cleansing breathes
-stretching
-water
-art
-creativity
-inspiration
-style
-meditating today
-french fries
-finding out by checking my account,that M had transferred some money in it yesterday
-all the job's ive been confirming
-prayer
-realizing it's probably the meds that is why i've felt like crap the last few days. And,learning I do need to be on antidepressant for my OCD.
-the internet
-coffee
-so many lately wanting to accomodate me and meet closer to me and even give me a ride when i have to meet up
-my goals and desires
-laughing
-pinterest
-facebook
-myspace
-twitter
-instagram
-newness
-reinvention
-fashion
-weather being unexpectedly warmer then i thought and a lot of snow melting
-enjoying an savoring the night air for a couple minutes
-my body losing weight

[buttercup]

still feel like there's a dark cloud over me and my body has felt weak and sore and my head feels so heavy.i think ive had like 2 mini panic attacks in my sleep and once in the car on my way home. I really do need to listen the doctors a little more. Both times i tried to get off a different type med or take extra,it was always a bad mistake. im' just taking it easy the next few days and being easy on myself.
-yoga
-doing my job today
-being easy on myself. Had another bdd episode that to me,to be able to work through it is hard. I think it plays a key part in why I didn't do more,sometimes. Intrusive thoughts are such an energy sucker. I used to take showers like 5 times a day sometimes just because my energy lowered and now it's more naps. At least now I know what my main issue is.
-T kitten for making me laugh
-person i worked with bringing us some water which is great because then i was able to take my pills which quieted things a little and took my headache away.
-coffee
-fashion and style. i've been so fashion obsessed lately.
-seeing how much H kitten has opened up. He still gets very nervous and doesn' like to be picked up but he walks right in the house sometimes,lets me rub his stomach,and walks me to the door to show me he wants back out now.
-hearing news that another person,a neighbor 4 houses down saying she's seen our outdoor cats and that they come in her yard sometimes and she feeds them,too.
-my cheetah print cardigan
-finding new inspirations
-reinvention
-makeup
-another day without soda.
-heels
-meeting my goals and manifesting my desires.
-scalp message
-ordering myelf a teddy bear hairbrush that was super cute
-partner at job today picking up the kit and dropping it off which saved me a trip
-how nice it felt to sit outside a for a couple minutes and enjoy the nightskies
-water
-la croix

[buttercup]

been taking it easy since i havent been feeling so good. My head has felt heavy,my body week and my mind just so overwhelmed from the intrusive thoughts. I feel very stressed by it and like there is a dark cloud over me. I'm never throwing out my antidepressants again.
-entertainment
-beauty
-going to whole foods today
-winning and getting what i want
-unique beauty
-scalp massage
-going to look for s kitten today and posting more flyers
-yoga
-creative expression
-my phone
-pictures
-nightskies
-sweaters
-T kitten and how cute he is and how he always makes me laugh
-listening to the sound of water
-hot guys
-eye stretches
-feeling more and more rerooted back to myself
-getting a dentist appointment
-gong outside last night and seeing T kitten sleeping with mom cat. So adorable and love to see her bonding with them,especially since she is always wacking all her children.
-newness and positive changes
-all the upcoming jobs,meetings,etc
-deep cleansing breaths
-chlorophyll
-gin gins
-my beauty products
-that i almost can finally get the face cream i've had on mind for awhile now
-being smart
-being creative
-pinterest
-oneness
-starting to find cola kind of gross tasting now
-quiet
-W cat letting me hold. He is such a cuddle bug
-waking up early today
-having nice eyes
-being able to see
-having nice hair
-being able to work in the industries i do
-colors
-laughing
-talent
-freedom
-one of my exes agreeing to see me.
-coffee
-water
-culture
-my goals and desires

[buttercup]

I cannot even believe i used to feel like this on a regular basis. My intrusive thoughts have been out of control. I ended up not going to my class the other day and today pretty much stayed in bed all day and slept a lot. It just sucks the life out of me and i feel like i want to lay low until it's over.The good thing is i got off one of my meds that i feared going off of because i thought i needed it to sleep,and ive managed to sleep fine,maybe even better as i'm dreaming a lot less(thank god) and waking up without as much of a struggle. I also just feel a little more like me again,so i think it's good i stay off this med,it's just a matter of getting the anti depressant right as so far the paxil isn't doing anything for me but making me depressed. im just unbelievably stressed.
-sleep and sleeping fine without the quetiapine
-sweaters
-orange juice
-coffee
-going to my dentist appointment today
-finding out my insurance does cover the surgery i need
-still meeting my cut down on soda goals. didnt drink any today and felt fine. however,la croix nicola flavor is not so good so i wont be getting that one again
-la croix
-cats. T kitten sleeping with me.We have such a strong bond. H cat sleeping with us too for part of the time. Technically H cat is still a kitten too. He is from the 2nd litter.
-blankets
-yoga.i did ten minutes before starting this and it did help me a little bit to calm my mind
-ex A and i speaking to each other again.
-self compassion
-art
-humor
-creativity
-all the money to be coming in soon
-breaks
-the internet
-cool people
-inspiration

[lord.of.the.now]

gratitude enhances the freedom you already have

Gratitude is the source of abundant abundance - spiritually rich enhancement

I made a oath to god that I will practice gratitude for the rest of my life

[buttercup]

managed to lift myself out of the dark funk i was in a little bit.
-sunshine
-deciding to go to work today if for no other reason to help me get out of my funk and get back to myself a little
-the weather being warmer then i expected today.
-T kitten and how much he loves me
-all the cats that come to our yard and have made it their home.
-chlorophyll
-M buying me a brownie the other day from starbucks
-the new mouthwash i've been using which is supposed to help dry mouth
-deciding that i really dont want or need to be on an antipsychotic after being off it for the last few days and still being able to sleep.
-pants getting looser on me
-my job i have coming up this weekend
-blankets
-sweaters
-rest
-compassion for self
-yoga
-TV episodes online
-deep cleansing breaths
-sitting with myself for a little bit and sorting out my intrusive thoughts which was what really helped lift my mood
-kind people
-nightskies
-my beauty products
-dreaming less ever since stopping quetiapine. so nice.
-manifesting my desires
-seeing G at yoga studio. was very weird since i hadnt seen him in months.i was completely over him though at this point and didnt feel anything about it
-getting a ride to work
-seeing the joy/amusement in life.i had to go to laundromat because washing machine is broke and the laundromat was always one of those weird ones that stood out,and going in i couldn't help but be amused.i felt like i was in another country. the whole setup was so bright and colorful it reminded me of being in japan or tokyo. it was very interesting.
-becoming more confident and competant
-uber
-nonconformity
-my new teddy bear hairbrush

[buttercup]

funny how i start to get myself out of my funk just a little bit,and someone starts giving me ---- That threw me off all last night and today. on top of that,just minutes ago,i found out breaking news that is huge that i know ex's parents arent going to be happy about,at all. seeing what i seen made me feel a weird mix of smug amusement and sad for my ex. apparently...his gf is pregnant. i can just imagine him freaking out right now. I warned him so much about how she is. hopefully it is wrong or a false alarm,i guess.
-sleep. it's all i've wanted to do all week. I've slept like 20 hours a day some days,it feels like.
-my new hair color
-doing a job for primary career and how good that feels in some ways,though in other ways i feel too old for it,not in looks but in years that have passed on since the last time i did a job like that.
-making it to work on time today,even though i woke up super late and almost was late,i ended up perfectly on time.
-having model looks
-compliments
-T kitten and how happy he makes me
-bringing T kitten in even for only 5 minutes today which helped me feel a lot better
-creativity
-love
-self reassurance with my ocd thoughts
-all the walking i did the past days. good natural exercise.
-kind people
-cucumber water. seems to be a theme with hair jobs lately. i've grown to like the taste,though i don't like cucumbers.
-my heart's desires and goals
-getting the vouchers printed tonight
-that it's spring time
-that T kitten has been wanting to spend more time outside anyways
-beauty in life
-pronoia

[buttercup]

-seeing the good in the bad
-sleep
-feeling slightly more normal today
-bringing T kitten in room even just for a little bit and how good that feels
-being smart
-seeing the universe bend to what i want and what i am going through via the law of attraction and how interesting it is. for example,seeing someone i know mentioning raising an outdoor cat they adopted from a shelter
-being done with the job i started last saturday
-how good it feels to do those jobs again from primary career
-having new hair
-being appreciated
-the goody bag i got filled with so many hair products
-stretches
-art
-style
-design
-creativity
-T kitten sitting on my lap on the porch earlier
-seeing my unique features becoming more mainstream and accepted.
-seeing old mental blocks being gone now
-having a large chest. im in shock when i see pictures of myself
-clients liking my look
-twitter
-the hummus on the last day of my last job
-putting a litter box outside for T kitten
-going looking for S kitten today
-seeing ANOTHER tiger striped kitten that looked like it'd be about S kitten's size run out of the yard and W cat following the kitten which was odd. Idk if it was the same tiger striped cat from a week ago or what but it definitely seemed like signs.
-nightskies
-feeling T kitten was nice and warm when he came up to me one of the times yesterday. I think he was in one of the shelters that the shelter gave us that we had inside the scaffold shelter
-seeing some materials available to purchase to leaflet about a cause i am passionate about,including something in spanish which is perfect so i ordered it.
-realizing before i didn't use to feel like i give enough and now these days i do feel like my giving side is more balanced which is nice

[buttercup]

-chlorophyll
-coffee
-popsicles
-water
-some cuddle time with T kitten
-all the funny things T kitten does that makes me laugh and that all the cats do
-dental floss
-clorox wipes
-nightskies
-reflection
-catching up on emails and calls a little bit
-creativity
-positive possibilties
-remembering bliss
-fashion
-art
-working in a creative industry
-the fields i work in
-cuteness
-beauty
-inspiration
-smiling
-stomach getting flatter
-deep cleansing breaths
-meds to take when i feel my moods waning
-yoga stretches
-deep cleansing breaths
-gently allowing wellbeing and positivity back in
-the cat houses outside
-the weather getting nicer
-talent
-orange flavorings
-happy memories
-having lived a lot of cool experiences
-my heart chakra spray

[buttercup]

slept all day and missed everything i had to do today.

-chlorophyll
-having one of those moments where i realized i need to make more decisions. something last night just triggered me to ask myself what decisions have i made lately.
-having a strange feeling of almost bliss this morning when everything went wrong,feeling memories of things manifested that i desired and presence for things that made me happy,and that even if certain things happened like losing my job at the yoga studio,everything would be ok,and feeling an enjoyment of quiet and possibility. it's made me realize i really need to embrace quiet more and getaway and do some kind of retreat or break.
-having a kind heart
-compassion for self
-sleep
-talent
-art
-creativity
-goals
-entertainment
-my weight going down naturally.
-sweaters
-T kitten
-my outdoor cats
-positivity
-having pizza without cheese and fries for dinner
-my beauty products
-doing a no soda day with ease yesterday. didn't even have lacroix
-orange flavorings
-sweet soda i had today
-the cat houses outside being warm for my cats
-the happy possibilties of summer
-hope
-yoga pants
-whenever i see T kitten happy and playing
-ideas

[buttercup]

-getting a little lifted out of my depressive funk
-getting that time of the month
-healthy digestion
-midol
-fashion
-being done with out of the house jobs for a few days
-sweaters
-the internet
-sweet soda
-naps
-seeing P kitten after getting worried from not seeing her yet today or last night
-makeup
-music
-silence seeming to be broken between me and M,though she did say things to me twice in the last week
-deep cleansing breaths
-intense wanderlust especially towards being in southern california
-happy thoughts and my mind wandering towards happy daydreams a few times the last few days
-water
-that it's springtime
-positive inner knowings
-sunshine
-warmer weather
-seeing T kitten doing well and being happy
-stretches
-getting the 2nd drawer cleaned and organized after meaning to do it for like two weeks
-sleeping less today
-relaxation
-my hair
-M getting me a brownie from starbucks
-getting more comfortable exploring life
-hearing crime in my city has been down for the last two months
-uber
-inspiration
-T cat's ears starting to look better
-seeing W cat and E cat sitting together on the neighbor's porch chair. those two are like soulmates.
-creativity
-art
-being able to create
-seeing a lot of signs s kitten will be returning
-money coming in
-fun
-remembering fun
-greenery

[buttercup]

-self compassion
-self appreciation
-newness
-positive transformation
-inspiratons
-doing some writing down of my goals,to do-list and wants
-attempting to make calls i needed to get done
-orange flavorings
-confiding
-getting a check in the mail. the first check since january. geez.
-buying the moisturizer i've been wanting to buy for awhile now
-buying the ysl lipstick i've had my eye on and seeing they offer complimentary custom engraving
-entertainment
-inderal
-art
-creativity
-music
-T kitten
-my outdoor cats
-getting another two flyers for T and S out
-sweaters
-fashion
-laying down
-stretches
-connection
-comfort
-nice weather
-H kitten being so cuddly and affectionate these days
-laughter and humor

[buttercup]

been feeling really burned out lately,i realized. today,i lifted myself more and have been feeling more decisive including deciding it's time to leave the yoga studio.
-following creative hunches lately and making decisions. i have had a hunch a few times that the scaffold in yard should be tore down and sure enough today,when tearing it apart,and cleaning it,i seen worms under some of the wet fabrics in there. ugh. i've been having dreams lately about the yoga studio and feeling like it's time to go,and today i finally decided i will. it may be in two weeks,it may be in two months,but the decision is made. i think i was a little sad about it at first.
-waking up a little earlier today
-getting caught up on phone calls today. thank god. been a big subconscious stressor.
-squats
-getting a referral for a gum surgeon from my insurance
-mischief
-having healthy teeth
-whole foods orangeade
-doing a no soda day today
-putting money in my savings and having a new short term savings goal. i've come to realize it's mood boosting putting money aside and having savings goals.
-having self appreciation for my body as is,even with flaws. felt strange yet authentic.
-my style
-sweaters
-newness
-deep cleansing breaths
-nice weather today
-sunshine
-spending more time outside
-having more time to bring T kitten inside
-having nice eyes
-feeling excited about the possibilities i can manifest via the law of attraction
-my stomach looking flat
-my body getting a little stronger again as i start exercising more again
-reflection
-quiet
-finding out R does have a gf and so that must be why he didn't really respond much when i sent him that message a few months back
-coffee
-that i think i actually have a new fashion writer for my business which is super exciting
-the art of allowing
-music
-art
-beauty
-having a nice nourishing meal.i made myself chickpeas curry and bread with himalyan pink salt ghee. was so good to eat something nourishing since i've been eating not so great lately.
-positive changes and transformation
-positive self talk
-connection
-intrigue
-my phone
-updating my linkedin
-clorox wipes
-finding my favorite american apparel ruffled socks that had been missing for a few months

[buttercup]

-M's husband bringing in T kitten in my room yesterday morning
-spending a lot of time cuddling with T kitten yesterday
-pictures
-getting my ysl lipstick in the mail today
-cuteness
-style
-telling my boss my decision on being done with yoga studio and it going well
-my boss suggesting we add each to ig and inviting me to a women's creativity gathering she is hosting later in the month
-self compassion
-sunshine
-TV episodes online
-meds that calm me down and boost my mood
-deep cleansing breaths
-sleep
-having a fashion writer now
-having a fashion article done now for my business which is the first one since my partner left the project
-colors
-being able to see
-being attractive
-getting more work done on an article i'm working on
-water
-getting a journaling session done and how great that felt
-music
-my job at the yoga studio
-smiling and laughing at life. amusement
-pink frosting
-attractive guys
-that the weather is supposed to be nice this weekend
-uber
-feeling like my eyesight may have gotten better in the last months.i just realized i've had the compulsion to put my eyeglasses on a lot less often.
-relaxation
-doing a little reading today
-inspiration
-positive changes

[buttercup]

-orangeade vitamin water drink
-making a little more effort with my job today
-making a little more effort with life
-waking up early
-coffee
-getting a month of prescriptions to last me until my next doctor's appointment at the new place i'm going to try
-my style
-getting my moisturizer i've been wanting in the mail
-spending time with T kitten
-petting cats
-TV episodes online
-sweet soda
-trying to drink more water today
-stretches
-weird little experiences of meeting a girl on uber who had gone through recent breakup and the uber driver who had written a book on heartbreak who gave us her card and the girl wanting to exchange numbers with me.i honestly feel like i have weird experiences like this all the time.i had a feeling the day would be weird early in the day,too.
-sunshine
-nice weather today
-weight going down
-organizing,cleaning,decluttering
-coffee meeting going well yesterday
-the mango smoothie i got yesterday
-the person at coffee meeting also having a missing cat experience with her grandmother's cat and she also had contacted a pet psychic. things like this happen to me all the time.
-deciding to do a little studying for next online computer course tonight
-contacting a few people socially in my phone today
-inspiration
-my prada candy perfume
-another uber fare package i was able to buy for lower then the last price which starts right after my last one ends so perfect timing. now i can uber around worry-free for the next month.
-laughing
-the internet
-the little gray marble print hats i got to match T kitten's fur and putting one on him today again to see how it looks.
-nonconformity
-entertainment
-ab exercises
-makeup artist confirming today for upcoming job
-listening to some root chakra music and theta musics playlist the other day
-colors
-buying some iron vitamins today after remembering that used to be a little help for giving me energy
-friendly people
-goals
-eyes
-seeing H kitten running up to me lately. it's so cute.
-deep cleansing breaths
-newness
-beauty
-mango lacroix
-connection
-learning
-healing

[buttercup]

-beautiful weather today
-sunshine
-nightskies
-deciding to meditate on the front porch at night tonight. i feel safer then i have there in a long time,if ever,which shows overcoming a lot of limiting beliefs about safety. i just let the night skies work on my pineal gland and enjoyed a nice casual meditation session
-not taking inderal today. weaning off that. it makes me too tired at the least. i felt more real today. it took a bit to wake myself up but once i did i could handle my anxieties and keep myself up while at my job
-TV episodes online
-fashion
-my leopard print cardigan
-having a good dream. this rarely ever happens.i was interviewing at a p.r firm and viewing all the offices. we all were supposed to test out each office to see how we liked it there. the dream kept having me go up higher and higher to each office.
-cats
-naps
-sweet soda
-getting a new phone today after phone cracked last night from dropping it very lightly.
-deep cleansing breaths
-friendly people
-allowing myself to have pretty things such as my teddy bear hairbrush,ysl lipstick,prada perfume,etc,etc
-nice design
-intrigue
-having some doritos today
-salt
-making a little effort with my job today and the difference that made. it's been hard with how i've been feeling,weak and apathetic.
-pictures
-colors
-being able to see
-flowers
-chlorophyll
-water
-stretches
-ab exercises
-creative concepts
-art
-the internet
-not having to work tomorrow
-coffee and my out coffee tasting better today
-wearing flip flops today for the first day of the season,and of the year
-feeling like my next travel i have to do is california
-dry mouth mouthwash.i actually find this works well
-california
-remembering the magic of the law of attraction and manifestation of desires
-massage
-relaxation
-pinterest
-emojis
-soothing self talk
-laughing
-my eye color
-helping others
-being smart
-physical exercise

[dontco]

https://i2.wp.com/boomsumo.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/Beautiful-Good-Morning-Quotes-My-Eyes-I-opened-two-gifts.jpg?resize=150%2C150
Wanted to let you know that I replied to your thread on the "Out Of Topic" section :-)
Have a magical day! or- better yet- fill it with the magic of gratitude yourself...

[buttercup]

-being more productive and waking up earlier today. what a mood boost that is.
-hummus
-lemonade
-doing a no soda day today and feeling ready for 3 days a week of it.
-la croix
-laying down
-insurance saying they will preauthorize the gum surgery i need for an out of network provider for me. :)
-the magic of life. i'm trying to feel more connected to it.
-T kitten trying to climb up me this morning when i went out to see him. so cute.
-patience
-coffee
-the interesting selections at the grocery store today,the random ethnic varieties of things they had.
-being able to read
-drinking more water today
-TV episodes online
-playing with "i believe" my favorite affirmation.
-backbends and how strong they make me feel.
-a meetup i might go to this week since it's right after work and near it
-seeing a workshop that seemed interesting that i might go to this month and that it's free
-beauty
-the uber fare package i bought for the month. so nice.
-my new phone
-having an antidepressant i'm on now and feeling like it's helping me to maintain some stability/calm in my mind
-blankets
-nice weather today. it felt so lucid.
-having an exciting,positive knowing feeling last night of feeling like certain areas of life that felt blocked feeling ready to be opened
-the solar plexus/theta musics playlist i'm listening to
-the creative hunch i had for upcoming job to use a fake flower for a prop instead of real,that it actually fits my concept way more...and also will happen to be a lot cheaper too which is nice.
-style
-great design
-calmness
-my body feeling a little stronger from using it a little more
-yoga
-my eyesight
-getting more studying done for computer skill learning course i am on
-deep cleansing breaths
-headphones
-getting table in my room cleaned off and organized
-having a kind heart
-having strong,healthy teeth
-colorful,fun things
-having nice lips
-colors
-creativity
-fashion
-ideas
-twitter
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses case
-instagram
-being able to wear flip flops and letting my feet relax
-realness
-kind people
-my outdoor cats
-creative ideas and creative hunches
-my beauty
-more jobs i was able to apply to today
-patterns
-touch
-being smart

[buttercup]

been feeling a lot of heart chakra pain and frustration lately along with apathy. i think i need to just go out socially.
-sleep
-rest
-ibuprofen
-music
-doing my dishes
-fashion
-pictures
-pinterest
-music
-feeling so creative lately
-my outdoor cats
-being able to see
-softening my perspectives
-healing
-that it's springtime
-doing more studying today
-making a to do list before bed last night
-cleaning my bed and room
-watching TV episodes online
-physical exercise
-starting to feel slight short bursts of excitement lately about life,it's possibilities,and past happy things.i think i'm in a realization phase.
-feeling more like myself since being off antipsychotics. i never want to be on one again.
-getting out of the house for a bit today to pick up prop i needed for upcoming project im doing
-laughing
-looking like a model
-self compassion
-relaxation
-sweet soda
-ashwagandha
-hot guys
-prints
-cuteness
-my sense of style
-those that have appreciated me
-unique beauty
-seeing the law of attraction at work
-compassion
-my vibration rising a little bit lately
-deep cleansing breaths
-having things i want to do
-opportunities
-hip openers
-my body feeling better since exercising more again
-beauty

[buttercup]

-relaxing music
-chlorophyll
-ashwagandha
-my body feeling stronger
-feeling more attractive
-sitting outside for a couple minutes a few minutes ago and how amazing it felt. i felt that inner excitement again.
-nightskies
-inspiration
-twitter
-deep cleansing breaths
-dry mouth mouthwash
-my idea i had to get a refill for the antidepressant that i want without going to the doctor since i dont want to wait a month to be on it
-the word believe
-self appreciation
-positive inner knowings
-seeing my outdoor cats play
-nice weather
-my sparkly avant-garde looking zara sweater
-creativity
-being smart
-booking TWO upcoming travels
-cleaning my room
-doing my dishes
-M's husband giving me $20
-getting all caught up on emails
-watching some TV episodes online
-mustard. so random yet so tasty.
-getting the next certificate i've been studying for the last few days
-M's friend D texting me. It was a very sweet text.
-yoga
-physical exercise
-entertainment
-talking to my mom on the phone tonight
-getting an appointment for a dental cleaning done
-trying to keep my thoughts positive and aligned with what i want
-happy memories and reflecting
-the internet
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-a friend texting me an invite to something
-feeling more like myself again
-being off antipsychotics
-finding norpramin in my drawer and taking that today since i cant keep taking remeron. i know i'm not supposed to be doing the med situation like this but for now i have to.
-the camera quality in my phone being higher
-thinking i looked cute in some pics i took of myself today
-getting excited about work,and being social and life in general again.i feel like this way blocked while on antipsychotics. everything just felt whatever.i also feel less "odd."
-smiling
-my child-like side
-seeing a new black cat with white on it coming to the yard. he is friendly and looks well kept so i am guessing he has a house family. now that i think of it,it mostly seems like my outdoor cats only ever have problems with cats that are other ferals.
-seeing W cat and dad cat sitting on neighbors porch chair today. so cute.

[buttercup]

feeling crabby but then i realized,i only took 1/5 of one of the med's im using to keep stable until my ssri comes in,i'm on a no soda day,didn't sleep a full sleep,frustrated by how low my bank account is and my checks not coming,M has been being a jerk to me,it's understandable i feel a little crabby. i seen G again today at work. i've been seeing him more again lately,looking more and more cozy with my boss each time which is all odd considering i'm almost done working there. it just all sort of feels like a story playing out and at this point i'm in sort of detach and observe mode waiting to see how it's all going to play out like i'm watching a movie and wanting to see how it's all going to end. the way it's playing out at this point,i literally feel like it's meant to tug at my attention,meant to show me the storybook nature of it all. it's just all really weird. makes me think of robert hopcke's book there are no accidents,one of the books that is a favorite of mine and a pivotal read for me. also,i feel like i'm becoming a hipster.

-accomplishing my goal on my to-do list of getting the online certificate i had been studying for.
-accomplishing my goal on my to do list of going to the meetup today. it was awful. everyone was older then me and 9-5 er types i could just not relate to but they were all nice and seemed super interested in me. at least i was social and usually when i do something like this after a miss,i end up getting a hit the next time around doing something like this.
-the pretzels and spiced carrots hummus dish i ordered today. the pretzels were amazing.
-the kentucky mule i ordered. this was really good.
-uber flat fare package pricing. gosh,i love this so much. it's created so much more calm and ease in my life.
-M being nicer to me this morning for some reason.
-heels
-amazing weather today. was so nice out.
-G from the yoga studio complimenting my hair today. he's like the only person since it's been colored who's commented on it.
-my phone and how high quality the camera is on it.
-vsco
-twitter
-facebook
-instagram
-catching up on some reading today
-being almost done with current article im working on
-water
-ashwagandha
-prada candy perfume
-sweaters
-leggings
-fashion
-being stylish
-being pretty and attractive
-having nice curves
-appreciating myself more on the new higher quality camera my phone has now
-my job tommorow
-makeup
-doing some journaling today
-kind-heartedness
-work people i communicated with in last 24 hours being helpful/working with me on things i brought up
-deep cleansing breaths
-my job at the yoga studio
-my boss at the yoga studio. going to my meetup made me more grateful for her since i vibe so well with her
-blankets
-trying to believe in things i want
-coffee
-chlorophyll
-hip openers
-physical exercise
-feeling excitement for life surges lately
-doing some research on upcoming trips
-new and innovative concepts
-hot guys
-animal lovers
-people somehow being inspired by me.i often feel invisible and awkward yet somehow i notice people pay a lot of attention to me or tell me how much they've inspired me while showing strong emotions in some form or another(crying,getting really excited and starting to take notes,etc,etc)
-the solar plexus and theta musics playlist i'm listening to
-coolness
-my teddybear hairbrush
-the industries i have worked in
-getting my power back
-empathy
-quiet
-inspiration
-unique beauty
-moving up to 3 days a week of no soda
-sending some emails out for 2nd business to get some things going with that
-touch
-clean clothes
-sleep
-reflection
-art
-happy memories
-decluttering
-having lived a pretty full life with lots of accomplishments,dreams come true,and ranges of incredible experiences
-newness
-forward movement

[buttercup]

-being an artist
-doing my job yesterday and finally feeling like a ----- again
-how great the makeup was at my job yesterday
-how amazing the quality is on my camera phone.i took behind the scene pictures that looked like pictures on a professional camera! eerie.
-how amazing i look on the new phone camera. i took selfies today and the last few days and the camera just makes it so much easier. my skin looks amazing on them!
-being in a creative industry
-music
-art
-being a creative person
-getting several great shots of what i was trying to create the other day
-cool phone apps
-inspiration
-how freaking amazing the weather was today.
-making a list of all the fun summer things i'd love to do this year
-sweet soda
-food at my job being provided the other day. they also brought coffee and wine.
-having T kitten in the house for a bit today and him cuddling up on my bed
-having a dream of T cat being back.
-my room being clean
-having nice curves
-looking like a model
-fashion
-friendly people
-kind-heartedness
-having a kind heart
-beauty
-makeup
-glamour
-great views
-security guards in buildings
-trying to take loving myself actions
-instagram
-twitter
-facebook
-having a lot going for me
-seeing my money has been sent and should be in my account anyday now
-touch
-physical exercise
-backbends
-people who are kind to animals
-trying to be stronger and raising my vibe
-flip-flops
-realizing i am better then i think i am
-M getting me a brownie the other day
-self compassion
-fun
-being smart
-hot guys
-positive/soothing self talk
-water

[buttercup]

-inspiration,innovation,and new things to try
-sunshine and how good the warm sun felt on me
-finally getting the curtains i've been wanting
-going to work today even though i didn't want to
-fashion and style
-seeing people trying to do things to make me feel better
-having nice,healthy looking teeth
-iced coffee
-positive/reassuring self talk
-my beauty
-being an artist
-doing the cleaning i wanted to do
-new ideas
-deep cleansing breaths
-orangeade vitamin water
-feeling more excited for life again
-quiet
-laying down
-colors
-vibrancy
-himalayn pink salt flavored ghee butter
-squats
-physical exercise
-sleep
-waking up feeling well rested today
-pillows
-ashwagandha
-checking things off my to-do list
-water
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-how amazing the quality on my phone camera is
-instagram
-feeling rejuvenated
-my ysl volupte tint lipstick
-my room being clean
-being talented
-putting money in my savings
-the fan in my room

[buttercup]

have had such strange nightmares in the last 24 hours. this morning,there was different people who kept trying to put a snake on me. My best friend from h.s was in the dream in the beginning. I kept trying to run away from the people. I even was running past a two headed large dog. I then found myself going down through a playground to get away and the person following me did end up getting the snake on me,and there was a general feeling in the dream of intuitive thought between me and the others that it's not going to harm me. I then woke up. I think the dream was a psychic dream. I was thinking of R from my past a lot before bed and alot of the dream symbolisms had to do with him. The h.s best friend is the girl who knows him as well. We met him at the same time,she became his friend's girlfriend,and ended up sharing a connection with him as well that i envied. Me and R,when we had our experience that was my first sexual experience,it was at a park in a playground,very similar looking to the one in my dream. There was other things too that made me think right away this connected to him somehow but i dont remember anymore. Tonight,I ended up taking a nap,and had a dream that I found a letter in my father's closet of a child's drawing my brother had made with a date saying when he planned to murder me. Now,looking back,I wonder if he was the one,or one of the people trying to put a snake on me in the dream this morning. My brother hates me for some reason. He has lots of anger issues. He was someone in 2015 I believed was psychic attacking me that I made a post about on here. I used to feel so much empathy for him until i realized his hate and anger towards me is just too much animosity. The last time we spoke was in September. He randomly texted me such ugly things included calling me a b---- and threatening to come to my house and harm me saying things like he would break my teeth and saying awful insults meant to make me feel bad myself...all i had done was texted him to check on him. I sometimes still worry about him and ask my parents how is he.

-getting positive inner knowings more and more about some things
-going to acupuncture today. the guy did tui na and cupping as well which felt amazing.
-the sweet taste of sugary soda
-uber-ing by myself to my appointment and back and enjoying the freedom of that,and the growing i am doing as a person
-the internet
-water
-coffee
-chlorophyll
-seeing little H kitten(or cat as he may be just about a year old now) popping his head in the door looking for me. so cute.
-donating a few dollars to hsus
-newness
-fashion
-hip openers
-having some cuddle time with T kitten
-calling up hospital billing to fix issue that they had
-my therapist calling today to check up on me
-confirming a few jobs for next month to exceed my current minimal financial goals
-becoming more and more financially abundant
-self compassion
-friendly people
-having nice lips
-having a illustrator who is excited and seems to be a fit for the concept i've been directing.
-ideas
-the industry i work in
-the color green
-listening to heart chakra solfeggios and thetas music playlist last night and a throat chakra and solfeggios playlist right now.
-pinterest
-vegan veggie burgers with mustard
-chickpeas curry
-sweeping my room
-keeping my room more cleaner lately and how much more clearer it helps my mind feel
-sunshine
-nice weather today
-the green grass,the green leaves on the trees
-oneness
-art
-my teddy bear hairbrush
-my docle&gabbana sunglasses
-my skin looking super good lately
-healing
-sweaters
-smiling
-checking things off my to-do list
-meditating last night
-praying last night
-silence
-my confidence growing
-my peacock print eyepillow
-doing some visualizing last night
-gratitude
-innocence
-love
-being appreciated and valued
-my phone
-seeing the law of attraction work in positive ways
-being easy on myself
-deep cleansing breaths
-relaxation
-mustard
-touch
-being smart
-forward movement
-models
-common ground amongst others who vibe with you
-TV episodes online
-project offers
-positive affirmations
-creativity
-softness
-feminine energy
-feeling more refreshed lately

[buttercup]

-the crown chakra and theta music playlist i'm listening to
-waking up early today
-getting a lot done today
-being in a pretty good mood mostly today
-the beautiful,summery weather today
-going to see my mom yesterday after having not seen her in months and how good it felt to L cat and B cat and also to get rid of the DVDS I had been wanting to get rid of
-sweet soda
-my check finally being deposited today
-ordering a new cute top for work or even social occasions
-ordering a certificate for a chemical peel
-my ysl lipstick
-my teddy bear hairbrush
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-showers
-ashwagandha
-physical exercise
-yoga
-having nice curves
-my vibe rising
-my curtains coming in the mail
-relaxation
-checking things off my to-do list
-TV episodes online
-ordering some food to be delivered and finding a great deal
-delivery commenting how it freaked him out all the cats on my lawn. lol. it is a pretty funny sight,it looks like a cat mob hanging out.
-music
-style
-my new phone
-coffee
-great deals
-new idea coming to me about how to make more space in my room
-my emotions
-meditating today
-peacock prints
-prayer
-gratitude
-visualizing after meditating
-ginger
-making a protein shake for lunch with ginger added to it
-feeling inspired to eating more nourishing again lately
-all the upcoming jobs and the insane amount of money i am making lately. i am definitely going to exceed how much i made last year,even despite the fact that i didnt start working paid again until may of last year so i have a head start to exceed anyways.
-reposting online ads about the missing cats
-T kitten and how sweet and adorable he is
-having a kind heart
-being a creative person
-sending emails out about upcoming projects
-applying to more jobs online
-flowers
-inspiration
-wanderlust
-switching to a new backpack/purse to wear for awhile and cleaning/organizing things out in the process of it.
-cleaning up room a bit
-room being cleaner lately
-doing my dishes
-attempting my phone calls i had to make today.
-sweaters
-the fan in my room
-colors
-fun
-cleaning out the crawlspace outside
-being smart
-having nice eyes
-having great cheekbones

[buttercup]

-seeing my artistic visions come to life! so exciting. this has been so artistically healing to see my poetic concept heavily based on last year's betrayal come to life in my artistic project. seeing the in progress photos on the artist's instagram today while at several job's today was such a mood boost. she nailed it.
-hip openers. seems these are my new "if i could do one yoga pose a day" go-to. they just seem to do so much for me.
-getting more motivated as the day went on today. enjoying my day,and having more pep in my step. it's amazing what the power of motivation does.
-taking a break in between job's since i had spare time and just sitting and working on doing some social media work on my 2nd business. felt good to do some work from my mobile and while on the go.
-my style
-my creativity
-fashion
-waking up early today
-feeling attractive and owning my beauty a little bit today
-spending some quality time with T kitten today and bringing him in the house for a bit. felt very nice.
-sunshine
-coffee
-sweet soda
-music
-art
-alcoholic beverages
-having a kind heart
-positive and soothing self talk
-weight slimming down a bit
-dinner
-my teddy bear hair brush
-makeup
-instagram
-my eyesight
-uber
-pinterest
-slowing down
-relaxation
-becoming present in the moment
-TV episodes online
-ideas
-having nice hair
-having nice teeth
-becoming more fearless
-the internet
-confidence growing
-helpful people
-friendly people
-getting my article complete last night
-healing
-my leopard print cardigan

[buttercup]

-iced coffee
-sugar
-brownies
-letting go
-vegan food
-maturity
-peace
-seeing my artistic visions come to life
-that blissful blue color of the sky when it's not completely fully dark yet or light yet
-taking less naps and being more rejuvenated lately
-being off antipsychotics
-great designs
-clothes feeling looser
-T kitten and how adorable he is
-all my outdoor cats
-TV episodes online
-motivation
-kindness
-waking up early
-vision
-creativity
-sunshine
-hip openers
-my phone
-the internet
-getting a new dentist appointment made
-doing some social media work
-updating my resume
-getting some of the recaps from work done
-relaxation
-great quotes
-movement
-cuteness
-expansion
-my prada candy perfume
-flowers
-hot guys
-love
-smiling
-oneness
-acting
-talent
-touch
-getting my new top i ordered in the mail
-deep cleansing breaths
-doing some coloring today and using M's husband's new colored pencils that have a ton of color options
-ideas
-my eyesight
-beauty
-my ambition

[buttercup]

-my new coffee regular of hazelnut iced almond milk latte with extra sugar
-nightskies
-the intense creative surge i've been feeling lately. i'm like on a creative high.
-resisting the urge to take antipsychotics. i had an ocd/anxiety attack and almost took a quetiapine pill to shut up my paranoid intrusive thoughts but instead i took some 5 inderal and a hydroxyzine and listened to some self hypnosis audio to chill myself out
-feeling more confident and like at any moment i can become really famous,and accomplish big dreams of mine i've been working towards.
-getting all the post job recaps done from weekend jobs
-cleaning my closet a little more and putting out another litter box outside for the cats
-bringing T kitten in my room after incident that triggered me was over,and cuddling with him a bit and seeing how cute he is sleeping and just chilling
-seeing my artistic visions come to life and how perfect they are
-music
-chlorophyll
-the delicious beyond chicken buffalo wrap from whole foods i had today for lunch
-sunshine
-beautiful weather today
-water
-waking up earlier lately
-taking less naps lately
-relaxation activities
-deep cleansing breaths
-sweet soda
-venting
-edginess
-posting a progress picture from my project on one of my social medias
-twitter
-instagram
-facebook
-becoming more confident on social media again finally,after like 7 or 8 years of pulling back inwards from it
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-patience
-seeing all the money i'm earning on the job portals
-my teddy bear hairbrush
-my phone
-newness
-being able to be part of something meaningful in another person's life. i found out the girl i collaborated on one of my artistic vision's with was so nervous and even had anxiety and cried that's how nervous she was.
-my creativity
-allowing my body to get stronger
-physical exercise
-warm showers
-kindness
-touch
-having had some great experiences in my life
-that tommorow is a new day
-creative expression
-my new curtains,they make my room look much nicer
-remembering the law of attraction
-positive/soothing self talk
-doing a little study for computer courses i've been taking
-doing a little reading
-awesome ideas

[buttercup]

-my eyeglasses
-coffee
-the fan in my room
-that beautiful,blissful blue color of the skies when it is nighttime/morning time but not 100% fully dark or light yet
-the internet
-etsy
-twitter
-instagram
-facebook
-listening to some solfeggios for the 2nd chakra
-deep cleansing breaths
-M's husband working so having the house to myself for awhile today
-having a lot of paid jobs coming up and making a lot of money
-having a really great journaling session this evening where i dug deeper into some core limiting beliefs that have bothered me for years and cleared away some stuff
-new,more positive perceptions
-my phone
-T kitten
-my beauty
-my self esteem becoming higher
-finishing my book up i had been reading
-doing a little studying on computer course i'm on
-hip openers
-backbends
-physical exercise
-deep stretch
-sunshine
-warm weather
-bananas
-smiling
-quiet
-chips
-L liked my status yesterday
-healthy digestion
-blueberrry waffles
-that an image of me will be in a soon to be published poetry book
-lip balm
-makeup
-my pca skin moisturizer i apply in the daytime
-orangeade water from whole foods
-nourishment
-catching up on my phone calls
-sleep
-peacefulness
-my vibe raising more and more again
-feeling like myself again
-being off antipsychotics
-another person getting back to me about a creative project i want to do
-pictures
-my eyesight
-feeling excited about life
-remembering times where i felt thrilled,excitement,happiness and so on
-updating my to-do list and checking things off of it
-sending out more emails for jobs
-positive and soothing self talk
-colors
-relaxing music
-self compassion

[buttercup]

it is a little hard quitting the yoga studio. after all the mess last year when best friend broke the news to me,this was the "normal" job i found and upon my first time walking in i felt so happy,and just knew. i just knew i had to work there. it was my happy thing and has been my zen place ever since. and ever since i made the decision that this would be my last month,i started seeing G again,the client i found really hot and was the first guy i found hot after everything and who seemed like he might've been flirting with me. today was great,in that he came in. and my boss wasn't there. and it was was as if we vibed again but in a different way. upon leaving,he was adorable,polite,and seemed tongue tied,and said something about " as well" i think saying he'll seem me the next day i work as well. he remembers my name,complimented my hair,and remembers my work schedule so he's definitely been present with me,and has interest it could be as if we are friends,even though we've barely had any conversations,maybe like 3-4 short ones in the last almost a year now. i will miss him,and just feeling that vibe today both made my mood soar and yet also broke my heart a little,too. i tried not liking him. and,i've realized it's not even because of this/that/this that i did like him,that was just pretext. i just genuinely feel and had felt really drawn to him. i have one more day left and maybe i'll see him and i had the thought maybe i should drink before shift so i know how to talk. lol. besides him,i feel geuninely that my boss is someone i could be friends with. i'm not worried about that though,as it seems we've started to connect a bit outside of work. and since she is friends with him,who knows,maybe that could even link me and him together later down the line. i quit because i felt i got all i got out of being here. my boss has said i'm welcome to come back anytime so maybe this will even just be temporary and i'll come back in a few months. i just feel like if you want something different,you have to do different,and if you want something to happen,sometimes you have to give it a deadline to happen,and change is life and you should never be afraid of it,it's good to practice that because it helps you to be more detached and when you give something space,you give room for something new to flow in. It's good to not get in a rut,and to let yourself change directions a bit every now,and then,it helps you sail life a bit better.
-positive inner knowings
-seeing G again. it's so weird how all of a sudden towards the end of my time here he shows up again. he was something that made me happy so i am grateful for him. i think going through this,and even feeling tongue tied and flustered is a part of growing and learning. it may suck and feel hopeless,but eventually it'll get right,and the things that will make me happy will fall into place.
-bringing T kitten in room with me for a bit and cuddling and how funny he is
-sweet soda
-having house to myself for a little bit this morning
-water
-coffee
-becoming more social media confident
-the amazing weather today
-sunshine
-positive people
-uber
-weight going down
-all the money i'm earning. i checked the portal of one thing i'm working through and it is so exciting to see
-brownie bites
-pictures
-colored pencils
-coloring in my mandala coloring book for a bit today
-meditation
-connection. no matter what,i feel a connection with my boss and G. i dont know why i cant just consider them both friends. they are not strangers.
-my phone
-fashion
-my eyeglasses
-support
-TV episodes online
-donkey kick exercises
-reflection
-makeup
-ginger
-hot tea
-relaxation
-becoming more surrendered again. i don't know what it is lately,but i just feel like i'm becoming more and more like myself
-doing a spiritual intention seeding exercise the other night
-relaxing music
-art
-new experiences
-ideas
-creativity
-oneness
-writing
-quiet
-desires. having a strong one to go to new mexico lately.
-deep cleansing breaths
-colors
-pictures
-having a dental cleaning tomorrow
-emotions
-touch
-smiling
-nourishment
-cleaning my dishes
-my bed
-hope
-being able to imagine things i couldn't for awhile that are what would make me happy

[buttercup]

-the fan in my room
-hypnosis
-amazing weather
-sweet soda
-whole foods orangeade
-touch
-massage
-getting a dental cleaning today
-unintentional intermittent fasting seeming to be another thing that works for me with slimming out
-cute things the outdoor cats do and finding one of their hiding spot's they go to when i cannot find them
-playing with some visualization/loa ri thinking while waiting at the dentist
-my phone
-laughing
-getting another company who owes me money saying they will send my check this afternoon
-deep cleansing breaths
-relief
-my bed
-colors
-pictures
-water
-coffee
-detachment
-ideas
-new perceptions
-new ideas
-little possible glitches in the matrix
-leggings
-M putting more money in my account
-maturity
-stretches
-getting that time of the month
-chocolate
-weight going down
-taking life one day at a time and letting myself slow down
-clarity
-beauty
-kind-heartedness
-appreciation
-self compassion
-being beautiful
-being excited about the law of attraction
-being more filled with possibility
-newness
-embracing change
-emotions
-all the money on it's way to me

[buttercup]

today was a weird and long day. it started out with me ended up perfectly on time and even a few minutes early for work,something that lately has not been as common.i ended up wearing my shoes i wore back when i first started(they just happened to be my favorite for the day) and my makeup looked amazing. while there,the day was exactly how a day would go to make you know you made the right decision. my boss was very nice and going out of her way to make me feel welcome and even telling G who sure enough did come in that it was my last day. owner ended up coming in,and someone who works there that i remember seeing in the beginning of me working there. G and my boss definitely seemed something serious. they did that thing where they talk in lower voices like people who are close to each other do and just vibed like they knew each other very well....very different then how they were months ago. it was a couple vibe. it would surprise me if they weren't together. And,so then they did end up together. The whole thing was just like a combination of seeing the loa at work with my wants,and what i had thought/pictured not neccessarily wanting. The thing with my boss telling him was how i had visualized it..and it was all very strange..a bizarre conclusion to my being there. The kind of thing that makes me want to study quantum physics all the more.i was emotional on and off by myself while journaling and reflecting while there. i had felt the feeling of being treated very nicely yet feeling utterly isolated and almost patronized...like i was this little child who still couldn't get it together,but that's ok. everyone else seems to be going on these wild exotic trips to india,and getting the guy and here i am with all my stuckness.i am grateful though for it all. The day also had gloomy weather,and the studio was playing some glum yoga music especially loudly today...it could be heard outside the studio which is not like them. When I first got there my favorite yoga studio song i always had liked was on.by the end of the day,i come home,see my check looked to have been opened up. i get upset feeling betrayed and text M and her husband and her husband explains it was him and it was on accident. i didn't buy it but was glad he admitted it. shortly after an hour later by the time this has all been resolved and i'm sure M had to have known it,she texts me back
'whatever." So,yeah,the whole day with the yoga studio was slightly surreal. And,the b.s at home is aggravating. M is cold. She shuts me off like i'm not worth hearing these days as if any little thing i say is too much for her. I still feel kind of weird. I do feel overall content about life in general,though..i have my thursdays back and after this weekend will have my sundays. I got some journaling done that felt like a deep cleaning for my soul so i feel i have a little direction now. Running is one thing I want to do start doing as hobby/fitness. And,for some reason,i just feel a lot more of an inner cheer since being off antipsychotics..i still get sad/depressed/angry,distrusting at times,but it goes away and i feel good again.

-waffles
-getting my check today
-buying the gucci item i've had my eye on the past months
-coffee
-seeing G again today
-my boss being so nice to me today,and being an awesome person in general and saying let's stay in touch
-newness
-uber
-colors
-chocolate
-M buying me that time of the month product today
-yoga pants
-becoming more independent and free
-T kitten and all the hilarious things he does. he cracks me up.
-cuteness
-instagram
-twitter
-facebook
-all the signs of reconnection i see all the time
-emotions
-life experiences
-reflection
-whole foods orangeade
-sweaters
-working on the under the front porch area for the cats and clearing out the wooden porch sticks
-my beauty
-feeling abundant
-feeling like im growing as a person
-music
-my great taste
-deep cleansing breaths
-my abs looking amazing today
-skipping soda today despite being heavily tempted because of the mood dips
-my curves
-new ideas
-all the creativity flowing lately
-new perceptions
-hypnosis
-positive and soothing self talk
-rest
-sleep talk
-letting go
-peace

[buttercup]

the weirdest thing happened today. it was in the evening,i was home from working busy quickly trying to book lodging online when i kept thinking i heard mumbled voices that sounded like ex best friend talking to someone. it drove me nuts. it sounded like he was right on the porch so i went out of my room to see what was that noise. i asked M's husband if someone was here and told him it sounded like someone was on the front porch talking. RIGHT as I was describing this to him,his phone rang,and i seen the name..it was my ex best friend's name,and sure enough ex best friend was asking him if he could stop by to use the printer. Am I psychic? Am I schizophrenic? Why do I have to get the weird as freck experiences like this happening to me?
-discovering new things
-music
-getting my check i've been waiting for to come
-booking my lodging for upcoming trip
-feeling in a pretty upbeat mood most of the day
-fashion
-being told by many things that imply they thought i was way younger then i actually am
-leggings
-great design
-socks
-deep cleansing breaths
-T kitten and all my outdoor cats
-sending my mom cat food and a cat toy for her cat and my brother's cat through the mail last night
-twitter
-my beauty
-words
-beauty
-models
-appreciation
-sleep
-self compassion
-newness
-the heart chakra and theta playlist im listening to right now
-nightskies
-M's husband giving me a ride to my jobs today
-the clients i've been working with lately
-having nice curves
-coffee
-stretches
-my pca skin daycream
-dinner
-spiked seltzer
-being talented
-my eyesight
-nature
-greenery
-friendliness
-calmness
-water
-touch
-excitement
-massage
-my bed
-hot tea
-opportunities
-being off antipsychotics
-my ambition
-the internet
-positive and soothing self talk
-emojis
-how interesting the universe can be

[buttercup]

-relaxing music
-sweaters
-the rain calming down a bit
-my kind heart
-bringing H kitten and T kitten in the house for a bit today. H just hid under the bed the whole time and T ate,cuddled,played,etc. H is adorable lately with his new habit of running up to me when i come out. It's crazy since he used to be one of the our most scared feral's. He would literally make the most heartbreaking scared meow sounds if you tried to pick him so he's come quite a long way. He still gets a little nervous being picked up though but loves human attention.
-fashion
-being able to work in the industries i do
-the fashion industry
-shopping.i went a little crazy today despite telling myself i'd take it slow,but it's been a while since i've been able to splurge a little since my checks had been late plus i should be plenty fine still
-having my lodging confirmed for upcoming travel
-water
-coffee
-deciding on the most perfect beautiful card to send to my mom. i debated because i wanted to make sure it's a card that isn't just a card I would love to recieve(because I would) but one i thought fitting and enjoyable. It had a lotus flower in a hand being handed on the front and in the middle a meditating buddha pop up design with more lotus designs. it was really beautfully made. I added a quote by buddha i thought fit perfectly with the handmade note.
-colors
-having a nice dinner tonight i enjoyed
-openness
-pictures
-all the instagram likes and follows i've been getting lately
-soothing/positive self talk
-instagram
-the internet
-TV episodes online
-chocolate cake
-yoga
-physical exercise
-my checking account
-my phone
-sweeping my floor tonight
-appreciation
-art
-twitter
-facebook
-finding a fresh out of the machine cat bed to bring to the outdoor cats and an old work tablecloth for a blanket to put somewhere for them.
-all the outdoor cat houses in the yard. days like today,i really appreciate it. it was raining practically all day and night. they've been huddled down stairs in some of them most of them together all evening.
-my beauty
-deep cleansing breaths
-catching up on doing some laundry
-smiling
-hot guys
-animal lovers and animal avocates
-conversation
-beauty

[buttercup]

-my phone
-T kitten and how adorable he is and H cat and how adorable he is and all my outdoor cats and their adorableness
-the little heater in my room
-having money
-getting my reporting done for jobs this last week
-my creativity
-finding out my food card had more money on it then i thought before i went to the grocery store
-getting some groceries today
-getting a certificate for the med spa thing i want to get done
-fashion
-my beauty
-sleep
-rest
-meditating today. i love how every time i meditate,i suddenly feel like i have more time.
-evolving
-that it was less rainy today
-physical exercise
-getting some wet food and treats for my outdoor cats today
-TV episodes online
-nourishment
-coffee
-skipping soda today
-vitamin water
-art
-doing a little studying today
-clean clothes
-positivity and optimism
-spirituality
-pictures
-ideas
-having nice lips
-warm showers
-detachment
-patience
-touch
-emotions
-sweaters
-getting more comfortable with my body again
-that my dentist appointment isn't until the evening tomorrow
-quiet

[buttercup]

-managing to calm myself down a little to be able to sit and write
-this forum
-seeing some good sides to the ugly that went down today
-deciding i am absolutely not buying paint for my room after what happened
-M's husband still being on my side
-hope
-soda and the buddy bars I'm snacking on right now while i chill myself out
-whatever the calming pill was M's husband gave me
-people i texted and emailed while i was panicking
-doing a little online shopping and adding more money to my savings account
-T cat. He always manages to cheer me up. yesterday i was trying to give them all their food and T was impatient for me to put his down,so he tried to wack it out of my hand. lol
-my intelligence
-seeing M's true colors so now i can stop trying to get on her good side and stop hoping she will change.i honestly this she has some hater issues going on towards me,too.
-my bed
-ideas
-my phone
-caring less what others think
-not letting haters ruin me within. i just know that if things don't heal themselves, karma is going to end up kicking ex best friend really freaking hard very soon and chaos is going to ensue and that I am going to end up becoming better and better and get my success despite how low M sees me. He silenced me and because I lived here I stayed silent. What reason will I have to stay silent if I don't live here anymore? I hate him. He isn't even in my life anymore and yet still is trying to control me. He won't win. I always win.
-getting some to-do list writing done earlier
-the internet
-catching up on phone calls earlier
-the weather getting a little nicer today
-inspiration
-music
-social media

[buttercup]

i was crying on the porch thinking about how i'm not sure i'm going to make it. feeling so alone,and disconnected and thinking about all i've lost and one by one most of my outdoor cats i take care of surrounded me,just going about their life but surrounding me. and,i realized i do have friends.cats are friends and it's important not to dismiss the animal connections because they really do,do a lot in in terms of being a friend. and,i realized that even if i did lose it all,everyone around me dies,and i'm just living on my own,i would be ok,too. it's the thinking that makes things hard but when we change our thoughts,it can all change. there's so much magnificence i've barely tapped into with i can create and change with my life and the law of attraction. all my outdoor cats i only met a year ago,and they fill me with so much connection. You can meet a new connection at any time,or reconnect at any moment. That moment gave me some solace,for now at least.
-my outdoor cats and how much meaning and connection they give my life. recently,i was wondering why are cats so nice to us humans? They really like me and M's husband.
-soda pop
-sweets.
-potatoes
-staying strong and having some moments of the day where i was ok. other moments,i was on the verge of tears or having hands shaking anxiety.
-nice people. my therapist was extra cheery and kind today.
-M's husband keeping extra in touch with me today. i think he's sensed that all that has happened would cause me to feel very on edge. He usually doesn't answer his phone at work but he responded to some of my texts today
-getting a little cleaning done
-getting my new shoes in the mail today
-fashion
-helpful members on this forum
-getting some studying done and making it my goal to try and finish the course up tonight
-ideas
-believing in the law of attraction
-whatever that anxiety pill i took yesterday was. it worked great. i could tell because i felt quite different,stable,and cheery then by the end of the night suddenly my mood shifted and i felt angry again and emotional.
-deciding im going to start going to therapy more again
-deciding to start an account for future rents money just to feel secure in case i ever needed it and throwing a couple dollars in it
-reflection
-getting up kind of early despite having gotten hardly any sleep and having had a nightmare and being nauseous with a major pounding headache.i feel like by waking up earlier,i can give myself more.
-my conviction im on the right side of things
-great design
-my phone
-my phone apps
-rsvp-ing to a one day meditation retreat in june i was emailed about
-nightskies
-that it didn't rain today
-the shelters that the animal organization gave us last fall for our cats. they keep my cats very toasty. every time one of them comes out of them,their fur feels nice and toasty.
-sweaters
-faith
-M's husband saying he will keep trying and that we can pray together,and he will keep trying to talk to M and his son.
-healing
-social media
-this cool new app i found that teaches you different languages. you can literally learn as much as you want and choose based on that level.
-seeing the law of attraction at work.i literally seen a youtube episode talking about a girl who was kicked out and it was so funny because it just FELT very loa to me. I see I am creating my reality,i just need to step outside myself and make some tweaks. I know I can do it. I think silence may be the key.
-my beauty
-coffee
-sprinkles
-blankets
-having a kind heart

[buttercup]

today was kind of weird. I slept all day for some reason,a deep sleep and woke up very late having missed my phone appointment with a psychic to talk about T cat so I had to reschedule. I felt better,stronger today but there was just a weird quietness to the house. maybe it was just how i felt,then maybe that's all of reality.
-feeling better and stronger today
-having more money in my account then i thought
-unintentionally taking a break from facebook and realizing it had some benefit actually.i plan to take a full internet break but it probably won't be until next week. the power of silence/detachment mesmerizes me.
-having the great idea of buying a giftcard to the restaurant M loves to go to for me,M and her husband to all go out
-adding money to a few of my savings
-bonding with t kitten today
-all my outdoor cats
-cat cuddles
-nightskies
-doing some more shopping and buying a cool top i liked
-twitter
-laughing
-soda
-sweets
-music
-feeling confident in my ability to change things
-my phone
-dinner
-great designs
-my eyesight
-entertainment
-trying to remember the feeling and memories of when i felt powerful and manifested easily
-the internet
-after meditating last night,deciding to write M a letter as one of the next thing i'm going to do
-meditation and how amazingly powerful and healing it
-reassurances
-learning
-serendipity
-nourishment
-that i work tomorrow
-comfort
-empathy
-kindness
-instagram
-camel pose. my current favorite right now.i love how heart opening this one is.
-deep cleansing breaths
-getting some packages in the mail
-being smart
-getting the certificate for the last course i had been studying for
-the language learning app i've been using.
-doing some cleaning in my room
-connection
-inner belief in self
-positivity
-positive inner knowings
-smiling
-being productive
-nonconformity
-my ambition
-the escentric 02 perfume i felt drawn to put on last night and ended up really enjoying even though typically that one is my last favorite
-my teddy bear hair brush
-my hair
-my beauty
-my eyeglasses
-inspiration
-chlorophyll
-desipramine

[buttercup]

in some ways the day was weird,in other ways normal..i woke up late and M was just arriving as I was feeding the cats. She asks me a question in such a normal voice tone that I find it incredibly icy. And,then all besides that,there's this hard tension like I don't know what I can say anymore. To me,she is literally playing cards with the devil. I was positive for most of the day,reciting affirmations calmly in my mind and trying to embrace gratitude,being silent and being in the moment for little moments throughout the day. I had antsiness when M's husband took awhile to get back to me despite it being normal for him to be like that. I remembered that the things i'm doing on a day like today,are growing for me,and do still give me a little anxiety. I felt anger later on again towards M thinking about how hard I have been working and how much progress I have made. I popped a couple inderal towards the end of the day to calm myself during work from anxiety. M's son made a promise to me. How forgetful he can be. He promised in that last phone call that no matter what I would always have a place to stay even with his parents. He also forgets he silenced me. It's not like me to never get revenge and to be so passive when someone does awful things to me. How idiotic he is to not have thought of that. If I get kicked out,because of him,I no longer have anything to silence me and it won't be pretty. I was treated disgustingly. I was abused and it's been hard being silent after all that went down. But,i kept my part. All I want is a safe haven so i can heal and trust again. He needs to stop trying to destroy me and to move on and live with his decisions. Him and his girlfriend have been high on power and need to be taken down a notch and realize they can't bully others to get whatever they want. He plays with dark energy. She is high on power because she feels good about herself for having in her mind "won" a guy by taking him away from his wife,and then his sick best friend he had known for over a decade. Combine that with his law of attraction knowledge. I'm taking my power back. He is so different from how he used to be. The way his parents even describe him..they make it sound like he is so disrespectful. He never used to be like that. He used to always be the polite,obediant to his parents. I heard today from M's husband that she had bad dreams,today too(I had another nightmare). I wondered what they were about but he only said one was about his brother. Sometimes,from time to time when I am alone,I actually do get worried someone from where he lives now is going to try to kill me. I know that sounds crazy but he has changed and is darker now and with a bad crowd and this girlfriend sounds too psychotically obsessed with me to the point of creepy. But,I'm done. I'm taking my power back. Sometimes this all sounds like a dark soap opera but they are idiots and i'm ready to rise above them like i am already am
-art for healing.
-makeup
-staying strong and getting my job done. i think right now,it's just about letting these first few days pass while shifting my vibe a little and then things will start to change,and get easier,and easier again.
-meditating tonight. so far,i've been keeping up with meditating every other day.
-cleaning the top of my desk and putting my clothes away
-my heart chakra spray
-deciding to take my power back and feeling it within
-leggings
-chips
-yoga
-physical exercise
-music
-art
-expression
-connection
-helpful people
-friendly people
-affirmations
-quiet
-calmness
-using this as a mantra for the past day-ish "stop weaving and watch how the pattern improves." rumi took me some time to really grasp that and now i do
-remembering i can change the story at any moment.
-the escentric 02 perfume i've been wearing
-all my outdoor cats
-love
-deciding to get a collar for T kitten and H cat as well after getting a hunch,to.i got a triangle pattern for T kitten and peacock print for H
-self compassion
-my beauty
-my bed
-blankets
-sweaters
-night skies
-playing around on a couple dating apps...i used to be so against them but after all the fear the other day,i joined a few and so far haven't deleted them..usually when i do something like that,i delete them super quickly. I think one key is not taking them seriously and thinking of them as chances to make friends and just meet new people. so far,i like bumble app the best.
-coffee
-water
-kindness
-social media
-pictures
-tea
-relaxation
-deep cleansing breaths
-slowness
-entertainment
-talent
-another possible job confirmation today
-people who want to work with me
-inspiration
-uniqueness
-trees
-having nice curves
-style
-that it didnt rain today
-having money

[lolo]

The little candy tomatoes bring me back to life today that is all. :loveyou:

[buttercup]

Today has been better,each day i feel more detached and like i am stepping into a new reality from the one that was the other day. Based on my beliefs,at any moment,we can switch realities. :) It was also sunny today and the dating app bumble has been pleasantly distracting me. lol. I've been mentally reciting the quote "stop weaving and watch how the pattern improves" by rumi as a mantra on and off throughout the day as well.
-music
-dating app bumble. maybe it's just the right time but i actually can tolerate this right now. it's been 3 days and i havent deleted it yet. And,i've even let myself chat a little with 2 guys.
-my project i creative directed based on my heartbreak. man,the artist did such a good job. so healing. i love seeing the finished project.
-my phone
-my strength
-art
-artists
-my new affirmation of being ageless working well lately. i keep having people think i am a student and like i am much younger then i am. love it.
-the internet
-getting through the stress of background life and work and doing it. only got one job done today so am super behind but at least i did it
-M's husband seeming happy with my progress at least.
-that it was sunny out today
-my outdoor cats. aww.i love them so much. I love seeing T kitten doing well,H cat and how affectionate he is now,and even P cat today meowing at me which she rarely does(she's stayed pretty feral oddly enough) because she wanted a snack
-little matrix glitches. i went on pinterest to look at my private creative direction board and seen a picture in there i didnt recognize that i had uploaded from an artist. i knew she sent me one but it looked so different from how i remembered it,it was bizarre)
-ideas
-money
-shopping. i have a shopping addiction these days.i tried to resist and waited a bit,but then bought myself a body scrub from a bodycare line i loved.
-being smart
-my beauty
-makeup
-empowerment
-M's husband ordering food and offering me some as well
-uber
-handling the stresses life sends my way.i don't even know how i'm going to do tomorrow but i'm going to do it
-getting a recap done today so i won't be as likely to be late on those later
-mikes hard lemonade
-sweets
-coffee
-leggings
-emojis
-laughing
-connection
-touch
-fashion
-my ambition
-yoga. i have managed to avoid body pains and i think it's just from doing those right stretches
-affirmations
-my bed
-detachment
-meditation
-prayer
-my heart chakra spray
-quiet

[buttercup]

-bumble app. i've actually am starting to taking a liking to it. there's an investment banker i've been chatting with a lot who seems nice,and a drummer i think i am starting to find attractive
-fashion
-my illustrator getting back to me.i was getting worried she had lost interest
-sunshine
-staying strong and keeping it moving when the going got tough today. two jobs i attempted did not work out due to rude people but my boss said i will still get paid. i have been feeling on the urge of nervous breakdown for days and cried on and off today and ended up calling the crisis hotline in the early afternoon to help me calm down.
-being easy on myself and taking things one day at a time. instead of rushing to another job when my head was all over the place after first one didn't work out,i calmed myself down,decided to be spontaneous and ordered myself lunch off grubhub then went to work
-taking my power back
-loving myself
-soda pop
-art
-creativity
-that my social life seems to be on the verge of opening up. i have someone from my work networking app who wants to meet up and a few possibilities starting to come about from bumble
-lunch
-T kitten. I love him. He lets me put the mini party hat on to take his picture while he is laying down and stands on both of his legs to try and get the treats when im outside feeding them. so cute.
-having some time to bring T kitten in the house for a little bit.
-water
-coffee
-pinterest
-my phone
-meditation and staying consistent with it
-upcoming creative projects to boost my career
-getting started on the next course certificate i have to get before i can do my job next week and that it's pretty easy so far
-physical exercise
-starting the course for the next computer skill course im taking
-mantras and affirmations
-having a kind heart
-my beauty
-framing the art photo of my passed on soul connection.i still prefer the look without a frame,though i think.
-uber
-rest
-my bed
-yoga
-my hair
-my intelligence
-relaxation
-unique beauty
-getting another recap done
-prayer
-my heart chakra spray

[buttercup]

Everyday I start to feel a little better and like I am shifting things for the better within but then something like i'll be home and all of a sudden M walks in and has just gotten back from what i'm guessing is going to dinner with her son ans his girlfriend and sounding so joyful and I just feel sick to my stomach. I feel betrayed and degraded. That she could spend so much time going out of her way to make me feel comfortable then one day her son threatens and manipulates her and she throws me down the bridge like it's nothing. I don't get it. At all. All this time we had tension,had I known I was risking this to happen,I would've made a far greater effort to fix things. I thought I could trust her. I thought she was mature enough and adult enough to not let what she deemed my being "silly" cause this to happen. I spent all that time being jealous of time she spent with son's girlfriend and she knew it,and this has got to be the coldest response in the world. I used to be able to ask for money or anything like nothing because they encouraged me to do so,now all of a sudden i feel strange to do so. To go from telling me they will treat me like a daughter to this. I know there is problems that I need to resolve. But,I also know that this isn't right,or anything close to a solution..that there can be a way of going back to how it was. This is just all so painful,frightening,and overwhelming. My plan is to go general,shift things within subtly,say strong on some general affirmations,pray,and let life get moving in other areas since i believe that's a key to healing things. I need to focus a lot on empowerment. I feel so victimized and that will help. I won't go down like this. It'd be a mistake for her son. It may be cheesy but I feel like I have to get strong to be like a super hero wielding any attacks executed against me and conquering the bad guys. I'm done being the victim. He ruined me for far too long and he's making some really bad choices right now to try and ruin someone who literally took all he did to me and never even fought back and to try and ruin me to pieces where I have nothing left to stand on. I never thought I'd be in war with the one I thought was my hero and best friend,and thus far it feels like the biggest war I've ever been in. I refuse to feel on edge for a whole year just to get the boot like i'm some stranger. Eff that. After all me and M and her husband had been through. No. That is not truth. I refuse to let that stupid ----- girlfriend of his who has no power whatsoever but who thought she did continue to think so. They are small and they are idiots. She is just a girl. And,I was the one who taught HIM the law of attraction.

-nightskies
-T kitten and all my outdoor cats
-bumble app. if nothing else,it's nice to have a few people to chat without throughout the day.
-M's husband bringing me to my first job today. he's been busy with work but had the day off so it was nice to have some normalness
-sunshine
-M's husband giving me $100. lately,he seems to still want to treat me like a child. he's insisting i don't pay for things like dinner to go out with them because i need that money in case for some reason they cant give me money for uber,etc the dynamics of this literally contradict that of someone giving someone a deadline to be out of the house by.
-iced almond milk halzelnut latte and chocolate donuts i got for breakfast today
-getting chipotle for dinner
-seeing T kitten run to me when i called his name when i got home. so freaking cute.
-fashion
-staying strong
-that i don't have to work tomorrow
-seeing the law of attraction manifest my intentions
-the word thank you and wanting to use that word more to manifest my desires
-that i get to go to the dentist tomorrow
-facebook
-prayer
-working on another recap for the past week's work
-laughing at life
-heels. wearing them makes me feel more able to take on the day
-makeup
-my phone
-trusting in the power of the universe instead of trying to take on actions myself. I trust God is good and is taking care of me and will fix the negativity being done against me. It's in God's hands.
-uber drivers really liking me because i've started to take it upon myself recently to text them after i request,where i'm at. I do this to be efficient and because ever since uber started sending them to wrong addesses and the drivers keep thanking me lately
-being smart
-black leggings
-soda pop
-sweaters
-becoming more indepdent and growing as a person despite what haters say
-trying to keep my vibe semi high despite all that is going on
-a good psychic reading session today with animal communicator. even without me bringing it up,she right away remembered S kitten when I had called. She thinks T cat is with a family and even brought up an orange cat with white which matches the description of my mother's cat and gave me some advice about him for me to look into. I am thinking about getting a reading done about this situation with ex best friend and his girlfriend.
-faith
-all that i have going for me
-my creativity

[buttercup]

today,i was crying on the way to my appointment and planning on how can i go missing. with all the pain,and then uber app telling me it'd be $60 bucks there and back,i felt overwhelmed and had to hide my face so the driver didn't see me upset. but my day got better because my appointment went very well,and i read some of my book and practiced the techniques while in the car,waiting in the lobby,and so on it shifted my vibe.
-how well my appoinment went. this dentist office was the friendliest ive been to ever. the dentist complimented my hair,wasn't in a rush,complimented how white my teeth were,tried to make me feel calm and was completely fine with giving me a filling/bonding instead of gum surgery like every other dentist which was what i had been wanting. finally. so good to finally get this done.
-the uber price going down to $20 on the way there after initially being $30 and $35 for cheapest possible ride,and then only being $13 on the way home.
-my book i've been reading that's really been resonating with me. i was able to easily practice the techniques all in the car while in the lobby and on the way home. it even seemed like people started to seem friendlier to me. the book shifted my vibe and made me feel more empowered in an organic way.
-getting some dinner out today delivered when i got home from my appointment
-feeling more confident about my teeth now
-coffee
-brownie bites i found in the fridge to eat
-watching a TV episode online tonight which was nice to just zone out for a bit.
-antidepressants.
-having my appointment for a new doctor tommorow
-getting some journaling done after wanting to do so for a few days
-surrender
-organically shifting my beliefs to more empowering ones
-fashion
-bumble app. though,i'm not sure anything is coming out of it. so far,it's just little meaningless chats.i do hope maybe something does.
-seeing little possible signs sometimes from G from the yoga studio. it makes me wonder sometimes.
-sleep
-all seeming to go well with my recaps from this weekend
-my phone
-sunshine
-my bed
-my new hair barrettes i got in the mail
-my conviction
-my beauty
-peace
-my outdoor cats
-being able to look at things logically
-getting more done with the letter to M last night
-how great my skin has been looking
-physical exercise
-goals
-opportunities
-reflection
-flowers
-entertainment
-talent
-lip balm
-empowerment
-touch
-water

[buttercup]

-bumble chats
-art
-music
-connection
-candy
-quiet
-making it to my doctor appointment and doctor being nice and getting me on zoloft,the med i've been wanting,and some psychiatry referrals
-while being about to request uber,being offered the flat flare/ride pass again. i was so excited,and mentally yelled out it's a miracle..and then shortly later realized i had affirmed a few times in the last day for miracles.
-the book i've been reading by william atkinson. it's been really resonating with me,and i've been practicing it on and off ever since i started it. i notice besides feeling calmer and more empowered/my vibe a little higher that people seem to be a little nicer towards me. it's weird.
-getting paid today
-going to the grocery store today and finally getting more food
-nice weather today
-sunshine
-nightskies
-being assertive
-coffee
-getting the tooth bonded yesterday
-working on my to-do list today
-deep cleansing breaths
-doing my dishes
-physical exercises
-even managing to say a few words to M today which i credit to my practice from the william atkinson book
-getting the power book in the mail today and the way the book looked. just looking at it,and holding it made me feel good
-my phone
-seeing for example when an older man that was my uber driver today,i, in my mind,became calmer thinking how important it is to be nicer to older people,and unintentionally practicing the works in the book i'm reading and suddenly he became much kinder to me.
-buying some peacock print ribbon for a project i want to do
-going nuts with shopping and buying a pillow that costs almost $100 that will be a handmade portrait pillow of T cat who has been missing. i wanted it,then felt this overwhelming hunch for it so i went with it
-fashion
-watching some TV episodes online tonight to relax
-how affectionate H cat is
-having T kitten in the house and letting him cuddle on me. He likes to do his ritual where it looks like he is possessing me. He goes on my chest,starts kneading in my sweater while purring and his eyes are shut and he looks like he is in relaxation ecstacy and then he lays on me like i'm a couch. He feels ridiculously close to me.
-getting the alcohol certification i needed to do an upcoming job and this is good because sometimes it's requested and now i can do more jobs now that i have it
-my eyeglasses
-the lemon luna bar i had for breakfast
-water
-being intelligent
-my beauty
-having nice lips
-my bed
-the fashion industry
-kawaii
-opportunities
-my primary career
-my heart chakra spray
-ideas
-kindness
-creativity
-nonconformity

[buttercup]

-food to eat
-ghee
-my vibration rising
-feeling my third eye chakra awakening
-my bed
-getting the collars that came onto H cat and T kitten
-animal lovers
-friendliness
-getting my third eye shirt in the mail
-coffee
-donuts
-all the cute pictures of cats i take and all the cute things they do
-meditation and feeling like i started to go deeper into it
-peacock prints
-the color blue
-opportunities
-eye stretches
-cleaning the bed
-stretches
-pictures
-social media
-determination
-sertraline
-doing more reading on my telepathy book and practicing with it
-my phone
-the internet
-organically overcoming beliefs that no longer serve me
-sleep
-accomplishing goals
-manifesting desires
-spirituality
-lotus flowers
-flowers
-quiet
-drinking more water
-peace
-sweaters
-gratitude
-the words thank you

[DarkChylde]

-all the cute pictures of cats i take and all the cute things they do



2221

[buttercup]

I always feel bad for those cats not having a coat. :(

[buttercup]

my mood has been more up,i have done 3 things that could be why. meditating more consistently,practicing telepathy,and the zoloft.
-band-aids
-water
-my good luck scrub
-getting a lot done today. which maybe explains why by the end of the day,i got lazier.
-following my gut and being assertive even though i didnt want. after showing my dad the more recent illustrations of concept i directed that I wasn't as crazy about and him randomly reassuring about victims as sympathy for me i think,and saying not nice to look at,I decided it just wasn't me. The original concept was more subtle and dreamy but the more final ones were just too graphic for me so i politely told the artist while complimenting her.
-my eyeglasses
-art
-getting the food card fixed so it will be back to normal by saturday
-people seeming friendlier then usual to me lately
-how cute T kitten and H cat look in their new collars
-going searching for S kitten and leafletting flyers from a an allet cat organzation in the neighborhood she was last seen in
-coffee
-chocolate
-being ageless. more,and more people are thinking i'm a student and way younger then i am. today,my uber driver thought so and said i have a baby face.
-kindness
-finishing the questions for the illustrator for my 2nd business thing i do
-coming clean to my therapist today about the truth of my living situation and how well it went,and that she didnt think it that odd.
-seeing energy shift about the thing that happened last week that was awful. M's husband is already sounding different in wording and also suggesting he might call up his son's girlfriend and try talking to her. he also seems to kind think the way i do now about things such as sh(girlfriend) is jealous of me,and about how M is being to me.
-deep cleansing breaths
-cleaning up my dishes
-shopping.i am addicted. today,i ended up buying some lysine chews for the cats,some blue lotus chocolate,herbal tinctures i've been out of,and nail polish from a brand i've wanted to try.i wanted to buy more but resisted and instead just spent time browsing and pinning items i liked on pinterest.
-uber
-laughing
-that i don't work until evening tomorrow
-confirming some jobs for june
-sending out a bunch of emails for jobs last night
-doing more studying
-staying calm and working on doing inner shifting
-my phone
-how cuddly W cat is. he is the fluffiest cat and has a warm energy despite sometimes having a very aloof face expression. i love to pick him up and hug him.
-social media
-pictures
-spices
-empathy
-seeing W cat,and P cat today and it looked even more like they are a cat couple. she keeps following him around and today i caught her roll down in front of him and show him her neck and then he licked it. about ten minutes later,they were both on top of the scaffold laying together. They are both spayed and neutered. It makes me think maybe cats do have relationships. I've seen several of my cats pair off and forge different bonds with the others. ever since my outdoor cats came into my life,i have learned so much about cats. Like,dad cat is the only cat i've never seen mom cat hiss or growl at,even though she is very much the boss. W cat and E cat seem to be practically soulmates,the way they are. For awhile,it seemed P cat and E cat were having fights,and then her and W cat,but now she's just always around the both of them. Half the time the cats go to somewhere else,where i'm guessing is where the dad cat likes to be and the other half of the time they are in/near the yard where we feed them and have shelters. Mom cat has brought the cats the more domesticated side and dad cat has brought them their more feral side..though dad cat is the nicer one,and mom cat is the mean one.
-getting E cat almost in the house. It was weird. I opened the door and P cat got curious and kept looking in and then E cat was by her and did the same thing and started looking and coming closer like he almost was about to walk in. This would've been very bizarre as he is the most feral all the kids and mom and he's the only one besides dad i've never been able to pet or pick up.
-quiet
-sertraline. though,i do think i have actually gotten just the slightest bit spacey since starting it.
-hip openers
-having goals
-how much my resume has improved since this time last year
-being able to make a positive difference
-discovering new things
-animal lovers
-southern california
-the industries i work in

[buttercup]

I'm staying strong but some moments of the day I feel powerless as if it's literally in my core,my solar plexus. When I felt myself shifting out of my vibe earlier,I made sure to practice telepathy on the way to work and it helped me get back up again.
-stretching
-body movement
-my eyeglasses
-working today
-my job making me feel more attractive. when a bunch of hot guys want to take a picture with you,and say things like can it be on their facebook,it's bound to make you feel a little better about yourself.
-getting another check in the mail today
-getting two free shirts from work today
-having been getting more independent in this last year
-soda
-water
-makeup
-my heart chakra spray
-uber
-my escentric 02 fragrance,it's been my favorite of the moment
-all my outdoor cats
-ordering some dinner out today for delivery
-TV episode online
-sleep
-naps
-sertraline
-warm weather today
-sunshine
-nightskies
-having this really weird experience AGAIN that's kind of trippy-today,I seen dad cat and he looked different again. NOT the cat who we keep thinking is him that lost a lot of weight lately. This one lets us get a little closer to him,but still very feral and he's bigger like we remember dad being,with more of a golden look to some of his brown. So,who the heck is that cat we keep seeing who we think is dad cat that we thought lost weight that some of the kid cats go by? I remember recently thinking when seeing that cat gosh,S kitten(who went missing) looks exactly like dad. She always has looked like dad,but that cat made me think especially so. So,is this S kitten? I had been praying and affirming we'd find her andshe'd find her way home. I even had a serendipity thing that sometimes happen before manifestations where a similar or minor version happens before it,and we did some across a friendly tiger print cat who came to our yard twice about a month ago or so.This one had some white on it so we knew it wasn't her. This cat looks exactly like dad,but smaller and S kitten would've gotten bigger by now,and some of our cats have been going by the cat. When she returned she could've easily returned to the 2nd home spot mom cat has which is somewhere across the alley wherever dad goes. Half our cats spend more time there. If it had been months,she could've just felt too scared to start coming up to us again. She always was a more timid one then my T kitten. The cats all always go back and forth who they bond most with,too. It's always seemed like the more feral of our cats go more by dad and the softer ones stay in our yard more. Unless this is just some weird matrix glitch but my mind was blown when I seen dad cat in yard. It was NOT the same skinny cat I had kept seeing. I had been feeling worry for months hoping the cat I thought was dad was ok because he had looked skinnier. Plus,this cat has been around...kinda often. Won't eat around us but probably does eat. Dad cat is a lot more irregular with how often he comes around.
-fashion
-bars
-fun
-hot guys
-dimmer lights
-kindness
-slowness
-confirming 2 jobs today
-pictures
-more signs M's husband is on my side
-heels
-love
-trying on my new mint green hoodie and how great it made my skin look
-my curves

[buttercup]

-physical exercise
-cleaning the room
-the color blue
-sertraline
-my bed
-sleep
-having some positive dreams..i had two dreams very randomly of L,the L i liked who seemed very interested then uninterested and cocky, contacting me
-confirming a job today
-rest
-style
-my phone
-the internet
-technology

[buttercup]

-pills to boost mood/calm down
-water
-TV episodes online
-naps
-crisis hotlines
-doing some reading today
-emailing the animal communicator
-dental bonding
-H cat sounding better today
-T cat that is the mom making me laugh when i kept shouting for T kitten to come and everytime i did,she came over by me to be petted. I realized she associates shouting like that for calling for any cat so she looked pretty confused when she was right by me and i pet her and still kept shouting. To see her keep coming back like that was hilarious.
-my phone
-reassuring web links
-the internet
-night skies
-almond milk
-buying a book about charisma that drew my attention by having a peacock on the cover
-chocolate
-hazlenut almond milk iced lattes with extra sugar
-healthy digestion
-believing in positive
-great quotes
-art
-yoga pants
-sunshine
-seeing the cat again that is not dad cat and is maybe S kitten
-hope
-practicing mental influence
-purchasing a life coaching/hypnotherapy session that caught my eye

[buttercup]

started reading the power,and once i got to this sentence about life not meant where moments of joy are few and far between i wanted to start crying. if that's the case,then why is that my life?
-staying strong. yesterday,i had on and off anxiety filled depressive breakdowns and was pretty much crying all day. I'm trying harder now though to keep my vibe high.
-finishing my book on mental influence and starting the power
-chocolate cake
-the sunshine. felt so good today,i thought i should just start meditating outside again. those always were my best meditations.
-practicing mental influence
-coffee
-soda
-healthy digestion
-friendly neighbors
-animal lovers
-talking to friendly neighbors while looking for T kitten who said they feed and care for a bunch of outdoor cats,too and that they'll keep an eye out for him
-feeling in my gut that T kitten is well and nobody tried to bring them in their house.
-seeing again the cat that isn't dad and the cat allowing itself to be closer. this cat likes to be really close to E cat. From the back and side the cat definitely looks like s kitten,but so far im not sure about the face
-online forums who talk about how they've had cats go missing for days,weeks,and even years and come back like nothing and reading again how people in europe think it's weird how americans think it's cruel to keep your outdoors and that in europe it's more the norm for cats to be outdoor
-getting the lysine treats in the mail for H cat and some homepathic medicine to try for him
-my new eye in a triangle shirt
-wearing my new glitter pool slides. i keep buying things then never wearing them so figured i should start.
-quiet
-sertraline
-sleep
-pills that calm me down
-doing some stuyding and getting through 2 lessons so far
-my beauty
-my agelessness
-stretches. my body felt awful from not doing anything to work it out yesterday
-my phone
-seeing a contributor got an article done for me
-feeling my third eye lately being activated. i'm getting the hunch to start spending more time on that chakra since i feel like i use it a lot when practicing mental influence. i start to yawn and get twitches in my forehead.
-the fan in my room
-deciding to take the lesson that as much as i care for the cats,and want them in my life,i care-take for them in a worrying way still and need to let go of that.
-touch
-the feeling of my feet with no shoes and socks on
-yoga pants
-organically altering beliefs that dont feel good to keep. today,i found myself trying to shift the belief that anyone has any power over me or can create in my reality.
-eye stretches
-deciding to change how i do my savings to simplify it
-getting a call for some work.i decided i don't want to do it but i don't think it'd be wrong for someone to do it with my beliefs if they felt they really needed to take it. it has to do with meat and i dont like being around meat but if i felt really desperate for the work,i don't think it'd be morally wrong to do it,because the more financial abundance you have,the more you can help animals anyways. i just think i can find something else,and more fitting instead.
-deep cleansing breaths
-taking care of myself
-seeing reality changes already. M's husband uses the word might now in regards to a situation instead of calling it a certainty now.
-TV episodes online
-getting caught up on my phone calls
-getting my health insurance switched
-getting my psychiatrist appointment bumped up for tomorrow
-getting my appointment for my chemical peel made
-my glycolic eyecream
-getting some exercise from going around looking for T kitten

[buttercup]

-TV episodes online
-getting prescribed benzos today
-talking to a psychic today and getting clear info on T kitten and where he is at and what to do. She said he's alive. she thinks he may be my cat soul connection who passed on in 2014. after she passed on,i had a dream of someone giving me a gray cat,and T kitten is gray.
-feeling relief today for some reason.
-nourishment
-self appreciation
-getting the bed cleared
-the pet psychic believing in the law of attraction and telling me to allow T kitten back and visualize it.
-my eyeglasses
-my beauty
-the beautiful,intoxicating weather today.
-sunshine
-nightskies
-getting my lavender and ashwagandha herbal medicinals in the mail today
-sending out emails for jobs today
-the skinny cat who looks like S kitten letting me come closer. who is this cat who hangs with our cats and looks just like S kitten?
-getting my pacifica nail color in the mail
-feeling like reality is more malleable lately
-social media
-sky gazing
-getting letter to M about 60% done
-warm showers
-bare feet
-touch
-the cats liking the lysine chews i bought
-my chocolates that came in the mail
-blueberry waffles
-spices
-plant based foods
-doing some reading of the powe
-feeling my faith growing and my vibe raising

[buttercup]

-My T kitten returning. It was amazing. The whole moment felt mundane as I opened the door and just like my lucid dream was checking was it really him. As soon as i was i was so excited that I woke up M's husband who came to see him and even brought him and he told his wife. This was such a relief to have my baby back. His collar was missing and he had a cut on his ear but he's been very cuddly and like himself. We spent lots of cuddling time today and I stayed out with them all for awhile last night. I have been in such a good mood ever since. I can see how i used the loa to allow him in. My desire was strong,then my vibe got high and I let go. I almost started to try when I seen him and I hugged him so much and said im sorry.I remember thinking as i was detaching that i felt myself wonder should i stop and i reminded myself no,this is a good thing,it means he's really close to being here.I also remember really surrendering and accepting which gave me a place of power.
-ordering new collars for T kitten and a tag for T kitten and H cat.
-that my T cat pillow is almost finished
-benzodiazepines. I cant help but wonder if these helped me manifest by getting my mind to calm so i can detach.
-sertraline
-camel pose
-back bends
-water
-seeing my T kitten killed and was eating a bird. Not that i'm happy about the bird's passing on but i like seeing that my little kitten is growing up and doing well with cat things.
-yoga pants
-all the beautiful sunshine
-warmth
-my bed
-blankets
-how high my vibe has been
-feeling stronger in my ability with how malleable reality is
-nightskies
-blueberry waffles
-deep cleansing breaths
-ice cold soda
-dental floss
-making my bed
-TV episodes online
-having nice lips
-self appreciation
-slowness
-my eyeglasses
-my beauty
-inspiration
-

[buttercup]

-lots of cuddle time with T kitten ever since he's been back on his little adventure. We even napped together for a bit tonight. He seems likes such a big boy lately.
-feeling so calm.i feel such a sense of relief overall,like everything is going to be alright with life
-lorazapam
-sertraline
-the beautiful weather today
-doing some more reading of the power
-letting out my desires in a way that felt calm,unneedy
-clean bed
-lavender
-water
-rosemary oil
-TV episodes online
-confirming another job today
-feeling like i have plenty of time
-doing more studying today
-apricot bread
-my beauty
-candy
-dental floss
-having a good dentist i can go to now
-nightskies
-my outdoor cats
-healthy digestion
-blankets
-going to sleep early last night
-meditation
-prayer
-letting go
-detachment
-gratitude-
-everything feeling easier now,like it's easy to just change the story.

[buttercup]

-feeling so relaxed lately
-squats
-water
-my T kitten. I adore him and am so glad things are back to normal.
-how high my vibe has been. everything good feels like it's already done and on the way and i just feel blase about anything negative and confident i'll shift it
-opportunities flowing in
-my pca skin facial wash
-naps
-TV episodes online
-going with M's husband to pick up sodas since we couldn't do our bike ride since it rained.
-getting another post up on my business's site which was good to focus on something different. even though i am contemplating ending it in december,i want to try a few more things first if i do.
-deciding to play with doing a google ad for business website. it looked good and made me happy
-happiness
-playing an emotion game the other day where for 10 seconds i let myself get really excited.i want to start playing with this more.
-doing some reading today
-the power book
-black leggings
-throwing some old things out
-plants
-music
-confirming 3 paid jobs today and from an agency that had seemed stagnant lately
-feeling like time is on my side
-the fan in my room
-work colleague wanting to do an interview feature on me which actually sounds perfect as i've been wanting an opportunity like that to come up
-assertiveness
-kindness
-chips
-that this month has been pretty filled with paid work
-lorazapam
-seeing the inner shift on the problem from 2 weeks ago,based on words even used by M's husband
-being 70% done with letter to M
-sertraline
-laughing
-stretching
-smiling
-cute pictures of me and T kitten
-motivation
-dental floss
-the homeopathic medicine i've been using on H cat

[buttercup]

-strawberrry cupcakes
-naps
-lorazapam
-someone asking me to dinner that i might say yes to
-meditation
-feeling more confident
-TV episodes online
-T kitten
-all my outdoor cats
-M's husband seeming to think i can change things
-sweet soda
-heels
-makeup
-my beauty
-music
-having a baby-face young look
-uber
-my strength
-being smart
-music
-inspiration
-water
-coffee
-feeling filled with life again
-feeling calm and like all will be ok
-mikes strawberry hard lemonade
-yoga
-my black ruffle socks
-fashion

[buttercup]

-TV episodes online
-feeling relaxed
-going for a 20 minute bike ride today
-deciding to exchange numbers with someone from bumble app and it going ok so far. he seems genuine ans suggested we go to dinner and that we talk on the phone
-doing my jobs today
-lorazapam. i feel like this drug has changed my life.i feel so much more confident,calm yet alive on this.
-fashion
-spending sometime with T kitten in the room this morning. M's husband brought him in.
-M's husband hinting there is something with M I don't know that has to do with me and her and why she was the way she was two weeks ago.
-M's husband giving me a ride to work today
-getting chipotle for dinner today
-the great weather today
-nightskies
-the homeopathic medicine i bought for H catseeming to work
-seeing M's sister and her seeming happy to see me and saying to come by again soon
-feeling beautiful
-water
-coffee
-chocolate cake
-sweet soda
-pinterest
-a new article up on business site of mine
-quiet
-my ambition
-the power book by rhonda byrne
-midol
-my escentric 02 perfume
-stretches
-trying to keep my vibe high
-surrender and slowness
-makeup
-heels
-having a baby face
-inspiration

[buttercup]

-feeling so much calmer,safer,and more alive. lorazapam has changed my life.
-lorazapam
-talking on and off all day yesterday with someone from bumble app who seems nice and genuine. he texted me this morning a few times,too.
-TV episodes online
-entertainment
-rock music
-cold coca cola
-chips
-feeling very relaxed
-the fashion industry
-stretching
-pretty much laying in bed all day and how good that felt
-beauty
-ideas
-warm showers
-cats
-getting the id tags in the mail for H cat and T kitten
-being 90% done with letter to M
-spending some napping/cuddle time with T kitten
-doing some reading
-doing some studying
-seeing the loa at work
-night skies

[buttercup]

-toothpaste
-finishing the letter to M
-taking lorazapam
-talking on the phone with B from bumble app. it made me feel more connected which is nice. i'm still not sure what i think of him though but it did feel nice to talk on the phone
-feeling calm and relaxed
-hip openers
-water
-TV episodes online
-my beauty
-having a baby face
-having a model face
-starting to take mini videos of the cats and me and enjoying how things appear in moving camera
-chocolate
-rest
-naps
-cuddle time with T kitten
-nightskies
-socks
-doing some more reading of the power
-my eyeglasses
-the supplements i take
-fashion
-music

[buttercup]

-lorazapam
-spending quality cuddle time with T kitten
-my strength
-leaving the letter to M on her kitchen table
-iced almond milk hazelnut latte and chocolate donuts
-the power by rhonda byrne
-my bed
-my blankets
-rest
-naps
-doing 20 minutes on the rebounder and getting a little bit of a sweat in. so glad i found another workout option
-feeling safe and like all is well
-texting more with B today though it's odd how small of a world it is. i think he was in my facebook friends list a long time ago,and he's currently in my linked in list.
-squats
-hip openers
-having a young face
-having a cute voice
-playing around taking more videos of me and T kitten and how well they actually came out
-my phone
-the internet
-inspiration
-beauty
-how white my teeth are
-my jobs coming up this weekend
-TV episodes online
-finding a card that seemed perfect for M's husband that i ordered
-socks
-dental floss

[buttercup]

-lorazapam
-twitter
-buying some balloons i felt drawn towards off etsy
-talking again to B from bumble in text then on the phone.i can feel a connection growing. he keeps saying i'm too cute and a sweetheart and that he looks forward to getting to know me. we also followed each other on instagram today
-my T kitten.
-all my outdoor cats and the possibility that S kitten is nearby
-TV episodes online
-feeling in an upbeat mood today
-going for a bike ride today
-my body feeling nice and strong
-yoga pants
-kit kat bars
-laughing
-reading more of the power
-feeling my vibe being higher
-doing more studying
-beauty
-having a baby face look
-coffee
-sweet soda
-water
-feeling more confident
-music
-sweeping my floor
-sunshine and warmth
-nightskies
-the feeling of aliveness
-having nice lips
-having bright white teeth
-warm showers
-clorox wipes
-blankets
-my bed
-rest
-lots of money coming in soon
-having natural flexibility
-working on changing my thoughts to peace ones
-positive changes and evolving

[buttercup]

had a quarter life crisis before bed and felt emotional/depressed during the early part of the day.
-tissues
-socks
-lorazapam
-physical exercise
-doing some rebounding and working up a sweat
-still talking to B daily
-my eyeglasses
-ordering pizza for dinner with M's husband
-making another appointment to get a bonding done before the month is over
-my style
-not working until tomorrow night
-soda pop
-water
-coffee
-M's husband telling me there's a cinnamon bagel in the fridge for breakfast when i woke up
-yoga pants
-TV episodes online
-cuddle time with T kitten. First he went in his little spot at the back of the bed,then he came closer and his was right by my head. so cute. wish i could've taken a picture.
-cute pictures i get of the cats. today,i got T kitten chilling in the dog house we put straw in and altered and he looked very cozy.
-my phone
-high vibes
-the homeopathic medicine i've been putting in the cat water and it seeming to help H cat a little
-my beauty
-having an ageless face
-rest
-my bed
-reading more of the power
-doing more studying
-dental floss
-night skies
-more opportunities for money coming in to make june a lucrative earning month
-taking things one day at a time
-feeling more confidence about my teeth since getting bonded done
-seeing an instagram pic gif that said to take a screenshot and whatever you get is your message which was fiting for me. to let go of frustration and be patient. :)

[buttercup]

-my beauty
-makeup
-my life picking up just a little bit socially
-talking to B from bumble everyday this week
-lorazapam
-meditation
-feeling like a very attractive girl
-doing some rebounding today and how good it feels to move my body
-band-aids
-TV episodes online
-coca cola
-M's husband bringing me to my job today
-fashion
-the girl i worked with today being very cool and offering me a ride home since im on the way and saying we can be friends and hang out and giving me her phone number. we had a lot in common and she even goes to clubs,too. so,i made a new friend today.
-seeing T kitten play
-detachment
-seeing all my cats play
-sunshine
-flowers
-greenery
-social media
-nightskies
-becoming more confident and independent,learning,and growing
-playing with mental influence
-food
-iced almond milk hazelnut latte with chocolate donuts
-buying myself a new party dress to treat myself for feeling down and celebrating abundance i'm choosing to increase
-getting another check in the mail today
-inspiration
-having a job for primary career tomorrow
-playing with inducing excitement feelings
-rest
-naps
-heels

[buttercup]

-feeling like a model
-getting more comfortable in my body again
-lorazapam
-creativity
-doing some more reading on this book about charisma that i'm liking so far
-having a nice body
-having nice lips
-beauty
-inspiration
-great advice
-phone calls and texts with B
-my outdoor cats
-doing some studying
-nourishment
-tea
-ginger candies
-water
-coffee
-soda pop
-chocolate mousse cake
-my strength
-TV episodes online
-practicing being present today and enjoying the sounds going on around me and the greenery
-going to new places
-great skin creams
-toothpaste
-yoga
-seeing T kitten enjoy his outdoor house
-heels
-naps
-my bed
-my accomplishments
-increasing my money beliefs and abundance more and more
-unblocking old limiting beliefs
-a big influx of money about to come in
-building up my savings
-my confidence
-my progress i've made since this time last year
-my kind heart
-hearing M mention my name tonight while i was drifting to sleep. another sign of things maybe starting to become very slowly normal
-being smart
-the diffuser nightlight in my room
-uber
-great uber deals
-cat cuddles

[buttercup]

well me and B ended before we began. We got into an argument this last night then this morning,he said he isnt interested in me anymore. then we kept talking and he said he was sorry and wrong for everything and we talked normal but never did go to our plans. he called me to chat and during said something about waiting a few weeks to meet up so we can get to know each other better then being in a relationship a few months after that. it was off putting and after thinking abut it i told him no. I can put him in the friend box,i could always use a new friend but that won't change then. he said multiple times i'm very special and he's looking forward to getting to know me and sent me a disney meme saying i'll never have a friend quite like him. I don't know how so easily this could happen but uncle says it sounds like he gave up too easily and wants to play the field now so i texted him that i think it sounds fishy this whole wait a few weeks thing. Last night he was talking about how he felt lonely and was very chatty with me. Everything is odd. He has said i'm very beautiful and he's flattered to talk on the phone to such a beautiful girl. Well,my heart feels a little empty but mostly i'm just irritated that this is modern dating.
-spending some time laying out on the sun in the yard and how relaxing that was
-T kitten
-wearing some of my new clothes to feel good. i love my new wildfox sweater. it looks great. and my gucci slides
-my dolce&gabbana slides
-T cat spending a lot of time with me in the yard
-all my outdoor cats
-reading some of my rituals magazine outside in the yard
-bananas
-makeup and that i seem to be getting better at applying it
-TV episodes online
-lorazapam
-yoga
-having nice lehs
-M buying me a catpuccino tote bag while she was out shopping.i guess that's some progress with her treating me better and me shifting this situation.
-my bed
-naps
-rest
-socks
-chocolate mousse cake
-m's husband buying me chipotle for dinner
-yoga mats
-cuddle time with T kitten
-ice cold water
-H cat sounding better
-makeup
-having a young look
-my conviction
-graphic design

[buttercup]

one day no talking to B. I guess that's the first day since we started chatting. i had started to feel a connection to him so it's a bummer. and,i'm tired of passive agressive hate comments people make in general.
-getting all the top teeth i wanted bonded done today and dentist willing to do bottoms too but we decided to follow that up with another appointment. i love going to this dentist.
-lorazapam
-cuddle time with T kitten
-warning time to sneak him out of the window because M came home early for some reason
-freedom
-uber
-feeling more attractive about my teeth
-naps and rest
-finding out i may be published in another magazine soon
-coffee
-calmness
-TV episodes online
-yoga
-compliments
-water
-having a nice body
-doing some studying
-the book i've been reading and how good it's been. it's given me some ideas on even writing a letter(not send) to an enemy to change my reality
-bananas
-chocolate mousse cake
-coca cola
-my teddy bear hair brush
-my prada candy perfume
-getting my new insurance card
-the sky
-makeup
-the construction pop-up card i got for M's husband coming in the mail today
-seeing H cat and T kitten sleeping together in the same doghouse straw shelter. usually they each take their separate so it was cute they were probably cuddling.
-my bed
-blankets
-

[buttercup]

-finding out i'm going to be in a publication in scotland. i am officially international.
-seeing beautiful pictures of myself
-rags
-B and I talking again. I texted him and he apologized a lot and we talked all day. It was nice.
-getting more organic chemical peel today
-nice spaces
-great uber prices
-becoming better at being assertive and communicative
-doing some great journaling last night working more on clearing an old limiting belief which is kind of funny considering the manifestaton i had today after that
-rest
-sunshine
-cuddle time with T kitten. he took off his damn collar again. when we cuddle he looks like he is so happy and in bliss.
-doing some studying and being almost done with the powerpoint
-getting my new insurance packet in the mail
-coffee
-M putting $50 in my account
-water
-lorazapam
-just feeling calmer and more confident since being on lorazapam
-doing some rebounding and getting a sweat in and how good that feels
-style and fashion
-doing more decluttering last night
-the apricot bread i've been eating today.i can only eat light and this works fine when i toast it
-quiet
-nightskies
-opportunities
-pinterest
-the law of attraction becoming a little easier again
-TV episodes online
-coca cola
-feeling more confident about my looks
-my clothes fitting looser
-umcka
-my ysl lipstick
-my teddy bear hairbrush
-seeing what i could've sworn was a pig on the way home. was so cool and bizarre. i just googled pig symbolism and it says ferility. i DID see the pig right after talking about how we feel about kids with B. Very odd. I was the one saying i don't want kids and he said he does and he asked why not and i said i'd consider it if person im with really wanted them
-being in a pretty good mood all day
-beauty
-my lips
-my teeth
-music

[buttercup]

-bananas
-water
-iced coffee
-coca cola
-yoga
-physical exercise
-T kitten and how adorable he is
-laying down
-doing more studying and being almost done with the course i'm on
-inspiration
-my ambition
-going to therapy today and it going well
-texting M and asking if she could take me anywhere soon. my lorazapam has me feeling bolder and according to M's husband more child-like and happier. She asked if i meant the mall and said she is going swimming on sunday and i can go also pilates and then yoga tomorrow so i'm going to try and do at least one of these things.i think it's key to healing.
-B and I talking again today. We got into another fight again. We talked on the phone though for over an hour when he was done with work and it was nice but i wonder if we are compatible. He was feeling more feisty today and even made a couple sexual remarks and called his ex a bitch. We laugh a lot but i literally wondered a moment ago if we will end up just really good friends. There is chemistry there. I noticed that and then shortly after he brought it up that he thinks we have more chemistry then compatibility but we have some compatibility too. He called me beautiful today and says i'm adorable all the time and added me to facebook today. He thinks he may have met me before. I am not sure but that'd be really interesting if we have.
-finding my old rollerblades in the basement. i had thought ex best friend stole them so what a happy relief to find them
-spending some time laying in the sun today.i wore my shades and laid on my yoga mat. the cats tend to come by me when i do this which is interesting. I listened to some music from my phone while doing this. it felt very healthy and nice
-feeling overall more confident and uplifted lately
-TV episodes online
-finding a music group to feature in 2nd business career thing i do
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-lorazapam
-biotene. i think it's already starting to reduce my dry mouth
-feeling more confident about my teeth lately
-my lips
-having a kind heart
-having a great personality
-my phone
-music
-uber
-having money in my account
-getting paid anyday now
-feeling more energized
-deep cleansing breaths
-my self belief increasing a little bit
-having nothing to do tomorrow
-certain areas of my life kicking into gear a little bit

[buttercup]

-talking to B pretty regularly. today he said he starting to care for me.
-being in a mostly good mood today
-lorazapam
-going to the gym with M. was a little awkward. Her friend D was there and suggested we take a bike ride soon and i said yes. lorazapam just chills me out and makes me relax and not care as much about the little things that'd grudge me.
-spending time with T kitten this morning having him in my bed
-enjoying the sunshine today
-getting my T cat custom portrait pillow from istanbul today
-getting my cats knee high socks in the mail today
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-water
-M making me a protein drink for dinner
-M bringing some clothes in my room that are mine and had been on the couch and i hadnt seen them in awhile
-music
-makeup
-my ysl lipstick
-positive new changes
-TV episodes online
-adding money to my savings
-my new mint green hoodie i wore today
-my style
-yoga pants
-coffee
-water
-new opportunities coming to me
-working tomorrow
-how adorable T kitten is just sitting in his little outdoor cat house
-meditation and how grounded it makes me
-finding my rollerblades i thought ex stole in the basement very randomly last night
-my heart chakra spray
-my escentric 02 perfume
-confirming a music for my 2nd business
-deep cleansing breaths
-night skies
-deodorant
-beauty
-inspiration
-meeting inspiration
-the careers i do for a living
-getting the powerpoint 2013 certificate completed

[buttercup]

-TV episodes online
-buying a succulent skin cream with aloe in it
-still talking to B regularly
-working today
-the internet
-music
-getting some sun
-going to new places
-seeing art
-stretches
-being around cool things
-my team lead being excited to work with me and vibing well with each other
-sunglasses
-nightskies
-cats
-naps
-lorazapam
-potatoes
-grapefruit oil
-iced hazelnut almond milk latte
-aloe juice
-cold fruity drinks
-blankets
-my new socks coming in the mail
-my bed
-my beauty
-self compassion
-glycolic eyecream
-my hydrocortisone calm clinic cream
-uber
-dimmer lights
-becoming stronger

[buttercup]

-alo juice
-finding out my appt tomorrow isnt until 6pm
-going swimming today and how nice the water felt
-B to talk to
-compliments
-rest
-blankets
-my mint green hoodie
-my silver swim bottom from tobi boutique
-TV episodes online
-M buying me a marshmallow dream bar and iced frap
-my bed
-new experiences
-abstract art
-uber
-becoming more fearless,confident,and competant
-buying the succulent skin gel the other day
-M putting more money in my account today
-my stomach feeling a little better today
-meditation and how grounded it makes me feel
-the hydrocortisone cream i've been using on my face
-sunshine
-nightskies
-naps
-deciding to go ahead and still paint the walls gray
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-the glitter pool slides
-stretches
-inspiration
-staying strong and trying to be happy for the little things
-kindness in others
-that i am growing as a person
-having a young look
-friendly people
-future exciting job opportunities
-space and space inspirations
-having nice lips
-having nice teeth
-phone calls with B
-that B has said he isn't going to talk to any other girls until we meet either
-that my vibe keeps getting higher
-comedy
-beauty
-inspiration
-the industries i work in

[buttercup]

-water
-coffee
-the lemon pie slice M got me last night that i had for breakfast
-M making me a protein drink today
-gin gins
-being in a good mood today
-sleep
-M's husband and i patching things up today
-talking to B today and him asking what kind of flowers i like and saying he was thinking of getting me some flowers
-the fan in my room
-doing some more cleaning and organizing
-M's husband buying gray paint for my bed room walls
-having a great life coaching and hynotherapy session that was really inspiring. how zen the place was. him saying he thinks i have something about me to change the lives of many and complimenting my teeth and hair and saying i am beautiful and have a calming voice. offering me a discount on our next session and just leaving feeling like i have purpose and value again.
-my bed
-blankets
-catching up on some reading
-my payment for jobs worked in may being iniated into my account
-kindness
-my mint green hoodie
-my sense of style
-my nourishing skin creams and blocks i used today
-makeup
-TV episodes online
-laughing
-music
-getting an email from someone who thinks they may have seen T cat who's been missing and exchanging back and forth emails with them

[Honeybadger400]

* Having a site like this that people in need can find to help them with situations / issues that are not easy to get information about

[buttercup]

b hasn't texted me as much since tonight. it's made me a little anxious. part of what gets me is i dont even know if i likehim since i havent met him yet so all this connection could be for nothing.
-B and i making up last night and being good this morning
-going to psychiatrist and he was very happy with my progress
-naps
-lorazapam
-being offered more jobs for july
-the internet
-my body starting to look slimmer
-M making me a protein drink today
-the awesome life coaching session i had the other day which has still stayed with me
-the lifecoach texting me our hypnosis session and listening to it this afternoon
-sneaking T kitten in this morning and cuddling with him and then bringing him in again in the evening
-my style
-my glitter jelly pool slides
-doing some reading
-my bed
-my nausea seeming to decease a little bit
-chocolate mousse cake
-coffee
-uber
-the big opportunities coming for me
-letting my heart open more to the big opportunities i feel are meant to come into my life
-motivation
-my phone
-the internet
-music
-rebounding
-doing some more cleaning and organizing
-water
-moisturizers
-getting the questions done for the new group i want to feature
-sending more emails out for jobs
-TV episodes online
-opportunities
-ideas
-my creativity
-newness
-fashion
-black leggings
-my mint green hoodie
-friendly people

[buttercup]

B and I ended. I brought up an issue that i thought made us incompatible and waited to talk it out so i said things calmly and he went ballistic on me. He said F u to me,he called me disgusting,he said I was below him and that he didnt care if i jumped off a building or cut myself and that I deserved all that he was saying. He said more,too. Idk how this happened. I must've glossed over the minor red flags. I even told him he was making me nervous and he didn't care. He so far has blocked me from bumble app and unfollowed me on instagram but is still on twitter and facebook. Twitter is what caused the problem. I noticed sometime during our argument though he had cleaned up the things that bothered me and deleted them which is interesting. I deleted his number and am very sad to have seen his true colors come out. I was polite and spoke from the heart and he just lost it. We hadn't even met yet and he went this nuts.
-talking to crisis line worker after verbal abuse from B
-talking to uncle after verbal abuse from B . Both agree to cut communication.
-biotene
-my dentist appointment tomorrow
-laying down
-getting a lot done despite it being a lazy day
-TV episodes online
-finding good news out about primary career set for tommorow
-more info on another big thing coming soon for career
-being smart
-my conviction
-sweeping my floor
-the protein drink M made me
-my check being deposited today
-M buying me cookies that were very good that i ate today
-getting my appetite back a little and nausea going away
-doing some rebounding for exercise
-bringing T kitten in room this morning to sleep with me then later in the afternoon
-how social T cat has been
-buying the funky avant garde yoga pants B said was sexy and life coach said i should gt
-buying some beauty products i wanted
-buying some pet products for my outdoor cats and my mom's cats
-biotene
-lorazapam and how confident it makes me
-striking up conversations with M despite it all
-doing some reading of the charisma book i'm on and my asos magazine
-nice weather today
-music
-fashion
-feeling more inspired to go for it
-coca cola
-my phone
-the internet
-my body getting slimmer
-coffee
-blueberry waffles
-hope
-water
-doing some mirror technique affirmations
-sleep
-crisis line workers

[buttercup]

B this morning has unfollowed me from twitter and the dating app and has said more insults and has said he isnt sorry and i deserve them. very sad how all this happened. he is still in my facebook for some reason though. everyone has said i should cut ties with him.
-TV episodes online
-getting my teeth finished
-deciding to send flowers to my dentist even though everytime i do nice things others criticize it. kindness and ahimsa is important to me and she was an amazing dentist.
-uber
-M making me a protein drink
-T kitten
-rest
-lorazapam
-being assertive
-L randomly texting me and us vibing all day and planning to meet on the day i was going to meet B
-an attractive guy on the bumble app matching with me and chatting a smidge
-updating my linkedin
-M's friend D wanting to go on a bike ride tomorrow
-coca cola
-yoga
-meditation
-my phone
-feeling inspired to contact E from my past,and him responding and friendly. I'm glad i opened that door.
-the homeopathy medicine that's made H cat look and sound a lot better
-my eyeglasses
-laughing at life
-motivating myself when i felt down
-beauty
-feeling more confident in my body
-sunblock
-the dimmer lights
-nightskies
-doing some reading
-the cookies m bought for me
-buying myself some products to cheer myself up after what B did last night
-my nausea decreasing
-eye stretches
-hope
-peace
-love
-T cat

[buttercup]

-my bed
-sleep
-coca cola
-cookies
-coffee
-my publication im in coming out
-photo likes
-new fb picture
-new ig picture
-B still hasnt deleted me from fb for some reason despite having been on
-lorazapam
-deciding to start messaging about 40 people on facebook chat out of the blue just to see what happens. some were pleasantly surprised to hear from me,some assumed i wanted something,a few no responses,and RC actually conversed back and forth with me a bit. The guy i liked before I met ex best friend. He even asked if i was seeing anyone. Was a very surprising and nice little convo.
-TV episodes online
-losing weight and clothes fitting better
-yoga pants
-my new cactus flower face mist and how great it makes me skin look
-finding H cat after worrying all day where he was
-T kitten
-all my outdoor cats
-doing my jobs today
-heels
-feeling like a primary career again i do again
-kind messages
-compliments
-going to yoga class the other day
-becoming better at conversations
-doing some reading
-alcohol samples and being fine with them
-uber
-night skies
-putting money aside for my next life coaching session
-M's D friend kissing my head the other day

[buttercup]

-my beauty
-aloe vera gel
-doing well with getting over ballistic B. He still hasnt deleted me from fb despite unfollowing me everywhere else
-being in a magazine
-lots of kind messages from others
-working today and getting done early
-my custom T cat pillow
-getting my recaps done
-wearing my new party dress i bought tonight
-leg makeup
-my cactus flower face mist
-a new picture for instagram
-being cool
-having sex for the first time in 3 years.i think this is very good for me.
-L being there for me when B suddenly departed
-going out for drinks with L and having fun and that he always covers the bill,takes control and is chivalrous
-compliments
-uber
-coca cola
-trying a new bar i've been wanting to try
-being social and how good that feels just to get out there
-naps
-overcoming old blocks
-having a positive dream the other day that said i dont have to move out
-hearing today ex best friend is moving which makes even more sense to why he shouldn't care i'm here
-lorazapam and how much it's changed me for the better
-vegan pizza from whole foods
-M's husband bringing me to work today
-M's husband doing something bad ass and going to 2nd location i was supposed to work at and getting receipt i needed and pics and product so i wouldn't have to after saving me a lot of time plus he was going by there anyways to get his wife's water from the store she likes
-that i was able to have 2 cocktails today with no problems
-friendly people
-my phone
-becoming more self sufficient and also coming back to myself again
-water
-cuddle time with T kitten
-the color of the sky before it turns to morning
-my bed
-blankets
-how much better H cat looks since giving him homeopathic nose relief medicine
-TV episodes online
-having updated facebook,linkedin,and instagram now and keeping it a goal to be on top of that more
-night skies
-peace
-sunglasses
-my prada bag
-style
-motivation
-my beauty
-fun
-going with the flow
-trying to believe in "magical" things

[buttercup]

-that RC asked if i was seeing anyone the other day and we had a normal conversation. this is huge.
-finally having sex after 3 years. this is huge.
-seeing L left me a hickey. i didn't even notice it until the afternoon
-aloe vera gel
-lemon meringue pie
-another old crush responding to a fb message
-lots of people happy to hear from me and wanting to meet me for coffee
-coca cola
-shopping
-getting my christian dior package in the mail
-doing some reading
-lorazapam
-doing some more studying
-sunburn being just about gone
-compliments
-feeling beautiful
-physical exercise
-cookies
-protein shakes
-cuddle time with T kitten
-a nice session with the animal communicator today
-rest
-getting some work done on current article i'm working on and getting excited about how good its looking
-getting my cover in the mail and how good it looks. i want to frame it.
-my beauty
-my cactus flower hydrating mist
-having nice eyes
-my primary career
-my phone
-R being so helpful with wanting to help find S kitten
-ideas
-confirming another job today
-confirming a makeup artist and hairstylist for another job coming up
-water
-quiet
-desires
-excitement

[buttercup]

-music
-the conversation with RC the other day. he is my current muse
-the jager shirt i've been wearing today
-seeing the law of attraction as weird and now always believing in it
-art
-creativity
-protein drink M made
-drinking more water
-deciding based on what doctor said to get some blood tests done
-love
-the hickey l gave me
-my room getting started painting
-cleaning the yard and raking under the front porch today
-naps
-friends to talk to
-my new yoga pants i got in the mail
-getting a preview of interview questions for tomorrow and making some notes on them so im prepared for tomorrow
-cleaning and orgranizing half my closet
-TV episodes online
-lorazapam
-taking things one day at a time
-my new fb profile pic and how perfect it is
-that B still didnt delete me from fb
-water
-pinterest
-peanut butter cookies
-coca cola
-naps
-cuddle time with T kitten
-my outdoor cats
-being intelligent
-getting some studying done
-my new christian dior eye cream
-looking young
-my accomplishments
-having a voice
-my phone
-my confidence growing
-my vibe growing
-staying strong
-adding money to my savings
-catching up on reading today
-inspiration
-motivation

[buttercup]

-TV episodes online
-honoring my feelings
-rags
-hot guys
-kissing
-people to text
-having all my teeth fixed
-buying myself something from agent provocateur on sale
-my interview today going well
-having a ride to work tomorrow
-lorazapam
-coffee
-staying more in the moment
-high vibes
-not believing something if it doesn't feel right
-my new gray bedroom walls
-cats
-cuddling with T kitten
-my desires
-how much i've upgraded my wardrobe in the last year
-getting my certificate for the course i was studying for the last week
-bananas
-the hickey l gave me. so cute.
-finally having had sex for the first time in 3 years.i really think this is forward movement for me
-prayer
-my heart chakra spray
-my bed
-my beauty products
-my escentric 02 perfume
-doing some reading
-feeling upbeat
-warmth
-adding money to my savings
-doing some reading
-my intelligence
-doing some rebounding
-getting a new article up on 2nd business career
-all the offers and opportunities coming
-feeling so much more confident and assertive and calm ever since being on lorazapam
-blankets
-my beauty
-music
-pinterest
-social media
-having a normal conversation with RC the other day
-inspiration
-getting more work done on article i'm doing
-some upcoming content coming up for 2nd business
-biotene
-my phone
-listening to some upbeat talks on youtube today
-friends to chat with on facebook
-compliments
-M making me protein shakes
-having nice hair
-art

[buttercup]

-i worked today and got a ride to work
-iced almond milk hazelnut lattee
-my strength
-B and I made up. He apologized. Made me feel like a winner.
-my beauty
-all my tearsheets
-when B calls me beautiful
-B following me back on ig
-meditation
-comfortable clothes
-cuddle time with T kitten
-getting the lingerie i ordered in the mail today
-lorazapam
-sending peace messages/emails to several people and all pleasant positive results back
-feeling more confident
-adding some people from my past to fb
-feeling really in sync with B when we were talking
-my new gray walls
-nice long naps
-my interview going well yesterday
-confirming a lot of jobs today
-coca cola
-eating a lot less calories lately
-seeing my weight go down little by little
-my bed
-deep cleansing breaths
-TV episodes online
-cleaning out my closet some more and throwing more things away
-makeup
-finishing up my book i was reading
-having nice hair
-M making me a protein drink again
-yoga
-my style
-updating my list of intentions
-water
-prayer
-high vibes
-my new christian dior eye cream making my eyes look really young
-feeling connected
-forgiveness
-my phone
-social media
-art
-entertainment
-inspiration

[buttercup]

-working today
-feeling relaxed and content
-lots of confirmed jobs coming in
-2 dates this week. A photographer i worked with before who is really hot matched with me on bumble
-that B and I are talking again
-TV episodes online
-my new gray walls and how soothing it is
-getting a ride to work today
-lorazapam
-iced hazelnut almond milk latte with extra sugar
-pillows
-rags
-fixing my eyebrows
-having great skin
-compliments
-losing weight
-being flirted with
-being in magazines
-the latest article i wrote getting compliments from the band
-cuddle time with T kitten
-cleaning up the room a bit
-space
-naps
-having possible design interns now
-having nice curves
-black leggings
-coca cola
-chocolate
-having positive dreams
-life having some movement
-forgiveness
-healing
-peace
-iced water
-spiced beyond chicken buffalo wings from whole foods
-stretches
-makeup
-body being sore
-christian dior eye cream
-blankets
-charisma
-heels
-taking things one day at a time
-smiling
-beauty
-my phone
-all my outdoor cats

[buttercup]

-nourishment
-having a little fun at my job
-self care
-being liked
-helping a mouse to be saved at work today
-my style
-compliments
-being called beautiful
-being told i have a beautiful smile
-mustard
-my lips
-my teeth
-lots of cuddle time with T kitten today and getting some really cute pics of him
-ice cold water
-food
-seeing ex best friend in his car(gf with him) and not even getting bothered and staying on the stairs while he stayed where he was parked waiting for stuff from his parents. i am growing and no longer letting him have power over me or her
-holding W cat
-how soft H cat's fur has been
-M's husband getting a porch light finally
-socks
-TV episodes online
-my new gray walls
-the wind
-how good my skin has been looking
-weight going down and m's husband agreeing
-yoga pants
-newness
-having 2 dates this week
-my be
-how pretty mom cat is
-doing a little studying
-doing a little reading
-lorazapam
-another work contact from the past contacting me online today
-doing some reflecting on this last year in my journal
-smiling
-laughing
-being appreciated
-night skies
-quiet
-nice weather today
-makeup
-sunglasses
-rest
-my christian dior eye cream
-M's husband bringing me to work
-uber
-physical exercise
-massage
-calm
-surrender
-acceptance
-taking things one day at a time
-gin gins
-decluttering the closet some more
-my cactus flower face mist
-aloe vera gel
-lights off
-all the forward movement lately

[buttercup]

-rest
-reflection and growth
-my new gray walls
-supposed to be meeting B tomorrow
-pictures
-adding more money to my savings
-cozy feelings
-cuddle time with T kitten
-hot guys
-feeling my feelings
-decluttering the closet some more
-M's husband bringing me some really good donuts
-rebounding today
-music
-physical exercise
-peace
-forgiveness
-healing
-doing some reading today
-breaks
-doing some studying today
-meditation
-coca cola
-how nice the neighbors were tohold the package for me when no one heard the door for something i've been waiting for
-people to text with me and message
-bumble app
-aloe vera gel
-homeopathic remedies
-confirming more hours for this weekend of work
-getting a new graphic design intern and new graphic teaser image which was the highlight of my day for 2nd business
-appreciation
-seeing things i've wanted to grow,grow
-TV episodes online
-being easy on myself
-stomach getting flatter and more sculpted
-eye stretches
-calmness
-my stomach starting to feel better
-kindness
-eye stretches
-lorazapam
-new clothes
-new beauty products
-blankets
-love
-the new porch light
-motivation
-stretches
-my christian dior eye cream
-dimmer lights
-my ambition
-biotene
-the supplements i take

[susan]

Please be careful with the Lorazapan Buttercup. I'm not medically trained to be able to give advice and I'm sure you have been professionally advised, but I just want to say to be careful. It seems to be one of those tablets that could cause dependency or so I read. Just saying so you can be aware if you weren't already.

[buttercup]

Please be careful with the Lorazapan Buttercup. I'm not medically trained to be able to give advice and I'm sure you have been professionally advised, but I just want to say to be careful. It seems to be one of those tablets that could cause dependency or so I read. Just saying so you can be aware if you weren't already.


It's been great so far.

[buttercup]

today's been a bit of a bummer. it's already summer. i met up with B yesterday. It went nice. We vibed. Afterwards,he said he is very attracted to me but thinks we arent compatible and should be friends. it literally makes no sense since he said chemistry is more important to him before.i think there's something else. he looked younger,and cuter in person and like a soft-hearted type. It's too bad. We were very polite to each other and everything. Afterwards,when he said what he said i stayed polite and wished him luck in finding his right person. I just cant help but feel maybe he is pushing me away. He seemed bummed too,i think saying he is just going to start focusing more on work. I think i am,too. Another bummer is,the guy G i was going to have a date with tomorrow looks like it may not pan out,he gave me his home address when i said where are we meeting and i said i don't hook up with guys i hardly know and no response yet and it's been hours. Ugh. But,at least i'm making progress and getting out there. Two dates in 2 weeks after not a single date in like a year.I need to trust the process and let it all unfold.
-that my room is finally finished
-mysteriously having more money in my account
-biotene
-relaxing music
-cuddle time with T kitten
-my outdoor cats
-my beauty
-nourishment
-iced water
-connection
-booking another job for primary career. maybe i am on my path to my goal of "becoming famous."
-lorazapam
-sleep
-newness
-TV episodes online to watch
-getting a check in the mail today
-cold coca cola
-M's husband talking to me when i felt sad today
-M's husband bringing me a donut for breakfast
-M's husband being nice to me today
-becoming more self sufficient but realizing there is still some agoraphobia there
-my therapist agreeing to write a letter that i can only work part time right now
-buying myself an om tank top and bach flower remedy to cheer myself up
-feeling almost ready to exit my gray phase i've been in
-beyond meat plant based burgers
-my phone
-my stomach starting to feel better
-night skies
-goals
-motivation
-doing some more reading today
-doing some more studying today
-reconnecting with people from the past
-faith
-hope
-getting another mental influence book in the mail i ordered
-music
-that im trying
-that i am making progress
-therapy yesterday
-compliments that i'm glowing from all the awesome skincare products i've been using
-compliments on my hair
-makeup
-my style
-great uber rates
-uber
-my gucci slides
-sportsbras
-my glitter slides
-cuteness
-self compassion

[buttercup]

-my strength. it's been a bummer of a week but i'm getting through
-protein drinks
-beyond meat vegan burgers with mustard
-nausea going away
-cuddle time with T kitten
-allowing myself to express my art and creativity
-TV episodes online
-cats
-sleep
-wearing my new yoga pants
-having nice hair
-focusing more on fitness and how good that feels
-lorazapam
-doing some reading
-doing some studying
-inspiration
-letting myself be more confident
-being easy on myself
-friend texting me today
-my beauty
-nice weather
-sunshine
-appreciation
-night skies
-getting a lot of work done yesterday
-self forgiveness
-taking things one day at a time
-aloe vera gel
-makeup
-hope
-my new bedroom walls
-my teeth being all bonded
-remembering intention manifesting
-my heart chakra spray
-art
-having nice hair

[buttercup]

-music
-confirming more jobs to exceed my bare minimum financial goals for july
-my child-like looks
-perfect cuddle time with T kitten
-trusting life
-my lifecoach
-the hypnosis recordings my lifecoach makes me
-going to sleep at my normal time
-getting the certificate for course i was studying for today. one more left and i'm done! can't believe i started this in like july
-ideas
-creative hunches
-becoming more free
-getting my power back
-my body getting nice and in shape
-my beauty
-going to spinning class last night
-laughing
-spinning class
-my appetite going a little more normal and nausea/vomiting going away
-being assertive
-treating myself to some mini donuts and coffee,beverly hills 90210 and cuddle time with T kitten after getting my certificate
-TV episodes online
-sending peace emails for my own healing to Dan's gf to her and him and then seeing her later in the day and her saying hi to me and me saying hi back. i'm not going to be her friend and i blocked her shortly after sending my message but i'm done being afraid of them
-my phone
-my cat socks
-getting appointment for specialist for health annoyance i've been having
-lorazapam
-feeling motivated
-my new fashion editor saying she is sending me something and asking for my address
-self compassion
-pinterest
-uber
-sitting down and buying myself lunch and a glass of merlot on my work break last week
-all the people from my past i contacted and the pleasant responses i got and healing i got from 2 people in particular that i really missed
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-aloe vera gel
-sleep
-wellness
-my room being organized
-treating life as an adventure and remembering fun
-my escentric 02 perfume
-all the progress and movement i've been making
-my goals
-my ambition
-things coming together
-protein drinks
-hope
-faith
-kindness
-trying new things
-the internet

[buttercup]

-my laptop
-the supplements i take
-stretches
-going with M on the train yesterday and getting some walking and watching her class then going with her to whole foods
-healing
-my succulent skin gel
-quality time with T kitten
-making a lot of money compared to two years ago
-rest
-going to the pool with M today and how great the water felt and then going to the mall and getting some new makeup,an american flag kimono/poncho,and some leopard print flip flops
-TV episodes online
-lorazapam
-M saying she is taking me shopping for my birthday
-that my checks will be coming soon
-my life coach
-my hypnosis audios
-saving money
-my sense of style
-my child-like side
-having a nice chest
-my beauty
-getting my recaps done
-getting a little reading done
-mike's hard lemonade hard mango
-my creativity
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-prayer
-beyond meat vegan burgers
-protein drinks
-instagram

[buttercup]

-doing some rearranging with my trip dates and finding it cleared some energy for me to change it to what i think is more fitting for me
-buying a concert ticket to a concert i always wanted to go to with the extra money i'd now have
-M saying her son doesn't want to do anything in the evening with her tomorrow so we can go to my favorite mall that i mentioned to her the other day
-indian food
-orange flavorings
-TV episodes online
-clearing and decluttering my papers drawer
-getting my awesome marble print balloons blown up and how beautiful they look
-the beautiful birthday card my associate fashion editor sent me
-buying myself a certificate for a chemical peel
-getting an check unexpectedly in the mail today
-cuteness
-sleep
-yoga
-responding back to publicist today
-self compassion
-having a kind heart
-fun
-laughing at life
-art
-fashion
-making more money then i did last year
-beauty
-inspiration
-my femininity
-enjoying a little bit of fourth of july sweet with coffee for breakfast
-the internet
-my phone
-doing some reading today
-doing some studying today
-the supplements i take
-relaxation
-the fireworks dying down for the night
-reaching for the moon
-feeling more energized
-naps
-smiling
-my uniqueness
-colors
-sunshine
-meeting amazing people
-night skies
-quiet
-my heart chakra intention spray

[buttercup]

-the internet
-getting my laptop charger in the mail
-finding a tiny kitten in the yard today. M's husband seen her/him last evening while i was asleep. We took her with while bringing me to my job and have been feeding her,and keeping an eye on her She is so cute but the other cats haven't been taking very kindly to her. Even so,she seems content and still has been staying near us. Even my baby T kitten,hissed at her when i tried bringing them in the room together. The cats also run from her even though she is so tiny.
-unexpected beautiful surprises
-hot guys
-deciding to buy myself a concert ticket the other day since i want more fun in my life and am trying to change my focuses a little bit
-getting my lorazapam. finally feel like myself again
-all the paid jobs i have booked
-my power
-all the money im earning this june and july
-fashion
-motivation
-physical exercise
-night skies
-sunshine
-my progress and growth
-soda pop
-rags
-feeling better
-water
-growing confidence and overcoming mental blocks
-doing some studying today
-love
-kindness
-happiness
-appreciation
-friendliness
-colors
-the flowers i got for my birthday
-deciding to give up one of the programs i was on since was feeling it was too much and was burned out.
-deep cleansing breaths
-iced coffee
-smiling
-TV episodes online
-my bed
-deciding to go for some mini bike rides alone just to show i could
-going for a mini walk around the city after work the other day and perusing the gucci store

[buttercup]

-l the little kitten that came out of nowwhere in our yard with our cats and has been trying to fit in with them. she is so sweet and docile. very pretty and fluffy. We've been taking care of her. She likes to lay on my neck and has been making T kitten very upset for some reason.
-blondie bites
-water
-eating less
-vegan veggie burgers
-mustard
-my phone
-being back to normal
-my lifecoach
-my lifecoach giving me a bracelet from the cayman islands as a birthday gift
-an acquantance from my past saying im really beautiful and asking when he can take me on a date and saying he's liked me for awhile
-TV episodes online
-being prescribed xanax
-deep cleansing breaths
-makeup
-magazines
-learning
-new perspectives
-beauty
-my new leopard yoga pants i got in the mail
-motivation
-getting my whole room cleaned this morning despite feeling not so well from allergies and not taking any naps today
-doing more studying
-finishing off the last book i was working on
-doing rebounding and how mood boosting that was and how it gave me more energy
-night skies
-fashion
-window browsing neiman marcus the other day
-my new gray comforter
-my eyeglasses
-yoga
-music
-great reflections
-kindness
-happiness
-confirming more jobs today
-finding out i have another job i didnt think i had which makes up for a job that was cancelled
-my miu miu clutch
-iced almond hazelnut lattes
-scalp massage
-face massage and face yoga
-exchanging my certificate and ending up with one of an even better value
-buying another pillow type thing for S missing kitten and describing what i wanted to seller and she offering to make me a mini version of the one she made me before of the older cat for free of any extra money then what i had just paid so instead of the 2inch i paid for,she will make 7 inch and usually theyare 10 inches which is perfect since S is kitten and T is cat.

[buttercup]

l keeps trying to hit me up for sex but saying he only wants sex not a relationship or friendship or dating.i told him again to just leave me alone if that's all he wants. i dont get him at all. the problem is i actually really enjoy him as sex and he may be one of the better sexual partners i've had. And,i enjoy hanging out with him. he's been acting weird and confusing ever since we had sex.
-T contacting me the other day randomly saying i am so beautiful and that he's thought this for awhile and is just finally speaking up about it and asking when can we go on a date. of course,now i've been thinking about him. i'm over B and T and L are the ones mainly on my mind. L used to ignore texts all the time and disappear but now he's actually coming back after some time and responding.
-compliments
-flowers
-my appetite coming back
-being able to help L kitten
-vegan food
-motivation
-drinking more water
-my phone
-my job going well the other day and feeling like my first career job again
-beauty products
-physical exercise
-walking
-pictures
-the magic book by rhonda byrne i got in the mail
-healthy digestion
-earning more money then last year
-benzos
-TV episodes online and on my phone
-going with the flow
-my kind heart
-my miu miu clutch
-colors
-getting things done
-rags
-calmness
-my strength
-naps

[DarkChylde]

y digestion
-earning more money then last year
-benzos
-TV episodes online and on my phone
-going with the flow



my word! nothing better than benzos! , once you figure out how good they are there's no going back , they are a definite life changer.


so glad your'e doing well

Much Love
DC

[buttercup]

my word! nothing better than benzos! , once you figure out how good they are there's no going back , they are a definite life changer.


so glad your'e doing well

Much Love
DC


they sure are. they're so controversial but honestly for me they've made me a new person.

[buttercup]

-i met a guy yesterday while working. close to the end of my shift yesterday he approached me and i thought was hitting on me but said he was practicing cold reading people. I thought i got a vibe from him,and maybe i was vibing,too and then suddenly the conversation ended and he politely left and i just thought it a bit peculiar but thought of it as a nice interaction as if he was a friendly tourist that just wanted to chat for a few minutes. today,in the beginning/middle of my shift he came up to me and said my name and i replied back saying "you remembered my name." in a way as if flattered and surprised since i was. and we talked again and he said he wanted to see me again and said he is awkward when he first talks to people and i said i am,too and the vibe seemed to be a little more right on..almost serendiptious. i guess,like i felt a connection. he asked for my phone number and he said next time he is in town he will contact me and i told him to text him anyways when he wants just to say hey. i like how he looked at me and sometimes you just know when you feel that feeling.i hope he texts me. he said he is in my city sometimes and loves it here. today was his last day here.i wish things like this would happen more often. just the other day,i was feeling so insecure and ugly and wondering why its so hard to just meet a guy i like,and even though this was just an interaction/small connection moment,it made my day and boosted my confidence. i found him attractive and my type physically.i realize i need to just savor the small moments more,go with the flow and let go and stop daydreaming. that's the biggest reason my love life has been having such bad luck.
-sunshine
-felines
-compliments
-getting in a good workout yesterday at the gym with M
-whole foods brand hummus
-vegetables
-ice cold water
-benzos
-walking a lot today.i walked for over an hour.
-browsing at saks.i enjoyed it so much. love looking at high fashion.
-trying new things
-hair clips
-iced almond milk hazelnut lattes
-TV episodes online
-M putting $100 in my account the other day
-feeling better
-going for another agoraphobia challenge with the bike of riding around 2 different blocks today alone. my newest goal is to get comfortable with the bike like i am with uber-ing alone now.
-my beauty
-my christian dior eyecream
-my miu miu clutch
-fashion
-my phone
-beauty
-my gym shoes
-my laptop
-alcohol samples
-not having to work tomorrow
-my escentric 02 perfume. it's become my current favorite
-the homeopathic flea spray i've been using on the cats
-being thought of
-unique beauty
-motivation
-goals
-growing as a person
-becoming more confident in some ways
-beautiful unexpected surprises
-getting a refund on the rug i didnt like.i felt bad,but i'm broke and you have to think business with things like that
-deep cleansing breaths
-flowers
-colors
-skyscrapers
-big cities
-buying a cute maximum support sportsbra from victoria's secret the other day.i'm really into athleisure style lately.
-the stairmaster
-my accomplishments
-ideas
-deciding to start doing loa prepaving again
-my new gray comforter
-animal lovers

[DarkChylde]

they sure are. they're so controversial but honestly for me they've made me a new person.

controversy schmontroversy , they changed my life , ( and you can always count on them if your'e in a rough situation ) , so glad you figured this out :thumbsup:

[buttercup]

controversy schmontroversy , they changed my life , ( and you can always count on them if your'e in a rough situation ) , so glad you figured this out :thumbsup:

Yes,me too thus far. They work for me and have had no to minimal negative side effects.

[buttercup]

-my day off today
-my intelligence
-music
-fashion
-benzos
-my strength
-my gray comforter
-transitioning my stuff out of one of two dressers i have to make more space in my room
-water
-deep cleansing breaths
-cuddle time with my cats
-cats
-buying myself a green rose from a luxury flower company i've had my eye on
-interesting and innovative things
-listening to all 3 of my hypnosis recordings and how nice it made me feel
-getting a check in the mail
-gratitude
-stretches
-my christian dior eye cream
-getting this room cleaned up a good amount finally and a closet organizing the closet shelf
-doing some reading of the magic by rhonda byrne
-the amy's kitchen pizza i had for dinner
-watching some TV episodes on my phone with the app i found from the site i used to watch them on
-the internet
-social media
-sleeping in and how good that felt
-feeling good physically
-ideas
-feeling so present and appreciative while on xanax and appreciating the green of the grass and the way the sun felt and laying outside for a bit on my yoga mat in the yard and lounge chair
-my phone
-pictures
-colors
-deep cleansing breaths
-newness
-practicing letting go a bit and the art of applying it
-my beauty
-looking through my old photo albums and appreciating my beauty and seeing that me and the ex look way happier then he does in pics i've ever seen of him with girl he is with now
-smiling
-great design
-relaxation
-nourishment
-how relaxing it felt with my lights off earlier and last night
-watching an interesting moment last night in the middle of the night of the cats. T kitten who is almost a cat now and has grown so much killed a mouse or small rat.i felt bad more then usual when i see them with a hunt,and he was having so much fun with it tossing it in the air repeatedly as if it was a toy we had bought him. Some of the other cats were around him watching including the new baby kitten around L observing him and learning. She seems to mimick and like him a lot. Then P cat took her turn,it was as if her and T kitten shared the kill. I flt bad like the little kitten wanted her turn and it was good for her learning and the poor mouse's soul was transitioned by now anyways so brought her closer to let her take her turn and she was playing just like T kitten,s vicious as him with it having a great time. Mom cat of the other cats was a few feet observing them part of the time. Finally,most of the cats in the yard after playing with the mouse for awhile all were running around chasing each other seeming hyper as if playing tag and play hunting each other. The other cats seem to be accepting l kitten more and she seems to be learning from them.
-manifestation of heart desires
-seeing the small-ish cat i worried had passed on a few times recently because some kids said a cat that looks like the kitten but bigger they seen dead a block away so it wasn't that one. this is the cat that I thought might be S kitten awhile back but i can tell it's not. i do wonder if it's the l kitten's mom and the cat looks a little bigger/healthier now.
-M's husband telling one of the kid's mom apparently to tell her daughter to not pick up the kitten anymore. they had kept coming by to see the cats and it was annoying me so he seen their mom today and told them. i feel kind of bad,but they are annoying my cats plus it worries me and i don't like kids.
-funny quotes,and thought provoking quotes

[buttercup]

-sleep
-iced hazelnut almond latte
-food
-having a savings account
-going to yoga class tonight
-having a possible job for my next out of town trip i'm excited for with someone i worked for before
-having social plans tomorrow and the day after,though i'm thinking of cancelling the 2nd one
-cuteness
-nourishment
-cats
-seeing T kitten and L kitten getting along a little more. He didn't hiss or growl at her while on my bed about a foot away from each other..though he did give her some funny looks and even seeing them in sync with each other both cleaning themselves and the little one watching T and trying to inch up closer to him. L really likes him for some reason and i love watching her observe and mimick the cats.
-seeing the psychiatrist today
-doing a short bike ride challenge today
-sunshine
-the lights off in the room
-doing some reading of some wellness magazines and the magic
-TV episodes online
-water
-makeup
-having nice curves
-my christian dior eye cream
-dental floss
-confirming a job today
-deep cleansing breaths
-emojis
-getting the dresser i want out of my room almost emptied and thinking in about 2 days i'll be done emptying it out.
-deciding to buy a makeup trunk as a new spot to put all my beauty products since i was thinking about where i'll put the things i'm taking out of the dresser
-colors
-social media
-smiling
-text messages
-buying some luxury candy from a candy boutique i got curious to try
-finding a candy boutiques online with amazing selections and once seeing where the in-store is at,wondering if i've been there before.
-shopping
-the internet
-happy memories
-my accomplishments
-art
-self compassion

[buttercup]

-sleep
-getting my article complete finally
-paying more attention to trying to learn grammar improvement with writing
-having nice curves
-relaxation
-getting a little bit done today
-S contacted me. The guy who asked for my number and said he wanted to see me again last weekend from out of town.Was very happy about this. Also because in my head,it meant i let go and i'm trying to work on being better at that.
-only having one more drawer to organize before i move the dresser out of the room.
-the internet
-warm showers
-my bed
-vegetables
-sweet sugar from coca cola
-ghee
-stretches
-benzos
-trying not let people who try to make me feel bad bring me down
-cuddling with cats
-having T kitten and L kitten by me
-cuteness
-listening to my hypnosis audios today
-lights off and how relaxing it is
-doing some reading today
-water
-trying to make more of an effort to immerse more in gratitude
-my accomplishments
-my phone
-my arms looking nicer since the last few work outs
-having nice eyes
-my christian dior eye cream
-great customer service support
-new experiences
-culture
-self compassion and self forgiveness
-ideas
-writing in my journal a to-do list to reflect on any goals that came to me
-goals
-possibilities and opportunities
-cancelling my job on friday. it's not right how easy i get burned out,but i just need this week to be a little slow
-smiling
-having nice cheekbones
-a girl from my grade school randomly adding me on fb which is interesting because a few months ago i was looking up people on there from grade school
-touch
-massage
-happy memories
-positive news stories/articles
-nonconformity
-different ways of looking at things
-unique beauty
-beauty

[buttercup]

-M's friend D touching my hair and complimenting it
-going to pilates class tonight
-having a kind heart
-benzos
-music
-feeling good during fitness class and doing some mental affirmations about my awesomeness which made me feel even better
-getting rid of the other dresser today. love having more room now in my room
-organizing the paperwork drawer before getting rid of the dresser
-deep cleansing breaths
-felines
-returning to somewhat normalcy with M's husband
-getting my candy in the mail. it was better then i expected. very cute packaging and amazing taste.
-fashion
-having money
-getting another check in the mail today
-more job opportunities
-getting my beautiful luxury green rose in the mail. love the vibrant color and smells amazing.
-getting the victoria's secret sports bra in the mail today
-fun
-yoga pants
-vegan food
-doing some reading today
-relaxation
-my hypnosis audios
-sleep
-optimism
-entertainment
-having a clean room
-movies
-watching a TV episode online
-sunshine
-makeup
-nightskies
-kindness
-smiling
-my jewelry
-all my pretty things i own that make me happy
-my escentric 02 perfume. i am so drawn to this.
-getting a positive response back from a p.r
-great deals
-sending out more emails for jobs
-the internet

[buttercup]

-benzos
-M defending me last night after something family drama came about
-uber
-being made to feel attractive by others
-buying myself a little cactus on etsy
-feeling better from allergies
-air filter getting cleaned
-my outdoor cats
-makeup
-having a lot to look forward to for the month of august
-getting up there with my savings goals for upcoming trip
-healthy digestion
-buying myself lunch with the giftcard never used partially out of anger,partially because the place is below where i've been working a lot the past month or so,and I wanted something to eat
-having money
-buying myself more of the candy from that luxury candy boutique i liked a lot just because i was craving it so much
-buying some more canned food for the outdoor cats
-no work tomorrow
-TV episodes online
-makeup
-coca cola
-coffee
-sunshine
-warmth
-nightskies
-getting a pedicure today at a place i liked and choosing a gold color which is not usual for me but i'm starting to like warmer tones lately
-shopping
-walking
-growing as a person
-my phone
-relaxation
-naps
-hair clips
-the internet
-water
-exploration
-new experiences
-texting S today just because i felt like it. I really just don't want to follow rules or play games but also want to be different then i have been before in a way where i am pursued and flowing is easy
-some one on one cuddle time with T kitten before i left for work. I think it's good for him to help with his jealousy
-my brain
-the ability to think thoughts
-ideas

[buttercup]

-groupon getting back to me
-feeding the cats canned food and giving l kitten canned food for the first time
-cute pictures
-self compassion
-going to therapy today
-iced hazelnut almond milk lattes
-doing some journaling today
-sunshine
-confirming some jobs today
-water
-style
-doing some more reading today
-benzos
-entertainment
-hair clips
-the marine salve i've been using as lipbalm
-my kiehls cactus tibetan ginseng face spray
-my gold toenails
-laying in the room with l kitten this morning and falling asleep with her in there
-calmness
-knowing i will be ok money-wise even if for some reason the job this week falls through
-mental affirmations
-prayer
-things to look forward to
-the internet
-beauty
-learning
-expansion
-shopping
-finding a hair product to fix my hair and buying it

[buttercup]

-making the most of the day after client decided to cut me because machine wasn't working and asking for my pay for hours worked and enjoying the rest of event regardless for a few hours
-seeing a text from S right after client cutting me happened which was interesting timing(something bad,then something good). He sent me a picture of his id to show me his age since i said he looked young in our last conversation. His middle name is S. His first name is actually my ex's last name which is something i had been trying to avoid. He is my age,though. It's interesting his name and also his height,because i had said i was only going to date guys taller then my ex after what happened last year and i'd still consider dating this guy despite those two things,and like his age better then the younger one i thought so it makes me wonder since sometimes the things meant for you are a little different then what you thought you wanted.
-drinking some wine
-enjoying a new concert experience i've never been to before
-going roller skating while high on xanax and a little drunk on wine at one of the things they had going on at the concert. drunken roller skating. genius idea having that there.
-enjoying music from a couple of shows today
-friendliness
-seeing the good in things
-getting a slice of pizza at the festival today for my dinner
-uber
-uber ride pass coming back
-candies from a new favorite candy boutique i love that i bought online from twice.
-iced hazelnut almond lattes
-art
-new experiences
-getting a ride to work today
-getting styled up in jewelry today
-new learning experiences
-social media
-bringing l kitten with on the way to work
-growing as a person
-lifecoach texting me to check on me
-not letting idiots and haters bringing me down
-sleep
-naps
-how T kitten runs up to me and sometimes jumps up to reach taller to me. so cute.
-T kitten and L kitten becoming closer. She follows him around so much and today i caught them playing again. It's so interesting.
-getting my cactus i ordered in the mail today
-ice cold spring water
-things that make me feel good about myself
-smiling
-getting another article up yesterday
-inspiration
-beauty
-M's husband seeming in his way to apologize for recent things yesterday afternoon randomly
-warm sunshine
-fashion
-the ability to see
-my arms starting to look nicer and more in shape again
-trying more to trust life and go with the flow
-sweet cold coca cola
-humor

[buttercup]

-getting offered a slew of jobs which kind of makes up for a few other things for the month falling through
-positive mental affirmations
-sweet coca cola
-water
-coffee
-getting some work done
-stopping by the prada store today
-uber ride pass
-manifesting my heart's desires
-going to the pool today
-calming myself down after seeing something that made me paranoid
-hot guys
-my tank top that says high vibes on it
-going and getting my blackheads extracted which made me feel better today
-having more abundance
-benzos
-self compassion
-M adding money to my starbucks card since we used mine since hers is missing so now i have the amount i had on it a few days before i bought a few coffees
-samples
-my intelligence
-learning
-listening to my hypnosis audios at the pool and i think falling asleep twice while doing so,once after each one.
-my gold toe nails
-getting things more organized
-attempts at trying to do more per day
-my phone
-getting a new recommendation on my linkedin
-night skies
-new ideas
-new experiences
-growing as a person
-different ways of looking at things
-entertainment
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-TV episodes online
-walking
-hip openers
-my outdoor cats
-speaking my mind yesterday after several things in one day propelled me to say my piece in a dignified way of course.
-fun
-cute things
-going with the flow

[buttercup]

-entertainment
-sleep
-getting the recaps done
-accomplishing things of my things i've always wanted to do/experience/accomplish list
-finally getting that time of the month
-the internet
-work accomplishments
-artist from months ago getting back to me
-benzos
-chocolate cupcakes
-iced hazelnut almond lattes
-laying with T kitten and L kitten and falling asleep with them both in my bed
-good vegan food
-sunshine
-nightskies
-practicing gratitude more
-water
-getting $20 today
-stretches
-doing some reading today
-getting more things cleaned and organized today
-see T cat climb up a tree. poor thing went a little high and got scared but made it down.
-my kind heartedness
-positive mental affirmations/mantras
-hope
-trying to trust life and let go
-listening to my hypnosis audios. twice in a row they put me to sleep.
-my intelligence
-my creativity
-relaxation
-midol
-comedy

[buttercup]

-carrots
-the ability to see
-art
-motivation
-getting things done
-laying in the sunshine for a little bit today
-going for a bike ride and going 1 block further today
-coffee
-chocolate
-soda pop
-going to yoga class tonight
-getting more things cleaned up and organized
-positive mental affirmations
-benzos
-my beautiful new hair color
-seeing neighbors cat climb tree today
-deep cleansing breaths
-gratitude
-evolving and growing as a person
-having a great eye for talent/taste
-laughter
-connection
-feeling slimmer today
-my tropical print yoga pants
-my gold colored toe nails
-learning
-my leopard print flip flops
-my dolce&gabbana exaggerated cat-eye sunglasses
-doing some reading today
-a good life coaching session last night
-calmness
-nightskies
-dimmer lights
-healthy digestion
-my hypnosis swirl barettes
-fascination with life
-cuddle time with T kitten and L kitten
-lip balm
-makeup
-my christian dior eye cream
-music
-style
-entertainment
-romance
-when my p.r send me stuff
-ice cubes
-my intelligence
-blankets
-yoga mats
-inspiring or interesting quotes that make you think

[buttercup]

-feeling calmed down after an anxiety attack and attempt to almost committ suicide again last night
-a thoughtful letter posted underneath my door when i woke up
-doing some reading today
-realizing i don't work saturday which is nice
-ice cold water
-cats
-seeing L kitten wrestle with E cat and trying to play with W cat earlier. I even picked up W cat and L kitten at the same time. She's been fitting in just like family with the colony. I really wish i knew her background. She just arrived in my backyard one day like she belonged. W and E are from mom cat's first litter and are best buddies
-entertainment
-romance
-going for a bike ride and going one block further then last time
-my check funds being available today
-buying more candy from my favorite candy boutique
-having all my upcoming trip money saved up now
-laying out in the sun again for about 20 minutes shortly after i woke up
-sleep
-compassion
-my kind heart
-nonconformity
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-deep cleansing breaths
-getting more things cleaned and organized
-getting more cat stuff cleaned
-a nice nourishing journaling session
-sugar
-nourishing food
-how great my hair color looks
-my intelligence
-starting to feel a little more acceptance of my physical self
-hair clips
-dental floss
-my christian dior eye cream
-doing a 25 minute rebounding session
-stretches
-cuteness
-my eyeglasses
-forward movement
-inspiring videos
-massage
-touch
-fashion
-colors
-gratitude
-music
-my phone
-having strong nails
-having nice lips

[buttercup]

-warm sunshine
-coffee
-wearing my buddha rose quartz mala bracelet i bought years ago and have been wanting to wear for awhile
-having money
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-my sense of style
-having an epiphany today about consistency. realizing for so long i wanted so called "consistency" which really could just be attachment,and the key to what my heart is really looking for,the treasure is detachment,letting go,surrender,presence,gratitude,connection,and placing myself on a pedestal. I had consistency with a job for a year and liked a guy so much but couldn't talk,i'd get so tongue tied even though he flirted with me a few times and he ended up in a serious relationship with my boss. Meanwhile,you could meet someone once and years later,they could be the one you end up marrying. The key is spontaneity and openness and a mantra along the lines of "let's see what the day brings." I thought the more i was around him,the more maybe something would happen until i realized,if it hasn't happened by now,it's time to move on. It even played a small part in me quitting and realizing i outgrew that job. Meanwhile,i've had people i've met maybe once that would remember me years later,and say they felt a connection with me or i felt it to them,and end up having the most amazing conversations. It's all going along with the stop trying to mental plan things in your head but just let go. I need to learn to embrace the moments instead of feeling like i'm trying to chase them all in the ether and hold onto them all. They're not going anywhere. That's illusory.
-my favorite hair barettes
-shopping
-my candy being free that i bought at starbucks today
-cats
-ice cold water
-doing some reading outside
-uber ride pass
-massage
-touch
-little positive things
-blankets
-seeing one of my boss's today and her being kind of nice actually
-working with someone i worked with years ago. at first,he seemed almost as if to ignore me,then later on,by the time the boss left (who's his long term gf) it seemed as if he was vibing towards me a little bit. i had found him really hot before and still do. he's just very physically attractive,smart,unique,and kind. some people just make you feel things. it's weird. I tried to shut it off so i wouldn't start going in boy crazy mode though and stayed friendly and professional. I'm trying to work on putting myself on a pedestal.
-my curves
-makeup
-my favorite perfume these days escentric molecules 02
-having a little fun and connection these days,at least every now and then,it's nice
-TV episodes online
-stretches
-growing as a person
-deep cleansing breaths
-relaxation
-my hair color
-friendly people who remember me,say hi,etc,etc
-compassion
-beauty
-kindness
-colors
-greenery
-my miu miu clutch

[buttercup]

-music
-taking things in stride despite it being kinda a negative day. ended up flaking on someone because they showed up at my house even though i never confirmed and wasnt available,saw hair on food i ordered,plans i had that i was looking forward to tomorrow cancelled,someone stepped on my foot hard enough for me to screech ouch,etc
-getting a lot done today
-stretches
-getting grocery shopping done
-getting most of my stores done i had to to today
-the internet
-coffee
-soda pop
-vegan food
-candy
-being in touch with what i really want
-serendipity
-my cactus and the little flower it sprouted the other day
-beautiful surprises
-cuddle time with l kitten this morning
-sunshine
-ice cold water
-ice cubes
-self compassion
-doing some reading
-immersing in gratitude
-writing out some affirmations the other day for 20 minutes
-listening to my most recent hypnosis audio this morning
-things to dream about/my desires
-my outdoor cats
-having nice lips
-feeling a little more acceptance for self
-deep cleansing breaths
-relaxation
-M's instructor in the cat with us,and i guess he was in a "weird" mood according to M and seeing that he seemed like someone i could actually kind of vibe with.
-organization and decluttering
-having money
-seeing a sale on candy at whole foods i wanted and feeling like it was "for" me
-being able to see
-sweaters
-colors
-my phone
-growing as a person
-liquor samples
-how soft my skin feels from the new moisturizer i've been using
-deciding to start taking more vitamins
-touch
-massage
-connection
-romance
-chivalry
-entertainment
-connection
-caringness from others
-social media
-pictures

[buttercup]

-laughing
-entertainment
-art
-talent
-cuddling with my cats
-being half way done with my recaps
-flirtasious/intriguing words sent
-serendipity
-music
-vegan food
-friendly people
-fashion
-makeup
-going makeup free
-listening to my hypnosis audio twice today
-meeting my goals
-uber
-uber ride pass
-things to work with
-my intelligence
-having nice hair
-starting to feel better about myself
-my beauty
-going for my bike ride today
-candy
-coffee
-coca cola
-ice cold water
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-yoga pants
-dental floss
-inspiration
-sunshine
-hopes
-ideas
-thinking about what i want
-positive mental affirmations
-freedom
-nightskies
-doing some reading
-my favorite perfume
-organization and decluttering
-newness
-reflection
-writing out affirmations last night for 20 minutes
-sleep
-essential oils
-homeopathic pet medicine

[buttercup]

-feeling a little calmer,and more secure about summer being almost over
-cuddle time with cats
-nice chat with an acquaintance
-meeting my bike ride goal today and how nice it feels working on that
-feeling attractive
-laying in the sun for 20 minutes today
-self compassion and forgiveness
-hot guys
-coffee
-getting my candy in the mail today
-improved digestion
-uber
-going to pilates class today
-yoga pants
-kindness
-running into people from my past and how good that feels
-my gucci slides
-water
-my determination
-my beauty
-having my upcoming trip all figured out,and jobs scheduled
-openness
-rest
-relaxation
-listening to my hypnosis audios today
-doing some reading
-laughing
-my intelligence
-feeling like i have some direction for the next few weeks
-peace
-my jobs this week
-dimmer lights
-my body being nice and tight and curvy
-makeup
-quiet
-warm relaxing showers
-blankets

[buttercup]

-relaxation
-calmness
-all my trip stuff pretty much complete
-lorazapam
-coffee
-picking up my xanax today
-happy things
-staying strong
-the sun coming out
-naps
-watching less TV
-water
-soda pop
-getting pizza and fries for dinner
-my phone
-my improved confidence and how much i've grown
-getting things done today
-cat cuddles
-bug spray
-peace
-stretches
-going for the bike ride and going another block further
-being complimented more and more lately
-makeup
-friendly people
-entertainment
-warm showers
-smiling
-getting a check today
-positivity
-deep cleansing breaths
-new experiences
-nightskies
-the wind
-comedy
-romance
-self compassion
-healing
-slowness
-acquaintances to talk to
-learning and evolving
-lipbalm
-dental floss
-the internet
-touch
-cuteness
-blankets
-dimmer lights
-ideas

[buttercup]

had to ask if i could leave work because i had an allergy attack that wouldn't go away evenwhen boss gave me benadryl. even strangers were offering me tissues.
-feeling better now
-going with the flow
-falling into a deep sleep when i got home and bringing L kitten in bed with me. Woke up and forgot she was even in there.
-going to whole foods with M
-lyft
-romance
-entertainment
-love
-buying a new mattress
-kindness of others
-buying more of my skincream i use that i've been out of for months
-having nice curves
-S texting me today,right after he popped in my head and i decided it's time to let go/and detach from him thinking it wouldn't work out. this always happens with him. i took this as a sign maybe universe telling me it could work out.i randomly blurted out in the beginning of our conversation for him to move to my city.i questioned if i should then remembered i am impulsive and am just saying what's on my mind and it felt right to say and our conversation carried on like normal.
-S yesterday texting me,one of them was so perfect and ambiguous he texted me in mid conversation that it's storming here,and to come outside with him.
-working with cool people
-feeling attractive
-being easy on myself and compassionate
-makeup
-newness
-getting back the original digital of art vandalized by ex best friend from the artist himself.i randomly had an idea of possibly doing something artistic with it.i don't know what. and i do want to leave the past in the past,but i feel empowered in knowing i was the one who secured that job for us,and that i have the original digital now.
-my cats
-feeling all set for upcoming trip
-water
-stretches
-doing more organizing
-cuteness
-my creativity
-hope
-openness
-writer i worked with wanting to take me and a few other girls out for dinner
-hot guys
-nightskies
-smiling
-having some ashwagandha tonight
-dimmer lights
-great ideas
-blankets

[buttercup]

-having the day off and client being understanding of me not working and keeping me booked on other dates she has me for
-water
-watermelon slices candy
-going to visit my mom today and seeing her cats
-newness
-deciding to rent myself a movie to watch
-deciding to go ahead and just buy myself a new mattress since i've been wanting to for awhile
-my outdoor cats
-naps
-that my naps are not lasting as long
-M taking me to the pool with her
-noticing that when i accept/surrender to something i don't like,it disappears. again,today she was going to go out with ex best friend which made me think he might come to the house but i mentally calmed myself down and said who cares/it doesn't matter and sure enough he cancelled on her.
-M saying she will give me some extra money for my upcoming trip
-having money
-feeling ready for my upcoming trip
-iced almond milk hazelnut lattes
-my beauty
-feeling at peace today
-buying my mom a coffee and putting some gas in her car
-learning
-dental floss
-getting a black bean burger with cheese and sweet potato fries for dinner
-my gucci slides
-glamour
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-giving my mom the cake dish that i have no use for
-being a positive person
-being playful
-smiling
-cuddling with cats
-listening to my hypnosis audios this morning
-hope
-dreams
-my style
-my accomplishments
-deep cleansing breaths
-ashwagandha
-metaphors
-ideas
-accents
-openness
-drinking less soda today
-makeup
-being awake
-my goals
-sportsbras
-improved digestion
-art
-romance
-entertainment
-gossiping/chatting with a work colleague in text today
-fun
-reflections
-growing as a person

[buttercup]

-music
-naps
-taking it easy
-surrender
-blankets
-not letting criticisms get to me
-my phone
-iced almond milk hazelnut lattes
-watching a movie last night
-cuddling with cats
-ideas
-being smart
-being able to think thoughts
-feeling more caught up with time
-doing some journaling today
-benzos
-doing my bike ride goal
-the internet
-warm showers
-deep cleansing breaths
-nourishment
-the money transfer from my other bank going through
-going makeup free today
-doing a half hour of rebounding today
-clothes fitting looser today
-feeling better in my skin
-having healthy teeth
-sending out emails for some jobs
-avocado oil
-getting an appointment made for something i've wanted to get done
-doing some cleaning and organizing
-entertainment
-compliments
-colors
-my eyesight
-stretches
-my beauty products
-hair ties
-having nice lips
-my beauty
-massage
-touch
-goals
-gratitude
-manifestation of desires
-nightskies
-the wind
-the feeling of aliveness
-writing out some affirmations before bed last night

[buttercup]

-cats
-my strength
-taking l kitten in her for her surgery and holding her in my arms for a few hours when we got home while we both slept
-putting up S kitten and T cat posters after dropping L kitten off at clinic and feeling confident in what in walking around the neighborhood
-iced almond milk hazelnut lattes
-ice cold water
-coca cola
-vegan burgers
-the biscotti i had gotten from whole foods and how good it was
-M's husband buying the cats catnip treats,wetfood and more dry food
-my kind heart
-getting call sheet info for job one coming up
-sleep
-romance
-art
-entertainment
-going for my bike ride goal
-sunshine
-finishing up beauty product organizing and storing away paperwork section of things in a new spot
-stretches
-having beautiful eyes
-my bike
-warm showers
-confirming a paid job yesterday
-humor
-getting my mattress in the mail today
-getting book i ordered in the mail today
-my phone
-pictures
-getting better at changing my thoughts
-rest
-relaxation
-benzos
-goals
-motivation
-listening to my hypnosis audio today
-cuddling and sleeping with T kitten for a few hours this morning
-how cute T kitten is when he tries to stand on his back legs and climb up me
-appreciation
-kindness

[buttercup]

my ex is a sociopathic narcissist. I've had a very bad 2 days. Once September hits,things are about to rock and roll with me getting my things in order with getting out of here fast with all the cats.
-S texting me mysteriously right when I was down and about to start my bad day celebration. He texts at strange times,either when i'm really down or when i've let him go in my mind. It's odd.
-seeing my life coach yesterday which gave me some grounding and support
-the suicide hotline
-my cats
-my ideas
-my brain and ability to think
-my mom and dad loving me
-doing a bad day celebration. First,i finished up my 2 mile bike ride goal in one shot. I had been building up to it,block by block to finish before summer is over,and just did it all today. Then,I got home,got scissors,a lighter,wish paper,wine,candy,colored pencils,the trust block the sociopath gave me in our first year after revealing he's a compulsive liar to me,and the last sweater of his i still have been wearing. I cut up the sweater and threw it away. I wear it for comfort because it's dark and hides my body but eff that. I tried to burn the block but couldn't so went in alley and threw it in someone's yard. I then played with my wish paper using it all up making intentions letting them fly up into the sky while eating candy and sipping eppa wine.
-rags
-my tiger print yoga pants
-rest
-self compassion
-my little twitter rampage i went on of venting about some things. it was so needed.
-the new cat bed coming in the mail
-writing out a todo list of things i need to do to get out of here. to-do lists seem to be magic for me with things getting done
-M's husband agreeing to offer continued support once im out of here.
-my determination
-my intelligence
-my phone
-texts and messages from others
-spirituality

[buttercup]

-knowing in my heart i am going to get married soon
-going for a bike ride today and enjoying it. i've exceeded the original goal now and just enjoy the bike for exercise
-my tropical print yoga pants
-my determination
-inspiration
-my brain
-losing weight
-ideas
-calcuating how much i earned in june of this year
-feeling ready to just go for it
-kind and empathetic messages,texts since my angry twitter rampage about my psycho ex
-laying in the sunshine for about 20 minutes
-iced almond milk hazelnut lattes
-being smart
-mischief
-being attractive
-sweeping the floor
-cuddling with l kitten for a few hours tonight
-cuddling with T kitten and l kitten this morning and seeing them cuddle together. so cute.
-getting my chemical peel appointment made
-getting my enamelplasty appointment made
-starting some searches on living ideas
-starting some searches for attorneys
-writing a to-do list for what to do before i'm kicked out
-getting my favorite skin cream in the mail
-the new cat bed that came yesterday
-God
-attempting to get another doctor appontment made
-my meds
-attempting to get a trap to get dad cat and whoever else still needs to get spayed/neutered
-motivation
-grass
-doing a little reading
-doing some affirmations in my notebook

[buttercup]

-being almost all packed up for my trip
-minimalism
-entertainment
-eyes to see
-bike riding
-losing weight
-being attractive
-feeling more confident about things
-embracing that the old me is dead since last year
-nourishing food
-laying outside for awhile and listening to my hypnosis audios
-beauty
-cuteness
-my cats
-relaxation
-ease
-my sense of style
-M giving me the money she said she'd give me before she threw a fit about the mattress
-the internet
-talent
-warm showers
-excitement
-music
-seeing the law of attraction at work
-ideas
-a brain to think with
-creativity
-naps
-rest
-art
-inspiration
-having a kind heart
-motivation
-feeling passionate
-doing a little reading today
-my T cat pillow
-my intelligence

[buttercup]

-all the growing i'm doing as a person
-doing my first full solo trip to my favorite city/state
-surrendering to the challenge that came up and speaking to my ex for the first time in about a year and half. i had no choice but to unchain the door with notice he was coming by to pick something up. after calling my therapist,the suicide hotline,and my lifecoach and taking my meds,the hotline and my lifecoach got me grounded enough to handle the situation and i decided to face him.i sat on the porch around time he came with my phone,keys,and backpack near me,burning my incense with an elle magazine on the porch and a coke and just texted on my phone. we were mutually cordial but distant. when i seen them walking up,i moved my stuff over so they could get in. he said he was just getting something. I said i know M told me. His gf said hi. i said hi. They were out in about 60 seconds. I said did you grab the "one of the items M mentioned." He said yeah,she said bye. I said bye. all the while i was texting on my phone,and barely made eye contact. I got lots of kudos and congrats when i called hotline after and lifecoach to update them after like they had asked. It was a big step in my progress and getting my power back.
-cats
-cuteness
-S the guy from out of town i met in july contacting me again right before they got there and as i was getting calmed down. He always seems to contact me right after i either detach or have something unpleasant happen,it's like serendipity and cheers me up.
-power mantras that make me feel better.
-amazing coffee in california
-amazing vegan donuts in california
-my style
-all the weight i lost while out of town
-the long bike ride i took the other day,and how easy and fearless i felt
-hanging out in the hammock relaxing while out of town
-inspiration
-newness
-new experiences
-getting flirted with,asked out a lot,and complimented a lot
-my creativity
-my unique personality
-my gucci slides
-yoga pants
-the beach
-working with amazing creative talent while out of town and feeling like i used to feel when i did primary career more often
-posting my first somewhat provocative picture on instagram and getting a lot of support on it
-my lifecoach
-the shopping i did while out of town and buying myself some art,a $100 t-shirt,some incense,and an eyeball bracelet and some other cool things,but not too much.i tried to limit myself
-art
-a check getting deposited in my account
-M giving me more money before she left
-all the walking and bike riding i did the last week
-hip openers
-vegan cheese. didn't use to like but now things it's super delicious and is one of my vices
-coffee
-ideas
-nonconformity
-expression
-wine
-cocktails
--getting more caught up on,phone calls,appointment making,and sending out emails for jobs
-confirming 5 jobs while out of town for the city i'm in
-friendly people
-someone saying i have cat eyes the other day and asking if cats are my favorite animal because i have cat eyes. i played with it,and said i connect very deeply with felines. which is true. i've been trying to embrace my weirdness a bit more.
-ibuprofen
-sleep
-innovative concepts
-antidepressants
-benzos
-travel
-L contacting me the other day. he has been so weird ever since we had sex in june. i sent him the long text to leave me alone in july if he has any care for me and let's leave this in peace...and then out of nowwhere he contacts me. i was minimal and sarcastic but then the day after i engaged and we argued all day about ridiculous things that it was pure comedy. i told him i worried i was pregnant for 2 months because benzos messed up my cycle and hope he was planning to pay for my abortion and right away he responded well your not,and of course i would have and let's go get a drink. we argued back and forth all day him pressuring to see me and me saying the only way i will is if he finishes inside me next time saying that thinking he'd say no and he says yes! so i kept trolling him saying i have aids,and chlamydia and am a lesbian and shoot heroin with needles and am asexual,etc,etc and mocking him saying he could read my mind saying he knows i want it saying i know he wants to be a daddy to my kids. by the end i was no longer amused,and was angry and then depressed because he did start to lure me in and i almost gave in. he says things that make me feel awful and mixes in misogynistic almost creepo comments with things that make me intrigued plus our sexual chemistry is very good,he's one of my better lovers.i was so strong,too but then he threw me off saying of course he'd pay for the abortion and not seeming to care or be scared off and saying he'd finish inside me.
-being a new person and how much more i enjoy this person i am now since the old me died last year
-R contacting me yesterday and talking to him on/off all day and night. it helped take my mind off L which put me in a bit of a funk. The final words to L the day after our arguing all day was me telling him i don't want his pity friendship when he was saying something to suggest basically,fine we could kind of be friends. R said he would try and be a better friend to me while talking
-pinterest
-ice cold water
-blood orange lemonade
-compliments
-watching a movie yesterday morning i rented on youtube before finally falling asleep super late
-my strength
-my goals
-showers
-blankets
-my phone
-people to text
-music
-connection
-the internet
-pictures
-seeing all my outdoor cats getting along and being family to each other
-cuddling with my cats
-makeup
-my beauty products
-organizing some of my paperwork tonight
-smiling
-laughing
-my hypnosis audios
-nightskies
-sunrises
-sunsets
-the wind
-feelings

[buttercup]

-staying strong
-deciding to work today at the last minute
-having money in my short term savings to use to commute to work and home since i spent all the money in my checking
-having an amazing time at the concert i went to yesterday
-fun
-entertainment
-compassion
-S texting me today but also deciding to let go of him despite all the serendipity and interesting timing of when i hear from him
-serendipity
-taking my vitamins
-iced coffee
-sweets
-carrots
-soda pop
-ice cold water
-laughing
-cats
-cat cuddles
-my sense of style
-walking
-compliments
-music
-the internet
-buying a glow in the dark flower headband at the concert last night
-friendly people
-my growing independence
-goals
-benzos
-ibuprofen
-antidepressants
-wine
-the vegan hot dog i got for dinner at the fest last night
-smiling
-getting a credit on ride that took me to wrong spot which helped me save money today
-good ride sharing deals today
-buying some cat food to send to my mom today
-adding some money to my fund for my next life coach session
-getting things organized
-doing some reading today
-naps
-sleep
-makeup
-learning
-laughing at life and all the outrageous things that happen in it
-making a new acquaintance on the ride home last night. we had a lot in common and happened to live very close to each other so driver joked he was coming to our wedding. he was not my type like that but driver was entertaining,too. was just a crazy night
-sunshine
-calmness
-motivation
-being on time for work
-blankets
-nourishment
-people to text
-my phone
-hip openers
-helpful people
-nightskies
-colors
-gratitude

[buttercup]

-sleep
-making it through all the challenges of the last few days and how much i feel grew even in this last week,week and a half
-T kitten who is now a one year old and cuddling with him
-my outdoor cats
-spending some time outside lounging in the sun and listening to music then doing a few yoga poses
-doing a 25 minute rebounding workout
-encouragement
-writing a to-do list before bed last night and feeling calmer about the future from it,realizing i have a backup plan if my do-able plan A doesn't work out,or if something even more better then i can imagine comes about
-M's husband calling me today
-making myself some coffee
-antidepressants,ibuprofen,and benzos
-listening to my hypnosis audios today
-colors
-ideas
-thoughts and daydreams about L that got me all mixed up but feel dizzying and good
-my style
-calming myself down
-my face looking younger today
-doing some reading today
-blankets
-cat cuddles
-smiling
-hip openers
-water
-doing some written affirmations for 3 one sides of a page,so a page and half last night
-getting a startbucks reward in my email today
-allowing imperfection
-deep cleansing breaths
-motivation
-my vitamins i take
-finding a place for the plant that came unexpectedly how i thought it would.i almost was going to get a refund but don't think i will now. I found a home for it by putting it in an unexpected spot in the yard area by using a stick to sort of dig up a little and putting it in there,and adding water. I know nothing about gardening and this was supposed to be for my room but it came with no pot and just packed in dirt. I figured the random unexpected spot would add some inspiration and it looked nice after and i took a pic.

[buttercup]

-my strength
-self compassion
-patience
-massage
-naps
-water
-having a talented eye
-listening to some of my hypnosis audios today
-my weight going down
-my body getting more toned
-considering going on a date with V
-getting an uber ride home for only a $1.31
-sunshine
-vegan food
-cats
-yoga pants
-managing to get enough money to get a jacket. been feeling like i want more jackets and sweaters.
-entertainment
-getting a lot of work done on articles tonight. appointments at the psychiatrist and therapist ran so long that i had not much time for some things by the time i was home so figured that was a good area to focus on once i woke up from my nap
-yoga
-compliments
-trying on one of my aqua/mint colored dress tops i bought over the summer yet have not worn yet and seeing how it looked with the yoga pants i was wearing and wearing that for the day as my outfit,mixing it up and experimenting with athleisure and seeing the shirt looked really good on me.
-colors
-getting two calls for jobs today
-having nice looking eyes
-my style
-benzos
-interesting life reflections
-comedy
-talent
-deep cleansing breaths
-closing my eyes
-my ambition
-the internet
-hot guys
-meeting interesting people
-great deals
-sales
-being a nice person
-having a kind heart
-my beauty

[buttercup]

-getting a chemical peel today and doing the neck upgrade add-on
-ride-sharing services
-people to talk to
-confirming a job today
-having a good dream this morning. this guy i met in 2013 i seen again in august and worked with who i had found attractive kissed me on the forehead. this was one of those dreams that had feeling,too which is rare for me.i felt good in the dream. satiated. fulfilled.
-staying strong. some moments of the day are harder. but there's things that inspire me and help me to remain motivated and believe in myself. i've been sick a lot the last two weeks since things got intense,most days i have headaches,stomach aches,and heart pains. i feel like my chakras are out of whack and today even my ear bothered me again. my body has been so tense. sometimes i worry if i have a physical health problem. i took only 2 xanax today to try and cut down and see if i can take less on some days that why i have more on other days i need more.
-my style
-naps.
-accomplishments
-helpful people
-friendly people
-getting one of my articles complete today finally,and having things flow a little more tonight while working on it
-seeing things come together
-snacks
-water
-self compassion
-my outdoor cats
-hope
-great articles online
-being smart
-goals
-reminding myself one day at a time
-getting a little cleaning and organizing done
-compliments
-being told i have nice skin that looks young
-being social
-art
-the internet
-deep cleansing breaths
-nonconformity
-adding bigger chunks to my long-term savings
-fashion
-weight going down
-my to-do list notebook
-my intelligence
-remembering the law of attraction
-trusting life
-yoga
-hip openers
-things to smile about
-gin gins
-sunshine

[buttercup]

Nightmares and panics are lessening,at least in intensity and physically am starting to feel better but still crazy stressed. V is out of the picture now. He is the uber driver with a sky-diving company who asked for my phone number who i had found attractive before he did and he seemed nice,and polite but then after didn't think i was interested. He also seemed clingy possibly,and i kinda blew him off. Then,decided to start to be open to him and consider maybe going out with him once just to see what happens and he just started to seem like a jerk then. And,so now before that even happening w have parted ways. In the week of texting since he me deciding to be open,things just weren't flowing and he didn't seem as nice,and seemed like he might be the jealous,machismo type and reminded me of traits an abusive ex. I don't think he would be like that,and it's probably that they are both similar culture that is bringing me that reminsence but still. Regardless,i am frustrated that another is not working out. I am trying to go with the flow,enjoy the process but i just wanted to go on a stupid date this time and it didnt even make it that far. Things flow with Maryland guy,and i feel like he is perfect for me and that if he was here,we would be together. things with us stay very casual. which is probably for the best.i want to enjoy that slowness and maybe it's all in my head that he would be perfect for me and the one. regardless,he sends me pics of animals and vegan things when he finds out im an animal lover,and V makes jokes about hunting Bambi in the middle of the night...
-ice cold water
-meeting a friend for lunch
-being social
-my boss saying she thinks i'm ready for team lead positions today
-working with someone very funny today who kept me laughing the whole shift. he also played hero to some girl who was getting harassed by a drunk guy who had harassed us at first which was cute to watch. i feel like you don't see that much these days.
-seeing my T cat a few minutes ago. hadn't seen him all day
-my outdoor cats
-my style
-great uber deals all day
-laughing at life at all the weird things that happened today.
-makeup
-naps
-sleep
-nightskies
-my intelligence
-getting my haircut yesterday
-inspiration
-openness
-prayer

[buttercup]

-vegan cheese
-chipotle
-ice cold water
-meditating today. so good. highlight of the day.
-writing a new intention list
-seeing T cat tonight after not seeing him all day just laying on the new bed i bought today for the cats yawning like a little lion king. i asked who does he think he is for being gone all day.
-deciding to buy a new cat bed and another collar for T cat today at the store
-getting my pillow of S kitten yesterday
-getting the catnip seeds today finally
-feeling physically healthier
-going for a bike ride today
-sunshine
-naps
-sleep
-my intelligence
-talking to S some more today. i feel a build up between us,as if more and more i notice him suggesting us ways to see each other and since we met we have managed to keep in contact consistently
-patience
-practicing driving a little today
-organizing jewelry box
-nightskies
-feeling calmer and more pragmatic in some ways about things
-prayer
-doing some reading of current book then a few pages of elle magazine
-having nice teeth
-making my bed
-deep cleansing breaths
-my hypnosis audios
-losing weight
-my body becoming more toned
-stretches
-text messages and texting
-goals
-motivation

[buttercup]

-that i met S this summer
-that looking back,i actually had a not too bad summer
-self compassion
-cuddles with T cat
-cuddles with L kitten
-L kitten mysteriously coming into our life this summer
-going for a one hour bike ride today
-sleep
-naps
-that M's husband will take me to get white pants for a job i have coming up
-trying to wear more of my clothes i havent worn yet just to mix it up
-skipping soda yesterday
-S texting me today
-listening to my hypnosis audios today
-stretches
-physical exercise
-calmness
-getting my savings account to 50% more then what it was 10 days ago. which is still not a lot but thats half doubling it. I like setting goals like that,exceeding them and then going up,and up. i find it to be a pragmatic way to get good with money.
-water
-seeing an apartment on my bike route a few blocks from where i'm at now saying for rent,so stopping to put the number in my phone
-being attractive
-getting more comfortable in my body
-sunshine and warm weather today
-deep cleansing breaths
-doing some organizing
-fashion
-giving in and getting the black hoodie i had my eye on. i have too many colors for outerwear and wanted a dark.
-getting my silver windbreaker in the mail
-water
-nightskies
-feeling better about myself in ways
-calming thoughts
-having cute teeth
-friendship
-taking things one day at a time
-positive thoughts/mantras
-feeling much better physically
-becoming stronger
-kind people
-my outdoor cats
-cuteness
-memories of happy moments and all that i've accomplished

[buttercup]

-feeling like S and I are starting to talk to each other more often. The other day,i almost felt like a beneath the surface intuitive surge of things coming closer. I like him a lot,but here i hardly know him. We talked for like 5 minutes twice and once he hugged me that 2nd time and ever since then we text consistently but very casually and I just don't know what to think now. I get serendipity about him and everytime i let go of him in my mind or have a bad day/bad moment,he suddenly texts me. He brought up me going to D.C today and I thought gosh,that's crazy to go all the way there for someone i only seen in person twice for 5 minutes. Even what he looks like is becoming a slight blur. And,I realized that's how he must feel about coming to my city. It is crazy,at least for where we are at currently in knowing each other. Maybe if we texted everyday,or had some phone calls,or had spent a whole day together when we had met. This girl today made me think I need to accelerate things with him because she,too had a Maryland(literally from Maryland,too) but she lost him because she let things take too long. But,I have to follow my heart. I did text him after work because of what she said and it was fine,he doesnt seem to play games,but i feel i'm meant to take this slow. I just don't know how to let things get just a little accelerated,though. I do feel though,intuitively that surge as if things are about to become more in some way,i don't know what exactly.
-today was stressful. a work contact/acqutaince wants to pull the piece now because she is getting frustrated about something I have to clean up the mess on. I guess she doesnt like my honesty and she said she is putting her foot down and pulling the piece. I said fine do what you have to do.I hate my city. I'm very anxious about money these days and to have to fix someone's errors is an expense that I don't need. Later,I cancelled on a friend i was going to meet with but I felt tired and was in a bad mood plus my money is so low that going anywhere is stressing me out right now. He seemed weird then just didnt respond. Then,i wanted to cuddle with my cats,but they all wanted to be outside.I found out the other day staying with my dad temporarily isn't an option because i cant bring my cats and he'd want me to pay rent and it'd already be an expense as it is living so far away. Itd be one thing if my cats could come,but overall the deal has no benefit to me whatsoever so that option is officially ruled out. Overall,im grateful for my strength.
-M's husband putting some money into my account.
-opportunities
-compliments. today,a co-worker said i seem like i'd do yoga or meditation because i have a calm aura.
-naps and sleep
-water
-lorazapam. this seems to be the winner for me with best anxiety med
-deep cleansing breaths
-the weight i've lost
-makeup
-getting my adidas hoodie in the mail. good choice going with that one.
-all the upcoming work i have
-my cat pillows
-smiling
-inspiration

[buttercup]

S and I have been talking more. Though,he is also becoming more and more perplexing. I wouldn't even think he likes me at this point. I can't figure him out.I think he was checking on me today with his text because i told him about a weird,freak incident with a co-worker of mine last night. He's said he thought upon meeting me i was nice and goofy were his impressions. Goofy? Trying really hard to hold that in and not be offended. The other day i said san francisco seemed perfect place for him to live,which made sense based on what he said and he said no his bad psychic reading skills must be rubbing off on me. Today,he said something,and i said wow,we are so much alike and he said no,he thinks we are opposites and named a few ways how including coming up with that i'm impatient and he's very patient. where has he gotten that from that im impatient? And,that he is very much a skeptic and im very spiritual and my rumi book gave me away. He's seemed different lately. As if he's letting down barriers and being more free or he is moody and has things on his mind or is going through something. idk,but it's an interesting stage in our development.
-that S and I have been talking more often
-soup
-ice cold water
-a nice sunshine-y day
-laying out in the sun for a bit
-going for a bike ride today
-coffee
-cuddling with L kitten for a bit
-seeing T cat today
-all my outdoor cats. E cat has been meowing at me lowly when i greet him these days
-feeling more calmer,grounded,and positive lately
-M and her husband in the yard just lounging and talking to M for a few minutes casually when her husband went inside
-losing weight
-getting paperwork sent in
-all the job bookings
-the trade-ins i made for some beauty vouchers i had
-how great my eyebrows look
-naps
-my beauty
-my hypnosis audios
-sleep
-laughter
-yoga pants
-organizing
-blankets
-music
-how much i've grown as a person since ex best friend dropped me out of his life

[buttercup]

-that S and I have gotten a little closer.i think that's what it was that was going on that felt peculiar.
-that it feels like summer
-running into people from my past today
-sunshine
-coffee
-getting a ride to work
-one of the people i recognized making a big deal of me being a "first career" and bringing up a mural thing he said he seen me in a few years ago that i've yet to see. he was actually more attractive in person. i had only ever conversed with him online in facebook before and we were facebook acquintances and he had always been nice to me and genuine.
-becoming more independent
-seeing my T cat. he keeps showing up like no big deal after not seeing him all day.
-my beauty
-makeup
-naps
-waking up on time for work
-getting my black adidas hoodie in the mail
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-my weight loss
-uber
-food
-ice cold water
-new experiences
-doing some more oranizing
-feeling calmer and more grounded
-hyaluronic acid
-doing some reading today
-listening to some of my hypnosis audios today
-dimmer lights
-the internet
-feeling attractive
-wrist stretches
-hip openers
-lorazapam
-friendliness
-nourishment
-lavender
-ashwagandha
-people to text
-letting go easier
-deep cleansing breaths
-positive affirmations

[buttercup]

-S
-lavender
-my adidas hoodie
-my style
-compliments
-makeup
-water
-getting in a bike ride today
-lounging in the sun for a bit this afternoon
-friendliness
-fashion
-naps
-yoga
-deep cleansing breaths
-feeling more calm and grounded
-art
-my creativity
-inspirations
-being productive today
-finishing up the article i was working on
-listening to my hypnosis audios this morning
-coffee
-lorazapam
-celexa
-deep cleansing breaths
-cuteness
-chocolate
-getting skinnier
-smiling
-E cat meowing at me lately
-cuddling with my T cat today
-cuddling with L kitten
-all my outdoor cats
-all the cats i care for
-the internet
-entertainment
-freedom
-my phone
-relaxation
-warm showers
-blankets

[buttercup]

-sleep
-naps
-waking up on time and going to my doctor appointment despite all the hustle and bustle of last minute changes and getting my bloodwork done
-summery weather
-cookies
-cold beverages
-getting long term savings to $200
-chipotle
-going for a bike ride
-insurance providing free transportation to medical appointments
-uber
-losing weight
-docusign
-music
-meditation
-my black hoodie
-T cat
-all my outdoor cats
-motivation
-more jobs getting confirmed
-getting more cleaning done

[buttercup]

-fashion
-my style
-my beauty
-my intelligence
-compliments
-water
-new experiences
-growing as a person
-meeting interesting people
-inspiration
-meditation
-naps
-getting a ride home from work today
-smiling
-prayer
-getting a $20 check in the mail today
-feeling in a better mood today
-lorazapam
-getting my new book in the mail
-doing some reading of my new book and of elle magazine
-my hypnosis audios
-prayer
-uber
-great lighting
-seeing my cat more today
-cuddling with cats
-my body getting stronger
-stretches
-skygazing
-waking up on time for work
-being productive after work despite being tired

[buttercup]

-meditation
-mango fruit spread
-sunshine
-aloe juice
-citolopram
-lorazapam
-going to sleep early last night
-working today
-confirming 2 jobs today
-feeling calmer and more grounded again
-my adidas hoodie
-entertainment
-my style
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-my rag&bone t-shirt
-iced almond milk lattes
-my miu miu clutch
-finding my lip balm
-beauty
-my prada bag
-my beauty
-makeup
-unconventional great ideas
-walking
-yoga stretches
-growing as a person
-getting a ride to and from work today
-ashwagandha
-my buddha rose quartz and maroon bracelet
-doing some more reading of my new book and elle magazine
-doing some more organizing and cleaning
-spending time with T cat
-cuddling with L kitten
-all the cute things my outdoor cats do
-nightskies
-M putting money in my account for starbucks
-M's husbands reassurances
-M's husband saying he talked to a friend about a possible free condo i may be able to stay in when i move in
-blankets
-showers
-forgiveness
-healing
-reflection
-listening to some of my hypnosis audios today
-relaxation
-doing some coloring today
-prayer
-laughing
-face massage
-motivation
-cleaning

[buttercup]

-feeling better
-confirming a lot of jobs
-going to a "real job" interview today to boost my self esteem
-seeing someone i know that i worked with years ago and mentioning it,and he was nice and said hi and kissed the side of my head.was very cute.
-water
-seeing people i know from work while working today and one stopping and chatting with me for a bit
-manifesting working with the one guy i have sexual tension with who is the boss's bf who i worked with years ago.i worked with him for the first time in years in august and the other day visualized us working together again and sure enough,it manifested like the next morning! his gf came to where we met and brought her dog and we talked about animals and he showed me his cat. they seemed frustrated by each other,which was interesting,moreso him by her. he offered to buy me something from there like a cookie or something which i declined and made a big deal of asking where have i been all these years saying i just disappeared. then,brought up my first career kinda gushing about it saying well,i seem like a model. he was teasing me on and off sometimes too and somethings he said made no sense that i never said so he had to have been playing games and gotten it from facebook. he seemed very excited to see me. it was nice working with him.i'm less shy now(thanks lorazapam) and he's a little more mature. He pointed to a sign that said mnml and i said minimal and he said it is about minimalism hence the short letters. He seemed a bit erratic(what's with guys being erratic when talking to me lately?) and got mad out loud when his gf texted him telling him to meet her at target at so and so time because he didnt want to and had plans with friends. He seemed kind of off his game with work,i was doing most of it,which is surprising since he gets the best jobs(well because of his gf). We had some nice chatting,though he seemed distracted too. At the end,we hugged. And,in hindsight,that hug almost felt like sex.My body and legs were in between his pelvic area and the pose itself seemed romantic. It was a quick hug and im sure he probably hugs all the females he works with. He then said he'd recommend me for being team lead roles in the recap forms. Everytime i see him,i cant stop thinking about him. I'm learning/relearning that sometimes you just get a vibe someone likes you. It's an energy,and he always vibes with me ever since the last two times i seen him. I did feel something years ago toward him but thought he was too weird and narcissistic so let it go despite how in sync we seemed to be. This hug was way more sex then the hug with S in July. Both were quick but with S our bodies were more separated and from afar it probably looked like an awkward hug whereas with D,our bodies were close,and from afar i feel like it would've looked like we were a couple. It's like my arms were just more comfortable being around him. It's weird.
-the book i've been reading
-confirming a lot of jobs
-doing a lot of bike rides
-sleep
-cuddles with T cat
-cuddles with L kitten
-meeting my financial goals
-buying my favorite candy
-buying a new pair of yoga pants
-benzos
-iced lattes
-massage
-my outdoor cats
-reading some elle magazine
-becoming more competant and growing as a person
-my hypnosis audios
-getting a ride to work and to my interview today
-nourishment
-calmness
-sunshine
-my laptop
-makeup
-my adidas hoodie
-nightskies
-meditation

[buttercup]

-candy
-coffee
-finding my xanax today
-benzos
-being social today
-meditation
-water
-getting invited to a party by an old friend E which first sent me into a tailspin but then i decided i will go,i am ready,this is a good thing
-my adidas hoodie
-being social today
-coming across a store opening giving away free wine and cupcakes
-friend insisting i take train home instead of uber saying she will walk me to the train and tell me how to do it,and so i did i took two different trains,it was easy,and i got home for $2.25 which was amazing. A big goal for me and accomplishment.
-finding out my boss who is the gf of the guy i like is actually much older then i thought. i thought she was about my age or younger,but she is actually almost 50 and as it sounds she practically is a sugar mama to him and they fight a lot. she even gave a job of his to my friend once during a fight.
-growing as a person
-cats
-hot guys
-hot guys who are chivalrous and protective. some hot young guy collecting politcal signatures gently pulled me to the side in a protective way when someone walked by. was so cute.
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-my phone
-technology
-my body being nice and sore from all the yoga yesterday and feeling stronger
-kindness
-serendipity
-shopping
-colors
-stretches
-entertainment
-sleep
-appreciation
-learning
-style
-positive vibes
-the internet

[buttercup]

-entertainment
-vegan cheese
-not going to work today and not caring
-working out today on stairmaster,elliptical and kundalini yoga
-starting to feel a connection with R
-having fun and kisses with R after finally meeting up after all these years. we are both different now.
-R offering to buy me a handbag after me joking about him buying me a louis ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ bag. He's brought it up several times now i think joking
-R saying sweet things and seeming to really care for me and how i'm doing
-my sense of style
-spending an hour looking for P cat. havent seen her in about 2 days now. very stressful.
-meditation
-nice skies
-getting flirted with a lot and complimented a lot
-aloe vera water
-being told by M i look like im losing weight
-M's husband buying me munchkins donuts
-inspiration
-sending out a ton of emails for jobs
-my hair
-my beauty
-feeling in the halloween spirit
-fashion
-makeup
-my T cat. he is so cute.
-cuddling with L kitten
-meeting animal friendly people
-my phone
-uber
-growing as a person
-practicing written driving test stuff again
-getting savings to $300
-my job tomorrow
-driving with M's husband to and from pharmacy to pick up my meds
-motivation
-the book i've been currently reading
-getting approved for care credit
-my credit score improving
-cats
-nourishment
-letting go
-faith
-warm showers
-bike rides
-laying out in the sun the other day and doing outdoor yoga
-having nice curves
-lorazapam

[buttercup]

-calming and grounding
-caring people
-meditation
-naps
-self compassion
-my cats
-my job yesterday going really well
-caring people
-uber
-finishing up my book and elle magazine issue
-my style
-remembering my power
-cuddling with cats
-ghee butter
-bread
-vegan burritos
-spices
-soda pop
-water
-ideas
-talent
-being smart
-touch
-hope
-detachment
-the internet

[buttercup]

-doing 35 minutes of rebounding today
-feeling calmer and more grounded
-the weather being beautiful out today
-all going well with my doctor appt today
-attempting to pick up records at hospital today
-getting more money added to my account today
-confirming another job which makes up for more of the money i lost so far in earnings
-aloe water
-vegan burritos
-spices
-feeling empowerment
-my maturity
-having carecredit now and a good credit line with it
-my credit improving
-iced almond milk lattes
-ghee butter
-cuddling with cats
-great affirmations
-my life coach
-stretches
-my adidas hoodie
-my beauty
-lorazapam
-sending out a bunch of emails for jobs today
-great skincare products
-feeling like in some ways i am becoming more attractive
-beauty
-buying myself a face mask today
-blankets
-sleep
-listening to my hypnosis audios outside in the sun today
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-music
-my taste in things
-smiling
-writing out affirmations for 3 pages
-my phone
-the internet
-entertainment
-inspiration
-water fountains
-my to-do list
-getting a document set up of disputing a fraudulent debt
-getting flyers made up of P cat. just need to print them tomorrow now.
-sunshine
-nightskies
-rest
-innovation
-technology
-letting go
-goals

[buttercup]

-my laptop
-buying myself some gouda cheese today.
-getting confirmed for an odd job last night and getting it all done today
-getting flyers made for P cat
-getting two checks in the mail
-buying myself the silver high top sneakers in the mail i've been wanting for awhile
-iced lattes
-positive affirmations
-physical exercise
-spices
-vegan burritos
-laughing
-naps
-cuteness
-napping with T cat and L kitten today
-staying motivated
-getting a lot done today
-waking up early today
-getting my savings to $400
-having a job interview tomorrow
-doing some journaling tonight
-confirming a job today
-getting some cleaning done today
-vitamins
-my new phone ring tone
-my femininity
-freedom
-how much more independent i've become
-shopping
-kindness
-doing some coloring in an old lisa frank coloring book i found
-smiling
-hot guys
-relaxing some inner resistance i've been having about my love life
-yoga pants
-hoodies
-entertainment
-lorazapam
-going through lots of credit things in my mail i'm trying to fix and doing some work on that
-being approved for care credit
-buying a new wall affirmation decal inspired by an affirmation given to me by my life coach to use for P cat
-efforts
-taking things one day at a time

[buttercup]

-my comforter
-other girl having trouble too with job which worked out since i ended up getting anxiety and not going and was able to use that to help my case
-my cats
-being kind
-wonder
-M putting money in my account
-coffee
-ghee butter
-chickpeas curry
-beauty
-vegan pizza
-my beauty
-art
-my computer
-my phone
-relief after feeling cranky and depressed over some things not working out today
-gratitude
-water
-the photofacial doing a good job of fading some flaws i wanted gone
-trying on my costume and how good i looked in it
-how great my legs looked in my costume before i put tights on
-naps
-sleep
-stretches
-my body being sore from a workout the other day
-after social plans going wrong,going crazy and deciding to buy $50 worth of my favorite candy,a halloween pop-up card for a friend who's party im going to and sending more cat food and dog stuff to my mom
-doing some coloring to relax
-sending out lots of emails for jobs
-being in the halloween spirit lately
-sending out emails on trying to find a dentist to get enameloplasty done
-music
-being complimented
-dimmer lights

[buttercup]

-getting my business meeting done today and getting a ride there and back
-M putting money in my account
-M's husband giving me $20
-S contacting me today
-compliments
-R contacting me and saying sweet things
-shopping
-my cats staying warm and toasty
-deep cleansing breaths
-naps
-my style
-coffee
-my beauty
-how effective my photofacial was
-doing a facemask last night
-makeup
-fashion
-buying myself a crescent moon barrette and a really cute work top or top that can be used as atheleisure with yoga pants
-walking
-deciding to rent a movie
-l kitten cuddling in my arms like a little baby
-the internet
-goals
-music
-beauty
-connection
-that it didn't rain today
-food
-aloe vera juice
-sending out emails for jobs
-being in a more positive mood today
-growing as a person
-newness
-yoga
-doing some cleaning and organizing
-things to look forward to
-my hypnosis audios
-high vibes
-M telling her husband i lost weight
-how relaxed T cat looks when he sleeps or has his neck or chin petted
-all my cats i love and care for and all cats in general

[buttercup]

-R thinking about me
-talking with R
-getting a check in the mail and it being larger then expected
-getting confirmed for a job tomorrow
-blankets
-aloe vera juice
-coffee
-finding out health scare wasn't what i feared and calming down
-lorazapam
-getting my book the secret in the mail
-passing out the rest of the flyers and brochures today
-doing some journaling tonight
-taking the bus by myself for the first time today and how easy it was. i wanted to something that scares me and is in the uncomfortable zone and chose that.
-that the weather was sunny today
-giving T cat a bath today
-cuddling with cats
-buying myself a new jewelry box
-putting another chunk of money into savings so i've now exceeded this month's goal of what i wanted in there which calms me down about all the job cancellations
-laughing at life
-having an interesting life
-sweaters
-showers
-M's husband buying me some chinese food to try
-entertainment
-my phone
-listening to my hypnosis audios this morning
-smiling
-seeing my cats thriving
-calling the referral place i was planning to call for the last few days
-getting a lot of calls/emails now from dentists for the procedure i want done
-activating my care credit card and registering it
-mobile apps
-making an appt for the other referral i got today
-getting a call about a job for a market coming to my city soon. didn't get a chance to call that back,got caught up in anxiety from health scare earlier then trying to finish other goals
-naps
-dimmer lights
-connection
-positive possibilities
-crossing things off my to-do list

[buttercup]

-R saying more crazy things like he thinks i'm like a soul mate.
-R saying all the time i'm his which is cute
-when R used a lint roller on my pants the other day. i remember those quirks of his and they are hilarious.
-R saying all these sweet things to me that make me feel good
-seeing R again he was there first at starbucks and insisted on paying for my coffee order. We ended up going back to his place which i didn't want to do. He tried to take a pic of me with his dog which is crazy. What if his fiancee sees that? We ended up kissing and hugging and me having my face in his neck and him saying thank you when we hugged which im not sure what that meant.
-R saying he wants to buy me sweets online and that it'll be a surprise.
-getting my big box of candy i ordered in the mail
-vegan burritos
-getting my new silver sneakers in the mail
-working tommorow
-my style
-fashion
-making up for all the jobs i lost
-exceeding my savings goal for the month which means next month will be easier
-getting my body scrub in the mail
-M buying me the k2 vitamins
-l kitten looking a lot better today and healthier
-cuddling with my cats
-M putting more money in my account
-using per diems to make my account a little healthier
-uber
-lorazapam
-iced hazelnut almond milk lattes
-sleep
-naps
-makeup
-my phone
-people to text
-physical exercise
-warm showers
-sunshine
-nightskies
-doing another challenge even on day i seen R. i took usual train but got off on a different stop just to get more comfortable with the trains
-getting a check in the mail today
-hot guys
-some kind of attractive guy kissing me on the head today at work
-music
-fun
-having a cool job
-beauty
-compliments
-models
-laughing at life
-nightskies
-updating my web portfolios a bit
-doing some reading
-meditating last night
-warm showers
-relaxation

[buttercup]

-feeling inspired to text R after his ignoring games
-herbs
-finding out sociopath ex who dropped me last year returned to not eating meat
-soup
-that i get to work tomorrow
-nourishment
-spices
-my phone
-getting all the cat houses in scaffold area and cat bedding cleaned
-l kitten feeling so much better and how beautiful she is
-cuddling with l kitten. she cuddles like a baby,putting herself circular in your arms and going really close to your face. it's adorable.
-water
-making my bed
-doing some practicing driving the other day
-my beauty
-reading more of the secret
-M making me umcka tea
-getting in a good workout tonight of the stairmaster and bodyworks class
-my bed
-blankets
-warm showers
-working the other day,and using a microphone.i was so nervous at first but then it was fun
-new work photos
-texting E for his number for his party this weekend
-my confetti dolci candy
-my silver sneakers
-gratitude
-getting more p cat flyers posted up
-the internet
-relaxing
-being productive today
-listening to my higher self and feeling some inner guidance
-M invited me to halloween store the other day and to starbucks
-makeup
-catching up on phone calls
-having a kind heart. had a cat follow my while hanging up a flyer for P the other day,just meowing and waiting for me. I tried to lead it to the yard for food but it didn't come all the way,just halfway. im guessing the cat got nervous.i asked neighbors out if they knew the cat. After i got back,i grabbed food to bring to the cat but couldn't find the cat.
-being sick forcing me to take it easy on myself and chill out
-newness
-that i won't have my time of the month by the time the party this weekend
-my psychiatric medications
-colors
-great deals
-positive mindset
-praise

[buttercup]

-opportunities
-positive possibilities
-being a positive person
-healing herbs
-vegan food
-nourishment
-being able to work yesterday and tomorrow
-music
-randomly hearing from my brother after over a year and that he is doing really well and has a great job where he gets to travel and is in miami right now. he sent me pics. very inspiring. made my day.
-posting more on social media lately
-coffee
-telling R how I feel and finally hearing something from him today after one text of sharing good news with him and another random topic i shared so two texts from him
-cuddling and playing with L kitten this morning
-beauty
-cats
-my new work pics
-my beauty
-my status
-remembering good times
-candy
-M's husband taking me to get female time of the products
-the sun shining today
-the cats doing well
-putting up another flyer for P cat today
-doing some googling last night and seeing some cheap apartments that aren't in my city's worst ghetto do exist
-ideas
-having a kind heart
-sleep
-finding a great deal for free startbucks $5 giftcard at dentist i am going to today when i bring in postcard they sent
-getting card in the mail im giving friend E this weekend and how cute it is
-kindness in others
-M's husband getting a new area for cats set up for the colder season
-inspiration
-supportive people
-someone from my second business i do sending in their materials
-that it's not raining today
-motivation
-taking things one day at a time
-being easy on myself
-my bed
-blankets

[buttercup]

-R being so amazing. I feel like i'm falling for him. He was so worried for me the night of the party and after we met and has been so chivalrous and sweet and like a best friend and everything. he's disappeared again the last thing he told me was he didn't think his dad was going to make it. I sent a few texts but am trying to give him his space since i know how he is. He bought me a staightening iron and helped me get ready via pics i sent back and forth and was just so sweet and there for me. He's changed so much. He's like the perfect guy for me now. It's crazy and weird because if this came full cycle it'd be ironic and very karmic seeming.
-clean teeth
-the halloween party i went to. so glad i got to wear my costume finally and see my friend E. It made me feel like life was back to normal.
-making new friends
-giving E the cute halloween pop up card i got for him
-nonjudgemental people.
-my phone
-people to text
-getting to celebrate halloween this year
-the weather being better today
-standing up to myself when two different people from work were rude to me in the last few days
-the doctor who said i have early stage of c cancer being very nice to me and saying we will reverse this
-kind people
-positive people
-high vibe people
-supportive people
-after S hurting my feelings,him resolving things with me sweetly and in a way that showed effort and being nice and there for me
-cuddling with L kitten. She's a sweetie. Pretty quiet and a cuddle addict
-getting two new collars for the cats
-feeling healthy again
-two different people making it sound like R and I might end up together
-my bed
-blankets
-drinking my aloe vera juice today
-coffee
-getting along better with M's husband lately
-getting two articles up on my 2nd business within the last few days
-all the people who help me out in my careers
-E texting me and inviting me to a concert today
-my digestion improving
-all the comments from M and her husband on how much weight i lost and that i look good and seeing it in pictures that i am looking like my old self
-makeup
-getting my new backpack in the mail
-hope
-music
-new experiences
-inspiration
-smiling
-being smart
-my beauty
-getting flirted with and asked out a lot
-doing some more reading of the secret today
-my creativity
-my kind heart
-putting up more flyers of P cat
-affirmations
-listening to my hypnosis audios today
-deciding not to go to work today so i can have a day to get my head together
-colors
-writing out some affirmations yesterday and today
-meeting new people all the time
-lorazapam
-becoming more self sufficient
-finding out im going to be another magazine
-getting an image back of myself i liked and putting it on social media
-updating work things with new images i have of myself from work
-deep cleansing breaths
-M's husband thinking of ways to keep the cats warm this winter
-my confidence growing
-being productive
-sunshine
-uber
-M's husband saying they're not planning on leaving me with nothing when i move out
-having nice curves

[buttercup]

-seeing my life coach yesterday
-that i can see my psychiatrist today
-vegan food
-getting a bale of straw for outdoor cats yesterday and setting it all up in the new winter housing area for them and them seeming to love the new setup
-R texting me yesterday morning and me telling him i meant what i said and feel. Then,after talking to life coach,sending him some texts last night coming clean on how i feel and being firm on some things. of course,now i feel awful,but looking back,i wasnt too harsh in original text and yesterday,all i really did was come clean even more. i hope we can get past this and feel like we will.
-fashion
-my cats
-staying strong through all the b.s that went on in the last few days
-bank being supportive and boss taking my side after being bullied by the jerk co-worker
-my new jeans
-compliments
-being asked out a lot
-sleep
-new friends
-my style
-buying a red skirt this morning since i couldn't find a black cocktail dress online i liked
-heels
-going to a job interview yesterday
-friendly and positive people
-my new mango lip balm
-getting M's sister's phone number
-blankets
-cuteness
-going with M's husband on a few errands he had to run the last few days to get out of the house
-writing down some for rent numbers i seen while biking riding the other day
-doing another anxiety challenge the other day and how much i am growing as a person
-my beauty
-finding out i will be in another magazine
-things working out for me
-M's husband taking my side the day ex best friend and gf came over,threw a fit and tried getting me kicked out again
-lorazapam
-colors
-my eyesight
-aloe vera water
-sweeping my floor yesterday
-practicing driving downtown the other day
-having a few days off to get my head together
-meditating the other night
-having more then $500 in savings now
-M's husband seeming to be more on my side lately
-the weight i lost and keep being told i lost weight my M and her husband
-art
-hope
-inspiration
-listening to my hypnosis audios
-being able to think for myself
-lifecoach saying maybe we can do a past life regression soon
-getting invited to a family dinner because of M's husband
-smiling
-working out the other day by going for a bike ride,then later doing stairmaster,and a toning bodyworks class
-just now passing an online practice driving test with no hints
-my credit card saying i have no minimum payments this month

[buttercup]

-getting the job at the christmas market
-all the weight i've lost
-my thigh gap
-doing my job today
-dreams coming true
-coffee
-bread
-eating less sugar these days
-my beauty
-my fashion style
-my life coach calling me and calming me down after feeling really down earlier
-going to kundalini yoga class
-the money i'm about to have coming
-drinking some pomegranate juice mixed with water to work on detoxing and holistic healing
-compliments
-cuddling with L kitten
-all the cute silly things the cats do
-that the cats seem to be doing ok with the weather
-M's husband deciding to buy another heated water bowl for them since we aren't sure current one is working
-sunshine
-sending more emails out for jobs
-being a nice person
-my beauty
-sleep
-blankets
-how great T cat looks in his sparkly gray collar
-not having to wake up early tomorrow
-growing as a person
-the heater in my room
-straw
-washing one of the cat beds
-getting P cat's flyer posted on an online neighborhood site
-all the weight i've lost and am losing
-makeup
-how much i'm growing as a person
-cleaning up a little today
-vegan food
-warm showers
-my phone
-my bed
-being productive
-updating my linkedin
-updating my resume
-emailing from business cards i got recently
-emailing people for 2nd business thing i do
-laughing
-band-aids
-taking life one day at a time
-eyeglasses
-writing out 3 pages of affirmations
-playing with the loa in my mind a little bit
-positive and inspiring quotes and ideas

[buttercup]

-staying positive
-happiness in moments
-parties
-invites
-my strength
-sleep
-soup
-bread
-doing my job today
-coffee
-warm showers
-straw
-nice memories to lean on
-my attractiveness
-all the weight i've lost
-that i'm going to be able to buy something i've wanted to buy for a long time now that's been a little dream of mine in a few days
-meditation
-prayer
-that my cats seem to be doing ok
-letting T cat wander around the house since his whining lately seems to be because i want him in the room with me and he wants to explore
-my pale pink backpack
-ideas
-the internet
-getting my recap for yesterday finished up
-entertainment
-trusting life,letting go,and surrender
-quiet
-rosemary oil
-incense
-leg warmers
-having a caring heart
-sanskrit mantras
-my mango lipbalm
-having nice hair
-having nice curves
-stretches
-taking my supplements
-blankets
-body moisturizer
-deep cleansing breaths
-parties
-invites
-nightskies
-light bulbs
-cats

[buttercup]

-that me and R are talking again. it feels so much better. i got mad when i found out my psycho ex best friend contacted my dad twice again last week. my dad ignored. so,i texted R saying i really miss him and we started talking things out a little and are going to meet for coffee tomorrow. i added him back to my fb.
-seeing girls with similar unique beauty to me in movies/modeling campaigns
-my bed
-my cats
-the money coming to me
-practicing driving today
-doing some reading
-coffee
-bread
-getting better with some things of goal manifesting and how great that feels
-deciding to watch a movie tonight
-listening to my hypnosis audios
-rosemary oil
-getting my room cleaned up
-my phone
-the weather being warmer today and feeling like spring
-seeing T mom cat curled up in her spot under the front porch winter housing we have for the cats looking very cozy. makes me happy
-social media
-my beauty
-my pink backpack
-yoga
-ashwagandha
-dental floss
-happiness
-trusting life
-things to look forward to
-goals

[buttercup]

-seeing R today
-kissing R today
-how loving R can be and his little quirks
-ashwagandha
-lavender
-spices
-marshmallow dream bar from starbucks
-gin gins
-coffee
-sunshine
-makeup
-my sense of style
-cheap uber rides
-sleep
-my new work pics
-writing out my affirmations today
-physical exercise
-yoga
-doing a little reading
-getting a start on an article for 2nd business thing i do
-organizing and cleaning out the pictures in my phone
-pictures
-my outdoor cats
-the weather being nicer today
-heels
-makeup
-lorazapam
-antidepressants
-being intelligent
-ibuprofen
-taking life one day at a time
-warm showers
-having a great body
-self compassion
-trusting life is looking out for me
-ordering a new custom decal for my affirmation wall
-kindness from others
-walking
-my bed
-how good it feels to be in a relationship/dating/involved
-smiling
-laughing

[buttercup]

-drinking my detox drinks
-getting my chemical peel today and how amazing my skin looked after my peel today
-being easy on myself since i feel weak today and it's that time of the month
-friendly people
-being kind
-listening to my hypnosis audios today
-taking things one day at a time
-physical exercise
-nourishment
-my cats
-the weather being warmer today
-social media
-herbs
-spices
-aloe vera
-blankets
-deep cleansing breaths
-seeing my affirmations at work
-bread
-coffee
-sleep
-fashion
-heels
-my style
-my beauty
-going to the bank today to get direct deposit forms
-lorazapam
-greenery
-colors
-studying a little bit tonight
-naps
-finding out charge i was disputing that i won and it's been cleared
-cuteness
-things that are interesting
-new life experiences
-smiling
-deep cleansing breaths
-working on article some more that i've started
-my confidence going up again
-having nice hair
-having a nice body
-compliments
-being productive
-opening my mind

[buttercup]

-manifesting a goal of my checking account reaching a certain point that i had made last year as a goal that felt exciting for me at the time when i made the goal/intention. it's very cool seeing things like this manifest. my checking account is now the highest it's ever been,at least since i've been single.
-feeling relief when i got fired last night.i had so much resistance and negative momentum that i kept having anxiety all week not knowing what was bothering me until i realized it was not being able to handle/keep this job. so when it finally happened that i did end up fired,i literally did not care. of course,til the next day when i was a wreck all day. but,then i had perspective remembering what i told myself during my anxiety,that even if i fail this,it's ok,because it's a step i've never tooken,and maybe next time,i'll take another step and i'll only go a little further but if i keep going,i'lll get better and better and get to where i want to go,whereas if i don't even try,i'll never get there,and i'll never grow and even only keeping this 3 days before being fired along with the attractive,most competant guy there,this was still a stepping stone,and good experience and growth for me. just keep trusting life,and surrendering.
-getting my check i was antsy about finally
-getting my wall decal for my affirmation wall in the mail today
-rest
-cleaning my room
-making up with R again. we've been fighting like cats and dogs on and off ever since he hurt me in early november. mostly,it's just me getting mad at him,then him ignoring me then me talking to him then us talking it out.
-water
-dimmer lights
-my cats
-ordering food in tonight
-warm showers
-renting a movie online and just relaxing
-the internet
-shopping
-all the opportunities still available to me and that can come to me
-my inner optimisim
-hydrocodone
-lorazapam
-celexa
-tastebuds
-my creativity
-my sentimentality
-pictures
-support
-moisturizers
-coffee
-sleep
-nightskies
-sunshine
-quiet
-feeling the magic of life in certain quiet moments

[buttercup]

-music
-feelings
-seeing R today. taking him to my old neighborhood and finding out he lived there as a child. taking him to a coffee shop i used to go to and then the spooky shop where i bought incense and he bought sage. it was funny and interesting.
-R giving me the straightening iron he bought back in october and finding out it's a $100 straightening iron.
-giving R something i wanted to give him that was a creative,abstract thing i put together
-having a friend now
-adding another $100 to my savings
-communication
-going on a job interview today and i think it going well
-confirming more jobs today
-warm showers
-clean clothes
-makeup
-ibuprofen
-celexa
-lorazapam
-not taking hydrocodone today
-naps
-protein drinks
-my style
-my cats
-relaxing
-new experiences
-reflection
-moisturizers
-sending out more emails for jobs today
-when R is sweet and loving towards me
-my bed
-straw
-cat treats
-hot guys
-my accomplishments
-yoga
-laughing
-fun
-self compassion

[buttercup]

-music
-something peaceful happening. today,i was invited by M to go to the mall and we went shopping and had normal conversation,and got food and to the vitamin store,and dropped off vitamins to her brother. I think it's my affirmation of letting my relationship with M die,and stop hoping and just letting go and moving on that manifested this and it felt really good. letting go is amazing.
-deciding to ignore R. I know it's wrong,but i told him one day i would do this to him just like he does to me sometimes and i just started to feel almost sick of him. this happens sometimes..idk what it is but he has such a heavy energy that it causes me to feel heady in a negative way.i can remember years again feel faint sometimes talking to him. it's like a combination of how much i think he actually thinks about me combined with the games he plays. I'll probably text him on monday or tuesday but just felt a need to do this.
-the cute thanksgiving text R sent me the other day. he said happy thanksgiving my little tofurkey.
-all the shopping i've done in the last few days
-getting my savings to my goal i had for before november was over
-ordering my dream shoes the other day
-all the weight i've lost
-working today
-sunshine
-weather being warmer today
-my style
-my beauty
-feeling sexier
-pinterest
-the internet
-sleep
-cats
-my beauty
-my confidence growing
-beauty
-picking out a tropical punch flavored protein drink at the vitamin shoppe
-M's husband taking me to dinner last night
-my hypnosis audios
-heels
-uber
-making it to work on time
-warm showers
-happiness
-smiling
-style
-cool people
-peace
-laughing
-humor
-great deals
-ideas
-taking my vegan omega supplement today
-my desires
-feeling like i finally have my head together again
-not having to work tomorrow

[buttercup]

-calmness
-getting my new splurge shoes in the mail
-being productive
-sleep
-taking a break from talking to R and how good that feels and that he's still tried to reach out to me.i know it's wrong,but i just felt i had to do this.
-aloe vera water
-physical exercise
-my cats
-style
-music
-fashion
-social media
-sending more emails out for jobs
-laying out in the sun for awhile
-sunshine
-cleaning up the room and organizing
-vegan burritos
-going to the print store to get some more flyers made
-practicing driving today
-incense
-shopping
-watching movies
-coffee
-adding more money to my account today
-my phone
-the internet
-mobile apps
-confidence
-smiling
-moisturizers
-warm showers
-finishing up my written affirmations from the other day
-finding a photo of myself from a few years ago that someone posted today that i liked

[buttercup]

-R liking my social media posts
-breaking my silence with R today
-my beautiful new christian louboutin shoes
-shopping
-nourishment
-movies
-water
-lavender
-animal friendly and animal loving people
-posting more flyers up for my missing ferals from the last year
-sleep
-cuddling with L kitten
-laughing
-my beauty
-sunshine
-weather being a little warmer today
-doing some studying
-drinking more water today
-warm showers
-cuteness
-R saying he misses me
-physical exercises
-stretches
-doing some cleaning
-checking out a job board for some freelance work
-meditating
-prayer
-my faith increasing
-painatrate cream i started using
-deep cleansing breaths
-mantras
-learning
-the cool life experiences i've had
-relaxation
-incense
-peace
-motivation
-finishing my written affirmations last night
-music

[buttercup]

-being positive and in a good mood despite deciding i have to cut ties with R
-fashion
-my beauty
-having a thin face
-weight loss
-rebounding
-nice weather
-friendly,reassuring doctors
-deep cleansing breaths
-trying venlafaxine again
-feeling better after seeing psychiatrist yesterday
-new yoga pants
-seeing life coach last night
-blankets
-cuddles with L kitten. she's cute,she like to scoot real close to me and curl up in a ball
-getting a holiday gift for my mom
-rose oil serum
-coffee
-two bite brownies
-applying to some more jobs today
-moisturizers
-food
-caring people
-studying
-organizing files
-smiling
-being helpful
-my sense of style
-music
-chatting with people
-being awake
-my friend E inviting me to his birthday party this year
-taking life one day at a time
-cuteness

[buttercup]

-jackets
-getting out of the house,running errands with others
-being ok with letting go of R
-how nice and reassuring my doctor is
-naps
-coffee
-going for a bike ride
-sunshine
-overcoming fears
-R responding to a text today
-my outdoor cats and how cute they are
-M's husband giving me money to add to my account when it was low and i needed to add some singles to it
-organizing files
-looking for jobs
-doing more flyers looking for P cat and starting more leafletting for community cats
-my beauty
-warm showers
-coloring my hair
-pictures
-rose oil serum
-meditating
-listening to my hypnosis audios

[buttercup]

-warm showers
-sweaters
-beautiful weather
-deep cleansing breaths
-getting my eyebrows threaded today
-meditation
-my beauty
-burning my wish paper and seeing them all fly up in the air
-my cats
-prayer
-praying with M's husband
-trying on my christian louboutin's and practicing walking in them to boost my mood
-coffee
-my strength
-drinking my apple cider vinegar detox drink
-great skincare products
-fashion
-the internet
-the flow opening up a little bit with money
-doing some flyering today
-my favorite perfume escentric 02
-organizing files
-my style
-yoga
-art
-colors
-grass
-wind
-physical exercise
-food
-my weight loss
-having great cheekbones
-painatrate cream
-organizing my closet a little bit
-movies
-beauty
-my blankets
-my bed
-great uber rates

[buttercup]

-warm showers
-R saying he is scared of falling in love with me and that he thinks about me all the time
-talking to R on the phone and how well we clicked the other day and him calling me so cute and gorgeous and claiming he was jealous and asking does he want me to show how jealous he is.
-working today
-working the other two days i did this week
-enjoying my work
-my beauty
-others thinking im very beautiful
-working with cool products
-free stuff
-coffee
-networking. a guy at my job recently wanted to hire me for car shows and things and seemed to find me attractive by his vibe and said anytime i'm by his restaurant,lunch is on him.
-getting a little bit into the christmas spirit
-makeup
-feeling more attractive lately and like i'm being noticed more
-my teddy bear beanie
-my outdoor cats
-getting my recaps done
-feeling calmer
-deciding to send my one of my boss's a holiday pop-up card
-finding a blue rose from one of my favorite flower companies and deciding to order it
-my christian louboutin shoes
-keeping my mindset positive
-my puffer jacket
-water
-my style
-breaks
-meditation
-blankets
-my bed
-cuddling with cats
-being smart
-art
-keeping up with my anxiety challenges
-my new straightening iron
-organizing and decluttering
-how much im growing as a person
-animal heroes
-cuteness
-positivity

[buttercup]

-drinking my pomegranate juice
-drinking more water today
-my beauty
-stretches
-naps
-5 lorazapam dose
-being ok so far with not talking to R
-cuddling with cats
-prayer
-positive affirmations
-meditation
-writing out a financial improvement plan and a final getting over anxiety plan for one of the things i've been working on
-a lot of guys asking me out in the last few days
-making efforts
-emojis
-that S the guy i met in july is sending me a little christmas gift
-M buying me a christmas mug
-my biggest crush for years and i having coffee plans next week. what a great christmas gift.
-heels
-kind people
-coffee
-bread
-the mri i got done being less scary then ithought it would be
-getting confirmed to work as a new year's vip host again
-the cute things the cats do
-art
-experiencing my desires manifest and how cool it is
-surrender
-staying present

[buttercup]

-making the sad decision to let my 2nd business go for now officially
-vegan pizza from whole foods
-the vegan donut i had today
-working today
-nice people
-drinking my aloe vera water
-stretches
-naps
-my cats
-things working out for me
-getting my savings to $900
-my christian louboutin shoes
-coffee
-smiling
-my sense of style
-my eyesight
-having a coffee meeting with my big crush A coming up
-the manifestation of desires
-leg warmers
-the weather being mostly pretty mild thus far
-my blue rose
-water
-getting one of my recaps done
-warm showers
-sweaters
-cleaning a little
-sending out emails for more jobs
-my stomach getting flatter
-movies
-getting asked out on a lot of dates/flirted with a lot the last few days
-getting more images from a recent job
-the internet
-kindness
-relaxation
-my beauty
-writing some things out the other day to feel more confident
-having a nice body
-things to look forward to
-colors
-style
-transforming
-memories
-unexpected beautiful surprises
-fun

[buttercup]

-tea
-lavender
-ashwagandha
-rosemary oil
-water
-drinking my apple cider vinegar detox supplement
-having coffee plans with my all time biggest crush tomorrow A
-How my crush A talks
-crush A saying he will call me beforehand
-crush A saying he is interested in me as well
-physical exercise
-warm showers
-my gray comforter
-cat cuddles
-my phone
-sleep
-the sunshine that came out today
-movies
-my style
-my beauty
-manifesting my desires
-entertainment
-inspiration
-blue roses
-all the good things that happened this year
-mailing off another P cat flyer and alley cat ally leaflet
-losing weight
-more job opportunities
-feeling a little more secure and grounded about money
-great alcohol with mixers
-finishing off my other work recap
-following up on work emails
-doing a little cleaning
-organizing files in my phone
-having a nice body
-my rebalance face cream
-meditation
-mantras
-affirmations
-deep cleansing breaths
-seeing T cat,the mom being held like a baby in M's husbands lap and how much she likes that
-lorazapam
-nice people
-feeling a nice nonchalance about things
-being an interesting person
-interesting sounds
-serendipity

[buttercup]

-manifesting my long held desire of having a one on one hang out conversation with A and making our connection more then just unspoken. it was amazing.
-having A's phone number in my phone
-A responding to my texts
-seeing proof again that we do get all that we intend to manifest
-having a nice day and night with R the other day and making up...even though we are again not speaking
-R saying he would stay with me at the hospital when i have my surgery if i want
-R saying if i ever want to him to buy me something just ask,offering to take me shopping,saying he wants to buy me pretty things,and looking up buddha bracelets saying we have to get me a new one since my old one broke
-new experiences
-a lot of guys asking me out a lot lately
-R,the other R who is further from my past and i chatting a bit online the other day
-drinking my aloe water supplement today
-my phone
-naps
-cats
-my beauty
-my style
-my reimbursement coming through today
-M asking if i want to go to the mall tomorrow
-blankets
-warm showers
-physical exercise
-how much weight i've lost
-deciding to accept a date with R,a friend of a friend from the past( so many R names). This R is older,more mature,and i've only met him once.
-listening to my hypnosis audios
-coffee
-paying attention to how the more i meditate,the more life flows
-being in the christmas spirit
-S from maryland getting me a christmas gift
-being more social lately
-R saying he wants to go with to the party i'm going to at the end of the month
-maturity
-deep cleansing breaths
-ideas
-doing some studying last night
-cleaning a little this morning
-weather getting a little warmer again
-D,M's friend who i told isn't a friend sending me a christmas card with a starbucks gift card in it
-physical exercise
-surrender
-inspiration
-community
-meeting like-minded people
-positive affirmations
-compliments

[buttercup]

-going shopping today and finding out i can go tomorrow too
-how skinny i look
-how beautiful i look
-making up with R
-my bed
-vegan cheese
-coffee
-having a hangout with A this week. so amazing and surreal.
-manifesting my heart's desires
-calmness
-working today
-compliments
-getting invited to a family gathering of M and her husband's tomorrow
-deciding to try and visit my mom in the morning tomorrow
-heels
-blankets
-cuddling with cats
-having a good credit score
-writing out affirmations before bed last night
-beautiful poems
-empathy
-having a kind heart
-laughing
-my phone
-getting confirmed for more jobs
-fun
-my christian louboutin heels
-doing some cleaning
-relaxation

[buttercup]

-fashion
-the internet
-reading
-cats and their cuteness
-seeing my desires manifest
-being kind
-all my adventures with R
-going to E's party and how fun that was
-working on nye
-sleep
-my attractiveness
-my strength
-no longer having cervical cancer,just womb mass
-my hypnosis audios
-reading
-meditation
-creativity
-writing out my new year's resolutions
-apple cider vinegar detox drink
-my new nude lip plumping lip gloss
-actually having an ok christmas this year
-affirmations
-sweaters
-blankets
-seeing R does get jealous
-my prada bag
-my sense of style
-doing another anxiety challenge the other day
-wearing pasties for the first time under my dress besides any other work events i don't remember
-having a nice body
-compliments
-friendly people
-newness
-my phone
-motivation
-coloring tonight
-ideas
-entertainment
-cleaning a little today
-seeing mom cat the other day after not seeing her for a few days
-updating my accomplishment book/bucket list book a little
-sunshine
-nightskies
-fun
-how beautiful my hair is
-the positive changes i've made
-art
-goals
-to do lists
-inspiration
-support
-being able to see
-kindness

[buttercup]

-making my own hypnosis audios
-healthy digestion
-texting A
-A texting me his playlist and seeing how into space he is,and how weird it was, and some stuff similar to what i used to listen to
-my bed
-getting my savings higher
-making decisons
-doing a good job at work
-goals
-getting a check quick
-getting confirmed for some film work
-fashion and style
-my new hair
-my beauty
-being smart
-serendipity
-yoga
-blankets
-making my bed
-my medications
-letting myself grieve and feel my feelings after what R did to me
-coffee
-growing confidence and positivity
-cats
-exploration
-water
-apple cider vinegar
-the weather warming up a bit
-seeing mom cat more often again
-being able to see the big picture and not get caught up in details
-the winter boots M's husband gave me
-getting back into spirituality a little bit
-seeing my credit score increased some more
-observing life
-maturity

[buttercup]

-it happened. after a strange and crazy weekend of R crying on the phone with me then getting scared and weird and blocking my number and erasing messages even from 2 other phones i used to call and having the calls straight go to machine and deleting me from facebook and L treating me like crap..both of these guys supposedly getting a "conscience" but really showing themselves as awful,i revealed my feelings to A. And,he responded. He said he finds me interesting too and that he wants to get to know me more and hang out but he's just so busy with work that he doesnt have time for romance at all but that if i play my cards right maybe we will end up kissing. He did have a slight ego,but he's him and i'm not surprised but he was really sweet and authentic. i had decided earlier i want to focus on him more since he is my dream guy unlike R. So,after one of my messages using M's husbands phone trying to get ahold of R and yelling at him,i decided to just go for it,and tell A how i feel. I wanted to melt that this moment happened. like really savor it. things from years ago have been manifesting.
-having half a driver's liscense. just have to re-do the road test which im sure ill get on the 2nd try
-getting approved for a saks card
-something happening this weekend that helped me see D from my past,a guy i went on 2 dates with in a different light..as a decent-ish guy.
-my bed
-my cats
-having 3 jobs to work today
-my beauty
-hot guys
-doing more shopping therapy after a stressful drama filled weekend and buying myself a chanel eyeshadow and gucci bracelet
-my phone
-laughter
-feeling feelings and how good that feels
-getting all my dishes cleaned finally
-coffee
-meditating today
-my new friend R
-being productive
-my eyeglasses
-cuteness
-fashion
-lorazapam
-lip balm
-water
-rest
-naps
-motivation
-seeing mom cat again today
-the meeting ex best friend wanted me to go to that i declined not happening
-seeing M actually defend me somewhat
-dimmer lights
-dental floss
-cleanliness
-newness
-happy,positive things to think about
-inspiration
-affirmations
-getting better at things
-positive transformation
-doing some physical exercise today and how good it felt
-that i get to work tomorrow

[buttercup]

-tuning into a parallel reality and staying faithful regarding T
-physical exercise
-taking care of myself
-letting myself lose my mind a little and finding bits of it in the process
-music
-the apathy mostly being gone
-my eyeglasses
-making efforts
-getting T stickers in the mail
-doing excitement inducement exercises
-being beautiful
-hot guys
-makeup
-sleep
-getting the last word in with every single person that created drama with me and winning
-buying a gift for my friend in maryland. one of the gifts donates proceeds to mental health organizations which i thought was awesome
-positive dreams and omens
-cats
-exceeding my january earnings goal. which also happened to be the most money i've earned ever in a month. and,in a month that is typically very slow for the work i do.
-having a job for primary career planned for the middle of the month
-learning
-self improvement
-having a saks credit card
-having a good credit score
-buying myself a valentines gift of charbonnel et walker chocolates from the theme collection of my favorite book through the looking glass,a dolce and gabbana t-shirt,and M giving me her flowers she was given(she hates flowers).
-warm showers
-cuteness
-reassurances
-prayer
-meditation
-coffee
-dove chocolate hearts
-having my surgery scheduled
-getting my laptop charger in the mail today
-getting a check deposited yesterday so i could fix it from being overdrawn
-lorazapam and not having to take xanax anymore
-getting my therapist flowers
-having beautiful eyes
-the recordings of my voice speaking to myself as a form of self hypnosis i've made and how much i really like them so far
-nature
-books
-being smart
-thinking creatively.
-determination

[buttercup]

-keeping the faith and optimism
-community
-connection
-oneness
-solid milk chocolates
-fashion
-coffee
-sleep
-surrender
-my laptop
-my creativity
-the self hypnosis audios i've made for myself
-all the jobs i've confirmed for this month
-my bed
-my hair
-being attractive
-my style
-cat cuddles
-pictures
-my determination
-my job coming up on friday
-entertainment
-lorazapam
-that A reciprocated feelings for me
-tuning into a better feeling reality
-all the metaphysical things i've learned
-getting S a gift of bourbon bears,your a catch swedish fish,and a winter teddy bear that has proceeds go to mental health organizations
-ideas
-efforts
-sweaters
-serendipity
-physical exercise
-feeling excitement
-letting myself lose my mind a little so i can reset
-meditation
-movies
-my phone
-finding i lost even more weight all from doing barely anything,which means i've now lost almost exactly 30 lbs since last winter. all from dropping the meds i knew i didnt want to be on anymore.
-makeup
-warm showers
-supplements
-getting a free sample today

[buttercup]

-my beauty
-more positive omens today
-going to therapy today
-coffee
-chocolate
-apple cider vinegar
-inspiration
-cats
-my laptop
-quantum physics
-entertainment
-all the jobs i have confirmed
-cats
-seeing dad cat today
-having a kind heart
-having someone to meet up with for coffee tomorrow
-sunshine
-nightskies
-my audio recordings i've been making
-being productive
-doing some cleaning
-prayer
-physical exercise
-resources for finding missing animals
-naps
-sleep
-having a nice body
-my cuteness
-learning
-becoming better
-deep cleansing breaths
-ibuprofen
-shopping
-hot guys
-yoga
-relaxation
-excitement
-my style
-warm showers
-nature
-beauty
-seeing mom cat

[buttercup]

-coffee
-ideas
-meditating today and how amazing it felt
-getting my chocolate champagne cupcakes today
-J
-my beautiful apartment
-my beautiful couch
-my beautiful huge houseplant
-my balcony
-being considered very beautiful and attractive
-J and I getting along so well. That I met him and how amazing he makes me feel sometimes
-amazing weather today
-cute cat pictures
-my creativity
-making the most money i've ever made in my life that's equivalent to my psycho ex's income when we lived together that was my reference for self competancy and self sufficiency in may
-getting my lip injections this month and how great they turned out
-entertainment
-my sense of fun
-yoga
-walking
-all the weight loss and seeing myself twiggy,twiggy in march and april
-fashion
-cutting up my saks card
-my relationship with M improving drastically once i moved out,and her taking me with her and her husband shopping on the 4rth of july
-going to see fireworks with my mom the day before the fourth of july
-pictures
-seeing and hearing how much weight psycho ex's gf gained
-my kindness and desire to create change
-physical exercise
-sex with J
-reconnecting with the people i've reconnected with in the last 12 months or so
-smiling
-reading and good books
-my intelligence
-faith and surrender
-happiness
-my "little girl-ish" qualities"
-being constantly told and thought i am way younger then i actually am based on my looks
-how much M's husband cares for the cats and has been there for me
-my ambition
-lorazapam
-winning
-getting revenge on psycho ex and his gf and getting my power back
-colors
-greenery
-makeup
-manifesting my desires
-kind people
-hope
-happiness
-prayer
-doing fun things
-phone chargers
-music
-my sense of style
-inspiration and inspiring people
-connection
-having great taste in things
-that my payment from work was completed from payment service
-excitement
-beauty
-learning
-trying new things and new experiences
-being high end
-flowers
-sunshine
-nightskies
-peace
-things to look forward to
-my therapist
-having a washing machine and dryer in the building
-vegan food

[buttercup]

-meditation
-snacks
-perspective
-beautiful weather today
-M's husband finally answering the phone
-being able to leave the air off today
-my style
-my tiger yoga pants
-J and that he seems to be falling more and more for me. Staring at me,mocking my voice, being more considerate of my needs including making extra time to talk when im done and efforts to see me when he's busy,including me when saying he needs to take care of "" and "" and it came out so naturally. Me saying he could just move in with me and instead of looking at me like i'm crazy saying that would be nice. Talking future things with me and how he wants to do more for me.
-my phone
-going for a nice walk
-lorazapam
-work picking up
-God
-having faith
-playfulness
-having nice curves
-clarity
-my laptop
-colors
-hanging out with my friend from maryland S. I almost didn't but at the last minute i felt a driving force to after he called and we did and it was great.
-my gold rose
-my framed artworks
-having a nice apartment
-yoga
-calmness
-night skies
-fashion
-romantic and sweet gestures
-pictures
-being considered attractive by others
-my ambition
-books
-my goals
-my feral cats
-my mom's cats
-cuteness
-fun
-aloe vera
-shopping
-the kindness M has shown me lately
-getting a massage this week
-my self sufficiency increasing
-coffee
-my beauty
-all the manifestation of my heart's desires that happened in the last months
-having a kind heart
-my taste in things
-groundedness
-creativity
-hot tea
-ice cream with cupcake
-my imaginativeness
-my love for art and beauty
-makeup
-showers
-music
-inspiration
-trusting life
-pronoia
-feeling my feelings-
-tithing
-getting another check yesterday

[buttercup]

-J and him telling me he doesnt want to end things and that he has been practicing saying i love you.
-healing
-coffee
-music
-meditation
-fresh starts
-pretty cups
-all the learning and growing and becoming more self sufficent
-kindness from strangers who could sense i wasn't doing well saying everything would be ok
-lip injections
-trying to stay and be positive
-surrender
-corner bakery monster cookies. They are like crack.
-humor and laughing
-goals
-optimism that this will be a good week
-smiling
-the wind
-inspiration
-motivation
-my determination
-makeup
-aloe vera
-yoga
-my succulent skin gel
-phone calls
-D helping me on Saturday
-seeing a pic of the awesome birthday card i got for a friend
-people considering me attractive
-J making a way to see me thursday knowing i would have no time friday even though that was the day easier for him
-makeup
-coffee creamer
-beautiful things
-my lower legs being sore from all the walking and my skin being tanner
-the supplements i take
-all the work i had this weekend starting thursday
-getting a little quicker about getting my recaps in
-ideas
-entertainment
-compliments
-my phone
-authenticity
-my ambition
-my positive attitude
-going two days in a row not eating anything at all in the day time
-cocktails
-breaks
-expressing myself
-trees
-water
-art
-running into people i know
-seeing myself in a copy of a book i'm in
-love
-my mothering side
-my intelligence
that at 2 1/2 months, almost 3 J and I are still going strong and getting better with each other.

[buttercup]

-nourishment
-that this day is over
-nightskies
-J texting me more then usual for a sunday, keeping an eye on me
-J calling me more then usual yesterday even calling me if i didnt call him back within 5 or 10 minutes,keeping an eye on me
-putting pieces together on the way back from work today realizing last night J said after he wanted to think about things and had his phone call,is when he came by and softened and came to his senses. Said he considered having sex with me. Tried holding my hand once. Said he was wrong for what he did on friday and shouldn't have done it and that he should have confided in me,and that he realizes he needs to fix things with me to and to be patient and strong and that he still loves me and still wants me and even using the key he gave me to show me something when he walked me to my door, and saying we will get back to how we were, it will just take time and him saying and showing he isn't letting me go. Also, he revealed that she had yelled at him the whole time during their phone call, and definitely won't be having sex with him anytime soon,and that it seems today they didn't do their usual sunday family thing so it sounds like they aren't working things out as he said she said they would on friday, or at least not as well as he had hoped. He was also looking at me in a much more serious way last night,like he seen me in a more serious light, someone he could be with in a way that's more then what we are now. And,that just maybe they won't end up working things out,and he will decide to be with me. I'm not wishing for it,and am keeping my thoughts as neutral as possible but i would kind of want that. And, it does make sense. We've been together growing closer for 3 months now. Met in a very serendiptious way. And,even when he betrayed me friday, he was flip-flopping,and same with Sat in the day time until by Sat night, he was sounding a complete 180 and back to his senses-he does want me still and we will still be together, that it just will take time. He even said at the end of the night he was planning to take me to meet his mother but that i was acting too irrational so he changed his mind. Who does that a day after ending things with someone and confessing to their other person about them? We also were going to have a platonic shortened version of our original plans yet he said during dinner he considered having sex with me,and our plans weren't shortened by that much. He actually went home quite late considering what he is going through and even asked him what is he going to tell her since there is no way he would still be at work,and it was way past that. He is NOT done with me, he is clearly very confused.
-my feral cats
-that tommorow is a new day,and a day where J works and we can talk all day again and things can possibly go back to normal or at least more clarity.
-working today
-pictures
-faith
-entertainment
-the internet
-finding my ibuprofen
-M's friend D taking me out for a little while to go for a drive and get out of the house
-realizing how i can improve when J and I get back together again and what i need to improve
-diet dr.pepper
-nice people
-my fashion sense
-sportsbras
-all the referrals and new job offers i picked up when i did all the following up after getting fired from the one agency
-That J cares about me and all the ways he has shown it
-compliments
-getting a little motivation going
-prayer
-my beauty and the beautiful pictures i have taken over the years
-all the new restaurants i tried with J
-having incredible curves
-my intelligence
-ice
-J's intelligence
-my kindness
-J's kindness
-games, such as little ones J and I play such as the eye game or having take the 5 love languages quiz
-talking
-my new leopard print striped sneakers
-all the high end fashion items i own
-hypnosis recordings
-magical things
-being able to pick up H cat today and W cat. Ever since I moved H cat treats me like he's mad at me and W cat has been mad at me ever since trying to bring him in the house repeatedly for a few minutes in the winter. That was the big no-no betrayal for that cat.
-wind
-bike riding
-how beautiful my hair is
-art
-cuteness
-relaxation

[buttercup]

-getting mentally stronger and detaching
-M's husband randomly surprising me and stopping by the bus stop while i just so happened to be there and bringing me to two of my jobs which helped me out a lot
-getting my old table back which is a little easier to carry
-buying a mascara i've wanted to try
-letting out my feelings
-my new lip injections
-all my jobs i have
-my creativity
-God
-protein drinks
-my blender
-getting the shower rod on and getting the bathroom more cleaned and organized
-doing laundry
-sunshine
-my fashion sense
-my beauty
-having a nice body
-coffee
-relaxing
-deep cleansing breaths
-the internet
-powerful quote pictures
-physical exercise
-bike riding
-seeing J yesterday
-having new life experiences
-having nice hair
-having a nice body
-cats
-stretches
-my strength
-lights off
-being appreciated
-miracles
-my new pastel mint green oven mitt
-makeup
-ideas
-learning
-growing as a person
-band-aids
-klonopin
-my bed
-cuteness
-finding out little H cat has been trying to go in M and M's house,and how he tries to lead me to the food when he's hungry. so cute.
-thoughtfulness
-my intelligence
-my kind heart
-calmness
-surrender
-being open to what the day brings
-taking life day by day
-my phone
-music

[buttercup]

-music
-the sun
-kind-heartedness
-coffee
-realizing i need to get off this valium asap and starting the tapering process
-all the ways J shows he still does love me and misses me
-inspiration
-going to the gym with M the other night
-M's friend D taking me to the haunted house her friend's husband does
-fashion
-my strength
-physical exercise
-my amazing landlord
-my money being better
-writing
-that i'm healing
-water
-M's husband giving me a ride to work yesterday
-happy memories and the love i've experienced in my life
-beauty
-powerful things to think about
-spiritual awakenings
-letting things unfold
-optimism and looking on the bright side
-art
-deep cleanings breaths
-being productive
-artistic expression
-writing things down
-my cats
-felines
-my lip injections
-motivation
-getting dumbbells finally last month
-seeing my body get sculpted
-flattering pictures of me
-positive, happy realizations
-chemical peels
-listening to my higher self
-my phone
-dedicating myself to being kindness and love
-my large household plant
-the cute little pumpkin M gave me shortly after i mentioned i was thinking of getting myself a baby pumpkin for my apartment
-how much i've grown as a person in the last year
-dedicated myself to releasing/shedding away things i need to let go of after my higher self telling me this recently and deciding to work on feeling more fully
-savoring
-nightskies
-my balcony
-compliments
-getting through a more tougher job for me yesterday
-goals
-beautiful sounds
-closing my eyes
-my black tea age delay face cream
-eyeliner
-greenery
-sleep
-comfort
-the signs of feeling very connected to J including the dreams, and feeling guided to contact him when i did
-the sound of J's voice
-being smart
-motivating things to remind myself of
-trees
-yoga and deep slow stretches
-having a laundry machine in the building
-walking
-my feminine nature
-my cuteness
-my talents and gifts i can offer the world
-all the random kindness and miracles i've experienced recently
-M's friend creating such a cute moment. I complained the day after the drama in my life started late august about being in physical pain, heart broken and how my wind chimes don't even chime,and he told me to bring the wind chimes and we will throw them in the street and go for a drive. Well, that night he said he would take it and see if he could find a way to fix it to make sound. Well,about a week ago he offered to bring me home and said he needed to stop at his house and so when we stopped he asked if i could hear that, and right away,i could. It was the sound of wind chimes. We got out and he had fixed mine to make sound and it was hanging on his tree. I then went in his apartment and he gave me a new,very nice looking windchime that was made by a professional percussionist. The little thoughtful things like that are so beautiful to me.
-meeting nice people
-communicativeness and after years of being a person that let a lot of things go unspoken, becoming a person that now just lets it all out, even if it will be embarrassing a little, because it's just my truth, and after losing it all again in 2016, i just no longer care about holding back.

[buttercup]

-coffee
-incense
-getting things done
-cookies
-sportsbras
-going to the gym
-getting a psychiatrist appt for next week to get back on my right anxiety medication
-getting through the things going on
-a work trip for atlanta georgia next week getting confirmed
-having a lot of jobs for november
-surrender, letting go,and taking things one at a time
-my breathing getting better
-getting caught up on my recaps
-the internet
-inspiration
-newness
-help
-kindness from others
-fashion and style
-fun
-having a kind heart
-my first name
-motivation
-my beautiful big houseplant
-my beautiful hair
-nightskies
-sleep
-makeup
-knowing i did all i could for J

[buttercup]

-that J still seems to have feelings for me and seems to want to see me again
-increasing clarity
-trying these chinese herbs
-acceptance
-physical exercise
-how sexy J is
-cats
-B having interest in me
-journaling tonight
-naps
-motivation
-inspiration
-nice weather
-hoodies
-fashion
-increased financial abundance
-finding out i don't have to pay my internet bill this month and have a partial credit for some nice yet mysterious reason
-sportsbras
-pillows
-sweets
-my beautiful art print of J arriving from China and how amazing it turned out!
-things working out
-my new retinol night cream
-getting things more cleaned out and organized in the house
-my upcoming travel next month
-my phone
-my fitness pole
-kind people
-physical touch
-stretches
-plants
-smiling
-my accomplishments
-people thinking i'm cute and young looking
-my feminity
-my intelligence
-minimalism
-luxury
-newness

[buttercup]

-going with the flow
-being back on my lorazapam
-self acceptance
-sleep
-nightskies
-comfort
-getting my first body cosmetic procedure today
-my breathing getting back to normal
-coffee
-ubers
-smiling
-cats
-cuteness
-ideas
-inspiration
-getting a role of quarters
-reorganizing my apartment
-colors
-beautiful words
-humor
-intelligence
-having beautiful hair
-my new supreme beanie
-diet dr.pepper
-shopping
-more ease doing things again
-clearer thinking
-my money being ok

[buttercup]

-being back on my lorazapam
-apple cider vinegar
-my new touched up hair color
-m&m's help they give me
-looking through pictures
-interesting content
-sweaters and hoodies
-fashion and being stylish
-getting my first body smoothing session done and being very happy with it
-progress with J that he may be closer to wanting to get back with me again
-nice people
-having a kind heart
-my balcony windows and door
-my beauty
-physical exercise
-rearranging and decluttering things in my home
-stretches
-potatoes
-sunshine
-the chinese herbs i'm taking
-having beautiful hair that has insane beautiful texture lately
-deep cleansing breaths
-enjoying responsible financial decisions
-the jobs i have for this month
-having another possible out of town work trip for january
-having nice eyebrows
-art
-goals
-my hyaluronic lip plumping gloss that the girl who does my lip injections made and recommends for me
-my supreme beanie
-cookies
-coffee
-the internet
-walking
-having beautiful eyes

[buttercup]

-coffee
-vitamins
-how beautiful the snow is
-being myself
-people to talk to
-laughing
-m's husband being nice to me
-art
-music
-my retinol night cream
-earning money
-having healthy digestion
-having beautiful hair
-love
-cute things
-hot tea
-yoga
-colors
-cookies
-my phone
-beauty
-smiling
-my chinese herbs
-running into people i know that i've enjoyed
-comfort
-maturity
-shopping
-buying a new gucci belt
-saving money
-my feminity
-nourishing my spirit
-feeling so much better on my lorazapam
-plants
-flowers
-makeup
-my thermismooth session i got
-having a kind heart
-feeling my feelings and letting myself cry
-sleep
-masculine energy
-positivity
-inspiration
-great quotes

[buttercup]

-feeling my feelings
-getting a higher paycheck then i expected
-chocolates
-diet dr.pepper
-motivation
-appreciation
-kindness
-cleaning and organizing
-having a nice body
-having great cheekbones
-deep cleansing breaths
-getting my new gucci belt in the mail
-new clothes
-newness
-realizations
-processing
-my feminity
-self improvement
-having nice teeth
-my thinness
-yoga
-having a nice lower body
-coffee
-talking to J on the phone a few times yesterday
-getting a massage yesterday
-having jobs to work
-goals
-having nice, thick hair that is beautifully colored
-cuteness
-cute ideas
-blankets
-lorazapam
-getting an updated selfie of J so i can see what he looks like now
-sweaters
-laughing
-humor
-having healthy digestion
-water
-finding out about my breast ultrasound date
-greenery

[buttercup]

-hot tea
-lavender
-coffee
-cash app
-new experiences
-job opportunities
-M possibly taking me shopping tomorrow
-my lorazapam
-my appetite shrinking again
-naps
-crying and feeling my feelings
-expressing myself
-water
-meditation
-spiritual nourishment
-cute pictures
-posting on social media
-a possible new guy who might like me that i might like
-feeling more body confident
-credit score going up
-cookies
-m's husband taking me out to dinner last night and the place being a nice place
-my bear hat
-relaxation
-organization and decluttering
-music
-smiling
-having nice hair
-great skincare products
-coffee flavored whiskey
-chocolates
-art
-support
-beauty
-improvement
-my new gucci belt
-warm showers
-healthy digestion
-entertainment
-newness
-stretches
-yoga
-dance
-my accomplishments
-nightskies
-self reflection
-looking much younger then my age
-deep cleansing breaths
-calmness
-quieting the mind
-my femininity
-being more productive

[buttercup]

-cash app
-having money
-my creativity
-my fashion sense
-coffee
-M taking me shopping and the cool new things i got today
-J admitting at least once, maybe twice that he does love me
-M's husband taking me to all my spots to finish up work stuff i had to do
-M taking me to pick up some household essentials
-getting my bedroom nice and organized and decluttered
-feeling happy
-cookies
-being smart
-comfort
-sleep
-eyesight
-having a kind heart
-chakra incenses
-goals
-nourishing my spirit
-my credit score increasing
-my beauty improving
-nice warm showers
-the internet
-my phone
-my lorazapam
-my apartment
-makeup
-compliments
-music
-surrender
-making others smile
-colors
-buying the cool silver jaguar necklace for myself last night
-buying gifts for others
-self- acceptance
-apple cider vinegar

[buttercup]

-my friend D getting his gift
-coffee
-ashwagandha
-sleep
-getting a pedicure yesterday
-feeling more comfortable in my body
-getting a ride yesterday to my pedicure and spending some time with M's husband
-the internet
-sending a pretty card to one of my agencies and my landlord
-meditation
-J saying some nice and thoughtful and genuine things last night and agreeing to see me on his next sunday off
-sending M's friend christmas candies from my favorite candy boutique
-my new coat
-fashion
-style
-hot guys
J liking me sending him provocative pictures and saying that that's ok
-cookies
-lorazapam
-paying off my saks card
-getting my body tightening and smoothing sessions done
-reorganziing and decluttering my room
-sweaters
-sunshine
-deciding to start taking lysine as a supplement
-picking up some jobs for tomorrow
-drinking my carrot juice today
-doing journaling last night
-finishing up my recaps
-being communicative
-motivation
-my phone
-physical exercise
-my fitness pole
-water
-smiling
-detrmination
-letting myself cry and feel my feelings
-J saying he is mentally confused on the phone and that to give him time he is trying
-touch
-having healthy digestion
-how much i've grown as a person in the last year and last few years
-having beautiful breasts
-having beautful hair
-having beautiful eyes
-sportsbras
-my apartment
-having jobs coming up
-my femininity
-when J is nice to me
-having dreams
-skipping dinner last night
-blankets
-having a nice large balcony window to look out of
-having nice lips

[buttercup]

-phone calls
-crying
-having extra money in my checking account today
-realizing once one one of my checks comes,i'll have plenty of money to finance some things i've been saving up for
-sleep
-coffee
-cookies
-my looks having improved over time
-having work today
-colors
-sweaters
-physical exercise
-my fitness pole
-my flexibility
-my venus dimples
-having a baby face
-having nice hair
-my lips being bigger now
-fashion
-my bed
-my balcony window
-getting some cleaning done yesterday
-sweaters
-uber discounts for the next few days or so
-having an interesting life
-lorazapam
-makeup
-thinness
-the makeup artist i wanted confirming interest in an upcoming project
-smiling
-blankets
-goals
-happy memories
-having nice eyes
-deciding to try lysine as a supplement
-my crown chakra spray
-my eyesight

[CFTraveler]

Thank you for this breath of fresh air, buttercup.

[buttercup]

-iced lattes
-diet dr.pepper
-hot tea
-getting to my doctor appt today
-M's husband picking me up from my doctor appt and giving me money to buy some donuts at the bakery nearby home
-the internet
-entetainment
-paying off my saks bill more and more
-making a new self hypnosis audio
-the girl i worked with being fun and inspiring yesterday
-buying a new relationship book recommended by the girl i worked with yesterday
-great uber deals
-reading
-makeup
-lip gloss
-my beauty
-my gucci belt
-having J just where i want him now, after a phone call today. I think i almost got him back to where i've been wanting him.
-compliments
-sunshine
-warmth
-my fitness pole
-my phone
-lorazapam
-making an appointment for my next round of lip injections
-finding out some checks are being mailed out to me
-confirming more jobs for december
-seeing i was paid for something i did job wise in november
-starting lysine as a supplement
-the whites of my eyes looking very white
-yoga
-socks
-my new coat
-sweets
-having J as a friend
-tastebuds
-securing a makeup artist for a project coming up
-my accomplishments
-updating my resume
-great talks with J and seeing how he knows parts of me i didn't know he knows that even i don't know
-how paternal J is
-cleaning and de-cluttering
-sleep
-motivation
-humor
-dental floss
-music
-being unique
-my leoppard print coat
-getting discounts because products i ordered got delayed
-deep cleansing breaths

[buttercup]

-coffee
-sweet treats
-getting work done
-J finally responding to me
-my new gray yoga pants
-newness
-my career
-smiling
-incense
-having money
-being productive
-sleep
-sportsbras
-my creativity
-getting things done
-finding out things M's husband has done to bond with the cats more and help them out more
-kindness from others
-newness
-lip injections
-technology
-goals
-cleaning and decluttering and organizing
-spirituality
-inspiration
-mixing things up
-entertainment
-blankets
-sleep
-dance
-physical exercise
-phone calls
-help
-finding out my lorazapam is due soon

[GMAN12]

I'm grateful for nature itself and yet I don't see it very often.

[buttercup]

-diet dr.pepper
-having a very successful work trip and m's husband having no issue with me going and even picking me up from the airport
-D, the ashton kuther lookalike i met in 2013, being my hero and the flirtation going on with us ever since last week. he feels so comfortable.
-doing some cleaning
-rituals samples in my hotel
-sunshine
-travel
-having faith that money always works itself out
-having a kind heart
-art
-being able to be creative again and go back to my roots this weekend
-compliments
-having an amazing body

[buttercup]

-my root chakra incense
-D going on our first date, and even having our first kiss. lip pecks. it was super cute. we want to move slow.
-my new lip injections i got
-caring people
-D saying he likes me and that i am special and the connection we have been sharing
-my new credit card i was approved for that should be coming anyday now
-makeup
-fashion
-music
-getting a disount of $40 from the points i've earned from coming in so far to the place i go for my injections
-my leopard print coat
-following up with people to get more jobs coming
-relaxing about money
-physical exercise
-being a loving person
-my lorazapam
-people being happy with the holiday cards i've sent them
-banana syrup
-having a nice body frame
-getting things cleaned up and organized
-getting a date confirmed for my creative project in january
-having beautiful innocent eyes
-deep cleansing breaths
-warm showers
-cute socks
-faith
-crying and releasing
-being productive
-laughing at life
-my new air purifier in my living room
-updating my resume
-submitting for more jobs
-finding out payroll should be in a few days
-smiling
-sunshine
-creativity
-relaxation
-pictures

[buttercup]

-coffee
-being cute
-D and how amazing he's been. so grateful for my angel. he is perfect.
-cinnamon french toast sticks and banana syrup
-music
-how beautiful my new lips look
-connecting with people through facebook messages and how good that feels
-letting myself cry and release
-feeling
-money always finding a way to work itself out
-being beautiful
-jaguars
-kindness and support from others
-getting my house cleaned
-doing things a little differently sometimes
-my kind heart
-that my new credit card will be here anyday and that it's pink
-my accomplishments and the cool things i've done in life
-being smart
-my creativity
-having my own apartment
-having romance and companionship in my life
-cats
-spirituality
-memories
-pictures
-my triloka root chakra incense. so grounding.
-blankets
-the laundry machines in the unit
-beautiful design
-being productive
-my eyeglasses
-fashion
-being appreciated
-shopping
-sending holiday cards to business associates
-trees
-lorazapam
-water
-smiling
-laughing at life
-physical exercise
-walking
-busses
-yoga
-evolving myself
-that my gucci belt was found
-how much i've grown as a person
-my leopard coat
-reading
-learning
-feeling
-the internet
-my apartment
-having a warm apartment
-aspiring to better myself
-art
-beauty
-savoring
-seeing the beauty of the law of attraction work in wonderful ways
-making efforts
-my hyaluronic acid boosting serum
-having a nice face
-looking way younger then my age
-my growing confidence again
-supplements and vitamins
-feeling positive
-creating
-healing

[buttercup]

-my angel coming by last night. things moved faster then i had wanted but emotionally as well. at the end he even kept talking about timing and big decisions next year and implying i could be a reason he would stay living here. it is interesting timing on my end, too.
-working today and the sunshine
-being flirted with
-being attractive
-my new lip injections
-my leopard coat
-my new prada pink sunglasses
-makeup
-M's husband fixing my tub
-working for great brands
-candy
-coffee
-sunshine
-having fun drinking, and smoking weed with my angel last night
-how take control my angel is
-smiling
-laughing
-getting attention
-relaxation
-feeling connection
-music
-cash app
-sleep
-shopping
-getting things cleaned and organized
-feeling ready for fun
-my new credit card on it's way
-my few checks about to come in
-entertainment
-colors
-art
-inspiration
-feeling my feelings
-touch
-my touched up hair color
-diet dr.pepper
-cookies
-physical exercise
-nourishing myself and trying to be good to me

[buttercup]

today,i am crying and missing J so much feeling like he was the human love of my life. it's the first time since the last abuse i felt the feeling of missing him and wanting him back. i was crying over T cat too this morning.
-m's husband fixing my bathtub
-sunshine
-getting my new pink discover credit card
-getting all my jobs finished yesterday
-buying my new gucci purse
-buying makeup i had my eye on for a bit
-getting my breast ultrasound done and all being healthy and well
-cats
-my jaguar necklace
-looking very young
-my beauty
-banana syrup
-having fun in my life
-newness
-my hyaluronic acid boosting serum
-fashion
-taking actions
-lorazapam
-getting a bumped up psychiatrist appointment
-great deals
-having great hair
-my fitness pole
-my creativity
-the sky
-my leopard coat
-my lips
-trees
-feelings my feelings
-music
-art
-expanding myself as a person
-being smart
-calmness
-evolving
-finishing up my finance book
-femininity
-beauty
-hot guys
-inspiration
-my pink prada sunglasses
-having nice cheekbones
-making efforts to better myself
-laughter and humor
-cleaning more of my apartment
-m's husband giving me a ride to my jobs and from hospital yesterday
-colors
-my eye for talent and design
-cuteness
-hugs
-goals
-entertainment

[buttercup]

-my full lips
-people to help me out when my account goes negative
-getting a higher dose of lorazapam
-feeling more calm minded
-coffee
-sunshine
-craving healthy, healing things
-warm showers
-good skincare products
-my new credit card
-creativity
-ideas
-being smart
-the magazine i've been reading
-the rent check clearing
-the new book i got that i started reading
-meditation
-triloka incense
-hot tea
-water
-cleaning and organizing my kitchen shelves
-sportsbras
-my leopard coat
-physical exercise
-blue jeans
-my sense of style
-having beautiful eyes
-the new experiences i get to have in my life
-having a solid liquor collection from work
-technology
-it being that time of the month
-having a warm apartment
-having a lot to look forward to
-releasing my apathy
-feeling my feelings
-pinterest
-pictures
-my phone
-being productive
-reflection
-sleep
-comfort
-compliments
-having beautiful hair

[buttercup]

-my friend D and him saying we can cuddle and do fun things and i can call him daddy
-feeling more confident about the court case
-sleep
-m's husband giving me a hydrocodone because he had no ibuprofen in the car
-coffee
-m's husband taking me for coffee and for breakfast this morning
-m's husband giving me $100 cash for christmas
-being loving
-m's husband giving me beautiful christmas flowers last night and taking me out to eat last night
-getting my gucci purse in the mail last night!!
-incense
-meditating this morning
-my sense of style that is very nyc and hollywood
-my pink discover card
-having nice boobs
-my jaguar necklace
-always getting what i want
-my pink prada sunglasses
-the internet
-hoodies
-my leopard coat
-mild winter weather
-feeling my feelings
-feeling more free with J gone
-preparing myself for the court case with lots of research, procuring documents,and talking to lots of people and writing notes
-getting another work recap done
-having 20%of my saks card balance paid off
-goals
-transforming myself
-deep stretches
-shopping
-water
-sunshine
-social media
-my beauty
-makeup
-calmness
-cleaning things and getting things organized
-fun
-having a lot of work coming up next month
-laughing at life
-being able to have my balcony door open a bit
-having had sex with D
-being nice to people
-newness
-the image from one of my recent shoots being retouched from original photographer turning out really well before even needing to source it out
-beautiful modeling photos of me
-getting paid yesterday
-music
-motivation
-my money being ok so far
-my credit score rising even more
-compliments
-rest
-nourishing my spiritual side
-physical exercise
-self acceptance
-naps
-lorazapam
-books
-learning
-having a unique life
-prayer
-non-rushing
-surrender
-getting another recap done this morning
-warm showers
-bananas
-smiling
-my child-like side
-looking much younger then my real age
-having beautiful hair
-having beautiful eyes
-my health being so much better then it was in october
-cuteness
-cats
-animals
-diet dr.pepper
-ideas
-colors
-greenery

[buttercup]

-D still talking to me daily
-m's husband being relatively nicer to me
-fashion
-finishing my recaps
-coffee
-my pills
-naps
-great skincare products
-caring people
-exchanging phone numbers with an old supporter and contact of mine
-my christmas flowers
-going for a nice walk yesterday and today
-sunshine
-water
-jeans getting a little loser today
-stretches self empowerment
-sounding much younger then my age to the point that people think i sound like a child without even trying
-talking to mental health clinic today
-getting lots of advice from law industry fb friend
-beauty
-my eyes
-my lips
-warm showers
-being considered very attractive
-feeling feelings of aliveness and freedom again
-cats
-makeup
-my leopard coat
-my pastel rain boots
-calmness
-m's husband buying me more handwarmers
-having goals
-reading
-being somewhat productive today
-my pink discover card
-my creativity
-my kind heartedness
-feeling my feelings
-my lower body getting tighter

[buttercup]

-sleep
-shopping
-learning
-growing as a person
-reading about miracles
-having money
-cash app
-my eyeglasses
-getting things done for the court case
-my beauty
-my lips
-great deals
-my sense of style
-my new gucci purchases
-fashion
-being smart
-my phone
-my creativity
-the internet
-reading
-music
-meditation
-guys thinking i have a great lower body
-my coffee maker
-adding a little more exercise in my day
-everybody thinking im way younger then my age on the phone and in person
-helpful people
-my last health tests going well
-getting my primary doctor to prescribe my baby aspirin for my raynauds
-gin gins
-water
-hyaluronic acid
-lorazapam
-the amazing photo the last photographer i worked with sent me
-being brave and strong
-feeling my feelings
-yoga pants
-seeing how much the cats love their cat house
-tommy cat memories
-having a beautiful face
-buying a new eye cream from a new indie brand i seen advertised on instagram
-feeling free and being creative after months of not being creative while with J
-coffee
-cookies
-trying new things
-all the effort's m's husband makes to make the cats happy
-makeup
-m's husband finding my mascara that had been missing for a few days
-being assertive when needed
-colors
-inspiration
-physical exericise and exercise
-cute socks
-clean clothes
-clean towels
-leg warmers
-blankets
-being able to see and have eyesight
-pillows
-comfort
-goals
my pink discover credit card
-kindness from others
-clarity in mind increasing lately
-animal advocacy and those who help the cause
-cuteness
-entertainment
-yoga
-being able to work tomorrow
-all the jobs i have so far for january
-my new overdraft protection from the bank
-all the proofs i have of J to get the order lifted
-flowers
-plants
-daytime
-letting go
-working on my personality
-self improvement
-protein bars
-working in the industries i do
-the air purifier in my living room
-the balcony in my living room
-newness
-my ambition

[buttercup]

-my phone
-coffee
-sunshine
-going a day without texting D
-realizing D is far more obsessed with me then i thought
-sleep
-self forgiveness
-when desires manifest
-calmness
-meditation
-having desires
-feeling excitement
-entertainment
-getting more things clean
-beauty
-getting my thermi session yesterday and deciding we may have to switch to the surgical procedure instead
-goals
-makeup
-my beauty
-nice people
-animals
-the cat's cat house
-banana syrup
-cookies
-having a loving heart
-getting things done
-adding a little more exercise in my day everyday
-laughing
-giving snacks to the homeless
-buying lots of cat food and a cat calmer for my mom's cats
-buying a new eye cream from an indie beauty brand i see on instagram that looked
-a beautiful new photo of my body for my portfolio
-having eyesight
-being smart
-all the growth i've made over the last few years
-lorazapam
-getting my lip plumping gloss that helps keep the full look with my injections
-dreams coming true
-the air purifier in my room
-physical exercise
-feeling my feelings
-clean clothes
-blankets
-compliments
-hand warmers
-having work today and tomorrow
-weight loss
-great design
-my supporters
-my new titos gloves
-having a nice body
-attractive guys
-being flirted with by attractive guys
-shopping
-reflection
-having my own mind
-exploring
-my leopard print coat
-being able to talk
-having great cheekbones
-earning money
-great deals
-happy memories
-having had a lot of great moments in life
-being a unique person
-my laptop

[buttercup]

-being kind
-saying sorry
-my power
-sleep
-being productive
-being considered sexy
-shopping
-motivation
-walking
-being sore from my workout yesterday
-being considered sexy
-physical exercise
-coffee
-peace
-yoga pants
-my new gucci purse
-my carbon38 bag
-nature
-cats
-entertainment
-cuteness
-laughing
-smiling
-staying in the moment
-cleaning and decluttering
-my lips
-makeup
-compliments
-the holidays being over
-my career
-being smart
-creative expression
-my phone
-hyaluronic acid
-coming back to myself
-having a nice body
-having a coffee maker
-going with the flow
-letting things not go exactly according to the way it normally would..allowing unexpected
-my new sparkly yoga socks
-miracles
-gin gins
-hope
-healing
-feeling my feelings
-taking life one day at a time
-help
-lorazapam
-pictures
-inspiration
-my careers
-people reaching out to me to say hey, or apologize for past things
-smiling
-being kind

[buttercup]

-meditation
-having healthy digestion
-sunshine
-M's husband staying with me all day yesterday
-M's husband actually saying something nice to me. when i was complaining how all the people in the courthouse were mean to the me the 2nd time i went in, he remarked why would they be mean to me, i'm so nice
-D softening up towards me
-entertainment
-being considered attractive
-supportive people
-being loving
-trying a new indian restaurant yesterday
-being thin
-going for a walk last night
-having a nice large chest
-my lips
-doing laundry
-coffee
-ideas
-my leopard print coat
-lorazapam
-my gucci purse
-getting my new wildfox shirt in the mail
-being unique
-getting my new quilt set in the mail to try a new color aesthetic
-blankets
-the ability to think
-fashion
-makeup
-calmness
-lip balm
-music
-creativity
-inspiration
-connection
-expression
-feeling my feelings
-reading
-my new carbon38 backpack that actually came free with my purchase and looks pretty cute
-my hair color
-my intelligence
-taking things one day at a time, one moment at a time
-being a romantic
-newness
-greenery
-water
-dental floss
-hyaluronic acid
-yoga
-pretty things
-reassurances
-my phone
-my laptop
-my coffeemaker
-colors
-upcoming projects
-blue skies
-prayer
-happy memories
-having my own apartment
-new experiences
-being an adult

[buttercup]

-clarity
-expression
-resolve
-texting D a merciful, thoughtful resolve text
-coffee
-banana syrup
-vegan food
-M's husband being there for me
-my laptop
-my phone
-appreciation
-birds chirping
-sunshine
-booking my procedure that was my first choice for getting rid of body skin flaws. my higher self just do it
-money working itself out
-being productive
-the target giftcard my dad got me for christmas
-getting the court transcripts yesterday and feeling relieved by reading them
-new experiences and adventures
-clean clothes
-my eyeglasses
-my fashion sense
-online shopping
-deep conditioner
-my gucci purse
-cleaning
-meditation
-feeling my feelings
-being a nice person
-self awareness
-having healthy digestion
-adding a little more exercise in my day everyday
-my hair color
-music
-my retinol face cream
-being a kind person
-yoga
-blue skies
-having eyesight
-my leopard print coat
-makeup
-all the creative project offers coming in
-baby aspirin.i think it does help my raynauds
-lorazapam
-surrender
-calmness
-my yoga mat
-my saks balance going down
-all the creative project offers
-being smart
-feeling more in tune with the law of attraction
-my carbon38 bag
-incense
-having tastebuds
-social media
-newness
-my strength
-trying new things, new ways of being
-healing
-my pink discover credit card

[buttercup]

-feeling my feelings
-growing as a person
-my gucci purse
-hanging out with a friend today
-letting go of D
-water
-healthy digestion
-my clothes starting to look nicer on me
-having an appointment for my surgical procedure next week
-attractive guys
-new understanding
-lorazapam
-great weather today
-coffee
-relaxation
-my fashion sense
-my eyes
-my beauty
-compliments
-reassurances
-touch
-sunshine
-trying new things
-connecting/reconnecting with a supporter of mine since my early days of my career
-sportsbras
-socks
-washing my leopard print adidas shoes
-my house getting cleaner
-being strong
-paying off saks minimal for the month
-smoking a little weed today
-my unique life
-having the title i do as a job which grants me prestige and unique opportunities and glamour
-calmness
-surrender
-sleep
-walking
-meeting new people
-having awesome things coming up that are going to level me up
-happy sleeping dreams
-reading
-dreams coming true
-feeling calmer about the court case coming up
-yoga
-this winter being mild
-having a beautiful hair color
-my new hoodie coming in the mail today
-my new eyecream coming in the mail today
my carbon 38 bag
-being a nice person
-uber
-beauty products
-blankets
-cute pictures of me
-technology
-seeing self hypnosis and prayer work
-being there for others
-cats

[buttercup]

-food
-naps
-diet dr.pepper
-my feminity
-m's husband being nice to me today
-fashion
-the internet
-researching
-cleaning and decluttering
-meditation
-lorazapam
-going for a walk in a forest preserve today
-my lip makeup products
-my leopard print coat
-my new gucci purse
-water
-coffee
-having my apple cider vinegar detox drink today
-calmness
-feeling my feelings
-cute designer label t-shirts
-entertainment
-reflection
-greenery
-having nice hair
-hip stretches
-remembering the law of attraction
-walking
-sunshine
-getting things done
-being fashionable
-things to look forward to
-yoga pants
-my clothes starting to look nicer on me again
-updating my resume
-applying to more jobs
-letting myself cry
-appreciation
-deep cleansing breaths
-reading
-my carbon 38 bag
-fashion photography
-connection
-socks
-touch
-my pink discover credit card
-band-aids
-my lips
-my raynauds being less bad this season
-my balcony window/door
-attractive guys
-kindness
-animal advocates
-compliments
-cats
-having a kind heart
-prayer
-smiling
-empathy for others
-my beauty
-pretty things
-my jaguar necklace
-laughing
-cookies
-my strength
-self hypnosis
-self reassurance
-retinols
-hyaluonic acid
-hope
-people in my life who help me

[MondEgo]

I know. My last post here has been deleted. Thanks. I thought this is a serious forum.
With "buttercups" and this sort of posts...it is NOT.
Delete me again, please.
If this forum is about "nails", "imaginary boyfriends", "make-up"...etc....I choose to be BANNED forever.

It was about OBE, mister Bruce, not about some...ohhh...some "stupid gratidute".
This thread explains why so few people (worldwide) sign posts here.

If you keep on allowing these stupidities...I will just...walk away.
Sorry.

[lord.of.the.now]

it's your ego that interfering with abandoning this online community. It's not worth separating you from it, there is allot to gain here on this forum

It would be a loss to not have you here:heart:

Honestly getting a post deleted is not worth the drama honestly not really a big deal

[MondEgo]

You are right, lord of the now. It's not a big deal, I indeed have a big ego...but this "list" is really becoming annoying.

[susan]

MondEgo, This forum is for everyone.

You, who is searching for answers and skills ( I think) and Buttercup who started this thread to help herself. If I remember correctly at the time she started this she was struggling and this helped her to lift her spirits and highlight just why she should be grateful.

I never visit the Neg Forum section. I have no experience there and would not be able to help anyone. Maybe you should just concentrate on the forum headings you are interested in . Although the site can go quiet if you look at old posts from a few years ago you may find much to help you.
Members come and go, and come back again often after a while. I wouldnt advise asking to be banned as only last year two metaphysical sites that I visited closed.
Buttercup is as welcome to continue her Gratitude list just as you are welcome to post as long as it does not deliberately offend another member.

[MondEgo]

Ok. Got it.
Perhaps I've overreacted.
Show must go on.

[buttercup]

I know. My last post here has been deleted. Thanks. I thought this is a serious forum.
With "buttercups" and this sort of posts...it is NOT.
Delete me again, please.
If this forum is about "nails", "imaginary boyfriends", "make-up"...etc....I choose to be BANNED forever.

It was about OBE, mister Bruce, not about some...ohhh...some "stupid gratidute".
This thread explains why so few people (worldwide) sign posts here.

If you keep on allowing these stupidities...I will just...walk away.
Sorry.


What happened? This is a gratitude list. I'm a human being and allowed to post all that my heart feels grateful for whether it's the little petty things or the deeper things. You come off quite superficial. I'm single right now and dealing with a court case with a difficult abusive ex. I also have a lot of trauma in my life. Nothing in my life imaginary though. I have ptsd and panic disorder. I wonder how old you are or how shallow/dull your life is if you feel so moved to comment on this post being so aggravated. Perhaps, try filling your life with more and growing as a person and you won't feel moved by something that seems quite petty and unevolved of you. Your probably a teen i'm guessing from how you come off in your post.

[buttercup]

You are right, lord of the now. It's not a big deal, I indeed have a big ego...but this "list" is really becoming annoying.


That it is so annoying to you and that you focus so much on it suggests to me that you fill your life with some more exciting activities and focus less on some member on a forum who you have no idea who they even are. You are focused on an imaginary person yourself and getting aggravated. Go play some videogames.

[buttercup]

MondEgo, This forum is for everyone.

You, who is searching for answers and skills ( I think) and Buttercup who started this thread to help herself. If I remember correctly at the time she started this she was struggling and this helped her to lift her spirits and highlight just why she should be grateful.

I never visit the Neg Forum section. I have no experience there and would not be able to help anyone. Maybe you should just concentrate on the forum headings you are interested in . Although the site can go quiet if you look at old posts from a few years ago you may find much to help you.
Members come and go, and come back again often after a while. I wouldnt advise asking to be banned as only last year two metaphysical sites that I visited closed.
Buttercup is as welcome to continue her Gratitude list just as you are welcome to post as long as it does not deliberately offend another member.

I have no idea what happened. I do have a lot of trauma in my life. This is the loa section and the gratitude forum. I don't see how someone can care so much about what someone else is grateful for. It's weird to me. This forum does help me. It's helped me heal health issues, problematic patterns in my life and lifted my spirits and so on. My lists seem comparable to lists i've seen on other loa forums with gratitude lists. I know this is an out of body experiences website but the section is law of attraction that i'm on. I did join because of out of body experiences and find it interesting but i was too scared at the time to try harder to have one myself. Also, I got very sick in 2015 and had to cut back on certain metaphysical topics for my own well-being.

[buttercup]

I don't even pay that much attention to my gratitude lists. I never re-read them.

[buttercup]

-getting a surprise prescription of one week of lorazapam after thinking i would be out for about a week or two and thinking maybe i do prefer a smaller dose
-sunshine
-incense
-healthy digestion
-m's dad being there for me
-baby aspirin
-my eyeglasses
-being considered beautiful and cute by others
-lorazapam
-my antidepressant
-being a loving person
-having a nice chest
-having a brain
-deciding to let go of my anger and fear and to surrender and work on forgiveness. i could literally sense i could give myself a heart attack with my emotional pain and anger yesterday.
-socks
-having beautiful eyes
-sleep
-D responding to me yesterday and apologizing
-coffee
-inspiring videos from spiritual "gurus"
-my new gucci purse
-my overdraft protection/line of loan credit kicking in today
-life seeming to have my back a lot of times
-people being nice
-my feral cats
-hair ties
-good skincare products
-water
-getting another bill minimal payment paid off for the month
-having a nice landlord
-cute animals
-getting a free pizza deal in my email
-submitting to some jobs last night
-my phone
-laughing at myself
-a mild winter
-seeming to have a lot going for me
-making efforts to connect
-cookies
-feeling creative and goal driven
-warm showers
-blankets
-taking care of myself
-trees
-colors
-greenery
-deep cleansing breaths
-my innocent and accepting energy
-makeup
-having nice hair
-appreciation
-grounding myself to the present moment
-attractive guys
-all my dreams i've had come true
-having desires
-looking on the bright side
-my adidas mint green striped shoes

[lord.of.the.now]

thank you for deciding to stay mondego

[buttercup]

-face wash
-self care
-sleep
-an angel of a lady at the bank who worked to fix the bank issue and was told it was an error on their part and they will fix it for me and she said she keep me updated.
-having an organization i think i will go through for my court case
-D being nice to me
-a really great journaling session last night
-kind people
-that i get to have my surgery to accomplish a dream of mine this friday
-water
-deep cleansing breaths
-lorazapam
-being productive
-job opportunities
-comfort
-light blue skies
-my eyeglasses
-self reflection
-being small
-having nice hair
-staying motivated
-being an animal advocate
-having nice curves
-stretches
-my sense of style
-calmness
-my antidepressant
-ordering a frame that broke recently that i originally bought last spring and this time it has an easel/stand in the back. Last time it didnt. I could've sworn i bought the exact same frame. I feel like little things like that are the universe telling me it's on my side and winking at me saying it has my back since i prefer when my frames have a an easel/back but that one did not.
-hyaluronic acid
-entertainment
-embracing the quiet
-my lip products
-things to look forward to
-m's husband being there for me

[buttercup]

-coffee
-my eyeglasses
-self care
-being productive
-being motivated
-music
-touching up my hair color
-the mango juice i had this morning
-putting my laundry away and deciding taking better care of my apartment is a good thing to do also because its a chance to show off my pretty things
-sleep
-deep cleansing breaths
-great skincare products
-my surgery tomorrow
-calmness
-m's husband handling an errand for me
-my lower body getting tighter from the thermi sessions i've done
-having faith
-yoga
-doing some affirmation writing last night
-newness
-doing some self marketing for the new year
-my new gucci purse
-my pink discover card
-embracing my looks
-posting a work photo onto ig for the first time in awhile
-my lips
-having nice eyes
-having nice hair
-having nice curves
-updating things
-paying the retoucher for the first image
-keeping things moving despite the upcoming court case
-reflection and processing
-finishing cleaning the kitchen
-feeling calmer
-going for a walk today
-seeing my feral cats
-getting my new t-shirt and backpack in the mail
-feeling stronger
-water
-getting my laptop to go faster again
-paying off my internet bill for the month
-empathetic people
-laughing at life
-makeup
-appreciation
-my phone
-observing life and just finding it interesting
-inspiration
-stretches
-my new forest green adidas hoodie
-looking very young
-being smart

[buttercup]

-getting my much anticipated dream come true procedure done today
-coffee
-getting a free treatment as well scheduled from the doctor as a gift from him
-being called princess
-getting extra prescription refill on the pain med from the procedure
-newness
-inspiration
-fashion shows
-watching fashion shows from my favorite fashion labels on youtube
-my leopard print coat
-diet dr.pepper
-my breakfast this morning
-new work/creative opportunies
-updating some online work things and doing some self marketing
-m's husband picking me up from my procedure
-music
-calming down more about the court case and other things giving me anxiety and overwhelment lately
-compliments
-being considered attractive
-having a pretty face
-my beautiful hair color and texture and length
-feeling more self confident
-my beautiful pink comforter growing on me. at first, i wasn't sure it was the right pink but now i feel it is,and adore it.
-clearing my bed off
-being smart
-feeling blessed at times when i see little random things happen, or that i find out
-my feral cats and playing with H cat and petting him and holding him a little bit
-fashion
-pronoia
-my phone
-my eyeglasses
-my creativity
-relaxation
-deep cleansing breaths
-kindness
-forgiveness
-rest
-sunshine
-clarity
-my talents
-my accomplishments
-beautiful views
-colors
-trees
-sculptures
-learning
-finding out good things
-smiling
-stretching
-socks
-comfort
-changing my perceptions to more positive ones
-being a nice person
-my dreams coming true
-touch
-beauty
-cuteness
-moisturizers
-humor
-that work is about to start picking up again
-chairs
-innovation
-evolution
-technology
-fridges
-beds

[buttercup]

-sleep
-the pain meds i'm on
-starting to see a little bit of results already from procedure
-breakfast
-feeling peaceful
-forgiveness
-being offered a job that will be a creative outlet for me and a great fit and chance to grow myself some more
-my phone
-my eyeglasses
-texting
-coffee
-smiling
-shopping
-my overdraft protection line of credit kicking in
-being smart
-apple cider vinegar
-the internet
-being unique
-showering
-my pretty pink comforter
-banana syrup
-leg warmers
-watching fashion show videos
-being an interesting person
-not being considered a boring person
-feeling goal and career focused
-new ideas
-feeling spirituality focused
-my englightenment crown chakra spray
-my escentrics molecule perfume
-cleaning the house
-pillows
-doing laundry
-hyaluronic acid
-friendliness
-learning
-having a brain and being able to think
-communication with others
-fun
-being sexy
-relaxing
-letting go
-being more positive
-black leggings
-being productive
-my pink discover card
-my dreams coming true
-evolving

[buttercup]

-coffee
-cookies
-skittles
-sportabras
-black leggings
-my sparkly socks from carbon 36
-acceptance
-m's husband helping me today
-people being nice to me
-beautiful pictures of me
-d being slightly more responsive in texts
-moisturizers
-cleaning
-clorox wipes
-my tramadol pain med
-deciding to switch to a new pharmacy
-being productive
-my pretty pink comforter
-feeling good
-relaxation
-my eyeglasses
-clarity
-snow being pretty
my gucci shopping bags. they are pretty.
-kindness
-people appreciating me
-working on marketing myself right now
-having beautiful eyes
-shampoo
-showers
-eyes
-being considered attractive by others
-trees
-cuteness
-my crown chakra englightenment spray
-fashion
-laughing
-sweet flavors
-having some purpose in my life
-newness
-being a creative
-art
-creativity
-expression
-my maturity
-my child like side
-stretches
-having a brain with which to think
-feelings
-hyaluronic acid
-my dreams coming true
-people thinking i'm cute and innocent seeming
-evolving
-the internet
-emojis
-my acquaintances
-my phone
-work about to pick up again
-my ambition
-being a nice person
-great design
-water
-slippers
-having faith
-prayer
-setting intentions

[buttercup]

-m's friend D taking me out to dinner last night and getting me a new year's card and gift
-music
-gin gins
-yoga pants
-my gucci purse
-the deep sleep i've been getting lately
-my beauty
-the tramadol pain med i've been taking
-my gucci purse
-my accomplishments
-seeing myself in a positive light
-rest
-being productive
-great skincare products
-the cosmetics procedures and treatments i've been doing
-relaxation
-coffee
-cuteness
-humor
-the key lime pie i had last night
-moisturizers
-socks
-hair ties
-showers
-water
-the internet
-empathy
-reorganizing my place and redecorating
-art
-creativity
-forgiveness
-softness
-my phone
-having acquaintances
-the guy who's been grooming me for court making me feel better about my case yesterday
-great design
-compliments
-having beautiful eyes
-sunshine
-daytime
-night skies
-trees
-blue skies
-having beautiful hair
-makeup
-looking very young
-my pink discover card
-m's husband coming by and fixing stuff in my apartment yesterday
-writing a positive review for a business yesterday
-getting my eyebrows threaded yesterday
-going grocery shopping yesterday
-the new white tea hand wash i bought yesterday
-stretches
-physical exercise
-buying a new book about trusting the universe and a humidifier this morning
-new ideas
-feeling calm
-working on self marketing and updating of online things
-hyaluronic acid
-smiling
-being smart
-being charming at times

[buttercup]

-my pain meds
-that time of the month products
-hair ties
-diet dr.pepper
-talking to m's husband on the phone this morning
-feminity and my own feminity
-getting a check yesterday and then 2 more deposited today
-getting on the list for a lawyer from the first place i wanted to get on the list from
-tank tops
-sweets
-beds
-blankets
-great skincare products
-showering
-doing laundry
-my panic attack last night leading me to a soothing clarity about another related aspect of what gave me the panic attack
-my beauty
-all my pretty things
-going for a short walk yesterday
-my comfy loose fit funky print purple pants
-slippers
-water
-innovation
-technology
-evolution
-being productive
-feeling good and calm mentally
-being a woman
-movement
-moisturizers
-my eyesight
-my eyeglasses
-reassurances
-rest
-massage
-being a nice person
-healing and changing perceptions
-physical exercise
-kindness
-listening to some theta music and root chakra music last night and how helpful that was
-how delicious the leftover pizza i ate last night for dinner was
-makeup
-how beautiful my eyes are
-calmness
-being charismatic
-appreciation
-seeing dad cat the other day
-organizing
-confirming 2 jobs this morning
-deep cleansing breaths
-my strength

[buttercup]

-feeling through my feelings(which right now is a lot of feeling dirty, confused, shock, fear, anger, hurt, lonely, etc) to get more groundedness, back to myself, and clarity
-chakra healing music
-headphones
-forgiveness
-going to therapy today
-clarity
-my strength
-colors
-empathy
-diet dr. pepper
-D for communicating with me today eloquently
-reflection and the strength to handle the questions i don't have the answer to
-going for a walk today
-pulling back
-intent to alter my personality and energy
-makeup
-my leopard print coat
-beautiful views
-imagining beautiful things clearly
-old ocd thoughts having healed now
-intent to look at my inner demons and dark side and see how i can better myself
-being a caring person
-being considered beautiful
-healthy digestion
-somehow managing on so little sleep the last days
-another realization/clarity during another panic attack last night
-fashion
-leggings
-having healthy
-working on making more phone calls today
-working on more self-marketing online materials
-my eyeglasses
-attractive guys
-mom cat sitting on my lap this afternoon and my ferals all hanging out with me when i came by today
-smiling
-having high cheekbones
-blankets
-incense
-being mature
-rest
-having beautiful hair
-stretches
-doing some dumbbell work
-candy
-the vegan burger i had for dinner
-blue skies
-my phone
-beauty
-intelligence
-my hazelnut vegan latte i had this morning
-sweets
-getting a new bag of coffee
-valentines day themes
-having tiny arms
-beautiful pictures of me
-self reassurances
-support from others
-my charisma
-being optimistic
-going back to the spiritual side of things lately for answers and healings to all that's been going on lately
-my eyesight
-touch
-water
-having nice lips
-a possible social outing later this month or early next month that sounds fun
-hyaluronic acid
-being able to get ahold of m's husband and getting a ride to therapy this morning
-having beautiful eyes
-m being nice to me today
-the ibuprofen and that it worked to relieve a lot of pain now that i'm out of tramadol
-expression
-work being about to pick up in the next few days
-God taking care of me
-pronoia
-a check on the way
-seeing the good in others
-surrender

[buttercup]

-seeing someone about my court case today
-more clarity
-deciding to go on a texting detox and change my communication interactions with how i text people
-M's husband getting me a ridepass from uber with his phone and giving me the info so i can use it on mine
-starting to work again tommorow
-self appreciation
-my beauty
-ordering pizza tonight
-my strength
-utilizing my inner resources to heal, become more positive, and stay optimistic and strong during this difficult time and come out renewed and better
-having beautiful hair
-deciding to not wear my compression garment for the day today
-the ibuprofen working really well
-yoga pants
-my gucci t-shirt i wore today
-hyaluronic acid
-thinking about positive things and things that feel good
-having mercy and forgiveness and empathy in my heart
-becoming more grounded
-actually being able to sleep somewhat decent last night and catch up on some sleep
-coffee
-candy
-my eyesight
-going for a walk today
-healthy digestion
-having beautiful cheekbones
-my eyeglasses
-deciding to have more integrity and come back to myself more even if it's uncomfortable at first
-having healthy teeth
-support from others
-handling things instead of putting them off
-music
-love
-cuteness

[buttercup]

-clarity
-feeling a good amount better physically today, and a small amount better mentally
-headphones
-feeling my feelings and processing things
-realizing i like D a lot, and it's time to let J go. What he did that night was very messed up and abusive and even if i feel i can have empathy on his side, and forgiveness, he degraded me and abused me and bullied me and if he loved me and cared about me, he wouldn't have done that. I need to heal my guilt, learn from both his side and mine and let go.
-getting out of the house for a bit.
-cats
-happy memories i can think about
-being special to D and feeling that is true now
-fashion
-having back up meds i had forgotten about to get me through this unexpected difficult detoxing that came about and having my anxiety med prescription get cut with no warning or back up in place at al
-makeup
-validation
-inspiration
-my laptop
-getting things cleaned up a little bit
-goals to better myself
-sunshine
-blue skies
-my leopard print coat
-seeing my old desires having manifested. it's very cool
-listening to theta music and heart chakra music
-wanting to explore deeper into my self and work on making positive change in my life
-water
-others finding me attractive
-coffee
-my feminity
-smiling
-having a caring heart
-caring less about what others think
-my jobs and creative projects coming up

[buttercup]

-having gone to the e.r and feeling much better ever since.i slept 3 days straight after that and all the head noise is gone.
-getting back on my meds
-coffee
-M's husband for being there for me and bringing me to the e.r
-people that care about me
-D being there for me in october and december and the special moments we shared
-my goal of beating my texting addication
-m's husband getting me a new plant for my house
-cleaning the dining room finally
-feeling like everything will be fine
-being able to sleep again
-these dominos marbled cake brownie cookies
-getting caught up on the work i missed
-all being well with the landlord
-being easy on myself
-my blankets
-things to look forward to
-goals
-caution
-sunshine
-surrendering
-having nice lips
-being positive
-being open
-the color green
-being healthy again
-tools and resources to better myself and make my life better
-cuteness
-my laptop
-my strength
-calmness
-having work this weekend
-feeling like life might finally go back to normal now
-changing my mindset to a more positive one
-my desire to focus on my inner healing and inner power
-my beauty
-plants
-being a merciful person
-rest
-sleep
-blue skies
-trusting in God, and going with the flow

[buttercup]

-being normal again and healthy
-my meds
-sleep
-confessing my feelings to D
-my plant
-sending my dad a plant
-how tight D held me when we slept that night in december
-feeling my feelings
-hope
-faith
-sunshine
-becoming grounded and back to myself
-sleep
-sportsbras
-clothes fitting looser
-eating less
-the screenshots i have that provide some evidence of the blackmail J did to me
-my beauty
-my cheekbones
-healthy digestion
-lip injections
-booking air-fare for my next trip
-my dreams that came true
-coffee
-doing some reflective journal writing
-the internet
-beautiful life moments
-the whole foods gift cards i have now since i accidentally used my card to pay for product
-beauty
-inspiration
-newness
-entertainment
-smiling
-help from others
-nonconformity
-water
-laughing
-having great taste
-makeup
-cleaning and organizing
-great skincare treatments and procedures
-spirituality
-prayer
-my crown chakra spray
-colors
-trees
-stretches
-blankets
-comfort
-blue skies
-being smart
-my creativity
-my hair
-being a nice person

[newfreedom]

My Life
-my plant
-sunshine
-clothes fitting looser
-healthy digestion
-coffee
-the internet
-entertainment
-help from others
-water
-cleaning and organizing
-spirituality
-colours
-trees
-blankets
-blue skies
my hair

[buttercup]

-feeling calmer and more confident about court case
-protein bars
-having a legal advocate
-coffee
-french toast
-m's friend D coming with M's husband to support me at court
-my beauty
-getting a mysterious poem in a text message from what looks to be a dummy phone number that seems to come from someone who knows me very very well
-clothes getting looser
-my beautiful lips
-my upcoming project next week
-being able to sleep
-plants
-new shampoo and conditioner
-towels
-my intellect
-laughing at life
-sunshine
-my meds
-goals
-ideas
-my determination
-my sophistication

[buttercup]

-coffee
-sleep
-trusting m's husband who i am now going to just call mh with keeping extra eye on cats today
-my apartment
-being more stable
-waffles
-processing my feelings
-feeling my feelings
-being able to see
-my resolution to break my texting addiction
-sweaters
-plants
-colors
-getting a chemical peel yesterday
-beauty
-cookies
-having beautiful eyes
-goals
-looking on the bright side of things
-clothes getting looser
-yoga
-going to the grocery store yesterday
-my meds
-cats
-cuteness
-turning to God
-art
-remembering past successes
-D being there for me after J turned on me
-my gucci purse
-unique beauty
-nonconformity
-spirituality
-my strength
-being considered attractive
-rest
-my upcoming jobs
-my cheekbones
-sunshine
-faith

[buttercup]

-coffee
-strawberry waffles
-banana syrup
-cookies
-stomach getting flatter
-mango juice
-sleep
-vibration raising
-getting paid
-releasing old things that have been bringing me down
-my intellect
-letting go of guys that are showing no interest right now with action
-my phone
-calming down
-shapes
-things to look forward to
-my power
-shopping
-doing some reading
-sunshine
-sweaters
-yoga
-my meds
-inspiration
-coming back to myself again
-my beauty
-inner confidence that i can handle all that comes my way
-ideas
-my spiritual and law of attraction knowledge
-my gucci purse
-my tastebuds
-the internet
-my ambition
-being motivated
-my faith
-blankets
-sleeping well
-my fashion sense
-kindness from others
-messaging online an idol of mine who is a youtube famous guy who stirred my heart about two years ago and also flattered me by taking a fleeting interest in me. He is one of the most inspiring people i know so i wanted to talk to him since we keep an online acquaintanceship now.
-my femininity
-learning
-thinking of life as an adventure
-feeling my feelings
-growing as a person
-reconnecting with others from the past and how nice it is
-magical things in life that happen
-thinking optimistically
-my landlord being nice the other night
-thick comfortable socks
-mh's love for the cats
-feeling healthy
-being a nonconformist
-asking myself positive reflective questions
-space
-quiet
-having beautiful eyes
-renewal and transformation
-beautiful writings and words
-vegan food
-cuteness

[buttercup]

-coffee
-my beauty
-being a female
-sympathies being expressed
-banana syrup
-cookies
-strawberry waffles
-having great cheekbones
-looking like a model
-a desire to create more meaning in my life and life my life more meaningfully
-sportsbras
-jeans
-cozy socks
-getting H cat here for the first time which is a big success for him. Being able to spare him from some of the coldest days of the season is great. He's semi feral so i had a feeling i could pull it off and had l cat over,too.
-having cats over at my house last night
-sleep
-delicious food
-meditating this morning
-letting things unfold
-my meds
-buying a new back door rug since i've been wanting one for awhile
-how great my discover card is
-knowing i can use the law of attraction and play with it to bring about healing and manifest my desires
-getting a new wall decal for my living. i want my place to look like a wonderland. a cozy sanctuary/interesting, artistic wonderland space
-teamwork
-having a kind heart
-water
-gin gins
-having beautiful hair and eyes
-calmness
-sunshine
-weather warming up
-deciding i want to dream bigger
-being a nonconformist
-my talents
-being someone who feels it's important to speak their truth
-having an appointment for trauma therapy
-shapes
-emails
-text messages
-my phone
-the internet
-newness and being willing to roll into the new
-being smart
-seeming younger then i am
-people seeing me as attractive
-my job on monday
-my creativity
-faith
-breaks
-motivation
-quiet
-working on breaking my texting addiction
-appreciating my apartment more again
-manifesting my desires
-positive possibilities
-cleaning and organizing
-hyaluronic acid
-changing and evolving

[buttercup]

-coffee
-relating
-my hair
-cookies
-M's friend D fixing my internet yesterday
-water
-all the people who have been there for me lately
-makeup
-my job tomorrow
-appreciation
-social media
-clarity
-my lip plumping gloss from the liposuction institute
-the amazing treatment i got the other day. it has made the biggest difference in the flaw im working on
-reading
-feeling renewed to feel more aliveness, less apathy, and more meaning in my life and to make a difference
-my creativity
-my goals
-great lighting
-the weather being warmer and the snow thawing
-cleaning and redecorating my apartment
-buying cute prada socks i couldn't get out of my mind
-my phone
-plants
-submitting to jobs
-mascara
-beautiful things
-having confidence in myself
-shapes
-yoga pants
-my leopard print coat
-special beautiful life moments
-sleep
-blankets
-newness
-creativity
-being subdued
-tea
-ideas
-fashion
-smiling
-being smart
-being a nonconformist
-yoga

[buttercup]

-my internet working
-coffee
-feeling better
-being over letting myself being consumed or stressed about court
-going on a kind of date with the guy who was giving me advice about court
-being flirted with
-compliments
-awesome new beauty products
-how great my hair looked yesterday
-having great lips
-blankets
-sleep
-slippers
-cats
-being a nice person
-progress
-my personality calming down and being a little nicer and less erratic
-yoga pants
-physical exercise
-the internet
-shopping
-booking jobs for primary career thing i do
-sending out a ton of emails for submitting to more jobs
-the microcurrent facial i got the other day
-techno music
-having my medication about to get stabilized this coming week finally
-finally a new therapy place i really like that specializes in ptsd and will give me a lawyer, medication for a few extra days until i see the psychiatrist , can help me find a new career and are just super nice and genuine seeming. i like them a lot
-my pink discover card
-MH being nice to me
-getting a new phone
-seeing the card gift i sent to others
-plants
-colors
-makeup
-having abundance
-letting go of D. one week now. and now he's not in my mind much.
-feeling my feelings.
-my heart's desires
-being considered attractive by others
-looking much younger then my age
-my medications
-being an authentic person
-the candies from my favorite candy boutique coming in the mail and how amazing the pink sparkle pop candies were
-art
-being productive
-going out for dinner with M's friend D yesterday
-new experiences
-french toast
-working this weekend
-being a unique person
-ideas
-laughing at life
-innovation
-kindness
-sunshine
-trees
-updating my resume
-smiling
-organizing
-hope
-newness
-my sense of style
-my talents
-my accomplishments
-my unique awesome life experiences
-having nice curves
-cuteness
-good lighting
-being smart
-having a caring heart
-evolving as a person
-my feminity

[buttercup]

-cookies
-the delicious candies i got the other day from my favorite candy boutique
-the new place i'm going to for therapy
-romance
-coffee
-naps
-fashion
-listening to root chakra and brainwave music while setting intentions via writing exercise
-being cool
-submitting for jobs
-feeling work picking up slightly
-water
-showers
-plants
-how cute mom cat is
-my medications
-new opportunities
-masculine energy
-the internet
-my new phone
-going in for my first microneedling session tomorrow
-MH fixing my humidifier/diffuser
-new portfolio pictures
-retouchers
-headphones
-physical exercise
-blankets
-yoga
-dance
-walking
-doing cardio on the indoor vintage bike at M's house
-upbeat moods
-my jaguar necklace
-clean clothes
-my leopard print coat
-my beauty
-cleaning and organizing
-finishing the book i was on so i can move on to the next book i want to read
-feeling my feelings
-prayer
-being a nice person
-my body getting tighter
-my body getting thinner
-being productive
-yoga pants
-makeup
-my new leave in conditioner
-changing things up
-smiling
-relaxation
-my rain boots
-chairs

[buttercup]

-my new phone
-trees
-candy
-awesome creations
-sweet things said to me
-hyaluronic acid
-lip injections
-plants
-greenery
-doing more cleaning and resting
-the new therapy place i've been going to
-thermismooth
-cellupulse
-being productive
-doing an intention setting exercise to brainwave music and root chakra music
-style
-decoration
-growing as a person
-letting go of toxic people
-physical exercise
-my body getting more tighter and slimmer
-newness
-comfort
-inspiration
-having goals
-water
-touch
-my rainboots
-my new book i'm about to start reading
-coffee
-waffles
-my taste in things
-hot tea
-pictures
-fun
-smiling
-entertainment

[buttercup]

-sweets
-great deals
-diet dr.pepper
-getting back on my consistent medication finally
-trying microneedling yesterday
-my strength
-coffee
-water
-hot tea
-sleep
-my medications
-feeling optimistic
-buying these adorable pink nike fashionable gym shoes this morning
-booking my first day lodging for my upcoming business trip
-getting work coming in for business trip coming
-getting a follow up about work for a client in march
-my phone
-spending some time with mom cat
-cats
-cuteness
-doing some animal advocacy work today
-my femininity
-upcoming opportunities for me to be art,make art,and tell my story
-being an artist
-fashion
-my taste in things
-looking young even without makeup
-being flirted with even without makeup on
-my leopard print coat
-doing a little cardio on the indoor vintage cardio bike
-hearing good news in the animal welfare industry
-colors
-plants
-sunshine
-music
-art
-support from others
-seeing my body as getting sexier
-blankets
-the internet
-when people agree with me on things i feel in my heart are right
-smiling
-yoga
-rearranging things and cleaning
-still not getting the papers with "amendements" even though they're supposed to be due right about now
-ideas
-being beautiful
-having beautiful eyes
-compliments
-having beautiful hair
-having things to offer others
-friendly people
-my ambition
-learning
-reading
-relaxation
-beauty
-models
-unique beauty
-all the awesome things coming up for me
-inspiration
-being treated well
-life improving
-feeling my feelings
-being comfortable being myself
-transforming and evolving myself

[buttercup]

-birds chirping
-sunshine
-sacral chakra and brainwave music
-water
-headphones
-flowers
-deep cleansing breaths
-nice weather yesterday
-cuteness
-pleasant memories
-moving forward
-not getting the amendment papers by the 2 week deadline
-colors
-sleep
-my new phone
-the internet
-sweaters
-blankets
-reorganizing and decluttering
-my medications
-coffee
-diet. dr pepper
-cookies
-chocolate
-candy
-my appetite shrinking
-being productive
-great deals
-being a caring person
-ideas
-newness
-physical exercise
-plants
-trees
-money coming in
-prayer
-evolving as a person
-my body getting more sculpted and looking nicer in clothes
-doing more time yesterday on the indoor vintage cardio bike
-inspiration
-art
-having nice lips
-coloring my hair. didn't go as it should have, but i kind of like it, actually.
-compliments
-the snow melting
-feeling my feelings
-working today
-booking the first day lodging for my out of town stay coming up
-smiling
-stretching
-thinking for myself
-having beautiful hair
-fashion
-models
-my accomplishments
-the cool and amazing experiences ive had in life
-accepting myself
-my power
-having beautiful eyes
-looking so young for my age
-design
-reading
-meeting people for coffee
-healing
-healthy digestion
-goals
-having nice curves
-emojis
-my career
-being considered high end
-my ambition
-my motivation

[buttercup]

-photography
-diet dr.pepper
-extra coffee. MH getting me a coffee and donut when i wasnt expecting it
-listening to my solar chakra music and brainwave music right now
-my interview for more work with a new agency going well today
-seeing the law of attraction work in positive ways
-driving today
-beauty
-inspiration
-makeup
-my sense of style
-yoga
-letting go of the guy preparing me for court since it seems he's not interested
-naps
-colors
-plants
-my gucci purse
-buying a new tablecloth for my table i brought in the living room
-rearranging and decluttering my apartment
-having nice curves
-design
-the internet
-showers
-my medications
-my goals
-being productive
-self reassurance
-meditating this morning
-my large shopping bags
-happy and pleasant memories
-not getting the amendments still even though it's been over 2 weeks. :)
-design
-my ambition
-flowers
-trees
-shapes
-having beautiful hair
-self acceptance
-looking so young
-magazines
-physical exercise
-my creativity
-my faith
-pronoia
-walking
-my phone
-newness
-touch
-comfort
-feeling my feelings
-headphones
-music
-my talents
-thermismooth
-me and MH getting along lately
-technology
-having gorgeous eyes
-appreciation
-uniqueness being accepted as beautiful
-smiling
-being smart
-romance
-having great cheekbones
-spirituality