GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-cup of soothing lavender tea
-lavender oil
-vegan chocolate
-all the great vegan food i ate today
-going tanning today
-deciding i am going to try going oil-free in my diet and see what happens
-more breakthroughs with the inner work i've been doing that's been very profound and helpful. as soon as i woke up,i had a memory come to which made me angry which caused me to choose an emotion to work on and breakthrough
-nightskies
-how high my vibe has been
-cruelty free beauty products
-getting some work writing done
-getting a kind of publicity offer possibility that was very random. perhaps a sign of by vibe opening up more to manifest
-great sleep lately
-signs that are positive
-relaxation
-massage
-feeling spiritually cleansed
-increased detachment
-the physical exercise i did today
-pillows
-comfort
-nourishment
-smiling
-clarity
-healing
-positive transformation
-a feeling today that all is well,and fears i had before were so silly,and not needed and that all is fine and look how today passed and the feeling i felt intuitively about it

[buttercup]

-saying no to l. i wasn't sure i wanted to go suddenly,and thinking about several red flags,and then realized with the work i've been doing,i'm clearing regret which means feeling comfortable saying no.without feeling bad about it,not saying yes more often perse,though that's a part of it. But,by saying no without regret,I will say yes more often by not feeling regret,thus recreating the negative emotion i had memorized which i cleared. So,this felt like a perfect test,reminding me of last year. choosing the path of least resistance and trusting life to continue to provide for me. if i really cleared regret,i can say no with ease. And,i'm creating intentions that people i want to hang out with invite me out in perfect ways in the future. So,this was a no brainer,it suddenly came to me to say no. So,i did. and,i felt so happy,and free and was trying to be nice to him,being playful,maybe too much and he told me to f--- off. it showed me a lot,that this whole time,he was bad vibes,and i strung him along for god knows why,and that he wasn't the right choice. i didn't let him bring my mood down though and considered it a good test with other limiting beliefs i've cleared. When you are in alignment,you say yes to things for the joy of it,not seeing lack.
-my amazing life changing book
-giving up tarot,it's the perfect time to. the month is almost over,the book is,i've just cleared a ton of beliefs,and am on the brink of change and manifestation,that was the only thing holding me back. it keeps me in waiting patterns and i'm done waiting. it's been 24 hrs. i decided to get myself a treat if i make it to 24 hours. 24 hours is not a big deal,though. Even a week isn't. I've mostly not gone more then a week without tarot,but i have. In may,i did but that was a time that's not the best to check spiritual progress because it was such a hard a month,and so not seeing many benefits doesn't count for much. But,in a month where i'm feeling amazing,is much better. So,i need to get past a whole month. since october,i've been addicted to it and now i'm done. Even just playing around with it,and doing it just for fun,is done. I realized the root cause of what makes me check it so know how to find other ways to satiate that now.
-great sleep. fell asleep very early last night after meditating,i felt knocked out,and like i couldn't stay awake any longer. interesting sleeping dreams,too
-how amazing i feel today,and high energy
-food
-deciding to give up oil
-music
-happiness
-abundance
-feeling like all is well
-best friend and how amazing he is
-a new month coming up
-rompers
-summertime
-moving art and performance that hits you and is just what you needed to see
-inspiration
-emotions

[buttercup]

-lemons
-summer rain
-a cat hanging out with me for awhile here,and that he's pretty chill and quiet which makes it easy to not forge much connection
-working in the industry i do which allows me a unique life and keeps me young and trendy
-all the fun things there are to do
-2 1/2 days now with no tarot,and entering the stage of feeling blah from it which is good,it means i'm making progress.
-love songs
-art
-my place in life,my purpose,my interests,and things that inspire me
-keeping my authenticity and loving it instead of questioning it or wanting to conform
-sexy men
-people who live unique,unconventional lives
-my apartment
-my brother getting a phone
-rompers
-finding out e is out of town again since wed or thurs which was kind of reassuring. he literally has been out of town or busy with things for weeks,it seems his summers are always like this
-sleep
-forgiving myself for certain vices since i'm giving up tarot right now
-fun things that pop up when in high vibration
-how i actually feel better that l is out of the picture now. it feels right.-
-the animal rights movement
-blogging and how great my blog actually looks
-how interesting of a person i am
-after feeling a little blah towards mid day(maybe because of weather),quickly seeing how easy it'd be to shoot it back up and that i've slacked a bit on exercise,didn't meditate yesterday,and my diet has been a little worse and going through tarot withdrawals so there's things i can fix to boost my mood and to be patient about
-how amazing and free and motivated i felt again today for most of the day
-the internet
-allergies from cat going away
-feeling excited for future things
-feeling relaxed about life and not rushing
-transformation and how fascinating it is to see how people have changed and how different they become,it's amazing.i feel nowadays people change personas and their image and inner shifts so often nowadays. of course,the 20's is a precious age,and i meet interesting people
-all the fun things there are to do,i feel no lack of options
-getting a little work done today
-how amazing it is to wake up in a good mood
-the highlights in my hair
-desires
-accepting imperfection and the abstract
-understanding
-getting pic sent to me of my loved one who passed on seeing her look so happy and in the moment without me from a few years ago
dejavu feeling i got last night
-how young my face looks today
-the highlights in my hair
-stretches
-how good it feels to be a feminine essence
-reflection

[buttercup]

-how easy the cat has been to care for
-how amazing today's class was and deciding to do that this weekend and how great it is for right now with my goals to release energy and cultivate my feminine energy
-califia iced vegan coffee. so great in the summer. so great tasting
-great music from different genres and moods
-doing the exact things i want and how great that feels
-learning new moves
-waking up earlier lately
-deciding to give up pil from my diet and starting with oil that is visible for now such as olive oil on potatoes
-my plans this coming week
-essential oils
-working on cultivating feminine energy
-flip flops
-uber
-great neighborhoods
-when things aren't too expensive and do-able
-face massage and face yoga
-my flexibility
-only buying vegan foods while grocery shopping last night
-using a painful experience last night to understand the loa and inspire me with a change to make
-that best friend has decided to now comitt himself to 100% vegetarian
--nourishing my cravings yesterday even though they were weird(reeses cups) and now deciding to get back on track with diet and fitness
-inspiration
-living life fully
-my immersion and love for all things feminine and beauty and how i've made that large part of my life
-sexy guys
-my taste and interest in things
-deciding i'll have a protein shake for dinner today since i've not been drinking enough of them
-giving away some old purses and things in my kitchen today that i feel no longer are working for me
-deep breathing and slow movement
-getting bathroom cleaned
-the cat getting a bath today and seeing how excited he is to see my mom when she comes by
-great serendiptous timing with articles that make life's chapters seem to close out in chapters,very fascinating
-how focused i've been and using a tip i seen on here about focusing on corpus calloseum to do so
-self acceptance
-new experiences
-appreciation for animals

[buttercup]

-lemons
-nightskies
-water
-one full day of no oil that is added on my own/visible
-5 1/2 days of no tarot
-pillows
-cats
-getting my mother's cat to reunite with my brother's cat and how beautiful it was,a moment where the one cat was too scared being in an unfamiliar place and the other cat started licking him and comforting him a bit,which relaxed him basically telling him it's ok you can relax,it's nice to see you,and then letting him be. he did this twice,followed him a bit,but then continued enjoying human attention. the other cat,i could read his eyes,had a block from coming out where he was hiding,and the cat loved him,and comforted him,while accepting him where he was going through,and understanding him without letting his mood dip. it was inspiring. love and detachment. love how zen felines are. and proving that they'd still recognize each other,and not fight,which i already knew and was nice to prove.
-these cat litterbox liners things that make cleaning a litterbox take 10 seconds. love it. wish i had used it before back with my cat. so time saving and effective
-muffins
-this iced coffee i bought and how delicious it is
-my meditation today which i made sure to do
-joyous things
-summer reading
-love songs
-that i let go of of e. he's hardly been on my mind and i feel fine about it
-summer dance classes
-that best friend is now a vegetarian
-forgiveness for myself
-my eyeglasses
-forgiveness from best friend for my moody sudden panic attack i had last night and how it triggered a lot of old trauma wounds
-self acceptance
-calmness
-how detached my mind has been
-nice,soothing baths and my amazing body scrub i love
-sleep
-the solfeggios i listened to tonight that boosted my mood right up quickly
-not getting as phased by things now,and being more zen
-slow moving and deep cleansing breaths
-getting a little work done
-feeling like the rest of the work i have to get done will be easy
-my calcium magnesium vitamin d and zinc supplement i take
-face massage
-the new instagram follows and likes
-being a dreamer

[-asalantu-]

¿Are we forgetting to express gratitude about characters like Robert Bruce? I explored entire list and didn't found reference to him.

[IA56]

¿Are we forgetting to express gratitude about characters like Robert Bruce? I explored entire list and didn't found reference to him.

I have expressed several times my Gratitude to Robert Bruce for being so curagous for talking open and freely about subjects like out of body and we are not our bodies....He have saved my sanity for not going crazy for all the negativity I Daily face....so I hope he have understood and Heard how happy I am for finding him and his Community...It was through Monroe Institut I got the info about RB...I have grown so much during this years I have bean a menber of this Community. Thank you RB and everyone too, thank you.I love you all.

Love
ia

[buttercup]

-great music
-avoiding engaging in toxic/negative vibes. several tests have come up,and i just remind myself what a happy,successful person would do.
-my plans this weekend i'm looking forward to
-sportsbras for providing me comfort
-how randomly young my face looks today. i look like i'm 12-15 in my face. so cool.
-going tanning today
-how excited i am that it's almost time to move finally,and feeling calm about it and excited about the new energy of a new neighborhood more aligned with me and where i'm headed
-iced mocha coffee from grocery store i love made with almond milk
-adorable,heart warming animal videos online
-good digestion
-wellness
-positive signs
-all the limiting beliefs i cleared and wounds i healed in june and how great that is on my energy
-sleep
-waking up feeling great today for the first time in a few days,very well rested and like i could've woken up hours earlier
-avoiding toxic temptations and staying strong,knowing my perseverance will better me. six days strong without tarot now.
-the possibilities
-being a dreamer
-that it's been pretty enjoyable having the cat here
-seeing things so much more positively lately
-deep,slow cleansing breaths as a part of my daily routine
-abundance
-positive changes
-spirituality
-metaphysics
-style
-feeling like i have a lot of time in my day today
-feeling relaxed about things in life
-yoga stretches for relieving muscle soreness

[buttercup]

-lemons
-water
-laughter and how healing it is
-the sun
-fresh air
-a run/walk at the park and how vivid everything seemed and felt
-dejavu
-feeling like i can go through with my plans now and feeling much physically better
-towels
-showers
-bread
-letting my mind wander and visualize for a bit and how good that felt and boosted my mood
-positive signs
-finding these vitamin ca capsules with enzymes which i didnt know i had which made me feel 90% better instantly upon taking and i had been wanting to try enzymes,too. such a cool random find
-getting the kitchen about half clean
-how alive life feels. getting sick always seems to do this to me. make me feel awful and negative sometimes then cozy and my senses feel more alive and i feel more alive and life feels revitalized with new hope and energy going forward. it's like a shedding.
-pronoia
-how sickness always seems to make me see what i did wrong and feel ready to renew and recharge and be more revitalized once better. i literally want to think sickness is the universe's way of healing.i kept telling myself during "resurrect." as in i'm being resurrected to a new,better me
-sleep
-tissues
-a book i might want to buy
-new intentions
-going on a for real,weight loss plan starting once 100% and tracing the keys to all this problems which i'll delve into more with my processes soon. thinking no oil diet may be ridiculous and that i really just need to move a heck of a lot more in my day to day.for years in an undesirable living situation with anxiety issues,i was practically bed ridden,it was when i moved out,the body issues started cropping up as if the universe telling me now i have to do more,to offset all of that giving me a leniancy to not have it happen while in that situation but starting once out of it.i want to be a much more active person anyways,and will figure this out.
-deciding to go ahead and make the cake anyways even though ill probably just bring fruit now
-how much more boosted my mood became(i suspect best friend seeing me suffer sent me positive energy)
-carrot juice and how healing it is
--finding peace and optimism in the little things,like how lovely the sky sounded earlier with the quiet sounds of the birds and such
-face and head massage in the shower. for some reason found that very helpful which makes sense actually
-being easy on myself for now. one thing at a time.
-the cat and how sweet looking he is with his little actions he does
-nature
-all the things i want to do now that i'm better and new me i want to be
-sweet memories
-creativity
-abundance
-a photo like from someone from the past today that is in alignment with my goals which is kind of weird. oddly enough,detaching from computer has made me detach from my wants a little and seems to be life is showing me little flickers/teasers when i'm either really happy and in the vortex or completely removing myself in mind from things. i am going to start spending much less time on computer as one of many goals here on out.i also just have a very good feeling about things in life.

[buttercup]

-water
-seasonings
-vegan food
-towels
-sportsbras
-these new purple funky looking but very cozy looking and very fitting to my personality bohemian looking pants i bought today. best friend didn't like them,but i decided to get them anyways because i just knew i'd want to live in them
-the cat being relatively easy to stay here
-the cat litter box liners
-getting back to my meditations today and starting my third limiting belief and how profound it was. it was very surprising all the surrounding stuff that came up,and the timing of how exactly this was what needed to be cleared next and how interconnected to everything else it was. doing this work is also very much confronting things about yourself that may make you uncomfortable and have been hiding about yourself. it's shedding away the layers to release those resistances. with this third one being integrated,i feel like i am going to be a much much different person now,like i can't even recognize myself. people who haven't seen me in awhile when they see me again it'll be interesting. of course,i'm always a lot different by the time i see people i haven't seen in awhile that i imagine they must find it intriguing.i remember ex crush A. the first time he met me,i was so timid and shy,it was like i was mute and i'm sure i just seemed very uncomfortable,weird,and goody two shoes. by the time he seen me a few years later through serendipity,here i was in control,still shy,but and insecure but also confident and not freakishly shy but more sociable. just being able to converse with me period was big. i also wasn't intimidated by him by then and i just felt like a whole different person in comparison. the odd thing though,was i remember thinking he seemed the exact same and thinking it almost kind of sad.
-my eyeglasses
-how integrated the first limiting belief i cleared already is
-living room being clean
-making action decisions to help facilitate a goal of mine including one that is so obvious and subtle but will be a big thing and being able to get more to the core cause of what caused this problem and being honest with myself about it
-getting a website blocker to block the tarot site i go to since i started doing it again when i felt sick. this will work because i've never been tempted to go to other sites and wouldn't be the type to go unblock the site. also something happening to show how tarot is so not what you think of interpretations-wise which was a relief since i had gotten a negative one and assumed one thing,and it actually was something way,way different just like another recent tarot thing. the readings are too ambiguous to be useful and dramatize things to be far more major then they are for the most part. I think the problem is i just honestly find it so fun and the symbolisms fascinating but i have an addictive personality and it conflicts with my beliefs too much
-rooftop swimming pools
-nightswims
-getting more comfortable with myself,and expressing myself in a way that is me
-being fearless and doing what's fun and not caring what others think
-meeting vegans in my city,and how fascinating it was that they're just like all the diverse types i read and watch about in vlogs and blogs and such. from the no oil health vegan who is so her diet is everything girl to the vigilant activist type who is against anything other then vigilance to the spiritualist who is actually vegetarian,and so on,it was interesting
-living in a big city
-doing cool things
-taking cool pics with my phone
-cool sceneries
-seeing the positive in getting sick and feeling like it was a shedding i needed to go through. could be crazy,but i feel like this may have happened before at times of change
-summer fun
-making a vegan fourth of july cake and how beautiful it came out that as soon as i seen it,i was like yep,this is worth it,seeing how beautiful these strawberries look,and the colors,and the feelings the cake conjures up of thinking of summer fun and holidays and that i made it,was like yep this is my special moment of the week right here,my 2nd in a row of aiming for 4 within the month
-creativity
-colors
-fireworks and seeing an amazing fireworks show
-having a really laidback,zen fourth of july
-great music
-fitting into clothes from when i was 18 years old still and being in love with a skirt from then that fits perfectly
-weight finally going down a little
-coffee
-delicious grapes,and watermelon and both being so sweet,like canddy
-feeling gratitude throughout the day about things
-cute swimsuits
-noticing it's natural for me nowadays and has been for awhile to move kind of slowly throughout my day
-getting some catnip for the cat
-that i can feel my energy has been more feminine lately which is part of my 2nd limiting belief work i did
-coffee
-knowing what i want and what makes me happy and where i want to fit
-getting lots of little signs of coming into alignment with old desires of mine. it's quite interesting,these little mini manifestations!
-being firm and knowledable in my power
-cool events i'm being invited to and finding out about
-freedom
-getting a 2nd draft done to work thing i want to finish
-sounds of the trains going by and how peaceful it is
-quiet
-feeling like change is around the corner;as in external change
-tuning into my feelings and being ok with not needing to figure it all out
-how i looked more attractive at the end of being sick and after as if i'd just had inner healing,too.
-cuteness
-appreciation
-feeling like everything is going to be ok. like i've arrived to the mountain and can rest now.
-bird's eye view perspective on life
-cute neighborhoods
-how lively and secure my neighborhood seemed last night. it was kind of nice.
-face massage and yoga
-scalp massage
-how toned and slender and shapely my arms look
-all the amazing realizations the past 3 weeks.

[buttercup]

-seasonings
-water
-mason jar
-coffee
-vegan cake
-getting my first workout in since being sick and how good it feels to move
-eyeglasses
-having a great body
-being very attractive
-my face and how young it looks
-my eyebrows
-yoga pants
-getting some work done
-sleep
-summertime
-doing well with implementing new actions aligning with new limiting belief clearing
-seeing someone beautiful and their imperfections that was reassuring and showed how hard we are on ourselves and how skewed our vision can be
-feeling sexy
-being asked out and always getting a lot of attention from the opposite sex
-staying relatively calm during a hectic day with a lot going on
-listening to some heart chakra musics while doing the work i got done today
-music
-being young and trendy
-having a message
-my cheekbones
-finding out credit check fee can be returned since canceling the interest in apartment
-hair clips
-hair brush
-calmness
-slow movement
-how peaceful outside feels and sounds
-feeling really relaxed
-gentle,honest reflection and acknowledgement
-surrender
-forgiveness
-being a new me now
-positive actions
-how tiny and sculpted my arms have been looking
-things making sense
-being me
-the spiritual side of things
-relaxing and seeing how things make sense before going in beta and overanalyzing or being too concerned
-the amazing vitamin c and enzymes vitamins i've been taking

[buttercup]

-feeling wellness
-great weather today
-chakra and theta music playlists to get me vibration cleansed
-tofu
-water
-mason jars
- coffee
-going tanning today
-sugar
-no longer believing in regrets and seeing the effects of that change really being real now
-getting a new party dress ordered that i love from a new boutique i've never shopped at that is in a print i love that always seems to be good luck for me when i wear it in the past out and about
-loving my face with my brows growing out
-my cheekbones
-my face looking so young
-my body being nice and toned
-my venus dimples
-vitamin c vitamins with enzymes
-my outfit i'm wearing today
-feeling comfortable and open and calm
-realizing i was wrong about something last night,and how silly i've been about something and letting it block me a little bit and deciding no more and to change it. i'd been worrying irrationally about what other people think and am now over that but trusting all is well and as it should be
-my porch
-the sun
-doing a year review of my life and setting intentions for the next year
-my deadline to get this writing done by thursday and being about 83% there and getting more work on it,and deciding i'll likely just go back to it later to meet deadline. am so close to there!
-the cat and how cute he is
-reflection
-how much more zen i'm becoming
-today being a little less hectic
-how quiet today feels
-peaceful sounds
-being motivated
-looking within and being honest with myself
-doing the positive actions that align with my new self
-abundance
-my life,and what i get to do and seeing it as a blessing
-gratitude
-being a truly optimistic and positive person again
-appreciating myself
-my style
-fashion
-fun
-prepaving and priming myself for what i want to manifest more of
-letting go of blocks and all ridiculous things
-deep,cleansing breaths
-being open
-getting past being sick,muscle soreness,pms,the first stages of time of month,and now feeling relaxed.i've overcome another stage.june was personal development and inner change stage and now i'm somewhere else
-enjoying the unfolding and being in that state of being where i just observe what's unfolding instead of trying to watch the pot and keep checking on it. it's like observing my garden grow.
-feeling ok with the moment. like all is well and at any moment can change and bloom and slightly turn to this or that direction and how lovely that is. the path is continuously changing. life can change at any moment. a beautiful surprise can happen at any moment. feeling excited and curious for the future but also happy with the now as if it's all fine.
-eyeglasses

[-asalantu-]

All this expectations are subjected to the hope that Earth will exist along our lifespan.

But... ¿what if our lifespan (subjected to Earth's lifespan) is not more reliable beyond, let's say, two years from now?

I think we must to develop this gratitude list in a top-down approach.

First, to be grateful about galactic center behaviour is compatible with life at Earth, that's say in order to avoid scenaryos like those from Paul A. Laviolette (Phd. in Astrophysics) and his Galactic Superwave phenomenon.

Second, to be grateful about Sun behaviour.

Third, to be grateful about dynamics of asteroid population of our Solar System.

Fourth, to be grateful about climatic dynamics.

Fifth, to be grateful about economy stability.

Sixth, all that remains.

My best regards...
�ngel

[buttercup]

-eyeglasses
-water
-vegan baking fun
-mason jars
-sprinkles
-all the facebook wallposts
-being randomly drawn to write a poem last night and following it and coming up with something
-finishing my writing by my deadline
-my style
-coffee
-getting a workout in
-life feeling calm and quiet
-my kind heart
-talking business ideas with business partner
-enjoying the excitement of all the question marks and wondering where life will be in a month and in two months
-being open to changing plans
-trusting in life and surrendering
-letting go
-acceptance
-sweaters
-feeling physically better after an attack of allergies last night
-all my accomplishments
-my phone
-mobile apps
-creativity and being able to be creative on a continuous basis in my life
-knowing i'm in a place of change,and that it's the quiet before the storm,whatever the storm may be. i just know i'm in that quiet space before a new life emerges for me.
-awesome possibilities
-honest acknlowedgement
-checking in with myself and seeing where i want to be and where i want to go and how i want to change what i'm aligning with
-tissues
-towels
-love
-rest
-lavender oil
-appreciation for cats
-my hair
-being smart
-being calm

[buttercup]

-all the facebook wallposts
-a facebook wallpost from the one i wanted most of all. admittedly,it did boost my mood. ugh.
-sugar
-frosting
-coffee
-physical wellness
-songs
-poems
-getting my poem done today and trusting in it's execution
-my accomplishments in life,and all those who remember me and being considered someone glamourous and a someone in the industry i work
-clothes
-my toned body
-the cat relaxing
-funny jokes that make laugh so much
-interesting timing with things
-the sun
-great weather today
-meeting my deadlines
-a thoughtful,personal email
-compliments
-all the texts today
-emojis
-being a woman
-a personal text
-my desires
-my spirituality
-fresh air
-sleep
-roommate rescheduling the realty company to come by today
-mercy
-tissues
-delicious cake dough
-my phone
-pictures and mobile apps
-my things i love and my personality and interests
-my eyeglasses
-my ambition
-my sunglasses
-how sky's the limit i've been feeling
-water
-going to look at an apartment today
-my child-like spirit
-fun things to do
-allowing myself to feel
-pillows
-my couches
-new friend requests
-new likes
-the sun being in cancer.i do so well during that time of the year.
-being smart

-

[buttercup]

-how beautiful is out tonight and how alive it made me feel
-the feeling that something good is about to come
-plant based protein
-allowing myself to eat junk food today while on a drive with a friend because i had such a sugar craving
-nightskies
-summertime
-meditating today
-positive signs
-doing my workout today and how good yoga made me feel
-great music
-cleaning the bedroom
-hairclips
-how slim my body looks and how flat my stomach is
-sleep
-forgiving myself after a panic attack
-felines
-keeping up with the action i recently started to counteract a negative effect from years ago and seeing results from it already. my lower body has become much tighter from it. it feels so good to improve upon myself even if sometimes it makes me sad thinking of the past because of perspectives
-logical sense
-going for a drive
-eyeglasses
-pillows
-flip flops
-how toned my body is
-that the one i wanted wrote a wallpost on my wall on facebook
-water
-vitamins i love
-coffee
-feeling peaceful despite a hectic time
-job possibilities
-seeing some things to approve coming in
-knowing famous people
-appreciation
-the memories
-the experiences
-appreciating where i'm at now,because soon,i'll look back on that,too. just like i've been looking back at memories while in my last apartment,this apartment had some good qualities to it and this neighborhood had some things i appreciated. first apartment was excitement about things like being a few blocks away from my own grocery store and being excited to grocery shop and going for walks. 2nd apartment was being excited about more unique food options and being walking distance to the train and being able to get mango smoothies. and this apartment was a beautiful porch and being walking distance to cafes and actually having a cool bar or two in the neighborhood and a park i fell in love with,and a mediterranean food place i fell in love with. there was some good memories here.
-instagram
-the positive changes i've made in my life over the last few years
-the positive changes i will make in my life over the next few years
-my ig followers jumping to a lot more somehow
-feeling calm

[buttercup]

crazy day with anxiety attacks,new decisions,depression seeing e looks like he may have someone now. things have been so unpredictable and i feel foolish. did not expect all this to come about.
-water and how great it tastes
-fresh air
-nightskies
-the amazing weather
-getting a green smoothie today and how great it tastes
-forgiveness and mercy
-getting a toy for the cat
-getting tangible after death communications from my lost loved which is interesting timing,it's happened starting right before the cat came to stay the day before and a few times since and every time i pick up one of these strange omens my logical mind can't think of where they came from,i now smile.i used to be able to think maybe it came from here or there,but lately cannot and just smile and think,well maybe...it's like she is blessing the situation of the cat being here.
-my eyeglasses
-handling seeing the possibility of E with someone else so well. seen one pic then another that was ambiguous enough and harmless seeming but just gave me an odd feeling and it's of the girl i knew he liked the night he kissed me which didn't feel so good..the insecure thoughts are am i the second choice or is she...i'm pretty confident and even friend said he couldn't have liked her that much if he kissed me that night plus he invited me out while liking her that night and if he got it right with her,it was after we kissed and he tried talking me to everyday then i didn't show up so it'd seem she is like the 2nd choice,like he wanted me but let go of me,then that night invited me out and kissed me then when he thought i wasnt interested kept trying with her.However,i sensed and worried about him liking her back then even if it seemed he was willing to just 100% choose me if i was interested and quickly dismiss her.i definitely felt in power back then and now all this time later i see two pics that make me wonder. all that i have going for me and i question myself like this. but logically there's no excuse for a guy disappearing no matter how insecure he is. actions speak,at least a bit. and even if he did contact me in may and the other things,it's just not good. maybe she's the one girl,besides me,who finally gave him a chance.
--in my pain deciding to make a business trip decision which will be very beneficial and how good that felt to just do it,and be spontaneous. haven't done something like that in so long!
-getting my poem finished,a bare minimum thing i wanted to get done. adding in a line.
-cupcakes
-surrendering and compromising on moving decisions that were stressing me out so much to a point where i no longer knew what i was even wanting.i still question the decision i made,and hope it will work out.it's been a painful,and confusing time and this year was supposed to be so different.i just don't understand why this E thing has transpired the way it has,it makes no sense,or why things with moving has panned out the way it has,but one thing i'm starting is to just surrender,trust,and accept. i no longer believe in regrets after energy work i've done so i know this is the way to healing and happiness and truth. now that i no longer believe in regret,it makes trusting life that much easier,and it makes letting go easier. i feel broken and foolish in ways,but i also feel that newness and reconstruction is now around the corner.i commend myself for also being willing to let plans be broken since i know that is an important key to peace.
-knowing now that no matter what it's really over with me and e,and i can just focus on seeing him as a friend which also will likely clear a lot of resistances,too. my heart is now closed off to him and i'll wonder who's next for me. after a fight with the ex,and this,it's been very disheartening. i can now focus on really bettering myself without thinking of what others think but what my heart wants. once i see e again,i won't let him kiss me or try and be anyway,simply because he let us not hang out for all this time,and it's now longer then it's ever been,it's now been even longer then that gap of time last year..so sad. journaling about this last week made me sad and shocked.i can't help but now feel like he used me whereas before i thought there was some real feelings of depth. all those things pieced together..i thought were so obvious..but this girl is in his inner circle it seems and me,i've been treated like this..so he cant possibly like me very much. and it's just so weird,he felt like a real friend last feb,i felt more confident then,and now i feel strange and so utterly lost about him.i really hope i'm making right decisions. after my mother having the nerve to say i should buy a house when that is just so not me,and an old best friend has gotten married,and fight with ex,and E of all people,possibly has someone now and all i have is feeling like everybody is gone and failing on goals i'm not sure i want. but,the business decision was one thing i want.i also have a business ending. all these things going on,it feels like i'm losing and failing.and the E thing just had a very eerie familiar,almost dejavu feeling
-going to the beach last night
-all the cool art i seen and pictures i took
-flowers
-sleep
-clothes fitting looser
-thinking i can probably give up soda now easily from my diet
-sticking to the actions i said i'd take for third limiting belief i worked on in july
-eating less and feeling fine about
-body looking very toned and sculpted
-getting a nice picture of me i liked last night
-deciding to shun everyone that's hurt me that's been in my mind this year or last and do what i want
-my eyebrows being threaded and how it feels like it cleared energy getting them done
-a sense of relaxation at the painful E being done,the moving surrender,and work being completed for business ending,and making other business trip decision. the calm after the storm
-that tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start
-pepper
-learning
-comfort
-pillows

-

[buttercup]

-lemons
-water
-getting my meditation done today,and feeling much better from it. it made me physically worse,but i think that means it was helping and just that i even got sick in the first place i think was from the limiting belief work i started in june clearing me to a new place
-the chakra and theta combo playlist i use when meditating nowadays. the throat and third eye i chose for today was just what i needed
-pepper
-vitamins
-new positive action i now have as part of my habit i started from limiting belief three i did and the benefits i've experienced from it!
-coffee
-hairclips
-sleep
-today feeling much calmer
-new decisions that feel so right and make much more sense and feel better then all the indecison and confusion of before
-how excited i am to go to -----for business trip this fall
-the beautiful flowers in my home and how artful they look
-my lovely lavender oil and how much i love it
-allowing the cat to spend a few minutes with me on the porch and how nice that was
-my face looking younger and brighter somehow from the moisturizer i'm guessing i've been using
-how toned and flexible my body is
-positive change
-feeling like my lost loved one has been communicating and around the last few weeks and how amazing that makes me feel! have not heard from her in soooo long,and the timing is so interesting! the last time i heard from her was right when i first moved here as if she was saying hey,i'm still here and checking on you,and your going to be ok now. makes me so emotional thinking about it. and calm! i had started to wonder if i was going crazy last year with the after death communications as if it was in my head. but the things that occured were so strong and eerie! but as soon as i was better,and healed,i stopped getting them until now. well,i may have gotten them but so much more subtle
-deciding to stop spending so much energy in the vegan community of things as it's not brought me much happiness or aligned me much where i want to go. i can be vegan without needing vegan friends or watching tons of vegan vlogs. i prefer to stand out anyways and am making decisons like this to align me more what with what makes me happy and where my heart wants to go. so much happiness! so much new change! it's exciting. some things are not exactly where i thought i'd go,but feel right.
-great weather today
-tissues
-deciding to get rid of TV once i move in living room that is never even used anyways
-being able to see
-best friend feeling better too
-something to focus on from my pain
-the fascinating process of becoming more and more myself!
-accepting imperfection
-little flickers of being included more which i know is manifestatoin of my energy changing more from inner work i've done
-feeling empowered
-light and growth that comes from breakdowns
-pronoia
-last project coming out either tonight or tomorrow and being pretty much done

[buttercup]

-coffee
-water
-going tanning today
-great weather today
-consistent things that are to ponder
-all the wonderful ADC's i keep getting from my transitioned loved one. so cool she's around lately for some reason
-doing some writing to check in with myself
-final project being released and what a release that is!
-feeling calmness today
-seeing the two new apartments of which i'll move into one or the other and finally having direction with where i'm moving. it's not exactly where i thought i'd go but it's so inexpensive and it's following what i want and not what ex's or ex crush's would want or keeping up with the jones's and it's just a couple blocks from public transit,and area feels safe and super walkable compared to where i'm at now,and is slightly closer to downtown and blocks away from where i thought i'd go anyways which is where ex people live
-having more time today
-deciding certain things to move away from to bring me more happiness and align me more with new things and what i desire while still being me and what i want to be but peeling away layers to emerge into newness
-deciding to just throw myself out there and around new people because some are bringing me down so much from how much of a hermit i've been that the few peoplei talk to and some that i don't want to be like have really been affecting me negatively and they say you become like the 5 people you are closest to so i'm in a hurry to throw myself into new people,anything just to get away,and change.and afterall it's been when i met new people i loved,that i go through the most profound positive changes
-frankincense essential oil
-spices!
-deciding to do another home ritual right before i move like i did last year not because i need to but just because
-getting a little more decisive
-potatoes. my favorite food and chock full of vitamin c
-feeling more abundant,and fearless
-feeling ready to delve into exploring and newness
-the sun
-inspiration
-beauty
-my body thinning out
-my body being nice and toned
-my cheekbones
-all the ways and opportunities i have to express myself creatively
-sportsbras
-my style
-positive change and evolution
-brava from successful others in work
-slow deep breathing
-music
-reflection
-trusting in myself and my kindness despite attempts from others to manipulate
-how good it's going to get
-movement
-things to learn and incorporate
-that i am growing as a person even if i don't always realize it,and feel like that's not true.
-how great it feels to be unstuck and to have tools now to get myself unstuck in the future
-

[buttercup]

-brushed hair
-hair clips
-eyeglasses
-potatoes
-spices
-how much i've transformed in the past few years and the transformation in this year and last month and what's to come
-that i can be sure i'm not one of those people who never changes
-having a new apartment confirmed
-realty company coming by to look at apartment i'm living in and roommate taking care of talking to them
-deciding about a day or so ago before bed that it's time to let go of E and that I feel ready to. My interest in him feels lost and though i feel sad at how it's gone this year,i know analyzing why isn't going to do anything and i just need to break free and immerse in new people and i finally am at a point now where within i feel ready to meet new people and can even find myself starting to imagine new romantic potential interests. At this point,i will only think of E as a friend since the biggest block anyways was how awkward i felt after that kiss in winter. after how all this year has been,i commented to a friend that i miss the winter love life and the days of D as awful as he was,at least I felt I could draw E back to me at any moment as my friend and have my friend life back and things were just so very different then.i remember feeling sad that a chapter was really closing in winter and now i see why even more,it really was. and,i miss that time. the dating the douchebag D,and finding B and having E as my friend.This year has been utterly confusing with regards to E and how my perceptions changed but I'm taking my power back by letting him go and focusing on finding new friends and big career moves I've not seen him in so long,he no longer is what he is and that makes me sad how i used to have him as a friend and i can't think about it,i just can't. I just have to move fast in a new direction.
-water
-lipbalms
-after all that i've cleared and new changes,feeling like it's time to be fearless and work on being more independent again. i stopped after scary things 2 years ago,and in me,i blocked myself by telling myself certain things,but it's time to put myself out there again and be growth focused. it's funny how i told myself i wasn't going go to out much living here but that's ok,and then that's what happened.i have a feeling new place will produce more external change and activity. maybe it's nostalgia but in 2012,ad 2013,i had so many great things to fall back on,that i'd never have been worried about seeing someone like E again and worrying how i'd make friends to do things. my energy has become desperate. and i've been ungrateful. there's always so much,so much it is hard to take it all in,yet we limit our scope and blur our vision and often see lack,it's crazy. and,again with the E thing,i was able to attract him into my life with ease before,it's all energy. we can create anything and it's all just a game of energy.
-upcoming travels and feeling full of wanderlust and how great it'll be for me and realizing past recent travel did propel me forward with growth
-my style
-colors
-instagram
-art
-books
-spiritually cleansing
-my beautiful transitioned loved one
-how tan my skin looks
-how attractive my best friend looks
-a great workout last night and how amazing the yoga was
-scheduling another dance class and how beneficial that is for me in so many ways
-towels
-tissues
-cats
-lavender oil
-frankincense oil
-enzymes
-fortified with vitamins food products such as coffee
-quiet
-peace
-positive actions i've been taking as part of my transformation
-doing a little research on upcoming trip

[buttercup]

-how great my skin is!
-beautiful flowers
-a great meditation
-new headphones
-healing chakra musics combined with thetas
-how open my lower chakras feel
-my notebook
-water
-a great protein rich great tasting breakfast
-coffee
-getting work done
-how toned my lower body has become by new changed actions i've taken
-using my feelings to decide i feel ready to tackle on a new limiting belief a few days early
-frankincense oil
-the rain
-feeling a sense of calmness today
-being in a better mood today
-junk food last night after feeling a little bummed out
-feeling like upcoming business trip won't be as hard to plan out as i feared
-great colored tank tops
-returning to things i loved
-how i'm changing and who i'm becoming now
-computer working great today
-great songs
-art
-a dance class i'm looking forward to this weekend
-learning
-finding something i didn't think i had yesterday
-getting bedroom getting cleaned
-felines
-appreciation
-my phone
-mason jars
-feeling acceptance and a feeling it's ok and will work out with being move on from E. I don't have really any hard feelings or resentment and not much analyzing how could this be either,but instead a trust and surrender. it's feeling easier and easier and my interest romantically feels more and more lost in a positive way
-acceptance
-life having direction now
-having a good feeling about things
-feeling back to 2013 in a sense and 2012 about tackling things here and there from a self improvement perspective that i had lost after closing up after those times
-the quiet
-embracing quiet again and remembering that when we refrain from the need to fill in the quiet with a distraction such as going on the internet,we end up instead in a pool where we get peace,insights,and then creation as old layers are shed effortlessly

[buttercup]

-brushed hair
-all the resistances that left while starting work on limiting belief 4 today. it was incredible. on this hot day,i spent quite a bit of time in meditation and doing the work on the next thing i wanted to clear and what came up was more on the obvious side,but also most difficult.i felt heart chakra upset during as if my heart was blocked and on fire and even cried by acknowledging who i have been. this was the first one that felt very heart chakra focused. by the time i finished all the work,i felt more attractive,like i'd just shed away layers of me that were time to be cleared and felt towards the end like i am a different person now. i am a new person. it was an interesting feeling,exciting,but also a little scary. this work i started in june is very time consuming so i know it's not something i can make as a regular part of my life,but i have time off now,and consider this my version of going away for a retreat and will call upon this type of work on a time to time basis when i feel i need some clearing work done. it's been so amazing and helpful to me but it is ALOT. the first two were like the baby steps,but these last two are more hardwired from deeper into the past and longer habits. it is very hard to confront your dark side,and be honest with yourself about who you really are. im very grateful for this path to healing that started with a breakdown in may and being drawn to a movie and then a book and then starting these processes in order of what came up first.
-water
-potatoes
-vitamins
-sauces and spices
-getting a little more on track with diet after finding out awful ingredient in a junk food i craved that made me so sick that i felt so lazy and got a stomach ache so bad i couldn't even finish a workout. i've never been the type to call certain foods as not being food or be overly health conscious but wow in this last year i really see the effects of what we put in our body and that some foods can be like drugs. and,of course,after this deep healing i did today,i find myself craving similar again. not a fan of that.
-all the symptoms of energy clearing that show me change is happening from body soreness to the heaviness of my head and getting sick and so on. i've always been one that likes when the universe shows me i'm on the right track from enjoying signs from the universe to soreness from workouts,that stuff is always great to me
-my favorite essential oils such as frankincense and lavender
-how great my skin has been looking
-how amazing my hair has been
-interesting things to read or learn
-help from bestfriend
-feeling more fearless and filled with new desires from energy clearing..things i haven't thought about doing in so long
-darkness and the peace of it when the lights are out
-the sky
-nightskies
-being braver to try new things
-laughing
-being strong in new actions to take that take a little effort
-eyeglasses
-allowing myself to just be
-these fabulous new headphones
-work inquiries
-colors
-being more slow moving as a regular part of my life,something that's been integrated for some time as a little positive habit i've changed
-being inspired now to make little new positive habits a part of my life to create massive change whereas for awhile i felt it was pointless.
-being motivated
-being brave enough to confront the emptiness,the clarity
-time being on my side
-paranormal activity from my loved one who transitioned
-calmness
-quiet
-simplicity
-summertime
-the tanness of my skin
-feeling new and a sense of aliveness,it's exciting and the most i've felt this since starting this work in june. everythings starting to feel a little more lucid and like it's unfolding and awakening. love it. it's incredibly peaceful and like a beautiful secret.

[buttercup]

-understanding it really is darkest before dawn. ever since starting this work in june,i've had some things fall apart and felt in some ways more awful about who i am but i guess that's part of "losing your mind" and last night as i tried to cut the habit associated with number 4,i felt awful and dealing with all that silence and quiet brought up awful feelings.i told myself this is natural and just part of healing and that wow,i must've really been distracted to be this upset,but still i felt awful,but i cut back and made some progress even if my mood felt low,i like to believe it was cleansing and part of spiritual detoxing and that from the fight with ex to L telling me to f---- off in the last few weeks is for my highest good and part of the cleansing,and maybe even the E stuff recently.i trust that is going to bring me closer to my heart's desires even if it feels awful at first.
-bouncing back after missing my class today and feeling acceptance about it,and like it wasn't meant to be. making pronoia my subconscious belief system is becoming so natural!
-deciding to order the pronoia book i've been wanting today
-feeling spontaneous and creative and deciding to make a vegan heart chakra cake since i had a heart chakra pan with a heart hole in the middle that to me represents open heart,like the beautiful heart chakra sensations i'd get back few years ago when my heart chakra was opening a lot then and i was surrendering deeply.i used green food extract i had lying around and added basil on top which i randomly read just last night is great for heart chakra. the cake came out beautiful the taste was on point. it feels so good to be creative in any way,so good for the soul. and to be spontaneous,too! i love it.i love my expression of self.
-coffee i had with my cake
-after strange dreams,more thoughts to ponder about the true nature of reality and it's connection to dreams
-amazing business news today and getting things started from business partner. looks like my time off is near done! she had amazing ideas and implemented the start of our new ventures today. so exciting.i must admit,it instantly changed my mood when seeing that when first waking up.
-keeping my energy soft
-after before bed thinking about some other work thing i want that would make me feel better when thinking about what do i want,what will make me happy,i randomly got an email inquiry for work. so serendiptious! today has been a great career day in both areas of my work!
i sincerely now have complete direction in my life
-things feeling easier
-all i have going for me
-all the things i want to do,and try
-being honest with myself and realizing one of the reasons things ARE so hard for me is i'm very high end with work and most things i literally cannot do,or it'd be a downgrade from where im at and not look god. it is a problem. not being negative,but honest,that being in that place where you are high on the top,but not a-list famous can have it's hardships of being able to say yes to as many things because of image,and what it'd actually do for you
-abundance
-how much abundance has increased over last few years
-perception opening to show me positive new ways of looking at old stuck things and seeing look how some things can change,even if you can't see the way yet for all of it. ease. focus on one thing at a time,make one step at a time to better yourself
-how cute the cat is staying with me. i don't know why anyone says cat's aren't submissive. these animals are just as needy and submissive as dogs,well maybe not as much but they show all the time how much they want your companionship. of course,my family always had a weird relationship with our cats,where we were very possessive of them.
-creativity. the word of the day. love it. and creation. just in so much of a mood to explore creativity and create.
-eyeglasses
-focusing on small change and progress vs beating myself up over little errors or not being able to make big changes at once. as long as the change and progress is real.
-best friend
-trying the cayenne pepper in my smoothie just a tiny amount to start and loving it. i am glad i followed my being drawn to peppers.
-ideas to better myself and life
-fans
-spiritual detoxing
-just being

[buttercup]

-accomplishing my goals today. i've done good work. i should feel happy,and i did,i felt a strong sense of calm,ease,and patience but then shortly after just having movement brought up more things and made me sad.i know this is natural. the last two beliefs i've been clearing are thick ones and it's like when i first moved to my own apartment,and i had a ton of stuff to go through from years and years ago and it took months to do,and it brought up all this old stuff that i'd end up having very bad panic attacks and extreme mood swings and anger. in the last two years,in finally looking at things differently,it just means it's time to let some things unravel and heal and it's a lot of confusion.
-the bed
-seeing the matting come right off shortly after getting the rake brush and starting to work on cat's fur. it made me happy.i set the intention i'd get it off and so easily it started to,though there's more to do still,i can tell it's loosening.
-the sun and how healing it is
-fans
-the cool information i learned about cats last night
-carrot juice and how healing it is
-water
-going for a wonderful walk in my favorite park and how delightful it was
-how good it feels to be alone at times
-flowers
-beauty
-my eyes and the ability to see
-rompers
-my energy changing
-being able to explore my creativity and do cool things
-things seeming easier now and not so hard or out of reach. it's like new knots i'd been wanting to unravel finally starting to
-having faith that all that i'm going through is going to bring me to a better place,because right now it just hurts like hell. ever since the fourth limiting block i've had,i've had so much sadness on and off,and frustration. the 3rd block started with the feelings of frustration and the fourth was very intense. i noticed in my meditation yesterday that the 3rd seems to very throat chakra focused and this last one is very heart chakra. it's like the first two things were the tip of the iceberg,the out layer easier things and these last two are really cutting into things to change me in a way that will be very noticeable.i feel so very lost,more then i ever have with these changes i have to make and am making but i'm telling myself to be easy on myself and make little steps and it's ok to make mistakes too vs trying to make huge all at once changes that won't last and won't be real. you have to get lost to find yourself sometimes. i thought when i started this,i'd just feel amazing and all would be great,and amazing things would fall into place,but instead i felt amazing but nothing too much changed on the outside,just small little flickers of things and then i did more work,and feel worse,i guess pruning away deep because the things i desire perhaps cannot come in the best way without me really changing on the inside,and if it did come it'd just end up not being so great because i'd have the same issues,because you can't run away from yourself..not matter what you desire or where you want to go,you still bring yourself with.i feel scared of how soft i'm becoming,how vulnerable it is.
-getting some mango vegan frozen yogurt with sprinkles today from a shop i'd never been to by the park
-my best friend and how giving he is
-business partner being so ontop of it and starting all these new things
-awareness and noticing all these symptoms of my energy shifting from itchy scalp,weird mood swings,weird food cravings,more intense dreams and so on. I must say,i see even more now why to take this process very slow. my altering it to do a little more has given me more to take on and is why doing these processes will not be a regular thing for me,but an occasional thing to clear as if someone were going on a healing retreat.i think i will be stopping after the full process of the fourth belief is done. Then,in six months or a year or whenever i feel i need a spiritual cleansing,come back. I cannot even imagine how great my fall will be as this new me.
-how great my skin is looking
-weight going down from how big i got in late june from this healing work that made me eat more then crave bad foods
-vegan food
-all the fun things there are to do and explore
-my meditation i did last night
-being comfortable going shopping again last night
-openness
-seeing things work out when you surrender,and let go of how you think things should go
-fascination with life
-cats
-getting clean with my diet again
-feeling my feelings
-being patient with myself and strong
-the actions i've been taking to go with the limiting block clearing
-noticing how for real i am changing

[buttercup]

-stylish chill out music that makes me feel feelings of wanderlust,and ready for new and that has spiritual undertones to it. love that spirituality, like art,is everywhere
-vegan chocolate
-hot tea
-inspiration
-taking me time
-face massage and scalp massage
-reminding myself who i want to be
-signs
-adjusting to the bedroom and embracing it and the brilliant idea i have about living room that would make me so happy and accomplish several things i've wanted. it feels so good to be me,to be a nonconformist and eccentric type.i never set out to be this either,it just happened. getting excited and emailing inspiration links and pics about my idea
-my bed
-minimalism
-darkness
-how peaceful it is right now
-exotic things like ideas,food,concepts,sounds and so on.
-nightskies
-sportsbras
-my hair
-being easy on myself for up and down moodiness and knowing it's just a spiritual cleansing and things will get adjusted as i detox and my new life is being rearranged
-pronoia becoming more and more my natural subconscious and conscious thinking
-bohemianism and how good life feels when you strip away society's limits on you,and how reality ends up being and changing to that!
-interesting dreams to reflect on
-reflecting on life in the last few years and life while living here and what it'll be like in the new apartment and how it'll change
-my beautiful transitioned loved one and how around she seems to have been. i was upset and emotional tonight and best friend pointed out there was a ladybug right by me or on me(don't remember) and said it was her. it felt like a moment. a profound moment
-the cat im caring for sleeping with me last night and how cute that was
-finding out the info i wanted today and making a decision on that
-finding out stuff can start being moved in two days earlier then agreed
-having a goal/a vision for myself to focus on for the next bit of time that is my solace through the pain of how i let this year not be the best because of E.
-cool events out there and things to do that are just my style
-knowing i'm changing and becoming new and how amazing that feels
-surrender
-softness
-life starting to finally feel different and starting to have an authentic vision of who i'm becoming
-potatoes. so good. my favorite food and so healthy
-letting go of how i think life should go,and letting what's best for me manifest
-getting a little work done today,even if not as much as i wanted. i trust all is well. wow,it's getting so much better,and better to trust authentically that it's all good and will all work and pronoia. love it.
-carrot juice
-art
-spirituality
-style
-stretches
-beauty
-my interests and things i love
-being a woman
-beauty in the breakdown and the beauty of transformation
-dejavu feelings i've been getting
-instagram-
-the continuous feelings i get of something good is about to happen
-freedom
-having only about 3 more weeks until the inner work processes are complete!
-knowing cool and interesting people and living an interesting life
-mercy
-not making a big deal about things,after all,life is not a big deal. it's just a game,a game of stories we are playing out!

[buttercup]

-felines
-beautiful music
-random surges of happiness,just from being
-my creativity with making another fantastic random cake with ingredients in the house this using a half bar of vegan chocolate,cayenne pepper,andvegan marshmallows and how amazing it tasted and how fun it is to use intuition,spontaneity and what's in the house. it's art!
-colors
-going with the flow
-feeling drawn towards the color yellow lately
-the sun
-great weather today
-going tanning today
-making great improvements in limiting block 3 even if not perfect with it. it's a huge block and i know i'll achieve my goal and am making progress
-being a new me
-my bed
-spending time in the bedroom
-mercy
-getting card needed for business trip
-hair clips
-yoga and how great it makes me feel
-finally getting a shipping notice on item i had ordered
-healing massage
-figuring out the right ingredients i want for my moving ritual that i don't HAVE to do,it's not needed,i just want to
-tea
-my creativity
-feeling more feminine just by working on and clearing recent blocks
-feeling new sense of normality with new changes as if i've made progress towards bettering myself even if it's just a tiny thing
-getting better and better with trusting life in all moments and pronoia being my subconscious belief.i love it so much.i'm seeing it at work in so many little things where i just feel calmer and go with the flow and believing divine has better for me when one little stall happens for example
-cleaning bedroom and working on throwing more things out again
-potatoes,my favorite. so good!
-weight being back to normal. so grateful
-being at a relaxed mode of accomplishing and becoming new knowing to clear the last two blocks,it has to be natural to be real
-all the simple pleasures in life
-people out of the blue reaching out to me to ask how am i
-a random request on a social media site from a friend who knows E,in fact,we all three met that same weekend and hung out and it was so great. so odd he requested me actually. though,that site particularly i believe adds sometimes anyone in email contacts and we did email before however even still it is odd. we had stopped speaking for reasons and E had told me he only hung out with him like twice
-life's stories and how interesting they are
-appreciation and my love of art and creation and things interesting..even asking a friend to turn a song up for a few seconds because the beat was so interesting to me. it's interesting i never used to be a sound and music person growing up until my spiritual awakening.i used to be more of a movies/film person. love how life changes us. or,like how i used to be someone who couldn't eat anything spicy and liked very mild and now i love spicy foods. it's amazing to me how much people transform.
-how much life has blossomed and bloomed .i can feel things unfolding and the true nature of reality permeating my cells
-calmness

[buttercup]

where i'm at right now
-had a breakdown today and had the scissors by me to cut myself after the pain. things go wrong,and it is so so unbelievably hard to get past the third limiting block. already in last few days,i broke it at least twice. i mean,on a day to day basis i'm doing better and being aware,keeping it in my head what to do,but when something goes wrong,i don't stick to it and feel awful. but isn't it normal to have ugly fights with people where you criticize them? i am so lost. the first two limiting blocks were such easy baby steps and i've kept up with so easily but these 3 and 4 are so much harder that it overwhelms me especially with how hectic life is at the moment but there's no going back either with it being revealed to me to clear them create more of what i desire. the good side is,with limiting block 1 i'd cleared came in with pronoia being my natural new subconscious backer as i seen what sent me spiraling down as perhaps happening to create so and so thing i went and did.i just hated being backtracked with how nervous i am and how hectic things are. it made me crazy but on the money front,it really made sense seeing that i wasn't in alignment with one form of money,and this perhaps happened to get me on track sooner with something i wanted anyways. pronoia is the way. surrendering to seeing my being backtracked and not getting what i wanted happened for a reason. and pronoia helped me yesterday,too.
-after someone picked up the wrong item for me yesterday which made so little sense that they clearly didn't listen to me at all that it hurt,and i went back to limiting block number 3,i later o nrealized that the final things picked up actually were perfect after they went back and got the different items and i had the extra item picked up.i had wanted these certain items,they thought from not listening i wanted something i said before but changed my mind on,i ended up getting an extra item that was perfect because that place didn't have the wrong item they seeked and shop owner suggested them something else they chose,and an even better version of another item also got picked up at another place.i had been fearful of snakes lately worrying about them showing up and the first random thing not on my list that they got instead apparently repels them they didnt know this and i googled it and found that out,that that's a primary purpose of that herb and cats love the herb too! so i can now feel more content with my paranoia because by pronoia i have something i didnt ask for that repels them. then,i got the items i did ask for to do the ritual iwanted and i even got a better version of the tea i had asked for,which had vanilla in it as well,and is in a pretty packaging and pretty tea bags that are unique. so i burned the first incense and then later did my first day of the ritual which just felt so perfect with the items i had and how i decided to do it.i used unlock incense and brought out transitioned loved one's picture,and drank the dandelion tea,and blew bubbles and wrote my positive intentions for blessings and a clear path for me and several others for moving to new place. it was my moving ritual i did and it was just perfect and it made me feel much better and more secure about moving after i did it. the universe is so funny and surrender and pronoia is so amazing.
-seeing how easy it is to change your reality by tweaking certain things to change patterns and this is so much easier then positive thinking your life away
-my clothes feeling looser despite not getting in a workout for two days
-tank tops and camisoles
-deciding that a spiritual goal of mine is to focus more on the body since i've usually not done that and focus more on energy. from what i've learned lately,so much energy is stored and memorized in the body and it seems a great way to become more grounded and clear resistances and create change is to focus more on the body such as with massage,and physical exercise,yoga,etc
-accepting logic and painful truth of others and being ok with it
-being able to eat my favorite foods and not gain weight
-potatoes
-doing some work yesterday on new project
-my bed
-deciding to cancel meetups this weekend to focus on moving and since i wasnt feeling in alignment with going
-hearing my dress arrived today
-that i get to start moving in two days
-music
-art
-chill out time
-openness
-ease
-my beauty
-my creativity
-my expression of self
-having a goal to focus my pain on as a release from it,and solace
-that i can get rid of the big couch to create the living room i want
-cats
-water
-spirituality
-the elements
-entertainment
-the internet
-my eyebrows
-my hair
-feeling more brave in some ways
-feeling ready to walk towards some things i had stepped away from for awhile
-taking honest look at my darkness so i can grow
-seeing i have changed and am changing since the june work,in the little things i am different and am seeing results here and there
-seeing things to take care of to work on and get done so i can be better
-sleep
-night skies
-hair clips
-massage
-seeing beauty in the breakdown
-becoming more and more of who i really am
-that i will now own less things once i move and embrace even more minimalism and how great that feels

[buttercup]

-taking a harsh,logical look at something the other day which aided in letting go and being ok with it. i guess my sense coming to me.
-the wonderful dandelion tea
-my moving ritual
-summertime style
-sounds of the outside such as birds,crickets,trains,and so on. love it. so peaceful.
-interesting information i came across about the body and spirit connection
-vegan pizza
-that i am changing and transforming
-my mom's phone being back on
-tank tops and camisoles
-ideas to help with goals
-art and creation
-surrendering to timing and feeling no rush
-all the wonderful external changes being made as well
-release. my power word of the day/week/month however long i use it.
-instagram
-books
-water
-getting back on track with some things getting done
-an amazing talented business partner
-shorts have been fitting looser consistently!
-patience
-my hair
-my skin
-my face
-my beauty
-my courage
-spirituality
-healing
-detox and seeing possible symptoms of my body detoxing spirtually
-hope
-calmness
-seeing big dreams that seemed a far off possibility now being something that can happen reasonably soon
-doing my meditation today and how good it felt

[buttercup]

somehow keep having not enough time to exercise.i will have to get my time management skills back on track soon.
-after another upset,having a breakthrough come through,it's actually been several of these lately so i think it's connected to the block work i've been doing. this time,it came to me that i do not have ------- because if i did,how did i do those super fearless things most people even without that,wouldn't be able to do.i can do certain things,in fact,i just have several other,more manageable blocks that get in the way and do not have that. and,by believing i do any longer,just keeps me in fact crippled. i believe all these years i've managed to make my situation worse by terming it,and the proof showed me i'm not just amazingly brave,though i am brave,i just not have that particular issue,and thinking i do or believing it,was a block. it must've been associated with 3&4. it's so funny,i so naturally just said i had this,as it was a truth,and it explained things,but damn it just made things worse,and now taking a honest look at me,it's not serving me. so nice to free myself from that. it honestly reminds me of that tony robbins video of curing the guy with the stutter in under 10 minutes of whatever it was. clearing any block,can be done right away,unless your blocking the block which i do admit i've been doing a bit of for 3&4 because of overwhelment. to heal a block is a matter of epiphany or an emotional healing. that's all it is. when you truly have the epiphany or truly heal the emotional thing related,you heal the problem and transform!
-in my hard look at myself being able to admit something i couldn't see before to someone
-the breakthroughs coming from the breakdowns
-my book coming in the mail today
-getting thing removed that i accidentally got signed up for which angered me
-seeing super amazing ticket deals that were jaw dropping and miraculous. this pronoia stuff is becoming more and more common..i've not seen deals that good in years
-being easy on myself
-doing some writing in my notebook about who i am becoming and what i am changing into and things to do
-water
-getting kitchen cleaned
-mercy
-empathy
-believing in and trusting who i'm becoming
-the possibilities feeling expanded and nearer to me then ever
-fashion
-lace

[buttercup]

-changing my mind about trip decision and knowing i made the right decision because i felt so excited for so much longer then previous decision and feel this is heart decision whereas before was an ego decison
-vegan food
-getting whitebedsheets for the mattress
-acceptance
-being easy on myself
-inspiration
-colors
-my style
-how friendly the neighbors have been and that i'll actually miss them and this apartment. this apartment really was quite lovely,my favorite apartment so far.
-getting shopping done today
-how beautiful the sky was today at night and the moon
-pronoia and seeing more and more how much the universe is really on my side,and little wow things keep happening and things that just seem so supportive and friendly from life
-how cool looking the little block and side of apartment looks in new place. i love the hill and being right by the train and the sounds of the train and just how cool that little area looks and want to take a picture of the train and hill as it looks photographically cool
-how beautiful i am
-my hair
-my face
-my body
-soda pop
-summertime
-mercy
-acknoweldgement
-relaxing
-getting things moved into new apartment
-water
-pushing myself to become free and not overthink

[buttercup]

-finally knowing how to make great tasting vegan pizzas
-getting more stuff moved into new place and getting more grounded into the new place and letting go of the old place
-rituals
-hairclips
-inspiring people and inspiring vlogs that really help me and inspire me and resonate with me
-my hair
-my face
-going for a nice little drive tonight and how beautiful the sky was
-my body
-feeling a shift in psychic energy from E which is odd and having a dream with him in it this morning.so odd. i feel reminded that perhaps,yes we should let go and not be obsessive,but that it's ok and maybe should even be encouraged to embrace the mysterious connections we have with one another and the unspoken aspects and to go ahead and ponder the odd things and tune in a little. it just seems natural.
-and on the above note,a friends mom who has psychic dreams sometimes that come true told my friend she dreamt of me having hard times(inner struggles) and asked him if i was doing ok. and,i had been having hard times,so that was interesting and very random..as i don't think of her at all. it showed me how connected we all are.
-money now being even more secure instead of having to wait for security deposit,since it came early in a sense
-being easy on myself
-summertime style
-how excited i am for trip later in the year
-milder weather today
-colors
-having time for a workout before bed
-how nice and welcoming new neighbors seem and how much of a community the area seems,and safer
-all the money that will saved from living in this new place
-the feeling something amazing is near
-style and fashion and cool clothes
-the shift in psychic energy with E i feel. it's actually kind of interesting
-being child like
-all the dejavu lately
-signs
-feeling that amazing feeling that of divine timing ,it's so weird things i said i'd do at so and so time,and now it's almost so and so time and i feel almost ready for it,for the first time and closer to it,and like it'd be easy whereas before it seemed like it'd take a lot to do. it's so bizarre and interesting.
-my beauty
-acceptance
-no longer believing in regret anymore
-feeling the shift while moving that i'm moving through the hectic and that things are shifting into a new phase and out of the hectic
-how amazingly surreal and storybook like life feels,i'm constantly in awe of moments that feel like i'm in a storybook on a daily basis
-having a photographic eye
-how healthy my teeth are
-my book i gotand all the little cool drawings in it and profound statements i've taken pics of
-how easier and easier it's feeling to live in pronoia and surrender.i used to do this,on a temporary basis but now it's becoming more like a natural and consistent way of being. i love it
-calmness
-getting a really cool picture of the cat today that is so funny looking and eerie with how his eyes look and the way he's posed hanging out behind a frame
-expansion
-how natural and great everything feels now. no more pining for this/that or being indecisive about this/that.
-how hard my nails are
-hearing best friend talk about crazy desires he wants to possibly do. it's unlike him to be that way so it makes me happy to hear him desire.

[buttercup]

-checking my calender and finding out i'm almost due for monthly thing so am just pms-ing which is a relief as i was feeling sadness about leaving apartment because new place is such a downgrade,and i felt such a wonderful high vibe when i first moved here and new place is worst place i've lived in and hoping i didn't make a mistake with my decisions because of other's mistakes. also found myself feeling very jealous of a friend,and lately feeling like everyone is living cool experiences and all i did was discover an amazing book and eliminate a limiting belief and acknowledge other blocks. i am grateful because pms tells me this is normal. it's just annoying every time right before i tend to be more likely to manifest negative feelings and experiences. i'm not happy with my new place,i am not happy that it's because of someone else's mistakes i have this now and am just hoping the saved money from a cheaper place,and new blocks that are safer willl be of benefit along with train being a few blocks away. one relief is realizing as high vibe as this place is,it also is the one place i feel like hardly anything happened in my life,and i hardly went out in compared to other apartments. an apartment can rarely be that bad anyways,it just hurts to have goals and tell them out loud to others,and now this. it makes me feel foolish and on top of that all the energy put into looking just to only move a few minutes away and i still haven't gotten the apology i seeked.i feel so emotional with how much i'm going to miss my secluded porch but remind myself that after someone tried to break in,i didn't feel as safe anymore and that again,though i like the high vibe here,i had the least social life of any place i've ever lived. i'm even starting to feel like a "granny" these days. i drink tea a lot,i'm really into trying to detox and spiritually heal,and have not had a night out in forever,and spend my energies thinking about nutrition and things like getting a stationary bike and going for walks to be less sedentary. i just feel like such a "granny." I need to change my interests and have more fun again. i told myself i'd stop being so into vegan vlogs and such and still haven't cut back simply because of habit so i need to do that. i'm too young and not in alignment or ready to be so obsessed with things like nutrition and tea. It's like this meetup that seemed interesting to me that was a 4 mile walk from a vegan no oil group..well all the attendees looked much older then me! Nothing wrong with that,but it made me see that maybe my interests are too mature and i even my fitness interests some of them are too mature. since last year,i got so into vegan vlogs and vegan community and it's not made me happier but only more anxious and less fun. I need happier interests while still being vegan so that will be one thing once i move especially,i will focus more on. i just feel so sad,and then think about my interests lately on a daily basis and it's definitely something to alter a bit. my happy place and where i fit in,is my primary career and fashion industry. That's the place that's accepted me the most and I had most success with. Party people is also another area I've felt my happiest in and found people who met my vibe. Watching a vegan vlogger recently,he talked about finding someone who has your interests and it's like exactly..i want someone with my interests..but my interests lately are moreso tea,nutrition,books,and detoxing so yeah,time to change that.
-rituals
-starting the day off on a productive note and how it made my whole day feel more uplifted and more productive. definitely should try that more often
-thinking thoughts before bed about happiness is a habit and to practice motivation all the time or i'm no different then the average person and will achieve no more then them.
-summertime
-my creativity
-cool colors. for some reason in summer,i am so drawn to neons,particulary neon green. it is such a healing color.
-nightskies
-delicious vegan food i love and how much joy and pride i have in food now
-how active i was today naturally just from moving and things and how i am so tired from it and got a great workout
-a great workout last night
-my body
-how tight and toned my body is
-my body's flexibility,it's ability to move,physical movement and being able to move my limbs and how amazing that is just to be able to literally MOVE from being able to move my fingers to type this,to stretching my legs to walk,i am so grateful for the gift of movement
-frankincense oil
-the lemongrass incense.i get a really nice vibe from that one.
-scalp massages
-the universe being on my side.i had wanted to get a day at a sauna pass or go to a sauna at a gym but was still thinking about it and then came across on discount site they were selling passes to one of the ones i seen for almost half off and on top of that the site was having a beauty and spa deal for two days so it was another 20% off so got the pass for super cheap. it felt so loving of the universe to bring this to me. i remember in surrendered moments in life in the past,few years ago,i'd have things like this happen alot and manifest amazing miracles because of it,and felt this way of life was true nature of reality so i am so happy to have another name for this "pronoia" and to apply it to my life as a way of thinking and being. it's not that hard unlike other spiritual/self help concepts.i think the key to it's ease is also in it's ambiguity. you just believe continuously this is happening for the best and that the universe is in your favor and conspiring to show you with blessings instead of getting specific on certain things and using control and will. it's a more feminine way to master the universe as well. i really like the openness of this way of being.
-the book i've been reading
-that a new month is near and how exciting that will be and to finally let go of this month which has been hectic and a blur. I have not had a pleasurable month since February. I've had moments that felt good,of course,but not really fun,desire manifested type month. It's a shame because that as when me and E kissed and since then,life's been more dull. Other people who've liked me have not excited me very much at all and i've not manifested any new friends or any super fun social experiences. Perhaps August will be fun. Aspects of my life feel lost,and i'm sure from june and such parts of life are corroding to reconstruct and shift my life into something new.
-finding out information for errands to get done
-getting a little bit of work and errands done
-my beauty
-my hair
-how great i'm looking lately or either that how much i'm appreciating my looks lately
-to just tune into my feelings

[buttercup]

-pronoia.i love it. it has changed my life without even having to say it,just having made it part of me has allowed it manifest on a more normal basis as it becomes more and more who i am. today,someone went to get me coffee and the brand was out of the mocha flavor i love and i was worried they'd end up just getting the brands almond milk not the coffee and instead they came back with their double espresso flavor which i didn't know they had and was PERFECT as it's such a busy week and i feel tired and weak and had been thinking i do love this coffee brand but just feel the coffee itself is weak caffeine so this was amazing and so pronoia to me. and,it tasted great and boosted my mood so much.i love coffee so much.
-coffee
-expressing my creativity with another cake that this time i considered a summer cleansing cake because i intuively decided to add watermelon which is great for spiritual cleansing and newness and used mountain dew to replace oil and eggs and will use mango frosting to frost it later. such a fun,summery cake perfect for late,last days of july
-the computer im using
-music
-great clothes and fashion and style that are fun
-feeling comfortable and in a peaceful mood
-embracing the crazy,more bohemian aspects of my personality
-a vision for how i want my beauty/style and interests to evolve
-my phone
-fans
-getting more stuff moved out
-getting some work done
-my beauty and feeling more physically confident and like i look more radiant and attractive
-something coming in for new project that looks great and is a success so now can continue on with that for project 1 of new venture. very exciting this came in and am very grateful. as soon as am all moved in,will be ready to embrace my entrepreneur side more.
-my meditation last night,and that the processes session i am doing is almost finished as it's so intense and time consuming. it took over an hour last night! but,i felt like a different person afterwards which joe dispenza says is key when you meditate. the sessions will get shorter again after august 1 as i will then only focus on 3 and 4 since the 2nd is completely gone and healed now.
-all the ideas that come to me in my meditation and insights to help me along.
-that all is well,that all is perfect
-feeling better today,the sting of jealousy is still there if i think of one thing with old friend but for now am just going to not think about it.i will have more free time by the weekend.
-my teeth and how healthy they are and how nice and hard and strong they are
-how easy changing reality is when you don't make it so hard
-laundry being done
-how easy once being moved in,it will be easy to lop off certain areas of life i focus on,to then focus on other new things iwish to align with. perhaps certain things i wanted to do and thought about but didn't do,will come about once here,and that will be the right time.
-smiling
-how great it is to be in the beginning of moving away from those who didn't appreciate me
-my late summer/autumn comeback. that will be my season.i can just feel it.
-sportsbras for keeping me comfortable
-reflection
-the newness to come
-the month of august and how great it will be
-my vision
-how looking back at things,they tend to look perfect
-colors
-water
-using this next year to really self improve and better myself in a faster way

[buttercup]

-everything almost being out of the apartment
-feeling more accepting and ready for the new apartment
-going with the flow and tuning into my body wanting to be more lazy and feeling nurturing and mushy type feelings because it's almost time for time of the month anyday now
-going on my porch at 5 am last night because i realized not once did i watch the sunrise on that porch.i didn't watch the sunrise that time either,but i enjoyed the cerulean colors of the sky and being out there at that time of day having never done it and left before sun did actually come up.
-in being way too hot to do anything last night,i ended up reflecting and feeling an insane wave of nostalgia for the early days of my primary career and having epiphanies about that's where my joy is but also knowing industry has changed so much since then. part of it makes me feel old as in that was a time,a time of innocence and youth. sometimes i feel like J .who was the root of some of the blocks i've been clearing since ,was the last time i felt truly young and like a ----- that was 2012. and that's been the bulk of what came to me to heal. and,so maybe it's perfect timing,all of this. i look at the other girls doing what i've done,and guys,and the path changed so much for us all. some don't do it anymore,some experienced a lot of success and now live elsewhere,some are living where i do,but the one thing in common is we all look just a little bit older,and like we grew up. admittedly,that's the part that makes me sad.i miss the rush of doing those jobs,and feeling glamorous. that's my happy place,even if it can't be exactly the way it was.i've said before i'll focus more on this,but then didn't really in the past,so what's different now? i think i knew there was blocks before with that. and i have a desire to break through those blocks and explore now. it's crazy this happens on a full moon,too. because i had this wave of E stuff on an full moon and had wondered if it made it truth or delusion but now that this comes up,i feel it's truth. full moons always sooth me and seem to tell me things like good things and that it'll be ok,but then some things don't come true so it's made me wonder. i can't help but feel to trust the wisdom that comes to me during the full moon even if it lets me down because it always feels so right
-signs
-vegan pizzas and all the yummy vegan foods i get to eat
-removing myself from several vegan meetup groups in the last few days
-ideas about what i'm capable of and possible later future desires. the full moon is powerful!
-nighttime
-night skies
-the moon
-my book i've been getting more and more into
-feeling comfortable and calm and how relaxed i felt all day,and not at all in a rush
-espresso coffee!
-dandelion tea
-rituals
-the weather seeming not as hot today. was alot more comfortable today!
-the quiet
-getting some work done
-laying down
-my teeth and how healthy they are
-being able to look in the mirror today and think i look really beautiful,and loving my features,my ears,and my teeth,and my eyes,hair,skin and all.i look beautiful. i am feeling so much more beautiful lately.
-seeing how great cover of new project looked
-waking up to seeing the cat sleeping with me and how cute that was.
-calling bank back today
-how great of a feeling i have about things and that once i'm moved in,and in august and september,things are going to get really good.
-flip flops
-time seeming to be on my side today
-patience
-inspiration
-creativity
-positive change
-feeling like all is well in the moment,and going as it should which is so crazy considering..everything!
-all the dejavu lately,particularly in the new place. it's very weird. why do i get that in some places,but not others..the place i'm in now,i didnt have much.
-how in letting go in my heart of certain things such as L,A the ex ,A the ex crush,and E,and all the other things i've let go of that i focused my energy on,i finally can see my future a little,and clarity,and what i want,and change.it makes so much sense but we forget it..life can't give us new and what we desire if we keep holding onto things and trying to manage them in our minds to go the way we think we want,because our minds will try to do that via what is familiar and it's in the unexpected,something brilliant happens,and change occurs which is why letting go is so very powerful. also so grateful for joseph dispenza for explaining letting go in a new way that is easier to apply vs my old understanding of it
-feeling determined to "create" magic in my life. and by create i mean allow. i feel such a feeling of aliveness right now and see that the key to magic and feeling young and invincible is to just let go and let yourself see something new. even if at first you can't,focus a little more,and you'll step forward. magic can't come,or is limited when you hold on and think/expect things to go this one certain way. it is truly in the letting go that creates the magic! it is truly in the letting go that virtually all miracles have manifested in my life,and feelings of aliveness and invincibility..and all that is,is surrendering to new,and things going the way you think they should go.i claim to love the magic and miracles so much,and yet have blocked it so much this year. and this year feels like it sped by and was a blur,and like i was just in a jar most of this time
-trusting so much in divine timing
-feeling last night like something is culminating.

[buttercup]

-music
-getting email and call from bank to find out the issue and what next step is
-being nice and slim today
-feeling cleansed and well today
-having healthy,great looking teeth
-colors
-buying a massage reflexology deal which i've been wanting for a bit
-finding out who my mom's best friend was that transitioned. it was the dog she had hid from some people that she had because she thought some wouldn't approve. i broke into tears hearing the dog passed on. she was surprised i was so emotional,but animal stories always get me ever since last year.
-my style
-feeling free
-almost everything being out of apartment
-neighbor is going to help roommate with big couch being moved out
-roommate making call to switch out things such as internet to new place
-doing some reading of my book today and how enjoyable books are
-the sun and how great it is and how great it looks streaking into house
-feeling very positive and abundant and accepting of new place
-that last night it cooled down so much,i actually almost wanted to put on a sweater
-espresso coffee
-remembering A,not the ex but someone else and esoteric and spiritual connections with others and profound spiritual serendipity and feeling rememberance and appreciation that,that story is definitely not finished in this lifetime,and that in my higher vibe and clearing out resistances that he does like me,and feels something towards me
-my beauty
-my ideas
-my desires
-feeling calm and not in a rush
-the feelings of late summer and feeling very in the moment of life and things
-newness and growth
-feeling happy and inner happiness not dependent on others and like something good and amazing is just around the corner,that a miracle can happen at any moment,and like i want to dance,and being able to actually imagine and believe in things that felt fogged for awhile and being happy without needing it to happen,yet happy with a knowing it can and will. like this moment right here,i'm in the vortex. it just came unexpectedly. i feel very happy,i feel very in the moment,not needing anything else,and like i can be happy even if it never comes,,able to imagine many possibilities for the joy of it,and a knowing that certain things will manifest and can manifest with ease. that right there,the vortex. so good. the last time i felt in the vortex that i remember was early june. it was a mundane moment like this feeling happy like this,but different,because all moments are different,but not needing anything to be happy but just "knowing" and i manifested a mini manifestation of E texting me. Had i stayed in the vortex longer,more would've manifested i'm sure,but all is well and perfect as is,and i'm not needing or expecting E to text now,just am reflecting on a recent,short in the vortex moment. That happiness of life,just wanting to dance. Free heart. I am happy. I am knowing. It takes a higher consciousness to be at this level,that's one thing i'm starting to recognize now..that a lower vibe makes it harder to have this sort of intellect,it takes going higher to have this "sight."
-metaphysics
-great news articles i come across
-getting my monthly time today,and how great that is
-great insights that came to me before and after my meditation last night..such as it's time to stop focusing on an apartment so much for two years i've been focused on a perfect apartment as a measure of positive growth and the thoughts that i'm fine as i am,since new to being on my own,but i'm no longer new to being on my own,and i no longer wish to consider an apartment as a measure of my growth and the fact that this next apartment is such a minor move,and the biggest downgrade since being on my own i think is the perfect example,lesson of that..that it's time to let go of trying to move into better apartments each move,or otherwise i'm not growing and instead focus on other things and free up my energy to think about how am i becoming more independent,and better in other ways,improving my finances,etc,etc. I feel so good about this,it feels so right,and just watch..wouldn't be surprised if next apartment ends up being a super pricey high rise with a pool right downtown simply because i let go of using apartments as a measure of my growth. I just feel so grateful and accepting
-being young
-being me
-the moon
-finding out eclipse season is actually september this year coming up which is interesting
-feeling ready for new

[buttercup]

-being all moved in
-recuperating after a rough 24 hours
-how beautiful,hard,and healthy my teeth are
-that the cat is feeling better
-reflecting on the surreality of life
-feeling my feelings. tonight,felt like crying thinking about E and how he was to me. all i wanted was to still be friends and i told him that back then,and he does this to me. it feels like betrayal and i have to be honest and look at things logically. after i didn't go to his thing after we kissed,he disappeared. he seemed to come back in randomly finally in may,and i thought it'd be ok,but then disappeared. it just hurts,because looking at the facts,it's like he said well we can't be more,then we can't be friends.
-water
-good books and the amazing one i'm currently reading
-inspiration
-remembering happiness is a habit to keep on cultivating. happy people don't just wait for happiness or have "luck." It's something they cultivate. They don't complain so much,and they do certain things that happy people do. Remembering that happiness is a habit is very helpful to me
-getting front room settled and most of kitchen
-that best friend is amazingly strong
-how peaceful this place was in the daytime
-seeing pronoia in the little things that makes life seem to flow more
-reminding myself consistently about magic moments and that I create my reality
-the internet
-making a grocery list
-deciding that i want to start doing green smoothies regularly and it's something i'm willing to do;to incorporate more greens into my diet.i hesitated before for various reasons and though i'm trying to stop being so "food obsessed" this feels like something i want to do and aligns with my desires and who i want to be. it's also funny because back when i first became vegan a year ago,it seemed there was a certain ideal of how to eat that seemed difficult to do,but at this point,i'm pretty much there just by following my own inner guidance and doing things in steps so it's kind of funny.
-seeing nostalgia realistically. got hit with a feeling of almost wanting D from last fall back but then realized,it doesn't mean anything,i am just appreciating a time,the good aspects of it and that it was a time of newness and that I had things then I don't feel i have now. so,i think i miss having someone to focus on that makes me forget other things in a sense.
-being in the mood for loving myself and doing spa things,good food,and healing,fitness and yoga,and meditation and beauty stuff
-feeling ready for certain things now. like my cells are primed to let go of certain things and become new
-cool mobile photo apps
-feeling more beautiful
-being able to tune in that certain things,i do feel lost about
-love
-mercy
-all the abundance
-appreciation
-my bed
-being a woman
-coming back to myself more and more
-being different now

[buttercup]

-burning sage to cleanse the apartment of negative energy
-carrot juice
-going shopping today
-getting new fans and a full length mirror
-my book to inspire me i've been reading
-looking skinny today and how seeing that at the store in the bathroom mirror instantly made me smile and put me in a better mood. i looked young,and beautiful,and thin and sexy. amazing what looking just slightly thinner does for me.
-my workout capri pants
-my style
-sleep
-the apartment finally looking like home. interesting how once all stuff is moved out of a place it no longer looks like yours and once stuff is moved in,it quickly starts to. all it takes for a place to look like home is a couple of your items,truly. and your energy
-focusing on how i am changing and will change when getting pangs of emotional sadness and hurt
-how healthy and beautiful and hard my teeth are
-my bed
-having internet to use
-candy
-laughing at life
-a snack waiting for me when i awoke
-how beautiful it was outside at night today
-affirmation
-kitchen being settled now
-focusing on feeling good and loving myself and the things i want to do to feel better such as go to the spa,drink green smoothies,get back on a workout schedule again,get a stationary bike
-reminding myself what i am even if i don't always feel like it
-showers and how great it felt last night to shower before bed
-relaxing
-reminding myself i create my reality,and i can rewrite my stories at any time,and alter the parts i'm not liking.
-taking things one thing at a time and going with the flow
-that i have a new notebook and think i will do some affirmation writing tonight before bed as spiritual exercise since it's been days since i've done one,and it feels like it'd be helpful
-that i am changing my life
-lipbalms
-that i am better then i think i am
-mercy

[buttercup]

-a good day
-this wonderful green shake i started making yesterday which is like magic.i can feel it working.it includes almond milk,kale,parsley,cayenne pepper,and banana. as i drink it,i feel my body craving what's inside of it and healing me
-how amazing i looked today. i looked like i dropped years off my face.i looked thinner,my cheekbones higher,my eyes brighter,my skin glowy
-getting the air conditioner today and that it was a gift and works fantastically
-finally feeling settled today
-going to my favorite park today and how good it felt to move and walk,it was like my body craved that
-internet to use right now
-new ideas
-evolving
-appreciation
-cleaning more and getting things more settled and finding my razor so can finally shave since it's been two days which will make me feel more better and back to normal
-getting a facial off discount coupon site for last day of their sale which seemed the perfect deal for me as it includes skin extraction which is what i want. i've been wanting spa and indulgence time.
-finally feeling like this apartment is safe and seeing how next door neighbor even leaves their door open all the time,and someone else always has their motorcycle out,right on the street
-the view of the train passing by in my home through the window
-laughing at the cat and how hilarious and amusing he is
-getting another knot the cat had out of his fur
-the sound of the cars and trains(railroad and public transporation) since being right by the expwy and by the train station and the railroad and how peaceful that is
-finding the spiritual purpose for E,i believe. To break through past barriers i've had for years and inspire me to start traveling more since i've now decided to get my passport in the next month or so.
-how amazing the weather felt today. it was sunny and warm,yet the air felt moist making the weather feel somewhat cool and very pleasant
-the great sleep i had,though i did have bad dreams which i did not like. E gave birthday flowers in a beautiful hot pink color to a girl named E. it was shortly after i realized that's the last name on facebook of the girl he liked before he kissed me. what is my subconscious/psychic self trying to tell me? however,i slept great and woke up feeling nice and cool and going to bed the same way.
-how great it looked outside today,the rain,and the later on after the rain part of the day
-remembering things before bed last night that made me feel great,and gave me direction and calm
-how great and healthy and hard my teeth are
-how amazing the book i'm reading is

[buttercup]

-tofu
-coffee
-getting internet hooked up today in new place
-getting asked out today by guy who installed internet. it was very awkward and made me feel a little weird. I was groggy-faced,messy hair,and in oversized 80's videogame t-shirt and workout capris and didn't expect it all but it was flattering that even like that to get hit on and asked out. my looks have really been improving since the healing work i started in june. and,it was also interesting because before bed i said to the universe to align me with either someone in the past,or someone new that is just right for me as a interest,and then this happens randomly. i don't have an interest in this person,it just made me wonder if that was the universe getting to work.
-randomly just now seeing J in my recommended people to connect with on linked in list. very weird as we've never emailed so it couldn't be because of email contacts. though,i do have two of his linkedin friends in my list so perhaps that is why,or he viewed my profile. not sure. just seemed an odd little serendipity,perhaps.
-how cute the cat is. how he comes up to me when someone is over as if to ask if everything is ok,and other cute things he does
-how beautiful i have become lately
-how amazing my body is becoming. the body flaws are disappearing. the inner work and then being led to my special green shake concoction has been working wonders...and i even haven't worked out much at all in the last two days besides and had a spoonful of cake frosting last night which is usually a food i need to monitor i have.
-my creativity
-colors
-sportsbras
-feeling feminine and attractive
-getting more cleared out in the place and a path starting to show in the room that is a mess
-how amazingly hard and strong and beautiful my teeth are
-inspiration and ideas
-an amazing journaling session last night before bed that ended up taking about 10 pages! I can be quite the writer.
-feeling clean
-water
-vegan food and a clean diet
-meditating today for the first time since moving. felt so good to "exercise" my spirit.
-weather being more mild today
-feeling in relatively good mood today
-ideas and a bit of a path for what's to come for me
-simplifying
-finding more stuff to feel more settled in place such as my headphones,and the shampoo and conditioner.
-hope
-positive knowing
-feeling empowered in my reality
-feeling feminine
-sleep
-calmness
-slowing down and staying in the moment
-feeling trusting of life
-abundance
-positive news articles i came across today
-feeling powerful
-remembering miracles
-mercy
-knowing who i want to be and becoming more and more in alignment and trust in who i want to become,and that i am it,and becoming it more
-goals

[buttercup]

-green smoothies
-my amazing healing green smoothie recipe
-more things getting done
-calming down
-meditating today
-inspiration
-showers and how relaxing and good they feel
-the amazing benefits i'm seeing from green smoothies
-feeling in my cells i changed and shifted with block number 3 today. it's amazing timing. everytime i finish with one block,shortly after the other feels ready to be completed,like it's done,it's cleared now.i've been doing several blocks at once so am very happy that even altering it that way is having things work with feeling ready to move on from each block after the time spent on it,one at a time.
-feeling very feminine
-feeling very inspired and beautiful and ready for newness
-the room being emptied out now and only having the bikes in there and dresser now. it makes me feel more settled and better
-feeling i really need to throw more things out and that it's time and will help me grow
-focusing more on beauty again.
-stretches and how good they feel
-feeling more confident about future things getting done that i was nervous about
-getting that feeling that it's going to be an amazing autumn filled with fun.
-how amazing and healthy and strong my teeth are
-how beautiful my hair is
-how much softer my energy is becoming
-sleep
-espresso
-ice cold water and how amazing it tastes,ice cold water is my new favorite beverage right now
-having a place to live
-finding the things that work for me
-great books
-the sound of the trains going by
-feeling more relaxed about things and confident
-starting to feel more caught up with life and like things are as they should be and feeling in the moment of life and the month of august
-smiling

[buttercup]

-kale
-vitamin k
-how slimmed out i'm getting and detoxed and flaws going away. i feel so much more confident in my appearance. and,i haven't had an actual workout in about a week! i will finally today,though.
-my eyeglasses
-the internet
-feeling in a good mood today
-feeling like i have more time today
-getting great news that makes me feel finally i'm moving along with things of finding out my bank account is now open and checks and card is on the way. and getting a piece of mail yesterday randomly that i was able to use to send them proof of address. so great and makes me feel more calm about things now.
-the white bedsheet and how zen and classy it looks
-great books and how amazing this book is i'm reading
-ice cold water
-feeling more confident in creating new desires as if i'm in a blank canvas space now from purging spiritually and doing the inner work
-great music i discover
-sportsbras
-pronoia and how amazing it finding all these little deals and things as if leading me to do things i want to do or find information i've been looking for. like little miracles.so great.
-inspiration
-my body
-now that that room is cleared,feeling calmer,more settled,and able to take on other things and have more time.
-my face
-optimism
-smiling
-sportsbras
-stylish fitness wear
-style
-newfound confidence in achieving things
-living next to the the railroad and public transit trains and how peaceful they sound
-the airconditioner
-mercy
-healing
-being in a state and priming myself for newness
-wanderlust
-how amazing and healthy my teeth are
-fascination with life
-deciding instead of strict making things happen to instead let some things sort of change naturally so i'm not fighting against resistances
-the amazing inner shift feeling during meditation that tells you something is "done."
-feeling empowered
-embracing the mystery
-new things to do and try and explore
-play
-awareness and reflection
-being sexy
-appreciation for simple casual moments,such as reading my book on the bed,while listening to house chill out music with the cat laying on the bed beside me
-the feeling that things are going to get really good soon
-appreciation for the moment and trust in it
-clean eating

[buttercup]

-this especially good tibetan singing bowls audio which sounds summery and has nightime crickets sound playing in the background. love it.
-massage
-my beauty
-deciding to join a new online social network last night and already seeing benefits from it
-an interesting experience last night of D popping into my mind as i joined,and plus he popped in the other day and then this morning,he followed me on there. my first follower,and still only one. kind of funny,and very odd. our last time we spoke was in a fight where i then blocked him from a different social network and so now this,so it's kind of weird.
-my style
-sportsbras
-my body
-my bed
-deciding to buy a pedicure
-new ideas of things to help my energy and goals
-feeling in a new chapter and how freeing and new it feels
-great music
-the room being done,and also did the bookshelf today
-interesting experiences
-shedding away layers of myself and becoming new
-water
-feeling good in my feminine energy
-stretches
-facial yoga
-ideas
-awareness when something feels off and altering it
-surrender
-being able to express myself
-freedom
-fascination with life
-the law of attraction
-mercy
-high vibrations
-nice cleansing showers that make me feel good
-how amazing and healthy my teeth are
-that compared to one week ago,things are more moved forward and settled.
-lovely feelings

[buttercup]

-getting all the cat's knots out today! such a sense of accomplishment for them to finally be gone
-someone i worked with in my early day's of my career inviting me to their party. perfect timing!
-the new social media i joined and how great i'm enjoying it and how much easier it is to use one phone
-the internet
-body being nice and slimmed out today and for some reason appetite being supressed
-being admired. :)
-feeling and being more productive today!
-mason jars and putting some of my espresso in it today as i went for a quick trip to the park
-sunshine
-gong for a nice short walk to the park and how energizing it was,
-an amazing workout last night.i exceeded how long i intended to work out for but it felt amazing and made me feel strong again. it is so great to move
-body being very slightly sore today.
-waking up no longer feeling sick.i had a headache and stomach ache and felt so weak yesterday that i even skipped my green smoothie.i think it was detox but today i felt amazing and well again.
-the sense of newness i feel and how amazing that is to carve our something new and not feel stuck
-getting some work done today
-getting closet cleaned,about half way finished right now
-creativity
-feeling back to myself
-things feeling settled
-healing,even the aspects of self we think aren't very important but are just repressed.
-patience
-life truths i keep in mind such as letting yourself get uncomfortable from time to time as a key to change ,etc,etc
-finally getting warm water to work last night and having a more normal shower
-fascination with life and how weird and dream like it is,like today a baby was stuck in a car and best friend and neighbor and the father had to get it out,and did of course. so surreal.
-dancing
-things to look forward to
-watching in awe as things finally start to come and click together.
-great songs to listen to that make you feel feelings
-reflective thoughts that are interesting

[buttercup]

i experienced an epiphany and miracle in one day. so thankful..
-i was in the gas station parking lot. a mundane enough moment recoiling from having canceled something and arguing with someone else and feeling kind of bad but not in the worst mood.oddly enough,it was the same gas station from may that i was in at night,after a drive,like tonight,and back then i had subtle epiphanies at that spot which then led me to that movie that night i randomly watched and then that book which changed me. it was just subtle voice that came out of nowwhere,that told me to stop doing so much spiritual work or stop doing spiritual work something like that.i grasped it right away. it was so odd and simple and automatic,the way it came to me and i after pieced it together as my soul telling me it's time to stop doing so much spiritual work and go out and live. stop waiting to come to some certain place of spiritual contentment before i live,and to just go live now,and take actions. this has actually been a block of mine...feeling like i need to keep reaching a certain point of spiritual contentment before i live. idk when i've become like this,i didn't used to be like this..i used to look forward to the next thing.....and of course healing comes from the things.i need to just go out and take care of what i want,and stop complicating it so much. the happiest people aren't always the most spiritual of people....and a spiritual person or not spiritual person can have spiritual insights come to them at the most mundane of moments,guiding them.
-and....a miracle...idk why i'm primed for being so in tune today..it was a mundane enough day,i didn't feel i was very surrendered or having the hardest of times..or did anything special spiritually...i was home on the internet and just went on facebook for a minute...and came across an interesting article headline from a mainstream site.i didn't think i was in the mood to read but clicked anyways thinking i'd skim it and in the beginning quickly realized what i was coming across and felt an eerie feeling,and a quietness knowing an idea of what i was coming across. it included a picture quote that was serendiptious. it was emotionally moving and i found myself in tears.i had just recently been questioning(like yesterday)if some things i discovered last year that are very advanced spiritually are just too out there,and silly but decided to continue believing. these concepts were very important to deep healing for me last year and so seeing right after i questioned it all,an article about it in a mainstream site that i didn't think i'd see the concept at was shocking to me. it's a random concept that moves me deeply,the concept of time,from an outsider's perspective it seems bizarre. it's very advanced deeper down the rabbit hole stuff,but it has personal significance to me. last year,i got profound serendipity too after discovering these concepts that elaborated the loa to new lengths for me that made so much sense but were deeper then i had known was possible.it let me know i was on the right track with another aspect of this stuff. anything really is possible. anything.i can wake up tomorrow to a miracle! and,the mundane of moments can carry miracles. this was very meaningful to me.considering the law of attraction,which i've never doubted as it's one thing that's always made so much sense to me,we can prime and manipulate reality to manifest ANYTHING and it's amazingly interesting to think of the possibilities. and,WHY do i always forget this? Why does the "amnesia" always happen? i've manifested so many random miracles in my life that were no doubt it was from law of attraction,yet we always seem to forget. it's like we just have to reach deep and high enough to see how ridiculously ok all really is...so many amazing things i can't even find the words to express because it's that out there and abstract. it's like the things deepest and quietest that flicker to us as possibilities are truths.
-my eyeglasses
-the nightskies tonight and getting a good amount of time outside enjoying them
-simplicity
-getting in a workout
-this amazing tibetan singing bowl audio i'm now listening to
-less is more
-simple spirituality
-makeup
-water
-not believing in regrets
-the cat being here and how cool he is,his personality is very intriguing to me
-the quiet
-how good it feels to do "nothing"
-living more west now
-finding out from roommate that neighbor introduced himself and talked to him and mentioned his gf and how interesting that was considering he was the one neighbor that night of moving in i didn't like and got bad vibe about so hearing he introduced himself and mentioned that night was interesting psychically and reassuring that he seemed normal and how much of a community it seems over here compared to the last place. it's tiny here,this area,but everyone seems to know one another,and is very safe seeming.
-how different life feels now compared to a month ago and appreciating it now. that,is now a different chapter.
-feeling settled
-becoming braver again

[buttercup]

-being alive
-following what i'm drawn to;gut instincts
-the internet
-affirmations
-tofu
-coffee
-water
-my funky print pants
-a nicely shaped body
-physical exercise
-being able to move my body
-beauty and breakthroughs in the breakdown and the clarity that comes from them. breaking through major walls and experiencing the truth in that it's darkest before the dawn.
-gratitude
-forgiveness and mercy
-allowing mystery
-patience
-food
-my lavender oil
-lavender tea
-acknowledging real problems and that it's time overcome them
-naps
-being brave
-my persistence
-putting myself out there even though it's scary
-getting my eyebrows threaded today
-support and reassurance
-forgiveness and mercy on others
-my artistic eye
-being a great writer
-knowing my self and what my soul needs
-getting my haircolor refreshed with new tones perfect for autumn
-seeing things clearly now
-great music
-my eyeglasses
-being beautiful
-loving myself and being consistent with it
-doing whats right for me
-taking tough lessons and learning from them
-pronoia
-great books
-lip balms
-social medias
-the swift forceful energy i've been utililizing lately to move into a new direction
-the sun
-an interesting talk that something came out of last night with best friend
-getting my orange quartz so quick and getting a free amethyst with it
-getting my required mails to go renew my state id
-that things are getting done now. all the crazy overwhelment is not only settled and just about complete from july and early august,but i just have a positive and peaceful feeling that i will be changed in a glorious and beautiful way by september
-remembering i create my reality and to focus and alter better!
-ordering a large print of art from my transitioned loved one since i had wanted to do that and create a alter of peace for awhile and thinking the other day will it just be one of those things i never get around to
-realizing i kind of had an alter already at the last place in the window area of the living room,as pictures of her including a large one and framed one were already there,and my favorite little things tend to had been accumluated over there,and i'd regularly have flowers over there...it's kind of wonderful seeing how life works out. it wasn't an official alter,but technically kind of was one without me really trying. life always does work itself out...
-colors
-newness
-realizing in aftermaths of things how silly and overclouded my perceptions had been. it showed me i really needed help and something has changed in me and is wrong with me. my fears had felt so real in the moment. i'm now overcoming this and am so grateful. it had been bubbling beneath the surface rising to be resolved.
-those who support and believe in me
-how good it's going to get
-throwing things away at a faster pace after all that's happened and making me realize i need to own only about 20% of what i actually own
-embracing things moving more swiftly after all that's happened and realizing i may move again very soon. this is showing me that to really be in the flow and with all that goes on,how much more to simplify my life and just throw all my things away and embrace things changing at a quick notice.i really like this.
-using negativity to drive me swiftly towards something different
-observing reality and noticing interesting things,and interesting changes
-beauty products
-focusing more on beauty again
-the little walk i went on this morning
-having great teeth
-going tanning again and how helpful it's been and i feel even boosted my appearance somehow too.
-going to my favorite park the other day and how nice it was to just sit on the hill
-freedom

[buttercup]

-great music
-inspiration
-evolution
-a nice meditation
-lemongrass incense
-who i'm transforming into and becoming
-putting myself out there again and being brave
-art
-vegan food
-eating at home and deciding to go back to eating at home more again since it makes me feel better. out food tends to too oily which makes me look worse,and feel drained
-my eyeglasses
-my thigh gap
-how beautiful my hair color is
-a new look
-getting out a bit
-the sun
-finding my transitioned one's toy and bringing it out to play with the cat until i get a new one since i misplaced his and how that made my mood better
-summer clothes
-fashion
-my style
-my vision
-seeing things that have gotten me excited to go to
-breaking free of anxieties about certain things and how that breakdown the other day,really did break down a barrier for me and how i feel more free to do certain things i didn't before
-good books
-light dumbells which make me feel strong
-inspiring people and inspiring creations
-interesting things to do and explore and all the things i want to do and try
-getting hair cut appointment made
-easing up on things a bit with feeling like i need to hurry and do everything and do it quick and instead remembering to just stay focused but go ahead and relax a bit so i don't get overwhelmed
-the feeling of things being new and changed and a blank canvas
-feeling at peace now being out of the last apartment
-how good it feels to be in a new chapter and place and the mystery of it and the contentment feeling of having overcome and completed certain things
-the air filter in here which seems to make things less stuff
-mason jars
-loving myself
-reflection and being ok with the gap now of no longer longing and wondering over certain things such as E.
-having found a new tool for getting in touch with intuition. tarot blocked intuition even when not taking it seriously and now to get back in touch with it in a more empowering and legit way,i've started pulling out a notebook during meditation and just writing insights that come,and occasionally asking questions during. most get answered,some do not and just seems to tell me it's not the right time for me to know,and that it ok. i feel a connection with my higher self finally strengthening again from stopping tarot. yes,some may not like me for this,but it is my opinion that tarot is bad for you,even if you do believe in loa and think you are using it in alignment with loa.
-becoming at peace with me neighborhood more,like,i think my neighborhood is actually becoming "cool" which is strange and interesting.

[buttercup]

-the color white,white sheets,walls,etc
-crystal singing bowl audios
-getting my haircut today and feeling renewed,like a new me,and the salon being stylish and inspiring and my hairstylist making me feel very good about myself and actually having good things to say about my hair.i also just felt very attractive and my energy softer so it's been nice.
-getting a coffee and snack and feeling in a good mood after haircut
-my bravery paving through my fears and creating new
-patience
-tuning into my desires
-having a nice toned body with perfect curves that gives me the body of a playboy model
-becoming more comfortable with expressing myself and being myself
-mom coming by finally
-feeling more comfortable in new place
-my eyeglasses
-getting to salon early when i thought i'd be late
-the great book i've been reading
-finding deals that seem to be calling to me,related to my interests as if the universe is urging me to follow it
-feeling free and having a natural,not forced or aggressive desire to do something i've not done in awhile because of my anxieties. it's like a block was just magically cleared the other day and is amazing. as much as i love certain work ive done,i find blocks don't need a month to clear,perse and have stopped doing the processes,at least for now.i may go back to them,but i rather let blocks be cleared naturally by just being me and living fully and doing simple meditations where i get in touch with my soul and just living my soul path.
-my style
-fashion
-dumbells
-getting some dishes done
-giving away some things to mom i don't want
-feeling a difference in how safe i feel in the last few days
-simplicity
-becoming more fearless,feminine,and ease
-smiling
-being a new me
-using my free time with more soul nourishing distractions now
-beauty
-this air filter in the living room
-how amazingly good it feels to be in this new phase now

[buttercup]

-electricity
-eyeglasses
-water
-having a salad with dinner. getting my greens!
-connecting the dots and seeing how my breakdown which created a breakthrough happened shortly after my massage and same day as i got that healing crystal i was drawn to in the mail..
-accepting and loving the madness
-my beautiful hair
-my youthful face
-my perfect eyebrows
-going for a glorious walk today that was sunny,and a long walk compared to usual lately,and filled with lovely sights of flowers,a river,the downtown city scape,gritty bridge and then two blocks away from home,a little park. it was lovely.
-my hobbies and interests that keep me entertained and benefit me such as taking pictures
-being so over certain things
-feeling drawn to certain things
-things i am excited about
-being natural and going with the flow
-becoming softer,i now notice myself speaking in a softer voice and becoming softness like those peaceful people who work at spas and teach yoga. it seems such a feminine energy i am transmuting to.
-the air filter in here
-the air conditioner
-the vibration of the house raising,i feel
-how amazingly toned my legs look and slim
-men who defend women
-going shopping today
-crystal singing bowl audios
-feeling more safe again
-logic
-coffee
-sleep getting better,as in i'm actually sleeping,and sleeping deeply. next up,to get my sleeping on a better schedule.
-pronoia
-beautiful flowers
-selective curation

[buttercup]

-drinking a liter of water upon waking. i haven't been drinking much water lately so felt good to do that
-clothes
-my beautiful flowers which are just so striking
-after back and forth indecision,going back to a photo i deleted,and adding a white border,and it became the one. perfect. and that whole back and forth inspired me
-thoughtful,selective curation and how good i am with it
-quotes that come to me during life moments that i love
-being brave
-sleep,and that i'm able to sleep,even if i'm sleeping like a rock.
-going on the porch for some time today
-clean,organized spaces
-my hair and how beautiful it is
-trying out valerian root for the first time last night and so far,so great. after 15 minutes,i did feel almost a feeling as if stoned then tired like i wanted to go to sleep.
-my cheekbones and how perfect they are
-how glowy,and bright my skin,and young looking
-thin,toned legs and a thigh gap
-having large wide eyes
-eyeglasses
-getting a part ordered for my laptop today
-crystal singing bowl audios
-social media
-more and more coming to me reminding me of the subjective nature of reality and loa and flickers of insight coming to me that "truth" can change in an instant,depending on my belief in it...and i've SEEN this happen before. It's this right here that is why i don't believe in intuition the way most people do. I've had freaky things that proved that something so concrete had changed
-clarity lately.
-lip balms
-things i'm excited for in the future
-that the cat seems better lately
-taking things one at a time,and letting go and being in the flow instead of thinking of all that needs to get done and worrying about getting it all done,and the order of it all,etc,etc
-pronoia
-entertainment
-getting some work done today
-feeling relaxed
-being settled
-in a phase of newness now
-how amazing and healthy my teeth are
-being unique
-being smart
-how nice and hard my nails are
-how cute and amusing the cat is
-a place to live
-my mind
-the law of attraction
-mercy,forgiveness,and compassion
-subjective reality

[buttercup]

-the cat
-relaxing
-seeing and becoming aware that i'm going through a cleansing
-inspiring people
-getting a little work done
-clarity that comes from chaos
-my face looking bright and young and my cheekbones looking amazing
-my haircut
-laying down
-healing
-getting my print today
-water
-kale
-nightskies and air after a storm

[buttercup]

-the air filter in my living room
-drinking more water again
-vegan food
-going for a nice one mile walk upon waking
-the sun
-my favorite sunglasses
-waking up earlier today
-feeling more relaxed today
-feeling more decisive today and having more clarity today
-feeling able to slow down and be in the flow again
-how bright and glowy and clear my skin is
-having a nice flat stomach
-nature
-the cat sleeping with me a lot last night/this morning
-details about tomorrow
-taking things one thing at a time
-doing some writing today
-colors of the sky as the sun goes down
-having a unique beauty
-burning incense
-having toned muscles and venus dimples
-putting a afformation from the past summer personal work i did on the fridge
-finding interesting things
-weather being a little cooler today
-surrender
-deep,calming,cleansing breaths
-all the new instagram followers
-my style
-inspiration
-embracing the journey,and authenticity and the unfolding of who i am and transformation and mystery
-calming thoughts
-logic

[buttercup]

-this new coffee flavor from the brand i get at the grocery store. this one is cafe latte and is my new favorite. so good. very sweet and light flavor.
-the air filter in my living room
-getting in an appointment to spa at the last minute for tomorrow. being open and calm really made a difference. last time,my mood was anxious and i was set on certain dates,but this time felt nonchalant and was aiming for more far off in the future dates and was more open. boosted my mood to get that appointment made
-soda after a night of drinking. my hangover remedy.
-these purple funky print pants i love. so comfortable.
-the sun shining today
-my style
-how great i am at curating
-the freedom losing as much as i have has given me
-sleep
-going out last night and how great it was to get out,even if i didn't really click with most of the girls. i know it's part of the process of finding the right people,is to get out there and try.
-free bottle service
-my best friend and all he does for me
-the cat and how cute he is
-being calmer about things
-finding a bigger sharpener for my favorite makeup product that needed to be sharpened to be used last night
-heels
-doing things to nourish my soul and energy
-the beautiful,big city i live in and how great downtown looks at night
-being easy and loving and merciful to myself
-a acquantaince to text about things to
-feeling that very slight almost sense of aliveness last night
-inspiration
-knowing my likes and things i'm drawn to and that make me happy
-that things are getting done and to just be patient and know all is well and unfolding perfectly
-my beliefs shifting to ones that are more me even if they are spiritually "imperfect." Such as embracing my dark side and that there is a part of me that likes revenge. The book i've been reading has been inspiring me to look at my unconscious desires and my dark side. I am not saying the revenge is my unconscious desire,but my dark side. Perhaps,if we embraced that,instead of repressing it,we'd be happier since we live our lives as stories anyways and aren't meant to be perfect but to learn and evolve. This has been a great aid,allowing myself to have my little veangeful desires without feeling guilty or like i'm being petty. it just feels so much more real! perhaps,it actually is unconscious too since i do tend to do certain things and have little thoughts i'd repressed now that i think about it,that are slightly spiteful. idk,maybe accepting this part of ourselves even tames the desire and brings more peace. i mean,we are all seeking validation,and so acting like we don't want validation at least a little bit seems repressed.and so when we uncover that part of the reasons we do this or that is partially fueled by spite which is fueled by a desire for validation,we are being real,which only brings us more peace and healing.
-

[buttercup]

-feeling better
-my style
-my comfortable funky print purple pants
-nighttime
-vegan chocolate
-relaxing time
-tibetan singing bowl audios
-lavender tea
-lavender oil
-colors
-alchemy and temperance,blending. a passion of mine,blending.
-getting a pedicure today and the lady being nice and actually complimenting my feet and gushing saying i have the feet of a 5 year with how soft they are and she's never seen that in her 20 years doing what she does.
-animals and the cute dog at the salon. he was so tiny
-going shopping today
-getting a dry brush today
-getting new eyebrow makeup today
-declicious meal i've started having of vegan chicken on a bed of kale with cilantro,parsley,and cayenne pepper and italian salad dressing. sooo good!
-how serendiptious this book i've been reading has been. it's amazing to me
-tuning into what i'm drawn to
-knowing my spa time is helping me to cultivate being a better receiver. just last night an insight came to me after feeling impatient that i'm a really bad receiver. so,a lot to work on still!
-getting a little bit of an alter going on by putting the tiny buddha statues and healing stones by the flowers on the trunk which is being used as a table in the living room
-all the twitter followers i received today
-being downtown today which was nice
-lemongrass incense
-loving myself and being brave and confident
-no longer being obsessed with spiritual enlightenment
-desires

[buttercup]

-vegan chocolate
-the law of attraction
-making an amazing steam room last night that had amazing benefits,including stress relief,removing depression,and causing me to sleep like a baby and have glowy skin the next day. it felt as if it opened chakras,too. was so amazing and inspiring. no wonder i had kept feeling drawn to try a steam room.
-being almost done with this book i've been reading. Am ready to move forward!
-finding greens very easy to eat now
-a nice journaling session tonight that helped me to tune into my more mysterious desires and check in on how i feel about other things i'm repelled by
-great quotes
-a online comment made to me tonight
-water
-nighttime walks
-going for a nice walk in the daytime today and walking for at least a mile but probably more like 2-3. hard to say as i'm not sure how to estimate it and there was stops to enjoy standing by the river which was nice and going to the playground and swinging on a swing. i really like this little sunday tradition going on. i even seemed to get a little sore after though though that maybe was other things like dry brushing
-finding a substitute for vegan youtube channels which is nice,as i have a feeling little things like that has had a stronger effect then i realize on my vibration and i am ready to run fast away from the vegan community.i can be a vegan without it.also,keeping away from tarot for awhile after seeing how utterly pointless it is
-getting side key here figured out
-hot tea
-ordering some eucalyptus oil as i'd been drawn to it
-the internet
-seeing calming things about the neighborhood
-logic and coming down to earth more and more about my paranoid delusions.
-becoming very comfortable with being myself. when you've lost it all in a sense and feel invisible,it eventually becomes easier to just not care anyways
-cayenne pepper. love spices!
-coming to conclusions about what my soul needs to be nourished and lhow repressed it had been earning to embrace that more
-the clarity that comes after the pain,and the letting go
-fashion
-the beauty of the new canvas of what i can create now
-writing some affirmations out
-being done with my obsession of spiritual enlightenment
-simplicity
-feeling like the things to get done is easy now and not so overwhelming.i really think that steam bath cleared some energy blockages i had. it felt as if a veil was lifted
-clean clothes
-learning more about the breed of cat this cat is,and seeing how much it actually does match his personality. it was helpful and interesting to read
-wow,the relaxing/exciting feeling i just had of realizing the little stressful things plaguing me for over a month now are actually almost completed. that's been on the back of my mind for some time now,i bet once they are done i'm going to feel a boost of energy and more back to myself

[buttercup]

-steam room. it's changed my life. last night i did it,and didn't stay long then felt a bit depressed for a few reasons but then had lots of wild dreams which i wanted to explore so that convinced me to stick to the steam rooms so did it again earlier tonight and stayed in longer and felt sooo relaxed and got so sweaty. i am so convinced in the last year that sweating is amazing for humans. i'm still feeling very relaxed.
-the dreams i had this morning. so many. i think one was psychic. i'll get to that one last. So,i had a dream friend K added me on a social media . She's never added me on any,which is odd and i suspect is because of jealousy. she is older,and a little bigger then me and i work in a very looks-required industry so on social media there's things on there that may make some feel a little insecure. i've already had people admit to this. i had a dream that D from last winter was following me and i kept trying to get away and in the dream there was pools so it was like at a swim park. i had a dream that i was upset with my apartment but then i realized i'm moving in two weeks so that's ok and then felt relief. and,finally,the dream that was the longest,and had emotion to it,too which is very rare,i feel E is the only person I ever had dreams that had a feeling with them. This dream happened before the apartment dream and felt pleasurable like recurring dreams I used to have with E were that ended up being psychic. In the dream,E was dressed up in a suit and I was at his place and he told me B had said some awful things about me in a way like i should know such as that I had rabbit teeth and something about sex with me like that he only dated me for sex or something alluding to a thumbs up on sex and then I burst into tears at that and E started cuddling with me and to make me feel better. Very,very rare for my dreams to be like this.....The dream felt very warm like he was the warm,hero presence. As he was holding me,I then exclaimed how could he cut me out and not have seen me in all these months and he smiled warmly and said he actually kissed a girl two and half months ago. It was implied that was over,and that it's not something serious for me to get upset about. The whole scenario played out like me as the feminine,submissive,little girl and him as the patriarch type as if he was the one to tell me it was all ok now. Very odd this dream happened because just last night I wrote in journal how i'm only repelled by E now,which could've been me psychically detaching and then this happens. The dream was so specific,too and I never have specific dreams that answer questions even if the answer may or may not be true. It was just a very long,drawn out dream scenario that was very uber specific as if a message was sent to me. Of course,i can't see how that'd be possible but i can't help but wonder if this was a psychic connection here. It's funny because I read a feng shui tip before bed that i thought about doing some other time about putting a bowl of water by your bed for clarity. Maybe even that thought,somehow manifested this dream. It's hard to say but only ever with E have I ever had dreams that also came with a feeling too. Like a lightly pleasurable feeling that feels good and makes me feel wanted and want to smile. It's so odd that it makes me think something in his consciousness is sending me messages. Not only that,but in my dreams E always serves perfectly the role i'd ideally want him to play as a male. Alpha,confident,making moves on me,forceful,soothing,caretaking. In those dreams that feel good he is somehow exactly what I want,but consciously I've NEVER seen him that way. I'm so confused on what dreams really mean,so it's hard for me to say. I believe they can at times predict future events,and mostly just tell the subsconscious but at times are psychic links between others. The ambiguity makes dreams at times hard to figure out. The psychic dreams also would happen more often with E when we stopped speaking or when i felt myself on his mind. One ability I have is i'm a very good receiver of energy,i'm very in tune. I guess it's just annoying because I literally was over him,and them boom,I have that dream and it's made me go hmm and wonder what it really means. I've even had someone else on my mind lately so it's all very odd.
-forcing myself to heal and be myself
-that i get to go and get my card tomorrow finally
-tv shows on youtube i've been watching
-being reminding/realizing what i want in a guy. a very alpha,patriarchal type guy. this character is shown as the norm on the show i'm watching and it's so sexy. the male characters are very dominant and controlling. it's rare to see that even nowadays and this show is only like 15 years old and is a normal teen tv show. as weird or whatever as it may be,i've realized i do like hero type guys and like guys that make me feel like the little girl. that is my ideal relationship put in words. there's different types of feminine types,and that's the type i most prefer to identify. the other type is the very submissive 50's housewife type but that's actually not my ideal of what i want to be like. An ex has an ex who seems to be like that. My femininity is a little less mature,a little less graceful,and just a slight feistiness which i think is a good thing to have,that slight bit amount of. My femininity is also a little bit more helpless. All these are to know who i really am,where i'm happiest,my dark sides,etc
-the cat sleeping with me
-water
-pronoia
-my healing stones and little buddha statues. i like having them displayed out now.
-mobile editing apps
-relaxation
-feeling relatively upbeat,and in good spirits for the most part the last two days
-high heels
-fashion
-hoodies
-being forward looking
-connections
-feeling just slightly more connected to life,and interconnected
-eyeglasses
-hope

[buttercup]

-mercy,compassion,and forgiveness
-how amazing the painting print of transitioned loved one looks on the trunk
-my beauty. it's important for me to say this because my anxieties and image disorder have really been grappling me lately. i've been thinking more and more about talking to a professional for help on my bdd. i was looking at old photos of myself earlier and see a hideous monster and it's causing me to behave in bizarre energy sucking ways.
-my eye for curating
-coming out a winner and giving myself some resolve from the fight in my head
-the amazing steam room session that had me feeling amazing for a few hours. the sessions are another form of meditation for me these days,and during it i felt a strong wave of emotion saying to myself i'm done being perfect. how ecstatic it would be to let go of all perfection and to just be! to be truly real and free from the bondage of fear of what others think and imperfections and how in effect surrendering to that,would have me become only even more beautiful,free,sexy,alluring,and "perfect." i just want to live now,and have fun. i'm so over trying to find spiritual enlightenment and holding myself back because of what others would think and being afraid to shine my light or seem superficial or not enough,or weird or dramatic,or anything! I just want to be. I just want to be! I just want to be! I just want to be. I have been in a bondage of overthinking and trying too hard. It's caused me to grapple with an image disorder and be paralyzed by fear of being physically harmed and to just hold myself back for far too long. I'm ready to be free and invincible and empowered,and powerful and loving every step I take and the tune of my song and expression of me that I am. i also got sweatier then i ever have during this session and just feel cleaner every time after. it's so interesting to me as i used to think of sweat as gross before.
-being productive today
-compliments and brava
-hot lavender tea
-allowing myself to feel emotional
-pretty things
-going tanning today
-living in a nice city
-trust in life and certain things building,a feeling of connection i cannot see
-clean towels
-observing my feelings,desires,and so on

-getting emails caught up
-getting social security errand done and it being done nice and quick and easy
-a few minutes on the porch at night
-how cute the cat is
-how amazing my hair has gotten,perhaps from steaming. it feels like barbie doll hair
-knowing that this too shall pass
-feeling like at the least,i've been getting in deeper touch with myself lately or even ever before which is nice. although this year has been what feels like the biggest hibernation year in years,i also feel like i'm finding myself deeper then i ever have in ways
-how fresh the air felt today
-

[buttercup]

-finally being there. that point of clarity. idk what it took.after striving and striving and looking for spiritual enlightenment and to better myself while on the inside feeling angry,hurt and inadequate,i stopped seeking spiritual enlightenment. I let go,I am embracing more fully imperfection,ME,and mystery and from this my inner knowing has become stronger again. I've made some small changes as well and that's played an affect too i'm sure. I no longer distract myself with things such as tarot since i now believe it's not only pointless but harmful and actually blocks your intuition. And,i've moved away from the vegan movement. Even just by distancing myself from vegan vlogs for a few days now,i actually feel much better. I kept that on as an interest for over a year which is unlike me. It was only a few months ago i started to notice that it's made my anxieties worse and my vibe lower. So, I know now that this is the way. Good came from the initial interest of becoming vegan and some of what it reawakened in me,but i have no interest to have vegan friends or be heavily interested in vegan culture anymore. By distancing myself from things like the vlogs,i can come more into myself and better serve the world. This just feels so right to me. I was meant to change my diet,and become reawakened to animal advocacy but that's all. I am grateful for that path,and that it's come full cycle and now time to continue on being vegan in my own way and cut these distractions now.
-steam rooms and sweating. another thing that perhaps played a part. maybe cleared some things for me. i literally felt drawn to go to a steam room. before i did first start it,,i kept having visuals of my skin being cleaned out,and looking very cleansed and glowy as if it had gotten good skin treatments. i now wonder/and feel this was part of the insight drawing me to go to the steam room. because.one side effect is my skin is looking glowier and really nice and it looks as if my face is decreasing in age. my eyes look wider and glowier too. i'm really a big fan of sweating and will now consider it as important as sunshine,for example. it really is so simple. we get little things drawing us all the time,little connections we feel all the time,etc,etc. I really think the mistake i had made blocking my clarity now is the little distractions i thought were too minor to make a difference(the vegan vlogs and tarot). It's strange because in the past i'd notice quicker when little things were having an effect. my insights and inner knowing have gotten so strong in the last few days. it's crazy.i'm really grateful to be where i wanted to be,and i definitely say if i had to point out what i should've done all this time since march or may,i'd say it was those two tweaks. i'm finally feeling cocooned in clarity.
-embracing and loving imperfection. i finally realize my obsession with trying to find spiritual enlightenment was really just an excuse to not love myself.this may have been hinted at me before. i have tried way too hard. it's like i thought i had to try and try and try to reach perfect spiritual detox in order to manifest a perfect moment,and be free to live. i was keeping myself prisoner with this mindset.i'm emotional even at the realization of this.i used it as an excuse to not live. I don't need to have a perfect diet. I don't need to be a perfect vegan.I don't need to say the perfect words. I can make "wrong" decisions. I can be superficial at times. This is all ok. It's no wonder i couldn't align with certain things. It's so weird,and amazing to me that THIS is what it took to reach this moment. It seems so mundane and simple. But,then it usually is. I have been afraid to express myself yet expression is one of the biggest things for me that is essential to my nourishment. No wonder i've felt so unfragmented.
-twizzlers
-soda
-transmutation
-alchemy
-sleeping wonderfully lately
-ordering a halloween costume today,because i want to make sure i go out this year for it and something told me to get a costume early today
-seeing a cute costume for the cat possibly that made me smile
-the tv show i've been watching
-how amusing the cat is
-feeling more secure i've been feeling
-making appointment for spa
-reading facebook comments on someone's post about my primary industry and smiling remembering and feeling that drawn to going back to that
-sending an email i meant to get done
-water
-how amazing the little altar area looks with the stones,statues,and print
-the air filter in here
-comfort
-how amazing best friend is now
-having arrived and how good that feels. i feel such a sense of security now. no rushing,no apathy.
-hair clips
-my style
-being a woman
-how my energy has become softer
-being in the mood for a love life again and thinking about qualities i want for someone. it's nice to feel ready to move towards someone new
-getting a little cleaning done today
-hoodie sweaters
-beauty
-how amazing my facial features are,and their symetry
-body looking a little more toned and smooth possibly
-hot tea
-cafe latte and maple cookies and how good the go together
-social media
-fun
-the little things
-feeling both child-like and feminine
-how by surrendering,i feel more in control
-stretches
-my desires for adventures
-smiling
-a little bit of happiness in my heart
-feeling cleansed
-serendipity
-smiling at timing sometimes
-simplifying. keep it simple. enjoy the human experience.
-inspiraton
-how amazing my nails and hair have been in the last few days

[buttercup]

-alter area in living room
-steam time and sweating
-how smooth my skin has gotten
-that feeling that i'm about to come september step into something new
-being in tune with my body and not pressuring myself to do too much today
-the amazing print of transitioned loved one
-getting my eucalyptus oil in the mail today and how great it is
-hair clips
-how amazing my hair is
-my bone structure
-my teeth
-twizzlers
-watching old tv show episodes
-water
-vegan maple cookies
-my fave vegan coffee currently
-going for a short night walk and seeing the moon and how great the moon looked and how healing that was
-a nice meditation today
-best friend
-becoming more grounded in logic,which is in effect allowing me to see the unspoken in a more clear light instead of feeling deluded,out of sorts,and confused. feeling very pisces and virgo,and funny enough that's where the horoscope currently is. sun in virgo and full moon in pisces. makes sense.i feel logic and yet in tune with the unseen and it feels amazing to have that balance.
-how much better i've been sleeping. i've been sleeping like a rock lately.
-writing. i had started to feel panicy before bed,and picked up my notebook and just wrote what i envision myself to become,envisioning my desires and what i want and who i want to be and it lulled me to calmness and i then closed it and fell asleep
-soda
-finding out answers and making a decision
-embracing the bank i resisted and deciding maybe that bank isn't so bad,especially since it is starting to seem more and more not so bad,i even was able to quickly order checks for free after i thought they didn't have checks so it was odd but great. i had felt so much inner resistance to simple things since may and it made little things come up that were just stupid,and tonight,after i applied to two more new ones,i felt calmness,like of course i'll be approved. so,i think i will keep this one and get one new one so i have a bank that fits the need this one i have doesn't fit.i have been panicy about getting little things done which made them feel like mountains to climb so calming down has really clarified my perceptions and made me realize there IS no problem. I've really let go of alot this month. A lot of inner resistances have melted away. It's funny how much we fight,and fight,and fight things on the inside,and call it stress. Just let it go. It's so nice to finally be where i wanted to be for months now.It doesn't look how i thought it would look and the solution was so simple,it's stupid,but it doesn't matter. I'm there.
-while on my walk,i seen these townhomes,and inside the lighting was so nice,i thought,if i could just have that light,i'd be so much happier with my place. the places looked more high end because of the light and just so warm and inviting. so,now i will soon try and see what i can do about that. that to me was a piece of inspiration. i've been mentally jotting down notes of what i want in an apartment,in my ideal apartment what do I want and it's been helpful for me. being in a place i want to move so quickly away from,has motivated me to ask what do i want,really. Contrast,i guess.
-comfort
-clarity

[buttercup]

-relaxation
-eye massage
-steaming time and sweating
-my hair
-doing some writing
-water
-full moon
-hot tea
-makeup
-having great facial features
-skin being smoother
-nails being smoother
-delving into new
-paying attention to my dreams and that my dreams are now more positive;dreamt about A today along with someone he knows. It was a weird dream. Casual and displayed a sort of manifestation of desire i have. can't say it's a psychic dream or not,the only reason i even thought that E dream was,was because of the feeling i had and that it seemed to have similarities to recurring dreams i used to have with E that have come true.
-envisioning true surrender and what it would feel like if one was completely blissed out in relaxation,trust in life,and surrender to the moment how they would really feel
-the cat and how amusing he is
-that i've been sleeping like a rock lately.
-dry brushing
-appreciating and being more in my femininity,i just feel more in that energy and it feels nice.
-quiet
-secrets
-the shape of my body
-perspective
-a new month coming
-progress

[buttercup]

-inspiration
-a celebration today. celebrating the full moon,a new month coming,a new season is here,transforming and becoming new from the spring and summer,and in honor of secrets
-finding smores oreos today and how great they taste
-going to the beach today and how great it ended up being,the water was perfect
-wine
-finishing up my show i was watching
-feeling pretty light most of the day to the point that i was spontaneously giggling at the little things.
-before bed when i was already very tired deciding to do some affirmations and then having it turn into journal-esque slightly as it revealed things to me that were powerful and transformational,and gave me a reason to celebrate today
-makeup
-possibilities
-the quiet
-feeling more intense positive emotions again
-my stomach getting sculpted again
-ordering a humidifier today
-feeling good
-feeling excited for autumn
-being truly transformed and back to me again
-having let go,of the attachments and perfection and fears
-smiling at timing that makes it seem as if there is a "fate" at work
-strength
-an inner smile
-the power
-stretching the imagination
-getting that awful cheap painting that came with the place off the wall already. it made the place feel so much better once it was gone.

[buttercup]

-going for a nice long walk today. too difficult to count miles.it was 1,2,3 or 4 miles but it was about 55 minutes of walking and felt great.i prefer counting time vs miles anyways.
-steam rooms and sweating
-eye massage
-being just about finished with my book
-inspiration. so much of it.
-feeling calmer these days and more relaxed and my paranoid delusional fears starting to disappear
-sleeping nice and deep. had a dream ex A contacted me which makes three main guys on my mind this year all having appeared in my dreams this past two weeks or so since things have changed with me. if i dream of B now,itll all be complete,even though i don't want him and the others were ones i either had wanted or they had wanted me. quite frankly,after all this time,i find B cruel and misogynistic.
-ordering a red jasper stone last night.i'm in a phase of adding healing elements to my home to make it a sanctuary and healing stones is one part of that. i'm also in a very warm phase of things of adding warming elements to me and my life.
-resisting temptations of distractions that will lower my vibe
-smores oreos
-coffee
-new ideas i'm implementing of organizing online things,updating,transforming,and adding new
-feeling in a new season and chapter. spring and summer is left behind. changes are happening all around to everyone.i feel i completed what i needed to.i was so sad when winter ended because i knew it ended a phase,and it was a phase i enjoyed.i have no idea what'll come for fall but spring/and summer were not happy for me.
-my beauty increasing
-quiet
-outside nature sounds
-the sun
-the power
-secrets
-my industry i work in
-neon colors
-having a nice flat stomach

[buttercup]

-relaxing
-logic and practicality
-calming perceptions
-ginger ale
-reorganizing some online things which felt like a relief of energy
-booking more work
-hairclips
-sweating alot during steaming
-skin smoothing out and toning up and looking cleansed
-smores oreos
-socks and slippers to care for my toes which feel damaged
-stomach being nice and smooth
-getting some work done today
-finishing up my book
-my nails and hair being in amazing condition
-an amazing bonus meditation i did last night of positive visualization which actually put me in a good mood and made me laugh more since then
-great inspirational spiritual teachers
-utilizing and remembering the power of emotions,sex,and feeling attractive. i've been adding warm elements to my life because i realize my energy has been more cold the last few years and the importance of those things with manifesting.
-how cute this cat is.today, he meowed at me while asleep
-reassurances
-going outside to look at apartment to see things to feel safe since i had anxiety about someone could break in easy here this morning
-hot tea and how relaxing it is
-letting go of clutter
-letting go of old ways of doing things,and distractions to focus in on new reality creating
-secrets
-doing affirmations in my notebook during the morning when i had anxiety attack to get me tired enough back to sleep. it's actually very helpful this method i've been doing lately.
-the affirmation i say to myself when feeling anxious of "i deserve to be here."
-feeling generally much more safe lately
-transformation
-openness and going with the flow
-water and drinking a nice 1 liter of it upon waking
-body flaws being drastically reduced and body looking more toned and smaller today
-having made it one month now living here
-clarity and quiet after finally getting rid of distractions. i now feel calmness,increased intuition and insights coming to me,more empowered,and no longer in a rush.
-my vision
-feeling more of an inner optimism that doesnt need to be declared or exaggerated
-this forum and the 11 months i believe it's been that i used this as a gratitude list and place for reflection. alot has changed since i first started it. i was in a lovely home in a neighborhood i wanted out of and just becoming lulled by a mysterious bad boy who spiced up a very hard year for me. well,it's been real. i'm amazed i kept this up for that long.
-newness
-a new month being here now
-mercy

[buttercup]

-water and how amazing it is at detoxing
-that i can change my reality at any moment
-a strong heart
-my strength
-tibetan singing bowls
-things that make me feel even just a little bit better
-yoga
-becoming dedicated to healthy living
-being giving and caring
-washing the bottom of my hair last night and how good it felt and how good of a mood i was in from being at apartment and how right it felt to be there
-coming back to my core spiritual beliefs more and more and not questioning as much
-green smoothies
-alternative healing places
-getting a good sleep today
-remembering happiness
-how safe the new neighborhood seems with random people walking alone after 10 pm
-how well lit the new neighborhood is
-my vitamins
-knowing i will overcome this
-remembering "the hero's journey" the other day and that great lucid moment of clarity and feeling of aliveness I had
-clean clothes
-friend J contacting me out of the blue which felt so nice
-friend C contacting me to hang out for two different things this week.
-forgiveness
-my heart calming down more
-deciding to order my first Seth book
-surge of desires i have for this lifetime
-finding out i can get certified for yoga and someone will pay for it for me
-pushing myself a little more today and how it benefitted me to do so
-feeling more confident about some things
-discovering acupuncture and how amazing it was and actually provided a good deal of healing for me
-deciding to do some social media boost for project i started this late summer
-desire to start new projects and desire for a loving relationship i have lately
-my best friend
-some positive changes that came afoot since october
-feeling ready to delve into life again and charge forward and manifest amazing things and be better and stronger then ever
-inspiring articles online
-meeting some goals
-making some attempts to do things
-comfort things that make me happy
-seeing benefits of tithing which is cool. idk if it's because of the tithing or what,but it's interesting. i was given $50 randomly and given chocolates during that time of the month about a week ago are two examples.
-things calming down a lot with some things which had caused me the greatest distress of all. i feel all i'm dealing with now is mainly aftereffect of all that.
-other phobic fears going away showing me more and more that all is well and that it was all in the mind
-time passing. sometimes...time passing really is one of the most healing things of all.
-peace
-calmness
-tea
-others seeing too that it's all in my mind and seeing just by looking at me in the eyes,it's all in my mind
-being thin
-being pretty
-the cat,and how adorable he is and peaceful he seems being back now with brother. and,feeling at peace now with doing things for him and not feeling guilty anymore.
-being smart and others telling me i am smart.
-healing
-inspiration
-becoming more logical and rational
-high vibration things,like this website. it's interesting how some things just have a higher energy.
-my head feeling better today
-relaxing a little right now just by doing this list!
-my denim bag i've been carrying to take my stuff from place to place
-my faith strengthening
-my subconscious cleansing
-my ocd being gone now. thanks to acupuncture. one kind of major thing completely gone. with all going on,it seems small but in actuality is pretty huge.

[buttercup]

-water
-a great acupuncture session today making me feel very relaxed and healed
-getting my book in the mail today
-chest feeling a lot better today
-head feeling much better
-feeling stronger
-my phone
-a new picture to post on my social media which made me happy as it's been awhile
-peaceful environments
-acupuncturist today telling me he thinks the stuff recommended by the other people is good and one of the best formulas and he recommends it and explained more about the product to me while being empathetic to my concerns
-feeling comfortable and cozy
-yoga
-being a unique person
-getting a good sleep again and how nice it is to be able to sleep more again
-being able to go back to apartment tonight
-being smart
-my vitamins
-my vibration lifting more and more and seeing how malleable my reality is
-mellow vibes
-feeling slowed down and patient
-blankets
-tibetan singing bowls audios
-comfortable clothes

[buttercup]

-my heart feeling better today then it has in weeks. i felt normal. i woke up feeling rejuvenated and just felt like i was healed. it was like an inner knowing. it was so interesting and i am beyond grateful.
-a delicious plant based dinner. so nice to eat vegan!
-water and how amazing it is
-getting good sleep today
-reading a lot today
-vitamins
-appreciating the peaceful feeling/vibe of the very snowy weather that came about randomly! felt like i entered a new chapter of life with the snow coming randomly as i started feeling healed and also coming so early,as if it's christmas already and just seeming to make things feel safer
-going grocery shopping today and how nice that was
-getting funky colored flowers in my favorite color and a color resonating with my chakra i'm working with the most right now,the heart chakra,and how nice it felt to have another normal happy thing
-being able to stay in my apartment again tonight
-prayer
-somehow getting my way when i got upset about something and prayed..it was so strange but i said for the highest good of all,etc,etc so perhaps universe was on my side
-how pretty and peaceful my neighborhood looks
-being able to do my little house moving ritual i've been doing
-feeling good about my herbs
-my amazing best friend
-cuddles
-delicious food at the apartment last night. was so nice to order pizza and get it delivered and have a piece of vegan turkey with it.
-forgiveness
-acupuncture and how amazing it is
-realizing how much i've been living my life as if it's a horror movie in my mind and how I can easily change that story
-things that are high vibration
-a flirtasious fb message
-feeling very strongly how much i want a relationship
-getting more things in apartment put away
-my brother's cat and how cute the cat is and the cat sleeping with me
-things getting better,little by little
-acknowledging my feelings of why i really feeling distrusting of things which feels an important part of my healing and seeing my healing come about
-this website
-positive compromise
-letting go of the anger and rage
-being proactive in getting things back on track
-being able to provide healing to my brother the other day that it seemed he really needed by doing something nice which was for me,too but that's ok and explaining something he had conflict/anger/hurt feelings about from the past months.i could tell he really needed to hear that and was grateful for the nice thing i did.
-focusing on being more giving lately
-healing that came about when the cat stayed with me for months.

[buttercup]

-my green flowers
-getting to stay at apartment again tonight so starting this week my goal is to stay there 4 nights a week
-heat
-feeling calmer with some things
-the book i've been reading getting more interesting
-heart calming down
-after thinking about something with E last night wondering about something I kind of got my answer after seeing him post something on social media. Part of me was conceited and wondered if i played a part in this after all i was a main part of his birthday party for two years in a row first by being something that made it a good one for him and then by being something that made it bad and after our kiss in spring maybe and us not speaking maybe he didn't want to deal with the question of should he invite me or not this year,it's kind of weird because he also didnt go to a festival this summer which is where we met too although he was busy but even still it is kind of funny how that works but gives me peace. i'd rather him not go,or not have a party then to have a party and not invite me or to have a party and invite me but i cant go after us not speaking all this time. then again,this is all conceited too how could i play that big of a role in someone's decison about this. it is just kind of interesting is all. plus,he may still be having something before the thing i seen today happens,just having it early. all i know is i was depressed after seeing this and hurt but it motivated me to get my life back on track and get over what's been wrong with me because everyone is living their life and moving forward and creating adventures and here i am feeling like my life has been hell since spring. i know with all my heart,i will get a major payback from the universe of major blessings once all this phase of my life is done.i am setting strong intentions of my life blossoming. every weak part of my life will get strong,and many happy things will manifest.
-apple fritter donut. so good and seasonal
-how pretty the area i live in looks
-my apartment and how nice it is and how great the lighting is
-roommate cleaning up so much.i feel bad but it's their personality to do a lot
-getting a key to my apartment today
-that starting tomo,best friend no longer teaches at that one place on monday evenings which brings us closer to goals
-wearing my new shirt i got in september that i never got a chance to wear yet because of all the back and forth stress even though it's a dressier shirt i felt it's be good for morale to wear it today to boost my mood
-having thoughts that are more pronoiac
-beauty
-how pretty the winter weather looks,though it's so bizarre how cold and snowy it suddenly got
-getting good sleep today
-getting some work things done today which felt nice.
-editing best friend's cover letter to help them
-my creativity
-just having a new apartment,new zipcode,etc and how nice that is
-colors
-peaceful things
-my computer
-comfort
-gratitude
-inspiration

[buttercup]

-music. the great uplifter. really boosted my mood to listen to some favorite songs today.
-ordering another pizza to be delivered to apartment. im vegetarian at this point but once better i will go back to vegan.
-ear getting better
-positive distractions to get my mind off the issues and how helpful it is for healing since it literally takes my mind off it
-feeling much more calmer and able to handle some things better again
-being more proactive on social media again and how helpful it is for me
-getting good sleep and feeling better upon waking
-feeling more sexual/relationship desire then i have for awhile lately
-how cute the cat is
-cleaning up the room in apartment a bit which makes me feel more settled which is nice
-that at least on monday evenings,best friend is not going to those classes anymore
-watching a movie last night and how nice that was and a great distraction and also enjoying pizza delivered at where i was staying. so many pizzas lately but it's fine for now.
-my phone
-yoga
-how much being at the apartment is helping my healing. and just doing my normal things little by little,though there's a lot i'm still able to do yet
-observing the power of my focus on healing which is motivating. my heart has been much better but then my ear bothered me more but then i noticed it was because i started to feel more impatient about the ear since it's the ear keeping me from most of my normal things and then by that,i had my ear get what seemed a little worse but then today when i focused more on the idea of ear fullness i noticed my ear felt more full after that for awhile.i literally focused my ear to feel this way.
-doing positive visualizations today and how much that lifts my vibe
-accepting the idea that i may just be "haunted" in jest since i've been attracting so many weird,creepy things lately..but they all literally have to do WITH my phobias i've recently developed so i now take it in jest and don't take it seriously and just feel more affirmed in the positive truths. one great tool for me lately is to rewind and see how i attracted the creepy thing because then i prove to myself see,i'm fine it was just this/that thought and feeling which attracted it.
-being able to express myself
-playing with healing/reiki a little bit by trying something with the cat,and it seeming to work!
-buying domain for new business and how exciting that was..to feel a glimpse of things to come for me,and new direction
-getting some business emails today which was nice since it was bringing me down getting nothing for one business thing
-letting go a little of timelines of things getting done by so and so point since i'm not welland i always have enough time to "get it all done." i miss certain things but little by little,i will get on track
-being able to use my laptop since yesterday i forgot it so had to go without it for over a day
-weather getting a little warmer
-vitamins
-pronoia
-my inner optimism
-my beauty
-my faith becoming stronger from all this
-detaching from some things until i am in a stronger place for it
-best friend getting off work earlier today. it's a time that doesn't bother me so much
-all the ideas and desires i have
-being able to use my card for a purchase today which felt nice too
-comfort
-love

[buttercup]

not the best day. made a goal of no anger or stress for at least 24 hours and had another incident cause me panic in the evening. but it's ok. i know things are getting better.
-free slices of pumpkin pie at the place where i got dinner for their "free treat wednesday" that they do.i love little things like that and it was nice seasonal touch
-my ear feeling as if completely healed all day today and most of the evening
-adding in a smidge of cardio to my day since i feel like i should push myself a little more
-crystal singing bowl audios by my favorite youtube user who has them. that user's sounds always seem to help bring me mysterious soul healing
-sweaters
-nice clothes that make me feel prettier
-my face moisturizer.
-snacks
-weather being a little warmer today and snow melted a lot
-knowing if it wasn't for all the stress,my chest and ear would probably be 100% better by now
-water
-my laptop
-all the posiitve comments on a recent social media post which was kind of uplifting
-being able to recognize where i need to cleanse my thoughts and subconscious still
-buying an acupuncture from deal site because of good vibe i got since other places aren't responding for some reason(perhaps because of the holidays or emailing wrong address)
-seeing more of how to use domain i bought last night
-being able to give the cat some attention today and spend time
-doing more positive visualizations and how much it boosted my mood
-beds
-feeling calmer with some things and feeling ready to take bigger leaps with others
-being invited out for thanksgiving and for black wednesday by different people. even though i cant go,it's nice to be invited
-my artistic side
-being able to start spending five nights in apartment per week starting tomorrow and feeling very ready and compelled to stop being where i'm currently at and spend zero time here
-reiki from best friend
-believing in amazing things
-hot tea
-dark chocolate
-believing in my recovery and how beautiful and blissful it will be
-how clear and alive the air felt today
-seeing things from new angles that take life less seriously
-the cool things i've done in my life
-based on books i've read recently,realizing my life themes may be about "overcoming"
-relaxing a bit
-surrender
-memories of times i've mastered spiritual concepts,manifested miracles and the loa to remind me of truth
-possible plans the weekend of nye that would be amazing
-the idea to prepave that just came to me as an excellent way to cleanse subconscious and create my reality
-that best friend has an audition next week at place where goals are for him

[buttercup]

-deciding to start having a mason jar of water a day to up the water i drink and detox since i found my mason jars the other day
-a great nap this evening after bad insomnia and not feeling well in the morning
-best friend getting his act together after another fight
-getting food bought for me
-snacks
-ear feeling better after nap
-crystal singing bowls from my favorite user who makes them on youtube.i feel like these heal my soul
-getting projects planned which is so good for my morale
-smiling and laughing at life
-letting out feeling to my mom about disappointment i had
--the awesome lime green table cloth that matches the color of my flowers
-getting bedroom cleaned a little more
-vitamins
-house ritual almost being done
-all the messages to people which felt good
-the amazing weather today and how great the air felt and how mood boosting it was. it made me feel so alive
-how peaceful the day felt and quiet
-a strong will to live
-seeing how my thoughts over the past months have created my fears which is so relieving
-feeling thoughts of excitement for future things and strong energy of desire which felt nice too because it showed me i'm feeling much more alive and happier
-emotional reaction to things that caused fear diminishing
-feeling more calmness with certain things
-upping cardio in between the day just a smidge here and there
-washing the half of my hair,the bottom half so at least some of my hair can feel clean
-finding out someone from one project i want to do can also do another task as well which is super helpful
-all my health food things and spices at home
-being able to spend four nights in a row at apartment starting tonight which i have a feeling is going to trigger something really good and healing in me
-being helped
-feeling more confident about my ear because of info online about it which i already knew but just hearing how common my problem is,etc,was very reassuring
-my phone
-my laptop
-acupressure
-how great my head has felt since last acupuncture
-trusting in myself and my body a little bit more
-feeling excited for the future
-confidence boosting with some things

[buttercup]

-in the darkness,you can see the stars. being able to have optimism through all that's happening. i really do see the value in contrast. my desires are stronger then ever as i feel such a strong will and inspiration to make things better and my faith becomes stronger. when i'm able to just chill and am not alone,i feel really confident and like it's all going to be ok. i just need to take this and apply it little by little when i am alone.
-snacks
-good sleep today
-my ear and chest feeling great today. feels normal
-this really great soothing music i like that seems to heal me on a soul level. it's amazing what a random user i found on soundcloud's music can do.
-realizing last night what an asking of mine has been for which triggered something healing in me.i've been looking for subjective reality worksbecause i've allowed myself to be conflicted. i want to surrender to the belief in subjective reality but havent. maybe because of fear. i've never managed to for more then a few days but when i do,life flows so well. miracles happen. but things also feel very dream like that it's almost eerie. just realizing my asking started to allow me just slightly to surrender to subjective reality and instantly boosted my mood and enabled me to feel empowered.i also realize via the loa i've believed there's not much info about subjective reality out there,and in turn for years have hardly found anything. more then anything it's always been the law of attraction and subjective reality at the core of my beliefs as these i've seen so much proof of. surrender seems to instant when surrendering to subjective reality whereas otherwise,it seems arduous for me.i don't what i'm scared of. guilt? all my dreams coming true? instant healing? because I KNOW(inner knowing) that in the subjective reality dreamscape it's not just me,there's something else,the universe is what i refer it to so i'm not REALLY alone so therefore the ones i love ARE real. it's complex but makes sense to me in ways i have trouble wording. these are the down the rabbit hole concepts i love that make sense to my soul. they just FEEL true to me based on odd experiences i've had.
-that i get to sleep at apartment tonight
-cotton balls.i put one in my ear last night and actually my ear feels better then ever now. idk if it's that,or the the subjective reality thing,but i'm grateful.
-changing bag up that ive been bringing with me
-sweaters
-my laptop
-my phone
-being calmer with some things
-a determination to be amazing
-ginger
-eucalyptus oil
-vitamins
-hot tea
-perspective
-appreciation for the moment
-this forum
-love for myself
-taking it easy and relaxing a little,moving slowly and being easy on myself
-cuddles
-believing more in high vibration things that make more sense and letting go of conflicts that are not as high vibe but more mainstream
-positive feelings
-a relatively calm day so far
-sweets

[buttercup]

-pizza and wine. feels so good to do a normal thing. have wine. wanted to see how i'd handle having a glass of wine and i feel great,more relaxed and my heart is calm too.
-my ear feeling almost healed. the problem feels more surface now,and like it's more minor and more healed.
-chest feeling pretty great,too. had a feeling upon waking as if my chest is healed now and stronger
-vitamins
-normal things
-remembering that if i want do more normal things,i need to keep healing and take the leap and not be "crazy."
-observing my thoughts to see how the phobic things happen
-nice chat with my brother that made me feel better and had empathy and that he stayed home so i didn't have to be alone
-a good sleep once i finally fell asleep
-doing some exposure therapy of being alone in tiny increments and succeeding with it
-my determination to get things going again,even if things are a bit slow with things because of the holiday week
-going to apartment earlier tonight
-that tomorrow will be an easier day,too
-feeling like it's time to push myself and take a bigger leap and like i'm being guided to do so
-cotton balls
-my laptop
-adding more money to my bank account which made me feel more confident
-ideas and perspectives
-subjective reality. it's actually become my mantra and whenever i think the word things seem to flow my way. love it! subjective reality makes you manifest easier,be more loving towards,less conflicted,etc,etc
-incense almost being gone
-being able to leave the picture here since settled enough which is nice since it's once less thing to worry about when traveling back and forth
-eucalyptus oil
-finding a sale on something i want
-a nice chat with friends mom that somehow boosted my mood
-being given chocolates and offered to have a sweater bought for me
-getting bedroom finished last night. was very proud of myself with how long i take to get things done,i thought it'd be another week or two!
-the cat alwlays boosting my mood by greeting me at the door and sleeping with me
-things i have to offer others,even if it's just advice,knowledge,etc

[buttercup]

-the calm after the storm
-still having a place to live
-perspective on balance,where things come from,and some self forgiveness and conviction while still having empathy and knowing the extreme wrongs
-sleep
-getting emails going for new business project
-buying new sportsbra today
-doing a slightly bigger exposure therapy today and handling it
-using the words subjective reality as a mantra to instantly shift things
-having a lot i want to do and things i want to return to
-cotton balls
-face cleanser for making my face feel so clean
-vitamins
-that tomorrow is monday and hopefully i'll get a flood of emails since things have been especially non-responsive last week because of holiday
-learning important lesson and quickly changing things
-my eyesight
-my hearing
-my body
-my phone
-my heart and ear still doing a good amount better despite major stress
-a stronger trust in self
-understanding more of why things happen and connecting the dots so to see things in a more logical way
-clothes
-sharing food with best friend
-best friend calming down and seeming to feel better

[buttercup]

-comfort foods
-high vibe peaceful music i love that seriously seems to have a soul healing effect
-water
-magnesium vitamin. so soothing
-how much ear has become healed. it's given me so much confidence and i just know now it's healed even if technically it's about a little more then 90%healed
-cotton balls
-the cat. he makes me feel so good and comforted. he sat with me a lot today.
-bouncing back after external stressor that couldn't manage to just leave me alone. i was going to try a much bigger dose of exposure therapy but had some troublesome things happen in the morning so felt too nervous to do it and after the external stressor making things worse have decided maybe i need to join a support group. had a rough morning,no sleep but somehow later, was able to recuperate with chest calming down and feeling like i had spring in my step and able to nap for a few hours at parent's place. grateful for the sleep and bouncing back as i did.
-my strength
-forgiveness for myself
-my knowing i have to let go of my anger and hurt by people's behaviors because it is so painful but is making me much worse. instead,i need to channel the lack of empathy i feel from others into a higher trust and faith in the universe and feeling love from the universe. i did this before years ago and it created a powerful surrender and i felt so trusting of life,that'd i'd also be guided and protected. i learned then to not rely on other's to make me feel loved no matter how hurtful it is,because all you really need is to love yourself and trust that life loves you so much.
-the tea i got today
-r seeming nice to me when i texted her during panic. somehow she seems to want to be there for me and be my friend but it scares me
-a possibility for hairstylist since i can't seem to find one still and best friend told me R could do it and does hair for a side job. Considering it,but it scares me,too
-my phone
-being able to use the bathroom seeming to make heart palpitations go away.very much an overshare what works,work and it's one of the few things that makes them go away once they start.
-an inner knowing that if external stressors just stopped as in give me a full week without them,i KNOW,i'd be 100% physically healed. they started to go away completely but then stressors never stopped and my stress and anger has scared me so much,i have no choice but to let go and channel the anger and stress into some more positive. from here on out,no matter what,i am going to smile and laugh and no matter what comes up
-getting logos today from business partner and adding them to first social media page started and how great that felt. boosted my morning.
-getting a lot of emails today for other business thing which made me happy as it seemed that might have to just end as it is without doing more projects but now we can keep going at least a little longer which made me happy since another project i'm doing is going to be for that so it makes things flow better
-my bedroom
-my pink sportsbra. love the bright pop of color. feeling calmer in situations i had more trouble with. it's so nice to walk to apartment from car at night and not panic.
-a possibility planted in my head suggested by someone that sounds crazy but makes sense and gives me a more easier way to deal with all this. this person suggested if there's a negative spirit i guess like following me or haunting me...because after some of the things that have happened including one of the things in the early morning before the panic,it just was very weird and i can't believe any higher power or anything would keep telling me negative things and putting negative things in my mind for any reason. I believe in a loving universe,a loving God and that reality is subjective and you can shift it at any moment. There is no predestiny. I really don't like believing in the idea of negative spirits,however,i will do more clearing work. i mean,it is just crazy how negative my life has gotten and boggles my mind how low things have gotten and for how long. it IS weird.
-even though didn't meet my bigger goal with exposure therapy,getting to do another session tonight building up from last night so it's nice knowing I can handle spending a tiny amount of time alone at least
-ideas
-being just a little more patient with myself and the things i want done.
-now being up to spending 6 nights in apartment per week even though i know we can just go ahead and do 7 even though it'll make things more inconvenient until i'm more better. the more time i spend here,the better i feel.
-knowing where i can go tomorrow is set in a way that i can feel calm about
-cuddles
-the ability to hear
-the ability to see
-things i'm looking forward to
-remembering happy things.
-pictures
-faith that things ARE going to get better,that all is well,and that recovery will be bliss and i will be rewarded for my pain
-my personality,my things i love and that bring me joy
-perspective
-the ability to feel
-being smart
-blankets
-getting work done today
-changing perspectives and being a little fake because it keeps me from going out of my mind and keeps me calmer
-using the words subjective reality as a mantra. it's still working. i used it today when i got nervous and quickly the nervousness went away and clarity came.
-donating more money to one of my favorite charities last night
-warm,soothing showers for calming me down
-sweaters
-mason jars
-seeing something upsetting and turning it into a positive by switching my vibe and then seeing the story actually had happy ending thwarting my fear. may have been after i used my subjective reality mantra,too but more and more i see and believe in a subjective reality and how much more sense it makes and this makes me feel safer,like i can just float on and let go and all is well.

[buttercup]

-water
-mason jars
-getting a good deep sleep today. was very needed. upon waking,i felt rejuvenated. my chest felt calm all day no issues and ear still feels just about healed
-blankets
-comfort
-pastries
-killing them with kindness
-soda
-chairs
-seasonal things and embracing winter a bit
-washing all my hair today. felt amazing. i went slowly and carefully and no issues which i knew i wouldn't. was so nice to do a normal thing.i had been upset wanting to go tanning,etc but maybe it's better starting slower being able to even just wash my hair!
-getting more likes and comments on my social media lately. really boosts my mood
-having a caring heart
-today being an easier day with figuring out where to go
-doing a 20 minute exposure therapy tonight and handling it.
-asking myself if being sick like i've been has been some part of me wanting my hurt feelings to be acknowledged and to let that go if so,that i can just detach even if i don't get the apologies or care i've been seeking
-knowing that me and best friend are going through tough times and to just ride it out and by acknowledging that we are going through tough times,it automatically makes it feel more bearable instead of wondering why things are so crazy,just knowing to tough it out
-seeing others who live such busy lives and knowing that it can be handled and to just try and be calm and stay present and keep praying and setting intentions
-trying to trust a little more and be a little more calm while affirming to myself it's safe to let go
-my laptop
-the internet
-people seeming to be a little more supportive and there for me lately now.
-deciding we will sleep in apartment every night this week
-starting to feel more and more calm and pushing myself to do more little things that a month ago or so i'd have paniced more about
-going about 24 hours or more without major stress or panic or anxiety. let's see if i can do 2 now!
-work things seeming to be picking up quite a bit lately
-life seeming to be telling me that it's time to get better
-massage
-life seeming to be giving me what i want now
-the cat and how cute he is. he decided to sit on my lap and hang out with me today
-my bedroom
-sweaters
-deciding i will do some dishes tonight
-fun things to do that remind me of fun i can have once things are more normal and settled and not so crazy
-that best friend has audition tomorrow. though i am nervous too.
-being able to at least be in touch with my feelings more with means i'm overcoming craziness more and ready to deal with reality and moving forward
-being able to think past more then just the day and think of the next week,etc which is also progress
-knowing i just have to be patient
-knowing it's time to be stronger
-feeling overall more relaxed today
-being able to appreciate the small things
-my beauty
-what i do for a living
-practicing slowing my mind down at random moments throughout the day
-hope
-perspective
-mercy
-vitamins
-yoga
-jumping jacks
-getting a job application done for a friend and emailing him some places too
-processing my guilts
-forgiveness
-learning from mistakes
-affirmations
-honesty with myself

[buttercup]

rough night last night and morning. ugh.
-being able to wash my hair
-my laptop
-my phone
-naps
-getting something out of my breakdown that is useful that i need to make certain changes and deciding to do a certain action i never thought too much about before and hesitated about but maybe it's something i'm meant to do that will really help me. also,touching words from best friends that spoke right to my soul. after all the fights,and darkness,to hear that randomly was needed. i was able to then calm down.
-relaxing and letting go more about response times of hearing back in a certain time
-now sleeping at apartment every night as it should be
-water
-snacks
-mason jars
-that best friend canceled and rescheduled something i wanted
-seeing my manifesting abilities increase by using the mantra/feeling of "subjective reality." reminding myself of those words takes away all conflict to believing in loa things so things flow easier
-vitamins
-blankets
-sweaters
-my book i've been reading
-doing some writing in my notebook in the evening
-doing a few dishes last night
-knowing how important it is for me to be comfortable staying at apartment at times alone to be able to really move forward
-observing how things have gotten to where i'm at now via the loa and thoughts which is calming and helpful and educational
-getting a hairstylist response tonight
-all the social media likes,follows,and comments lately
-how calming suburbs are and peacefulness of staying there
-getting a little more work things coming in and getting done. it's nice to get a little productive again
-reminding myself more and more and reading about it how there is no predestiny which resonates with me so much
-today feeling kind of easier after the morning and calmer. There was no fights either and the day just flowed sort of lazily and quietly.
-hot tea
-forgiveness
-knowing i just have to become stronger,and better and that i've done it before and can do it again. reminding myself of past accomplishments of things i thought may never happen and reminding myself of times i've felt so fearless and things i've done i thought i would never do
-quiet
-peace
-progress
-my intelligence and wisdom
-things i find fun
-the cat and how adorable he is sleeping with me again he reminds me of my transitioned cat,i must admit.
-understanding my feelings and how to heal the scared parts
-pictures

[buttercup]

really,really rough night and day..
-being home
-after worst fight every and being way mistreated by several people and public scenes,deciding it's time to stay alone in my apartment in the daytime at least. the power also went out again,the third time since staying at d's relatives which to me feels like a sign saying I'm not supposed to be here. "New Plan." It's just so weird. It first happened the day I realized I needed to get my ear checked out. Then a few weeks later when I realized I need to stop staying at his parent's and my ear was almost healed,then today again after being forced to go there last night and having an awful morning..this was the quickest it came back on though..i just stayed calm and was like,yes this means i need to start staying at my apartment and not coming here even in the daytime. I need to cut coming here out of my schedule completely. getting clarity after mistreatment and realizing the key to freedom is this and that this will make everything so much better,otherwise my life will keep getting worse and even 11 year olds stay home alone in daytime. even my dad said it's so easy.i just started loving myself more and realizing the loving myself me would be brave and trust life has her back and she can handle anything. because life has been going down a pretty ugly road so i have no choice but to let these fears go so i can change the road. The key to overcoming the core of my panic attacks starts with this and even my parents said i need to just get though this. today was hard,stressful,frightening,i have no choice. and,i know only beautiful things will come from this.
-water.
-deciding to take a practical lesson from the power outages that happened and realize for my own apartment,i should get a flashlight and maybe make an emergency kit.
-all the frightening things today forcing me to calm about certain other things..there was no room left for other fears
-things seeming to open up in other areas as if the universe saying i know you are going through hardships and have been a victim here but there's things for you
-getting a response about job i had to cancel because of ear and she still was very understanding and wants me for it,and is willing to wait. boosted my morale more.
-finally having a hairstylist
-text from L simply because i've been lonely so am glad to hear from someone
-my heart somehow not being too bad today despite it all
-doing powerful tantra style meditation. i'm not sure if it is tantra but it's just very powerful,utilizing will,strong knowing,and the heart chakra where i deep breathe while meditating on intentions and reality changing. it always is very powerful.
-falling asleep and getting some kind of nap
-self forgiveness
-an inner knowing about R which is calming
-writing out my own conditions i want from friend
-my pretty leopard print flowy top which makes me feel more attractive
-something to lay my back on
-observation and reflection realizing for example today when dad brought up his christmas party for work tomorrow that damn i remember him telling me about that what felt like two months ago..and now already it's here and i'm still doing the back and forth game of going there and staying at friend's parent's too that makes no sense. it actually hasn't been two full months but still it showed me i have been doing this for too long and it's time to let go now. when we moved out in october,we weren't meant to do any of this but move and because of my panics things became so chaotic. it's just so weird how worse i got while staying at his parent's. life moves so damn fast,it's so important to let things go,live and move forward. i had held onto my fears for fear of letting go but now finally feel that letting go is the key to the best possible destiny and all will be well.i just feel different now. like,i changed my reality. it's exciting. a fear i had before feels obliterated.other fears the fear is less too. i have a stronger knowing of safety. life is just really weird. there is so much. there really is. life is a lot to take in.
-this particular tibetan singing bowl session that is really good
-this is stupid but seeing how dumb tarot it. i used it during anxieties still and seen it completely not true at all several times even when focused which showed me again using those only make a person more fearful
-feeling safer,healthier,more sure all is well in the future today..maybe in my tears i prayed or realizations in themself today cleared something in my psyche. my heart feels so normal right and that makes me so happy as considering the day,it'd be expected not to be.
-how much my life is changing right now for the better
-warm showers for being soothing
-my power
-all the work bookings i have coming up
-how much more free time i am about to have and best friend.
-being smart
-that the manipulator didn't get what he wanted
-prayer
-that i am going to win
-my bed
-the cat and how happy he makes me
-my beautiful transitioned loved one,i still think about her all the time
-the ability i have to change my life

[buttercup]

-daylight coming
-feeling angry which i think is a sign i'm getting better since it's uncovering the next layer of feelings and i'm comfortable enough noticing that instead of my fear
-proving i can stay alone in apartment in daytime today. so far,it's not been too bad. i am handling it.
-black cover on door window
-reiki
-best friend keeping touch with me a lot
-messages and emails from others to distract me
-water
-lipbalm
-phone
-best friend getting me a flashlight yesterday
-my mom being there for me yesterday and talking to best friend with me and staying with me and being support
-sweaters
-my mom
-best friend's mom checking on me and offering to take me shopping
-sleeping finally,the whole night. it felt so good. woke up early still and was hoping to sleep longer,but i slept a normal person's schedule tonight which felt freaking amazing
-seeing my mom's cat which was nice
-things getting fixed somewhat after what that awful girl R did.
-things to look forward to
-being safe
-apartment and neighborhood being safe
-reiki
-hearing people upstairs
-learning to be a little more compassionate
-gaining more power
-knowing what things i'll be getting back now just from accomplishing this goal today
-understanding from others
-this website
-that time of the month being here since it always seems to somehow feel like it internally relaxes me
-midol
-being blessed with certain things that a lot don't have and is considered spoiled to have. i'm well aware i should be grateful for it,and that's why i've hid it or downplayed it over the years.
-this little christmas tree decoration candle on the table. i don't really like christmas usually at least but since making my own rules about what holidays mean to me,and doing what i want or don't want,i can get into seasonal things a little bit more
-the internet
-that i don't have a dog. dealing with my mom's dog last night made me more affirmed dogs are not for me
-seeing my mom's place she lived for first time
-processing my feelings. lately i feel like a hypocrite,,angry at some people,embarrassed,all kinds of mixed things ever since the panics had started and now starting to let them go. it's been a lot of tough lessons.i used to encourage some people to be independent and and just be positive and i do agree,but lately,i'm like wow,things can be hard,sometimes.
-my pillow
-blankets
-my bed
-feeling more sense of normalcy
-love
-feeling a sense of people caring again

[buttercup]

-being able to stay in my apartment alone in daytimes now
-water
-vitamins
-making a nice breakfast of coffee and orange cake this morning and listening to some music,all the food/drink being vegan and just having that nice little moment
-living in a big city
-how city-like this apartment feels
-being able to go tanning yesterday for the first time in almost two months and how much healthier it made me look
-wearing a smidge of makeup for the first time in awhile
-napping at the apartment yesterday
-getting acquainted with the apartment
-stylish tops
-feelings more supported lately
-peace
-techno music
-hot tea
-that really nice happy moment yesterday of feeling like my destiny has only changed in good ways while drinking hot tea and listening to techno music and it soothed me and kept my mind more focused
-my style
-the internet
-my laptop
-the internet working
-my mom checking on me yesterday
-my book being almost finished
-feminine hygiene products
-being a caring person
-project being 100% confirmed last night finally
-best friend feeling relieved now that i'm moving forward
-best friend talking to his friend at his bank and saying that he is going to get me a bank account at his bank and start sending me money on it so i can build my own money and it can be done instantly
-best friend's mom possibly taking me out of town with her before month is over. not sure if i'll take it or it'll go through or not,but it'd be nice to get away and have a free trip so maybe
-feeling like best friend's mom is on my side
-comfort
-giving myself a nice scalp massage last night
-beds
-fashion
-all i have going for me and knowing i'm better in every way in looks,intelligence,class,accomplishments,etc
-my power building up. have had feelings uncovered as fear has started to dissolve. next stage of where i'm at!
-interesting parts of my book that helped me understand something about my current situation
-starting to feel like a princess lately a little bit
-learning lessons from all these trials i will now implement

[buttercup]

-getting sage today and burning it. is nice to do another normal,getting settled thing and get rid of bad vibes caused from dramas,too!
-laughing about how girl at store asked friend if he was sent here which he was by me and how funny that seemed like out of a movie like she was being psychic. lol. that store always does little things like that. the local voodoo hoodoo store. love it! makes me laugh.
-tibetan singing bowl audios
-music
-going two days alone in apartment in daytime and feeling pretty confident about it by now. still,things will be much better once i can do early evenings since it takes a bit of driving time bringing me to father's before evening everyday but at least i'm no longer going to friends parents house which made me sicker and worse
-eye massage
-wearing a smidge of makeup today
-how much easier and quicker things are to get done now that i'm staying at apartment. it's nice catching up on things,and noticing how behind things are
-inspiration
-feeling confident and empowered
-accomplishing my goals
-feeling strong
-reiki friend sends me
-my mom helping me out even though she did something yesterday i didn't like but have to let that go.
-my phone
-the internet
-my laptop
-amazing photography
-things going for me and to work towards,my accomplishments
-my bed
-even though best friend treated still is acting psycho both before getting back and then even worse this evening,that he was a little nicer in the daytime and more reassurances
-feeling more and more empowered all will be ok
-nap at father's house
-the cat
-going back to my blog for the month
-pushing myself more
-yoga pants
-yoga
-jumping jacks
-prayer
-remembering my power
-people texting me
-possibly being able to go out of town for free this month if i want to
-weather being a little nicer today
-getting a little bit of my life back finally
-that best friend starts a little later tomorrow so tomorrow will be a little easier
-my beauty
-being smart
-having style
-having class
-that i always win
-loving myself a little bit more
-having a lot of skinny days lately
-my stomach being nice and flat
-having a great body
-being almost done with my book

[buttercup]

-laptop
-internet
-a nice big mason jar of water to drink
-trying to be strong
-my determination to have a good day
-my phone
-my phone charger
-lip balm
-sleeping at apartment all day yesterday in morning/early afternoon which was a first and showed i was comfortable
-getting acquainted with normal sounds and neighbors sounds being here
-being smart
-that i choose my reality and at any moment can change anything
-that best friend came back for me today
-music
-black window cover
-beauty
-attractive guys
-inspiration
-motivation
-seeing signs from best friend of him calming down and that he's seeing something off and slight insight into why he is how he is and seeing little things showing he is still caring and trying
-stomach being nice and flat
-my desires
-sweaters
-getting some good brainstorming done for new business venture after a meditation yesterday
-vitamins
-heart being much better then it was a few weeks ago
-patience
-calmness
-my rain boots
-pictures and photography
-warmer weather yesterday
-this website
-donuts and soda snack yesterday
-reassurances
-miracles of my past that show me what's possible
-blankets
-having things to look forward to
-some sense of normalcy this week
-no longer having to go back to best friend's parents during daytime. thank god.
-yoga pants
-empathy even when other's dont have it
-being clean and feeling clean. love the feeling of fresh washed face
-finding the positive in things
-gratitude
-becoming much more logical over the last few days and "sane"

[buttercup]

-love
-romance
-finding the beauty of life's dramas
-hope
-meeting my goal and how bearable it has been
-reiki
-doing work thing i wanted to do today
-brimming with ideas for bettering myself and desires
-music
-surge of feeling i got at a certain moment of the evening A. Not sure if it was telepathic but it was a knowing type strong emotion
-laptop
-internet
-best friend only making me wait half as long tonight
-telling him nightmare today and confiding early morning my fears and him seeming to be calmer and more normal today
-ideas we are working on to better me
-my new favorite dressy top i've been wearing lately
-my phone
-my phone charger
-my notebook
-pens
-being smart
-my confidence increasing
-vitamins
-emotions
-art
-the fashion industry
-new goals to overcome once i'm settled
-sleep
-sleeping again almost the whole daytime
-that best friend doesn't start until a little later tomorrow. those days are easier
-prayer
-being finished with my book and deciding my next book already i want to buy
-being closer to achieving some goals now from before from all this
-my beauty
-getting some sense of normalcy this week
-having laundry in the building finally. something i've wanted for some time.
-all i have going for me
-feeling healthy
-being able to love
-being able to see the positive in things
-knowing i've grown a lot as a person over the years
-knowing i create my reality
-subjective reality
-calming a bit and having a bit of a raised vibration and feeling a stronger sense of power with my intentions from it
-positivity
-strength
-being cautious about certain things and dedicating to ensuring reality flows for the best for me
-reflection
-my desire to shine and be a star
-my desire to pave away quickly into making a lot of things happen at a speed unlike any i've ever moved at before

[buttercup]

-realizing that once everybody has seen how bad and scared i have really been,how much support I have recieved. That's what I wanted in the first place and it shows me people can show support despite being very involved and busy with their own lives. besides best friend and his neverending support,he has reassured me his family will always help me and they've offered me things. The girl R has offered to be my friend. My mom has offered to check on me more and has even said if i had to i'd stay with her. My dad offered me a job at his job if i needed it. My brother's offered me weed. Guy R has offered me money and to talk with me. L offered to take me for soup(knowing i've been sick) and hang out with me.People on social media on a few posts that were vague offered lots of support which surprised. it showed me God wants you to be strong and handle things on your own but at the right times,you will see people are there for you in their own small way. It has shown me no matter what I can handle things and will be ok. I''m also grateful realizing i'm physically stronger then I think. I don't like how I found that out,but still.I need to know I think that I can be resourceful,and strong in body,mind and spirit. I need to trust life. And,all that takes away the fear of your fear which is important since fears can be risky because of the loa. On top of all that,all the positive steps in gear to ensure a more secure future. it doesn't feel like 100% enough,but then nothing ever is and true security is as i always believed,a state of mind.
-being able to reflect so i can change my reality
-seeing more and more that the world is a mirror
-feeling more confident about taking on certain ventures and paths
-that i can get my eyebrows threaded this weekend finally for the first time in about two months and get groceries
-knowing where i need to be is my apartment and able to work towards my dreams
-yoga pants
-best friend promising to bury the hatchet tonight after talk we had
-realizing i still have a very weak vibration about my phobia and i need to change it asap and really cleanse it
-comfortable clothes
-pretty clothes
-reassurances
-seeing the good in the bad
-emails
-the internet
-laptop
-getting things done
-water
-mason jars
-crying it out and letting it out,knowing my weaknesses and feeling like things have been balanced now with all the wounds i caused best friend
-switching to light colored sodas only since dark ones are the worst for you
-my fashion show duffel bag i love
-my beauty
-proving i can stay alone in apartment at daytime and how easy it's become.i even sleep pretty easily once the sun comes up. not perfect but it's major progress.
-that the month is almost half over. sounds negative but i know time will be healing as i see more time passes and that all is well. and,it will be daylight out longer too after a certain point which will be helpful for me.
-rationalization for my fears
-feeling love for others right now. idk why i just feel so much love. it's weird and makes no sense.
-realizing i've been nostalgic for everything lately not just D and that proves also that this is just panic attack stuff about becoming older and also the stupid,stupidest thing i've ever done of setting the intention of unconscious becoming conscious which i need to really remind myself of everytime i wonder why my left went to hell this year.i didn't even know what shadow work was at the time but that's what i asked for not meaning to and i don't believe in it now.i think it's harmful.i think personal growth should have challenges sure,but not like this. it should feel more inspiring,thrilling and not quite as hard. also,realizing doing joseph dispenza processes too may have brought some of this on,too. thank god i have a good memory so i can trace back how everything could have been created which calms my worries.I wanted so bad to 'lose my mind and create a new one." I was desperate for change. I was hurt by a stupid guy. I was intrigued by the fact that I didn't even know I liked him so what else could happen if i asked for unconscious to become conscious. Maybe it could create positive changes. But,only hell had come from this. I closed that intention about a month or two ago after realizing it as a potential cause for all this and feel all that's left still happening is residue from that intention. when you top all that off with the fact that i had just recently healed from grief,oh my! a recipe for disaster.i have no doubt in my heart that's what's caused all this and all i can do now is look for the good in it while dealing with the residue aftereffects of all this.
-massage
-that i've been catching up on sleep. have still been very tired. it's been a rough time. like i've been in battle. constantly on edge and suffering physical effects but little by little,it's going away. i'm catching up on sleep more. i'm doing my beauty things little by little which makes me feel good. my ear feels just about healed. i'd say 99% there. chest is a lot better,too. but,still residue effects so i'm still being stressed.
-deciding i may just have to give up making massage appt and it's not a big deal.
-inspired action to contact people to get things going again for work
-feeling like i'm finally going to move forward now
-feeling more stable. it's so nice being able to do the little things without the fright i had a few weeks ago
-blankets
-ordering my next book tonight and it was only 1 cent somehow plus shipping
-calming music that makes me feel
-doing some writing today
-feeling like i've become more loving from all this
-all my ideas on how i will move forward
-knowing i'm a very loving person
-feeling like i'm having a healing of some sort of the heart chakra from all this and maybe it's because this chapter really is closing and i'm moving into new things. God,i hope so.
-looking forward to the new year!
-acceptance
-this little thing that happens sometimes when i'm not seeing clearly from fear thought that tells me it's not true..things seem "blurrier" like literally..
-this website
-subjective reality
-laundry machine and dryer in the building. we've been doing laundry a lot ever since and it's so nice.
-best friend's reiki
-vitamins
-affirming to myself a few times recently that it's safe to let go.and that only good things happen when i let go
-water,the moon,and nightskies
-feminine energy
-masculine energy
-cats
-my creativity
-things that are cooling
-that i'm really healing and things are going to be ok. the inner knowing coming to me.
-metaphorically feeling like i'm coming out of the ocean i was drowning in and hands waiting for me to enter the next phase of life now.
-embracing the seasons
-stretches
-yoga
-jumping jacks
-forgiveness
-newfound appreciation for best friend
-feeling a weird sense of oneness suddenly too

[buttercup]

sick from drama and feel like my solar plexus and heart chakra have been knocked out from the trauma of the stress. this has been the longest phase.

-buying a new box of tea to try which grabbed my attention. green tea and lemongrass. was drawn to it because it seemed good for heart chakra
-being home finally after two mistreatments that were really bad and humiliating
-mom and brother being there for me after all that happened and helping me to not feel alone and like this would work out
-my strength and conviction
-my determination
-L to talk to even though i am not sure i like him
-joining loa forum for advice
-beautiful weather today
-calmness after all the madness
-at least getting apologies finally for both things
-getting to go grocery shopping today
-perspective that he is not calmed down still and spite is why he is acting this way
-warm shower
-sleep
-faith
-knowing the contrast is booming strong desires
-being told how skinny i am today repeatedly. it's actually from the stress but it made me feel good since i like that look
-patience
-wisdom
-being love no matter what
-the guided meditations i did last night
-using all this to propel me and studying hard that the world really is a mirror
-being smart
-my selfless side
-

[buttercup]

-smores poptarts
-finally getting my eyebrows thread for first time since october and that it all worked out with being able to go even and that place i ended up going to since first place i tried to go to was only$6. i'm still in amazement at that price. so nice.
-today feeling somewhat normal-ish
-that R is out of the picture
-that managing to stay in apartment in daytime is now easy
-the feeling i got a bit ago that the incident in spring that i am just about to let go of now.it feels almost time. it's odd.all this time i hung onto it thinking it wasnt a big deal when it was then thinking this is a huge deal and will i ever be ok again,and now it just seems i'm almost ready to let it go.
-my mom helping me out today
-getting to see moms cat twice recently now
-catching up a little bit of sleep today.
-hearing C doesn't work somewhere anymore which means a possible manifestation i had worked on for sometime
-that my book shipped today
-getting some dishes done today
-L to text
-seeing my transitioned loved one's pic on my moms phone
-wearing some makeup today and eyeliner which i havent worn in months and how good that felt
-being classy
-sweaters
-figuring out and trying my key for the first time today
-being kind
-sodas since i'm still drinking those instead of coffee for now
-the loa website giving me some ideas
-remembering what a high vibe feels like
-visualization meditations online i love
-feeling just a little bit more caught up on life
-feeling moments of life feeling good again
-the positive inner knowings i had recently
-water
-vitamins
-warm showers
-my bed
-getting through another day
-best friend being slightly more reliable.
-my understanding and perspective of things that allows me to be wise and patient
-being able to trace how bad things that make me nervous pop up so i can soothe myself
-being safe
-that all i care about is safe and will love long lives
-feeling more and more convinced of subjective reality whenever i think about the law of attraction
-ideas
-starting to feel just a little bit more safer again
-getting business work things done tonight
-job to look forward to in beginning of next month
-inner determination and optimism
-my interests and happy things
-feeling positive minded for some reason like everything is going to be ok and life's going to get better,even though external circumstances arent there yet
-the bank account im about to get

[buttercup]

-that best friend came out just when he did at gas station.
-that i live in an inherently friendly universe that protects really bad things from happening
-that i'm safe
-the rush of emotions i felt and how much i love best friend when he finally texted back
-L to talk to
-having a sweet heart even when it seems everyone hates me and is mean to me,the fact that i know
-that today's experience i know is a signal to turn things around and to instantly tweak my vibration and has caused me to stop and reflect on things and realize life cant be lived like this,it is time to change right now and to appreciate the little things and stop the crazy drama
-that God always protects me and mine
-the quiet calm from higher self that always comes on times where something scary happens that instantly changes reality and keeps me safe
-cats
-my mom
-sleeping really good today
-some kind of apology and being told by best friend he will think about things and all that's happened
-best friends protection
-accepting and understanding imperfection
-getting a smidge of work done and getting some interest generated in new business
-self forgiveness
-being home now
-after meditating last night,the clarity and healing feeling of some negative energy blockages being cleared. it felt bittersweet as it made me realize mixed feelings about moving forward and all the time wasted from drama and fear vibration but it was healing,too and i felt a sense of aliveness from it
-the power of quiet
-meditation
-getting some journaling done last night
-how after good sleep my ear feels practically healed and just knowing that if i could keep catching up on sleep and have stress go away for even a week,it'd be 100% healed.
-remembering and seeing I have not been myself for months now. I have completely unraveled as if someone put a curse on me. I cant remember last time i felt so powerless. And,now i'm undoing that little by little,remembering who I am and my strengths and pulling myself together.i wouldn't even recognize myself if i looked at myself lately and the old me was watching.i need to empower myself and raise my vibe so i can have more power and be respected again and get the treatment i've been waiting for.
-higher self telling me that if just raise my vibe i'd manifest a lot of the changes i been wanting quick.
-

[buttercup]

-testing listening to headphones so i can listen to solfeggios again since they raise my vibe quicker then anything else i know.i managed to listen to one full 6 minute heart chakra audio then decided to stop and all going well
-water
-vitamins
-my determination
-knowing i'm going to win
-how good it will feel when everyone sees how amazing i am and how strong i am and when i get the treatment i deserve again
-my beauty
-makeup
-my yoga mat
-my feeling of wanting my third career i transition into to perhaps be something movement related such as fitness
-my mom being there for me and helping me out through this frustrating time
-music and how strong it can make you feel and take you away
-jumping jacks
-stretches
-getting a bunch of work done for new business today
-having money left for me so it was easier to do what i had to do today
-being able to teach my mom some yoga
-laughing at life and the humor of my mom
-what i can offer
-pepsi my new drink i've been going to instead of coffee
-staying in apartment alone for 20-30 minutes before my mom even arrived as she was late and handling it well
-my conviction
-getting little pieces from best friend of what's really going on and what he is doing and seeing he really is scared of losing his relationship
-being safe
-getting away from going to dad's place since it seems time to stop now and is making things worse
-really getting to know a neighborhood well for the first time. this is the first neighborhood in my life that i've lived in for a bit and and actually have gotten to know a little bit. it is kind of cool.
-that by staying home,at least i have a better chance of my physical health coming back to me quicker
-inspiring things i see
-ear feeling a lot better after sleep and heart being pretty ok today
-remembering happy things
-that i have a lot of interests
-that at least with what what i'm doing now,i'll have even more free time to do the things i need to catch up on
-that this month is more then half way over
-that my book is almost here

[buttercup]

-some entertainment for the night
-laughing
-red wine
-potatoes
-spices
-really random things happening to just prove how crazy and fun and spontaneous life can be
-being a fun person
-techno music
-people who keep in touch with me after all this time
-my job booked coming up which im really excited for
-goofy moments with my mom
-random fun life moments that remind me to treat life as a party
-yoga pants
-being thing
-makeup
-water
-vitamins
-dancing
-hope
-remembering fun
-feeling so light and fun and remembering fun and what it's like to have fun and some of the things i live for again
-being able to listen to headphones again and finish up a heart chaka playlist starting last night up until the next afternoon little by little building up how much i listen. it was so nice to use headphones again and listen to chakra music again and i know i helped my vibe raise and clear because i felt bursts of happiness and excitement and let things go easier and yet felt my feelings,etc it was just a lighter feeling i had overall.
-sodas
-gratitude
-my i believe affirmations and making effort to control my mind for parts of the day and seeing the difference it made
-sleep and getting caught up
-feeling like my looks are starting to come back
-seeing how everybody is crazy and has ridiculous drama and is so foolish
-great fashion design
-some work getting done and getting business generated for new business
-being a girl
-my bed
-my bathroom and how nice it is and how funny that is considering my last bathroom was so tiny and everyone hated it
-how cute my apartment is and how it looks like a photo studio and the chic outside of it that looks like nyc
-building up to staying alone at night for up to an hour now of early evening times
-interesting life experiences
-starting to worry less
-becoming stronger again and how sure i am that i'm getting my life back and that things are going to return to normal more and more quickly
-things that slow the mind down
-sweets
-my kind heart
-cats
-that i get my new bank account tomorrow
-all the new positive wonderful things coming
-that winter solstice is almost here
-my ability to curate well
-being young
-looking the same as i did when i was 17
-my conviction,determination,sanity,all coming back stronger
-my sense of humor
-blankets
-being safe
-all my loved ones being safe
-that i'm becoming better in every way
-my wisdom and ability to reflect on life in a logical way
-feeling more confident
-laughing at life

[buttercup]

-best friend finally being reliable with time and not playing games for first time in almost 3 weeks since the fights started. this shows me we will resume to being healthy with each other. first i kept believing it even when i wasnt seeing it,and now i'm seeing it. even just this one night showed me something.
-the dog being calmer today. i actually felt fondness for her today.
-my brother getting to see my apartment and him being impressed with it
-mom coming by
-being able to stay alone at night up to 2 -2 1/2 hours now. i know i'm getting better and this feels amazing
-getting my new bank account opened today
-finding out you can deposit cash now in the machines. so weird. i felt like i entered a parallel reality.
-the bank teller being so sweet and saying she can tell i have a good heart and saying she think i'd be a good teacher. this came up so randomly and made me feel sooooo good!
-vitamins
-picking up a pizza and ordering it on my own. felt so good to do that.i don't usually do things like that if i ever have even
-getting some toning workout done today which felt good
-today being a pretty good today
-my vibe having raised a bit from the chakra musics,being home,and meditations
-being able to listen to chakra music on my headphones again. so nice.
-my ear doing a lot better. it seems as long as i can sleep and get minimal stress,i don't even feel like there is an issue like it's that close to being healed.
-makeup
-being classy
-inspiration
-beauty
-healing happening
-cool things that interest me
-things starting to feel more and more normal and better
-yoga pants
-my rain boots i use as winter boots
-deciding to give up fish oil since it makes me nauseous and hasnt seen to have a positive effect on me
-selenium which HAS seemed to have had a positive effect on me and possibly relieving depression
-being calm
-getting work things in
-that things are moving along
-that i'm going to get through this month
-how great january will be
-empowering myself
-speaking affirmation videos
-having an interesting personality
-starting to love myself more again
-desires,hopes,and positive wonders for the future
-blankets
-how much more calmer i am compared to weeks ago,and since october. wow.
-seeing how unempowered and powerless i was with my vibration and actions and so on and finally feeling like an empowered person. it's amazing i got that low and for so long.
-music
-photo apps
-spicy food
-potatoes
-slowly transitioning back to a plant based diet and how good that feels
-social media
-the internet
-realizing the core of my problems lately has been a lack of trust in life
-cool things about time like feeling like time slowed down at parts of the day
-not even checking tarot anymore and seeing how many times it told me really negative things that weren't at all true. creepy. cant imagine how someone can base their life off that. :(

[buttercup]

-new places to try
-mom staying with me tonight
-that i can listen to headphones and do my chakra building music
-that best friend is being nicer and is making some slight changes and can tell i'm getting through to him and just need to be patient
-having laundry machines in the building
-getting to sleep all day since i couldn't fall asleep before
-no issues with ear as far as i can remember tonight
-potatoes
-spicy sauce i love
-getting some cayenne pepper
-getting a response for something finally about something
-the interest getting generated for new business
-lemon essential oil and deciding to use some for my hair
-getting some normal things back and improvement with things
-that it's not easy to stay until early evening alone in apartment
-thoughts of desire for what i want and sweet success
-sodas
-snacks
-that i'm eating more plant based foods then i was a few weeks ago at least
-being able to donate some more money to my favorite charity which makes me feel good
-being loving and having perspective
-vitamins
-being able to sit down and relax for a bit
-all the new things to do and try
-that my vibe has been rising and clearing some energy blockages
-clean clothes to wear
-L to text. He's been the only one around through all this really. I should at least hang with him one more time.
-still having dreams and remembering miracles and loa and universe awesomeness
-warm showers
-my amazing bathroom
-twitter for new business getting a bunch of followers
-feeling my feelings
-the internet
-reassurances
-mercy
-forgiveness
-relaxation
-being classy
-my standards

[buttercup]

-a nice vegan dinner of chili and potatoes with crackers.
-water
-mason jars
-seeing i can be alone at night now even at the later hours and probably overnight and be fine after best friend's stunts and starting to see the enjoyment of it again
-inspiring loa videos and passages online that i came across tonight
-inspiring thing online made me see if there's something in your life undesirable even if it doesn't seem directly connected,perse,what could it tell me about a limiting belief i have that is creating this reality of mine
-remembering a lot lately that the world is a mirror
-more info online backing subjective reality which made me feel so good
-my phone
-after best friend doing what he did,that he agreed to take me to a cafe i wanted to check out in my neighborhood and get some macarons
-getting groceries today
-getting my hair color fixed finally and how good it made me feel
-getting baileys which is a nice wintery-christmasy drink and having a little bit with my macarons in my room. some christmas cheer of my own!
-my phone charger
-positive,high vibe forums and websites/info i come across that always gets me back on track
-my mom being there for me again.i really wanted to give her a day off but at least today i compromised and challenged myself too since it seems i have too based on how people are being
-getting some sleep
-ear feeling better now
-having a good heart
-L finally texting me back after i posted i was at cafe which seems like he did it out of jealousy and then he ignored me again after asking questions so i don't know what is going on with him but he is ignoring me now and said i blew him off today.
-my innocence
-best friend asking where his stuffed animal fish i got him years ago was as the very first thing he said when he got in the house. it was literally the very first thing. that showed something. i had put it away last night so dog couldn't reach it and ruin it as that would've broke my heart since it's one of the few momentos i think he even still has of me and that's the first thing he notices when he walks in the house and asks about.
-being smart
-schedule starting to get lighter and more manageable now and seeing when i can fit in my medical appointment i want to do.
-knowing i'm stronger then ithink.i may come off whiny,and feminine and dainty,etc and have been through a lot but i always win and have overcome so much
-weather outside being warmer today
-watching some old episodes with my mom of my favorite childhood tv show that she liked too last night and learning TV does help distract me when i have to be alone
-having a laundry machines in the unit and how convenient that makes life now
-getting little signs from best friend that he hasn't completely lost his mind and still has care for me and maybe even feelings still. in an anger in the grocery store,he even mentioned how much he wants to achieve certain things and how it's my fault he hasn't blah blah blah that were goals he didn't even want at first and that i had suggested to him some time ago that he little by little realized were good goals to have. I have influence over him still and that's vital for me to see right now. I truly think he has become so wounded by me but other signs too including him randomly seeing a little boy and father telling the boy to walk to him and telling me see,he's trying to give me tough love like the father to the boy. I have no idea what that meant,but it showed again he does have care still,he's just very very lost and wounded and i've come to realize that i need to be very patient with him and love him still. the majority of the pictures in his phone are even of my cat,again another thing showing i'm important to him. that was MY cat and it means something to me that he so many pictures of her in his phone. i'm just grateful to be seeing signs he still loves me and i still matter.
-reminding myself to love myself no matter what is going on right now
-my conviction
-remembering no matter how bad things seem to remember to have faith and that things like that could just be tests and you never what something could lead to so just trust all is working in your favor
-affirmations with the words i believe. so powerful.
-remaining dedicated to retraining my mind
-listening to some root chakra music and how amazing it is to listen to headphones again
-not even having a desire to check tarot anymore as it's so fake and silly
-my bed
-my bedroom
-surrendering a little bit since it seems that might be vital
-soothing myself after my nightmare by knowing why it happened and reassurances from best friend
-that my book will be in the mail soon
-that awesome affirming line from bashar in the video tonight that felt like a good omen
-knowing i can now wash.condition,and color my hair and it's safe for my ear. i'm almost all caught up with normal things and then off to getting really caught up on work and social things and so on
-my desire spring forth to really get out there again and make things happen and feel good and show everyone how wrong they were to treat me awful. success will be the best revenge.
-the new vegan coffee that caught my eye that i bought to try this week

[buttercup]

-potatoes
-my favorite indian food sauce
-miracles
-the power of positivity. it may not work right away i noticed, but it DOES work.
-best friend calming down with me and being the calmest i've seen him since this 3 weeks
-having an amazing landlord who was so helpful and went above and beyond to be smart yet reassuring after something weird at my apartment today that made me uncomfortable
-being a caring person
-getting to talk and express my feelings to best friend and be honest
-my mom spending time with me after getting scared
-feeling really good about this apartment and like i'd even consider renewing my lease here
-getting a new hairstylist who is interested since the one i had seems to have lost interest
-how much better i look now that i fixed my haircolor. my face looks younger and more attractive now.
-deciding starting tomorrow after all this negativity to shut the door about talking about these problems with best friend to others as i know in my heart it's only made it worse that we made things public and the venting. really wish that never happened.
-the little independent things i've done and learned in the last week or two from spending time with my mom and getting settled
-best friend looking excited when i first made talk with him before the evening about how i wanted to work things out
-how healing last night was after doing some spiritual work on clearing some limiting beliefs,reflecting,and chakra music and inspiring videos. i felt soo good. and all day my ear felt normal despite stress and my chest wasn't too bad.
-mercy
-feeling calm and reassured about things finally
-sodas
-pastries for breakfast i love
-getting my book in the mail
-reassurances
-seeing moms cat again and being able to give him some affection
-self forgiveness
-how blessed i am
-my desires
-progress

[buttercup]

-getting my life back
-baileys my favorite alcohol which reminds me of fun,winter,and holiday
-music
-getting a hairstylist confirmed and being able to send out a time to team
-staying determined in my positivity
-going tanning today
-getting more money sent to my new account
-mom staying on phone with me
-best friend somewhat sticking to our agreement
-best friends father sending a voice mail that actually seemed to work in my favor last night
-best friends mom texting me today
-feeling stronger and optimistic about the future
-how great my book is so far. much better then my last book
-how much more attractive i feel now that my hair color is fixed
-feeling in such a good mood right. it's like i'm almost in the vortex
-finding fun things i want to do this weekend and rsvping something fun for this weekend. so nice to feel ready to go out
-things starting to just go a little bit more in my favor
-finding some safety apps to download that i liked
-feeling how good life can be again
-that christmas is almost over
-starting to feel calmer on some things
-my conviction
-sticking to my end of things when making a deal
-how great it is to have a laundry room in my building
-getting through today and now tonight. was on edge after weird incident yesterday so it's nice to have had some time pass from that
-believing in myself
-being different.
-comfort
-my bed
-blankets
-how great january will be
-dancing
-feeling prettier again
-feeling more accomplished again
-best friend's reiki
-becoming smarter,better
-keeping my heart
-my phone
-my computer
-my phone charger
-internet
-learning some new things
-that best friend is here
-hope
-healing and my vibe raising
-a pretty warm winter
-feeling more abundant
-having amazing landlords

[buttercup]

-God keeping me safe and healthy
-best friend's parents giving me some kind of solace and help right now
-my mom calling me when i felt really low
-my mom still being able to give me the ride tomorrow
-water
-deciding it's time to start appreciating dejavu again like i used to since that's a more positive interpretation and all of life is how we percieve i
-dejavu while with my brother last night and how weird it was us both not celebrating christmas while everyone was out and some of the parallells going on
-best friend finally texting
-lights
-l texting me last night
-online forums seeming to be extra active today and yesterday which is nice and getting some advice and encouragement to consider
-seeing how the world is a mirror even shows up my OWN resistances and to not take things showing up that i disagree with as bad signs but instead of my own resistances being spotlightd to me. so grateful for that lesson i learned in summer of 2014 that really hit home for me and has been a game changer ever since it made sense
-my phone
-my brother's cat and the love from him
-models with my kind of teeth which makes me feel confident and inspired
-my job time being confirmed last night
-knowing i'm a winner and a warrior and i will get through this and overcome it and come out the champion
-pictures
-art
-R emailing me last night. he wanted to say happy holidays. it was nice.
-that at least i have my own bank account now
-downloading lyft app and it being easy to use and having a lot of free credits
-sleep
-that christmas is almost over
-how forward looking i am to january
-realizing i just spent the whole day and night here alone and this is the longest i spent here alone since i moved here.

[buttercup]

-that i am safe
-that i am healthy
-reiki sent to me today making me feel good
-my own good energy of two hours of retraining my mind and how it put me in a very good mood after
-a little progress from best friend
-after deciding i must detach from this drama,so far doing pretty good with letting it all go in my mind
-that christmas is over
-my special pink bracelet that is meaningful to me
-my mom stopping by and letting me call her every so often
-catching up on sleep today
-getting some macarons from local place
-water
-baileys to relax me
-getting a little independent from things i've had to do lately
-getting the lyft app on my phone and how easy it is to use and the free credits
-subliminal recording of feeling safe that i listened to and calmed me earlier
-being the better person
-my kind heart
-interesting spiritual epiphanies about having a limiting belief of predestiny i had and the interesting reflections on how it does seem we constantly shift realities and meet different versions of people in our life and how eerie but also beneficial is
-l to text me
-making it past midnight now and doing ok
-my ability to be stronger then ieven want to be
-my conviction
-my intelligence
-feeling more beautiful and attractive and lately
-my phone
-my laptop
-sodas
-clarity coming to me
-getting some physical exercise in
-how clear the air felt tonight while in my good mood. one of my more interesting reflections on good vibes vs bad. good vibes always make the air seem clearer and things feel calm and fine
-my rain boots
-that this awful month is almost over
-that soon this night will be over
-how much better i am getting and how much those who hurt me and my haters are making me better and stronger
-all the reflections lately to make me better
-my little manifesting success stories like getting l to say he loves me twice now and he hardly knows me!,getting the drama to simmer down just a bit,and feeling more attractive. they are small but very inspiring
-how well i know my neighborhood and how nice it is to have that experience from living in the area for two years now
-my coat
-being able to laugh at myself
-my job to look forward to the first week of january
-my skills
-my orange calcite rock

[buttercup]

-best friend's father coming by when i had a panic
-a nice meditation session i had after feeling drawn to do it that made me feel calm
-feeling prettier
-l to text,and the nice things he says like that he thinks i need a bf and someone to be there for me and he wants to be that
-finding my eyeglasses the other day
-my mom coming by earlier
-getting my errands done i wanted today
-best friend agreeing to meditate for 5 minutes
-water
-writing a letter to best friend last night speaking from the heart
-the amazing logical email i sent a few days ago
-gratitude lists
-the ecard i sent
-the short email i sent last night
-all the fire and motivation i have to accomplish all these new goals and become better
-my job i have confirmed for the first week of january
-remembering all my amazing accomplishments and amazing resume i have going for me
-knowing i will win
-mercury retrograde coming up which will work in my favor
-making a nice protein rich dinner i couldn't even finish
-getting a good workout in
-my style
-how beautiful my hair is
-my bed
-my phone
-blankets
-my laptop
-chargers
-having mail in my name here at my apartment now and how great that feels
-lipbalm
-balancing my heart chakra with music tonight
-a dream about E which allowed me to dream a bit and wonder which was nice. remembering that amazing kiss
-deciding to get that wall decal i wanted even before i moved here that i had planned on getting for the place
-getting started on my new year's resolutions last night
-getting a lot done last night
-being able to at least see how i'm creating my reality with my thoughts and focus even if it seems difficult to change and like everything is static.i think doing regular meditation will help.
-being able to see clearly the spiritual connection to best friend and how he clearly is my soul counterpart
-being inspired by others i know to be better
-wanting to be better so i can inspire others

[buttercup]

-deciding to be more loving to myself
-making myself a nice large mostly vegan dinner with wine
-deciding and getting done a first draft for an article i am going to write which is one of my new year's resolutions and feeling pretty good about it
-sleeping good today
-feeling more detached and how good space is starting to feel
-that R is almost out of the picture and that someone more divine will fill her place in the perfect time
-my job coming up
-getting a little reading done
-best friend coming home today even though weather was bad
-getting outside for a bit and taking some cool winter pics to post for social media that i liked a lot
-drinking a nice mason jar of water upon waking to start my day right
-having a cup of coffee today to keep slowly easing my way back into having coffee again
-great ideas to shift my situation from loa forums
-that i got through the day of this storm and almost the night
-best friend sending reiki for me
-getting best friend to send my mom a happy birthday text
-my phone
-my phone charger
-relaxing about some things
-a nice meditation i did last night which helped me to see things calmly and feel a sense of truth about the future. not an overexaggerated good,and nothing bad,but similar to normal and how great that felt
-deciding to stop watching TV despite practically everyone's advice since i actually see a direct manifestation from watching a TV show a few times while here. that show made me more emotional and thinking sad type thoughts and sure enough then i manifested my one friend getting her rings just like on that show which is too weird,and NOT a coincidence. If that's not obvious indicator that nothing is predestined and that thoughts create everything,then i don't know what is. It actually makes me feel a lot better to see that.
-seeing how outside's peoples opinions have made me not see clearly and made the situation more negative based on their own thoughts..or should i say me being affected by their thoughts
-business partner saying by next week she should be ready to buy the website thing we are doing
-that i'm getting stronger
-that i was in a good mood the other night for a good few hours
-being safe
-living in a nice apartment that feels a little bit like a sense of community here
-being more logical and more fear becoming eradicated
-my goals
-my things that make me happy
-remembering my strengths
-calming down about some things
-getting better at acknowledging limiting beliefs
-believing in myself more

[buttercup]

-that panic attack subliminal i started three days ago. have drastically cut down on how much i check on things for safety and not really any panic attacks about safety since i started
-water
-the speaking affirmations sessions i started doing about a day or two ago. have had some manifesting success and improved moods since starting it and feel like my mind has retrained quite a bit. it's interesting. a lot of loa people say repetition is key,maybe they are right.i never thought of affirmations as retraining my brain before
-seeing another sign R is almost out the of picture last night. a very similar occurence to last week.
-that best friend came home last night
-that best friend hugged me last night
-my phone
-my phone charger
-clearing the psychic attack and seeing two things so far from my efforts for sure including an appliance making a noise that stopped right after i thought it was her doing(not serious about it though) and said she has no power over and now an old job seeming to fall through coming back in the picture
-that best friend has been nicer to me this week
-that best friend has said schedule changed this week and last multiple times and i heard him say it on phone too and his dad said it
-reassurance from best friend last night
-sleeping all day and my cold being relatively mild
-my eyeglasses
-rose oil
-cayenne pepper
-my manifesting success stories from the last week or two
-little positive things i've found to help me change my vibration
-getting my crown chakra balanced
-my ear feeling healed
-getting another follow up job email,too
-seeing certain things to prove to me the importance of how reality is not predestined and seeing how reality is created by our thoughts
-tissues
-my energy softening up more
-my desire to surrender
-transmuting the energy of this apartment
-my voice and the ability to talk
-lipbalms
-that a new month is near
-my bed
-my diet being more plant based again
-embracing things and realizing things can be transmuted and that everything is law of attraction.
-my ability to see. my eyesight
-my conviction
-forgiveness
-colors

[buttercup]

-my cold only being minor
-music
-sleep
-that this year is almost over
-feeling safe
-panic attack subliminals i've been doing and how effective they've been
-being a woman
-a flash of inspiration in the middle of the night to get my best friend a gift and getting help to go and get and get it. friend's dad even helped pay for it. friend seemed really touched by the gesture and it seemed to make things a little better between us.
-my thoughtful,romantic side
-the perfect balloon i found
-best friend hugging me again today
-best friend confiding in me a little again today
-best friend's dad being so inspired by me that he gave me a gift of $50 cash which was interesting and very unexpected and helpful since i'm not currently making any money and also because i did a round of speaking affirmations and included money in them last night. was interesting to see what following flash of inspiration does and the power of being giving.
-best friend knowing his dad brought me because he asked how i got to stores which proved to him look i even had him bring me and he knows i don't like his dad which proved to him something too.
-seeing best friend being a little nicer to me lately
-sending new year's eve ecards to brother and best friend
-l texting me though i got so mad after him ignoring me that i was rude
-sleep
-getting out of the house today
-sodas
-finding out there's subliminal mobile apps
-awesome,helpful reflections
-feeling motivated and confident
-seeing loa success stories of mine from past week or so
-law of attraction forums and sites to help me get back on track
-hoodies and sweaters
-being so loving
-best friend coming home last night
-best friend sending reiki last night for my core fear
-seeing progress and movement with situation with R and best friend changing to my favor.
-being a great,thoughtful gift giver
-my phone
-my caring heart
-being helpful
-staying strong
-that things are always working out for me
-being classy
-my femininity
-blankets
-cleaning up the bedroom a little bit
-keeping my faith
-remembering progress not perfection
-remembering after all the mess created over the months,to be patient and grateful for what little has been cleaned up so far
-my child-like side
-my conviction
-my best friend
-my intelligence
-having a good heart
-always winning
-mercy

[buttercup]

-meditating. meditating is what put me on my path to becoming a happy person in the first place and set me on my spiritual journey. had a nice real meditation session where i emptied my mind and left the session calmer and feeling more uplifted and having had manifested texts i was waiting for. i also got clarity that all is well and healing is coming. if one meditates,they do probably do not need to "detach" as it happens naturally.
-getting my wall decal in the mail today
-surrendering after the painful last night and coming up with my plan and then sleeping sort of peacefully. it was a weird,nice feeling.i also did get an inner feeling that everything would be ok after i got very hurt and upset
-writing that email before bed
-getting the texts and email with confirmation on job details tomorrow. so excited that all is set
-lower body exercises i love and that have already made my lower body more toned as that is one of my big goals this year
-rewriting my subconscious a good amount by starting speaking affirmations
-panic attack subliminals i've been doing which have helped
-feeling safe in my apartment now
-being pursued by l even though he's a jerk,there's some kind of feeling there i kind of like
-lipbalms
-water
-sodas
-being classy
-being high end
-my goals
-remembering my accomplishments
-my personality
-all the things i feel i can do this year
-finding out landlord is out of town until tuesday skiing which gives more time for roommate to pay the rent which seems like a possible manifestation of his actually
-being feminine
-my child-like side
-loving myself more
-all my little manifesting success stories in the last week or so.i even seemed to manifest my cold going away practically instantly
-upstairs neighbors seeming to be home a lot
-style
-people who are cool
-my conviction
-being loving
-my eyeglasses
-getting my room cleaned a little bit more today
-my wisdom and maturity
-phobias and fears being cleared a good amount and transmuting the energy of this apartment
-remembering i create my reality
-remembering all my success stories and the power of meditation and that time i first came upon it
-my vitamins which make me feel great
-having a nice body
-seeing perspective on things last night
-my beliefs becoming more clear and moving into an inner knowing
-the power i have to change the energy of things
-scalp massage
-detaching from texting best friend after last night and not texting all day which is unlike me and not responding and seeing he still came
-feeling ambitious
-knowing things will heal and fix
-my beautiful apartment
-cool picture on my phone i like
-my book i've been reading
-being healthy
-being slim
-being smart
-my strength
-my desire to be solution focused and change
-my heart's desires
-that things are moving even if slowly
-that i always win
-positive and fun possibilities
-cool art
-being the better person
-all that i have to offer the world
-mercy
-my subconscious expectations changing to more positive
-frankincense oil,my favorite
-clearing negative energies

[buttercup]

-best friend hugging me again today,and on his own putting his arms around to do so
-doing a job again for primary career for the first time in months
-my mom helping me out at the last minute and bringing me to my job and picking me up
-my mom being good on my job and also making her happy to see me at work
-photographer making me feel good saying i look more toned and like i lost weight and younger and like i did in my early days. caught me off guard and was very interesting to hear,and flattering
-lower body getting more toned from exercises
-l liking a photo i posted on ig
-sexual tension with me and l
-new photos to post on ig now that life is getting more normal
-my phone
-my phone charger
-internet
-getting hotspot to work off my phone all on my own after friend told me how while internet didn't work earlier today.
-seeing best friends quick reiki at work when he made sure i was no more then a few minutes late to work when i was so worried it'd be more then that
-great wardrobe styling and perfect fitting clothes on job
-having really good feelings about making a major comeback bigger then ever in different areas of life
-feeling very determined to make certain goals happen and feeling some goals as a pull from my higher self
-having a feeling this may be my most powerful manifesting year ever
-all my manifesting success stories so far the last week or two
-being able to find the limiting beliefs at least from all the hardships coming about
-seeing and understanding the world is a mirror,truly
-mercy
-an apology/explanation from friend and also him saying even despite what i did in december/late nov he would never kick me out and feeling core fears starting to disappear as i identify them in reflection and realize wait a minute how did i go from this to that.
-my new years resolutions i made that i'm excited for
-sodas
-my vitamins
-focusing on all my progress and achievements since this time last month even if it does feel like there's so much turmoil,there has been some good
-deciding that if best friend and R are going to clean up after me then fine let them,ill just play up the "crazy" card just enough then and work things in my favor
-my eyeglasses
-being strong
-my bed
-my taste
-my goals
-my desires
-my conviction
-my empathy
-my success stories to remind me how good life is and what's possible
-my book i've been reading
-having an interesting personality
-having a great landlord
-feeling excited for when the weather will get warmer
-perspective
-that best friend actually called this morning and seemed to be alone
-that best friend said money is doing better now
-meditation
-speaking affirmations out loud
-having great hair
-feeling more attractive lately
-my beautiful blue eyes. so glad they look blue again.
-feeling that my subconscious is rewired on certain things now and progress is being made on that
-sweaters
-my mom coming by for a few minutes tonight
-my desire to make the world a better place
-online forums
-remembering how much negative junk i have cleared since two months ago and that again,progress is being made
-surrendering a little
-knowing everything is working out for me
-letting go of silly limiting thoughts and knowing i create my reality
-reassurances
-blankets
-knowing R won't be around much longer in a relationship way
-remembering the power of the universe and success stories and learning of changing how people are even with the loa. it's amazing and possible.
-how great it feels to be going back to the beginning in a sense with the loa and meditation and how i was with it.
-happy memories
-how good things are about to get again
-kindness towards myself
-being cute,and having a cute baby faced look
-the great lighting in my apartment
-the mirrors in my apartment

[buttercup]

-being in a really good mood today and having a good day today
-another pic of me i like to post on social media
-waking up to a text from business partner saying she bought the item we needed
-music
-sodas
-delicious lentil soup dinner
-getting my new year's resolutions met already
-compliments
-feeling more clarity and ease with new reality i am intending to create for myself and my world
-mercy
-a great speaking affirmations session before bed
-walking down the block today and how great it felt to get some fresh air and sun. even though it was cold,it felt great
-best friend spending a more normal amount of time at home today
-all my little manifesting success lately i've been having which keeps me feeling inspired and powerful
-being feminine and child-like
-pretty clothes
-being cute
-finding my old accomplisment book and deciding to start using it again and remembering where i went wrong with it before
-drinking a jar of water upon waking
-my phone
-my phone charger
-getting bedroom cleaned
-crackers to go with my soup
-seeing how good i have been already with certain things i've wanted and want,and that i'm not as far away as i think from taking it farther
-physical exercise and sticking to my goals
-best friend calling me more normal seeming
-rewiring my subconscious more and more and how much that has calmed me
-balancing my solar plexus chakra
-getting the towels out of the dryer by myself last night. that was a new little anxiety thing i overcame.
-feeling in the vortex or almost there
-focusing more on positive things
-becoming more positive as a habit
-my yoga mat
-doing a nice yin yoga session last night
-my lower body getting nice and toned
-feeling more confident and excited
-my beauty
-fashion
-law of attraction websites
-this website
-learning and applying helpful new ways of thinking
-space from the worst of the negativity
-my bed
-sleep
-sweaters
-appreciation
-blankets
-my eyeglasses
-cats
-getting a little work done today and finding perfect image for new project
-seeing things move and get done
-freaky,cool things that make you go hmm
-best friend
-my transitioned loved one
-that things are always working out for me
-miracles
-pictures
-fun
-the ability to create anything we want
-my blue eyes
-my beautiful brunette hair i'm really embracing lately
-being slender
-great little ideas to retrain my subconscious

[buttercup]

-vegan food
-grounding foods
-soda
-good feeling things
-my eye glasses
-being in a good mood that reminds me of the good moods i'd get back before my last apartment and all this drama
-meeting my goals
-my phone
-my phone charger
-my laptop
-my laptop charger
-getting a driving lesson in today and doing even better today. felt more confident turning the wheel a little
-getting an amazing business graphic image done that is perfect
-realizing the bio is perfect for social media page of new business
-all the work business partner got done in the last two days. i love how after she is mia she will come back and end up doing major catch up to the point where i'm like whoa,practically overwhelmed
-baileys alcohol. so tasty and fun
-tibetan singing bowl audios and how they slow my mind down and seem to heal my soul
-feeling very high vibe right now
-all my little manifesting success stories lately and keeping track
-realizing a differernt angle that maybe best friend is sending me psychic attack,not meaning to and clearing that
-manifesting my internet back on and the interesting experience of it going off after i had the thought about best friend and his energy and me
-l finally texting me back at least something
-all the new year,new me things going on for me thus far and how much of a major comeback i'm already making. starting to drive,did a job where i'll get amazing new photos and new business project is being made public,feel ready to go out,etc,etc and i still feel a surge of wanting to get a lot done and major desires to make amazing things happen
-getting new business launch fb page invites sent out
-getting a meditation session in today. was harder to empty my mind this time as it was ovewhelmed but it did calm me down at least.
-doing heart chakra balancing which also helped me a little today
-getting dining room cleaned
-best friend being home a little more today in the daytime to help me with things
-mercy towards myself
-getting out things i need to say in a way that wasn't too crazy when upset earlier at mom
-being able to feel my feelings and express them somewhere even if it was just an anonymous online forum
-my conviction
-my higher self
-a part in my book that all of a sudden called out to me and at the perfect time. it's been a difficult read and parts are boring but then all of a sudden i got that eerie,amazed feeling at what it was trying to say. perfect timing,too.
-blankets
-my bed
-sleep
-how when my vibe rises,i don't worry at all,i just know i'm fine and that's amazing
-my knowing that the world is a mirror
-how a lot of my phobic things have gone away from seeing them now from energy clearing i did and how things i do still see,i don't have as strong of an emotional reaction inside
-being smart
-my desires
-my child-like side
-having positive things to jump into again which will help me detach from negativity and dram
-my speaking affirmations sessions which seem to be my favorite way to manifest now
-knowing i was productive today
-self forgiveness

[buttercup]

-knowing i create my reality and can choose anything i want
-feeling relaxed
-rent getting paid today
-my throat and third eye chakra balancing music i'm doing right now
-getting my panic subliminals done
-my speaking affirmations sessions i do
-getting some high end people liking new business social media page
-getting a little bit of work done today
-getting some buzz created for new business and some new things up,inquiries,likes,etc
-washing and drying the clothes by myself today for the first time
-going for a walk around the block while roommate is here today and seeing a cop which made me feel safe
-sodas
-water
-vitamins
-my determination
-knowing stability will come
-being able to refrain from texting best friend's parents so far for about 3 days now and cutting back on needing my mom's help which has helped things i feel
-the work possibilities i am excited for
-getting myself excited for life again
-being strong
-my eyeglasses
-feeling more powerful and how amazing it is to get my vibe high. it just makes the loa easier to apply
-being in the vortex last night and how great it felt
-being more open to change and creating new for myself now and having some direction
-rewiring my subconscious and how much of old fears has drifted away thus far. it's been a process i've had to be patient about,but i am seeing a difference and things i feared two months ago,feel completely gone from my energy,and i am starting to feel more safer,just a little,and will increase that
-warmer weather today
-blankets
-sweaters and hoodies
-having a washer and dryer in the unit
-balancing my perspective a little
-my wisdom
-how good i feel it can get
-my bed
-my conviction
-knowing i always win
-awesome little pretty affirmation pics i randomly found online that i saved to my phone
-feeling clean and cleansed
-using my hardships to become better
-that the sun is now starting to come out for slightly longer
-feeling in a new place and that things are starting to shift my way
-being a caring person
-realizing my feelings. my feelings of hurt. my feelings of what i desire. my feelings that i do seem have to feelings for l. my feelings that i want to win against these life hardships and will.
-the snow having melted a little,the sun shining,and fresh air today
-my inner knowings becoming stronger
-being a positive person
-knowing i have a beautiful soul
-being talented
-knowing high end people
-my creativity

[buttercup]

-food
-snacks
-sodas
-that l and i finally hung out again
-that now i know what it's like to have a guy in my apartment and i handled it well.i got the house cleaned good before he came and put things away well and things didn't look too odd
-things getting normal in some ways with things with best friend and getting a reassurance he didn't pay for a certain thing for R and he even said he swears on his grave and i tend to believe people when they say that. that he confided about his classes so now i know why money has been bad and why he's been stressed as money always really stresses him out
-finding out i am attracted to l and that he looked more attractive when he got to my door. his hair was different and he just had a "cool" look plus he seemed more confident. finding out there is chemistry between me and l too.
-finding out l is actually very dominant and take control. idk what it is,maybe it;s just what i attract,but he did all these little things for me like he was taking care of me.i caught him washing a dish to give me more whiskey even though there was a dish and he figured out how to turn the heat off then put it back on when i was cold.i didn't even know how to turn my heat off/on yet. plus,he just had very take control,dominant gestures. some maybe overly so. i don't how this happened. he was take control enough when we had last date but wouldn't have suspected him of being overly so.
-l being so into my looks and staring at me a lot and saying im more beautiful in person and making me feel more attractive by staring so much at me and being so happy with how i look.
-l bringing up early on in the night our relationship status asking if we are going to make it official and what i want to do.i got nervous saying right now and got shy and then subject kind of got changed. i brought up how what he does for a living and what i do we'd be a perfect couple and team and he said that's what he's been trying to say
-makeup for making me feel beautiful
-how proud i am of myself for managing to be able to have a guy over at my house and handling it
-getting money sent to my paypal from my card all on my own when i had trouble figuring it out and thought i'd need best friend to help me figure it out
-deciding this morning that,yes i would like to switch rooms which i was offered from roommate and that the living room would make things much easier for me and seems a overall more nicer fit
-my style
-being a woman
-my desires and getting clarity about what do next with certain things
-seeing pics from last job and seeing some i like
-how nice it would be to have a high end industry boyfriend if l and i actually work out
-feeling invigorated in ways
-getting wall decal put up in living room today
-physical exercise
-that somehow the "princess" thing seems to work out for me and people seem to always help me out and do things for me. maybe because i'm not manipulative and i'm just authentically sort of feminine and slightly "helpless" in demeanor
-how much l likes my teeth. he kept playing with them by running his fingers over them
-being able to be social finally
-that c called me last night to see if i was going to event.i feel bad i didn't go once i seen that,but it was nice she actually called to see
-my understanding and empathy for others
-how nice it is things have calmed down enough with best friend that i haven't had to contact his parents at all in almost a week.
-reassurances
-my child like side
-feeling better physically now. felt sick again in the afternoon and was scared. glad that's over with.
-naps
-my contact from water job deciding to reschedule with conditions i told her i needed. was so glad she was able to work with that.
-that things have really been moving now that the new year is here. so grateful
-my conviction
-seeing little things fix or get figured out quickly lately. it makes me feel empowered. sometimes it's after an affirmation
-l being cute and saying we should go to a movie sometime while he was over after i brought up movies randomly and how cute it was how he asked me like he was asking me on a date and wanting to make me happy or coming up with ideas. ah,plus i love movie dates for some reason. they make me feel like a princess. they are just so classic and make me swoon for some reason. but only when the guy asks me,if he just takes me last minute that's not what i mean,but when guys ask me to a movie as in a date idea for us
-all the little future things l suggested last night
-that l actually seemed like he might be boyfriend material
-my realizations the other night about moving forward and just finding something to dive into and about how it seems i've been getting ready to clear predestiny for awhile now and reflections on a very high vibe former crush
-that plastic bins seem really cheap and like an easy thing to buy this weekend for storage
-seeing little signs best friend cared about me today though it upset me and i told him to stop acting like he cares. he made my heart race. he asked certain questions about l and then i hesitated and it made him suspicious.
-being considerate
-mercy
-being classy
-being high end

-

[buttercup]

-feeling happiness today for the first time in awhile
-driving lesson today and doing a little turning and even parking
-getting groceries today
-a delicious,nourishing,vegan dinner just like i used to have back at my apartment before the last that always made me happy
-feeling wanted
-l seeming upset about me not replying last night and trying to get me to answer him
-my winter hat
-feeling very beautiful and sexy
-yoga pants
-my lower body getting nice and tight and sexy
-dating a photographer
-makeup
-getting some plastic bins
-getting my wall decal put up
-having empathy and perspective
-finding out a day i can get cat to come here
-my nails being nice and hard
-being attracted to l and how nice that feels to have someone again
-feeling so moved forward compared to 6 weeks ago and i deserve it.i worked hard.
-panic attack subliminals i've been doing
-sleep
-face massage
-just feeling a nice sense of happiness that all is well,that i am abundant,and all is going to be fine
-rose oil
-my creativity and ideas
-taking time off from things sometimes.
-spices
-that the days have been getting slightly longer again and feeling spring is near
-calming down about some things so i can do some things differently
-giving up believing in astrology and how good that feels
-feeling calmer about things i phobias about
-understanding about my fears
-just feeling a little more trusting again
-little boosts of independence increasing
-my skin looking great
-thoughtful gesture that made me feel loved where best friend randomly gave me a backup phone charger to have that i guess he got for me or decided i should
-vitamins
-knowing that this really nice feeling i have now,can keep coming back and get better,and better and to just keep up with the hard work i've been doing
-speaking affirmations sessions
-things i like
-being considerate
-having great taste in things
-the amazing possibilities
-sending links to best friend to help him
-fashion
-deciding to go higher in protein again

[buttercup]

-gratitude lists
-making these potatoes perfectly
-liking l now
-being in the vortex again today for a few hours. wow. felt so good.
-the power of positive music and how great it made me feel today
-the things i like about l. how polite he always seemed. how on the first time we met when he booked me i was really late,and i think he even had to pay to rent the space and he didn't even seem the slightest bit mad or annoyed at me and just seemed like the polite,sweet guy who is very positive minded. i thought he was a cool guy back then. how by our first date,i thought he was an interesting guy and obviously chivalrous.i liked that he had culture and cool life experiences.i like that he unfollowed that girl and seen my side of a story i told him about things. and,now on our 2nd date,i like that i realized i AM attracted to him. I needed to know that and wasn't sure yet. I like how beautiful he made me feel and how take control he was and how he brought up going to the movies and us being in a relationship and a little picture i have of him in my head when he was being "bad." he was sitting on the floor playfully with a smile looking at me. idk why that is a snapshot in my head. well,actually,yeah, i do. i thought he looked really physically attractive in that moment. the hair,and the casual,playful way of sitting and the devious smile on his face. it is interesting the snapshots one will have in their head that they tend to turn to everytime they think of a certain day/night. i guess for me that date 2 will be that moment. the 2nd time time we met,will be him sitting at the table and seeming classy and cultured and feeling like this is ok,this is even kind of cool. and the first time will be of him standing seeming slightly shy,but polite and just like the nicest guy and very positive and very industry. he always seems very industry to me which i like. it was so nice talking to him and having like industry chat while watching movies. idk what'll happen.
-having a feeling tomorrow will be a good day
-water
-finding out my blanket was not stolen like i freaked out and thought at 5 am
-my eyesight seeming to get better
-getting caught up on emails today after taking a bit of a break to withdraw
-getting more progress and things done with new business
-getting some sense of normalcy with best friend
-roommate taking the trash out today
-fashion
-feeling very goal focused and like it's super in my reach to achieve my goals
-doing my panic attack subliminals today
-having coffee and a muffin today for breakfast
-having a nice mason jar of water before breakfast which felt so good
-a lot of subconscious fears calming down
-doing some affirmation speaking sessions today and EFT
-feeling beautiful
-looking beautiful
-my feminine energy
-my face
-my lower body getting nice and tight and perfectly shaped
-my eyes
-makeup
-reminding myself that the most important thing for me right now is to just relax and stay stress free
-vitamins
-getting clothes put away in bins and how much nicer it looks now
-my conviction
-mercy
-my awesome wall decal in living room
-being ok with giving myself a little time to do nothing
-how healthy my teeth are
-how healthy my nails are
-odor in bedroom going away
-all my manifesting success stories i've recently been garnering
-feeling more and more like new goals i had wanted are achievable and more in my reach now. it's so weird.
-the days getting longer
-feeling more calmer about time now
-getting excited about work things,and love life possibilities and feeling the possibilities more again
-newness
-positive websites like these that help me get back on track when times are hard
-feeling "over" certain things finally
-my ear seeming to do fine today
-being able to tell and show people i'm doing happy
-decluttering and throwing out old sweater i wore a lot this fall that had a tear in the side
-great ideas
-seeing how certain things in the past i didn't feel ready for or blocked,can now more easily come into my life and how great that feels
-transformation
-the laptop i'm using
-what i do for a living,my primary first career.

[buttercup]

-music
-the power of adding emotions
-using my sad,low,feelings to observe and reflect on what i'm doing wrong and to add fuel to my desires and motivation
-excitement
-remembering the juicyness of life again and the power of feeling those feelings of magic
-romance
-remembering me and who i am and the things i love
-remembering happiness
-funny little things that seem to be really calling my attention. it was so odd. these google fairytale pictures kept grabbing my attention so i even saved them. it was so weird,the way it seemed to be grabbing my attention.
-funny little hmm moments from law of attraction. i changed my picture on a website of law of attraction to the fairytale pic that kept grabbing my attention for some odd reason..like it was calling me and then i decided to go ahead and comment on this girl's thread about wanting a hero and then realized my pic was a pic of a princess and her hero. Was SO weird. Didn't even realize that until after i commented either. Sites like that are great at reminded me the world is a mirror and the law of attraction. I see often things that parallel what's on my mind.
-perfectly cooked potatoes. i figured out adding two more minutes to the time and then not rushing to take them out makes them soo perfect
-knowing despite it all,i am feeling less and less blocked. i can feel more of an unlimited feeling of what's possible for me again and am dreaming bigger and believing in more. maybe that's the first step for me was knocking those limiting beliefs down so i can have a clearer path of what's possible which also soothed fears and helped me feel a little less stuck again,and gave me some success stories with manifesting and maybe now today in my down,sad mood was to have me realize the power of adding emotions/and feelings and remembering things related to that.
-sexy guys
-bandaids
-going tanning today
-feeling and looking more beautiful
-my lower back getting tighter and more in shape
-my lower back having a nice curvy shape guys like
-cutting down on sodas that are brown colored for two days in a row so far
-letting myself cry
-EFT which has been helpful at clearing limiting beliefs
-speaking affirmation sessions
-feeling so energized and like tension has been released after EFT and speaking affirmation session which tells me it's really rewiring my subconscious
-seeing all the things i've repressed over the years..the feeling of being connected,feeling the amazing feeling of feeling just because,etc
-that my looks came back after the two months or so of extreme stress i had
-great law of attraction videos
-remembering that EVERYTHING is created from "nothing" and to not feel intimidated of how to manifest something out of thin air
-plant based food and being mostly plant based again
-water
-my hair
-laughing at life
-getting in the vortex for at least a few moments tonight

[lord.of.the.now]

I am grateful that it makes me appreciate the divine more than ever.

It makes the divine feel like it's worth 10million dollars

I get spiritual satisfaction from appreciating

I express love freely when I am grateful

It's a feel good topic being grateful


Buttercup that is a very very big grateful list

[lord.of.the.now]

make sure you do all these exercises for life it’s pimping up your personality ;/
Make sure you mean it when you are being greatful ;/;/;/
524 to 534pm
Thankyou for dad quitting smoking
Thankyou for my whole family being spiritual
Thankyou for the whole family raising their vibration %
Thankyou for the blender and most healthiest selection
Thankyou for the pleasure of being grateful
Thankyou for the inner water purified water tea in my guts filled with light
Thankyou for running every day of the week
Thankyou for healthy food from mum it feels blessed
Thankyou for medicine it saved my life better a ghost then to hearing voices;/
Disconnection, safe mode
Tranqulity
Unconscious protection safe mode
Protective Toxins
Drug induced psychic protection

Thankyou for the space that I can be and disconnect from my sufferings
Thankyou non fluoridated water ;/
Thankyou for the apple vingier ;/;/;/
Thankyou for the visions
Thankyou for the strong strong vibrations ;/;/;/
Thankyou for the earthed mind water grounding me to the celestial reality
Help, help, help me spiritually evolve = Makerie Daily
= ???
Thankyou for my future freedom
Thankyou for vedgy boys for raw fruit and veg, really really good deals from boss ;/;/;/
Thankyou for light in my fruit

thankyou for angels showing themselves once every while

Thankyou for accepting my new diet organic raw vegetarian blended meals ;/;/;/

Thankyou for programming myself to be in the moment and positive ;/;/;/
thankyou for the benefits of raising my vibration
Thankyou for fighting against my old ways ;/
Thankyou collecting light around my conscious and energy field

Thankyou for raw fruit and veg helping me connect to nature X
Thanking for moderating what I eat and drink ;/;/;/;/
THANKYOU FOR FRUIT IN VEG EXPANDING MY COUNCSIOUSNESS ;/;/;/

Thankyou for transforming my water molecular structure by positive practices
Thank conquering voices from clozapine not much room for them to stagnate my progress
Less room to manifest bad future the voices will

Thankyou for the positives and focus on positive feel good subject
Thank for earthing or grounding that connects me to nature

thankyou for gardening X

thankyou for dukes yoga exeresize - +%
Thankyou for a living a godly life threw the now
Thankyou for my ego turning into a shower of love and light

Thankyou for really really raising my vibration by connecting to archangel oracle cards
^ feminine & compassion,,,now.. XX%
Thankyou for the benefits of raising vibration

Thankyou for the lighterian waters;/;/;/

Thankyou for more then 10k healing angels clear threw my mental and emotional debree wow wow
Thankyou for healing from the national healers list;/;/;/
Thankyou for good mental health from white sage ;/;/;/

Thankyou for vortex lady clearing away anxiousness
and fear ;/;/;/
Note I don’t have to feel like a tortured animal anymore

Thankyou for the laughing fits ;/;/%
Thankyou for the power of my throat
Thankyou for the detox on medication threw absorbing light;/
Thankyou going threw the only way to pilless state threw raising of vibration
Thankyou for duke in my life helping me get into the moment ;/;/;/
Thankyou for getting into the moment frequently without aids

Thankyou for duke in my life ;/

Thankyou for the detox of apple cider
Thankyou for being higher vibrational earthed water based ;/
Thankyou for all of debbies exercises

Thankyou for the moon the stars being grounded in this fantastic reality grounded by water
Thankyou for the desire to transform my ego to divine ;/;/;/
Thankyou for my divine friends nonphysical and physical, friends as well
HELP ME BE EXTREAMLY GREATFUL HS
Thankyou for the laughing yoga ;/;/;/
Thankyou for the timeless state of the now ;/
Thankyou for my frequency really really high
Thankyou for 200 or more structures from vortex lady
^ she can send remote structures
Thankyou for intense lucid dreams
Dreams, dimensional aspects ;/
Thankyou for very expressing my greatfulness
Thankyou for daily light from drinking white tea
Thankyou for coco colo burps some times without aids = regular phenomena
-very Impressive ^ ;/;/;/;/ recently
Thankyou for expressing my light, activating and sending out light to the world normally experienced on divine highs

Thankyou for pushing me forward in life ;/

Thankyou for working towards transforming my ego to divine aspect
Thankyou for releasing my cellur pain memory ;/;/;/
Thankyou for acknowledging ma-ker-ry as intense light
Thankyou for purity peace relaxing massaging my mind
Threw the gods light in my energy field

Thankyou for awakening threw vortex healing X?X
Thankyou for raising vibration threw vortex healing;/;/;/
I feel my stagnancy and I am going to fight for my freedom.. the freedom to be free from stagnancy and ego 50% worked on %%;/;/
Thankyou for the avacodo in brown bread %X%
Thankyou white tea to make me have beautiful skin ;/;/;/
Thankyou for green tea powder in moderation %X% need to buy at Asian shop

Thankyou for money in the future
Most of all thankyou for the light more valuable comparing to money

Thanking for allowing me to fully love my body

Thankyou for allowing me to love my dad, sister, mum
Thankyou for my ego disolving threw vortex healing lady ;/
Thankyou for knowing my ego is disolving
Thankyou for slowly getting off my medication
I love you lom because I’ve got a long abundance grateful list thankyou for everything I have it thanks to you, all thanks to you lom

Help me be very very extremely grateful lom

Thankyou for maximizing my light love vibration, quotient in this dose of medication
Thankyou going beyond max amount of vibration that I can hold threw vortex therapy, structures

Myself Healing my schizophrenia with angels
Thankyou for angel business is my business

Thankyou for integrating sub personalities voices and raising their vibration
Thankyou for wanting to get a laughing yoga book…X
Thankyou for practicing laughing yoga daily ;/;/;/
Thankyou for practicing NEW ;/;/;/
Thankyou for raising my vibration daily
Thankyou for only high vibrational hullcinations

Thankyou for a full recovery I wouldn’t be here today as I would be victimized for life
In other words thankyou for braking free from victim consciousness ;/;/;/

Thanks to Debbie’s execisers thanks to her

Thankyou for my hs getting me into the moment ;/;/;/
Thankyou for doing healing on Chrissy XX%
Thankyou for homeopath herbs that can help connect me to nature X ask for other types of herbs.. to be added to the homeopath bottle %%%
Thankyou for going to the beach to connect to the wind %%%
Thankyou everyday fighting my stagnancy ;/
Stagnancy disintegrating from raising vibration ;/
Thankyou for feeling good from the love and light ;/
Thankyou for positivity making me really really appricaite positive gains ;/;/;/
Thankyou for positive music aligning me with the divine ;/

Thankyou for me self-mothering myself ;/;/;/
Thankyou for really appricate my greatfulness
Thankyou for really really unlocking my throat gland
Thankyou for the training and no tobacco to not shut down my throat function
Thankyou for staying the hell away from quality beedies or quality cigars smoking (never ever will start up smoking ever again) I have control over my life, now..
Acknowledging tobacco is good smelling gorce,,, Michael…

Thankyou for cleaning my lungs so I can readily absorb wild dagga blue lotus extract and other shamanic substances
Help me clean my lungs lom
Long periods of no voices from medicine room for big spiritual growth
Thankyou for trusting in debbie that has answered that I will be off medication in the future
Thankyou for the healing process and medication process
Thankyou for having a laughing fits in my dream state ;/
Thankyou for stuffing me with strong laughing emotions ;/;/;/ keep practicing…
The beach water vibration is as strong as the spieghts spring water so thankyou for abosbing this water
Spieghts beer is healthy for your vibration

Thankyou for raising my water qiotency molecular vibration which influence my negative synapses

Being absolutely saterated in light strongly affecting my negative brain wiring
Everyday tar synapses in lungs is braking down threw natural cellur, high frequency, spring water, replacement
Everyday negativity and victim consciousness is getting weaker and weaker

Thankyou for vivid dreams
Thankyou for flushing alien or reptillion mind matter or negative programming appreciating it going down tolit, the negative programming + lung synapses
Thankyou for working with water its cleansing properties is appricaited big time
I love water
Thankyou for worshiping divine purity
Thankyou for fighting for the freedom to be in extreme godly paradise
Help me fight threw laziness when it comes to running %X;/
Lom help me in the pleasure of destroying my stagnancy ;/ and dissolving my ego ;/

Thankyou for the abundant fruit and veg good deals;/

I am talking about heaven on earth…
Thankyou for ascending on earth…
Thankyou for working on my long term silence base conditioning during walking meditation;/;/;/
Thankyou for flushing psychic waste down the tolit
Thankyou working towards to have a healthy Sound positive mind so i can enjoy shamanic substances

Thankyou for taking the path of positivity. Filled with positive experiences on this path ;/;/;/
Thankyou for going to receive mahekeri true light at bruces place weekly X;/;/
Thankyou for being greatful helping me value the divine more then ever
Greatful = freedom = strong spiritual satisfaction

Thankyou for more consciousness from raising of vibration

Thankyou for my dad’s strong bond aswell as my mums strong bond and my sister strong bond ;/;/;/
Thankyou for recoverying my greatful desire
Thankyou for being shaman appreciating shamanic beauty ;/
Thankyou for being earthed and having visions

Thankyou for in the future one foot in the divine dimension and one foot the in the physical dimension ! ! !

Thankyou for being very grateful
Thankyou for training in stronger gratefulness
Thankyou for the beaty and natures high vibrational frequency

Thankyou for being guided from lord prayer

Thankyou for bombarding vibration ally my mental body, emotional body and with light tea ;/
I love you lom because I get to love you
Thankyou for the healing of my brain threw psychic surgery ;/
Thankyou for the protection from my very own mind the protection of light in my energy field ;/

Thankyou for the profound transformation lom of unwell Michael to mentally healthy Michael lom threw Debbie’s exercises given to me lom ;/ done
Thankyou for buying ACID the full package from Harvey Norman acid internet homepage internet X
Thankyou lom for praying to become stronger
Thankyou for mastering speed reading …later in life;/
Thankyou for spring water and salvia
Thankyou for connecting to nature
Thankyou for salvia afterglow similar to earthed mind water,

thankyou for this similar pleasant feeling;/

Thankyou for going to polytechnique to study music ..%
Thankyou for training my musical skills by singing to positive love music.
^ raise vibration fully first then do music field ;/
Thankyou for applying gratefulness I understand it’s an important Debbie exercise

Thankyou for desiring to be extremely grateful
Thankyou for not being a victim anymore
Thankyou for successful attempts of getting into the now ;/;/;/
Thankyou for Debbie in my life ;/;/;/

Thankyou for a healthy organic chicken in my future saturated in quality olive oil kfc secret recipe

thankyou for the olive oil in my food ;/


Thankyou for mum teaching me how to cook yummy rice independently ;/
Thankyou for avocado fixes
Thankyou for chili fixes
Thankyou for connecting to nature and absorbing vegaterain meals

Thankyou lom for soul food tasty raw vegetarian meals
Thankyou for being creative when it comes too food
Thankyou for receiving and giving love

Thankyou for flawless healthy diet better than nothing
Thankyou for improving my diet in the long run, know how can do.
Thankyou for knowing how to get into the now as a strategy ;/ ;/ ;/
Thankyou for having vivid lucid dreams on medication ;/
Thankyou for encouraging Michael to eat healthy threw encouraging Michael tapping and programming Michael
Thankyou for Michael healthy lifestyle looking after my vechile

Thankyou for the longevity fighting the ageing process from psychiatric medication long term consumption from white tea

Thankyou for doing chores without being told in the new flat :/;/;/
Thankyou for a detox on vegetables
Thankyou for advancing with prayers
Appreciating the max qiotency of light in my energy
field where I am at, at this point while on medication
Thankyou for the medication at this point of time
Thankyou for being emotional when doing I love you in the mirror
Thankyou for pure health life and purity
Thankyou lom for simplicity
Thankyou for doing thanks giving
I AM GOING TO DESTROY MY STAGNANCY as a strategy
Threw exercise becoming very fit XXX
Or
1000 squats per day x barrier work on it
Thankyou I love you lom because I have incense and essential oils such as lavender oil or rose oil %X%
I HAVE GOT A HOLD OF THIS DEMON AND I AM GOING TO KILL IT

Thankyou for the efforts of becoming hard working slowly dissolving the rest of my stagnancy to a pulp to be fully hard working
Good results with being non stagnant ;/ ;/ ;/
^ note I’ve feel I have come a long way
congratulations
Thankyou for running plus wind to day sustains will power levels and delivers discipline
Thankyou for running = will power improving and mobile body awareness and rope pulling in body XX;/;/

The wind is good to release pain suffering stagnant energies on a windy day ;/
So thankyou for the devolvement of the rest of my stagnancy
Thankyou for acknowledging where I am at, at this moment

Thankyou for the will power exercise and good wind
Thankyou for successfully practicing connecting to pavement using feet ;/;/;/ Ã♥ earthing and botanical gardens

Thankyou for green tea ice coffee X don’t support caffiene
Thankyou for keeping up my fitness ;/X%
Thankyou for lidea and Derk % currently in my life
Thankyou for fighting my gambling addiction ;/
>under control<
Thankyou for microwaving second hand rose buds
Thankyou for microwaving loose white sage and putting it into the spa ;/

Thankyou for hot water to drink better than nothing
Thankyou for presence found in discipline
I love you lom I know all trips are positive on mind altering substances
Thankyou for being programmed by angels to enjoy all salvia trips
Thankyou for being programmed by angels to be immune to the influence of the dark side

Thankyou lom for the salvia mother plant
Therefore thankyou for being hard working
I love the truth filling me
hs threw my light body

Thankyou for being grateful for the rest of my life
Thankyou for the work done on making me sound
Thankyou for a list of positive happenings
Thankyou for my dream diary need prompting
Thankyou for doing Debbie’s exercises for life
Thankyou for practicing Toltec once every while
Thankyou for being ultra-ultra grateful one day in my future
actually fun doing the exercises
Actually enjoyed Toltec exercise
Do it once needed when beliefs come to the surface
Sustained progress from long term practice
thankyou learning to love lom
thankyou for light in my white tea
Thankyou for the health benefits of drinking tea
Thankyou for the water brewy in stomach filled with light
Thankyou for the mirror love work
I love you because I get to be a divine ego
lom help me be more grateful thankyou lom for myself being more grateful more everyday
Thankyou for access to mastering my memory and my intelligence
Thankyou for my believe system cleared by angels
Thankyou for merlin linage clearing away false beliefs system threw my mental body %;/%

Thankyou for Speights water mineral spring water without being fluoridated ;/;/;/
I want to be grateful lom make me grateful lom
Please help me be grateful please help me be loving
Thankyou for absorbing nature threw white & green tea
Thankyou for seeking balance 50% the physical & 50% the out of body world
Thankyou for getting my ♥♥♥♥ stuff together

Thankyou for letting me start my exercises again
Thankyou for the progress I am making’
Thankyou for fighting isolation or alienation ;/;/;/
Thankyou for getting into the moment almost weekly X
Thankyou for optimum mental health
Thankyou for making me lom
Thankyou for releasment of my mental emotional garbage
Thankyou for good mental health from stop smoking
Thankyou for my natural stimulant charged mind from meditation & brain charged with light
Thankyou for the stimulant light in the long term future
I love you lom god because you help me do my best
Thankyou for the years devote of exercises given to me
Thankyou for fighting my stagnancies including my ego
Thankyou for abundant gratefulness’
Thankyou for stretching my abundance
Grateful for all debbies exercises all of them are very important
Thankyou for the shamanic Toltec practice daily

[lord.of.the.now]

Thankyou for knowing how to change my beliefs
^ only when believes come to the surface^
Thankyou for making sound b4 shamanic
Thankyou for upping my praying skills
Thankyou for practicing praying every day

Thankyou for a positive future
Please make me do all Debbie’s exercises
Believe it or not your Debbie’s best student
I know when my stagnancy dissolves are being very fully hard working
Thankyou for the 4 well beings
Sun light / Light in hot water/ healthy tea
Running/ Gym Workout
Yoga
Spa ;/ sauna %
Stem, temperature, duration, white sage smoke, lavender oil & essential oils %
Ask her house for more information
Thankyou for working towards home sauna goal
Thankyou for taking a break from healthy drugs because of giving me the time for healing period
I love you lom everyday become sounder everyday
I love being in the moment because I enjoy thanksgiving
Thankyou for being grateful for being in the moment
Thankyou for the ego to dissolve the attachment of English language
Thankyou for the conditioning of becoming silent during walking mediation exercises
Thankyou for latest successful attempt getting with derk in the moment ;/;/;/
Thankyou for lidea being my in the moment buddy from now

Thankyou for getting rid of parasites

I love you so much because I can heal myself threw walking meditation without being dependent on Debbie Pratt
Thankyou for the Silence, silence is healing
Thankyou for the jasmine tea

Thanking connecting to the lux

Thankyou for wanting to be author ???
The state of mediational peaceful being
Thankyou for myself self-mothering my inner child
Thankyou for looking after my physical body threw running gym

Thankyou for being more independent now without Debbie
Thankyou for making me grateful very strong more I practice the stronger I am grateful

It’s a pleasure to work for god even if there is no reward there is pleasure doing service


Thankyou for the pleasure of being grateful
Debbie is my master therefore all exercises are important life long

Thankyou for being saturated in light the joy of this present energy
I thankyou lom for who I really am as member of heaven
Thankyou for getting into the now on weekly basis

At this point thankyou for the medication it is a positive thing a tool to keep you well very useful very well appreciated it’s usage
Thankyou lom for my grand plan

I will love every moment because in each moment threw is love therefore I am grateful that I am in every moment plus beauty and being high
Thankyou for the joy
Thankyou the best drug of them all “being in the moment�
Thankyou for soul expression a result of sustain practiced exercise
Thanks for progress at this moment
Thankyou how I have benefited from all these exercises practiced role play
Thankyou for so much I have now thankyou so much – thankyou so much yours Michael

Thankyou for my muscles
Thankyou for the goody good pride from tengs light thankyou for the healing of my brain
Thankyou for getting my stuff together today threw the vibration lom

Thankyou for my new strategy project connecting to pavement done ;/;/;/ keep trying
Thankyou lom to hang out with light workers
Where every I go I can have contact with Debbie’s
higher self in my physical body
Thankyou for the health
Thankyou for the strong healthy ego
Thankyou for Skype at and seeing Debbie
Thankyou for the answers I have been given from the light body on this one
Thankyou for the goody good transformation of my personality
Thankyou for growing a strong heart
I love you because you made me a lover I love you because I am grateful
Seeing Debbie’s higher self or going to Australia
Thankyou for the shamanic path
The shamanic path is my way of life
Thankyou for positive gain from the Debbie’s exercises


Thankyou where I am at in this moment
Thankyou for devotion of life long positivity
Thankyou for staying away from violent movies
Thankyou so much to work towards my goals
Thankyou for the progress I am doing
Thankyou so much lom from not suffering anymore
Sour stomach lom and sedative attacks lom
I thought I will have that illness for the rest of my life
I can’t believe I am free from it
I love you lom because I have the right to eat organic cooked vegetables I love you because I am grateful that you gave me ;/;/;/
Thankyou for no voices most of the time when on meds
Thankyou for the soul food of vegetables and nourishment is stronger comparing it to junk food
Thankyou for my taste buds transforming vegetarian taste buds ;/
Thankyou for devotion to healthiness
Thankyou for dosing me with light threw the cups of white tea
In other words thankyou- for the clozapine lom
Thankyou for my birthday present from iraine raising vibration
Thankyou for the vibration dissolving my stagnancy
Thankyou that my higher self is an angel what I desire to be...
Thankyou for the love I get from Debbie

Thankyou for how I feel in my body by the healthy
choices I make to eat. Thankyou for being in control of what I eat. When I eat
Thankyou for taking my diet to a whole new level of healthiest

Thankyou for the ritual of gratefulness
Thankyou for the spiritual lifestyle

Thankyou for progress lom in my life lom
Thankyou for relaxing in bed when muscles have been
Used up and feel good in my body
I love you because I love to love to love you

In other words thankyou for the endorphins they are meditational and protective
Thankyou for the protective toxins from medication
Thankyou for the prayers lom
Thankyou for the celebration funding
Thankyou for angels appearing sometime soon
Thankyou for friends

Thankyou for working with a chosen tree

THANKYOU FOR LAUGHING YOGA
I won’t give up on laughing yoga so easily keeping the faith ;/;/ ;/

Thankyou for not giving up on laughing yoga ;/;/;/

Thankyou for Debbie my master

Thankyou for being in the now at home
“You need to practice�.. when doing chores..

Thankyou lom for blessing my throat from prayers

Thankyou for trying to master my life
Thankyou for the opportunity the opportunity of mastering my life lom

The attempt to master my life

Thankyou for encouraging myself to try be lucid or in the moment during daily chores
I love you because it’s the encouragement, the lovingly encouragement of michael the mastery of my life;/;/

Thankyou for my dad and his knowledge and thankyou for Debbie and her knowledge
Thankyou for working with Michael Debbie and my Dad


Thankyou for Debbie being in my life ;/

Thankyou for fighting my stagnation towards spirituality and freedom
The war on stagnation toward working towards progressive spiritual freedom
Thankyou for enjoying being grateful

Thankyou for dissolving thoughts threw my in and out breath power of the now conditioning threw out my life during walking mediation periods ;/;/
Long term in the moment conditioning ;/

Thankyou for working towards my most important ability the moment

Thankyou for defeating my ego
Thankyou for the divine transformation of the ego
It’s a pleasure lom to dissolve stagnant anchors lom by bombarding them with a higher vibration threw in the moment or laughing yoga
“Thankyou�

Thankyou so much for being connected to the light and body and the pink body
Thankyou for giving Debbie money the love I get in return really is worth the money

Thankyou so much for the programming
I love to be grateful because in love to worship you lom

It’s a pleasure to do work lom

I am counting it
It a real pleasure thanks to you lom

Thankyou for being really really grateful sometimes while doing the being grateful list

Thankyou for tofu and soya sauce on bread

Thankyou for the vegetarian dumplings and garlic

Thankyou for getting divine highs

Thankyou lom for hash brown
Thankyou for every Debbie exercise all important
Thankyou progressive development to all muscles

Thankyou for thanksgiving and listening to holy music

Thankyou for borning children lom thanks to you lom I now have angel family in spirit
Thankyou lom for the cheese toasties
Thankyou lom for making me want to love you
Thankyou for singing dancing and laughing and smiling
Thankyou for nurturing my inner child threw singing and dancing

Thankyou for all that I love


Thankyou for the stemmed vegetables
Thankyou lom for homemade kebabs

Thankyou for chill

Thankyou for the divine nature of me
Thankyou for not giving my power away and raising my vibration

God bless you my throat is so blessed thankyou, thankyou..


Thankyou for a positive future
Thankyou for the iPod and becoming programmed by the positive subliminal

Thankyou for making me devoted to being grateful
Praise lom thankyou I lom I love you
Thankyou for the qi gong
Thankyou for the natural stimulant CHI energy
Thankyou for mixing chi with light therefore for this combination
Thankyou for listening to my prayers lom
Thankyou for being a busy worker
Thankyou for the in the moment future
Thank you for staying away from negativity from TV
Thankyou for being devoted to positivity for the rest of my life

Thankyou lom for the squid salad
Thankyou for my dream salad I want to make
I love you lom beach organic vegetables taste so so good
Garlic, Flower, Seeds, Avocado, lemon juice real foods mayonnaise, vinegar. Grated cheese, tomato, grated purple onion, mushrooms, fresh alive herbs

Cook flounder squid and random fish

Thankyou so much for all these sea foods thanks to you lom

Thankyou for Christian orchestra

Thankyou for the love I get from remote healers

Thankyou for the 10,000 angels healing me

Thankyou for the swim suit
It’s not cold anymore lom I can now enjoy the sea lom

Thankyou for being reincarnated I like it so much because of eating healthy food.

Thankyou for training my gratefulness

Thankyou lom for the soul food lom raw vegetables

Thankyou for Being starving vegetarian foods so yummy from deprived of a heavy calories

Thankyou for the sea food salad

I love you lom because Michael loves you
I love myself lom because Michael loves you lom
Thankyou for being grateful together with the divine like music thankyou

Healthy food taste like KFC

Thankyou for the sea lord hoki fillets truly taste like kfc

Thankyou lom thankyou thankyou thankyou

Thankyou for vegetarian Indian food mixed with chilli
Thankyou for strong chilli fixes when eating Indian or Asian foods

Thankyou for starving myself so my food tastes so good when deprived of food

Thankyou lom for vegetarian diet lom it is low in calories and I can eat so much of the stuff without gaining weight. Bless you lom for my raw vegetable salad

Thankyou for the mistakes I have acknowledged when eating food that is bad for my highest good
Thankyou lom for the mistakes I don’t repeat thankyou, thankyou

Thankyou lom for no psychic attacks at a higher vibration

Thankyou for the niacin lom

Thankyou for dissolving smokers deprived emptiness
Emptiness while raising my vibration

Thankyou for being smoke free

Thankyou for the recovery of Michael

Thankyou for creating my soul lom
I can’t believe I am conscious and alive thankyou for making me alive soul I can’t belief my soul has a I am witness and that I have life


Thankyou lom for making my soul alive

Thankyou for allowing me to purify my lungs from tar

Thankyou lom for the lung detox

Thanking you for listening to me

Thankyou for the dragon magick books
Thankyou for wanting to be a shaman and magician
Thankyou for being a light worker
Thankyou for being feed light

Thankyou for the computer lom to do all my work with
Thankyou

Thankyou for remote Healing
Thankyou for being grateful more everyday
Bless you lom for blessing me

Feeding my light body thankyou for solar sun light

Thankyou for the healing of Michael on the mental emotional and spiritual level

Thankyou for the love I am after

Thankyou for drowning my thoughts lom by drowning using in and out breath lom

Thankyou for every vibration every smallest amount counts

Thankyou for music lom

Thankyou for new white tea

Thankyou for everything I have

Thankyou for my raw food diet

Thankyou for the wellbeing of being a smoke free

Thankyou for the now
Thankyou for being programmed in the now subliminal
Thankyou for all subliminal

Thankyou for the craft lom that manifests the now lom
Thankyou for the journey to find the in the moment attunement
Thankyou for the vortex awakening to get me out of my head easier

Thanks too you lom, I make good use of water by making apple blend using water. Thanks, Thankyou so much yours Michael

Thankyou for the purification of Michael nawrocki from raising my vibration

Thankyou for being grateful more than the light
Thankyou for going forward in life not backwards

Thankyou for the soul food for gratefulness
Thankful for being grateful
Thankyou for allowing me to be thankful

Thankyou for the chores lom

Thankyou for doing chores in the name of love

Thankyou for garlic

Thanyou for the white tea

Thankyou for experiencing blue lotus

Thankyou for the resin pipe that gives good flavor in my imagination lom

Thankyou for resining my imagine pipe with the highest quality cigar tobacco to bring out the flavor from my pipe

Thankyou for the apple diet
Thankyou for new blender parts
Thankyou for Debbie Pratt being here for another
Year
Thankyou in the future being sound positive all soul fragments come home
Thanking for forgiving Michael for wasting some of my abundance

Thankyou for the passion of being light
Thankyou for being a light seeker
Thankyou for feeding my cells light
Thankyou for feeding my cells love
Thankyou for connecting to the nonphysical elements threw the now
Thankyou for the natures energy including the celestial energy of this dimension
Thankyou work being done on improving my throat gland
Thankyou for raising my vibration
Thankyou being smoke free
Thankyou for tar being removed from my lungs
Thankyou lom for removing all my Tabaco brainwashing
Thankyou lom for my lungs everyday getting healthier
Thankyou for makerie true light in my lifetime
Thankyou for saving me into the light

Thankyou my future stash
Thankyou for transforming all
animals in zoo keepers in the zoo
Thankyou for the home I live in
Thankyou for enjoying my journey
thankyou for soul retrieval and my soul retrieval opening affirmation
Thankyou lom for feeding me love
Thankyou for looking after my vehicle by the healthy choices and love and light
Thankyou lom for being on the light side
Thankyou for successful power of now attempts
Thankyou fighting my food addiction
Thankyou for being hungry and eating avocado
Thankyou for fighting my food pangs
Thankyou for my high frequency
thankyou for clearing traumatic debree and raising and the raising of my frequency

Thankyou for my long term praying skills lom blessing my throat chakra for more than a year and a half now I release how powerful my chanting can be

Thankyou for the blessing of Michael throat chakra long term
Thankyou for unlocking Michaels throat function long term
Thankyou for my new power of the now dreams

Lom I love you so much you gave me the best reincarnation in this lifetime

I have a very good brain probably the best brain of all the lifetimes

Thankyou for a few awakenings that will help me very much to connect to nature
Vortex healing

I am grateful for all true angels love hearts
I respect am grateful and very lucky and very privileged

Lom help me be more grateful thankyou lom for your help

I am happy because I am grateful that I am grateful
Lom thankyou for the light body all answers

Thankyou for the goal towards become very healthy by being saturated in light from the now both physically and non-physically. Healthy by fully saturating my light on a cellar level
Charging my mind with energy from long term mediation
Goal to maximize light love and vibration

[lord.of.the.now]

That's my gratitude list

[buttercup]

-for doing another social media boost
-my eyeglasses
-for laughing at life
-for getting in the vortex again
-for remembering how easy it is to gently just switch my thoughts and being able to see how all the things going on earlier were literally just exactly what i believed and how easy it is to see how every little external thing is based on a belief on the inside. it's so easy. just keep switching beliefs,little by little. it's magic! play. have fun. don't make it so hard. remembering the power of emotions and how adding emotions seems to make every desire turn into a knowing. remembering mental influence and how easy that is. how much easier the loa feels these days. remembering how much i've forgotten the power of feeling. the power of just remembering and enjoying the juicy good feelings of life and how vital that is. how i used last night's pain to remember more of what i need to tune up still.
-l responding to my texts today and finally getting it out there that i was upset
--re-reading my texts later and realizing i did kind of look like i overreacted to him if i read through the texts but oh well,it felt like i needed to get it out
-l's voice and how sexy it is
-how beautiful and sexy l has made me feel just as i am
-online forums
-getting photos back from a job tonight
-getting a little work done
-clearing up some more resistances after seeing exactly why some things were not happening easy. it is soooooo so easy. anything in your life that is difficult,is from your belief.
-how beautiful my face is
-these amazing solar plexus chakra musics that always seem to be an important chakra to work on and very helpful
-that i'll be done with panic attack subliminals soon. only about two more weeks.
-relaxing
-getting happy just for the sake of happiness but also feeling a knowingness that my desires are manifesting and just becoming a powerful manifestor
-feeling feelings remembering my transitioned loved one today
-money put on my bank card again
-an article i read that was kind of negative about how more then half of americans have less then 1,000 to their name but that i found oddly reassuring perhaps,because that's where my vibration is at right now and needing to hear me and those i know aren't as bad as we think maybe?
-realizing i know some very attractive,talented people and did well for myself compared to most of those i knew as a child and since high school
-feeling good
-feeling more relaxed about best friend
-keeping things classy and relatively civil when people try to bring me down
-the feeling i feel inside that i just KNOW all is going to be ok. it feels so freaking good and authentic and is keeping me in the vortex. ah!!!!
-just KNOWING i will hear from l again soon and feeling like me and him are going to get into something good
-attractive guys
-fun life moments and memories
-having things in my life to be proud of
-being an ambitous and goal-oriented person
-becoming more present today
-my feminine sexy figure
-having a great backside
-yoga pants
-enjoying coffee again
-having a pepsi today
-delicious vegan foods
-my nails being nice and hard
-how enjoyable the law of attraction and creating is becoming again
-that the odor in my bedroom is finally gone after my mom took her clothes. think it was her dog that caused it
-spontaneity and getting more in the groove of it and how beneficial that is too
-my vitamins
-my hair
-for making my life have more ease
-for little things to make my subconscious more positive.
-for getting really into loa again and going back to the start with it and winning

[buttercup]

-cereal to satisfy my sweet tooth
-getting the bedroom sweeped and cleaned
-finding a good pic for social media to update
-crystal singing bowl audios
-getting the cat here
-clearing a major,obvious limiting belief last night
-having an interesting,probably nothing manifestation that reminded me my heart is over E. Being physical with L seemed to do it. the power of letting go is eerily magical.
-getting my mood boosted again before bed last night
-getting work done today
-best friend apologizing to brother
-best friend getting me a soda and snack earlier
-pillows
-blankets
-my phone
-my phone charger
-my vision
-that best friend is safe
-cool ideas i want to try
-interesting things to ponder
-my strength and patience
-that i switched two fearful things from happening without trying too hard by the power of my mind
-my slippers
-getting the cat blanket in the washing machine
-warm showers to soothe and energize me
-my motivation
-my attempts to try and be a more positive person
-being honest with myself about my desires
-being a little excited for life again and the joy of life
-having a beautiful heart
-knowing i will win
-knowing things will get better
-my eyeglasses
-cute clothes
-how great my backside has been looking. very feminine and curvy and toned.
-how beautiful my eyes are
-loving myself a little bit more

[buttercup]

-being beautiful
-the cat being here and how happy he makes me
-manifesting a miracle last night. A liked my new pic i posted. he never does that and it was definitely something my mind would've considered a miracle. i felt so excited and that said so much to me.i set the intention for a miracle and got it. miracles are always an individual thing,one thing to someone else may not be the same to another but this was definitely a weird and interesting occurence and seems to have also came about from major limiting belief clearing i did two days ago.i felt a surge of heart chakra healing from the excitemnt of it. my heart felt physically better then it had in months.
-my amazing new pic i posted on social media of myself and how chic and young and unique and model-like i look
-my dedication to mastering the loa after all the little success stories i've had in the last few weeks and how much it's helped me pick things up
-best friend being nicer today. not a single argument or rudeness and he didn't seem rushed.
-how great my teeth are
-getting a job offer today
-amazing proof from project that M did that looks amazing and makes me look amazing
-L's voice.
-how much more feminine my energy is these days without me even noticing it,in comparison to months ago. one of many natural shifts that's come about and it's made me attracting guys i find more masculine and me feeling more sexual attraction again. as they say,everything you desire is within you,all the change is within you. i worked on this back in summer,and forgot about it,and now it's just something naturally there that i don't have to try with
-a delicious frozen pizza i treated myself to tonight
-realizing how much i want l and how great it'd be if we were to flow back into each other,and how much i now feel he has changed me. i really did just need a guy this whole time to move me forward but i didn't.i obsessed over someone from the past. finally,i give l a chance and like him and feel moved forward in a different way,and like me and my personality and who i am and want to become is different now. I now find bikes cool and interesting.i kind of think i might want to become more hipster.i want to become more fashion again and make a major comeback with my career and think dating someone in my exact industry of what he does would be so amazing and the pinnacle of cool now. it could really benefit me.i just feel like who i am and what i want and my interests have changed a lot suddenly from him,and also from my own life in the last weeks and i really love it.i feel over preppy now. even A has seemed less preppy over the last year or two. i just feel like such a shift in who i am now. it's interesting what dating and liking someone a lot will do to you.i had a block to moving forward for so long now,and now,no matter what it's been cleared. The changes feel both new,and yet back to myself at the same time...which how you know it's true. Whether L is being a jerk to me,or is legit and just hurt,he's given me some gifts
-EFT and how powerful it is for working to clear things now
-how amazing it was to have a guy over at my place. now i know if done right of course,it can be really fun and expand things for me a little.
-amazing parts in my book i read today that made me practically want to scream,that's how good they were
-l inspiring me to clear the major limiting belief i didn't know i had despite it seeming conscious and on auto-pilot. Something major is happening right now,that's going to affect my dating life and how i am with guys forever in a really positive way. This inner shift.
-realizing i am now becoming more in alignment with having a relationship because of various reasons whereas before it actually seemed like i didn't want one,despite how i claimed i did.
-soda pop
-best friend bringing home food from the store
-feeling more excited about life again
-having in the vortex moments today just because and from feeling the high of last night
-trying the mirror technique of affirmations and succeeding with it and finding it not so bad. it literally feels like this stuff is spiritual exercise that cleanses
-pillows
-my laptop
-my laptop charger
-my phone
-my phone charger
-how much more good it is about to get
-how great it is to have laundry in the unit
-understanding loa things more simply again
-being young and feeling young
-appreciation
-feeling attractive
-my goals
-physical exercise
-being able to feel
-positive emotions
-self forgiveness
-that i get to do another driving lesson tomorrow and that it'll be a little longer
-seeing best friend smile at the cat and concerned for him at one moment when something happened
-staying relatively positive and feeling like i am becoming more positive more and more
-love
-feeling connected

[lord.of.the.now]

You have absolutely no idea. How profoundly profoundly grateful I am. I feel like the luckiest man on the planet from being grateful. Gratefulness has really appreciate life to extremes. Absolute royal spiritual satisfaction comes from thanksgiving.

Grateful is the highlight of my life and I just simply want to take it to a whole new level of gratefulness. To the extremes

I have practicing 10mins of gratefulness each day for more than 7years

[lord.of.the.now]

I basically feel in some way like I have won the lottery

[lord.of.the.now]

Buttercup you have really really really have lovely energy resonating from your account

It is a good feel to me:heart:

[newfreedom]

Gratitude for:

today
my expensive high quality luxury new headphones ~:angelic:
my dog
my adopted ferret
my daughter
my niece
my ex.
new friends
grass
our biggest garden tree
our rope swing
our spade
my new welly boots
our ladder
my bedroom
my lounge
my kitchen
my hall (x2)
my bathroom
pop music
the AD forum
the Ad forum members
Robert Bruce
AD Mods & admins
Buttercups Gratitude List thread
sweets
Endings...

[buttercup]

Buttercup you have really really really have lovely energy resonating from your account

It is a good feel to me:heart:

Thank you. I'm glad, I've been trying to change my energy.

[buttercup]

-listening to crystal singing bowl audios instead of heartbreak sad songs
-getting dishes done even though i feel like crying
-best friend's dad coming over to fix the lightbulb
-the cat and how sweet he is
-my book and how amazing it is
-being an interesting person
-that at least now that i am letting go of L,being able to appreciate him as a more interesting,cool person then i even knew and how much he inspired me.i am really,really,sad. i wanted him to be my hero and he really liked meand it's just so crazy to me that right when i decide i like him,too he gets mad and lets me go.
-see the errors i made this week with l. posting on forum for advice for example.
-how sexy l's voice is
-l's height
-that l inspired me to clear a limiting belief that was major the other day
-that it finally hit me tonight to start bike riding,as inspired by l and appreciating the romance and cuteness that he biked to see me late at night on a winter evening when he's not really close to me.
-that i met my goal of having a guy i like romantically in my apartment for the first time
-that i've now tested out what happens if i tell a guy a little bit about my ex and anxiety issues situation and seen it can be ok
-the barriers l inspired me to break
-my conviction
-deciding to let go of the blame towards l and the blame towards myself
-being inspired to do all sorts of amazing things from this pain
-that A liked my pic the other day. still so amazed by that. feels surreal.
-how meditative and mind clearing it is to do the dishes and the feeling of accomplishment it gives me
-my slippers
-doing my lunges today
-how beautiful my eyes are
-letting myself cry
-doing my panic subliminals
-getting a driving lesson today
-while doing dishes and sad,my will feeling strengthened and seeing that as another key to manifestation. it came to me that will=belief and i think over the years i learned from loa teachers and forums that will is bad and surrender is better which i now disagree with and feel blocked me,too. both are useful and should dance with each other
-that L has inspired me to live more. his quote on tumblr i lurked was so poignant and fitting for him asking what do you say no to or something like that,basically about say yes to more to things.
-that at least the guys who break my heart are high end guys
-having new clarity and direction in my life
-focusing on the progress despite all the pain
-pillows
-blankets
-feeling very creative and resourceful to getting what i want
-having another job confirmed for end of month im excited for
-excellent high vibraton concepts about reality not being static and how i've observed everything into my reality hitting me very easily lately
-clearing and calming fears about emotional drama situation from past weeks
-i just found emojis on my phone. literally this second. something i wanted and was confused why my phone didn't have. very cool!
-project completed today looking great and getting a lot of likes
-realizing there's definitely something going on with the l situation.i feel binded to him. it must be because he's the first new guy ive been sexual with in almost 3 years. going to try a detach experiment to see what happens since it seems there could be an energy play going on,too since i feel like i've been feeling a burst of all he felt for me over the months

[buttercup]

-getting groceries today
-getting beautiful deep red flower
-best friend becoming more honest again
-getting into mental influence again and doing a session before bed that made me feel better
-the cat being here
-how funny the cat is
-a delicious nourishing vegan dinner
-best friend applying to jobs on his own he told me about
-calming down about some things
-higher vibration ways of thinking
-sleeping good today
-laughing
-feeling more confident again
-having fun with emojis
-having direction with where i want to go this year
-yoga pants
-clearing all the blocks i have this past weeks
-all my manifesting success stories this week that have made me feel empowered during a really low time,and made me feel the fun again and connection.
-panic attack subliminals ive been doing that i'm almost done with
-best friend calming down a little bit
-me being in a really peaceful,calm mood most of the day and being naturally detached from l most of the day
-seeing a poignant,powerful article i enjoyed about detaching from a quantum physics perspective and how a watched pot never boils which came during my detachment too and was helpful to see at the timing i did
-getting stricter seeing with ease and having it come to me what i've done wrong,and am doing wrong such as seeing i say i want this,but keep complaining(thus focusing) on something completely else.
-inspiration
-getting a little work done today
-food prices seeming cheaper

[buttercup]

-how amazing my carnations smell and the beautiful deep red color
-getting a pic i like finally of them
-that i'm getting through the winter
-focusing on the progress
-great ideas
-feeling like i really rewired my subconscious last night about a topic i did EFT and speaking affirmations on. I just felt very confident and knowing and in a very excited high energy mood
-sleep
-feeling physically better again
-best friend seeming normal
-that i'm closer then i think to meeting my goal of knowing how to drive in a parking lot.
-how freaking adorable the cat is
-my phone
-food
-having a coffee and toaster strudel for breakfast and skipping the soda which was improvement and not even craving it
-taking pics with my phone and how fun it is
-emojis
-feeling so moved forward internally about things now and newfound direction and clarity and wanting the fun in life
-being smart
-becoming really good at knowing high vibe spiritual concepts
-how amazing the book i've been reading has been
-roommate taking out the trash for me
-roommate putting the heat on higher for me which helped since it's been so cold in here
-drinking a nice mason jar of water upon waking
-that i am meeting goals
-that i'm staying dedicated to my happiness
-how tight and thin my body looks today
-how much more my energy has changed and become more feminine since this time last year without trying
-all the barriers i've broken through since december
-feeling gratitude in my heart for the desires i've manifested
-feeling nice and cleansed
-sweaters
-kind of getting better at detachment
-vision board pics and quotes for my subconscious
-feeling cool again and deciding that's where i want to go
-that i will slide back into ease like i had in 2010
-my will getting a little stronger
-my beauty
-kitchen being clean
-how nice it is that my mom no longer needs to come by
-that best friend has been applying to new classes and has been getting calls now
-deciding for us to try seeing him take a week off from reiki.i want to stop giving power to things outside myself and may do some tapping on tarot too tonight since i still check on that despite not believing in it and knowing it only makes things worse
-getting good at clearing bad energy and becoming empowered and less superstisious
-how energized and cleansed i feel after EFT and speaking affirmations
-the computer
-my bed
-realizing how paranoid i can be and clearing that
-beauty
-believing in happiness more and more again
-how ambitious and goal oriented i am compare to the average person.

[buttercup]

-men
-things to smile about and be optimistic about
-crystal singing bowl audios
-my current book i've been reading
-photos of myself i am happy with,and having a lot of new fashion/body photos
-being really high energy,strong willed and in the vortex for a few hours this morning. felt amazing.i was feeling it real and all felt within my grasp. reality felt so easily malleable.
-makeup
-seeing a photo of myself and seeing my breasts do look really large which made me feel better since i got insecure the other day about even though they're big,maybe if they were even bigger it'd be better
-remembering i can do affirmations to make my breasts even bigger
-remembering details about l that show he is such a "stalker" and was studying the heck out of me with all the things he somehow knew about me and brought up that sometimes even made no sense. it always felt like he thought he knew me very well
-my creativity
-great ideas
-my goals and ambition
-being ok with just laying down and doing nothing sometimes,like today
-being ok with being kind of lazy since it was really cold yesterday,and today got my time of the month
-being feminine and how great that feels and how much more feminine my energy feels compared to 8 months ago.
-remembering ideas of loving myself and allowing myself to just feel good and to just be which is also so good for my energy
-best friend talking to me a little bit more in the daytime
-getting my power back a little bit again with best friend
-best friend having some kind of interview today
-my beautiful apartment
-how good it feels to surrender and trust all is working out for me
-cayenne pepper
-drinking a glass of mason jar of water upon waking
-having chocolate in the fridge that i will have with tea later
-ethical food companies
-color
-the ability to see
-my eyeglasses
-having a stronger belief in the things in the awesome things i am attracting into my reality
-the string for the cat i found to play with
-having a huge emotional limiting block/belief come into my awareness last night. and doing some eft tapping on it. it was one of those ones that becomes instantly cleared once recognized,which most or all are unless the true limiting belief is actually underneath what you think is the limiting belief
-being beautiful
-doing speaking affirmation sessions last night and how great it felt
-becoming more appreciative towards best friend
-being classy
-my sense of style
-hair ties
-getting the bathroom cleaned last night
-face moisturizer
-knowing i'm going to win
-allowing my wounds to help me to become better,more resourceful,and so on
-groundbreaking ideas about how to even beat apathy which came to me which has always been the worst feeling and hardest one to get out of. felt apathy recently,and had an idea of just sitting with it and from that allowing something else to bloom out of it
-seeing how i observed things into my reality..even how things don't make sense,unless i literally observed it and that's why and see how there was some focus that created it
-doing good about cutting down on talking about l or speaking about him.i don't think i spoke about him once,if i did it's been a lot more minimal.
-best friend going almost 48 hours without "reiki."
-realizing earlier today also from intention that i can and how easy it is be just as good "reiki" as he is and seeing how if it's something i think is ok,i could start playing with it
-feeling strong positive feelings again,that almost seems out of nowwhere
-great,uplifting inspiring music

[buttercup]

-my ear feeling a lot better today and normal pretty much
-how adorable the cat is
-feeling a sense of relaxation i always get during that time of the month
-soda
-indian food
-that amazing manifestation i had with A the other day that still feels surreal yet oddly normal and like i shifted to a new reality
-my beauty
-how inspiring today was.i seen on social media A is doing something amazing and starting a non profit charity. it really inspired me to do more and be more.i had no idea he had that much depth or care for others. it was surprising to see. i also seen he just got his passport and i am planning that,too as one of my goals.
-getting a tank top ordered to add to my wardrobe
-the string toy for the cat
-how beautiful the cat's babydoll eye's are
-getting grocery items and laundry changed dropped off to me
-getting the load of laundry done i needed
-the amazing epiphany i had about people and our perceptions and how we create people to be the way they are by our perceptions that i wrote about on another forum and how it really inspired me to utilize the loa in a very profound way since people are such a common part of most manifestations,this was a very important thing to really think about and realize
-pillows
-getting a little work done
-being forgiving to myself
-all the EFT i did last night and affirmations
-being almost done with my panic subliminals
-being more detached
-feeling so feminine and beautiful and how much my energy has changed in that sense since this time last year.i just naturally feel it since clearing work i had done
-all my goals which excite me
-motivation,inspiration,and determination
-a driving lesson tomorrow i'll have since i couldn't do today which will be longer and enable me to complete my goal of parking lots before the month is over in one last swoop instead of several little sessions
-yoga
-blankets
-fashion
-clarity and forward movement and rejuvenation about life and where i want to go
-inspiration vision board pics i use for my phone and online forum i'm on
-laying out my l issue in writing on another loa forum and realizing it doesn't sound as bad as i think and sounds very much like guy likes me a lot and was just hurt
-all the positive changes i am creating for myself and limiting beliefs/barriers i'm breaking through
-getting a follow up on upcoming job today which made me happy
-sleep
-knowing im going to win
-feeling more confident about myself again
-the hot tea with cinnamon sticks and chocolate i had last night that was very soothing
-deciding to be more loving towards myself
-drinking a nice mason jar of water upon waking
-being a trendy,fashionable person
-being safe

[buttercup]

-doing my panic subliminals
-that i'm trying to stay in a good mood and be strong and positive
-seeming to get through to best friend some more with my conviction
-that i tried contacting l one more time saying we should talk and now i know i've done all i can. i'm grateful i'm someone who tries to figure out what the problem is and be communicative so i don't look back wondering if could've done more. he replied saying about what and then i said about how weird things got and he never responsed. each text we sent the other was spaced out by hours.i can't help but take a hint and let go after tonight if he doesn't respond and try to talk it out. he will have lost me for good. he liked me and wanted me for so long and was so close to having me.
-soda pop
-doing really good with my driving lesson today. doing a lot more then i thought i would and feeling like i definitely mastered parking lots today. i turned,reversed,drove by others,etc. it felt good to do that and know i'm achieving my goals
-getting out of the house today
-cat seeming happier today
-finding an interesting movie i might want to watch sometime
-deciding to post a work pic on social media
-that i'm not going to give up,even i am having troubles still with certain things.
-that i'm still really,really,really inspired and that the journey of turning each pain into a blissful reward has become my mission and passion
-my beauty
-deciding to start loving myself more,also since that ALWAYS raises my vibe and attracts good things
-law of attraction forums which really help me to get my vibe up
-being able to see the underneath beliefs causing so and so things
-adding up the money best friend must be making and seeing things should be ok
-finding a deal on a dance class i want
-knowing that all the stuff i say i believe is real,even if there's still some subconscious conflict i'm cleaning up and things in my external reality to match up
-doing a speaking affirmation session which boosted my mood. that alone should show it's doing something
-yoga
-that i AM changing my reality for the better
-a cafe i really want to stop by and try soon close by
--laying down
-the power i have,by doing what i do for a living with my first career
-infusing meaning into why i have some of my goals that may seem superficial and how important that meaning can be sometimes,because it gives a why,and a connection which can strengthen the will
-sort of reflecting on connection,and what it means to me so i can infuse it into my life and make my life better.i think this is very solar plexus related. for so long until recently,i hadn't bothered to CONNECT with my desires. i just wanted them which kept it weak. i didn't connect with opportunities. i just felt more of a disconnect.i'd then find the things that meant something to me in the past started to lose their connection and seem more dull and i realized that connection is so important. to connect with what you want,and to feel connected. otherwise,it feels pointless which puts a sort of block on manifestation. i used to feel so connected to life and God by the beauty of manifesting someone from my past,or someone new,and so on.i even for sometime created it that i always manifested back exes for example and it was easy to, then finding it hard to pull anything towards me. i'd take for granted the past excitement.i used to just feel so connected to life and excited and didn't care if others judged something as how miraculous it was to manifest someone back. it had meaning to me. it made me feel more unconditional love for all things,until little by little i lost the connection to opportunities and life,and my desires and started to judge with apathy getting excited and KNOWING someone is around the corner.i even wrote on a forum i feel silly doing inner work because i don't want to seem obsessive about someone. but,i can do inner work without getting obsessive. i need that excitement and connection again. that's one big thing i'm infusing a lot more of into everything in my life. that's what my life has missed. excitement is like something magic.im even going to start inducing it on a regular basis until i start feeling it more on my own.i used to have more excitement for life and my desires and connected with them and also a stronger will and even a bit of sexual energy which i think is very spiritual. now,it's been almost 3 years since i had sex with someone new. that is not a coincidence. that's a connection. there's been some sort of important loa/power/youth life force thing missing from me. my favorite things to intend i had stopped intending like guys and beauty because i thought it was superficial even though it made me happiest and brought me vibe high and made other areas of life really good,too.i see where my blockages are and have come from though and am cleaning and recreating a new me going back to early parts of my spiritual awakening while mixing in new,more evolved parts of course. back then,i had innocence. this is also key. i am getting there,though.i am getting better. i've cleaned up quite a bit of jaded/blocking things in the last year and and am about to hit it a whole new level. even my career comeback i am doing also can tie in with that. this year is going to be sweet and super fun.
-this forum
-how great my ig looks
-my style
-high vibe dance music to get in shape to and induce feelings of excitement

[buttercup]

-all the resistances i ended up clearing last night.i had an old familiar paranoia/assuming wrong thing come to me and even with someone exactly from a few years ago that was reappearing in my vibration. it was so strange as all the dots connected and something came up the surface for me to clear and of course gave me a surge of motivation for new goals and where i want to be and go. from this,i gained a ton of confidence in myself,it's like i just suddenly after the breakdown came into a knowing of myself and realizing my value and how great i really am and that i rank high. after that,a belief i had trouble believing in that morning but couldnt figure out what was wrong with me that i couldn't even do step 1 of believe,well,I have more then a belief now,I have an inner knowing that came without effort and felt really good and this came shortly after being upset and having that happen.. i clearly had resistances on that topic blocking me from believing and later it came up with me discovering the hidden limiting belief and now i have been resistance free on that topic. this taught me that the key to believing and letting go,is the resistances which is the limiting beliefs. If we didn't have those,we'd believe and let go with ease,wouldnt we? it was a fascinating lesson for me that i now can apply for the future. believing and letting go should come naturally without effort,if it doesn't there's clean up work to do still. i've felt cleansed ever since,and lots of very hyper,high energy throughout ever since. i'm just super fascinated that i've now suddenly let go without effort and now when i had trouble believing in something so simple i now have a natural,easy knowing instead. it feels soooo good doing clean up work!
-scheduling a contortion class which is so exciting
-a nice warm shower
-getting out my bad feelings to best friend earlier. i'm glad i can now get things out without things getting as crazy with us
-soda
-someone i worked with posting a pic of me on her social media and tagging me and all the likes it got. made me feel very confident
-amazing pictures of me
-best friend seeming to like the work picture of me i showed him
-realizing perspective and how some of the things i am getting paranoid about with best friend is because everything is heightened since things are still not as stable with us so every little thing still makes me wonder that 6 months ago, i'd drop much quicker
-style and fashion
-feeling inspired last night to dance for ten minutes to high energy,high vibe music i love which was so needed.i haven't done cardio in so long. it put me in such a good mood and felt like i cleared so much blocked energy and made me sore even. i wonder if that played a part in triggering my limiting belief to come up later,since i know being in the vortex can trigger things to move forward
-eye massages. feel so good and make my eyesight feel better
-great,inspiring articles on how to make my life better
-water
-how cute the cat is and how content he seems
-mastering my goal of parking lots and knowing how to drive them before this month is over
-how much my vibe has shifted
-getting confirmation we can bring cat back tomorrow,though i really don't want to but i have to be fair since he isn't my cat.
-my eyeglasses
-how peaceful it feels when you just let the limiting beliefs currently making you crazy go
-sleep
-newfound goals an clarity this year and letting all the blocks i had to some goals go
-using jealousies as inspiration and to examine what in my life do i want perhaps
-all the dejavu lately,it's crazy and seeing it as only a good thing
-clothes
-comfort
-slippers
-how sculpted and tight my lower body is getting
-finding a book i had wanted but couldnt remember author name and finally seeing it mentioned on another forum
-feeling good in the moment
-finding out best friends mom did get me something from her trip. she had asked me if i wanted something then i never heard anything so that is cool
-paying more attention to my goals and desires,and things i like to do,even if it seems subtle or repressed.

[buttercup]

-my goals and all the resistances clearing and motivation i have. it's been making me feel very high energy and even hyper lately
-best friend staying here a little longer
-neighbors playing their music
-how sculpted and tight my lower body is getting. love it.
-dancing and cardio workouts
-vision board images i use for my phone now and on a loa site.
-how cute and innocent the cat is
-clean towels
-my strength
-food
-tuning into repressed desires so i can be more of myself and at peace
-my beauty
-being high status
-having more going for me then i realize at times
-forgiving myself for sleeping a lot last night and today. mood slinked down but that's ok. i maybe needed the sleep.
-all the things i'm going to try and do this week to get more done,and push forward and detach and heal
-forgiveness for myself
-my ambition
-all the bursts of happiness i've been feeling
-my ideas
-deciding to try biphasic sleep this week to see if it can benefit me and heal my insomnia
-how knowing i feel about my desires and in the vortex. i just know certain things are coming and will happen and it's becoming easier and easier to get in this state
-knowing i rank higher then i realize
-doing a nice session of speaking affirmations with mirror technique
-how great my skin looks
-doing my panic subliminals and being almost done with them. less then a week to go.
-enjoying the process of creation and manifesting again
-amazing inspiring loa videos that simplify it all
-how great it feels to know all that i desire is coming and is here! that inner knowing just feels so good and so natural.
-how great of a listener D is

[newfreedom]

the smell of the kitchen hand wash (imperial leather - Summer sunrise (shea butter & honeysuckle))
dawn
my dishwasher
my washing machine
my propananol meds.
my plastic garden chair (my computer chair)
my pin-hole glasses
my watch
my feet (even though they are aching & sore)
my home (bungalow)
my garden
wild garden birds
the tall fir tree outside my garden
the sky
the clouds
the cool air / breeze
the sound of my fan
my MP3 player, my new high quality earbuds earphones & deep sleep bi anural beats
the sound of a cough clearing the chest of congestion (this one was such a relief to hear this morning during the ex,'s coughing bouts)
this Gratitude List :heart:

[buttercup]

tuning into my feelings today and today i feel kind of weird,but don't know why. perhaps it's the spiritual work.
-the cat getting to stay here an extra day
-the cat seeming to feel better. so grateful.
-finding the cat in the cupboard after wondering where did he go. so cute and a great photo opportunity.
-trying a new style with my affirmations of making them simpler. it reminded me of some sort of shamanic meditation or as if i hypnotized myself. i found myself crying during even though i felt really good,it was weird and after i felt so calm.i could see myself being drawn to these style of things. it reminds me of the music i like. minimal thus powerful and really pulls you in and has an effect
-making a giant large custom list of affirmations based on trying cleaning work on resistances i had on one situation that had been bothering me.
-this awesome neville website that's really helped me make some final tweaks to getting things right and simplifying it all. the awesome idea of using "i remember" to reframe things which is perfect for me and of course the simplicity of feel it real
-transforming beliefs i had trouble believing in,to knowings
-happening to have extra quarters to dry clothes which i ended up needing
-observing my reality and starting to see how everything comes up from some inner belief.
-getting some wine today and how happy wine makes me
-having a nice little decorated cake with some wine
-sodas
-getting groceries done
-laying down and how good it feels sometimes to just do nothing
-manifesting some things from best friend based off the cleaning work i did. getting reassurances about where his money is going and that R was not with him during something and seeing a proof that.
-that affirmations work. although i agree with neville and some others that affirmations may not work for most or are difficult,i think they do work even if they aren't the most advanced method. loa can be far more simpler but affirmations certaintly are a start and i do believe they have some value. for me,the things that have more resistance,i just end up affirming or doing EFT to find the limiting belief which gives me affirmations to anchor the limiting belief clearing.i believe the repetiveness of affirmations makes them work and also doing techniques like i do of mirror technique or making it more hypnotic makes them work. of course,there is simpler ways then all this,but it does work.
-how good it feels when a room is clean
-appreciating the moment and the good that's come about
-gratitude
-that I have been seeings success with shifting my reality and affirmations and that all the stuck things that don't move,i just become more determined to see what is still blocking it.
-no tarot today. and,perhaps connected,i felt in a much better mood overall and had a stronger knowing of things and trust,peace,and flow. I did affirmations to clear the desire to do tarot and may tap on it.i told myself what is one thing i am doing to block so and so from manifesting? and,of course the number one thing was tarot. If I only could stop one thing and it would lead to it manifesting,what could it be? The tarot.
-feeling more bursts of positive mood these days. even though i do get down,i can feel i am training myself more and more to become positive
-yoga pants
-doing another high energy,cardio dance session. felt so good.i can feel it really clears stuck energy.
-asking questions and getting reassuring answer from best friend.
-knowing that even i get discouraged,and sad,that i will stay on this path to trying to master my reality. the work is worth it.
-that even despite some sadness and percieved setbacks at the time,that actually january had a lot of good.
-my beauty
-being a better"first job i do " then i realize sometimes
-being better then i think
-my conviction
-how much i've reframed my perspective on things that hurt thus far recently
-feeling young
-that best friend said he has three classes he is getting back
-that by taking my mind off the physical health issues lately,they've pretty much gone away.

[buttercup]

-inspiring creations
-surrender
-the really amazing miracle experience i had last night after i got upset about something,then had dejavu,then somehow surrendered and ended up having a very surreal subjective reality high vibe spiritual experience that brought me a lot of peace. ever since then i've still a lot more surrendered too and finally get it. i finally get how to surrender.
-reassurances from best friend when he came by and i showed him the pics,though by then i didn't really care anymore and felt like i had all the answers needed and him telling me he thinks the object looks totally different. plus,i had a thought and also seen another thing too kind of reinforcing that they likely aren't dating and just also still feel really confident about me,myself and that he really adored me no matter what.
-sodas
-clean clothes
-clean towels
-hearing that the cat is fine and also believing it too
-neville goddard teachings which i adore so much lately
-having a beautiful face
-my stomach looking nice and flat sculpted
-water
-feeling abundance and peace and presence for moments earlier today
-feeling overall more relaxed
-newfound inspirations of where i want to go,things i want,things i want to be,etc
-knowing i am changing even if i cant see it 100% on the external yet
-mercy for myself
-empathy
-my conviction
-sweaters
-feeling clean
-a new perspective on dejavu that i like and more things coming together for me on how things aren't predestiny but some things are set in motion ahead of time from your vortex of desires which makes things seem like destiny. things don't come instantly. and we don't really want them,to. which is why it's so important to be present and grateful in the moment,because even your life is in a hell place,there are likely some things at least that a few years ago you were desiring. this takes me back to the joy of creating and why gratitude is so amazing. we don't JUST create for the moment and we shouldn't get impatient because the moment isn't great or what we think we want,but instead be grateful for what is and be present and keep creating with neverending patience and trust in SELF and your SELF beliefs. things like this are amazing for me because they help me clear the conflicts in my mind that I know in my heart but had to piece together
-the feeling that spring is near
-getting that jar open after best friend left
-also,two other realizations that help me clear conflicts my heart knows but had trouble piecing together: Trust in yourself and trust in yourself beliefs IS trust in life because you are life,and you are God so perhaps instead of trying to trust in life if you have a broken trust in life,like me,perhaps just aim for trusting yourself again,and in that,the trust in life happens at the same time,because they ARE the one in the same. And,two was my realization last night about subjective reality but we aren't alone. I had this before,too. We do live in a subjective reality,but others are co-stars playing out are stories with us and are God,too helping us to reach that which we desire and to feel good and everyone else also has their own subjective reality,too and it's the same thing. Last night's bizarre spiritual experience confirmed this for me,which i really needed.
-dancing and cardio
-feeling beautiful and unique looking
-my dreams and things i desire that would be amazing
-feeling like it's safe to slow down

[buttercup]

-a great cardio dance session. feels so good doing cardio in winter and after not having done it for so long
-how sculpted my arms are looking
-mouthwash
-eye massage
-getting my job confirmed for saturday
-believing the cat will be fine
-best friend's reassurances and help
-best friend confiding in me more and even sending 10 texts explaining more when i wanted more info to understand. with how minimal he has been lately,that was amazing.
-indian food
-swimsuit tops
-getting my ride confirmed for friday
-having a knowing l will be contacting me soon
-getting all these intense positive knowing feelings out of nowwhere about l
-sleep and how good it feels
-doing my speaking affirmations and how good it feels when i do them.it feels like a facial even as it relaxes my face
-talking to someone online on a loa forum as she coached me more on l situation and told me my situation isn't very bleak at all and gave me some tips and helped me spot a resistance i didnt notice.seeing me write it out to her again showed me my situation isn't as bad other's situations at all. she said i have all the power already which was helpful
-doing some EFT to forgive another old situation from the past today and seeing how the situation from the past i did EFT on yesterday really is connected to right now.of course,they all are,that's why i'm working on them and why they came up but seeing how it all connected to bring me to the limiting beliefs i had is reallyy fascinating. everything is connected.
-feeling sexy and beautiful
-my beauty
-water
-the chance i've had to do all the clearing work i've done
-seeing the best friend situation shift and how it's the best proof of my power with loa
-the power of detachment and surrender and getting better at it.i think my favorite word for it right now is surrender. it just sounds so gentle and loving. the power of surrender is so utterly transformative and healing.
-feeling abundant and happy
-my heart's desires
-slowing down and embracing quiet
-seeing my affirmations work!
-seeing compassion from my best friend when i was crying about an article online and him telling me not to read that because it'll make me worried about the cat since it's a sad thing and i've felt worried about the cat
-my best friend knowing me better then anyone else and my capabilities,my beliefs on things,my anxieties,my desires,and so on. he knows me better then anyone. i am so grateful for him.
-laptop charger
-my phone
-feeling comfortable
-feeling present
-massage
-healing
-realizing how simple things can be
-letting go of resistances
-inspiration
-getting excited for life
-realizing january hasn't been too bad,actually.
-hairties
-how taken care of i am
-mercy
-realizing despite how optimistic i may have thought i was all these years,i can certaintly be a happier person,if i take an honest look at myself. working on freeing myself up from worries and old things i've held onto is something i'm looking forward to
-feeling grateful
-feeling peaceful
-that the days are getting longer. :)
-evolving and how good that feels for my energy to be renewing

[buttercup]

-reassurances the cat will be ok
-mouthwash
-finding the perfect vegan chocolate for me that is inexpensive and cheap shipping too. after looking up chocolates for valentine's day and see they were mostly more then i'd like to pay and just becoming aware that i'd like to find some for a more inexpensive price,i barely even set the intention..just thought how nice that'd be,and that surely that should be possible,then found a company online perfect to my preferences and very,very affordable compared to other places i was seeing,
-all the EFT clearing up my resistances on guys/relationships type issues and how different i feel from it. having another thing start to come to the surface to that i will tap on quick later on. i just know the future of my dating life from here on out is about to get a lot more gratifying and i'm so grateful that finally i've worked on really clearing these resistances. whereas before,i just whined and got obsessive,and last summer,only cleared a couple things but not much on relationships. i just know this is important work i'm doing and that i'm prepaving something amazing and a much brighter future.
-sodas
-water
-my beauty
-getting some affirmations started on l at the suggestion of the girl who coached me on the loa forum
-my speaking affirmation sessions which always boost my mood
-being able to do laundry today
-my conviction
-finally having an inner knowing not just on l but also on something with situation with best friend. it just came to me while tapping on something else. also,finally realizing i don't need some mental time deadline. all that does is try to reassure it'll come by controlling how and when but instead when you have a knowing,you just know it will come and feel relaxed about the when
-being on my last panic attack subliminal session.
-making a little chart on how i'm changing my life and what i'm bringing more of into my life
-seeing that loa changes and personal development is becoming easy again and how motivating it is to know your growing and changing
-getting confirmation about ride tomorrow
-getting more info about another job coming up next month
-business partner liking a bunch of my pics from one of our business pages. i love how she wants me to feel supported.
-getting an apology tonight after best friend being a jerk again
-being smart
-seeing other online forums that aren't like this or loa and realizing wow,the average person's mindset is sooo negative. it shocks me the way the average person thinks and the limits in what they believe in their self and considering it to still be positive or normal thinking
-realizing i have worry and anger in me more then i'd realized as i am continually training myself to be more positive in how i think and speak
-how beautiful my body is
-amazing ways to implement more positive change into my life via the power of my mind
-knowing the cat will be ok
-best friend being a little better about texting this morning
-enjoying sleep more again,and how amazing that feels
-neville goddard teachings
-my amazing book and how it always seems i get to a page in reading that has to do EXACTLY with something that's been on my mind,giving me a very very high vibe relieving way to look at things that makes me feel amazed
-being an interesting person
-finding a way to make the dishsoap last a longer that i already knew about but hadn't thought of by adding water,and realizing i really should just do that no matter what as it's surely too much dishsoap when it's not diluted
-being more beautiful then i even know
-how gorgeous my face is
-having some fantasizing and daydreams with l and relationship scenarios of me having posted a pic on social media saying something along the lines of i have the best boyfriend ever and the pic was of money he had given me to buy my passport book,a muffin and coffee,and flowers,with a note. Well,I logged online and see a girl posted online a pic saying she has the best boyfriend ever and a pic of cash he had given her and flowers and note. It wasn't the exact same as what I envisioned but too similar to just be a coincidence. Clearly,loa telling me what's on my mind. Inspired me to start dreaming more and playing with visulization
-style
-sweaters
-the power of time to heal
-getting a submission for one of the projects/businesses i do and how nice that felt and actually feeling a moment of happiness about instead of apathy. trying to connect more to everything. :)
-awesome ideas
-vision board pics
-feeling good
-feeling calm

[buttercup]

-meditation which lifted my mood from being emotional,sad,and anxiety ridden to more calm and clarity. so grateful
-speaking affirmation sessions for boosting my mood
-tuning into my feelings and just being aware. during class i had trouble being present.i was anxious and couldn't stop thinking. just becoming aware of that helped
-writing out an email after i meditated and having amazing clarity and logic come to me that gave me more conviction and new perspective on it.
-having an inner knowing about best friend situation that feels good
-my inner knowings getting stronger in general lately
-my hair and how sexy and stylish it is
-being very attractive
-my backside looking amazing and having transformed it with loa. it looks more toned and is the ideal of what men would want. toned,but still soft.very curvy and round. it makes me feel very confident knowing i have an amazing body.i was impressed looking in the mirror tonight.
-my eyeglasses
-soda
-reassurances cat is ok
-a divine experience on the way to class. this girl was there before me and i went out to ask her if she was for the class,too and she actually doesn't have a liscense either and has had her dad drop her off or pick her up to classes before so that was reassuring like the universe making me feel it's ok. she brought up stories of her own on this,and then i told her wow,she just made me feel so much better and we bonded during class and she showed me how to get to the room and we walked out together. was very interesting.i love when things like that happen.it always makes me feel like God is watching out for me.i had been intending to feel more connected and that definitely made me feel more connected. how random is it finding another adult girl who doesn't have a liscense.
-sitting in the backseat on the way to class
-my ex A contacting me today. was very cool. i had messaged him a few days ago while depressed and he just said "ok." i had spoken in affirmations that he is thinking positive thoughts about me the last day or two and then as i walked in class he had texted me saying he will call me tomorrow and has been having a rough time lately and hopes i am ok. we then flirted with each other a bit after my class when i responded which was nice and will see each other soon.
-how good it felt to be out and about in the city tonight. the air just felt an aliveness in it during the class. as if spring was near.despite my mind not being calm,and that friendly student who made me feel less weird about my situation,somehow there was just an air of it's all going to be ok,you are on the right path,it will be fine. one of the minor,semi-mundane moments. an anxious mind,me making a friend in class,just healing from L and ex A having just texted me,worrying about a cat and life dramas going on all while stretching it out in deep stretches in contortion class. a snapshot of my life in early 2016. me,as a beautiful young adult,determined and trying to stay positive and believe in an inherently friendly universe and the abundance of life and having dreams.
-learning my knees aren't flexible. my ego could get hurt by that,but i like bettering myself so am glad to know now
-all the new stretch ideas i have from class
-how friendly all the students were in class
-getting my tank top in the mail
-best friend having an instinct to check upstairs hallway for package when i mentioned i hadn't gotten it yet,and sure enough it was there
-water
-having more and more moments of peace. despite getting antsy,angry,emotional,sad,and so on,i'm learning how to lift my moods with more ease and to just surrender and even embrace my feelings.
-eye massage
-kind of trolling on a forum i'm on. it's a negative place and i decided to sort of utilize the loa and make a post that i know will make other members mad that is a lie but telling a story of how i want something to be. besides being funny to me at the time,thought it might be fun to see if it'd maybe make it manifest!
-being thin
-sportsbras
-how much more feminine my energy is now compared to this time last year. the work i did last summer really shifted it.last summer i started clearing things to shift in my life but it was soooo much more work and less benefit. i've now in the last few weeks have cleared way more with less work. way better!
-how much more inner confidence i have about myself since the last few weeks. it's amazing. i cleared so much junk that now i have so much more ease with believing and knowing positive things about myself. it's in a way,like i went back to the start with loa. back to when i first learned of it and was less jaded. so grateful.i finally feel like i have so much going for me and just because a guy isn't contacting me this moment or is dating me,etc doesn't mean he doesn't think i'm great or amazing or doesn't want me. of course,traditional things would tell us the opposite and then we become loaded with resistances and less confident and jaded but when you unlearn society things and come back to your truth,you feel so much more at peace and life feels a breeze
-my winter hat.i love it.
-my style
-getting the date and time of a job confirmed today
-feeling peaceful right now
-having cute/fun ideas of things i'd like to do

[buttercup]

.

[buttercup]

-my black tank top and how cute it is
-getting my job done today despite having another bogus thing happen to me
-the person i think at job kind of flirting with me? maybe? they were being really goofy. just being out and about in a cool neighborhood working with industry people again and seeing what's out there
-realizing i am still disconnected based on how i am percieving other things and realizing it's all me
-feeling more sexual feelings lately. sounds weird,but i find this is a good energy to have. it boosts confidence and seems to strengthen my will more
-feeling in a good mood when friend's parents picked me up. it felt like family picking me up and they were very nice to me so that was good
-getting feelings of inspiration and wanting to do more and how great life is and can be
-best friend being ok with me buying myself chocolate with his card and just telling him after since it was very inexpensive
-friend's parent's buying me chocolate and giving it to me
-feeling optimistic and determined
-calling father and finding out cat is doing better
-naps
-sodas
-getting a little work done for other business
-having a beautiful heart
-living life and the joys of it
-the weather getting nicer
-my body being really sore from class
-finding out another possible caring for me sign from best friend but need to find out still again since am not sure if it's another lie
-feeling abundance
-getting a lot done this month
-how strong my inner knowings have gotten since stopping tarot,and doing clearing work,and repetition
-seeming to get some great stuff from job today
-working in a creative industry and being able to work with different types of people
-mouthwash
-my ex A wanting to see me and that we are now getting along again
-that my confidence in myself has just raised so much in the last weeks. i feel back to me.
-feeling cared for

[buttercup]

-nice reflections in the last days
-the month of january being a lot of blessings and growth for me
-realizing i must be about to detach from l or have
-calmness
-being given vegan chocolate cupcakes and protein powder today
-getting groceries today
-getting new yoga pants today
-the weather getting warmer and having a nice aliveness in the air
-vegan burgers
-sodas
-water
-having a nice sleep
-having strong inner knowings
-my conviction
-my loa success stories this month and all the clearing work i did showing me how easy it is to change my reality
-that the month of feb will be all about visualization for me
-best friend texting me now after feeling discouraged about things with him
-finding out detail that shows best friend cared more then i thought this whole time
-surrender
-calmnness
-presence
-connection
-feeling more attractive
-sexual feelings and how positive that seems to be since it seems to increase connection and will
-my face
-enjoyment
-all the new inspiration from this month
-feeling excited for life again
-having $20 in my purse to keep
-getting a few more dollars addedto my card
-seeing oneness and how the world is a mirror...by example seeing how everyone is seeming to have money problems. i have no doubt in my mind the universe is within me..way too many freaky things to prove otherwise to me.
-inspiring neville teachings.
-how fun it will be to dedicate this next month coming up to visualization,probably starting tonight with my first session!
-makeup
-how much i've overcome. i feel so proud. this month was a journey. also completed my panic subliminals so happy about that
-living in big city with lots of inspiring things to do
-finally getting the protein powder i've been wanting
-newness. new energy and how exciting that is
-tuning into me and realizing that what really feels right for me now is to sort of empty myself,meditate,surrender,and maybe a little writing
-feeling more faithful and trusting in life again
-realizing my job the other day did something to me. it feels i'm being taken back to my roots again.i feel like i'm being told by life to keep doing first career,to connect to life,and others and myself,be present,and enjoy the energy of being wanted and let myself come back to me more and more.i had such a natural way with loa that overtime got jaded because of outside reasons thinking i shouldn't want certain things which just made me apathetic and obsessive instead of believing and detaching. Want is healthy. Presence is the way to be. Flowing with life,having desires.and pursuing and connecting with our passions and life and writing out the story of your dreams with your life,who cares if it makes other jealous or they think it's crazy.

[buttercup]

-the laptop i'm using
-getting my vibe really high
-a successful first day of visualization february. the last one got me really in the vortex. and,after the first one before bed,i slept easily and seemed to have trained my mind to naturally imagine better and had some more peace with a situation on another topic from it
-realizing some errors i made from an loa perspective of being on a forum that wasn't loa or anything close to it related and how it actually got me to attract at least 3 negative incidents since i had been on and the learning lesson i took from this and deleting my account on there. tv and online forums can be bad news unless they're like this one. the good thing is,after attracting the last incident and how it brought me down,i was able to take responsibility for my having created it,which got me to move on pretty quickly knowing i can create better now.
-realizing errors such as saying someone is a compulsive liar and yet wanting to shift that and realizing i need to stop saying that
-getting people commenting on other's pics of me saying they love me and how great it feels to be remembered and people to be a fan of me
- a cool new avant garde very high end looking photo of me from job the other day
-new inspiration about first career that started ever since hanging out with L last time realizing this is where i am meant to be,and that i am now getting more into it again finally
-food
-the peanut butter cups i was given and eating some today and how good they were
-best friend texting me more
-best friend reassuring me
-best friend being at house a little longer
-being at least half way to getting one of the barriers broken between best friend and me that's stressing me out after talking to him
-amazing deals
-lunges
-water
-again with perfect timing,amazing part of my book that i read today that shot me straight into an amazing mood and wanting to practically hug the book. it was so good and reassuring and just what i needed after my mind wandering a bit shortly before. there was an amazing quote from author on how there is no predestiny. it was perfect.i am no longer the girl i was 8 months ago,and it feels amazing.i feel so new.
-A for how he's always inspired me from afar and i feel is an inspiration for my more high vibe ways of thinking and changing of beliefs. i know one day we will kiss
-hearing from two people today that the cat is better
-my eyeglasses
-getting front room cleaned a little
-how much more aware i'm becoming and tweaking things as i observe and learn
-my beauty and how much more enjoyable it is to look in the mirror now when i do mirror technique affirmations.
-being cute and having my child-like side
-letting myself be a little lazier for parts of the day instead of rushing to cram things in
-things feeling lighter and that feeling spring is near
-root chakra and thetas playlist on youtube i'm listening to right now
-sleep
-relaxation
-self forgiveness
-happiness
-feeling more connected again
-feeling sexy and confident
-unfollowing things like crystal pages on social media as they come up since that no longer resonates with me.i also went ahead and looked for all astrology pages on facebook and in my email and unfollowed them.i am changing and it feels good. as much as i like some of the "hippie" type things,quantum mindset resonates with me that much more and i'm always about aligning with that which gives me the most love and freedom in my life.
-empathy for others

[buttercup]

-noticing that what i'm really wanting is to be emptied,to get organized again
-having a new vision of who i am becoming and what i want,more minimal,more chic,more fashion,less "spiritual" as in less crystals and astrology and more quantum mindset
-drinking two glasses of orange juice upon waking and having a donut
-deciding to skip my lesson since i didn't feel well and catching up on sleep
-reassurances from best friend
-taking responsibility for my being the creator of my reality,and how freeing that actually is
-taking it easy
-those awesome peanut butter cups
-sticking with my visualizations
-feeling more positive about some things
-my beauty
-how much more driven i feel towards first career lately and how it's my calling
-seeing more and more "flaws" on others who are in what i do,and seeing i really am too hard on myself
-new energy i've been feeling.i was so incredibly stagnant last year,and it's so good to be experiencing forward movement again
-mustard. so good.
-my calcium magnesium vitamins with zinc and vitamin d. they make me feel so good right when i take them
-interesting books i want to read sometime
-interesting ways people write things that are inspiring
-EFT tapping for always helping to relieve some anxiety these days
-cotton balls
-being able to become more and more aware of the limiting thoughts/negative thoughts i keep saying and thinking so i can stop
-transmutation
-awesome ideas
-interesting creations
-getting quarters for laundry
-knowing all is well and safe
-deciding i might finally try biphasic sleep tonight or tomorrow.
-mouthwash

[buttercup]

-that best friend is not dead
-that cat is doing better
-surrendering in a sense even to panic mode knowing that in the 3 months i'll see how false the leftover twinge of fear was
-using another upsetting thing today as inspiration pointing me to what i want and seeing how i've still had some repressed desires and how if you can't beat them,join them and wouldn't that pretty take away all that insecurity feeling
-clean towels
-orange juice and how great it tasted with the pastry i had when i woke up
-weird little things that seem like "reality shifts" that make no sense but are so subtle i'd sound crazy to even bring them up
-skipping brown soda and switching to clear which makes me feel better
-doing some yoga before bed last night
-a clean bedroom
-journaling last night finally and getting some resistances/limiting beliefs brought up
-being easy on myself as i've been feeling a little low and overwhelmed
-gratitude with where i'm at with some things as that's what i wanted even if now there's other things i want. it's so key to be present.
-sleep
-relaxed vibes that inspire me
-that feeling of spring being near
-emailing about appointment

[buttercup]

-food
-water
-coffee
-spices
-beauty ideas
-getting a driving lesson in and crossing busy street a few times during. very scary,but i did it.
-nice weather today
-having a landlord who seems kind and laidback
-feeling a feeling of unconditional love today that made me feel so good and like all is well
-awesome writings that make me smile
-soothing bad feelings
-getting clarity and direction and some work done on 2nd business thing i do and the side part i started last summer. that really felt good to release that resistance and the ideas that came to me when my mind naturally quieted a bit
-my beauty
-doing some visualization and changing it up how i do it and feeling in a good mood after.it started off not being as focused but by by session two was more focused and then mood felt really boosted and i felt a sense of meaning and excitement for my goal. visualization seems to have a lot of benefits and i'm determined to keep it up and get better at it.
-doing my speaking affirmations session. it boosted my mood quite a bit when i felt awful and then i had a manifestation so that showed me to keep up the speaking affirmation sessions. they so work for me
-manifesting a job offer for 1st thing i do and how good it feels to be getting noticed again
-yoga pants
-skipping brown sodas for two days in a row
-realizing ok the tight money maybe does add up to class loss after calculating again about best friend
-feeling more loving in general and like love and seeing best friend's dad annoying perspective from new eyes today. instead of taking it personally,i realized it'd because of HIM and his experience and how it's hurt him that he sees things the way he does,and that he doesn't really know. this made me feel a lot more relaxed,and understanding and just..comforted.
-getting acupuncture appointment made
-feeling like life loves me
-rent getting paid today
-how good it's going to feel to have my driver's liscense
-feeling so confident,moreso then i have in awhile about things
-having stronger,natural knowings about things that feel softer,and not so forced
-feeling sexy
-pillows
-surrendering
-my strength
-how much stronger i feel by surrendering
-finding out the one model was actually 34 which was reassuring
-orange juice and how good it is
-feeling more excitement and connection for life
-feeling more ease
-reassurances

[buttercup]

-finding a new subliminal i love for february
-my strength
-getting my visualizations done early and trying a new method for better focus of shorter sessions
-inner knowings getting stronger
-sportsbras
-subliminal audios that intrigue to buy
-my laptop
-being safe
-my book i'm still reading. it's taking longer to read because i've been reading less each day compared to usual when i have a book but it is really good and helpful to me
-clean towels
-soda
-mouthwash
-enjoying creating again,which is something i've lacked for the last few years
-doing a nice 10 minute cardio session tonight
-sleep
-my heart's conviction
-feeling waves of love from best friend as if telepathically
-more limiting thoughts coming to me and how it's been easier and easier nowadays to spot them since i'm more into affirmations and simple believing and such which has helped me become more aware
-being easy on myself
-reassurances on picture insecurity from noticing something by looking again
-clarity about travel decision to make
-feeling hopeful and positive

[buttercup]

-getting my chocolates today
-getting peanut butter cups and ear plugs requested and ride confirmed today
-skipping brown soda despite being tempted since i was depressed
-letting myself lay down then fall asleep for a few hours without feeling guilty about it. maybe once in awhile this is good for us.it felt like it helped me. And,i had a strange dream. It was strange because I had set an intention but so little energy was put into it,that it's just weird to me that I now dreamed of it.
-i don't look for signs anymore but also possibly got a sign on something else i had been visualizing.
-lower body exercises
-enjoying the law of attraction again.
-ex A calling me beautiful. the little things feel good.
- an amazing tip to apply for manifesting that is very relevant to me and how i had been too much of a complainer before
-reassurances from best friend
-beauty
-believing in myself more and having a love again for my first career.it feels so good to be going back to my roots in a sense
-inspirations by looking back on my past about re-imagining others
-the positive surreal feeling aspects that life sometimes has
-awesome ideas
-how things feel easier and a little less stressed
-the internet
-my haircut.i love the way it is cut.
-best friend texting me after I texted R asking her to have him to
-getting better at visualization
-inspiration from others that encourages me
-my beauty
-things i'd been conflicted about for awhile having gotten more and more straightened out in my mind

[buttercup]

-fun picture options
-conversation hearts candy. so good.
-beautiful pink flowers
-ex A saying we will go out next weekend which is valentines weekend and that i get to pick out our activity
-beautiful weather today that is invigorating and made spring feel so near
-reassurances from best friend including him saying R buys him things sometimes too like his energy drinks,etc
-getting my free dance class scheduled
-being able to reflect on past things that hurt me and how i created them with my thoughts
-sweaters
-being safe
-speaking affirmations session
-skipping brown soda again today
-mouthwash
-clorox wipes
-going grocery shopping today
-calming down more in some ways
-being able to see best friends side of things of how i really hurt him
-the ability to move
-getting a nice cardio dance workout in which always boosts my mood

[buttercup]

-blankets
-my eyeglasses
-knowing bad moods are temporary and i can be patient and pull out of them and that a bad mood isn't reality
-these beautiful pink flowers with green stems.i am so drawn to them.i love the beautiful colors which are heart chakra colors. i love how eyecatching they look and remind me of spring time.i love how i swear it felt like looking at them boosted my mood and even caused heart chakra sensations to occur in my chest.
-food tasting better and really savoring it
-roses. my favorite flower and finding out somewhere i think they are one of the most high vibration flowers..perhaps this is why i am so drawn to them. pink roses,i'd say,are my favorite!
-the delicious indian food sauce made with cumin and other ingredients that is so good
-coffee and having two cups of it and being fine. so glad i can have coffee again
-getting money added to my card today
-all these love feelings i keep feeling lately.i don't know what's going on but i just feel so much love!
-a good,normal laugh and being goofy at the store with best friend the other day. that was so needed.it was the first time we had laughed and had a normal moment in what felt like months.it reminded me that we are more then our fights lately,and our pains with each other,but also we have a connection,and we DO get along with each other. It was such a normal,authentic moment. I have no doubt he is my soulmate. The moment reminded me of goofy moments we'd have like that months ago,and how I seen him with R back in late Nov. They had been laughing and looked very in tune with each other for a moment,and it made me feel a slightly odd,but that moment we had at the store,was actually the same,really.
-sending another email with more on my perspective of things to best friend. he may not be reading them all,but i feel compelled to send them. it helps me heal and sort it all out,to see his side,and to see mine.
-my apartment
-getting best friend to open sauce jar before he left
-avoiding brown soda again today. this time my mom came by and brought her two liter of RC over and i kept looking at it,almost wanting to ask for a cup,but i resisted. i believe spending a lot of time with brother and mom during the fall and winter made me crave and drink more of that stuff since they drink a lot of it,and it's a habit i took from them. it's funny the things i get addicted to that i have to avoid are brown sodas and tarot. Other people are cigarettes or other things,but for me those things i get addicted to easily and i believe are not good for me.
-my mom organizing the garbage for me and putting it in two bags instead of all the little bags it was in which made it look much better.i insisted she didn't have to clean but how nice that she did do that
-my confidence subliminal i am listening to right now that i love. it's actually one of the very first subliminals i ever discovered years ago and that i loved so much back then. it's so feel good and practically addictive and now here i am listening to it again. i never used it regularly back then though,so am going for a full month now with this. hmm,on a side note,maybe this is why i've been so full of love.
-enjoying the law of attraction and creating again
-creating new shifts in my reality by all the new tweaks i am doing on old limiting beliefs. it is amazing,all the clearing i am doing
-my book i've been reading that i'm still not finished with. it's so good.i love it.i love how i feel i am nerding out about something most people probably can't see what's so exciting about it,but to me,i find it amazing. i definitely want to read more books like this again in the future.
-feeling so filled with possibility again and excitement and even able to reconnect with old desires again which is huge. for so long,i felt apathy and disconnect from that,but now that i've cleared some things,i feel amazing. i feel part of something important to me is to connect,and reconnect with things,as it makes everything feel like love and so connected and optimistic.
-colors. so amazing the way colors make my eyes feel! such a delight
-that i'm getting through february
-valentines day. my favorite holiday. how can i not love a day devoted to love.
-no longer believing in predestiny and how freeing it is
-feeling good again
-knowing how to hook up a wifi connection from phone to laptop now
-my strong inner knowing all will be well,and i will win and feeling more able to relax
-how delicious springtime is already starting to feel to me
-deep cleansing breaths which relax me and slow me down
-this interesting moment earlier where i kept having lyrics to songs come to my mind that were by me and they were in song format,complete with a trendy dance beat and all. it fascinated me and made me wonder perhaps i am meant to be a song writer!

[buttercup]

-orange chocolate
-my acupuncturist being a nice person
-getting my acupuncture today and how good it felt
-being downtown again
-getting new pics from playing around taking photos
-colors
-my eyeglasses
-magnesium vitamins.i always feel these doing something to me
-happiness and openeness
-beauty
-the color pink
-how feminine my energy is
-realizing more limiting blocks last night that were profound and helpful
-my confidence subliminal i love which makes me feel so good
-embracing the month of february and late winter
-relaxing more
-yoga pants
-the natural,holistic lifestyle of things
-getting cardio workout in despite being sleep deprived
-giving my mom a table she had been wanting for two months now that landlord had said we could have
-buying my best friend a cheesecake slice from a bakery in the neighborhood as a little thoughtful,valentines day gesture
-best friend's dad insisting on paying for the gesture which was fine,since he said it was my thought still and i know to best friend if he knew,that wouldn't take away from it for him.
-creating more peace with my "enemies" lately as i have
-love
-coffee
-delicious food. delicious cherry strudel pastry with mocha coffee for breakfast and then later tonight fantastic potatoes in the cumin sauce i love which was so good.i had made them perfectly
-my inner knowings haven gotten so strong and more ease
-my favorite sunglasses
-best friend seeming more relaxed about things today
-best friend seeming to like the cheesecake
-getting best friend to say he loves me today. he's been stubborn about it for awhile but i asked to say it in order to prove he was alone since i know he won't say it if she is around
-best friend's reassurances
-being safe
-mercy
-cats
-beautiful things
-inspiration
-the feeling as if blood was flowing to my heart when i had an acupuncture needle in my heart meridian
-acceptance of self which actually leads to a deeper self love and ease,and also able to look in the mirror and take responsibility for some of my more negatives
-humor,my child-like side,and my creativity.I decided to stop mentally calling someone an a-hole in my angry moments,to be playful and call them cotton candy instead so i made a digital phone pic inspiration with their pic,and a pic of cotton candy saying so and so is cotton candy to remind. I sent it to them,since they know my humor and our issues and that i've had angry thoughts like that about them.
-my stomach and arms looking more sculpted today
-having a nice shaped lower backside
-vision board pics because they are fun and inspire me
-comfort
-midol
-blankets
-all my desires. today,i told best friend that i want to be a song writer,food maker,and go-go dancer. lol,but i know first for me,is getting a driver's liscense.
-being more mature and wise then i was a few years ago
-remembering my transitioned loved one today and sending her pics to a few family members and best friend
-that my mom is getting her dog spayed tomorrow. hopefully it will calm her down
-garbage getting taken out today
-getting key figured out while leaving with no help,finally. and that was in my speaking affirmations too so i'm glad it worked

[buttercup]

-having a protein drink for the first time in awhile. made it with almond milk,and added maca powder and ginger. was very good and sweet tasting.
-sleep
-feeling pretty calm today and focused
-seeing best friend came home even when i didn't respond to texts and was asleep
-inspiration
-mountain dew
-some great ideas for saving money,and trying new things,and being creative.
-realizing progress and that it's been about a week or so,maybe longer since best friend has threatened to walk out on me in the middle of talking and that there is a sense of more calmnness then before
-my inner knowings being stronger
-fashion
-beauty
-flowers
-feeling calm in my apartment
-my great taste
-my femininity
-my phone
-the hotspot on my phone i'm able to use took up the internet when regular connection is out
-my creativity
-that despite it all,i am still getting a lot done
-best friend eating the cheesecake i got him today
-best friend being a little better about texting me today
-new pics for my vision board
-enjoying daydreaming again and envisioning my desires
-feeling more abundant and like all will be well and is well
-fears being more soothed
-feeling less rushed
-tea tree oil for keeping my skin more clear then any chemical product and for longer,too. can easily skip days with little to no issue
-instagram
-the internet
-my hair,and how great my cut is. i love it.
-all the lovely things in my life
-colors
-being able to see more and more,how it's my beliefs that created my reality the last years,and how it's not as hard as i think to change things
-really great loa tips i like such as from a neville site about how it's not that you don't want limitations,it's that you want new ones. i get what he means by that. it's basically a different way of re-wording patterns we tend to create that we want to overcome. i used to think i wanted no limits and to free of patterns,it makes sense that what i really wanted was to break free of patterns i felt so stuck in for so long that it literally felt like a funhouse joke.

[buttercup]

-great video about how everything happening to you is actually inside you
-mountain dew
-chocolates
-really freaky subjective reality experience about how everyone is just my imagination of them inspired by weird things from L and even manifestations from best friend today that were freaky. I had fear questions in my mind recently and the two things at sepearate times literally manifested as they could go either way just like the questions had been in my mind. And,then the L thing has been gltiches in the matrix type stuff and how does he look so cool and sexy now? And,looks like my exes? And,just seems so different in just weeks? All,because of beliefs. It got me reflecting deep on subjective reality and how everything is imagination. It was disorienting then peaceful having me feel a sense of ease at how it can all be..
-potatoes
-this confidence subliminal i've been listening to that's been filling me up good with love feelings lately
-that I don't feel like i'm walking on eggshells so much with best friend anymore at least not quite so much i should say. another improvement i noticed.
-buying a top in a color i don't usually wear that draw my attention
-feeling a sense of peace and calm now and presence from that deep eerie reflecting
-living in a beautiful city
-seeing more proofs L and V are not dating in the last few days. I had assumed wrongly. My inner knowing knew it and all that brought lessons for me
-life feeling more clear,and free,and peaceful
-not being too upset really that it seems like ex A is flaking on me. I may just do something nice for myself instead this weekend.
-that i have a driving lesson tomorrow so i can work on overcoming knowing how to drive side streets. of course,i already feel there,but just want to keep doing it a little longer before i make busy streets my goal. that's the part i worry if i can actually pull off.
-best friend reassuring me i'd be able to go out soon which was a top thing i felt still stuck on with him and it came somewhat easy too hearing that
-having a job next week coming up i'm excited about
-that i've been going about my life
-A who inspires me so much and having nice reflection on him last night
-how much i feel like i've gone back to my loa roots lately and how alive and invincible life's been starting to feel again,just a little bit.
-my visualization sessions i've been doing and how beneficial they've been
-finding out travel funds are good for longer then i thought so no rush to travel now since it's not a good time and i honestly just want to work on myself and get a liscense right now and have things with best friend heal more. if i really focus at it,i may even go and get my liscense come march which would be nice so i can move onto other things,but i am also trying not to rush and just enjoy the process.
-being healthy.i think acupuncture helped. they put a needle in my chest and it felt as if it increased blood flow to my heart. was really cool and i have felt a sense that my ear and heart feel healthier and healed ever since.
-warm,soothing showers
-sleep
-feeling more relaxed. that's how life should be.
-being an attractive person,moreso then i even realize most times
-coffee
-mouthwash
-

[buttercup]

-sleep
-doing a driving lesson today and driving around my neighborhood for an hour. scared me quite a bit and has made me have doubts on believing in myself. there's just so much to focus on at once but i'm still doing it,and this is the most i've done in years with driving so that's something
-uncovering a powerful limiting belief i've had in relation to forgivness that i found while tapping
-my confidence subliminal i've been loving.i actually put this one on for sometimes even 3-5 times a day because this one just feels that good,i get addiced
-mountain dew
-the sun
-reassurances and promises from best friend after the negative manifestation last night that made me question something
-that roommate came home this afternoon
-coffee
-being honest about my mistakes and flaws too and having perspective
-seeing i still had breakfast when i got home after thinking i didn't
-finding my eyeglasses just now
-my dad coming by to see my apartment finally
-conversations hearts candy
-how freeing it is to get rid of limiting beliefs. it makes life feel better,even during the more mundane or difficult times,simply because,really all the distress in our life is within us,so when we clear out even just a little of that,then everything gets better
-A. I adore him and he is now at the forefront of my desires.
-my hair
-my beauty
-having a class next week
-having a job next week i'm excited for
-my taste in things
-testing out subliminals to see if i could listen on my phone,and finding out yes i can
-water
-warm soothing showers
-february feeling more relaxed then january has
-reassurances from best friend on many things today
-my beautiful pink flowers
-believing in myself more
-that i'm getting through the month of February,one of my months i feared a little bit
-my winter hat
-relaxation
-that best friend is in my life

[buttercup]

-comfort
-my eyeglasses
-making sure i get the dishes done if nothing else
-conversation hearts
-mountain dew
-trying to see the good in what happened with R getting worried about me and coming by with best friend and seeing how i attracted it
-feeling strong knowing crush A and I will get together
-ex A texting me today. better late then never
-seeing some reassurances about R situation
-trusting most important things will remain the same with me and best friend
-loa forums
-that spring is near
-seeing maybe things aren't as much R but are best friend
-picture of transitioned loved one on phone
-being able to be honest with myself that low mood is because i havent worked out much,done affirmations much,or cleaned much the last few days.
-my confidence subliminal audio
-blankets
-that tomorrow will be a new day and can be better
-an amazing business partner getting it all done.

[buttercup]

-feeling attraction towards ex A again
-feeling love
-this awesome confidence subliminal which i'm pretty sure is a large reason i keep feeling love feelings
-my eyeglasses
-manifesting the two extra quarters in the way i did and the funny way of it happening being because L dropped a bunch of change by the side of the bed and on it last time he was here and remembering that funny story back then and seeing exactly two quarters right there when i needed them after affirming life always provides for me. it's stories like this that tend to inspire me the most with loa and that anything is possible
-feeling clean
-fashion
-manifesting the perfect spray bottle i had been wanting in a similar way to the quarters.i just kept saying it has to be here even though this store didn't have it before,and it was perfect to my requirements and in a lovely color.
-deciding to change my perception of R for the better and see the weird experience of yesterday as a good thing
-emojis and more people using them to me too and me using them as well
-getting a massage certificate which put me in a good mood today
-sleep. i really needed it for some reason today!
-feeling in a good mood all day today
-trying speaking affirmations sessions yesterday spontaneously and how good of a mood it put me in.i think spontaneous is more powerful for me,and scripted is good to help me remember new things i'm trying to anchor.
-getting to do laundry
-buying some cheap whole foods ideas today to work on my goal more i've had of eating more cheaply but still deliciously
-getting a box of hairdye to touch up my color
-my phone
-my stomach looking nice and sculpted
-mountain dew
-rationalizing guilts in my mind i get about things and realizing where they stem from.
-laughing at life
-getting ride confirmed for my class on tuesday
-manifesting things that reassure with best friend like him telling me on his own R bought him this sweater which eased my fears of if he is buying her things and her not buying him anything
-seeing best friend doesn't tell R everything
-me trying to explain core fears to best friend and seeing how i've possibly just been projecting my fears onto R and all getting better with R ever since i stopped thinking of her as a snake and chose instead an animal less fearful to me
-a lower grocery bill today
-the panic EFT on youtube by brad yates. it's one of my favorites.
-inspiring articles in my email. i've been dreaming about a sunny vacation but have no way to take one right now and then see an email about a girl who manifested a free sunny vacation. was very cool.
-being easy on myself
-embracing the snowy winter weather
-observing life without feeling bad,but instead amusement such as a guy on vday yelling and sounding so angry on the phone to someone that seemed like a lover or wife. it just seemed so cinematic
-gratitude
-surrendering to the situation more and balancing my perspective with best friend
-seeing R actually really does want me to be ok with her and seeing she does get insecure. little things like that just by reading her energy yesterday.
-getting dishes and kitchen clean before bed and how much it boosted my mood.it really had been making me feel more negative
-people from the past reaching out to me
-my amazing landlords and that the landlords husband always shovels the snow to my steps. what a nice little perk!

[buttercup]

-allowing myself to relax and be easy on myself
-getting that time of the month finally so i can relax from the pms hormones
-glazed donuts
-orange juice
-coffee
-best friend calling me and reassurances which made me feel better since he didnt come at all
-seeing best friend really isn't with R quite as much as I had thought back weeks ago
-confidence subliminal audio im doing for the month
-vision board pictures
-making my face atomizer and loving it
-getting an new social media pic i like
-instagram
-my eyeglasses
-buying a neville goddard book today
-essential oils
-my mom coming by today
-becoming less judgemental and staying relatively good with it even when today had several things making me upset
-style
-the internet
-mountain dew
-my mom doing EFT video taking pics of it and how amusing it was to see and to try and help her
-my beauty
-my haircut
-my mom fixing the kitchen lightbulb for me
-seeing best friend doesn't tell R everything
-feeling a little less worried about money things
-midol
-vitamins
-beauty
-blankets
-that things are fine and are getting better at least in some ways,even if it is slow
-that i'm getting through the month of February and all is fine
-warm water
-positivity

[buttercup]

-oatmeal
-coffee
-getting my peanut butter cups today
-being a woman
-best friend being here a little longer today in comparison to last few days
-seeing more signs of caring from best friend and being able to trace back little signs of caring from back the last few years
-seeing another little sign today from best friend of being more normal/having an affect when i started making slight baby/whining sounds it sounded like from the other room i heard him responding back to me the way he sometimes did before as if i was a baby. this is good as he had cut off from seeming to care about me or do anything that showed anything the slightest bit of as if it could be perceived as romantic or anything even though just a few months ago we were sleeping in the same bed together cuddling.
-feeling comfortable
-clothes
my confidence building subliminal
-that roommate took out trash
-beauty
-being able to help people with loa with questions they ask me about online on a forum and give advice
-blankets
-my eyeglasses
-still feeling an inner knowing of R being out of the picture soon,even if I am now taking away me blaming her for things now and seeing it's an issue with me and best friend
-vision board pictures which make me feel happy
-feeling more inspiration about my 2nd career
-feeling a little more believing in myself about driving goal again
-feeling inspired again about loa roots and surrounding myself with new people as a goal and to shed off influence from negative people and believing in myself no matter what
-sportsbras
-my beautiful bathroom
-the east coast
-moisturizers
-inspiration
-that things are getting better

[buttercup]

-seeing my affirmations work
-doing some EFT and before that having a subconscious block come to me on my anxiety condition which also happens to correlate to the panics I had back in fall which is amazing and how great it made me feel to do some clearing on that. I feel so much more free.
-pictures
-vitamins
-feeling good and like i have value
-roommate coming by earlier and bringing food and change and telling me my earplugs have been picked up for my job coming up
-getting laundry done
-my confidence building subliminal
-getting a good percentage of the bedroom clean
-deciding to sleep in a different room last night and how good it felt for my energy to do so. i liked it a lot. i felt more calm.
-the visualizations i did before bed and how great it made me feel and the surge of inner knowing it gives me and how spiritual it feels and natural do that work
-doing some speaking affirmations today and how good it felt
-clothes
-moisturizers
-essential oils
-how smart i am
-learning lots of cool things,like about essential oils and skincare and realizing i could save some money and have amazing skincare making some of my own products
-frogs and how cute they are and how happy of a vibe they seem to have. they remind me of a good luck and spring time
-getting through the month of February
-ex A texting me back
-getting offered a driving lesson today,though i was asleep when it was offered and needed the sleep
-comfort
-neville goddard material and how amazing it is
-getting a tiny old debt paid off. it annoyed me seeing it and being reminded of it as i didn't agree with it but something told me paying it off would be good from an loa perspective and energy-wise in terms of feeling abundant so I did it,and did feel better
-letting myself cry today,and then feeling better. it's amazing how much quicker we can feel happier if we just let ourselves feel our feels instead of repressing them
-becoming more aware of the thoughts and things practically on autopilot i say that block me and make me more unhappy
-nonjudgement
-my stomach looking nice and slim which makes me feel feminine
-things that make me happy
-sleep
-best friend finding my card for me today when i thought he had it
-feeling calmer about best friend because i've cleared core fears and also done other work and have a strong inner knowing about some things now
-getting paranoid about something with best friend last night while cleaning and remembering it while he came by and telling him it,and he wanted me to even show it to him so he could explain it me,and finally when i sent a pic of it,i then sent it again,showing more of it since first copy didn't show it all the way,and what do you know...i had gotten the date wrong! I was wrong. Nothing odd happened. I had assumed and worried bad but it was nothing. love it. shows me things are getting better,and i am clearing things within,too.
-that best friend said i can have laptop fixed whenever i am ready and to just get the parts ready so he can take it in
-reflecting on a past loa success story last night that reminded me of a current desire i am manifesting
-a girl on a loa forum being in the same city as me and saying we should be friends in real life maybe,too
-colors
-feeling a little more organized in my mind and like i have more time now
-this really great neville goddard site i check daily now
-water
-having faith
-believing in myself more
-having nice curves
-beauty
-a great dance cardio workout last night.i love cardio in winter
-calmness
-slippers
-feeling safe
-being healthy

[buttercup]

-my eyes
-my healthy ears
-getting my hair colored
-being healthy
-rest
-relaxation
-my eyeglasses
-mountain dew
-coffee
-mouthwash
-water
-clean towels
-pictures
-being able to tune in and sense psychic energy from others
-sweaters
-sleeping in living room again
-all the limiting beliefs i've cleared and new,fresh ways of looking at things now
-nourishment
-neville goddard material
-getting through February
-finding a song that had come to me when I think of A and using it to sort of trigger a hypnotic state
-mental influence
-being interesting in hypnosis
-feeling some of cleansed and clear on desires in a way i haven't for years now and being able to stay in a state of not looking for the how or wondering the details or comparing to others but instead just feeling the soul desire
-color therapy
-that i can get my computer fixed whenever im ready now
-my job on sunday
-my conviction
-that i havent checked tarot in about a month(havent kept track of exact length) and ever since I finally have inner knowing again
-the bed i'm on
-style
-getting natural at no longer trying to work out the how or when of things
-motivational pics on my phone
-feeling more bursts of happiness and less worry
-EFT since it still does work for me
-following what feels good

[buttercup]

-confidence building subliminal audio that i love,and was one of the first subliminals i ever used,back in the early knowing about loa days
-coffee
-jelly donut
-best friend suggesting maybe he'll start coming here more often in mornings when i'm asleep. so exciting. i've been visualizing this.
-doing an EFT to calm any fear about psychic attack
-feeling faithful and calm that all will be fine
-feeling feelings of aliveness and calm that i realized is better then in the vortex...it's what i used to feel a lot in the early days of loa before i even read Abraham Hicks,etc and realizing i'm finally back to the start with loa which is where i wanted to be for so long. enjoying the joy of creating,the loa being made simpler. feeling really good feelings that are far more pleasant then the in the vortex feeling..it's calmer,yet juicier..exciting in a way that's quieter. i finally feel feelings like i did back when i first learned of loa. ifeel younger again,i'm back to even focusing on some things from back then,too which is interesting..some of my desires and what i'm working on are from that time period. i feel younger again. it's easier to stop being critical now and having negative mental chatter now that i realized what i have about judgement. everything's just become easier. i have strong inner knowings. this is way better then drawn out spiritual exercises and aiming for being in the vortex. this isnt about being spiritual,it's just a natural,enjoyable way of life. I no longer even want to identify with being spiritual simply because it reminds me of arduous spiritual exercises,karma,crystals and so on. I am feeling so many similar feelings to that time frame of when i first discovered loa.i've cleared so much limiting junk i've accumulated in my mind over the last few years and it's great.
-getting my book in the mail today. so amazingly quick.
-ordering some color therapy glasses
-seeing my affirmations work
-sleep
-chatting with some loa forum members in a chat last night.it was very unexpected,but nice
-the middle of the night
-the feelings of spring
-roommate bringing toothpaste
-re-reading old journal entries and texts i wrote from the time frame of before i learned of loa with ex A. It reminded me of what I want. The sweetness of being with him. Everything was so much sweeter with romance until I got more jaded over the years and I'm so grateful to have cleared all that
-my eyeglasses
-the hypnosis induction i found which got me into deep visualization last night. so deep i ended up almost falling asleep after. going to make a playlist of hypnosis inductions!
-feeling so alive! This is way better then in the vortex. I finally know this now.
-the feelings of springtime being here
-best friend being alive,and how amazing he is
-pictures
-visualization and seeing now after practice how powerful and important it is
-emojis
-comfort
-a great dance cardio workout last night which made me feel amazing
-getting my hair colored last night and how much better it makes me feel now
-feeling a sense of ..eagerness and aliveness and juicy craving for the details of that which i desire now. this is soooooooooooooo much better then being in the vortex. I am now a Neville Goddard and visualization convert. For so long,I thought the vortex was the best thing to aim for and wanted feelings of aliveness I would have sometimes..now i realize the feelings of aliveness is what I really want,it feels so much better,and more magical and authentic and longer lasting.
-the hotspot on my phone for internet i now know how to hook up
-that i can get my computer fixed next week if i want and just need to find the charger
-being healthy
-feeling safe
-how much younger and more feminine i feel again
-doing speaking affirmations before bed which made me go to bed feeling nice
-that i've changed. i feel it. i've really changed and broke through barriers i've had for years now and that feels amazing. so grateful
-fashion
-enjoying life,enjoying the moment
-feeling connected to life

[buttercup]

-soda
-donuts
-given a little money today
-going to my class today
-getting in a little bit of a driving lesson today,and it does feel like i'm getting better.i still believe i can master side streets before the month is over
-beautiful,amazing weather today. so uplifting!
-knowing how to do a pole fitness trick
-the instructor remembering me and how nice it felt to be remembered and how nice everyone there is
-the dance studio following me on instagram
-great music
-things that made me wonder about A today,if i am on his mind. the start of the posts getting strange again for the first time since back right before he got into a gf. even though i feel an inner knowing,i like seeing hope. and,the neville material is really inspiring me that as long as i'm keeping that string of doubt that what if i'm crazy..that i'm staying in an objective reality and staying IN that reality,and that I need to take the leap and fully assume the reality i desire is real. i'm getting closer and closer to that with more and more ease but it's like i feel i have to question things that slight 1% so i don't feel crazy for some reason.
-acknowledging my blocks earlier today now that i feel it real and have a strong inner knowing on some of my desires and feel so close
-the feelings of aliveness i am now getting on an almost daily basis
-my eyeglasses
-feeling so much calmer these days by feeling it real
-my neville goddard book i've been reading
-my hair and how amazing it looks. i look younger and more beautiful when my color is touched up for sure
-sleep and naps
-yoga pants
-my wisdom
-having more empathy and maturity then i did years ago
-kindness from others
-finding out info about my account after finding out something annoying that happened
-seeing life seem to work out for me more
-an inner knowing that money is getting better with best friend. i just feel it now and assume it and this makes me feel calm
-my beauty
-getting better at imagining
-inspiration
-doing little things that makes my confidence grow
-deciding it's time to start posting on social media more and that i'll start looking for inspiration
-my black tank top i recently got. i love how efficient and stylish it is
-surrendering and feeling calmer about things
-getting the earplugs
-seeing my cheap eating ideas did work as i have leftover food from buying some of the things i did last week
-the living room

[buttercup]

-deciding to connect myself more
-my confidence building subliminal
-mercy for sleeping late today and being very off schedule
-my eyeglasses
-soda
-getting wine glasses which i've wanted for awhile but put off
-getting a green tea face scrub
-getting groceries today and bill being nice and average/low
-great quotes that remind me the only reason i'm not getting what i want yet is i'm not fully buying the pearl of great price
-noticing in my affirmations a lot of calmness on some issues
-realizing i can easily squeeze in two driving lessons this week and with focus master side streets no matter what non-believers say
-finding some concentration exercises i will start doing
-all the wonderful transformation i've gone through and being new now
-that job that got postponed will be rescheduled
-best friend texting my mom and then she apologized which proved a lesson to him and affirmed for me the power of surrender and being the better person
-feeling my feelings and seeing that i have anger,and why and having resistances come to me so i can see where to clear them instead of being stuck
-becoming a more calm person
-emojis
-trading vortex feelings and worshipping happiness for instead feelings of aliveness and the magic of life which feels much better,natural,and able to be had consistently. This is early loa days feelings for me whereas overtime I got more into lots of loa gurus and Abraham Hicks type terminology which i believe complicates loa..and no wonder..they are trying to make money on loa.almost makes me think it's a scam.
-pictures
-unfollowing some things that don't resonate with me anymore like Abraham Hicks
-being sore from my workout yesterday
-getting through the month of February
-feeling overall more and more positive everyday,i am truly retraining my mind I believe
-that I get to blog soon in a little over a week
-that computer may not need to get fixed as it was charging earlier when we plugged it in after finding the charger
-music
-my hair
-believing again
-crush A for he inspires me so
-feeling so much more back to myself and feeling the magic of life again
-being healthy
-feeling sane
-that best friend has been listening to better music lately when i'm around
-that today best friend said he has been thoughts feeling bad for me lately

[buttercup]

-driving subliminal i started listening to that sounds weird but seems to be working
-green tea face scrub i tried last night. so good,very rejuvenating and reminds me of spring or summer time. i love it.
-my eyeglasses
-finding the perfect pretty quote picture of my favorite quote
-keeping up with my social media goal i made the other day
-coffee
-visualization tips and ideas i've been starting to implement
-deciding to trying to do multiple things at once when best friends dad gives me a ride so i can get more done quicker
-feeling more good moods lately
-my hair and how beautiful it is lately
-my beauty
-sweaters
-feeling a surge of inspiration as if i'm being reborn and going back in time to when i first learned of loa and deciding to reexamine all the things i didn't get right back then,and the limiting thoughts i had and making affirmations and intentions from that. doing this feels healing,and right,and makes me feel younger,and a sense of aliveness.
-feeling younger nowadays and more alive
-being smart
-ben&jerry's vegan ice cream flavor i tried. super good.
-best friend coming here earlier and staying slightly longer
-neville goddard and this neville goddard site i go to a lot
-a great dance cardio workout last night
-the confidence paraliminal i've been doing which also makes me feel amazing
-the speaking affirmations sessions i do. they still help me at this point,i admit
-how thin and sculpted my arms look
-how sculpted my abs look
-all the barriers i've broken through these past weeks from the past years and how new it makes me feel
-sleep
-the bed i've been sleeping on
-all the ways i can reimagine new
-becoming a more calmer person
-being feminine and girly
-colors
-spring being near
-connecting to life and my desires again
-my body starting to look more tighter and toned and attractive and in shape looking
-having more work inspiration and direction coming to me
-art
-pictures
-the ability to see and hear
-simplicity

[buttercup]

-comfort
-coffee
-getting a little work done and putting together a story with it
-being about 1/3 of the way done with curation for debut for new business
-sweaters
-that old computer seems to be working
-my eyeglasses
-changing my sleep schedule to try and get back on schedule
-amazing music that fits my exact mood
-new inspirations
-beauty
-best friend opening sauce jar for me and doing everything else on my list i asked that I needed today. i was surprised it was as if he memorized it!
-being offered to start doing my driving lessons at night. that's perfect since the timing i've been doing them has always felt more difficult for various reasons
-driving subliminals i've been doing
-confidence subliminal i've been doing
-2nd chakra solfeggios i'm listening to right now
-sound therapies in general. i love sound therapies.
-pictures
-deciding maybe i should let go of crush A a little simply because maybe i have been taking my desires a little too seriously since visualizing them. i know 100% that I want,and will manifest him talking to me again and more to happen but maybe i should loosen up on wanting to manifest a relationship with him. i may decide i might not want that so maybe loosening up is better. my intended aim has been for him to reveal his feelings for me,more to unfold,more talking and getting to know each other,and a kiss. That's what I really want.
-talking to best friend on phone this morning.i love hearing his voice
-setting up bill pay thing in my bank account today
-finding out an old credit i've been paying off has more credit then i thought.
-getting more likes on a social media post when i didn't think so much about it.i realized my energy has been way too much with thinking too much that from an energy standpoint,it could be perfect but it'd repel and that I need to exude a certain energy in all that i do. it's not just words or presentation,it's energy
-fashion
-yoga. did some this morning and it was so needed.i've been so stiff
-feeling excitement and motivation to really make things happen and get into things
-understanding sex energy is creative energy and is will and excitement for life and is really a very good and important thing
-my hair
-my bill getting paid today
-being healthy
-warm showers
-quarters to wash towels
-getting my shirt and sunglasses in the mail today
-my beauty
-a toned lower body
-yoga pants
-dance cardio workouts

[buttercup]

-my eyeglasses
-great music
-inspiring article on low-budget travel
-my nails feeling nice and hard and healthy
-best friend calling me after last class which made me feel better and was reassuring.i love hearing his voice
-my confidence building subliminal i'm listening to right now
-doing a speaking affirmations session which always feels very cleansing
-oatmeal.i always feel good when i eat this for breakfast
-spices
-coffee
-potatoes. love clean eating simple foods!
-getting driving lesson scheduled for tomorrow
-reassurance from best friend about living situation and how often he is gone telling me not to tell his dad something which proved he wasn't lying
-naps
-doing a nice visualization and ri sessions before bed which put me in a really good mood and very relaxed
-getting kitchen clean finally. such a mood boost
-sticking to my social media goal and changing up my energy
-my beauty
-tips im giving myself to aim for to improve on my driving lesson next to meet my goals when i want to
-my energy being overall more relaxed lately
-being able to easily see more core fears and why i fear how i do such as ptsd,trauma,past pains,etc which can be calming
-feeling good
-being able to read
-being safe
-beauty
-feeling so new lately
-getting new understandings and insights into myself lately
-feeling more beautiful lately
-feeling younger lately
-eye massage
-cardio dance workouts
-feeling more loving towards best friend again
-that i get to blog soon
-clarity
-mercy
-feeling feelings
-that old computer seems to be working.
-inspiration
-determination
-motivation
-relaxation
-my phone
-stretches
-mobile phone apps
-pictures
-being able to see
-reflection

[buttercup]

-not sure if this is a good thing but it was bizarre..seen an article on strange incident about energy worker imposter from back in december that i had panicked about. and then an article on burglars getting caught in neighborhood next to mine. was positive in that it showed i wasn't crazy back then in december,and also that burglars got caught. i didnt feel fear seeing article,and actually felt safe,and trusted all is well
-being safe and trusting im safe
-accomplishing my big goal of the month. i now can drive side streets! on top of that,i was driving busy streets too. this feels amazing. it makes me feel confident,and normal in a good way,and capable.
-getting out of the house for a bit to do driving lesson and how great the air felt and being able to do lesson at night which made me feel much calmer and more relaxed. and how great it felt to actually be driving in the neigborhood next to mine,where a lot of people i know live! so cool.
-essential oils
-feeling more beautiful lately
-getting more social media comfortable
-feeling more and more calm lately
-my beauty
-yoga pants
-being given chocolate candy
-emojis
-nighttime and how soothing it is
-my phone
-water
-sleep and naps
-my eyeglasses
-speaking affirmations
-subliminal audios which i feel may have helped me too
-getting more comfortable being myself and not caring what others think
-coffee
-vegan burritos
-candy
-getting an email sent that i had put off
-sexy guys
-chivalrous guys
-my visualization sessions just because they have helped me retrain my imagination and have an inner knowing about some desires and helped me feel calmer
-deciding it's definitely time to go to let stage with one desire since it feels impregnated and now entered stage of frustration and doubt even though the inner knowing is there,i feel obsessive like it's time to let go now
-doing nothing and laying down at times. feels good
-best friend coming by
-old computer seeming to be working when i tried it out today for 5 minutes and cleaning out some old affirmations on mydesktop therapist i had
-great quotes
-pictures
-getting a like on a photo on a social media today that felt like a mini manfestation of a desire of mine
-eye massage
-the deep conditioner i've been using

[buttercup]

-eyeglasses
-getting a pizza different then the usual frozen pizzas bought for me
-sleep
-getting more social media confident
-best friend saying he wants to leave his laptop here which surprised me and was good news
-mountain dew
-having a glass of wine and trying it in the new wine glasses i got
-new job day being decided
-knowing how to drive side streets now! so cool.
-confidence building subliminal audio i've been listening to
-photo likes on a site
-getting a text from C
-naps
-getting kitchen floor cleaned
-cool little loa thing..i have been loving a random song i came across. and seen it on a video on ig today. things like that show me reality is created with my awareness
-green tea face scrub i love
-my beauty
-style
-being feminine
-lower body being nice and toned especially in comparison to last fall
-that best friend is alive
-finding out it's illegal to record a conversation
-becoming a more relaxed person and that being a main aim of who i want to become more of
-being able to just lay down
-feeling burst of energy coming to me that makes me wonder if its from someone else and who. like sexual energy
-my body feeling more sensations of feeling good and relaxed
-another loa thing of seeing more and more body flaws on others ever since noticing it
-ideas
-my determination
-more confidence in myself lately
-stretches
-deciding to focus more on becoming more relaxed,and how can i induce more relaxation and openness since that also will correlate with letting go
-eye massage
-knowing i can be,do,or have anything
-getting through this month

[buttercup]

-peace
-pizza
-mountain dew
-manifested l contacting me today. :)
-realizing negative energy from my mom that i've been holding onto and how wondering if she made things worse. i create my reality and cannot blame but it gave me some EFT inspiration on things to tap on and let go of and new perspective on several life situations in my life recently. it even inspired me to take some inspired actions.
-going outside in backyard alone for 5 minutes after feeling inspired from a sort of release of negative feelings i've had for a few years from things with my mother
-yoga and stretches
-cardio dance workouts
-feeling more confident in myself then i have in some time
-getting positive attention from others and feeling good enough
-an email from an old work contact which was very cool. she is very high end and offered to send me some clients.
-tank tops
-getting through february
-talking to best friend about new perspective on things
-the internet
-pictures
-getting at least a little bit of done
-my beauty
-my work accomplishments
-getting bedroom cleaned
-essential oils
-beauty
-yoga pants
-getting more social media confident
-meeting landlord's mom
-my conviction
-my determination
-my kind-heartedness
-relaxation
-crystal singing bowl audios
-best friend saying he is going to leave laptop at home when i start using mine
-ease
-gratitude
-all the positive changes in my energy since this time last year,including feeling and embracing sex energy more and it's connection to will,being relaxed,and embracing non-judgement as the key to surrender
-having great,healthy teeth
-life feeling more light and the possibility for fun again

[buttercup]

-vitamins
-ideas
-clarity
-getting a new alarm clock
-getting groceries and bill being very cheap,it was strange
-best friend not putting anything in cart for him and R this week,which is interesting as that had been a concern in the past of why he was suddenly putting so much in cart for while with her
-being drawn towards an awesome spring green nail polish to buy this week
-best friend plugging in alarm clock for me. little things like that is how he shows he cares. he's always been that way
-doing a major goal today for my anxiety. walked all the way to the coffee shop by myself. so amazing! this is one of my biggest accomplishments in relation to that. now i know i can go and get my own breakfast if i want! i felt this inspired action after things coming to the surface relating to my mom came up the other day and feeling a sense of freedom that i can do certain things. the order was cheaper then i thought,too which was also amazing! and the barista was attractive. idk why the male baristas always seem to be attractive at this coffee shop! so cool i manifested this.
-manifesting l to contact me. maintaining my confidence despite wanting to give into him and being nice about him.i do hope he'll try to work things out with me,and feel he will and it's huge to me i manifested him to contact me. it's an easy manifestation but also huge for proving certain things for me i've been working on and clearing.
-sleep
-my beauty.i swear,i have been looking so beautiful lately
-feeling more noticed by others lately and connected
-my accomplishments
-emojis
-getting more social media confident
-the amazing,beautiful weather that makes me feel so alive. the air feels so fresh
-the beautiful night skies
-the sun
-deciding march will be inspired actions. february was visualization and was a little bit to start seeing the effects of but so worth it,but now i've been feeling called that march should be inspired actions to take my life even further
-confidence building subliminal i've been doing
-my eyeglasses
-yoga pants
-stretches and yoga
-the intense,strange feelings i had during visualization last night. it was bizarre.maybe because i'm visualizing more often and getting better at it,in combination with using a hypnotic induction while doing it or maybe that i'm trying to visualize as i'm there vs as if i'm watching a movie,but last night was odd how intense i felt suddenly
-feeling feelings more often since doing visualization. i'm so convinced this is the way to go with loa in comparison to trying really hard and trying to get in the vortex. this feels so much more natural,and consistent,and better
-feelings of aliveness
-excitement for life and life feeling fun and future possibilities
-great music
-my hair color
-tank tops
-how sculpted my arms look
-having a nice curvy lower back side
-essential oils
-getting through february and things aren't worse and are at least a little better
-being a woman
-EFT I did this morning and affirmations to clear some limiting junk i've been holding onto
-inspiration
-feeling renewed and all this wonderful new energy in my life
-great quotes
-colors
-beauty
-asking best friend to show me that sound on his phone to prove to me something i was paranoid about and finding out he isnt lying
-friendly people
-affirmations

[buttercup]

-water
-trying out edmr for the first time self administered today and feeling so extremely chilled out and secure afterwards. wow! i think it even made my heart feel good,like rejuvenated
-emojis
-vegan food
-coffee
-l contacting me today and making me swoon. he knows just how to make me feel special. i had been trying to let go of him and be detached and then tonight he texted me a screenshot of a picture of me he seen in his feed online saying just saw this and that i look incredible.it put me in the best mood!
-doing some EFT on safety things today
-my personality
-deciding to keep working on more and more being a relaxed person and letting go of anger and worries
-sleep
-my beauty
-getting a ride for going to the salon tomorrow
-ex A liking my post online though i deleted it because i made a slightly different version after
-feeling more connected lately. makes me feel so good!
-yoga
-getting through february,and all is well
-getting caught up on emails
-knowing all the amazing,high end talented people i do and how good that makes me feel
-my eyes and how beautiful they are
-my confidence increasing
-sound therapies and how helpful they've been
-physical exercise and how good it feels
-beauty products

[buttercup]

-donuts
-mountain dew
-coffee
-being safe
-calming myself down after a setback today
-getting my eyebrows done today
-daylight starting to be longer and how nice that was
-sleep
-my hair and how beautiful it is,how great the length and texture and cut is. i am really loving my hair lately
-deciding i will go and see the cat no matter what for even just 5 minutes this next coming week
-getting more decisive about my wants
-deciding will walk to coffeeshop again sometime this week to get myself breakfast,and aim to do that at least once a week for all of march..and see how that one little action will change my life
-being able to blog again
-getting a little bit of work done last night
-my beauty
-that roommate said he will pay rent tomorrow
-my heart feeling healthier then it did a few months ago
-that l texted me yesterday and how good it made me feel,and even just how meaningful that whole manifestation of him contacting me again and then that yesterday is for me
-visualization sessions i did in the morning and how good they made me feel. visualization seems to even do something to my body,like relax it.

[buttercup]

-self forgiveness
-being awake
-getting towels in the wash,and that i can do laundry today
-feeling calmer about some things
-sleep
-being safe
-that i can go and see the cat this week
-sound therapies which make me feel good
-remembering how easy the law of attraction is even if it doesn't always feel like it
-stretches
-my eyeglasses
-law of attraction forums to get out where i'm at with certain issues,which also helps point out certain limiting beliefs for me
-being able to help others on an loa chat
-call from best friend this morning
-being able to see how R seems created out of my own awareness
-visualization sessions which always seem to make me feel so good. though,i'd like to see more external manifestations from them,but perhaps i just need to be more patient
-getting more info on a postponed job,though now it seems it won't be until april
-being able to understand why i feel anxious and also seeing maybe i just need to get through this month,and then i'll feel much more calm
-being easy on myself
-staying determined to change who i am,despite feeling down today

[buttercup]

-mountain dew
-potatoes
-oatmeal. actually starting to be convinced this is a high vibe food.
-getting through the day and all being fine
-giving landlord the rent today
-my style
-my beauty
-how much healthier my heart feels compared to a few months ago and seeing i'm alive still and fine.
-feeling calmer
-having resistance come to the surface last night before bed while journaling and after imagining it gone,how amazing and free i felt.i started to realize this psychic energy may have been a drain,and may have been the true "psychic attack" last year after looking at things again in reflection
-sleep
-l and how much he was there for me ever since last year when things were tough.
-feeling very loving. i'd say that was the number one benefit i noticed since doing my confidence building subliminal for the month is that it made me feel more loving towards all
-being able to blog
-all the amazing good changes and transformation i've made and feeling newness and moved forward which i had needed for some time
-being over certain guys that i took a long time to get over,that i can do so much better then really. even l is such an upgrade from e. A and L are both major upgrades from guys like B and E.
-an amazing journaling session last night that gave me clarity and lots of ideas.i felt drawn to journal but resistant just because i don't like writing as much lately,but once i did it,it was very helpful. seems everytime i feel drawn to journal,i get something amazing out of it.
-manifesting an interesting text today after having released that resistance before bed about topic. it was interesting since the text had to do with that resistance even coming to the surface.
-EFT and how cleansed it makes me feel. it's amazing how we could have these little things we don't think are big deal in our mind,but once we clear them,we feel so much happier,and like a weight has been lifted. i cleaned up some more stuff before bed and realized that had played a big part in me being down.
-colors
-leaves,emojis,and the color green.i think i'm in a green color phase
-seeing cool things that interest me
-how much it's been feeling like i'm going back to 2010 when i first learned of loa in ways. certain themes and things,and feelings.
-sweaters
-my cat slippers i love and still have
-feeling more confident
-feeling more free
-changing my reality in the moment,and in way for the better.i had fear thing i wanted to check on someone's social media online and couln't resist not checking it,but told myself something in a calm feeling to reassure myself it going my way,and sure enough,it did. this is great for me as i'm also currently overcoming a big problem of assuming the worst and assuming wrongly. i've done things before like this,too seeing reality can change at any moment by doing similar

[buttercup]

-being easy on myself
-calming down from rage i had earlier
-reassurances
-sleep
-realizing all the things coming up lately in EFT and limiting beliefs from my issues with others is probably me manifesting sloughing off my angers and worries that i've set the intention for. my intention was to become a more relaxed person and to not be angry or worrier
-ex A contacting me just now
-manifesting another follow up random text after that resistance cleared from the day before in regards to something i had wanted but had felt blocked because of other issues. so weird how after clearing and having things come to surface on one issue this happened.
-confidence building subliminal
-getting more money put on my card
-self forgiveness
-the internet
-EFT. it's been such a major help for me
-my mom telling me she got some kind of settlement of $6,000 and is now moving finally on so and so certain date. very good news! i've been wanting her to move for awhile. it made me mad she kept saying she was but still hadn't. also,impressed seeing look she manifests quite well,just doesn't even realize it!
-my hair and how beautiful it is
-that i'm getting through month of march and so far there has been two setbacks but they resolved fairly quickly and also have done less affirmations and my sleep has been very messed up which i feel is messing up with my feeling good so those are two fixes
-that i can go see cat tomorrow
-being able to blog for the month
-a great visualization session in the morning. well,really i do multiple mini sessions for about an hour
-realizing how freaking amazing i'm going to feel come by the time this month is over and around mid april or so. wow. i'm going to feel such a release and sense of freedom seeing i got through all this and wow,see everything is fine and how silly i had been
-all the stuff that came to the surface about my brother,and realizing it looks like he was the source of psychic attack from aug-dec and how much sense it makes
-inspiration

[buttercup]

-the strong burst of positive energy i just felt
-cupcakes
-mountain dew
-sleep
-getting the cat here
-laughing at how easy and random that once i released resistance i get two random texts two days in a row saying cat needs a vacation if i want to take him for awhile and saying i can take cat if i want
-that at least by seeing my brother while getting the cat,i broke the tension,though later i got drama texts from him and my mom but have been able to detach fairly well
-great ideas for saving money
-giving spare vitamins i had extra of to house when i went to take cat
-my confidence building subliminal i've been doing and being on the last day of it
-finding old messages from when l very first contacted me for work way back in 2013 and seeing he seemed nervous back then and like he thought i'd say no to working with him and seeing my pic is still on the online page with his other pics after all this time which made me feel good.i even took a pic of the screen.
-that best friend didnt rush as much when going to get cat i dont think
-that best friend said R buys him pants and bought him vegan protein powder
-getting reassurances about car when i got mad saying the car looks like she took over and him saying it's his stuff
-seeing signs that best friend is not over me.i used to say certain things but didn't think much of it for years now and it'd make best friend mad. today,though I asked out of genuine curiosity saying i think it's weird how everytime we are around each for more then 5 minutes it seems like he needs to have a new pic of her on his phone,or she texts him,that kind of thing. And,he told me it's him that does that. As soon as I said that,I said thank you. That just proved a lot to me. They may be subtle psychology things,but I find it weird he needs to force himself to see pics of her or have her more in his mind when i'm around. Add that to the constant ring fidgeting. There is just something extremely bizarre about the fact that as much time as he is with her,he is getting i love you pics from her right when he is with me. Somebody is very insecure.
-seeing more that all this is issues between me and best friend. it's almost like he is creating that i am something for him and R to get through,thus increasing the drama and connection for them.
-water
-deciding now to start focusing back on my driving lessons starting this next week.i felt i needed a mini break from that to process life and now am ready to finish my next goal with that
-vitamins
-essential oils
-things coming to the surface of how i'm misconnecting things and that's why i'm making myself miserable
-how beautiful my hair is
-my goals
-getting offered an internship today
-feeling less anger towards others ever since doing clearing work and how it makes me feel more likable too
-being a different person now and how good that feels. so many things i was interested in before,i am now interested in new things and have changed. forward movement feels great.
-getting kitchen mostly cleaned last night
-having the brilliant idea to get rid of some dishes,since i want to be more minimal and that'd probably be very freeing since i dread doing dishes with how time consuming it is

[buttercup]

-trying new foods
-meeting my goal of going to coffee shop alone again today this morning.i was shaking and felt like throwing up but by the time I was done and seen hipsters,and normal-ish people walking around,I felt that the more I do this,the more this will feel normal for me and get easier,and easier
-the coffee from where i went this morning. so good.
-getting groceries today
-deciding to buy myself some orange essential oil since i met my goal and it's something i wanted anyways
-finding the subliminal i will do for the next month. decided to with a free one again,since there's so many i like and want to fully explore
-that i'm about a quarter of the way done with the month,and all is well
-sleep. though i've been sleeping too much ever since i decided to try biphasic sleep and am trying to get back on normal sleep now.
-sweaters
-weather turning much nicer by evening time
-some back and forth normal texting with best friend this morning after i was starting to get upset I think i just stayed calm and told myself to be patient
-how great it is for the cat to be here,and how cute he is and waking up to him sleeping with me today
-making some cute inspiration pics today
-a great book i've started reading.i was hesistant because it's free which is stupid but have been reading and it's actually quite good and resonates with me a lot since it has to do with my anxiety issue and overcoming it,but also talks about how thoughts create reality and nature always heals if we allow it and we can heal even this if we let it
-newness and forward movement. though there is still things im frustrated about,and havent had a night out in forever,and still feel like a prisoner,i feel so much newness and forward movement in my life,and an making changes and growing and that feels amazing.
-my cat slippers i love
-getting quarters for laundry
-getting cash
-best friend saying money is getting better
-mountain dew
-getting a smidge of work done
-feeling a little more organized in my mind about things
-kitchen finally being clean
-being told we can get a toaster for free
-the EFT i've been doing and how much more clearer,and peace filled it's made me
-food prices seeming cheaper today

[buttercup]

-feeling healthy
-being awake
-the depression treatment subliminal i've decided to use for the month,not because i think i have depression but because i loved the way it sounds with the binaural beats chosen and the list of subliminal affirmations seemed best
-my style
-getting through about a quarter of the month
-the agoraphobia book i've been reading
-essential oils
-being a nonconformist and how many great ways there are to make life better from it
-sleep
-best friend,all being well and healthy
-colors
-getting the bathroom cleaned
-emojis
-the cat being so adorable and constantly making me laugh
-doing a cardio dance workout in the morning. so needed. it really boosted my mood since i'd skipped workouts for a few days now
-getting a funny in my face sign about l. it was hilarious and i just knew it was something.i had a logged on to a blog and right away see a profile picture of a guy of his ethnicity which is something drawing my attention lately,then there is a pic posted saying just because blah blah blah does not mean i lack emotional depth with an offended face and it's animated and supposed to be a silly picture that is funny and that was one of the last things i had said to l was that I feel like he lacks emotional depth and to top it off,the user's name was misjudgements! lol.i don't know what this means but it's very funny and this definitely felt like something as it called out to me and just felt like it. serendipity.
-my face
-sweaters
-my intuition increasing and starting to get meditative insights again. i think my vibe is rising
-a delicious meal earlier of vegan chili with potatoes
-reminding myself to simply buy the pearl of great price
-feeling calmer
-great music
-things that inspire and make happy
-living 2-3 blocks away from a cool cafe
-getting my power back more and more
-getting out of biphasic sleep and closer to a normal sleep schedule,little by little
a great article on forgivness i came across by neville goddard

[buttercup]

-orange juice with glazed donuts
-the cat being here,and being so adorable
-maintaining calm after best friend brought her here AGAIN with no warning creating a very awkward experience. he now did this once in Feb and now once in March. trying to see the good sides of the situation and how things are fine,and in my favor
-beautiful weather today
-maintaining cheerful mood despite my mom attacking me this morning in texts
-coffee
-getting some work things done and new projects sent in
-feeling a desire again to be more in the spotlight with work again
-being given money
-getting that sauce jar open on my own today which was nice
-a nice cardio dance workout that always boosts my mood
-being able to leave the house without a coat
-feeling relatively confident despite it all today
-depression subliminal i've been listening to
-my apartment
-feeling safer in my apartment
-blogging
-a cool picture for my social media i found that i believe
-somehow feeling oddly calm about what happened today,and like it'll all be ok,it's like i feel this strong weird sense of surrender,and ability to just let go like nothing bad is happening or going to and that things can only get better for me,and it's all up to me what i want
-feeling an odd sense of clarity and surrender that R is ok,and I can overcome my anxiety issues now.
-feeling like i have more time lately

[buttercup]

-manifesting text from l wanting to come over right when i felt so low after best friend flaked on coming again and had his dad bring food. that was specifically in my list of intentions,too
-deciding to make the most of the day after that and being really productive and positive trying to take back my life
-getting a toaster bought for me,and two cat toys one for brother's cat,and one for my mom's
-getting a driving lesson in and noticing i'm getting calmer behind the wheel
-getting two rooms cleaned
-music
-how exciting and motivating it was knowing l was coming by and that i had manifested by desires i set in January. It is so freeing.
-coffee
-how nice it felt to just lay down
-getting business call done and it going better then i thought. contact from past wants to possibly buys ads and partner with us,all kinds of things. so cool. so good it felt to be productive! and not just doing spiritual exercises.
-getting pic chosen for work project that just came to me as the perfect one.
-buying some new lingerie from a shop i like in the morning
-doing laundry.i love doing laundry for some reason. have no idea why.
-the overcoming agoraphobia book i've been reading
-ok,so as it turns out,drama happened when l came by. i had negative momentum going all week and was apparently pms-ing and didn't bother to do much spiritual exercises all week,and did none actually that day despite being really productive,but i'm grateful l came by
-that when l left despite feeling hurt he walked out on me,that I didn't get a bad feeling this time.i just felt like i'd see him again. :) I think this is part of the inner work i've done since January.
-that maybe l not pushing for sex and saying to sex actually means he likes me a lot and respects me. he seemed to get offended I wanted sex after i got upset about the texts and asked if it was a guy or girl that sent them so i think he thought i was using him.i may even have a memory(the fight was a blur) that he said i can use him for sex some other time.i threw a fit seeing something that made me insecure with him,then went to check my phone and got something in my phone and i just demanded sex angrily from l and he said no and i blurted out all these embarrassing things about what i really think of him,that i actually like him,and did want sex,and accused him of leaving to see another girl. i was crying and said i hate him and that we are never hanging out again. it was so embarrassing. It's crazy how i attracted this whole night. But,I had negative momentum I don't think i cleared,and the other odd thing is i got a different l this time then the last. Last time he was agressive and forceful and i worried he was using me for sex and this time he was so different,and gentle and just wanted to cuddle. it's so strange! I think it' because I cleared up some things about L since I had last seen him but even still,i'm still sort of weirded out by it. the other night with l brought up a lot of new limiting beliefs to the surface,and showed past ones I had now cleared..and honestly,in that regard it's kind of interesting. Best of all,manifesting L back and as fully as I have thus far has been very,very rewarding and validating for me. I realized he had sort of been in me ever since December,even when I focused on other things and i'm just beyond grateful because manifesting him was proof of clearing a lot of things for me and proving a lot of things i wanted proven. I'm so glad loa can get more simple and natural again. We are always thinking as it is,and to think there's certain things that are wrong or impossible literally defies loa logic. I think that's why i'm so happy despite l and i fighting and him making me feel awful..because i've seen how much i cleared,and have a natural,soft inner knowing,oh i'll see him again and that just feels so good. that's how i want it to be.
-feeling unafraid actually when i got that threatening text.i was just bothered by the drama after the l thing i had gotten upset about and if that text never happened,i would've handled the l thing much differently which brings me to
-that after that,i found a new sense of freedom and inspiration. i had let another thing interfere with my life from the emotional drama b.s since last year. and this made me decide it's time to let go of that pain,and just start living my life like everyone has said. i realized life has through l been trying to get me to do that,too but instead i've been focusing on it,still and wanting l to turn to and i realized i can't do that,even if he had said orginally i could. i have to let go of it. it just made so much sense suddenly. i had been wanting l as a crutch. maybe this bothered him.
-how amazing l is sexually. i actually think he may be the best lover i've had,and we've never even had sex yet. I don't know what it is,but he is different. other guys,they are more boring and predictable. l is more unique.
-the amazing messages i got from this girl on an loa site that's been tremendously helpful with identifying core limiting beliefs from childhood trapping me now,and seeing loa in action through her stories and me sharing mine.also the amazing advice she gave me that makes loa so much easier.
-how beautiful and accepted l makes me feel. he loves my butt which is one of my parts i'm insecure of and that's quite a compliment considering what he does for a living. it's always a compliment if someone who does what he does for a living finds you attractive.
-waking up to the cat on my head last night. lol. so cute.i think he was mad at me for sleeping a lot.
-how cute the cat was i think being suspicious of l at the house,but then also trying to sleep with us later.
-getting caught up on a new affirmations list
-deciding to up my goal of walking to coffee shop to twice a week so it becomes more and more normal and today when I went,feeling more relaxed,and calm and getting checked out a lot by the guys and male workers there. it was so confusing,i had worried did i look weird or something. i was dressed so bummy,but i am pretty sure it was flirty and it made me feel kind of good.
-deciding a new agoraphobia goal today,that i will walk to another shop closeby,too i think today. there's something i want that normally i'd buy with best friend,but i feel inspired to do it alone and get it myself and i think it'd be a perfect next step from the coffee goal
-my style
-my beauty
-how good it feels to know i am going to get back on track with things now. i'm dedicating today to affirmations.
-getting in tune with my wants,even if i dont know how i can get them.i want a new apartment.i want to live more northside,still. i actually want to live in l's neighborhood.
-ideas
-feeling safer in the apartment again lately
-feeling more confident lately about myself in the little things
-feeling more empowered,little by little
-how great my teeth are,and starting to feel more confident about those again
-that i'm about 1/3 of the way through the month. it's been quite bumpy but i haven't done much spiritual work and had been in a bit of a negative momentum since around march 1st
-getting my time of the month the morning after l left,and feeling much calmer. very odd i tend to attract negativity before i get it.
-sweaters
-that i'm starting to feel my life will get more normal now,and am starting to get clarity on what i want that's normal. in other words,i'm starting to feel it now,like feel it real.
-best friend coming in early morning the night after he flaked. i sensed he felt bad. reassurances i got from him that he tells me not to tell his dad certain things,too which proves certain things.
-being honest with myself that i do have a paranoid problem so i can know i'm often assuming wrongly and am going to start taking more deeper actions to remedy this.
-my will starting to feel even stronger these last 24 hours or so,and maybe even few days before.i almost feel like i can will anything right now,and that makes me feel confident.
-how tight my backside had gotten
-the protein drink i had thursday with maca and ginger,and almond milk to keep me feeling energized and strong for the day
-understanding other's biases,and not letting that affect me
-best friend's dad calling the number that texted me to
-getting best friend to take certain things back yesterday he had said that bothered me recently

[buttercup]

-water
-the cat toy
-doing cafe goal again,even though weather was bad
-having that time of month
-feeling somehow confident mostly about l things
-a great dance cardio workout
-feeling more empowered
-how cute the cat is
-getting the lingerie i ordered already super quick. it was like a day later.
-my beautiful pink roses.i love them so much.
-my awesome good vibes wall decal i love
-doing two half hour sessions of speaking affirmations which i think played a part in my mood being better
-getting advice on this situation with R and friend
-knowing i'm a lot more attractive then R and feeling that even more after seeing pics of her again
-remembering all the stuff I have on R that friend has done
-getting started on cleaning the kitchen yesterday
-having candy dropped off to me the other night
-getting inspiration from the L experience. hmm. I like that. Instead of thinking of life as giving me learning experiences which is a limiting belief i recently cleared,thinking of life as constantly giving me inspiration
-makeup
-having a toned body
-my beauty
-having a random inspiration yesterday morning to contact S from my past. I don't know why but finally I found out how to unblock him and just did it. Maybe I want to make peace. Maybe I want to see what I need to clear that could've came from the past. I notice my emails tend to seem crazy back then. He was a jerk,but I think he actually also really did like me a lot
-sweaters
-getting through the month and knowing soon I will have so much relief
-that I have a driving lesson today
-that I can start my ritual today
-reminding myself how easy it is to believe.
-great helpful quotes
-being easy on myself and forgiving
-how great it feels to get rid of all these limiting blocks i've formed over the last years
-knowing how much better I am then R
-signs of jealousy from best friend
-signs of wanting to live with me from best friend
-a normal conversation with best friend about a song the other day

[buttercup]

-coffee
-chocolates i was given
-the paranoia subliminal i bought and how nice it is to listen to on my phone and have the files on there
-being able to blog
-starting my ritual and getting more faith i'm in the right,and things will turn around in my favor at any moment now
-emailing with S
-getting massage appointment made
-the month being half way over,and although march has been very rocky and makes me concerned,that at least it's half way over
-my beautiful pink roses and incorporating them into my ritual
-feeling more and more inspiration to go forward with next strides towards overcoming my anxiety issue,and feeling like i have a sort of one year plan for overcoming it now and wanting to make this the year i overcome it once and for all
-getting a really,really,really strong hit of mind control last night that knocked me out and made me feel like practically a vegetable last night.i could barely move. this showed me i clearly scared my best friend. he had sent me energy earlier when and i had asked and he seemed to send for something else too and he said he did it to calm me down and i had felt strange,very calm then later we had a fight about something and i threatened him and i felt a strong hit come over me. it was scary,actually,but it was interesting,and also showed me i must've scared him.
-getting a good feeling about things this morning,that my win is near
-feeling present in the moment and appreciative this morning for all i've been through,and knowing there's been good,and i will win
-knowing that what i seek,is seeking me
-getting EFT done on be careful what you wish for,which helped me to finally feel at ease with setting the intention of her leaving my reality.
-comfort
-getting pillows washed
-my beauty
-all i have going for me
-my desires coming to the surface

[buttercup]

-being present to the moment and appreciating where i'm at and where i've been the last few months. it is even in this,that i feel about ready to close this stressful chapter and move on to easier tides
-paranoia subliminal. i love having the files on my phone. so much ease.
-cookies
-coffee
-chocolate
-enjoying the quiet
-blankets
-being half way through the month
-my best friends voice. it is so soothing.
-my beautiful pink roses. so beautiful they are
-the divine blessings incense i've been using in my ritual
-that intuitive moment,that was calming and surrendering where my intuition whispered everything here,is a connection of my beliefs,and anything can happen depending on what i believe in. earlier,i had been remembering and reflecting on the discontinuous nature of reality,too and parallel realities
-quantum physics. it has helped fill in so many holes for me
-calming down
-the cat toys i manifested last week for free
-feeling spoiled
-my goals
-emails with S. somehow,he's taken my mind a good amount off of L even though,i really,really liked L. I just don't know what to think anymore about him,though. i have been remembering the good about S and how nice it would be to be friends. there even seems to be a telepathic connection
-my desires. there's a certain work goal i really want to manifest that i'm going to work on
-phone call with best friend just now
-eye massage
-my apartment
-a new day
-affirmations
-the agoraphobia book i've been reading
-finding the full version of the depression subliminal i've been listening to.i swear,i did not see this before and it's not listed as new. interesting!
-beauty
-inspiration
-ease
-seeing a possible sign about couple breaking up,and then seeing thing about a couple who broke up but still has business together,and are friends just showing more and more more proof it's ok to be in your ex's life,and to help me tear down limiting subconscious beliefs about what's normal or ok

[buttercup]

-emails with s.i don't know why i felt so drawn to even email him in the first place
-being brought pizza last night.i had the idea i wanted pizza and could i get someone to bring me someone and sure enough i did and it was really good.
-coffee
-pastries
-dance cardio workouts
-having a nice lower backside that men adore
-these paranoia subliminals on my phone
-getting quarters to wash blanket
-my eyeglasses
-reassurances from best friend that i will get what i want last night when i was upset,and him telling me to stop slacking on my work because of feeling on edge.
-having the idea come to me to use my place as a shooting location as it has that photo studio look and is perfectly located in fact,too. it just has that feel that it'd be a photo shoot location.
-my phone
-best friend cleaning a little and taking care of bug issue. he made me laugh watching him because he gets very bug obsessed and looked very silly.
-the cat sleeping with me. it was very hilarious. he slept right by my head and i didn't even notice it at first,i was just wondering where is he,then turn and see he is like 2 inches away. lol.
-yoga pants
-realizing i wasn't buying the pearl of great price and that most of my anxieties were because of giving astrology power. I stopped that and even did EFT tapping on it and felt much calmer.
-email with neville life coach
-feeling feelings of normalness and remembering what normalness felt like this time last year this morning.it felt wonderful. it's an amazing thing what happens when you let go of your resistances. it's only ever a resistance of some sort blocking us from feeling good!
-getting some work things done last night and new work possibilities
-having my goals and desires clear cut of what i want to achieve.
-that tomorrow i have my 3 days in a row of anxiety challenges i will be doing.
-best friend chatting with me a little more in text
-best friend's sweater. he looks really nice in it
-feeling more confidence about my capabilities
-all the limiting beliefs that have come to the surface and have become cleared since december or january. it's quite amazing. i feel so new.
-fashion
-all the forward movement in my life
-getting kitchen cleaned last night.
-realizing from an loa standpoint how i healed my health issues this fall and that i clearly wasn't going to die which should be the best proof that all is what you focus on
-having healthy teeth
-the internet
-having a beautiful apartment

[buttercup]

lost my list,so starting over.
-doing my anxiety goal today. tomorrow,i will expand upon it,and change it up a bit,perhaps by changing the route i take
-donut and latte
-the cat and how cute he is
-the depression subliminal i'm listening to. this creator makes such good audios. they make me feel so loving.
-manifesting free pizza again. so good.
-the beautiful,amazing perfect weather last night that made me feel so good. the beautiful,blue night skies.
-getting in a driving lesson in last night. at the end,getting back to normal with it. i had been feeling so on edge,and afraid of cars but finally by end i got back to normal with where my level is at it with it
-more proofs best friend doesn't tell his dad certain things
-sweaters
-my eyeglasses
-giving my mom the blender for brother and cat toy for her cat
-phone call with best friend this morning
-best friend texting a little more then usual last night
-remembering that any time i'm feeling less then good,it's because there's resistances of something on my mind
-how i feel i'm really going to overcome my agoraphobia this year,and how i feel like it's already done
-neville goddard materials and how helpful they've been for me
-all the limiting beliefs i've cleared since december
-getting bathroom cleaned yesterday
-having a dream best friend broke up with R
-getting my sleep schedule back to normal. first i had bad insomnia,then i was sleeping really off schedule,and then i went to biphasic sleep which made my sleep schedule worse and i believe even made me have worse luck with keeping a good mood and manifesting,and now i'm finally on a normal sleep schedule
-feeling calmer now that i will get through the month and all will be fine
-getting work done yesterday and how good it felt to be working again
-connecting one social media app to another yesterday just to see how that goes
-having a protein drink yesterday with spirutein,almond milk,ginger,and maca. so good.
-the kind barista who always smiles at me when i go in.
-feeling healthy
-best friend saying he just has anger at me still
-being able to see the unfolding of how everything that's manifested is literally just my beliefs.and that's why it makes no sense,because reality is discontinuous,and we are constantly shifting realities. this is why analyzing other's and how things happened is so pointless,too.
-the weird feeling i shifted realities the other day.
-newness
-the inspiration to start playing with changing my external reality more and more with focus experiments

[buttercup]

-doing my anxiety goal. today was hard,because weather was cold and gloomy which always makes it harder for me for some reason and also best friend is ignoring me which has me on edge. i felt paranoias this time,but i accomplished the goal and i know i'm better for it. what makes me sad,is my decision to do this in the first place isn't from a place of love,but a place of pain.i feel it's the right thing regardless,but i feel if it came from a place of love,i'd feel all the more powerful
-coffee and red donut
-having support from best friend's parents during this difficult time
-doing a powerful EFT session yesterday that uncovered a lot of limiting things i had been saying and thinking for years in regards to current drama that i cleared up. also praying and having tears stream down my face during this session
-doing a speaking affirmations session without a list and in the mirror. wow,it was so powerful. i forgot how powerful mirror technique was. it cleaned up my vibe quite a bit and i am now going to go back to that regularly. there is just something about that technique that is very powerful. i had been doing affirmations without a mirror the last few weeks. when i first started last night,i felt awkward but then i became amazed at my beauty. the power of the mirror technique is incredible.
-my beautiful perfect skin
-my perfect amazing mouth
-my gorgeous model thick hair
-sweaters
-being on a normal sleep schedule now
-emails with S
-the strange,calm surrender feeling that came to me last night after a fight with best friend(and this is and has been all his own doing) and after his dad left. it all started to become so clear to me that all that's been going on was because of my anxiety issue,to overcome it. and,i had kind of known this,too on some level,that's why i had kept repeating it out loud,that's the true source of my panic attacks and the emotional drama...i think this all was to have me overcome my anxiety issue because of an intention i had set. Nothing bad was meant to happen. And,somehow in the 3 weeks or so,it all suddenly feels so do-able,and as if i am over it. I know i'm not yet. and,this year will be dedicating to truly overcoming it and i may make an outline/plan even,however,it just feels like it's already done in my mind's eye now. i feel like this chapter is finally over now,and like i finally get it. all the pieces piece together as being about this. this was one of those things i thought i'd never overcome,but really wanted to manifest..and there's been things i wanted to manifest before but thought with dread i may never,but then did.
-getting bedroom halfway cleaned
-the book i had been reading the last few weeks which has played a part in me feeling i can finally do this
-being patient with best friend ignoring me right now and treating me bad
-my eyeglasses
-forums like this and loa forum that really help me get back on track when i fall off
-being peace
-trusting my heart
-getting more feelings of normalness of just feeling the memory of it

[buttercup]

-being safe
-best friend's parents being there for me
-my teeth
-doing my anxiety goal despite having extreme panic and depression this morning.i managed to calm myself down and go anyways,changed my route up and bought myself a nice lunch. the vegan soup they had available that they offered which i decided to say yes to which was so good to go with my sandwich,and how filling all of it was.i ended up having leftovers and saved most of my coffee for later. changing the route i went there as well to mix it up. this is a point where it's now easy for me I know now upping how often i do this per week isn't going to make a difference and that it's time to branch out further distance wise
-sweaters
-the cat being here
-wearing my yellow tank top for the first time today and how nice it looked
-rest
-things to daydream about that feel good
-knowing despite it all,I AM going to win this.i feel that feeling stronger then ever.
-that it's now springtime
-the sun shining today
-how healthy and hard my nails are
-all my accomplishments i have going for me
-beauty
-inspiration
-beautiful people
-my beauty
-being able to laugh at life,and laugh at this pic best friend's dad randomly drew of best friend's name and name's of all his girlfriends after me. it was hilarious
-job offer for first career
-having a lot of ideas already for my anxiety overcoming plan and remembering that for years now,actually i had already been taking steps here and there.i can remember in 09 trying to take a train by myself and feeling the thrill of it,and taking the train back to train station by house from seeing someone,and trying to practice how to learn to drive. I need to make sure what i'm doing now is different. And,it is so far,I can feel it. Despite the obstacles and struggles,I love having had L come here. I love going to the cafe for my lattes and having food from there in my fridge. But,I also love having best friend bring me lattes and being here more. I know what my heart wants and I believe firmly that are desires exist for a reason and what we seek is seeking us. I can see I had become complacent in some ways,a bit stuck,and I'm grateful for growth,but I am ready for ease now and am choosing to live in a reality where my life has more ease,and less struggle
-mirror technique affirmations
-finding out that from going to cafe more often I actually have change for laundry,or at least to re-dry since last load didn't dry all the way
-that march is almost over. what a rough month.
-surrendering and letting go of fighting so much
-all the inner work i have done since december and core beliefs i've discovered. i know im changing for the better
-trusting my heart no matter what other's say
-mountain dew
-sleep
-being smart
-having met a lot of different types of people in life
-being a nonconformist

[buttercup]

-being healthy
-the sound of the birds chirping
-that i get to go get a massage today
-emails with S
-yoga
-feeling confident about myself
-feeling calmer about life situation from last few months
-coffee
-vegan burritos
-going shopping with best friend yesterday
-getting telepathic feeling from best friend of him kissing me on the cheek about 5 minutes after i asked him how does hugging me make him feel and he seemed uncomfortable
-best friend trying to talk normal with me yesterday
-getting living room and part of kitchen cleaned and clothes re-dryed
-feeling so much calmer. it's crazy but ever since yesterday,i feel such a sense of calm and like everything is going to be ok
-having strong,healthy teeth
-fashion
-being on a normal sleep schedule now
-becoming more grateful
-feeling feelings of remembering what normalcy feels like again
-that it's springtime
-that the month is almost over and i got through it
-eye massage
-being given money yesterday
-orange flowers i got yesterday
-deciding to pick up this chocolate from a chocolate boutique downtown i've been wanting to try that is now at my local grocery store
-knowing how much better i am then R and finally seeing her as not that great in any way

[buttercup]

-matcha green tea chocolate with coffee for breakfast
-being on a normal sleep schedule now
-my next anxiety issue goal formed in my mind
-a funny,positive news article about strangers being texted about a newborn on accident and going to the hospital to see the baby.
-flowers
-emails with S. I finally figured it out. he takes me back to a time of right before/around the time i started having all these jaded limiting beliefs about dating. back then,i had more ease in some ways,and attracted things in guys i have more trouble with now. talking to him just seems to be doing something to me. he was someone i felt anger towards and brought up a lot to guys that i couldn't stand,yet somehow in some ways there's things about him i do find appealing. I think I had things to heal with him and my past. it's hard to believe it was so long ago,we dated. it doesn't feel that long ago. He had some good traits. Some awful. We were mean to each other. His last email to me was actually very mature,it actually was a turn on. He takes me back to a time of being younger,more innocent,and in the midst of taking on limiting beliefs that'd block me for time to come
-my paranoia subliminal on my phone.
-my massage yesterday. it was so good.
-deciding after best friend's dad said something that put me in a panic that it's time to stop talking to him about best friend emotional drama situation. i stopped talking to my mom for the most part about it in january,and it improved things but i kept it going by talking about it to best friend's dad a lot but it feels time to let go of that now,actually. i know that it's the next phase to healing all this more. after all,by talking about something constantly,we keep it active. Next up,in a few days or so,I will stop talking about it on an loa forum i'm on
-that things have been calmer the last two days and that i feel calmer
-how cute the cat is
-getting a pink donut and another latte yesterday
-that it's spring time
-the sun and warmer weather
-talking to best friend on the phone half hour ago
-best friend's dad saying he doesn't think his girlfriend he is with now will be his last
-being healthy
-deciding to focus on abundance more
-a new day and deciding i will do some EFT on paranoia since i'm not sure if the subliminal works or not,and I really am ready to let this go and the paranoia is more deep seated then other limiting beliefs
-sweaters
-style
-this forum
-gratitude
-looking up signs of cheaters because of someone else and seeing best friend actually fits alot on the list

[buttercup]

-being healthy
-my eyeglasses
-that i've gotten this far in these last months,and i will get through the next few weeks. that there is only about a week left of the month
-plant based diet
-coffee
-trying to see all of life as an adventure
-that it's springtime
-deciding to switch back to liking l now,after S showed his true colors last night. it was very odd,and i don't know why i contacted S in the first place,still but I think there was something I needed to heal from my past. hopefully,i did. i ended up going to bed in fear last night,but didn't get angry when he tested me with his initial comment. maybe i needed to go back in time. it was a weird 10 days and part of me did think would S and i end up going out again.
-great fitting lingerie
-having an amazing body
-inexpensive prices on things
-knowing this is the year i will overcome my anxiety issue and that this is the year for it,and everything feeling a little more secure now that it feels like that is the direction for my life right now,and i have a mental outline for it,and affirmations and core causes about it
-buying the pearl of great price,over and over again
-knowing that no matter how it may seem on the outside,best friend will return to me. he has been so hurtful and it's been humiliating,along with many other feelings,but i know in my heart,this is just a phase and we will get past this
-deciding to stop talking to best friend's dad about the issues since it adds negative momentum. once around april 1st,or so happens,i will then stop talking about the issues on that loa forum. it's such common sense. i had hesitated even first posting about it on that forum,because of how sacred the issue was but felt so desperate and like it'd be ok to do so. instinctively,i knew that talking about it could make things worse,but i really needed help and i kept the negative momentum going because things felt so intense,it felt needed to do. i know this is the key to more healing of things,and afterall the loa is a focus game.i see this all the time but it can be hard to get out of that focus sometimes. we get so caught up in that particular story or this particular story.
-staying calm no matter what
-being honest with myself
-sound therapies
-best friend coming home yesterday and helping house and bringing quarters and donut
-yoga
-beauty
-models
-inspiration

[buttercup]

i've just experienced one of the worst days of my life,and am in the midst of one of the worst heartbreak of my life. i don't know how i'm going to get through this. i am so scared,humiliated,and in pain. yet,i'm here on this gratitude list.i may be deleting my profile on an loa forum i'm part of because i couldn't save the reason i joined and that hurts too much the reminder.
-i think best friend sent me energy before,and maybe after breaking the news of his betrayal. that must be some sign of a sliver of care.
-that best friend's family has welcomed me with open arms and promised me i'm going to get through this and i'm not alone,and that they're going to help me. it was kind of amazing.
-that now even if best friend has decided to do what he has done,i will be living with his parents and possibly be getting into the career he is in,which keeps us entwined
-that i can kind of wonder about the weird of the day that he broke the news. everything had went wrong. the ceiling bust in from a leak,i drove out of state with my mom so she could get cigarettes,it was pouring,everything was going wrong
-the cat and how beautiful he is
-all the hair products i got from my p.r the other day
-a nice one hour conversation with landlords husband today.i wanted to savor my last moment's of being here and during hiding tears i somehow just kept talking and talking with him,and it was nice. it was kind of motivating,just connecting. it was bittersweet,as this is the life i'm going to be leaving now and not by my choice and how i had wished me and best friend could be normal but and even go to one of the landlord's husbands shows,and just savored things more,but it was motivating being reminded of what i want,and how much i really love and am going to miss my neighborhood.i lived in this area for a few years now and had a lot of growth and development here.
-letting myself cry. it's been non-stop tears,yet mostly calm,too which is weird. maybe i'm still in shock or denial. maybe it's because i'm going to be so entwined in his life still by how things will come about now or maybe it's an inner knowing we will live together again or something or maybe he just sent me a ton of reiki for this moment,i have no idea. his phone call sounded so final. he had said his parents provided well for him and he knows they will do the same for me and that he knows i won't stay there long and will end up living my dream.i don't know how he could say that last part. it sounded so fake. how could he know that if he thinks i'm so dependent. his other last words will remain forever etched in my heart. I told him but i tried so hard. He said "you didn't try hard enough."
-getting a driving lesson in today
-having a little over a month left at my beautiful apartment
-social media
-emojis
-my eyeglasses
-best friends parents being very on my side through all this
-perspective that other's with similar qualities as me have gone through upheaval like i am going through and much worse and have gotten through it and blossomed,and i will,too
-reassurances from others that I will hear from him again and see him again and that this isn't forever
-that at least now i can focus on primary career,and that is one thing which will not be negatively affected from all this
-that i can also work out more now as another benefit
-knowing i have so much more going from me then R and that i will win this,and that i am going to blossom in so many amazing ways to only become even more better and that even with my weaknesses,i have so much going for me

[Timothy]

Try not to follow through on irrational thoughts. Though you feel acutely unsafe...always protect you and your's...even (mostly) from yourself. Hang in there.

[buttercup]

Try not to follow through on irrational thoughts. Though you feel acutely unsafe...always protect you and your's...even (mostly) from yourself. Hang in there.


Wow. How did you know? I had been feeling like I have no will to live.

[buttercup]

somehow,in my deepest pain,i'm still able to make this gratitude list. perhaps because it reminds me of when things were ok. everyday,I used to write about him on here.
-this mock meat dinner from whole foods i'm eating
-that best friend's parents took me shopping with them today to get some food
-getting some body lotion that looked interesting
-getting a pic posted on ig which is good
-expressing myself by posting a pic on fb
-supportive messages and comments on fb
-getting a sign that is evil of me to even want of something bad happening to R. it may be wrong of me but it kind of boosted my mood even seeing that
-all the compliments on how pretty i am,and thin,etc,etc which is pointless to me right now,but nice to hear
-seeing and feeling more attractive nowadays
-how cute and funny the cat is
-knowing that as tough as my obstacles are right now,that there are people who got through much worse and came out of it and blossomed and that my obstacles to someone else would actually feel like minor things anyways,it's just to me they feel huge because i don't believe in myself and because i've spent this many years of my life not having ever achieved it.
-that now that i'm on the ground metaphorically,my challenges in some ways feel like easier to achieve feats then ever before,which is also strange
-the importance of no matter how bad things are,to find anything to be grateful for
-having internet to use
-a phone
-that i handled things with grace and class
-the inner knowing R will gets hers and that R and best friend won't stay together,and that best friend will miss me and no longer feeling guilty about wanting R to get hers now or wondering if it's wrong for wanting them broken up
-rest

[buttercup]

-finding out brother cut his hair. the timing of finding out felt like a wink from the universe telling me loa is still real,and to not give up.
-all the little feelings i'm getting that feels like life telling me nothing is set in stone or predestined and that things are constantly shifting
-going to that vegan restaurant i had wanted to try finally
-posting on social medias today
-being able to laugh and smile today,somehow. feels crazy.
-feeling a sense of being broken open
-having the strongest inner knowing ever that R will be gone soon,and it wont last
-realizing i will win this,and the chapter just isn't over yet
-water
-finding out best friend still paid the bill today
-sleep
-being able to see it as a bit of an adventure my life being in shambles now,and that by being in it,it's showing me new experiences and that I can get out of this
-feeling a sense of calm and surrender from all this,and inspired to feel more present and surrender now. even talking to the landlords husband the other day for an hour,just savoring the experience
-being cultured and classy
-my beauty
-best friend's mom seeming to think R is controlling too
-being able to find inspiration from this whole experience and the newness it brings me
-knowing me and best friend are not done,after all,i'm nowgoing to be living with his parents,and spending more time with his family
-having heart enough to take the blame and feel like it's my fault best friend is so wounded
-feeling feelings of love and forgiveness for some reason last night towards best friend
-expression
-that tomorrow i am going to go to clinic to see about getting the process started of me getting therapy and also do a driving lesson
-how cute the cat is and being able to play with him with his toy
-hope
-that i have a month left here in my apartment
-perspective that now that i'm leaving here soon,it looks like im actually able to see it looks so easy to walk around here in neighborhood and also appreciate the loveliness of it so much more
-positive comments such as best friend's dad saying you never know maybe i will end up back in this neighborhood or still staying here. even that HE said that. it's just so strange that everyone had seemed so negative but now that the really bad has happened,everyone seems to be saying you never know,and having much more positive comments to say
-having good taste
-that i think i cried a little less today

[buttercup]

somehow feel drawn to do gratitude more often so may do that as long as it feels good.
-getting in some driving lesson today,even if it wasnt an ideal one since i felt overwhelmed.i drove side streets and crossed busy streets and am getting better at reversing and driving a little faster.i was driving in the neighborhood me and best friend had our first apartment.
-that i'm crying less now
-my style and taste
-doing some visualization today in several few minute increments and several seconds increments on imaging positive conversations. it made my body feel good and made my mood better in a general way though not specific to the situations yet.
-being able to try and surrender and see that being backtracked in life doesn't mean i won't get back forward again and being able to appreciate the connectedness to life,even if some parts of feeling like i'm going back in time hurt like hell
-the connection to best friend i still have such as being connected to his parents,his sweaters i wear,the computers having both our names on it,his parents pay my phone bill,etc,etc.i actually used to be so scared that losing him if he died would cause me to lose all that,so at least,from this i can see that wouldn't happen and that they do care about me
-having high ideals for myself
-knowing for myself in my heart this is wrong,and not how it's meant to be and that I can have what I want and don't have to conform to society's norms
-the pizza slices i got from the pizza place by my first apartment and best friend's first apartment
-deciding to even do just some kind of cleaning yesterday and cleaning off the table
-deciding today i will do at least some kind of cleaning again and will sweep the dining room floor
-deciding today i will do at least some kind of small amount of exercise even just some lunges or something and will do at least a speaking affirmation session. after all,this stuff did work and i shouldn't give up. the past months were not all a waste,even if it seems like it.
-the miracle of finding out yesterday my brother cut his hair and is wearing brighter colors. it has been something that has given me so much hope. i set that intention this winter! that was my wink from the universe telling me not to give up.
-warm weather
-deciding to buy the pearl of great price
-deciding to start keeping my beliefs and wants to myself. i think even if this takes practice and i only start doing this little by little more and more,that will make great positive effect and i will get better at doing that. i believe there is a sacredness to that and it was how i did things when i first learned of loa and had more success and less loa filters blocking me
-appreciating the experience of going to that indian restaurant and the cool little strip it was in.i felt like i wasn't in my city. i loved it.
-going ahead and deciding i will fill out that application for the flower shop
-realizing all that's happened is not predestiny,no matter how much it may look like it
-eye massage
-that i have an appointment with a free mental health professional so maybe that'll be good to help deal with all this hurt

[buttercup]

-being able to appreciate each day and see what each day brings
-huge serendipity from friend and business partner last night. she randomly emailed me a link to a post a guy made who we talked about a year or two ago and whom i first said the phrase "god will right that" because him and another guy were doing shady business. It was when i first said,i don't believe in karma but i do believe things get righted. For months,that's what i said to best friend about how him and R are treating me and on the last phone call he even said "yeah,yeah,i know God will right this." The post from guy was admitting that he made mistakes and is in therapy and that the shadier guy was bad business. This connected right away to me and THEN during me and her talking about this and telling me her she gave me a sign,she randomly sent a picture in the messages of a photo of broken glass being put back together that had reminded me of a metaphor of me and best friend when i first seen it and had decided was metaphor that we'd become healed. This was all random on her,and even if for some reason I did tell her certain things,it was still very much a serendipity for both to happen. It felt like something having this happen. And,it was just what I needed to get me through and cheer me up that I will win this and it's not over yet.
-all the signs and inner knowing R will get hers
-how adorable the cat is
-that even though today was soul crushing as I got a free food card,and medical card,that according to my mom when i told her the story,she was surprised how easy i got it,which told me something about myself and my vibration and whatnot. She had somehow thought it difficult and yet I got it the same day and it was easy besides the wait time,and i didn't think it a big deal at all having and found it humiliating whereas she thinks this is a good thing as if i somehow got gold and wow,i got it so easy.
-my creativity
-vegan chili
-that my house plenty of food
-vegan chocolate and vegan latte for breakfast
-that i feel like family with best friend's family
-that it seems even they(best friend's parents) have been shocked with the news of what has happened
-that at least now maybe i can go to psychologists and other things for free
-that even though today was awful,and a lot of tears i have gotten through it
-getting kitchen floor swept last night
-spending the day on and off imagining what i want
-logic
-my phone
-kindness
-water
-trusting my heart
-that the cat has been chortling just like my lovely cat who transitioned two years ago used to

[buttercup]

-mountain dew
-vegan chili
-coffee
-doing some short meditations today which helped a little
-doing some deep breathing and visualization to change scenarios in my mind when i had anxiety this morning. everything is in the mind,and to think otherwise is an illusion. to buy the peal of great price and truly master the mind is to master life
-getting out of the house for awhile and feeling reassured by some things
-doing some driving and feeling like i am getting better at it,and am about 80% there to being able to get a liscense. i'm driving faster,and drive side streets smoothly,and busy streets i can handle if my mind is calm enough
-doing an loa de-clutter so i can go back to basics again and the ease of life again like i had in 09 when life all around me was chaos. life is bigger chaos now,and this time i'd like to enter an even deeper surrender and ease
-knowing i need to just get a handle on my mind,and stop thinking outside affects of anyone whether it's psychic attack from my brother,small thinking from best friend's dad,manipulation from best friend's girlfriend,or reiki from best friend can be stronger then me. my biggest flaw has been constantly looking outside myself for blame and to be a victim and my mind going in so many directions looking for the cause which contradicts everything i claim to believe in on a conscious level. it's no wonder i've had trouble. i've constantly thought i had loa on my side,as i talked out loud about it yet kept worrying about things outside me causing me to fail,and had such deep filters on. that isn't buying the peal of great price at all. and i'm going to clear these filters little by little until i manifest with ease,and stop having so many doubts. i'm making some progress with keeping my desires and beliefs to myself as well. i talked less about best friend today to best friend's dad and avoided asking about him which normally would be so tempting. my biggest problem,and only problem was that my mind was indeed out of control
-sleep
-making it through another day
-the serendipity i got when my pain was deepest which i believe was telling me to be strong,and don't give up,i will get what i want and things will get right
-emailing some job postings to myself and getting some inspiration about that and what's possible
-getting a few dishes washed last night
-knowing all i need to do is clear resistances and filters. that's all my problem really is,and that's what enough meditation should finally do. no more complicated loa processes. just deep,deep meditation until everything shifts and rearranges itself again

[buttercup]

-mountain dew
-being healthy
-getting in a driving lesson today and going faster then i have thus far since starting these last winter and maintaining driving on the busy streets for about 15 minutes even though it felt like it was giving my nerves quite a workout by the time i was done. i'm managing at driving,and all that's left is a mental hump i need to get over.i feel like i'm about 80% there,and it's the mental hump i mostly need to get over.if i had to get in a car,and drive side streets,i could handle that with ease,but busy streets would give me fear.
-the beautiful weather today and how lucid it all felt
-the beautiful rainy weather last night that felt really good. the rain smelled wonderful.
-praying with best friend's dad. it was interesting,but i got a similar feeling from it that i used to get when best friend sent me reiki
-that i got the therapy meeting over with today. that the ladies working there were very nice
-going in to get a latte before mental health clinic and feeling confident despite it all of my worth
-feeling how amazing,talent,smart,etc,etc i am despite it all with things that are my weaknesses
-having a feeling the agoraphobia...is actually still gone,despite not being able to do my plan because of betrayal that happened. something tells me that the agoraphobia was actually just a mental block all these years and once i discovered it,it was gone in my mind's eye
-that as crazy as it all sounds,i feel like if it comes to it,i will handle getting around even now going to live with best friend's parents in their neighborhood unless a miracle happens. something tells me i am just going to actually become more fearless from this and my fears will eradicate. after all,i lived there before and felt fearless and manifested a lot of great life things,even while there.
-that me going to live with best friend's parents actually fits perfectly in my mind as if life is rearranging a healed relationship with best friend and that all this can actually just be an inner cleansing
-reading a few pages of a marianne williamson a course in miracles before bed. was drawn to re-read this a few weeks and never did. the few pages i read were perfect. it was all about "just relax." Indeed,surrender is what seems most important to me right now
-finding out best friend's mom found me a seminar and offered me to go to become a fitness instructor. this put me in such a good mood last night
-getting a really good feeling things are going to go my way very soon,and that right will be restored
-doing an loa detox
-socks
-being more in tune with what i really want then i have in awhile
-imagining what i want better
-keeping my beliefs and desires to myself more and it becoming easier to do. i'm coming off quieter,but i'm also feeling better
-limiting beliefs coming to me that could help me shift this situation and bring me my miracle and close this chapter once and for all and bring better
-the law of attraction getting just a little easier by decluttering and keeping things to myself
-hummus
-cinnamon cake best friend's mom got for me
-feeling like family with best friend's family and that i like that feeling
-sleep. i'm really enjoying sleep lately
-everyone seeming to think i have so much going for me,and how flattering it is when people are impressed by my intelligence,talents,etc,etc when things come up. i just know i'm too good to be in this situation but i know i'm going to come out of this better. maybe what's meant to happen is a renewed relationship with best friend,me finally knowing how to drive and earning some money and getting around on my own a little and not being so afraid. the crazy thing is,this all seems SO simple now. it just will take some time for parts to come together 100%.i could probably go and get that liscense in 1 week if i studied and really focused on getting over this mental hump. this all seems so scary,but my issues really are mostly if not totally mental and to anyone with all i have going for me looks like easy as pie to overcome. this gives me strength and excites me to see where i will be 1 year from now.
-positive quotes such as "you can only when if your intentions are good."
-that i somehow got an appointment with psychiatrist for next week even though at first she said it'd be a few weeks
-that i feel like more and more filters are starting to come off

[buttercup]

-these donuts given to me yesterday
-coffee
-getting pizza slices bought for me. there was 4 huge slices. that is enough for a few days
-meditation.i have found in the little intervals i started doing a day or two ago,that my mind is overall more calmer
-keeping my beliefs and desires to myself and how much more powerful it makes me feel,and how i feel it heals my perceptions and prevents me from complaining quite so much! i love it.i may be quieter for it,but it's nice. i wonder now if this was the side by side key to meditation this whole time for years,to make meditation more powerful since when i first started meditating,and learning of loa,i was following that more,too.
-that i did a driving lesson and drove 40mph on a busy streets along the forest preserves. wow. me doing that. it was very mood uplifting to realize i did that.i was very nervous for most of the time but by the end,it felt kind of easy.
-the amazing moisturizer i got from whole foods last week. i love it. it smells like candy and is super moisturizing. that lady who suggested it at whole foods was right!
-feeling a sense of power i haven't felt in some time.i think it's the embracing silence and being given the reset.i still feel super sad,and in shock at times,but then there's this secretly powerful feeling within that is coming more and more where it's like my intuition is activated and life's truths are hitting me with no doubts in my mind at all
-meditating for a minute by the water.i appreciated the views while driving so much i wanted to get out for a minute
-manifesting more serendipity. again,back to my roots. serendipity i loved when i first started getting a lot of it when broken open and discovering meditation then loa during my spiritual awakening. today,i seen a car that was the car my best friend had for years(same color,make,etc)and then right to the other side,it was the car he had gotten after that(same color,make,etc). I was so quietly intrigued i found myself peering at the car logos(i'm not a big car person) to be sure that wait,is that the same cars he had? And,they were!
-that freaky feeling when analyzing life's events,that life seriously feels like a sequence of dreams!
-how cute the cat is when he puts his paw on me as if to tell me something
-sleep. i am really appreciating it lately
-getting the dishes done yesterday.i really wanted if nothing else for that to get done,and it did.
-imagining throughout the day what i want,with as little pressure as possible,and doing it intuitively
-the laptop im using
-my phone
-that i feel at least a little more relaxed and less rushed about getting my whole life together asap.
-healing shifts in my thinking about things,and ways to think new
-that now my life will become a lot about meditation,yoga,and i will be someone who knows how to drive
-my mom coming by and going for a short walk and realizing wow,this neighborhood is so freaking beautiful. the colors of the night sky were just perfect. it was a warm spring night,and it made my heart ecstatic but was bittersweet knowing i'd only be here for one more month,unless a miracle happens.i worked so hard to get out of where i was for years,and now have to go back,and I know that's not right and is an injustice against me,but I know I will get what I want again. I just know it. The universe seems to support this,and it seems intuitively as if all of this is just a test,perhaps something to help me finally reset
-remembering to keep affirming life is easy,since for years life has seemed so hard. i'm ready for easier life lessons now,for life to become easier.
-savoring the beauty of things more like the weather. how is it when pain is deep,gratitude for things becomes so much easier?
-forums like this and loa forum i'm on
-getting a little more focused in on,it's time for me to go and get the liscense.

[buttercup]

Am so sad,and crying again. My heart feels so empty. None of this feels real,and all I can say is i feel victim to imagining of others,by believing all these outside things had power over me.
-coffee
-my venus dimples
-that my brother cut his hair.i got proof today that he sent,and he donated his hair to charity. all this proves loa is always working and i feel is telling me not to give up. my flaw was i tried too hard and didn't surrender,and gave all this power to outside sources
-meditation
-taking some practice tests for driving online.i almost passed the first one,and i got some learning in from taking them
-sleep
-the book i've been re-reading that does actually say the perfect things i need to hear right now
-the laptop im using
-the knowing i have that i will never see R again.
-believing R and best are going to break up any moment now
-trying out the hair mask last night i got
-deciding to take the lesson that i had judged some things too harshly and to not do that in the future

[buttercup]

-things adjusting a little and starting to feel less awkward with me and best friend's parents
-walking by myself to cat litter at pet store.i had a panic and had best friend's dad reroute me on the phone to right direction and it felt amazing once accomplishing this goal.
-going to whole foods and being able to pick up a few things
-getting some mascara last night from whole foods
-getting some great tasting strawberry sorbet last night
-getting in a driving lesson yesterday for about a half hour downtown. i had pretty much little to no anxiety which was great. i think i'm almost ready to get the liscense.
-interesting little life things..i noticed the snow started and got heavier when i went for my walk to the pet store...and did the same thing when i started driving.i know i shouldn't pay much attention to things like that but regardless i find it interesting. right after doing those things,weather cleared up...
-hearing his dad say after his mom said "well,she got what she wanted didn't she" referring to R,his dad replied saying "we'll see." His dad tends to space out though and mishear but it made me wonder if good could come
-still believing in a miracle could happen at any moment
-that i'm all confirmed for my fitness seminar this next week and how exciting that is. a lot going on this month!
-feeling less embarrassed about food card now and realizing these days a lot of people are getting assistance
-seeing the good sides of my situation such as that i can eat cleaner now,and work out a lot more,and that so far,i think i'm going to get really into fitness,meditation,yoga,and doing my hair and makeup more as my new path,and being more into wearing active wear
-that this change will have zero effect on my first career,and can still do 2nd one too
-that best friend's dad said he will put a certain amount of money on my card so that put me in a good mood
-meditation and how amazing it is and that i feel like this painful experience is putting a reset on everything for me so i can get back to being in the flow and trusting life again and manifesting with more ease
-appreciating my apartment and neighborhood so dang much now. this is exactly where i want to go back to when best friend wakes up and that's the inner knowing i've kept inside that i know best friend and i are going to live with each other again. that's what's given me solace and strength and kept me from breaking down,the fact that i feel me and him nothing has changed,and that this is all just a test and temporary to bring us closer together again and that we will be living together again shortly
-seeing little "signs" about me me and best friend will be back in each other's lives again.i put little stock into "signs" now,because to me that just shows what's on your mind and i had so many fearful things on my mind so was seeing bad "signs" for months and serendipity is more what i trust vs signs,but even still its kind of nice
-just knowing i will never see R again
-that i'm just surrendering now,after everything and in that is how i'm becoming reset
-the magic of keeping things to myself.i'm still rebuilding that muscle
-imagining a little bit on and off throughout the day my desires.i want to do this more.i was doing it alot but yesterday and today was a little less
--best friend's mom saying if there's any classes i want to go to at studio she goes to to just let her know and i can go
-cleaning the kitchen floor and getting trash out of here finally
-this vegan chocolate i'm eating and coffee drink
-feeling like setbacks can only make me greater and that as hard this is,i can come back having achieved renewed relationship with best friend,living where i want to again,but also better in becoming hotter,more independent,and successful,calmer in mind and energy
-social media
-that i have a job for first career before month is over so that is good
-a creative idea on how to possibly have night out's without it being quite so crazy expensive since i'll be staying so far away now. not sure if it'd work,but i do know setbacks in life make us more creative
-being smart
-my new sandals i got in the mail the other day
-feeling like i can finally just go and finish this writing goal i had set in december once i have time the next few days
-the feeling that i am going to get so much better from this experience
-being healthy
-that it's a sunny day out

[buttercup]

-vegan chocolate
-getting the cat returned finally. very hard to do.but at least it's done
-best friend's family all being very kind and supportive and encouraging
-being given a sandwich and soda from best friend's dad after he went to talk to his friend
-coffee
-getting a driving lesson in and driving around my neighborhood for about a half hour or so and very little anxiety during. i practically know how to drive now
-feeling like family with best friend's family and how good it feels to be around them
-yoga pants
-meditation
-somehow having some kind of vision for myself for where my life will go now
-the really weird phone call from landlord last night that made it seem as if best friend never broke the news to her and that via my focus i had kept things in limbo these last few days. however,by this morning,best friend's dad said something that revealed they had talked at least since last night.
-that it seems as if best friend has been more distant and responding less to everybody in the last months,as if it wasn't just me
-getting quarters and garbage bags
-emojis
-sleep
-have a photographic eye
-that even though i broke the faith we'd renew the lease here,i still have faith in other things
-feeling more secure in some ways,that at least some things will be ok,and will work out
-my purse
-my sandals
-getting bathroom cleaned last night
-being smart
-heat
-blankets
-calmness

[buttercup]

-coffee
-pink cupcake from bakery
-that the sun is shining
-getting a driving lesson in today
-S emailing me yesterday
-my purse
-my sandals
-being given money today
-getting that time of the month today which is wonderful,since then by saturday,i should be light which is great,since i was concerned about having to do a long seminar while being heavy and having to work out
-meditation
-gratitude
-doing some squats last night
-sleep
-my neighborhood
-the power of silence and keeping things to myself
-getting laundry put in dryer
-that i have a lot of things going on this month i am looking forward to
-my funky purple comfortable pants i love
-best friend's flag t shirt i'm wearing
-manifesting apartment viewing getting canceled which was interesting

[dontco]

Love, love, love :grouphug: You don't know how much I appraciate you making this thread :-) it always reminds me to keep positive when I see it! I think I'll play a little game from now on. Every time I see your thread on "what's new?", I will have to name 5 things I'm grateful for in my head :-)
-positive music (that's really very helpful to stick to positive music :-) if you want, I will be happy to send you a list with a couple of songs I listen to)
-planet earth
-making new friends
-Being an empath and understanding 2 sides of the equation (I really didn't know how much it is significant untill I met this guy who kinda represents the opposite? it's really a gift and I think people develop into it).
-lucid dreams and other beautiful experiences in my head.
-The fact that focusing on positive things long enough makes you feel really good (like Abe said, right? that 17 seconds rule, then going up to 60).
-Letting go of feeling bad because of other people's behavior and realizing I can't control them (not that I'm trying to) and that's really ok and for the best. We are not one, each one is an individual and that's what's beautiful here on earth.

[buttercup]

Love, love, love :grouphug: You don't know how much I appraciate you making this thread :-) it always reminds me to keep positive when I see it! I think I'll play a little game from now on. Every time I see your thread on "what's new?", I will have to name 5 things I'm grateful for in my head :-)
-positive music (that's really very helpful to stick to positive music :-) if you want, I will be happy to send you a list with a couple of songs I listen to)
-planet earth
-making new friends
-Being an empath and understanding 2 sides of the equation (I really didn't know how much it is significant untill I met this guy who kinda represents the opposite? it's really a gift and I think people develop into it).
-lucid dreams and other beautiful experiences in my head.
-The fact that focusing on positive things long enough makes you feel really good (like Abe said, right? that 17 seconds rule, then going up to 60).
-Letting go of feeling bad because of other people's behavior and realizing I can't control them (not that I'm trying to) and that's really ok and for the best. We are not one, each one is an individual and that's what's beautiful here on earth.

I'd love your list of songs. :) Yes,I love gratitude and believe in it. My goal is to get more into that state even when i'm not doing my gratitude list,but just on and off all day!

[buttercup]

-landlord letting me know best friend was coming to pay rent. he didn't mean to let me know,he doesn't know we aren't speaking,but i think things like that happen,because universe knows I'd want to know. He knocked on door thinking he was here because he seen light on and i told him we aren't speaking but i could call his dad so then he called him and told him he was in back so i just went back inside.It left me with mixed feelings but I do believe it happened for a reason. Not in a predestiny sense though but because universe knew it'd be something i'd want to know.
-my purse
-my landlords
-calling best friend's dad to see if he heard anything
-coffee
-being able to see things logically and with clear perception and to see an injustice was done to me,and justice will come
-joel osteen quote i like about how every unfair thing done to me,i will be paid back for
-having that time of the month,because oddly enough for me,it feels relaxing since the days before i tend to be more on edge
-socks and how good they make my feet feel
-wondering if the apartment i dreamed of the morning in october,that i then found out we had a viewing of when i awoke(one of the few psychic dreams i've had in my life) if we had chosen that,would everything be so much different and better now? We could've moved in right away so no staying with his parents which opened us up to this mess and there was a one year lease,so there'd have been more time to work out our stuff though really our stuff didn't start until november from staying with his parents. I felt a high vibe when we viewed that apartment. I felt an ok vibe when I viewed this one. I can't help but wonder about different actions i could've chosen for a different now. I literally dreamed of that other apartment before I even viewed it. But,then we chose this one.
-emails with S.
-the power of silence and how amazing it is
-squats and lunges
-getting that yoga mat finally placed in the laundry machine
-tuning into thoughts a little. i felt in the last 24 hours or so,slightly urges to text best friend.i don't know if this was just my mind,or if there was something i was getting from his side wanting me to text him. but,in the last hour,i literally almost felt drawn to actually text him as if it was inspired.
-things that give hope. one of those last days,before i was stabbed in the back,i literally received a thought/visual that did not come from me. It was shortly after I had asked him about hugging me and does it make him feel weird and then a few aisles later,i get this cutesy visual and thought infused with a very happy feeling as if bright pink and red heart emojis decorating the thought/visual of him coming up to me and kissing me on the cheek. i never did believe he ever stopped having feelings for me,and i am more evolved then him.i think he just represses things very deeply.
-getting some writing done on that article that is a dream of mine i finally am going back to working on.i did a meditation in the beginning of working on it,so it then flowed and then by time i completed my time of working on it,i felt about 40-50% done with it! so it's getting there.
-simplicity
-decluttering
-my creativity
-being able to see things logically on why i behaved or did a certain thing,but then move forward from it. my mind is becoming more meditative and i love it. meditation is what i discovered before any of this other stuff,well gratitude technically was first. i had gotten so pulled into all these loa processes throughout the years,but meditation is the answer. meditation makes everything else come together so you don't need any loa processes. meditation is the true magic. meditation is what LED me to learn of law of attraction.
-my happy memories with best friend,and of living together.i enjoyed it so much.i only wish i could enjoy and savor the last month more of being here at my apartment,but it's hard with how sad i am. it's scary not knowing 100% exactly what's to come. but,i doubt it'll be being back here at this apartment. and,would i really want that? the crazy thing is,this apartment does hold good memories for me. and,honestly,within me,i feel like NOTHING has changed. it would seem as if i'm in denial,but i just feel like everything will be fine,and is going to work out. what's hilarious is part of me likely wants to come back here to this neighborhood once everything gets sorted and healed. i feel like this is the perfect neighborhood now. i feel like i'll even be happy to go back to where me and best friend first lived our first apartment.

[buttercup]

idk,either the praying or meditating is having an effect,or God has empathy when people are down at their worst,because it seems the little things are sort of flowing just a bit more,and little things that are good keep cropping up.
-lattes
-getting my eyebrows threaded today.i am mostly a diy-er kind of girl,but getting my eyebrows threaded is one thing i love going to get done.
-sleep.
-inspiration from crush A seeing some social media posts he made made me feel more inspired to go after my dreams,and finish up a writing goal i had made. i find it so odd how he posted that at the timing he did,yet again. it's like a twin psychic connection.
-getting in a driving lesson for even just 10 minutes today.
-my beauty
-getting rid of the freewill argument in regards to law of attraction once and for all with logic
-finding out my fitness seminar is only 12-6 instead of 9-6 this weekend which is even better
-meditation. my love! meditation is my love.
-my purse
-my black flat sandals
-my style
-my intelligence
-my creativity
-writing a little to do list in my phone for myself
-my phone
-best friend's mom calling me up less then an hour ago telling me she may have a job for me as a volunteer at her gym. i am actually really excited for this! i really like how she helps me more then best friend's dad. he was looking at a pizza shop which is insulting considering my qualifications plus i'm plant based and then a hospital job when i'm practically phobic of hopsitals and it'd take 3 busses to get there he said which considering i'm mildly agoraphobic would give me a heart attack to get to
-the mascara i got from whole foods yesterday. it looked really good on me. i may start getting more into natural cosmetics lines.
-taking it kind of easy on myself since it's that time of the month and my inner feelings want to slow down just a bit
-deciding it's time to quit pi forum for at least awhile
-how much his parent's are helping me. i may complain and feel awful about some things,but they are really helping me out with a lot and so i am grateful for that
-finding out i had more money then i thought on my card yesterday and dropping a few dollars of it towards my monthly bill i have
-the nightskies,and skyscrapers last night
-emails with S
-getting some groceries today
-daydreaming about becoming really famous and successful from all this the other night
-socks for making my feet feel good
-

[buttercup]

idk,either the praying or meditating is having an effect,or God has empathy when people are down at their worst,because it seems the little things are sort of flowing just a bit more,and little things that are good keep cropping up.
-lattes
-getting my eyebrows threaded today.i am mostly a diy-er kind of girl,but getting my eyebrows threaded is one thing i love going to get done.
-sleep.
-inspiration from crush A seeing some social media posts he made made me feel more inspired to go after my dreams,and finish up a writing goal i had made. i find it so odd how he posted that at the timing he did,yet again. it's like a twin psychic connection.
-getting in a driving lesson for even just 10 minutes today.
-my beauty
-getting rid of the freewill argument in regards to law of attraction once and for all with logic
-finding out my fitness seminar is only 12-6 instead of 9-6 this weekend which is even better
-meditation. my love! meditation is my love.
-my purse
-my black flat sandals
-my style
-my intelligence
-my creativity
-writing a little to do list in my phone for myself
-my phone
-best friend's mom calling me up less then an hour ago telling me she may have a job for me as a volunteer at her gym. i am actually really excited for this! i really like how she helps me more then best friend's dad. he was looking at a pizza shop which is insulting considering my qualifications plus i'm plant based and then a hospital job when i'm practically phobic of hopsitals and it'd take 3 busses to get there he said which considering i'm mildly agoraphobic would give me a heart attack to get to
-the mascara i got from whole foods yesterday. it looked really good on me. i may start getting more into natural cosmetics lines.
-taking it kind of easy on myself since it's that time of the month and my inner feelings want to slow down just a bit
-deciding it's time to quit pi forum for at least awhile
-how much his parent's are helping me. i may complain and feel awful about some things,but they are really helping me out with a lot and so i am grateful for that
-finding out i had more money then i thought on my card yesterday and dropping a few dollars of it towards my monthly bill i have
-the nightskies,and skyscrapers last night
-emails with S
-getting some groceries today
-daydreaming about becoming really famous and successful from all this the other night
-socks for making my feet feel good

[buttercup]

-my new favorite vegan chocolate
-being healthy
-midol
-getting my psychiatrist appointment done today and getting prescribed sertraline
-getting female things picked up that i needed
-a little visualization success story while on the phone waiting for someone to pick up and while reading a return to love about how objects change by our observing them and realizing i have been telling the story or struggle which would include long phone time and how can i "jump" out of that story and create a new one then deciding to imagine for a few seconds someone picking up,then best friend's dad came in car which distracted me and had me "let go" and boom she answered. That was fireworks to me and put me in a good mood. I need little stories like that right now.
-how great my eyebrows look
-feeling comfortable
-serendipity and noticing another serendipity now with me and best friend. and,also realized some things i thought of negatively as patterns may actually be serendipity,and being able to understand how it doesn't make it "predestiny." it was freeing. I realized back when best friend and i took label off our relationship and he felt i chose someone over him in a sense in 2009,he then got into fitness as a career starting with his mom placing him as a front desk at a gym. Then,in winter,he brought that guy up once or twice,which to me felt as proof best friend isn't over me,and i have been feeling he chose R over me,and now i am getting into fitness and may even end up starting by being placed front desk at a gym. It's quite strange and interesting to me. I was having panics last night,and also thinking gosh,how much i wonder had i missed out on all those years while best friend was out and about at work and such,if there's a whole world about him i have no idea about. it was uncomfortable. I am glad i have realized all of this as "serendipity and cycles" vs "stuck patterns and predestiny." I feel I am becoming reset more and more with things.
-how strong i've been
-getting front room floor cleaned last night
-that i can focus on some independence things i have learned over the last years,even if they are small to me. from taking care of a cat without the cat being at a parent's,to being home so much as if i'm living alone which might scare a lot of people as much as navigating alone scares me,to knowing how to cook some foods on my own. I have achieved some things that are "grown up" in the last few years,even if i am stunted in some ways. the psychiatrist used that word too today. "Stunted" which i like,since i find it accurate. I am stunted in some ways,but that's ok and shame isn't going to help me now.
-being given money today so now i can maybe get those other pants i kind of held back on last night,though also wasn't 100% sure on them anyways
-getting the pants i did choose last night,and the free lingerie that comes with every order
-that best friend's parent's are helping me to get on my feet
-the release feeling that comes from that time of the month.i always feel relaxed.
-my phone
-serendipity about crush A after thinking about him which got my spirits lifted a bit
-having great taste
-being smart
-the marianne williamson book i've been re-reading. it really is quite great,actually.
-getting facebook updated a bit the other day

[buttercup]

everyday,my heart is so empty.
-got a certificate for the fitness seminar i did today. that was pretty cool.
-the feelings of familarity i kept getting during the seminar
-lattes
-makeup
-having pep in my step and feeling more confident having something to do i was excited for and for actually wearing a little makeup and brushing my hair. i got a lot more looks and positive attention,too which is interesting.
-finding pants that i definitely did not see before that best friend's mom loaned me.i swear they weren't there before and look like pants i would want,too and was looking at online. so weird!
-that i'm in therapy now. there's a solace in that,actually.
-the serlatine. too soon to know how it's working yet but am glad to have it with whats going on right now
-manifesting deciding to contact an old friend and her suggesting we get brunch then a gig offer for first career right after feeling lonely last night and depressed. was interesting how that happened.
-having a nice body
-appreciating my look.i like having a sort of nerd-ish,gawky girl look
-that tuesday,i can maybe take a cycling class then yoga
-water

[buttercup]

-leftover pizza
-freeneville podcasts.
-meditation. i love how it guides me to the next step. today,i felt called just to pack my next bag in the next and then during my 2nd meditation for 5 minutes,felt guided to go do another walk to somewhere tomorrow morning,perhaps the bakery. i just feel guided that overcoming the anxiety issue is the base of everything,and to continue on with the plan i made even if i will have to change it in ways come may.
-doing some driving today
-sertaline i've been taking
-manifesting something cool from my thought experiment i tried.i visualized finding a pink feather in my doorway,and today i seen an art photo of some white abstract picture with what looks to be a pink feather in the middle. i can't possibly see what else it could be,and it called out to me.i feel like little things like this are happening to tell me to keep the faith no matter how painful and frightening things are. i'm finding more to be grateful for and more manifesting ease in some ways these days,it's odd.
-makeup
-having brunch plans with a friend this coming week at a place right by my house. so glad i manifested that
-my sense of style
-goals. reminding myself again,no matter how scary things are,by accomplishing one thing,then another,it puts everything together. if i can even only feel 100% comfortable walking to anywhere no matter where i live that's within 2 blocks,that's actually an accomplishment and I can move from there.i think it's just a matter of keeping doing a little,and being consistent,and then it'll all form and be so super easy that by next year,i'll be looking back in surprise at how hard i had made things over the years of my life.
-water

[buttercup]

-finding my keys last night. looked and looked for 2 hours and then finally found them right on the desk chair. so weird!
-getting pizza slices bought for me today
-deciding to help out my mom with one thing she asked even though i felt uncertain at first and seeing all went well with it,and it seemed to really make her feel better
-getting my dishes done for me. so nice.
-spending 2 hours or an hour an half or so studying driving written tests online last night. felt good to spend that much time studying.i can feel i am so close to being ready
-walking to the bakery to get some cupcakes. a very easy goal,but i felt confident doing it,and best friend's dad seemed very happy that i did it.
-getting my pants i ordered in the mail today and that they looked great,and the free lingerie with every order from that boutique. love it. i always get my order so quick,too.
-finding out where i'm going in may,that the name of the neighborhood isn't what i thought,but is just by it,which made me feel slightly better
-deciding last night,maybe where i'm going ISN'T that bad of a neighborhood and how would i feel living there if it was a safe neighborhood? And,all this resistance melted away,and things felt ok. It was freeing. And,then deciding,I should start pre-paving for when i'll be there for safety,and ease,and all that
-a list of things i want/desires i intend to manifest i wrote down and keep in my purse. i looked at it again last night and was surprised somehow some of them already manifested. i guess in some ways,i have become less resistant lately.
-my phone
-doing some driving today,and getting better at it. i literally feel like i know how to drive as long as traffic isn't super busy and someone is with me.
-eye massage
-sleep
-that my mom liked the cupcake i gave her
-meditation and how amazing it feels.
-awesome kind messages from people online
-that best friend's parents have been so helpful to me and kind
-being able to see things in a more positive way
-my sandals
-my beauty
-that i know i am improving and bettering myself,and it wont be long before i have a liscense and from there accomplish other goals. it feels like i am about 90% there with being able to get a liscense
-today feeling a little brighter and more optimistic for some reason
-though it's painful in hindsight,seeing how gloriously just fine this neighborhood is for living and navigating around in terms of safety.i see so many diverse people walking about,women with my specs walking around at night,people jogging.i spent so much time in fear and now by the time i started being less afraid,i have to leave here.
-being able to appreciate the beauty in life,and having a photographic eye. i am often from time to time stopping and seeing the view in front of me as a photograph,and appreciating the trees,the angling of things,and so on.
-that as scary of a time as this is,using this time as a reset button and not giving up on the law of attraction or my dreams and knowing anything is still possible

[buttercup]

-the sertraline i've been taking.i am not sure if it's the meditation,the pills,or best friend is still sending me reiki(had a weird feeling he still was) or a combination but have found my mind is much quieter throughout the day,it's almost as if i'm stoned.
-doing the cycling class and yoga today. found it too slow for my style,and yoga made me sad thinking about things,but by the end i felt good,i needed it,and some of the poses reminded me of playtime such as what children would do.
-best friend's mom saying i am good at yoga,and very flexible and saying i have the structure for yoga,and would be a good teacher. that was awesome. she is an instructor and that's what i've been wanting to do,so that's a very good thing that she thinks i'd be good at it.
-getting into lotus pose surprising myself since i was confused by it at first,and being the only one who could
-finding best friend's stuff still here today when i got home
-water
-allowing myself to imagine what if best friend is planning on coming even while i'm here,and how would i respond and imagining myself just staring at him taking in the sight of him sadly then asking him can i have one last hug then trying to kiss him,and telling him i've waited for him for years and how could he do this. i miss him like crazy. one good thing though is finally earlier today i realized,i have focused clarity that I really want to manifest some kind of polite communication from him such as text to check up on me. this would mean so much to me and raise my spirits up incredibly with this whole ordeal.
-email from S.
-food
-sleep
-happy things i have connected to in life. for some strange reason,I feel a sense of connection more then i have in awhile to things i desire,and have desired.i just feel that strong sense of "ah,that made me happy,i enjoyed that/that makes me happy/i enjoy that" whether it's my brother's cat,or the neighborhood i am now leaving,to yoga,to the beauty of the generosity best friend had showed me in the past,i am just really recognizing gratitude and feeling of that which i connect to,and have connected to
-imagining things i desire on and off throughout the day to retrain my imagination
-doing some more work on article last night. about 45% done,i'd say
-doing a little driving today. rush hour scares the heck out of me,and i drove crossing the busy street during. my nerves were shot after that,but at least i did it.
-business partner sending and responding to some things today
-makeup
-heat
-cozy feelings

[buttercup]

-that somehow despite all that's going on,i'm saying yes to more things. maybe this is what's meant to happen,to learn how to say yes to more things at once,and see it all comes together
-a nice pleasant soreness from cycling last night
-coffee
-muffin
-trying this creamer best friend's mom suggested to me,and it being quite good
-email from S
-ex A contacting me this morning and making plans to see me this weekend. so random.
-having a dream this morning that L apologized to me
-the internet
-meditation
-creative ideas. who knows,maybe deep pain and being reset will really help me to become in the flow and have more things happen at once,and more ease with it. that was always a block for me in the past(having a lot going on at once overwhelmed me). but it seems that's a theme for me lately. in driving,you have to focus on a lot at once,and be focused. at the fitness seminar,you had to focus on a lot at once(doing the movies,being on beat,saying the moves). i'm also realizing a goal for me,is i want to start getting things done quicker. i take a long time to get ready,to clean,things like that and now it seems it's time for that to stop. it seems i need to learn how to take on more at once,and handle it with flow,while loa decluttering and getting things done quicker which is perfect for meditation becoming more important in my life again since that declutters me and simplifies my spiritual routine without me feeling the need to do a lot. it calms my mind.
-getting a follow up for a job offer from first career.
-my meds i've been taking
-being smart
-being beautiful
-sleep. slept a lot again. though,i think i started to have a panic during sleep. i do not remember,it may have been the other night i am thinking of,i just have a memory of my heart starting to speed up like crazy
-writing notes to myself from freeneville podcasts ideas of what my ideal life would look like.i couldn't fully answer the question but so far,i got that i would be living in a simple and minimal,small-ish but luxe apartment in a at least reasonably safe neighborhood. meditate daily,do yoga daily,walk and grab a latte at a nearby cafe. that's as far as i got. in an existential mind crisis,i asked myself what would happily ever after be for me at this point,and i realized there is no happily ever after,just a series of happily ever afters but the best i could come up with at that moment is i'd love to see an article published on a certain publication written by me.i like questions like this since they get the mind thinking about what the heart really wants.
-choosing love,no matter what. it hurts so freaking bad what's happened to me,and it logically feels idiotic to love,but i still do.i can't help but still love best friend and forgive him. i can't help but still be reasonably nice to my mom,and so on. people hurt me,and i can't stop choosing love.
-that i've gotten this far since the news broke and what i've gotten so far since then from that done.
-my phone
-seeing loa at work for example,i didn't want the hospital job,but i didn't really fight it,i just knew i didn't want it,and kept it to myself,and then somehow the text "magically" transformed to me being offered a computer instead of me being told why i need to be computer savvy. that's actually kind of cool if you think about it.i was supposed to text saying i am computer savvy and from there get more info on this,and instead got offered a laptop he was giving away. super weird.
-getting pics selected for job 2 i do
-makeup
-emailing myself job listings and getting a little excited thinking about the possibilities

[buttercup]

-being given more money
-doing a yoga class today and watching kickboxing and zumba,it was like diving into best friend's world
-trying a pizza place and finding when i went by myself that they had a vegan pizza option which i got
-the delicious peanut butter cookie i got today at the pizza place
-brunch plan tomorrow.i feel almost guilty for doing something fun with all that's going on but at the same time feel like i need it,and it will benefit me.
-emails from S and S making me laugh when he asked me if i want him to help me forget about my pain for a few hours. i played dumb and he dropped it and we changed the subject but it made me laugh which i needed
-the warm weather today
-the beautiful colors of the sky at night
-resting for a bit on couch at best friend's parents house before yoga class.
-my style
-therapy going better then i thought it would
-latte this morning
-getting my clothes washed
-seeing in life i am better then i think i am,and will be ok
-seeing that neighborhood i'll be living in come may maybe isn't so bad to walk around to get to things,and seeing young girls walking around
-my beauty
-finding my jewelry and seeing jewelry i didn't even remember having
-coming home and seeing everything in tact.
-getting a bunch of files deleted off the phone and getting uber back on
-best friend's mom saying she isn't crazy about R either. though she could be lying,but still is nice to hear

[buttercup]

i cannot believe it's been 3 weeks since i heard from him,over 3 weeks. time really is an illusion. sometimes,it feels like parts of time are "missing" even. it's weird as in where was i really for all of that hour.
-shadowing for best friend's mom to be a volunteer at a gym she works at. it felt good. on one hand,i feel like i'm getting a lot done the last weeks,but then on the other,it feels far from enough,too. and,one thing i've realized is that i've traded one fear for another,as in,i now start to have fears oh,well what if they die,and so really my core fear is just being able to take care of myself. that's all i need to eliminate. and,i thought the key to eliminating that was to become 100% independent,which i now disagree with.i think,also i discounted myself in some ways.though,i am stunted in some ways,there's a lot of things i have done,and have grown with,and i have some things that are more wise then the "average" person. it's not like the last years were a total waste.and,so where i'm currently at,is i do want to catch up on the areas i am stunted with,that's what I TRULY wanted all along. I want to trust myself,and trust life again.
-doing a yoga class again tonight.it was nice. i'm getting really sore from all the classes i've been taking
-great weather today
-seeing a friend i haven't seen in over 2 years today for brunch
-getting our brunch comped and only needing to pay for my latte
-how good the latte was with coconut milk. i may have tried a coconut milk latte before,(i don't remember).
-inspiration and hearing how my friend has had setbacks,too even similar to mine such as having to go live with her father and share a room with her son at a point in her life
-that everyone seems to think the separation from best friend will be a good thing because it'll help me grow and become more independent and give me freedom
-feeling like a reset button's been pressed since he broke the news and like things are opening up
-getting an invite online on a social media randomly from e's friend to a party. very strange
-my phone
-staying strong
-getting some clarity on something i thought was more of a lie possibly,which was nice
-my meds i've been taking.i think they may actually be helping

[buttercup]

-getting a call and email from a promo job today.i wanted to stop with those however,i think right now it'd good be for me just to get a paycheck again just to see myself get a paycheck again and get in the habit of it,even if it is starting kind of small,and going back to where i was dissatisfied.i figure if right now i am earning $0 then earning anything will be an improvement and THEN from there I can start making goals and trying to "feel it real" with doubling that,then doubling it again,so on and on. best friend's dad keeps urging "normal" jobs that have benefits because he sees them as more secure,but most people i know have their own businesses and even friend i met for brunch has started a business and was talking about a friend who started a business for resume editing and well even technically,i've started my own business however it's just not making money right now,so starting businesses is something very much in my circle,it's something more familiar to me. normal jobs frighten me and intimidate me and i doubt myself about getting them,yet starting my own business does not,but there's a mental hump with that. at this point,it seems i'm going to end up becoming a very,very busy person with all the various interests i have and things i do. even my therapist said i have a lot of interests.i must seem crazy! the key is just overcoming this anxiety/mental humps,and from there things would go so well.
-the nightskies and how goregeous they were tonight
-feeling the sun on me today and how great it felt
-getting a little more better on driving practice test online
-friend checking me in online
-best friend's mom saying things about R again that seem like she doesn't really like her
-seeing the one bill got it's payment
-peaceful sounds

[buttercup]

-setraline
-meditation
-emails from pi member
-sleep
-being healthy
-knowing i need to learn how to get busier,and handle it,and it's just a matter of adapting
-calling back the number for the job i was offered yesterday
-feeling a little calmer
-imagining the possibilities
-sending more money towards monthly bill i have
-my phone
-getting toenails painted
-my body getting toned
-best friend's mom saying we need to get me some new gym shoes since i'll be spending more time at the gym now

[buttercup]

-getting cute new pink and black and gray gym shoes today that best friend's mom took me to pick out
-going to the movies with best friends parents after the shoes and feeling like a spoiled little kid,first best friend's dad brought me sour patches he got for me,then best friend's mom said i wanted popcorn and they got me popcorn and pop for the movie
-doing a little driving today
-really nice warm weather today
-how great the sun felt today
-how great the night air and skies felt tonight
-meditating this morning,just like i wanted and ending it with a prayer and thinking of 5 things i'm grateful for
-my style
-my unique,quirky beauty
-the citrus scone from whole foods i had for breakfast this morning. was so perfect.
-email from S this morning

[buttercup]

-how symbolic and metaphorical life is,it really is quite interesting!
-the delicious pizza slices i had today
-great weather today
-getting my writing draft done to 50% after meditating,which felt good and deciding i will now make it part of my schedule to work on writings at 9pm everyday.i like that time for working on writing.
-having coffee and sour patches while doing a ton of driving practice tests online this afternoon. then doing more practice tests online in the evening. i'm getting better at absorbing the information
-emails from S
-water
-getting more garbage taken out today
-perspective that it's only been about 3 years of living in the area i'm in now anyways,and before that i did a lot of things while living further,and so somehow i'll be able to make it work
-meditation today.i did about 3 short sessions today,and now in some sessions i also pray,and then think of 5 things i'm grateful for
-doing 2 short feel it real visualization sessions while waiting for best friend's dad at the post office. i like things like this. i need to get used to doing little spiritual "exercises" throughout the day even when busy with other things,since lots of people have been far busier then me and managed to have ease manifesting and success.
-getting more stuff moved out of the house
-my sandals
-sweaters
-my style
-being physically attractive
-being flexible
-staying calm when feeling tested today by business partner,and just overall calmer in general lately. maybe it's the meds,or the meditation,or just feeling reset after all that's now gone down
-being able to savor the little things other seem to take for granted like how great the sun felt on me today,how great the nightsky felt on me,the flavors in the pizza,the satisfaction in having things string together nicely after meditating and going to my writing draft,the visual appreciation of the shape of the trees and the color of the green leaves that reminded me of candy. feelings.i remember feeling this way back when i first discovered meditation,too. everything just felt more intense and lively.
-sleep

[buttercup]

-doing yoga class tonight
-a night walk with best friend's mom home from the gym. and how funny it was since it right after i said to best friend's dad that i wish i had a walking buddy to go for walks with,and then when we get to gym she says she walked there,and we agree we will walk home.
-emails from S
-smores poptarts
-doing some driving today,though it's still very hard for me
-getting a little more situated to staying with best friend's parents. it's starting to feel more normal. the eerie thing is though how familar it all feels,and i can't trace why that is.i wish i could. my mind's been wandering to if maybe i used to worry what would ever happen to him way back in the day when we were dating maybe? i'm not sure if that's right either,though. everything is just so weird. even how natural them starting to feel like family is,and seeing how they were like that even before,i just had my own issues. it's all a mind trip. what is going on is what's going through my head
-the rose tea i tried. so amazing. love it
-colors
-my style
-my body structure.i have such a nice,stand-out perfect shape that looks both very sexy,yet sleek
-getting my bangs cut
-throwing out the rest of the broken chair
-getting a response from gym director about me volunteering
-that best friend's mom seems to dislike R as well.
-meditating this morning
-sleep

[buttercup]

-sleep
-meditation
-music
-awesome song dontco sent me
-adding prayer and gratitude at the end of my meditation sessions and doing my meditations every morning now
-inspiration
-getting more of a frame of what i want to be and where i want to go
-yoga
-my sertraline meds
-my phone
-the internet
-getting better at practice driving tests and passing them consistently now
-that things seem to be moving with the volunteer position at the gym which would give me something for my resume that is "normal job" and also gets me in the door with fitness
-S emailing me. I can't figure out what he wants,that he emails me regularly but also won't really make plans with me
-rose tea
-feeling a little bit better that i am getting things done and that things will be ok
-getting a job offer on primary career.
-my body getting nice and tight and slim and feeling strong from the classes and fitness things i've been doing
-calmness and surrender

[buttercup]

-meditation. feels so good
-gratitude.
-prayer
-the nice rainy weather last night and the way the air felt and the nightskies
-coffee
-remembering that no matter what happens,you can never lose you
-being almost finished with the dishes
-deciding to send business partner a message to find out what's up
-staying calm
-sweaters
-feeling like maybe the bike thing would still work and be an easy thing to learn to do. best friend's dad has said he will get me a second hand bike since best friend took the bike he said would be mine out of the basement recently when i wasn't here.
-inspiration
-trying to see what my intuition says/what inspired actions to take. right now,so far,i have that i want to take a ballet class
-cutting the ends of my hair last night
-thinking about the little positive manifestations i have made throughout the years. for example,i used to have a lot of breakouts on my face and worried my skin would always be that way since i was in my 20's and this was still happening and i was always told that's an adolescent thing but once i discovered meditation,and then started going out more socially,that is actually when my skin started to clear up. very odd!

[buttercup]

-getting the volunteer front desk position. so exciting. and that it'll be a nice easy way to get in the door with a normal job also because i get to start off just shadowing others there. the manager seeming to have a nicer vibe today and seeming more uplifted and possibilities for advancement with this position and all i can learn from it and go further with it. he even said maybe sometime down the line i can tell him i want to teach a stretching for kids class as an example
-the delicious pizza and food from old neighborhood i used to live in that i got. going there reminds me of happy,simple times since it was the neighborhood of my first apartment
-the amazing bakery next door from the pizza shop i stopped at that had amazing treats i got a cakepop,cupcake,and macarons and all were excellent
-doing yoga class today
-M offering me to take a class at studio she goes to tomorrow
-getting an answer about job on sunday. it's been cancelled which is annoying but at least i know now
-my awesome pink sneakers
-makeup
-my beauty
-having a nice body
-inspiration
-applying to a gym job last night that was a gym i had wanted best friend to apply to before
-joining a bunch of meetup groups last night from biking,to writing,and entrepeneurship,etc
-joining a newsletter for writers last night after seeing an article on getting published that i liked
-getting another draft done on writing article. i'm about 55% there,and i realize this article is important to me now.i'm actually starting to enjoy the art of writing again,too
-doing mirror technique affirmations last night
-a more meditative mindset lately. i found myself gazing in appreciation out the window across the room for a few seconds a a tree with violet flowers that kept catching my attention
-colors
-new ideas on how to find jobs for first career i do

[buttercup]

-manifesting yoga certs getting brought up to best friend's mom which was something kind of in my list of intentions to manifest. it seems some things are coming along quite quickly,or at least right on time with what seems to be little resistance
-meditation. felt so good to do it today since i missed yesterday
-getting more dishes done
-being able to observe things with loa and telepathy. having a lot of unintentional remote influence lately. i just think a thought,and someone brings it up. a great,easy way for me to play with loa
-sleep
-finding out place i want to go to for a class doesn't require ballet slippers when they left a message answering that even though i didnt ask that but it was something i needed to ask which was perfect
-nice warm showers
-cozy comfortable clothes
-emailing myself a list of agencies for later
-seeing more and more exe's who are best friends which just proves my point i've had for years more and more,which makes me mad now considering what best friend did,but also feeling an urging that this is telling me something,such as maybe my own doubts about society thinking it's weird,and that playing a part in things manifesting. this feels right to me.
-more inspiration to overcome all fears and realize fear is just an illusion,no matter how much i am buying into the story at the moment
-feeling like it's time to get over the driving fear as well,and the driving subliminal audio i started playing again
-my body being nice and tight from the classes i've been doing and feeling stronger
-best friend's mom's friend who remembers me from years ago when he met me and best friend when we were a couple saying we will speak again. it seems like everyone has been saying that which is really reassuring

[buttercup]

-doing some driving today,and after crying it all out once feeling overwhelmed,ending up driving better afterwards
-being given more money,and more money put on my card
-getting more stuff moved out
-sleep
-great weather today and how great the sun felt
-feeling like i'm really close to getting the driver's liscense.i go back and forth between feeling like i'm so close to getting it,and like i'll never be able to drive
-how beautiful the city is
-music
-meditation
-inspired ideas that come during meditation
-another job offer for primary career which is nice,since other thing getting postponed again really made me feel awful
-my determination
-last night after best friend took stuff out while i was gone,and how heartbreaking that was..he even left the damn closet light on...seeing how exactly pretty much all or most of what he took was exactly what i had kept checking for to see if it was still there whenever i'd come back the last weeks,so again,loa at work,also because yesterday was the one day i stopped thinking if best friend would come to apartment or not while i was gone,too
-getting a response to one of the jobs for the work i used to do last night.very exciting!
-adding a couple new intentions to my written list i wrote out about a month ago,and seeing how quite a few of them did manifest already
-getting some driving studying done online tonight
-getting more garbage taken out

[buttercup]

-that after the drama of attracting seeing EX best friend,and then his gf suddenly deciding to start following me and harassing me,and then me losing the volunteer position,that at least i know EX best friend's work ethics aren't good according to manager,and that he is going to try and place me into a different gym. unbelievable. can't believe how immature and high-school-ish her stunt was.
-getting a reply right away for an interview to a host position
-my ambition
-getting a date confirmed for first job freelance gig(hate the word gig).
-the protein drink best friend's mom made me.
-that at least best friend's mom seems to be on my side,and said she believes me because she seen how R is,and she told ex best friend that she isn't allowed in her house anymore
-the amazing,beautiful,sunny,warm weather today
-the beautiful colors the sun created. very surreal
-my hair looking amazing after coloring it last night
-meditation,which always helps at least a little bit

[buttercup]

-feeling like everything will be ok
-my hair
-makeup
-doing a cycling class that gave me a nice healthy flush and then a yoga class. i'm so excited for my life to turn more fitness focused
-delicious banana protein drink made for me
-best friends mom "M" offering me if i'd want to go to california for a month to help take care of her grandfather and that she'd give me money too so i could do stuff too since she knows how much i like california. was quite a tempting offer. this too felt very familar as if it happened before.
-getting more stuff moved out of apartment
-getting a bunch of interview requests and responses for jobs i applied to when i woke up this morning. was super reassuring.
-getting two phone interviews done today for possible work
-seeing the pool at the gym,and just seeing it putting me in a good mood. just the smell of chlorine puts me in a good mood.
-the beautiful nightskies
-best friend's mom's M's nice friend who goes to her yoga classes
-being told i have very long legs today
-the black tank top i wore today and how good it looked on me.i looked so slim,young,and feminine. it's such a perfect cut. it made me have the perfect model build.
-having an amazing body structure. i love the lines of my body
-choosing a health plan for the insurance and enrolling myself in it
-that i'll soon have a bike and best friend's dad bringing it up today. i can really see myself riding it and going far
-my body looking slimmer from all the workouts i've been doing
-being inspired to make my finances really good from all that's gone on and to really love money
-that M told me the manager of gym is going to call me and to just tell him i can handle the situation professionally
-vegan chocolate toffee
-meditation
-inspiration
-desires
-getting papers printed
-getting clothes thrown in wash and then dryer
-having my mom visit for a bit

[buttercup]

-getting more stuff packed and out of the house
-that ex best friend's mom seems to be on my side,and all the jokes me,her,and ex best friend's dad made about her tonight
-sour patches,the bigger sized ones. they remind of being a kid. love them.
-water
-vegan toffee
-meditation
-M(ex best friend's mom) saying i am going to hip hop class this saturday,i think. it looks like i'm going to be getting very immersed in fitness from these changes which i like
-deciding to buy the cute activewear legging pants i wanted a few months since i seen them back in stock and a little less money now somehow on the site i shop at
-applying to some more jobs today
-getting my best score yet i believe on one of the practice driving tests
-my phone
-relaxing
-doing a round of EFT last night even though it was very late,and having the core cause of my insecurity about something career related come to the surface which was great.
-sleep. had interesting dreams.me and ex best friend went on different planes. so symbolic. it was literally him getting off to go on a different plane. it's interesting the way our minds give us dreams. how is it that with how awful he has been to me i still love him? he is family to me.i just don't know how he can be so awful lately.i miss the days when he'd go to his aunt's house and watch a movie with her while i was at a job.
-doing some work with second business for a little bit. very discouraging with business partner wanting to drop out after launch of project one,but all i can do is take life one day at a time,and keep at it,i guess
-the laptop i'm using

[buttercup]

-therapy today
-latte today
-dream that seemed symbolic of ex best friend breaking up with R. It was of him and a snake that looked fake like it was plastic and he killed it. i was thinking about that snake dream i had before when she first came into the picture before bed. it was of me seeing a snake and he couldn't see it,but then i said look it's right on you,and he seen it and then killed it for me well,it's wrong to kill animals but it's symbolic. it was the point of him saving me,too.i call her fake a lot and had called her a snake a lot so the dream this morning was interesting
-taking a nap
-booking a paid job for may. met my goal. it's just a one-time job doing what i did before that i stopped doing but it's been so long since i earned a check that i thought booking one of these just to get the feeling of getting a check again would be good for me.plus,i book this kind of work with ease unlike other jobs i apply for where there's more trouble since i lack experience with normal jobs.
-meditation
-sweaters
-my stomach being nice and flat and sculpted from the cardio work

[buttercup]

-getting stuff moved out today and handling it not too bad
-latte this morning
-leaving behind a symbolism gift ex best friend gave me 12 years ago alone in the bedroom that was mine behind as a sort of final statement for him
-laying down
-pizza and fries and soda for lunch
-the guided meditation during yoga
-getting protein drink made for me
-a hip hop dance class tomorrow
-getting several job offers like what i booked the other day from a different agency and a confirmation for one to work this week!
-getting starbucks cinnamon cake and 2 cakepops
-my phone
-M saying well,soon i'll know how to drive,and then i can use that to get around when her and her husband aren't using their cars which motivated me a bit
-M calling her husband while we were moving asking him if there was a way he could bring my couch since she knew i was sentimentally attached to it,and then offering to buy a couch to put in the room. it really cheered me up that she even cared that much.
-another thing with A that I seen in my feed showing we are very in sync and he is going through similar things as me
-another gig offer from primary career

[buttercup]

-getting yoga pants,and active wear top bought for me
-bonding more with M and getting more comfortable with her
-cake pops. love these.
-getting a good sleep last night that was very rejuvenating
-showing i am different now then before with people i'm staying with and that i am trying
-my rain boots. so cozy.
-that M has seemed to be on my side about R
-some time to myself before leaving this morning
-lattes
-sweaters

[buttercup]

-going to the movies today
-getting that time of the month
-S emailing me
-feeling relaxed
-getting some driving done today including driving back home from a certain point which was really cool and also driving up a hill at another. feeling like i'm getting better in some ways with driving
-deciding tomorrow to go back to daily meditating
-that ex best friend's dad works tomorrow so i can have house to myself for a little bit
-that i went inside pizza shop by myself today so was given a chance to say ex best friend's dad's wife brought me to owner in conversation which was great since i got worried if it seemed like i looked like a much younger woman he was buying food for
-asking for ride i need to job i got for thursday which will be my first paycheck i earned in quite some time
-making a list of appts i want to call tomorrow
-my new pink water bottle
-getting a couple things unpacked
-J having something sent for 2nd business i do
-business partner now starting to seem slightly more interested again
-that so far things have been going mostly ok with new living situation and new life changes coming.
-my rain boots and how cozy they are

[buttercup]

-my mango body lotion from whole foods
-green tea face scrub
-pink cake pops and cinnamon cakes from startbucks brought for me today
-getting to meditate today
-making the calls today
-applying for jobs today
-feeling better after a shower and breakfast this morning
-having something click with me today about reversing that now makes me understand how to do it better
-inspiration
-the sunset
-nightskies
-M showing me how to use the oven,and making the food for me
-MH saying he will bring me to my job and if he gets called to work will just end early that day so i can still do mine
-getting most of my stuff brought in my room and closet mostly cleaned out
-having house to myself for awhile today which was nice
-adjusting in some ways to new arrangement
-kindness

[buttercup]

-getting to meditate this morning. ah,love it.
-having house to myself again for a little while
-having breakfast
-feeling better then yesterday morning upon waking
-job this week is still on,and got a follow up email today about it. will be so nice to get a paycheck again.
-that so far it's actually been a pretty easy transition mostly so far with being here
-gratitude
-more stuff being organized since yesterday
-doing a little root chakra sound therapies last night before bed
-having dreams/desires
-taking things one day at a time
-feeling like best friend maybe does care for me with how angry he is at me. his actions scream he wants attention. he was complaining to his parents and his dad told him he has to let that anger go,it's not healthy. why is he so angry if i'm out of his life now? I haven't spoken to him in almost 6 weeks. It almost makes me thinks he wants me to have tried contacting him. He literally came in and cut himself out of my art print. On one hand,it seems he is being so mean and on the other,it makes me think he wishes i did try to contact him and is surprised i didn't. but what did he expect after the news he broke and finding out all those lies,and not to mention it's also pointless considering R probably reads all his texts. I love him,but sometimes you push someone away to a point where all you can do is let go. It just makes no sense why he is being mean to me still when he dropped me.
-that i almost know how to drive,and i know this is the year i will be getting my liscense. it seems silly with how long it's taking,but it doesn't matter,it's a goal i know i'm going to achieve and progress is an amazing feeling.i could probably pass the test if i were to go now,but we are waiting until i'm so good,that there is no chance i won't pass on the first try.
-inspiration
-actresses/models with a look like mine
-comedy show actors and watching some clips last night before bed

[buttercup]

-eye massage
-getting 100% on some of the practice written driving tests now. so close to being able to go and get the liscense!
-coffee and vegan chocolate for breakfast
-the laptop im using
-M saying we are going shopping this sunday at this nice mall she likes
-the cycling class and then yoga class last night
-M telling me her friend D( i've seen a few times lately who is nice) works in advertising and is his own boss and when i seemed intrigued,she offered to have me talk to him if i want
-getting a lot of job offers lately and booking exceeding my goals.
-seeing how to get more into things again simply by focus. by focusing a lot on getting back into one type of work i've done,i'm now getting a lot of offers for that,and then the same started happening with acting,and now have things opening up with that. it's very cool. the things that are most similar and what i have experience in are what i get the most offers for so i get less offers for "normal" jobs
-meditation
-inspired ideas to make my resume look more classic and that the work experience i have would look really good if i altered to make my resume format look more classic with instead of going with the format i was taught before for that kind of work
-getting my eye appointment made. and,had a dream i found my eyeglasses the morning of that so maybe that was because i'd have my appt made that morning so it represented that
-having house to myself again
-that so far the adjustment made hasn't been as hard as i thought
-that my dad's house where my brother's cat is at i miss isn't as far as i thought so i can find some way to come visit even easier then i thought soon
-music
-that i can do lotus pose and the symbolism behind being shown that back when i first was shown i could do it. she kept encouraging me saying she knows i can and i was the only one who could,and i snapped into it really easily once i seen what it was. and it really does seem more and more like all of life can be a metaphor.i've also been noticing dandelions like crazy the othe day which have a symbolism of rebirth.
-the nice walk home from the gym last night. love getting some time outside at night.
-being able to see the positives of my situation and that maybe it will help me to reach new goals and get to places i want to go much quicker and overcome blocks i wasn't overcoming before
-realizing/remembering i've done a lot of cool things in life
-that the girl who booked me for the job i work tomorrow has actually worked with me before,she remembered me and we seemed to vibe a little bit with each other

[buttercup]

-getting refill figured out. pharmacy had it on file and called me and it's ready today.
-having eye appointment tomorrow
-that i get to work today
-that MH has seemed to now let me do more of my own thing and there seems to be less projection
-cakepops
-feeling pretty calm while driving last night,and having minimal anxiety
-sweaters
-sleep
-a lot of job offers lately
-nightskies
-bike being brought up yesterday that it will be getting bought anyday now
-buying an acupuncture certificate for myself yesterday
-meditation and getting the chance to do so again this morning

[buttercup]

-manifesting flowers. i had been thinking how much i want flowers for my room and how much i love flowers in general. i'll often eye them in appreciation while in nature,and at grocery stores and was just thinking on and off in general how much i want flowers for my room. i came out of the shower this morning and was in awe at this big beautiful bouquet with a balloon M had got. I asked if ex best friend got it for her and she said no one of her students did,and she asked if i wanted the flowers. I said no,and insisted i can't take her flowers,that's her gift,but she said she will throw them out if i don't and that she always just gives them away to one of the other girls when she gets gifts like that because she doesn't like flowers and she only brought them home because she thought i might like them,and her husband confirmed later that it was true,she would've just thrown them away so i put them in my room. this just made me really happy. it was such a simple thing,but they are just so beautiful and made me feel so spoiled,to be honest.
-doing my job today and how good it felt to be out and about and in the scene again. finishing my job very early and even being told i did a good job by team lead and finishing quicker then her.it really does seem as if universe is really on my side lately,and trying to tell me to keep going,and don't give up.
-M asking how my job went and how nice that felt
-the coffee shop i went to today,and the trendy feel of the place. one of the male baristas looked like a model.it was an interesting coffee shop. different then other ones i usually go to.
-getting my yoga pants i ordered online about a week and half ago or so in the mail today
-the sunshine today
-water
-cake pops
-getting better at talking to people in some ways,and caring less what people think
-being able to meditate again this morning and ending it with a prayer,and 5 things i'm grateful for and having house to myself for a bit
-feeling love for ex best friend despite how much he's betrayed me
-getting my sertraline today.idk how but things are flowing with so much ease in some ways,that it's almost miraculous. at today's job,i did better with that stuff then i ever have possibly,and it was the first time i had done it in about 2 years. the prescription i thought for sure i would have to wait on refill after talking to receptionist and still not finding form
-being given more money today
-laughing at life
-being ok with new situation now and accepting of it,and no longer seeing it as that bad. it's really weird how ok i feel with it all now,and there's some kinks still to figure out,but overall,i don't feel so bad about it.
-how nice M and her husband have been being to me

[buttercup]

-seeing all these signs of things reconnecting in the sense of things i like,like past things,and things still being connected. it's really interesting and affirming.
-that somehow things are actually going quite well,and feeling pretty spoiled.people seem to really be having a lot of empathy for me,too. I've been given flowers,i'm being bought candies all the time and snacks ,and things i like,i'm being taken to the movies,the gym and dance classes,and shopping for clothes,and am getting a bike bought for me. it all actually feels kind of nice,plus there's so much less drama in my life so my mind tends to feel more clear,which is perhaps why there is more flow,too. i've also been feeling like i'm very much living day to day,which i actually like. it makes me feel more present,and also in the flow.
-that i get to go to a ballet class tomorrow
-everything working out with my eye appointment and optometrist being very nice and picking out new glasses that have a sort of funky look which look like they make my face features/eyes really stand out
-the sun and warmth today
-things adjusting pretty well and feeling more comfortable
-M helping me when the vase broke with the cut on my finger,and helping me clean it
-T being so nice and saying hi to me on the phone and how nice it feels to feel like they're family,and they are
-seeing the good sides of my situation

[buttercup]

-taking ballet class and how nice the instructor was. she said i have beautiful feet and great accessibility in my hips and was encouraging towards me and helpful.
-going shopping at whole foods
-lattes
-vegan pizza from whole foods
-being genuine
-being kind hearted
-that the pants M gave me actually fit perfectly and are an extra small
-rest and laying down
-having protein made for me earlier
-having house to myself for a short bit and doing a meditation
-being beautiful
-inspiration
-being in tune and getting in tune with my desires
-adjusting/adapting well to things
-writing notes to myself
-the positive changes coming about and feeling of newness

[DarkChylde]

-taking ballet class and how nice the instructor was. she said i have beautiful feet and great accessibility in my hips and was encouraging towards me and helpful.

(Hope I'm not intruding , if so , I beg your pardon) - Have you had training in ballet before? - I ask because teacher's compliment are very hard to come by :-)

[buttercup]

(Hope I'm not intruding , if so , I beg your pardon) - Have you had training in ballet before? - I ask because teacher's compliment are very hard to come by :-)

When I was a little kid I did but that's it.

[buttercup]

-feeling very spoiled. M took me shopping today and I got a new wardrobe. I got fitted and found out my size in chest is a little different then i thought and is actually a 32dd . Ended up getting new lingerie,workout outfit,perfume that came free,and a new dress.
-M buying me chocolates today before we went shopping
-M buying me my favorite cakepops after shopping
-going to the movies tonight with M and her husband
-looking slim in dressing room and my abs looking like they had definition
-appreciating my haircut today
-latte i had this morning
-my style
-M making me protein drink before we left
-catching up on sleep and waking up feeling well rested
-seeing A on chat on a social media site which seemed like a sign since i haven't seen him on there in so long
-deep cleansing breaths
-blowdrying my hair last night and how nice it looked(i don't usually blow dry my hair)
-flowers
-compliments
-thinking of life as an adventure and looking forward and enjoying the new changes coming about

[DarkChylde]

When I was a little kid I did but that's it.

then you ought add that to your gratitude list - "being told something good for my ballet skill ,while just being a kid"

[buttercup]

-the chocolates M got me yesterday
-getting out of my gloomy mood i was in for a bit earlier
-that i'll have my bike soon
-water
-being given more money
-getting money put on my card to pay a bill
-M saying she wants to start paying more each month on my bill so it gets paid off quicker and so we are going to start doing that and to remind her Wed because she is going to send money to my card to pay it
-confiding my feelings a bit to M's husband about things like my paranoias and feeling like i don't deserve all they're doing,etc
-getting pizza lunch from my favorite pizza shop in old first neighborhood i lived in on my own today
-the way the air felt today,very fresh,as if it was about to rain
-taking a nap in the early evening
-my stomach getting flatter
-how beautiful my flowers are blooming
-M making me protein drink again
-getting my room cleaned a little more,and organized a little more tonight
-getting some of the things done on my to-do list today
-meditating and adding more items to my intentions to send out to the universe list
-having a young look
-all going well and confirmed with things i had set with jobs so far
-applying to more jobs tonight
-from the contrast of no longer having the volunteer position because of the drama,realizing that volunteering at a gym front desk is something i'd like to do,and something that excites me as a resume builder or being front desk as a job and since that,thinking that maybe i can find more opportunities like that,and since then seeing more and more things pop up that say looking for volunteer help in exchange for free classes which is perfect for me so i can get experience working front desk
-comedy and laughter
-the very friendly,skinny white and gray cat who greeted me today. she was so nice!

[buttercup]

then you ought add that to your gratitude list - "being told something good for my ballet skill ,while just being a kid"

:-) I guess I will then. :) I've always appreciated the art of ballet. Lately,too I have become fascinated with contortion.

[DarkChylde]

:-) I guess I will then. :) I've always appreciated the art of ballet. Lately,too I have become fascinated with contortion.

let me share with you something I haven't told anyone ever.During my training the instructor would tell what to do to the class , if most people didn't get it right then the instructor would say "DC , you are to come forth and demonstrate how it is done , I suggest we all pay attention" - those compliments were like chocolate , money , Christmas and pyrotechnics on the 4th of July.

Could you please add this to your list next time (only if it appeals to you) "The fact others take heart from my gratitude list too , nothing I write here goes in vain"

DC.

[buttercup]

let me share with you something I haven't told anyone ever.During my training the instructor would tell what to do to the class , if most people didn't get it right then the instructor would say "DC , you are to come forth and demonstrate how it is done , I suggest we all pay attention" - those compliments were like chocolate , money , Christmas and pyrotechnics on the 4th of July.

Could you please add this to your list next time (only if it appeals to you) "The fact others take heart from my gratitude list too , nothing I write here goes in vain"

DC.

I'm glad others enjoy my gratitude lists. I really appreciated the compliment my instructor gave me. I think compliments are a great way to empower people. I had no idea they were so hard to come by in ballet. Lol.

[buttercup]

-that others are taking heart in my gratitude list and find value in it
-rose tea
-chocolates M got me the other day
-the cycling and yoga class I did today and getting a nice sweat in,and M telling everyone how flexible I am,and that i'm very flexible. I think she's crazy but she says I just am not understand some of what she says but that she knows i can do it
-wearing one of my new activewear pants today,and how model-looking i looked wearing that with the blank tank top,and my pink and black gym shoes
-my pink gym water bottle
-getting my bags organized today so i could just bring one with me when i left the house today
-pushing myself out of my comfort zone and posting a pic even though not 100% sure of it
-acupressure
-getting an offer to work at a yoga studio unpaid in exchange for unlimited yoga classes.i applied,and just believed i would get it,and that it'd be easy in,and then sure enough had some back and forth emails today. contrast from the first volunteer position not working out helped me realize i do want to do something like that,and from there seen several similar opportunities but better like that,and now this manifested. and,about a year and half ago,ex best friend was also going to try and get me in to work a day a week at one of his gyms but as paid staff so from loa standpoint it is kinda interesting to see the unfolding of this. M was very happy for me when i told her and she said she'd take it,and that she is still working on E(the manager who said me volunteering maybe isn't a good idea because of drama of ex best friend) and that he might still call me
-how beautiful my flowers are
-getting a gift for my brother's cat sent to ease me a little longer until i can go and see the cat again.
-deep cleansing breaths
-having the house to myself again this morning,and having a chance to meditate since house was quiet. things really have been flowing quite well,actually.
-feeling very beautiful
-art and entertainment
-M's husband showing me two bikes today online asking what i think of them to buy me one. i prayed about getting the bike soon so that is cool that happened,too
-my stomach getting flatter
-feeling drawn to start cleaning up my diet more again,and go back to being full vegan(have been vegetarian lately)

[buttercup]

-coffee
-vitamins
-brownie for breakfast
-all the job offers i've been getting
-getting house to myself again this morning and meditating and how great i feel from meditating and the inspired ideas that come to me during
-doing a few mirror technique affirmations
-sleep
-setraline
-music
-getting a few more things from front porch brought into room
-feeling more abundant lately

[buttercup]

-manifesting a bike today. we went to a store,and right away i seen the perfect one,the perfect color, and just knew and we got it. it made me so excited to have this,and i test rode it in the store for a few seconds and then down the block once getting back.
-pink cake pops
-the new yoga clothes i've been wearing
-that i get to start training tomorrow for the work/trade at the yoga studio tomorrow.i can hardly believe how easily some things are falling into place.
-M's friend D saying at yoga class bringing up that i may be teaching yoga soon.i guess he heard it's what i want to do. Maybe M told him when i was around and i forgot.
-M saying i should teach yoga and pilates because I have the perfect body for it.
-getting a call this morning to work a big yoga festival in my city that is this weekend. everything is so yoga related lately for me. love it!
-having protein drink made for me
-practicing driving some more tonight
-nightskies
-my brother getting the L card,since it's something he wanted
-M's husband saying he would give me a ride to an expo i want to work at the end of the month
-prayer
-laughter

[buttercup]

-having a job now as volunteer/work trade at the yoga studio and how well i feel i vibed at the training and how easy it all seemed and how nice the studio was. as soon as i got there,i just knew right away,i wanted to work there
-amusement at some stranger who worked there taking the elevator with me when he found out i was phobic when i asked a question about the stairs and then asking me out
-being complimented by M that i look nice today and like i'm going to a modeling job
-my chic business casual/sporty outfit of all black and my sense of style
-makeup
-blowdrying my hair out and how nice it makes me feel
-seeing the cat i like again today that lives next door
-having a protein drink made for me
-meditation
-how many awesome things have been happening for me lately
-brownies from whole foods
-nice weather today
-feeling like life is an adventure
-sleep
-vitamins
-setraline
-how it feels like everything is working out for me,and that for the volunteership that didn't seem to work out at one gym,i now have a volunteership at a yoga studio downtown at a really nice studio so that's even nicer then the original thing and now the bike ex best friend took that he said i could have before i now have an new bike in a color i love. both of these things are things i loved upon first sight and feel like an upgrade from the original and the original felt like things ruined/taken away from R and/or ex best friend so it feels nice to see life providing me with even better in it's place and things even more in alignment with me
-rest. don't know why i'm so tired lately. maybe i'm doing more,or maybe it's the anxiety
-how tight my body is getting from all the classes

[buttercup]

-bhakti chai tea
-peanut butter cups
-techno music
-exotic things
-makeup
-my new perfume i am wearing today
-my new yoga pants
-pink sportsbra
-my mint green colored leg warmers
-that i get to work the yoga festival tomorrow which is exciting
-my new job at the yoga studio downtown that i start next week. so exciting. the vibe there is so zen and minimal
-being in a good mood
-sleep
-getting my bill paid for the month
-writing my goals down
-having house to myself this morning so i could do some silent meditation
-instagram
-relaxing a little bit about rushing to get things done
-that my brother seems very happy with his new food card he gets
-this gratitude list i do
-deep cleansing breaths
-inspiration

[buttercup]

-how good it feels to be productive after a day of work
-feeling nurtured
-the money i've earned this month. i've exceeded my goal and have realized now with where i'm staying that one advantage is i'll have a lot of extra spending money
-feeling like i'm getting better at the kind of work i've done today
-going food shopping today
-getting some new makeup today
-getting some new sweets today when m's husband made me go inside starbucks and gave me money to buy the cakepops i like
-the tea M made for me tonight
-rest and naps
-getting into natural eco beauty brands lately.
-M wanting her husband to take me to gym tomorrow so she can work on my arms since she thinks they are too weak
-acceptance
-reassurances
-deciding it's time to let go of certain guys in my mind lately and start imagining traits for someone new
-laughing at life
-whole foods

[buttercup]

-all the awesome new whole foods beauty products i've been getting
-M and her husband taking my side when R sent me another text harassing me today and how getting that text showed me how insecure of me she is and obsessed and made her look fake and mean as heck to M and her husband
-M's husband coming back for me when and taking me to get coffee and go with him for his errands after i told him about text
-M taking me to gym today to do toning machine for over an hour and half
-protein M made me before the gym
-rose tea
-my cozy comfortable purple pants
-tofurkey products
-earning money this month and how amazing that feels
-my white beanie hat that i think gives me a cool look
-getting good sleep last night and this morning
-the new air filter in my room
-the sun
-getting a bike lock for my bike today
-deciding to start cleaning up my diet again a little
-how much i have going for me