Help with Empathy Please

[MooSaysTheCat]

Alright so I have had my own understanding of what empathy means.

Empathy is the "ability" or a "sixth sense" to understand and "feel" what other individuals are feeling. Which includes being able to relate to another persons situation, thoughts and/or emotions.
Also a certain level of "caring" for other people. Meaning that you may enjoy helping other people a little bit more than average.

Problems that could arise because of "too much" empathy.

Well maybe being a little too sensitive to other people. And a target for "energy vampires" , you could care to much about other people that you would not have time for yourself.
Or maybe notice too many of other peoples problems and feel overwhelmed , possibly even getting depressed for other peoples problems or getting a feeling of helplessness.

Ok. So this was my understanding of empathy. And all the problems that empathy could bring could easily be "fixed" or healed . As simple as learning to say "No" , so as not to get overwhelmed and let yourself some time to rest. Also coming to the realization that you can't help everyone and truly seeing that if you help ONE person , you could have just changed a whole world. As for too much sensitivity we'll you just have to learn to cope with it. A person can go blind and resent it for the rest of his life....or come to terms with it and accept it on the first day, who do you think will live a happier life?

Now here's the "problem" I keep bumping with people and reading about people on a number of websites that complain about how "bad" and difficult it is to live with over sensitive empathy. Some people say that they have to "shield" themselves form other people, others say that because of sensitive empathy they had a difficult childhood (bully's, problematic parents and/or mean people in general) .

And this I do not understand....the first problem about the " shielding" I already know how to fix...I dont know how to successfully explain in however. The second I still don't know what are they trying to say (about the difficult childhood) are they saying that if they where not so emphatically strong they would not have been affected? Of course not....so what are they saying?

Maybe all of my understanding is a bit off...could somebody explain to me the definition of empathy please? And why so many people think of it as a problem or difficulty. Personally I think I'm a very empathic individual and to prove it I even took a small quiz and it told me I was "very" empathic (yay, lol) . My point is I have never seen it as a disadvantage or issue. And only as a very helpful trait that has helped me countless times.

Sorry for making this so long.

[IA56]

Hi MooSayTheCat,
I was not clear enough, it is really a 6th sense and what makes me in chock is that I can sense theires intent to use me for own purposes, it can be what ever you can imagen, like make me do therires work, even they are capable to do it them selves, or to use me economically, or what ever you can imagen...what allerts in me...if I say No then they will say I do not care and I am cold and not helping...I Always want to help, but I do not want to be used, and it is here the chock kicks in...when they do not need any help but are just using me....it is here I do not dare to expose them, because of my experiences in my childhood, so instead I have learned to do it what they ask, to keep the Peace.
So I hope I was more clear this time :-)

Love
ia

[MooSaysTheCat]

To IA56:
I wrote this before reading your other post. But yes I did understand your answer on your first post. I face palmed myself after reading your first post n the other tread (I have not cut my nails so it was a surprisingly painful thing to do), because you had already given me an answer there haha. Sorry for making you repeat yourself again >.< But I'm also grateful because now I understand your answer better.

I personally don't have a problem saying "No" . Sometimes I rely on cheap excuses to do so. Others I claim that I don't have the skill to properly be of use, or that my help could actually worsen the situation for them. Not by threats or anything like that, but maybe by belittling myself or making myself "invisible" or insignificant. Some people my think this is a sad or pitiful way of doing things. But there are times when I can walk into a group of friends and claim to be the best person in the world and they would completely agree (most of the time). And I believe that being able to change between the person that follows to the person that dominates , because both can be dangerous, without it affecting you is true strength. So just because I belittle myself does not mean that I think poorly of myself...actually it's the complete opposite. But I do understand , Sometimes I do have to say yes to keep the peace too. And it can be surprising painful sometimes.

You mention that what really gets to you are people that have ulterior motives. I also had a similar problem. I remember that I got VERY angry with God (this was some time ago hehe) I was furious with the world and created a hatred for humankind In general.
I think what I did is that I just kept thinking about it over and over for a VERY long time until I tiered myself over it and realized that I could not really change much of the world. I was not sad about that. My father also helped me but he did it without noticing, I think.

The hatred that I had created for humans made me expect only bad things of people for a long time, I never closed myself to people however. And I think that's what helped me forgive people that had ulterior motives....because that is what I was expecting from them. Ironically later on that hate transformed into love for humans. And by then most flaws and bad things about people I did not judge nor did it affect me.

Sorry I made this so long. I haven't been on this website for a long time and I just had a very strong urge to write.
I tried to add a little humor here and there in hopes that you wouldn't het bored \(>~<)/

[MooSaysTheCat]

I have noticed however that when I witness cheating or unfairness , that is something that does affect me. And usually generates anger. Since you said what bothers you I thought that I might as we'll say what bothers me.

[CFTraveler]

Hi Moo.
The problem (and you see this in many other areas) is that the 'spiritual' community uses terms coined from the psychological sciences, and usually mean something a little different than the psychological meanings for these terms. Another problematic word is 'ego'. A psychologist will give you one definition, a 'spiritual' person (or anyone who reads 'new age' material) will have a very different idea of this. Other themes that have been taken by the spiritual community from other areas (this time the hard sciences) is 'vibration', 'dimension' and lately, 'density'. It's enough to tear your hair out, but it is what it is....
One way to know which 'empathy' we're talking about is context and sometimes the way the words are 'conjugated'- for example if you see the word 'empath' it usually means those of us who are very sensitive- exceedingly so- who are also codependent. While empathy in the psychological sense is the ability to care- to put yourself in someone else's shoes, so to speak- that which makes you 'not a sociopath'- a good thing- 'being an empath' is something that can be problematic- because empaths often have trouble shutting off others' emotions and struggle with their ability.
I hope this helped.

[Dreamweaver]

I view being an empath as being able to physically feel others feelings and intuitively know - or "put on" their perspective - to get inside their skin. There's a clairsentience to being an empath - it is being a "receiver" like a stereo receiver. This sensitivity can contribute mightily to codependency until awareness grows about what is being experienced.

Shields are necessary for empaths just to not be violated or impinged upon by other's energy in the course of their everyday lives.

[ButterflyWoman]

I view being an empath as being able to physically feel others feelings and intuitively know - or "put on" their perspective - to get inside their skin. There's a clairsentience to being an empath - it is being a "receiver" like a stereo receiver. This sensitivity can contribute mightily to codependency until awareness grows about what is being experienced.
Well said! :)

I can actually go inside people's "inner landscape" unless they're conscious and aware enough to have set up sheilds or wards or whatever. I generally do NOT (I want to emphasise that) for a lot of reasons, partly ethical and partly just lack of desire to do so. I've seen some pretty weird and unpleasant stuff in people's inner landscapes, and I'm not keen to go wandering around in them like some sort of astral peeping tom. ;)

This, by the way, is why people should practice shielding and other such protections. I can do this consciously, but a lot of people in the world do it unconsciously, and allowing people to get inside your "inner space" is not a good idea unless you specifically want that energy connection. Sad fact is, almost nobody has any protections against intruders (some conscious/aware people do, of course).


Shields are necessary for empaths just to not be violated or impinged upon by other's energy in the course of their everyday lives.
This is particularly true for empaths, but, frankly, I think everyone should practice shielding, for the above-mentioned reasons. It's not difficult and doesn't interfere with anything you want to happen (that is, you can allow anyone and anything you want past any shield you've constructed).

But speaking from the memory of being an empath who didn't know anything about shielding, my mental and emotional health improved greatly when I started to shield. Now, it's second nature.

[Dreamweaver]

*thumbs up*

[MooSaysTheCat]

Maybe I'm just a really nice person....but not quite an "empath" . I find "shields" unnecessary, sometimes counter productive and limiting.

[ButterflyWoman]

I find "shields" unnecessary, sometimes counter productive and limiting.
It's all in how you construct them. It doesn't have to be a castle wall made of stone. It can be like a tea bag, too, that allows most stuff to circulate freely, but keeps some stuff out. Or in.

[MooSaysTheCat]

It's all in how you construct them. It doesn't have to be a castle wall made of stone. It can be like a tea bag, too, that allows most stuff to circulate freely, but keeps some stuff out. Or in.

....it would have been a lot more interesting for everyone if you would have asked "then what do you use or do instead?" MUAHAHA now no one will ever know \(^o^)/

[Dreamweaver]

Shields are absolutely necessary for me - I feel most incoming energy before the circumstance it belongs to arrives in my physical space. Its not fun.