Anyone have advice for anxiety?

[dreaming90]

Hi everyone. I'm having a hard time over here.

It looks like my job is ending. I am a fairly long-term employee, once upon a time there was a number of us. Last summer there was a change in management, and let's just say I'm the only one left. Last week a manager who had been with us for eleven years was suddenly terminated, and shortly before that my hours were cut, and I could barely afford the bills on the hours I was getting in the first place. The biggest slap in the face was when a new employee was given the management position. I was never even considered, even though I know how to do everything.

The new boss hasn't actually sat down to tell anyone that there was a major change of staff. All of a sudden this new person was in charge and I had to call the old manager at home to find out that she was terminated.

So lots of random terminations, no one talking to me, hours being cut, being sent home early, and I was recently written up for something that I didn't do... My wife and I talked and we decided that I needed a new job, for obvious reasons.

Here's the problem-- I'm terrified of getting a new job. I never thought it was a big deal, but now that I'm looking for a new job, I'm petrified. Between being upset at losing a co-worker, being skipped over for a promotion, and looking for a new job, I haven't had a good night's sleep in well over a week. I'm in constant fight-or-flight mode.

The thought of going to a new place, training all over again, and spending hours there, for some reason it is terrifying. What if I don't like it? What if I get fired? What if I quit my job now but never find a new one? I have two kids and another on the way, I need to be the provider, but instead I'm just freaking out. People find new jobs all the time, what's the big deal, right?

Tonight I was playing with my son and randomly thought of a job offer I'm supposed to call back tomorrow, and I immediately just... froze. I couldn't move. My mind was just thinking "oh my god oh my god oh my god" and it took a while before I could move again, but I'm still panicky.

I guess this is what a "panic attack" is?

Part of me is just saying "Dude, go to the doctor and get some Xanax, you'll be fine." Another part of me just wants to stay where I am, sure I'm miserable but I know it like the back of my hand. And another part of me just wants to walk out of my life, start walking and never stop, don't even take time to pack my socks, just go.

It's amazing how much mental anguish results from a job loss...

I've had struggles with anxiety in the past, and I always just buried my face in spiritual books and meditated a lot hoping to find some kind of enlightenment. Now I realize I probably have some kind of psychological problem. But why? I'm not being chased by a bear, I'm finding a new job, I'm sure I'll survive, no anxiety necessary.

Besides, I feel foolish. I was coached by a medium a few years ago and I now am able to give accurate readings on any number of subjects. I feel like I have access to this great gift, but I've been too depressed to use it for almost as long as I've had it.

Speaking of doctors, am I going to get involuntarily committed somewhere if I'm having a certain amount of suicidal thoughts? I don't want to go into too many details, since folks obviously get very concerned very quickly with this sort of thing, but I've had a number of thoughts for every day for at least two years. I would never seriously act on such thoughts, since I am a father and provider for a family, including a pregnant wife. But I'm beginning to realize that most people probably don't live with such thoughts.

I don't have a lot of job opportunities, as I don't have a college education.

Any thoughts? Any advice? Maybe some healing prayers? I'm definitely suffering a lot...

[MooSaysTheCat]

When do you most often get panicy? Is it when you start looking for a job? When a job opportunity appears ? Or when you hear the word "job" in you're day to day life?

I don't know how to help you find a job, but I guess I can help with the panic a bit.
First of all just get a job... Just get over with in as soon as possible.
This might sound silly but there are a lot of inspirational videos on YouTube (if you have access to it) and believe it or not they do work. Me, my dad and my little brother one day where watching some of those videos and after , we where stomping around the house like we where some kind of overconfident gorillas for like half an hour. I would recommend having a look at some of those. It great because the more depressed you feel....the videos use that depression and make you fight it and you will win (probably). I would recommend watching one before you go off to do anything related to work.

Like you said so yourself. This is not really that much of a life or death situation. You will survive this. It's not like you are trying to collect money for the mafia and you know that if you don't do it in time you will be dead. I mean if you can't find a job worst case scenario is that you will have to move out....you're wife will move to some sisters house or her parents, and you will do the same it's not really that bad. If you don't have any family members to move out to then I'm sorry...I just might have made things worse lol.

Just get it over with it. If you go to a job intervew or something and you are feeling nervous...text you're wife and tell her to send you an inspirational text....now depending on her personality she will send something truly inspirational, will threaten you with no dinner if you fail or will simply not answer because text are unreliable like that.

.......I just read all of what I wrote and noticed that I have not really given any real advise....so yeah sorry about that.

but I'm gonna tell you a little secret..........depression or times of anxiety are not endless , they all end. I also have problems with panic attacks what I personally do is that I hear all my worrys and then I'm like...OK this scares me a lot but if I don't end it now it's just going to make me suffer longer. See what I did there? Probably not because even I didn't see it. But what i did is that I lisened to my worrys WITHOUT fighting them. If you argue with yourself it's just gonna make thing worse. And if I tell you're self that if I don't do it now it's just going to be longer that actually works to convince yourself about almost anything.

If you believe in God or Desteny or Fate ( is Desteny and fate the same thing?) or anything then HELLO!!! This is direct divine contact it things happend as fast as you say then believe in what you believe and find support in what you believe. <----that sounded very cool, or very lame.

[IA56]

Hi Dreaming90,
The spontanious thought that came to me was...The change must be forced on you, because you wouldn´t make the change by your own....The second spontanious thought what came to me was....If his gift is that sure and pricese, why does he not use it and charge money and make a living out of it??...And the obvious reason....doubt in him self stand´s on his way and blocking.
How to make the doubt leave him??
How to make him to see him more clear??
How to strengthen his self esteem??
I do not know, but I hope by writing and responding to his writing he will get something out of it and make it work in his life.
I really really do want to make his unsecurity to go away and he can get all the curage he need´s to make the changes in his life for his own and his family sake.
I send all my love and belief in you and encourage you to breathen deep and raise your seeing for a solution what works for you.

Love
ia

[ButterflyWoman]

I have a lifelong issue with stress and anxiety, to the point of actually having been diagnosed with Panic-Anxiety Disorder. I'm still quite susceptible to longterm stress, but I can tell you that meditation has been extremely helpful with this. There is scientific evidence that it actually physically alters parts of the brain in positive ways, but it also gives you a way to step outside your stress and anxiety for a little while, and that little "breather" can be extremely refreshing, I've found.

So, meditation, regularly and frequently, even if it's only for a few minutes at a time. Keep at it long enough, and it gets easier and you'll definitely feel the benefits.

[CFTraveler]

I don't have any great advice for you, only commiseration..been there, done that, more than once. One time it was change of general manager, another the company was bought over by another, and the last time my direct boss was 'persuaded' to leave and I decided I couldn't stay in a place like that.
Experience seems to help, in the sense that when it happens the first time it's devastating, but after a bit you don't take it personally, because, deep down, it really has nothing to do with you.

[atsguy]

"Anxiety must be abandoned. The disappointments hardest to bear are those which never come"

How can you expect to use your gifts if you are constantly worry about not finding job. There is so much mental energy being wasted on worrying, its better to accept that you are scared, accept all the fear that you have about the future and just try to feel it. Let the feeling of being afraid enter your entire being and accept it, don't hide any thought, and feeling away in the recesses of your mind. The best way to confront this is the let the fear and worry just pass through you, eventually it will dry up and you will find that you can relax again and think clearly (hours/days...).

Then you must find a way to handle it so you can start using your gifts to the best of your ability. And this may mean just trying it out (maybe post an add on criagslist for a free first time customer).

The way i see it is that you must start grounding yourself. Forget about all the other Metaphysical/spiritual stuff (astral projection, lucid dreaming, reading spiritual books...) Just ground yourself to living fully. That means using the most of your time as possible. Waking up real early! No watching tv, no wasting time playing games. Spending as much time with our family and loved ones, eating extremely healthy/exercising. And devoting your attention to 2 things:

- finding a means to support yourself and your family and living a life that is truly financially free. Being relieved and happy knowing you are financially stable and free.

- Connecting with your higher self, and all the guidance that comes with it and all the help and motivation and enjoyment of knowing that you have this divine help, and that there is a destiny. THAT YOU WANT THAT DESTINY! and you want to connect with it no matter what happens in your life. You want to connect and truly know your higher self, that the thought of suicide and any other anxiety just becomes unable to enter your mind.

Focus on those 2 things, to the best of your ability. Even if you have to stay up all night for 3 days visualizing/affirming/believing that you have them and they are a part of your reality. Literally try to hallucinate them into your life, no matter what happens. And still give 100 percent of your time to actually physically making it happen. So keep meditating and keep going out there looking for jobs...baby steps.

Hope that helps, and i will be sending you my prayers!

[Dreamweaver]

Dreaming90 - anxiety of the sort you are describing - especially with suicidal thoughts - is a serious condition. The intensity of your anxiety is likely extremely - physically uncomfortable. Alleviating it is an important quality of life issue.... you don't have to exist that way. Medications all by themselves are not the whole answer - I advocate for a variety of counseling approaches to address this problem. Its important to know anxiety and depression often co-occur.

Having said that, there is absolutely nothing wrong with meditation, energy work, and connecting with your higher self to help heal anxiety. Also exercise - meditation and exercise together release potent stress mediating and alleviating neurochemicals. Don't ignore nutrition either. Your body needs proteins to make amino acids and neurochemicals that are involved in mood regulation.

By the way - I don't know where you're from - you sound American - but having suicidal thoughts by themselves generally won't get you involuntarily committed in the USA. What you are going through is more common than most have reason to believe.

Please reach out for skilled support before it gets worse - best of luck and take care of yourself!

[ButterflyWoman]

anxiety of the sort you are describing - especially with suicidal thoughts - is a serious condition. The intensity of your anxiety is likely extremely - physically uncomfortable. Alleviating it is an important quality of life issue.... you don't have to exist that way. Medications all by themselves are not the whole answer - I advocate for a variety of counseling approaches to address this problem. Its important to know anxiety and depression often co-occur.

Having said that, there is absolutely nothing wrong with meditation, energy work, and connecting with your higher self to help heal anxiety. Also exercise - meditation and exercise together release potent stress mediating and alleviating neurochemicals. Don't ignore nutrition either. Your body needs proteins to make amino acids and neurochemicals that are involved in mood regulation.
Agree with all of that 100%.

And, no, just having suicidal thoughts won't get you put in the looney bin. Been there, done that (in the American Midwest, if that's any help). Generally they can and will only put you in an involuntary hospital visit if you're actively suicidal or they have strong reason to think you WILL attempt suicide, or if you're showing other signs of significant disturbance (mania, for example).

First step is certainly to talk to your doctor. In the short term, anti-anxiety medication can help make you more comfortable, but it truly isn't a long term solution. Which is why I recommended the meditation. That, and cognitive therapy, have helped me to mostly tame my anxiety (it still flares up now and then, because the circumstances of my childhood did a lot of damage to my limbic system, and it's like an old wound sometimes).

There we go. A little more extensive than the previous comment. But I honestly feel like meditation has been so VERY helpful for me, that it's always my "go to" suggestion for dealing with anxiety.

[IA56]

It is hard to do things like laugh when you have anziety, but if you can try...it will start endorfines in your body and will make you lighter and forget your worries for a sek...
Sending love and laugh at your way :-)

Love
ia

[dreaming90]

Hey everyone, I've been reading this thread, sorry that I haven't responded.

Regarding meditation, that's complicated for me right now. I started Buddhist meditation (vipassana) two years ago and it triggered a complex psycho-spiritual process called The Progress of Insight. This usually doesn't happen until one has some practice, but apparently I was ripe for it. I can do concentration meditation on the breath without too much trouble, but I have a weird and confused relationship to meditation in general because I was launched into a process I was not ready for. I didn't even know what was happening when it started. Fortunately I have found a meditation teacher who also went through a similar situation and we communicate via email.

The new manager does not communicate with me and basically pretends I don't exist. I approached him with a concern about a co-worker yesterday and he simply said "That's none of your concern, I have can view the cameras at home so I already know what's going on." Freaky and frustrating.

I'm still applying for jobs, I'm hoping to get one at a local call center. It's decent pay with decent benefits, and I have a friend who works there who is putting my name in. She likes it there and thinks I will do well.

As for meds, I am scheduled for a minor surgery later in June, and I have been prescribed one dose of Lorazepam to take pre-op. I've decided that if I feel better after taking that, I will ask about my anxiety.

Thanks again for everyone who responded.

[SoulSail]

Hi Dreaming,

Long time no talk. Hope you're well. In my experience, life, all life literally fell apart like a train run out of track by the time I was 43. This whole existence business became unworkable, and anxiety and fear were the core. I call this the horizontal avalanche, or landslide, if you will. Causes and conditions rolled up to the present moment. Oddly, it mirrored my mental state pretty well. Outside and inside were dovetailing into a single, solid conclusion: "I" was the real source of all pain and suffering.

Turmoil is the teacher. Pain is the lesson. Suffering is a room with a backdoor, so compassion and love are necessary as you tread lightly through the landscape that summons the pain on your way out.

We all get our hands taken off the wheel in life whether we agree to go along or not. A firm grip ensures our suffering. I have zero to teach here, no need to share this, and no position other than your own. You are the answer. The peace you seek is what's experiencing pain through you because it doesn't know its real face. It thinks it's you, but this is the plan as well. All life is pain. All reality is painless.

The role of a man trying to pull all ends together is only that. All is well. You are free to breath and love and be and realize Consciousness is playing the role and experiencing it, but not you. What's looking out your eyes is the Source of all. Go ahead and look in the mirror to your soul, you may even see into the Great Void--into yourself. This is the womb of all creation, and anything contained within it cannot be greater than it.

Best,

Soul

[dreaming90]

Hey Soul, good to hear from you. Its been a couple years, yes? How are you doing these days?

External life matching my mental state, there's an interesting and scary thought. But I guess that's how change happens. I'm certainly up for a change.

[SoulSail]

Rather than change, perhaps look for what's constant in the change and determine what that is.

[atsguy]

dreaming90, how have things been going on in your life? The new year is coming up in a month!

[buttercup]

I'm giving myself tough love at the moment of forcing myself to face that which gives me anxiety. For some people,for some things,you just have to get out there,and do it. Pre-pave a vibe of feeling empowered and pronoiac energy beforehand when doing things you consider "risks" or more fearful. The feeling after accomplishing what you fear will make you feel so alive. Also,strengthen your will while doing things that scare you even if it gives you a little anger type feeling. Fire is good thing. Sometimes we need that to get us out there and get over our timidity. Anxiety is feeling unempowered. Affirm to yourself "I deserve to be here." i've found that affirm covers a lot of areas of fears,because really anxiety does seem to root in a feeling of feeling one doesn't deserve to here in some way whether feeling you aren't good enough by others or feeling someone can physically harm you.

[Myst7799]

Hello Dreaming,

i am am hopeful you have happily secured the position at the call center. :D

I concur 100% with obtaining professional assistance, talk thearpy, self reflection, and when you are ready meditation.

But for those moments when your breath is stolen away...a very helpful mantra I have utilized for years:

I breathe in, and trust the flow and process of life.

Also a calming thought....for those moments of anger and anguish.

Will this transgression matter in 5 years?


May love and laughter surround you and your family. :grouphug:

[ButterflyWoman]

My personal "calm down and focus" phrase is from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It is:

Don't Panic

It helps if you imagine it in big, friendly letters, as it appears on the back of the Guide, itself. :)

Point being, you can make anything a "loaded" phrase that can work to just get you focussed and help you avoid losing your balance (that's always what it feels like to me, by the way; I sometimes describe it as "falling off my perch"). I like that one because it's funny and a little silly and has positive associations for me, but, really, whatever you like and intend can and will work.

I didn't think I had much more to say on this topic, but I guess I did. :D

[Osiris]

Take the ugly times one second at a time. And remember they are on a time clock. Its just a matter of passing the time away as peacefully and rationally as possible until it passes. In another few months or so you will be in a new position somewhere else and have put it all behind you. Until then just dont roll around in it so much, getting doom and gloomy dosnt do anyone any good and just clouds your mind from active positive solutions. And dont run from it with meds and bawling to friends, Hit it in the face as hard as you can, lie, bite, kick and claw yourself into another job asap. A Take no prisoners attitude is the one you need at the moment, its the one your new management has, guarantee you that. You have strengths...exploit them to the breaking point. Weakness you have NONE.