Help with Persistent Death-related Depression

[broken]

So, here it goes...

I've looked long and hard for any evidence that death is not the end, and that projection isn't just something that is a function of the brain.

I cannot find any such evidence. In both cases, there is no evidence, just testimony. I've searched the threads a few times, but haven't come up with anything other than testimony, or people saying something to the effect of, it may just be an illusion, but who cares.

The constant weight of knowing that it is overwhelming probable that life just ends, has left with with a life stifled by depression. I will likely never marry, have children, nor live that long because most every day, and night, of my life has been marred by this inner rot.

Does anyone else feel this way? I know this message is desparate, and in many ways just not the thing to do, but I just can't bottle it up anymore. Therapy doesn't help, pharmaceuticals dont help, self medicating doesn't help.

When I do dream work and astral attempts, I often just feel more depressed afterwards. Depressed that the brain and life can create such beauty, but that's it, it's just a clever show to distract us from the fact that we die, the experience stops.

I apologize for the depression and desparation, please understand I would normally never write something like this, but I just have to reach out and ask right now.

[CFTraveler]

Don't apologize for feeling depressed. It is what it is.
Think of it like this: If there is an afterlife, then you'll look back and think of the time you wasted not living- I don't mean the feeling, I mean the time not spent something enjoyable in the time you have now. If death is final, your eternity is now- try to live in it and be in it totally, because it is eternal at this moment.
Someone once told me that if there is nothing afterwards, you will not know it, because you are here now.

[broken]

Thanks for hearing me, and responding CFTraveler.

I have engaged in that very thought experiment, but I'm afraid it just doesn't dissolve the depression. The whole if it's over it's over just doesn't reconnect me with living, and in fact, just makes it harder. I think that it would be the most severly felt if I were to die a slow death (cancer, etc).

If there was an afterlife, I know I would likely not feel like I had "wasted" time, but instead just suffered immensely.

I know in some ways I'm being foolish, for this is the one question every living being has, for which there is an answer, but most don't want to accept it.

When I was younger, RB was the one thing I had that made me feel like that might not be the only answer (death is final, projection is just your brain), which is undoubtedly why I came here.

[GMAN12]

Hello broken. This is a strange depression. I can only think of it as you are depressed with living. There is nothing going wrong as I see it; It is just you thinking of what is next after death. I would like to explain the projection. Projection happens when you are about awake and asleep and in trance. Your brain shifts to a slower brainwave. You should know what happens, but after the separation, it is the etheric body which takes over. Your brain makes your body melt which seems pretty funny because it can't handle the awesomeness of projection. You are beyond the living, awake, conscious, living. They say the first place you go to after you die is the astral. Death is the final projection where you permanently separate from your body. You go back to the place you've been many times during astral projection. Soon enough, you bid goodbye to the astral, your astral body dies, and you are now pure spirit. As a spirit, you do not have astral or physical qualities, you are only mental. You cannot talk because you cannot breathe air. You cannot smell because you also cannot breathe air through your nose. You cannot feel because you are not physical. You could see, but it is 360 degrees. You carry a vibration after you have died. The higher the vibration, the higher you are pushed into the realms. You are still able to evolve spiritually, but it is albeit a lot slower due to the fact that you can do anything. Our main goal IMO is to merge with the light of God. God is not a person or a spirit, he is Akasha. Akasha is nothing. Therefore we merge with nothingness. For this, I pose a challenge to you to do pathworking. It is probably the missing thing in your life. You know this forum isn't only about projection right? Find the right path for yourself; Walk the path to nothing. It is more likely a metaphor, but the path is physical, mental, and astral. Follow it home and find out what is after this. What more could their be? I don't know.

[broken]

Thanks GMAN12. I know this sort of topic is usually the last thing people want to address, it means the world to me to be able to talk with someone. I tried depression-related chatrooms, and the group ones were essentially identical to any non-depression online chat room, and the one-on-one chats seem to be more geared to suicide prevention.

I understand your description of life, death, the energy body, astral / mental planes, etc. and thinking about that stuff usually gives me a bit of hope. I can be honest and say that I just don't feel it's really true anymore. I have never had any verification or validation of God, nor of anything that goes beyond life. And the more dreamwork I did, the more I felt like it was just the mind. I wish there was something provable that wasn't anecdotal.

Has anyone come across anything that suggests life after death, or that AP isn't just brain activity? Second to that, does anyone have any experiences that suggested either might be the case?

[GMAN12]

The only way to validate it is to experience it. Robert Bruce talks about the path of the Masters which is all about experience. If you can't believe it's true, then the only other way is to experience it, but I don't mean killing yourself. I know how you are feeling with depression. I've had a load of suicide attempts myself, but here I am now, with validation that everything is possible including the not so great and evil things in life, I know it's true. I don't know about the afterlife, but I have evoked. Evocation is the contact with deities. Necromancy is contact with the dead. Maybe all you will need is a Kundalini Raise. Robert had been taken out of his body meaning his body was literally dead. He learned some things from masters and came back to tell the story of it. I truly think if you were able to catch on to these things, it would make life a lot more fascinating. I think IMO, you fear death meaning you fear the unknown. Well, all you need to do is figure out the unknown and make it known. I can, as well as other members, could help you figure out and dispel that fear.

[broken]

Thanks again for your comment GMAN12,

I have had lucid and potentially astral experiences, at first, I saw them through the lens of the books I was reading, which included pretty much all of RB's. After some time however, I was left feeling like it wasn't anything more than the brain. I tried remote / RTZ viewing to test the idea of a energetic body, which turned up negative. I tried to contact people who had died, hoping to find someone I didn't know in life in the non-physical planes and then find proof of their life in the physical world.

I followed the work of Elmer Green and others, hoping to find evidence of beings outside of the living, I did not see anything there either.

As for experiencing Kundalini rising, I may in fact look into that. I often wonder though if I did anything wrong when doing NEW while I was a teenager. Could it have played in part in my becoming so depleted and depressed? To be clear, I am not looking to blame energy work for my depression. I believe that I carry that albatross, for reasons similar to the ancient mariner.

As for it being a fear of the unknown, or the fear of the known (well, highly probable)... For ages, my motto was: death may be final, it may not, but either way you don't know 100% -- that was what helped me, the idea that even if death is the end, and AP/LD are just the brain, that we don't yet really know 100%, so any "stance" on them are biased and could just be let go.

Over time however, I've seen some advancements in the camp of AP/LD is just the brain, but haven't seen any advancements to the contrary.


From my experience, I know that talking with people who are depressed is often considered to be near useless. There is no proof of life after death, or of AP (that I know of), and so it's just a matter of perspective. And the depressed are often stuck in a loop and return again and again to their pain. I am trying my best to not shoot everything down and feed it back into my negative loop. I guess I'm just hoping that someone out there has some new and amazing proof of AP/life after death, or maybe some experiences they had which helped them with this topic.

I also feel like this whole topic could be a block for me in my AP work. That I often don't make it past the vibrations due to a fear that my astral projection work will be like my LD work, and eventually feel more and more like it's just the mind, and that remote viewing and RTZ tests don't work. Astral projection was in many ways, my last hope. Maybe part of me knows that if that goes, I might not have hope left (I'm not trying to be overly dramatic in saying that).

[GMAN12]

Since you brought up Elmer Green, you should read Beyond Biofeedback by Elmer Green. It is pretty amazing what those people could do. Also if you would like to talk to another person who had been to the end, to the side of demonic things and is on the middle path, you could look for EA Koetting. He is a real nice guy as well as a very advanced practitioner himself. He actually had some interviews with him and his website is set up the same way as Robert's because they both have the same website manager. I definitely urge you to read Beyond Biofeedback though. I love that book!

[broken]

Thanks GMAN12,

I always wanted to get a copy of beyond biofeedback, but never did. Was there a documentary made about it too?

I ended up reading the Ozwakie Book of the Dead, all three books, with my Grandmother while she was in the hospital and suffering for Alzheimers. As much as that book moved me, I did not notice parallels with my Grandmother's experience, nor was I able to connect with her in a non-physical realm.

During that time, I also read Betty and Stuart White, as well as Norman Livergood and Evelyn Underhill, among others.


Would anyone care for the Ozwakie Book of the dead? It is in great condition and I'd be happy to send it. I'm in the US and would happily cover shipping <$10 just to know it went to someone who would read it.

[GMAN12]

I'm good. Also you could read an Excerpt on Swami Rama from beyond biofeedback here:

http://www.swamij.com/pdf/swami-rama-beyond-biofeedback.pdf

[broken]

Wow, I seemed to have missed this part of Livergood's view...

http://www.hermes-press.com/plato_OBE.htm
http://youtu.be/dQYhpXhOhjY

[IA56]

Thanks again for your comment GMAN12,

I have had lucid and potentially astral experiences, at first, I saw them through the lens of the books I was reading, which included pretty much all of RB's. After some time however, I was left feeling like it wasn't anything more than the brain. I tried remote / RTZ viewing to test the idea of a energetic body, which turned up negative. I tried to contact people who had died, hoping to find someone I didn't know in life in the non-physical planes and then find proof of their life in the physical world.

I followed the work of Elmer Green and others, hoping to find evidence of beings outside of the living, I did not see anything there either.

As for experiencing Kundalini rising, I may in fact look into that. I often wonder though if I did anything wrong when doing NEW while I was a teenager. Could it have played in part in my becoming so depleted and depressed? To be clear, I am not looking to blame energy work for my depression. I believe that I carry that albatross, for reasons similar to the ancient mariner.

As for it being a fear of the unknown, or the fear of the known (well, highly probable)... For ages, my motto was: death may be final, it may not, but either way you don't know 100% -- that was what helped me, the idea that even if death is the end, and AP/LD are just the brain, that we don't yet really know 100%, so any "stance" on them are biased and could just be let go.

Over time however, I've seen some advancements in the camp of AP/LD is just the brain, but haven't seen any advancements to the contrary.


From my experience, I know that talking with people who are depressed is often considered to be near useless. There is no proof of life after death, or of AP (that I know of), and so it's just a matter of perspective. And the depressed are often stuck in a loop and return again and again to their pain. I am trying my best to not shoot everything down and feed it back into my negative loop. I guess I'm just hoping that someone out there has some new and amazing proof of AP/life after death, or maybe some experiences they had which helped them with this topic.

I also feel like this whole topic could be a block for me in my AP work. That I often don't make it past the vibrations due to a fear that my astral projection work will be like my LD work, and eventually feel more and more like it's just the mind, and that remote viewing and RTZ tests don't work. Astral projection was in many ways, my last hope. Maybe part of me knows that if that goes, I might not have hope left (I'm not trying to be overly dramatic in saying that).

Hi broken,
When I read your note´s I get the feeling that you are only "thinking" and not properly "doing" the training to get the real experience, and this is making you depressed, or is it that you are so depressed and do not have the strength to practis properly?? to get the right development in your other bodies??
If I am wrong out feeling wrong, then I do appologize and forgive me please, my intention are only good and I so much want to help you, and this was an urge to say to you.....I hope it is right and helpful.

Love
ia

[ButterflyWoman]

Well, trust me to be the oddball, but...

I have, since I was a child, been kind of happy about the idea that death really is THE END. That there is no more work, toil, pain, struggle, or other nonsense. I realised pretty early on that if I didn't exist, I would not know it, so what does it matter? If it's like a light switch going off, how would I "know"? I would not be present to know anything, to experience knowing that I no longer exist, so...

For me, it's a bit like going under general anesthesia. You're there, experiencing, and then, the switch flips and you're gone. Eventually, you wake up from that (at least, I always have ;) ), but if I didn't? How would it matter at all? How could it? The answer is: It doesn't matter. You won't know, you won't care, and if that's the way it's meant to be, well, that's the way it is.

This may not help the depression, I know, but I have a lifelong history of depression and I always find this thought of nonexistence quite comforting.

And I'm not saying that this IS what happens when you die. I don't know what happens. I just kind of like the idea of it really being "the end". If it's not, well, that's okay, too. I actually don't know and don't care any more and I rarely think about it.

That being said, this kind of thinking can also be a sign of imminent spiritual awakening. The ego-self (i.e., that collection of traits you think of as "you") knows on some level that if there is awakening, it will have to see itself for what it really is. Or rather, for what it is not. That's a pretty scary thought. But once that hurdle has been passed and you really understand who and what you REALLY are, the fear dissipates entirely. It becomes an absolute non-issue.

And for the record, other than some occasional Seasonal Affective Disorder (which is biological), I haven't had any depression to speak of in many, many years. It is possible to heal that completely.

[broken]

Hi Ia,

Perhaps it is my long-winded comments which are more deserving of an apology! I guess there are two aspects there.

On the one hand, my prior experience, in which I was likely was having experiences (the vibrations and a heart chakra opening were quite intense). Perhaps leaving chakras open, or not developing them properly, led to issues later. Again, I take full responsability for my depression, but am curious of the effects of doing things incorrectly. I remember some of what was said in NEW about such instances.

On the other hand, is my depression related to AP and life after death being an illusion. That definitely stifles my AP work. I wonder if part of me doesn't want to have an experience similar to my Lucid Dreaming, Remote Viewing, etc work -- where I ultimately was led to the conclusion that it was just mental.

Maybe I fear coming to the conclusion that AP was just mental, I live that conclusion now, and it's not exactly a good life.

[broken]

Hi ButterflyWoman,

Congrats on overcoming your depression. I know what it's like to live life without the depression, and it's awesome to hear you are there!

For me, I actually feel quite similar about the moment of death, but it's not facing my own death with is the cause of my depression. Rather, it's facing my own life of mortality -- living a life knowing (again, most likely) that death is immanent and final. That's what eats away at me and prevents me from living.

As I look back at my life, it's been all downhill since I experienced the deaths of people close to me. Again, I take ownership of my response to those experiences, but if someone were to say -- should my teenager be there while so-and-so dies, I honestly could not possibly say yes. It seems to have really messed me up, even more so when my attempts to assist them, contact them, etc, failed.

[IA56]

Hi Ia,

Perhaps it is my long-winded comments which are more deserving of an apology! I guess there are two aspects there.

On the one hand, my prior experience, in which I was likely was having experiences (the vibrations and a heart chakra opening were quite intense). Perhaps leaving chakras open, or not developing them properly, led to issues later. Again, I take full responsability for my depression, but am curious of the effects of doing things incorrectly. I remember some of what was said in NEW about such instances.

On the other hand, is my depression related to AP and life after death being an illusion. That definitely stifles my AP work. I wonder if part of me doesn't want to have an experience similar to my Lucid Dreaming, Remote Viewing, etc work -- where I ultimately was led to the conclusion that it was just mental.

Maybe I fear coming to the conclusion that AP was just mental, I live that conclusion now, and it's not exactly a good life.

:-) after all appologizing to each others we may continue :-)
Now when I read this I get the feeling that it is the ego battle, and ego is so afraid to die...but here you have to calm him/her down, and make it perfectly clear that it is a matter of co-operation and no-ones death so to speak....so you might be helped to read about the alcemical wedding....the re-union....I lack the right word´s but I am sure you understand what I am trying to tell you.

Love
ia

[Frater.Akenu]

"Some people are so much scared of the death that they are forgetting how to live", this is what my master once told me. Broken, you are not alive in the past and you still not much live in the future, only time when you are truly alive is right here and right now. Be conscious of your life and enjoy every moment of it, life itself is only this right moment, nothing before and nothing after. Things before are just memories and things after have yet to come.

[Eyeswideopen]

Hi Broken,

I get the sense that all the feelings you have around death that are obviously very painful for you. May infact be a way that your own psyche is avoiding your daily life. Is there stuff in your life in the here and now that you are avoiding? If you have looked at that then, just to let you know there is always someone around to hear and support you.

Ewo

[CFTraveler]

Hi b.
I would like to address one of the questions you posted yesterday: There have been many validations in my experience that show that, even if it's a mind effect (projection, that is) it does show that there is a way to exist outside the body. I don't know if it's temporary, but I have had many validations that proved to me beyond the shadow of a doubt that at least four times I got out of my local environment and perceived what was happening somewhere else.
As for the existence of God, I've never been sure what one thing has got to do with the other- and it of course depends on what your notion of what God's supposed to be is.
I don't know if this satisfies your questions, as I realize that I'm just a stranger in the internet telling you I've had validations- but that's all I can offer regarding that.
I hope you can find solace in the idea that you can make eternity possible now, even if for a moment, in a moment of your choosing.

[GMAN12]

Beautiful CF :)

[Sinera]

On a short practical note, I would recommend that you read some spiritual books about the afterlife or some scientific (!) about NDEs, maybe it helps a little to lift your mood.

E.g. there is good NDE research out there, e.g. by P. v. Lommel, R. Moody, K. Ring, Jeffrey Long, S. Parnia (who does a recent, new study (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-24509/Near-death-patients-afterlife.html)) and many more, which is pretty 'convincing' to me

AP can lead to convincing personal validations too, therefore please find here a personal collection of it, mostly from forums but also from literature, and there's even some laboratory research by scientists in it:

http://da-lai.lima-city.de/OBE/index.html

If you don't like reading books, you can browse through these famous websites a little:

http://www.nderf.org/
http://selfconsciousmind.com/
http://www.near-death.com/
http://iands.org/home.html
(veridical NDEs, examples: http://iands.org/about-ndes/key-nde-facts.html?start=2 )

Good luck.

[broken]

Thanks for your response Akenu,

It is true that the now is the seat of one's experience. The challenge for me has been that my "now" can be completely consumed with the fear of dying. Not fear of the future, nor the past, but just death and dying in general. Sometimes I don't even think of dying myself, and instead think of the countless people dying across the world, and the unimaginable pain and tragedy that engulfs such "now"s.

I have definitely taken your advice, and others, to heart tho. When I experience a wave of depression I remind myself that this "now" really could be spend better. Even though it's seemingly beyond my control, I still repeat that thought during such moments.

[broken]

Hi Ewo,

I've spent a day or so reflecting on your comment and really appreciate your remark. I don't know if my psyche is avoiding life, but depression certainly does interfere with my living. I cannot think of anything I'd be avoiding in the here and now. In all honesty, the only thing I seem to actively avoid are these occasion (yet long recurring) waves of depression.

Thank you for your words of support. It is an incredible feeling to know that in my moment of need, people were there to offer insight and support. Usually, I'm on the other side of things, and this is in some ways a first for me (to reach out for help).

Strangely, having usually been the person who offering support, there was a considerable deal of discomfort and avoidance when I reached out to some of those very people I had helped in the past. I don't blame anyone there, upon reflection it seemed like some people may need the illusion of someone who is unaffected by fear and depression in their lives, and if that "example of strength" is challenged, a bit of avoidance arises.

[broken]

Hi CFTraveler,

That is helpful to hear, thank you. Even if "personal accounts" may not be "proof" enough to quash my rationality, it certainly does give me a nudge to continue my efforts to have such experiences myself, which is incredibly helpful.

Even though part of me despises them, all of these comments are leading me to consider making an affirmation cd. It's one part of RB's MAP program where I had resistance.

Does anyone have any favourite, or suggested, affirmations?

[broken]

Agreed! =)

[broken]

Fantastic! Thank you Sinera. I have started reading the links you sent and will continue to do so over the next few days, weeks, however long it takes to absorb the material. I really do appreciate your sharing the info!

[ButterflyWoman]

I've been thinking about this for a while. It took me a bit to understand what the issue is. Basically, it's existential angst, this sort of, "I'm going to die anyway, why bother doing anything now?" kind of feeling (perhaps that's a bit of a blunt way to describe it; I'm speaking from my own experiences of existential angst, and there have been plenty).

Bottom line is this: You only have RIGHT NOW. You do not have yesterday, or even a moment ago. You do not have tomorrow or later today. You have NOW. This is the whole of existence: NOW. The experience you are having this very moment, that's it. Yes, you will (probably) have other "right now" moments, but you don't know that you will.

So.... do you want to spend your "right now" being content? Even happy? Or do you want to spend it being morose?

I do understand that with depression it's not always as easy as just saying, "Right. I'm not going to be depressed any more," but it most certainly IS possible, and very, very do-able, to say, "For THIS moment, I'm just going to rest in the moment and be okay with right NOW. Later, maybe I'll be upset, or angry, or sick, or overjoyed, or something else, who knows? But for RIGHT NOW, I'm just going to BE, and I'm not going to think about what might or might not happen eventually."

This sounds very simple, and it may seem like you're avoiding responsibility (you really aren't; it seems like a paradox, but it isn't). It does take some practice. But approach it just one moment at a time. Eventually, you get to where you feel pretty much okay most of the time, in most of your moments. It's kind of re-training your focus, I guess you'd say.

All of this is just from my own experience of depression, anxiety, and existential angst of all sorts (only I used to long for death, rather than fearing it). It does work. Decide to be okay, just for now. And then be it. Just for now. You can always go back to being not-okay whenever you want. And, truth be told, you probably will, because it takes some practice to be okay in the moment, especially when you're not used to it. But with enough moments, you'll get the hang of it. ;)

Love to you, and I mean that. I hope you can perceive it. ;)

[josh437781]

It is true that the now is the seat of one's experience. The challenge for me has been that my "now" can be completely consumed with the fear of dying. Not fear of the future, nor the past, but just death and dying in general. Sometimes I don't even think of dying myself, and instead think of the countless people dying across the world, and the unimaginable pain and tragedy that engulfs such "now"s.

I have definitely taken your advice, and others, to heart tho. When I experience a wave of depression I remind myself that this "now" really could be spend better. Even though it's seemingly beyond my control, I still repeat that thought during such moments.

The book "the power of now" is a good book for this. Have you read it? It talks about relating to negative emotions in ways that can dissolve them (often instantaneously), and it also helps to overcome negative thought patterns-- all without repressing how you feel or trying to push things away.

The Now is typically viewed through identifications with the thoughts about it and not out of a direct and felt awareness of the silent part of the self that is inextricably rooted in and is the now, which is consciousness itself.

I went through something similar to what you may be going through. When I was 10 I had a severe anxiety disorder about dying and the fear of death. It lasted for a few years and required a few hospitalizations, medications, and similar- none of which really helped. Thankfully, I now know such things can go away.

[Sinera]

Fantastic! Thank you Sinera. I have started reading the links you sent and will continue to do so over the next few days, weeks, however long it takes to absorb the material. I really do appreciate your sharing the info!
You're welcome. I always like to help when I can try to.

Btw, I noted I've forgotten to put 'good ol' Victor' on the list above. Here he is as an encore. He presents his evidence of the afterlife (and now also has an offical book out) in a very funny and entertaining way, but nevertheless is very serious, rational and logic about the issue (being a lawyer, after all):

http://www.victorzammit.com/
http://www.victorzammit.com/evidence/

Sorry for one more to read but I think it's worth it. ;)

[Eyeswideopen]

Dear Broken,

I have a couple of questions to ask you, how long would you like to live?

If you lived that long, whatever that is, what would you like to achieve in that life?

Is it something you could achieve now?

Another thought was to go do something risky, like go bungee jumping, I know that it would take a lot but it would certainly make you feel alive again and that's what your lacking. We are so blessed to be here on earth and I do get depression and I am not saying its easy. But just think about it. X

[broken]

Fantastic!!! Thank you soooooo much. These links are an amazing antidote to the waves of depression. Whenever one sweeps over me, I try a number of things, and if those just don't cut it, I turn to these links to put my energy to better use. Thank you a million times over.

[broken]

Thank you, the comments and love have really helped me through this experience.

I totally appreciate what you are speaking to, and it's a technique I use often -- especially in day-to-day type scenarios, like if I'm triggered by someone (at work, on the freeway, friends/family), and also whenever a little personal mini pitty-party starts to emerge from something that might have happened during the course of the day (doing something awkward, messing up, etc).

There are some forms of depression though that just can't be touched by my will, at least not in the state i am in. It seems like in those instances the only option i have is to 'ride it out', but sometimes it goes for hours and hours, into days, which just doesn't work -- it's not healthy to be depressed that long.

Now when I'm stuck in that space, and all of my internal efforts don't change the overwhelming weight, I occupy my mind with these perspectives and links. I know that this is a much better use of my "now", and it definitely works much faster than anything I try internally.

Much love and gratitude for your love and communication!

[ButterflyWoman]

There are some forms of depression though that just can't be touched by my will, at least not in the state i am in. It seems like in those instances the only option i have is to 'ride it out', but sometimes it goes for hours and hours, into days, which just doesn't work -- it's not healthy to be depressed that long.
I know. Been there, done that. In that situation, the ONLY thing that ever helped was the "one moment at a time" thing. Just this moment. Next may be something else entirely. Just right now, I'll stop worrying and fretting and beating myself up and chasing my own tail (yes, expert on that, just for the record). I hope it might help you, too. I hated that place, that darkness where nothing mattered and nothing was worth doing and all I wanted to do was stop breathing and stop BEING. :(

You have my utmost love and support. It's not easy getting out of the abyss. It can be done, though. I can promise you that.

[broken]

Hi EyesWideOpen,

In answer to your questions:

I'd like to live: long enough to not leave anyone behind who would bear the weight of my absence in a way that negatively affected their life; long enough to feel like I had done enough to move on; long enough to figure out if there is more to being than living.

I would like to achieve spiritual development, regular astral projection, and peace. My number one goal in life is to figure out if there is more to being than living, and if there is, share that with as much of the world as I possibly can. It doesn't have to be a heroic, look-at-me, type thing, I do my best to contextualize and repurpose such energy internally. That said, I know from my experience that mortality has a tremendous amount to do with what's not working in this world.

My efforts to achieve those things (spiritual development, projection, peace) have not yet been successful.

As regards your comment about doing something risky, I did take a similar, but different approach, in increasing my level of physical activity. I am also gently adding more energy work and dream logging too. Reading, exercise, and dreaming/projecting is what I am working on and my long-term focus.

Thank you for your comments, I have taken it to heart (and mind), and will continue to reflect upon it.

[broken]

Thank you, Butterfly Woman.

I live alone, and it really helps to hear these things echoed by someone else.

I don't know if anyone else here has experienced what i am about to describe, but sometimes i feel like even though I'm often self-sufficient with which thoughts get air time internally, the affect they have, etc., at some points I am not, and my attempts at positivity are overpowered by doubting thoughts, waves of depression, etc.

In such instances, having someone else speak from their own experience, and having their comments align with my positive thoughts is all it takes to kick the negativity off my internal stage.

It's kind of like two people arguing over something, than having a third person approach with a piece of information that dissolves the disagreement and misunderstanding.

Again, I really do make an effort to not become dependent on such validation, I think that's really important -- both personally and spiritually. That said, in some instances, it really does work wonders.

[broken]

Hi Josh, I did read the power of now, and should probably revisit it -- I've added it to my reading list. Thanks for the suggestion!

[ButterflyWoman]

Everyone needs a hand up now and then. Nobody can actually pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. Eventually, you'll be out of the pit far enough that you won't need the help, but while you do, there's no shame in getting some help. :)

[Frater.Akenu]

Thanks for your response Akenu,

It is true that the now is the seat of one's experience. The challenge for me has been that my "now" can be completely consumed with the fear of dying. Not fear of the future, nor the past, but just death and dying in general. Sometimes I don't even think of dying myself, and instead think of the countless people dying across the world, and the unimaginable pain and tragedy that engulfs such "now"s.

I have definitely taken your advice, and others, to heart tho. When I experience a wave of depression I remind myself that this "now" really could be spend better. Even though it's seemingly beyond my control, I still repeat that thought during such moments.

Sorry for the delay in answering, I am currently enjoying vacation with my family. Actually, are/were you scared of death or what happens after death?

[broken]

Dread (death-related depression), as I see it is comprised of a few things. The sadness that arises when one contemplates: the loss of "life/experience/being", the loss of loved ones, the pain and difficulties experienced by others after one has died, and the probability that there is nothing after death.

And for some, particularly those close to death, there is likely a fear/sadness about the event of dying. Feeling life being "taken" away, despite one's efforts to hold on, is a horrible thing. I've seen it, and I don't know of many things that are equally soul-crushing, painful, and sad.


Imagine how different the world would be if people really knew, not just believed, that there was more to being than a brain. I have a feeling that would make the world a much brighter place with much less pollution, greed, and aggression.