nervousness around people

[Libramoon]

The majority of the time (70%) of the time I have difficulties being myself around people, and I cant help but feel extremely nervous and not confident, and if im around a pretty girl, then it is especially bad. That being said, is there anything energy wise that I can do to change this? I was thinking like maybe if I worked on the root or solar plexus chakra it might help things, but I am not sure. Can anyone give me some advice?

[Tutor]

i've been shy, even dreadfully timid, all of my life. i am 53, and i look back upon this as a blessing that kept me from a world of troubles. though it was sufferable in the times i most felt held back. even now i timidly approach people. but i can walk up to a beautiful person, man or woman, and flat tell them that they are exquisitly beautiful. but i dont register beauty as the world sees it, i register it as i see it. that's not to say i dont recognize an exquisite feminine form (woman) walking around in a pair of cutoffs, but i dont allow that recognition a voice, just allowing my eyes their momentary fill.

i can say on one hand that i dont give a hoot what someone might think about me, then on the other hand i do care. i reckon that's the way we humanly are created to be. depends on whom you are with and why you are with them. which handed intent is in it ya see?

so we may learn a lot about our intent that at first is a complete mystery for us all. simply by registering within how you are feeling within a group or with an individual. them hunches ought to be at least given notice to.

i am a nervous wreck most of the time, filled with an angst that calls for coping skills, some as behavioral mechanisms that are not the most spiritually desirable it would seem, but we be human, and, to try and deny that truth is to make a behavioral mechanism into an out of control self-destruct for all that you love. so to at least set the goal to give the boiler safe ease when it calls for it.

the energy i found most helpful is practicing self-acceptance in the given moment, no matter what you might be feeling. honor the feelings, mentally re-affirming that you are okay, and then be who you cannot but presently be...you. there is something about using words of affirmation, even if only as thought, that makes a difference. like calming words to a child which for whatever reason is internally upset.

nothing wrong with chakra work though. a body requires balanced practice, holistically sound as one moves forward. this to me starts with a good internal dialogue with one's self within. having been timid all my life, ive had some self-loathing times, and this dialogue was condusive to universal body illness, regardless of other practices that i attempted to practice toward overall bodily health.

that's the best i got as advice. i am just now truly getting to understand myself, to allow this who/self that i am the freedom to be me. i aint half bad, so i reckon that must be all good. i bet that you aint half bad either. it takes honesty to admit "I am not sure".

i figure that the moment you are sure of anything, then it is time to let such a thing go. a body certainly needs mystery to keep em moving in the flow of their life.

[IA56]

I was very shy and nervous as a child and teen, as a teen I never went out if not be drinking and always bad things happened to me. I did stop drinking at age 33 and these 23 years I have trained me to drop the nervousness and be calm among people, I am not nervous anymore, but the first 5 sober years was hard, today I am happy and feel secure but it has taken a lot of practis :-)
I have accepted my sensitivity and are embracing it and starting to feel happy for being me, as Tim say´s, is not all bad a lot of good is in me too.

Love
ia

[DarkChylde]

Group activity - force it onto yourself , take up judo classes or anything that puts you in a team or a group of people.
it's not going to be fun and your'e mostly not going to like it in the start , it will however lay base for social interaction.

[CFTraveler]

I used to be uncomfortable around people, because I cared about what they thought about me. I think this is normal, a side effect of growing up, because when you are growing up it is natural to be dependent on others for your welfare, and this extends to social life. Unfortunately, we learn about social interdependence in our teens, and part of it is rejection. Some of us take rejection worse than others, depending on our nature and how we were raised. But once you get a little maturity and self sufficiency, you will find out that you really don't care about others' opinions about you, (which is not the same as not caring about others, it's one of the things you learn as you mature), and that magical moment when you quit giving a crap is when you acquire that self-assurance that makes you a 'chick magnet' (or guy magnet) and then that problem goes away on its own.
I can't give you advice on 'what to do' on an energetic level- but I do have some words on a cognitive level.
Love yourself- if you can't find a way to do this then love yourself anyway- tell yourself you love you- and once that sinks in everything else will follow.
Now that I said that something energetic occurred to me- use affirmations as you do energy work. Base them on what you are focusing in.

[Libramoon]

hmmm, thanks for the advice guys. For me, I have tons of experience in social matters, and if I really have to then I can do a pretty good job at appearing socially adept, but it takes a lot of effort, and I still feel nervous internally. I really just wish that I could always be socially normal without having to "flip" on a switch and consciously work towards looking socially normal. As for internal mental type work, and changing the way I think, it is successful, but only up to a degree. I have spent years doing just that, and it has helped me out tremendously, but it still feels like just a bandaid on top of a wound. Thus that is the reason for me inquiring about possible energetic solutions to the problem. I mean I know for me at least, I'm pretty much a coward in real life, and have a hard time even looking people in the eyes, at the same time, my solar plexus feels completely knotted up and blocked. (like the muscle there literally just feels unresponsive and "stuck") From knowing what I have read about the solar plexus chakra, I'm not really surprised about my behavior. So I feel like there may be an energetic component to social interactions as well. That was mainly the angle I was going on.


-CFTraveler

I'll try doing affirmations, it sounds interesting.

[Tutor]

in as much as not worrying what persons imagine to think about you LibraMoon, i would say to apply this your own self as a "person" (evolving spiritual maturation) always within the present moment. certainly considerations of choice present "themselves", however, making the right choice is interdependent upon momentary resolve. like the resolution of a pic or tv screen, but being abled to by choice step away from, turning, to be whoever and whatever you cannot but presently be.

suffering this is unavoidable, however, suffering this suffering as two-fold is a-void-able. to exponentially burden oneself is to insure greater hardship in one's way/path. to understand the unavoidables, the "personals" given that presently are not under our desired control, apply self-forgiveness, a learning curve, is where wisdom begins at the very personal depth/level, thus assuring that what comes one's way is at leas, not going to capsize the boat. here again, if your boat aint rockin, rock it your self. where fear is, get in it, experience it, overcome it, even as it remains as fear. fear is natural, caution is good, but when it is allowed (handed off to) as overall guide that would dismiss our rightful maturation, limit our field of rightful choices, then we've allowed some"thing" other than our god-given rightful selves to dismiss us and that rightfulness that is us.

somewhere between "fear-choked" and "hog wild and pig crazy" is the air of caution's givens for the breath of life. where angels fear to tread do we as humans tread. though, if seen, the reading of that reveals that where angels do tread, is exactly where we as humans have trodden. furthermore, where we as humans presently tread today, is where angels on the morrow will tread, even as we within the morrow trod forth in our given day. this is why yesterday is always perfect, for angels cannot but be perfectly treading perfection. we, however, humanly trod the imperfect, blazing the trail of time's heated~cooling finish.

now, applying this to God as impersonal. is not this impersonal God most closely within the imperfect as it presently reveals the now moment. [a note here "i dislike that damn "auto-save" always disrupting my flow of words] anyhoo, point is, yesterday is forgiven if in our deeds well-trod, angels have place to tread within our WAKE on the morrow.

tis no wonder, or now-onder, that we oft feel so alone, crying out to "god". however, contemplatively, God Alone as Us, through Us, everybit blazes the day toward the morrow's wakefulness of a well-trod yesterday. this equates to The Day of Light meeting the light of day. Us as this light of day even as the sun shines, if you can bear to realize/see what that just said. God Alone is ever The Day of Light, the eternal now, the finish which well trod; was, is and ever shall be, Place where we have our present being in the given momentous moment.

of course, how does such as this grouping of words help with your nervousness? hmmm, well...like i spoke to a 24 yr. old recovering heroin addict yesterday, "Kate, give all that crap as you see it, to God, and everyday learn to give God whatever crap becomes visible to you"..."Child, God don't have no need for your personal atonement hellbent on becoming perfect before you may approach"..."If that were true, then such a "god" is not worthy of You or US, for what we as God's very Love in action treading forth, in the exchange...DO".

it is no wonder folks go/come to God last, when all ya see/hear is "fear-choked" and "hog wild and pig crazy" notions of "god". but, then again, in this, our day made, is yesterday's perfection the finish.

when perfect is over-burdened, exponentially, it is a sure sign that you're present state of perfection, given yesterday's behind you, can not see your self as the day making for your morrow. i've met elderly folk that starve so they can afford their medical prescriptions. i've met young folk that waste their god given youth today toward a future plan handed to them by those who by having thrown their own youth away, resent the very day in which their life's breath makes.

human....

Tim

[Dreamweaver]

What is normal socialization?

But hey - never mind answering that. Its a trick question. Sounds to me like you've got a hypercritical shame-based superego that needs to knock off the depreciating negative self-talk. Coward aye? B.S!

There's lots more psychological stuff I could say. But I'm not going to. So good for you for slogging through the nervousness and getting outside of your comfort zone.

On balancing and releasing chakra blockages - Robert's NEW can help a lot. I also like the Middle Pillar and Circulation of the Body of Light. Here's a good thing to remember - negative fear-based emotions are constricting and positive love based emotions are expansive. When you feel constricted brush or bounce energy through it til it loosens up. Refuse to hold and limit your bresth but instead breath deeply through your diaphram. If you want further breathing techniques let me know.


P.S. there are some good books on introversion - which is a very undervalued and unappreciated temperament in western societies. I bet you are an introvert. Its a good thing.

[DarkChylde]

I mean I know for me at least, I'm pretty much a coward in real life, and have a hard time even looking people in the eyes.

an upfront eye squaring guys comes off as abrasive and aggro bearing at least to me , a real man gives you room first to let your guard down and ease up first , railroading being overconfident and brash can scare off potential prospects , it's like Cf says you don't have to be obnoxious to be a babe magnet , just being comfortable in your own skin is way more attractive.

[Tutor]

y'all say the most in the least amount of words. i sometimes wish i had that gift, but i dont. I agree with DC, sometimes what seems as a curse is actually a blessing. i've met a lot of men who've been cowered as boys by their fathers, some even by their mothers. a shame to see how such emasculation works out for the adult male. another thing about males that i've witnessed, the silent ones always deliver, the loud ones are always the first to break down as unreliable; i noticed this in the comparison of pre-deployment and actual deployment, never failed to be true. such a blessing as this is, has no distance to fall from, and as DC and CFT have said, it is just a matter of being comfortable in your own skin. so you've actually got actual qualities iff'n ya turn em over. and dont be afraid of being afraid, got news for ya, we all be fearful. caution is a good thing, keeps ya out of much troubles.

[DarkChylde]

another thing about males that i've witnessed, the silent ones always deliver, the loud ones are always the first to break down as unreliable.

an empty can make the loudest noise ;)

[Tutor]

weird how the "things" that taught you the most become that which you sometimes would like to forget, but cannot help but remember, for as well taught, so you are as You cannot but BE.

brings tears to weary eyes...with a smile rising forth to meet the new day at hand.

You Can't Be Told: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEhKbjrSfp4

Come To My Door: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myfdZOB5DHw

He:"Your song"...She:"Your song"...He:"Nah, it's your song"...awkward nervous giggles...good friends share...singing their song...

1 Mic 1 Take

[TheFifth]

I've been a bit uncomfortable around other people since I was a child. My mother has told me that I used to rub my index finger against my thumb as a sort of coping mechanism around other kids. Throughout most of my childhood it wasn't much of an issue, though the main difference between myself and others was my tendency to drift in and out of body, and into what I now recognize as altered and mystical states. By the time I turned 13 or so, things changed, and being around others became nearly intolerable. I became very anxious and alienated from the outside world, I interacted with others out of pure necessity. In hindsight I realize that I was very ungrounded and psychically I opened up quite a bit at that time. Spiritual awakening tends to bring up and exaggerate all of our characteristics, both positive and negative (both relative terms). So yeah, this tendency within me came up in an in-my-face manner.

See, for a while, I was under this misconception that it was simply due to the fact that I was somehow "different" from others, and this became further reinforced by my powerful natural inclination toward the spiritual. I now realize that it was merely one of the many pitfalls along the path; confusing karma and dharma in some sort of grandiose inner drama...more maya, *yawn*. My point here? Well, seeing that you're on this website, it would be reasonable to assume that you're also psychically sensitive and spiritually aware, and perhaps there is a parallel on some level. My solution? Believe it or not, affirmations helped a whole ton here, along with immersion and exposure to those situations which made me uncomfortable. You cannot imagine the power of affirmations unless you have truly reaped their rewards. What did I use? Before bed, I would simply say to myself, "I am outgoing and confidant in myself". Remember also though, affirmations must be combined with direct action, which means facing those situations which challenge you head on. Avoidance will not help you.

You'll be astonished by the miracles that come as a result of such work, but you need to put in the necessary effort and put yourself in the necessary state of subconscious receptivity. It's a fine line, and this balance can only become apparent through actually doing. Additionally, I highly recommend getting grounded regularly; there are various resources on how to do this on the internet.

All of this, of course, is based merely on my own personal experience in this area. Be persistent, give it time (lots of time), and live it as if it were a reality now, truly. Approach it with an open heart and an open mind; spirit answers those who approach in a state of utmost sincerity.

Namaste

Ps, guidance also suggested digestive support. I began all of this concurrently; enzymes, affirmations, probiotics, and social immersion. It is a sort of "What came first?" type scenario, but hopefully all of this information is somehow of help to you.

[SiriusTraveler]

I found that much of my nervosity disapeared when I got used to beeing in and around groups of people, forcing me to interact with them on a daily basis.
What triggers my nervosity is when there is an expectation on me, expecially in groups. If at those times I can't meet their expectations, I get all red in my face. Over time I have analyzed the situations and learned that what really bothers me is that everyone can see my red face and then they don't know what to do, and they get all weird creating an even more weird situation. When I get into those situations today I have learned to be honest with myself and say that I don't know if an answer is expected, and not to get so nervous about not having all the answers. It has something to do with not beeing able to help, or not beeing sufficient or good enough for others, and to be in the center of attention when all this happens. It feels as if everyone is staring at you, expecting you to know something you don't. And when you don't you feel the pressure build and you can't control the situation. This can also happen when I am about to tell something which I really hasn't prepared for. What happens then is that I begin to tell the story I have in mind and then I realize that I have caught more attention, from more people, than I had in mind, mistakingly placed myself in the center of attention.
Before I walked out from the situation, but as I consciously began to stay in the situation and "take it" so to speak, I got more self confidence and now I am able to attend group stand ups every morning and speak my mind as if it was nothing.
What worked for me was to stay in the situation and deal with it. It was the only way to progress.