COPY: the pain in my soul?

[zalo]

A few days ago, my girlfriend left me, she told me, I do not feel ANYTHING for you. I always felt deep love for her, love her more than my own father, every day, I loved her more, I always gave her freedom, I still feel our love, but she did not. Now I feel empty, sad, I think about killing myself all the time (sorry about that). Many mornings, when I'm between asleep and awake, I can see her, and I feel that we hugged and everything feels very real, when I awake I feel really bad. What is this I feel? Is the pain I feel in my soul? :(

[SiriusTraveler]

I know the feeling. Iv had that in the past when I was depressed over not getting the love I wanted from the one I loved so deeply. You are feeling emotions, like you should do when you loose something you hold dearly. Its natural, but some emotions are stronger than others. And some are so strong its unbearable. But please, do not go around thinking that it will be a relief killing yourself, because you will have much to face up to if you do, and much to learn. Perhaps what you need to learn here is to, in time, let go and be patient about letting your feelings ride out the storm. I cannot tell you a simple way to do this, because in my experience I had to just ride it out. It was confusing and it was not untill all ties were cut with that person that I could finally let go and put it in the past. It was hell of a learning experience and I cherish it deeply, and I think you will do the same in time. Just dont think that ending your life is a good way out because your not only hurting yourself, your hurting alot of peoople around you. But the question was what you are feeling, and I dont know what emotions really are. I just wanted to write anyway to try to give you some sort of comfort here.
I hope you do well in your journey in life my friend.

Regards Linus

[LPCF]

Good advice, Sirius. Zalo, it is always difficult when one person still loves another but it is not mutual. Suicide is definitely not the answer. All you would do is set your soul in a backwards direction, with lots of regrets and lessons to learn afterwards.

Be of good cheer; I'm sure that if you keep your soul pure, that purity will in time lead you to the person who really is meant for you. That might take weeks, months, years, even decades. But be sure of one thing: when you meet the one who is meant for you, you will both feel it mutually, forever.

Warmest best wishes to you!

[CFTraveler]

As a 55 year old woman, I can tell you a couple of things:

There were many times as a younger person when I thought I loved someone. Then I didn't, it was that easy. Hormones are an incredible thing, they drive a lot of your emotions when you're young. When she told you she loved you she probably meant it. At the time. Unfortunately it just didn't last, it's the nature of the age.

There were many times when I thought I wanted to die the pain was so great. Give it time, heal from it, and you'll be ready to love again. We are meant to feel emotions, the bad ones as well as the good ones. They change, and so do we. Life is a big roller coaster, and the ups are as great as the downs are terrible.

You will not feel the way you do in three months. You may still hurt, but it will not be this exquisite pain. It will turn to anger, it will turn to loss, and it will finally become bearable. Then one day you'll realize you don't care, and actually will want to do something else other than to think about her. This may seem unbelievable now, but mark my words.

Five years from now, if you still remember her, you will look back and be amazed that you felt all you feel now. You may even think about something the situation taught you, whatever that is. Because it's how life is.

[DarkChylde]

Just a few years back i was caught in an extremely exquistely painful relationship , that ended with me making it out on SSRI medication and dedicated commitment to getting myself back onto at least a functioning level (i ended up spoiling almost two years of my life on account of what happened).This wasn't an ordinary "break up" as in it had tremendous impact on my life thereafter.
Just like the post above says after sometime you will get over it (there are no two ways about it). I understand that any number of people can tell you that everything eases with the passage of time ; but it takes the time it takes i.e everyone has a different time-frame for grieving and adjustment to bereavement , but once the process resolves believe me regular functioning ensues.

[CFTraveler]

Just a few years back i was caught in an extremely exquistely painful relationship , that ended with me making it out on SSRI medication and dedicated commitment to getting myself back onto at least a functioning level (i ended up spoiling almost two years of my life on account of what happened).This wasn't an ordinary "break up" as in it had tremendous impact on my life thereafter.
Just like the post above says after sometime you will get over it (there are no two ways about it). I understand that any number of people can tell you that everything eases with the passage of time ; but it takes the time it takes i.e everyone has a different time-frame for grieving and adjustment to bereavement , but once the process resolves believe me regular functioning ensues. *hugs*

[DarkChylde]

"what doesn't kill you .....becomes then the material of jokes". :-)

[ButterflyWoman]

Just another perspective from someone who has been there and done that.

I've been involved in romantic relationships (including engagements and marriages) for the past, oh, 34 years or so. Some of them ended badly. Some of them changed me profoundly. Some of them, when they ended, felt like some part of my heart had been ripped out and taken away. I remember very clearly that "pain in the soul" feeling. Some of them, even years after the fact, still make me feel a little bit sad by the way they ended (and some of them make me wonder why I began them at all).

At this point, though, I regret nothing, not even the pain and sorrow. All of those experiences, good, bad, and indifferent, contributed to the person I am now, and I really like her, I like being her. Without the broken hearts and the pain and the joy and the love and the sorrow and everything else, I wouldn't be me. I might still be someone I liked being.... or I might not.

My point is: Even very painful loss can have a positive effect in the long run. I'm not saying that losing someone you love is a good thing, or that it's not painful. I'm saying that even painful loss can (and usually does) contribute to growth and to shaping you into a bigger, better, person. Most of all, pain and loss give you a greater appreciation for and a greater capacity for joy, gratitude, and love.

I've been with my husband for a long time now. We started our relationship as friends, and at the time I was involved in one of those not-so-great relationships I mentioned. Had I met my husband when I was younger, I wouldn't have appreciated him, or how good he is for me, or how good we are together, because I just wouldn't have had the experience and the wisdom to recognise it. These days, in addition to being in love and enjoying his company and all those things, I have a very deep satisfaction in the relationship itself, in how well-suited we are, in how comfortable we are with each other. I never would have had this depth of joy and appreciation in this relationship if not for all the previous "education" in the area of relationships.

So, yes, it hurts to lose someone you love. It really does. And it can feel like you've lost a piece of your soul, and maybe you kind of do, I don't know. But that loss creates an empty place that can increase your ability to love, your capacity for joy. Let the pain be what it is, and embrace it, because pain is part of life, and loss is part of life, but more because it will ease, and heal, you will grow because of it.

EDIT: There are no coincidences! Yesterday, I had a migraine headache. I won't go into all of the details, but I will say that migraine headaches are rare for me. This one was a doozy, too, very painful, acute sensitivity to light and sound, and other unpleasant symptoms associated with a migraine. Today, after a really good night's sleep, the headache and all symptoms of it are gone, and -- here's the point of this story -- I feel amazingly grateful, and happier than I have in a while (not that I'm generally unhappy, but today I feel very happy, indeed). Having endured the pain and related discomfort, I have a very sharp basis of comparison. Today, the mere fact that I do NOT have a headache just fills me with joy.

This is what pain can do for you, if you allow it to happen. It can also turn you bitter and angry (I went through years of that, too), but if you embrace it, and accept it, and allow it to be what it must, when it recedes, you may find you're much more capable of joy, gratitude, happiness, love... Pain is not pleasant, and I'm never going to pretend that it is, but it can be miraculous in its ability to shape us and help us grow.