IA´s dream diary....

[IA56]

I have had strange dreams lately, only remember fragments...like I hear someone saying....staci..(here my reaction was fear).and someone asking me if I am going to stay living at my adress where I am now registret..(here my reaction was..I do not know, how can I know know)...Then I see a tube like form on a roof what is supposed me to get into....and I can see it is too small....wondering if it will lead to nowhere...that only the opening is small..??..but the destination is huge??

[IA56]

Last night again strange dreams...I was looking at a women lying on her back...I looked that some have cut off her feets...I felt fear at once, but I forced to look closer at her...now I noticed that it was a dummy with feets cut off..and now I can see she has all her limbs intact..but this dummy is affixed on top of her, and it look likes she is like a prisoner .....and I can´t understand what and why this is done to her....

Now I see my bf naked, but the odd thing is that he is like a little boy, not developed on his genitals at all, and he took from the frizz an iscreem and he is going to eat it in bed lookin TV ...I see a man also naked and his head is where my bf feets are...he is now very slowly nearering my bf to kiss him, he is closening him so gently and I am sure my bf do not even notice him, but I am too afraid to look what happens, so I awake me from this dream....I wonder if this is the abuse against my son what happened when he was little, and I have hard to accept it still....and that now similar happens to my bf and I can see he is not aware of what is going to happen....this is still hard for me to accept...all abuse is so hard for me to confront and accept to be released.

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that a boy was jumping from a balcony very high building, I just got to grab his hand´s but he was so heavy so my right hand did loose the grip of him and my left toes did cramp, so I shout out...please help me, suddenly one person was becides me and grab the boy´s arm and we did pull him up....

To heavy physical weight does give me cramp´s in real life too....

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that I was looking in a mirror and looking at my nostriles and I can see 2 vick´s blue breast mints in my nose...I was surprised and little bit afraid how to take them out, but it went well.
Then I looked in my mouth and I see it full of garbage like plastic ´candy paper, here I feel I must be very causes and take it easy, because I do not know how far in my throat and what more I find there, I pick fast and now I see my throat and when I breath one peace of plastic is moving back and forth, I know that I breath deep I will suffercate my self, here I did feel fear and it felt more delicat so I had to focus more and I did succeed.

[IA56]

Last night I had some strange dreams again...first I did look at my soles (foot palms) and a big circular shaped skin bit was cut off, it did hang on a small skin sting so I cut it off with a sissor and when I looked once more I saw a smaller circular skin bit to be cut off again so I did cut it off with sissor again??

I was with my son to some place where he was taking some kind of test, I said to him that I will look around and come back soon for him, (he is in his real age in this dream). I came to a building and a man did meet me up, he seam to recoqnize me and he spoke to me, (I looked at his eyes, the left eye was not there and the hole did pulsate and did give me very odd feeling, but on the whole it was a feeling I could trust him) Hi, do you remember you working for Tomas church...No I said, I remember me doing some work for them but not worked for them..I got the feeling that the stroke have destroyed my memory and I did accept it...he did take a grip of my biceps and gently drawing me with him, I asked him where are you taking me,..he smiled at me and I did now see he is taking me to a cherch seremony...I said..wait I have to go to bathroom, but I also remembered my son so I wanted to tell him where to find me, it took longer time then I expected so when I arrived back to the church the door was closed, I thought they had started so I was little bit wondering if it is too disrespectful to open the door and sneak in...I glanced the door anar did see they have not started yet, so I went in..I did look for some kind off program and on the altar was a small pamplet and I took it..when I red on it I saw written...IA has landed..I did find this strange but did look around and did see to the left was comfy sofas and to the right was normal church benches...so I had little bit to make up my mind where to sit...but where the sofas was did not had so good acustic so I choosed the right side because I love to sing psalms...the lady who played the organ started to play, but stopped when no-one did sang with her and I could both feel and see her irritation.....Now the whole so called church started to move, it was some kind of vechile and I started to cry instantly, I asked, where are they taking us...I cried loudly...my son...my grandchildren...I said...I have not had children in so many lives and now I am taken away from them...but the moving"church" did stop and we could go out, I saw 3 buildings..I looked at the pamplet and now the text had changed there was not anymore standing...IA has landed..but like Liam a ....I did get angry and did say...I will report this and write an article on a news paper to revele this scam.....I start to walk to the building to the right now my mother is walking towards the same building as me but she do not talk to me,only listening to her cell phone and now she change direction to the building in the middle and I go with her, in that building is my aunt and my sister and several other´s I know sitting on the floor and having picknick...they have saved a spot becides my sister and now I find it total natural to sit becides her, my dissapointmen at her is gone and only good feelings left.....

There was more but I do not get any collected picture of the rest so I do not even try to write the fragments what I have..

One detail I might write..when I looked at my feet´s I was standing...my toes did melt away....

[IA56]

I have again a period of not remembering my dream´s. I do know I dream but can´t keep any memory of them. I know it has to do with energy level, I have though developed deeper understanding about the self and I, so this might be also why my memory is not so good because of development on other levels.

[CFTraveler]

I'm there too. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and know I was having some adventure or a pleasant experience, but when I wake up in the morning I can't remember, or I sleep through the night and wake up clueless. My excuse is that my husband is now sick and coughs a lot during the night and I'm too tired to remember anything.

[IA56]

Thank you CFT for your respons, it is very valuable to me.

[IA56]

WoW..what a night :-)...I am not sure I can make any sence from it but I sure did dream a lot :-)
I was standing on a balcony 6 floor up and a tree fell on me...I noticed my left ancle was red and swollen, I pusched the tree over the balcony and was looking that it did not fell on anyone...it fell on a tree who´s top was cut off but off course it did not stay but fell to the ground and did not harm anyone, I felt eased.

I was visiting a person whom I do not know who she was, she was living on the ground floor, she smoked and did have the backyard and I was surprised how nice it was, she said to me that I must remember it is sunday so the bus does go seldon so I must start to think of leaving, I did feel stress, so I did take the elevator to my floor, a man did run out off the elevator and a young boy was left, he looked strange so I asked if he was harmed, No he said and I did trust him him telling me the truth...I did live with my ex. and several men was visiting him and a lot of dog´s both old and puppies, I did give my ex a kiss and I asked if he will drive me at my home if not then I must take the bus and go at once, I did not get any answere but a man did come very close to me and said something like...are you that kind of person who ...then I did not understand so I asked ...what ....he repeted but still I couldn´t undersand the meaning of his saying..and I asked ...what...now we started to laugh and he did come very close to me and I was rather confused...I could see one of the old dog´s help one puppie with pusching with his leg and I was so surprised and the owner did look at me and like say with his eye´s...they are more clever then us...

My sister was telling me that they where thinking off building a house and I said, then I could rent it, yes she said.

The tree dream I had a similar that my car was driving up on a tree and did breake, and I did get sick ....now a tree fell on me..I wonder if I get healthy now...:-) joking...haha...

[IA56]

Last night I did have nice dreams...:-)
I was reading a news paper on a sidewalk sitting on a window-ledge I had moved to a new town, I did like the atmosphere there, it was calm, welcoming, nice and friendly. A couple man and women did be so happy to see me, she said. I was just thinking of you and here you are, I did become so happy and I said, I was just dreaming of you 2 and here you are now and I smiled and hugged her, noticing her husband to be happy too to see me, he was so beautiful so I was almost gasping after air but off course I had to hide my feelings not to be taken wrong, I am always so afraid to awoke jellesous feelings in people if I show my likening too open...I did quickly look at the women not to dis-respect her in anyway, but I noticed his eyes be so clear and glowing and pure, I was so happy for her to have a faithful husband, I always get so happy when meeting such a people.

So I was so happy to wake up this morning to have met so pure and kind people, thank you!!

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that I was visiting a hospital I have worked for before, and I was so surprised to see the changes what was made, I could see toy´s so children also can enjoy visiting the old people, and I could see big difference how the old people did be more healthy because of the more human treatment of them, the women who was working there whom I did know, did recognize me and I said, do say hallo to all who know me that I said hallo, she now did lye down becides an old women and she was so happy to get both the nearness and be treated as a person, I was so happy to see that old people was treated with such grace and respect, much had happen since I worked with old people and I am happy to have this kind of dream, thank you.

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt that I was remoat viewing and I saw a man luar a very young girl into his bed, I told my sister and the girls mother what I did see, and they went there and all was true, the girl was found in his bed, but not yet had happened anything to her, she was very angry when saying to me that I have destroed her relationship to this man. I asked her if she do know how old he is, yes she said, he is 47 yrs old, NO I said he is 56 yrs old...she now understood the truth.
I was in pure fear and did not dare to go with my sister and the girls mother to this adress where the girl was, he awoke all fear and horror in me totally.

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that I visited a funeral of one young foriner girl it was a honor of killing, when I left the funeral one girl did spoke to me and told she was also a honor of killing, I asked how many children they where and she said 7. 4 boys and 3 girls, I was so surprised because she was so young, I thought that this kind of killing did happen to older than like 10 yrs old girls.

In this seekvence it was like a parade of cowboys, all riding horses and they had decorated the horses, I was looking with big eyes and I did notice they where looking at my reactions because this was done for a reason I should know what it meant, but really I do not know or understand, I have hard time to believe it has to do with an episode in my life when I was asked what kind of women I am...I said I am a cowgirl, because this did mean I am one man´s women, it was cowboys like to show me all kind of men who was telling by this way they where cowboys....so strange.

In this episode it was winter and like beginning of 1900 century, the most funny children did know was to get to train ride it did go round on a round railway line.

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that I was to a school taking some kind of course...I was already late and when I passed by a man who was resting on the sun on the side walk, when I passed by him he grabbed my ancle and did not let me pass, I stated to laugh and said, this is more worse than the kindergarden, let me pass, he did hold my ancle and I said I am already late. When I did come to the class room they where dancing, and I did remember that I must loosen up more and remember to enjoy life also and not all the time only study life. Then we started to look at a video but I did not find any chair to sit on it was to low or to backwards or something wrong, finaly I did find a chair but then I was called out of the class room and when I did return the chair was again taken, I did get so angry and did go out to find a new chair to me but when I returned the class have taken lunch break I did meet the teachers but not a word did they tell me about the lunch break, I was happy that 2 class mates have stayed to tell me about this break, I did feel as I mostly feel in life, not to be told anything and that I am not a part of the society or the life in it self how hard I try I am not fitting in.

I want to know when I feel horror about a person or a situation what is this, what or why do I react with horror and fear, I never get to know the real reason, but my reaction does not lie or my intuition or my feelings, how do I get to know the underlying reason, I know I react into a persons inner, even if the person is calm in outside and the first impression I know it is his/her inner I react, but how do I get to be sure??!!

[PauliEffect]

Perhaps you're developing more abilities than the fix (six) senses?

[IA56]

Thank you Pauli, I was asked for several years ago what abillity I´d like to have, I said, I want to scan a person to know their real intention and truth, so maby this is happening now?? To see/feel a persons darkness is not easy to lodge

[IA56]

This morning when before I awoke I hear a voice saying...NOW we are even, and if this is what I think it is, then I feel it too, yes I feel total free and calmness and no fear in this moment, nice to get to feel it how I should feel every minut of my life.

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that I had a life threatening condition in my mouth, my teeth was broken and have to fix them at once other wise I might not survive, I went to a dentist and before he started to examine I had to tell him that I do not have money now but he get payed at 27 this month, he had this expression on his face what I would call ...haha...pitty on you...but I will not help you....he showed me an inframed rule´s with this impression on his face...I said...I do understand there must be rules to follow but there must be also understanding then I told him the seriousness of my condition now he become unsure and started to tremble, but he couldn´t stepp back from his rules so he asked me to lye down on the floor, so he could see in my mouth to get confimed my saying, he couldn´t let me sit on the examine chair then he had to get payed, so he examined me lying on the floor...here the dream stopped I do not know if he treated me and trusted to get his money on the date I said....it had bean most helpful for me to know it had helped me much...to have bean trusted, and that there are people still daring to take risks to help when life threatening is at hand, that life still are valued before money.

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt again strainge because I can´t say so much about the dreams only fragments....like...I was with foriner people and we was going to some place we could see the place they could like walk or run there but I had to take the road because I was driving a car..and we did take it like a race...but when they counted they did it with what did sound to me like name´s....I heard like...Gunnar....and then name what I can´t pronounce...I knew they would win the race but they liked me to feel I have a chans even I knew I did go along with the idea of me having a chans...

When I then awake from the dream to go to bathroom I never lit the light and when I blink with my eye´s it is like bright light flaches..do anyone know what this is??

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that I was in my aunts appartment with a man and we noticed one plant to have one huge leaf and the man said....No do not tell me this plant is developing such a huge leafs...I said No I do not think so..look something has gone wrong...it has onle ONE huge leaf and the other is under developed....this I noticed on other plants too that the leafs has not developed as it should...and what more I noticed also was one curtain pelmet it was placed odd like not on the window but like across the room diagonal and I noticed that I have had one like this once in my life and I was thinking can it be mine and I just wondered where my curtain had gone, so little bit that this might be mine and that it was odd that my aunt would have my old curtain...then we went to another room and this room was my other aunt...the first room was aunt from my mothers side and this room was my aunts from my fathers side...and I noticed plants not grown in normal way...

[IA56]

Lucid dreaming means being aware of the fact that one is dreaming while one is dreaming. When you suddenly realise that you are dreaming, then you have reached a high degree of lucidity.

What is then the transparance of clearness feeling in a dream what I thought was lucidity??

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that I was looking at a young mother with her baby an infant, the infant was bearly living, tiny, thin and I took a photo of her, she survived and I had photos in every year of her, when she was grown up she showed a very melancholy mind and was sad that her childhood had harmed her so she couldn´t develop normally...so I showed photos in what age she started to feel more alive and I had to remind her that she has to ovecome her childhood trauma and that she is perfectly okay today that she has to leave bad memories behind her....


This is totally my life and I feel compelled and so extra ordinary surprised....wow....

OMG!! I am all tears here to read this old dream and feel how bad memories has blocked me and how vital it is to solve and let go of old memories...I am in a cleansing fase.

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt that my son was in about 10 yrs age....many of my friends was going to a ice hockey tournament and I looked at my son and he was little bit sad that we are not going, so I asked how much the tikets costs...they said 1310 kr...I asked my son if I let him go and I asked my friend if she takes him with her if he want to go because I do not send him if not there are some of friends looking after him...I said, if I do not go then I can afford to send money for him to eat too and to snacks...my friend was enthusiastic and said..off course she will look after my son...and he was happy too....

[IA56]

This morning I did in the Dream hear me saying to someone...Yes, Robert has told me also that...I do not know what the theam or issues was but I was very aware about Robert teatching, and gave the info to someone.....

[IA56]

In my Dream I did understand, I do not know if I saw it writtened or if it was spoked or in what way I did understand....Question & Answeres........

[IA56]

I did taka a nap and had strange experiences....I did come to awaken in the Dream (I Think you call it lucid) I notice I have had my mouth open long time because it is total dry, I hear me answering from Deep down from my throat, not with my mouth but throat..I say...ABBA?? and I do come to Think about the saying from the bible, so it is not the rockband Abba :-)...and now I do become scared because I understand that I have Contact with some kind of healer or god or something...so strange, I do also Think...now I have the Deep Connection and Communication what I have bean longing for, but now I feel afraid, like not worthy or something likely??

[IA56]

What is then the transparance of clearness feeling in a dream what I thought was lucidity??I Think now it is the one...what I see as abowe the duality....the emtiness the nothingness....gives the transparance clearness feeling....correct me if I am wrong ...

[CFTraveler]

Abba (daddy) is what Jesus called God. That's a good thing- you've connected with that energy. And remember, if you weren't 'worthy' of it you wouldn't have been able to. God knows what's what.
That's why the bible refers to being able to "see God and Live"- you couldn't if you couldn't. ;)

[IA56]

Abba (daddy) is what Jesus called God. That's a good thing- you've connected with that energy. And remember, if you weren't 'worthy' of it you wouldn't have been able to. God knows what's what.
That's why the bible refers to being able to "see God and Live"- you couldn't if you couldn't. ;)
Thank you CFT...I know now why the feeling did occure, how others would react...and make me feel I am not worthy and that I am a lier...Yes you are right, and all the cleansing what has happen in my Life now, it is not at all strange me meeting Abba, because he is the ulitmate healer, and I know what metaphysics work I have bean doing since my childhood, and I am happy to come this far so to speak, and now I can rest in the bossum of God yes and you all have helped me by not critisising or mocking me but letting me and giving me the Peace to work Deep down to my core, Thank you ALL...I love you ALL :grouphug:

[IA56]

Last night I did Dream that my sisters sister in law was taking off in a warm air baloon, I was eating youghurt from a blue bowl what I did put to the basket on the baloon and said it is for her protection. I saw her take off to Gothenburg, I could follow her all the time, and soon I saw her go into a hurricane and I hear her screem, she did swirl back and forth and off course I was hoping all the best and wishing all go well, and now she did blow at my house back yard and crash landed and no harm to her...phiuh...:-)

[IA56]

Last night I did Dream I was Walking with my friend L it was night and pitch black, I said to my friend that we have to be quiet, Little bit fear I felt but it did leave me soon, but what I noticed was when we where quiet I couldn´t navigate at all, in that quietness it also was timeless, emtiness, and it felt like we did not move at all so I had to awake me to leave the Dream, really odd feeling.

[IA56]

Last night I dremt that I did loose a lot of hair and I met a women from Asia who told me that she had the same problem so she did cut her hair short, that she had as long hair as I have now and I could see how Beautiful her hair was and healthy, I was thinking, so strange that again one more person trying me to cut off my hair short, I do not want, but I said to her, I have bean thinking to cut if I cut my hair short I would cut the same cut as you have done...(In my real Life there has bean a period when several people have told me that I should cut my hair short, my hair is to my hips, and I feel they are jelleous and want me to cut my hair short, my hair does look healthy, it is not dry as she told me in the Dream that her hair was dry so she cut it off)

[IA56]

Last night I did Dream that I was with my sister, my brother and my father and we where to my fathers house. My brother wanted to leave nearly right a way but father did say, no we are staying, then my brother sudgested that my sister could drive one of his car´s, my father replyed, even if she can but the car is not going anywhere. My brother raised him up to leave so I stand up and stayed infront of him and said, do not leave I want you to stay , stay please and I started to cry, he smiled and felt good about my reaction.( I noticed my brother having pimples or pustules on his face, my sister has in real Life this kind of skin condition and are under going somekind of treatment).My father wanted to help me to get better relationship with my siblings, and this was one of his tryings, to keep us long enought under the same roof so to speak :-)...and he succeeded, thank´s.

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt that I was looking at a wall and on that wall was a little bit of cloth and on that cloth was full of small insects like lice or maybe more like flat and light brown and tre centimeter long...my reaction was that I was thinking if I now go sick...my associations to these bugs was negative and making me feel to become sick again :(

[IA56]

Well, last night Dream has many aspects of my self and of my bf.....I find it very clear symbolism for the first time I can say...It was very chaotic...If I did lift up a cat it shape shifted to a Child...and vise verse....The Child showed to be my bf...and I was so happy and I could say to him....is it not wonderful...we starting to understand so well...and he was happy too...but then his father did interrupt and marked that we have to move on...we can not stay there and only be happy, there is work to do...so as well as it is my self aspects and I am sure it was our higher self who did make us understand to go forward....I have no abillity to tell the feeling and the knowing in the Dream...with this absurd symbols...yet total clear.....haha....I feel so wonderful today.....:-)

[IA56]

Last night I dremt that I was visiting a place and had to go to bath-room..the door was strange or the locker to the door, door did go invards and could be opened but if they did not know that the door go invards so they try to pull it outwards and then the locker will keep the door shut and closed....so I was very compelled over this door so I had to drop it for to go forward...and I sat me down to the toilet and my poo was so messy and I got it on my fingers and hand, so I had to try to find a shower to clean me up, I did not have any towel so I said to one who was with me to give me paper sheets to dry me with...it was very chaotic whole dream, people as old co-workers coming and going and saying things I had hard to understand....
What symbolism is poo??

[IA56]

I am all tears here after my night Dream...it started with me and my bf sleeping in a bed on a hotel...and I woke up and had a naked Child on my right side, I awoke my bf and asked...WHOs Child is this?? He said..no idea...now the Child did Wake up and directly fansied my bf...she like jumped with her hands on his genitals..my bf is very embarresed and like want some help from me...I calm him down by saying..she do not know what it is..so please do not mind...but now the Child started to grow and showed sexual interest and now I start to worry, and I like say asking my bf ..do you Think she has bean abused...and we like observe her to grow and now she is like a prostitute..and saying like L´amore to my bf all the time...I say to my bf..who is she?..My bf now get dressed and planning to drive her at home...I get so angry and say...if you drive her I breake our relationship...he want me to calm down and Sayed...Then you be all alone and cry...I looked at him and said...You will also be alone without me...is it Worth...I tell her to leave..but she is so sure my bf will go with her...my bf now goes to bathroom and me too, I Close the door to put her outside, but the door is not solide so she can peak in...and this makes me fuourious...I say to my bf to say to her to leave...but he tries me to let him drive her at home...but when I shout to her...I Count to 5 and if you have not left then I call police...and my bf said wispering...thank you....and I took my cell phone and tried to call police but did not be able to...and here I awoke my self it was so hard to be further in the Dream....

[IA56]

Last night I did awake my grandfather from the death??...My parents did tell me that grandfather had died and they wanted me to come with them to give our farwell to him. I did come to his house or my mothers childhood home, he was in the bedroom and first the door did close infront of me, and I started to cry because I wanted to see my grandfather, the door did open for me and I was able to come near him, he was lying in the bed he was almost ash pale and I did touch him and he opened his eyes, I did become so happy, and I asked if I could come very near him, yes he said, you can come and lye besied me in the bed, I did be so happy...he did fell to sleep and did awake with a big burst and his hand did wave so harsly that I fell on the floor and I did grab his arm so I dragged him with me on top of me on the floor...we did get help from my parents to get him up and I was thinking all the time...so good my parents are my whitness that he is not dead....and I remember the feeling my parents felt when I touched my grandfather and he did awake ...my parents was anoyed that me being right about there is no death.

[IA56]

Last night in my Dream I was lost...I Went out from my house and I noticed I was dressen in a pyjamas, but I Went out ...and I thought I only go for a short walk and I tried to remember how the surroundings look like, but I lost my self and started to cry and said ..why is it like this that I do not find my way to navigate or to find back from where I started...I noticed houses as they are painted in fairytales and I couldn´t Believe my eye´s, and like saying...no way this is real...:-)..Then I whitnessed a horse running like crazy and no one riding it...so I felt the horse will soon run my way...I find a building...high building...and like a corner to hid in..I took like a plank like hide behind...I put the pland in front of my face...the horse did sence me and did stop, I was so afraid, but did the best to master my fear, and talked calmly to the horse and I pet it too, the man who was the horse owner did Catch up and grabbed the horse, I noticed the man to bend the horses head like to fear it to obey him and not to dare to run from him...I did not feel good to see how he did put the element under his controll....I did try to find out if his way was the right and ulitmated way to Control the horse, it did not feel like right, but because I do not know what is the right way, it make´s me unsure and gives me low self esteem and low self confidence.

[IA56]

Last night was really strange...I was with my bf to a family who did run a spa or something likely...I did demostrate some Products....and I did like spray it on the air and it did fell on the womens face and she did be like a stiff doll...so I said...do smear it on your face it is good for the skin...and the the boy did have a bottle with very Little Cork and it did come like fogg from the bottle..and I did take the bottle and did pusch it upwards quickly so it made smoke rings....and I did several of them...and that did mean something what I do not remembern now....and then the man did massage one womens sholder with some kind of oil..and I said...yes it is neutral, it is not added any smell in it?? or color......Then I did instruct my bf how to sew inside of my nose...and he did like joke with the needle in his hand like to not show how unsure he is....that this is a piece of cake....but I do not know for what reason he should make stiches inside my nose??...so strange indeed....

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that I was watching a little baby to throw up...and the mother did not bother to help the baby so I held her and I was so afraid it will choke but then it did throw up a whole slice of bread/toast...I was in chock....I did yell to the mother...you must help and learn the child how to eat...you can´t give this small child a slice of bread it can´t chew yet.....

In this episode I did meet the man from India I did be together with in 1983-85..he was so happy to meet me...but I had to say as it is...I have a bf now...he did see very sad...but what was strange was that I saw him having a hole in his trousers where his genitals are and it was round and I was thinking why it is this way...but I did not get to understand and somehow I was happy that I am not with him anymore, he did give me very unsafe feeling.

[IA56]

Last night I did meet new people, we did shake hand´s and said our first name´s but I do not remember more than that I said my own name...I do believe this means that it is new era starting in my life, exiting :-)

[IA56]

Last night my sister asked me if I am married....No I said...and looked at my left hand, and I see 2 rings on the ringfinger...now I did understand why she asked....and I hear me answering....I am training/practising to carry rings.....

[IA56]

Last night I did have a dream where my father did make me aware of my strength....it went like this.....I did press some kind of liquid from a holder and all did splash around us and father looked at me and asked...do you not understand how strong you are...and now I did be aware of it and I did ease the pressure and all did flow as it should and not splashing around us and all over us....

[IA56]

Last night in my dream I was walking with an old man with heart problems, I did support him and asked if he think he can walk to the doctors office, it is not far away, he said yes, but in a minut he said and I also felt that his heart are going to give up, so I asked if he thinks he can manage into the waiting hall and sit on a bench...he repeted my saying...sitting on a bench yes he said...and just as I was opening the door to the waiting hall I woke up and had to go to bathroom.....

[IA56]

Last night dream I was invited to a gay bar....I did look around and I see me bf sorounded by all people and they are celebrating, a man what did show to be my bf bf looked at me and to see my reaction, I nodded at him in acceptace and he did be relived that I really did like truth as I claim..he went with a plaket to my bf ..it was with the text....gay of the year 2013...they where photographed togeather...I was off course sad to be told in this way, I had appreaceated him to be truthful to me and tell me him self instead of his former bf inviting me to see this in this way...well this show me how hard people seam to feel about truth and to dare to be truthful, often they live double life´s.....

[IA56]

Oh, I now remember another of my last night dream.....I was outside of my body, and also me lie on the bed....my stomach has like a door, and I open it...and there is something black...I do take it out, and try to understand what it is...it is a dead dragon, black??..I try to awake it but it is total dead...I embrace it to try to give it energy, but no...it is dead...then I start to draw out the intestines to see if they are okay, and as far as I can understand all is well....

[IA56]

I only remember one short seqence from last night...I did nearly drop one glass plate but I did just to awake to catch it in the dream off course :-)

[IA56]

Last night I had several dreams but I only remember fragments from them...one dream was odd...It was joggers on a pathway in the forest, and they did do like flipbacks into the forest and I did go...ouch...and then went to look how it went...and it did hurt me to see these people do like this on and on and on??

In this episode I was visiting an odd family, they did lock there children into a room every night, and they did not cook only eat frozen meals heated in microwaveowen....I did ask...do you not cook in this house?

I was walking with someone and the dialog must have bean about who´s fault things are...and I little bit laughed and said...own fault off course whome else is there to blame...

Then I did get a falling sensation and I did get a feeling that same happening has different meaning on different "level"...and this is very helpful to me in my process I am in now...

Then I see a big box solid..might have bean steel or it could also bean some kind of stone..and this is a symbol...it was silver colore..

I also did hear someone to say...that this union is now sealed and must be kept...I really do hope this will come to more surface to know more about...if I do not know more than this then I do not know what I have to keep.....

.

[IA56]

Last night my attention was draw to a naked man who got testicle rupture and I noticed he had feases also so he must have done nr 2 maybe when the rupture did occure...this did awake fear in me, because the way my attention was awakened to remember this seqense......

[IA56]

I woke up this morning with nausea?..Last night I did dream that I was on a boat with several of my relatives...I was walking on the boat and I see my cousin standing between floors on the stair-landing I did great her and I felt me very happy, she did not great me back, and my mode did drop but I did accept and off course tried to understand why she does want to keep this distance to me, I had few opptions in mind but felt odd if those would be the case...

I did go to eat lunch and did stand in cue and I did see it was lasange, on other cousins man did take over full plate and then flipped the plate and carried like a suitcase and odd that not the lasanga did drop on the floor, I did try to coment to him to behave, and I said to other cousins man who was infront of me in the cue, that if he was my man I would have given him a snap-knock on his forhead, he said, if he was yours...I comentet back that I do not mean that way, you can never own a person but if we where a couple...than it was my turn and now I was served on a very small plate and I was only thinking the difference, he got all on a big plate and I only got a very small plate smaller then a desert plate and was thinking about this why it is like this....but I did not say it loud, typically me, only swollow and keep my mouth shut and not to ask to get answeres so I could understand, but then it has bean difficult for me to get answeres in life so far....

This episod I was looking when my grandchild did partisipate on a run race, I was supporting her, and I did yell to her that come and eat after the race, I hade put the plate on one table and was thinking of to waite for her to eat with me, so I went back to the lunch-room some thing happened but I do not remember it now.....

[IA56]

This is the dream I did not remember before.....I went back to bed and I did remember one more seequece from last night and then I did have few new dreams....The one from last night is like this...I did notice a couple...the female did have a dress in cherry/rosa colore it was why I noticed her, then they did come and talked to me and said they can help me...and she also said...you see how thin I am...I did not think she was so paritcularly thin, but I think she ment that the help she and her husband can provide are also helping with overwheight....She said she needs my home key, I did off course questioning why she would have my key, and she did not have any good answere to give me, I said that the front door do not close until 20.00 and you can always call me and I can open the door, but she did insiste on giving my key, I did not...and we did not come to any conclusion....I did notice a thumb also when I did drink water from the water tap, It did really look authentic but with closer look it was a soup-ladle.

I was dancing with a man (gypsy) and he was very gentle with me, and he did make me laugh to make me relax, and he asked me if I was scared, yes I said I am so scared and I felt my whole body in knots and tensed, he did talk gentle to me to relax and he did assure me all will be alright and all will go well....I trusted him.

I did also get and see a little baby and I did get the feeling that all will be done from deep down again, total healing feeling...I feel blessed and humbled.

[IA56]

Last night I again did dream alot but does only remember fragments of one dream...I was at some kind of cultural event, I was misstakenly taken for on famous singer, she did have a stage make-up like the group Kiss has...He was some kind of reporter, he did make a date with me, I was in some kind of school and we was allowed to go to make a visit for purpose of study and because he was a reporter I wanted us to meet there, at the cultural center..I had some kind of passport to be signed that I have bean to this center, I did come there and was just to sign in when I did see him, I waved and he did come to me, I was to login to this center I asked him if I have to login and he said, No we are not going to stay here, I will take you to a restaurant and we can talk, we went and soon we where in a elevator going up, he was so thrilled and happy and he said...you look much more cool without your stage make-up..I did intantly froze, when I realised he was thinking me to be a famose artiste...I started to think how to tell him..I did not find anything else than to say how it is...I said..I am not that artiste...his face drop instantly and he did say..oh..I remembered I have an important apointment, and he rush of...I remembered the passport I had to have his signature, and I run after him, I see him far away soon dissapareing from my site, so I hallowed try to awake his attention, one person was nearby him and did hear me and made him to stop, he was waiting in his car when I did reach to him...I said ..now we are even (do not remember now but I did catch him in a lye ) I said, I need to have this sighned...he did it and said, I hope there will be more surprises and he did meant to use his name for some other purpose....off course not it was he who did take me misstakenly for the famous artiste I only did go along with it first, but I was not able to pull off the play, but he did lye to me so pity I do not remember what it was....I hope I will remember during the day.

In this seeqvence I was in a car and the person who was with me did open the back door and lot of our items did fell out...I did see an upbrella and camping items...we did come to the campingplace and he had a very very heavy toilet it looked like a pile of heavy deal the wood was brown painted all was in a pile and had to build up everytime of use....I did see the itmes all over the place and people did pick them up, I did not say anything that it is our stuff, I only observed quitly.....

[IA56]

Last night in my dream I was in school again, and had to read loud, I was so unsure and did not know how thorougly I should read, the teacher wanted me to carry on not thinking so much, I could really feel and see my unsecurity.

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt that I asked my bf what he think´s I have in the box....he said...an old candle....I did repet in the dream what I had in the box but I do not remember it now :-(

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that I was with others and expoaring the astral, and we did find very electrical spot´s ...and those spot´s was entrapping the person who did go into them, so had to change charges in the energybody to get away from the electrical spot...it was very easy to do when knowing how :-)..it did give me self confidence to notice it was easy for me ....

[IA56]

Last night I was examined by a healer, a man, I looked at my arm´s and asked him why I am so cold, he said first that ..you are not cold, it is normal, and I looked and touched my arm´s and they where total cold, He said he is cold too, I touched his arm and I said, No you are not, you are hot...and then I like get the answere to why he was so warm and not me...I said...yes...becace you are working, and I did like feel an inner fire in him....I guess my inner fire has not yet come to flame so to speak...

[IA56]

I don´t know if this is any dream to be awakened this way,

I did see a man with 2 dogs, one brown dog and one black dog, the man and the brown dog did not awoke any fear in me but the black dog did, I did be in total horror....then the second happening what did awake me was I hear a door bell go off, and I awoke and looked if my bf did hear it too, but no he was sleeping ....and just before I wake up this morning I did see a TV show or program when I was living in Finland ...I have not thought about this TV program since then...so I was so surprised to remember it...I think I was like 8 yrs old at this time...it was with dolls, 2 femal and 2 male ...it was like a space ship it could be underwater too or in space...I did find it very interesting even I could see it was dolls, but the theam was interesting for me.

[IA56]

Last night I had a really odd dream...I was in bed becides my bf and we had long pants on and I feel something wet on my foot, and I was not sure if it was me peeing or my bf...so I went to toilet and noticed my pants to be wet I smelled at them but I did not feel it smelled pee...I was happy the pants was of that kind of fabric to be dried on no time so I did wash them to be sure not to smell pee??

Before I fell to sleep last night I did see several angels ...and they did look at me in pure happiness, and I felt total support...this is first time I see angels...I feel humbled...I have never seen so beautiful energy...wow.

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that I was somewhere with some of my relatives, we did baby sit for some we knew, I did carry one child and the other baby was carried by some I knew, I was talking Finnish to the children and the smaller baby did repete what I said, I smiled and said, soon their parents do not know what they say they learn to talk Finnish...now I did look down to the first floor and I see 2 crocodile´s trying to come up the staire´s where we where, I did through a shoe and make them not to come, I felt such a fear, I knew also that I should call hospital to tell that we are coming to get my sisters son but did forget in this horror to keep the crocodiles away not to reach us...I asked my sisters husband if he could call the hospital it is his son, but he said no he will not, and my phone did not function at all, so my panic did become huge, I did also know that relatives from Finland will come and I had so little money to feed them, so my fear did arise to a level that made me go nearly crazy and no help or support what so ever from anyone...so I had to awake me from this dream of stress..huh!!

[IA56]

I did hear myself say...Daily inspiration...and then I hear a voice say....Make it to come towards us...or let it to come towards us...somehow I thought it was my soul what we where trying to come forward, but I am not sure...

[Eyeswideopen]

I did hear myself say...Daily inspiration...and then I hear a voice say....Make it to come towards us...or let it to come towards us...somehow I thought it was my soul what we where trying to come forward, but I am not sure...

Maybe it was the object we are trying to see in RV LAB :lol2:

[IA56]

Maybe it was the object we are trying to see in RV LAB :lol2:

:-) now you awoke my interest, how are your thoughts running, please elaborate me :-)

[IA56]

Last night I hade a really odd dream...I was looking down and I see a small island and a white pudle dog have a big snake in his/her´s mouth, I just can´t understand how it is possible the dog still are living and the snake is dead??..The little dog eat the snake, but shortly after it has swallowed the last bite what it eat from a white hand ( it was like white porsline plate formed lika a mans hand)..the dog throw it up and it was such a heap of snake, unbelieveble amount, aftewards the dog did fall backwards into the water and now I did go down and pick it up, it was bearly alive, I shouted for help and 2 men did come and said, we have a custome, you must cut down trees and make a stretcher, from this area it is only this way you can carry away with the dog...I did accept and did ask for help from the men, one did carry a gun with light it was like a flashlight and I said, that is useful now when it is starting to get dark so we can see in the woods when we cut the trees down for the stretcher.


In this episod I was called by my birth-name R and someone did bring me 2 black cat´s....I was surprised and little bit wondering why??

[IA56]

Lots of dreams last night...I am married still with my ex-husband, I am lying on my stomach in bed, x:es working friend a women is sitting on a chair in our bed-room and my husband are working on my ischias-nerv I feel the tingle. My son is little and we are going to walk him to school, I did be so surprised when the working friend also go with us, she talk´s to me and say...I want also have lunch break´s.... I get confused and I go to another direction and I do not care that it is my son whom we supposed to walk to school, this is my marking that it is not okay to have this working friend so close to us.

At the same time I have my bf whom I am seeing also, this confuses me more, how is this possible, so I start to think that maybe I do not have any right to judge my ex husbands bond to his working friend.

I am walking in a forest and I take my cell phone and want to contact my bf but my cell phone is like a screen and I see my aunt E and it awokes frear in me..the scenario is a tree and it is like a hole and I see my aunt through it (this is a symbol of death for me) so I feel my aunt´s husband is dead....

then next scenario is my best friend who is standing with a man who holds her from behind and she is leaning her head on his breast and they are looking at a sun rise (I am sure this is a future vision)

I go back at our house what also is a my husbands working place ..it is a big mansion..I meet a unknown man coming from the house and I ask...who are you...he say...I work here...and now I see the other working friends also and one of the highest bosses appologizes for making this mess, and I say...no worries, I am only confused because we have not met for so long time....

I get also surprised that we have living a family with like 7-8 children, most girls, and they are coming from upstaires and I help them by holding hand and help them down the staires, and I say...what a priscesses you are...and the girls felt so happy, I looked at 3 other girls eating breakfast and I asked if I shall put light´s on and they said yes...with closer look I did see one of girly looking was a boy, and I was thinking if this is somekind of century thing that boy´s also dressed so you couldn´t see difference of girl´s and boy´s...

[IA56]

Last night in my dreams I was walking with my bf in a unfamilar area of houses, people was going in a house and my bf said, we go inte the cellar of this house, I did not want so I kept going and he did become angry, so I felt bad refusing his wish to go the house but I do not know anyone in this area so I did not understand what we should do there, but I felt bad and now I saw a door open and I said we go in here it was the same building..we entered the house and it showed to be subway and there was a mall too...much people and soon I hear my bf saying to someone...oh hallo baby...I tried to see whom he was spoking too and first I saw too tenaged girls read in faces and imbarressed so I guessed he had hugged them and make them unconfortable...now I spotted my bf and he is following a women with 2 children he is like occupied of the women but she did not pay any attention to him...looking clothes and not even looking at him...he was seeking her´s attention, and said...about the little boy...he own´s his mother and I do not understand why...(this frase did the beater say about my son when he was 3 yrs old) I felt so bad so I went away, and when I was out of the underground mall I remembered I do not have a nickel, not even a penny..so I was thinking what to do, I did not want to go back, but I realised I have to, with no money I can´t get back home, so I felt so bad to be so dependent on him...I felt so bad so I had to awake me from this dream...

[IA56]

Last night I was with a man into a second hand store, I do not know who the man was. I was looking around and I found one item I wanted to buy but it was only one of them so I was thinking and I said to the man, I had buy it but it is only one of it so maybe someone does need it more than I do so I do not take it, the man did show me, he had one more of the same item in his hand and an expression on his face, here you see, there was one more so take the item...so I took it...I did say to him that I get so confused with so many item´s and I have hard to see, it is too much...so the man started to talk loud how awful and no order in the store, I was little bit wondering about what he was doing, I can´t say he was complaining, more commenting ....now we are second time into this same store..and it is so cleaned up...the shelf´s where it was like a million porsline item´s now was only big wooden jar´s like 3 on one self and it was so nice...he looked at me and said...here you see...it did pay off to comment...so I asked where they have put all the porsline item´s...and they pointed to the kitchen and I looked into the kitchen and I saw like one tray with the porsline item´s on, and I was like saying...how could it be what looked like million item´s when they where on the self´s in the store and now when they are gathered togeather it was not so much??

This is very good metaphore to adress thing´s in right way, when it is all over a place it look´s so much but when putting all togeather it is not so much and it does give a better picture...and also to clean up the old thing´s and replace it with new, the old time has bring many thing´s but now when I see it in retrospect and gathered I can clean up like with one big sweep and then the new does have good room to come in...more less but bigger in dimension.

[IA56]

Last night I was trained to sort out and put in right places after my will and feeling....I do not remember so much but like this.,..they used my love for my bf as a ground or start point for my feeling and will....Like...your love for bf...I said to eternity....then it did go like this and I felt secure and calm and that I was anchored in me or myself or what to call it..maby my core...then when I was in this relaxed secure state a women come forward and asked..may I go and rest in your bed...and I only said...OUT; OUT; OUT,...and I did get the feeling that when I before did not have any clue or contact with my will, in this way all kind of entities and energies did get access when coming in peace and positive mode....I did also really feel for the first time an agenda what was not what it appered to be in the first place...really powerful night :-)

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt that I had returned to my appartment, I had it on groundfloor, I noticed that my window was open and that they had broken the window and put some hard plastic with black duckt tape around to affixe it...I was not happy, who have used my appartment whilst I was away, I felt total unsecure and did not want to live in this appartment anymore.

I was looking out and I saw teen´s in big groups and adults pooring alcohol on the ground ..

[IA56]

Last night I was in a hotel with a group of women, I had to go back to my room, I had a sheat in my hand´s and was going to delivere it to my room, when I entered the elevator I had forgotten totally what room number or on what floor ...so when I entered the elevator a man did come out from the elevator and we looked at each others but did not say anything...but his look did stay with me, like..do you not know who I am...and I did not reckognize him at all...he kept coming in when I went out from the elevator and when I went in he went out...on one floor I did see like a reception and I did ask them if they know what floor and room number I have...a man did at once stand up and said...come with me...we entered like an office and he did taka a paper and said..yes ...you and your friends are my favorit...I asked to see the list..and I did not find my name on it...and I said,...I am not on it..one other staff women did allert and like was going to report me being there without having any right to be...so I did see the name´s on the list and then I remembered that one of the friends (from my making lace class) did not have any time to go on this trip but she had paid allready and she asked me to take her place...so when I remembered this, the release feeling did feel in the whole room...and I could relax and got help to find my room.

I still wonder who the man was and he did know me, and he wanted me to remember who he is...but I really do not?? Maybe my guide??

Can I have a male guide?? shouldn´t it be a female??

[IA56]

On 2 occations has happened odd things and I am wondering who it is??...for some day´s I did awoke when someone was checking up on me...and this morning someone did touch my stomache and said...I go now...like someone watching over me??

This night I did dream very stressed dreams...I was walking on a road and it was winter, moonlight and very much snow..the road was like from my childhood village road...I had my handbag with me, I see a man coming on a moped, it did stop when seeing me, and I said...go on...and did a gesture with my hand that move on...and he hesitated little but did drow away...I was thinking about what can happen on this road, stanges coming and may get dangerous for me...so I did take my handbag and rolled the handbag-band around my hand if robber coming they will not take it from me...I tried if I can fly and it did work, but I was not able to rise higher did like fly about an inch over the road only...so I started to walk again...now I see 3 men coming...I tried to pass them quickly but one of the men did notice me and did get interested in me...he come besides me and put his hand around my shoulders...(the man was read headed and with frecled face)...and saying he will followe me home...I said...what if I have a bf...he said..then I have to kill him...so here I awoke myself it did become too much for me....(the man who beated me up in -80 ties..did say...that he will kill everyman I try to be with, so off course I am afraid this will happen now when I really are in love with my bf and fear this very much)

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt strange again...I did watch into somekind of circus...a man asked someone to come up to stage and do as he say...he istruected a girl to sing what ever happens and not stop singing...she nodded to have understood the instructions...soon then blowtorched her with fire...and she sang and sang but then she froze...and I felt that this did not go as he had thought...she did get total burned skin and severe injury...soon you could hear from the loud speakers...you got it right 100% you won...but I couldn´t hear any hurraaa shoutings at all..it was very sad atmosphere...

in this episod I did see numbers appering on my skin...and I started quickly to write them down...a long serie of numbers??

I was visiting my relatives in Finland when the phone rang, and my aunt said it was for me....I had hard to hear but I think I did understand that I have aplyed work and they now wanted me to come to an intervju...so after I hung up I looked at the display on the phone and it was 018- nuber and that is Uppsala so I rang back and asked...did you call from this number and offerd me a job...Yes they said and now I could hear them better, so I said...thank you.

in this episod I was visiting my father and he asked if I wanted have his harmonica and I took it...I put it on my left shoulder like a backpack and started to walk and I knew I had a hut, I was seeing this view with water and (is it an jetty or what you can walk or sun bath on?)..but when I walked nearer the water it eluded me and shanged totally, I did see a former naigbour whom I did not like was also there and he shouted to me that can he try to play my harmonica...I did not answere him at all, I went inside my hut and did wonder why on earth did I say yes to the harmonica it was in awful shape...and I was not happy to have that former naigbour so near living me..I one time did move away from my apparment because I couldn´t stand him.

[eyeoneblack]

can he try to play my harmonica... or was that 'paranoia'? Your imagination is in charge of the mundane. Back off and let the surreal disolve into the ordinary. You are fine and let your imagination flourish in its proper realm. Buck up!
You know I love you, IA, but try not to get carred away.

[IA56]

or was that 'paranoia'? Your imagination is in charge of the mundane. Back off and let the surreal disolve into the ordinary. You are fine and let your imagination flourish in its proper realm. Buck up!
You know I love you, IA, but try not to get carred away.

Eyeoneblack, you know, I have a long history with this naigbourou man...and it is not any paranoia but reality...when he was my naighbouro he did disturbe me day and night...he did think he did own me, he did scarre specially men who was my friends and tried to visit me, he did scarry away them, so I was never able to live my life in peace...so this dream was to check up on me and my anger for this man, and I just do not want to ever talk to him...I am in charge and I did decide not to in this dream and I want to keep this in this way....it is not paranoia in my life, it is how to learn to put an stop to intruders and how I can become so strong that not even anyone get any even thought of to try to control me...you know too that I love you :-)

[eyeoneblack]

Whoah, didn't comprehend that reality. Under existential threat what would I do? It's time to get rid of him. You can do that. He's gone, if you decide so. Decide and it will be done. Don't put up with it anymore. You have the means - exile the a-hole. I'll help as much as I can (and that's no little promise).

[IA56]

Whoah, didn't comprehend that reality. Under existential threat what would I do? It's time to get rid of him. You can do that. He's gone, if you decide so. Decide and it will be done. Don't put up with it anymore. You have the means - exile the a-hole. I'll help as much as I can (and that's no little promise).

Thank you eyeoneblack I can handle it.
This dream is about to re-mind me that the world is full of this kind of people, and I need to become strong and firm. When knowing em self and cleansed out old trash will make me that person I want to be, whom I know I carry inside of me, but bad happenings and harrasment and cruelty has made me crumble, but I am rising strong again :-)
To be here with you all are the best help I can ask for, thank you all.

[IA56]

The night before this I dreamt that I was sleeping in my bed my bf to the right side of me and to the left of me I had my teen bf brother?? I said that it is too tight to sleep under one blanket, so I went up to give him own blanket. I turned me to sleep on my bf´s arm. suddenly I awoke that he was trying to drag me of my bf, he took my arm´s and bendet them behind my back, it hurt like hell and I was trying to awoke my bf to help me, but he did not hear me??

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that I was sitting in a like space ship with a panorama window, I did see from the air and I did become very aware how the panorama window did archer from seen from inside and also how it looked outside dome-shaped.

In this episode I hear my ask my bf...what do you call this...he answered...I call it ...free walking??

[eyeoneblack]

I think that was a more facinating dream than your two sentences give credit! A space ship, you're in it looking out, you're out looking in - and you're in SPACE! More detail, (of which I bet there is plenty) and that would be a heluva OBE :).

[IA56]

I think that was a more facinating dream than your two sentences give credit! A space ship, you're in it looking out, you're out looking in - and you're in SPACE! More detail, (of which I bet there is plenty) and that would be a heluva OBE :).

It is not easy to put word´s on a experience where you have at least 3 perspective of awarness...:-)

[eyeoneblack]

It is not easy to put word´s on a experience where you have at least 3 perspective of awarness...:-)

Why does that not surprise me. :)

[IA56]

Why does that not surprise me. :)

Not a clue, you tell me :-)..

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that I was renting a cottage and I was expecting a guest, my bf did drive to fill the car with fuel, he called me that he did forget his creditcard´s and asked me for help. I said that I want to talk to the manager of the petrol station, he did come to phone and I asked him to let my bf to fill the car tank with fuel and that I stop by to pay later, he did not agree with me, so I talked to him that I can´t understand now day´s that not trusting people, I asked what kind of information he did need to trust that I will pay him later, he asked my full name...and he said...and get it right this time...I was thinking when before have I not got right my name to him?? did not remember, but it felt odd...The guest did arrive and I was surprised she did find me, the cottage did be in a very hidden place and it was not easy to guide people there, had always to meet them on half way.

[IA56]

Why does that not surprise me. :)
I have tried to think, and the third perspective is not what I can put in word´s, so if anyone do have any way to express it, please tell me....the inner perpective both in room and in body, and the outer perspective both in room and in body, is easy to both express and feel, but the third perspective I do not have word´s to express.

[IA56]

Last night I hear someone say....sometime we get our octaves shut down....or down tuned??

[IA56]

Last night we where jumped on by a man, he did jump on my bf and I tried to divert the intruder by saying...did you hear K he is a urologist...so he did leave my bf alone and he did loosen a cable what was on the wall besides our bed, it felt that now they are cutting us off, and I tried to feel why,....On the wall was a picture and I tried to remember it but I am not sure I do now, maybe if I will see the picture I will remember and recall it from this dream....

[IA56]

Last night I did hear myself say to someone (I guess it was my mother) ...I´d like you to cry with me when thing´s is not so good, and laugh and enjoy when thing´s are good...

In this episode I said...it is cancer...it did hurt so on my shoulder....pain was so hard that I couldn´t breath.

[IA56]

Last night I was in school again in my dream. I come to the school not knowing what class room I should be in, I asked one of the teachers if she knew, no she did not, I went to the principles office to look what class room and there was one of my class mates and I did go with her, but she did run before me and I did lost her in the big building, so the first class room I opened the door too was wrong, but the next one was right, one class mate had her little baby with her, just few week´s old, she had her on her desk and I did sit me becides her. It was mathematic lesson.

In this episode someone opened my door from outside and peeked in??

[IA56]

Last night in my dream I was with 2 others to the sea....one was fishing and the other one helped the fisher to take the fish from the hook...and I was looking around me...only water and no land in sight, we did stand in the water to our ancles and I did start to get dizzy and I said, I am dizzy so the fishing person told me to go up...I turned around and to my surprise there was like a mountain or maybe it was a stone brigdge...and when I looked up there was a wooden ladder it was very narrow and it did feel loosen sidways...and the first step was very high up so I was not able to put my foot on it...someone did look down from the ladder top and I told him to hold the ladder so I can like jump up but I feared it will loosen and fall down to the water...but instead of holding the ladder he did pull me up...I was so surprised and off course releved and greatful...I told the man´s wife how strong her man is to pull me up with the whole ladder...also to my surprise it was my working place and I did see my ex husband there but I did not say a word to him...My thoughts went back and forth...and wondering how can it be...me on the same workingplace as my ex husband...I rather die than this to be true.

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that I was going to some place with me friend and I suddenly said...I have lost my key´s and I started to run back I had some kind of hunch where I might have dropped my key´s. I meet a man who said that the key´s was found and a man in a high building did have them, he was standing on his balcany and I looked up, he shouted, I´m coming down to you...thank you I shouted and was so happy. He did show me it was old car key´s..it was not mine..I said...No those are not mine, but then another man did say that he has them...and I looked at him and he did blink his eye to me in flirt...and I felt happy that he thought of me as attractive (it is over with my bf and I have lost my feeling and I am sad so this did shere me up and I felt hope)...so now the both men very good looking and I felt that now when I am free so why not, they wanted my phone number so why not...I said...wait I have some paper and pen in my bag, and I found them and started to write my phone number but then I changed my mind...No I do not want, I have had enough trouble with men, I want to heal from this what is now...so I left...I did go back to my friend and she said that she has my key´s and she show me..and yes she had them, and I asked her why did she not say it from the beginning and she did not know why she did not tell me ...??...but then my bf did come and cried and held my head and kissed me and said...can´t we stop to hurt each others...and I did become so confused so I awake me from this dream...it was too much....

[IA56]

Last night I did feel total terror and fear in my dream...It was a dead relative male who did come in with dog´s and I was on the floor, tiny...he did petrifye me when he pusched his finger on my nose and said...now meet this little lovely thing...a huge dog who did push his nose to my neck and I did pusch my finger on his chin and said...this is torture, take the dog away..I did see in his eye´s that he did understand what terror he did put me through..but he did it anyway...It was so terrible fearing that I had to awake me from this dream...and I went up for a while and went back to bed, and did dream about an golden spider, big, with very beautiful blue eye´s.,..I had him on a white sheat of paper and I asked him to stay on it..and said...please show me the way...I was afraid but not in a petryfying terror fear...the spider jumped down to floor and I opened the door and he said that he want to travel on me..and did crawle up to my neck where the dog had pusched his nose and it was terrible so I had to awake me from this dream too...

I don´t know what this spot on my neck on right side represent´s...I do get in panick daytime also if some-one tries to touch my neck...I just cant let anyone touch my neck??

[IA56]

I had this teaching dream...wow so complicated it was before I started to understand...They did give it to me in varies of way´s...so I will try to tell you...All thought´s, emotion´s every you can think of...it can be like a flame...or child.,..or what ever you at the given time are using to give it birth...so if it is like a flame...and it will multiply it to several flame´s...and off course it will develop to a fire and spread att all direction´s you can imagen...so the solution is to have a big and good trained fire departement, right...if it is children...then you have to have a good kindegarden departement with skilled nurses, right :-)
So you have to find your tool to help you.
So what can a tool be....for me in this writing moment it is mantras...for instance....Shradda means faith...or Shanti means peace...

The person who have introduced me for mantras is Shawn on the AstralForum.org he is young but skilled....

So this dream do strenghten me to listen to Shawn and I will get all the tool´s I need :-)

[IA56]

Last night I awoke when I heard my son calling to me...Äiti...(mother in Finnish language)...I responded I am here, I will always be here for you, take it easy, all is well...
Thelepathy has started to importunate on me, so I am not surprised over my dream :-)

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt that my car was stolen, I was on the parkingplace to try to find it, I walked up and down, and I tried to remember the right parkingplace I left the car on...Many of cars was snow covered, I thought that one snow covered might be my car and I did take the snow off the number plats but it was not mine, I started to walk back home and half way home I got a thought to look one moore time, and I met a man and he slipped with his foot and did nearly fall down but I did lend my hand to him...and he was so warm, and me too (earlier in awaked state I have bean freazing a lot and my hands was ice cold)..so in this dream I was so surprised my hands was so warm :-)
I went back to the parking place but I had to face the fact...my car was stolen.

[IA56]

Last night I hade both bad and good dreams :-)
The bad one was that the man who did abuse me as a child (he is dead) did come to me and touched me..I went at once in a paralysed state of fear, but I was able to say...get the h...out of here and do not return...this much I have not bean able to say before so this is a good sighn of recovery from this abusive fear.

In this seequense I had souw a zip in my green trouser of gabardine (I had these trousers when I was 16 yrs old) in such a odd way so when I was looking at them I started to laugh so loud I awoke from this dream...haha...

In this episode I hear a voice say...the sigill is broken...and little fear did awoke here...so I left the dream..

In this episode I see a man hiding a dagger in his hand and he is saying to someone...down...like to make him obey him (this I can imagen is from the very abusive time in 1980-81 how he used knife´s to scare me to obey him, he did threaten to cut off my finger etc if I did not do as he said)

Then there was another dream in what I did laugh but I do not recall more than the laugh and the happy feeling I had in the dream....so bad and good as life in it self is...:-)

I feel wonderful today :-)

[IA56]

OMG!! I really do not know how to tell about last night dream...There is rather many interpretending ways to this dream...I wonder if all have importance value??
I think I did see my son´s abuse....The dream was like this...I go into the bathroom, I look at the bath-tub and I see my son as little and when looking closely I first thought he had lot´s of meat in the tub ...my son var lying on his stomace..and the red I thought to be meat was blood....and my spontan reaction was...oh no...was it not over, is it going to start all over again...
I am in chock....

[Tutor]

Hi ia,

terrifying dreams, especially dreams that take us back to a trauma, i believe happen because we are ready to glance at them, in overcoming how they subconsciously interpret our everyday lives. kinda like a filter felt through and we aren't aware of it, being there to protect us based upon the traumatic experiences, especially those traumas that happened to us as children.

the ordered consciousness of anyone, and for all of us for that matter, is vast, yet the immediate requirement for dealing with life given the individual experiences, is contained, even as the vastness extends beyond this. contained is the key word, as if to say that one's basement and attic are filled with the historical evidence of our life.

because our immediate requirements while awake during our day do not need the historical evidence, we do not realize it's evidential prowess in the background, as we are busy with the forefront. kinda like a train running on a back track, the noise of which we've become use to, and subsequently do not hear any longer. but this train if triggered can leap forth into forefront, not as the forefront, but between one and the actual forefront. like suddenly, the triggering has placed the contents of the basement and attic within the main floor. suddenly we are overwhelmed as if we've awakened to ourself within our hoarded possessions, they having amassed over our lifetimes without our awareness of it.

the lungs are the seat of sorrow, and much sorrow is causal of shallow breathing, and the lower extremities suffocate, as do even the lower of the lungs. physical ailments symtomatical arise after time, because the other agencys have not been attended to. physical is next door to emotional, as well under the mental. so physical is between the emotional and mental, and gets crushed between these two when these two are ignored, and all the ignored contents cannot but end up in the physical as symtoms of illness.

how can we empty these contents above and below, because if we do not, they begin to fill our dreams, like alarms alerting us of eminent illness. because the physical is between mental and emotional, this means that the physical is the translative throughness with which mental and emotional may share what they have in common, yet it is as the difference between concrete and abstract. this is like two children who can only know oneanother through their physical mother, yet she doesnt seem to know them one from the other or perhaps that they are even there, as they remain hidden under her long dress clinging to her feet. we can call these two ignorance and want, and they cannot be ignored, for they will get their's from the physical from both ends, because the mother doesnt realize the true connection, that these two are indeed a whole, that through the physical body avail a further wholeness toward spiritual health. the body is the temple.

spiritual is above emotional, much like mental is above physical. mental and spiritual are next door to oneanother, yet have no access of connectivity. the throughness must flow back through, such that the physical has to come to grips with its connective import of potentiality.

one must first separate the dreamed memory from the actual occurence of trauma. the roles in the memory are past snapshots and are not the actual persons that were within the occuring tramatic event. this is how the terror may be overcome, so that we dont run when memorys surface, whether in life or dream. these memorys are crying out to be addressed, to be connected, as the healing is twofold, mental and emotional, and the physical is dependent upon this twofoldness if it not be destroyed by illness in the disconnectedness.

taking this all the way through takes courage and faith and trust, from love, which you have. the ultimate key is when spiritual's readiness receives the throughness of consciously aware connectivity streaming through the physical from mental and into emotional. spiritual doesnt care about the contents of the stream, and cares only about the stream, this stream being the true you, which may now be addressed toward whole healing.

the whole of the being's body is like four copies of one schematic, looking at them they do not look the same. yetthey are merely interpretively dissimilar. spiritual and emotional together as one side, are like the mirroed reflection of mental and physical. so we can see now that mental and spiritual are reflectivitys, as are physical and emotional as reflectivity.

this is why the physical has to translate even as seems terrifying to stand in it as physical property within a dream. mental needs to return to its reflective base of spiritual, and physical needs the touched guidence of its emotional refective connection.

so here we return to the twined scenario attempting toward wholeness, as this is life's chief goal, to become whole/healed.

ignorance and want basically, if they do not attain wholeness. prayer>meditation>contemplation; neither of these require a ding dang bit of gnosis or understanding, and we ere in our thinking to require mastering through external resources that feed thoughts about how to become.

folks say they cant meditate because of the mental chatter. wrong. we cannot blame the unattended ignorance that we have tryed to force into silence by filling the attic even tighter. nor can we in turn blame the want, as we feel lacking of whatever it is we yearn for. the yearning comes from the spiritual crying out COME!, for there are the waters of back through healing toward wholeness, et all.

prayer is like answering this spiritual COME!, such that meditation may now bring resolve, a resolve that doesnt care if the mental is three ring circus, it is what it is, but somehow through having prayed, healing waters are carried through, drank by the emotional want, which as thirst can only satiated of spritual waters. filled, these water pass through the physical, healing as well, and into the mental. for what is healed in the abstract cannot but heal the concrete, for they are the same but dissmilar in appearance.

it is like in the book of Daniel, 3 went in, but upon observation were seen 4, this fourth the spiritual component whose arrivaling appearnace is assurance of standing unharmed in the firey furnace of purification.

your peaked interest in spiritual matters that meet you externally, is the note of readiness, or to say are the justification of direction in the life.

justification<purification<sanctification, the back streaming from spiritual, because the stream of prayer>meditation>contemplation have COME!

Say COME and He comes quickly. sumptin like dat

probably reads confusedly, the best i can write it.

contemplation is from emotional toward spiritual, such that one can indeed hear other than their own voice, this as another voice answers. but, what is a voice? is not a voice as simple as being pricked by a thorn and instantly feeling it. any voice is a throughness unobstructed, otherwise a voice is silenced, starved out. the physical pays the symtomatic price for obstructing the natural laws of being human, already whole, but obstructed.

so now we enter into, what is justice, or just. this here topic is all about forgiveness, which begins with memorys, memorys not actual people, as those people have moved on. we all have a prison house within, the occupants of which are within the cells of our memories. because we hold them to being that which in the memories plays out, over and over.

what is right in this? do we open up the prison and free all? and if we do decide to free all, where is the key to all the doors they hidden are behind?

you are the key, the key is merely readiness. when are ready, whatever we are ready for arrives.

we in our weakness require strength that in our weakness is not present. prayer brings sanctification, voice for voice, through and through. responce for responce, end of reactivity given of obstructions. reactivity is like nerve damage, the nerves cannot connect so a shock of gathered voltage is forced back and felt.

~

a lot of metaphors in these words. just saying, because folks like their seriousness of detailed mapped directions. we forget that while we are the same as human, that also upon that sameness has come to be a very unique individual.

i reckon that upon the seriousness we have come to be, and having come to be, we ought not allow seriousness on top of seriousness. life is suppost to be fun and enjoyed, lived to the hilt. hilts down, blades to the sky; low and behold, heaven has nothing with which to hold us.

the ceiling can't hold us: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDH4TvmDTgY

for a time it could be said that, all roads lead to Rome. NOW|WON it says that, You'll Do...Come.

[IA56]

Thank you Tim for your thoroughgoing answere, I am into too much emotions to be able to respond properly. I only want to tell that when my son´s abuse happened he was 3 yrs old and this happened in 1980-81 from this period of abusive relationship I was in, is 6 month in total darkness what happened, I know during this time the abuse against my son happened, I was not able to protect him, and when my son show me his trasched behind, I was totally devestated and I do not know how it happened or when, but it must have bean during this period what is like a black spot, and off course I fear what more is hidden into this darkness, but I think it has started to revele itself to me now...and I say as you said...COME...I am ready to heal it. Thank you.

Love
ia

[Tutor]

I am enprocess of healing, not healed, but healing. all I can do is let it be, and let healing happen for me, not by me, but for me. healed where it counts, letting my math go. it is not our fault that such math overcame our life/lives, and what really counted got lost on a chalk board of guilt and shame mathematically rendered into dualized formulas. well, what counts is what is left on the chalk board all after the cancellations of dualizing formulas. what counts is what is the only word right there in front of the eyes saying, YOU. You count, just as you are, right here, right now.


H
I
`
Y
O
U

R

L
O
eVe



Reckoner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVegpypXN1I

Thank You John "Farewell2arms"

~

because You 'is like'; it is no wonder at the fallen tears, for nowhere is sorrow more accutely felt than in heaven, where such as You in Hi, truly reside; even as on Lo, You are felt.

let nowhere be now here...on earth 'as it is' in heaven

[IA56]

Tim, believed or not, I do feel loved and blessed and seen by the whole existence, and now of humanity by being here into the site, and specific now by you, thank you bright loving soul :-)

[Tutor]

ai, I believe You.

you are welcome, and thanks to you too.

Ocean Floor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFeHik5lBBw

odd thing about the mouth of a river carrying loads of what isn't water, as it is received in the gaping mouth of the ocean, all of it that ain't water ends up on the ocean floor. Deborah "Swallows Back" "Bee"; as in Honey for the hardcore who weren't sufficed of Milk alone.

Jesus said, (paraphrase), "it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles one, it is what comes out of the mouth".

mouth to mouth, ya see?

a good read: The Palm Tree of Deborah: http://www.digital-brilliance.com/contributed/deborah/deborah.htm

it has been scary writing all this to you ai, even over in another thread. why? well, because my friend, to be touched just so, deeply, makes me feel in kind. I too have been through my own traumas, twice over (turned over); and in this sharing with any other that I again by choice touch it in the commonality, it is thrice born to feel; but I know now that it cant hurt me, and in feeling it a-gain, it might articulatively help others as our gain.

so i've prayed today on it, and i've wept today over it. that it for you, would as it has been for me, be twice over.

be bright, unafraid to be afraid...

Into The Day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bu4T92Gm55k

and in your weakness, shine...

A Little More: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Owwnndp6x3c

[IA56]

ai, I believe You.

you are welcome, and thanks to you too.

Ocean Floor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFeHik5lBBw

odd thing about the mouth of a river carrying loads of what isn't water, as it is received in the gaping mouth of the ocean, all of it that ain't water ends up on the ocean floor. Deborah "Swallows Back" "Bee"; as in Honey for the hardcore who weren't sufficed of Milk alone.

Jesus said, (paraphrase), "it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles one, it is what comes out of the mouth".

mouth to mouth, ya see?

a good read: The Palm Tree of Deborah: http://www.digital-brilliance.com/contributed/deborah/deborah.htm

it has been scary writing all this to you ai, even over in another thread. why? well, because my friend, to be touched just so, deeply, makes me feel in kind. I too have been through my own traumas, twice over (turned over); and in this sharing with any other that I again by choice touch it in the commonality, it is thrice born to feel; but I know now that it cant hurt me, and in feeling it a-gain, it might articulatively help others as our gain.

so i've prayed today on it, and i've wept today over it. that it for you, would as it has been for me, be twice over.

be bright, unafraid to be afraid...

Into The Day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bu4T92Gm55k

and in your weakness, shine...

A Little More: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Owwnndp6x3c

Thank you Tim, all is well with me and my son, it has bean such a fantastic experience...I will not go into details, but one week ago my son was brought to me...One year ago I did make such a hell for social service company, and he got 2 personal helpers to relief me a bit...so I have had small opprotunity to breath little more free...and I did get the feeling that I have to let go...totally...and I did find what life nurturing love is....I started to send this to my son...and I did behave like there is no problems or issues but love and wonderful peace....He did hit rock bottom and last monday the helpers did call me, my son does not want them to take him to hospital, he want´s to come to me...he wanted to talk to me...he said...Mother I have seen GOD I know now what I have done and bean doing so many years (19 yrs)...can I come home...I did hesitate for a sec....and I said...off course you can come home...My son and I have always had this wordless communication, we need only to look into each others eyes and we know...so he was in this trememndeous psychosis caused by drugs, I felt like a steady/calm/loving/firm mirror to him...he looked at me and I could see how haunted he was, I did not say anything but letting him look into my eyes and he did find his way out of the haunting horror and knowing it was not thrue and no truth, he wanted to have my protection (this is the 3 yrs old who did not get my protection because I was not able to give it to him, now I could)...I did put my gold cross around his neck..he used my cardigans for extra protection, we did pray togeather and I did child him......all is well today one week I have not slept so much but who cares...all is well, but I am not able to say what we did be through, but all is well.
Thank you Tim and thank you ALL.

I write better when all has seattled more down, it is too much going on at same time here :-)

Love
ia

[IA56]

Tim, thank you for the links about Kabbalah....this I really interpreted by the Kabbalists literally as a demon created by man's sin. can understand ....The saying that GOD does not have anything to do with our world and that we are the creators...YES, we create the demons and when we stop to believe in them they vanishes, they are not created by GOD but by men.

I take the risk to be missunderstood again...as we know duality is divided....this did happen when GOD had to pusch the Angel Lucifer out of the heaven and he did end up on earth so to speak....Lucifer does only give curage to men to live out all kind of filth to say all is okay, the human in self does create the demons by his/hers own will and fear, therefore demons are man made....Lucifer is created by GOD and is not evil yet dark...I am not so familar with all details but I try this way to show what I have through my son experienced....he was a Satanist and we did have our disscussions and he said to me....I am too God´s creation and God will not destroy his own creation...No he will not do I know today because he does give us so many opportunities to wake up, he will never stop believing in us and he never turnes his back on us...and the door is always open for us to come home....


Love
ia

[Tutor]

Duality is divided only in so far as you would deny YOU as that which in the midst being the union, which upon acceptance (responsibility and accountability) would clearly see, as you've said, ""Yes, we create the demons and when we stop believing in them they vanish, they are not created by God but by men".

"real" depends upon the observer to without and their individual witness within, but real is real is real.

but, do not say that the "enemy" is not real, for we are all everybit in this together, within what God has created; and the many yet depend upon "real". yet, understanding that, one is to love thine enemies, just as they do not love the "real", but rather do love the real. this because,, any dependent upon the "real" bear no external sign of the real though they too are everybit real internally. so, as one loves the real, one must also love the real even if unseen because of a "real" dependency.

this is what one wrestles with, within themself, through intercessory prayer. the clothes do not make the man, God is the maker, and His peacemakers are of prayer given to God toward another/others. this was done for me, or i'd not understand it; so i too am bound to the real in as much as others, like i myself once were, are yet of the "real".

and I boast not, for fear of very God, that i do not forget that from whence i am delivered, thus remembering whereof i have come to. doesn't mean that i am perfect, far from it. i wouldnt follow me (my own understanding), simply because i've a lot of "stuff/dependencies" yet to be worked out, as i come to see it 'as it is'.

but it is within one's remaining weakness/es that our common strength may in the gatherance of our weaknesses, serve Christ our only strength when in weakness making plea for rescue.

other than THAT right there, any one is powerless, for the power is God's, through Christ Jesus whom mediates our pleas. however, in reading, it is said, that God cannot but say aye. thus is the power of God with sight ever upon the children and not the persons; and Christ ever mediating with/for persons.

the hi lo of it. but i am always dissatisfied with my ability to articulate it better. words are like breaths, if the reader/writer is not conscious of their breath, they are neither conscious of their word/s. we all breathe the same air, and we all speak with words. but, who can tame the tongue? not I, mine undoes me all to often.

happy to read about you and yours in the midst of mutual reconciliation. praise the Lord our God Alone.

[IA56]

Yes Tim...You shall love your enemy because this enemy is YOU until you understand that there is only ONE. So off course have to be taught to love your enemy so you do not destroy your self, that you understand to what you are and that there are only ONE.

Love
ia

[IA56]

Last night I did have a dream that I had moved to another city, I had a female friend whom I was visiting, she did work in a restaurant. I did talk with the manager and ansked for work, and he did become very interested and said, yes he could give me work, I was so happy when I told my friend and I thought she would be very happy for us to come closer and now see more often, but she reacted with anger, and she said...but are you trying to get me saced, there is not enough work for us both, I said but the manager said there is....I felt total horrible and so sad that I had misstaken our friendship she did not have the same feeling as I did about our frienship, now she was anoyed me being there, I was a threat to her, and I was divided my own happiness and loosing her friendship whan she did not want me to live near her and not to work in same place with her??
I was total perplexed over my misstaken she was my friend.

What is this all about??...Is there some self aspect rejecting or separating or difficulty in integration??

[IA56]

Strange dreams again...I was with my bf (never seen this man before, so it must be a future bf) I was all the time tired and sleeping, his ex gf was all the time at our place, I could hear them planning and doing things, and silenced when I come to the same room with them. Then I did make up my mind, I was nearly not coping to keep my eyes open and I had hard to stand up so tired I was (maby drugged) I said, now is time for you to go to your own place, go home, I said to the women, she did go but tried to get my bf to say she is staying, but he did not say anything so she went...
In this episode I was coming home and I meet several gypsies coming from my home, and I see my bf talking to them. They go away when I come, and I try to ask my bf what all that was about, he did not want to answere me properly, I did say to my bf that do you know that the funitures in the hall is also mine, oh he said, and we went there to look, someone had broken the sofa, and I did say that maybe the gyspy children did it...he was most compelled when he saw a bed that there was someone living in our hall, my bf did have this look on his face that...ahaa, now I understand...to my surprise it was a small child who was sleeping in the bed in the hall, I asked if he was hungry, no he said...I asked if he is afraid to sleep alone in the hall, no he said...then I was not able to say anything, I couldn´t say to a child, to go out and I was thinking why does his parents put this little child alone here??..I do not know what of if they did ask permission from my bf, we never talked about this.
In this episode I was high up on a buildings balcony and togeather with several we did threw out beans like confetti, it was somekind of celebration.

I wrote maybe future bf, but when thinking it was the ex bf´s behavings totally, so maybe I did not recgonize him because I really do not know who he was, he never showed his real face so to speak, I do not think that I will meet another man like the men I have had this far in my life...It can´t go on this abuse I have faced this far in life, what has happened with my son, the spell is broken what was put on us, as it said in one dream...the sigil is broken, and all is to better now in our life.

[IA56]

Last night in my dream I was dancing...I had moved back to up north to Älvsbyn and I got a job there, when bean introduced to new people at the dance they wondered why on earth I had moved to Älvsbyn such a small place, I said I got a job and I am so happy at this small place...I was pulled aside by a very good looking man, he had so dark hair not a single gray hair on his head and I was wondering how old he can be...he said...I will drive you home after the dance...I did look at him and wondered what is he after, what is his real purpouse....so I said...I think you will get better payed if you drive someone els then me....I have ride home, and I remembered the co-workers I was there with...

[eyeoneblack]

I think you will get better payed if you drive someone els then me....

:laughing: That's frank enough!!

[Eyeswideopen]

Re: IA´s dream diary....
Last night I did have a dream that I had moved to another city, I had a female friend whom I was visiting, she did work in a restaurant. I did talk with the manager and ansked for work, and he did become very interested and said, yes he could give me work, I was so happy when I told my friend and I thought she would be very happy for us to come closer and now see more often, but she reacted with anger, and she said...but are you trying to get me saced, there is not enough work for us both, I said but the manager said there is....I felt total horrible and so sad that I had misstaken our friendship she did not have the same feeling as I did about our frienship, now she was anoyed me being there, I was a threat to her, and I was divided my own happiness and loosing her friendship whan she did not want me to live near her and not to work in same place with her??
I was total perplexed over my misstaken she was my friend.

What is this all about??...Is there some self aspect rejecting or separating or difficulty in integration??




Hi IA,

Maybe this IS part of yourself, the new stronger part of yourself coming through. The old self is not wanting the change and to loose it's power. I can see the strength in you telling the man to take someone else home, this is the new you. You have worked so hard.

:heart:

[IA56]

:laughing: That's frank enough!!

:shock: I can´t be anything less...

[IA56]

Re: IA´s dream diary....


Last night I did have a dream that I had moved to another city, I had a female friend whom I was visiting, she did work in a restaurant. I did talk with the manager and ansked for work, and he did become very interested and said, yes he could give me work, I was so happy when I told my friend and I thought she would be very happy for us to come closer and now see more often, but she reacted with anger, and she said...but are you trying to get me saced, there is not enough work for us both, I said but the manager said there is....I felt total horrible and so sad that I had misstaken our friendship she did not have the same feeling as I did about our frienship, now she was anoyed me being there, I was a threat to her, and I was divided my own happiness and loosing her friendship whan she did not want me to live near her and not to work in same place with her??
I was total perplexed over my misstaken she was my friend.

What is this all about??...Is there some self aspect rejecting or separating or difficulty in integration??




Hi IA,

Maybe this IS part of yourself, the new stronger part of yourself coming through. The old self is not wanting the change and to loose it's power. I can see the strength in you telling the man to take someone else home, this is the new you. You have worked so hard.

:heart:



Thank´s 8)
:heart:

[IA56]

Last night I did dream about an order, off course I do not remember it now, and it has to do with when I know then there is a bigger responsibillity then there is when not to know.

I feel I have to make a note here about this, to show my cowardness that I do want to take resposibillity.

I have this way to be as I have bean all my life, as a child I did be the one to revele to adults what we did do in our play when I did feel it was not right, I tried to get help from adults when a fight did start, and the adults did say...boys and girls in peace with each others...all play togeather.(It did not go so well when revele adults doings there was no help to get I can tell)

I have always felt also that all is equally same value, not some to be better and some to be wors...so this dream did show me an order, and I understand there has to be an order, to know to choose from among when it comes to cause and effect.

I am such a coward I am so afraid to know then I have no where to hide or to excuse me with.

I did live my first years with closed eyes, I do not know if I get courage enought to live with open eyes ever.

I am happy to be here if not bean here I would be very lonely.

[eyeoneblack]

Let me see if I understand (likely I don't).

When a person 'draws a line in the sand', that means it is not to be crossed - it sets a limit. Are you saying or complaining that you do not have a 'line in the sand', that your eyes are closed so you set no limit.

I also wonder if you feel you go through life something like a secretary, disinterested, but taking notes for what goes on - like taking the minutes of a meeting?

I'm struggling here, but I think there is something important in your entry, and I'm sure I don't know what it is. :?:)

[IA56]

Let me see if I understand (likely I don't).

When a person 'draws a line in the sand', that means it is not to be crossed - it sets a limit. Are you saying or complaining that you do not have a 'line in the sand', that your eyes are closed so you set no limit.

I also wonder if you feel you go through life something like a secretary, disinterested, but taking notes for what goes on - like taking the minutes of a meeting?

I'm struggling here, but I think there is something important in your entry, and I'm sure I don't know what it is. :?:)

Thank you for your questions, I will ponder on them and give you an answere later on, I can tell that much of my life is still so intimitating that I do not have the curage to look at it in the dept of it, I know I have many answeres but I am too afraid to look at it, when I do look I will know, but as long as I can hold it away from knowing I do not have to take the deep responsibillity what it feel´s it will pusch me into, this is a very frightening feeling, and it is why I do close my eyes as a little child hiding and hoping no-one will see me, I am struggling I can tell, but I will give you deeply answere but I have to collect strength, if you understand what I mean. I am much more bold to help others but when it comes to myself I am freakening out, it is an enigma to me also why it is like this, I am afraid to know, you know.

Love
ia'

[IA56]

Last night I did have very comfusing dream...I was visiting my aunt A and her husband was also there (he is dead) I did not feel comfortable at all to have her husband at home, but I had to accept the reality as it was...he said...something like this...but did you really start to be (unikko) as I did understand this word to be cinderella and I did get offended ...I tried not to give my focus to him and I turned me to my aunt and she was so kind and always so big in hospitality...I did mark me with a golden tape over my chest from scholder to scholder..it was very clear mark in the dream but I can´t tell now for what it was....and I looked at TV and I saw something there and I got so surprised when my aunt did misstakenly call me for Jarmo (my first bf and he is dead since 2002)..I lost it after this because the surprised feeling did awake me...??

[IA56]

I have hade dreams touching some of my fear´s, and last night was one of them again, I did get blinded by flash light´s from cameras to be taken pic´s of me....this awaken´s very deep fear in me, I do not yet know the right reason, I have only got flash back´s to be taken pic´s of against my will....this image´s I have got in several year´s but I think now when it start´s to appear in my dream´s it has gone deeper and soon enters day-light so to speak and I am ready to face it...but I am afraid to know.

[eyeoneblack]

You may feel like you are under 'interrogation'. An examination of your belief system. If the light is blinding it is only because you have been in the dark so long. Blink and wake up!

[IA56]

Last night in my dream I was living in Olympia (no clue where it is) I did catch 2 young boy´s breaking into my home, so I did say to them, now show me where you live, I will tell your parent´s what you are doing, we here in Olympia do not behave like this...

[IA56]

I did have this dream 2 night´s ago...I was walking on country side and I noticed an old farm to be sold and I saw a man and a women buyer, first I did not think so much about them I was just passing by when I suddenly noticed to know the man...it was the man from India I did live with in 1983 ...Why I first noticed him was that he had 2 shawl around his head..but it was wrapped like old women used to have them tied under the chin...They had theire luggage and now the man did start to run towards his luggages and I was just thinking/feeling that do he think I will steal it??..Even I did recognice him I did not let him recoqnice me, so I did go quickly...I was just happy to have this happening in my past and not anything comming in my future, he did cheat on me and was reveled when I did have to go to doctor ....

[IA56]

Last night I hade few dream´s...one was that I was talking to Kurt?? He told me the phone number to the casle and he told me that they will connect to his wired phone?? I asked do you mean a walkie talkie...he did see that it was no use to try to explaine so he nodded..

In this episode it was winter and I was going to a church for a consert...I did have a red pointed cap on me (I did find it odd because I know I never wear anything on my head than I always have coat´s with cap´s) All people was small like Tom Thumb, they where happy to see me also come to the consert...when I arrived inside the church a man did catch me and told me to sit near him, I did obey but I did not know who he is, and he asked me if I did know the group who was singing or giving the consert and I had to say No because I did not know them, I didn´t know anyone...Some how I did understand not to let anyone control me like this, it was not worth it, I do not have any way els to say it.

[IA56]

Last night dream´s was so comfusing so I have to write it here to hope it will be clearer next night.
I did awake in the dream to notice that my body was numbed most hand´s and arm´s...and when I noticed this, it was like someone was working on me and saying like this...we have to improve this program, it does not work fully...and swich swhosh my numbness was gone and I felt circulations working good??....(I know I have injuries in my body from the abuse I have bean facing in my life, and many injuries on my body, like slipped disc´s and skelettal injuries too, so the root´s of my nerves is bare and unprotected, so it will be amazing if they can heal my flesh body, that will be real miracle)

[IA56]

This morning when I awakened from my sleep, I had a hard time first to understand what is the matter when I do not recognize the feeling of reality as I use to feel...I am very aware of time, when I awake from sleep I can estimate what time it is, but this morning I was in timelessness and it took time to start to understand that in this timelessness you can not take in anything it is total peace...I am sure I have developed away from stress so much that I can feel peace not only during meditation but peace will become the space I will live from all the time so to speak...very interesting indeed to see where this will take me...I am so happy.

[IA56]

This is the first time ever in my dream I feel I can fight back and know I can defend myself....The dream was like this...I was walking and suddenly I see a big angry dog or wolf...I did find a plank to defend me with...I did not feel fear in the weakening way or to run away, but to defend myself, but every time I tried to hit the wolf/dog the air resistence was so big so it would slow down my hit so it never hurt the wolf but did give me the time to understand that I was able to defend myself....(I would have felt bad if I had hurt that wolf, so instead of hitting it I did become aware of my strength and fearlessness) Wow...

[Tutor]

wow...

"(I would have felt bad if I had hurt that wolf, so instead of hitting it I did become aware of my strength and fearlessness)" = income

next occasion...drop down to knees at eye level as if greeting a child, with same strength and fearlessness, same misgiving to hurt; and make a friend. the friend already there, which imaginatively revealed to you what or who is in your heart.

sometimes there is a wolf in sheep's clothing, which we would not suspect; and sometimes there is a sheep in wolf's clothing which being suspicious would have one defend and at the same time reveal one's "feeling bad" if indeed they had hurt or harmed.

keeping your eye on the prize = the child to one day as outcome...BE

Matthew 7:1-5
1 JUDGE not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

Into Dust: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBQZ4M2Uv5c

" "I" could possibly be fading or have something more to gain"

eb|be

flow|wolf

eb and flow

this use of the term "and" means that one is true and the other is false. if the term "or", as eb or flow, were herein operable, then both would be true.

She Wolf: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVzljDmoPVs

Be true to You being true to your Being,

Tim

p.s. ebb and flow is a closed system, requiring re-constitution over time; to just be is open - all systems blown as dust in the wind.

Dust in the Wind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mb1_xp8vFTs

[IA56]

wow...

"(I would have felt bad if I had hurt that wolf, so instead of hitting it I did become aware of my strength and fearlessness)" = income

next occasion...drop down to knees at eye level as if greeting a child, with same strength and fearlessness, same misgiving to hurt; and make a friend. the friend already there, which imaginatively revealed to you what or who is in your heart.

sometimes there is a wolf in sheep's clothing, which we would not suspect; and sometimes there is a sheep in wolf's clothing which being suspicious would have one defend and at the same time reveal one's "feeling bad" if indeed they had hurt or harmed.

keeping your eye on the prize = the child to one day as outcome...BE

Matthew 7:1-5
1 JUDGE not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

Into Dust: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBQZ4M2Uv5c

" "I" could possibly be fading or have something more to gain"

eb|be

flow|wolf

eb and flow

this use of the term "and" means that one is true and the other is false. if the term "or", as eb or flow, were herein operable, then both would be true.

She Wolf: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVzljDmoPVs

Be true to You being true to your Being,

Tim

p.s. ebb and flow is a closed system, requiring re-constitution over time; to just be is open - all systems blown as dust in the wind.

Dust in the Wind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mb1_xp8vFTs

Tim...

I do not get out the message from your writing, do you care to write in more simple words?? Please...

Love
ia

[IA56]

wow...

"(I would have felt bad if I had hurt that wolf, so instead of hitting it I did become aware of my strength and fearlessness)" = income

next occasion...drop down to knees at eye level as if greeting a child, with same strength and fearlessness, same misgiving to hurt; and make a friend. the friend already there, which imaginatively revealed to you what or who is in your heart.

I must ask you what you mean, you can not be friend with an wild animal, you can train it but never be friend with?? If you mean sometning metphorically then tell it right out, please...

sometimes there is a wolf in sheep's clothing, which we would not suspect; and sometimes there is a sheep in wolf's clothing which being suspicious would have one defend and at the same time reveal one's "feeling bad" if indeed they had hurt or harmed.

keeping your eye on the prize = the child to one day as outcome...BE

Matthew 7:1-5
1 JUDGE not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

Into Dust: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBQZ4M2Uv5c

" "I" could possibly be fading or have something more to gain"

eb|be

flow|wolf

eb and flow

this use of the term "and" means that one is true and the other is false. if the term "or", as eb or flow, were herein operable, then both would be true.

She Wolf: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVzljDmoPVs

Be true to You being true to your Being,

Tim

p.s. ebb and flow is a closed system, requiring re-constitution over time; to just be is open - all systems blown as dust in the wind.

Dust in the Wind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mb1_xp8vFTs
next occasion...drop down to knees at eye level as if greeting a child, with same strength and fearlessness, same misgiving to hurt; and make a friend. the friend already there, which imaginatively revealed to you what or who is in your heart.

I must ask you what you mean, you can not be friend with an wild animal, you can train it but never be friend with?? If you mean sometning metphorically then tell it right out, please..

[IA56]

Last night I did have very strage dream again....The only thing I remember from the dream was that someone said...Sub...and I did understand they meant submarine...but what I did see was a man having a black pipeline from where air did blew out and he placed the pipline in his nose so his face was like a baloon?? and I turned my head to look on another direction and I saw a man having a tube from where air was blowing into his mouth so his mouth was widh-open...(what is this)??

[IA56]

Last night I did have very strage dream again....The only thing I remember from the dream was that someone said...Sub...and I did understand they meant submarine...but what I did see was a man having a black pipeline from where air did blew out and he placed the pipline in his nose so his face was like a baloon?? and I turned my head to look on another direction and I saw a man having a tube from where air was blowing into his mouth so his mouth was widh-open...(what is this)??

This dream have made me to ponder....what is under our feelings??..is it a thought?? and before thought there must be an impulse before it becomes an thought, right??..And if it is like this, then the impulse is the interesting thing to know from where does it come, help me here, please!!

[IA56]

Last night dream was like this....I was having a store, and the cash register was digital but from somewhere did the water come and the cash register did short sircuit..I tried to dry the water up but I did notice that there was not any drainage where the water could go, so it was no use for me to dry it up with a scouring-cloth, I had no-where to put the water...so I started to investigate the chash-box and I thought maybe under it will be a drainage, but what I did found out was that under the box was only the ground, and I was like several floors up, I could see the ground from the hole, and now suddenly all walls was gone and I was with my legs like in a corner with one leg on the building where I did have my store and the other leg on the other buildings corner, down was a pile of cleyed earth like it has rained so it is wet and muddy...I had a thought to jump down but then I changed my mind and was thinking there must be staires to use.

[IA56]

Last night in my dream I was able to look from abowe down to my body, and I did see glowing part ...I was sleeping on my stomache so these glowing parts was on my back, I have injuries at these part´s in my flesh body...as I understand this dream is...my injuries/damages will be my strengths when the healing is done.

[Tutor]

imagination running wild = the unknown child within; silenced voice/expression lurking in forced shadows; dis-integration
unimaginable life = known child within; integration; healing = wholeness

exhalation = dis-integration when within is unknown
inhalation = always and in all ways...integral, whether one owns/knows it or not

to know thyself; to thine own self be true (true self); love thy neighbor as theyself (actualization such there is no "without" and all in all is of the within, within the within; when the within is felt without then what is without cannot but be without that which is within; when the within is felt within then that which was without is felt as that which is within feel-able.

there is only the inner child, eternal and undying, spirited, as to say, like a spring where water reveals from an unknowable source, such that the spring is the knowable source, as an image of an unknowable Image, yet an Image knowable be-cause the image knows through the effects of the experiential self-evident. geh-Tzemani - self-same - human nature; 'geh' the pointer to the actual object of reference, tzem means same, ani means self. within this garden (Gethsemani), like our Lord Jesus Christ, we all may in the same way as did He for Us, through Him, come...

For, Jesus did come through the Gateway of our Human Nature, it therefore redeemed (a new spirit)...ya see.

not the spirit of dis-integration, but rather, the comforting spirit of integrality (wholeness).

integrality has no requirement of focused reality, Life just is that which justifys (directionally) One's way with undeniable Truth of them human self.

imho

[IA56]

imagination running wild = the unknown child within; silenced voice/expression lurking in forced shadows; dis-integration
unimaginable life = known child within; integration; healing = wholeness

exhalation = dis-integration when within is unknown
inhalation = always and in all ways...integral, whether one owns/knows it or not

to know thyself; to thine own self be true (true self); love thy neighbor as theyself (actualization such there is no "without" and all in all is of the within, within the within; when the within is felt without then what is without cannot but be without that which is within; when the within is felt within then that which was without is felt as that which is within feel-able.

there is only the inner child, eternal and undying, spirited, as to say, like a spring where water reveals from an unknowable source, such that the spring is the knowable source, as an image of an unknowable Image, yet an Image knowable be-cause the image knows through the effects of the experiential self-evident. geh-Tzemani - self-same - human nature; 'geh' the pointer to the actual object of reference, tzem means same, ani means self. within this garden (Gethsemani), like our Lord Jesus Christ, we all may in the same way as did He for Us, through Him, come...

For, Jesus did come through the Gateway of our Human Nature, it therefore redeemed (a new spirit)...ya see.

not the spirit of dis-integration, but rather, the comforting spirit of integrality (wholeness).

integrality has no requirement of focused reality, Life just is that which justifys (directionally) One's way with undeniable Truth of them human self.

imho
Thank you Tim.

[IA56]

next occasion...drop down to knees at eye level as if greeting a child, with same strength and fearlessness, same misgiving to hurt; and make a friend. the friend already there, which imaginatively revealed to you what or who is in your heart.

I must ask you what you mean, you can not be friend with an wild animal, you can train it but never be friend with?? If you mean sometning metphorically then tell it right out, please..

TIM!!

I´d like you to answere to this post and my question, please.

[IA56]

Last night I had a dream that I was on a bus...traveling like a bus trip in a group....we did make a stop and I did see from the bus window into the store that there was very interesting magazines what I wanted to look closely too...but the bus drivers said that we must continue our trip that on the way back I can go to the store, there will be more time...when we did return I went to the store, but the magazines was gone, I asked where they are, and the owner said he sold them...the store was odd...there was things like in strange places...a meat selling place in middle of the store...and I asked if they have candys in bags...yes he said...but I couldn´t see any...because they where in such a strange places and all over the place...like one bag in a bowl and one other in a can, so I had like run all over the place to see what they had...then I decided what I wanted and pointed out the candy bag I wanted to buy...then he went to another place and it was a big cupbord, a whole wall was like a cupbord, and he opened the wall and took the candy bag out, but the strange thing was he never did take his eyes of me...so he did be in a very odd possission facing me and like behind his back take the candy bag out of the wall what was a cupbord??...I did also have odd purse...I had so much things and my money in coins on the bottom of the purse....I had odd things in my purse, have no words to tell, what I remember was my surprising over my own purse what it contented.

[eyeoneblack]

Hi, IA. Would you say everything was in disarray? The magazines were the lure, but the charter bus had something necessary to finish before the 'temple' store could be entered. The 'priest' clerk was demonstrating to you that all was known - that looking wasn't necessary. Close your eyes and whatever you find will be exactly what you (weren't looking for) but exactly what you need.
Don't look in your purse, you don't understand what's in there until you understand it is full of anything you need.

Hmm. That even puzzles me....

[IA56]

Hi, IA. Would you say everything was in disarray? The magazines were the lure, but the charter bus had something necessary to finish before the 'temple' store could be entered. The 'priest' clerk was demonstrating to you that all was known - that looking wasn't necessary. Close your eyes and whatever you find will be exactly what you (weren't looking for) but exactly what you need.
Don't look in your purse, you don't understand what's in there until you understand it is full of anything you need.

Hmm. That even puzzles me....

Hmmm...when thinking about the dream, when I was trying to go out to the store, it come from nowhere a long cue of people who was coming into the bus so I was not able to go out to the store....and then when we come back and I was able to go to the store, all was as you put it..disarray..like all was made so hard and I was not able to find anything, and it did awaken stress in me...I did not have that long time because the bus was waiting....and what I was interested in ...was no longer there, it was sold...and I felt I want to buy something...but it was like nothing what I could be interested in wasn´t there...I felt bean opposed...
So you say...close your eyes and whatever you find will be exactly what you need....do you say here that I shall close my eyes and feel what I need...as a practise??

[eyeoneblack]

So you say...close your eyes and whatever you find will be exactly what you need....do you say here that I shall close my eyes and feel what I need...as a practise??

I guess what I'm saying is we, none of us, really don't know what we need and to think we do is an illusion. So, in a way, just reach in the grab-bag and let God hand you what He knows you need.

[IA56]

I guess what I'm saying is we, none of us, really don't know what we need and to think we do is an illusion. So, in a way, just reach in the grab-bag and let God hand you what He knows you need.

Okay, thank you, I will give it a try and see what comes up :-)

[Tutor]

ia,

there is nothing to "tell right out", for as soon as it leaves your lips, it out is wronged. the point of it is to suggest that within anyone is an imagination which clothes, and that individual imagination is the private closet in which all clothing is stuffed full. no one can have what is real told right out, for what is real [YOU] ever remains within unwronged, unless of course the one within believes that it is wronged, thereby being clothed in what it is not. one is ever naked, ever vulnerably exposed, and therefrom grasps with the gropings into the dark until alas it realizes that freedom and nakedness [within] are one and the self-same.

clean that child's closet out, go within it, sit there and saying nothing...pray...listen........................... .............

[IA56]

ia,

there is nothing to "tell right out", for as soon as it leaves your lips, it out is wronged. the point of it is to suggest that within anyone is an imagination which clothes, and that individual imagination is the private closet in which all clothing is stuffed full. no one can have what is real told right out, for what is real [YOU] ever remains within unwronged, unless of course the one within believes that it is wronged, thereby being clothed in what it is not. one is ever naked, ever vulnerably exposed, and therefrom grasps with the gropings into the dark until alas it realizes that freedom and nakedness [within] are one and the self-same.

clean that child's closet out, go within it, sit there and saying nothing...pray...listen........................... .............

But there is always to tell it right out....first have to tell from what level you are expressing your self from...and what I mean by level is...if it is from our physical dimenstion here on earth....or if it is metaphorically from our inner dimensions...
So from the beginning I asked you what you mean because I did not understand from what level you express your self...so I did another try and asked if you meant our physical world or metaphorically from our inner....and you can never be friend with an wild animal here on earth, you can train it but never relax and think you can be friend, it is a wild animal....and if you talk about the "beast/shadow" then you can transform it and must do so to enter to "higher" realms...
So...all would have bean cool for me if you had said the inner ...as I see it is that you are expressing and now you use the word...child....and clothes....I do understand.

I feel stress infront of your saying...there is nothing to "tell right out", for as soon as it leaves your lips, it out is wronged

I do not agree here...there is a truth in every level and moment you speak from...this truth will change when you move to another level, there is that levels truth....and then there is the outer most truth what is the prize...and this outer most truth is our drive in life/evolution...we will never know this outer most truth it is impossible to do so, because life is never ending stream...so what does stress in me...is if we start to stagnet and think....that the word are wronged as soon it leavs your lips...then WHAT use is there then to talk??? Then I can be silent and only observe....

Love
ia

[newfreedom]

What do you mean by the word 'friend' IA in this context ?

If one has a telepathic abililty with animals, wild or otherwise, WHY would these 'animals' (beings) not be condsidered as 'friends', teachers, family & kin.

And again if one could communicate with wild animals in this way, THEN 'right' action, appropriate behaviour & safety could be ensured for both species...... some humans do have this ability... it's there for all of us, so i am gradually experiencing/ finding out :-)x

[IA56]

What do you mean by the word 'friend' IA in this context ?

If one has a telepathic abililty with animals, wild or otherwise, WHY would these 'animals' (beings) not be condsidered as 'friends', teachers, family & kin.

And again if one could communicate with wild animals in this way, THEN 'right' action, appropriate behaviour & safety could be ensured for both species...... some humans do have this ability... it's there for all of us, so i am gradually experiencing/ finding out :-)x

Off course you can be friend when right level is aschived...I was talking about earthlings who do not have come this far in theire development...so it has to do with the level from where you act....all will change in time and level...every level has it´s own truths...

[Tutor]

hmmmm, reading back in this thread, i fail to see the switch from the wolf in a dream to an actual wolf in the wilds of earth. for me, the best friend i can be to animals in the wild is leave them alone, no interference, and do what i can do to insure that their natural habitats are protected. beyond that, and beyond the potential occurence of contact with a wild animal, i cannot see why anyone would wish to forge relationships.

study of the wild is for anyone, the naturalist, and is kept at the lowest risk to the wild animal and the lowest impact on the environment which the animal requires. so naturally this limits what is humanly possible as to "friendship". hell it is hard enough to be friends when human is with human, much less attempting to intimately touch a wild animal.

truth at levels, oh my. well if truth has 99 steps, i suppose the first step is a mighty daunting undertaking, the 50th step would be like oh my god is this ever gonna end, and the 99th would be like i aint doing that again. 99 would then equal the sum of ok now what. at the very least one would have experienced true commitment i suppose, and then feel good about it.

look at a mobius strip (sp?). after 99 steps one is still themself, a bit wiser perhaps in that they aint doing that again, and they are more satisfied with being themself as they are. beyond that, linear thought patterns always work out to a puppy chasing it's tail.

it all seems to come DOWN to, just exactly WHAT is one's rightful business in which to attend to.

like you said, from where you act. one should act from the present moment alone, the now within which attending to is an actuality of themself to ACT. this 'act' to include the choice of inaction which is an action by choice. if one cannot attend to the present moment, then certainly all will change in time and level, however, one has not changed at all and feels swept along without any part in the entirety of the happening. that part missed? their actual self having ACTED.

Ghandi: "be the change you wish to see in the world"

so if you'd like to see more folks minding their own damn business, so that they might identify the real business at hand; then actually attending to your own business is the action of choice.

question is, what is one's rightful business...at hand?

I find it hard just being a friend to Me, that my Self is a maintained overall sense of what is rightfully human. my experiential evidence, baggage given in life up to now, is a pack of lies that all work at denying my rightful humanous as I am presently being.

until such time as this given conflict is rectified, i cannot in TRUTH throw out linear thought patterns toward befriending wild animals. I mean, i'd just make a mess of that which is naturally in balance with itself, it having no baggage unless of course I gave mine to it.

escapism would have us thinking and doing that which is none of our damn business. we needs be getting down to the nitty gritty of being our selves in the ridding of "conflictuality" and the beginning of by god actuality.

the ladder of the magician is running like hell from their unattended to muggle/human, you can bet your arse on that. thus is the power of escaping the TRUTH by scattering it about until it is by god as unrecognizable as that poor arse muggle/human lost to self-loathing.

conflictuality brings us all to our knees, right slap dab into just exactly what is one's rightful business to actually be attending to.

end...

if there is non-agreement with these statements, then so be it. i actually aint trying to win a popularity contest, and am in no way intentually being offensive to anyone.

POWER is not my drug of choice; Love is...

I don't ever give up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktpTyT1Wj_I

let the "somewhere" that Love is...Be YOU!

For my Self, I am with Me.

Love the One You're With: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJOcupCMG1M

[IA56]

hmmmm, reading back in this thread, i fail to see the switch from the wolf in a dream to an actual wolf in the wilds of earth. for me, the best friend i can be to animals in the wild is leave them alone, no interference, and do what i can do to insure that their natural habitats are protected. beyond that, and beyond the potential occurence of contact with a wild animal, i cannot see why anyone would wish to forge relationships.

study of the wild is for anyone, the naturalist, and is kept at the lowest risk to the wild animal and the lowest impact on the environment which the animal requires. so naturally this limits what is humanly possible as to "friendship". hell it is hard enough to be friends when human is with human, much less attempting to intimately touch a wild animal.

truth at levels, oh my. well if truth has 99 steps, i suppose the first step is a mighty daunting undertaking, the 50th step would be like oh my god is this ever gonna end, and the 99th would be like i aint doing that again. 99 would then equal the sum of ok now what. at the very least one would have experienced true commitment i suppose, and then feel good about it.

look at a mobius strip (sp?). after 99 steps one is still themself, a bit wiser perhaps in that they aint doing that again, and they are more satisfied with being themself as they are. beyond that, linear thought patterns always work out to a puppy chasing it's tail.

it all seems to come DOWN to, just exactly WHAT is one's rightful business in which to attend to.

like you said, from where you act. one should act from the present moment alone, the now within which attending to is an actuality of themself to ACT. this 'act' to include the choice of inaction which is an action by choice. if one cannot attend to the present moment, then certainly all will change in time and level, however, one has not changed at all and feels swept along without any part in the entirety of the happening. that part missed? their actual self having ACTED.

Ghandi: "be the change you wish to see in the world"

so if you'd like to see more folks minding their own damn business, so that they might identify the real business at hand; then actually attending to your own business is the action of choice.

question is, what is one's rightful business...at hand?

I find it hard just being a friend to Me, that my Self is a maintained overall sense of what is rightfully human. my experiential evidence, baggage given in life up to now, is a pack of lies that all work at denying my rightful humanous as I am presently being.

until such time as this given conflict is rectified, i cannot in TRUTH throw out linear thought patterns toward befriending wild animals. I mean, i'd just make a mess of that which is naturally in balance with itself, it having no baggage unless of course I gave mine to it.

escapism would have us thinking and doing that which is none of our damn business. we needs be getting down to the nitty gritty of being our selves in the ridding of "conflictuality" and the beginning of by god actuality.

the ladder of the magician is running like hell from their unattended to muggle/human, you can bet your arse on that. thus is the power of escaping the TRUTH by scattering it about until it is by god as unrecognizable as that poor arse muggle/human lost to self-loathing.

conflictuality brings us all to our knees, right slap dab into just exactly what is one's rightful business to actually be attending to.

end...

if there is non-agreement with these statements, then so be it. i actually aint trying to win a popularity contest, and am in no way intentually being offensive to anyone.

POWER is not my drug of choice; Love is...

I don't ever give up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktpTyT1Wj_I

let the "somewhere" that Love is...Be YOU!

For my Self, I am with Me.

Love the One You're With: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJOcupCMG1M

Tim, I am happy that you did give me this long time and several turns about this wolf thing...the ground reason to my reaction was actually my father´s ignorance as parent...he never gave me right answeres to my questions, he always joked away what ever I asked him...and my reaction was that if not those who know things, hold´s away answeres from people, a situation can turn ugly and could have bean avoided if right information was shared...so you awoke my holy anger towards my childhood and it took me many years to find out all "lies" I want to call them so because it was done by my father who has the responsibillity to teach me as his child...but he and mother never saw me as a child, and I did awoke theire shortcommings and I awoke how little support they had in their childhood and they did not want to make my childhood easier....this was off course not in day knowing, but subconsious but nevetherless I awoke it and they did not want me to be smarter then them...so ...I love my parents off course but this is how it was, I off course have cried my eyes out in years before I could see the whole generations heredittery..or what to call it...I am still in some kind of process so I have very hard to hold the thought straight...so I beg you pardon Tim if I have offended you, please understand that I am never illwill but the holy anger takes me time to time and throws me back to childhood or somewhere els where I have hardtime to get things in order...so bear with me, please, I am only human trying to undertand life.

Love
ia

[Tutor]

lordy ia, i am not offended. you dont need a reason to justify your words. child, we're all human trying to understand life. welcome to our collective TRUTH. please free yourself to write or have written whatever your mind and heart desire. I too have been an ignorant parent. who can see rightly without looking back on what it was from what it undeniably is. holy anger..., well what is wrong with human anger. if we as humans aint holies from our human beingness, then how can "other" ever be the HOLY of Holies?

the only one you need, for want of, to be pardoned by, is YOU for your Self. let your lil ole Me be welcome as it is, as you are. aint nobody holding anything away from anyone, to hell with secrets. the answer lies asleep within the question, so if your anger awoke, then awake along with it. be peaceable with your self for your sake. aint no one to blame, for that which blames holds itself bound in secret as it holds everyone concerned bound.

anger is wrong when it is disproportionate within the present moment. the past, though being presently relevant toward healing, is not actually present. therefore, is the opportunity to see it for what it is, let it go, forgive your part in it by having forgiven every part in and of it. there aint no way in hell to change it, that's a bunch of bull crap, high in the sky well wishing. the well is deep in the earth, and that depth is akin to one's inwardness feeling so far from the surface's present location of being. stand upon the ground of your present being, leave the past in the hole in the ground, fill it full of dirt and say amen. sumptin like dat

just be yourself by letting me be me and everyone else be themselves. we are all quite full of crap, and often it is we get to be the arsehole getting rid of it. i understand, because i get angry myself, overloading the present moment with past and/or future concerns. it is what we do, and all too often find ourselves in that mess getting nothing done to any lasting affect.

the hardest thing to be is the true self presently being. it requires self-accountability, honesty, forgiveness, and the responsibility to give away to others the same things one expects to get for one's self.

because you feel deeply offended in your own life you also read others as either being offended or as offending you. this is akin to being blind, or blinded by your own self-misunderstandings, and has nothing to do with anyone else. this is reading to see, and what you have the opportunity to see from this mis-shapen reading is none other than you as you are. embrace this you as you are with the understanding that you seek from others and never seem to get. along this practice you will arrive at seeing to read, whereof you realize that we are all in the same boat, the same mis-shapen mess. understanding this, you will then be abled to actually be helpful towards being understanding and compassionate to others crying out in their particular wildernesses for what they can only give to themselves first. [it is not a "something" that can be faked, because it is someone that is no longer faking.]

to be or not to be, that is the question. shakespear

it is easy not to be, thus escaping the hardest and poor ole "to be" is left lying asleep within the question.

the simple answer is never good enough, and when shared is apt to cause "holy anger", i reckon so.

i love this Forum, it offers a lot. but what is offered is mediated daily by folks who administrate and moderate from the awakened perspectivity, they as praticing actualized as they can daily muster given the lives they too humanly forge. i cannot imagine sometimes how they bear with me, or us. they are quite an understanding bunch of folks.

thank you for your honesty ia,

Tim

[IA56]

lordy ia, i am not offended. you dont need a reason to justify your words. child, we're all human trying to understand life. welcome to our collective TRUTH. please free yourself to write or have written whatever your mind and heart desire. I too have been an ignorant parent. who can see rightly without looking back on what it was from what it undeniably is. holy anger..., well what is wrong with human anger. if we as humans aint holies from our human beingness, then how can "other" ever be the HOLY of Holies?

the only one you need, for want of, to be pardoned by, is YOU for your Self. let your lil ole Me be welcome as it is, as you are. aint nobody holding anything away from anyone, to hell with secrets. the answer lies asleep within the question, so if your anger awoke, then awake along with it. be peaceable with your self for your sake. aint no one to blame, for that which blames holds itself bound in secret as it holds everyone concerned bound.

anger is wrong when it is disproportionate within the present moment. the past, though being presently relevant toward healing, is not actually present. therefore, is the opportunity to see it for what it is, let it go, forgive your part in it by having forgiven every part in and of it. there aint no way in hell to change it, that's a bunch of bull crap, high in the sky well wishing. the well is deep in the earth, and that depth is akin to one's inwardness feeling so far from the surface's present location of being. stand upon the ground of your present being, leave the past in the hole in the ground, fill it full of dirt and say amen. sumptin like dat

just be yourself by letting me be me and everyone else be themselves. we are all quite full of crap, and often it is we get to be the arsehole getting rid of it. i understand, because i get angry myself, overloading the present moment with past and/or future concerns. it is what we do, and all too often find ourselves in that mess getting nothing done to any lasting affect.

the hardest thing to be is the true self presently being. it requires self-accountability, honesty, forgiveness, and the responsibility to give away to others the same things one expects to get for one's self.

because you feel deeply offended in your own life you also read others as either being offended or as offending you. this is akin to being blind, or blinded by your own self-misunderstandings, and has nothing to do with anyone else. this is reading to see, and what you have the opportunity to see from this mis-shapen reading is none other than you as you are. embrace this you as you are with the understanding that you seek from others and never seem to get. along this practice you will arrive at seeing to read, whereof you realize that we are all in the same boat, the same mis-shapen mess. understanding this, you will then be abled to actually be helpful towards being understanding and compassionate to others crying out in their particular wildernesses for what they can only give to themselves first. it is something that cannot be faked, because it something that comes from what is no longer faking.

to be or not to be, that is the question. shakespear

it is easy not to be, thus escaping the hardest and poor ole "to be" is left lying asleep within the question.

the simple answer is never good enough, and when shared is apt to cause "holy anger", i reckon so.

i love this Forum, it offers a lot. but what is offered is mediated daily by folks who administrate and moderate from the awakened perspectivity, they as praticing actualized as they can daily muster given the lives they too humanly forge. i cannot imagine sometimes how they bear with me, or us. they are quite an understanding bunch of folks.

thank you for your honesty ia,

Tim

Thank you Tim, I am so happy it eventually did sink to the bottom so now I can breath more freely :-)

Love
ia

[IA56]

I guess what I'm saying is we, none of us, really don't know what we need and to think we do is an illusion. So, in a way, just reach in the grab-bag and let God hand you what He knows you need.

Hi eyeoneblack,
I have bean meditating over this and all it comes up is my own feeling of reason that I have all I need in the now...I have enough of food, shelter, love, and I do know the reason why it is like this in my life in this moment, and I know this is not how it will be as long as I live in this form as I am now...I know that the only sure thing is change....so in this moment I have all I need and I feel happy....I know when I am ready there will be a new job for me, but it is not time yet, I have learned to wait and keep me cool and stop running...so I have to first learn to be in peace before all starts again, so I learn not to burn me out by stress and worry....I am not there yet, the day I get a new job I know I am ready.

Love
ia

[eyeoneblack]

Well, I wish you the best on that. You should let me know if a job is something you need. In my own little way I've been known to help with things like that :). It seems to me you are ready and so I'll WISH my hardest for you.

[IA56]

Well, I wish you the best on that. You should let me know if a job is something you need. In my own little way I've been known to help with things like that :). It seems to me you are ready and so I'll WISH my hardest for you.

Thank you eyeoneblack...Are you showing me your double humour here..I'll WISH my hardest for you...:-)..??

Love
ia

[eyeoneblack]

Thank you eyeoneblack...Are you showing me your double humour here..I'll WISH my hardest for you...:-)..??

Yes, I just didn't want to say anything about my efforts so I just called it 'wishing' hehe.

E1B

[IA56]

Yes, I just didn't want to say anything about my efforts so I just called it 'wishing' hehe.

E1B

:-)
Now I know how that feel´s when you do your double humour :-)

[eyeoneblack]

:-)
Now I know how that feel´s when you do your double humour :-)

Yes, I guess it's humor, but there is a serious side as well. I do not believe that one should put voice to their practices/ evolving understanding of the 'mysteries'. To do so somehow deprives the practice and person of the full weight of the Power being sought.

For me, it is an intensely personal journey, I 'know what I know' but dare not speak it as this 'knowledge' becomes frail when expressed in words to the community. It is stronger if I keep it 'close to my chest'.

Love to you Ia,

Richard

[IA56]

Yes, I guess it's humor, but there is a serious side as well. I do not believe that one should put voice to their practices/ evolving understanding of the 'mysteries'. To do so somehow deprives the practice and person of the full weight of the Power being sought.

For me, it is an intensely personal journey, I 'know what I know' but dare not speak it as this 'knowledge' becomes frail when expressed in words to the community. It is stronger if I keep it 'close to my chest'.

Love to you Ia,

Richard

Hi Richard,
I do not agree with you here, if you keep all to your self it will not get any air and will rotten in time, to share is to keep your self healthy...We are all ONE so how can you think there is anything to keep in secret??..To be open is to let the light in, and very good training to get out the possessed owned feeling, if this is hard then it will be very hard battle to let go...and life will become very hard and keep´s you on guard and you do not get what you a titlet to have....LOVE.
This is my oppinion and view what evolution is and to grow healthy.

Love
ia

[IA56]

This morning I was on several levels (can I say like this?) I did in my dream be walking on ice and slipped backwards and my whole body did jerk I hear this converstion I wrote in another thread us having an thelepahtical conversation..I hear this voice saying...Interested about core things and I answered absolutely and at the same time I was thinking half awake whitch embroidery shall I continue today....my brothers 50 yrs gift or my other brothers sons son´s gift, he is the newly arrived into our family :-)
Interesting indeed.

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt that I was sitting in someones kitchen, and she said something I do not remember now, but I answered that it might have to do something with my dreinage tube, and at once I had said that I started to feel strange, my sister did look at the drainage tube and lifted up it so I could see it too....it was a lot of blood in the tube....I started to think what could it be, I have got a new med and I was thinking if it do affect my kidneys...but then it shifted to another dream...

where my sister was flirting with a unknown man for me...but my ex bf was sitting there too, and for a demostrating me that she does not care for my bf and like flirted with the other guy, but in my world is the same...she is married and this kind of behaving I hate, so I did not show any motions and I did not feel anything but tiredness, will this not ever end....so I went into the kitchen and when my sister did not get out the wanted reaction in me, she did come after me, now she looke little bit emarresed in her face and was little bit agitated when she continued to tell theire plans and I was listening politely....

[IA56]

I had a interesting experience last night....I have noticed that something are keeping me from to reach a deep relaxation, and this I was very aware last night, (I was tensed up from inside of me, I could feel this very clear, but I was also thinking if someone outside could like project that I tensioned u?)..I was doing deep breathing and I could time to time feel that I did get deeper relaxation and then suddenly I have very much high vibrations and first I did not remember it is to get out of body wibe´s..I suddenly remembered one of my friends telling me that if you form your fingers to triangel and hold it in front of you, it is a banichment also....so because I did not remember the out of body wibes but thought it was some intruder I started to try to put my hands to form the triangel but gosh how difficult that was...and suddenly I see my left had making a tringel with the tip upwards and my right hand making an triangel with the tip down wards, and both triangels did not have the bas but was making this is it a romb when two trinagels is put togeather with the bases towards eachothers and tip´s pointing up and down??

Now I also remember that during the 2002-2006 when I did feel something was be done to my body, I did ask that why are they drawing cabels from my head up-wards and from my base-chakra down-wards, and me being like an transformator in the middle and a the energies going through me, I was terrified and they did smile to me and they worked very fast so they would finnsish the work before I could stop them and not let them do this, because of my fear and not knowing for what is this done, and makeing me to partisipate without me knowing in what....so strange, can someone answere to me what this was about??

[eyeoneblack]

I can't really offer much, Ia, but you asked me to so I'll say what I can.

Seems to me you are conditioned to expect malevolent intentions, even if a benevolent and kind person/entity has come into your 'space'. I was replying to WhiteMonkey about a laughing wizard which was translated by her as evil. I suggested the laughing Wizard may well be a friend making merry of her shyness. Likewise, if you could do a flip-flop on your expectations you may find a whole new and kinder world out there.

Ok, then that's my two cents....

Love, Richard

A dream segment, afterthought -
Years ago when I was a member of my first 'dream site', I had what was for me a water-shed moment in dream where I was confronted by an assembly of thugs. I knew they were bad news but I had to get through them. When I was just about free of the situation one of them put a knife to my belly. He hid what he was doing from the others and spoke lowly to me about the danger I was in.

I called out to the others of the gang and said, "Hey. This idiot's got a knife at my stomach!" One of the others called out, "(Name) leave the guy alone." My tormentor backed off and I was free to finish my mission to rejoin my 'Princess in the Tower'.

I never again felt fear or threatened by negs/demons - I would cast them aside or out-wit them, but I would win. Often just ignoring them was effective.

[IA56]

I can't really offer much, Ia, but you asked me to so I'll say what I can.

Seems to me you are conditioned to expect malevolent intentions, even if a benevolent and kind person/entity has come into your 'space'. I was replying to WhiteMonkey about a laughing wizard which was translated by her as evil. I suggested the laughing Wizard may well be a friend making merry of her shyness. Likewise, if you could do a flip-flop on your expectations you may find a whole new and kinder world out there.

Ok, then that's my two cents....

Love, Richard

A dream segment, afterthought -
Years ago when I was a member of my first 'dream site', I had what was for me a water-shed moment in dream where I was confronted by an assembly of thugs. I knew they were bad news but I had to get through them. When I was just about free of the situation one of them put a knife to my belly. He hid what he was doing from the others and spoke lowly to me about the danger I was in.

I called out to the others of the gang and said, "Hey. This idiot's got a knife at my stomach!" One of the others called out, "(Name) leave the guy alone." My tormentor backed off and I was free to finish my mission to rejoin my 'Princess in the Tower'.

I never again felt fear or threatened by negs/demons - I would cast them aside or out-wit them, but I would win. Often just ignoring them was effective.


Thank you Richard for your input.
Yes I can understand it can seam as you write, but then there is not easy to try to tell the situation I was in with the very strong energies comfronting me, and the energy was so strong that I had so hard to move my hands/arms to make a check up, to try to understand what I am in front of...and you did not even say anything about the symbol as I tried to picture out, I think that the strong energy and the symbol is what is the carrier of the situation, yet you only want to say about my malevolansy because of your own experience with me, and this is miss guiding you in your interpretation...
Maybe you could give your input about the symbols now?? Please :-)

Love
ia

[IA56]

http://www.maths.nu/hej/container/iv_ma/content/moment/gr6/photoshop_files/quad/images/romb.gif
This is the figure the triangles are supposed to form when they are passed togeather....I had the upper triangel to the left and the neather triangel to the right.....and I did understand that they shall give this picture when they are togeather....and I also felt that when I am able to do this...join them....then there is starting rather interesting things to happen...

So you who do understand about the elementas and directions of energy, please give your input, please.

Love
ia

[NightWalker]

The Bus ride dream...........more simplicity needed for a smoother journey ?

[IA56]

The Bus ride dream...........more simplicity needed for a smoother journey ?

Please could you tell what buss ride dream you are refering too, I have several of them :-)

Love
ia

[eyeoneblack]

Please could you tell what buss ride dream you are refering too, I have several of them :-)

Love
ia

The one where everything was in disarray.

[IA56]

The one where everything was in disarray.

Hi Richard,
Have NW told you it is that disarray dream she was refering too??

Love
ia

[eyeoneblack]

Hi Richard,
Have NW told you it is that disarray dream she was refering too??

Love
ia

I think so....?

[IA56]

I think so....?

Okay, I did not notice it :-(
Feel´s little bit odd, why NW not told me ??

Love
ia

[eyeoneblack]

Okay, I did not notice it :-(
Feel´s little bit odd, why NW not told me ??

Love
ia

Not saying NightWalker told me. It just seems obvious. That was a huge and meaningful dream - sticks out like a sore thumb to me. Not aware of other bus dreams...so, I go with the one I'm with lol. :)

[NightWalker]

Lol Richard knows ur dreams well!
Yes the clutter one. If that was my dream I would take it that I Was maybe looking into too many things and getting disappointed because I couldn't find the answers all at once and along the way forgetting to enjoy the journey with those I was sharing it with. Just what comes to me anyway :) Anyway enjoyed reading some of ur dreams :)

[IA56]

Not saying NightWalker told me. It just seems obvious. That was a huge and meaningful dream - sticks out like a sore thumb to me. Not aware of other bus dreams...so, I go with the one I'm with lol. :)

Now I do ask, this has compelled me a while now...Do you have several avataras here?? If you have please stop comfusing me !!

Love
ia

[IA56]

Lol Richard knows ur dreams well!
Yes the clutter one. If that was my dream I would take it that I Was maybe looking into too many things and getting disappointed because I couldn't find the answers all at once and along the way forgetting to enjoy the journey with those I was sharing it with. Just what comes to me anyway :) Anyway enjoyed reading some of ur dreams :)

Yeah it seam´s that way he knows my dreams well.

And yes, simplicity is required really and I think it is starting to be more of that from now on...and thank you for reading my dream diary :-)

My cry sister :-)

Love
ia

[IA56]

I dreamt at august 14 that I was looking out of my window (from my room where I lived between 9-13 yrs age) I saw a very big tree and I said to the tree to come closer so I can touch it, and it leaned towards me and I could touch it, I was so happy and surprised it heard me...It was very old tree with no leave´s what so ever and it was twine like you can see from the rain-forest very old trees...

[IA56]

Last night I got a good laugh in my dream :-) it was like this.....

My mother was visiting me and we where in the kitchen ....my grandchild A was also visiting me and it was late but the door bell rang and A was expecting her friend to come over for a visit, she had forgotten to tell that my mother was on visit and she will be in chock to see that A has a friend who is a boy it is a no no in my mothers world because she do not understand that boys and girls can be friends she is always thinking the worst to happen....so when A is opening the door I did draw the curtains what I had instead of a door to kitchen to remind A that mother is here too, and the boy did come and also did see my mother, this boy did know how my mother is so he did so surprising mimic with his face what made me laugh so I did awake from the dream....it was totally so talkativ how the reality in my life is...haha.....

[IA56]

Some night´s ago I did dream that I was to a school but I noticed when I had entered the class-room that I did not have my book´s with me, so I felt no use to stay, one school-mate asked where I am going so I told that do you not see how in disorder I am...I can´t stay without book´s, what will the teachers say...so I went out of the room and put my shoes on and went to a bath-room and there was standing a man total white face and black eyes and my heart did race and jump in fear but then my teachers word´s come to me...he said...that if it is a deamon they will schrink when I come...so I went into total faith...and wow...he did schrink...you can imagen what this did to my gut´s ...yes yes yes...I am gaining in strength to be able to protect me....:-)

[IA56]

The night before this I had this dream.....The only thing I remember is that 2 men was fighting over me...one man tried to catch me, he jumped towards me but the other man did pull me at his side and the man who jumped did slide on his belly on the floor, he was totally naked?? and the man who did pull me at his side did shake me from my sholder and was yelling at me very angry??....What is this?? I was so in chock that I couldn´t hear what he was yelling at me and what was going on....no clue what so ever but it did not feel good at all.

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that me and my teacher was watching over my son from distant, I did know I was not allowed to interfer only watch...He was sitting around a table and talking with a man, this man was not kind, I said to my teacher that if he followes with this man he will be killed...yap did my teacher say....but he did not follow the man, and I did feel reliefed and I was happy...but suddenly another man did enter and sat down with my sons table...omg..was my feeling..but.....he did wisper something to my son...and my teacher did be allerted in a positive way...here I did awake from the dream.....

[IA56]

Last night I did dream several sequenses....one was very odd bicysle...I did find it very hard to bike on, so I did look closer at it and noticed that they had taken the back wheel´s...it was not an ordinary bicysle...so that did explain the
difficulty why it was so hard to bike on....I did put it in my garage to buy new wheels to.-

In this seequence I was walking around a block of houses, I did see things like thrown away, very nice things, so I thought that this might whom ever take...but with closer look it was a garage sale and I was happy I haven´t taken
anything because it was not for free :-)

In this seequence I was with my grandchildren and a man did spoke to me...he said something like this...are you
going to hide rest of you life...I was not responding to him at all...so he touched my sholder and I got like an
electrical schock...so I said....I will not try again...I have tried twice and it did end in horror....(this man did not be
my teacher so it was why I did not want to respond to him at all in the first place)

[IA56]

Last night I was to somekind of school, it was lunch and almost all food was taken, but I did find a small silver plate and it was not round but oval, I did fill it with food, the deserts was wrapped in plastic and I did feel it was not meant to me, so what I got out of this dream was that I must start to look over my portions of food and stop eating deserts :-) I have again gained in weight :-)

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt that I saw both my brothers...and I did see through theire self defence...and I felt sorry for them, I hugged them to make them secure in them self´s...then I did have the feeling to going back to body and at the same time I hear someone say....It is the drug what will wake you up.....and this did really wake me up from my dream :shock:....

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt that I was little bit like a observer....One thing that stood out was a elederly lady on a horse, she looked like my ex mother in law...she had a small smile on her lips, she was more developed then me and she was a little bit proud of that, the horse and she was one...it was a joy to watch them. To show me how one they are...we where like high up on a platform and it was like high stone not walls but kind of, she and the horse wanted to look over the edge, and the horse put his leg on the stone and leaned forward to look over the edge...it was as easy as a human did do it...funny.

[IA56]

Very interesting dream last night....I think this is a sighn that I am balanced now in my female and male energies...the dream was like this....I was with my ex bf and his daughter (this bf do not have children) I was lying on my belly and the daughter did lye her on top of my back...there was other friends or relatives who did support this act...I did feel neutral about what was happening...she said that she will soon make me burn....and I said...I do not think so...meaning that I will not be sexually with her....now the bf did come into the room and asked me to come with him...we went to another room....and I now also did ley me on my belly and I started to cry...I said...I do not want this anymore...meaning to have relationaship not with him nor with his daughter.....he tried to make me to come to another solution so he started to cook...he did take very rare and for me never seen plant to cook from and he did for a sek get my attention...and here I did awake myself....

[IA56]

Last night dreams was that kind of dream you think you are awake but you are sleeping and dreaming...I am sleeping over at my son´s home for real.....and I dreamt that I hear my son be up and running around to bathroom and back and doing something what make´s my fear to alert...so I go up and he is behaving just like he does when he has taken drugs...so I comfront him by asking...have you taken some pills you shouldn´t have?? he denyes off course...so I start to mimic him and asking him why he does behave like this...and I am doing like he does...

Now in this seekquence I am at my own appartament in the dream and I am thinking in the dream...wow ...did I go home and I am now doing dance moves infront of the mirror...it was rather dark so I then come to think that I have not full astral sight because it was so dim....so I am wondering in the dream if I am out of body and awake...or if I am still dreaming.....I was dreaming I can tell now :-)

[IA56]

In last night dream I was instructed in some kind of martial art´s perhaps.....but the stick´s was like chop stick...so I wouldn´t notice that it was a defensive art..the moves was like I was dancing....(I rather die than rise my hand in battle)...so I am now thinking...who is the force trying change me this much??...is it for my better or only to change me??

[CFTraveler]

Sounds like Tai Chi. (Taiji, Tai Qi, Tai Chi Chuan) I'd look into it if I were you.

[Tutor]

the geisha [highly respected and wealthily kept prostitute/often the mothers of (bastard) children by (accountable-responsible) prominent men] has just such weapons tucked in her hair, and she is deady accurate with them. are they chop sticks or hair pins? both, and i imagine they are as well...weapons. change you? nah. awaken you to the fact that you would very well [humanly/motherly] respond in kind to an attack on your's? yes

to live respectful of all life being sacred [others] is as much to be prepared for death protecting [other]. such is love [you]...for your's.

"....(I rather die than rise my hand in battle)..." so yeah, just as you wrote, for holding your peace is protecting [other] from your very capable self.

this may go back to the time when you were unable to defend your's, this resolving as what you would have done if you were abled to do so. so, this dream is helping you to realize that you are not guilty by choice of what you could have done, as it were that you were unable; as well as releasing you from the shame you may feel, because you couldn't do anything to protect your's at the time, as it were, you were unable to. and this also reminds you, that even as much time has past since that time in the past, you are blessed to feel that you'd rather die than raise your hand to hurt. why is this a blessing? because most folks would feel to be hurtful from their hurtedness. so, this lil dream is packed full of personal resolve for you, as you have often [justifiably] felt that you and your's were ill-treated as if mere pieces of meat for someone else's hurtful/harmful pleasures. let go and let god; God whom righteously justifys You ~ respectfully as One who holds their peace.

[IA56]

Sounds like Tai Chi. (Taiji, Tai Qi, Tai Chi Chuan) I'd look into it if I were you.

Thank you CFT, I will look into it.

Love
ia

[IA56]

the geisha [highly respected and wealthily kept prostitute/often the mothers of (bastard) children by (accountable-responsible) prominent men] has just such weapons tucked in her hair, and she is deady accurate with them. are they chop sticks or hair pins? both, and i imagine they are as well...weapons. change you? nah. awaken you to the fact that you would very well [humanly/motherly] respond in kind to an attack on your's? yes

to live respectful of all life being sacred [others] is as much to be prepared for death protecting [other]. such is love [you]...for your's.

"....(I rather die than rise my hand in battle)..." so yeah, just as you wrote, for holding your peace is protecting [other] from your very capable self.

this may go back to the time when you were unable to defend your's, this resolving as what you would have done if you were abled to do so. so, this dream is helping you to realize that you are not guilty by choice of what you could have done, as it were that you were unable; as well as releasing you from the shame you may feel, because you couldn't do anything to protect your's at the time, as it were, you were unable to. and this also reminds you, that even as much time has past since that time in the past, you are blessed to feel that you'd rather die than raise your hand to hurt. why is this a blessing? because most folks would feel to be hurtful from their hurtedness. so, this lil dream is packed full of personal resolve for you, as you have often [justifiably] felt that you and your's were ill-treated as if mere pieces of meat for someone else's hurtful/harmful pleasures. let go and let god; God whom righteously justifys You ~ respectfully as One who holds their peace.

Thank you Tim.


Love
ia

[IA56]

Thank you Tim.


Love
ia

Hi Tim,
I was not able to respond yesterday to your writing. Now I need to ask you few things.
Do you think I have bean in pre-life a geisha and maybe killed someone and in this life I feel as I do, not to raise my hand in battle??
I am rather sure I have done horribel things and suffer in this life still .....and I have difficulty to face the past too.
In this life I have faced so much ...and I am not able to rise my hand towards anyone...but I am learning that it is not nessessary to rise hand...I have rather strong voice too...and I have bean able to make big and tall men also to back off me...:-)...with you voice only.
And then I am also learning to read a situation before I am involved or too deep into it, so I can protect me not going into danger anymore.

Love
ia

[Tutor]

Hi Tim,
I was not able to respond yesterday to your writing. Now I need to ask you few things.
Do you think I have bean in pre-life a geisha and maybe killed someone and in this life I feel as I do, not to raise my hand in battle??

I have no idea.

as far as the rest of reply goes: to be honest with you, i am pretty sure that if i wrote the responce i felt were needed here, that it wouldnt be received as it were intended. as a matter of fact, i did write one, but deleted it. i am going to back away for a spell, but dont take it personal. i take care of me first, is all.

[IA56]

I have no idea.

as far as the rest of reply goes: to be honest with you, i am pretty sure that if i wrote the responce i felt were needed here, that it wouldnt be received as it were intended. as a matter of fact, i did write one, but deleted it. i am going to back away for a spell, but dont take it personal. i take care of me first, is all.

But Tim, you have an idea and I would very much to want to hear it...please.

Love
ia

[IA56]

In last night dream I was out locked from myself....the dream was like this...I was standing infront of a big door...I did see a sigh that I was out locked and put outside of myself...someone or some part of me was kept inside the door against my own will...I did stand outside the door with someone I do not know who...and I asked...what are they doing inside....He answered...She is holding court??....

[IA56]

Last night dream was more than comfusing...I dreamt that I had married my teen boy-friend...we did not tell
anyone we got married...and his mother did be so angry...he told me that she had given him an angry look, so I told him that she has never liked me and now you did dissobey her off course she is angry....I told him also that I have not ever bean able to build an relationship to her...so now when I won she will never forgive me....but at the same time I did have a near relationship with my father...I in the dream did say to my father...this is not right...I have to choose...and off course I choose my husband...but my father are trying to talk over me to be with him....I felt embarressed in the dream if my father was in the same room as my husband and more embarressed if he did kiss me...The dream continues...I meet my mother in law and she is saying....say something to me...I asked what it could be she want to hear...he say to me...to know prices of stuff...like suggar prices...I can´t understand this...and me and he has not bean in stores at all...I am not interested about stuff...I do buy if I need something...but I do not go to stores for fun to look at stuff...ever....but she does...so me being so different than her..we do not have much to say eachothers.....my husband is also somekind of teacher...we are gathered in a class-room and with lots of books on the table...now we are dressed up and he has given me a flower as they have in USA when they graduate and go to school bal...have the flower on the arm....he had bought total black flowers to me...and he had hung an jewelery to have on me too....one person gave me a black long skirt...I said I have a skirt on me...and it is black..but not long...so I asked my husband if it is okay me to have my own skirt...and I had a orange blause...the neacleass was blue and white jeweles....I did find it odd combination of colores...but I do feel this dream is deep and profound in many ways...The details in the skirt was also telling something...it was pink....but I do not remember more about it...I was very happy to be married to him....the feeling was....at last.

[IA56]

Last night dream it is hard to word it...but the content of the dream was....that I have hard time to make sence or to get a collected picture of who and why I am...I think I am not ready yet to know...but I am going steady to soon see and know.

[IA56]

Last night in my dream I was visiting an old jewelery store....the dust was thick and you could see no-one have bean there for a long time....I did see that the prices had lowered so I could afford to buy several item´s....I did find a neackless in very lång string....in white gold...and the neackless was a triangel form and the tip was pointing down...it was made of bone ore a tooth of a whale ore something likekely...with nice diamonds and perls...very beautiful and the string was long, the triangel form did ended on my heart chakra...then I did find another neackless, in leather stings ...short one to have on your throat....over the throat chakra...I did see how beautiful it was on me....and rare too....I did find ring´s to all my fingers...I did see many of 14 carat but did not fansy them at all...I did want 18 carat at least....
This place in me is deffenetely not bean visited by me on a very long time :-)

[IA56]

Last night I did laugh a lot...Have difficult to say if it was male of female or androgyn...it does not matter but I did have a very happy night...haha ....:-)

[IA56]

In my dream last night I was seeing a pool or akvarium...they did put all kind of water animals into it...I did see a orange white fish...and a pale purple snake like fish who at once tried to eat the orange white fish but was not able to do so, the snake like fish was all over the place and trying to eat the other animals, but did not manage to do so, even I did see it did not manage to harm the other animals my fear level was high...and I did splash water on it to disturbe it from trying to eat the others....I was thinking what I shall give them for food, so they do not eat each others....but all my time did go to monitor the snake like fish and trying to keep it from eating others....
so what is this dream trying to tell me...that I do not accept the conditions of life??

[IA56]

In last night dream I was able for first time I think to really understand those part´s what I am not familar with yet...is very alien to me....Last night in the dream I asked who that 1.50 cm tall peasant is...and I did learn to know it also was me....it was so alien that I really did not feel it was any part of me....and it is funny how I did see it as a short peasant??....what kind of preconseptions do I have about peasant´s?? that I can´t feel I could be one?? So arrogant of me....
or do I feel to much as a town person that country side is not for me?? or what kind of aliantment is in my feeling about this caracter?? No clue this far....have to do some thinking and feeling....

[IA56]

In last night dream I was sitting on a sofa with a little baby, she was sitting on my right side...my uncle P did come in and sat down on a rocking chair....he did bring with him a tick, he had it on his finger and showing us it...and suddenly he did threw it towards us, and it landed on the sofa infront of the baby...I was totally paralysed and I had something in my hand...maby a pen or likely, I started to brush the tick away from the baby and suddenly a fly did company the tick and I said...from where did you come..and now the fly was so near the tick so when I bruched it did hit the fly too and I killed them....so I said...look now what you made me do..why did you not go out with the tick when you was not afraid of it...why did you made me kill it...and now both....you have made me to be a murderer......

[IA56]

Last night I had a very hard dream, it is so strange so I do not know how to tell about it....but I try....My son was nailed with bolt´s from his sholders and I was supposed to hold him in place until he die....I had no clue why we did this or them who had decided that it must be done this way...so I from beginning did listen and do as I was told to do...I could see blood coming from where the bolt´s was nailed in...but for a second I did drop my focus and some-one had drawn the bolt´s away and they where huge....several meters long...I was astoniched...but I did look around me and did not see anybody, so I told my son...that now we run...and he was like asking me if we could do that.....Yes I said we can.....I will not let you die, not this way...we run and it was like a labyrint...we met other´s too who seamed to be on the run...at last we found our way out and I met a women who did show me a blue toy car... and she was little bit in shame, because it was my grand-childrens toy...I said...they are so big now they do not play with that kind of toy´s so it is okay for you to have it....and we got out from that horror cellar of terror.

[eyeoneblack]

Hi, Ia. Been a while. :)

Knowing how psychic you are and that it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility; it is something of a coincidence your dream and my thoughts having something in common.

Yesterday I wrote a long email to my brother (a devout Christian) concerning the "Son of God". I was addressing two questions. One, is Jesus the son of god? And, two, Is Jesus your personal savior?

That I would be thinking along those lines, to anyone who knows me, is absurd, but I won't bother you with the back-story.

My mundane answer, speaking to a Christian, would be 'no' on both counts. However, very conditionally speaking, I can answer 'yes' to both questions but then I have to explain a bit about Kaballah and that was the nature of the email.

It's hard to explain, but your dream is an analogy of my letter vis a vis the crucified Son, the escape and a toy that is no longer relevant.

Yes, it would take too many words to explain but I think you get it.

[IA56]

Hi, Ia. Been a while. :)

Knowing how psychic you are and that it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility; it is something of a coincidence your dream and my thoughts having something in common.

Yesterday I wrote a long email to my brother (a devout Christian) concerning the "Son of God". I was addressing two questions. One, is Jesus the son of god? And, two, Is Jesus your personal savior?

That I would be thinking along those lines, to anyone who knows me, is absurd, but I won't bother you with the back-story.

My mundane answer, speaking to a Christian, would be 'no' on both counts. However, very conditionally speaking, I can answer 'yes' to both questions but then I have to explain a bit about Kaballah and that was the nature of the email.

It's hard to explain, but your dream is an analogy of my letter vis a vis the crucified Son, the escape and a toy that is no longer relevant.

Yes, it would take too many words to explain but I think you get it.

Richard, no matter how many word´s it will take for you to tell the whole story, so please I insist you to do so, you have told me you love to write so please, whole story and nothing but the whole story.

Love
ia

[IA56]

WoW...Last night dream have given me a new angle to look from...I am not sure I can tell the dream but the content of the dream was little bit like this....The life I have faced and are facing...on the physical plan it is represented by people who is in my life or whom I meet casual or at a working place or other places, even occational meeting´s ...like someone throwing theire anger or love for that matter on me....total randomly sometime´s and without any understanding from my part so far....but in this dream it did show up that all this....if it is chaising or horror I meet in my dream´s...someone haunting me and I just barely do escape it...and in last night dream it did come out like....part´s of my self what need´s to be understood or adressed by me...are these chasing personalities...and it does come out like this....I need to stop running and face all part´s of my self...I am sure all this bad behaving´s are going to stop against me...when I have dared to face all part´s in me what are trying to come through to me...so I can intergrate them and be whole again....wow....

[eyeoneblack]

Richard, no matter how many word´s it will take for you to tell the whole story, so please I insist you to do so, you have told me you love to write so please, whole story and nothing but the whole story.

Love
ia

Ia, this is rather personal but not so much as to embarrass. It is the letter to my brother to which I referred. Perhaps I'll tie the symbolism to your dream a little more coherently if you request.

On observation #1: that I am a Christian under SOME definition.


The article refers to philosophies/ideologies of Christians. It does not pose what I would expect from a worth-while Christian, the queries 1) is Jesus the Son of God?, and 2) do you accept Jesus as your personal savior? I guess these are 'givens' to the likely readership of the article.


So I can find myself in a mix of many philosophical/ecclesiastical permutations of the Person and Gospel of Christ; the theological arguments embrace virtually any personal philosophy one may ascribe to. But how can I be a Christian without first passing those two tests - Son and Savior?


Mundanely, I could not answer either question except 'nay'. Never, since I was a young adult, could I reconcile a God For The Few, chosen. God is not a privilege, for he shines or rains on the good and the wicked without prejudice.


So, is Jesus the Son of God? Yes and no. To equate the Son to any representation of a material son, a child and progeny of our procreation, is a massive mistake. The notion of the son of god dates back to antiquity - to no later than the Phoenicians - for even in that nigh prehistoric time, there was represented the Son of God in stories that have survived through the ages. He was persecuted, desecrated and crucified (martyred) in the same story-line as Jesus. My point being, this story is nothing new. Jesus, the son of god, is not singular but plural.


So yes, I can testify that Jesus is the Son of God. But I have to question any theology that represents itself as the ONE AND ONLY WAY! - that being in the person of Jesus. This is probably where I break from Christianity in order that I might embrace all of human-kind. Christians, on the whole, are a proud lot in feeling that redemption is their’s alone.


I often wonder what Leigh thinks of me. That I am apostate is a given. But, if there is a battle-line, where is it? She is a communalist where I am a soloist. The church is a congregation whereas the monks are solo - seeking in private, supposedly for the benefit of all. In that sense, I would count myself a monk.


“But you can’t know God except in his workings within a group - his miracles that transform relationships - that bind us together”. That is what I hear from the genre of Leigh. Such a philosophy subsumes the personal in favor of the collective. The church is a collective, but the soul is eternally personal. Does the soul survive death? Yes, but only insofar as it recognizes its ultimate destination which is to join, indifferentially with the essence of God - the drop in the ocean, as has been said.


It disturbs me when I think that the Christian has some idea of retaining the notion/illusion of self in the hereafter. To think so severely limits the ultimate ascension of the soul. There are no individuals in the sight of god - we are but one. It is said, god respects no person.


So we come to question #2; is Jesus your personal savior?


I think you know I studied the Kabbalah (whatever the spelling) for quite a few years. It is the core of the ancient religion of the Israelites. It is esoteric even to the Rabbis and keepers of the faith of Judaism. It was those years of study that ‘brought it all together’ for me.


Central to the Kabbalah is the glyph of the Otz Chaim, or Tree of Life. Two profound realizations stemming from the study of the ‘Tree’ changed my perspective fundamentally. For one, we see that the Maker of the Universe consists of a Trinity of forces that are unknowable and, to our material minds, unfathomable. The reason is simple, these forces are subjective even unto themselves and cannot be objectified in any way at all. Sure we have symbols to represent them; the point in a circle which has no center (Kether), the hermaphroditic Son (Chokma), and the dark and sterile Mother, or Spirit (Binah). We can draw a line below these three which indicates we cannot go there. ‘We’ being a product of Creation - rather like the brain observing the mind - an inescapable conundrum. The Universe, for whatever we can perceive of it, cannot fathom the unfathomable source. We simply draw a line there for there is infinitely much to explore in the realm of the Created.


I have to check myself because I realize I could write a dense and lengthy book about my research into Kabbalah (may put that on my bucket list), but here I need to cut to the chase.


There is another Son of God represented in the realm of the Created and this is the Son of God (Jesus) of which we speak. And by His placement on the Tree it is obvious that He is the gate to the evermore ineffable regions we may, with a little license, refer to as the Kingdom.


So yes, my sights are on this ‘Son’ (Tiphareth), the gate to the Kingdom. But no, I cannot equate this ‘Son’ to anything that might be a personal savior. I do not, in fact, require a personal savior. What shall I be saved from? Myself? That is rather up to me, isn’t it?


[I hope you don’t mind that I pass these thoughts along to you. You must not be offended by them as you are more sacred to me than all philosophical mumbo-jumbo combined].


In the love of Creation and brothers,


Dick

[IA56]

Ia, this is rather personal but not so much as to embarrass. It is the letter to my brother to which I referred. Perhaps I'll tie the symbolism to your dream a little more coherently if you request.

On observation #1: that I am a Christian under SOME definition.


The article refers to philosophies/ideologies of Christians. It does not pose what I would expect from a worth-while Christian, the queries 1) is Jesus the Son of God?, and 2) do you accept Jesus as your personal savior? I guess these are 'givens' to the likely readership of the article.


So I can find myself in a mix of many philosophical/ecclesiastical permutations of the Person and Gospel of Christ; the theological arguments embrace virtually any personal philosophy one may ascribe to. But how can I be a Christian without first passing those two tests - Son and Savior?


Mundanely, I could not answer either question except 'nay'. Never, since I was a young adult, could I reconcile a God For The Few, chosen. God is not a privilege, for he shines or rains on the good and the wicked without prejudice.


So, is Jesus the Son of God? Yes and no. To equate the Son to any representation of a material son, a child and progeny of our procreation, is a massive mistake. The notion of the son of god dates back to antiquity - to no later than the Phoenicians - for even in that nigh prehistoric time, there was represented the Son of God in stories that have survived through the ages. He was persecuted, desecrated and crucified (martyred) in the same story-line as Jesus. My point being, this story is nothing new. Jesus, the son of god, is not singular but plural.


So yes, I can testify that Jesus is the Son of God. But I have to question any theology that represents itself as the ONE AND ONLY WAY! - that being in the person of Jesus. This is probably where I break from Christianity in order that I might embrace all of human-kind. Christians, on the whole, are a proud lot in feeling that redemption is their’s alone.


I often wonder what Leigh thinks of me. That I am apostate is a given. But, if there is a battle-line, where is it? She is a communalist where I am a soloist. The church is a congregation whereas the monks are solo - seeking in private, supposedly for the benefit of all. In that sense, I would count myself a monk.


“But you can’t know God except in his workings within a group - his miracles that transform relationships - that bind us together”. That is what I hear from the genre of Leigh. Such a philosophy subsumes the personal in favor of the collective. The church is a collective, but the soul is eternally personal. Does the soul survive death? Yes, but only insofar as it recognizes its ultimate destination which is to join, indifferentially with the essence of God - the drop in the ocean, as has been said.


It disturbs me when I think that the Christian has some idea of retaining the notion/illusion of self in the hereafter. To think so severely limits the ultimate ascension of the soul. There are no individuals in the sight of god - we are but one. It is said, god respects no person.


So we come to question #2; is Jesus your personal savior?


I think you know I studied the Kabbalah (whatever the spelling) for quite a few years. It is the core of the ancient religion of the Israelites. It is esoteric even to the Rabbis and keepers of the faith of Judaism. It was those years of study that ‘brought it all together’ for me.


Central to the Kabbalah is the glyph of the Otz Chaim, or Tree of Life. Two profound realizations stemming from the study of the ‘Tree’ changed my perspective fundamentally. For one, we see that the Maker of the Universe consists of a Trinity of forces that are unknowable and, to our material minds, unfathomable. The reason is simple, these forces are subjective even unto themselves and cannot be objectified in any way at all. Sure we have symbols to represent them; the point in a circle which has no center (Kether), the hermaphroditic Son (Chokma), and the dark and sterile Mother, or Spirit (Binah). We can draw a line below these three which indicates we cannot go there. ‘We’ being a product of Creation - rather like the brain observing the mind - an inescapable conundrum. The Universe, for whatever we can perceive of it, cannot fathom the unfathomable source. We simply draw a line there for there is infinitely much to explore in the realm of the Created.


I have to check myself because I realize I could write a dense and lengthy book about my research into Kabbalah (may put that on my bucket list), but here I need to cut to the chase.


There is another Son of God represented in the realm of the Created and this is the Son of God (Jesus) of which we speak. And by His placement on the Tree it is obvious that He is the gate to the evermore ineffable regions we may, with a little license, refer to as the Kingdom.


So yes, my sights are on this ‘Son’ (Tiphareth), the gate to the Kingdom. But no, I cannot equate this ‘Son’ to anything that might be a personal savior. I do not, in fact, require a personal savior. What shall I be saved from? Myself? That is rather up to me, isn’t it?


[I hope you don’t mind that I pass these thoughts along to you. You must not be offended by them as you are more sacred to me than all philosophical mumbo-jumbo combined].


In the love of Creation and brothers,


Dick

Thank you Richard,
I do understand your way to think and the Kabbalah and the Son and the savior.
That you can see the Son but the savior thing is different than an Christian way to look at it....yes I am of same thought as you are...Jesus did only tell us that he is the way to understand that we all are as he is....and are able to do miracles as he do...that it is possible for each and everyone to be able to have this personal realtionship to Father as he has...but the way as he referes too is what is to be done to make it...and here come´s the Kabbalah in and telling more that it is not possible to make nore images or understandable in a human maner...that it is only through symbolism the "higher" realms are given a picture what it is....and no word´s can express it...it has to be felt...therefore a personal experience.....Religions in a right way is a good start, then you have to go through the religions roof into the infinity so to speak.
Yes I think I understand your way to look at it...and I think we do have the same thought more or less about it.

Love
ia

[Tutor]

That's beautiful Richard. :)

Your Friend in deed,

Tim

[IA56]

Last night dream was a wow for me....I am training a beast to leave for it normal behavings...to not attack what is his pray...now I have taken the beast to near a town, and we are walking on a road, I was not counting on to meet a man with a dog, this was too early, and now the beast start´s to run and does run before me, I start to say NO, NO, to send a message and keep the beast calm....the beast runs first in my eyes as attack run towards the dog, so I go NO NO and sending energy to the beast to keep him cool and reminding him not to go there ...and the beast stop´s when he has passed by the man with the dog, and I am telling him how proud I am and I am petting him and I feel how his heart is pounding near to burst, he did good, but it did take all of him to keep his control....I feel more in power today then I have felt in many year...wow.

[eyeoneblack]

That is certainly encouraging Ia!
Brava!!!

[IA56]

That is certainly encouraging Ia!
Brava!!!

Thank you Richard :-)
and
Brava to you too on the key chasing task :-)

Love
ia

[IA56]

Last night was like many more night´s have bean rather long time now, I just remember small bit´s and peaces ....not much to write about...but last night was little more...I was in conversation with someone and I was talking about energy loss or energy vampires....and that we mostly want to put all this outside of us self´s and blame others for our energy loss....but that it always is our own created or the negative feelings we have not dealed with or worked out...and these are forming to thoughtform entities or subuccus or incubuccus...but we still do not see the connection clear...we still think these thoughformed entities are real or from outside comming when it is our own creation...but we do not want to see them...we just want to blame others for our own energy loss...and call them energy vampires and pointing finger to someone and causing problems to others when it is just us selfs whom are to blame...I feel it was very good night and informative for me to see this clear.

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt that I was in dialog with my sister and she was so angry with me that I had influnsed our fathar about Jesus....when I heard this I started to cry instantly...and I said to my sister...father is dying and he has not so much time left...and I am so sad I am not able to see him before his death......

[IA56]

Some night´s ago I dreamt that I was invited to a party with pleanty of delicious food, I was looking around and I love sweet´s a lot so I was more concentrated to the desert table´s and I did see a wonderful delicious looking cake, so I took a plate and a desert fork and took a big slice, the cake had a form of a pig, so I took like half of the pig...the head part, just as I was going to put my fork to take a bit it come alive....I knew intuitivly that I have to kill the pig, but I hesitated, I knew it was just cake, but it was so convising real, but then I put the fork and stabbed the pig on the head, and it died, I can tell it was not at all deliceous to eat it, but I knew I had to.....

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt about my grandchild A...I was looking on one site I knew she was a member of, and I saw her playing around with pasteling and cutting...she took out one womens head and put her head on her body, to protend she was her...I knew she did not understand what she was doing...so I did project me to her...and I gentle asked her if she knew who that women is...No she said...it is the site owner...OMG..she said..I did not know that...I will correct it at once...and she did put back her head and removed her´s...

I know this is a direct reaction to mine and susans dialog ....about her dream....
How we want to be someone els...instead of being happy and proud of who we are...because we know nothing whom we are...and therefore we have hard to work on our shadow side´s...we off course want to be something nice and cosy...but our animal part we do not want to know about...and just that side is the most importent side to work on...and off course the hardest too....
To get controll over and transform it ....
With LOVE it is possible and togeather by supporting each other´s we will make it.
As long as we need to reincarnate in a body we have animal side´s what has to be transformed...that is the significant sighn of to know...as long as we have a body...we have not reached our HS or the holy part what we are..or that we have to become total aware of our HS and whom we have bean in pre-lifs....and if we are not careful and choose the light or right path...we will re-generate backward´s...and have to start all over again...so be aware ..you who are here now..and has a body...you have a great opportunity to continue your path towards your HS and become that what you in your core are....



Love
ia

[IA56]

Last night in my dream I hear myself say....First thing first....we do first what we came here to do.....I do not remember what it was, but this make´s me very happy....that I am on the maine thing now....I have reached where I have strived and worked for to aschive....this give´s me courage and hope....my doubt´s are stilled and I now know my work is starting to pay off....yesterday I was feeling lost and weak and doubting....and today I am full of hope and I really really feel...my work is starting to pay off....wow.

Love to all!!

[IA56]

The night before last I did dream that I was smoking...I did react very strongly when I did notice this in the dream, and I looked around in what company I was in.,..and I did notice that it was some kind of test, or I got that feeling at least...so even I did wonder why I did smoke I did continue and finnished the cigarett and then I looked around and I was in company of 2 women and 3 men...now the did give me a glass with somekind of liqued but it was with some white smolke in and I got the feeling it might be somekind of tablett in water...I did be suspisious but I tasted it and I said...it taste like medicin...and I asked...are you trying to drug me?? I looked around the people but couldn´t tell what it was...so I said...I choose to trust you...now they went away and only one men stayed and he invited me to follow him home to his place...he said...I have 2 bottles of vodka ...now I did stop him and I said very firmly...you must know one thing...I do not drink alcohol at all....so here I did notice that I am totally sure about my feeling about alcohol but seam not to be as clear about cigaretts yet...so this tells me that I have some crawings left for sertain substances......okay....the work continues :-) off course....never ending task :-)

I woke this morning when hearing me saying...The Christenergy is it what must be understood.

[IA56]

The wierdest thing happened last night....I woke up screaming and I can´t hear my scream at all...I know I scream all what I have but not a sound can be heard??...I start to say...STOP IT....but the feeling what make´s me scream I can´t say if it is a threat against me and my security....

I can´t say why I have to scream but so much I know that it is so unpleasant or maybe it is so new to me that I can´t know if it is unpleasant but so new that I feel fear and I am afraid it is dangerous,

but I do not know....

I shouted as aloud I could....JESUS help me....JESUS ...and after this I start to say the lords pray....and I say it until I hear my own voice and I am back in my body......but what happened?? where was I..???

In a new body what had not yet developed sound and hearing?? Please help me out here if anyone know´s what I just did experienced, please help me....

and also if anyone know´s the other bodies properties....where no sound can be heard or expressed as in here on earth or the realms what is very earth like in both atmosphere and properties because of you can hear sound and express sound....

so I need to know how should I have done...in this propertie of this body where no sound could be expressed as sound??

Now when I think about it..I need to learn total new approach and thinking when I am in a realm where sound can not be expressed, I need to learn a new way to think in this realm´s..and first I have to know what and where was I??..

I know I should have kept calm and coolness so I could se what all was about...but I lost it in total fear....I need to know more how to traine myself so I can be able to be calm on new realm´s what is so different I am used to be in....so please tell me what you know about the other realm´s properties and the other bodies capasity or what to call it....the other bodies realms being or what for it they are developed to do....anyone who know´s??

[IA56]

I went back to bed and did fell to sleep and did dream this....it is hilarious...:-)

I was looking at a women with a child....like 7-8 months age...she did dress her and put also a cap on her head....I felt the mother was stressed so I said...I can take care of your child so you can cook food better...and she handed the child to me...I did put her on my hip and turned my head away for a sek and look back at the child...and she did not have the cap on her head so I asked...where is your cap...but she did not want to tell me first...but now I saw a bit of the fabrick of the cap in her armpit...and I asked her smiling...did you hide the cap...and she smiled at me and nodded....after a while she did grow up fast...and now she did have got her hair longer and she did have her hair on the forhead so long that it got over her eye´s and I was like looking at her with my mouth open...haha....now I did see her mother taken a shower and had her hair as the child..so I pointed it out to her...I said...look at your mother...you and your mother has the hair in same way....daughter as her mother and we laughed...now she have grew more older and had on her clothes when it is raining...and she did grab me with her legs and squeesed and I said...now I ought to have a tong and she looked at me and with her eyes asked...what would you do with a tong...I said...to pinch your nose so you let go of me....and she did put her hands to cover her nose...haha....it was hilarious and the atmosphere with this child it was light and happy and much fun.

I am happy to get this dream to lighten up the last night dream...I feel happy now....haha...

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt this....


I was in a big university...I was in the crowd in the big hall going to my lecture when suddenly a very good
looking man did grab me by my waist and did lead me off the building....he was talking so much that I
did not first notice that he was not interested in the subject as I was...but I did not let him lead me off the
subject and when he sat me down by a table he had vaniced...and I was now sitting with a women...it did
take few sec for me to understant that what he was trying to do was to see if he could use me as a prostitut..
and when he noticed that I was not sexually intersted in him...he left me with this women...I was telling her
about the voice what made me understand that I have to stop smoking...this was 2003...I was very ill and
couldn´t breath...and the voice said...what use is it to heal you when you do not help yourself at all...so I
stop smoking 23/12 2003...now I lef her and went back to university...I was standing on some long staires top
when I see my aunt comming from the down staires with a suitcase, I know she has bean to hospital and are now going home...and taking an elevator in middle of the staires...I was
so happy to see her...someone did try to stop me...but when I saw the expression on her face I did understand
that she did not want to talk to me.,..so I stopped me and looked at her...and said...okay...you take the elevator
and we talk some other time...she was relived and here the dream stop´s..

I was so sad and dissapointed to notice that men so far in my life has not had any interest in me as a person only how they can use me for theire own purpouses...this hurt´s.

[IA56]

Yesterday I did do a guided meditation, the purpous with the meditation was to be taken to the fires of hell to burn and speed up your karma or what ever you want to call it....and I must say that it did wonder for me....he who did guide was Maha Vajra....so this is what happened when I went to bed to sleep....before I fell to sleep I did see all these neg´s and lower entities who do or did inhabit me...and I by my own force did chase them out so I could go to sleep...the senarios was horrendes...how they eat of our energy and I now for the first time could see clearly what keeps me week and down....I am happy to have a video with this guided meditation so I can repet it as many time´s I need to come back to my strength what has bean kept away from me too long.
I know that time from now on will not be easy, because I am more aware now and can not deny anymore, now I have seen with my own eye´s how bad it is and how much work it will need to be done from my part to cleanse out all what keep´s me down.
I am happy to have all your support, thank you.
I love you all.

[eyeoneblack]

Consider it done. NO ONE CAN KEEP YOU DOWN. I love and support you, dear. Maybe 'one day' is only tomorrow away. :)

[I shouldn't have said that. Been up too late. Not to say I didn't mean it, or something.]

[IA56]

Consider it done. NO ONE CAN KEEP YOU DOWN. I love and support you, dear. Maybe 'one day' is only tomorrow away. :)

[I shouldn't have said that. Been up too late. Not to say I didn't mean it, or something.]

Thank you Richard.

Love
ia

[IA56]

Last night in my Dream I did see one good thing of my improvement...I only tell about that....it was like this....I was in a Place with people, and particularly one man did notice me more than other´s....I had an urge to go to bathroom, so I started to go towards the bathroom, and he followed me...he tried to interupt me or as I felt it...give up my own need´s and give him all the attention...so I gentle said...can it wait....he had an very surprising face...he was so sure that I will give him what he need...what was good for me to notice was my calmness and gentleness....I did know for the first time that he was not in any danger or urgent need to have my attention...so he can wait....I feel happy to notice that I am progressin truly...wow...a tap om my own sholder :-) and a high five ...yay!! :-)

[eyeoneblack]

:thumbsup:

[IA56]

Last night when I come to awarness of my Dream I was in shower..as usual I see my whole body from outside but I talk like I am in my body....I shower but suddenly I hear a Child talking to me...the Child ask´s me if I am born....I feel fear in the child´s voice and this make´s me sad that the Child is afraid of me....the Child is also showering with me but now I am imbarressed and I try to cover my nakedness so I am like standing half away from the Child and I am looking at the Child (I did not be clear if it was a boy or girl it is why I only say Child) I am trying to understand the question....if I am born....my though´s go like...what els can we be...so when I tried to diciffer the code I lost it...and I Went into Another Dream....I was on a boat and lived on it...I was taking care of a girl in a Wheel-chaire...she did complaine how hars her father was against her...and I could see old bruises on her face...they had become grean/yellow...I said...that yes, it is not easy...but I did not want to go deeper into that conversation with her...so I said we go out...and when we go off the boat we meet a women with an suitcase...the new was that I for the first time wanted to check out what is happening...so I told the girl...wait...I want to see what she is going to do...so I Went after her and asked who she is and what is she going to do...she said she is a feet care taker...I said....maybe not many are at home daytime...but feel free and knock on the first cabin door...and the door opened and in she Went...I bended me over to see and I did see her sitting on a low stool and I asked if it Went well...yes she said...and I Went back to the girl in the Wheel-chair....we Went to a café...her friends joined us and while we are sitting and enjoying our self´s...one of the girl´s ask me how long will she live...and I said...wait I have to Close my Eyes and focus...but I was not able to Close my Eyes...so I said to her...this is not allowed for me to ask...I am sorry......

The Dream ended here but I can see improvement in me...that I asked and dared to look more, and not only let everyone do what they do without daring to ask or look what is going on....so I am happy for my new development in me....it is a new boldness or what I would call it....daring to get involved maybe is more right....I take this as a good sighn.

[IA56]

I had this Dream the night Before this night...I was Walking and I meet a friend to my grandchildren...It was like a fench and a pathway and a fench on the other side of the pathway...she asked me if I am happy to soon meet my grandchildren, I felt they where with her comming to meet me...Yes I said I am beyond Words to express my happiness and love for them...I notice that a cow was coming on the pathway so I was leaning over the fench to hold the Child so the cow can´t trample down the Child...when I was holding her I felt something biting my heel´s and i noticed a lot of ant´s biting just only my heel, I was barefooted...when the cow hadd passed by I let go of the Child and bended me over to bruch away the ant´s....

Anyone to know what symbol the ant´s are??

[eyeoneblack]

Ants - a well ordered/structured community - biting your heal Hoho :-D

[IA56]

Ants - a well ordered/structured community - biting your heal Hoho :-D

Thank you Richhard, do you know when you laugh like that you remind me of my grandma and she was Always laughing in a specific way because of Deep fear...so ho ho to you too ;-)
I did get help though by your respond....my achiles heel is not to be enough grounded and therefor easy to bean cast of guard and this is also a reminder to me to work hard on grounding but also gentledlness...when I bruched off the ant´s I did it first too rough I felt I killed the ant...and got the feeling to be gentle towards me but others too...and I Think this is as much to you Richard as it is to me...

Love
ia

[eyeoneblack]

Yeah, I don't know what I mean when I use Ho Ho? LOL is passé these days. Ho ho does not equal Ha ha, I use them differently but I can't quite say why.

And yes, I believe in the community of dreams and dreamers. As you say, it may well be true of myself. :) That may be why I snapped immediately to the comment - it seemed so obvious.

Being Swedish you may have missed the play on words. I used 'heal' as in healing rather than heel as in foot. Hahha :-D. I'm so funny..... :-/



Richard

[IA56]

Yeah, I don't know what I mean when I use Ho Ho? LOL is passé these days. Ho ho does not equal Ha ha, I use them differently but I can't quite say why.

And yes, I believe in the community of dreams and dreamers. As you say, it may well be true of myself. :) That may be why I snapped immediately to the comment - it seemed so obvious.

Being Swedish you may have missed the play on words. I used 'heal' as in healing rather than heel as in foot. Hahha :-D. I'm so funny..... :-/



Richard

Richard, if you do not know why you say or do in sertain way´s, there are solutions to find out.
Self observing by meditation!!

Love
ia

[IA56]

In last night Dream I was washing disches togeather with many other´s, there was also a man with his grandchild...this did make me very happy, that men are par-taking in these so typical femal schores...and I was making a joke to the man..that hurry up and give something in hand of your grandchild...so he also has something to do.....it was a chearful and happy atmosphere.

There is hope for humanity :-)

Our Children does not do what we say to them to do, but what and how we do, they just mimic us.

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt that 2 women from Another ethnical Group then me did mock me...they where really looking down on me and laughing...I was surprised of my own coolness...they did not affect me at all as their purpous sure was to make me feel bad...

I just could see through them and feel sorry for them to mock me, I even did not know whom they are...so it is alsways easy to moch someone on hear sayings...and I Believe it is this way in our World...we hear gossip and ..bang...we Think we know something about the person and do not even bother to check up if it is true or not....

In this episode I was swiming under the Waters...and suddenly I did swim in a black sack...it was soft material and total solid, couldn´t see outside at all....and my thought Went...am I a fish cought in a net....first I was going to panic but instead af panicing I did awake me up....I admit I felt fear and are still Little bit afraid it might mean something bad, but I have to stay calm and trust all is well.

[IA56]

Last night in my Dream I was riding a bicysle....one ex boyfriend did sit behind me and did put his feet´s so I was not able to hit the break´s at all...it Went down hill and I did say repeatedly...take your feet´s away, I cant hit the break´s...so ...

this is a very good Picture how I has bean hindered in my Life...and why it Always did go down hill in my Life....no support but much to make my Life as hard and impossible as possible....and they wanted to call it LOVE???...well good training it has bean so that´s the good part what I must be greatful about :-) ...I am still alive.

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt so strange, my childhood friend T did die about 3 yrs ago, I in my Dream was visiting her, and I was so in chock to see that she still was in same condition when she passed over...full of drugs and sleeping or she was with Eyes open but as you are when you have much drugs in your system...she was only skin and bone´s, and not able to move on her own, and she was naked...I grabbed her with my left hand on her middle back and my right hand on her stomach..and I said to her...I will move you to a Place where you can start to heal...I lifted her and carried her to a new bed and this Place I knew is for healing...I appologized her for me having so Cold hand´s and I said...it is for your own good??

In this episod I was in a big room cusshies all over the floor...a Young man (short in length) who was very near me, we was lying down, I looked down on him and noticed he did not have any trousers and did have erection...I looked around the room and there was no door´s what so ever...so I said to him...I am not going to make love with you ...he said ....at all...and I said at all...not now and not later and not other Place eighder...
suddenly one other male friend of mine did put a Heavy bag on my lap...he said...now I have bought it for you...I asked what did I order from you...I opened the bag and it was an projector and a film camera...I remembered i have given him 1.500 kr..but I was so surprised that I wanted to buy this items when I am not at all interested in making film nore to photograph anything??
So this must be symbolic totally, yet I do not have a clue...

[CFTraveler]

I am not sure but do think that you did a soul retrieval. You probably helped with your friend's spiritual progress. I hope she gets through and resolves what brought her there and can move on to healing.
I would say the projector is symbolic, I'm not sure how to interpret- from the simplest 'astral projection is something that is costing you' (heavy and you owe money for it) to the more psychological 'projecting your unwanted characteristics unto others is also not good or pleasant or works for you' type of message. Only you can figure that one out.

[IA56]

I am not sure but do think that you did a soul retrieval. You probably helped with your friend's spiritual progress. I hope she gets through and resolves what brought her there and can move on to healing.
I would say the projector is symbolic, I'm not sure how to interpret- from the simplest 'astral projection is something that is costing you' (heavy and you owe money for it) to the more psychological 'projecting your unwanted characteristics unto others is also not good or pleasant or works for you' type of message. Only you can figure that one out.

Thank you CFT..This is 3 time I try to send an answere to you...??
I will not write more...

I try once more to write what I wanted to write Before but was not able because the note did dissapare into the syber....??

I hope it was a soul retrival this one would be more accurat to the reality. The first Dream I had about T when she passed over was that she come to me and asked for help, and I did take her as far as I was able to take her and then I handed over her to someone I called my co-workers....she was as healthy as she was Before she got cancer....she passed over total drugged down, so I am sure this is more right that she is sleeping because of drugs.

[IA56]

I have had 2 different Dream last night....I was talking to my mother, and I told her that she or other relatives never visited me and my son only now and then and very briefly...I told her how sad I was over this and if I had not taken my son and then later my grandchildren to my my relatives they wouldn´t know them at all...it was like a last try to make her understand this from my Point of view.

In this episod I was out shopping with a man who dressed like a women...he was very fond of clothings...I am not as you might know...but I was trying to be interested for his sake, so we could say we had a nice day shopping and had a good time....this is so strange for me...but it might show how I do things for others, and it does not have to please me so to speak....or something like this....

[IA56]

Last night I dreamt that 2 women from Another ethnical Group then me did mock me...they where really looking down on me and laughing...I was surprised of my own coolness...they did not affect me at all as their purpous sure was to make me feel bad...

I just could see through them and feel sorry for them to mock me, I even did not know whom they are...so it is alsways easy to moch someone on hear sayings...and I Believe it is this way in our World...we hear gossip and ..bang...we Think we know something about the person and do not even bother to check up if it is true or not....

In this episode I was swiming under the Waters...and suddenly I did swim in a black sack...it was soft material and total solid, couldn´t see outside at all....and my thought Went...am I a fish cought in a net....first I was going to panic but instead af panicing I did awake me up....I admit I felt fear and are still Little bit afraid it might mean something bad, but I have to stay calm and trust all is well.

This Dream me being in something soft and black and I felt cought in net....I Think this is memories of a womb...I am Reading the Tibetian book of Death...and I am sure it triggers Death and birth memories in me....what do you Think??

[IA56]

In my Dream I saw the Wheel what is pictured in Buddhism the Wheel with 8 acers...it was 4 and a half wheel in a row....and I did also observe a very Confident women eating an apple and took a very firm grip on a branch of the tree and she knew she could travel as the tree as a traveling vessel....I am totally flabbergasted.

[IA56]

Last night in my dream I was driving a car, it was dry and normal road not maybe summer , suddenly it was a downwards road and total in shiny ice...this downwards road did appeare so suddenly and unaspected so I was not prepeared to it at all and the the speed was too high, I yelled totally with my whole voice and started to think if I put smaller gear in will it slide and make the car vobble..I knew I can´t hit the breaks at all...it was too horrible for me to find out so I awakened me from the dream.

In this senario I was with my son we lived in a big house, we where both back in school, I looked at the house and saw we had forgotten to put the lights off so I gave the key´s to my son and he did go in an put the light´s off. He took the key´s in his pocket and took his bike and went off...I noticed that I had not my school bag nor my bicycle key´s...and my son had the key´s...so I had to think differently...and this part is so wierd now to think of....I did think back another house I have lived in and I did know the door was open and I went in to find my school bag and I had to take out so much things out of bag´s but I did found the school bag, but time was 20 to 8 and school begins at 8 still I did not have my phone...so I just said...take the bike and go...I did catch up my son and he was saying...look...who has taken our wheelchaire...it was like old model and it did look like it was an old military steel made...it was gray and robust...I said to my son to leave the wheel-chaire and keep biking to school so we do not come late.

This senario I was again with my son at a house block to empty one appartament...suddenly I asked the house keeper if he could open the door to another appartament, I wanted to look inside...it was like a bunker...no windows and the wall was scribbled with text and painted with many colores...I did understand something very deep...I said in my mind....no wonder when lived in such a bunker...

[IA56]

Last night I did dream that I was walking up some stone staires with buildings as you can see in middle east...I had a man going beforeme and he looked down at me and I sensed his feelings that he was not pleased me also going at same direction as him...suddenly from nowhere a women in burka did turn up and she walked down wards the staires and sholder me to get my attention...she did give me a feeling that I had to turn around and go back from where I come...I turned and looked at her and she had reached the platform below and was now sitting on a chair...I said to her...there is no enemy ...only fear is blocking...and I saw the man go indoors to the left...and I continued my walk up the staires...and here a woke up....

[IA56]

In last night Dream I was living in a very big house...My door was open and a man tried to enter from it, I did not want him to come inside of my house, so I tried to Close the door.
He put his hand´s inside so I couldn´t Close the door, but in the end I did succeed to Close the door. He was really trying me to change my mind, but I know him very well and it is no use to let him enter back to my Life.
I was so afraid in the Dream, and I run from window to window to check they are closed and he was running outside the house and screaming for me to change my mind and let him in....
To my big surprise suddenly my house was invaded with police and they told me I am protected...wow...I have a whole crowd of own police force...I am protected :-)

[IA56]

Last night I had so wonderful Dream, I was with my grandchild J and I was kissing his hand´s and face...and I said...it is so wonderful you are this old to understand things deeply so there will not be any missunderstanding, he smiled...

In this episode I was looking into my sore throat, it was red and swollen, I had hard time to swollow.

[IA56]

Last night in my Dream I did spoke to my grandchild J..it was like a several high building and his appartament was on the groundfloor and I did see it ivaded by teenagers and I knew he had to study...so I Went to the appartament but did not see J at all, so I told the teenagers to leave, they where not happy, but I did not want them to hung around alone without my granson who lived there...
I Went outside and looked up and I saw him in Another appartament and I waved to him and he opened the window...I asked him if he know how to solve the math exersice...and he said no...I did with my hands a triangel and asked him what shape it is ...and he said he did not know...I told him...I did make an rectangel and so on to help him...

In this episod I was sitting as they do have in Kina when people are carrying the wagon and it is curains so no one can see who is sitting in the wagon...to my surprise I was sitting with a man and I did not feel comfortabel at all...so I said to him that I want to walk´...I did put on my red Lovika gloves and tried to jump off...but he did not let me....so I awoke my self from the Dream...

[IA56]

Last night in my Dream my grandchild A did come to visit ...we hugged and it was so happy moment...my son said they are going to store to buy food, A want to make pasta, I looked at her and she did ask me...how long are you going to stay...I said...I can go now if you want, you only need to be straingt against me and say as you feel...she did not answere anything, so we all Went to store...when we come back she Went into her room and I Went to see what she was up to....she had build a tent and was with her dog in the tent...I bended down and looke into the tent...and she said...you know..s (the dog) is collecting my things...I said...you know what that mean´s...yes she said...he is being dominant ...yes I said...and you know what to do...

In this episod I was at my home and in only bath-robe when my x husband come over and said that I had to come with him at once...I said..I have to dress...he did not listen and did make me follow him..it was Winter and I had only this bath-robe and slippers..he said to come with him...we Went to his working Place and I felt so imbarresed, so after a while I said I go out and wait for him...and some co-workers come and I said ...can you tell L that I go and wait for him at the car...Now his son did come and he was adult..he took me by my sholders and asked me to go with him...I have never complained about theire father to them, but now I did...I did not feel good to do so...and here I awoke my self from the Dream...I did not see any Point to continue...I did divorse this man 18 yrs ago...why does these people come back into my dream´s now??

[IA56]

From last night I only remember one episode, I was in a pool and 2 of my friends was sitting by the pool. We where small talking and I was lying on my back in the water and pushed with my feet´s and floated to the other end...I pushed with my hands and floated back with my feet´s first...suddenly someone shout´s...there is a ghost hurry...and everyone run and I was left alone and the water resistans was so heavey that I hardly could move...so I shouted, please someone help me...so the women friend run back and lended her hand to me and pulled me up from the pool and we run....(I have never seen these friends before, a male and a female, yet I knew them)

[IA56]

I know why I had this dream last night, it must have bean triggered because my sister called me, and asked me if I am going to go to the big party what our first cousin is throwing up for his husband, for his 50 year birthday-party.

I told her as it is…if I am in this shape I am now, I am not going to go, but if I feel better then I might, but there is a big problem, I do not have any car but she said that can be arranged…..so the dream was like this….

I was with my x husband L..we where going to be married again…he asked me if I am sure now…I said…yes I can promise you to stay with you from now on…he said…stay with me…and I felt the deep meaning of his question….yes I said..whatever happens I will not divorse you again…but I said…I can not promise you the wedding night because we have not had any time to slowly again learn to know each others…and it will sure come later…he did be satisfyed with that answere and he went out to do some arrend…I went to bed, I was exhausted…he come back home in company with a mutual friend to us… I did have had a brief affair with this man after my divorse from L…he this man said…oh ia I see your dark curly hair, I have many pictures of that head on my pillows…I did feel at once…what did I promise to L…I feel awful, I can´t re- marry him again…I felt so embarresed and in shame…

This dream show me much about me, I make hasty decissions in the moment of now, but do not realize the consequenses of my decissions, what cause and effect they have in the long run…
This sure make me to start to see life differently and to consider my options more careful before making any choises, it matters how you decide, what out come it gives…it is very clear how easy it is to make easy choises but it has bigger effect than I could ever imagen.

Time to start to take more responsibillity and not make hasty decissions.

[IA56]

I only remember one sequense from last night...I was like over hearing a conversation between 2 people, ...

They said...I can´t call her, I have nothing wise to say....

I answered thelepatecly....You can ask how she is, it is enough reason to call.

[IA56]

In last night Dream it show clearly how ambivalent I am....the Dream was like this...I was with a male co-worker (have not ever seen him in real Life) Another co-worker a female did come down staires and she asked if we (it was like totally normal to her that me and this male co-worker Always do things togeather?) where going to eat in the Company diner, he asked what food they served today, she said something and he said no...he did like assume me to go with him, so I asked...shall we go out for a pizza and he looked at me like I was crazy..and he said firmly NO...okay I said and felt stupid....I really had liked to eat pizza...why did I not go alone out for a pizza?? I just adjusted to his wish...

Now I remember this sequense from last night...I am not sure if it was my sister or someone els but the feeling was it was her, and she did have my hospital journals, I was surprised and I started to look and read with her, and she said...there is a cat-skan do you want to see...yes I said please...I saw the x-ray Picture but my attention did go to a photo and I had hard time to see whom it was picturing...It was a christmas photo when my son was very Little, and they where dressed in White and read out fit´s..I was trying to look if I am on that photo too or not...I did show to my sister but at once she touched the photo it did change and now she had several other Pictures in her hand and she said...what do you mean...I said..now the photo dissapeared, and I was feeling betrayed....something she did not want me to know...I was dissapointed ...

In this seequence I am not sure but some relative maybe my sister or mother did call the Queen of Sweden...I was like...what...and I did see postcards written to my Brothers but no stamp on them...I was thinking to post them so they get them...

[IA56]

In last night Dream it show clearly how ambivalent I am....the Dream was like this...I was with a male co-worker (have not ever seen him in real Life) Another co-worker a female did come down staires and she asked if we (it was like totally normal to her that me and this male co-worker Always do things togeather?) where going to eat in the Company diner, he asked what food they served today, she said something and he said no...he did like assume me to go with him, so I asked...shall we go out for a pizza and he looked at me like I was crazy..and he said firmly NO...okay I said and felt stupid....I really had liked to eat pizza...why did I not go alone out for a pizza?? I just adjusted to his wish...

Now I remember this sequense from last night...I am not sure if it was my sister or someone els but the feeling was it was her, and she did have my hospital journals, I was surprised and I started to look and read with her, and she said...there is a cat-skan do you want to see...yes I said please...I saw the x-ray Picture but my attention did go to a photo and I had hard time to see whom it was picturing...It was a christmas photo when my son was very Little, and they where dressed in White and read out fit´s..I was trying to look if I am on that photo too or not...I did show to my sister but at once she touched the photo it did change and now she had several other Pictures in her hand and she said...what do you mean...I said..now the photo dissapeared, and I was feeling betrayed....something she did not want me to know...I was dissapointed ...

In this seequence I am not sure but some relative maybe my sister or mother did call the Queen of Sweden...I was like...what...and I did see postcards written to my Brothers but no stamp on them...I was thinking to post them so they get them...I can´t understand how Deep all my dissapointment has gone...how can I really keep this to stay in my past?? How can I in the now not to be dragged back to my past scars?? I do want to be in the now...for in the now I am not dissapointed..I am happy.
But like these Dream I have had lately show how much unsecurety and letting others be telling me what and how to do...I see how easy I am pushed off guard and I adjust to others wishes...I want to keep my cool in every moment, and feel I am the one who decide if I will follow others or not...But not as it is now...I just ALWAYS do as others want. I just do not know how to take the lead in my own Life!!
This is the reason I feel I just want to be alone, when I am alone I have no problem to make decissions and know what I want, but it take´s only one person to make me stop having the lead in my own Life, I at once become a follower...WHY??!!

[IA56]

In last night Dream I did make an Telephone call to a professor in cancer. The hospital´s initials is HS and I did say mine name and I said...I have bean treated for several conditions and now I need to know what kind of tests I can tell my doctor to take so we can solve my issues....He took my birth date and social security numbers and he said he will look into it...but I awoke Before he did get back to me...so I have several questions...Do I identifye my HS as a male?? Do I know Deep down that I have cancer but it has not surfaced yet?? Do this mean I have to really really stop to limit my self by fear even I am still like paralysed by it, or is it only what I Think I am??..Maybe the old tracs are fooling me still?? and I have to give me more time to heal and grief??

[IA56]

In my last night Dream I did meet total new people...specially one women with no fingers and not toes, I did not ask what had happent to her, she did thank me and she said she had left me a gift, I could get it from a Place she said to me...I asked for what...she said she wanted to thank me for standing up and speaking mine mind...oh I said..so to yell and be angry is paying off, and she laughed...I started to go to that Place to see what she had bought to me, but I all the time find myself in different places and I did not get to know what it was....

In this seequence I was buying new shoes....(new path Walking I assume)

[IA56]

Last night in my Dream I was going to travel by subway... There was a women with a small Child...one alone male Child...and me in the que...the women said she has to go first her Little girl is tired and hungry, so I let them pass, now I looked at the boy Child and I said, you can go Before me....he did not have any Money, I asked what do you have in your pocket and he did show me...a candy bag...with lakrize pirat Money candy..I did first give it the the lady who sell the tickets..but she gave it back to me and I did put it back in his pocket...I asked...are you alone...yes he said...I said to the lady that you maybe must call a police officer to take him home...and she did...Now I started to be in a bit hurry and I gave money to the lady to buy me a ticket...now it was here I noticed it was my mother...I said...give me a ticket...she did delay it and like did not want to sell me a ticket...so I said..how hard can it be...she showed me that it was complicated...and when she showed me the price tabel it was really complicated, I had to accept but here I awoke myself from the Dream....??

I did also got a name in the Dream...L William...and I was not paying attention enough...I lost it...the meaning why the name did be spoken...I did notice that I was distracted and it is why I do not remember anymore so much from my Dreams....I have to start to be more collected and not all over the Place with my attention, I can´t grasp all and Everything...trying too much I loose Everything...but atleast I now know now why I do not remember so much from my dream´s anymore...now I can do something about it, it feel´s good.....