Difficult People

[natalie-1984]

I was pretty depressed today, my daughter was up coughing and throwing up last night so I didn't get very much sleep yet again, and neither did she. She is fine now, but I called into work cause Im not all there right now and I had other reasons.

This morning I texted my ex asking him if he had the lawnmower so that I could borrow it to mow my lawn and get some $ taken off the rent. Well, his new girlfriend texted back instead telling me not to contact him unless its about the girls, she said he sold the lawnmower and told me to leave them alone. I told her to stay out of it, and it was between me and brian.

She told me that he wouldnt be so angry at me all the time if I wasn't such a c*nt who took his kids away, then she went on to say I should lay off the food cause I am pretty huge.
Which I'm not. But I didn't respond, even though that was almost the straw that broke the camels back. I was already having a crappy day. But then I was reading a bit of Frequency by Penny Peirce and that brought me back up.

I think Brian's girlfriend is acting like this because she feels threatened by me. When we exchange the girls she always has to make some sort of display, like grabbing his butt or saying something sexual. She needs to understand that this doesnt phase me at all, infact it's quite amusing! And I just realized she is probably insecure and feels threatened by me being in his life.

I know even talking/typing about her gives her more power. She is an energy vampire!

[ButterflyWoman]

She told me [rude stuff I'm not going to repeat]
The question here is, why is this person in your reality? What are the underlying belief structures that allow her not only to exist, but to speak to you so disrespectfully and hurtfully?

Intend the answer to that, and be willing to accept whatever comes of it. When it's found, you can own it and then release it.

[Korpo]

Or in his... after all he has to spend most of the time with her, and sooner or later that will turn sour.

I wouldn't worry about energy vampirism. Does she control anything you want? If not, all she is only an annoyance. If she doesn't harrass you without a cue to act on, you can pretty much ignore her and be fine.

Cheers,
Oliver

[ButterflyWoman]

I was thinking a bit more about this. I don't have any difficult people in my life now, AT ALL. Oh, yes, every now and then, some random person turns up and is vaguely passive-aggressive or I sometimes encounter someone on a forum or other internet venue who rubs my fur backward, but it's all pretty mild stuff.

At one time, however, pretty much everyone in my life was difficult, to the point of abusive, in some cases.

Now, nothing. No parents badgering me or insulting me or using me as a source of energy (my mother is an unknowing energy vampire, and she trained me to react to her prods, so I'd get my energy up and she could be sustained; when I cut all psychic ties to her, she rapidly went downhill into dementia, which is an interesting coincidence, except that I don't believe in coincidences). No abusive husband or boyfriend, none of my ex's obnoxious and bitchy wives or girlfriends (yes, I have had a few of those, I know exactly what it's like!), no oppressive boss, no scary or loud neighbors, no intimidating co-workers, nothing.

Not everyone in my reality is necessarily nice or kind or supportive, but nobody is abusive to me.

The reason I had all those abusive and obnoxious people in my reality before is because I pretty much expected that to be my reality. I expected people to act that way toward me. When there weren't enough people around to abuse me, some more manifested, and I allowed it because I believed this was pretty much what life was like. It never occurred to me that there was any way to change it.

But, obviously, there was, and there is, and it was all inside me, within my own perceptions. When those changed, my reality changed. Now, the very idea of someone like my ex-husband's wife (who is a real psychobitch) daring to show up in my reality and say something rude to me is just unthinkable. It cannot happen. My view of reality is such that I KNOW this cannot happen, no person like that can exist within my reality.

There are still annoying people, yes, and there are still rude people sometimes, but usually they're in a situation where I can very easily ignore them and just walk away without engaging with them. And as I write this, I'm setting the intention to remove that, too.

I no longer want to encounter people who annoy me (or be annoyed, whichever works better). I don't want to encounter all the infuriating stupid people in the world, I don't want to be infuriated or irritated or annoyed. Stupid people and their stupid opinions will simply not exist in MY reality any more, nor will annoying passive-aggressive people, or people with delusions that annoy me or irritate me. And so it is.

(Note: I am very much aware that it is MY perception that makes me classify people or their opinions as "stupid" and I am very much aware that the irritation and annoyance and such are purely my own. I am intending change in myself, I know this. But when I change myself, I know from experience that these things that annoy me and the people I don't want to associate with will simply disappear, and they will no longer affect me. Change your mind, change your reality. It absolutely works, and it will work now, too).

So, I'm putting that out in public, as a specific intention. And I guess we'll see how it goes. Possibly, I will start to encounter more and more people who annoy me, which will allow me to deal with that, reclaim the energy I've put into the belief structure, and so on. Possibly, it will just fade away, as sometimes happens. This should be interesting (and possibly frustrating for a little while, or possibly not... ;)).

Afterthought: When the above is sorted out and in place in my reality, I'm going to start attracting helpful, supportive people. I have some of that now, already, but I'd like to try a reality where everyone I encounter is helpful/supportive or neutral. That would be an interesting world to live in. I could incorporate that with the above, but I think I want it to go in stages, just because I want it that way.

[natalie-1984]

wow! CPW, that is truely amazing! I kind of figure if I ignore her she will go away. But it goes deeper than that huh? How about I completely erase her from my reality, I would love to do that, but it sounds. . . difficult. For example, I would send my ex a text message and get one from her instead. It doesn't make any sense to me. But you are right, I have always EXPECTED any new girlfriend he has to hate me.

My original post seems somewhat shallow. I was trying to figure her out, trying to figure out her intentions. Assuming that she felt threatened by me provided me with some comfort in knowing that I was hurting her. And that if I Played Nice then it would be FUN to see her reaction and drain her of her power. But NOW I realize that this is my EGO talking. I am trying to get past what my EGO wants and do things that will benefit my SELF and help my SELF to evolve.

CPW, can you give me some advice on how to go about erasing these kinds of people from my life? I have a few ideas. If I had a moderator to transport my daughters to and from HIS house for visits then I wouldn't have to see them. I could stop talking about her (and HIM) all together, including to my parents and my daughters and on here as well. I will figure out more ways to avoid contact with them. But my brain is still telling me that this is unavoidable. Even though I know how the LOA works, and I have been manifesting positive things in my life, I am having a hard time grasping the idea of eliminating the negative things.

Thank you guys for your input. It is MUCH appreciated!

[ButterflyWoman]

But it goes deeper than that huh?
Yes. The "shape" of your reality (which is determined by your own beliefs, concepts, ideas, etc.) allows her to be in it.


How about I completely erase her from my reality, I would love to do that, but it sounds. . . difficult.
As you change, your reality changes. Concentrate on your inner world. As within, so without, as above, so below.


My original post seems somewhat shallow.
Just frustrated, I thought.


Assuming that she felt threatened by me provided me with some comfort in knowing that I was hurting her.
She may. My ex's wife has hated me from before she knew my name (for lots of reasons, some of them my own fault, but mostly it's her because she's jealous and insecure and pretty much hates herself and everyone else, too). But the bottom line is that she is no longer part of my reality, full stop. I hear about her now and then from a third party, but it's like a background character who is never seen on screen and with whom I never interact. One day, I expect, she won't even be that (but on some level, I kind of expect to keep hearing about her and my ex, partly because I have children with him, and partly because there seems to be some karmic triangle thing going on, though I'm not sure what or how it's meant to resolve, etc., mostly because so long as she's not in my direct experience, I don't care).


And that if I Played Nice then it would be FUN to see her reaction and drain her of her power. But NOW I realize that this is my EGO talking. I am trying to get past what my EGO wants and do things that will benefit my SELF and help my SELF to evolve.
:) Good insight.


CPW, can you give me some advice on how to go about erasing these kinds of people from my life?
I changed my self. As my beliefs and concepts and material identity changed, these people just sort of started to disappear, or they ceased being a problem. Now, the idea of mean people abusing me (verbally or otherwise) is such a foreign idea to me that I can't imagine it happening (and it doesn't).


If I had a moderator to transport my daughters to and from HIS house for visits then I wouldn't have to see them. I could stop talking about her (and HIM) all together, including to my parents and my daughters and on here as well.
That's a very good idea in the immediate, and I definitely recommend you look into arranging that. The less contact you have, the better, and the more you'll be able to move into a position of cutting energetic ties and so on. You really do need to let go of your egoic desire for revenge and headgames and so on, though (don't worry, we all do it, especially those of us who have created and experienced an acrimonious relationship and breakup).


I am having a hard time grasping the idea of eliminating the negative things.
It's all within yourself. Everything in your reality is there because the structure of your beliefs and opinions and ideas and concepts and habits and so on allows it to be there. Change yourself, you'll change your reality.

A good place to start is intention to release limiting beliefs that allow for these things you no longer want to have in your life.

[ButterflyWoman]

Synchronicity, probably relating to the intention I stated above. I have been directed to investigate the concept of the Pain Body, which was apparently described by Eckhardt Tolle (I haven't read his work). I was struck by several aspects of the active Pain Body wanting more pain (irritation, annoyance, frustration, etc. etc.). I certainly know this pattern, but I never associated it with an entity-like aspect of self prior to now.

Some links, for those interested:

http://www.detoxifynow.com/et_pain_body.html
http://www.oprah.com/oprahsbookclub/Awa ... -Pain-Body (http://www.oprah.com/oprahsbookclub/Awakening-Exercise-Dissolving-the-Pain-Body)
http://www.yourhealthonline.com/yoga.html
http://www.youaretrulyloved.com/enlight ... y-attacks/ (http://www.youaretrulyloved.com/enlightenment/handling-painbody-attacks/)
http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.p ... ePain-body (http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php?story=DroppingthePain-body)

In my case, the pain-energy occasionally generates annoyances and unpleasantness "from" other people, in order to feed the pain-identity. I have long associated myself with pain, and used my pain to define myself, to define my world and my reality, to keep me apart from others (i.e., using pain as a shield and also as a weapon), and so on. While most of these patterns have been broken, it's clear to me now that there are a few more to go.

It's funny how manifestation works in my reality. I am absolutely positive this is a step in the process of creating the changes I intended regarding "annoying and difficult people" in my reality.

[natalie-1984]

I just started reading Eckhart's book The Power of Now, it's really eye opening! I have been practicing some of the things in the book like being aware of my thoughts, and really feeling my emotions and where they come from, and learning what it feels like to be in the present moment with a quiet mind. It feels really peaceful. I am also reading Frequency by Penney Pierce, I like to juggle a few books at the same time! I am getting alot of benefitial information from her book as well. I'm learning how to not let people's negative vibes linger with me, and I'm learning how to find my "home frequency". I have been noticing lately that I feel other people's feelings when I am close to them, and I have also started picking up what seems to be some of their thoughts. Then when I started reading Frequency she described what I am experiencing perfectly!

This doesn't really relate to the topic very well, But thank you CPW for your wisdom and insight!

[farewell2arms]

In my case, the pain-energy occasionally generates annoyances and unpleasantness "from" other people, in order to feed the pain-identity. I have long associated myself with pain, and used my pain to define myself, to define my world and my reality, to keep me apart from others (i.e., using pain as a shield and also as a weapon), and so on. While most of these patterns have been broken, it's clear to me now that there are a few more to go.

OMG that makes so much sense! When reading those links I understand I've been completely immensed in the pain body the last couple of weeks. The way it feeds on others emotions, the guilt it produces, it all makes so much sense. And now, I can see it so clearly. Thank you.

[ButterflyWoman]

OMG that makes so much sense!
I know, right?! I was all like, "Wow, this is a missing piece of the puzzle!" :)

Intention is a wonderful thing.

Mind you, my pain body is very weakened and I'm not that attached any more. It does still have some attachments, or "difficult people" wouldn't be turning up in my reality (again, this is partly my own interpretation of the people, but it's also them manifesting in my experience).

[psionickx]

You really do need to let go of your egoic desire for revenge and headgames and so on, though (don't worry, we all do it, especially those of us who have created and experienced an acrimonious relationship and breakup).

too true....the ensuing emancipation is very liberating....with this detachment life becomes that much more free-flow and easier to enjoy.
There's such sweet consistency when you just no longer snag here and there.

[psionickx]

If I had a moderator to transport my daughters to and from HIS house for visits then I wouldn't have to see them


Mind you, my pain body is very weakened and I'm not that attached any more. It does still have some attachments, or "difficult people" wouldn't be turning up in my reality (again, this is partly my own interpretation of the people, but it's also them manifesting in my experience).

I'm intruding! appologies ....i could relate to this thread because families have an inherent interest in protecting there own brood. :)

[selfknowing]

Awesome topic.

I seem to be attracting moderate verbal abuse/disrespect all around me lately.

CPW, Can you give me an actual example of how I can stop attracting this? Going to read your links about the pain body too. Thanks... Kelly

[selfknowing]

Sorry to hijack your thread natalie! I did the pain body exercises last night and it was SO awesome. My legs and feet were tingling and my heart and solar plexus chakra areas were thumping. I slept well with lots of dreams. Highly recommended. My physical pains feel better too.

Not going to take it personally when my husband doesn't treat me special for Mother's Day or in general. It's his issue, not mine, either way. Going to treat him the way I want to be treated, not the way he treats me. :D

[ButterflyWoman]

Can you give me an actual example of how I can stop attracting this?
For me, it was a fairly complex process, that went bit by bit. On a very grand scale, it started with the intention of change, and progressed from there.

Essentially, it's all about what you believe and expect from people. I have generally expected people to be... troublesome. As I slowly adjusted my beliefs to know that MOST people are actually pretty much okay, I found that most people are actually pretty much okay. It's just my lingering belief that a certain number of people are going to be irritating or rude or so on that keeps them showing up. ;)

Mind you, haven't had any in my face in a while. I've been quite literally on quarantine (very contagious virus in our household at the moment) and my internet connection has been down for about a week, so the only people around are my immediate family. And since I've been sick, I HAVE been irritated, but only because irritability is a medical symptom. Even with that, I decided that if we HAD to be cranky with each other, we should at least make a joke of it when we are, and that's worked out surprisingly well.

The combination of internet outage and illness has completely and utterly disrupted every routine, every pattern, every habit of thought and behaviour, and I strongly suspect that this is a direct manifestation of not only the intention I've mentioned in this thread, but others, as well. My view of reality has changed, and my reality changed with it, and I sense that my reality is not going to be the same again as it was prior to this extremely weird period of my life. (Frankly, I've had far worse and more upsetting "reality breakers" in the past, so while this hasn't been fun, exactly, at least it's tolerable and not difficult to recover or rebuild or whatever.)

[ButterflyWoman]

Still no problems with people. I've had bouts of irritability (again, aforementioned medical symptom of the virus from which I am recovering), and I've encountered a few people in a forum (not this one) whose arguments made me roll my eyes, but I was not personally irritated, more just amused in a twisted sort of way.

There have been no angry emails in my inbox (not that I normally get them, but sometimes people send weird stuff on account of one or two of my websites), no rude service people coming around my home, no entanglements with rude drivers (having been out of the house only once in about two weeks, that does narrow it down, of course ;)), no irritating telemarketers. My kids occasionally bicker, being kids, but I'm not finding it difficult to sort them out, nor am I especially affected by it. Husband is no more annoying than usual. ;)

When I recover fully from this illness and start going out again, it will be interesting to see how my reality has changed. I expect it will have done. Normally, a big, weird disruption in my routines and patterns like this is a precursor to a change in the Matrix. ;)

[Mishell]

Thank you, CW for posting those links! http://www.detoxifynow.com/et_pain_body.html This article perfectly describes something I have seen recently. It seemed to me like it was a separate entity from the person I was looking at, but was almost like a shadow in that it followed him around. I didn't know how to interpret it... But this makes perfect sense!!

Thanks again. :D

[ButterflyWoman]

This is interesting (to me, anyway). On another forum that I visit regularly but where I don't really post/participate openly, there are a couple of people who have LONG been on my ignore list for various reasons. This past week, I've clicked the little link that allows you to read "ignored" posts (because posters further on in a thread have commented to the ignored people and I was curious) and I've seen that these people who so irritated and annoyed me that I actually went to the effort of putting them on ignore had been saying astoundingly insightful things. Not just "not annoying" but actually stuff that I thought, "Wow, what's going on here?!"

If it had been just one person, I could have dismissed that as being simple personal evolution (hey, it happens, and just because I find someone annoying doesn't mean I always will), but it was several, AND another ignored party seems to have fallen off the face of that forum (one who was formerly extremely attention-seeking and who posted with irritating regularity).

Now, I get that this is a forum situation I'm talking about, but in my world, this still qualifies, because these are "annoying people" (whether or not there's face to face interaction). I'm kind of gobsmacked, actually.

As for material life, I've encountered exactly zero unruly honkers (you know, the kind of driver who insists on honking at you for no reason or because they don't think you're pulling out into traffic quickly enough, etc. etc.) or rude service people or passive-aggressive checkout clerks or anything even mildly annoying. All has been smooth as silk in the "human interactions" department.

I have no doubt that SOME of this is change in my own perception (i.e., I'm not seeing certain people as irritating or annoying as much as I did), but some of it does seems to be an actual change in my reality. I'm keenly interested to see how far this will extend. To live in a world where I never get annoyed by people would be pretty close to heaven as far as I'm concerned! ;)

[farewell2arms]

If it had been just one person, I could have dismissed that as being simple personal evolution (hey, it happens, and just because I find someone annoying doesn't mean I always will), but it was several, AND another ignored party seems to have fallen off the face of that forum (one who was formerly extremely attention-seeking and who posted with irritating regularity).

I really get what you mean, there was this board I used to visit a lot a while ago, but I left because I felt the people there were rude. Just now I came back to it, and it wasn't so bad anymore. The perception of people in my vicinity has changed too. It's amazing how the projections of my own fears and expectations can colour my impression of them. It's great, cause then I know exactly what I have to work with, within myself. 8)

It's kind of like a gift in that way. Beautiful that even people I don't know can help me.

[ButterflyWoman]

Absolutely and utterly convinced now that reality responds to my thoughts, moods, and other cues. When I'm feeling irritated for whatever reason, irritating things happen (hey, even physicists know that effect does NOT have to follow cause and it can be the other way around!). When I'm annoyed, I get annoying people honking at me or sending me stupid emails or getting all up in my face for whatever reason. When I'm calm and at peace, so is my reality. Pretty awesome, actually.