Integration of Awakening Support/Help

[lazarusx]

Hello all,

My name is Scott, im 22.. and am in search of some support from other's who may have or are currently going through similar changes as myself; it's been a while since i've directly sought help from a Kundalini board, i made a few posts on an old Kundalini support forum which unfortunately closed in the past year.

I'll give a run-down of where my journey began and how i've come to be where i am now.

My awakening occurred in early late July 2009 through a spontaneous eruption brought on by Ayahausca, at the time i was completely unaware of this awakening experience, much less the word 'Kundalini'.. leading upto this moment i had been in search of answers for years prior but they were answers to a question i didn't know myself. The moment i became awakened to my own self-realization, i became intimately aware of my own spiritual nature and began to pursue practices in meditation, yoga and eventually coming to understand exactly what happened and how i could now work to integrate this awareness into my life.

For the first 6 months past from my awakening i was endowed in a constant state of bliss and harmony with 'All', i felt intimately connected to the divine and portrayed an inner sense of calm and peacefulness, i was directionless.. yet humble. As time continued and the ecstasy began to fade into the background.. all my psychological and emotional issues began to rise towards the surface, in the initial stages of this transition.. my emotions were so uncontrollable, and my thoughts so distant that i struggled to live life in the same way i had previously, i fell into immense depression and unusual states of psychosis.. yet 'unconsumed', i had a keen sense that despite all that was happening, 'I AM' still here..

I understood i needed to become intimate with myself, all that was light.. and dark. This continued for the better part of a year.. i still believe this is on-going.. but as i've come to accept and embrace transformation, my own dis-identification from thought and emotion is becoming more prominent, i feel less identified with my finite reality, and more with my infinite true self.

Which brings me to my situation; the disidentifcation that has begun to arise recently has created much confusion with how i see myself in relation to the world. For the first time in my life i do not find myself identified with anything outside of myself, which is unbelievably liberating.. but i havnt experienced this enough to 'realize' it yet, so i may be resting within a state of 'being' and then suddenly become pulled out of that witness state to identify with a finite object which consequently cause's extreme suffering on my behalf. I know this is going to be a journey of endurance that must be approached with compassion and love, but any support or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Much Love,
Scott.

[farewell2arms]

Hello all,

My name is Scott, im 22.. and am in search of some support from other's who may have or are currently going through similar changes as myself; it's been a while since i've directly sought help from a Kundalini board, i made a few posts on an old Kundalini support forum which unfortunately closed in the past year.

I'll give a run-down of where my journey began and how i've come to be where i am now.

My awakening occurred in early late July 2009 through a spontaneous eruption brought on by Ayahausca, at the time i was completely unaware of this awakening experience, much less the word 'Kundalini'.. leading upto this moment i had been in search of answers for years prior but they were answers to a question i didn't know myself. The moment i became awakened to my own self-realization, i became intimately aware of my own spiritual nature and began to pursue practices in meditation, yoga and eventually coming to understand exactly what happened and how i could now work to integrate this awareness into my life.

I have a similar story, been searching for answers to the big questions all my life, just like you. Went through some kind of inception process in 2007, didn't realize what had happened. Eventually, as with you, supressed issues and emotions began surfacing around a year ago. And from then on, I've learned a lot of lessons.

I'd like to share these series of videos by Adyashanti. He's a great guru with a channel on youtube. These are the basic principles of his teaching. I discovered them about a month ago, and boy, if I had had them a year ago, I suspect things might have gone a lot smoother.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgtOL9kl7fc


Which brings me to my situation; the disidentifcation that has begun to arise recently has created much confusion with how i see myself in relation to the world. For the first time in my life i do not find myself identified with anything outside of myself, which is unbelievably liberating.. but i havnt experienced this enough to 'realize' it yet, so i may be resting within a state of 'being' and then suddenly become pulled out of that witness state to identify with a finite object which consequently cause's extreme suffering on my behalf.

Yeah, that's happens to me too. It kind of comes in waves. Understanding comes and goes, only to return later again. I think it's pretty common.



I know this is going to be a journey of endurance that must be approached with compassion and love, but any support or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Much Love,
Scott.

One of the biggest issues for me has been to try to ease the suffering experienced throughout this cleansing process. I have come to the conclusion that this cannot be done by pursuing some goal, or by trying to change yourself through effort, into someone who feels better. This is because effort is ego driven.

As you have understood and seen, you are already that which you seek. As Adyashanti puts it, consciousness is waking up from you, from the seeker. This means that everything you experience, be it pain, suffering, sadness, anger... is equally valid as joy and the good stuff.

[lazarusx]

As you have understood and seen, you are already that which you seek. As Adyashanti puts it, consciousness is waking up from you, from the seeker. This means that everything you experience, be it pain, suffering, sadness, anger... is equally valid as joy and the good stuff.

I quite like that explanation, as all must be accepted and embraced.

Thankyou farewell2arms for taking the time to reply through sharing your own experience and insights, i had not heard of Adyashanti before those videos.. but i found them to be very helpful in reiterating the nature of consciousness awakening. I have been quite hard on myself during this time due to a sense of confusion, as the results of my efforts have seemingly continued to have the opposite effect; but i do understand this is occurring in order to teach me to stop 'trying' and 'just be'.

[farewell2arms]

As you have understood and seen, you are already that which you seek. As Adyashanti puts it, consciousness is waking up from you, from the seeker. This means that everything you experience, be it pain, suffering, sadness, anger... is equally valid as joy and the good stuff.

I quite like that explanation, as all must be accepted and embraced.

Thankyou farewell2arms for taking the time to reply through sharing your own experience and insights, i had not heard of Adyashanti before those videos.. but i found them to be very helpful in reiterating the nature of consciousness awakening. I have been quite hard on myself during this time due to a sense of confusion, as the results of my efforts have seemingly continued to have the opposite effect; but i do understand this is occurring in order to teach me to stop 'trying' and 'just be'.


Yeah, same here. I've been very hard on myself too during this process with the mindset that nothings ever good enough, I could always surrender a little bit more, do something a little bit more effectively, etc.

The only thing that mindset has caused me is dissatisfaction with myself and greater frustration with my situation. Nowadays this is still present but it has diminished a bit. I try to appreciate myself and embrace my shortcomings.

[ButterflyWoman]

all my psychological and emotional issues began to rise towards the surface, in the initial stages of this transition.. my emotions were so uncontrollable, and my thoughts so distant that i struggled to live life in the same way i had previously, i fell into immense depression and unusual states of psychosis..
Been there, done that. Not uncommon, actually, as part of spiritual awakening.


I understood i needed to become intimate with myself, all that was light.. and dark.
I did this, without clear understanding, prior to the aforementioned uncontrollable emotions and so on.

It seems that while there are usually distinct and universal "ingredients" in the process of spiritual awakening, they don't always go in the same order or stages. I find that really interesting.


i've come to accept and embrace transformation, my own dis-identification from thought and emotion is becoming more prominent, i feel less identified with my finite reality, and more with my infinite true self.
*nod* I just wanted to acknowledge this. And to note that you put it into words very well. I find it extremely difficult at times to articulate these things, because language is simply insufficient. You did well. :)


Which brings me to my situation; the disidentifcation that has begun to arise recently has created much confusion with how i see myself in relation to the world. For the first time in my life i do not find myself identified with anything outside of myself, which is unbelievably liberating.. but i havnt experienced this enough to 'realize' it yet, so i may be resting within a state of 'being' and then suddenly become pulled out of that witness state to identify with a finite object which consequently cause's extreme suffering on my behalf. I know this is going to be a journey of endurance that must be approached with compassion and love, but any support or advice would be greatly appreciated.
I understand completely. In my experience (which may not be universal, but it's the only place from which I can speak), it's simply a matter of practice and time and finding a balance. I struggled with balance for quite some time, but eventually equilibrium was achieved, and now my point of focus of awareness generally hovers somewhere in the realm I call "not-self" (essentially an observer state), and while I do move back into the material with some regularity, and occasionally expand into the Void and Oneness and other such states that defy common description, I always seem to return to the not-self position as a default. It's where I (who is not actually "I", but you know, words ;)) spend most of my waking time these days.

This happened naturally, as things started to "settle", so I don't really have any great advice on how to facilitate it. Just allow it to unfold as it will, and try not to get in your own way. ;)