Kundalini and the field of intimacy.

[psionickx]

What the title says.

[Tutor]

hi psionickx,

first off, i am so proud of you in this intimately shared post. awesome!

secondly, the 'story' attempting to 'justify' is of small matter/consequence. you are what matters, and this is about your 'intimacy', 100%.

the noetic approach is a good tool toward the evolving story's growth or maturity. however, intimacy is all about poetic justice, that defies definitive wording, yet somehow may be expressed poetically in whatever creative bent one possesses. the story often works in possessing one with a vice grip identity.

relationships breaking up can have unexpected circumstantial rolloff, making us feel vulnerably exposed and judgementally punished. kudos for not having run from it, and seeing it pass.

observing others, wear reflective sunglasses..lol. locking eyes is an open invitation to lots of instinctual 'things'. eyes are most intimate, your's especially. so protect your own intimate nature first. intimacy should be preserved for those whom in your eyes meet risking your intimacy with.

fidelity to self first. intimacy is like a fool making great leaps of faith, life is ever a risk of our intimate beingness. if we allow life to harden us, then our subtle intimate nature, for fear, is constrained in silence. this sets up life's advancement toward a severe break, no different than an eggshell has to crack for the emergence of that which truly lives within it, therefrom entering into life as most vulnerably exposed.

taking the two methods of noetic and poetic, giving them both equal measure of unfolding 'you'; is like the act of constriction, or to say, utilizing a flint against hardness toward arcing true growth. therefore, the ego as noetic hardness and the inner being as poetic flint work together in an uncrackable/unbreakable flash point that bonds as 'you', ever emergent and renewed, as opposed to your being held to an unyielding ego shell.

the ego meets the world, is the perspective world. the indwelling you is the elemental being which intimately strikes the fire/s in life. could say it is a flint, could say that the very mind is like a magnifying glass which thru proper focus ignites the fodder of life's destroying nature into new beginnings, as a phoenickx rising from the ashes. but this is an analogy of inner happenings.

is it K? trust your intuition and self-gleaned insights for your intimate answer/s. however, objective feedback, perhaps through professional therapy, is a useful process, doesnt mean one has to agree with the feedback, but it lets you know what your spoken story sounds like through an objective other's reflection. friends, the posse, family, are subjective reports which are not a bad reflectivity because they provide needed support and encouragement for our relative well being. it's all good

tim

p.s. as a hardened asshole at the age of 40, when my egg shell fragmented and split wide open, i can now understandably say that having been so exquisitely and vulnerably exposed could have been avoided if i'd known better. but i didn't know better at the time.

[psionickx]

first off, i am so proud of you in this intimately shared post. awesome!
thankyou.It was a minor breakthrough for me

[farewell2arms]

Now after post-awakening when my K-based work really took off and started merging into my daily working life .I noticed my situational awareness had become very intensified.After assiduously applied Kundalini work or a default K-spike my awareness of people or a group vibe in totality goes very sharp , enough to that extent of leaving me feeling edged and somewhat paranoid this in turn makes me crave seclusion.

I used to get this kind of stuff all the time, especially at the dancefloor, or in the common TV-room we have at my dorm. Sometimes I had to go into the bathroom for 5 or more mins just to hide and “recharge”.

When my K started acting up I got more annd more aware of this. If you see it asan attachment you would like to deal with, I suggest treating it as a K-related challenge. In my opinion, all work concerning growth is spiritual.


*At lunch time in cafeteria I’m with my usual posse.Sometimes I’m just crowd-scanning and end up looking right into a person’s eyes.A connection of sorts forms and the person thinks I’m giving them the eye or something when infact nothing of the sort is taking place -I’m just crowd-watching.There’s no factual proof of this brief “connection” other than the fact some of the people I’ve met eyes with suppose interest and later on try to get into my visual field assuming interest.If this wasn’t the case then I’d be getting the “hey what the hell you lookin at?” look shot back.

I also recognize that a lot, happened to me when I was about 15-19. I used to have all kinds of more severe paranoid scenarios painted in my mind a few months ago, and some of them still linger. These last few days have actually been very much centered around dealing with those attachments. I am not sure if it is the same kind of attachments as for you, as my attachment have not had anything to do with sexuality, tough a lot with the solar plexus chakra. So here goes nothing. Take to heart if you feel like it.

I used to be incredibly afraid of bumping into psychics and mediums in the street, and that they would spot me and read my mind. I have a problem with OCD, with random nasty thoughts coming into my mind. For me these thoughts come randomly and when I least suspect them. I would be afraid that the mediums would pick these thoughts up. I have been really scared of hurting people with this, and this has had a lot to do with self- worth and self-image.

The self-image can be severely distorted and damaged from these types of thoughts and delusional interactions. I have not thought very highly of myself, to say the least, as I have identified with these thoughts, as being the thinker of them. I also recognize this “jab in the gut” you’re talking about, and there is a large blockage on the left side of the solar plexus chakra that seems to be the issue for me here.

So, how to tackle this?

When these thoughts come, I stay in the fear, and notice how I tense up, and gently relax, letting the thought go, but the feeling and fear linger. It is helpful to see it as a challenge. Every second you spend in the fear, you are growing towards love.

Also, I highly recommend “metta” as this helped me a lot in dealing with issues of self-worth. The base chakra is very important, make it grow and you will feel much more secure in crowds.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rg5fSjehETk


On top of this, the solar plexus chakra is the other very important one, at least for me. It starts to jab and conctract immediately when I deal with this, but I suppose you could use NEW on it aswell.

Good luck and blessings!

John

[Tutor]

tim: "is it K? trust your intuition and self-gleaned insights for your intimate answer/s."

An old man, Omar Khayyam, with a long white beard and Persian headdress reads by the light of a large candle.

XXXIII
"Earth could not answer; nor the Seas that mourn
In flowing Purple, of their Lord forlorn;
Nor rolling Heaven, with all his Signs reveal’d
And hidden by the sleeve of Night and Morn."

David: "Surely I have stilled [behaved] and quieted my soul [myself] like a weaned child with his mother; my soul is with me like [is even as] a weaned child" (Psalms 131:2)

[psionickx]

When my K started acting up I got more annd more aware of this.
Yups with K awareness expansion shoots to an exponential high .Almost every person with K up and going says the same.This gets me back to the moot point : is it me and my stuff or K and all that it entails?.


random nasty thoughts coming into my mind. For me these thoughts come randomly and when I least suspect them
I think its K stirring up the dregs that have sedimented since way back.I get random thaughts about people i knew long ago or childhood memories but nothing really that if analyzed now would impact me tremendously.But yeah a lot things people said or did pop up out of the blue.I wonder what's kundalinis agenda here in doing so.


The self-image can be severely distorted and damaged from these types of thoughts and delusional interactions
Oddly enough for all the uphill battle and horrendous crap I've gone through my self-esteem remained intact (much to the annoyance of some people and much to the surprise of myself).The human psyche can be so beautifully resilient sometimes.


On top of this, the solar plexus chakra is the other very important one, at least for me. It starts to jab and conctract immediately when I deal with this
If I'm tripping down memory lane and remember hurt - i feel it immediately in the lower navel area.So yeah i guess emotions are tied down to the basal chakras.I think the cliche of saying "of having been kicked in the gut" has some credit to it least.

[psionickx]

ahan

[Tutor]

there ya go. :wink: I changed a few lines in my immediate reply as well, to reflect your editing. 8)

[Korpo]

Good thread.


I think its K stirring up the dregs that have sedimented since way back.I get random thaughts about people i knew long ago or childhood memories but nothing really that if analyzed now would impact me tremendously.But yeah a lot things people said or did pop up out of the blue.I wonder what's kundalinis agenda here in doing so.

It's somewhat related to the chemistry of the body and brain. Memories are not neutral things, they retain a charge, a residue of the emotion they were experienced with.

This is the origin of trauma - a situation you encounter triggers your mind, your mind is working through associations to deal with the situation at hand, scans through events clustered together with the same impulses considered as roughly the same as what is just happening, and releases similar chemicals. This is the mechanism that can trigger traumatic responses to seemingly harmless events, for example. But it's at work with everything you experience. Older events may lie further "down" or "inside," but they influence how the whole cluster is structured, they store the original reaction that defines the experience you will have on new events.

Now, when working with practices, in meditation, or when being worked on by an energetic event, the process works in reverse. The resolution goes through the cluster until at some point it will finally reach the original cause, the reason for this cluster of events, and release it. The chemical and energetic byproduct is memories and experiences coming up roughly in reverse order, the ones that started the cluster last, usually the oldest.

Their own charge might by now be rather weak, having been triggered so often. When releasing such a cluster, the freshest events carry the strongest charge, they kind of keep the cluster going. When you break this chain of renewal and reverse it, you find weaker and weaker charges, and finally the cluster releases with a feeling that can even come down to "Well, what was all of that about, really?"

The process itself leads to an endpoint that is utterly wonderful - a reaction without charge. Instead of being mixed in and mashed in with all kinds of old events, and instead of being driven by all these old events, conscious awareness is freed to find new, fresh reactions to events, instead of perpetuating old patterns. A more neutral, calmer state of mind is experienced because trauma-inducing memory charges are released, and less and less often consciousness is on auto pilot and can now truly react to what lies in front of it.

Cheers,
Oliver

[psionickx]

When you break this chain of renewal and reverse it, you find weaker and weaker charges, and finally the cluster releases with a feeling that can even come down to "Well, what was all of that about, really?"


too true :roll:

[Tutor]

Shakespear - Much ado about nothing

:lol:

[farewell2arms]

Well, Oliver, if that would happen I'd be incredibly relieved.

I am currently delving deep into this cluster. What I find is disgusting to say the least, and more challenging than anything I've experienced before.

I have come to terms with myself, and no matter how much dignity I lose I will always love myself regardless.

[psionickx]

if that would happen I'd be incredibly relieved.
i give you my good word for what's it worth that it does happen.I weathered the storm where I was activating and releasing pockets of clusters hit with K-force.That was my first most intensive spike.That co-incided with the "losing it" part i wrote of in the original un-edited post.I think im writing this with most ,if not all of my marbles together.


relationships breaking up can have unexpected circumstantial rolloff, making us feel vulnerably exposed and judgementally punished. kudos for not having run from it, and seeing it pass.
Pretty much the same thing ..the intial trigger doesnt have to be a relation coming to an end but i reckon the principle of energetic-residum in organically stored memorial archives ,subsequent release and then the equanimity of "hunh? what was all that?" (thats the way its happening/happened to me) is the same.


What I find is disgusting to say the least, and more challenging than anything I've experienced before

If you see it asan attachment you would like to deal with, I suggest treating it as a K-related challenge. In my opinion, all work concerning growth is spiritual.
Challenge is wherein the fun lies :wink:

[psionickx]

That was my first most intensive spike.That co-incided with the "losing it" part i wrote of in the original un-edited post.I think im writing this with most ,if not all of my marbles together.

Now that i look back at this frank psychotic episode in hind-sight (extremely intense and requiring intervention not going to go into detail sorry) ....as i read up on cases where people have had neurotic episodes and psychotic stints it all seems pretty mundande stuff.
(yes it was a very harrowing experience)
Which i think is good enough indication of just letting events proceed ,releasing them in doing so (discharging engertic-residums) as messy as they might be and mostly just letting Kundalini getting about her work un-interrupted.


Oddly enough for all the uphill battle and horrendous crap I've gone through my self-esteem remained intact (much to the annoyance of some people and much to the surprise of myself).The human psyche can be so beautifully resilient sometimes.

Like the pheonix-state-ignition , the kundalini flames do infact burn and purify all traumatic and with-holding events away.The emergent is the profoundly liberated self anewed.
This rebirthed self-emancipation allows the practitioner for a glimpse within into the larger-cohesive-state-workings.

I really should get about to making that new thread.Just stopped in to add hopefully meaningful detail/update to my previous-work-model with K :)

[psionickx]

i'm going expound my view a bit further on this "Psychotic Break Down"/"my-loon-bin-episode".
Saying "oh yes me too! me too! i also have had the officially-fixed criteria , the pre-requisite "stint" so now these flames i'm letting out of my every orifice are pretty much the real deal" - now that just reeks of immaturity.Like i said i prefer writing only when the need be - maintains a sense of productivity somehow (sorry producitivity OCD here).


A more neutral, calmer state of mind is experienced because trauma-inducing memory charges are released, and less and less often consciousness is on auto pilot and can now truly react to what lies in front of it.

Like i said my stint didn't leave me that much more intelligent.I had to become a member here and learn to grow and to constantly aspire higher standard.....(productivity freak ..said as before yes)
Genuine Kudos unto people who already stand at such a point.That shows a lot of polished,very honed analytical skill - and quite frankly its an insight into commitment (life isn't a dress rehearsal - only too true) and a tenacious desire not only just survive but also to continue exceeding evolution , surpassing benchmarks .
I say this because you might find yourself taking someone very seriously and the next thing know you are being told "what are you talking about ? he was ceritified".
Kudos again unto people who have surpassed feeling judged..but i will however say this (IMHO) that being certified is not a resplendant feather to be adorned in your spiritual-cap.

some people have unfortunately , the unique positions of being vangaurds at a rather tricky frontier

[DarkChylde]

The field of intimacy can be manipulated

there was one time i was practicing it and well strangely pleasant.

it gets better you know how to play too.