greymanic
15th August 2010, 11:42 PM
I'm going to give some background because maybe it helps clarify the timing of this. I had just gone through a period where several crises converged at once--from bad “friendships†finally blowing up to pc viruses making work impossible. I'd been trying to kick a suboxone habit at the same time. Things started settling finally 3 weeks ago. I stopped the drinking and suboxones (although I still do kratom to help detox symptoms and yeah, for a buzz). I also got some clarity and maybe even closure on some emotional things. In spare time my interest has generally been on spiritual things.
The manifestion started mid-week. There’s an exercise I do from Power of Now that starts with breathing and body awareness and then trying to let go of all thoughts completely so that focus is totally on my body’s energy field. Then sometimes I move my focus to different parts of the body or just feel it all at once. When I did this I got slight tremors in my stomach and the energy felt more intense overall than other times. The rest of the night whenever I'd wake up I found myself still in this state--I was automatically still focusing on the energy (or maybe it was just more intense and impossible to ignore) where normally it would take a conscious effort to relax and clear thoughts first.
The rest of the week was notably different. I felt more alive and positive. Appetite is down since then and I'm not sleeping as much. I’m in a creative field and I've found the work a lot more enjoyable even started doodling at night. There's a notable tingling most of the time and this feeling of motion (usually upwards), not like waves but a slow, continuous flow. I feel surrounded by it and that there’s something causing slight pressure. Vision is brighter. Skin is more sensitive but not uncomfortable. Time seems slower. I can seem to get more done in the same amount of time as before but yet I don’t get bored as easily. It's really pleasant most of the time and feels as if the endorphines and dopamines are really kicking in. I can sort of forget about it while engaged in some activity but it gets intense when I notice it again.
Last night was the strongest experience so far and a little annoying. I did more of the meditation before bed and almost wished I'd hadn't because afterwards I couldn't sleep. My head was buzzing and ticking somewhat and there were flashes. I got some strong visuals. Every time I would start to doze off I’d feel the rushing upwards intensify like I was going to take off--not like an OBE. It was just an out-of-control feeling. I felt as if I had to stay alert and conscious to be in control of it. It was kind of unsettling but not frightening. The beginning of a mushroom or ecstasy trip is worse. I got more of the stomach-tremors and this time there were occasional pricks and spasms in my back and shoulder. In the morning I woke up well but have had nausea at times.
I’m not sure exactly what this is but I like it. Among other things I feel gratitude and it's nice for a change. I wonder about my use of substances because a few of the drug detox symptoms are similar to what they list for kundalini. There’s definitely something else going on but maybe there’s some overlap of symptoms making it hard to pinpoint. Maybe I should even stop stimulating it with the exercise and let it take its course? I guess the main questions are where does this go from here or how can I benefit the most from this time? Although I should probably not try to figure too much out. I welcome any thoughts and advice. I’m pretty solitary and if nothing else it helps just to sit and write out what’s going on. I’m wondering about my health and diet for one. I’ve loved my chemicals and junk food and haven’t gotten much exercise. Also wondering how to handle the kratom but to be honest I feel like my need for it is diminishing so maybe I just shouldn’t worry. I think I’m going to stay off coffee for awhile at least.
The manifestion started mid-week. There’s an exercise I do from Power of Now that starts with breathing and body awareness and then trying to let go of all thoughts completely so that focus is totally on my body’s energy field. Then sometimes I move my focus to different parts of the body or just feel it all at once. When I did this I got slight tremors in my stomach and the energy felt more intense overall than other times. The rest of the night whenever I'd wake up I found myself still in this state--I was automatically still focusing on the energy (or maybe it was just more intense and impossible to ignore) where normally it would take a conscious effort to relax and clear thoughts first.
The rest of the week was notably different. I felt more alive and positive. Appetite is down since then and I'm not sleeping as much. I’m in a creative field and I've found the work a lot more enjoyable even started doodling at night. There's a notable tingling most of the time and this feeling of motion (usually upwards), not like waves but a slow, continuous flow. I feel surrounded by it and that there’s something causing slight pressure. Vision is brighter. Skin is more sensitive but not uncomfortable. Time seems slower. I can seem to get more done in the same amount of time as before but yet I don’t get bored as easily. It's really pleasant most of the time and feels as if the endorphines and dopamines are really kicking in. I can sort of forget about it while engaged in some activity but it gets intense when I notice it again.
Last night was the strongest experience so far and a little annoying. I did more of the meditation before bed and almost wished I'd hadn't because afterwards I couldn't sleep. My head was buzzing and ticking somewhat and there were flashes. I got some strong visuals. Every time I would start to doze off I’d feel the rushing upwards intensify like I was going to take off--not like an OBE. It was just an out-of-control feeling. I felt as if I had to stay alert and conscious to be in control of it. It was kind of unsettling but not frightening. The beginning of a mushroom or ecstasy trip is worse. I got more of the stomach-tremors and this time there were occasional pricks and spasms in my back and shoulder. In the morning I woke up well but have had nausea at times.
I’m not sure exactly what this is but I like it. Among other things I feel gratitude and it's nice for a change. I wonder about my use of substances because a few of the drug detox symptoms are similar to what they list for kundalini. There’s definitely something else going on but maybe there’s some overlap of symptoms making it hard to pinpoint. Maybe I should even stop stimulating it with the exercise and let it take its course? I guess the main questions are where does this go from here or how can I benefit the most from this time? Although I should probably not try to figure too much out. I welcome any thoughts and advice. I’m pretty solitary and if nothing else it helps just to sit and write out what’s going on. I’m wondering about my health and diet for one. I’ve loved my chemicals and junk food and haven’t gotten much exercise. Also wondering how to handle the kratom but to be honest I feel like my need for it is diminishing so maybe I just shouldn’t worry. I think I’m going to stay off coffee for awhile at least.