Not necessarily asking for a healing, mostly for advice

[ReceptviCanatvr]

..

[CFTraveler]

Have you considered a support group for people like you? There are various groups, nonprofit so money is not a problem, and they can get you to the point where you can work on your issues on your own.

Hi David, I am assuming that you have been to a professional psychotherapist since you have used the Psychology term "BDD". If you have been prescribed medication, are you taking it as prescribed? If so, have you asked to have it changed as it doesn't seem to be working?

I don't know where you live, but most countries/cities have a Suicidal Hot Line that will give you a live person to talk to and recommend help groups. Try looking in the front of your phone book for the toll free numbers. You really need to be talking to someone trained to help. If you can't leave your home to go to a help group because of the BDD, the people on the hot lines will help you and talk to you as long as you need.

I went through a really bad depression, and have been suicidal on a number of occasions. My father committed suicide, and I can tell you that you are right that people in your life would suffer greatly as a result of you taking your own life.

Do you like to read? There is a book that helped me more than anything else. It helps to give you some answers as to why life is so difficult and why it SEEMS we have no control over it. The books is "Journey of Souls" by Dr. Michael Newton. It helped my husband get through the death of our daughter. If you can't afford it, please private message me, and I will send you a copy for free.

Don't worry about reality taking on a surreal appearance. A lot of us on this forum have these experiences. They are of a psychic nature, and there are a lot of people who wish they could have these experiences. I have always felt like I can stretch out my hand and be in another dimension.

You are hardly being whiny. You are a person who is in need of help and there are many people willing to try to help you if you will let them. If one thing doesn't work, then try another. And, then try another. If you hang in there, someday you will look back and understand what and why you are going through these difficult times. You will be a much stronger person for it, and will probably be able to help others because you understand.
Love,
Patty

Hi. First off, my name is David. How are you all doing? :)

I am writing this in order to ask a sage person his advice concerning my life and why I am in such a rut and what I can perhaps do to extricate myself from it.

---------If you don't want to hear a lot of whining about personal problems, then do not read any further. ---------

For about three years now my life has been quite stagnant and horrible (when I say stagnant I mean it quite literally, as I have basically just been sitting around for about 3 years, not working, going to school, hanging out or anything.) I am 20 years old and I do not have a driver's license, I am not in school, I have crippling emotional problems including Body Dysmorphic Disorder (http://www.ncpamd.com/body_dysmorphic_disorder.htm), and Depression which are keeping me from going out and doing the things that I need to do in order to get my life back on track (such as getting a driver's license which I can't do on account of my B.D.D.), and my mind - which was my most treasured possession - is in a state of declension and I am not - in my opinion - even half as intelligent as I once was and am not able to do the things that I love doing any longer - such as study languages. Reality has steadily been taking on very surreal aspects of late; I almost feel sometimes as though I could reach out to touch a wall and palpate nothing but emptiness and diaphanous illusion. This adds to my discomfort and misery greatly.

Another problem of mine is that my depression is further aggravated due to my fatalistic views on life - my feeling that I have no freedom whatsoever and am just God's stupid, unloved, and unwitting puppet in his sadistic little marionette show. I don't feel as though I were able to make decisions for myself and effect in my life the things that I desire most. I hate that He won't just let me make my own mistakes. If what I desire isn't good for me then just let me experience what I want, realize that I was mistaken, and move on, 'cause no amount of his telling me that my priorities are misplaced is going to make me change them.

With regards to my Body Dysmorphic Disorder, it is so severe that I had to drop out of school because of it and I do not look at people directly (i.e. not face to face) lest I should experience tremendous discomfort and misery, realizing that they have seen unobscured the ugliness of my countenance. I also am unable to look in mirrors and I go about everyday wearing a bandana so as to conceal my hair which I deem to be quite ugly, even going so far as to sleep with it on. It has also resulted in my not having any friends.

I am extremely suicidal and I would certainly kill myself if a) I had the means to divest myself of vital breath relatively painlessly and b) there weren't anyone in my life who would suffer as a result of my ending my life.

I very very often ask God to just let my soul be destroyed or sent to hell because I cannot bear this existence. There is literally NOTHING that brings me joy in this life. Nothing. I can't stand it. All I want is to not exist and yet God doesn't love me enough to do even that for me. I feel so hopeless and as though I will never attain any of the things that I desire out of life and will be doomed to experience all the things that are retrograde to my will for all time. What's more, I am not even sure that I want anything out of this existence; it all just seems so pointless that I really only want to not exist....

Anyways, forgive me please for being so whiny. Even if you offer me no advice or counsel at all, my rant was somewhat carthartic and thus this post worthwhile - I suppose.

Thank you for your time everyone. I appreciate it.
Not being a healer, myself, I can but offer my prayers. And I urge you to pray to Blessed Alphonsa of India. Her intercession is very powerful, for she suffered herself.


Blessed Alphonsa, praise the Lord...
For His mercy endures forever!
See Blessed Alphonsa in Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blessed_Alphonsa) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blessed_Alphonsa)…

[ReceptviCanatvr]

Thank you for your time and help, eveyone. It was much appreciated. Really :)