GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-finding my burberry scrunchie that i thought i left at an ex's house
-powerade's
-things i really want coming together beautifully and perfectly like magic
-losing weight
-seeing i lost another pound and that the weight is coming off without even trying
-my face getting thinner
-having such smooth, young skin
-my primary doctor prescribing me b-12 weekly injections since my b-12 is really low which will surely help me lose weight and makes sense as another kickstarter/piece of the puzzle since my metabolism has felt so slow the last few years
-clean clothes
-my friend J cash-apping me money
-working the other day which i needed after a stall of missing jobs due to anxiety and fear of things not going well and my boss being great to work with and that it wasn't awkward seeing him(i had worked with him before a few years ago and he knows an ex of mine) and my job going well
-prayer
-clean socks
-tibetan singing bowls
-positive affirmations
-fashion
-air conditioning
-my starbucks drink i like getting sometimes and how good it was today
-the book on hsp i've been reading and how helpful it's been for me
-learning
-enjoying myself a little at the festival i worked at the other day
-getting a mango colada at the festival i worked at the other day-
-makeup
-playing with my cats on the back porch and how impressed i am with them first for how they responded to a dog barking by going right back in the house and not being too shaken up, then today being able to sit a little and chill in between wandering and i could even turn away for a second or two and trust the other one not to go away but sit patiently and stay where he's at. how fun it was to let them have outdoor time and get some cute pictures of them
-enjoying a nice walk the other day and some sun
-lip flips
-relaxation
-massages
-marion being there for me at least somewhat
-how helpful my mom has been with cleaning my place
-sunshine
-how much more lifted my mood has been on wellbutrin
-finishing emptying the last closet in my apartment
-my creativity
-updating my resume
-music
-having desires
-feeling my feelings and processing things and healing
-perspective-staying
-staying determined and persevering
--sweet memories
--memories and feelings that feel pleasantly alive
--movies
-the breeze through my window
-sunsets
-baby wipes
-cuteness
-beauty
-the miracle of the church rental assistance coming through. I had been praying in distress for some kind of miracle and a day or two later, after having given up on the church assistance ever coming through and i think the landlord did too, i got an email saying it was approved and being sent! Which buys me more time, and has to relax my landlord at least a little bit.

[buttercup]

-drinking water and allowing it to cleanse my kidneys and hydrate me
-my new dopamine antidepressant wellbutrin and how effective it is for me
-moisturizer
-weight loss
-my face slimming out and how amazing that feels
-my food card finally being reloaded now
-getting my new phone, my voice mail fixed and a new charger and how great that feels
-gin gins
-seeing my feral cats yesterday and how wonderful it was to see t cat and to just sit and be with my cats
-my mom sending me money yesterday, even though I feel uncomfortable about it
-cuteness
-staying determined
-m's husband seeming to unblock me
-the way my Starbucks drink tastes in warmer seasons
-manifesting M's husband texting me yesterday morning which felt amazing and like I was understood and being treated fairly
-picking up the bike yesterday from M's house last night and riding it back home and how amazing it felt riding it home at night, so peaceful and nice
-my love for animals
-prayer
-laughing at the silly things my cats do
-clean socks
-baby wipes
-showering
-processing my feelings on things and healing
-meditating on the church stairs near my house
-night skies
-sunshine
-hot guys
-having smooth young skin
-getting my first b-12 injection today
-my beauty
-the mini series I just finished watching
-inspiration
-connection
-art
-great entertainment
-the breeze from my window
-my window air conditioner
-how amazing it is that I've detoxed as I have from anxiety medication
-sweet pleasant memories
-having gorgeous eyes
-becoming wiser
-cleansing myself of old and becoming new
-ordering myself a 24 pack of mountain berry powerade just because I want a lot of powerades in the house
-fashion
-beauty
-having goals
-piecing things together little by little such as new phone, bike, medical form for dmv, health check up, new antidepressant that helps weight and vitamin fixing, botox touch up, chemical peel etc and so on so I'm easing into normal little by little and moving forward. I should be working full time and in a new apartment right now but until then I just have to keep putting the pieces together on all I need to do and am behind on and before I know it, I'll look back and be like whoa I was just there and now I'm here. It already is starting to feel like things are moving forward slightly quicker.
-my child like side
-serendipity
-learning more about myself more through the book I'm reading on hsp, as well as therapy, and reflecting
-feeling more open than I was a few m8nths ago
-feeling ready to be a new me
-embracing a thinner me, a new hair color me, a me more in tune with my hsp side and wiser
-cat cuddles
-compassion
-being able to think for myself
-having great taste and style
-having nice full lips
-getting honey gift cards
-how healthy b and p cat are
-my brother being out of the hospital now
-the love in my heart
-my self-growth

[buttercup]

-calming down perspective by looking at perspective from different angles
-going for bike ride yesterday
-getting my eyebrows threading yesterday
-compassionate people
-my cats
-getting my metabolism fixed and my face slimming out
-powerade
-nightskies
-starting my vitamin d supplementation
-having nice lips
-my eyes becoming healthier
-forgiving my brother
-my mom sending me money and saying she got me a fold up bed
-my arms looking slimmer
-going longer without eating and eating less
-music
-spirituality
-art
-appreciation
-social connection
-my femininity
-knowing myself
-learning
-evolving as a person
-the breeze through the window
-cleaning solutions
-baby wipes
-moisturizer
-newness
-touching up my hair color
-prayer
-not having bug issue or heat issue like last year
-applying for jobs
-having a little more energy than i did a few months ago and this time last year
-

[buttercup]

--television entertainment
-going for walks
-my face having thinned out
-my arms being slimmer
-my friend J and how sweet he is
-going for walks, and increasing my distance
-having great hair
-having really smooth, young skin
-my cats and how cute and funny and well behaved they are
-my mom showing me a kitten her bf rescued and the cute kitten pics i seen
-my cica sleeping mask
-ordering burberry sunglasses i really wanted because my birthday is coming up and you only live once
-ordering a chanel foundation that got really great reviews
-inspiring quotes and mantras
-updating my wardrobe and beauty regimen a little
-my pink steve madden sneakers
-peaceful sounds
-starting my vitamin d prescription
-deciding to start the taper off myself of sertraline after researching that ssri's affect metabolic function
-sunshine
-nightskies
-praying
-affirmations, repeating an intention in my head
-inspiration
-confirming a job the other day and working it
-friendly people
-people considerate towards animals
-seeing more and more my harassers are just losers that assume and have nothing going for them
-packing more stuff
-organizing and cleaning
-cleaning wipes
-baby wipes
-having style and trend knowledgable
-wellbutrin
-how much more coherent i am these days
-feeling more ambitious
-being productive
-music
-how great my lips look from a lip flip
-becoming stronger
-becoming wiser
-healing what needs to be healed
-morning skies
-colors
-sunsets

[buttercup]

-how great it feels to sleep on a bed, and how much it changes my perspective just sitting/laying on it versus being on the couch
-after a breakdown and crying on the church stairs, looking up at the fireworks going on in my neighborhood and having a feeling in the universe as if they were just for me, and the sky and outside being so quiet as if it was just me out there, and enjoying that moment of self and universe and fireworks
-how vivid the night felt tonight. the sky, the colors and my surroundings felt beautifully vivid in color, almost dream-like. i tried to savor it.
-pillows
-updating my look some with shopping, beauty, etc changes lately that fit the me i've become and am changing into. pics i look at of makeup and hair from last year are so undesirable to me now, such as brown eyeliner and the super light blonde hair i had.
-changing air filters in my air purifiers
-kindness and empathy in people
-M getting more reasonable about the cats
-becoming more objective and seeing other sides of things in new ways, even if it hurts
-drinking water
-getting prescription b-22 injections from my doctor
-how adorable my cats are and what wonderful listeners they are
-getting vitamin D prescription from my doctor
-how wonderful and beautiful my new burberry sunglasses look
-getting a touch up of botox in the dao area and how wonderful it looks
-letting go a little with my cosmetic injection appts in asking for doses and letting her decide and liking the results better that way
--moisturizers
-entertainment
-physical exercise
-trying a baja blast from taco bell tonight and how good it was, i loved the tropical lime flavor
-walking
-yoga
-showering
-going to therapy
-beauty
-sunsets
-the sky
-deciding to just order a new hoodie since i dont like the one i had ordered a month ago
-weaning off sertraline
-my acupressure slippers and how wonderfully relaxing the stabbing sensations feel when they hit into my feet
-having compassion
-things to be grateful for
-an ex wanting to work with me which felt really nice to hear from him again and still want to do things since i miss that scene
-acknowledging my problems
-cleaning wipes
-my creativity
-my intelligence
-having great eyes
-my laptop

[buttercup]

-doing more and having more energy to do more
-drinking water
-losing weight
-getting noticed more
-being strong and handling the confrontation with my landlord and the 5 day notice
-pretty things
-getting ahold of a tenant union
-getting ahold of a lawyers organization for tenants
-filing a complaint for no peephole to the city
-filing a discrimination complaint to department of housing
-makeup
-my face slimming out
-my arms getting slimmer
-my clothes fitting nicer on me
-my fresh advanced therapy sheer pink balm
-going to the e.r after the panic attack/anxiety attack from my mom's random verbal abuse attack
-stretching
-being down to taking only 50 mg of sertraline a day before i stop taking it completely
-my weight being lower than it was the last time i was at the primary doctor
-face wash
-trying new things
-reading more of my book today
-coming up with new plans
-packing up more of my pole into the pole bag
-therapy
-peaceful sounds
-being proactive
-kind people
-considerate people
-how adorable and loving my cats are
-M's husband dropping off a hammer and tension rod
-colors
-compliments
-my hair
-showering more often
-the breeze
-finally ghetto hanging up a shade after what happened with my landlord interaction and being quite pleased i was able to figure something out with covering up the window by myself
-ideas
-learning
-having grace

[buttercup]

-deciding to meet up with the neighbor i met a few months ago the night of my birthday, on half a hydrocodone and some flat hard seltzer and ending finding him attractive and interesting and us kissing and the experience kind of making me feel kind of alive again. being out in the middle of the night on the porch, until the sun came up was kind of romantic and a new experience.
-feeling feelings and emotion from music that made me want to cry and dance from the beauty of a song the other night and how lovely that was to feel.
-my ex from long ago showing up at my house while i was asleep, calling me 6 times and waiting for me for 20 minutes which would be aggravating and creepy, but i know how he is, after i made a joke when he said he was stopping by the night previous assuming he was kidding and knew better and why would he just show up but lesson learned i cant even joke a little with him but the gesture was nice.
-my older friend sending me a cash app gift for my birthday
-saying how i really feel to the 4 family who haven't been there for me, even though it didn't seem to accomplish anything
-dental floss
-my lint brush
-getting my hair cut and actually smiling after, that's how good it felt
-down to 16 pounds lost now which feels amazing
-the amazing letter for emotional support animal my therapist wrote
-my therapist
-confirming a job for next week
-submitting for jobs today
-getting my check for my job from a few weeks ago
-my wellbutrin being upped
-taking my last dose of setraline tommorow
-looking into ways now to help with bloating and puffiness,swelling
-face massage
-my red light therapy and microcurrent wand
-my new hyaluronic and rose face lotion/serum
-my legs and arms being thinner
-my face getting thinner
-compliments
-being treated nicer and noticed a little more lately
-sunshine
-nightskies
-peaceful outside sounds
-drinking water
-laughing and having a sense of humor
-moisturizers
-getting good uber deals on the rides i took today
-letting my cats on the porch for a short bit today and how well they listen to me with staying close
-entertainment
-finding a back support sleep headboard pillow cushion type thing online and ordering it to help with my sleep/pain issues
-checking out the drop in mental health peep support crisis center my therapist recommended after a panic attack
-colors
-hearing about an interesting opportunity of free college to become a peer support counselor which is something that is right my alley
-stopping the doordash ordering madness i was doing
-being persistent about refunds i should have gotten
-being in contact with paralegal for landlord issues and getting information about my situation
-going for walks and being back up to 3 miles again
-doing more things in a day because my energy levels are higher than 3 months ago, and 6 months etc.
-my eyes getting life to them again a little
-enjoying playing with my looks a little and femininity
-sleep
-my new burberry shades
-makeup
-fashion
-peaceful audios to listen to
-newness
-noticing that i need to tell a new story from a law of attraction point of view w/ those not supporting me and that i've repeatedly been telling the story of not being supported and focusing on it but i need to come out of that so i can create a new, and more positive reality
-realizing i dont even know how to have a relationship that isnt abusive
-face wash
-prayer
-cleaning the floor
-that there isn't a cat food shortage anymore
-cuteness
-innovation
-new ideas
-being smart
-having sophistication
-having a caring heart
-having beautiful eyes
-having beautiful cheekbones
-having a great face
-the neighbor i made out with complimenting my lips and seeming to like them
-kindness from others
-trying to be rational and reasonable
-applying for the credit builder secured card my bank offers
-believing in things being closer to my line of sight that i didnt before
-babywipes
-how great it feels for my clothes to be getting a little looser and to be feeling able to go out without a hoodie around my waist now
-pleasurable pain sensations
-inspiration and reassurance

[buttercup]

-good skincare products
-the couch and bed frame being out of my house and how good that feels
-losing 17 lbs so far
-realizing tat gaining 2 lbs right when i get my period is normal
-meeting a guy(my neighbor) who is funny and makes me laugh and is interesting and kind of edgy and someone that excites me from the stress and hum drum of of life. I feell more excited to play with my looks and get it together and it's been nice to have some kisses
-techno music
-working yesterday and how great that felt
-meeting a girl who had a similar experience with a creepy coworker that we bonded over and ended up having the same train route home
-M giving me money to uber to work
-confirming jobs for next month
-botox
-my accomplishments with my first career and beautiful pictures to show for it
-updating my wardrobe and beauty things i do
-being more productive
-having more energy
-my wellbutrin
-getting my four leaf clover bracelet in the mail and AGAIN the next morning manifesting a surprise random money that was very nice. it was my mom giving me a cash app for the movers for the couch and bed frame i asked for that she wouldnt give me or at least the amount that covered it and she never really gives me money and we aren't speaking again except for her being mean so this was really random waking up to see it
-having gorgeous big eyes
-my clothes starting to fit better
-my legs and arms being slimmer
-colors
-the breeze from my window at night
-filling out the court case rental assistance
-having legal assistance with this landlord stuff
-hud calling me the other day
-feeling like me and this new friend I'm hanging out with J are developing a bit of a connection
-how firm and rough J is with me with physical touch from holding to grabbing, etc
-donating plasma today
-cleaning
-decluttering
-trying out my spacepaste i bought and how amazing it looked on me
-doing squats
-walking
-dancing
-fashion
-inspiration
-good beauty products
-being kind
-prayer
-my new hoodie and how long and full the sleeves are
-enjoying the summer nights a little, the vividness, and feeling almost alive again
-starting to feel almost like i'm living again
-my cuteness and innocence
-blankets
-how cute my cats are and how loving
-art
-beauty
-drinking water
-biotene spray to help with medication side effect
-being off ssri's
-being determined to the rest of my weight off fast
-drinking a protein shake today
-sunshine
-having a shade on my front window

[buttercup]

-red light microcurrent wand therapy
-drinking water
-sleep
-quiet
-calm
-drinking water
-cozy cushioned socks
-my memory foam headboard pillow
-telling the guy i liked how i feel in a way that felt non baiting, and non-controlling after processing how i felt about things for a day or two
-music
-art
-movies
-walking
-stretching and yoga
-my new paint splatter hoodie with the awesome huge sleeves
-getting refunds
-magnesium helping my heart to feel better
-changing to less constrictive bra to make heart feel better
-night skies
-animals like bunny rabbits and cats in nature
-hyaluronic acid
-seeing a juvederm day deal coming up next month
-confirming a lot of jobs for agency i like and even double booking and having jobs for end of next month too
-losing weight and seeing stomach look flatter
-kindness from others such as someone has been bringing my mail to my door lately
-my arms and legs looking slimmer
-pulling it together
-how much thinner my face is than this time last year
-seeing light at the the end of the tunnel of my credit being able to get good again in a time frame that isn't super far off and is do-able
-new selfies of myself that werent too bad and getting compliments on them and how good my hair color looked with the latest touch up
-physical exercise
-massage
-therapy
-being productive
-the sound of crickets in the summer
-fun
-laughing
-play
-being resourceful
-getting approved for a new debit card by a bank i wanted
-my femininity
-having baby face features
-changing my perspective on things
-opening my mind
-being smart
-having beautiful eye color and shape
-new opportunities
-being stronger in some ways now
-prayer
-new bedsheet set i ordered
-my starbucks drink putting me in a better mood on bad days
-biotene spray helping my dry mouth issue i started having recently
-my new yoga mat and how thick it is and how nice that is

[buttercup]

-newness
-neighbor guy starting to talk to me again and apologizing saying he's been going through things and shutting people out
-deciding i need to just up my anxiety meds dosing as needed to get through everything that's going on and that i won't try and restrict that anymore or be resistant to it
-confirming a lot of jobs and being earning my pre-♥♥♥♥♥ income again
-feeling more attractive again lately
-drinking water
-free snacks and drinks at work
-getting a free manicure at work last weekend which was fun and nice
-meeting more new people lately
-feeling like i'm getting more attention from the opposite sex again
-doing some yin yoga tonight
-liquid magnesium supplement
-the extreme dry mouth i had going away
-being offered to extend my shift i have this weekend
-digestive enzymes i've been trying
-seeing clothes get looser on me, and that some clothes are just too bummy and frumpy for me to keep wearing now
-movies
-laughing
-how cute my cats are
-how soft my two house cat's fur is
-serendipity
-trying new things
-processing feelings on neighbor guy and realizing some positive things and just things i need to know about myself
-showering more often again and being more on top of my skincare again, hygiene again
-trying to help a small cat i seen yesterday
-kindness from others
-vibing with some people from work last week
-one of my boss's last week calling me beautiful
-being complimented more lately
-being told i look like a model
-juvederm day that is coming up that started
-my heart starting to feel stronger again
-hyaluronic acid and the hyaluronic acid and rose serum i've been using
-botox
-fashion
-adding copper toner on my hair and it working out like i wanted to bring my hair to a new copper blonde shade
-face charting what injections i want to get next
-reflecting on my new style and beauty changes i'm making and wanting to make
-hot guys
-art
-sunshine
-techno music
-night skies
-the sounds of summertime like crickets
-finally getting around to getting a picture from art basel retouched
-trying new things
-feeling my feelings and processing things
-the palmer's coconut body lotion i bought and how soothing and moisturizing it is
-my dad apologizing for going nuts on me
-people who help animals
-updating my work wardrobe and wardrobe in general little by little
-that my check has been sent to me
-hair ties
-my eyes looking healthier and my looks improving
-reflecting on situations that were unfair to me and what i can do, and how i can do better to advocate for myself
-managing to get to work and home all week transportation money-wise which was definitely a challenge
-uber gifts cards
-my older friend J giving me money last week to get my account back to being no longer negative and help me get work
-lysol
-things that are kind of unique and different
-clorox wipes
-activating my new debit card
-the info i've learned and reflected on with my landlord situation
-afterpay
-catching up on sleep
-physical touch
-birthday kisses
-face massage
-starting my birthday intentions(way late) with the wish kit i got
-my starbucks drink i like
-being around my peers and how good that is for me
-my agent fighting for me and being nice to me about unfortunate work situation that happened to me
-fascia blasting my stomach
-my burberry sunglasses
-trying out my new black shorts i bought in spring and how flattering they were on me
-my femininity
-being smart
-having beautiful eyes
-having nice lips
-lip flips
-M being there for me this last week while i worked
-inspiration
-learning new things
-coming back into my power again
-getting a $20 giftcard at one of the vendors at my job last weekend
-my waist slimming out
-being around and doing cool things
-massage
-staying strong
-trying to be more on top of cleaning
-having a compassionate heart
-my boys being good about being on the porch with me and staying close and behaving
-when p cat sits next to me. it's so cute
-my back cushion headboard pillow thing
-my new shower curtain changing the vibe of my place a little more positive
-legal assistance from lcbh
-prayer
-vegan fast foods
-having great style
-being an activist at heart
-great prices
-getting refunds i needed
-doing my positive affirmations yesterday
-having stories to tell
-beautiful pictures of myself
-my status
-having nice hands and fingers
-seeing my manicure posted on ig by the business who did it